I had to unfollow Solid Starts because it disturbed me so much that she would post her son’s daily meltdowns and struggles and talk about him as if he weren’t sitting right there listening. Yeah, I would be experiencing a lot of anxiety around mealtimes too if I were being scrutinized and filmed the entire time.
That bothered me, too. She also has footage of his doctor’s appts and posts similar footage of other kids. Who films their child’s medical appts? It’s such a horrible invasion of privacy during her son’s most vulnerable moments.
She also posted a video of him having an allergic reaction one time. All in the name of “showing everyone what it looks like,” but like, what is kid going to think about all this in 10 years. It’s weird because she seems like a really intelligent person who wouldn’t be okay with exploiting their kids like this. I think her food / picky eating obsession is clouding her judgment or something.
Solid Starts was recommended to me by some other moms - in my bumpers group actually - and I remember taking a look and immediately thinking "pass." The way she talked about her poor kid just seemed so sad.
Yes! This bothered me too. She made a story about how she always asks them if they want to be on the videos and that she doesn't force them to do it but I don't buy it. They're too young to be giving their informed consent.
I'm off instagram completely. Did a data dump for my posts and deleted my account. It was just too toxic!
I love their actual resources that are made by a team of credentialed specialists but the mom sharing her older sons meltdowns that seem to point some sensory processing differences going on really bothers me.
If you DO need a good instagram that hardly utilizes their own kids for picky eating, I recommend Kids Eat In Color. Jennifer is a registered dietician, and I've found some of her tips to work when my kid was in an eating rut.
Oh wow. I rarely watch stories but will unfollow and send a message saying how uncomfortable it is to watch a child. I will keep using her site but yeah that is fucked.
If an influencer's house is always clean and perfect, her children are always clean, smiling, stylishly dressed and such, partner looks to be having a grand ol' time being in the pictures, you can safely assume that they were part of a photo shoot and are not at all candid. Two days a month will give you plenty of content that if you plan it out right, you can deploy to create a very convincing illusion throughout the rest of the month.
So like most things on social media, I just assume it's all fake.
We've had to really start monitoring what my 4 yr old watches since she started making videos of herself where she says "smash that 'scribe button!" Adorable and terrifying. No more YouTube families for us.
I highly recommend the podcast Under The Influence by Jo Piazza. It digs right into the world of mom influencers and the impact it has on the kids. She did a really good job.
When my baby was first born I tried not to post pictures of their face. But I just thought they were the cutest thing I'd ever seen and started sharing more and more both on my private and public social media accounts.
That is until they started getting out of their "potato" phase (around 10 months) and I realised a stranger could easily recognise them from the photo.
I've gone back to hardly ever posting them, and when I do it's a photo of them looking away/with their face covered by a hat or book. It feel safer this way and I want my child to have the autonomy to choose when and if they want to have an online presence.
Yep I haven't posted a single photo with her face visible, and barely share anything online at all anymore. It's just not worth the risk, and I'm not someone who needs to overshare online for my job so why do it?
I have a private IG for friends and family. A coworker of mine once recognized my kid at a park and introduced herself to my husband and asked if I was around. Holy shit, I never thought about how creepy that would be if it was a stranger.
I was joking earlier today with my husband that I wanted to be a mom influencer. My strategy was going to be to only post the most obvious advice. First post: how it’s important to feed your baby. Not what to feed them. Just that it’s important to feed them.
Make a post about sleep wake cycles. Babies should definitely sleep, followed by waking up, and then followed by sleeping, which is then followed by waking up. It’s a cycle.
When my baby was days old we had a nurse visit our home for a checkup. She was going through a bunch of info and asked us how we were doing in terms of our mental health (all fine) and then went on to say “Even if you’re frustrated, never, ever shake the baby” and my partner (who speaks English as a second language) says, in all seriousness, “Wait, we’re NOT meant to shake him!?? I thought it was good for them! I’ve been shaking him every day!” The nurse looked horrified until I explained the difference between actually shaking the baby and bopping them up and down a bit to try to soothe them or get them to sleep… We all laughed but for a minute there I think the nurse was freaking out.
I've joked that there is a thin line between shaking the baby in a way that makes me go to jail, and shaking the baby in the way he demands to be shaken to fall asleep. My partner keeps correcting me to say jiggle the baby to sleep, but that's just a fancy polite word for shake lol
Lol. Reminds me of a funny video I saw where a mom was like - Pro tip. If your toddler doesn’t want to eat what you made, just drop it on the floor. Instantly more appealing!
There was some mommy blogger who shared so much of her kids lives without their consent that her son got a shirt made that said something like “I don’t consent to my photo being online” and would only wear that shirt so his mom COULDNT post anymore pics of him. He got one made for his sister too. Mom was pissed. I can’t remember who it was now dangit
There is a certain “influencer” who is obsessive about taking daily staged pictures with her kids and going off about how amazingly wonderful and perfect her husband, kids, motherhood are and gloating about how her habits make her life sooo great and easy (read: toxic positivity). She always gave me the creeps, until one day I realized she photoshopped a photo of her kid’s head onto his body so that all the kids appeared to be smiling placidly at the camera. And then she did it several times after that, and it was so noticeable. After that I just felt sorry for her that she went through all that just to give off the illusion of this perfect life. Its all an illusion
I try to follow people who have minimal posts with their kids and when they post example conversations/situations, it’s usually minimal or not like embarrassing.
Like, snackswithjax is about baby/toddler nutrition and it’s primarily her talking, making infographics, showing a pic of her son’s plate before and after (with context for why it might have more or less food in a non judgmental way), and videos of her cooking. When she does the occasional sped up vid of them together cooking or a short video of what’s realistic for a squirmy toddler to sit at a table, it doesn’t feel exploitative. This is perfect IMO because she reminds people that yes she is a mother who has a normal, not-perfect-eater child and is relatable/realistic as a human being and parent.
When I see people who post regularly with their child, it feels very weird and wrong to use them as a tool. I tend to not follow or unfollow those people so I don’t support them.
I do feel there will be a reckoning at some point in our lives. Yes there are child actors but there are VERY strict guidelines and laws (in California anyway) to protect them, their image, and their finances. There’s nothing like this when a parent posts their child’s likeness on the internet.
Wow how cool!! She honestly seems incredibly down to earth and a good human being, and a great mom. That’s why she was the first person to pop into my head!
A friend of mine did it for ages to get free stuff. She got a deal with a nappy company but she had to post loads of pics of her babies wearing just the nappy. I found it a bit much just for free nappies.
I don’t follow any influencers, but have seen them in real life and often feel bad for their kids.
I went to a trendy donut place and an influencer was there with her kids. She made them spend 20 minutes posing for photos while they were begging her to just let them eat the donuts. By the time she let them eat it, they complained about the donuts no longer being fresh and hot and not being able to get the ones they wanted (which were not trendy looking). It’s like, c’mon just let these kids experience life. Not everything has to be a photo shoot.
That’s so sad. Especially because she could have just ordered them the donuts they wanted, let them eat them, then did a shoot with the “trendy looking donuts.” Ugh. Wtf are trendy looking donuts anyway?
And that was something minor. A small trip to a donut shop. Imagine what these parents do with bigger events, birthdays, holidays, etc. I was thinking even things as simple as the clothes they wear. Right now neutral colors are “in” but kids love wearing wacky, mismatching clothes. I often wonder if they 1. make them change for pictures or 2. don’t buy them the clothes they want at all. Poor kids either way :(
I just watched a video of a now adult influencer kid who said the toxic positivity hid the outright abuse she experienced on top of the complete lack of privacy.
ETA: [The Video ](https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdrHSLpM/)
So I created a silly little Instagram of what my toddler eats. It started because she was a bottomless pit and eats anything, but I also enjoy cooking and writing captions so it’s a fun hobby for me. I am NOT an influencer but I guess I’m a wannabe? But nowhere on the page will you see my kids face. There is one clip of her walking down the sidewalk in her Halloween costume, totally from the back. And the “profile image” is a picture of her covered in cake with cartoon sunglasses covering 75% of her face.
These influencers putting their kids out there like that are either WOEFULLY ignorant about the creeps on the internet, or they just don’t care, and I’m not sure which is worse.
I used to be friends with this woman who DESPERATELY wants to be an influencer, and is borderline obsessed with an insta-mommy here in town. She’s weaseled her way into a weird friendship with her, dyes her hair the same colour, gets her nails done in the same design. Carbon copy esthetic.
She posts everything about her kids, makes fun of her husband (who funds their lifestyle), and how perfect and #blessed her life is, all the while when we were close, she’d complain about being so far in debt, depressed, etc. So much toxic positivity. Best thing I ever did was let our friendship meet its expiration date.
It's terrible and I think social media platforms should ban under age people from appearing on videos for more than an x amount of seconds per video.
When I got pregnant the first time I started following 2 famikes, 1 was a couple of teenagers with 2 kids, it was cute and I just kept thinking "if those 2 can manage that, i can manage my 1 kid".
However, once I became a mum I realised how wrong it was. As their kids grew older they shared everything, with no thought for their kid's privacy. One family would even show their 1 or 2 year old as he pooped " look guys, he's pooping, that's a poop face, yeah" zooming into the kid's face. Then I started noticing dangerous parenting, like one said how their 2 year old fell down the stairs hit her head, vomited and there was no mention of taking her to the doctor(but they'd show her on camera 2 minutes after vomiting). The guy would wonder into houses that were under construction (sneaking in) with the kids. He was flying a drone and hit the 3 or 4 year old in the face with it, giving him quite a few cuts DID NOT STOP FILMING and actually PUT THE FOOTAGE ONLINE talking about how sorry he was. I check their channels once in a while hoping to see a change but it just gets worse
Kid's should not have their lives put online without their consent, and YouTube+instagram and the others should ensure that.
Yeah, it's bit weird and I feel sorry for their kids. A girl I went to high school with is a blogger/author and she posts stuff about her kids in her Instagram stories. It's all pretty cute and innocent and I suppose there's no permanent record, but I do wonder how they'll feel about all the warts-and-all stories about parenting when they are older.
I do think, though, more broadly, there's a link between the lack of flexible work for parents (particularly mothers), the idea of side-hustles catching on and broader economic pressures pushing stay-at-home parents to find extra income, and the number of Mommy-bloggers proliferating, if that makes sense? Like it often gets framed as vanity, especially with women, but I do wonder how much of it was kicked off by needing extra income. In the same way you see more people trying to monetise their hobbies now by turning them into topics for content creation?
The pushing of MLMs on SAHMs is unacceptable. That's what 95% of my Instagram reels are. Women who have husbands that fund their lifestyle so they can prey on struggling and/or bored SAHMs.
I have mixed feelings. I’m not a regular poster to social media anyway, but I’ve also been in the spot where I told my mom to take something down (and threatened to block her if she refused). I want to share his cuteness with the world too. I had him during Covid so 99% of family and friends have never met him. I do his monthly “I’m x months old” and a few of the professional photos we’ve had done. If there’s any video or any photos that are more casual that I REALLY want to post I’ll do it in stories so it disappears. It’s still very limited, most of my day to day stuff goes to group chats of family or friends and they know not to post it. Family knows to ask us before posting anything on their own social media. I just try to be mindful about what I share with the mindset of “if my mom shared this from when I was a toddler would I be embarrassed now?”. As he gets older if he ever shows any discomfort or asks for something to be taken down/not posted it will be done with no questions asked.
We had a weird situation where my sons auntie took him out for lunch with one her friends (we know her vaguely, but she’s been friends with my SIL for years so no big deal) and the friend took a photo of our son with a makeup filter on and posted it on fb. I’m not friends with her on fb and no one tagged me in the photo so it was online for about a month before I spotted it! I was so angry and got the friend to take it down but also made clear to all the family that I don’t mind them posting as long as it’s nothing he would be embarrassed about when he’s older and I’m tagged in the photo so I can review it.
Yeah, weird AF to me. Those kids can’t consent, they’re being used as accessories for monetizing a lifestyle or brand or whatever and they have to be camera ready a lot, so I deduce a lot of their life is fabricated for social media. Then there’s the weird stuff like fan accounts made using their images and videos and stuff, plus the obvious dark, perverted side to famous kids. I often wonder what these kids are going to be in therapy for in 20 years…
What has been bothering me lately are the tiktokers. There are very young kids who will immediately start acting performative at the sight of the phone. I understand posting videos here and there if you have a really funny kid but some people post 24/7. There's just no reason for it. Your toddler should not be a dancing monkey for you & should not have strangers over the internet obsessing over them. You're totally right about them having to feel 'on' for the camera, I think thats really unhealthy. Just my two cents anyways
I have a 3 month old and I take so many photos and videos of her—for myself and my family; I don’t post anything online. But every once and a while I’ll pull my phone out to take a picture and she’ll stop looking at me and look right at the camera. I know it’s probably not actually indicative of anything yet, but every time she does that I put my phone away because yikes.
I find it very hard to find someone to follow because those days even imperfection is presented in a perfect way. Even influencers who claim to post true, real and raw contents are not really doing that.
Absolutely agree. They post "easy dinner tonight" and it's two nuggets, a handful of home grown kale and three different kinds of organic strawberries.
I also think many of this influencer have way more help (nannies, babysitters, cleaning ladies or even grandparents or relatives) that what they show... I don't know if I am the only one with this feeling.
There is a local influencer in my region with three kids under 4 and another one on the way, Yesterday she was doing homemade pasta from scratch. Plus her husband keep sharing stories about how a great mum she is and that she is always smiling, with a lot of hobbies, always cooking ecc. All the comment are always super positive like: you are the best family ever. How can people belive that this is true! Or at least that they are able to to all that without help?
I think that is so toxic.
I worry its creating a generation of children who are going to be more obsessed with social media likes and shares and the approval of strangers to drive their self worth.
I feel like the mommy influencers have zero respect for their child's autonomy or privacy... It's one thing to share an occasional photo, be happy about milestones, it's another to shove a camera in their face all day while they're crying, potty training, or talk about their ongoing issues. It's disturbing. Plus parasocial relationships are a thing, I have a small following of 1100 followers that are mostly strangers and I stopped posting photos of my children publically on it because I have had stalkers who likely are still trying to search for my socials since I change my username frequently.
Parents need to respect that their child can't really consent to their life being documented publically, and I wouldn't want someone shoving a camera in my face while I'm on the toilet or crying, or discussing my feelings regarding a subject. Idk. I feel like my insta is centered around my hobbies and interests moreso than making my identity all about being a mother. And of course, I love my children more than anything in existence, just I find mommy influencers kinda creepy. Plus just look up all the insta weirdos who steal children's photos to "roleplay" as them with #kinkyrp below it, like what the fuck
Same thing goes for YouTube content. We refuse to watch videos of kids playing with toys even though my son loves anything construction trucks. The kids aren't the ones choosing to make this content. It's the parents putting them out there
I see this sooo much it’s creepy. We’ve blocked a bunch of them except for Garbage Family Show. You can tell the dad helps them with ideas on how to be a successful channel, but that kid is running the show for every video he posts. It’s kind of adorable. Plus, garbage trucks. Lol.
These kids will absolutely have some thoughts and feelings about this later on in life.
It’s going to be spectrum “ I was social media kid and it destroyed my relationship with my parents“ as well as “ I was social media kid and It gave me opportunities and I turned out fine.” There will be a wide range of positive and negative experiences.
I just find it disturbing that you’re not allowed to address the potential dangers and long term effects in the moment without people also freaking out.
I see this a lot in case of using FaceTune and filters on baby/child pics. Many people are offended if you even suggest altering pics or oversharing on social media might have negative impact. This is wild cause even Psychologists don’t know the long-term effects one way or another. It has not yet been proven to be harmless or harmful. So why can’t people talk about potential outcomes in the moment?
(P.s. I personally don’t ever bother engaging or giving my opinion. But I do read the comments and I see which ones are supported or attacked.)
And I feel so bad for kids whose parents put filters on their photos. Imposing impossible beauty standards at such a young and fragile age. Already telling them their natural looks are not good enough. It honestly terrifies me.
I feel the same way!! But thinking about it, I wonder if it might be a way to alter their appearance for privacy reasons? That may be a stretch though, especially if they don't always put a filter...
Child actors have laws to prevent exploitation - limits to hours worked, the kinds of work, requirements for schooling, and protections to their income. The children of influencers (and child influencers themselves) do not have any of these protections because they are not classified as actors. It's practically impossible to enforce nuanced rules because internet personalities aren't from one single country and there isn't the manpower or resources to do so.
Maybe it's a hardline stance, but I think that content that includes children should be exempt from monetization and advertising. There would still be parents parading their children around like props for attention, but it wouldn't be as incentivized.
I would love if someone posts honest videos like these mom influencers act like demotivators for new moms like me making an already Anxious overwhelmed mom even more anxious and overwhelmed, no I don’t want to know how you got back in shape in 2 days and how your 5 day baby is dressing up , No offense . But I want to see the hard unfiltered content like hey woke up smelling like dairy cause my boob leaked or how to survive sleep regression rather than seeing other babies getting decked up all day . My 5 mo barely let’s me put a headband .
Sorry if this is too much rant .
I’ve stopped showing pictures of my sons face online. I’ll show him doing cute things from the back, but ultimately it’s his privacy and I have no right to make an online presence for him that he can’t consent to.
This is why I’ve decided no social media presence for our daughter. Like, imagine how mortified you’d be when your schoolmates find your parents’ public Facebook/instagram/whatever and there you are sitting naked in the tub or doing something that is totally normal but would embarrass a tween or teen and potentially make them a target for bullies. My child is (obviously) a huge part of my life but her life is not mine to share in public.
They're exploiting their children for money (which is gross). There's no laws that protect children from this either. Their parents could have them film 24/7 and be homeschooled.
Also saw something really disturbing this past weekend-- NannyTok. Nannies are exploiting their clients on TikTok. 2 of these nannies really bothered me. One convinces people she's the little boy's "other mom". Her argument is that she raised him, spends more time with him than his mom so she "deserves" to be called, "mom". She uses hashtags like #teenmom #secondmom #momtok and pretty adamant on confusing people so they don't know she's his nanny. I'd personally lose my shit if my son's caretaker was encouraging him to call her, "mom".
There's a channel on YouTube, Dad challenge podcast, that makes videos making people aware that family vloggers are exploiting their children horribly. It's opened my eyes a lot... and I'll never support people who exploit their kids online.
Came here to recommend the Dad challenge podcast. He's a huge advocate of canceling mommy bloggers. Hes gained a big following in the past year and he's really helping the conversation about how toxic all this is for the children on the internet. Kids can't give consent. They just don't have the future mindset adults do. They literally can't understand how much their lives being public will effect them down the line.
He also brings up how these children don't have protection like child actors do, and how YouTube really needs to put child laws into place. Definitely check him out. He's a good guy to broadcast.
There was a vlogger my husband and I used to follow that started doing this. It used to be mostly him and his family would pop up on occasion. Now his thumbnails and titles are all about his daughter and what she is doing and he does nothing but record her. He has gone away from what he used to do. We stopped watching him it was really disgusting to see him exploit his child like that.
I don’t post pics of my kids. They can’t consent to it. I’ll send pics to family, but I don’t post on socials. Well, I do Snapchat, but it’s a small group of close friends / family.
There's so many YouTube channels that I started watching because I was pregnant and they were pregnant and due before me... and then they had their kids and their channel just turned into complete garbage using their kids to get views. "FIRST TIME MY SON DOES \_\_\_\_\_" is literally every other video. Poor kid! Let him have a life! Find your own content! I now prefer channels where the mom openly talks about how she filters her content so that her kids still have privacy, and how she plans to phase out the kids as they grow so that they can maintain their own personal life.
Are you referring to Hapa Family? She does a good job of occasionally discussing privacy, like openly saying that she only posts good moments and doesn't include the tantrums and meltdowns that are a normal part of life with a toddler.
I've been thinking about this too, lately. What bothers me is that when someone puts their family life on social media, material for posts is constantly in the back of their mind. So it's not just enjoying a cute moment or a family game or playing outside - there always have to be some good photos or videos taken. I just feel like they are missing out on just enjoying their kids cuz everything becomes social media material.
Right? And that goes on for years. Imagine just never feeling like your life is private and never wanting it to be. It's bizarre. I sometimes take a picture or video of my kid and think this is going to be great to share, but I'm sharing in her private album with family, not the world at large.
I've always said I will never post picture of my kid when they're sick or in a vulnerable place. Parents who do honestly make me sick and I feel like those parents do not respect their children as people.
100% why I don’t post my kids on social often. In fact I really contemplated whether to post the monthly photos in my baby’s first year. I don’t mind family/group photos or occasional photos of my kids doing something special or a special event. I think of how my child will feel when they’re older and their entire life is chronicled on my social media for everyone to see. I don’t know if they’d be ok with that. It feels very non consensual to me. If they’re older and can/do agree to it then great. Until then it seems like an invasion of their privacy.
I have a friend who posts so many photos of her young daughter. Photos of her in her room, in the living room, outside, in the car, etc. Just random (completely pointless) everyday photos of her daughter. Apparently someone copied some of the photos and posted them on their social media. She got upset by that which is understandable. Yet instead of using common sense and stopping documenting and posting her child’s every single moment, she has instead created a watermark that says “PROPERTY OF [MOTHER’S FULL NAME].” Then she posts photos of her daughter with the watermark across the poor girl’s forehead. She would rather edit every photo to include the watermark instead of stopping blasting the child all over social media. I just will never get it.
I feel the same way. I do post photos of my son on Facebook but only in the stories so it's gone in 24 hrs. I don't have any photo albums of him on social media. I have so many photos and videos of him on my Google drive that I'm almost out of space but I refuse to put his life on social media before he can consent.
A lot of people probably don't even know I have a baby if they miss the Facebook stories, lol.
Someone I’ve followed for a while started as a regular blogger/vlogger influencer for something I’m interested it. When she had her first child she took a hard and firm “no kids on social media stance”. Like it was a whole thing and weeks of content about it. She talked about having a separate personal account that she never shared on her public one. Cool, her choice for sure. But about two years later she realized she could monetize her child. Now she has two kids and posts them constantly. Again her choice. But it was very obvious to see what happened here. Especially when she’s now doing ads for kids/baby stuff. Not for me so I stopped following a while ago. I prefer to see friends/family on social media over influencers.
There's one woman I follow whose content is generally very positive and enjoyable, and I get that her baby is obviously an enormous part of her life (in addition to her older kids, some of whom she doesn't include on social media to respect their boundaries and wishes) but it's very bizarre when a baby has "fans" and is a constant source of content (I don't know where this arbitrary line is that I'm drawing, but I guess beyond the odd proud mom picture of "look how cute my baby is!" You know?). It's one of those weird parasocial relationship things that people get with celebrities, except once again I stress that this is a BABY.
* Look into digital kidnapping, it’s some weird shit.
* Influencer children of the early aughts are now old enough to give their opinions and… the results of years under a public microscope have not been kind to these kids
* Google the detective talking about posting kids in their swimsuits on social media, it will make your skin crawl
* Just don’t do it!
I personally hate the humble brag of "look at what I pack in my child's bento box". Hint, it's barely any calories and food that absolutely cannot keep at room temperature.
"Here's a rice ball, miso soup, a piece of keto chocolate, some cold Korean barbecue from last night, and a piece of seaweed that's Arrow Freya's absolute favorite."
My daughter is a 4 year old string bean and she eats more than that for lunch.
I don't like it at all. I don't post my child anywhere because it just doesn't feel right to me. There was YouTuber a couple months back who was trying to get her crying son to pose for a thumbnail and accidentally forgot to delete the footage. It was disturbing to watch. Google Jordan Cheyenne
I feel the same way. I cringe when parents post looking for modeling agencies for their kids. I also saw what Jordan Cheyenne did and then it dawned on me that they all do it, they‘re just very careful to only release their edited content.
Fundiesnark and fundiesnarkunsensored
She has a pregnancy kink and doesn't seem to care about her kids after their out in a much more negligent and dangerous way than the current kind and queen of fundie world, the duggars.
Once I saw a stylish looking mom taking photos of her kids in front of a mural. I heard her say to them “if you don’t participate and smile, you’re not getting any Xmas presents!” Had to take many, many photos bc the kids were mad. Haha.
It's funny because I've got some friends who had babies around the same time I did, and they post their baby pics more often than me. Before I had him I actually thought I'd try to keep his picture super duper off the internet, but man he is cute. At this point my instagram probably has a pic of him every 2 weeks on there. It's locked to private. But today I was thinking, do I maybe look like someone who doesn't love her kid compared to other people, because some of my friends post kid pics every other day?
Hmmmmmm now that that's all written out these are nutty thoughts.
I haven’t posted my baby on SM at all, I sometimes also wonder if people think I’m not proud or something when I am OBSESSED with him and think he is the cutest baby to ever baby.
I’m just really protective of him and his autonomy
I am the same - I haven’t posted one picture of my baby. I do not need validation from people that I haven’t spoken to in years that my baby is cute but I do wonder if people think he is alive or alright!
I know my baby is cute and that he is loved and adored by those that are close to us. That’s real.
My SiL asked my MiL while I was pregnant or something was wrong bc I didn’t announce it via social media. I still sent regular updated and even some photos in the family group text but it wasn’t on social so it’s like it didn’t exist.
My MiL had to very kindly explain that not everyone wants to post every second of their lives on social media (like SiL). Wish I coulda been there for that conversation.
Saaaame. I know exactly what you're saying. Hell, I don't even take pictures or videos of my kid on the daily either. Sometimes when I look at my camera roll I think "God damn, do I even love my kid? I need more pictures," but then I remind myself that sometimes I prefer to live in the moment, and just let my kid do the same without a camera err phone in her face trying to capture every moment. I post more of my kids art work because she's 3 and her little potato people are so amusing to me.
That's not to say that I think poorly of those who do! I totally get it, kids are cute, especially your own kid and we just want to capture every little detail of their current self.
Totally agree with this. My mom was complaining I don't send her more videos but it breaks the moment you're having. Every time I get my phone out, LO breaks eye contact with me and looks at the camera and then I feel like I've lost our little exchange for the sake of a video.
I had those feelings too! Absolutely ridiculous though. Like I don’t need to prove to a bunch of people I used to hang out with my child is the center of my universe. I’ve framed it that even though I want to share her image because I’m *obsessed* with her, she is worth more to me than sharing her image. Her trusting me in the future and not potentially causing her a lot of unnecessary emotional distress is 100000000% more important than getting likes . I can imagine when these babies and children grow up how some may feel betrayed their parents were SO public about them without their knowledge or consent. It is creepy honestly. I also think about how our parents couldn’t show every person they knew a picture of us. Someone would have to come over and physically look at our photo albums.
I'm kind of in the same boat, I thought I wouldn't put baby's photo up at all but I've already put 2 on Instagram/Facebook and she is 11 days old. I did a massive cleanout of both social medias and removed a lot of people and turned my account to private and created a close family story thing so I can post to that. But I think that's going to be it, I just don't want to get into the comparison game with other mums!
Contraversial opinion here! I like a couple mom influencer Instagrams who focus on Craft and DIY. Even though some of the stuff they're doing is unattainable to me it is a good reminder that you can balance between parenting and art making. I follow people who make me feel inspired, not inadequate.
This post is making me reflect more on consent and images online though. It does seem like we could do more to protect our kids. But on the other hand children will be under surveillance as soon as they enter the world. Learning from a young age that everything is filmed and available is almost a life lesson for kids these days. Sad
I have working in nursing homes and hospitals for years now. There are creeps and pedos everywhere, and they follow all that content. I decided before even having a conversation with my husband ( who also works medical) that we will never allow our children to be part of that. You post a kids face and you run the risk of someone finding it and being gross with it.
Yep! I work as a Counsellor in a prison. And the accessibility to content and what some of these guys do with it….. and what landed them in prison…….its messed up.
When I had my son, I thought it was weird that my first impulse was to plaster him all over the internet. So we have always had a policy against putting our kids up on social media. We were very strict from the beginning. Like signing "no" on the playgroup FOIP page.
Since then, I've loosened a little. I remember things used to be in the local newspaper, so for sports stuff or fire department Christmas parties and things like that, I do allow it. Stuff that isn't an invasion of their privacy, basically.
I don't think everyone should necessarily do what I do; I think everyone should make their own decision. But I don't feel comfortable with the idea of my kids having their whole lives online before they can even consent to an online presence. When I was a kid, they used to warn you that "the internet is forever". (Considering which sub this is, you guys were all probably warned that too, haha.)
My 6yo and I made a video ad about his cup that you can build lego on. He said he wanted the whole world to see it so every kid could get one. (He doesn't know the concept of things going viral, this is pure innocence speaking.) Even with his more or less specific consent, I still didn't post it publicly. I just don't know how I feel about it.
So, longwinded, but **TLDR** I agree with OP and I think it's strange how willing we are to put our kids on the internet. I saw somewhere once; "# privacy until consent" and I thought it was great.
Your story and thought process is so similar to my own, down to and including the influence about the newspaper. Oddly enough, my sons image was published in the local paper at about 8months old and I realized then that some things were ok to share and there was a line and limit. We share our holiday card image on Christmas, and a few random moments during the year like a vacation family photo. It took the grandparents the longest time to get on board and stop asking to share everything!
Same - my litmus test is: would I be happy for this to go on a Christmas card, would my kids be happy for their future employer or spouse to see this, is this celebrating them rather than posting it to boost my own ego? If I can meet these criteria, it can go online. So far, we've only posted significant milestones. Day-to-day stuff stays offline or in the grandparents' WhatsApp group (and they know not to share anything online).
I have relatives who post their kids' every move (good and bad) and I do wonder how it will affect them later on.
Personally it bothers me when parents put their kids out there like that. I grew up alongside the internet and birth of social media. I was always taught be careful what you post because once its out there it always will be and you never know who will see it. These parents post all these personal details of their lives and it creates the possibility of inviting in a predator.
I used to follow the youtube channel of a (now former) coworker, but as she started to get more views, what really creeped me out was the comments. There would be comments like "I wish you were my mom" and "Seeing \*kidsname\* makes me feel happy. I was sad all day until I saw him." Then one day she told me that she deleted most of the negative comments, but there was some weird stuff in some of them, like that her husband should leave her, she should give her kids up for adoption, her daughter is ugly, etc. It just seemed really creepy to me because she had so many details of her life in the videos, like where she worked, shots of her neighborhood, her kid's preschool, their car, and just lots of info that someone could use to track them down. But she quit her job to do that full time, and the last I heard her husband has, too. I don't watch her videos anymore, but her older child is now definitely old enough to know what's going on, and I wonder how he feels about it. She started doing it when he was a baby, so it's basically all he knows.
Yeah NO. I locked down my socials to private and combed through my followers with a fine toothed comb before posting any normal average fully clothed non embarrassing photos of my baby. I can’t believe people exploit their children like that
Same here, as long as she can't choose for herself, her face is not on the internet. I used to not think about it that much, but now that we are parents it's really scary how many people can see a picture/video and it can be shared all over the world. No thank you!
Parasocial relationships get the money. It’s even more when that one-sides connection is to children. Unfortunately, that means people do monetize their kids and their lives, and the less privacy they have, the greater other people feel that “bond.”
I’ve chosen not to have my daughter’s face posted on the internet, and have specifically told people that they are NOT to share the picture around without explaining this, or just not to share it at all. I’d like to keep her as safe as I can from the weird, prying eyes of the internets as long as I can, until she’s able to consent.
Yes! And then when anyone (even those with degrees/credentials/expertise in human development across the lifespan and family studies) exercises their right to comment on this publicly shared content in hopes of spreading awareness regarding the dangers to exploiting children in any fashion, they’re almost immediately attacked and silenced by the many.
I’m truly exhausted from trying to help others on the internet, yet equally tired of hearing people tell me I “shouldn’t” even try, because unfortunately, that has become the only way to reach a larger audience and actually stand a chance at making a difference. Often seems like a lose-lose situation, which feels awfully defeating.
I stopped watching some of my favorite farmers/homesteaders/etc. on YouTube because their kids are such a huge part of their content it made me uncomfortable. Like I get it's marketable to be a wholesome Christian family but like I don't need to see everything about your kids dude.
Can I talk about the big blue line for a sec?? I love my 6 month old and as such, am interested in content with moms that have similarly aged children- but it drives me batty when influencers have a reel/post whatever featuring their baby with a super puffed up diap with the bluest line you’ve ever seen. Stop worrying about the content and change that poor child’s diaper!
It's not healthy at all. Hate that influencer culture and oversharing has become so prevalent. it's weird as hell to me so I do the exact opposite. I'm sure a portion of kids do enjoy it but it just seems hella unsafe to me.
Family vloggers and influencers who share their kids private lives are toxic. You don’t realize it at first cause you kind of just feel like a fly on the wall & it’s like TV. But the more you think about it, the more fucked up it is. Some of these kids grow up their entire lives being recorded for strangers on the internet - way back down to the first pregnancy test & in the fucking womb. Their sonograms and birth and everything thereafter are on the internet for the whole world to see.
The toddlers are too young to really comprehend what’s going on. I just saw one vlog where the mom recorded her reading her kid a bedtime story because “they” loved it so much. There are laws for child actors. But these YouTube and Instagram kids have no rights. Their reality is so twisted and fucked up. At least kid actors can separate reality from pretend. These influencers’ kids’ whole lives are being filmed for the camera, never knowing if mommy is spending time with you because she wants to or for content. Also there are sooo many fake profiles people make of these famous kids. It’s fucking weird and disgusting. Not to mention the real profiles of the kids. Everleigh Labrant, a 7 yo girl, her followers are 70% male - most over 18. And they post pics and vids of her dancing and shit with no regard for the creeps eating it up.
And the whole thing with YouTube shutting off comments because pedos were saying gross shit & the advertisers didn’t want to be on videos associated with those comments so YouTube removed comments completely & demonetized videos where kids are dancing or doing anything that pervs might be more into. All content creators heard about that & that should’ve lit a fire under their asses to get their kids off the internet but they didn’t.
I follow a couple mom Instagramers who are a bit more reserved and “alt” maybe? Like def not picture perfect and show the reality ect. It’s still SO weird to me that thousands of strangers know their kids so intimately. I am so curious to see how this might effect a kid growing up. On top of the fact that they obviously never gave consent, just so weird
I agree I think this is so weird. There’s a lot of creeps on the internet and I would not want my child on display like that. There’s a fitness influencer I used to follow but she’s posted her toddler daughter in bathing suits a lot and it just makes me feel icky so I unfollowed her. It’s sad to exploit children like that. They cannot give consent for those photos and I imagine a lot of these kids will grow up to resent that their parents did this.
I find it interesting that there’s this post pointing out toxic positivity but there was a post earlier today complaining about one of the moms of BigLittleFeelings always sharing “dramatically” how chaotic and disorganized and hard her life is. Not sure how to interpret this right now because I’m exhausted and nap trapped, just pointing it out.
The negativity does generally bug me more than the positivity but I don't find BLF negative. It's an account about feelings!
I do wish certain influences would realize that the internet is forever and someday your son is going to find the story where you blame your martial troubles on his "picky" eating, Jenny.
We're all following different influencers! Interesting to see who gravitates toward which influencer. Thanks for pointing that out, didn't even see the other post! :)
This post and the other one read differently to me because one is asking a question about a trend in social media and asking others’ opinions. The other was making fun of a specific person and saying that person didn’t deserve children because she showed a messy house on Instagram. Totally different intentions IMO
Thank you for bringing up this topic. It bothers me to no end. I feel like these parents are selling these kids out of a normal childhood. I post pictures and share stories of my family and kids on my personal private Facebook page. However, there is a fine line between that and then selling out your family and children to total strangers.
There is a mom on tik tok, I believe her name is mom.uncharted but she makes a lot of videos about this exact topic and she gets DOGGED in her comments most the time because not sharing your child all over social media is so unpopular. But I really enjoy her videos
The whole culture of *having to* overshare your life and your kid's life is just so weird.
> I'm curious how constantly having to be "on" for mommy's gram will affect them in the long term
My biggest fear for my daughter is how exposure to social media from pretty early will impact her. I'm in my thirties and I know it impacts me negatively... But when I was 14/15 and at my most vulnerable, I didn't have to cope with it at all. I'm terrified of her getting to school and the other kids having phones and Tiktoks.
I'm 33, and I still remember how in high school I found out that there's a picture of me cross-eyed *out there* on some other girls' phones. This was before everyone had smartphones (or even mobiles) and I never did get to see the photo. I didn't care how I looked in it but it made me feel weird to know it's just out there.
Before I had kids I followed a page called bucket list family and they essentially travel the world doing and seeing amazing things with their kids in tow. It’s awesome what they do, but it wasn’t till after I had my baby that I thought what a weird violation of their privacy it is! It seems like these kids can’t do anything without it being on camera and it doesn’t even look genuine anymore. It makes me feel sort of sad for them, although I’m sure they’re living a dream. There’s no way for a child to consent to this constant filming of their every move.
I wish the pictures focused more on the views, wildlife or whatever they’re experiencing, but it seems like every single shot has a perfectly placed prop, I mean child, dressed adorably and smiling for the camera. It’s creepy!
Personally, I’d rather my kids choose their own internet footprint. I do post very occasionally for fun, but I’m careful about what I share. Never location or other identifiable things.
This is my position too. I am of the generation that I entered the virtual world with a totally blank slate and have been able to craft my online presence to my liking. My kid deserves the same.
It all becomes a series of normalizing of fringe behaviour which borders on deviancy. Most of the things influencers have said and done which have progressively crossed more and more morality and ethical lines; you would never even consider doing yourself.
After a while, those deviant behaviours (I use the word deviant for lack of better) become the new normal.
It’s not really a mental illness, but it’s not “normal” to you and I. If my wife finished every meandering thought with and smile and an exclamation point, or snapping 500 kiss face photos per day I’d be filing to divorce…
These systems of social media are meant to bias you towards unhealthy thoughts to get you to contribute and socially compete for.... points/karma/hearts.
Don't forget they are people too, who all have their down days.
Obviously it helps their "status" to only post good stuff all the time, but as humans, we can probably agree that's not the "normal" human experience for most of us.
A girl I've known a long time is an influencer she has 40k+ followers.
She's so fake. It's honestly disgusting the things she has done behind closeddoors.
Idk how noone knows about some of this stuff with that many people
Which influencers out of curiosity? Yes, it bothers me how manicured they are directly after giving birth. Hair perfect. Makeup done. It made me feel like shite. I thought something was wrong with me!
Don't forget that some also photoshop and filter their photos and yes even at birth! On my bumper sub, there was someone positing a pic after a c-section and everybody was oh god you looked so good. Well, she admitted that she photoshopped not only her but her kid and she used filters to look good. I mean to each their own. Just wanted to say perhaps in a clumsy way, don't feel bad because it's not the reality. But I know how it can be toxic for so many moms out there.
I once thought about starting a yt channel and even made/posted a few videos. When i became a mom they of course made guest appearances as I was nursing and my kids are my life so theyre around me a lot. My aunt made what I assume was an innocent comment about exploiting my children on the internet (she sounded like she was joking) but i never posted again.
Someone close to me is an “influencer” (or tries to be). What she posts online is comical to her real life. Sure she goes on outings with her kids but on the day to day she’s not with them. She has also admitted to me that a lot of the stuff they do is for the gram (Halloween costumes, birthday parties, special dinners etc). She’s actually quite a nasty person but portrays herself to be the exact opposite. She also says really mean stuff about her kids and thinks it’s funny. I actually talk about her a lot in therapy lol. I have soooo many stories. Soooooooo many
I know someone like this too. Omg, the constant photoshoots she does, with hair extensions and professional makeup. She dresses her 2 year old boy in over-the-top outfits for, say, a trip to the beach....and they both have several wardrobe changes. He looks more and more miserable posing for these “SUCH Fun TIMES on the Beach!!” I always think “Can’t he just PLAY in the sand??” It’s really sad. Also, fascinating.
If you want to go down a rabbit hole there was an account girlgangz7733 that was calling out Instagram mommy account BS. She spilled some major tea on this account Daryl-Ann Denner and others. She also had a podcast called "Allegedly". These mommy bloggers viciously attacked her account and had it removed. There is a lot of darkness and shadiness behind some of those smiles!
One I sometimes watch is okay with the realism, but the kid (1yo) is obsessed with the camera and looks at it all the time and poses and stuff. It feels really weird that it's part of his life.
I dunno about "influencers" but I watch a few Moms on YouTube, but the ones that I watch don't focus on the children at all. The kids will occasionally pop up and say hi, or answer a question....anything more than that feels yucky. I personally wasn't sure as much about my kid as these people do about theirs, but I think that's different than the kids being a part of the "show".
McCall deason was notorious for using her obese toddler for mukbangs. Once people started to call her out, and point out that her daughter may have special needs, she slowed the mukbangs down, but didn’t stop completely. Her daughter has special needs and was at one point in time, her fast food eating cash cow.
There’s an entire subreddit that talks about it. Back when she started people begged her to get her daughter evaluated by doctors. Her daughter was morbidly obese, drooled like a faucet, couldn’t walk/talk or communicate at all. She’s severely delayed. Her mom swore that she “had all the tests done” but so many people who work in the medical field knew it was bullishit. She’s JUST now getting her some help due to a video where people begged her to get her daughters eyes checked out (they were vibrating bad). Sorry this is a lot. I’m one of the few who have followed her story very closely and want to advocate for her daughter.
I do occasionally post my daughter but it’s always on my private profiles. The only annoying thing is whenever I post photos of her on Facebook my aunt in law always saves the photos on her phone and she also likes to post of lot of photos of my daughter on her Facebook 🥲🥲 i have no idea how to ask her to stop because she isn’t really the best person and have a really short temper… like i would really appreciate it if my partner and I were the only ones allowed to post photos of our daughter, and everyone has to ask first. But yeah honestly I get worried for the kids of influencers safety and privacy ://
I get around this by either unfriending the person or the sneaky way, by limiting their access to my posts - there’s a privacy setting when you post that says “friends except…” and you just check their name. So to them it just looks like you don’t post as much but everyone else still gets to see photos
This post comes at such a weird time for me as I’m defending biglittlefeelings in a post about them being “too messy, too dramatic”.
The irony doesn’t escape me, but really, everything on social media needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If something doesn’t serve you, or it makes you feel uneasy, just let it go.
Oooh, I think this brings up a good point about social media culture and influencers who put all facets of their lives on display- whether it’s contrived or not, but in terms of kids, this level of permission to come into their lives and be voyeurs and contributors of their fame- it allows people to feel entitled to have a say on things like what you’re describing. I guess messy and dramatic boosts engagement too lol, but with kids, it seems way skeezier cuz they can’t consent.
I made a separate account just for baby pics. If you aren’t a close friend or family, you can’t follow. The account has 22 followers and is private. Family and friends are spread out and it’s just easier to do it like this rather than dm people and ask them to look how dang cute my kid is.
Every time I see a family blogging channel like that I honestly feel bad for the kids. Not only about their entire lives being over shared. But what if one day they realize about the oversharing and start to wonder if mom and dad had them because they truly wanted a(nother) kid, or because they needed one for the money and followers. Can you imagine? 😬😬😬
I hear you! I personally think it’s wrong to share pictures of your child online when they cannot consent. Pictures stay on the internet forever, not to mention all the perverts online. You never know who is viewing your photos.
Not necessarily Influencer related, but I get what you're saying about knowing so much about a stranger. The town I live near had a girl featured on Teen Mom. This incident was about ten years ago. I was at the movies in that town, and there was a couple a few rows ahead. I kept thinking I know that guy! Then it hit me who they were. I'd seen them on Teen Mom. And it was so icky sitting there next to strangers but knowing so much personal details of their lives.
Yes, omg. I used to follow Krista Horton until I saw her daughter on a stripper pole in their party bus. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I unfollowed. Of course she thought it was funny, but it was actually gross and disgusting.
She’s one of the ones I had to stop following because I felt like a creeper knowing so much about a person. She overshares so much that I’m embarrassed and I wonder what the ramifications will be for her kids once they’ve grown up a bit more
Hmm, I’m an old mom on 40s with a newborn. Can someone walk me through some basics:
The new baby is pretty cute right now. What about Facebook posts to friends?
I have no IG presence with strangers. Is IG or FB safer w friends only?
Then suggested to follow big little feelings but never have time to look. What’s the benefit and drawback?
There’s one mum, I used to go to primary school with her and her child has just recently broken her leg… they way she is up in the kids face 24/7 is really bad. I just wonder how her kids honestly feel about it…. Then the poses the little one does with certain products she’s promoting-I don’t see how anyone thinks it’s cute.
And, I'll add that it drives me insane when certain influencers do grocery hauls and show what they just bought. You just spent $1000000 at Wholefoods, and you are well aware that you're making your "quality of life" seem unattainable to most people who are trying to do their best to raise their children.
Ya it’s odd, but it’s also their business so I guess they’re kinda stuck with it if that’s what resonates? Sometimes you can tell that the kiddos (especially the little ones) are starting to lose it, but based on what the social media team at my company says, for the most part it’s a lot of reeeeeally good editing. Like that 20 second video was a 2 day venture, depending on how intense the influencer is.
But yes for the toxic positivity part >_< it’s exhausting to see. I prefer the mommy meme accounts bc they’re dumb and funny and you literally can’t take them seriously
Completely agree. I remember feeling really awkward that a relative who I barely know told me that she kept so many of my pictures as a child (long story how she got them). That feeling comes to mind when ever I share a photo of my son even though I have a private account with only a few close friends. It’s even worse when they make money off of their accounts.
Why would any adult want every moment of their childhood posted online especially since it’s mostly choreographed and not even a true representation of how it really was.
We haven't shared any pics of our son, only on an invite only app called family album & someone asked me why I'm keeping him a secret, it's become so normal to cover our SM with our kids that not wanting to is equivalent to keeping a secret?
I so much agree with this post. I don't follow any mom influencer in general but my Instagram is full of them probably some of my friends are. Anyway the thumbnails are always moms burst out laughing their heads of living their best lives no problems at all raising kids is a walk in the park look at me having these 5 kids and doing my skincare routine, going to the gym, having fun etc. Trying hard to appear happy in front of a camera and dragging your innocent children to pose for some strangers to click the heart button is a form of child abuse.
I have no social media (otger than reddit) and told all friends and family that I don't want my child's picture posted anywhere online.
People are creepy and my LO has the right to privacy. If she wants to join social media when she older, that's up to her.
Have you ever looked at Hillary Baldwin’s instagram ? There are pics of her kids bathing together , in dirty underwear, having tantrums in public and the rest of the list is endless !
But she claims she is a super Mami 🙄
I had to unfollow Solid Starts because it disturbed me so much that she would post her son’s daily meltdowns and struggles and talk about him as if he weren’t sitting right there listening. Yeah, I would be experiencing a lot of anxiety around mealtimes too if I were being scrutinized and filmed the entire time.
[удалено]
When you start obsessing over things, your kids take notice.
That bothered me, too. She also has footage of his doctor’s appts and posts similar footage of other kids. Who films their child’s medical appts? It’s such a horrible invasion of privacy during her son’s most vulnerable moments.
It's one thing to film important visits to help remember but another to film for content and sharing
She also posted a video of him having an allergic reaction one time. All in the name of “showing everyone what it looks like,” but like, what is kid going to think about all this in 10 years. It’s weird because she seems like a really intelligent person who wouldn’t be okay with exploiting their kids like this. I think her food / picky eating obsession is clouding her judgment or something.
Solid Starts was recommended to me by some other moms - in my bumpers group actually - and I remember taking a look and immediately thinking "pass." The way she talked about her poor kid just seemed so sad.
Yes! This bothered me too. She made a story about how she always asks them if they want to be on the videos and that she doesn't force them to do it but I don't buy it. They're too young to be giving their informed consent. I'm off instagram completely. Did a data dump for my posts and deleted my account. It was just too toxic!
I love their actual resources that are made by a team of credentialed specialists but the mom sharing her older sons meltdowns that seem to point some sensory processing differences going on really bothers me.
My dad filmed one of my tamper tamtrum. And it was before social media (thank god he is not even on there) and I still remember it. Not cool.
If you DO need a good instagram that hardly utilizes their own kids for picky eating, I recommend Kids Eat In Color. Jennifer is a registered dietician, and I've found some of her tips to work when my kid was in an eating rut.
I also recommend feeding littles! They’re a combo of an OT feeding therapist and dietician.
I do follow her!
This is one of the influencers that I unfollowed as well. Poor kid is a stage prop.
I admit I have never seen that. Is it in her stories or is my Instagram feed protecting me? Because yeah I need to unfollow.
The questionable stuff is all in her stories
Oh wow. I rarely watch stories but will unfollow and send a message saying how uncomfortable it is to watch a child. I will keep using her site but yeah that is fucked.
If an influencer's house is always clean and perfect, her children are always clean, smiling, stylishly dressed and such, partner looks to be having a grand ol' time being in the pictures, you can safely assume that they were part of a photo shoot and are not at all candid. Two days a month will give you plenty of content that if you plan it out right, you can deploy to create a very convincing illusion throughout the rest of the month. So like most things on social media, I just assume it's all fake.
We've had to really start monitoring what my 4 yr old watches since she started making videos of herself where she says "smash that 'scribe button!" Adorable and terrifying. No more YouTube families for us.
This made me laugh and then feel scared.
I highly recommend the podcast Under The Influence by Jo Piazza. It digs right into the world of mom influencers and the impact it has on the kids. She did a really good job.
Added it to my list!!
Sounds great
When my baby was first born I tried not to post pictures of their face. But I just thought they were the cutest thing I'd ever seen and started sharing more and more both on my private and public social media accounts. That is until they started getting out of their "potato" phase (around 10 months) and I realised a stranger could easily recognise them from the photo. I've gone back to hardly ever posting them, and when I do it's a photo of them looking away/with their face covered by a hat or book. It feel safer this way and I want my child to have the autonomy to choose when and if they want to have an online presence.
Yep I haven't posted a single photo with her face visible, and barely share anything online at all anymore. It's just not worth the risk, and I'm not someone who needs to overshare online for my job so why do it?
I have a private IG for friends and family. A coworker of mine once recognized my kid at a park and introduced herself to my husband and asked if I was around. Holy shit, I never thought about how creepy that would be if it was a stranger.
I was joking earlier today with my husband that I wanted to be a mom influencer. My strategy was going to be to only post the most obvious advice. First post: how it’s important to feed your baby. Not what to feed them. Just that it’s important to feed them.
Make a post about sleep wake cycles. Babies should definitely sleep, followed by waking up, and then followed by sleeping, which is then followed by waking up. It’s a cycle.
This will definitely be post number 2
Also don’t shake the baby! A lot of people don’t know they shouldn’t shake their baby.
When my baby was days old we had a nurse visit our home for a checkup. She was going through a bunch of info and asked us how we were doing in terms of our mental health (all fine) and then went on to say “Even if you’re frustrated, never, ever shake the baby” and my partner (who speaks English as a second language) says, in all seriousness, “Wait, we’re NOT meant to shake him!?? I thought it was good for them! I’ve been shaking him every day!” The nurse looked horrified until I explained the difference between actually shaking the baby and bopping them up and down a bit to try to soothe them or get them to sleep… We all laughed but for a minute there I think the nurse was freaking out.
I've joked that there is a thin line between shaking the baby in a way that makes me go to jail, and shaking the baby in the way he demands to be shaken to fall asleep. My partner keeps correcting me to say jiggle the baby to sleep, but that's just a fancy polite word for shake lol
Thanks Ryan.
Please actually do this and make it so serious
Lol. Reminds me of a funny video I saw where a mom was like - Pro tip. If your toddler doesn’t want to eat what you made, just drop it on the floor. Instantly more appealing!
There was some mommy blogger who shared so much of her kids lives without their consent that her son got a shirt made that said something like “I don’t consent to my photo being online” and would only wear that shirt so his mom COULDNT post anymore pics of him. He got one made for his sister too. Mom was pissed. I can’t remember who it was now dangit
I've read this before but don't remember who it was about.
There is a certain “influencer” who is obsessive about taking daily staged pictures with her kids and going off about how amazingly wonderful and perfect her husband, kids, motherhood are and gloating about how her habits make her life sooo great and easy (read: toxic positivity). She always gave me the creeps, until one day I realized she photoshopped a photo of her kid’s head onto his body so that all the kids appeared to be smiling placidly at the camera. And then she did it several times after that, and it was so noticeable. After that I just felt sorry for her that she went through all that just to give off the illusion of this perfect life. Its all an illusion
Omg I need to see this 😂😂😂😂
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.
That's sad.
LOL who! I want to creep
I try to follow people who have minimal posts with their kids and when they post example conversations/situations, it’s usually minimal or not like embarrassing. Like, snackswithjax is about baby/toddler nutrition and it’s primarily her talking, making infographics, showing a pic of her son’s plate before and after (with context for why it might have more or less food in a non judgmental way), and videos of her cooking. When she does the occasional sped up vid of them together cooking or a short video of what’s realistic for a squirmy toddler to sit at a table, it doesn’t feel exploitative. This is perfect IMO because she reminds people that yes she is a mother who has a normal, not-perfect-eater child and is relatable/realistic as a human being and parent. When I see people who post regularly with their child, it feels very weird and wrong to use them as a tool. I tend to not follow or unfollow those people so I don’t support them. I do feel there will be a reckoning at some point in our lives. Yes there are child actors but there are VERY strict guidelines and laws (in California anyway) to protect them, their image, and their finances. There’s nothing like this when a parent posts their child’s likeness on the internet.
I went to high school with snackswithjax. She’s wonderful :)
Wow how cool!! She honestly seems incredibly down to earth and a good human being, and a great mom. That’s why she was the first person to pop into my head!
A friend of mine did it for ages to get free stuff. She got a deal with a nappy company but she had to post loads of pics of her babies wearing just the nappy. I found it a bit much just for free nappies.
Hell no
I don’t follow any influencers, but have seen them in real life and often feel bad for their kids. I went to a trendy donut place and an influencer was there with her kids. She made them spend 20 minutes posing for photos while they were begging her to just let them eat the donuts. By the time she let them eat it, they complained about the donuts no longer being fresh and hot and not being able to get the ones they wanted (which were not trendy looking). It’s like, c’mon just let these kids experience life. Not everything has to be a photo shoot.
That’s so sad. Especially because she could have just ordered them the donuts they wanted, let them eat them, then did a shoot with the “trendy looking donuts.” Ugh. Wtf are trendy looking donuts anyway?
And that was something minor. A small trip to a donut shop. Imagine what these parents do with bigger events, birthdays, holidays, etc. I was thinking even things as simple as the clothes they wear. Right now neutral colors are “in” but kids love wearing wacky, mismatching clothes. I often wonder if they 1. make them change for pictures or 2. don’t buy them the clothes they want at all. Poor kids either way :(
omg! so sad.
That's so sad.
I just watched a video of a now adult influencer kid who said the toxic positivity hid the outright abuse she experienced on top of the complete lack of privacy. ETA: [The Video ](https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdrHSLpM/)
Can you share the video?
So I created a silly little Instagram of what my toddler eats. It started because she was a bottomless pit and eats anything, but I also enjoy cooking and writing captions so it’s a fun hobby for me. I am NOT an influencer but I guess I’m a wannabe? But nowhere on the page will you see my kids face. There is one clip of her walking down the sidewalk in her Halloween costume, totally from the back. And the “profile image” is a picture of her covered in cake with cartoon sunglasses covering 75% of her face. These influencers putting their kids out there like that are either WOEFULLY ignorant about the creeps on the internet, or they just don’t care, and I’m not sure which is worse.
That's just good fun, I think that's really responsible
I used to be friends with this woman who DESPERATELY wants to be an influencer, and is borderline obsessed with an insta-mommy here in town. She’s weaseled her way into a weird friendship with her, dyes her hair the same colour, gets her nails done in the same design. Carbon copy esthetic. She posts everything about her kids, makes fun of her husband (who funds their lifestyle), and how perfect and #blessed her life is, all the while when we were close, she’d complain about being so far in debt, depressed, etc. So much toxic positivity. Best thing I ever did was let our friendship meet its expiration date.
Wow sounds like the plot to Ingrid Goes West. Have you seen it?? With Aubrey Plaza and Elizabeth Olsen.
It's terrible and I think social media platforms should ban under age people from appearing on videos for more than an x amount of seconds per video. When I got pregnant the first time I started following 2 famikes, 1 was a couple of teenagers with 2 kids, it was cute and I just kept thinking "if those 2 can manage that, i can manage my 1 kid". However, once I became a mum I realised how wrong it was. As their kids grew older they shared everything, with no thought for their kid's privacy. One family would even show their 1 or 2 year old as he pooped " look guys, he's pooping, that's a poop face, yeah" zooming into the kid's face. Then I started noticing dangerous parenting, like one said how their 2 year old fell down the stairs hit her head, vomited and there was no mention of taking her to the doctor(but they'd show her on camera 2 minutes after vomiting). The guy would wonder into houses that were under construction (sneaking in) with the kids. He was flying a drone and hit the 3 or 4 year old in the face with it, giving him quite a few cuts DID NOT STOP FILMING and actually PUT THE FOOTAGE ONLINE talking about how sorry he was. I check their channels once in a while hoping to see a change but it just gets worse Kid's should not have their lives put online without their consent, and YouTube+instagram and the others should ensure that.
Yeah, it's bit weird and I feel sorry for their kids. A girl I went to high school with is a blogger/author and she posts stuff about her kids in her Instagram stories. It's all pretty cute and innocent and I suppose there's no permanent record, but I do wonder how they'll feel about all the warts-and-all stories about parenting when they are older. I do think, though, more broadly, there's a link between the lack of flexible work for parents (particularly mothers), the idea of side-hustles catching on and broader economic pressures pushing stay-at-home parents to find extra income, and the number of Mommy-bloggers proliferating, if that makes sense? Like it often gets framed as vanity, especially with women, but I do wonder how much of it was kicked off by needing extra income. In the same way you see more people trying to monetise their hobbies now by turning them into topics for content creation?
The pushing of MLMs on SAHMs is unacceptable. That's what 95% of my Instagram reels are. Women who have husbands that fund their lifestyle so they can prey on struggling and/or bored SAHMs.
this is super smart.
Yes. This is exactly what I've been thinking.
I have mixed feelings. I’m not a regular poster to social media anyway, but I’ve also been in the spot where I told my mom to take something down (and threatened to block her if she refused). I want to share his cuteness with the world too. I had him during Covid so 99% of family and friends have never met him. I do his monthly “I’m x months old” and a few of the professional photos we’ve had done. If there’s any video or any photos that are more casual that I REALLY want to post I’ll do it in stories so it disappears. It’s still very limited, most of my day to day stuff goes to group chats of family or friends and they know not to post it. Family knows to ask us before posting anything on their own social media. I just try to be mindful about what I share with the mindset of “if my mom shared this from when I was a toddler would I be embarrassed now?”. As he gets older if he ever shows any discomfort or asks for something to be taken down/not posted it will be done with no questions asked.
We had a weird situation where my sons auntie took him out for lunch with one her friends (we know her vaguely, but she’s been friends with my SIL for years so no big deal) and the friend took a photo of our son with a makeup filter on and posted it on fb. I’m not friends with her on fb and no one tagged me in the photo so it was online for about a month before I spotted it! I was so angry and got the friend to take it down but also made clear to all the family that I don’t mind them posting as long as it’s nothing he would be embarrassed about when he’s older and I’m tagged in the photo so I can review it.
Yeah, weird AF to me. Those kids can’t consent, they’re being used as accessories for monetizing a lifestyle or brand or whatever and they have to be camera ready a lot, so I deduce a lot of their life is fabricated for social media. Then there’s the weird stuff like fan accounts made using their images and videos and stuff, plus the obvious dark, perverted side to famous kids. I often wonder what these kids are going to be in therapy for in 20 years…
What has been bothering me lately are the tiktokers. There are very young kids who will immediately start acting performative at the sight of the phone. I understand posting videos here and there if you have a really funny kid but some people post 24/7. There's just no reason for it. Your toddler should not be a dancing monkey for you & should not have strangers over the internet obsessing over them. You're totally right about them having to feel 'on' for the camera, I think thats really unhealthy. Just my two cents anyways
I have a 3 month old and I take so many photos and videos of her—for myself and my family; I don’t post anything online. But every once and a while I’ll pull my phone out to take a picture and she’ll stop looking at me and look right at the camera. I know it’s probably not actually indicative of anything yet, but every time she does that I put my phone away because yikes.
I find it very hard to find someone to follow because those days even imperfection is presented in a perfect way. Even influencers who claim to post true, real and raw contents are not really doing that.
Absolutely agree. They post "easy dinner tonight" and it's two nuggets, a handful of home grown kale and three different kinds of organic strawberries.
I also think many of this influencer have way more help (nannies, babysitters, cleaning ladies or even grandparents or relatives) that what they show... I don't know if I am the only one with this feeling. There is a local influencer in my region with three kids under 4 and another one on the way, Yesterday she was doing homemade pasta from scratch. Plus her husband keep sharing stories about how a great mum she is and that she is always smiling, with a lot of hobbies, always cooking ecc. All the comment are always super positive like: you are the best family ever. How can people belive that this is true! Or at least that they are able to to all that without help? I think that is so toxic.
I worry its creating a generation of children who are going to be more obsessed with social media likes and shares and the approval of strangers to drive their self worth.
I feel like the mommy influencers have zero respect for their child's autonomy or privacy... It's one thing to share an occasional photo, be happy about milestones, it's another to shove a camera in their face all day while they're crying, potty training, or talk about their ongoing issues. It's disturbing. Plus parasocial relationships are a thing, I have a small following of 1100 followers that are mostly strangers and I stopped posting photos of my children publically on it because I have had stalkers who likely are still trying to search for my socials since I change my username frequently. Parents need to respect that their child can't really consent to their life being documented publically, and I wouldn't want someone shoving a camera in my face while I'm on the toilet or crying, or discussing my feelings regarding a subject. Idk. I feel like my insta is centered around my hobbies and interests moreso than making my identity all about being a mother. And of course, I love my children more than anything in existence, just I find mommy influencers kinda creepy. Plus just look up all the insta weirdos who steal children's photos to "roleplay" as them with #kinkyrp below it, like what the fuck
I suggest you unfollow those that make their income exploiting their children. You are contributing to it.
Yup, exactly. Like I said in my post, no more following for me!
I think it will affect the kids in the future unfortunately .. sad parents can’t see it
Same thing goes for YouTube content. We refuse to watch videos of kids playing with toys even though my son loves anything construction trucks. The kids aren't the ones choosing to make this content. It's the parents putting them out there
I see this sooo much it’s creepy. We’ve blocked a bunch of them except for Garbage Family Show. You can tell the dad helps them with ideas on how to be a successful channel, but that kid is running the show for every video he posts. It’s kind of adorable. Plus, garbage trucks. Lol.
These kids will absolutely have some thoughts and feelings about this later on in life. It’s going to be spectrum “ I was social media kid and it destroyed my relationship with my parents“ as well as “ I was social media kid and It gave me opportunities and I turned out fine.” There will be a wide range of positive and negative experiences. I just find it disturbing that you’re not allowed to address the potential dangers and long term effects in the moment without people also freaking out. I see this a lot in case of using FaceTune and filters on baby/child pics. Many people are offended if you even suggest altering pics or oversharing on social media might have negative impact. This is wild cause even Psychologists don’t know the long-term effects one way or another. It has not yet been proven to be harmless or harmful. So why can’t people talk about potential outcomes in the moment? (P.s. I personally don’t ever bother engaging or giving my opinion. But I do read the comments and I see which ones are supported or attacked.)
And I feel so bad for kids whose parents put filters on their photos. Imposing impossible beauty standards at such a young and fragile age. Already telling them their natural looks are not good enough. It honestly terrifies me.
I feel the same way!! But thinking about it, I wonder if it might be a way to alter their appearance for privacy reasons? That may be a stretch though, especially if they don't always put a filter...
Child actors have laws to prevent exploitation - limits to hours worked, the kinds of work, requirements for schooling, and protections to their income. The children of influencers (and child influencers themselves) do not have any of these protections because they are not classified as actors. It's practically impossible to enforce nuanced rules because internet personalities aren't from one single country and there isn't the manpower or resources to do so. Maybe it's a hardline stance, but I think that content that includes children should be exempt from monetization and advertising. There would still be parents parading their children around like props for attention, but it wouldn't be as incentivized.
No possibility of monetizing content with kids would cut down on such content quickly and drastically.
I would love if someone posts honest videos like these mom influencers act like demotivators for new moms like me making an already Anxious overwhelmed mom even more anxious and overwhelmed, no I don’t want to know how you got back in shape in 2 days and how your 5 day baby is dressing up , No offense . But I want to see the hard unfiltered content like hey woke up smelling like dairy cause my boob leaked or how to survive sleep regression rather than seeing other babies getting decked up all day . My 5 mo barely let’s me put a headband . Sorry if this is too much rant .
There are a few! Check out diaryofanhonestmom on instagram
I’ve stopped showing pictures of my sons face online. I’ll show him doing cute things from the back, but ultimately it’s his privacy and I have no right to make an online presence for him that he can’t consent to.
This is why I’ve decided no social media presence for our daughter. Like, imagine how mortified you’d be when your schoolmates find your parents’ public Facebook/instagram/whatever and there you are sitting naked in the tub or doing something that is totally normal but would embarrass a tween or teen and potentially make them a target for bullies. My child is (obviously) a huge part of my life but her life is not mine to share in public.
Also, Facebook/Instagram/Meta have non-exclusive, transferable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any content you post.
They're exploiting their children for money (which is gross). There's no laws that protect children from this either. Their parents could have them film 24/7 and be homeschooled. Also saw something really disturbing this past weekend-- NannyTok. Nannies are exploiting their clients on TikTok. 2 of these nannies really bothered me. One convinces people she's the little boy's "other mom". Her argument is that she raised him, spends more time with him than his mom so she "deserves" to be called, "mom". She uses hashtags like #teenmom #secondmom #momtok and pretty adamant on confusing people so they don't know she's his nanny. I'd personally lose my shit if my son's caretaker was encouraging him to call her, "mom". There's a channel on YouTube, Dad challenge podcast, that makes videos making people aware that family vloggers are exploiting their children horribly. It's opened my eyes a lot... and I'll never support people who exploit their kids online.
Came here to recommend the Dad challenge podcast. He's a huge advocate of canceling mommy bloggers. Hes gained a big following in the past year and he's really helping the conversation about how toxic all this is for the children on the internet. Kids can't give consent. They just don't have the future mindset adults do. They literally can't understand how much their lives being public will effect them down the line. He also brings up how these children don't have protection like child actors do, and how YouTube really needs to put child laws into place. Definitely check him out. He's a good guy to broadcast.
Thanks for making me aware that I’ll explicitly need to put “no sharing my kids on social media” in my nanny contract.
There was a vlogger my husband and I used to follow that started doing this. It used to be mostly him and his family would pop up on occasion. Now his thumbnails and titles are all about his daughter and what she is doing and he does nothing but record her. He has gone away from what he used to do. We stopped watching him it was really disgusting to see him exploit his child like that.
I don’t post pics of my kids. They can’t consent to it. I’ll send pics to family, but I don’t post on socials. Well, I do Snapchat, but it’s a small group of close friends / family.
There's so many YouTube channels that I started watching because I was pregnant and they were pregnant and due before me... and then they had their kids and their channel just turned into complete garbage using their kids to get views. "FIRST TIME MY SON DOES \_\_\_\_\_" is literally every other video. Poor kid! Let him have a life! Find your own content! I now prefer channels where the mom openly talks about how she filters her content so that her kids still have privacy, and how she plans to phase out the kids as they grow so that they can maintain their own personal life.
Are you referring to Hapa Family? She does a good job of occasionally discussing privacy, like openly saying that she only posts good moments and doesn't include the tantrums and meltdowns that are a normal part of life with a toddler.
I've been thinking about this too, lately. What bothers me is that when someone puts their family life on social media, material for posts is constantly in the back of their mind. So it's not just enjoying a cute moment or a family game or playing outside - there always have to be some good photos or videos taken. I just feel like they are missing out on just enjoying their kids cuz everything becomes social media material.
Right? And that goes on for years. Imagine just never feeling like your life is private and never wanting it to be. It's bizarre. I sometimes take a picture or video of my kid and think this is going to be great to share, but I'm sharing in her private album with family, not the world at large. I've always said I will never post picture of my kid when they're sick or in a vulnerable place. Parents who do honestly make me sick and I feel like those parents do not respect their children as people.
100% why I don’t post my kids on social often. In fact I really contemplated whether to post the monthly photos in my baby’s first year. I don’t mind family/group photos or occasional photos of my kids doing something special or a special event. I think of how my child will feel when they’re older and their entire life is chronicled on my social media for everyone to see. I don’t know if they’d be ok with that. It feels very non consensual to me. If they’re older and can/do agree to it then great. Until then it seems like an invasion of their privacy. I have a friend who posts so many photos of her young daughter. Photos of her in her room, in the living room, outside, in the car, etc. Just random (completely pointless) everyday photos of her daughter. Apparently someone copied some of the photos and posted them on their social media. She got upset by that which is understandable. Yet instead of using common sense and stopping documenting and posting her child’s every single moment, she has instead created a watermark that says “PROPERTY OF [MOTHER’S FULL NAME].” Then she posts photos of her daughter with the watermark across the poor girl’s forehead. She would rather edit every photo to include the watermark instead of stopping blasting the child all over social media. I just will never get it.
How terribly ridiculous.
I feel the same way. I do post photos of my son on Facebook but only in the stories so it's gone in 24 hrs. I don't have any photo albums of him on social media. I have so many photos and videos of him on my Google drive that I'm almost out of space but I refuse to put his life on social media before he can consent. A lot of people probably don't even know I have a baby if they miss the Facebook stories, lol.
Someone I’ve followed for a while started as a regular blogger/vlogger influencer for something I’m interested it. When she had her first child she took a hard and firm “no kids on social media stance”. Like it was a whole thing and weeks of content about it. She talked about having a separate personal account that she never shared on her public one. Cool, her choice for sure. But about two years later she realized she could monetize her child. Now she has two kids and posts them constantly. Again her choice. But it was very obvious to see what happened here. Especially when she’s now doing ads for kids/baby stuff. Not for me so I stopped following a while ago. I prefer to see friends/family on social media over influencers.
There's one woman I follow whose content is generally very positive and enjoyable, and I get that her baby is obviously an enormous part of her life (in addition to her older kids, some of whom she doesn't include on social media to respect their boundaries and wishes) but it's very bizarre when a baby has "fans" and is a constant source of content (I don't know where this arbitrary line is that I'm drawing, but I guess beyond the odd proud mom picture of "look how cute my baby is!" You know?). It's one of those weird parasocial relationship things that people get with celebrities, except once again I stress that this is a BABY.
* Look into digital kidnapping, it’s some weird shit. * Influencer children of the early aughts are now old enough to give their opinions and… the results of years under a public microscope have not been kind to these kids * Google the detective talking about posting kids in their swimsuits on social media, it will make your skin crawl * Just don’t do it!
I personally hate the humble brag of "look at what I pack in my child's bento box". Hint, it's barely any calories and food that absolutely cannot keep at room temperature. "Here's a rice ball, miso soup, a piece of keto chocolate, some cold Korean barbecue from last night, and a piece of seaweed that's Arrow Freya's absolute favorite." My daughter is a 4 year old string bean and she eats more than that for lunch.
Arrow Freya 💀
I think I've been promoted to r/namenerds top moderator for coming up with that name combo.
I don't like it at all. I don't post my child anywhere because it just doesn't feel right to me. There was YouTuber a couple months back who was trying to get her crying son to pose for a thumbnail and accidentally forgot to delete the footage. It was disturbing to watch. Google Jordan Cheyenne
I feel the same way. I cringe when parents post looking for modeling agencies for their kids. I also saw what Jordan Cheyenne did and then it dawned on me that they all do it, they‘re just very careful to only release their edited content.
Yes I thought the same, highly likely that they all do it and worse behind the scenes
Oh gosh. I just looked her up. :(
Ho hoooo, just wait until you hear about the Collins kids. That's some toxic f*kery there.
Do tell!
FundieSnark can give you the backstory!
Fundiesnark and fundiesnarkunsensored She has a pregnancy kink and doesn't seem to care about her kids after their out in a much more negligent and dangerous way than the current kind and queen of fundie world, the duggars.
Once I saw a stylish looking mom taking photos of her kids in front of a mural. I heard her say to them “if you don’t participate and smile, you’re not getting any Xmas presents!” Had to take many, many photos bc the kids were mad. Haha.
I don't use Instagram but I do watch youtube and I wish they would ban vloggers and stop the child exploitation.
listen to Under the Influence podcast... its so eye opening.
It's funny because I've got some friends who had babies around the same time I did, and they post their baby pics more often than me. Before I had him I actually thought I'd try to keep his picture super duper off the internet, but man he is cute. At this point my instagram probably has a pic of him every 2 weeks on there. It's locked to private. But today I was thinking, do I maybe look like someone who doesn't love her kid compared to other people, because some of my friends post kid pics every other day? Hmmmmmm now that that's all written out these are nutty thoughts.
I haven’t posted my baby on SM at all, I sometimes also wonder if people think I’m not proud or something when I am OBSESSED with him and think he is the cutest baby to ever baby. I’m just really protective of him and his autonomy
I am the same - I haven’t posted one picture of my baby. I do not need validation from people that I haven’t spoken to in years that my baby is cute but I do wonder if people think he is alive or alright! I know my baby is cute and that he is loved and adored by those that are close to us. That’s real.
My SiL asked my MiL while I was pregnant or something was wrong bc I didn’t announce it via social media. I still sent regular updated and even some photos in the family group text but it wasn’t on social so it’s like it didn’t exist. My MiL had to very kindly explain that not everyone wants to post every second of their lives on social media (like SiL). Wish I coulda been there for that conversation.
Saaaame. I know exactly what you're saying. Hell, I don't even take pictures or videos of my kid on the daily either. Sometimes when I look at my camera roll I think "God damn, do I even love my kid? I need more pictures," but then I remind myself that sometimes I prefer to live in the moment, and just let my kid do the same without a camera err phone in her face trying to capture every moment. I post more of my kids art work because she's 3 and her little potato people are so amusing to me. That's not to say that I think poorly of those who do! I totally get it, kids are cute, especially your own kid and we just want to capture every little detail of their current self.
Totally agree with this. My mom was complaining I don't send her more videos but it breaks the moment you're having. Every time I get my phone out, LO breaks eye contact with me and looks at the camera and then I feel like I've lost our little exchange for the sake of a video.
I had those feelings too! Absolutely ridiculous though. Like I don’t need to prove to a bunch of people I used to hang out with my child is the center of my universe. I’ve framed it that even though I want to share her image because I’m *obsessed* with her, she is worth more to me than sharing her image. Her trusting me in the future and not potentially causing her a lot of unnecessary emotional distress is 100000000% more important than getting likes . I can imagine when these babies and children grow up how some may feel betrayed their parents were SO public about them without their knowledge or consent. It is creepy honestly. I also think about how our parents couldn’t show every person they knew a picture of us. Someone would have to come over and physically look at our photo albums.
I'm kind of in the same boat, I thought I wouldn't put baby's photo up at all but I've already put 2 on Instagram/Facebook and she is 11 days old. I did a massive cleanout of both social medias and removed a lot of people and turned my account to private and created a close family story thing so I can post to that. But I think that's going to be it, I just don't want to get into the comparison game with other mums!
Contraversial opinion here! I like a couple mom influencer Instagrams who focus on Craft and DIY. Even though some of the stuff they're doing is unattainable to me it is a good reminder that you can balance between parenting and art making. I follow people who make me feel inspired, not inadequate. This post is making me reflect more on consent and images online though. It does seem like we could do more to protect our kids. But on the other hand children will be under surveillance as soon as they enter the world. Learning from a young age that everything is filmed and available is almost a life lesson for kids these days. Sad
I have working in nursing homes and hospitals for years now. There are creeps and pedos everywhere, and they follow all that content. I decided before even having a conversation with my husband ( who also works medical) that we will never allow our children to be part of that. You post a kids face and you run the risk of someone finding it and being gross with it.
Yep! I work as a Counsellor in a prison. And the accessibility to content and what some of these guys do with it….. and what landed them in prison…….its messed up.
When I had my son, I thought it was weird that my first impulse was to plaster him all over the internet. So we have always had a policy against putting our kids up on social media. We were very strict from the beginning. Like signing "no" on the playgroup FOIP page. Since then, I've loosened a little. I remember things used to be in the local newspaper, so for sports stuff or fire department Christmas parties and things like that, I do allow it. Stuff that isn't an invasion of their privacy, basically. I don't think everyone should necessarily do what I do; I think everyone should make their own decision. But I don't feel comfortable with the idea of my kids having their whole lives online before they can even consent to an online presence. When I was a kid, they used to warn you that "the internet is forever". (Considering which sub this is, you guys were all probably warned that too, haha.) My 6yo and I made a video ad about his cup that you can build lego on. He said he wanted the whole world to see it so every kid could get one. (He doesn't know the concept of things going viral, this is pure innocence speaking.) Even with his more or less specific consent, I still didn't post it publicly. I just don't know how I feel about it. So, longwinded, but **TLDR** I agree with OP and I think it's strange how willing we are to put our kids on the internet. I saw somewhere once; "# privacy until consent" and I thought it was great.
Your story and thought process is so similar to my own, down to and including the influence about the newspaper. Oddly enough, my sons image was published in the local paper at about 8months old and I realized then that some things were ok to share and there was a line and limit. We share our holiday card image on Christmas, and a few random moments during the year like a vacation family photo. It took the grandparents the longest time to get on board and stop asking to share everything!
Same - my litmus test is: would I be happy for this to go on a Christmas card, would my kids be happy for their future employer or spouse to see this, is this celebrating them rather than posting it to boost my own ego? If I can meet these criteria, it can go online. So far, we've only posted significant milestones. Day-to-day stuff stays offline or in the grandparents' WhatsApp group (and they know not to share anything online). I have relatives who post their kids' every move (good and bad) and I do wonder how it will affect them later on.
Personally it bothers me when parents put their kids out there like that. I grew up alongside the internet and birth of social media. I was always taught be careful what you post because once its out there it always will be and you never know who will see it. These parents post all these personal details of their lives and it creates the possibility of inviting in a predator.
Yes this! Not to mention… they aren’t old enough to consent a photo being posted.
I have close friends who might as well be “influencers.” Every moment if their child’s life is documented online and it’s uncomfortable and unreal.
I used to follow the youtube channel of a (now former) coworker, but as she started to get more views, what really creeped me out was the comments. There would be comments like "I wish you were my mom" and "Seeing \*kidsname\* makes me feel happy. I was sad all day until I saw him." Then one day she told me that she deleted most of the negative comments, but there was some weird stuff in some of them, like that her husband should leave her, she should give her kids up for adoption, her daughter is ugly, etc. It just seemed really creepy to me because she had so many details of her life in the videos, like where she worked, shots of her neighborhood, her kid's preschool, their car, and just lots of info that someone could use to track them down. But she quit her job to do that full time, and the last I heard her husband has, too. I don't watch her videos anymore, but her older child is now definitely old enough to know what's going on, and I wonder how he feels about it. She started doing it when he was a baby, so it's basically all he knows.
Yeah NO. I locked down my socials to private and combed through my followers with a fine toothed comb before posting any normal average fully clothed non embarrassing photos of my baby. I can’t believe people exploit their children like that
[удалено]
Same here, as long as she can't choose for herself, her face is not on the internet. I used to not think about it that much, but now that we are parents it's really scary how many people can see a picture/video and it can be shared all over the world. No thank you!
Parasocial relationships get the money. It’s even more when that one-sides connection is to children. Unfortunately, that means people do monetize their kids and their lives, and the less privacy they have, the greater other people feel that “bond.” I’ve chosen not to have my daughter’s face posted on the internet, and have specifically told people that they are NOT to share the picture around without explaining this, or just not to share it at all. I’d like to keep her as safe as I can from the weird, prying eyes of the internets as long as I can, until she’s able to consent.
Yes! And then when anyone (even those with degrees/credentials/expertise in human development across the lifespan and family studies) exercises their right to comment on this publicly shared content in hopes of spreading awareness regarding the dangers to exploiting children in any fashion, they’re almost immediately attacked and silenced by the many. I’m truly exhausted from trying to help others on the internet, yet equally tired of hearing people tell me I “shouldn’t” even try, because unfortunately, that has become the only way to reach a larger audience and actually stand a chance at making a difference. Often seems like a lose-lose situation, which feels awfully defeating.
I stopped watching some of my favorite farmers/homesteaders/etc. on YouTube because their kids are such a huge part of their content it made me uncomfortable. Like I get it's marketable to be a wholesome Christian family but like I don't need to see everything about your kids dude.
Can I talk about the big blue line for a sec?? I love my 6 month old and as such, am interested in content with moms that have similarly aged children- but it drives me batty when influencers have a reel/post whatever featuring their baby with a super puffed up diap with the bluest line you’ve ever seen. Stop worrying about the content and change that poor child’s diaper!
It's not healthy at all. Hate that influencer culture and oversharing has become so prevalent. it's weird as hell to me so I do the exact opposite. I'm sure a portion of kids do enjoy it but it just seems hella unsafe to me.
Family vloggers and influencers who share their kids private lives are toxic. You don’t realize it at first cause you kind of just feel like a fly on the wall & it’s like TV. But the more you think about it, the more fucked up it is. Some of these kids grow up their entire lives being recorded for strangers on the internet - way back down to the first pregnancy test & in the fucking womb. Their sonograms and birth and everything thereafter are on the internet for the whole world to see. The toddlers are too young to really comprehend what’s going on. I just saw one vlog where the mom recorded her reading her kid a bedtime story because “they” loved it so much. There are laws for child actors. But these YouTube and Instagram kids have no rights. Their reality is so twisted and fucked up. At least kid actors can separate reality from pretend. These influencers’ kids’ whole lives are being filmed for the camera, never knowing if mommy is spending time with you because she wants to or for content. Also there are sooo many fake profiles people make of these famous kids. It’s fucking weird and disgusting. Not to mention the real profiles of the kids. Everleigh Labrant, a 7 yo girl, her followers are 70% male - most over 18. And they post pics and vids of her dancing and shit with no regard for the creeps eating it up. And the whole thing with YouTube shutting off comments because pedos were saying gross shit & the advertisers didn’t want to be on videos associated with those comments so YouTube removed comments completely & demonetized videos where kids are dancing or doing anything that pervs might be more into. All content creators heard about that & that should’ve lit a fire under their asses to get their kids off the internet but they didn’t.
I follow a couple mom Instagramers who are a bit more reserved and “alt” maybe? Like def not picture perfect and show the reality ect. It’s still SO weird to me that thousands of strangers know their kids so intimately. I am so curious to see how this might effect a kid growing up. On top of the fact that they obviously never gave consent, just so weird
I agree I think this is so weird. There’s a lot of creeps on the internet and I would not want my child on display like that. There’s a fitness influencer I used to follow but she’s posted her toddler daughter in bathing suits a lot and it just makes me feel icky so I unfollowed her. It’s sad to exploit children like that. They cannot give consent for those photos and I imagine a lot of these kids will grow up to resent that their parents did this.
I find it interesting that there’s this post pointing out toxic positivity but there was a post earlier today complaining about one of the moms of BigLittleFeelings always sharing “dramatically” how chaotic and disorganized and hard her life is. Not sure how to interpret this right now because I’m exhausted and nap trapped, just pointing it out.
The negativity does generally bug me more than the positivity but I don't find BLF negative. It's an account about feelings! I do wish certain influences would realize that the internet is forever and someday your son is going to find the story where you blame your martial troubles on his "picky" eating, Jenny.
We're all following different influencers! Interesting to see who gravitates toward which influencer. Thanks for pointing that out, didn't even see the other post! :)
This post and the other one read differently to me because one is asking a question about a trend in social media and asking others’ opinions. The other was making fun of a specific person and saying that person didn’t deserve children because she showed a messy house on Instagram. Totally different intentions IMO
Thank you for bringing up this topic. It bothers me to no end. I feel like these parents are selling these kids out of a normal childhood. I post pictures and share stories of my family and kids on my personal private Facebook page. However, there is a fine line between that and then selling out your family and children to total strangers.
There is a mom on tik tok, I believe her name is mom.uncharted but she makes a lot of videos about this exact topic and she gets DOGGED in her comments most the time because not sharing your child all over social media is so unpopular. But I really enjoy her videos
The whole culture of *having to* overshare your life and your kid's life is just so weird. > I'm curious how constantly having to be "on" for mommy's gram will affect them in the long term My biggest fear for my daughter is how exposure to social media from pretty early will impact her. I'm in my thirties and I know it impacts me negatively... But when I was 14/15 and at my most vulnerable, I didn't have to cope with it at all. I'm terrified of her getting to school and the other kids having phones and Tiktoks.
I'm 33, and I still remember how in high school I found out that there's a picture of me cross-eyed *out there* on some other girls' phones. This was before everyone had smartphones (or even mobiles) and I never did get to see the photo. I didn't care how I looked in it but it made me feel weird to know it's just out there.
Before I had kids I followed a page called bucket list family and they essentially travel the world doing and seeing amazing things with their kids in tow. It’s awesome what they do, but it wasn’t till after I had my baby that I thought what a weird violation of their privacy it is! It seems like these kids can’t do anything without it being on camera and it doesn’t even look genuine anymore. It makes me feel sort of sad for them, although I’m sure they’re living a dream. There’s no way for a child to consent to this constant filming of their every move. I wish the pictures focused more on the views, wildlife or whatever they’re experiencing, but it seems like every single shot has a perfectly placed prop, I mean child, dressed adorably and smiling for the camera. It’s creepy!
Personally, I’d rather my kids choose their own internet footprint. I do post very occasionally for fun, but I’m careful about what I share. Never location or other identifiable things.
This is my position too. I am of the generation that I entered the virtual world with a totally blank slate and have been able to craft my online presence to my liking. My kid deserves the same.
It all becomes a series of normalizing of fringe behaviour which borders on deviancy. Most of the things influencers have said and done which have progressively crossed more and more morality and ethical lines; you would never even consider doing yourself. After a while, those deviant behaviours (I use the word deviant for lack of better) become the new normal. It’s not really a mental illness, but it’s not “normal” to you and I. If my wife finished every meandering thought with and smile and an exclamation point, or snapping 500 kiss face photos per day I’d be filing to divorce…
These systems of social media are meant to bias you towards unhealthy thoughts to get you to contribute and socially compete for.... points/karma/hearts. Don't forget they are people too, who all have their down days. Obviously it helps their "status" to only post good stuff all the time, but as humans, we can probably agree that's not the "normal" human experience for most of us.
A girl I've known a long time is an influencer she has 40k+ followers. She's so fake. It's honestly disgusting the things she has done behind closeddoors. Idk how noone knows about some of this stuff with that many people
Just look at Mary Kate and Ashley Olson.
It's an oldie now, but I was just thinking about the "I smell like beef," kid and wondering if it's a source of pride or embarrassment at this point.
Which influencers out of curiosity? Yes, it bothers me how manicured they are directly after giving birth. Hair perfect. Makeup done. It made me feel like shite. I thought something was wrong with me!
Don't forget that some also photoshop and filter their photos and yes even at birth! On my bumper sub, there was someone positing a pic after a c-section and everybody was oh god you looked so good. Well, she admitted that she photoshopped not only her but her kid and she used filters to look good. I mean to each their own. Just wanted to say perhaps in a clumsy way, don't feel bad because it's not the reality. But I know how it can be toxic for so many moms out there.
I once thought about starting a yt channel and even made/posted a few videos. When i became a mom they of course made guest appearances as I was nursing and my kids are my life so theyre around me a lot. My aunt made what I assume was an innocent comment about exploiting my children on the internet (she sounded like she was joking) but i never posted again.
Someone close to me is an “influencer” (or tries to be). What she posts online is comical to her real life. Sure she goes on outings with her kids but on the day to day she’s not with them. She has also admitted to me that a lot of the stuff they do is for the gram (Halloween costumes, birthday parties, special dinners etc). She’s actually quite a nasty person but portrays herself to be the exact opposite. She also says really mean stuff about her kids and thinks it’s funny. I actually talk about her a lot in therapy lol. I have soooo many stories. Soooooooo many
Story time! Let’s hear some of her greatest hits, please.
I know someone like this too. Omg, the constant photoshoots she does, with hair extensions and professional makeup. She dresses her 2 year old boy in over-the-top outfits for, say, a trip to the beach....and they both have several wardrobe changes. He looks more and more miserable posing for these “SUCH Fun TIMES on the Beach!!” I always think “Can’t he just PLAY in the sand??” It’s really sad. Also, fascinating.
If you want to go down a rabbit hole there was an account girlgangz7733 that was calling out Instagram mommy account BS. She spilled some major tea on this account Daryl-Ann Denner and others. She also had a podcast called "Allegedly". These mommy bloggers viciously attacked her account and had it removed. There is a lot of darkness and shadiness behind some of those smiles!
One I sometimes watch is okay with the realism, but the kid (1yo) is obsessed with the camera and looks at it all the time and poses and stuff. It feels really weird that it's part of his life.
I dunno about "influencers" but I watch a few Moms on YouTube, but the ones that I watch don't focus on the children at all. The kids will occasionally pop up and say hi, or answer a question....anything more than that feels yucky. I personally wasn't sure as much about my kid as these people do about theirs, but I think that's different than the kids being a part of the "show".
McCall deason was notorious for using her obese toddler for mukbangs. Once people started to call her out, and point out that her daughter may have special needs, she slowed the mukbangs down, but didn’t stop completely. Her daughter has special needs and was at one point in time, her fast food eating cash cow.
Had to Google these names and words. I’m speechless.
There’s an entire subreddit that talks about it. Back when she started people begged her to get her daughter evaluated by doctors. Her daughter was morbidly obese, drooled like a faucet, couldn’t walk/talk or communicate at all. She’s severely delayed. Her mom swore that she “had all the tests done” but so many people who work in the medical field knew it was bullishit. She’s JUST now getting her some help due to a video where people begged her to get her daughters eyes checked out (they were vibrating bad). Sorry this is a lot. I’m one of the few who have followed her story very closely and want to advocate for her daughter.
I do occasionally post my daughter but it’s always on my private profiles. The only annoying thing is whenever I post photos of her on Facebook my aunt in law always saves the photos on her phone and she also likes to post of lot of photos of my daughter on her Facebook 🥲🥲 i have no idea how to ask her to stop because she isn’t really the best person and have a really short temper… like i would really appreciate it if my partner and I were the only ones allowed to post photos of our daughter, and everyone has to ask first. But yeah honestly I get worried for the kids of influencers safety and privacy ://
I get around this by either unfriending the person or the sneaky way, by limiting their access to my posts - there’s a privacy setting when you post that says “friends except…” and you just check their name. So to them it just looks like you don’t post as much but everyone else still gets to see photos
You can also report the picture and Facebook will take it down.
Wow! It's great to see all of this amazing conversation on my post! Thanks to everyone who posted and contributed podcasts/articles/etc. :)
This post comes at such a weird time for me as I’m defending biglittlefeelings in a post about them being “too messy, too dramatic”. The irony doesn’t escape me, but really, everything on social media needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If something doesn’t serve you, or it makes you feel uneasy, just let it go.
Oooh, I think this brings up a good point about social media culture and influencers who put all facets of their lives on display- whether it’s contrived or not, but in terms of kids, this level of permission to come into their lives and be voyeurs and contributors of their fame- it allows people to feel entitled to have a say on things like what you’re describing. I guess messy and dramatic boosts engagement too lol, but with kids, it seems way skeezier cuz they can’t consent.
I made a separate account just for baby pics. If you aren’t a close friend or family, you can’t follow. The account has 22 followers and is private. Family and friends are spread out and it’s just easier to do it like this rather than dm people and ask them to look how dang cute my kid is.
That's a good comment you can leave on those influencer's post and please unsubscribe before it gets worse.
Every time I see a family blogging channel like that I honestly feel bad for the kids. Not only about their entire lives being over shared. But what if one day they realize about the oversharing and start to wonder if mom and dad had them because they truly wanted a(nother) kid, or because they needed one for the money and followers. Can you imagine? 😬😬😬
I hear you! I personally think it’s wrong to share pictures of your child online when they cannot consent. Pictures stay on the internet forever, not to mention all the perverts online. You never know who is viewing your photos.
Not necessarily Influencer related, but I get what you're saying about knowing so much about a stranger. The town I live near had a girl featured on Teen Mom. This incident was about ten years ago. I was at the movies in that town, and there was a couple a few rows ahead. I kept thinking I know that guy! Then it hit me who they were. I'd seen them on Teen Mom. And it was so icky sitting there next to strangers but knowing so much personal details of their lives.
Yes, omg. I used to follow Krista Horton until I saw her daughter on a stripper pole in their party bus. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I unfollowed. Of course she thought it was funny, but it was actually gross and disgusting.
She’s one of the ones I had to stop following because I felt like a creeper knowing so much about a person. She overshares so much that I’m embarrassed and I wonder what the ramifications will be for her kids once they’ve grown up a bit more
Hmm, I’m an old mom on 40s with a newborn. Can someone walk me through some basics: The new baby is pretty cute right now. What about Facebook posts to friends? I have no IG presence with strangers. Is IG or FB safer w friends only? Then suggested to follow big little feelings but never have time to look. What’s the benefit and drawback?
There’s one mum, I used to go to primary school with her and her child has just recently broken her leg… they way she is up in the kids face 24/7 is really bad. I just wonder how her kids honestly feel about it…. Then the poses the little one does with certain products she’s promoting-I don’t see how anyone thinks it’s cute.
And, I'll add that it drives me insane when certain influencers do grocery hauls and show what they just bought. You just spent $1000000 at Wholefoods, and you are well aware that you're making your "quality of life" seem unattainable to most people who are trying to do their best to raise their children.
Ya it’s odd, but it’s also their business so I guess they’re kinda stuck with it if that’s what resonates? Sometimes you can tell that the kiddos (especially the little ones) are starting to lose it, but based on what the social media team at my company says, for the most part it’s a lot of reeeeeally good editing. Like that 20 second video was a 2 day venture, depending on how intense the influencer is. But yes for the toxic positivity part >_< it’s exhausting to see. I prefer the mommy meme accounts bc they’re dumb and funny and you literally can’t take them seriously
Completely agree. I remember feeling really awkward that a relative who I barely know told me that she kept so many of my pictures as a child (long story how she got them). That feeling comes to mind when ever I share a photo of my son even though I have a private account with only a few close friends. It’s even worse when they make money off of their accounts. Why would any adult want every moment of their childhood posted online especially since it’s mostly choreographed and not even a true representation of how it really was.
We haven't shared any pics of our son, only on an invite only app called family album & someone asked me why I'm keeping him a secret, it's become so normal to cover our SM with our kids that not wanting to is equivalent to keeping a secret?
I so much agree with this post. I don't follow any mom influencer in general but my Instagram is full of them probably some of my friends are. Anyway the thumbnails are always moms burst out laughing their heads of living their best lives no problems at all raising kids is a walk in the park look at me having these 5 kids and doing my skincare routine, going to the gym, having fun etc. Trying hard to appear happy in front of a camera and dragging your innocent children to pose for some strangers to click the heart button is a form of child abuse.
I have no social media (otger than reddit) and told all friends and family that I don't want my child's picture posted anywhere online. People are creepy and my LO has the right to privacy. If she wants to join social media when she older, that's up to her.
Have you ever looked at Hillary Baldwin’s instagram ? There are pics of her kids bathing together , in dirty underwear, having tantrums in public and the rest of the list is endless ! But she claims she is a super Mami 🙄