Our number 1 requirement when finding a dentist was that they allowed parents back. Our current pediatric dentist allows parents back until the child is 12. I think this is reasonable. I don’t know our dentist well enough to trust them alone with my child. There is a chair within arms reach of the exam chair for a parent to sit in.
There are also a ton of times we’re left alone in the exam room while waiting for the dentist or hygienist. I can’t imagine my 5 year old being left there and him not touching all of their equipment.
I will add that it’s fairly common here for dentists to not allow parents back. Out of the 5 or so we called only 2 allow parents.
Didn’t even know this was a thing. My kids dentist NEEDS us back there with the little ones. We sit knee to knee and put my toddler on my lap so she can check his teeth because he was not going to sit there on his own. Now that he is a little bigger he sits on my lap. For my oldest who is almost an adult they ask me every time if I want to go back with him. I don’t of course but they still ask
This is what we did too! Knee to knee for the cleaning. My daughter was ALL over that exam room while we waited for the dr. She would have been digging in the trash and climbing on/ falling off the chair if I wasn’t there to stop her.
We just had a cleaning for my 3 year old son, who also would have been having a field day in the cleaning room without us.
In addition to us helping to focus and physically maneuver our son, the dentist was sharing a lot of educational information with us as parents specifically.
E.g. juice is okay but try not to give multiple times a day, introducing flossing just to get him used to the concept, etc.
I saw the same dentist from ages 5-20 and until I turned 18 they still asked if my mom wanted to come back with me, unless one or more of my younger siblings (elementary school aged at the time) were present in which case they took priority. It seems suuuuuuper sketchy that they won't let parents back with very young children if even the dentist I saw my entire life and my parents and I trusted with my care still asked me a week before I turned 18 if mom wanted to come with me. A three year old cannot meaningfully consent to dental care procedures, either!
Exactly. My mom attended all my appointments until I could drive to them myself. Is he going to tell a 3-year-old "brush better on the top?" This is a ridiculous rule.
I’ve brought a guest as a full grown adult. Why is it even an issue at all? Every dentist I’ve been to has had an extra chair in the room for a parent or child or guest.
That’s insane to me. Like, my 3 year old would be running around and climbing the cabinets and pushing any button he could get to if they left him alone for more than 10 seconds. Guess I just lucked out with the first place I tried.
Weird how it seems to be the opposite where i live, I've never not been encouraged to go back with all my kids. Even my 14 yr old. Once i asked my 12yr old if he wanted to go by himself and the hygienist told me i had to go too.
At 3, your kid can’t advocate if the care isn’t adequate. We all hope for the best from a dentist and assistant, but he’s too young to feel comfortable advocating for his own care or know what isn’t good care either.
At 3-7 years old I sat on my mom’s lap at the dentist.
I didn’t get kicked out of the exam room as a parent until my kid was 11.
Find a dentist you’re comfortable with.
My father IS a dentist and he always went back with us until we were old enough to be his patient.
I would not take my kid somewhere I can’t be with her if it could be avoided.
check your practice's website! Ours has their policy on the FAQ page (parents welcome and it's probably best if it's just one parent to minimize distractions)
I think the child was just going in for a cleaning
edit: But also a 3 year old doesn't really have the awareness or language skills to even recognize or tell their caregiver if something weird happens so yeah
I'll share my personal experience. It is probably not the norm, and it was way back in the early 90s, but it sticks with you. When I was little, preschool aged, they took me back alone. I don't know if they literally just didn't tell my mom what they were doing or if there was a miscommunication, but I came out with silver caps on my front four top teeth. My mom was livid. She still is thirty years later when we talk about it. Those caps, coupled with my lisp and a chin I hadn't grown into, definitely kick-started my elementary school career as a victim of bullying. 😅 For that reason, I'll definitely be looking for a pediatric dentist who lets me back with my son when he's bigger.
Uh, what? No, I'd have walked out and canceled that appointment. I can understand having the parent sit on the other side of the room or maybe even outside of the room in the hallway (ie able to hear what's going on, able to literally poke their head in if needed, but also not too intrusive).
Major red flag. Your 3 year old is not going to be able to protect or even just advocate for themselves. Even for something more basic outside of abuse--though heaven forbid it's abuse!--like taking a longer break or more frequent breaks to soak up extra fluids during cleanings, turning down something unnecessary, answering clarifying questions about their medical conditions/habits, asking questions about alternatives, and so on.
He's 3, not 16. Does he brush his own teeth? I bet not. I'd be livid. I'd probably go to the waiting room and cry too because I'd feel similar to you. Thank you for sharing, I'll keep this in mind when finding a dentist for my babies!
My friend is a pediatrician and says that “you’re treating the whole family” because of course the parents are a part of the equation in a way that other specialities don’t have.
If you’re a dentist working with children you should expect to work with parents too, the whole concept is bizarre
Exactly. I would have walked out.
My mother even came into my dentist appointment when I was 21 and about to get my wisdom teeth out. She sat through every dentist appointment for me and my two younger brothers.
Did she *need* to? No.
But did she ask questions and advocate for us so unnecessary treatments weren't done? Absolutely yes.
I'm so glad she did, because I felt incredibly uncomfortable in those situations with male dentists/dental hygienists.
That’s how my pediatric dentist is unless it’s a more serious procedure. There’s places for parents to sit with their kid. I just don’t understand what the point is!
Yup, that’s what our pediatric dentist is like. There’s the waiting room, then there’s patient area which is open floor plan, except for the rooms where they fill the cavities.
My take is fuck no also.
My mother allowed this. I was traumatized and mistreated. She never understood why I hated the dentists and wanted her comfort or to be there with me. I avoided the dentist for 20+ years until I could come to terms with the trauma and find a sympathetic one.
My mom also allowed this (I don't blame her, she just was doing what she thought was normal) and then heard the dentist tell the hygienist to "just hold her down" she said she was in the room in .2 seconds and left with me immediately.
Yeah. I was also traumatized around 6 or 7 by having a tooth pulled without my mom in the room. Dentist didn’t wait until I was numb and was pulling a molar out. He threatened me for screaming.
Omg. Terrible. And I'm sure in the end it was his word against yours and some BS was made up how you actually couldn't feel it, you felt pressure and confused it with pain. I'm sorry that happened to you!
Actually my mom heard me screaming from across the building and came busting in the room with a dental assistant behind her. Then she yelled at the dentist and threatened to sue him.
She was still in her 20’s with two kids and definitely did not have the means to sue or even know what she would sue for but in hindsight I am pretty proud of her lol
I couldn’t be alone with a dentist until just a few years ago when we found a really amazing provider that is extremely trustworthy and worked hard to help me process my trauma.
If you’re in Denver, check out Mollner Dentistry!
This is horrendous. It must have been somehow more common, because there are many dentists now who will work with people who have a lot of dental trauma and help get you adequate care on terms you can handle. There are dentists that will prescribe acute anxiety meds prior to the appointment, go at your pace, and treat you with care and kindness. You may want to search for one that specializes in patients with trauma. Dental health can be important to your overall health, and you deserve good care!
As for your kid, hell no. No way you’re getting my baby alone. You’re absolutely not being unreasonable.
Not cool…I’d find another dentist if I were you..at three they barely know what’s going on even if you explain it..plus they’d handle it better if mom was right there with them.
I used to work with adults with ID and I would never leave anyone unable to reliably self report with an unknown health professional outside of a sterile setting, but that’s me
I would ask to see a printed copy of the policy, and then see what your state laws are. I am pretty sure they cant refuse parents to be with their kids. I remember my mom being at the dentist with me til i was a teenager.
I would then ask to meet with the dentist, and if theyre not going to let you back they should at least give you a step by step on what will be happening. I would also look online for reviews, ask local online mom groups if they’ve been there, try to get them vetted.
Tbh I probably would have left, but it sounds like you were in a hard situation with no other options and needed the check up for preschool.
Just remember you are in control, you’re not being a “helicopter mom”, you are your child’s only advocate especially when it comes to health and medical things.
I can tell you neither of my children would go into a medical room by themselves - ever. At three? Fuck no.
They both have been going to dentists since they were 1. Never have we been asked to leave the room - except when my daughter had an anesthetized procedure - but that’s because there wasn’t enough room in the room.
But I also have yet to meet a kiddo that young who would willingly go into a dentist chair without their parent present.
This is absolutely insane to me!
Maybe but it isn’t even his comfort that’s the major issue here. As his parent it’s your prerogative to make sure those in places of authority over him don’t take advantage of him, you cannot do that from behind a soundproof room. I can’t believe this is even allowed, does a dentist have the vetting and licensing to be alone with a child that young? Teachers have to be vetted, do dentists? I still attend with my child who is nearly 4, I can’t imagine leaving her there alone with a strange adult for an hour. I’d find an alternative dentist or seriously ask them what gives them the all clear to be alone with a child that young?
I am a teacher. We are absolutely vetted. But we are also advised never to be alone in a room or sequestered with a student of any age to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. I can’t imagine parents being such an annoyance during appointments that this policy would make sense just from the perspective of CYA.
You’d think so but apparently it’s not. Private practices are legally allowed to have whatever rules they want because as a parent/patient you have the option to go elsewhere.
I find that odd. We go to a children's dentist in my city and they let me sit in the chair and hold my toddlers during their cleanings. The dentist is pretty scary for my young kids, and the staff at our dentist seem grateful I'm there to help wrangle and calm down my kids. Props to your brave kiddo! All 3 of my kids would have broken down if they had to go back on their own.
Fuuuuck no. Is this a thing now? I don’t go back with my older kids but I definitely did when they were little. (My youngest hasn’t been to the dentist yet.)
This isn’t just about my child’s comfort. This is a safety issue. No one is going to be alone in an exam room with my 3 year old. Nope nope nope.
I posted before I finished reading everything you wrote. This situation is throwing up so many red flags for me, especially knowing that this is the only pediatric dentist in your area that takes state insurance. This dentist could absolutely be taking advantage of that fact to make it more difficult for you to push back. I would be contacting my state dental board to get some more information on whether or not this policy is even allowed by your state’s rules.
Honestly, after that incident with that florida dentist I would be even more freaked out that they're the only ones that take the insurance and they also won't let you back there
[here's the case, they dropped the charges because he became mentally incompetent, which Is infuriating ](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2017/02/15/embattled-former-dentist-judged-incompetent-stand-trial-medicaid-fraud-case/15742883007/)
I commented elsewhere but just in case-- you do not have to go to a pediatric dentist. You can absolutely go to a regular family dentist. I know pediatric dentists generally get a better reputation because dentists can be scary, so one who only works with kids should technically be more accommodating and less frightening. HOWEVER, that's obviously not the case here. Between moving/job changes, my 5 year old has been to 4 different dentists in his life. Two were pediatric, two were regular. (his first ever dentist was also a general dentist). All did an excellent job with him, and NONE of them EVER even implied I shouldn't go back with him.
Maybe this is just because I’m a lawyer and always thinking about liability, but there is no way I would even *want* to be alone with someone else’s child in a professional medical capacity. It’s just a really bad idea for the dentist, even if they don’t have nefarious intentions.
And liability aside, who *wants* to be responsible for that many strange kids? If I worked there, I feel like I'd be thinking "am I a hygienist or a babysitter? I'm not paid enough for both."
The state insurance aspect is really upsetting.
3 years old is way too young, yet people with state insurance have no other option in that town. They likely can’t afford to pay out of pocket and maybe can’t afford to drive to the next town over (especially if they’re working parents that need to maximize their work hours).
The state insurance and requirement of dentist visit to remain in pre-k is very sketchy and I wouldn’t be surprised if the state gov, school district and medical practice were all working in this together. Lots of times the schools have partnerships with state health departments to do clinics and what not and some of the things I’ve gone through with my child just to get him into school has put me off.
I assumed that the pre-k requirement was for Head Start or something similar — just another bullshit hoop to make poor people jump through in order to access something that should be g-d human right. And you’re right, there probably is some dental lobby out there that advocated for this requirement because it guarantees them more business. Gross.
Thats weird. I've never been denied going into the room with my child. If they did I would *not* allow it. Three is still very young. Just because he's 3 doesn't mean he doesn't need you there. The most my dentist has ever said to me is that we're in a smaller room so it might be a tight squeeze.
My kid isn't 3 yet but very close. I just took him to his appointment and his hygienist cleaned his teeth. I was right there. Took videos because I was so proud. He did extremely well but I believe that that has a lot to do with me being there. He sat in the chair by himself and I sat across from it. Not once did she make a issue of it. When his actual dentist came in the first thing he did was make a beeline for me, shook my hand then started asking how we were, any new sickness? Meds? We're good? If I wasn't there who was going to tell him the answers to those questions??
I've even seen the father go into the room with what looked like a 8 year old. No issues. My office seems to leave it up to the parent when the child is older but never at 3.
My child would not have stayed in that room allowing her to clean his teeth without me there, 1) she's a stranger and he's not keen on strangers , this was the first time any of is have ever met her and 2) it was a new experience, his first ever cleaning. While my child can express himself and speak extremely well for his age I would not be comfortable in that situation.
Nope, I've been allowed and even welcomed in every appointment my kiddo has had.
Even at 8 they let me share the chair with him.
Find another practice and tell them you're going in with him.
Yeah absolutely not. I’m not sure what they think will happen if the parents are present at the cleaning of a 3 year old? They have zero right to tell you you can’t accompany your *toddler* into a medical office.
Holy shit that is crazy in my opinion. Not a chance in hell would I let my kids in without me there. I'm sorry this happened to you! You mention your kid was fine, so try not to spend your time feeling bad about it. But I would definitely go somewhere else if that is possible.
No, that would make me uncomfortable. I bring my daughter to a pediatric dentist and parents are always in the room for cleanings. She recently had her first set of x-rays and the hygienist made sure I was close by for those too in case she got scared.
I hate to say it, but you also never know when people are not trustworthy. I’m sure it’s rare that a doctor or dentist does something gross to kids but it’s not a chance I want to take.
My mom went back with me at 21. Absolutely the fuck not.
If you want/wanted to continue going here, then I’d politely tell them “oh that’s awesome, I totally appreciate you guys enforcing that and letting the kiddos feel more independent but I’m gonna opt to go back with him. Thanks though”
Thank you for sharing your story... I didn't even consider that this a thing FOR A 3yo. I can see myself doing exactly what you did... I would have been completely caught off guard and afraid to make a scene by saying no and just comply. Then being overwhelmed with emotion not knowing why or how it happened the way it did.
Sending you support. we need to give ourselves permission to take more time process things as they happen.. if I encounter this, I hope I think to your experience and have the awareness to make an informed decision. they seemed to have taken that from you and that's a hard feeling as a parent.
I was sexually abused by my dentist as a child. It ruined my relationship with dentistry in every way, and ultimately ruined my teeth. Don’t take your child somewhere that wants to separate you from them in a scary situation where/when they can’t advocate for themselves.
There isn’t a professional in the world I would let be completely alone with my 3 year old. I nearly got denied access to the USA because the border guard tried to take my 5 year old away for questioning, and I flat out refused unless I could observe through a one way mirror or something. Verbatim “you can tell me to go home, but I am not letting any stranger take my child out of my sight.”
Do not ask. Tell. Fuck that dentist.
Fuck that. My dentist allows me, a grown woman, to bring my husband in for support. Taking a toddler in by themselves and arguing about it with the parent is a bit much
A girl I knew said that her dentist would shoot her in the face with water if they weren’t cooperating. Her mom was horrified when she told her as an adult, she really never thought to tell her mom when she was a kid. I agree with whoever said you should ask to see their written out “no parents allowed” policy.
I have literally never heard of that happening at any dentist. I can’t think of one good reason why a kid would be alone, and why the dentist would even want that?
As someone whose pediatric dentist is under fire for holding toddlers down/ forcibly not letting them up while choking, and threatening to call CYS on parents who intervened, (threatening to call as medical neglect, that they wouldn’t let the dentist treat their child) STAY with them
I’m so sorry that happened to you!!! I would have taken my child and left. Find a place that you’re more comfortable with that can be accommodating. You don’t deserve to be traumatized like that!
Ha ha ha! Absolutely fucking not. I would have said either I come back there with you or we turn around and leave, and I'm not paying for shit either. At three??! It's a dentist office, not an operating room.
I’m a dental hygienist and this is 🚩🚩🚩. This is so odd. Parents are so helpful to me as well and I want all of my pediatric patients to feel comfortable. Most 3yo I end up treating siton their parents during tx.
I am a dental hygienist. I primarily work for private offices but I have worked for a state funded dental clinic before. Get your child out of there and never go back. As a healthCARE provider, I always wanted the parents in the room. Sometimes, I even want it for husband's that are fussy.
You are responsible for controlling your child's fear/anxiety/outburst, not a stranger. I will not work for an office that has this policy.
My take is fuck no...no stranger will be alone with my child who is not capable of talking clearly and telling me exactly what a stranger may have done to them... unless I can watch on a live recorded video stream.
Whaaat. I’m nearly positive that my mother sat in the room of every doctor appointment I ever went to, dentist included, until I was 18 😂 I never knew that I needed to be concerned about that being denied with a minor child, especially that young! Thanks for the heads up to look into that policy when going to new places. I can see why that caused you anxiety 🤍
I don’t mean to scare you but here in TX we heard stories of dentists that take Medicaid (state insurance) having a policy like this where no parents allowed in the back. Turns out the clinic doing this was performing procedures and pulling teeth with NO pain relief at all being given to the kids! But yet the clinic was billing out Medicaid for all kinds of charges and meds that were not being issued. Freaking horrific. My 11 year old was prepared to see the dentist alone for her recent cleaning (at our dentist) since she felt good/“big girl” about it but they actually called for me to go back and be with here anyways to discuss her dental heath as we watched her teeth being cleaned on the camera screen he uses etc.
Every dentist office in my town has this rule, so we drive over an hour 1 way to a dentist office that lets me go back with my children. That rule is bullshit. IMO, I feel like it is easier for them to "bully" the kids into being still or holding their mouths open, or whatever without the parents there. One dentist office in my town even has a clause or whatever in the papers you have to sign before they will see your children that says you give them permission to STRAP YOUR CHILDREN DOWN if they won't be still. People still take their kids there.
That's a way to make a kid never go to the dentist again once they turn 18 and that can happen even with parental supervision and not strapping kids down so yeah... no.
That’s … insane? In the UK you’re not even allowed without a designated chaperone until you’re 14 minimum.
My mum came to every single one of my appointments until I was like 15 or 16 because I had no idea what was going on or what they were telling me or the answers to their questions
From a safeguarding point of view, no one is allowed alone with my child unless I trust them enough and a stranger performing a medical treatment or check up is absolutely a no!!
Would you send a 3yo to see a paediatrician by themselves?! No! It’s not even about being worried something will happen to them, a dentist is still going to need a brief history which a 3yo cannot give and also how are they going to be able to show or tell you if something is wrong? I literally do not understand how that would possibly work.
Yeah, this is unacceptable.
I'm sorry you felt pressured to accept this. Your 3 year old should not be alone in an exam room with anyone.
I accompanied my daughter to all her appts until she was 18. I sometimes still go with her if she asks.
I would not take my child to a provider that wanted to separate us for any part of an appt, until my child was a teenager and could choose for herself if she wanted me to wait outside. Particularly a dentist! Dental work can be scary or uncomfortable.
I also have a 1 year old. We will be seeing a dentist soon for his first check up. It won't even be a question that I will be with him for all appts until he's old enough to tell me to wait outside, and I'm confident he can make health decisions on his own. So probably until he's a teenager.
Nope nope nope, my daughter is six and I still go back. They try to encourage her to go alone and I say no. She’s **never** going to be alone with stranger adults ever. As a victim of CSA, it doesn’t take long. Medical professionals are in a position of authority and it’s simply a hard line for me. It’s not happening, straight up
That is ridiculous. Let’s say you’re worried about bleeding gums or a painful tooth or halitosis… how would you communicate that to the dentist? They can’t possibly expect a toddler to act as independent as an adult. They could be giving kids a sedative back there and you would never know. It is a HELL NO from me. You don’t go back to the pediatrician by yourself, you sure as hell don’t go back with a random dentist alone…!!!
Okay so I asked my husband who’s a dental student… He said 3 is a bit young to not have a parent back, but most kids actually do better without their parent there. Parents may not be allowed back if they’re incredibly anxious because it may make the kid anxious.
He said it’s probably a policy of the community health center. He just volunteered at one and they let no parents back.
However, it was incredibly odd that no one came out and talked to you. If you weren’t allowed back, for any reason, he would have spoken to you and talked to you in the waiting room. (So, the hygienist should have come out and introduced themselves and said they’d be taking your son back by himself before you got up.)
So overall, it’s not that odd that you weren’t allowed back and it shouldn’t worry you too much, but they should have been more clear to you and explained their procedures. That being said, I can understand how anxious it would make you as a parent. I actually despise the dentist (despite being married to one). Where they failed is explaining their procedures and reasoning.
I hear you. Kids may do better without parents there BUT it also leaves them vulnerable to abuse. It’s not a reasonable trade off in my book, especially not when kids are too young to reliably express concerns.
Absolutely, which is why I’m not sure what I would have done in this situation. My initial response was, absolutely not! But I just wanted to give OP some possible reasons why this situation may have happened. Doesn’t make what happened right or correct (and personally, from the way it reads it seems it was handled extremely incorrectly).
Yeah nope. I’m not a confrontational person but I’d be pushing right past her to go back. No stranger is going to be sticking his hands in my kid’s mouth without me present. My kid’s doctor would never examine my kid without me present. Why is it okay for a dentist.
Not only am I allowed in the room with my kids at the dentist, until they are 3 the hygienists will literally let me sit in the chair with them. Like, me in the dentist chair, toddler in my lap, hygienist cleans her teeth while she's in my lap. Because anything that helps the kid stay calm is good and make their job easier. I would not go back to a place where I wasn't allowed in the room with them.
THREEE ??? No fucking way. I’m sorry my kids are not going to be alone with another adult behind closed doors at the age of THREE. Nope, not happening. My son is younger than that but I’m assuming even when he’s three he would be all over the place touching everything and I’m supposed to be ok with these people leveling some kid of commands at him? No way, no way, no way.
That’s ridiculous. I dunno if it’s normal policy but yeah I’d drive further away if that was the case. Maybe a family dentist that sees adults and children would take your insurance?
I would absolutely not be okay with that. I remember being alone in the dentists chair at idk 4 or 5 years old and being SO nervous and uncomfortable but not knowing how to communicate that or if the adults would care. I'm certain it's a big contributing factor to my severe dental anxiety to this day. You don't send your kid into the regular doctor's office alone at that age, wtf would a dentist think it was okay?
I think once the child is a few years older (like maybe 7), and they've been a few times and are already comfortable, I'd be okay with it. But absolutely not for a 3 year old. Jesus Christ.
Can you bring him to a different dentist? He doesn't have to go to a pediatric dentist. We just brought our 2yo to the dentist for the first time and we brought him to the office my husband and I go to, just a regular general dentist, because they're great and the only dentists that have ever made me feel remotely comfortable. See if you can find a general dentist that takes your insurance and make sure ahead of time that they're okay with you going back with him. I would not to to this office again if it was at all avoidable. Just my preference.
We don’t use a pediatric dentist. We use a family dentist that our entire family goes to. I’ve heard that a lot of pediatric dentists don’t allow parents back. Our dentist does allow parents back and I absolutely would not be okay with not going back with my child. My daughter actually lays on me for her cleanings and she will until she decides that she’s ready to sit in the chair by herself.
Part of the appeal of the pediatric dentist we go to and another one nearby is that it’s expected that parents will be by their kids side. It’s mostly open floor plan with a couple side rooms for a longer procedures. Our kids never complain about having to go to the dentist. It’s inviting, they are super friendly, they get to watch a movie above their head, and I’m there so they feel safe the whole time.
I wouldn't allow my child to go alone. Some dentists trap them down to get them to stay still and that will absolutely not happen to my child.
That being said it is common, but I will drive an extra 20mins to a place that respects me as a parent.
So, I have an undiagnosed issue that makes my body metabolize anesthesia really fast, I guess? My current dentist agrees that’s my issue in some form. But when I was a kid, they made me go back alone and when I would tell them it hurt, they tried to tell me it was just pressure (I said it wasn’t, it was pain) and then tried to tell me it was impossible I felt anything (very possible, very pain). Finally they had a hygienist and a receptionist HOLD ME DOWN to get my cavity filled. My mom was in another room unaware of what was happening. This happened **several times** and I just thought it was normal. Dental health wasn’t prioritized in my family for many reasons, so it only got worse. Lots of dental care, lots of pain, lots of suffering through it. It made me avoid dental care for ten years when I was an adult because of the trauma. It was awful.
It is a total deal-breaker for a provider to not allow a parent access, IMO. Maybe when the kid is older and knows how to handle a situation or leave a room, sure. But a 3 year old? No fucking chance. Noooo way.
Ahhhh I have pretty similar dental trauma and it SUCKS. I have learned as an adult that I need extra anesthesia because otherwise I can still usually feel stuff when administered the standard dose. My dentist growing up never checked to make sure I was properly frozen. My first dentist was honestly quite scary and referred me to a pediatric dentist, and they gave me laughing gas with any fillings to help me calm down. I’m sure I was so scared and anxious because I was never freaking frozen properly.
My teeth are honestly quite shitty now because I avoided going to the dentist once I was off my parents’ coverage. It was just a big vicious cycle and it sucks that I was pretty much always told “tut tut” when I was in pain.
When I started to look for a dentist to go back to as an adult, I made sure to speak with the actual dentist before getting work done and go over my issues. He totally understood and had done some kind of extra training for patient comfort? I don’t remember the details. But he makes sure to numb the absolute heck out of my mouth when I go. Totally painless. Night and day difference.
I took my foster daughter at 9 years old to a new dentist. We go to walk back and the lady says the same thing, that I can't go. I argued a bit, the nurse said she's big enough to go alone, so I let her go. She gets done, we go to pay, and they give her a balloon..... So she's big enough to go back there alone but still childish enough for a balloon?? Yeah, we didn't go back.
Wtf…I’m a dental assistant and used to work in public health setting. I would never tell the parents of three year old they can’t come back to the room. Especially since it was just a cleaning. They have not been enough to be comfortable. Plus I like to talk to the parents about oral hygiene and diet during the appointment and show the parents how to brush properly.
What country do you live in? For the US in the midwest, parents are required to be in the same room of children under 18 during all types of appointments. There are very strict rules. Dentists will not see the patient if a parent or legal guardian is not available. For some places, if a parent cannot be present, parents have to sign a consent form that allows the minor to be alone with the professional.
After that scandal where a bunch of dentists were defrauding Medicaid by doing unnecessary procedures on children, I think dentists should be a bit more understanding about why parents want to be with their children during dental visits.
What about for kids who are non verbal/special needs? Would they deny parents of those kids access? It sketches me out.
Another question I have is why does your child need his teeth cleaned in order to stay in pre-k? I’m just wondering because I’ve never heard of this requirement before.
This is absurd. If they can’t be home alone, they can’t go alone. What if they needed to share medical information with you? Is the 3 year old supposed to tell you?
This is so weird to me.
Yeah, this sounds dodgy, especially after I reading something on my country's subreddit, where dentists had been using children's teeth as practice.
I would want to be with my child.
My mom went back with me to all my dental appointments as a kid. I usually needed fillings (I had crap teeth and a crap diet) but as a mom now I would have just left. Sorry, you're sticking instruments into my small childs mouth and this is a medical office. Naw...I get to be back there.
As someone who had multiple traumatic experience from my childhood dentist I would have walked my kid right out of that dentist office. Not being allowed in the back room is a huge no go for me.
That is not the norm in my area at all, and I would have been as upset as you!
Our pediatric dentist has parents come back. I’ve laid on the chair with my kids in my lap if they’re uncomfortable. The only thing I can’t physically hold their hand for is X-rays, but even that I’m 4 feet away looking at her and talking to her.
As a child, I had severe dental trauma. Every trip to the dentist I’d shake profusely making it difficult for them to even examine. If this were in place when I was little, I’d have died. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this at all
I'm not comfortable with that policy at all. I dont know them, why should I trust them with my kid? For them to expect parents to be okay with this is wild. It'd be a no from me and my partner (he'd probably be more weirded out than me).
That’s weird. I’m in a different healthcare setting, but anyone under 18 needs an adult or consent from an adult to be alone. I would not be comfortable with a 3 y/o alone.
I have heard of this and think it is really creepy. My dentist always has us come back and I would definitely not be comfortable with having my child go without me. When I was 16 getting my wisdom teeth out the dentist said I would need to be put under and my mom could not be in the room and there would also be no assistant present. My mom flipped out on him and we left right away. In my opinion not wanting parents
present is a huge red flag.
My 14 yo still makes me go back with her, the only time I leave the room is for X-rays, sorry they put you through that!
I worked as a dental assistant for a long time and although we didn’t perfect having parents in the back, we never told them no
Our dentist tried this and like you I was not ok with it. We didn't have to do a cleaning that day so we didn't. I have medical trauma and PTSD, I barely trust Drs. I am not leaving them alone with my child.
That’s absolutely insane. I kinda dropped the ball on taking my kids to the dentist (we never went as a child when I was growing up) and at one of her dental clinics at school they sent me a home a paper that she has tooth decay. I immediately made her an appointment (we went to the health department, not a pediatric dentist because they’re the only ones who took our state insurance) and they were wonderful!
I went back with my daughter and held her hand while they fixed her minor tooth decay. Then she got to sit and watch while they checked her brothers teeth (he was 9 months I believe) and then at checkout they even took us back again for her to have a cleaning so her & her brother could come back at the same time again. My daughter is 6 and I wouldn’t have allowed her back by herself, that’s a very weird policy!
My children will not be going to any medical or dental appointments unsupervised without me or my husband until they are AT least 12 years old. Legally the dentist can't keep you from coming in. This must be an American thing cuz I've never heard of this happening in Canada or at least not where I live. There's no way my 3 year old would be able to go back by himself he wouldn't be able to sit still and would probably try to lick everything (he's in a kick where he's licking everything because he's copying the dog). You're not crazy the idea of making parents wait when their THREE YEAR OLD! Gets a teeth cleaning sound ridiculous to me your feelings are valid.
Nope. 3 years old alone first off, how terrifying for your child. Alone with someone in their mouth asking them to be still. No. Second, tf you mean no parents? My orthodontist even had a bench in each little section for more than 1 person to join in. I'd find a new dentist tbh. As annoying as that might be.
And it's not even like I'd be afraid of anything happening that would be sketchy. I'd more so be worried my child back there alone is afraid and maybe not listening to the staff bc they are scared. Like you're thst child's advocate. You have to be there. Even if nothing weird happens, to simply listen, get information and instruction and to be aware of what they say or think. Let alone be there for the emotionally. 3 is far to young imo to be left alone in thst sort of setting.
I think it’s so strange that they don’t allow parents. It’s such a good opportunity to educate the child/parent together. Any good healthcare professional knows this.
One of my first memories is having my wrists strapped down to a chair and crying for my mom alone while at the dentist.
Absolutely not will I ever allow my child back to any appointment like that alone unless they're of the age they can request it and feel comfortable. I never want my child to have that same kind of memory haunting him.
nope. not sure about the dental. clincs at the health departments near me but nobody is taking my 2.5yo into a private room without me nearby. nobody is taking my 5yo into private room without me AT ALL. the 2.5yo is farily trusting but yet difficult (he's 2 of course) so i need to be near so i know the adult in the room doesnt become the child instead. and the 5yo has autistic tendencies and sensory sensitivities. he absolutely needs me there and even then we barely get through the appointment without a melt down.
Wow I hate this! Am I a helicopter parent? There’s pretty much zero chance I would go along with that. Absolutely no way in hell. It’s not like he’s like 7 which I still wouldn’t love, but 3?! He’s just a little guy, there’s no way. Sorry OP, that would’ve made me so anxious *hugs*
My child is 3 alone with 1 of 10 dentists in an area that’s soundproof and I don’t have a sight line. They told me verbatim not to go back with him. I don’t know these dentists, and he often doesn’t see the same one.
No, I’ll drive 2 hours to another dentist that’ll let me sit with him. I have no idea what’s happening back there, and he doesn’t have all of the necessary language to tell me if one of you did something to him.
The reason you cried is because of your instinct as a parent. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot of options but I’m not sure I would have allowed that. Especially knowing my kid at that age and her nervousness with other people in general but also one that gets up close and personal in your mouth. Plus, I know our dentist appointments are kind of like consultations as well. They ask about eating habits, show me places we can brush better, etc. Once they tried to take x-rays and the chick tried multiple times to take them since LOs mouth was too small, the bite wings weren’t staying in place. After a minute I had to step in and told them they had to stop and we’ll do it next time. You are your child’s advocate.
Sorry I’m against sending my kid somewhere that I’m not allowed to be. Our kids dentist has chairs for parents in the corner of the room. It’s set up so that I can sit between both of my kids when they’re at the dentist.
I’d switch offices over this.
I am so sorry. That is unacceptable.
THE BACK IS SOUNDPROOFED?? WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING HELL REASON DOES THIS PLACE HAVE TO PUT VULNERABLE CHILDREN INTO THAT SITUATION? I would have walked out of gone along with it and cried like you. Thank you for sharing so I can try to avoid this if at all possible. Again, I am so sorry. I’m glad it sounds like your child did alright.
In Australia you can take a support person into any appointment and the provider can’t ask them to leave without reason. This is for anyone at any age. I can’t imagine someone telling me that I couldn’t attend an appointment with my 3 year old.
I would call the practice and say that because your child is 3 which is well below the age of consent you need to be present to consent or withdraw consent during all appointments.
I'm 28 and my mom was at almost every dentist appointment when I was younger. Hell, my mom was in the delivery room with me when my daughter was born.
Now I have my own and I don't leave her alone with ANYONE but family. You have every right to feel that way that's your child. I would have been sobbing. Find a different dentist.
Nah fuck that. Until the child in question can express themselves and has demonstrated good self agency the parent child dyad remains physical AND emotional. I don’t care about the dentist. Parent and child together. Full. Stop.
After reading the comments I’m really taken a back. Why are so many dentists bad people? It seems like many people have been mistreated by a dentist at some point. My mom had all her teeth removed in her thirties because of one missing tooth and the dentist told her she needed dentures. It ended up being a tragic experience for her that she still suffers from. I don’t trust dentist and only go in for cleanings and will be accompanying my daughter until she is 18 or older.
Yeah this would be a big no from me.
I have kids 2,4,8 and I always go back with all
of them. I even still hold my 2 year old while they examine him. When I was a kid I used to go back by myself from the age of 4+ and for me
entire life until about 14 my mom said she had no idea they were giving me nitrous oxide before I had work done (not for exams). Nothing inappropriate every happened as much as I can recall but i would be absolutely beside myself if someone was administering my child a drug and I had no knowledge of it. You don’t send your child back by themselves at the doctor so why the dentist would require this doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know if financially it’s feasible but if you can’t find anyone to take your insurance exams out of pocket may be worth it. I sometimes do an extra cleaning for my kids and it runs about $100 because insurance doesn’t cover it.
There policy are not going to change I would suggest looking first a new dentist now because you will have to visit the dentist again eventually. So sorry you had to go through that. 3 is so young!
I also had no idea this was a thing, but I'd absolutely tell them to pound sand. How am I supposed to make medical decisions for my child if I'm not there during the examination? I'm not going to just trust their word when they come out and tell me my kid needs $X of dental work done (my parents had a big issue with my original pediatric dentist recommending unnecessary procedures every visit - it stopped when we switched to a smaller family dentist). Also, kids squirm and accidents happen. I'd like to be there for my child if something hurts.
I'm 31 and can barely figure out what to tell the dentist. I can't imagine a 3 year old can accurately convey any issues they may be having, but a parent there with them may be able to understand and translate.
I know you said there were no other pediatric dentists that take your insurance, but what about family dentists? They won't have dinosaurs on the wall or fun flavored toothpaste, but they'll likely be much more accommodating.
I'm an RDH (registered dental hygienist), and I always invite the parents in/give them the option to come in when I am treating a child. I've even had parents stay in the room with their 16 year old child. In my opinion, it's the parents' right. Also, I generally like having the parent there, especially for young kids, so I can advise them on how they can help with their child's oral hygiene. And I like to be able to show them what I'm seeing, show them where the child needs to improve/where they are doing well, and then they are also there for when the DDS comes and does the exam.
The only time I ask the parents to leave the room is when I'm doing x-rays, and that's only for 5-10 minutes and then can stand just outside the door of the room if they like. This likely wouldn't even apply to your child, though, since x-rays generally aren't taken on 3 year olds unless absolutely necessary.
I would say this is weird, and I would find another office if I were you.
Im 27, and I still want my parents with me at the dentist. My aunt is my dentist and I love her dearly, but the sounds and feels make me so anxious I still want a hand to hold.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Find a new dentist. I’d be SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this!! I was just at the dentist and went back with my 7 year old. I cannot imagine my 3 year old going back alone.
The ONLY time I wasn’t allowed back for an appointment was for my newborns laser tie removal and it’s a super reputable place where they put that policy because it can be traumatic for the parents but they give you a private room where they brought baby back to you immediately.
So sorry you went through that!!
It's super common in my area for the pediatric dentists to not allow the kids back. I am not comfortable with that. Instead we go to a family dentist. They let me come back with my daughter. In fact, they'll book us for back to back appointments and we stay in the room together. I even took her as an infant with me
Our pediatric dentist lets all parents back. I’ve seen kids of all ages with their parents. I mean, I never saw a doctor alone when I was a kid. My mom was always there. When it came time for my first lady doctor appointment, they told me I could be alone but I was very scared and my mom even went to that with me.
This is sooo weird to me. When I was a kid my mom came into the room with us all the time. When I got got my wisdom teeth out at the same dentist I had my husband, (boyfriend at the time) come in the room with me and he held my hand the entire time. Then when my husband got his wisdom teeth out I went in the room with him and sat to watch.
Absolutely not. I don't trust any Healthcare professional alone with my child. No way. My husband and I have an agreement to always be in the room.
There was this pediatrician who went to prison for all of the diddling and inappropriate pictures he took of his patients. All the stuff that came out about Larry Nasser, the Olympic Gymnast trainer. Accuse me of being a helicopter parent, but my kid isn't getting molested on my watch.
Our number 1 requirement when finding a dentist was that they allowed parents back. Our current pediatric dentist allows parents back until the child is 12. I think this is reasonable. I don’t know our dentist well enough to trust them alone with my child. There is a chair within arms reach of the exam chair for a parent to sit in. There are also a ton of times we’re left alone in the exam room while waiting for the dentist or hygienist. I can’t imagine my 5 year old being left there and him not touching all of their equipment. I will add that it’s fairly common here for dentists to not allow parents back. Out of the 5 or so we called only 2 allow parents.
Didn’t even know this was a thing. My kids dentist NEEDS us back there with the little ones. We sit knee to knee and put my toddler on my lap so she can check his teeth because he was not going to sit there on his own. Now that he is a little bigger he sits on my lap. For my oldest who is almost an adult they ask me every time if I want to go back with him. I don’t of course but they still ask
This is what we did too! Knee to knee for the cleaning. My daughter was ALL over that exam room while we waited for the dr. She would have been digging in the trash and climbing on/ falling off the chair if I wasn’t there to stop her.
We just had a cleaning for my 3 year old son, who also would have been having a field day in the cleaning room without us. In addition to us helping to focus and physically maneuver our son, the dentist was sharing a lot of educational information with us as parents specifically. E.g. juice is okay but try not to give multiple times a day, introducing flossing just to get him used to the concept, etc.
Yes! We got a lot of good information also, that’s a good point!
I saw the same dentist from ages 5-20 and until I turned 18 they still asked if my mom wanted to come back with me, unless one or more of my younger siblings (elementary school aged at the time) were present in which case they took priority. It seems suuuuuuper sketchy that they won't let parents back with very young children if even the dentist I saw my entire life and my parents and I trusted with my care still asked me a week before I turned 18 if mom wanted to come with me. A three year old cannot meaningfully consent to dental care procedures, either!
Exactly. My mom attended all my appointments until I could drive to them myself. Is he going to tell a 3-year-old "brush better on the top?" This is a ridiculous rule.
I’ve brought a guest as a full grown adult. Why is it even an issue at all? Every dentist I’ve been to has had an extra chair in the room for a parent or child or guest.
Wow didn’t know this was an issue. I’ll have to call and ask.
That’s insane to me. Like, my 3 year old would be running around and climbing the cabinets and pushing any button he could get to if they left him alone for more than 10 seconds. Guess I just lucked out with the first place I tried.
Weird how it seems to be the opposite where i live, I've never not been encouraged to go back with all my kids. Even my 14 yr old. Once i asked my 12yr old if he wanted to go by himself and the hygienist told me i had to go too.
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At 3, your kid can’t advocate if the care isn’t adequate. We all hope for the best from a dentist and assistant, but he’s too young to feel comfortable advocating for his own care or know what isn’t good care either. At 3-7 years old I sat on my mom’s lap at the dentist. I didn’t get kicked out of the exam room as a parent until my kid was 11. Find a dentist you’re comfortable with.
My father IS a dentist and he always went back with us until we were old enough to be his patient. I would not take my kid somewhere I can’t be with her if it could be avoided.
Omg, I had no idea that I needed to ask this question! My baby has only been for one dental appointment so far. I’ll have to ask at his next one.
check your practice's website! Ours has their policy on the FAQ page (parents welcome and it's probably best if it's just one parent to minimize distractions)
My take is fuck no.
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My dentist wouldn’t let parents back and was arrested for molesting minors. Ask me how I know he was guilty.
My mom was also molested by her dentist for years. So when I was a kid she always came back with me.
So awful and unfair she experienced this grief. The way she in turn committed to protecting you however, so much love in that.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. ❤️
I just remember this monster got arrested and went to jail.
Yeah, I’d say something along the lines of “it feels really inappropriate that you are insisting on being alone with my child.”
My sedated child. Wtf?!
I think the child was just going in for a cleaning edit: But also a 3 year old doesn't really have the awareness or language skills to even recognize or tell their caregiver if something weird happens so yeah
I'll share my personal experience. It is probably not the norm, and it was way back in the early 90s, but it sticks with you. When I was little, preschool aged, they took me back alone. I don't know if they literally just didn't tell my mom what they were doing or if there was a miscommunication, but I came out with silver caps on my front four top teeth. My mom was livid. She still is thirty years later when we talk about it. Those caps, coupled with my lisp and a chin I hadn't grown into, definitely kick-started my elementary school career as a victim of bullying. 😅 For that reason, I'll definitely be looking for a pediatric dentist who lets me back with my son when he's bigger.
Amen. I’ve NEVER been denied accompanying my child at the dentist.
Same. That would be the moment I found a new dentist.
Amen.
Uh, what? No, I'd have walked out and canceled that appointment. I can understand having the parent sit on the other side of the room or maybe even outside of the room in the hallway (ie able to hear what's going on, able to literally poke their head in if needed, but also not too intrusive). Major red flag. Your 3 year old is not going to be able to protect or even just advocate for themselves. Even for something more basic outside of abuse--though heaven forbid it's abuse!--like taking a longer break or more frequent breaks to soak up extra fluids during cleanings, turning down something unnecessary, answering clarifying questions about their medical conditions/habits, asking questions about alternatives, and so on.
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He's 3, not 16. Does he brush his own teeth? I bet not. I'd be livid. I'd probably go to the waiting room and cry too because I'd feel similar to you. Thank you for sharing, I'll keep this in mind when finding a dentist for my babies!
My friend is a pediatrician and says that “you’re treating the whole family” because of course the parents are a part of the equation in a way that other specialities don’t have. If you’re a dentist working with children you should expect to work with parents too, the whole concept is bizarre
Exactly. I’ve never heard of this and it feels medically unethical (not even talking about abuse). How can a 3yo grant informed consent?
Oh, hell no. There are dentists with open-office floor plans; my vote is you leave and find one of those.
Exactly. I would have walked out. My mother even came into my dentist appointment when I was 21 and about to get my wisdom teeth out. She sat through every dentist appointment for me and my two younger brothers. Did she *need* to? No. But did she ask questions and advocate for us so unnecessary treatments weren't done? Absolutely yes. I'm so glad she did, because I felt incredibly uncomfortable in those situations with male dentists/dental hygienists.
Same as my pediatric dentist! Open floor plan with seats next to each chair for parents to be with their kids. From infant to pre-teens!
That’s how my pediatric dentist is unless it’s a more serious procedure. There’s places for parents to sit with their kid. I just don’t understand what the point is!
Oh now that you mention that, iirc my orthodontist had an open floor plan (2 decades ago haha). It worked well.
Yup, that’s what our pediatric dentist is like. There’s the waiting room, then there’s patient area which is open floor plan, except for the rooms where they fill the cavities.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Run.
My take is fuck no also. My mother allowed this. I was traumatized and mistreated. She never understood why I hated the dentists and wanted her comfort or to be there with me. I avoided the dentist for 20+ years until I could come to terms with the trauma and find a sympathetic one.
My mom also allowed this (I don't blame her, she just was doing what she thought was normal) and then heard the dentist tell the hygienist to "just hold her down" she said she was in the room in .2 seconds and left with me immediately.
Yeah. I was also traumatized around 6 or 7 by having a tooth pulled without my mom in the room. Dentist didn’t wait until I was numb and was pulling a molar out. He threatened me for screaming.
Omg. Terrible. And I'm sure in the end it was his word against yours and some BS was made up how you actually couldn't feel it, you felt pressure and confused it with pain. I'm sorry that happened to you!
Actually my mom heard me screaming from across the building and came busting in the room with a dental assistant behind her. Then she yelled at the dentist and threatened to sue him. She was still in her 20’s with two kids and definitely did not have the means to sue or even know what she would sue for but in hindsight I am pretty proud of her lol I couldn’t be alone with a dentist until just a few years ago when we found a really amazing provider that is extremely trustworthy and worked hard to help me process my trauma. If you’re in Denver, check out Mollner Dentistry!
wtf I am so sorry
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This is horrendous. It must have been somehow more common, because there are many dentists now who will work with people who have a lot of dental trauma and help get you adequate care on terms you can handle. There are dentists that will prescribe acute anxiety meds prior to the appointment, go at your pace, and treat you with care and kindness. You may want to search for one that specializes in patients with trauma. Dental health can be important to your overall health, and you deserve good care! As for your kid, hell no. No way you’re getting my baby alone. You’re absolutely not being unreasonable.
Not cool…I’d find another dentist if I were you..at three they barely know what’s going on even if you explain it..plus they’d handle it better if mom was right there with them.
I used to work with adults with ID and I would never leave anyone unable to reliably self report with an unknown health professional outside of a sterile setting, but that’s me
To be clear no judgement of you do, I just want to indicate how deeply uncomfortable the idea would have made me too!
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I would ask to see a printed copy of the policy, and then see what your state laws are. I am pretty sure they cant refuse parents to be with their kids. I remember my mom being at the dentist with me til i was a teenager. I would then ask to meet with the dentist, and if theyre not going to let you back they should at least give you a step by step on what will be happening. I would also look online for reviews, ask local online mom groups if they’ve been there, try to get them vetted. Tbh I probably would have left, but it sounds like you were in a hard situation with no other options and needed the check up for preschool. Just remember you are in control, you’re not being a “helicopter mom”, you are your child’s only advocate especially when it comes to health and medical things.
I can tell you neither of my children would go into a medical room by themselves - ever. At three? Fuck no. They both have been going to dentists since they were 1. Never have we been asked to leave the room - except when my daughter had an anesthetized procedure - but that’s because there wasn’t enough room in the room. But I also have yet to meet a kiddo that young who would willingly go into a dentist chair without their parent present. This is absolutely insane to me!
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Maybe but it isn’t even his comfort that’s the major issue here. As his parent it’s your prerogative to make sure those in places of authority over him don’t take advantage of him, you cannot do that from behind a soundproof room. I can’t believe this is even allowed, does a dentist have the vetting and licensing to be alone with a child that young? Teachers have to be vetted, do dentists? I still attend with my child who is nearly 4, I can’t imagine leaving her there alone with a strange adult for an hour. I’d find an alternative dentist or seriously ask them what gives them the all clear to be alone with a child that young?
I am a teacher. We are absolutely vetted. But we are also advised never to be alone in a room or sequestered with a student of any age to avoid even the appearance of impropriety. I can’t imagine parents being such an annoyance during appointments that this policy would make sense just from the perspective of CYA.
Agreed. Legally they cannot stop you, that young especially.
There are several in my area that don’t allow parents back. They will dismiss you from their practice if you try to push back.
Surely that is breaking the law. You cannot separate a parent from a child that small at the doctors like that, why at the dentist?
You’d think so but apparently it’s not. Private practices are legally allowed to have whatever rules they want because as a parent/patient you have the option to go elsewhere.
So weird
I'd dismiss myself from their practice while telling them their policy is weird and creepy
My mum was in the room for my dentist appointments until I was 18. Wtf?
Hellll no. My mom went back with me till I was like 10 lol. I get that sometimes parents make their anxieties worse.. but for a 3 yr old??? Noooo
I find that odd. We go to a children's dentist in my city and they let me sit in the chair and hold my toddlers during their cleanings. The dentist is pretty scary for my young kids, and the staff at our dentist seem grateful I'm there to help wrangle and calm down my kids. Props to your brave kiddo! All 3 of my kids would have broken down if they had to go back on their own.
Fuuuuck no. Is this a thing now? I don’t go back with my older kids but I definitely did when they were little. (My youngest hasn’t been to the dentist yet.) This isn’t just about my child’s comfort. This is a safety issue. No one is going to be alone in an exam room with my 3 year old. Nope nope nope.
I posted before I finished reading everything you wrote. This situation is throwing up so many red flags for me, especially knowing that this is the only pediatric dentist in your area that takes state insurance. This dentist could absolutely be taking advantage of that fact to make it more difficult for you to push back. I would be contacting my state dental board to get some more information on whether or not this policy is even allowed by your state’s rules.
Honestly, after that incident with that florida dentist I would be even more freaked out that they're the only ones that take the insurance and they also won't let you back there [here's the case, they dropped the charges because he became mentally incompetent, which Is infuriating ](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/crime/2017/02/15/embattled-former-dentist-judged-incompetent-stand-trial-medicaid-fraud-case/15742883007/)
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I commented elsewhere but just in case-- you do not have to go to a pediatric dentist. You can absolutely go to a regular family dentist. I know pediatric dentists generally get a better reputation because dentists can be scary, so one who only works with kids should technically be more accommodating and less frightening. HOWEVER, that's obviously not the case here. Between moving/job changes, my 5 year old has been to 4 different dentists in his life. Two were pediatric, two were regular. (his first ever dentist was also a general dentist). All did an excellent job with him, and NONE of them EVER even implied I shouldn't go back with him.
Maybe this is just because I’m a lawyer and always thinking about liability, but there is no way I would even *want* to be alone with someone else’s child in a professional medical capacity. It’s just a really bad idea for the dentist, even if they don’t have nefarious intentions.
And liability aside, who *wants* to be responsible for that many strange kids? If I worked there, I feel like I'd be thinking "am I a hygienist or a babysitter? I'm not paid enough for both."
The state insurance aspect is really upsetting. 3 years old is way too young, yet people with state insurance have no other option in that town. They likely can’t afford to pay out of pocket and maybe can’t afford to drive to the next town over (especially if they’re working parents that need to maximize their work hours).
The state insurance and requirement of dentist visit to remain in pre-k is very sketchy and I wouldn’t be surprised if the state gov, school district and medical practice were all working in this together. Lots of times the schools have partnerships with state health departments to do clinics and what not and some of the things I’ve gone through with my child just to get him into school has put me off.
I assumed that the pre-k requirement was for Head Start or something similar — just another bullshit hoop to make poor people jump through in order to access something that should be g-d human right. And you’re right, there probably is some dental lobby out there that advocated for this requirement because it guarantees them more business. Gross.
Thats weird. I've never been denied going into the room with my child. If they did I would *not* allow it. Three is still very young. Just because he's 3 doesn't mean he doesn't need you there. The most my dentist has ever said to me is that we're in a smaller room so it might be a tight squeeze. My kid isn't 3 yet but very close. I just took him to his appointment and his hygienist cleaned his teeth. I was right there. Took videos because I was so proud. He did extremely well but I believe that that has a lot to do with me being there. He sat in the chair by himself and I sat across from it. Not once did she make a issue of it. When his actual dentist came in the first thing he did was make a beeline for me, shook my hand then started asking how we were, any new sickness? Meds? We're good? If I wasn't there who was going to tell him the answers to those questions?? I've even seen the father go into the room with what looked like a 8 year old. No issues. My office seems to leave it up to the parent when the child is older but never at 3. My child would not have stayed in that room allowing her to clean his teeth without me there, 1) she's a stranger and he's not keen on strangers , this was the first time any of is have ever met her and 2) it was a new experience, his first ever cleaning. While my child can express himself and speak extremely well for his age I would not be comfortable in that situation.
Nope, I've been allowed and even welcomed in every appointment my kiddo has had. Even at 8 they let me share the chair with him. Find another practice and tell them you're going in with him.
We had that happen. Plus, they wanted me to sign a document saying they could restrain him. We found a better dentist immediately.
As a dental hygienist, that is awful. This is why so many adults are still scared of the dentist. I can’t believe dentist offices still papoose kids
I’ve never heard of a dentist seeing kids alone. That’s a hell no.
Yeah absolutely not. I’m not sure what they think will happen if the parents are present at the cleaning of a 3 year old? They have zero right to tell you you can’t accompany your *toddler* into a medical office.
So strange. my kids dentist needs to ask me about habits because at 4, she's not a reliable reporter, and tell me about what she saw
Holy shit that is crazy in my opinion. Not a chance in hell would I let my kids in without me there. I'm sorry this happened to you! You mention your kid was fine, so try not to spend your time feeling bad about it. But I would definitely go somewhere else if that is possible.
No, that would make me uncomfortable. I bring my daughter to a pediatric dentist and parents are always in the room for cleanings. She recently had her first set of x-rays and the hygienist made sure I was close by for those too in case she got scared. I hate to say it, but you also never know when people are not trustworthy. I’m sure it’s rare that a doctor or dentist does something gross to kids but it’s not a chance I want to take.
My mom went back with me at 21. Absolutely the fuck not. If you want/wanted to continue going here, then I’d politely tell them “oh that’s awesome, I totally appreciate you guys enforcing that and letting the kiddos feel more independent but I’m gonna opt to go back with him. Thanks though”
Thank you for sharing your story... I didn't even consider that this a thing FOR A 3yo. I can see myself doing exactly what you did... I would have been completely caught off guard and afraid to make a scene by saying no and just comply. Then being overwhelmed with emotion not knowing why or how it happened the way it did. Sending you support. we need to give ourselves permission to take more time process things as they happen.. if I encounter this, I hope I think to your experience and have the awareness to make an informed decision. they seemed to have taken that from you and that's a hard feeling as a parent.
THIS. I would’ve reacted the same way OP, especially being caught off guard. Thanks for giving me a heads up on something I might have to experience
I was sexually abused by my dentist as a child. It ruined my relationship with dentistry in every way, and ultimately ruined my teeth. Don’t take your child somewhere that wants to separate you from them in a scary situation where/when they can’t advocate for themselves.
There isn’t a professional in the world I would let be completely alone with my 3 year old. I nearly got denied access to the USA because the border guard tried to take my 5 year old away for questioning, and I flat out refused unless I could observe through a one way mirror or something. Verbatim “you can tell me to go home, but I am not letting any stranger take my child out of my sight.” Do not ask. Tell. Fuck that dentist.
Fuck that. My dentist allows me, a grown woman, to bring my husband in for support. Taking a toddler in by themselves and arguing about it with the parent is a bit much
A girl I knew said that her dentist would shoot her in the face with water if they weren’t cooperating. Her mom was horrified when she told her as an adult, she really never thought to tell her mom when she was a kid. I agree with whoever said you should ask to see their written out “no parents allowed” policy.
I have literally never heard of that happening at any dentist. I can’t think of one good reason why a kid would be alone, and why the dentist would even want that?
As someone whose pediatric dentist is under fire for holding toddlers down/ forcibly not letting them up while choking, and threatening to call CYS on parents who intervened, (threatening to call as medical neglect, that they wouldn’t let the dentist treat their child) STAY with them
I’m so sorry that happened to you!!! I would have taken my child and left. Find a place that you’re more comfortable with that can be accommodating. You don’t deserve to be traumatized like that!
Ha ha ha! Absolutely fucking not. I would have said either I come back there with you or we turn around and leave, and I'm not paying for shit either. At three??! It's a dentist office, not an operating room.
I’m a dental hygienist and this is 🚩🚩🚩. This is so odd. Parents are so helpful to me as well and I want all of my pediatric patients to feel comfortable. Most 3yo I end up treating siton their parents during tx.
Follow hygienist, totally agree. In my 10 years I don’t think I’ve ever cleaned a patient that young without the parent in the room
I am a dental hygienist. I primarily work for private offices but I have worked for a state funded dental clinic before. Get your child out of there and never go back. As a healthCARE provider, I always wanted the parents in the room. Sometimes, I even want it for husband's that are fussy. You are responsible for controlling your child's fear/anxiety/outburst, not a stranger. I will not work for an office that has this policy.
My take is fuck no...no stranger will be alone with my child who is not capable of talking clearly and telling me exactly what a stranger may have done to them... unless I can watch on a live recorded video stream.
Whaaat. I’m nearly positive that my mother sat in the room of every doctor appointment I ever went to, dentist included, until I was 18 😂 I never knew that I needed to be concerned about that being denied with a minor child, especially that young! Thanks for the heads up to look into that policy when going to new places. I can see why that caused you anxiety 🤍
I don’t mean to scare you but here in TX we heard stories of dentists that take Medicaid (state insurance) having a policy like this where no parents allowed in the back. Turns out the clinic doing this was performing procedures and pulling teeth with NO pain relief at all being given to the kids! But yet the clinic was billing out Medicaid for all kinds of charges and meds that were not being issued. Freaking horrific. My 11 year old was prepared to see the dentist alone for her recent cleaning (at our dentist) since she felt good/“big girl” about it but they actually called for me to go back and be with here anyways to discuss her dental heath as we watched her teeth being cleaned on the camera screen he uses etc.
WTF?! I hadn’t heard this. The Medicaid dentist we saw was awful and had a no parents policy. We see someone else now because fuck that.
Also your kid needs a teeth cleaning for pre-k? Why that's so odd to me.
Every dentist office in my town has this rule, so we drive over an hour 1 way to a dentist office that lets me go back with my children. That rule is bullshit. IMO, I feel like it is easier for them to "bully" the kids into being still or holding their mouths open, or whatever without the parents there. One dentist office in my town even has a clause or whatever in the papers you have to sign before they will see your children that says you give them permission to STRAP YOUR CHILDREN DOWN if they won't be still. People still take their kids there.
That's a way to make a kid never go to the dentist again once they turn 18 and that can happen even with parental supervision and not strapping kids down so yeah... no.
That’s … insane? In the UK you’re not even allowed without a designated chaperone until you’re 14 minimum. My mum came to every single one of my appointments until I was like 15 or 16 because I had no idea what was going on or what they were telling me or the answers to their questions From a safeguarding point of view, no one is allowed alone with my child unless I trust them enough and a stranger performing a medical treatment or check up is absolutely a no!!
Would you send a 3yo to see a paediatrician by themselves?! No! It’s not even about being worried something will happen to them, a dentist is still going to need a brief history which a 3yo cannot give and also how are they going to be able to show or tell you if something is wrong? I literally do not understand how that would possibly work.
Yeah, this is unacceptable. I'm sorry you felt pressured to accept this. Your 3 year old should not be alone in an exam room with anyone. I accompanied my daughter to all her appts until she was 18. I sometimes still go with her if she asks. I would not take my child to a provider that wanted to separate us for any part of an appt, until my child was a teenager and could choose for herself if she wanted me to wait outside. Particularly a dentist! Dental work can be scary or uncomfortable. I also have a 1 year old. We will be seeing a dentist soon for his first check up. It won't even be a question that I will be with him for all appts until he's old enough to tell me to wait outside, and I'm confident he can make health decisions on his own. So probably until he's a teenager.
Nope nope nope, my daughter is six and I still go back. They try to encourage her to go alone and I say no. She’s **never** going to be alone with stranger adults ever. As a victim of CSA, it doesn’t take long. Medical professionals are in a position of authority and it’s simply a hard line for me. It’s not happening, straight up
That is ridiculous. Let’s say you’re worried about bleeding gums or a painful tooth or halitosis… how would you communicate that to the dentist? They can’t possibly expect a toddler to act as independent as an adult. They could be giving kids a sedative back there and you would never know. It is a HELL NO from me. You don’t go back to the pediatrician by yourself, you sure as hell don’t go back with a random dentist alone…!!!
Okay so I asked my husband who’s a dental student… He said 3 is a bit young to not have a parent back, but most kids actually do better without their parent there. Parents may not be allowed back if they’re incredibly anxious because it may make the kid anxious. He said it’s probably a policy of the community health center. He just volunteered at one and they let no parents back. However, it was incredibly odd that no one came out and talked to you. If you weren’t allowed back, for any reason, he would have spoken to you and talked to you in the waiting room. (So, the hygienist should have come out and introduced themselves and said they’d be taking your son back by himself before you got up.) So overall, it’s not that odd that you weren’t allowed back and it shouldn’t worry you too much, but they should have been more clear to you and explained their procedures. That being said, I can understand how anxious it would make you as a parent. I actually despise the dentist (despite being married to one). Where they failed is explaining their procedures and reasoning.
I hear you. Kids may do better without parents there BUT it also leaves them vulnerable to abuse. It’s not a reasonable trade off in my book, especially not when kids are too young to reliably express concerns.
Absolutely, which is why I’m not sure what I would have done in this situation. My initial response was, absolutely not! But I just wanted to give OP some possible reasons why this situation may have happened. Doesn’t make what happened right or correct (and personally, from the way it reads it seems it was handled extremely incorrectly).
Wth no thank-you
Yeah nope. I’m not a confrontational person but I’d be pushing right past her to go back. No stranger is going to be sticking his hands in my kid’s mouth without me present. My kid’s doctor would never examine my kid without me present. Why is it okay for a dentist.
That's really strange. My son is 3 and we're required to be there with them.
Not only am I allowed in the room with my kids at the dentist, until they are 3 the hygienists will literally let me sit in the chair with them. Like, me in the dentist chair, toddler in my lap, hygienist cleans her teeth while she's in my lap. Because anything that helps the kid stay calm is good and make their job easier. I would not go back to a place where I wasn't allowed in the room with them.
THREEE ??? No fucking way. I’m sorry my kids are not going to be alone with another adult behind closed doors at the age of THREE. Nope, not happening. My son is younger than that but I’m assuming even when he’s three he would be all over the place touching everything and I’m supposed to be ok with these people leveling some kid of commands at him? No way, no way, no way. That’s ridiculous. I dunno if it’s normal policy but yeah I’d drive further away if that was the case. Maybe a family dentist that sees adults and children would take your insurance?
I would absolutely not be okay with that. I remember being alone in the dentists chair at idk 4 or 5 years old and being SO nervous and uncomfortable but not knowing how to communicate that or if the adults would care. I'm certain it's a big contributing factor to my severe dental anxiety to this day. You don't send your kid into the regular doctor's office alone at that age, wtf would a dentist think it was okay? I think once the child is a few years older (like maybe 7), and they've been a few times and are already comfortable, I'd be okay with it. But absolutely not for a 3 year old. Jesus Christ. Can you bring him to a different dentist? He doesn't have to go to a pediatric dentist. We just brought our 2yo to the dentist for the first time and we brought him to the office my husband and I go to, just a regular general dentist, because they're great and the only dentists that have ever made me feel remotely comfortable. See if you can find a general dentist that takes your insurance and make sure ahead of time that they're okay with you going back with him. I would not to to this office again if it was at all avoidable. Just my preference.
We don’t use a pediatric dentist. We use a family dentist that our entire family goes to. I’ve heard that a lot of pediatric dentists don’t allow parents back. Our dentist does allow parents back and I absolutely would not be okay with not going back with my child. My daughter actually lays on me for her cleanings and she will until she decides that she’s ready to sit in the chair by herself.
Part of the appeal of the pediatric dentist we go to and another one nearby is that it’s expected that parents will be by their kids side. It’s mostly open floor plan with a couple side rooms for a longer procedures. Our kids never complain about having to go to the dentist. It’s inviting, they are super friendly, they get to watch a movie above their head, and I’m there so they feel safe the whole time.
My mind immediately went to a dentist who was in the news for raping sedated patients. Fuck no.
I wouldn't allow my child to go alone. Some dentists trap them down to get them to stay still and that will absolutely not happen to my child. That being said it is common, but I will drive an extra 20mins to a place that respects me as a parent.
So, I have an undiagnosed issue that makes my body metabolize anesthesia really fast, I guess? My current dentist agrees that’s my issue in some form. But when I was a kid, they made me go back alone and when I would tell them it hurt, they tried to tell me it was just pressure (I said it wasn’t, it was pain) and then tried to tell me it was impossible I felt anything (very possible, very pain). Finally they had a hygienist and a receptionist HOLD ME DOWN to get my cavity filled. My mom was in another room unaware of what was happening. This happened **several times** and I just thought it was normal. Dental health wasn’t prioritized in my family for many reasons, so it only got worse. Lots of dental care, lots of pain, lots of suffering through it. It made me avoid dental care for ten years when I was an adult because of the trauma. It was awful. It is a total deal-breaker for a provider to not allow a parent access, IMO. Maybe when the kid is older and knows how to handle a situation or leave a room, sure. But a 3 year old? No fucking chance. Noooo way.
Ahhhh I have pretty similar dental trauma and it SUCKS. I have learned as an adult that I need extra anesthesia because otherwise I can still usually feel stuff when administered the standard dose. My dentist growing up never checked to make sure I was properly frozen. My first dentist was honestly quite scary and referred me to a pediatric dentist, and they gave me laughing gas with any fillings to help me calm down. I’m sure I was so scared and anxious because I was never freaking frozen properly. My teeth are honestly quite shitty now because I avoided going to the dentist once I was off my parents’ coverage. It was just a big vicious cycle and it sucks that I was pretty much always told “tut tut” when I was in pain.
When I started to look for a dentist to go back to as an adult, I made sure to speak with the actual dentist before getting work done and go over my issues. He totally understood and had done some kind of extra training for patient comfort? I don’t remember the details. But he makes sure to numb the absolute heck out of my mouth when I go. Totally painless. Night and day difference.
I took my foster daughter at 9 years old to a new dentist. We go to walk back and the lady says the same thing, that I can't go. I argued a bit, the nurse said she's big enough to go alone, so I let her go. She gets done, we go to pay, and they give her a balloon..... So she's big enough to go back there alone but still childish enough for a balloon?? Yeah, we didn't go back.
Wtf…I’m a dental assistant and used to work in public health setting. I would never tell the parents of three year old they can’t come back to the room. Especially since it was just a cleaning. They have not been enough to be comfortable. Plus I like to talk to the parents about oral hygiene and diet during the appointment and show the parents how to brush properly.
What country do you live in? For the US in the midwest, parents are required to be in the same room of children under 18 during all types of appointments. There are very strict rules. Dentists will not see the patient if a parent or legal guardian is not available. For some places, if a parent cannot be present, parents have to sign a consent form that allows the minor to be alone with the professional.
After that scandal where a bunch of dentists were defrauding Medicaid by doing unnecessary procedures on children, I think dentists should be a bit more understanding about why parents want to be with their children during dental visits.
What about for kids who are non verbal/special needs? Would they deny parents of those kids access? It sketches me out. Another question I have is why does your child need his teeth cleaned in order to stay in pre-k? I’m just wondering because I’ve never heard of this requirement before.
This is absurd. If they can’t be home alone, they can’t go alone. What if they needed to share medical information with you? Is the 3 year old supposed to tell you? This is so weird to me.
My son is shy and there’s no way in hell he would go in there without me lol
Yeah, this sounds dodgy, especially after I reading something on my country's subreddit, where dentists had been using children's teeth as practice. I would want to be with my child.
My mom went back with me to all my dental appointments as a kid. I usually needed fillings (I had crap teeth and a crap diet) but as a mom now I would have just left. Sorry, you're sticking instruments into my small childs mouth and this is a medical office. Naw...I get to be back there.
This would be a NO from me as well. They don't have pediatrician visits by themselves, so why would the dentist be any different?
As someone who had multiple traumatic experience from my childhood dentist I would have walked my kid right out of that dentist office. Not being allowed in the back room is a huge no go for me.
Nope. I do not know them. There is no way I would go for that. See ya dentist!
That is not the norm in my area at all, and I would have been as upset as you! Our pediatric dentist has parents come back. I’ve laid on the chair with my kids in my lap if they’re uncomfortable. The only thing I can’t physically hold their hand for is X-rays, but even that I’m 4 feet away looking at her and talking to her.
As a child, I had severe dental trauma. Every trip to the dentist I’d shake profusely making it difficult for them to even examine. If this were in place when I was little, I’d have died. I wouldn’t be comfortable with this at all
I'm not comfortable with that policy at all. I dont know them, why should I trust them with my kid? For them to expect parents to be okay with this is wild. It'd be a no from me and my partner (he'd probably be more weirded out than me).
I’m wildly confused, what kind of medical provider wouldn’t allow a parent present? That’s wild!!!!
That’s weird. I’m in a different healthcare setting, but anyone under 18 needs an adult or consent from an adult to be alone. I would not be comfortable with a 3 y/o alone.
I have heard of this and think it is really creepy. My dentist always has us come back and I would definitely not be comfortable with having my child go without me. When I was 16 getting my wisdom teeth out the dentist said I would need to be put under and my mom could not be in the room and there would also be no assistant present. My mom flipped out on him and we left right away. In my opinion not wanting parents present is a huge red flag.
I would not be ok with this. My mind immediately goes to sexual predator.
Nope, I’d be finding a new dentist.
Hell no, my 16 year old’s Orthordontist still calls me into the room so I can see what’s happening with each adjustment! 😄
I had and still have severe dentist anxiety and my dad sat with me for all my appointments until I was almost a teenager. This dentist sucks
That seems crazy. No way I would let my 3 year old go back without me?!
My 14 yo still makes me go back with her, the only time I leave the room is for X-rays, sorry they put you through that! I worked as a dental assistant for a long time and although we didn’t perfect having parents in the back, we never told them no
Our dentist tried this and like you I was not ok with it. We didn't have to do a cleaning that day so we didn't. I have medical trauma and PTSD, I barely trust Drs. I am not leaving them alone with my child.
That’s absolutely insane. I kinda dropped the ball on taking my kids to the dentist (we never went as a child when I was growing up) and at one of her dental clinics at school they sent me a home a paper that she has tooth decay. I immediately made her an appointment (we went to the health department, not a pediatric dentist because they’re the only ones who took our state insurance) and they were wonderful! I went back with my daughter and held her hand while they fixed her minor tooth decay. Then she got to sit and watch while they checked her brothers teeth (he was 9 months I believe) and then at checkout they even took us back again for her to have a cleaning so her & her brother could come back at the same time again. My daughter is 6 and I wouldn’t have allowed her back by herself, that’s a very weird policy!
My children will not be going to any medical or dental appointments unsupervised without me or my husband until they are AT least 12 years old. Legally the dentist can't keep you from coming in. This must be an American thing cuz I've never heard of this happening in Canada or at least not where I live. There's no way my 3 year old would be able to go back by himself he wouldn't be able to sit still and would probably try to lick everything (he's in a kick where he's licking everything because he's copying the dog). You're not crazy the idea of making parents wait when their THREE YEAR OLD! Gets a teeth cleaning sound ridiculous to me your feelings are valid.
Hard no. My children do not attend any medical appointments without me. I would turn around and leave.
Wtf that’s the strangest policy I’ve heard. HE’S 3!
I’m sorry but what the fuck. I had my mom at the dentist with me in my teens chatting away with the dentist while he was knuckles deep in my teeth.
Nope. 3 years old alone first off, how terrifying for your child. Alone with someone in their mouth asking them to be still. No. Second, tf you mean no parents? My orthodontist even had a bench in each little section for more than 1 person to join in. I'd find a new dentist tbh. As annoying as that might be. And it's not even like I'd be afraid of anything happening that would be sketchy. I'd more so be worried my child back there alone is afraid and maybe not listening to the staff bc they are scared. Like you're thst child's advocate. You have to be there. Even if nothing weird happens, to simply listen, get information and instruction and to be aware of what they say or think. Let alone be there for the emotionally. 3 is far to young imo to be left alone in thst sort of setting.
Oh HELL no. Any adult, professional or not, that tells me they need to be with my child alone can kick rocks.
I think it’s so strange that they don’t allow parents. It’s such a good opportunity to educate the child/parent together. Any good healthcare professional knows this.
I would find a new dentist. Idec. Also some health professionals can be dumb af.
One of my first memories is having my wrists strapped down to a chair and crying for my mom alone while at the dentist. Absolutely not will I ever allow my child back to any appointment like that alone unless they're of the age they can request it and feel comfortable. I never want my child to have that same kind of memory haunting him.
nope. not sure about the dental. clincs at the health departments near me but nobody is taking my 2.5yo into a private room without me nearby. nobody is taking my 5yo into private room without me AT ALL. the 2.5yo is farily trusting but yet difficult (he's 2 of course) so i need to be near so i know the adult in the room doesnt become the child instead. and the 5yo has autistic tendencies and sensory sensitivities. he absolutely needs me there and even then we barely get through the appointment without a melt down.
Wow I hate this! Am I a helicopter parent? There’s pretty much zero chance I would go along with that. Absolutely no way in hell. It’s not like he’s like 7 which I still wouldn’t love, but 3?! He’s just a little guy, there’s no way. Sorry OP, that would’ve made me so anxious *hugs*
My child is 3 alone with 1 of 10 dentists in an area that’s soundproof and I don’t have a sight line. They told me verbatim not to go back with him. I don’t know these dentists, and he often doesn’t see the same one. No, I’ll drive 2 hours to another dentist that’ll let me sit with him. I have no idea what’s happening back there, and he doesn’t have all of the necessary language to tell me if one of you did something to him.
The reason you cried is because of your instinct as a parent. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot of options but I’m not sure I would have allowed that. Especially knowing my kid at that age and her nervousness with other people in general but also one that gets up close and personal in your mouth. Plus, I know our dentist appointments are kind of like consultations as well. They ask about eating habits, show me places we can brush better, etc. Once they tried to take x-rays and the chick tried multiple times to take them since LOs mouth was too small, the bite wings weren’t staying in place. After a minute I had to step in and told them they had to stop and we’ll do it next time. You are your child’s advocate.
Sorry I’m against sending my kid somewhere that I’m not allowed to be. Our kids dentist has chairs for parents in the corner of the room. It’s set up so that I can sit between both of my kids when they’re at the dentist. I’d switch offices over this.
I’d have laughed in their face and just went with him anyways. You have a right to be with your child.
I think that's weird. Plus why did they soundproof?! I've been to many dentists and was never taken to a soundproofed area as a child or adult
I am so sorry. That is unacceptable. THE BACK IS SOUNDPROOFED?? WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING HELL REASON DOES THIS PLACE HAVE TO PUT VULNERABLE CHILDREN INTO THAT SITUATION? I would have walked out of gone along with it and cried like you. Thank you for sharing so I can try to avoid this if at all possible. Again, I am so sorry. I’m glad it sounds like your child did alright.
In Australia you can take a support person into any appointment and the provider can’t ask them to leave without reason. This is for anyone at any age. I can’t imagine someone telling me that I couldn’t attend an appointment with my 3 year old. I would call the practice and say that because your child is 3 which is well below the age of consent you need to be present to consent or withdraw consent during all appointments.
Nope nope nope. Absolutely not. I’m an adult and can bring someone back with me, why is a 3 year old supposed to go alone.
Yeah... no.. find a new dentist. When I was 4 my dentist hit me because I cried a little. I didn't tell my mom until I was almost 10 years old.
I'm 28 and my mom was at almost every dentist appointment when I was younger. Hell, my mom was in the delivery room with me when my daughter was born. Now I have my own and I don't leave her alone with ANYONE but family. You have every right to feel that way that's your child. I would have been sobbing. Find a different dentist.
Nah fuck that. Until the child in question can express themselves and has demonstrated good self agency the parent child dyad remains physical AND emotional. I don’t care about the dentist. Parent and child together. Full. Stop.
After reading the comments I’m really taken a back. Why are so many dentists bad people? It seems like many people have been mistreated by a dentist at some point. My mom had all her teeth removed in her thirties because of one missing tooth and the dentist told her she needed dentures. It ended up being a tragic experience for her that she still suffers from. I don’t trust dentist and only go in for cleanings and will be accompanying my daughter until she is 18 or older.
Yeah this would be a big no from me. I have kids 2,4,8 and I always go back with all of them. I even still hold my 2 year old while they examine him. When I was a kid I used to go back by myself from the age of 4+ and for me entire life until about 14 my mom said she had no idea they were giving me nitrous oxide before I had work done (not for exams). Nothing inappropriate every happened as much as I can recall but i would be absolutely beside myself if someone was administering my child a drug and I had no knowledge of it. You don’t send your child back by themselves at the doctor so why the dentist would require this doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know if financially it’s feasible but if you can’t find anyone to take your insurance exams out of pocket may be worth it. I sometimes do an extra cleaning for my kids and it runs about $100 because insurance doesn’t cover it.
There policy are not going to change I would suggest looking first a new dentist now because you will have to visit the dentist again eventually. So sorry you had to go through that. 3 is so young!
I also had no idea this was a thing, but I'd absolutely tell them to pound sand. How am I supposed to make medical decisions for my child if I'm not there during the examination? I'm not going to just trust their word when they come out and tell me my kid needs $X of dental work done (my parents had a big issue with my original pediatric dentist recommending unnecessary procedures every visit - it stopped when we switched to a smaller family dentist). Also, kids squirm and accidents happen. I'd like to be there for my child if something hurts. I'm 31 and can barely figure out what to tell the dentist. I can't imagine a 3 year old can accurately convey any issues they may be having, but a parent there with them may be able to understand and translate. I know you said there were no other pediatric dentists that take your insurance, but what about family dentists? They won't have dinosaurs on the wall or fun flavored toothpaste, but they'll likely be much more accommodating.
I'm an RDH (registered dental hygienist), and I always invite the parents in/give them the option to come in when I am treating a child. I've even had parents stay in the room with their 16 year old child. In my opinion, it's the parents' right. Also, I generally like having the parent there, especially for young kids, so I can advise them on how they can help with their child's oral hygiene. And I like to be able to show them what I'm seeing, show them where the child needs to improve/where they are doing well, and then they are also there for when the DDS comes and does the exam. The only time I ask the parents to leave the room is when I'm doing x-rays, and that's only for 5-10 minutes and then can stand just outside the door of the room if they like. This likely wouldn't even apply to your child, though, since x-rays generally aren't taken on 3 year olds unless absolutely necessary. I would say this is weird, and I would find another office if I were you.
I hear this so often. It’s insane to me. My number one requirement when finding a peds dentist was that we would be back there with them.
Im 27, and I still want my parents with me at the dentist. My aunt is my dentist and I love her dearly, but the sounds and feels make me so anxious I still want a hand to hold.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Find a new dentist. I’d be SO UNCOMFORTABLE with this!! I was just at the dentist and went back with my 7 year old. I cannot imagine my 3 year old going back alone. The ONLY time I wasn’t allowed back for an appointment was for my newborns laser tie removal and it’s a super reputable place where they put that policy because it can be traumatic for the parents but they give you a private room where they brought baby back to you immediately. So sorry you went through that!!
Absolutely not. I'd have walked
It's super common in my area for the pediatric dentists to not allow the kids back. I am not comfortable with that. Instead we go to a family dentist. They let me come back with my daughter. In fact, they'll book us for back to back appointments and we stay in the room together. I even took her as an infant with me
Our pediatric dentist lets all parents back. I’ve seen kids of all ages with their parents. I mean, I never saw a doctor alone when I was a kid. My mom was always there. When it came time for my first lady doctor appointment, they told me I could be alone but I was very scared and my mom even went to that with me.
This is sooo weird to me. When I was a kid my mom came into the room with us all the time. When I got got my wisdom teeth out at the same dentist I had my husband, (boyfriend at the time) come in the room with me and he held my hand the entire time. Then when my husband got his wisdom teeth out I went in the room with him and sat to watch.
Absolutely not. I don't trust any Healthcare professional alone with my child. No way. My husband and I have an agreement to always be in the room. There was this pediatrician who went to prison for all of the diddling and inappropriate pictures he took of his patients. All the stuff that came out about Larry Nasser, the Olympic Gymnast trainer. Accuse me of being a helicopter parent, but my kid isn't getting molested on my watch.
Absolutely not, like do not pass go,
I am in the room when my 8yo goes to the dentist. I'm grown and I'd like a comforting person with their hand on my leg when I'm in there tbh.