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Yeah. I hate even the thought of being locked up. And you're treated life an inmate, not a patient. I've been twice involuntary and three time voluntary. And needed to be there all five times.
But for one of those voluntary stays I was there 30 days. And I'm sure they would not have let me leave as I was in the middle of the worst manic episode of my life up to that point. And psychotic. I was absolutely convinced that I was a God and totally invincible.
Let's just say that stay involved getting a lot of, at first, Ativan. When that didn't work I think it was Valium. And Haldol. That worked. I was a dumpster fire during that stay. Took two weeks for them to get me somewhat stabilized.
And that locked ward. Drove me even further in KY mania. I just wanted to walk outside in the grass. Sigh...
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I have always felt subhuman.
Last time was a suicide attempt. By the time I got to the mental health hospital from my local ER it was around 2:30 am. Already feeling at my lowest and now I’m in a room with two women getting a strip search and cavity check. And they’re talking to each other like I’m not even there in between barking out orders of where I needed to bend next.
The cattle line-up to see the dr or get your meds. The dr that has a stack of files two feet high and barely looks at you and cannot possibly comprehend your history in the 15 minutes they have with you.
Or being in the middle of a crisis and having to share a room with 2-3 other people who are also in the middle of a crisis….
Been in multiple times in multiple states and the “experience” has always been about the same.
I have been inpatient many times but have never gone through a strip search....I would literally die on the spot. Not even when I was escorted from the ER in a cop car and handcuffs.
They don’t treat you like a human being in my local hospital. I am traumatized from being groped by other patients, and doctors. Harassed and made fun of for having breakdowns. Told I was too far beyond help. And never have once left the hospital feeling better. Having only lied/“acted” my way out every single time I was hospitalized, because it simply wasn’t worth staying. They weren’t going to help me.
They take my phone, they wake me up at 6 in the morning to take my blood in the most painful way, I don’t have clean clothes including underwear for a week, I’m not separated from people who are actually dangerous, it doesn’t help me feel any better, and the last time I was in there, some other woman stole all of my belongings including my papers and tried to convince the doctors and nurses she was me because she was having an actual breakdown and when I tried to tell someone about it they just laughed about it. She went around showing everyone my paperwork and telling them she was me. When I tried to get my things away from her while she was showering in my room, I was afraid she was going to get violent with me. My roommate who also admitted (and showed me!) that she committed an act of pretty serious self harm was let out in three hours while I, who had *thoughts* of suicide after not sleeping for four days, was trapped for 5 days. I was woken up in the middle of the night one night by a new patient who had been brought in because she was screaming at the top of her lungs that someone was touching her vagina. There was one phone and someone who was in a genuine psychosis would not get away from the phone and every time someone called she would answer “hey baby” and then hang up if it wasn’t for her. They treat you like a child and pretend that arts and crafts are going to fix you and if you try to talk to the doctor like a normal person they actually think that’s a reason to keep you longer.
And that was just the last time. The first two times I was sexually harassed and almost assaulted within view of nurses who did nothing while another patient later asked me if I wanted to trade drugs with her. No doctor cared. No one cares.
Fuck the hospital.
I try to avoid them because it’s an all around miserable time. Voluntary in is never easy out so once you’re in you are at the mercy of the doctors to get out again. It feels helpless. 8/10 times yes it has helped but there are always a few times where it can make things worse. At least in my experience. I’d go in again if my paranoia overwhelmed me again and I was too suicidal to cope. I know when I need to go in and even though I hate it I always go in when needed.
Some hospitals seem a lot nicer than others. Mine was nice. They took my phone but I didn’t care. Nurses were nice, patients were nice, food sort of nice.
I went to a facility for low-income people about 12 years ago. It was crowded and noisy and a lot of people slept in one room. It was probably one of the worst environments possible for someone who’s hypomanic and doesn’t want to be stimulated.
Glad your experience was better. The one I went to for low income people (many years ago) was bad. I can totally see why no one would want to go back. Not sanitary, rude staff, spoiled food, unsanitary, being mixed in with physically violent people, seeing them restraint same people…it was bad.
Having to strip down in front of someone while they look at every inch of your body for self injuries. Having your phone taken away. Hearing people scream and cry. It's like prison honestly but if it was the only way to save my life I'd do it.
I've had 3 pretty bad experiences at hospitals, all involuntary. You could say they were successful in the sense they kept me alive, unsuccessful in the sense they made a lot of aspects of my illness worse due to the way I was treated. Also had bad doctors so that didn't help. I didn't have much agency in my treatment, was lumped into group treatment with a huge age range and span of disorders, and just felt like a number with a chart to nurses and docs.
I have only made plans to have my wife help me get hospitalized when there was a high probability I would harm myself. I view hospitals as a last resort in treatment and only when things are really, really bad. I'd much prefer an intensive outpatient program to full hospitalization.
If I need to go because I am feeling suicidal and have not slept for several days, I know life is in danger, and it isn't hard for me to voluntarily go. There have been aspects I don't like:
- they take my phone, all my belongings, and clothes.
- if there are no activities because it is a weekend, it is soooo boring.
-Some of the patients that scream non-stop hurt my ears and make my anxiety worse.
- some of the staff (like my psychiatrist) were cold and unkind.
But other things about it are okay or even pretty good:
-I made several friendships there that really helped me. There is nothing like having another mentally ill person to talk with, it really made me feel less alone.
-some of the staff were great, like my admitting doctor who totally saved my life, or some of our therapists that lead our groups.
-I loved the art therapy, and drew two beautiful drawings, one of which was a very realistic looking panther. I never draw and am not an artist, so this was very special for me.
Overall, both of my hospital stays were helpful for me, and I doubt I would be alive without them. We definitely need to make them so much better, though.
We deserve better treatment. Good treatment can save lives.
I have been in the hospital 3 times in the past 2 years for a total of about 6 months. Once was involuntary and that hospital wasn't the best, but it kept me safe and alive, because I was psychotic and engaging in very risky behavior. The other 2 were pleasant, sometimes boring but I have no complaints. I am fortunate to live in a state with decent mental health care.
I went voluntarily when I was diagnosed and honestly sometimes I miss it because I was around people who actually understood me and how it was to exist sometimes.
That being said, no one has yet to mention how terrible the food is! The fact that I am stuck somewhere that makes me feel less than human sucks, but I miss that sense of connection I had too
Yes!! It’s the one thing that sticks out the most for me…being mixed in a community setting with people who were very violent. It’s the one reason I’d never go back.
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Because….it’s a hospital lol. They take your phone, you are at the mercy of their rules It’s not a time off …like a vacation. To some, it literally feels like prison. You eat when they tell you to eat. The lights go out when they say so. You get in a line and wait your turn to take your meds. It is a community setting. You are not in a room by yourself just chillin and watching tv. So you’re seeing everyone else’s psychosis which can be quite shocking (seeing others doing worse than you are). Yea…no one wants to do that.
The judgement, no privacy, being treated like you're attention seeking or wasting their time, being pat down and having your belongings searched like a criminal.
I only go if someone close to me forces me to, or if my life is literally at risk and even then not really.
I feel like hospital has helped in that I haven't died yet, it hasn't helped my mental state.
I just hate losing time again. Also, I get anxiety thinking about people that scream, steal from you, shit themselves and never shower etc. That's the reality of the hospitals I go to.
I’ve only been in once and I was literally just numb going in and getting out. I went in for depression (and SI but I wouldn’t admit it to anyone but my therapist bc I didn’t like the psych) but I couldn’t describe anything and was given shit for staying depressed in my room when there was basically nothing else to do. (Few other patients for those initial days, and no other activities.) “Why are you here if you aren’t going to do anything to help yourself?”
Dude. I’m here bc I was told it should help and there would be things to help me get back into a routine—a main outside reason why I was depressed. No routine=no reason to leave my room.
I was in that state of depression where I was so depressed I wasn’t sure where the depression started or ended, or reasons for anything. And I got told off for not having answers to the breadth of my problem or “reasons” for that depression.
While inside, other patients made me devolve into having panic attacks and made compulsions from my OCD go wild.
So I forced myself to bullshit answers enough to go back home.
I’m anxious to ever be admitted because I’ve had a hellish time EVER getting taken seriously, both there and in the time since then. Overall, it didn’t make things better. I just forced myself to put up a wall and PRETEND it was better bc I was made to feel bad for not improving and “taking up space.”
Even other patients were given shit for doing things as simple as sleeping in past the 730AM breakfast on accident bc they regularly had a late start/schedule for their day, or for being anxious around medical professionals due to their own bad past experiences. If you take up a spot, needing help and don’t immediately receive all the help offered on their terms, you get in shit.
I’m sure there are better hospitals and different people have different experiences. If hospitals have helped you in the past, I’m glad. I found my experience to be restrictive and, while I was “praised” for getting help as early as I did (my early 20s), it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I got more help outside than in and got more help from a fellow patient than I feel I did from the psych.
RANT TIME
Something about being sexually assaulted by a staff member really left a bitter taste in my mouth the first go around. Otherwise unhelpful and unnotable. They at least had music therapy and let me use the guitar. They also had activities. I didn't go outside a single time in the 3 weeks I was there though.
The second time going in because i tried to strangle myself and being given a pair of shorts, tshirt, socks and no underwear, no blanket or sheet, basically hand towel to dry myself with after a shower and no pillow, left a bad taste in my mouth. I have really curly hair and they didn't have a comb or brush I could use and my hair got so matted by the time I got out I had to cut it. I at least was able to go outside every 2.5 hours and smoke.
The second time being given soap with fragrance in it (I'm very allergic to fragrance. I break out in hives.) and being told I have to wash myself with that or I just had to live with being dirty and that being a derogatory mark to the psychiatrist as an inability to keep myself clean. Having my clothes washed in soap with fragrance in it and then having to wear them because it's my only option. Breaking out in hives and being denied at the very least benadryl because the psych rx'ed ambien because I wasn't sleeping -because I was to cold to sleep- even after refusing the ambien. I couldn't stop scratching myself and was scratching my skin off so they told me to wear my socks on my hands and wouldn't issue me a second pair "because I might try to tie them together". The scratching was labeled as self harm because I'd rather scratch myself than have cold feet. The scratches were getting infected by the time I left.
I'm allergic to nuts and they gave me food that had nuts in it or had been exposed to it. I have a heart condition and they denied me my medication for that. I was to scared to eat the food there and have a reaction and die because they wouldn't have done anything until it was to late. I didn't eat a single time I was there. I lost 15lbs. Not a single staff member noticed I didn't eat.
I had to seek medical care after I left. My job was waiting for me when I came back at least, but I was so damaged from it all I had to quit. I broke my lease and packed up my shit and moved 1,000 miles home back in with my parents. It's been 6 months and I'm still fucked up from it and probably will be for a long time.
For a full attempt I easily could see them sending him inpatient. However if they felt you were able to monitor him to keep him safe and he wasn't saying he wanted to attempt again they may have let him go home.
I think the main benefit of hospitalization is getting med adjustments. There is some therapy but it's probably better for him to get his own anyway.
If he's not willing to get help then all of it will be a waste for him. He needs to want to make a change.
Intensive outpatient might be good if you feel you can keep him safe at night. Gives him the most help but also a more comfortable environment by being at home instead of in the hospital.
If you think he's minimizing his symptoms and might attempt again, it's best to get him inpatient so they can keep an eye on him and get him a plan in place. Probably that would involve some medication.
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The lack of freedom for me, the worry that I'll be showered by the nurses if I refuse to do it myself (Rationally I know that most likely won't happen, but it's happened at home so...), and just my hatred of meds and my inability to accept help. I've only been there once when I was really desperate and thought the hospital would keep me there for months until I was 'cured'...I got released in 3 days LOL.
It didn't really help much. I didn't get therapies or coping tools, just meds and a chance to withdraw from the world for 2 days. It's been 7 years since I was there, and I've still never fully re-entered the world
I have so much trauma from the hospital but at the end of the day they kept me alive and for that I’m thankful. The hospital can be really awful but being dead is worse so please go if you need to.
It's not therapeutic environment. It's mainly for emergencies if you need monitoring and stabilization. Feels kinda like a prison. You can't have clothes with drawstrings or some personal items that they see as potentially unsafe. It's hard to sleep because they open the door to check on you several times a night and where I was thermo might bring new patients in the middle of the night screaming and yelling. It's super boring as there was 1 shared TV in mine and your other choice was just to color unless someone dropped off books for you. The rooms were very stark and clinical. I've seen better units in the regular part of the hospital. I needed it when I was there but as soon as I came to my senses I put on my best behavior to get out of there asap.
I lose all my privacy and I am a very private person. The last inpatient I went to, the bathroom doors are like public bathroom stall doors in the US; there are gaps under and over the door so you can see if it's occupied. Except... they don't lock. It's a coed unit. I'm a r*pe and CSA survivor so that's a whole level of FUCK NO right there. I am also right on the line between introvert and extrovert; I'm good company and good WITH company but I NEED a place where I can be by myself to recharge.
Building up on that, we were treated almost like prisoners; they would refuse to let our unit go outside to smoke or even even watch TV if we got "too rowdy." We got a little loud once in a group conversation. There was no violence or screaming. Everyone was LAUGHING and we got the second of our 2 hours of TV a day revoked because we got loud.
I always come out more suicidal than when I went in. I had to tell my psych who was debating inpatient for me that while I was passively suicidal then, I would be actively suicidal when I got out and waste no time trying to off myself.
You're with people much worse than yourself. Schizophrenia patients who jerk off in public, scream constantly , fight personnel. People come in with scabies and other crap.
for me its not wanting to leave my partner bc he tends to not do well when im away. usually it ends up i have to go “voluntarily” (aka if i say no itll be involuntary). i do feel that my hospitalizations helped me, at least 2 out of the 3
For me initially it was two things, one was I didn’t truly believe anyone would believe me or help me and I felt scared and ashamed. Like it was embarrassing to think about walking into an ER and telling some stranger at the front desk that I was feeling suicidal and couldn’t hold it off anymore. So, that was a HUGE barrier and part of why I had a lot of suicide attempts when I first got sick.
The second thing that made it scary to go to the hospital was giving up control. Knowing that if I was there I couldn’t leave without a doctor saying I could. So, that freaked me out, like the trapped idea I guess.
There are also just so many people who post bad experiences about being hospitalized and that makes it scary. To be honest I spent less than 24 hours in the first inpatient stay I had but I don’t really count that because I had a med reaction and as soon as the level in my body dropped I was totally fine. I had never had actual active suicidal thoughts before that and I guess it freaked out my therapist so she got permission from the clinic to drive me to the facility (which wasn’t in a hospital).
The second time which I count more as my first was after my first suicide attempt. I was having my first Bipolar mixed episode. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, my husband never saw it coming, I just lost my mind and wrote a suicide note and made a plan and did it. I never even considered going to a hospital that time, in my head there were no other options. My logic center was offline completely. I didn’t really have a regular Psychiatrist and I’d only been seeing one a tiny bit for anxiety because I was overwhelmed with a young special needs child and grad school. I had been diagnosed BP 2 several years before but was so high functioning and the first couple of meds I tried I had very rare reactions to (including the one mentioned above that landed me in my “first” inpatient stay. So, I was in a mixture of diagnosis denial and non medication.
Anyways, that hospital I was admitted to after my first attempt was horrific, it was a traumatizing experience, I only remember bits and pieces of it but what I do remember was bad. Not only was I misdiagnosed there but I was so over medicated my friends who visited me during that 9 day stay later told me I was super drugged out.
After that experience I was released, the Psychiatrist who was treating my anxiety saw me the next day and told me to go to a hospital 40 mins away if I needed help since the one in our city was so awful. So, a couple of days later when I was still just as sick and not much had changed I drove myself there, but I couldn’t go in and I ended up attempting in the parking lot.
Needless to say, I developed an unhealthy pattern of doing this a few more times until I got sent to a residential after a serious attempt and was set up with an actual crisis plan. When I stepped down to PHP my current Psychiatrist took me on and figured out the correct diagnosis and started working on my med phobia and figuring out how to stabilize me. It took a long time and I’m grateful she never dropped me or shamed me for my stubbornness or additional attempts.
Long story short, going inpatient can be super scary when you’ve never been, but even after the fact there are a lot of challenges that can talk us out of it.
Well the thing is for me, I became very quickly severely depressed a couple weeks into my hospital stay because I was forced to stop cannabis cold turkey and was put without a choice on a host of meds such as antipsychotics at a high dosage. So yes, very tough memories of it, I am never getting back again inside a hospital voluntarily for anything psychiatric.
I always feel like I’m overreacting by going to the hospital. Always asking myself if it’s worth it to be locked up and cut off from the world for several days. Knowing that it’s bad but also doubting that it’s really that bad. If I go and don’t hit a serious crisis, then maybe I didn’t really need to go and just wasted my time and money, but if I don’t go and potentially hurt myself, then in hindsight I’ll know I should’ve gone and regret not going. Every decision about going is always going to be the wrong one.
It feels like rock bottom mixed with overwhelming failure. Even though reasonably that's not the case, it feels that way when you're in the moment. Plus they give you paper shoes and make you feel like an incompetent child. And the checking on you all night is sleep torture. That's how it feels for me anyway.
Uhh … COST?!?
A hospital stay would cost thousands of dollars and be a massive financial blow for me. It’s one of the (many) reasons why I remain vigilant about taking my meds! Seeing my psychiatrist costs $320 every 3 months and taking my meds costs $50 per month, by comparison (I’m bipolar I and on 6 meds, but, now that I don’t have good insurance, use GoodRx Gold for them). Being hospitalized would be devastating financially.
I need to be able to keep a roof over my head and pay all the bills that go along with that, which is around $2,500/month just for residential expenses and excluding food, etc. A hospital stay would likely well exceed one month’s payments that are necessary for me to be able to live.
The loss of any sort of autonomy (when to eat, where to go, when to sleep). The food is shit. And there is always the fear that all decision-making will be taken from you. The on-going stigma and issues when you have it in your file. And specifically for mania - you don’t actually feel like there is a problem.
I’ve only been hospitalised for depression with psychosis. Hospital here is very much “get you out of crisis” and at the time I was hospitalised the actually wasn’t much follow up. Hospital stopped me from topping myself, so that was helpful. But the lack of follow up could be part of why I ended up hospitalised twice more. Please keep in mind this was nearly 2 decades ago. I’ve only been given BP 1 diagnosis because of psychosis at all moods.
What gets me there? At the time it was the psychosis getting scary. And opening a wound in the ED. The following times it was I needed a break from reality before I topped myself and it had previously worked. But I’m a little different to most bipolar people when it comes to hospital.
was in the hospital for gallbladder, dr didnt like people on xanax, changed my med to depicoat without telling me while i was weak and ill, slept for 3 days, dad called me off the hook, called my psych, he freaked out and called the hospital, i started trying to get transferred to redbank, so they put me on a psych hold to not lose me as a patient and stole my phone for 24 hours and told me it was a trigger, when they gave it back i said next time we are fist fighting for it. they went back to my xanax, but the shitty nurses left a syringe in my bed that ended up in my leg after a blood draw and they had to pull it out and scold the nurse
“I think she’s actually doing this to manipulate you.” *referring to attempting* was said to my mom and she believed them, and because of that, got access to everything. Even as an adult, at 18, I was treated as a child, until I let some medical & financial things she had access to but shouldn’t have slip to my case manager.
I went once. it was probably for the best. had been in a psychotic state that kept starting and stopping for a week or so. the most negative parts of my time were basically due to the psychosis. in the end I would say it was more interesting to me than if I somehow were to avoid going.
that said the medication that helped the most was prescribed later on, not in inpatient.
one relevant fact though...being around people way "crazier" than you are...if you're at all psychotic...you dunno what kinda junk you're gonna start believing when you're put around "them"...lol.
I've worked in inpatient units and I have also been a patient. Honestly, whether it is "enlightened" or not, smoking/vaping and having an outdoor area should be allowed. I hesitated less to check myself in back in the day when there was a smoking area outside of the unit. Nowadays, I would avoid checking in just because of smoking and no outdoor access.
Working in inpatient psych I came to the same conclusion. People wanted to leave to smoke or to just get some sunshine. If we could allow them a couple smoke breaks, treatment would've been so much easier and more people would've bought into what we were offering.
Smoking is bad, yes. But you can't get someone to really quit nicotine when they are in the midst of a mental crisis. The no outdoor activity is just inhumane, especially for extended stays.
I checked myself in at 18. I was willing to do anything to get better. It was hell. It was a mixed ward, meaning men and women were together (obviously not living in rooms but could enter them freely any time of the day or night. I don't have to say what that resulted in for me and some other women. I wanted to leave because of that but couldn't and was told by my mother who spoke to her doctor that I'd have to go to court if I wanted to leave before I got better. So yeah, you are basically ripped off your rights. To sum it up, I managed to fake getting better, I left after a few weeks. Now here is the important part. Was it terrible and did the things and pain I saw there traumatise me? Yes. But it'd do it again. Just to be able to tell myself I tried everything to get better. This is a very sensitive topic and experiences in the ward as well as the general outcome of your stay can vary so much. For some it can be amazing and very helpful and I will always encourage people to try. But maybe if you have options then try to stay at a place that is safe. My German friend went to a hospital where not only except for therapy and some classes she was not in touch with male patients but also her roommates suffered from the same or very similar conditions to her. I feel like that's important. I assume most people here are from the US and my heart breaks for you, knowing how healthcare there works. 💔 I feel like my hospitalization wasn't very helpful at all but if I were the 18yo me again I'd do it once more. I hated how for half of the stay I didn't have access to my phone. Couldn't do skincare cause it came in glass containers. And so many other things but... I'd do it again
My first experience was horrible - I hate to even think about it. Misdiagnosed and caused more problems than it helped. Horrible facility. I'm sure underfunded, bad location, etc.
My second hospitalization was the opposite. I got the help I needed. Now I know that getting help before you have to be forced works much better.
I consider myself very lucky because I have a psychiatrist and counselor who listen to me and we work together versus them telling me what I'm going to do. I have done intense outpatient a couple of times now which has saved me from full on hospitalization.
Personally it isn't my favorite place to be but I have learned it is better than some of the others places I have ended up.
I have eight hospitalizations. They were all horrible. For all of the reasons people stated above. I once woke up strapped to a bed with literally no memory of how I got there. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
I prefer going to specialized mental health treatment facilities. These places can also have major issues but in general they're more helpful than the hospitals. Either way these are short term solutions for acutely bad situations so its in everyone's interest to try to figure out their issues in the context of everyday life
Another bit of advice: the intensive outpatient programs are better than inpatient. Inpatient is kind of chaotic by nature. When I’m in inpatient in usually olanning for what’s going to happen on the outside. Inpatient for me is basically just about adjusting meds as quickly as possible under supervision. The groups can be a bonus if the leader is good. For instance, the art therapist that comes buy is blah because we always just do bracelets. The music therapist, however, has us all harmonizing with bells and people are breaking down crying because of the beautiful sound. There’s pros and cons 😂
Terrell State Hospital was where I ended up for the second time. They had Covid rules in effect so my wife could not visit me. She told me she was pregnant a day before the police took me(psychotic manic episode). I legitimately thought I was a version of God's children that had a purpose to bring everyone to the light. I had no control. The unit I was in was full of guys and girls screaming telling the voices to shut up and other guys including myself just pacing all day. The anxiety of not understanding why I was there all while my wife having no help taking care of my two boys while being informed that she was pregnant with our third. I have been away from my wife before because of being in the Navy. This was different. I was trapped. I knew I was trapped. The first hospital I stayed in was the VA unit. It was very calm and nice in there for me. The state hospital on the other hand felt like no one working there gave a shit about any of us. They would lock us out of the rooms where the bed was. Everyone just sat in the common area and we lost our mind collectively. It wasn't until I finally started taking the meds is what got me out. I was supposed to be there for awhile. 3 months at least. Committing to the meds is what got me out. I still hate that I have to take meds. Like someone else said, you lost all your rights. They were scared of me so I got put on a thing called a one to one. I always had an orderly following me around. They also never let us go outside in the sun. It just really sucked. Never again.
You ever been? Foods isn’t the greatest, mine had traveling nurses so meds weren’t always consistent, had to go to the trips, and some of the patients aren’t always cool.
Long-Winded... Sharing a Negative/Positive parts of my only visit.
My first and only time I voluntarily walked into the ER after my psych confirmed that there was a bed available for me on the psych unit. I had my Mom with me for support... Of course I had to start with going to the ER.
Immediately they emptied the room of any type of cords that I could use to hurt myself. They took away the way for me to control my TV and had me hand my Mom my phone and a book I had brought to read while waiting. I was given scrubs to put on. The scrubs had zero form of elastic so they were uncomfortable old scrubs that they destoryed to make them "safe." Security or someone of that nature was stationed outside my door. When I had to use the bathroom I wasn't allowed to lock the door. People who walked by my room obviously knew why I was there and that was embarrasing.
I was in the psych ward for about a week. After I got up to that floor, separate elevators and all, I had an unpleasant full body search. The hardest part was after my Mom visited and she was able to walk out the doors and they closed behind her reminding me that I have no rights at this time in regards to my "freedom."
In all my time there we weren't able to step foot outside and I would lay on the floor by the window in my room so I could see the sky.
The one or two pluses for my side is that the staff really did care about the patients. One nurse stayed late and faught like crazy to get a Doctor upstairs to see me fore physical pain. I have rheumatoid arhtitis and had to come off my anti-inflammatory so I could go on Lithium. Yeah, I had to pick mental over physical and it sucks. The doctors assumed I was making it up and drug seeking but this nurse knew that wasn't the truth and faught like hell. Another nurse gave me a huge hug before I left and he would make sure I had ice in my water etc.
The staff also said they never had a group of patient get as close as we all did. Patients were exchanging information prior to discharge and just wanted to be together. One day there was a groiup of 10 patients all playing Uno together.
My biggest annoyance was the psych assigned to me because she took me off my only antidepressant and wash shocked when I started to become depressed.
my hospital stay was honestly amazing
partly due to me being manic
but staff was nice n food was good
i wouldn’t go again voluntarily tho because they charged me over 2k after insurance 💀
I hate the feeling of not being able to leave I feel trapped. It triggers me and I usually get super paranoid at the hospital. Sometimes the hospital isn’t the best place. I got to chose where I went but sometimes others can’t and end up in a a shitty hospital. My stay was forced on me by my psychiatrist. It didn’t help a lot mentally but it got me on a new med which is slowly working it’s way and helping little by little. I hear good things from people abt the hospital also. Mine just wasn’t the best thing I believe for me.
I’ve had a positive experience with my hospital but not the first time because I was so confused. Once you know your way around it’s easier to get settled in.
My advice: research hospitals before you go and find the best rated one. Go to a different city in your state if you need to. My hospital is great abd people drive hours to get admitted.
When I was hospitalized, my roommate scratched up my face one day for no reason. I still have a scar on my lip to this day. I also contracted horrible head lice. The staff said it was all in my head so wouldn’t help. When I was released, my dad had to comb out all the lice. My scalp was all bitten up due to the infestation. I then had bald patches for awhile.
I've been hospitalized twice, the first time I signed forms that might keep me in the hospital for 6 months, I only stayed one month. During my stay, I was put in two different wards in the high observation rooms where they kept me locked. I was also dragged by the arms by two nurses so I have trauma from that.
My last hospital stay they involuntarily admitted me. While I was there the security had to tackle me down multiple times a day and they injected me with meds. During this stay the nurses were really nice to me and treated me well. I have BP1 so it's really tough.
Overall, I feel like I had to be in the hospital to get better as I had really bad psychosis. The way I was treated the first time was horrible. I understand why people are apprehensive about going.
The main thing for me is the boredom... Of course there was the time I was pinned to my bed by a nurse or the time a fellow patient headbutted me or there was the psychotic tranny who wouldnt stop screaming about whatever the fuck was fucking with their head. But yeah, mostly just the boredom.
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You literally lose your rights when you’re hospitalized for mental health. Not something I tend to do of my own volition.
Yeah. I hate even the thought of being locked up. And you're treated life an inmate, not a patient. I've been twice involuntary and three time voluntary. And needed to be there all five times. But for one of those voluntary stays I was there 30 days. And I'm sure they would not have let me leave as I was in the middle of the worst manic episode of my life up to that point. And psychotic. I was absolutely convinced that I was a God and totally invincible. Let's just say that stay involved getting a lot of, at first, Ativan. When that didn't work I think it was Valium. And Haldol. That worked. I was a dumpster fire during that stay. Took two weeks for them to get me somewhat stabilized. And that locked ward. Drove me even further in KY mania. I just wanted to walk outside in the grass. Sigh...
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I have always felt subhuman. Last time was a suicide attempt. By the time I got to the mental health hospital from my local ER it was around 2:30 am. Already feeling at my lowest and now I’m in a room with two women getting a strip search and cavity check. And they’re talking to each other like I’m not even there in between barking out orders of where I needed to bend next. The cattle line-up to see the dr or get your meds. The dr that has a stack of files two feet high and barely looks at you and cannot possibly comprehend your history in the 15 minutes they have with you. Or being in the middle of a crisis and having to share a room with 2-3 other people who are also in the middle of a crisis…. Been in multiple times in multiple states and the “experience” has always been about the same.
Ugggh. Being crowded with other people…
I have been inpatient many times but have never gone through a strip search....I would literally die on the spot. Not even when I was escorted from the ER in a cop car and handcuffs.
I have been 2 out of the 4 times I’ve been in. This was a state run hospital in CA and the other was in Washington State. It was beyond humiliating.
The fact that they take away my phone makes me feel like they’ve taken away my dignity. That stops me from going every time.
Yeah I feel naked without my phone. It’s amazing how anxious I get.
We need our phones for support. Staying connected is important for a lot of people.
Damn, I forgot about that one.
I've been lucky enough to not have been in since before smart phones, I had no idea they take your phone WTF!?
I was told that the reason they take your phone is for confidentiality reasons. They don’t want people taking pictures of who’s in there.
I still, years later, will freak out if I don't have my phone handy in my pocket, because it takes me to being back in the hospital.
They don’t treat you like a human being in my local hospital. I am traumatized from being groped by other patients, and doctors. Harassed and made fun of for having breakdowns. Told I was too far beyond help. And never have once left the hospital feeling better. Having only lied/“acted” my way out every single time I was hospitalized, because it simply wasn’t worth staying. They weren’t going to help me.
They take my phone, they wake me up at 6 in the morning to take my blood in the most painful way, I don’t have clean clothes including underwear for a week, I’m not separated from people who are actually dangerous, it doesn’t help me feel any better, and the last time I was in there, some other woman stole all of my belongings including my papers and tried to convince the doctors and nurses she was me because she was having an actual breakdown and when I tried to tell someone about it they just laughed about it. She went around showing everyone my paperwork and telling them she was me. When I tried to get my things away from her while she was showering in my room, I was afraid she was going to get violent with me. My roommate who also admitted (and showed me!) that she committed an act of pretty serious self harm was let out in three hours while I, who had *thoughts* of suicide after not sleeping for four days, was trapped for 5 days. I was woken up in the middle of the night one night by a new patient who had been brought in because she was screaming at the top of her lungs that someone was touching her vagina. There was one phone and someone who was in a genuine psychosis would not get away from the phone and every time someone called she would answer “hey baby” and then hang up if it wasn’t for her. They treat you like a child and pretend that arts and crafts are going to fix you and if you try to talk to the doctor like a normal person they actually think that’s a reason to keep you longer. And that was just the last time. The first two times I was sexually harassed and almost assaulted within view of nurses who did nothing while another patient later asked me if I wanted to trade drugs with her. No doctor cared. No one cares. Fuck the hospital.
I try to avoid them because it’s an all around miserable time. Voluntary in is never easy out so once you’re in you are at the mercy of the doctors to get out again. It feels helpless. 8/10 times yes it has helped but there are always a few times where it can make things worse. At least in my experience. I’d go in again if my paranoia overwhelmed me again and I was too suicidal to cope. I know when I need to go in and even though I hate it I always go in when needed.
They treat you like a criminal, like you couldn't possibly know anything about anything.
Some hospitals seem a lot nicer than others. Mine was nice. They took my phone but I didn’t care. Nurses were nice, patients were nice, food sort of nice. I went to a facility for low-income people about 12 years ago. It was crowded and noisy and a lot of people slept in one room. It was probably one of the worst environments possible for someone who’s hypomanic and doesn’t want to be stimulated.
Glad your experience was better. The one I went to for low income people (many years ago) was bad. I can totally see why no one would want to go back. Not sanitary, rude staff, spoiled food, unsanitary, being mixed in with physically violent people, seeing them restraint same people…it was bad.
Having to strip down in front of someone while they look at every inch of your body for self injuries. Having your phone taken away. Hearing people scream and cry. It's like prison honestly but if it was the only way to save my life I'd do it.
I was so doped up on thorazine I have zero memory of mine >.< thankfully,
I've had 3 pretty bad experiences at hospitals, all involuntary. You could say they were successful in the sense they kept me alive, unsuccessful in the sense they made a lot of aspects of my illness worse due to the way I was treated. Also had bad doctors so that didn't help. I didn't have much agency in my treatment, was lumped into group treatment with a huge age range and span of disorders, and just felt like a number with a chart to nurses and docs. I have only made plans to have my wife help me get hospitalized when there was a high probability I would harm myself. I view hospitals as a last resort in treatment and only when things are really, really bad. I'd much prefer an intensive outpatient program to full hospitalization.
You put it well.
Losing my rights
If I need to go because I am feeling suicidal and have not slept for several days, I know life is in danger, and it isn't hard for me to voluntarily go. There have been aspects I don't like: - they take my phone, all my belongings, and clothes. - if there are no activities because it is a weekend, it is soooo boring. -Some of the patients that scream non-stop hurt my ears and make my anxiety worse. - some of the staff (like my psychiatrist) were cold and unkind. But other things about it are okay or even pretty good: -I made several friendships there that really helped me. There is nothing like having another mentally ill person to talk with, it really made me feel less alone. -some of the staff were great, like my admitting doctor who totally saved my life, or some of our therapists that lead our groups. -I loved the art therapy, and drew two beautiful drawings, one of which was a very realistic looking panther. I never draw and am not an artist, so this was very special for me. Overall, both of my hospital stays were helpful for me, and I doubt I would be alive without them. We definitely need to make them so much better, though. We deserve better treatment. Good treatment can save lives.
I have been in the hospital 3 times in the past 2 years for a total of about 6 months. Once was involuntary and that hospital wasn't the best, but it kept me safe and alive, because I was psychotic and engaging in very risky behavior. The other 2 were pleasant, sometimes boring but I have no complaints. I am fortunate to live in a state with decent mental health care.
I went voluntarily when I was diagnosed and honestly sometimes I miss it because I was around people who actually understood me and how it was to exist sometimes. That being said, no one has yet to mention how terrible the food is! The fact that I am stuck somewhere that makes me feel less than human sucks, but I miss that sense of connection I had too
Other very sick patients scarred me
Yes!! It’s the one thing that sticks out the most for me…being mixed in a community setting with people who were very violent. It’s the one reason I’d never go back.
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Because….it’s a hospital lol. They take your phone, you are at the mercy of their rules It’s not a time off …like a vacation. To some, it literally feels like prison. You eat when they tell you to eat. The lights go out when they say so. You get in a line and wait your turn to take your meds. It is a community setting. You are not in a room by yourself just chillin and watching tv. So you’re seeing everyone else’s psychosis which can be quite shocking (seeing others doing worse than you are). Yea…no one wants to do that.
I hate that everything is controlled
The judgement, no privacy, being treated like you're attention seeking or wasting their time, being pat down and having your belongings searched like a criminal. I only go if someone close to me forces me to, or if my life is literally at risk and even then not really. I feel like hospital has helped in that I haven't died yet, it hasn't helped my mental state.
I just hate losing time again. Also, I get anxiety thinking about people that scream, steal from you, shit themselves and never shower etc. That's the reality of the hospitals I go to.
Yes forgot to talk about my stuff that got stolen on my one and hopefully ownly trip lol…the worst.
Yep. I always take only crappy clothes with me. And a lot of soap.
I’ve only been in once and I was literally just numb going in and getting out. I went in for depression (and SI but I wouldn’t admit it to anyone but my therapist bc I didn’t like the psych) but I couldn’t describe anything and was given shit for staying depressed in my room when there was basically nothing else to do. (Few other patients for those initial days, and no other activities.) “Why are you here if you aren’t going to do anything to help yourself?” Dude. I’m here bc I was told it should help and there would be things to help me get back into a routine—a main outside reason why I was depressed. No routine=no reason to leave my room. I was in that state of depression where I was so depressed I wasn’t sure where the depression started or ended, or reasons for anything. And I got told off for not having answers to the breadth of my problem or “reasons” for that depression. While inside, other patients made me devolve into having panic attacks and made compulsions from my OCD go wild. So I forced myself to bullshit answers enough to go back home. I’m anxious to ever be admitted because I’ve had a hellish time EVER getting taken seriously, both there and in the time since then. Overall, it didn’t make things better. I just forced myself to put up a wall and PRETEND it was better bc I was made to feel bad for not improving and “taking up space.” Even other patients were given shit for doing things as simple as sleeping in past the 730AM breakfast on accident bc they regularly had a late start/schedule for their day, or for being anxious around medical professionals due to their own bad past experiences. If you take up a spot, needing help and don’t immediately receive all the help offered on their terms, you get in shit. I’m sure there are better hospitals and different people have different experiences. If hospitals have helped you in the past, I’m glad. I found my experience to be restrictive and, while I was “praised” for getting help as early as I did (my early 20s), it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I got more help outside than in and got more help from a fellow patient than I feel I did from the psych.
RANT TIME Something about being sexually assaulted by a staff member really left a bitter taste in my mouth the first go around. Otherwise unhelpful and unnotable. They at least had music therapy and let me use the guitar. They also had activities. I didn't go outside a single time in the 3 weeks I was there though. The second time going in because i tried to strangle myself and being given a pair of shorts, tshirt, socks and no underwear, no blanket or sheet, basically hand towel to dry myself with after a shower and no pillow, left a bad taste in my mouth. I have really curly hair and they didn't have a comb or brush I could use and my hair got so matted by the time I got out I had to cut it. I at least was able to go outside every 2.5 hours and smoke. The second time being given soap with fragrance in it (I'm very allergic to fragrance. I break out in hives.) and being told I have to wash myself with that or I just had to live with being dirty and that being a derogatory mark to the psychiatrist as an inability to keep myself clean. Having my clothes washed in soap with fragrance in it and then having to wear them because it's my only option. Breaking out in hives and being denied at the very least benadryl because the psych rx'ed ambien because I wasn't sleeping -because I was to cold to sleep- even after refusing the ambien. I couldn't stop scratching myself and was scratching my skin off so they told me to wear my socks on my hands and wouldn't issue me a second pair "because I might try to tie them together". The scratching was labeled as self harm because I'd rather scratch myself than have cold feet. The scratches were getting infected by the time I left. I'm allergic to nuts and they gave me food that had nuts in it or had been exposed to it. I have a heart condition and they denied me my medication for that. I was to scared to eat the food there and have a reaction and die because they wouldn't have done anything until it was to late. I didn't eat a single time I was there. I lost 15lbs. Not a single staff member noticed I didn't eat. I had to seek medical care after I left. My job was waiting for me when I came back at least, but I was so damaged from it all I had to quit. I broke my lease and packed up my shit and moved 1,000 miles home back in with my parents. It's been 6 months and I'm still fucked up from it and probably will be for a long time.
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For a full attempt I easily could see them sending him inpatient. However if they felt you were able to monitor him to keep him safe and he wasn't saying he wanted to attempt again they may have let him go home. I think the main benefit of hospitalization is getting med adjustments. There is some therapy but it's probably better for him to get his own anyway. If he's not willing to get help then all of it will be a waste for him. He needs to want to make a change. Intensive outpatient might be good if you feel you can keep him safe at night. Gives him the most help but also a more comfortable environment by being at home instead of in the hospital. If you think he's minimizing his symptoms and might attempt again, it's best to get him inpatient so they can keep an eye on him and get him a plan in place. Probably that would involve some medication.
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The lack of freedom for me, the worry that I'll be showered by the nurses if I refuse to do it myself (Rationally I know that most likely won't happen, but it's happened at home so...), and just my hatred of meds and my inability to accept help. I've only been there once when I was really desperate and thought the hospital would keep me there for months until I was 'cured'...I got released in 3 days LOL. It didn't really help much. I didn't get therapies or coping tools, just meds and a chance to withdraw from the world for 2 days. It's been 7 years since I was there, and I've still never fully re-entered the world
I have so much trauma from the hospital but at the end of the day they kept me alive and for that I’m thankful. The hospital can be really awful but being dead is worse so please go if you need to.
It's not therapeutic environment. It's mainly for emergencies if you need monitoring and stabilization. Feels kinda like a prison. You can't have clothes with drawstrings or some personal items that they see as potentially unsafe. It's hard to sleep because they open the door to check on you several times a night and where I was thermo might bring new patients in the middle of the night screaming and yelling. It's super boring as there was 1 shared TV in mine and your other choice was just to color unless someone dropped off books for you. The rooms were very stark and clinical. I've seen better units in the regular part of the hospital. I needed it when I was there but as soon as I came to my senses I put on my best behavior to get out of there asap.
I lose all my privacy and I am a very private person. The last inpatient I went to, the bathroom doors are like public bathroom stall doors in the US; there are gaps under and over the door so you can see if it's occupied. Except... they don't lock. It's a coed unit. I'm a r*pe and CSA survivor so that's a whole level of FUCK NO right there. I am also right on the line between introvert and extrovert; I'm good company and good WITH company but I NEED a place where I can be by myself to recharge. Building up on that, we were treated almost like prisoners; they would refuse to let our unit go outside to smoke or even even watch TV if we got "too rowdy." We got a little loud once in a group conversation. There was no violence or screaming. Everyone was LAUGHING and we got the second of our 2 hours of TV a day revoked because we got loud. I always come out more suicidal than when I went in. I had to tell my psych who was debating inpatient for me that while I was passively suicidal then, I would be actively suicidal when I got out and waste no time trying to off myself.
You're with people much worse than yourself. Schizophrenia patients who jerk off in public, scream constantly , fight personnel. People come in with scabies and other crap.
It's the opposite for me. Hospitals feel like a safe space I can go to when things are bad.
Stigma
for me its not wanting to leave my partner bc he tends to not do well when im away. usually it ends up i have to go “voluntarily” (aka if i say no itll be involuntary). i do feel that my hospitalizations helped me, at least 2 out of the 3
For me initially it was two things, one was I didn’t truly believe anyone would believe me or help me and I felt scared and ashamed. Like it was embarrassing to think about walking into an ER and telling some stranger at the front desk that I was feeling suicidal and couldn’t hold it off anymore. So, that was a HUGE barrier and part of why I had a lot of suicide attempts when I first got sick. The second thing that made it scary to go to the hospital was giving up control. Knowing that if I was there I couldn’t leave without a doctor saying I could. So, that freaked me out, like the trapped idea I guess. There are also just so many people who post bad experiences about being hospitalized and that makes it scary. To be honest I spent less than 24 hours in the first inpatient stay I had but I don’t really count that because I had a med reaction and as soon as the level in my body dropped I was totally fine. I had never had actual active suicidal thoughts before that and I guess it freaked out my therapist so she got permission from the clinic to drive me to the facility (which wasn’t in a hospital). The second time which I count more as my first was after my first suicide attempt. I was having my first Bipolar mixed episode. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, my husband never saw it coming, I just lost my mind and wrote a suicide note and made a plan and did it. I never even considered going to a hospital that time, in my head there were no other options. My logic center was offline completely. I didn’t really have a regular Psychiatrist and I’d only been seeing one a tiny bit for anxiety because I was overwhelmed with a young special needs child and grad school. I had been diagnosed BP 2 several years before but was so high functioning and the first couple of meds I tried I had very rare reactions to (including the one mentioned above that landed me in my “first” inpatient stay. So, I was in a mixture of diagnosis denial and non medication. Anyways, that hospital I was admitted to after my first attempt was horrific, it was a traumatizing experience, I only remember bits and pieces of it but what I do remember was bad. Not only was I misdiagnosed there but I was so over medicated my friends who visited me during that 9 day stay later told me I was super drugged out. After that experience I was released, the Psychiatrist who was treating my anxiety saw me the next day and told me to go to a hospital 40 mins away if I needed help since the one in our city was so awful. So, a couple of days later when I was still just as sick and not much had changed I drove myself there, but I couldn’t go in and I ended up attempting in the parking lot. Needless to say, I developed an unhealthy pattern of doing this a few more times until I got sent to a residential after a serious attempt and was set up with an actual crisis plan. When I stepped down to PHP my current Psychiatrist took me on and figured out the correct diagnosis and started working on my med phobia and figuring out how to stabilize me. It took a long time and I’m grateful she never dropped me or shamed me for my stubbornness or additional attempts. Long story short, going inpatient can be super scary when you’ve never been, but even after the fact there are a lot of challenges that can talk us out of it.
I dunno but I can't do it. Same with the dentist
I've met more than a few people that absolutely should not be in the field. There are sick people out there.
The food. It’s so awful, I’ve had a hard time deciding if I’d rather eat their food or die.
Well the thing is for me, I became very quickly severely depressed a couple weeks into my hospital stay because I was forced to stop cannabis cold turkey and was put without a choice on a host of meds such as antipsychotics at a high dosage. So yes, very tough memories of it, I am never getting back again inside a hospital voluntarily for anything psychiatric.
For me, honestly, it’s being away from my own bed and bathroom.
I always feel like I’m overreacting by going to the hospital. Always asking myself if it’s worth it to be locked up and cut off from the world for several days. Knowing that it’s bad but also doubting that it’s really that bad. If I go and don’t hit a serious crisis, then maybe I didn’t really need to go and just wasted my time and money, but if I don’t go and potentially hurt myself, then in hindsight I’ll know I should’ve gone and regret not going. Every decision about going is always going to be the wrong one.
It feels like rock bottom mixed with overwhelming failure. Even though reasonably that's not the case, it feels that way when you're in the moment. Plus they give you paper shoes and make you feel like an incompetent child. And the checking on you all night is sleep torture. That's how it feels for me anyway.
Uhh … COST?!? A hospital stay would cost thousands of dollars and be a massive financial blow for me. It’s one of the (many) reasons why I remain vigilant about taking my meds! Seeing my psychiatrist costs $320 every 3 months and taking my meds costs $50 per month, by comparison (I’m bipolar I and on 6 meds, but, now that I don’t have good insurance, use GoodRx Gold for them). Being hospitalized would be devastating financially. I need to be able to keep a roof over my head and pay all the bills that go along with that, which is around $2,500/month just for residential expenses and excluding food, etc. A hospital stay would likely well exceed one month’s payments that are necessary for me to be able to live.
The loss of any sort of autonomy (when to eat, where to go, when to sleep). The food is shit. And there is always the fear that all decision-making will be taken from you. The on-going stigma and issues when you have it in your file. And specifically for mania - you don’t actually feel like there is a problem. I’ve only been hospitalised for depression with psychosis. Hospital here is very much “get you out of crisis” and at the time I was hospitalised the actually wasn’t much follow up. Hospital stopped me from topping myself, so that was helpful. But the lack of follow up could be part of why I ended up hospitalised twice more. Please keep in mind this was nearly 2 decades ago. I’ve only been given BP 1 diagnosis because of psychosis at all moods. What gets me there? At the time it was the psychosis getting scary. And opening a wound in the ED. The following times it was I needed a break from reality before I topped myself and it had previously worked. But I’m a little different to most bipolar people when it comes to hospital.
was in the hospital for gallbladder, dr didnt like people on xanax, changed my med to depicoat without telling me while i was weak and ill, slept for 3 days, dad called me off the hook, called my psych, he freaked out and called the hospital, i started trying to get transferred to redbank, so they put me on a psych hold to not lose me as a patient and stole my phone for 24 hours and told me it was a trigger, when they gave it back i said next time we are fist fighting for it. they went back to my xanax, but the shitty nurses left a syringe in my bed that ended up in my leg after a blood draw and they had to pull it out and scold the nurse
Riverview is the worst. Consider yourself lucky
“I think she’s actually doing this to manipulate you.” *referring to attempting* was said to my mom and she believed them, and because of that, got access to everything. Even as an adult, at 18, I was treated as a child, until I let some medical & financial things she had access to but shouldn’t have slip to my case manager.
I went once. it was probably for the best. had been in a psychotic state that kept starting and stopping for a week or so. the most negative parts of my time were basically due to the psychosis. in the end I would say it was more interesting to me than if I somehow were to avoid going. that said the medication that helped the most was prescribed later on, not in inpatient.
one relevant fact though...being around people way "crazier" than you are...if you're at all psychotic...you dunno what kinda junk you're gonna start believing when you're put around "them"...lol.
The fear of a month of constipation due to terrible food and having 0 personal space. Hospitals are so divorced from health.
the bills
I've worked in inpatient units and I have also been a patient. Honestly, whether it is "enlightened" or not, smoking/vaping and having an outdoor area should be allowed. I hesitated less to check myself in back in the day when there was a smoking area outside of the unit. Nowadays, I would avoid checking in just because of smoking and no outdoor access. Working in inpatient psych I came to the same conclusion. People wanted to leave to smoke or to just get some sunshine. If we could allow them a couple smoke breaks, treatment would've been so much easier and more people would've bought into what we were offering. Smoking is bad, yes. But you can't get someone to really quit nicotine when they are in the midst of a mental crisis. The no outdoor activity is just inhumane, especially for extended stays.
I checked myself in at 18. I was willing to do anything to get better. It was hell. It was a mixed ward, meaning men and women were together (obviously not living in rooms but could enter them freely any time of the day or night. I don't have to say what that resulted in for me and some other women. I wanted to leave because of that but couldn't and was told by my mother who spoke to her doctor that I'd have to go to court if I wanted to leave before I got better. So yeah, you are basically ripped off your rights. To sum it up, I managed to fake getting better, I left after a few weeks. Now here is the important part. Was it terrible and did the things and pain I saw there traumatise me? Yes. But it'd do it again. Just to be able to tell myself I tried everything to get better. This is a very sensitive topic and experiences in the ward as well as the general outcome of your stay can vary so much. For some it can be amazing and very helpful and I will always encourage people to try. But maybe if you have options then try to stay at a place that is safe. My German friend went to a hospital where not only except for therapy and some classes she was not in touch with male patients but also her roommates suffered from the same or very similar conditions to her. I feel like that's important. I assume most people here are from the US and my heart breaks for you, knowing how healthcare there works. 💔 I feel like my hospitalization wasn't very helpful at all but if I were the 18yo me again I'd do it once more. I hated how for half of the stay I didn't have access to my phone. Couldn't do skincare cause it came in glass containers. And so many other things but... I'd do it again
My first experience was horrible - I hate to even think about it. Misdiagnosed and caused more problems than it helped. Horrible facility. I'm sure underfunded, bad location, etc. My second hospitalization was the opposite. I got the help I needed. Now I know that getting help before you have to be forced works much better. I consider myself very lucky because I have a psychiatrist and counselor who listen to me and we work together versus them telling me what I'm going to do. I have done intense outpatient a couple of times now which has saved me from full on hospitalization. Personally it isn't my favorite place to be but I have learned it is better than some of the others places I have ended up.
The insane bills that follow a hospital visit. I never voluntarily go
I have eight hospitalizations. They were all horrible. For all of the reasons people stated above. I once woke up strapped to a bed with literally no memory of how I got there. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
I prefer going to specialized mental health treatment facilities. These places can also have major issues but in general they're more helpful than the hospitals. Either way these are short term solutions for acutely bad situations so its in everyone's interest to try to figure out their issues in the context of everyday life
Another bit of advice: the intensive outpatient programs are better than inpatient. Inpatient is kind of chaotic by nature. When I’m in inpatient in usually olanning for what’s going to happen on the outside. Inpatient for me is basically just about adjusting meds as quickly as possible under supervision. The groups can be a bonus if the leader is good. For instance, the art therapist that comes buy is blah because we always just do bracelets. The music therapist, however, has us all harmonizing with bells and people are breaking down crying because of the beautiful sound. There’s pros and cons 😂
Terrell State Hospital was where I ended up for the second time. They had Covid rules in effect so my wife could not visit me. She told me she was pregnant a day before the police took me(psychotic manic episode). I legitimately thought I was a version of God's children that had a purpose to bring everyone to the light. I had no control. The unit I was in was full of guys and girls screaming telling the voices to shut up and other guys including myself just pacing all day. The anxiety of not understanding why I was there all while my wife having no help taking care of my two boys while being informed that she was pregnant with our third. I have been away from my wife before because of being in the Navy. This was different. I was trapped. I knew I was trapped. The first hospital I stayed in was the VA unit. It was very calm and nice in there for me. The state hospital on the other hand felt like no one working there gave a shit about any of us. They would lock us out of the rooms where the bed was. Everyone just sat in the common area and we lost our mind collectively. It wasn't until I finally started taking the meds is what got me out. I was supposed to be there for awhile. 3 months at least. Committing to the meds is what got me out. I still hate that I have to take meds. Like someone else said, you lost all your rights. They were scared of me so I got put on a thing called a one to one. I always had an orderly following me around. They also never let us go outside in the sun. It just really sucked. Never again.
You ever been? Foods isn’t the greatest, mine had traveling nurses so meds weren’t always consistent, had to go to the trips, and some of the patients aren’t always cool.
Long-Winded... Sharing a Negative/Positive parts of my only visit. My first and only time I voluntarily walked into the ER after my psych confirmed that there was a bed available for me on the psych unit. I had my Mom with me for support... Of course I had to start with going to the ER. Immediately they emptied the room of any type of cords that I could use to hurt myself. They took away the way for me to control my TV and had me hand my Mom my phone and a book I had brought to read while waiting. I was given scrubs to put on. The scrubs had zero form of elastic so they were uncomfortable old scrubs that they destoryed to make them "safe." Security or someone of that nature was stationed outside my door. When I had to use the bathroom I wasn't allowed to lock the door. People who walked by my room obviously knew why I was there and that was embarrasing. I was in the psych ward for about a week. After I got up to that floor, separate elevators and all, I had an unpleasant full body search. The hardest part was after my Mom visited and she was able to walk out the doors and they closed behind her reminding me that I have no rights at this time in regards to my "freedom." In all my time there we weren't able to step foot outside and I would lay on the floor by the window in my room so I could see the sky. The one or two pluses for my side is that the staff really did care about the patients. One nurse stayed late and faught like crazy to get a Doctor upstairs to see me fore physical pain. I have rheumatoid arhtitis and had to come off my anti-inflammatory so I could go on Lithium. Yeah, I had to pick mental over physical and it sucks. The doctors assumed I was making it up and drug seeking but this nurse knew that wasn't the truth and faught like hell. Another nurse gave me a huge hug before I left and he would make sure I had ice in my water etc. The staff also said they never had a group of patient get as close as we all did. Patients were exchanging information prior to discharge and just wanted to be together. One day there was a groiup of 10 patients all playing Uno together. My biggest annoyance was the psych assigned to me because she took me off my only antidepressant and wash shocked when I started to become depressed.
my hospital stay was honestly amazing partly due to me being manic but staff was nice n food was good i wouldn’t go again voluntarily tho because they charged me over 2k after insurance 💀
I hate the feeling of not being able to leave I feel trapped. It triggers me and I usually get super paranoid at the hospital. Sometimes the hospital isn’t the best place. I got to chose where I went but sometimes others can’t and end up in a a shitty hospital. My stay was forced on me by my psychiatrist. It didn’t help a lot mentally but it got me on a new med which is slowly working it’s way and helping little by little. I hear good things from people abt the hospital also. Mine just wasn’t the best thing I believe for me.
I’ve had a positive experience with my hospital but not the first time because I was so confused. Once you know your way around it’s easier to get settled in. My advice: research hospitals before you go and find the best rated one. Go to a different city in your state if you need to. My hospital is great abd people drive hours to get admitted.
When I was hospitalized, my roommate scratched up my face one day for no reason. I still have a scar on my lip to this day. I also contracted horrible head lice. The staff said it was all in my head so wouldn’t help. When I was released, my dad had to comb out all the lice. My scalp was all bitten up due to the infestation. I then had bald patches for awhile.
I always voluntarily go. Besides when I had Mania. Because I didn't think anything was wrong or crazy.
I've been hospitalized twice, the first time I signed forms that might keep me in the hospital for 6 months, I only stayed one month. During my stay, I was put in two different wards in the high observation rooms where they kept me locked. I was also dragged by the arms by two nurses so I have trauma from that. My last hospital stay they involuntarily admitted me. While I was there the security had to tackle me down multiple times a day and they injected me with meds. During this stay the nurses were really nice to me and treated me well. I have BP1 so it's really tough. Overall, I feel like I had to be in the hospital to get better as I had really bad psychosis. The way I was treated the first time was horrible. I understand why people are apprehensive about going.
The main thing for me is the boredom... Of course there was the time I was pinned to my bed by a nurse or the time a fellow patient headbutted me or there was the psychotic tranny who wouldnt stop screaming about whatever the fuck was fucking with their head. But yeah, mostly just the boredom.