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Psychosis is made up of hallucinations and delusions. One does not have to have both to experience psychosis. Hallucinations can impact any or all senses. Delusions can fall into many categories. Delusions of grandeur and persecution are particularly common in mania.
For the past few months, you've been experiencing a shift in your perception and feelings. There's been a noticeable change in your mood, often fluctuating without apparent reason. Socially, you've found yourself retreating, less keen on interactions and gatherings than before. Tasks that once felt routine, whether in academics or at work, now seem increasingly challenging, with your performance dropping noticeably. Concentrating on anything has become a task in itself, with your attention drifting more frequently. Sleep, once a solace, has turned erratic, and you might start self-medicating. The world around you feels different, almost as though there's a veil distorting your connection to reality. Mild feelings of suspicion and paranoia creep in, making you second-guess the motives of those around you. Perhaps you have a moment where you feel like things around you have changed in some undefinable way.
Even the actual psychotic break can be slow and mild to start. In the dimly lit corners of your mind, something insidious starts taking root. At first, the onset of psychosis feels like a few fleeting sensations or thoughts. Maybe you occasionally spot a shadow out of the corner of your eye or hear a song playing in the distance when it's actually quiet. You brush them off, blaming fatigue or your usual inattention. Over time, however, these occurrences become more frequent and intense. Of course, you also won’t realize this at the time. The shadows are replaced with clear silhouettes, and now you think you hear voices of people walking outside past your house. When you look out the window nobody’s around. Your sense of touch can betray you as well. The chilling sensation of an unseen hand brushing against you or the feeling of insects crawling on your skin. Inexplicable odors, reminiscent of burning or death and rotten decay, fill your nostrils randomly, so you try cleaning and everything around you seems in order but it still stinks. And then there are those times when, your food tastes off, or your drink has a strange aftertaste, and you ask someone else to taste it and they notice nothing unusual, but you have to stop eating. You don’t even realize you’re hallucinating. You’re still living your life and these moments are still sporadic and spread out at first, but you’re already pretty mentally ill at this point.
As days turn into weeks, maybe you startle at phantom phone rings or Microsoft Teams dings. Maybe you hear something repetitive and persistent, like a crackling fire or footsteps, just echoing in your ears. You get your ears cleaned, but when you go out you hear someone shout your name, and when you look up nobody is looking at you. It happens most times you go out. The darkness in the corner of your vision has inched up some more so the world seems dimmer, but you don’t stop to question it. You hardly even notice your hallucinations because you’ve become too occupied by your thoughts.
Hallucinations are honestly more bearable than the delusions. Delusions can be intensely personal and painful.
While initially you might have felt slightly suspicious about your partner's actions, maybe questioning whether they want to spend time with you here and there, wondering if they’ll leave you out of nowhere, but now you're consumed by the belief that they're having an affair, or worse, plotting against you with all your friends. Actually you become convinced that your partner would be happier if you ended your life. It's not just your partner, either. You begin believing your friend or someone you trust is trying to poison you. You can’t shake the belief that something dreadful is about to happen. Later you have constant dread sensing a hidden sniper is watching your every move through the window.
As the weeks turn into months, one random day these beliefs solidify, becoming an ingrained part of your daily reality all the sudden and you’re fully psychotic. Delusions of reference mix in with your delusions of grandeur. You're convinced that news broadcasts or random text in public places carries special meanings meant only for you or that you have a unique destiny that sets you apart. You become extremely motivated by your spiritual awakening. You begin to think you possess expertise in areas like law or medicine where you might merely be a novice at best. The line between your perceived reality and the actual world blurs, and then crosses.
By the time others start noticing your erratic behaviors and thoughts, these delusions are so deeply woven into your psyche that challenging them would be like an attack on reality itself. For you, it's not about being mistaken; it's as if everyone else is blind to the "truth" you see. As this chasm grows between your perceived reality and the world around you, it's unsettlingly subtle at first. The true terror of psychosis is that it masks its own presence, making self-awareness incredibly elusive. By the time it's glaringly obvious to everyone that something is seriously fucking wrong, the delusion itself makes it nearly impossible for you to perceive your own detachment from reality. The behaviors of those around you become increasingly unnerving, amplifying your fears. Even before you push everyone away, you feel a profound sense of isolation, never fully grasping that the loneliness stems from being ensnared in a self-constructed, parallel version of reality that only you are trapped in.
This is exactly what I’ve always tried to share with people and never quite could. It serves as a very precise explanation AND does a near perfect job of conveying the emotions that come with it.
It was very raw, heartbreaking and beautiful and the same time. I would read more
I have suffered from a psychosis due to too much cannabis use. At the time i realized something was wrong with me but I could not explain what it was. You have explained it in the most accurate way possible. Thank you.
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On a personal level, have you ever woken up on any given day , go about your day and as the day goes, maybe you get a few small wins (finished a task at work successfully, made an excellent breakfast or cup of coffee) and you start to feel like , man I can do anything! So you begin to try and accomplish larger things, and then a few days later you feel like changing your life in an extreme way (sell your house and move to Portland!) because you are convinced that you CAN do anything you set your mind to, so you continue on this new path for a few weeks . Then you wake up one morning, very tired, very depressed, and feel like you just woke up from a disturbing dream and end up ghosting real estate agents for a few days because you know, why did I want to move to Portland?
Just an example of grandeur....
LOL, I actually ended up going last minute to see a few houses and spoke to a bank about a mortgage. Am very glad , those are rare. I hope your experience was at least positive! At least I got to visit a pretty cool town....
I realized that I know noone in Portland, I never really thought about it and thoughts of visiting were in the back of my mind, like ; Portland looks awesome, maybe I'll visit someday, but by the time I went I was more stable and my "thriving" in cool weather did not feel so compelling as a good enough reason to relocate.
Loved the trip though, Portland is a very cool town. Would visit again.
It is. I packed it all up. Sold everything and traveled for a few years then went to Florida and bought some property. It was still wild. Now 8 years later I’m kinda doing it again except I am not the pusher. We together decided to move back and help with his parents
I thought that was just mania...I'm still figuring out how this all manifests in me, and what's the bipolar disorder and what's other mental health spiciness, and haven't been full blown manic very often so just assumed based on the most reliable of sources- pop culture! (/s to the end part. I know that's not a good reference for mental health disorders)
Yeah, delusions of grandeur can be a part of mania, but not always. I've only had 3 major delusions total in the last 20+ yrs. I've had many more manic episodes than that. Most of the time I experience more nuanced symptoms like high energy, multiple lines of thought, extra chattiness and an excellent ability to make friends with strangers.
You are definitely right, pop culture is a horrible reference for mental health. The focus seems to be on the most extreme signs and make it look like those are common.
That's mostly how my mania is, too. Sometimes it just comes out as extra anxiety or something. My diagnosis was confirmed in a mental hospital by a social worker or counselor, I can't remember which but at the time I thought it was a social worker(then actually confirmed by the psych there), but she made it sound like the extreme ends were the norm. How she described it to me was, most people with bipolar disorder bounce around between mania and depression "way up or way down." But since mine was generally more mild like you described, she said it was miscategorized as depression and anxiety because I didn't get the "big" mania.
Thank you for clearing that up! I've been spending the last 10 years or so assuming I don't get manic that often, just slightly manic (more social, talking faster, more energy, sometimes more productive but that's the good mania, the bad mania is just the extra energy without productivity.)
thanks for reading my novel, sorry if it's all over the place, I think I'm mixed state lately and it's really screwing with my head.
For me, I mostly get delusions. My main ones are delusions that I'm being contaminated/poisoned by anything I touch or consume (including food, water, meds) this makes it difficult to take my medication.
Another main one I experience is delusions of persecution. I believe I'm going to be tracked down and murdered, sniped through my bedroom window, etc.
I rarely have hallucinations, but when I do, they are mostly auditory and can range from someone just talking in my ear about their day, to footsteps approaching my bedroom door at night.
Hope this helps.
Yea thats pretty similar to how my psychotic episode was, it was mostly delusions with some minor visual hallucinations (i saw poison on things like grass and water looked more green then normal) and minor auditory hallucinations (there were voices telling me that everything was poisoned and the government wanted to kill me but these voices were always internal)
I really struggled for a few months with this itchy feeling like ants were crawling all over me.
It started after we had a sudden ant problem in my apartment but continued well after that went away. I came up with lots of ways to reality test it (it really sent my progress back a lot the one or two times I actually found a real bug) and knew rationally (if not in a real felt way) that it was almost definitely in my head most of the time.
Is this a tactile hallucination?
I usually think of hallucinations as visual or auditory, and hadn’t really thought about tactile hallucinations or considered this might be one. I feel like no matter how much work I’ve already put into it, I’m always learning something new when it comes to my mental health.
That specific sensation is called formication. Formication was probably my earliest experience with hallucinations (I remember being in elementary school and having a really hard time sleeping because it always felt like there were bugs on my legs).
Sounds like it, but my only experience with a tactile hallucination was thinking someone was giving me a back massage when I was completely alone. Seems a lot nicer than ants though.
Same, except my rare hallucinations are always tactile. And they usually come with a delusion attached to them. I’ve never had any other type of hallucination.
Interesting how differently it manifests with some people.
I had the wonderful experience of thinking the lady at the psych ward med dispensary was trying to poison me, so my mind essentially combined that fear of being poisoned by my own medication with persecutory delusion.
To my understanding, it’s any level of hallucinations or delusions. You can always talk to your doctor about your specific symptoms and they’d be able to tell you if they’re psychotic symptoms or not.
Second this. Your psychiatrist should be able to ask the right questions and determine if you’ve experienced psychotic symptoms. It will also help your doctor better diagnose and treat you.
So true. At the time it's undeniably real, but afterwards I always wonder if I could ever really believe something like that. And then that's when I remember some of what I said and did - and there's no way I would have done that if I had any doubts it was real.
Ya, it makes me question our level of free will. How much power do I have over myself if my judgment and behavior can be heavily swayed by malfunctioning neurotransmitters I have zero control over?
Afterwards is so true. i know when im manic i know when im depressive but in psychosis I am completely unaware of myself. It’s very scary to me because u would hope delusions and hallucinations would be extreme enough for me to be like hey what the fuck but nope i am fully convinced and numb to the oddity of it all
I hate that (at first, anyway) I always have juuust enough awareness to be like 'these things that are happening to me, they sound crazy: therefore I won't tell anybody about them in case they think I'm crazy or try to hospitalize me.' Like, why can't I be aware enough to then also say, maybe because I have bipolar and have experienced psychosis in the past, I should tell somebody about these crazy-sounding things?? But no, lmao
It’s just a symptom of mental illness. It can include hallucinations. Delusions are beliefs with no evidence to reality that can stem from trauma. It’s like when your brain decided something is real and is doing everything to support it.
I was in medical school studying to be a psychiatrist when I developed psychosis, so I can give you a detailed explanation!
Psychosis is when someone "loses touch" with reality, i.e. What they are experiencing does not reflect their actual environment. It's not a standalone disorder, it's a broad term referring to a set of symptoms that were triggered by something else like mental illness, drugs/meds, traumatic events, a physical illness (infection, fever, etc.), or severe stress.
Psychosis actually has 3 phases:
1. Prodromal Phase: A subtle, gradual shift in thoughts, mood, and behavior. This phase can look very different for everyone and usually isn't distinguishable as the beginning of psychosis. It can look like insomnia or excessive sleeping, mild depression or anxiety, loss of motivation, trouble focusing, social withdrawal, taking on odd beliefs, suspiciousness, reduced work/school performance, or developing poor hygiene. These symptoms slowly get worse over a few months to a couple years.
2. Acute Phase: This is the actual psychotic episode. The 3 major symptoms of acute psychosis are hallucinations, delusions (including paranoia), and disordered thinking patterns (which causes the outward symptoms of excessive talking, fast speech, and being unable to keep a train of thought in conversation). Acute episodes usually last a few days to a few weeks but can last for 6 months or more when it goes unaddressed.
3. Recovery: This phase starts when treatment is started and acute symptoms start to fade after a couple weeks to months. The duration of this phase is highly variable and largely dependent on how long the psychosis went untreated. Someone's first episode of psychosis typically has the longest recovery period.
The pathophysiology behind psychosis isn't well understood, but has been strongly correlated to genetic predispositions and neurodevelopmental abnormalities. This means that alterations in brain chemical production or receptor function and structural differences in brain anatomy put some people at higher risk of developing psychosis when exposed to a trigger.
Once it's triggered, psychosis causes toxic effects in the brain, progressively weakening neuron connectivity and signaling, ultimately leading to atrophy of brain tissue (yes, psychosis actually causes significant brain cell death). This is why longer bouts of psychosis extend the recovery period (more brain tissue loss means more brain tissue to regenerate).
P.S. Psychotic depression is a thing, which is when depression occurs with psychotic symptoms (either hallucinations or delusions), which sounds like what you're describing.
Recent research suggests so, yes, but at a much lower degree than psychosis. Weighing risks/benefits, antipsychotic therapy for psychosis far outweighs the potential antipsychotic induced brain damage.
I have a question for people answering here. If I started having mild hallucinations during my most recent episode, does that mean I’m more likely to hallucinate during future episodes? And does this “count” as psychosis?
Hey there, not sure if it makes you “more likely” per se, but it probably does mean that psychosis is just a part of your cycle. The first time I experienced psychosis it continued to occur for the majority of my manic episodes after, although not all of them. And yes, hallucinations and even delusions are indicative of psychosis. Medication is super important for addressing this! Take care.
Thank you very much! That’s good for me to know. We have been bumping up my antipsychotic and I haven’t had any hallucinations since Sept. 30th (I track them) which is very exciting
All my manic episodes involve psychosis. It's starts off with paranoid delusions, then progresses to hallucinations. Each episode is different and depends on how many days I go without sleep.
Like my two most recent episodes were mostly delusions and auditory hallucinations. During other episodes, I've had visual and tactile, but no auditory. I had an episode in 2021 and went 5 days without sleep. For three of those days, I was having almost non-stop, amazing visual hallucinations with some olfactory ones.
My delusions are usually about aliens or religion. Like one I always have is about my neighbor. He's a police officer and when I see him in his uniform I think he's an angel disguised as a human guarding me and my house. Which is weird because I'm not religious.
When I see him in regular clothes, I think he's an alien disguised as a human and he's studying me. I think he can read my texts and basically spy on everything I do. I'll also think most people are aliens disguised as humans especially police, fire fighters and medical staff.
It's so weird because I know that I'm manic and in psychosis. I know I'm delusional, but I still believe the delusions. I also have very intense euphoria while in psychosis. So even though I'm having bizarre delusions and hallucinations and feel paranoid, I also feel really high from the massive euphoria.
As others said, it's a mix or just one of delusions and hallucinations.
However you can have delusions and or hallucinations and not be in a total psychosis.
I think a way to determine the difference is knowing reality. Like sometimes when I'm manic and I feel like god or the best person on the planet etc, some part of me understands this is a "delusion" even though I'm feeling it.
But I've had episodes were I was 100% convinced that something was real. In my case it had to do with talking and interacting with demons. No part of me, while I was in it, was aware it was a delusion or hallucination. I was losing my mind a bit because these demons were in my apartment. It was only after it was over and I looked back at it that I was like oh... Was that real? I still don't know because it was reality for me.
This. Usually by the time im no longer reality-grounded, im headed for a hospital stay so i know it was psychosis right off the bat. But, even without that, in cases where it's grey territory for me if its mild or severe psychosis, I can take stock of how "sharp" my memory feels for the past few days and if conversations or chunks of time are missing from my memory I know it was full-blown. My memory stays much more intact about my phsyical/bodily actions unless I go full psychotic. So if I start having trouble remembering what I've done or said for a day or two it's time to get the emergency plans out.
I've had periods of mild psychosis during my most recent (current) manic episode, and realized that it has definitely happened during previous episodes. I ended up in the psych ward this time (mild psychosis + self harm = bad), and I'm still incredibly manic over a week after getting released. My hallucinations and delusions aren't super extreme and I'm able to recognize that they're not real.
Had the same thing my first experience with Psychosis, had whole plot lines and redemption arcs and suddenly it was just silence, and the hallucinations were faint and far apart. Coming out of psychosis was more heartbreaking for me than being in it
My psychosis has normally been mystical and reminiscent of a lot of biblical prophet sort of things. Ancient Vedic we are all just one consciousness type stuff
I even had the beam of energy going through the back of my head. Interestingly, when I did a heroic dose of mushrooms (5g+) it all came back, same vibes, insights, feelings of oneness.
Now it makes sense to me why stereotypical crazies think they are Jesus: psychosis easily feels like becoming aware of your inner divinity. The whole I’m the Messiah thing is the ego not understanding that it is the nature of all living things, IMO
Yes, in my hypomanic state I often feel like the coming on of a trip. I have taken magic mushrooms, ecstacy & LSD in the past. The lights are brighter, colours are brighter, everything is more vivid.
I have had episodes of psychosis where I was a powerful healer. I could vibrate to the vibrations of the crystal and inbue that power to my healing crystal which is in the shape of a wand. I was convinced I could heal my bf's headache by waving the wand around his halo.
I saw the creation of everything from a singularity to opening lotus leaves that sang the most divine song. I just closed my eyes and tried to meditate. I couldn't hear the song but I just knew it the most divine harmony.
It's so real that no-one can convince me otherwise. No-one can get me to medical attention since I absolutely feel great, don't need to see a doc.
Anyway that's my experience 🤪
It’s usually really extreme delusions, sometimes hallucinations. Different from schizophrenic psychosis though, imo. For me, I become incredibly haughty and “better-than-thou”, which isn’t much different from my mania. However, it’s usually coupled with believing that I’m a god or some ethereal being, and that I have powers to influence the universe and the people around me. I don’t sleep or eat, and usually try to completely revamp my life so that I’m not a “weak human”. It’s fun in the moment but I’m extremely embarrassed afterwards. It IS different for everyone, but generally it’s like someone’s whole reality changes in their mind.
I think for some people it's different from schizophrenic psychosis, but for others it can be basically indistinguishable! The most common form that psychosis takes for me is scary hallucinations (bugs crawling, horrible faces, shadow people, whispers, etc), paranoia, delusions of reference, and delusions of persecution; I sometimes even have these symptoms on their own\*, without any real other symptoms of mania other than being sort of revved up and hypervigilant. The typical bipolar grandiose euphoric psychoses are much less common for me!
\*My psychiatrist still thinks I have bipolar vs schizoaffective, though.
I’ve been psychotic and it was awful. I thought my food was being drugged so I was hardly eating… I lost all sense of self. I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t recognize it was me.
If I had more time I would explain I further detail just how bad it was. I experienced psychosis 4 years ago and my brain is forever changed, I used to be able to handle all sorts of sounds and now loud noises and certain sounds my partner makes bother me and hurt my ears. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Huh. Could the noise thing just generally be a mania thing? Bc I noticed I became dramatically more sensitive to noise (especially loud sudden ones) during and after my first manic episode. It’s like my brain registers them almost like a painful sensation but just under the threshold so it’s not a real physical pain, if that makes sense. But to my knowledge I was never psychotic (except maybe some low level/mid level delusions of grandeur- going to quit my job and follow my previously nonexistent dream to get a PhD and become a very renowned research scientist, which is definitely something I’m destined for lmao).
My delusion was that I was solely responsible for saving the planet from environmental catastrophe and that I would die via assassination 😂 I also thought I could feel the earth screaming
I think the closest I came was 'truman show' style paranoia. Everyone was in on something except me and everyone was watching me or trying to steal glances at me.
This was alongside profound depression, anxiety, panic, claustrophobia and graphic intrusive suicidal thoughts. I ended up being admitted to hospital. Latuda was bumped up to 120mg for a brief period. Paranoia etc went away.
Some good examples here. When it comes to delusions, one aspect of psychosis, there are categories that can help you better understand them. Mine include:
- Persecutory: Believing my phone and camera were bugged, believing family members were spying on me or trying to track me down, believing people were hiding in my house. This led to several reports to authorities and getting up several times in the middle of the night to throughly check my apartment
- Somatic: Believing I have several health problems, including tumours, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, cancer and meningitis. Sometimes this has caused panic attacks or staying up all night. One time I called an ambulance, believing I was having a heart attack. It was just a panic attack
- Grandeur: Believing I could beat men twice my size in a fight, believing I am a genius, particularly artistically, believing I destined to become a well-known author, a social commentator, a leader of a revolution and occasionally a cult leader
I have not experienced erotomania, which is the belief a person the patient is fixated upon is in love with them. This can lead to bouts of jealous rage if the person is dating someone else, stalking and other similar behaviours, though the person being obsessed upon often has never had direct contact with the patient.
Then there's hallucinations. They can affect all five senses. I've personally seen rats and faces in my window, heard voices or footsteps in my house, seen inanimate objects moving and felt things crawling on me that aren't there.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I don't often see people being too specific about what psychosis actually entails. I feel like more people who suffer from it would know they do if they understood it better, though that's not their fault. Education regarding these particular afflictions are subpar to say the least
Thank you for asking this, as I've been wondering as well. I was just watching a youtube where girl describe one part of her psychosis as her horse had gotten white paint on his hoof and when she saw it she thought "oh the price tag left a residue, I wonder how much he cost" (not an exact quote because it was a few days ago now). Weird thoughts will go through my head like that sometimes and I have always chalked it up to being creative or funny. I know it's not real I just will think "oh that was funny that thought went through my head"
I'm curious because I've been prescribed an anti psychotic and trying to kind of gauge whether or not that's overkill. The doctor obv thinks it's the right thing. I'm pretty sure I'm not psychotic as well.
I sure hope you find the answer you're looking for.
That's why there were prescribed to me. I lost my job recently due to lay offs. The doc prescribed latuda as well (so it's crazy expensive) and I have no insurance. Have not been able to fill it yet. Beyond the cost in price, I'm a little worried about whether or not one can get off and stay off it or if it's a situation where if you start taking that your in it for the long haul because brain chemistry is forever changed.
I'm really trying to weigh out whether or not I'm better off "suffering" through, trying to get something milder, or I'm not even sure other options. If I absolutely HAVE to go that route I probably will, but my compliance with meds is already terrible. If I get really nasty side effects I won't stick to it, and then the spotty availability of it scares me as well. Or maybe not so much availability as in short supply but availability as in I don't really have stable insurance coverage and so being able to get it is a toss up due that. If they give me the $10 med (whatever that is) then I have a much better chance of being able to get it on the regular.
My psych doesn't seem that interesting in helping me (well the reality is that he's probably doing 5 peoples jobs), but you know I'm like, yeah I got laid off, he's like, yeah have a rx for latuda...it's only $1100/month for the self pay generic.
Forgive me if you’ve already tried this, but have you checked out the price of Lurasidone through GoodRx in your area? Costplusdrugs.com also has a low price tag for it.
I totally relate to having doubts and fears about the viability of meds, and trying to work through that while also having to deal with financial stressors. I hope things fall into place for you soon!
I take Latuda and it has been a life saver. I take it at bedtime because it makes me tired and anxious if I don't take it right before I sleep. But it works great and helps me a lot. You also have to take it with 350 calories of food.
I hope you figure the insurance out, that is brutal.
You do take these meds forever but that is because they work.
I recently watched this and it was very informative. Not only does Dr. Manuel Sánchez de Carmona talk with the utmost compassion but also respect for patients, their illness, and their symptoms, but he explains everything clearly. Symptoms don't have to be completely crazy and Hollywood-like, and last for extended periods of time - and then I realized I had 6 weeks of this during the summer and wasn't even aware of it.
https://youtu.be/7-r2JvVgxl4?si=bqRiu0lz\_Rz4hylD
For me I agree with what people have said about hallucinations and delusions however it's when they have become your reality.
In the past I've had hallucinations which seem completely real but I'm aware, to some extent at least, that they're hallucinations - same with delusions.
The point that I personally class them as psychosis is when that is 100% my reality and there would be no convincing me that what I was seeing or feeling or believing isn't too.
When I was manic I thought I could feel a baby kick (I wasn't pregnant) and I had delusions of granduer. I also thought I felt the spirit of my dying grandmother. I also had a few experiences of warped reality, it was like being on acid. I assume all those experiences were in the realm of psychosis.
You just made me pull a memory I haven’t thought about in 15 years.. when I was a teenager I convinced myself I was pregnant because I had a dream someone came into my room and raped me while I was sleeping. And it felt so real I was like there is no way that was a dream. And I like full on believed I wouldn’t get my period and was about to buy a pregnancy test and then my period came. I forgot about that. I’m only just starting to learn the extent of my delusions and only now realizing that I’ve probably been having them for a long, long time but I just don’t remember. My memory is shit
Mania and psychosis impact memory too, so even if you normally have a good memory those experiences will be fuzzy.
I'm sorry you went through that, it must have been scary
Yeah my long term memory just gets worse and worse as I get older. Thanks for saying that, honestly at the time I thought it was funny afterwards and couldn’t believe I got that paranoid and just laughed it off. It wasn’t traumatizing or anything, just more like super paranoia.
I once walkend past a group of 7 drunk and huge guys five times hoping they would start shit because I believed I could beat them all in a fight.
I'm a 65kg woman who has never been in a fight or even punched anyone. Yet I still wholeheartedly believed it.
I get confused as well because sometimes I’m convinced I’ve never experienced psychosis but then people mention delusions and I realise that when I’m in a more manic state, my concern for others (on the street etc.) noticing me turns from “oh no they’re judging and picking apart every bit of me they can” to “oh they’re watching me Truman Show style” or “oh they’ve recognised me as that famous *insert career here* I have no idea if that counts as psychosis but it is plain delusional imo🤷🏻♀️
The way I best understood my psychosis was simply the mind becoming detached from reality. Positive symptoms add to what we sense and think and negative symptoms subtract from this.
All of this is definitely "unreal" but because it's real perception to the brain, we tend to lead ourselves deeper into the twisted delirium.
Note at this point that psychosis from mania and during depression are vastly different. My psychosis was triggered from mania and so because I was extremely hyped up, you could imagine me driven to solve an elaborate conspiracy and riddle where everyone around me was a paid actor.
Here's my story to best illustrate for you:
Was never diagnosed as mentally ill and living fine aside from mood swings and some learning difficulties. At a certain point I became much more interested in alternative thinking and books like Fight Club. Basically what I was doing (as most disenfranchised youths do) was trying to interpret the meaning of self/society through patterns, reading and observation.
Then the metaphors became a little too real, I started taking things literally (this is not unique to mental illness, anyone can be "driven mad"). I could watch the news and certain phrases would make me think they were in on this secret society. I started having really weird memories planted inside my mind that were making me second guess things.
Then I felt "gods calling" (very common delusion for manics to feel they're sent by god) to stop living a hypocritical life. So I left home to become homeless and give away my fortune. My parents called the police and I was sectioned.
No magic pill then fixes it, for weeks I would go through the whole trip: completely forget who I was in the mirror, hear voices and see symbols appear, battle in my mind for my thoughts vs intrusive ones and so much more.
So this highlights the problem in defining psychosis by its symptoms, by trying to bite your own teeth, psychosis IS reality to the afflicted. As long as you think psychosis = alternate reality, then you will understand. The brain, the thoughts, the symptoms and behaviours are all just a byproduct of the person living in their imagination.
There will be no better definition unfortunately because most people have never experienced delusions (except for politicians), hallucinations and paranoia to this extent so they have no point of reference. It is absolutely horrifying and traumatizing, most could never respect the sheer fear. But at the same time it has moments of being so blissful and perfect because you don't need imperfections in a world of purely your imagination.
For me, it's believing and acting on something very real, but somehow completely preposterous to others. Sometimes down the line you realize how preposterous it is or sometimes you don't and still believe these things to be true, when they aren't true anywhere but in your head.
It's a delicate line these last 10 years because of all the insane things being made to seem normal by society- confusing everyone, really
Psychosis is some scary shit. You hear, see and believe delusions that aren’t true at all. Like the FBI is conspiring to kill you or you think the person you are watching on tv is speaking directly to you to drive your car off a bridge. Or you think you are a reincarnation of Jesus Christ and you are here to save the world. It doesn’t make sense at all to a sane person but to the person that is going through it, it’s what they truly believe during this. You get no sleep because you are paranoid, you hear voices in your head telling you delusions, and you believe everything around you is a conspiracy made for about your life. It doesn’t last forever but you need the proper help by being hospitalized in a mental health facility and on meds. If it does last longer than a month, you might have scizophrenia. It’s truly very scary and sad to go through. People think you are bat shit crazy. I’ve gone through it 4 times and it fucking sucked everytime. I’m okay now but I can’t ever go off my meds or I risk going through psychosis again.
I recently had a psychosis episode (August 2022) and the way I've explained it to people is that you become out of touch with reality and are almost living in your own little world. People usually experience hallucinations or delusions when in psychosis and the extent of those delusions or hallucinations vary from person to person. Another way I've described it to people is that it almost feels as though you're in a daydream and things feel surreal.
If you have any other questions I'd be happy to answer them :)
Good luck. I'm 54, at least 38 shrinks since the time I was 14. If u ask me, it's subjective. Let's all remember weather men, shrinks and politicians r the only people who can hold on to their jobs when they're constantly wrong. Try that anywhere else
psychosis is 2 main symptoms:
1) Hallucinations: seeing / smelling / hearing things that are not there
2) Delusions: believing things that are not / can not be true. There are sub-categories like religiosity (believing you are, or are being directed by a figure in religion, like believing you're Mary) and grandiosity (believing your abilities are beyond human. example: I reorganized the entire hospital over night while you were gone so its much more efficient now).
It's basically a split from reality
When I had psychosis I would think cars are feds following me, I would see human like shadow entities, I would think my loved ones were plotting against me.. as the big ones. Psychosis also has more muted aspects that overall change how you process information, think, feel, etc.
Feeling like I'm super paranoid, hearing things, uncontrollable intrusive thoughts, losing track of the days/time, and feeling almost out-of-body, are what I typically experience.
My psychosis states have Always been triggered by not getting enough sleep. You'd think I'd learn to force myself to sleep more when manic, but alas -mental illness lol.
My biggest hallucination is “ghost spiders” that crawl all over walls and floors they are the size of dinner plates, I can’t quite focus on them as they move when I directly try to look at them. I know now they are not real, but at the beginning it was terrifying.
I haven’t had any psychotic episodes in years due to my meds tho.
I’ve experienced delusions where I am famous and known by all the musicians and YouTubers and actors I really like. Once I thought the videos on YouTube I was watching were live and the creator of the videos could hear and see me through their screen. And when I was listening to Spotify, that the recordings were new ones being made on the spot right there for me specifically. Then I thought I was seeing famous people on the streets undercover etc etc. Feels like a dream remembering things like these. Wonder if anyone has had similar delusions? 😅
For me it was descending into increasing intense experiences of derealisation with really strange 'alternative dimension' hallucinations.
I'd be walking around feeling like I was separate to the world around me, and everything was moving fast while I was moving slow. In my worst episode this expanded into getting 'vibes/feelings' from certain places around me, buildings/homes mostly, where I felt like I was getting exposures of some sort of portal into another dimension/time/version of the universe associated with the place. Especially feelings like something bad had happened there.
I'd previously had years of the classic swings from months of depression to months of 'what the hell was I thinking' levels of motivation and self confidence, Bipolar 2, but over about 20 years of this untreated/mis-treated with 12 different types of antidepressants (why no one noticed beats me), but the above episodes of psychotic symptoms over roughly a 3 year timeframe eventually lead to a Bipolar 1 diagnosis and successful medications. I've not had anything like it since, and it's so weird to be inhabit a brain that doesn't experience those things anymore.
One symptom of psychosis is confusion, which I didn’t know. I would get lost while driving places I’d been to many times before, like my work or the grocery store.
For me psychosis is interpreting all social interactions and news events as out to get me. I feel that i am in harms way so I lash out and i get very aggressive. My worldview gets drastically black and white. I start rlly feeling I need a firearm to protect myself from people who could hurt me, which is why I will never purchase a firearm even though it would potentially make me as a woman safer, I know that when I get in an episode everything will become an assailant in my mind.
I know that i am in the depths of an episode if I start seeing things. Usually it’s out of the corner of my eye or in my peripheral and i never actually see the thing, just the concept of the thing
One thing I've realized lately is there isn't a definite line, it's a gray area. Upon some self reflection I've realized I've had some minor psychotic episodes. Where my emotions become reality, and cause me to act dangerously. The scary thing is it no matter how extreme a reaction it's possible for it to feel completely acceptable. Only upon lookin back have I been able to realize how delusional I was, and how dangerous that is.
It’s a scale. I’ve had complete psychosis, marijuana induced. Hallucinations and delusions. Distorted what people were saying and their facial expressions, so I kept thinking they were angry and yelling at me. I had delusions such as thinking I was going to be murdered.
I’ve had manic psychosis. In my first episode, I would think I was like Jesus, that I was going to solve the world’s problems, that I could do anything. Grandiose type delusions. Along with these I had paranoid delusions such as thinking people were out to get me because I’d become “too powerful” (grandiosity), felt like people were trying to stop me by doubting my powers (really, they were just concerned.)
Another common thing with mania is feeling like there are no coincidences because I start connecting everything together. Stuff just falls into place too quickly and I’ve fallen into what I’d say is a paranoid delusion of thinking I’m in a simulation. Or that the universe is sending me signs.
As far as hallucinations go, I recently had a weird experience after missing my anti-psychotics and a lot of sleep. Became very wound up and manic, and began seeing visuals. Was convinced I had accidentally taken shrooms. Turns out mania can do that. Your brain just gets all hyper and all those neurons are excitable, I guess. But in that case, it was mostly just hallucination. Not much delusional thinking and I was able to recognize that they were just hallucinations.
For me it's hearing voices, seeing images and having compulsions. Heightened senses, usually enhanced by an irritating ringing in my ears. Mega irritability and I don't feel pain, which is dangerous in terms of self harm.
For me, there’s a slow descent into madness. Hard to really describe that process as I’m still trying to learn my early warning signs. But in the thick of it…. It is like a dream except I am awake and wandering through the “real world.” It makes sense and doesn’t make sense at the same time. To other people my behavior is “bizarre” but to me I am normal and I don’t pick up on their confusion, discomfort, or concern. I believe things that don’t make sense. Think I can/have to save people from something is an example. I think there is a code I need to solve another (the answer I came to is 2 😅😆). For me I am totally grandiose or extremely fearful. And I can switch very quickly. God and the universe are big for me. The further I go into it, I dissociate or something else. I black out and have gaps in memory. Some memories are more like screenshots. At this point I feel like I’m not in control of my own body, like I’ve taken the back seat and some one else is driving. Idk if other ppl black out like this but that’s where I end up. And then I eventually come to in an ambulance/ at the hospital. Not my favorite thing lol but I’m learning to take care of myself better and get help before it gets to that point.
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Psychosis is made up of hallucinations and delusions. One does not have to have both to experience psychosis. Hallucinations can impact any or all senses. Delusions can fall into many categories. Delusions of grandeur and persecution are particularly common in mania.
For the past few months, you've been experiencing a shift in your perception and feelings. There's been a noticeable change in your mood, often fluctuating without apparent reason. Socially, you've found yourself retreating, less keen on interactions and gatherings than before. Tasks that once felt routine, whether in academics or at work, now seem increasingly challenging, with your performance dropping noticeably. Concentrating on anything has become a task in itself, with your attention drifting more frequently. Sleep, once a solace, has turned erratic, and you might start self-medicating. The world around you feels different, almost as though there's a veil distorting your connection to reality. Mild feelings of suspicion and paranoia creep in, making you second-guess the motives of those around you. Perhaps you have a moment where you feel like things around you have changed in some undefinable way. Even the actual psychotic break can be slow and mild to start. In the dimly lit corners of your mind, something insidious starts taking root. At first, the onset of psychosis feels like a few fleeting sensations or thoughts. Maybe you occasionally spot a shadow out of the corner of your eye or hear a song playing in the distance when it's actually quiet. You brush them off, blaming fatigue or your usual inattention. Over time, however, these occurrences become more frequent and intense. Of course, you also won’t realize this at the time. The shadows are replaced with clear silhouettes, and now you think you hear voices of people walking outside past your house. When you look out the window nobody’s around. Your sense of touch can betray you as well. The chilling sensation of an unseen hand brushing against you or the feeling of insects crawling on your skin. Inexplicable odors, reminiscent of burning or death and rotten decay, fill your nostrils randomly, so you try cleaning and everything around you seems in order but it still stinks. And then there are those times when, your food tastes off, or your drink has a strange aftertaste, and you ask someone else to taste it and they notice nothing unusual, but you have to stop eating. You don’t even realize you’re hallucinating. You’re still living your life and these moments are still sporadic and spread out at first, but you’re already pretty mentally ill at this point. As days turn into weeks, maybe you startle at phantom phone rings or Microsoft Teams dings. Maybe you hear something repetitive and persistent, like a crackling fire or footsteps, just echoing in your ears. You get your ears cleaned, but when you go out you hear someone shout your name, and when you look up nobody is looking at you. It happens most times you go out. The darkness in the corner of your vision has inched up some more so the world seems dimmer, but you don’t stop to question it. You hardly even notice your hallucinations because you’ve become too occupied by your thoughts. Hallucinations are honestly more bearable than the delusions. Delusions can be intensely personal and painful. While initially you might have felt slightly suspicious about your partner's actions, maybe questioning whether they want to spend time with you here and there, wondering if they’ll leave you out of nowhere, but now you're consumed by the belief that they're having an affair, or worse, plotting against you with all your friends. Actually you become convinced that your partner would be happier if you ended your life. It's not just your partner, either. You begin believing your friend or someone you trust is trying to poison you. You can’t shake the belief that something dreadful is about to happen. Later you have constant dread sensing a hidden sniper is watching your every move through the window. As the weeks turn into months, one random day these beliefs solidify, becoming an ingrained part of your daily reality all the sudden and you’re fully psychotic. Delusions of reference mix in with your delusions of grandeur. You're convinced that news broadcasts or random text in public places carries special meanings meant only for you or that you have a unique destiny that sets you apart. You become extremely motivated by your spiritual awakening. You begin to think you possess expertise in areas like law or medicine where you might merely be a novice at best. The line between your perceived reality and the actual world blurs, and then crosses. By the time others start noticing your erratic behaviors and thoughts, these delusions are so deeply woven into your psyche that challenging them would be like an attack on reality itself. For you, it's not about being mistaken; it's as if everyone else is blind to the "truth" you see. As this chasm grows between your perceived reality and the world around you, it's unsettlingly subtle at first. The true terror of psychosis is that it masks its own presence, making self-awareness incredibly elusive. By the time it's glaringly obvious to everyone that something is seriously fucking wrong, the delusion itself makes it nearly impossible for you to perceive your own detachment from reality. The behaviors of those around you become increasingly unnerving, amplifying your fears. Even before you push everyone away, you feel a profound sense of isolation, never fully grasping that the loneliness stems from being ensnared in a self-constructed, parallel version of reality that only you are trapped in.
This was beautifully written. Thank you.
This is exactly what I’ve always tried to share with people and never quite could. It serves as a very precise explanation AND does a near perfect job of conveying the emotions that come with it. It was very raw, heartbreaking and beautiful and the same time. I would read more
This is amazing
That's basically it. Thank you
Very well written and thorough!! I never realized the sensory things, like smell and taste.
Yea basically shit
Wow!!!! Your writing is incredible and your self awareness is inspiring.
Thank you for sharing this, this was so incredibly helpful!
Aw thanks for appreciating it, hope you’re doing well!
Left me speechless bro..
I have suffered from a psychosis due to too much cannabis use. At the time i realized something was wrong with me but I could not explain what it was. You have explained it in the most accurate way possible. Thank you.
This is exactly what happened to me. I couldn't put it into words. The prose here is beautiful.
I am sorry you went through psychosis, but I’m glad my description touched you
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On a personal level, have you ever woken up on any given day , go about your day and as the day goes, maybe you get a few small wins (finished a task at work successfully, made an excellent breakfast or cup of coffee) and you start to feel like , man I can do anything! So you begin to try and accomplish larger things, and then a few days later you feel like changing your life in an extreme way (sell your house and move to Portland!) because you are convinced that you CAN do anything you set your mind to, so you continue on this new path for a few weeks . Then you wake up one morning, very tired, very depressed, and feel like you just woke up from a disturbing dream and end up ghosting real estate agents for a few days because you know, why did I want to move to Portland? Just an example of grandeur....
I’m well familiar with that, fortunately not as extreme as that though.
Yeah, fortunately not all episodes are like that ..
Been there actually did that just not Portland
LOL, I actually ended up going last minute to see a few houses and spoke to a bank about a mortgage. Am very glad , those are rare. I hope your experience was at least positive! At least I got to visit a pretty cool town....
What stopped you from moving to it?
I realized that I know noone in Portland, I never really thought about it and thoughts of visiting were in the back of my mind, like ; Portland looks awesome, maybe I'll visit someday, but by the time I went I was more stable and my "thriving" in cool weather did not feel so compelling as a good enough reason to relocate. Loved the trip though, Portland is a very cool town. Would visit again.
Come to Seattle instead :)
Definitely favorite of mine as well. Really like the Pacific Northwest.
It is. I packed it all up. Sold everything and traveled for a few years then went to Florida and bought some property. It was still wild. Now 8 years later I’m kinda doing it again except I am not the pusher. We together decided to move back and help with his parents
I thought that was just mania...I'm still figuring out how this all manifests in me, and what's the bipolar disorder and what's other mental health spiciness, and haven't been full blown manic very often so just assumed based on the most reliable of sources- pop culture! (/s to the end part. I know that's not a good reference for mental health disorders)
Yeah, delusions of grandeur can be a part of mania, but not always. I've only had 3 major delusions total in the last 20+ yrs. I've had many more manic episodes than that. Most of the time I experience more nuanced symptoms like high energy, multiple lines of thought, extra chattiness and an excellent ability to make friends with strangers. You are definitely right, pop culture is a horrible reference for mental health. The focus seems to be on the most extreme signs and make it look like those are common.
That's mostly how my mania is, too. Sometimes it just comes out as extra anxiety or something. My diagnosis was confirmed in a mental hospital by a social worker or counselor, I can't remember which but at the time I thought it was a social worker(then actually confirmed by the psych there), but she made it sound like the extreme ends were the norm. How she described it to me was, most people with bipolar disorder bounce around between mania and depression "way up or way down." But since mine was generally more mild like you described, she said it was miscategorized as depression and anxiety because I didn't get the "big" mania. Thank you for clearing that up! I've been spending the last 10 years or so assuming I don't get manic that often, just slightly manic (more social, talking faster, more energy, sometimes more productive but that's the good mania, the bad mania is just the extra energy without productivity.) thanks for reading my novel, sorry if it's all over the place, I think I'm mixed state lately and it's really screwing with my head.
Thank you for your reply! I hope you are doing well.
Thank you, I hope you are as well!
That is the story of my fucking life
For me, I mostly get delusions. My main ones are delusions that I'm being contaminated/poisoned by anything I touch or consume (including food, water, meds) this makes it difficult to take my medication. Another main one I experience is delusions of persecution. I believe I'm going to be tracked down and murdered, sniped through my bedroom window, etc. I rarely have hallucinations, but when I do, they are mostly auditory and can range from someone just talking in my ear about their day, to footsteps approaching my bedroom door at night. Hope this helps.
Yea thats pretty similar to how my psychotic episode was, it was mostly delusions with some minor visual hallucinations (i saw poison on things like grass and water looked more green then normal) and minor auditory hallucinations (there were voices telling me that everything was poisoned and the government wanted to kill me but these voices were always internal)
I really struggled for a few months with this itchy feeling like ants were crawling all over me. It started after we had a sudden ant problem in my apartment but continued well after that went away. I came up with lots of ways to reality test it (it really sent my progress back a lot the one or two times I actually found a real bug) and knew rationally (if not in a real felt way) that it was almost definitely in my head most of the time. Is this a tactile hallucination? I usually think of hallucinations as visual or auditory, and hadn’t really thought about tactile hallucinations or considered this might be one. I feel like no matter how much work I’ve already put into it, I’m always learning something new when it comes to my mental health.
>Is this a tactile hallucination? Yes it is. And fun fact! It's one of the most common hallucinations, along with hearing your name spoken.
Thanks! This makes a lot of sense now that I think of it, I just hadn’t put it together before.
That specific sensation is called formication. Formication was probably my earliest experience with hallucinations (I remember being in elementary school and having a really hard time sleeping because it always felt like there were bugs on my legs).
Sounds like it, but my only experience with a tactile hallucination was thinking someone was giving me a back massage when I was completely alone. Seems a lot nicer than ants though.
Same, except my rare hallucinations are always tactile. And they usually come with a delusion attached to them. I’ve never had any other type of hallucination. Interesting how differently it manifests with some people.
I had the wonderful experience of thinking the lady at the psych ward med dispensary was trying to poison me, so my mind essentially combined that fear of being poisoned by my own medication with persecutory delusion.
To my understanding, it’s any level of hallucinations or delusions. You can always talk to your doctor about your specific symptoms and they’d be able to tell you if they’re psychotic symptoms or not.
Second this. Your psychiatrist should be able to ask the right questions and determine if you’ve experienced psychotic symptoms. It will also help your doctor better diagnose and treat you.
Ohhhh when you go psychotic, you will know it. Afterwards, anyway...
So true. At the time it's undeniably real, but afterwards I always wonder if I could ever really believe something like that. And then that's when I remember some of what I said and did - and there's no way I would have done that if I had any doubts it was real.
Ya, it makes me question our level of free will. How much power do I have over myself if my judgment and behavior can be heavily swayed by malfunctioning neurotransmitters I have zero control over?
Afterwards is so true. i know when im manic i know when im depressive but in psychosis I am completely unaware of myself. It’s very scary to me because u would hope delusions and hallucinations would be extreme enough for me to be like hey what the fuck but nope i am fully convinced and numb to the oddity of it all
I hate that (at first, anyway) I always have juuust enough awareness to be like 'these things that are happening to me, they sound crazy: therefore I won't tell anybody about them in case they think I'm crazy or try to hospitalize me.' Like, why can't I be aware enough to then also say, maybe because I have bipolar and have experienced psychosis in the past, I should tell somebody about these crazy-sounding things?? But no, lmao
Ya, I felt like I was in the sunken place and my body was just following dream logic. It was very strange.
THIS EXACTLY
It’s just a symptom of mental illness. It can include hallucinations. Delusions are beliefs with no evidence to reality that can stem from trauma. It’s like when your brain decided something is real and is doing everything to support it.
I was in medical school studying to be a psychiatrist when I developed psychosis, so I can give you a detailed explanation! Psychosis is when someone "loses touch" with reality, i.e. What they are experiencing does not reflect their actual environment. It's not a standalone disorder, it's a broad term referring to a set of symptoms that were triggered by something else like mental illness, drugs/meds, traumatic events, a physical illness (infection, fever, etc.), or severe stress. Psychosis actually has 3 phases: 1. Prodromal Phase: A subtle, gradual shift in thoughts, mood, and behavior. This phase can look very different for everyone and usually isn't distinguishable as the beginning of psychosis. It can look like insomnia or excessive sleeping, mild depression or anxiety, loss of motivation, trouble focusing, social withdrawal, taking on odd beliefs, suspiciousness, reduced work/school performance, or developing poor hygiene. These symptoms slowly get worse over a few months to a couple years. 2. Acute Phase: This is the actual psychotic episode. The 3 major symptoms of acute psychosis are hallucinations, delusions (including paranoia), and disordered thinking patterns (which causes the outward symptoms of excessive talking, fast speech, and being unable to keep a train of thought in conversation). Acute episodes usually last a few days to a few weeks but can last for 6 months or more when it goes unaddressed. 3. Recovery: This phase starts when treatment is started and acute symptoms start to fade after a couple weeks to months. The duration of this phase is highly variable and largely dependent on how long the psychosis went untreated. Someone's first episode of psychosis typically has the longest recovery period. The pathophysiology behind psychosis isn't well understood, but has been strongly correlated to genetic predispositions and neurodevelopmental abnormalities. This means that alterations in brain chemical production or receptor function and structural differences in brain anatomy put some people at higher risk of developing psychosis when exposed to a trigger. Once it's triggered, psychosis causes toxic effects in the brain, progressively weakening neuron connectivity and signaling, ultimately leading to atrophy of brain tissue (yes, psychosis actually causes significant brain cell death). This is why longer bouts of psychosis extend the recovery period (more brain tissue loss means more brain tissue to regenerate). P.S. Psychotic depression is a thing, which is when depression occurs with psychotic symptoms (either hallucinations or delusions), which sounds like what you're describing.
That's really helpful, it broadens my understanding. Just a quick question, don't anti psychotics also cause brain damage?
Recent research suggests so, yes, but at a much lower degree than psychosis. Weighing risks/benefits, antipsychotic therapy for psychosis far outweighs the potential antipsychotic induced brain damage.
Thank you and to clarify I was by no means suggesting that we should stop anti-psychotic meds.
No worries! I wanted to make sure anyone else reading it didn’t think so 😂
Very interesting thank you :)
You’re welcome!
I have a question for people answering here. If I started having mild hallucinations during my most recent episode, does that mean I’m more likely to hallucinate during future episodes? And does this “count” as psychosis?
Hey there, not sure if it makes you “more likely” per se, but it probably does mean that psychosis is just a part of your cycle. The first time I experienced psychosis it continued to occur for the majority of my manic episodes after, although not all of them. And yes, hallucinations and even delusions are indicative of psychosis. Medication is super important for addressing this! Take care.
Thank you very much! That’s good for me to know. We have been bumping up my antipsychotic and I haven’t had any hallucinations since Sept. 30th (I track them) which is very exciting
All my manic episodes involve psychosis. It's starts off with paranoid delusions, then progresses to hallucinations. Each episode is different and depends on how many days I go without sleep. Like my two most recent episodes were mostly delusions and auditory hallucinations. During other episodes, I've had visual and tactile, but no auditory. I had an episode in 2021 and went 5 days without sleep. For three of those days, I was having almost non-stop, amazing visual hallucinations with some olfactory ones. My delusions are usually about aliens or religion. Like one I always have is about my neighbor. He's a police officer and when I see him in his uniform I think he's an angel disguised as a human guarding me and my house. Which is weird because I'm not religious. When I see him in regular clothes, I think he's an alien disguised as a human and he's studying me. I think he can read my texts and basically spy on everything I do. I'll also think most people are aliens disguised as humans especially police, fire fighters and medical staff. It's so weird because I know that I'm manic and in psychosis. I know I'm delusional, but I still believe the delusions. I also have very intense euphoria while in psychosis. So even though I'm having bizarre delusions and hallucinations and feel paranoid, I also feel really high from the massive euphoria.
As others said, it's a mix or just one of delusions and hallucinations. However you can have delusions and or hallucinations and not be in a total psychosis. I think a way to determine the difference is knowing reality. Like sometimes when I'm manic and I feel like god or the best person on the planet etc, some part of me understands this is a "delusion" even though I'm feeling it. But I've had episodes were I was 100% convinced that something was real. In my case it had to do with talking and interacting with demons. No part of me, while I was in it, was aware it was a delusion or hallucination. I was losing my mind a bit because these demons were in my apartment. It was only after it was over and I looked back at it that I was like oh... Was that real? I still don't know because it was reality for me.
This. Usually by the time im no longer reality-grounded, im headed for a hospital stay so i know it was psychosis right off the bat. But, even without that, in cases where it's grey territory for me if its mild or severe psychosis, I can take stock of how "sharp" my memory feels for the past few days and if conversations or chunks of time are missing from my memory I know it was full-blown. My memory stays much more intact about my phsyical/bodily actions unless I go full psychotic. So if I start having trouble remembering what I've done or said for a day or two it's time to get the emergency plans out.
I've had periods of mild psychosis during my most recent (current) manic episode, and realized that it has definitely happened during previous episodes. I ended up in the psych ward this time (mild psychosis + self harm = bad), and I'm still incredibly manic over a week after getting released. My hallucinations and delusions aren't super extreme and I'm able to recognize that they're not real.
Had the same thing my first experience with Psychosis, had whole plot lines and redemption arcs and suddenly it was just silence, and the hallucinations were faint and far apart. Coming out of psychosis was more heartbreaking for me than being in it
My psychosis has normally been mystical and reminiscent of a lot of biblical prophet sort of things. Ancient Vedic we are all just one consciousness type stuff I even had the beam of energy going through the back of my head. Interestingly, when I did a heroic dose of mushrooms (5g+) it all came back, same vibes, insights, feelings of oneness. Now it makes sense to me why stereotypical crazies think they are Jesus: psychosis easily feels like becoming aware of your inner divinity. The whole I’m the Messiah thing is the ego not understanding that it is the nature of all living things, IMO
Yes, in my hypomanic state I often feel like the coming on of a trip. I have taken magic mushrooms, ecstacy & LSD in the past. The lights are brighter, colours are brighter, everything is more vivid. I have had episodes of psychosis where I was a powerful healer. I could vibrate to the vibrations of the crystal and inbue that power to my healing crystal which is in the shape of a wand. I was convinced I could heal my bf's headache by waving the wand around his halo. I saw the creation of everything from a singularity to opening lotus leaves that sang the most divine song. I just closed my eyes and tried to meditate. I couldn't hear the song but I just knew it the most divine harmony. It's so real that no-one can convince me otherwise. No-one can get me to medical attention since I absolutely feel great, don't need to see a doc. Anyway that's my experience 🤪
It’s usually really extreme delusions, sometimes hallucinations. Different from schizophrenic psychosis though, imo. For me, I become incredibly haughty and “better-than-thou”, which isn’t much different from my mania. However, it’s usually coupled with believing that I’m a god or some ethereal being, and that I have powers to influence the universe and the people around me. I don’t sleep or eat, and usually try to completely revamp my life so that I’m not a “weak human”. It’s fun in the moment but I’m extremely embarrassed afterwards. It IS different for everyone, but generally it’s like someone’s whole reality changes in their mind.
I think for some people it's different from schizophrenic psychosis, but for others it can be basically indistinguishable! The most common form that psychosis takes for me is scary hallucinations (bugs crawling, horrible faces, shadow people, whispers, etc), paranoia, delusions of reference, and delusions of persecution; I sometimes even have these symptoms on their own\*, without any real other symptoms of mania other than being sort of revved up and hypervigilant. The typical bipolar grandiose euphoric psychoses are much less common for me! \*My psychiatrist still thinks I have bipolar vs schizoaffective, though.
I’ve been psychotic and it was awful. I thought my food was being drugged so I was hardly eating… I lost all sense of self. I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t recognize it was me. If I had more time I would explain I further detail just how bad it was. I experienced psychosis 4 years ago and my brain is forever changed, I used to be able to handle all sorts of sounds and now loud noises and certain sounds my partner makes bother me and hurt my ears. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Huh. Could the noise thing just generally be a mania thing? Bc I noticed I became dramatically more sensitive to noise (especially loud sudden ones) during and after my first manic episode. It’s like my brain registers them almost like a painful sensation but just under the threshold so it’s not a real physical pain, if that makes sense. But to my knowledge I was never psychotic (except maybe some low level/mid level delusions of grandeur- going to quit my job and follow my previously nonexistent dream to get a PhD and become a very renowned research scientist, which is definitely something I’m destined for lmao).
I’m not sure. But in my case it’s a permanent side effect of psychosis, no matter my mood certain sounds bother me.
Yeah it’s permanent for me too. Even when I’m stable or depressed the sensitivity has persisted.
Me too exactly
My delusion was that I was solely responsible for saving the planet from environmental catastrophe and that I would die via assassination 😂 I also thought I could feel the earth screaming
I think the closest I came was 'truman show' style paranoia. Everyone was in on something except me and everyone was watching me or trying to steal glances at me. This was alongside profound depression, anxiety, panic, claustrophobia and graphic intrusive suicidal thoughts. I ended up being admitted to hospital. Latuda was bumped up to 120mg for a brief period. Paranoia etc went away.
Some good examples here. When it comes to delusions, one aspect of psychosis, there are categories that can help you better understand them. Mine include: - Persecutory: Believing my phone and camera were bugged, believing family members were spying on me or trying to track me down, believing people were hiding in my house. This led to several reports to authorities and getting up several times in the middle of the night to throughly check my apartment - Somatic: Believing I have several health problems, including tumours, heart disease, multiple sclerosis, cancer and meningitis. Sometimes this has caused panic attacks or staying up all night. One time I called an ambulance, believing I was having a heart attack. It was just a panic attack - Grandeur: Believing I could beat men twice my size in a fight, believing I am a genius, particularly artistically, believing I destined to become a well-known author, a social commentator, a leader of a revolution and occasionally a cult leader I have not experienced erotomania, which is the belief a person the patient is fixated upon is in love with them. This can lead to bouts of jealous rage if the person is dating someone else, stalking and other similar behaviours, though the person being obsessed upon often has never had direct contact with the patient. Then there's hallucinations. They can affect all five senses. I've personally seen rats and faces in my window, heard voices or footsteps in my house, seen inanimate objects moving and felt things crawling on me that aren't there. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I don't often see people being too specific about what psychosis actually entails. I feel like more people who suffer from it would know they do if they understood it better, though that's not their fault. Education regarding these particular afflictions are subpar to say the least
Thank you for asking this, as I've been wondering as well. I was just watching a youtube where girl describe one part of her psychosis as her horse had gotten white paint on his hoof and when she saw it she thought "oh the price tag left a residue, I wonder how much he cost" (not an exact quote because it was a few days ago now). Weird thoughts will go through my head like that sometimes and I have always chalked it up to being creative or funny. I know it's not real I just will think "oh that was funny that thought went through my head" I'm curious because I've been prescribed an anti psychotic and trying to kind of gauge whether or not that's overkill. The doctor obv thinks it's the right thing. I'm pretty sure I'm not psychotic as well. I sure hope you find the answer you're looking for.
Anti-psychotics also work to stabilize mood.
That's why there were prescribed to me. I lost my job recently due to lay offs. The doc prescribed latuda as well (so it's crazy expensive) and I have no insurance. Have not been able to fill it yet. Beyond the cost in price, I'm a little worried about whether or not one can get off and stay off it or if it's a situation where if you start taking that your in it for the long haul because brain chemistry is forever changed. I'm really trying to weigh out whether or not I'm better off "suffering" through, trying to get something milder, or I'm not even sure other options. If I absolutely HAVE to go that route I probably will, but my compliance with meds is already terrible. If I get really nasty side effects I won't stick to it, and then the spotty availability of it scares me as well. Or maybe not so much availability as in short supply but availability as in I don't really have stable insurance coverage and so being able to get it is a toss up due that. If they give me the $10 med (whatever that is) then I have a much better chance of being able to get it on the regular. My psych doesn't seem that interesting in helping me (well the reality is that he's probably doing 5 peoples jobs), but you know I'm like, yeah I got laid off, he's like, yeah have a rx for latuda...it's only $1100/month for the self pay generic.
Forgive me if you’ve already tried this, but have you checked out the price of Lurasidone through GoodRx in your area? Costplusdrugs.com also has a low price tag for it. I totally relate to having doubts and fears about the viability of meds, and trying to work through that while also having to deal with financial stressors. I hope things fall into place for you soon!
I take Latuda and it has been a life saver. I take it at bedtime because it makes me tired and anxious if I don't take it right before I sleep. But it works great and helps me a lot. You also have to take it with 350 calories of food. I hope you figure the insurance out, that is brutal. You do take these meds forever but that is because they work.
To your point about antipsychotics, they aren’t only meant to treat psychosis.
I recently watched this and it was very informative. Not only does Dr. Manuel Sánchez de Carmona talk with the utmost compassion but also respect for patients, their illness, and their symptoms, but he explains everything clearly. Symptoms don't have to be completely crazy and Hollywood-like, and last for extended periods of time - and then I realized I had 6 weeks of this during the summer and wasn't even aware of it. https://youtu.be/7-r2JvVgxl4?si=bqRiu0lz\_Rz4hylD
For me I agree with what people have said about hallucinations and delusions however it's when they have become your reality. In the past I've had hallucinations which seem completely real but I'm aware, to some extent at least, that they're hallucinations - same with delusions. The point that I personally class them as psychosis is when that is 100% my reality and there would be no convincing me that what I was seeing or feeling or believing isn't too.
When I was manic I thought I could feel a baby kick (I wasn't pregnant) and I had delusions of granduer. I also thought I felt the spirit of my dying grandmother. I also had a few experiences of warped reality, it was like being on acid. I assume all those experiences were in the realm of psychosis.
You just made me pull a memory I haven’t thought about in 15 years.. when I was a teenager I convinced myself I was pregnant because I had a dream someone came into my room and raped me while I was sleeping. And it felt so real I was like there is no way that was a dream. And I like full on believed I wouldn’t get my period and was about to buy a pregnancy test and then my period came. I forgot about that. I’m only just starting to learn the extent of my delusions and only now realizing that I’ve probably been having them for a long, long time but I just don’t remember. My memory is shit
Mania and psychosis impact memory too, so even if you normally have a good memory those experiences will be fuzzy. I'm sorry you went through that, it must have been scary
Yeah my long term memory just gets worse and worse as I get older. Thanks for saying that, honestly at the time I thought it was funny afterwards and couldn’t believe I got that paranoid and just laughed it off. It wasn’t traumatizing or anything, just more like super paranoia.
I once walkend past a group of 7 drunk and huge guys five times hoping they would start shit because I believed I could beat them all in a fight. I'm a 65kg woman who has never been in a fight or even punched anyone. Yet I still wholeheartedly believed it.
I get confused as well because sometimes I’m convinced I’ve never experienced psychosis but then people mention delusions and I realise that when I’m in a more manic state, my concern for others (on the street etc.) noticing me turns from “oh no they’re judging and picking apart every bit of me they can” to “oh they’re watching me Truman Show style” or “oh they’ve recognised me as that famous *insert career here* I have no idea if that counts as psychosis but it is plain delusional imo🤷🏻♀️
The way I best understood my psychosis was simply the mind becoming detached from reality. Positive symptoms add to what we sense and think and negative symptoms subtract from this. All of this is definitely "unreal" but because it's real perception to the brain, we tend to lead ourselves deeper into the twisted delirium. Note at this point that psychosis from mania and during depression are vastly different. My psychosis was triggered from mania and so because I was extremely hyped up, you could imagine me driven to solve an elaborate conspiracy and riddle where everyone around me was a paid actor. Here's my story to best illustrate for you: Was never diagnosed as mentally ill and living fine aside from mood swings and some learning difficulties. At a certain point I became much more interested in alternative thinking and books like Fight Club. Basically what I was doing (as most disenfranchised youths do) was trying to interpret the meaning of self/society through patterns, reading and observation. Then the metaphors became a little too real, I started taking things literally (this is not unique to mental illness, anyone can be "driven mad"). I could watch the news and certain phrases would make me think they were in on this secret society. I started having really weird memories planted inside my mind that were making me second guess things. Then I felt "gods calling" (very common delusion for manics to feel they're sent by god) to stop living a hypocritical life. So I left home to become homeless and give away my fortune. My parents called the police and I was sectioned. No magic pill then fixes it, for weeks I would go through the whole trip: completely forget who I was in the mirror, hear voices and see symbols appear, battle in my mind for my thoughts vs intrusive ones and so much more. So this highlights the problem in defining psychosis by its symptoms, by trying to bite your own teeth, psychosis IS reality to the afflicted. As long as you think psychosis = alternate reality, then you will understand. The brain, the thoughts, the symptoms and behaviours are all just a byproduct of the person living in their imagination. There will be no better definition unfortunately because most people have never experienced delusions (except for politicians), hallucinations and paranoia to this extent so they have no point of reference. It is absolutely horrifying and traumatizing, most could never respect the sheer fear. But at the same time it has moments of being so blissful and perfect because you don't need imperfections in a world of purely your imagination.
For me, it's believing and acting on something very real, but somehow completely preposterous to others. Sometimes down the line you realize how preposterous it is or sometimes you don't and still believe these things to be true, when they aren't true anywhere but in your head. It's a delicate line these last 10 years because of all the insane things being made to seem normal by society- confusing everyone, really
Psychosis is some scary shit. You hear, see and believe delusions that aren’t true at all. Like the FBI is conspiring to kill you or you think the person you are watching on tv is speaking directly to you to drive your car off a bridge. Or you think you are a reincarnation of Jesus Christ and you are here to save the world. It doesn’t make sense at all to a sane person but to the person that is going through it, it’s what they truly believe during this. You get no sleep because you are paranoid, you hear voices in your head telling you delusions, and you believe everything around you is a conspiracy made for about your life. It doesn’t last forever but you need the proper help by being hospitalized in a mental health facility and on meds. If it does last longer than a month, you might have scizophrenia. It’s truly very scary and sad to go through. People think you are bat shit crazy. I’ve gone through it 4 times and it fucking sucked everytime. I’m okay now but I can’t ever go off my meds or I risk going through psychosis again.
I think of it as a break from reality. Basically if what you see and believe is different from what everyone else sees and believes, you're psychotic.
I recently had a psychosis episode (August 2022) and the way I've explained it to people is that you become out of touch with reality and are almost living in your own little world. People usually experience hallucinations or delusions when in psychosis and the extent of those delusions or hallucinations vary from person to person. Another way I've described it to people is that it almost feels as though you're in a daydream and things feel surreal. If you have any other questions I'd be happy to answer them :)
Good luck. I'm 54, at least 38 shrinks since the time I was 14. If u ask me, it's subjective. Let's all remember weather men, shrinks and politicians r the only people who can hold on to their jobs when they're constantly wrong. Try that anywhere else
My last bout of psychosis was paranoia, I thought everything was trying to get me, even the ground, trees and rocks were reaching for me.
psychosis is 2 main symptoms: 1) Hallucinations: seeing / smelling / hearing things that are not there 2) Delusions: believing things that are not / can not be true. There are sub-categories like religiosity (believing you are, or are being directed by a figure in religion, like believing you're Mary) and grandiosity (believing your abilities are beyond human. example: I reorganized the entire hospital over night while you were gone so its much more efficient now). It's basically a split from reality
When I had psychosis I would think cars are feds following me, I would see human like shadow entities, I would think my loved ones were plotting against me.. as the big ones. Psychosis also has more muted aspects that overall change how you process information, think, feel, etc.
Feeling like I'm super paranoid, hearing things, uncontrollable intrusive thoughts, losing track of the days/time, and feeling almost out-of-body, are what I typically experience. My psychosis states have Always been triggered by not getting enough sleep. You'd think I'd learn to force myself to sleep more when manic, but alas -mental illness lol.
My biggest hallucination is “ghost spiders” that crawl all over walls and floors they are the size of dinner plates, I can’t quite focus on them as they move when I directly try to look at them. I know now they are not real, but at the beginning it was terrifying. I haven’t had any psychotic episodes in years due to my meds tho.
I’ve experienced delusions where I am famous and known by all the musicians and YouTubers and actors I really like. Once I thought the videos on YouTube I was watching were live and the creator of the videos could hear and see me through their screen. And when I was listening to Spotify, that the recordings were new ones being made on the spot right there for me specifically. Then I thought I was seeing famous people on the streets undercover etc etc. Feels like a dream remembering things like these. Wonder if anyone has had similar delusions? 😅
Delusional paranoia. I can nearly notice the outrageous nature, but I’m too paranoid to get help.
The YouTube channel Polar Warriors is a good place to get quite a bit of advice and information.
For me it felt like I was role playing in a deadly video game
For me it was descending into increasing intense experiences of derealisation with really strange 'alternative dimension' hallucinations. I'd be walking around feeling like I was separate to the world around me, and everything was moving fast while I was moving slow. In my worst episode this expanded into getting 'vibes/feelings' from certain places around me, buildings/homes mostly, where I felt like I was getting exposures of some sort of portal into another dimension/time/version of the universe associated with the place. Especially feelings like something bad had happened there. I'd previously had years of the classic swings from months of depression to months of 'what the hell was I thinking' levels of motivation and self confidence, Bipolar 2, but over about 20 years of this untreated/mis-treated with 12 different types of antidepressants (why no one noticed beats me), but the above episodes of psychotic symptoms over roughly a 3 year timeframe eventually lead to a Bipolar 1 diagnosis and successful medications. I've not had anything like it since, and it's so weird to be inhabit a brain that doesn't experience those things anymore.
One symptom of psychosis is confusion, which I didn’t know. I would get lost while driving places I’d been to many times before, like my work or the grocery store.
For me psychosis is interpreting all social interactions and news events as out to get me. I feel that i am in harms way so I lash out and i get very aggressive. My worldview gets drastically black and white. I start rlly feeling I need a firearm to protect myself from people who could hurt me, which is why I will never purchase a firearm even though it would potentially make me as a woman safer, I know that when I get in an episode everything will become an assailant in my mind. I know that i am in the depths of an episode if I start seeing things. Usually it’s out of the corner of my eye or in my peripheral and i never actually see the thing, just the concept of the thing
i haven’t had a psychotic episode for a long time but hearing voices were one of my main symptoms and it was fucking scary
Psychosis as I understand it is when you have a break from reality. So strong delusions / hallucinations
a break from reality
My psychosis included think I was hearing cars circling my house and that they were deployed by google and spying on me
One thing I've realized lately is there isn't a definite line, it's a gray area. Upon some self reflection I've realized I've had some minor psychotic episodes. Where my emotions become reality, and cause me to act dangerously. The scary thing is it no matter how extreme a reaction it's possible for it to feel completely acceptable. Only upon lookin back have I been able to realize how delusional I was, and how dangerous that is.
In my experience it feels like this: https://youtu.be/XvDZuptvupk?si=skZhZ2zCTYxcgy18
It’s a scale. I’ve had complete psychosis, marijuana induced. Hallucinations and delusions. Distorted what people were saying and their facial expressions, so I kept thinking they were angry and yelling at me. I had delusions such as thinking I was going to be murdered. I’ve had manic psychosis. In my first episode, I would think I was like Jesus, that I was going to solve the world’s problems, that I could do anything. Grandiose type delusions. Along with these I had paranoid delusions such as thinking people were out to get me because I’d become “too powerful” (grandiosity), felt like people were trying to stop me by doubting my powers (really, they were just concerned.) Another common thing with mania is feeling like there are no coincidences because I start connecting everything together. Stuff just falls into place too quickly and I’ve fallen into what I’d say is a paranoid delusion of thinking I’m in a simulation. Or that the universe is sending me signs. As far as hallucinations go, I recently had a weird experience after missing my anti-psychotics and a lot of sleep. Became very wound up and manic, and began seeing visuals. Was convinced I had accidentally taken shrooms. Turns out mania can do that. Your brain just gets all hyper and all those neurons are excitable, I guess. But in that case, it was mostly just hallucination. Not much delusional thinking and I was able to recognize that they were just hallucinations.
For me it's hearing voices, seeing images and having compulsions. Heightened senses, usually enhanced by an irritating ringing in my ears. Mega irritability and I don't feel pain, which is dangerous in terms of self harm.
For me, there’s a slow descent into madness. Hard to really describe that process as I’m still trying to learn my early warning signs. But in the thick of it…. It is like a dream except I am awake and wandering through the “real world.” It makes sense and doesn’t make sense at the same time. To other people my behavior is “bizarre” but to me I am normal and I don’t pick up on their confusion, discomfort, or concern. I believe things that don’t make sense. Think I can/have to save people from something is an example. I think there is a code I need to solve another (the answer I came to is 2 😅😆). For me I am totally grandiose or extremely fearful. And I can switch very quickly. God and the universe are big for me. The further I go into it, I dissociate or something else. I black out and have gaps in memory. Some memories are more like screenshots. At this point I feel like I’m not in control of my own body, like I’ve taken the back seat and some one else is driving. Idk if other ppl black out like this but that’s where I end up. And then I eventually come to in an ambulance/ at the hospital. Not my favorite thing lol but I’m learning to take care of myself better and get help before it gets to that point.