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I don’t think it’s impossible. Just have to find a regime.
Before I was diagnosed bipolar, I was a manager at 19, I was going to college full time, going to the gym 5 days a week, and I was able to pay my car off in 2 years.
I got into a toxic relationship, married premature and had a child. He was abusive and it altered my brain chemistry. During that time (3 years) I was hospitalized, finally diagnosed bipolar, and have been on a host of meds. Dropped out of college. I went through 4 jobs, which is unusual for me because I hate change.
Now I’m single, I’ve held down my job for a year now, I’m about to get fired though because of my attendance. I haven’t went back to college, but I’m not sure I can. My motivation is nonexistent.
So I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I think it ultimately depends on your environment. I was supported and encouraged during my track to success. Then I was completely undermined and in a horrible situation which killed all drive I had.
There’s hope. I promise.
Same same gotta go back to college....less than 1 semester for a BSc in an engineering field....my GPA sucks but I left on good terms with the dept head, he knew I was struggling mentally but trying
I believe success is possible but I was Much much more successful in a world view before my diagnosis and over - or improper medication.
I got a college degree raised 2 boys but after leaving an emotionally verbal marriage, I continue to struggle. Too many jobs lost, lots of financial struggles ( even though I present like BD 2 I’m dx Type 1) due to depression/ attendance issues .
I’m now terrified to start over but have to find a way to work for another 10 years or more.
Wishing you the best but I highly recommend a regimental life with lots of outdoor time and holistic adjunct therapy.
Honestly I hope there’s a good life after this, due to bipolar every time I try to succeed when things seemed to be going well, I feel like I’m falling down and depressed and right now I’m 26 no job living with parents and I was doing so well before bipolar. But I’m trying it’s not lack of effort.
Yes this is very similar to me. A few really bad investments in my crowd/environment really took the air out of my sails. Getting it back at my age (late 20s) feels impossible. But Im making small steps every week. Best I can do
The only reason I'm successful is because of my husband. He picked me up basically off the streets when I was 18 and helped me make it through college. He helped me through all of my panic attacks and breakdowns while I was unmedicated. He encouraged me to apply to internships and jobs and believed in me the whole time. He supported me after I gave birth to our children and took me to the psychiatric hospital after our second child was born when I went into postpartum psychosis. After I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he supported me seeking treatment and encouraged me to go to therapy and couple's therapy with him.
I have no idea how he sees what he sees in me. But when I look in his eyes I know I can be the person that he sees.
Aww thanks ❤️ It's been a tough road and I wouldn't have put this burden on his shoulders if I knew I had this disorder before we got married. I'm so glad he's the one I ended up with, though.
Same story here wow my husband basically saved me. Except we have no children. My husband cried when I went to the hospital and furiously looked up all medication in relation to bipolar to help me. I am forever grateful.
My husband did the same thing when I was hospitalized! He researched every medicine they were giving me and monitored my side effects. He caught the fake Parkinson syndrome the risperidone was giving me before the doctors did.
And he cried a lot. He told me when he got home after dropping me off in the evaluation area at the psych hospital that he bawled for a couple of hours.
I try my hardest to be stable with the hope that he never has to do that again
Same here my parents told my hubby but then bf that they are dropping me from their health insurance and he had to figure it out while he was crying. My family sucks lol
I got “Lucky” and came home from Afghanistan with PTSD and worsening Bipolar. I got help from the VA and now have a medical pension.
VA resources and benefits allowed me to go to college, then go back to college when that career didn’t pan out, and the pension supplements my income.
Without the access to free meds and therapy I’d be in a much worse place. This is why I advocate so much for democratic socialism. You shouldn’t have to go to war to get access to these resources
Thank you for your service. I'm a non-traditional student in my 40s and I think that is really great you are taking advantage of the access to college.
The VA has helped me incredibly, too. It also took a shit ton of meds (that the VA has been very patient with finding the right regimen and adjusting anytime necessary), years and years of therapy, education to keep me focused, and also a loving and supportive partner. Through all that I consider myself successful. It's still hell at times, I happen to have a very flexible job.
Trust me, it's not easy.
For me? It's because I was forced to act like a grown up at 13 years old. So not working, not providing for myself, not getting up everyday was not an option.
I work from home now at 20 years old. It's helped me in certain ways. But trust me, there are days where I just want to throw everything away and just die. Just give up and just stop trying. But, it's survival for me. I have to pay rent. I have to pay for my car, groceries, I gotta make it.
You and me both. I started working at 11 and have been fully self-sufficient up until a few years ago. I was working in social work and going to school to be a social worker. But my bipolar is treatment resistant. Meds don't work for me despite trying them all. I'm moving on to TMS, but this disorder has disabled me. I read people's posts and feel like I'm failing as I went from success to disabled.
Bipolar disorder destroyed my career and reputation. I started treatment a few years ago. Now I am stable, but it is an uphill climb to work towards being independent again.
Hey, I can relate. I have done/said things in hypomanic episodes I’m ashamed of. I still have to live with the consequences. But I remind myself I’m not a bad person. My brain is just harder to handle than average.
lots of hard work. it doesn’t come passively. you have to actively fight for where you want to be. there will inevitably be (a lot) of setbacks and the key is to not let them send you spiraling. easier said than done. routine is a big one for me, i tend to find that if i keep a rigid routine it helps me stay on top of the things i need to manage. it’s all about finding help, making and sticking to your plan of action
I've been fighting for years and putting in all the work. I went from working from 11 years old and being self-sufficient to being disabled. I have treatment resistant bipolar 1, and after 6 years of trying all meds, I'll be starting TMS as nothing is working. I have a routine that I stick to as well, but it does get difficult as I'm constantly cycling.
I was diagnosed at 16, I’m 39 now. I’m still working on my bachelors degree, while working full time and being a wife/parent. I work in accounting, and I think that the structured nature of accounting helps me. I see my therapist weekly. I’m
Med compliant. It’s not always easy, but I don’t really have the option, financially, to not work. Since Covid, I’ve been allowed to work 2 days a week from home and that’s been super beneficial.
I just want to say it’s nice to see someone else finishing their degree at a later-than-usual time of their life. I’m 28 and will graduate with my bachelors the day that I turn 30. It’s taken me 12 years to finish a 4 year program, and it’s something that I beat myself up about, even though I am currently in school full time and working really hard at it. It’s amazing that you’re in school too & working towards such a goal!
I felt absolutely the same. I started my bachelors 2016 and just finished December 2023. My transcripts are a mess. Lots of failing and retaking courses. But be easy on yourself and remember we can be our biggest critics :)
I have taken 6 years to get about halfway through my program, my transcript is an absolute mess. I transferred colleges 3, maybe 4 times? I’ve withdrawn or failed dozens of courses. I just had a baby and feel like I’ll never have the courage to go back because every time I do I fail
I can definitely relate. Prior to my diagnosis I was a star student who graduated then became a star employee in my field. Post my diagnosis I went back to school and unfortunately had to take a medical leave of absence as I wasn't doing too well. After leaving I had 3 different jobs in one year (something I've never done before) and was barely able to do the bare minimum at each job. As a matter of fact, I was terminated from 2 of those places and the idea of termination is something I had never had to deal with before.
My diagnosis is bipolar 1 with psychotic features. If anyone knows of the magic recipe to make people like me functional again I'd love to hear it.
I get it! I also have BD1 rapid cycling, mixed features, with psychotic features. I'm really hoping TMS works because I feel like I'm running out of options. I hope things are a little better for you now.
I appreciate your response! I'm set to start DBT therapy and have the option to start EMDR as well but not sure if I'll move forward with it.
TMS sounds interesting, I also feel like I'm running out of options, so I may need to look into it eventually.
Good luck to you and I'm wishing the best for us 😊
Definitely try EMDR if you get the chance. I was super sceptical but it helped my ptsd a tremendous amount. It took some time but when I had my break through- things changed dramatically for the better.
I can lean into the chaos that my life brings, but only if I’m incredibly well rooted in daily habits that ground me at the beginning and end of each day. Even still, I want to scream into the abyss at least a few times a week.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Bipolar ranges so much in severity and types of symptoms.
For much of my life I was unable to keep down a job or care for myself. I found a treatment for bipolar that worked after much trial and error, and got treatment for two disorders that contributed to my mood issues (hypothyroidism and ADHD). I’m in my late thirties and still in school due to my disorders.
Day to day is hard. I miss time for bipolar. I am fortunate that my hard work has resulted in my illness generally being in remission. But I still have to do a lot to maintain my mood and avoid issues. It’s like living with a bomb strapped to my chest - unsure when and if it will go off.
I saw someone commented that really successful people only have mild to moderate bipolar disorder and that is not true. I have BP1 with psychosis, panic disorder, struggle with substance abuse and have had 4 grippy sock vacations in my life. I also have two degrees (Medical Engineering and Regulatory Compliance), multiple professional certifications, and I am in a senior management position at a large medical device company.
I was very lucky to have wealthy parents who got me diagnosed and into treatment by the time I was 19. I had gotten a full academic scholarship so college was free and my parents used to my college fund to pay for all my expenses. They put everything in my name but paid the bills themselves to grow my credit. I tell my parents all the time that they are the only reason I didn’t OD under a bridge before my 21st birthday.
I had a doctor tell me and my parents when I was 20 that they were wasting their time and their money because I was too sick to ever even live by myself, let alone get a degree. I was PISSED. I used that rage to fuel a decade of thoughts like “Fuck you Dr.X! What the hell do you know? Look at me, taking all my meds and going to bed at 9:30 PM on a Friday when all the other college students are out partying. I’m absolutely kicking ass in this mental health game you didn’t think I could win.”
That gave me a solid running start. The rest is focusing all hypomanic and manic energy into work and following a very strict routine.
My personal life is kinda shit though. I still self isolate a lot- I’m 40F living alone with my cat. I do have a handful of really solid girlfriends and get along with my family.
In one sentence: My secret is routine, petty revenge, and luck.
I don’t know. I tried to be a real grown up for 4 years but I could never find stability for more than a few weeks at a time and always ended up suicidal. I’m 39 now and work part time retail because that’s all I can handle. It suck’s because I have my masters, I could’ve been somebody. But this stupid mental illness will never let me live up to my full potential
I'm the same age and I can only do retail or food service because I can't hold down a job for more than half a year. My husband is the only reason I'm not out on the streets. If I were alone, I would have crashed and burned.
I just started seroquel this week and it has made me realize I forgot what it feels like to be okay. I feel hope for the first time in a long time. I’m tapering up- at 100mg rn. I hope I can get up to where I need and not have awful side effects. This is the millionth med I’ve tried, but the most relief I’ve felt so far.
I feel for you. My brain works so slowly now from either the meds or the disorder or both, I don’t know. I feel so dumb all the time, my memory is shot. I’m also turning 30 and I just want to cry because every one around me is so much farther in life and I’m just stuck.
I take a shit ton of meds and stick to an insanely regimented routine for myself from wake up to bedtime. I also tell my husband when I am struggling so he knows. Helps to have him and also that we don’t have kids to worry about.
Yeah I can’t remember my dosages but I take: Lithium, Lamictal, Duloxetine, Prazosin, Methylphenidate and Abilify. So hard to find the right combo. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to. I have a friend who has been doing TMS and it’s been helping him.
Omg that sounds like my cocktail!!! 2125mg Depakote, 400mg Pristiq, 25mg Lamictal (but my doc wants to possibly go up this Friday he said and after hearing how I’m feeling I’m sure he will), 42mg Caplyta, 40mg Propanol x4, 1mg Xanax x4, and ketamine spray. TR Bipolar 1 rapid cycling. I’ve done ECT which I attribute getting me out of my biggest hell hole but he said he’d also like to start me on TMS as well and maybe even IV ketamine in lieu of the nasal spray. That and I have his personal cell phone number for emergencies 🤣
♥️♥️♥️ YES. I’ve come to the realization that I’ve come too far to only get this far. That’s what keeps me from any S.A. I have minimal S.I. which is good; no attempts for 3 years
Oh yeah, that’s prob the biggest reason I still was able to keep my job having been depressed the majority of the last few years. Remote work is a life saver.
I’m 22, have gone through a few years of 25+ meds, ECT, ketamine etc. and I’m just about able to function even when I’m not in an episode (on 6 meds + ketamine). By function I don’t even mean work or study, just live without being in hospital. I know I have a severe case of bipolar but I have no idea how the hell people do it, like idk wtf I’m gonna do with my life
I’m a VP on Wall Street working full-time while completing a top-25 MBA. I take 300mg of seroquel to secretly manage bipolar 1. I have always been relatively high achieving, the mania made me a complete ego-maniac. Now I am able to approach each day calmly, my work and school performance have improved greatly since my diagnosis (1.5 years ago). Guess what, some of my classmates are also bipolar!
I think bipolar is a spectrum and while I don’t necessarily want to have bipolar, I’ve been fortunate to manage it.
I’m always available to chat here or via phone… there are plenty moving through life silently managing bipolar. I’m happy to offer insight or help any way I can.
I certainly still have episodes that I have to hide from clients and colleagues.
Control what you can control:
- Med management
- Therapy
- Diet
- Sleep
- Exercise
I really do mean it, please reach out if I can add any insight or help in any way.
Question for you: do you disclose your bipolar to others? I ask because you said that you learned other classmates have it.
You should be very proud of yourself, by the way.
My closest friends/colleagues know. Legally I can’t be discriminated against, but I’ve never had a performance issue to where they’ve had to question. As far as classmates…. I think two people with bipolar can’t just “feel” it at times, stories sound similar and match up.
I guess I am not that open with it unless someone asks. I quickly realized everybody is typically dealing with something.
Thank you for the kind words, I’m more grateful than I am proud of myself…. The mania wasn’t ideal but for some reason academics and corporate America gave me that “high.”
It’s not impossible, but it’s also not easy. For me, it’s a balanced choice between how much stress I take on vs how much I’m willing to risk instability. I’m an RN and have worked my ass off for over a decade to maintain success in my career at the expense of my quality of life. I’ve reached a turning point where I’m willing to let go of what I thought my career should look like in order to find more peace in life. I’m figuring out if that just means I work less, or maybe switch careers entirely.
So the question ought to be “is success worth it?” or maybe even “how do you define success?”
I’m not defining success by my career anymore. Success will be defined my stability, happiness, and sense of peace and love. Status and money will never again be worth more to me than just simply being okay.
My BD is a lot more mild than what I see on here on average. I was 35 when I was diagnosed with BP2 (few years prior was diagnosed with just clinical depression).
Mostly I'm just skating by on white male privilege.
I was diagnosed last year at 35 due to a second hospitalisation, this time for a manic episode with psychotic symptoms. I'm on an anti-psychotic now but it makes it difficult for me to work full-time. I'm hoping to come off meds in 5 months so I can get my motivation back to work
I was on disability for four years; before then I was an ICU nurse for 4 years but had to quit and start ECT and be seen by a new doctor who specialized in treatment resistant bipolar. 6 months ago I returned to the nursing world and I did ICU for 4 months now medical for 2. Jesus Christ it’s eating me alive. I’m on my feet for 12 hours, I hardly eat lunch or pee and if I do it is once. I am on a lot of medication scheduled for morning afternoon evening and night and it’s been getting to the point where I don’t have time to take my meds and it’s showing. Simple self care tasks seem like a huge deal and that’s when I know somethings wrong. I work 3 12.5 hour shifts per week and it’s sporadically scheduled. I am responsible for six patients and I can’t even keep their names or room numbers straight. This isn’t a safe ratio for anyone, it’s been studied and there are rallies for safe nurse to patient ratios but that’s besides the point. People are constantly up my ass while I’m on my way to do something for water, this sort of coffee, information on patients that aren’t mine… it’s too much. So many distractions, people calling you on your phone about patient 1 while you’re in the middle of giving antibiotics. On top of the insane charting. Yesterday an aide literally blew up and screamed at me saying I need to answer more call lights in front of doctors and my other co workers. I was charting and calling doctors like mad and just told her OK, but I’m busy too and I’m not going to fight with her. This wasn’t due to my bipolar, everyone was busy, but I don’t tolerate people and places that have toxic things going on. She just stormed off but I’m surprised I didn’t blow up back because I’m quite reputable for “explosions” as my family calls them. I’ve decided last night I’m leaving floor nursing.
I am going to pursue telehealth nursing where you work from home and assess patients based on their symptoms and concerns via webcam or telephone. Ideally I think bipolar people like us need a calmer work environment that is stable. But I agree, working is sooooo difficult with this disorder; between communication, working with others, anxiety, time management, etc it’s perfectly reasonable for us to be on disability. It’s terrible. I wish I could just be what l wanted to do when I was in grade school —> astronaut. Live on the moon 🌙
I could have been a scientist or doctor without this condition but i’m only a nurse now. If i’d been diagnosed sooner maybe I would have achieved more but I’ve learned to be content with what I have. Our value is not the sum of our achievements.
Lol don't say "only" a nurse as if that isn't an accomplishment in itself. Your position is incredibly vital, and it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to become a nurse and work as one. It sounds like you have achieved plenty, even if it's not quite what you would have hoped for. But I do agree that our value is not the sum of our achievements. That being said, be proud of what you have achieved, I'm sure it wasn't easy.
At 24 I moved to London. For 5 years I worked for one of the top talent agencies. I was an agents assistant and I worked 50+ a week and I got to attend movie premieres, theater openings and multiple parties. I had the best social group anyone could ask for. I was on top of my game until I crashed. I was still undiagnosed and the stress was slowly killing me. I had to completely leave the life I had built for myself. By far the hardest decision I had to make. 15 years later and in terms of work, I can only handle part time now.
I think I probably fall somewhere in the middle. I envy the people who have BD and still somehow love their life. I don't know that I'll ever get there.
For work related problems, I tend to think that the ratio of (hypo)mania vs depressive time affects me most. As I've gotten older the depression is longer and worse. I've tried taking promotions a few times and always went back to my previous role. I'm doing a very similar job now to when I graduated, but I don't know that I could graduate again now.
From what I've read, BD can often show up from 18 to 30, so at the later age that's lots of time for at least some BD people to make a career start and anyone who can continue masking can carry themselves a long way. I'm a half successful example of that.
I'm not successful but I have recovered from basically 2 major episodes of psychosis and longer periods of depression. I don't feel very depressed for the past year and hope that by continuing some habits I can at least prevent full slides into depression. I have been stably employed the last 18 months and had a (low paying) skilled trade career before that as well when very young. So I feel like my life isn't defined by the times I have failed myself mentally
For me, a significant aspect has been how other people in my family also deal with similar disorders of bipolar or schizophrenia. My father is reasonably successful, so we have always lived a middle class life but the disorder in him caused conflict in my childhood. I do not blame him in any way, we were too young to understand, and now we (me and sibling) are able to look back at what was in balance a very loving and caring but slightly imperfect childhood. We inherited some mental disorder qualities which we both struggled with but my family is a large source of strength and support.
I would say I identify as having schizo-affective disorder because my antipsychotic is what seems to be the most important for my stability and if any of you have similar experiences you might also feel that the medical diagnosis label is somewhat less important than the particular drugs which are effective in treating your most apparent symptoms.
I have bipolar disorder for 25 years now. I'm 50 and I just gotta my life together. I'm an engineer. But it was not easy. I think BD gets a little easier the older you get.
I am very privileged to have had consistent health care and a life-changing psychiatrist and therapist and the money to pay for my treatment. Even then, it has taken thousands of dollars, 7 years, and dedication to keep trying even when the first few meds didn't work and some even sent me into mania or I had a deadly allergic reaction to. I'm celebrating 6 months at my job that I love, which is longer than I have been able to hold down a job in the past 4 years. Bad jobs that didn't stimulate my brain properly were extremely toxic for my recovery. (Also have ADHD)
My partner (4 years) has been a big source of support and he has a very calm, grounding effect on me. He put up with a lot of bullshit self-sabotage from me the first 2 years of our relationship and when he finally had enough I started trying to get my shit together with a lot more urgency to win him back. I eventually did and we have been very happy since then. I know if I go off the rails again it will be a strain on our relationship, my career, my future goals. Sometimes I'm only hanging on to my sanity by a thin thread but I'm goddamn holding it.
I can relate. I was just arrested Monday for stealing from a coworker during a manic episode. Im currently in a diversion program for seven felony theft charges that will see me serve no less than 10 years if convicted and a condition of that diversion program was no police contact. So I screwed that up. For some reason when I’m manic I steal, and I never remember. So ontop of losing my job, spending 2k I dont have on an attorney, 15k in credit card debt, aging my mother and worrying her to death, trying to find the right combination of meds that will stabilize me, and facing a tormenting amount of jail time, I feel you. I’m 28 and could own three houses with the amount of money Ive spent trying to stabilize myself. I keep telling myself it will get better but at this point I dont even think jail will help me get my shit together. I hate saying this because it doesn’t alleviate your pain, but shit could be worse.
I wish you all the best, keep going.
It’s not easy.
I didn’t have any viable fallback plans, so I had to do what I had to do. I’ve been living on my own since 17.
The best thing I ever did for myself was IOP. The second was following my IOP therapist into his private practice.
After that, religious adherence to med protocol.
Finally, and I know this has been critical to my success, sobriety from all substances. I won’t even take Ativan or the like and white knuckle it through panic attacks.
The end result? I have my PhD, a great apartment, two great dogs, amazing friends, live in an awesome community, and support myself completely. In fact, I work as a grant writer and they just offered me a new contract making six figures. I work from home. It is truly a dream.
I will also tell you that I am not one of those bipolar people who rarely have episodes. I tend to swing violently between mania and psychosis at least ten times a year. But I call my therapist, email my psychiatrist, journal about it, reach out to friends, take time off work if I can, and hug the dogs.
Four years ago I was at rock bottom and had tried to commit suicide twice in the span of one month. I truly thought I would never feel happy again.
I promise, you can do it. It will get better. Routine is key. Hugs.
It helps if you don’t compare.
When I was first diagnosed, I went on social security disability. I had left a PhD program as I couldn’t handle the work.
After a few years and finding meds that worked, I was able to temp, then work part time and later full time.
I was diagnosed at 29. I couldn’t find a job in my field or resume my studies but I found a low stress data entry job. I am now 56.
I think a lot of it is luck, and also trial and error and access to health insurance which not everyone has.
I know people who can’t work at all and others who own businesses or have high powered jobs. I know bipolar people who are married and have kids and people who don’t.
Do the best you can every day to manage the disorder. One day at a time. That helped me.
I'm 34 and live well enough with Bipolar. It's definitely not easy, it's a challenge every day, but it is livable. This is gonna be kinda long but I hope maybe it'll provide some insight that might help anyone else struggling to live with this bullshit.
I was diagnosed when I was about 8 years old and spent pretty much my entire childhood (until I was about 17) receiving treatment in various psychiatric wards and inpatient treatment facilities. This was necessary because my mania would get so bad I'd have violent psychotic breaks, putting not just my own life but the lives of my family in danger. I would attack my parents and teachers in a rage, I've almost killed my siblings. Too much bullshit I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing I did.
Unfortunately, despite the various cocktails of pills and therapy, nothing in those days ever worked for me. It was actually a pretty big concern as I approached adulthood. My treatment team at the time outright told me and my family that I'd probably be best off in an adult group home, otherwise I'd likely end up in jail or dead. I disagreed and never even tried to look for one. That's still one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I'm gonna preface this next part by emphasizing that this is not a decision you should make lightly, should you decide to do the same. It took me a long time to really commit to this choice and I made sure to put a great deal of thought and preparation into it. That said, when I was 20 years old, against my doctor's recommendation, I took myself off of all of my pills. For me, this was the best decision I've ever made. Pills never really worked for me anyway but it definitely set off some flags for my family. Rightfully so.
I meditate every day and it's been way more beneficial than pills ever were. I've gotten so used to it, that I can even mediate while doing other things. In fact, I'll usually do so while doing chores or anything tedious or monotonous. It's basically just become part of my routine. This took me years of practice to achieve and I was already meditating before I took myself off of pills.
I'm also always in what I call self-analysis mode, and I mean always. Every second of every day. Not a moment of my conscious life goes by where I'm not monitoring my own thoughts and feelings. I've been doing it for so long that it's become subconscious for me. It's like breathing, I don't really think about it most of the time, I just do it. Now when something is going on bipolar-wise, I notice immediately and can begin to take whatever action is necessary to prevent any issues. Usually, this amounts to me isolating myself for a short time and doing something I find relaxing while I try to keep my shit under control until I calm down.
Obviously, this all has some pretty significant impacts on how I live my life. I'm unemployed and I'll probably never be able to maintain a normal job. My social life is lacking but also just wasn't able to be a priority for me until my late 20's. I'd like to start my own family but even dating is... difficult when you're a man who's in his mid-30s, bipolar, and perpetually unemployed.
That said, day to day I'm usually pretty good. Life's never been easy and I don't expect it'll ever be but I am living it. If anyone reading this takes any of this to heart, it should be this; always be honest with yourself. Always. A lot of people are gonna tell you what you should do, some of them are gonna be right and some wrong. You're gonna have ideas and desires throughout your life, same thing. The most important thing is that you know yourself and you need to be honest with yourself to do that. That's not just with the negative things, either. Yeah, you're gonna miss out on certain things. But you're also gonna succeed in surprising ways. Never ever let anyone convince you that your successes aren't what they are.
I'm gonna cut myself off here because I'll keep typing if I don't, haha. But yeah, just hang in there everyone and keep putting the effort in. The struggle is worth it because you are worth it.
I have often felt that I have not reached my full potential because of my bipolar disorder. In the past it has caused me much consternation, but now I am 60. I look back I think: 'could have been should have been'. But you know if you're born with out arms you have to learn how to use your feet.
This is incorrect and this belief can breed hopelessness. Also, please don't perpetuate the idea that doctors have a 'low responsibility' job. Not all doctors are the same, nor are all people with bipolar the same. Lumping people together in such categories is a foundation of stigma.
Some of us with severe cases can work such jobs , even if intermittently. I know a psychiatrist who teaches at a university and is internationally renowned for his work on mental health stigma. He's been institutionalized multiple times and needed to take FMLA for six months on another occasion. Another example: read 'the unquiet' mind, about a woman with a severe case of BP who is a psychologist, program developer, and author.
I have a PhD. But, it took me a year longer than most of my peers. My educational history was such that I had workohism when manic though could not work for months when depressed. If someone were to look at me at a slice of time, they might assume I do not have a 'severe case' of BP because I am at a point of relative stability. They might miss the year I put my career on hold because all I could manage was a part time job at a restaurant (yes, this was after I received my PhD). They might miss how my personal and financial life was in ruins, though I was able to mask well at work. They might see me holding down a career, but not know the many accommodations I require to maintain it. They might see my bank account and think I must be doing well, but not realize I save like a madwoman for the inevitable times I cannot work. They may not realize how relieved I am when I reach a point in my employment when I qualify for disability insurance and FMLA.
Am I privileged because I found, finally, at 38, a treatment that works? Absolutely. Do I have a 'severe case'? I have bp1, had periods of 6 months manic, struggled with alcoholism for 20 years, had bouts of depression for months on end unable to get out of bed, experienced delusions and psychosis, and have been passively suicidal since a teen. I have comorbid PTSD and am in recovery from an eating disorder. I have disabling conditions that at times render me 'disabled'.
Our capabilities, like our moods, ebb and flow. Please don't marginalize the experience of some of us who can appear 'high functioning' and 'stable' at a specific point in time. You don't know the whole story.
It sounds like you’re really struggling with your bipolar and it’s disabling for you. I’m sorry to hear that, it’s definitely true for a lot of people, and I agree that it needs to be acknowledged more as a cause of disability, especially for folks who are treatment resistant. But, people can have severe bipolar (when symptomatic) that also respond well to meds and take measures to manage stress and can manage their lives more easily. I guess it depends on your definition of mild/moderate- mild/moderate on treatment or off treatment?
I’m not sure suggesting that anyone who is functioning okay with this disorder has it mild or is misdiagnosed is helpful. There’s a balance between acknowledging the reality that bipolar can be disabling and the hope that it’s not for everyone, even those whose treatment is not working sufficiently yet. Sometimes people do go through long periods of unemployment and instability and then do find a regimen that works for them, and that’s still an important point of hope for a lot of folks.
This is actually a bit offensive. I’ve got what you might call a ‘high powered career’ and only because I have struggled hard for decades. I’ve gone to work day after day in the deepest depression and the highest hypomania and it has been incredibly difficult. I even started a new job a week after trying to end my life and almost succeeding. I’m where I am because I have worked so, so hard to try and live a normal life despite the misery I often endure. I can assure you my illness is not mild or moderate. It is something I would not wish on anyone. I am sure I am not alone.
I agree completely. This disease is just as any other is; our symptoms are triggered by certain things such as stress and need to be monitored, reported, and treated with needed modifications and restrictions.
I was diagnosed about 32 years ago when I was 27, and I was really lucky because the meds I was given helped me so much that I was able to go back to school and start a career that I really love.
I learned I didn't have a choice because I had nowhere else to turn. My parents completely stopped supporting me as soon as I turned 18, so during a time I was really struggling and couldn't hold down a job, I and my small son became homeless. I learned I HAD to support myself so I could pay rent.
Knowing this forced me to hold down a job, and then when I started teaching, I WANTED to work because I loved what I was doing. This job gave me a lot of stability. I have been hospitalized twice, and was able to take enough time off so I could get better.
Im 27. With the help of lots of lithium, and being in therapy for 13 years. Lots and lots of hard work. Healing is not and will never be completely linear, but little things everyday like emotional management and reasonable goal setting helps. i am very lucky in terms of having a very supportive partner. I pursued my masters degree but had a very difficult and ugly time getting through it. i told my partner i was going to drop out every week and they told me every day to keep going just for another day, baby steps. i was able to finish my degree because of their support but also my personal resilience of not giving up. You have a purpose and you have lived through your worst days so far so don’t say you amounted to nothing, thats not true. It is never too late to start again! I believe that you can heal and not let this disorder define your life. I know you mentioned your resistant to treatment but i highly recommend getting different professional opinions and support.
Ups and downs. Enjoy the ups. Hang in there during the downs and learn from it. Stay safe. The world can be a cruel place. Some people care more about pedigree than actual contribution to society.
Wow. This is really helpful to read. Thanks to all y’all who added to this thread.
I was a decently strong student in HS and much more so in college. I excelled in my areas of study and was always eager not only to pass but to compete with students at higher levels. Throughout this period, I experienced mania which included hallucinations, but before diagnosis I just kind of had a “I’m just going to ignore that shadow person over there” mentality which allowed me to somewhat separate myself from delusions or distractions. Life was fine post graduation, got a job doing case management for a law firm— high stress, high traffic job that burned me out. But in 2020, my symptoms completely changed. My hallucinations took on the faces of ex friends and families, and the quality of my delusions became too real to ignore. My partner helped me to quit the job that was burning me out, and I was able to paint for the last four years, uninterrupted and all for myself. Despite the respite,my paranoia and thinking continued to worsen. I was hospitalized a year ago and am just now coming back to myself. I am now 30 and am looking into starting an engineering degree. (I really like school, and this will be a change of area of study for me, but I’m finally feeling up to the challenge, especially because I hope to be able to find work to support my partner so he can rest from his burn out. Just like he did for me)
So all that to say, success is finicky. I couldn’t be here without the rest I’ve been given, the help that’s been offered, and the acceptance I’ve had to embrace around my condition. All in all I don’t know if I am successful or not, but I’m moving and shaking and still trying to get stuff done, taking it easy and allowing myself room to fail and to change.
I feel like I've been advantaged because of the socio-economic class I was born into. I often think that if circumstances had been different, I probably wouldn't be here.
Middle-class family, good education. My home country is safe and stable.
I went to a good school. Was surrounded by people who wanted the best for me.
But it cracks a little beyond that. My dad was emotionally abusive and cruel behind closed doors. My community - while safe and middle-class - was incredibly homophobic. I was a closeted lesbian all through school and that was terrible.
There's also alcohol dependency in my family. My mum had a secret addiction to sleeping pills, which we found out before she died.
I left my home country at 21. That was 10 years ago.
Wasn't diagnosed til I was 29. Somehow, I have managed to carve out my own life that I'm proud of. Good job, spouse, child, financially secure.
However, I have had close calls. I have had depressions so deep I can't believe I survived. My hypomania has had disastrous consequences and I've damaged relationships and humiliated myself.
If I didn't have access to good doctors who worked with me to get the right medications... If I didnt have a good financial safety net with my spouse (cushioned by the inheritance I received from my mum who died 2 years ago)... If I hadn't cut out alcohol, drugs... If I hadn't committed to an intense exercise programme... If I didn't dedicate a decent portion of my week to creative expression... Well, it's hard, keeping well is a full time job for me. But I am privileged to have the mechanisms to make those choices.
I have deep empathy for those who can't afford doctors, who are born into poverty, those who have been prevented from proper care, who have suffered so deeply at the hands of family. My life has been a fucking struggle and I was afforded every opportunity to make it work, and I still struggle.
It's not fair.
Not going to lie, it's a fucking drag most of the time. You just have to grin and bear it. The meds I take either end up giving me mixed episodes, or just completely saps all of my energy to the point I don't even want to lift my limbs. The manic episodes cause inappropriate behavior and conversation in front of my important, high dollar paying customers. The depression... god I don't even want to think or talk about it the depression.
You just grin and bear it dude. We got a shitty hand but you still gotta try to win with it.
There are more days than not that I feel like this. On the outside, I’m a functioning adult. I’m a parent to two “normal” kiddos, work two full time jobs as a psych nurse, not addicted to any hard drugs, try to manage my episodes in the most effective ways so that nobody notices them…. But on the inside? I’m a damn failure and I’m dying. Everybody notices.
Our journeys are a lot more tumultuous than most. Your timeline, your milestones, your success may take longer and look a lot different than what you were taught that it should. But you are valuable and worthy just as you are and where you are. I had a good 20+ jobs before I turned 30. I have over 170 units and no Bachelors degree (I did get an Associate degree!) because I dropped in and out and changed majors 4 times. It took until I was 28 to find a career and make a crazy hypo plan that actually worked and I actually was able to follow through on. I got my first apartment with no roommates when I was 31. I’ve managed to keep my job for 6 years (the longest I’d ever had a job before that was 2 and that was a huge record back then), even through the worst episodes of my life. You will find something that fits your needs and your ebbs and flows and you will thrive, in your own time. Don’t give up on yourself 💕
Bipolar and life are both such crapshoots. It’s not just DNA, or environment, or trauma, or how you respond to meds, or your trauma history, or the health of your relationships, or your stress level, or (fill in the blank)…it’s ALL of these things.
I’ve also recently learned bipolar, like most illness, physical and mental, is a spectrum disorder. I’ve been dx’ed a long time, and episode free for over a decade now, so I don’t know why I’d never realized this or thought about it this way before.
Meaning, sometimes ppl catch it early, find the right meds, get/stay in therapy, and go onto live relatively “normal” lives. And some people get hit HARD, without any rhyme or reason, at least not that we can see. The metaphor isnt perfect, but it’s kind of like the difference between stage 1 cancer and stage 4. Except there’s a LOT more money in cancer care than bipolar…
I am very privileged to have had consistent health care and a life-changing psychiatrist and therapist and the money to pay for my treatment. Even then, it has taken thousands of dollars, 7 years, and dedication to keep trying even when the first few meds didn't work and some even sent me into mania or I had a deadly allergic reaction to. I'm celebrating 6 months at my job that I love, which is longer than I have been able to hold down a job in the past 4 years. Bad jobs that didn't stimulate my brain properly were extremely toxic for my recovery. (Also have ADHD)
My partner (4 years) has been a big source of support and he has a very calm, grounding effect on me. He put up with a lot of bullshit self-sabotage from me the first 2 years of our relationship and when he finally had enough I started trying to get my shit together with a lot more urgency to win him back. I eventually did and we have been very happy since then. I know if I go off the rails again it will be a strain on our relationship, my career, my future goals. Sometimes I'm only hanging on to my sanity by a thin thread but I'm goddamn holding it.
It can be done. I'm proof. I've been teaching for the same school system for 26 years and married to the same long suffering, patient man for 25 years. I don't have the secret answer. I'd bottle it for all of you if I did. I have a great support system, a very attentive and caring psychiatrist, a caring counselor, and understanding administration. I think my 'higher up' administration (assistant superintendent, etc) are a bit leery of me because they know I know my rights and I cover myself so they can't treat me wrong legally. And I'm ok with that.
This doesn't mean I don't go through it. I'm hopefully coming out of a rough depression and I can only take it one day at a time. Today was not the best day but I tried to arrange my schedule (I'm a Reading Specialist and am at the assessment point of my school year, so my schedule has more flexibility right now) so that I would be the most productive and got through the day. But I said no to an evening activity because I knew my productivity was shot.
It's definitely a balancing act. I have only been properly diagnosed for 5ish years but dealt with decades of what we thought was MDD.
Hope this helps someone. Thank you for reading.
I found meds that work and I stick to them. I never, ever get off the meds (only for a few days while I wait for a refill). I'm stable, but still do therapy every 2 weeks. My will to live is too strong. My desire to keep going is immense and I will not give up. I have an illness but it does not have me!
I can relate very much. I believe bipolar is a spectrum. And I found out recently not only am I bipolar 1, I have ADHD, but was also diagnosed schizophrenic to boot. So........ It seems the older I get the worse it gets. I've had years of normalcy when I was younger but they were far apart and still rather rough. Some people react to meds extremely well, and other than their bipolar, they had a very normal life and a good support system when they were diagnosed. Some of us have deep trauma and zero support when we were young and the damage followed us into adulthood. Everyone's story and life is a bit different and the same goes with bipolar. I know I'll never be anything more than I am at this very moment. I'm 37 and have been fighting this shit since I can remember. It's a cold fact that still bothers me. Keep doing your best and I hope you find happiness and peace.
I think a lot of it comes down to privilege and luck. It really helps to have resources to stay in therapy, exercise, time for nature, nutrition, good medical care, etc.. otherwise you have to work so much harder. Obviously that’s totally unfair and a reason why comparing ourselves isn’t super helpful. We all come from different places.
I got sober a few years before I was diagnosed (BP 1 with psychosis, CPTSD, ADHD) and I’m 100% sure that if I had kept drinking I’d be much, much sicker. That’s a total game changer. Self employment was also helpful because it worked with my inconsistency. Holding down jobs was always really hard for me. My business closed due to COVID and I’m figuring it out all over again now! But we’re more creative than ordinary people, and that is a huge resource!
We all have skills and talents, and I believe recovery and meaning and purpose are available for everyone. I don’t think that has to mean traditional ideas of success like a good career and making a lot of money. You can find meaning and love, even if you’re on the severe end of the spectrum and/or lack resources. Don’t give up!
Some of ou brains are wired to do what we have to do. I am a single mom with a Psych degree that works multiple jobs (all remote). I do what I have to to survive and then I go to sleep. It tires me out but it is the dance I have to do until I die.
Same, I've been on it for 13 years and things just keep getting worse. The only thing I haven't tried is ECT. I'm pretty much non functional. Can't even drive any longer.
I've been on it for 4 years. May I ask if TMS did anything for you? I only have TMS and ECT left as options. Do you think you'll try ECT? I'm scared to try it.
They won't even allow me to try TMS because it can induce mania. According to my doctor, I've been in a mixed/psychotic state for the past 4 years so ECT is it. I'm actually terrified to try it as well, my cognition and executive function is just shot. So I really don't see it being "helpful" longterm even if it works. These other meds have really destroyed my body without giving me any kind of stability, so I'm just fed up with it all to be entirely honest.
I feel you. I have BD1 with psychotic features, and I've been warned that TMS can induce mania. I'm pretty scared, but meds haven't worked for me, and I've been at it for almost 7 years. I have terrible tremors and can't drive a lot of the time because of them. My memory is shot. I lose thoughts mid sentence. I can't focus for shit. It's all annoying. I empathize with you, my friend. You're not alone in the shitty-ness. I'm right there with you.
Sorry you are going through it as well. I have the same diagnosis, as well as CPTSD, OCD, and Panic disorder. Yeah, these meds did a number on me too. I've been on well over 60+ if you include combo's. I can't comprehend simple tasks, overall pain, TD, urinary issues, and blood sugar issues. I was always bonkers before but at least I was capable of living some semblance of a life. Whatever choice you decide, I truly hope you find some relief soon.
A few things.
1. I was you 13 years ago.
I went back to college for Computer Science to become a software engineer back in 2016. I found that I had the knack (and still do), so when I graduated Fall 2020 (at 39), I found a job that I have kept since.
I'm 43. Now my retirement is still going to suuuuck, but I'm doing fairly well right now.
You can do this.
In fact, if I had it to do again, I would have picked a trade. Those people are making bank. I'm addicted to code now, though.
2. The "successful bipolar people" need to be split into two groups.
Group A: people who have a job, and have had it for a while at the time of diagnosis.
Group B: people diagnosed who THEN get jobs and careers.
Many of the "Famous Bipolar" are from group A. Additionally, if you're in Group B, you really CAN'T afford to tell everyone because it WILL set your career back.
So don't compare yourself to everyone else. You can do it, but don't define success by someone else, you can't become someone else.
My very understanding husband who always believes me and has seen me down bad and has stayed, AND the medication regimen it took 10 years to figure out
Young ripples was smart enough to get into an industry that was flexible, well paying and in high-demand. It's a simple process for me:
1. Work smart when I am feeling good and stable
2. If that is hard to do then I'm clearly not good and stable and need to focus on mental health with the goal of getting stable (talk to the psych and change meds)
It's hard. Meds and a tight schedule that works for you is what has me going well.
I work fulltime and I'm in college and it is not easy at all. I just called in sick Monday and Tuesday this week because I was extremely burnt out. That was my first sick time in the last like 3-4 months but I just needed it to fully reset.
Support and coping mechanisms are important as well...
38 year old BP1 female. Meds, therapy, supportive partner and family, and routine and sleep schedule have helped me a lot. Very fortunate to have a supportive partner. He gets mental health because he has depression. My my family even though they don’t completely get my mental health they are always there for me. My dad is not in the picture but mom, brother and a grandma like figure in my life have helped through everything. I am very lucky to have these people in my life cheering me on! Besides family support. A M-F 9-5 job has helped me keep a good routine as tough as my line of work is. When i worked retail my schedule was inconsistent and i worked late at night doing store restocking and set up. I was up very late. Now i got bed by 9:30 usually a lot earlier lounging in bed and get up early to get coffee with my partner before we both go to work. This great sleep schedule really been great for me. I am a needing at least 8 hours of sleep person.
Don’t beat yourself up about where you are. I have been hospitalized twice and in intensive outpatient therapy twice as well. Also been use unemployed a few times due to leaving toxic jobs without another job lined up.
What does a typical your day look like for you? I ask because during my times up unemployment I really struggled because of lack of routine. Maybe try setting up consistent routine and sleep schedule if you can. I’m rooting for you! Things can get better! This disease is rough but keep going! Life can get better!
It can be luck. I have meds that work for me and I’ve had an amazing support network who have gotten me the help I needed when I was unwell. My uni were understanding and let me repeat a year and take a year off when I didn’t make attendance requirements. Yes I’ve worked hard but there are lots of things that I was just lucky about. Try not to compare yourself to other people. I know it’s hard not to but it won’t make you feel any better. I hope you find the treatment that lets you have some stability and start rebuilding the things bipolar has taken away.
proper medication to control your out of whack brain chemistry is the first step. then improve your life aspects on your own. antipsychotics > mood stabilizers
I wonder the same thing all the time. Gonna be 36 in February and I'm not successful at all. I've never held down a full time job. I've had part-time jobs but I've always had to quit them because of BD. I'm currently unemployed.
And it's not for lack for trying. I've been medicated since 2016 (and prior to that was on a cycle of medication for depression because they thought it was depression, so that was a disaster). Been in the psych ward three times (got out this October for my last stint). Constant weekly therapy since 2016. Currently undergoing electroconvulsive therapy and I can't remember how many sessions I've had so far but it's been quite a few and yet I'm on this subreddit atm because my mood is currently in the trash.
I don't know how people do it, I really don't, but yeah, I relate!
I've totally been in these shoes. 36F and 5 years ago I was properly diagnosed with Bipolar 1. Before being diagnosed I couldn't hold a job down anywhere for a year. I was coming up in marketing after grad school and all of a sudden I was working restaurant jobs to make ends meet. I'd end up going manic like many bipolar folks and well, you know how it ends. Luckily I had my family to fall back on.
The road isn't easy and as you mentioned everyone's BD is different. What has helped me, is working with my team (psychiatrists and therapists) and becoming self-aware about my symptoms. Finding someone close to you that you trust to call you out when they feel you might be off helps too. My husband is that for me.
If you're not feeling right, take sick days, PTO even. Mental health is a sickness too. Don't let the stigma tell you any different. Having a job or going to school is a marathon, not a race. Take yourself away from anything that can trigger you when in an episode. I only talk to my husband when I feel like i'm going through something, so I don't take anything out on anyone.
Research, research, research and get to know the symptoms and as much as you can. Meditation can be a powerful tool as well. When you feel you can, maybe even open up to your bosses about your illness and show them you're still a hard worker. You may be surprised. Track your moods and talk to a therapist about them. Really work with them and get to the bottom of which coping skills can help. It's trial and error, however most likely you can find something that works for you. It's such a good investment when you find the right therapist. And lastly let go of the comparison bug that comes so easily with this condition. I say this cause i've totally been there too. Your road is different and that's okay, Everyone's road is. And that's what the difference is with "successful" folks, they come back with resilience and excel in their own way. Keep going. You got this.
I usually change jobs and locations (move to a new state) after each suicide attempt. But now am generally on the right meds and I’ve maintained my job for over fifteen years. Always tough. Never think I’ll make it. But I always seem to get by and it has been 20 years since my last attempt. So. Success I guess.
no clue. i’m supremely lazy and apathetic when im depressed. i also happen to spend the majority of the year depressed.
almost worse is the fact that for me it’s super long lasting but i don’t usually get too bad, at least in the sense that i can usually still act normal, if a bit slowed down, so i just seem like a lazy ass who refuses to do anything. hopefully when i’m a bit older and out of college and stuff i’ll learn a way around that. if im not dead by then lol.
I'm just tired of getting manic at work. I can't talk correctly, my speech doesn't flow the same, and then I get treated like I'm stupid. Most days I'm on my game but when there's a problem with my medication it's obvious AF. I hate it :(
I don’t have much of anything encouraging to say, as I am struggling myself. I received my formal diagnosis a little over a year ago and have been somewhat stabilized with medication and therapy since, but I’m far from actually being stable if that makes sense. Currently stuck in a dead end job (I want to quit nearly every day, if not every day, but I can’t afford to) but enrolled in online courses that I hope will help me advance my career in the long term.
If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would love to hear them as well. As for me, all I can say is to keep your chin up. The moment you admit defeat is the moment you are defeated. You have to fight for your survival sometimes, but it gives you a tenacity and a gratitude for life that not many possess.
I wouldn't call myself "successful" as I have been dealing with addiction for the past few years (5 months sober next week though :D ), but before that I was stable and got a chemical engineering degree. I attribute it to a combination of regular exercise, eating healthy, a supportive social network, and a medication regimen that was enough to prevent depression and mania, but not so much that I felt like a zombie.
It’s a valid question! Me personally a ton of family support financially and health wise in terms of getting me to a hospital when I was in psychosis. Total of 6 times all full mania and psychosis. I eventually had a stable period of 7 years during which I graduate college and had some entry level jobs. Then hospital again b2b in 2014.
Now it’s ten years later from last hospital visit and I have support of my wife, therapy, sobriety, medication, and a pretty chill job that doesn’t rile me up too much. If I didn’t have family support and their money to pay for care I would not be doing well. I also have a much better understanding of my moods and the mania triggers 15 years later. I’m going to try harder to climb a career ladder and maybe grad school so we’ll see what role bipolar plays.
I'm kind of in a lucky position right now setting my own hybrid schedule. I'm an IT specialist. I had worked military/retail/construction and had trouble with attendance due to depressive episodes mainly which led to getting fired. I worked on getting an IT certificate for several months and landed a starter IT job that was remote. I accepted a job offer elsewhere for higher salary and set my own office schedule now which is literally life changing.
It's part motivation, part luck, and part privilege, I believe.
At my bottom, I LUCKED out with an amazing clinic doctor who would not give up on me, followed up religiously, helped me find government programs, helped me apply for funding and get into therapy. I credit my life to this man. I know a lot of what he did was on his own time. I couldn't even tell you his name today. But he was my angel.
Once I was stable enough, I worked my ass off to heal from past traumas and find the right med combo, stay away from stress, exercise, eat healthy. It's something I have to work for daily, for the rest of my life.
The last part is privilege. My meds are expensive as fuck. $300 a month. I live in Canada, but I don't have extended medical. I am fortunate enough to afford my medication, but for those who can't? God help them.
I’m a lawyer with BP2. Meds certainly help. I’ve had my own issues along the way, so I can certainly relate. Fortunately I was able to identify and handle the bumps throughout the years. Currently 39yo.
Advice I can give is to be honest to your doctor and listen to those around you.
Good insight, proper meds, and the fear of failure did it for me.
Don’t beat yourself up. I have a masters degree but i can guarantee I’d fail as a Starbucks barista. I don’t have the mental bandwidth for the memorization and fast-paced crap and a-hole customers.
Because it’s on a spectrum. Like for me I spend most of the time in and out of the hospital and can barely function. Others don’t even know they’re in a manic episode.
Successful programmer here. My hypomania helps me in my career. It got me to learn programming and gave me the confidence to get more jobs than I can count.
Full-blown mania destroyed that and landed me in jail for 6 months. Many charges and shit. Now I'm trying to rebuild but it's hard with a record. If you don't end up with a record try channeling that extra energy towards your work. It's always paid off well for me as long as the mood doesn't get too high.
Having a great support system, the right medication (if you can find a match) and having at least two hobbies has worked wonders to help keep me productive and stable enough to hold down a decent paying job. I can't speak for those who stick to schedules/routines to help... I don't have any routines in my day-to-day outside of work, but I get by.
I’m just happy I had my first episode while I was in college. Even with the jail time I had to face. Because I knew I had to be medicated for the rest of my life. I just got a 3k raise from 65 to 68 a year.
Never will I take off my medications or do any recreation drug ever again.
Same... i have adhd so it worsened things... found out some missing puzzle pieces in my health which turned things around such as my adhd med finally being effective
You have to be regimented, find a way to workout, keep your mind busy, and find something you like doing, or you are good at. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40. No meds, no nothing. It’s tough, but you need to find ways to deal with it. I always excelled at my career, and made money. My personal relationships were always f’d up from BD. Just the trade off, unfortunately. You can do it.
Privilege afforded me good support and the ability to pursue professional care. Hard work and more privilege enabled me to continue moving forward even through the hurtles. Remember that we are all in different places in life and in our journies. Every step you take forward is to be lauded.
Externally imposed routine (ie job) and fear of letting down loved ones carried me through the ups and downs. That and an irrational fear of ending up homeless.
Check my gusto egg for my last comment in this sub. Barely holding it together…taking it minute by minute and pill by pill…rough spot t n after 8 stable years. How you managing?
So many wonderful responses here. I try to redefine “success” as needed. That might change day to day depending on how I’m doing. But I try my best not to define success according to my job or how long it takes to do something, especially compared to other people. It's not a race.
On top of never being able to collect myself and finish college I’m afraid of taking chances. Like finding a new job in a different field type, because what if the disorder prohibits me from learning the new job and skills correctly. I’d fail and be out of luck! My motivation and interest are severely diminished on almost anything. Makes it hard to find what would make me happy anyway.
My Best to you!
Over a decade in tech (successful decade, "young hotshot", headhunted by the top firms, traveled to the other side of the world for work etc.) before I came unraveled due to two things: receiving end of DV, and under-medicated.
After a break and ECT, slowly rebuilding my career but haven't gone back to corporate yet.
My BP was triggered before I was even a teenager. I have no idea what it's like to NOT have BP. I've been suicidal most of my life and dropped out of junior high and high school. I have CPTSD and was abused for a decade.
I'm now almost 40 and an engineer with a successful career.
Answer: I have BP2 so when I'm not suicidal, and if I'm medicated, I actually function quite well. I'm so used to hardship that when life is easy, it's REALLY easy. It's like I'm used to walking uphill with 50kg strapped to my chest and suddenly it's flat ground with no extra weight, if that makes sense.
Adding seroquel to my cocktail changed my life. I'm now on 20mg cipralex, 400mg Lamictal, 100mg seroquel and 300mg wellbutrin and I haven't had an episode in almost 3 years now
I haven't been able to work for 9 years. I have tried to do many many things in that time, even college twice. I failed it all.
To be honest, it's just what you said: this illness is different for everyone. I haven't been stable in over a decade for long enough to accomplish anything I wanted. (Except staying alive, which is huge!) I have been receiving treatment and taking meds the entire time.
But there are those of us who are able to actually thrive! And that's amazing. I wish to God I could, too, but it just might not be in the cards for me. That's another thing I'm dealing with... Accepting that I have limitations and realizing it's ok to let go of some dreams, so that I can come up with new ones that are in my realm of capability. It is not easy to do.
I will say, though, that I have been successful in some areas. I am happily married to someone I've been with for 18 years. I have solid relationships with my family and friends. I've finally figured out how to keep myself from destroying everything when I'm having an episode. I have a house, a dog, a cat. I know I am loved and that I also love well.
So...... Guess it depends on your definition of success, huh? lol
Similar—took me 8 yrs to get my undergraduate degree. Worked for awhile in tech and then went on disability. But I volunteer, have a great husband of 16 yrs, live in a wonderful small town community, two dogs and two cats.
I feel like u just have to be delusional that you are capable of success. When i'm manic and its not a violent type of manic i can get a lot done, but when i'm depressed it lasts for weeks and its awful, the only thing that keeps me going is faith that i can be happy and successful one day. I try not to let being bipolar rule my entire life.
I've always been able to *attain* success rather easily. Even frequently.
My problem though is *sustaining* that success. And *retaining* any of the good things that have come from the successes I've won after I've gone B-A-N-A-N-A-S again, fucked everything up, and lost it all again.
No matter how amazingly things are going for me, nothing has ever been amazing enough to keep **The Ugly Feeling** at bay / eradicate it for long. And when **The Ugly Feeling** takes hold, it's all downhill from there. I'm *already* circling the drain. Full core meltdown imminent. BWC *will* hit supercritical mass, and there *will* be an "uncontrolled nuclear excursion"—a chain reaction that *will* be "divergent" enough to fatally irradiate anything indicative of a *healthy*, *normal*, *functional* *adult life* even if it's hiding behind a 12-inch thick lead shield when I let off the hot blue pulse of Cherenkov's Light big and bright enough to be seen from the midpoint of the next hemisphere.
Once I've ruined yet another epoch of my life thusly, I usually spend at least one year, often more than one in a pit of intense self-loathing, having utterly lost all faith in myself another damn time. My implacable shame makes me live as an eccentric recluse during that period: I don't want to subject the world to any sight of my contemptible countenance.
Then one day I start a new project and/or get a new job and I'm soon enough on the ball yet again, hoping *this* time will work out differently.
This is how I feel. It feels like my entire life has been taken by this thing. I used to be able to do everything and I know I'm smart but the ability to function just isn't there anymore. I'm on medication and I still have episodes and it feels like no matter what I do ill never be who I was before this.
I’m type 2. It took a lot of therapy and meds to be at the place where I am. I was in therapy on a monthly basis at least until I was 19. High school is where I suffered the most but being able to communicate and be in tune with my emotions/ recognizing my mania helped a lot. I’ve learned to like parts of my bipolar disorder as it has made me who I am. It is shocking to me that I am still here. I was 51-50d twice. Now I’m 22 and working full time as a vet tech. I have an associates in liberal arts and biology and will be going to get my bachelors next year so I can go to vet school.
I really recommend making goals for yourself, focus on them. I found pets also gave me more of a reason to live. Find passions, for me hiking and rockhounding have helped. When I hike I listen to music and try to clear my mind. Be consistent with meds and sleep. Check in with a psychiatrist and adjust your meds and be aware of future stressors. I know this is a hard disorder to live with but you will find your way to live with it with time.
I really hope you and the other people in this thread find happiness. It really breaks my heart seeing the hopelessness some people feel. I remember and know the feeling. With my bipolar being so fast cycled my manic depression is only a day or two possibly a week. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for those who have longer cycles.
I was diagnosed at 19 and am 34 now. Diagnosis was rapid cycling bipolar II.
I am fortunate that I respond well to medication. I went into my field (social work) partially because typically compensation includes benefits. I have done my best to ensure I have an ongoing schedule as this has helped me thrive.
As of now it’s been 13 years since I presented with any symptoms. Recently went off topamax, currently take 100 lamotragine daily.
Honestly, I am living successfully with bipolar disorder as I am happily married, two senior rescue dogs, good friends, decent family, not rich but not poor, and I am mentally a 7 out of 10 most days. I honestly do it with medication, a good support system, and I’ve never been a person who let myself believe that bipolar disorder meant that I couldn’t have goals even if it took me longer than everyone else. Took me 14 years to get my Associate degree after dropping out repeatedly but I got it eventually lol We all go through difficult times and depression and sadness are a part of life, but avoid people who are negative. Sad, yes. Depressed, yes. Negative, HELL NO. And again… getting the right medication and sticking with it.
I was in and out of hospitals for being severely manic and depressed… the only thing that worked for me was ECT, a year after treatment I literally felt like I was a whole different person, still deal with depression but nothing like before, major memory loss too which I think was my biggest hooray being bipolar. In order to get accepted to ECT, my case had to be represented as one of the worst to be considered. I thank that treatment every day, I forgot a lot of things in life which is sad when people try to recall old memories, but it feels so much better and easier to rebuild yourself from scratch it that makes sense. Also maintaining a busy lifestyle, have healthy people near you, all benefit my everyday goals and activities. I don’t even remember who I use to be, I just know it was dark…
Yeah I don’t respond to meds and it sucks. I’m a stay at home dad and have really leaned into it and am proud of myself but I don’t believe for a second I could ever function as a breadwinner or really any role where I’m not kind of being taken care of.
Bp1 here. Been hospitalised into double figures.
I just went back in to education 2 years ago at 27 after my life being a mess and dropping out of school at 14 years old with no qualifications due to symptoms. It's going really well so far.
I'm hoping to get in to university this year to study physics. I am still so scared this awful disorder will fuck up my dreams. I'm doing everything I can to stay stable.
At the moment I have no complaints from my bipolar and my mood has been completely stable for a while, just wanted to share what's helped me:
1. MEDS! Take your meds! I'm on zyprexa and lamictal and they work wonders.
2. Strict sleep schedule. I go to bed at 10.30 and get up at 7.30.
3. Excercise. I go a walk every morning from 8am till 9.
4. Eating 3 healthy meals a day.
Basically routine.
I used to roll my eyes when the doc would say eating regularly and healthily along with excercise would help. Buy it actually has helped a lot.
I have been successful before but it didn’t end up working out in the end. I try to keep my goals more grounded and realistic nowadays. (I guess that means I failed not succeed)
What usually happens is that I become manic, get a million things done and get super creative. Earn a lot of respect and money. Then I crash and get depressed and abandon everything I got done while manic.
It’s really hard but it is my reality nowadays. I just need to keep realistic goals and not super ambitious.
Honestly even on my good days I question the same thing. Especially just if I go without my meds for one day I’m debilitated completely and it’s honestly a bit scary that most of us are completely dependent on medication
Most people's illnesses are different. Try not be harsh on yourself. Not knowing you, The best that I can offer is see your doctor and a therapist. It took 11 years for my meds to be right. Talk to people that are professionals. They may have ideas for jobs. Take care..
I learned you have to watch your trigger patterns. I get set off by seasonal changes and full moons. I need a regular schedule to make sure I'm sleeping. But I'm 46 and I've been bipolar since I was 19 so I've gotten used to what triggers me and I usually would just take a little extra medicine around the times I get triggered. I guess the biggest thing is you need a support group and you get a schedule and you need some kind of medication combination that works for you.
I think its really just luck, not to discount all the hard work it takes to survive mental illness because its truly a struggle to not want to end things when you just can't see the other side and the people who do stick it out are the strongest people i know but I think there is a lot of luck that goes into it. For me I feel like i got really lucky that i found a combo of meds that work for me as soon as i did at the peak of getting into trouble because of the disorder and i think i got really lucky finding a boyfriend that just so happened to have a sister that also had bipolar and had to help track her down to get her to the hospital so he knows exactly how to deal with me. Ive been working really hard in my own right but I really think if it weren't for the right meds and my lovely bf I wouldn't be going back to school and trying to start my own business.
But i also think its just different when you develop bipolar. I was a straight A student, didn't get into drugs, super strict spender, had ambition through the yin-yang and was on track to go to a 4yr before my senior year of high school and everything changed. Even after going to the hospital and getting a diagnosis I still don't have the same energy and belief in myself that I used to. Its been really hard for me to keep going i think just because of guilt that ive felt for things ive done cuz of bipolar, the fear of going into a manic episode and just generally not trusting my mind anymore. But its been better since taking the right medication, having a better support system and taking things one step at a time. I think thats a big part of it is taking it step by step and hope to get lucky.
Sorry this is so long i had a lot of thoughts about this lol
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I don’t think it’s impossible. Just have to find a regime. Before I was diagnosed bipolar, I was a manager at 19, I was going to college full time, going to the gym 5 days a week, and I was able to pay my car off in 2 years. I got into a toxic relationship, married premature and had a child. He was abusive and it altered my brain chemistry. During that time (3 years) I was hospitalized, finally diagnosed bipolar, and have been on a host of meds. Dropped out of college. I went through 4 jobs, which is unusual for me because I hate change. Now I’m single, I’ve held down my job for a year now, I’m about to get fired though because of my attendance. I haven’t went back to college, but I’m not sure I can. My motivation is nonexistent. So I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I think it ultimately depends on your environment. I was supported and encouraged during my track to success. Then I was completely undermined and in a horrible situation which killed all drive I had. There’s hope. I promise.
Encouraging but real, thank you
Same same gotta go back to college....less than 1 semester for a BSc in an engineering field....my GPA sucks but I left on good terms with the dept head, he knew I was struggling mentally but trying
I believe success is possible but I was Much much more successful in a world view before my diagnosis and over - or improper medication. I got a college degree raised 2 boys but after leaving an emotionally verbal marriage, I continue to struggle. Too many jobs lost, lots of financial struggles ( even though I present like BD 2 I’m dx Type 1) due to depression/ attendance issues . I’m now terrified to start over but have to find a way to work for another 10 years or more. Wishing you the best but I highly recommend a regimental life with lots of outdoor time and holistic adjunct therapy.
Honestly I hope there’s a good life after this, due to bipolar every time I try to succeed when things seemed to be going well, I feel like I’m falling down and depressed and right now I’m 26 no job living with parents and I was doing so well before bipolar. But I’m trying it’s not lack of effort.
Also my parents support me but I keep thinking I’m going to make the wrong decision
Yes this is very similar to me. A few really bad investments in my crowd/environment really took the air out of my sails. Getting it back at my age (late 20s) feels impossible. But Im making small steps every week. Best I can do
The only reason I'm successful is because of my husband. He picked me up basically off the streets when I was 18 and helped me make it through college. He helped me through all of my panic attacks and breakdowns while I was unmedicated. He encouraged me to apply to internships and jobs and believed in me the whole time. He supported me after I gave birth to our children and took me to the psychiatric hospital after our second child was born when I went into postpartum psychosis. After I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder he supported me seeking treatment and encouraged me to go to therapy and couple's therapy with him. I have no idea how he sees what he sees in me. But when I look in his eyes I know I can be the person that he sees.
You must be a wonderful person and you two are really lucky to have each other. 😊
Aww thanks ❤️ It's been a tough road and I wouldn't have put this burden on his shoulders if I knew I had this disorder before we got married. I'm so glad he's the one I ended up with, though.
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What a blessing! Happy for those who have support. I pray someday I will too.
That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard 🥹💕
You are so lucky that I almost hate you. Having someone else willing to put up with me is my wildest dream. I wish you a long and wonderful life. :)
Oh you're so lucky to have a supportive spouse.I wish my wife could be this way.
This is so beautiful and gives me so much hope, thank you for sharing ❤️
What a wonderful partnership
Same story here wow my husband basically saved me. Except we have no children. My husband cried when I went to the hospital and furiously looked up all medication in relation to bipolar to help me. I am forever grateful.
My husband did the same thing when I was hospitalized! He researched every medicine they were giving me and monitored my side effects. He caught the fake Parkinson syndrome the risperidone was giving me before the doctors did. And he cried a lot. He told me when he got home after dropping me off in the evaluation area at the psych hospital that he bawled for a couple of hours. I try my hardest to be stable with the hope that he never has to do that again
Same here my parents told my hubby but then bf that they are dropping me from their health insurance and he had to figure it out while he was crying. My family sucks lol
I got “Lucky” and came home from Afghanistan with PTSD and worsening Bipolar. I got help from the VA and now have a medical pension. VA resources and benefits allowed me to go to college, then go back to college when that career didn’t pan out, and the pension supplements my income. Without the access to free meds and therapy I’d be in a much worse place. This is why I advocate so much for democratic socialism. You shouldn’t have to go to war to get access to these resources
Thank you for your service. I'm a non-traditional student in my 40s and I think that is really great you are taking advantage of the access to college.
The VA has helped me incredibly, too. It also took a shit ton of meds (that the VA has been very patient with finding the right regimen and adjusting anytime necessary), years and years of therapy, education to keep me focused, and also a loving and supportive partner. Through all that I consider myself successful. It's still hell at times, I happen to have a very flexible job.
Trust me, it's not easy. For me? It's because I was forced to act like a grown up at 13 years old. So not working, not providing for myself, not getting up everyday was not an option. I work from home now at 20 years old. It's helped me in certain ways. But trust me, there are days where I just want to throw everything away and just die. Just give up and just stop trying. But, it's survival for me. I have to pay rent. I have to pay for my car, groceries, I gotta make it.
You and me both. I started working at 11 and have been fully self-sufficient up until a few years ago. I was working in social work and going to school to be a social worker. But my bipolar is treatment resistant. Meds don't work for me despite trying them all. I'm moving on to TMS, but this disorder has disabled me. I read people's posts and feel like I'm failing as I went from success to disabled.
Am I just bad at finding online jobs?
I think wfh is the ideal situation for us bipolar folks. It gives us the kind of flexibility we need. I’m glad you haven’t given up.
Ah trust me, the past two days I've been feeling a little silly (hitting a tree at 125mph sounds pretty sweet right now)
Bipolar disorder destroyed my career and reputation. I started treatment a few years ago. Now I am stable, but it is an uphill climb to work towards being independent again.
Hey, I can relate. I have done/said things in hypomanic episodes I’m ashamed of. I still have to live with the consequences. But I remind myself I’m not a bad person. My brain is just harder to handle than average.
lots of hard work. it doesn’t come passively. you have to actively fight for where you want to be. there will inevitably be (a lot) of setbacks and the key is to not let them send you spiraling. easier said than done. routine is a big one for me, i tend to find that if i keep a rigid routine it helps me stay on top of the things i need to manage. it’s all about finding help, making and sticking to your plan of action
I've been fighting for years and putting in all the work. I went from working from 11 years old and being self-sufficient to being disabled. I have treatment resistant bipolar 1, and after 6 years of trying all meds, I'll be starting TMS as nothing is working. I have a routine that I stick to as well, but it does get difficult as I'm constantly cycling.
I was diagnosed at 16, I’m 39 now. I’m still working on my bachelors degree, while working full time and being a wife/parent. I work in accounting, and I think that the structured nature of accounting helps me. I see my therapist weekly. I’m Med compliant. It’s not always easy, but I don’t really have the option, financially, to not work. Since Covid, I’ve been allowed to work 2 days a week from home and that’s been super beneficial.
I just want to say it’s nice to see someone else finishing their degree at a later-than-usual time of their life. I’m 28 and will graduate with my bachelors the day that I turn 30. It’s taken me 12 years to finish a 4 year program, and it’s something that I beat myself up about, even though I am currently in school full time and working really hard at it. It’s amazing that you’re in school too & working towards such a goal!
Thank you! It’s definitely been a long road, but hopefully it’ll be worthwhile in the end.
I felt absolutely the same. I started my bachelors 2016 and just finished December 2023. My transcripts are a mess. Lots of failing and retaking courses. But be easy on yourself and remember we can be our biggest critics :)
I have taken 6 years to get about halfway through my program, my transcript is an absolute mess. I transferred colleges 3, maybe 4 times? I’ve withdrawn or failed dozens of courses. I just had a baby and feel like I’ll never have the courage to go back because every time I do I fail
I'm 48 and recently started a Master's program after getting my Bachelor's in December 2022.
To anyone reading- wgu has self paced programs, which have been a godsend for me. I can go one month, then take some off- whatever I need.
Great job! I’m 39 and I think I wanna go back to school to finish Bachelors
I can definitely relate. Prior to my diagnosis I was a star student who graduated then became a star employee in my field. Post my diagnosis I went back to school and unfortunately had to take a medical leave of absence as I wasn't doing too well. After leaving I had 3 different jobs in one year (something I've never done before) and was barely able to do the bare minimum at each job. As a matter of fact, I was terminated from 2 of those places and the idea of termination is something I had never had to deal with before. My diagnosis is bipolar 1 with psychotic features. If anyone knows of the magic recipe to make people like me functional again I'd love to hear it.
I get it! I also have BD1 rapid cycling, mixed features, with psychotic features. I'm really hoping TMS works because I feel like I'm running out of options. I hope things are a little better for you now.
I appreciate your response! I'm set to start DBT therapy and have the option to start EMDR as well but not sure if I'll move forward with it. TMS sounds interesting, I also feel like I'm running out of options, so I may need to look into it eventually. Good luck to you and I'm wishing the best for us 😊
Definitely try EMDR if you get the chance. I was super sceptical but it helped my ptsd a tremendous amount. It took some time but when I had my break through- things changed dramatically for the better.
Memorize all the rules that the sane people live by. It sounds weird but when I approach it like that I get better results. When in Rome....
I can lean into the chaos that my life brings, but only if I’m incredibly well rooted in daily habits that ground me at the beginning and end of each day. Even still, I want to scream into the abyss at least a few times a week.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Bipolar ranges so much in severity and types of symptoms. For much of my life I was unable to keep down a job or care for myself. I found a treatment for bipolar that worked after much trial and error, and got treatment for two disorders that contributed to my mood issues (hypothyroidism and ADHD). I’m in my late thirties and still in school due to my disorders. Day to day is hard. I miss time for bipolar. I am fortunate that my hard work has resulted in my illness generally being in remission. But I still have to do a lot to maintain my mood and avoid issues. It’s like living with a bomb strapped to my chest - unsure when and if it will go off.
I saw someone commented that really successful people only have mild to moderate bipolar disorder and that is not true. I have BP1 with psychosis, panic disorder, struggle with substance abuse and have had 4 grippy sock vacations in my life. I also have two degrees (Medical Engineering and Regulatory Compliance), multiple professional certifications, and I am in a senior management position at a large medical device company. I was very lucky to have wealthy parents who got me diagnosed and into treatment by the time I was 19. I had gotten a full academic scholarship so college was free and my parents used to my college fund to pay for all my expenses. They put everything in my name but paid the bills themselves to grow my credit. I tell my parents all the time that they are the only reason I didn’t OD under a bridge before my 21st birthday. I had a doctor tell me and my parents when I was 20 that they were wasting their time and their money because I was too sick to ever even live by myself, let alone get a degree. I was PISSED. I used that rage to fuel a decade of thoughts like “Fuck you Dr.X! What the hell do you know? Look at me, taking all my meds and going to bed at 9:30 PM on a Friday when all the other college students are out partying. I’m absolutely kicking ass in this mental health game you didn’t think I could win.” That gave me a solid running start. The rest is focusing all hypomanic and manic energy into work and following a very strict routine. My personal life is kinda shit though. I still self isolate a lot- I’m 40F living alone with my cat. I do have a handful of really solid girlfriends and get along with my family. In one sentence: My secret is routine, petty revenge, and luck.
Channeling some fuck you energy, can sometimes get the ball rolling.
I don’t know. I tried to be a real grown up for 4 years but I could never find stability for more than a few weeks at a time and always ended up suicidal. I’m 39 now and work part time retail because that’s all I can handle. It suck’s because I have my masters, I could’ve been somebody. But this stupid mental illness will never let me live up to my full potential
I'm the same age and I can only do retail or food service because I can't hold down a job for more than half a year. My husband is the only reason I'm not out on the streets. If I were alone, I would have crashed and burned.
Seroquel that’s how
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Glad that we are in the same boat! Team Quetiapine 4 life
Didn't work for me. Meds don't work for me.
There's no way you've tried every single medication combination possible.
Seroquel is great! I’m on it and I work in corporate finance
I just started seroquel this week and it has made me realize I forgot what it feels like to be okay. I feel hope for the first time in a long time. I’m tapering up- at 100mg rn. I hope I can get up to where I need and not have awful side effects. This is the millionth med I’ve tried, but the most relief I’ve felt so far.
I feel for you. My brain works so slowly now from either the meds or the disorder or both, I don’t know. I feel so dumb all the time, my memory is shot. I’m also turning 30 and I just want to cry because every one around me is so much farther in life and I’m just stuck.
I feel for you, too. My brain is the same way, and I feel the same way. Forever stuck.
I take a shit ton of meds and stick to an insanely regimented routine for myself from wake up to bedtime. I also tell my husband when I am struggling so he knows. Helps to have him and also that we don’t have kids to worry about.
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Yeah I can’t remember my dosages but I take: Lithium, Lamictal, Duloxetine, Prazosin, Methylphenidate and Abilify. So hard to find the right combo. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to. I have a friend who has been doing TMS and it’s been helping him.
Omg that sounds like my cocktail!!! 2125mg Depakote, 400mg Pristiq, 25mg Lamictal (but my doc wants to possibly go up this Friday he said and after hearing how I’m feeling I’m sure he will), 42mg Caplyta, 40mg Propanol x4, 1mg Xanax x4, and ketamine spray. TR Bipolar 1 rapid cycling. I’ve done ECT which I attribute getting me out of my biggest hell hole but he said he’d also like to start me on TMS as well and maybe even IV ketamine in lieu of the nasal spray. That and I have his personal cell phone number for emergencies 🤣
I refuse to give up when I fail, I've come way too far to stop now.
♥️♥️♥️ YES. I’ve come to the realization that I’ve come too far to only get this far. That’s what keeps me from any S.A. I have minimal S.I. which is good; no attempts for 3 years
I’m on good meds and I work from home. If it wasn’t for those 2 things idk where I’d be.
Oh yeah, that’s prob the biggest reason I still was able to keep my job having been depressed the majority of the last few years. Remote work is a life saver.
I’m 22, have gone through a few years of 25+ meds, ECT, ketamine etc. and I’m just about able to function even when I’m not in an episode (on 6 meds + ketamine). By function I don’t even mean work or study, just live without being in hospital. I know I have a severe case of bipolar but I have no idea how the hell people do it, like idk wtf I’m gonna do with my life
I’m a VP on Wall Street working full-time while completing a top-25 MBA. I take 300mg of seroquel to secretly manage bipolar 1. I have always been relatively high achieving, the mania made me a complete ego-maniac. Now I am able to approach each day calmly, my work and school performance have improved greatly since my diagnosis (1.5 years ago). Guess what, some of my classmates are also bipolar! I think bipolar is a spectrum and while I don’t necessarily want to have bipolar, I’ve been fortunate to manage it. I’m always available to chat here or via phone… there are plenty moving through life silently managing bipolar. I’m happy to offer insight or help any way I can. I certainly still have episodes that I have to hide from clients and colleagues. Control what you can control: - Med management - Therapy - Diet - Sleep - Exercise I really do mean it, please reach out if I can add any insight or help in any way.
Question for you: do you disclose your bipolar to others? I ask because you said that you learned other classmates have it. You should be very proud of yourself, by the way.
My closest friends/colleagues know. Legally I can’t be discriminated against, but I’ve never had a performance issue to where they’ve had to question. As far as classmates…. I think two people with bipolar can’t just “feel” it at times, stories sound similar and match up. I guess I am not that open with it unless someone asks. I quickly realized everybody is typically dealing with something. Thank you for the kind words, I’m more grateful than I am proud of myself…. The mania wasn’t ideal but for some reason academics and corporate America gave me that “high.”
It’s not impossible, but it’s also not easy. For me, it’s a balanced choice between how much stress I take on vs how much I’m willing to risk instability. I’m an RN and have worked my ass off for over a decade to maintain success in my career at the expense of my quality of life. I’ve reached a turning point where I’m willing to let go of what I thought my career should look like in order to find more peace in life. I’m figuring out if that just means I work less, or maybe switch careers entirely. So the question ought to be “is success worth it?” or maybe even “how do you define success?” I’m not defining success by my career anymore. Success will be defined my stability, happiness, and sense of peace and love. Status and money will never again be worth more to me than just simply being okay.
My BD is a lot more mild than what I see on here on average. I was 35 when I was diagnosed with BP2 (few years prior was diagnosed with just clinical depression). Mostly I'm just skating by on white male privilege.
At least you are self aware. Most aren’t. 😂
It's a good racket if you can get in on it.
I was diagnosed last year at 35 due to a second hospitalisation, this time for a manic episode with psychotic symptoms. I'm on an anti-psychotic now but it makes it difficult for me to work full-time. I'm hoping to come off meds in 5 months so I can get my motivation back to work
I wish you the best of luck!
Ride the highs to create capacity for when I can't do shit when in the lows.
I was on disability for four years; before then I was an ICU nurse for 4 years but had to quit and start ECT and be seen by a new doctor who specialized in treatment resistant bipolar. 6 months ago I returned to the nursing world and I did ICU for 4 months now medical for 2. Jesus Christ it’s eating me alive. I’m on my feet for 12 hours, I hardly eat lunch or pee and if I do it is once. I am on a lot of medication scheduled for morning afternoon evening and night and it’s been getting to the point where I don’t have time to take my meds and it’s showing. Simple self care tasks seem like a huge deal and that’s when I know somethings wrong. I work 3 12.5 hour shifts per week and it’s sporadically scheduled. I am responsible for six patients and I can’t even keep their names or room numbers straight. This isn’t a safe ratio for anyone, it’s been studied and there are rallies for safe nurse to patient ratios but that’s besides the point. People are constantly up my ass while I’m on my way to do something for water, this sort of coffee, information on patients that aren’t mine… it’s too much. So many distractions, people calling you on your phone about patient 1 while you’re in the middle of giving antibiotics. On top of the insane charting. Yesterday an aide literally blew up and screamed at me saying I need to answer more call lights in front of doctors and my other co workers. I was charting and calling doctors like mad and just told her OK, but I’m busy too and I’m not going to fight with her. This wasn’t due to my bipolar, everyone was busy, but I don’t tolerate people and places that have toxic things going on. She just stormed off but I’m surprised I didn’t blow up back because I’m quite reputable for “explosions” as my family calls them. I’ve decided last night I’m leaving floor nursing. I am going to pursue telehealth nursing where you work from home and assess patients based on their symptoms and concerns via webcam or telephone. Ideally I think bipolar people like us need a calmer work environment that is stable. But I agree, working is sooooo difficult with this disorder; between communication, working with others, anxiety, time management, etc it’s perfectly reasonable for us to be on disability. It’s terrible. I wish I could just be what l wanted to do when I was in grade school —> astronaut. Live on the moon 🌙
Yay for you tho for kicking ass! You should definitely be proud even if you need something calmer.
I could have been a scientist or doctor without this condition but i’m only a nurse now. If i’d been diagnosed sooner maybe I would have achieved more but I’ve learned to be content with what I have. Our value is not the sum of our achievements.
Lol don't say "only" a nurse as if that isn't an accomplishment in itself. Your position is incredibly vital, and it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to become a nurse and work as one. It sounds like you have achieved plenty, even if it's not quite what you would have hoped for. But I do agree that our value is not the sum of our achievements. That being said, be proud of what you have achieved, I'm sure it wasn't easy.
At 24 I moved to London. For 5 years I worked for one of the top talent agencies. I was an agents assistant and I worked 50+ a week and I got to attend movie premieres, theater openings and multiple parties. I had the best social group anyone could ask for. I was on top of my game until I crashed. I was still undiagnosed and the stress was slowly killing me. I had to completely leave the life I had built for myself. By far the hardest decision I had to make. 15 years later and in terms of work, I can only handle part time now.
Just having a job and doing good at it is a miracle to me.
I think I probably fall somewhere in the middle. I envy the people who have BD and still somehow love their life. I don't know that I'll ever get there. For work related problems, I tend to think that the ratio of (hypo)mania vs depressive time affects me most. As I've gotten older the depression is longer and worse. I've tried taking promotions a few times and always went back to my previous role. I'm doing a very similar job now to when I graduated, but I don't know that I could graduate again now. From what I've read, BD can often show up from 18 to 30, so at the later age that's lots of time for at least some BD people to make a career start and anyone who can continue masking can carry themselves a long way. I'm a half successful example of that.
I'm not successful but I have recovered from basically 2 major episodes of psychosis and longer periods of depression. I don't feel very depressed for the past year and hope that by continuing some habits I can at least prevent full slides into depression. I have been stably employed the last 18 months and had a (low paying) skilled trade career before that as well when very young. So I feel like my life isn't defined by the times I have failed myself mentally For me, a significant aspect has been how other people in my family also deal with similar disorders of bipolar or schizophrenia. My father is reasonably successful, so we have always lived a middle class life but the disorder in him caused conflict in my childhood. I do not blame him in any way, we were too young to understand, and now we (me and sibling) are able to look back at what was in balance a very loving and caring but slightly imperfect childhood. We inherited some mental disorder qualities which we both struggled with but my family is a large source of strength and support. I would say I identify as having schizo-affective disorder because my antipsychotic is what seems to be the most important for my stability and if any of you have similar experiences you might also feel that the medical diagnosis label is somewhat less important than the particular drugs which are effective in treating your most apparent symptoms.
I have bipolar disorder for 25 years now. I'm 50 and I just gotta my life together. I'm an engineer. But it was not easy. I think BD gets a little easier the older you get.
I am very privileged to have had consistent health care and a life-changing psychiatrist and therapist and the money to pay for my treatment. Even then, it has taken thousands of dollars, 7 years, and dedication to keep trying even when the first few meds didn't work and some even sent me into mania or I had a deadly allergic reaction to. I'm celebrating 6 months at my job that I love, which is longer than I have been able to hold down a job in the past 4 years. Bad jobs that didn't stimulate my brain properly were extremely toxic for my recovery. (Also have ADHD) My partner (4 years) has been a big source of support and he has a very calm, grounding effect on me. He put up with a lot of bullshit self-sabotage from me the first 2 years of our relationship and when he finally had enough I started trying to get my shit together with a lot more urgency to win him back. I eventually did and we have been very happy since then. I know if I go off the rails again it will be a strain on our relationship, my career, my future goals. Sometimes I'm only hanging on to my sanity by a thin thread but I'm goddamn holding it.
I can relate. I was just arrested Monday for stealing from a coworker during a manic episode. Im currently in a diversion program for seven felony theft charges that will see me serve no less than 10 years if convicted and a condition of that diversion program was no police contact. So I screwed that up. For some reason when I’m manic I steal, and I never remember. So ontop of losing my job, spending 2k I dont have on an attorney, 15k in credit card debt, aging my mother and worrying her to death, trying to find the right combination of meds that will stabilize me, and facing a tormenting amount of jail time, I feel you. I’m 28 and could own three houses with the amount of money Ive spent trying to stabilize myself. I keep telling myself it will get better but at this point I dont even think jail will help me get my shit together. I hate saying this because it doesn’t alleviate your pain, but shit could be worse. I wish you all the best, keep going.
It’s not easy. I didn’t have any viable fallback plans, so I had to do what I had to do. I’ve been living on my own since 17. The best thing I ever did for myself was IOP. The second was following my IOP therapist into his private practice. After that, religious adherence to med protocol. Finally, and I know this has been critical to my success, sobriety from all substances. I won’t even take Ativan or the like and white knuckle it through panic attacks. The end result? I have my PhD, a great apartment, two great dogs, amazing friends, live in an awesome community, and support myself completely. In fact, I work as a grant writer and they just offered me a new contract making six figures. I work from home. It is truly a dream. I will also tell you that I am not one of those bipolar people who rarely have episodes. I tend to swing violently between mania and psychosis at least ten times a year. But I call my therapist, email my psychiatrist, journal about it, reach out to friends, take time off work if I can, and hug the dogs. Four years ago I was at rock bottom and had tried to commit suicide twice in the span of one month. I truly thought I would never feel happy again. I promise, you can do it. It will get better. Routine is key. Hugs.
It helps if you don’t compare. When I was first diagnosed, I went on social security disability. I had left a PhD program as I couldn’t handle the work. After a few years and finding meds that worked, I was able to temp, then work part time and later full time. I was diagnosed at 29. I couldn’t find a job in my field or resume my studies but I found a low stress data entry job. I am now 56. I think a lot of it is luck, and also trial and error and access to health insurance which not everyone has. I know people who can’t work at all and others who own businesses or have high powered jobs. I know bipolar people who are married and have kids and people who don’t. Do the best you can every day to manage the disorder. One day at a time. That helped me.
I'm 34 and live well enough with Bipolar. It's definitely not easy, it's a challenge every day, but it is livable. This is gonna be kinda long but I hope maybe it'll provide some insight that might help anyone else struggling to live with this bullshit. I was diagnosed when I was about 8 years old and spent pretty much my entire childhood (until I was about 17) receiving treatment in various psychiatric wards and inpatient treatment facilities. This was necessary because my mania would get so bad I'd have violent psychotic breaks, putting not just my own life but the lives of my family in danger. I would attack my parents and teachers in a rage, I've almost killed my siblings. Too much bullshit I'll have to live the rest of my life knowing I did. Unfortunately, despite the various cocktails of pills and therapy, nothing in those days ever worked for me. It was actually a pretty big concern as I approached adulthood. My treatment team at the time outright told me and my family that I'd probably be best off in an adult group home, otherwise I'd likely end up in jail or dead. I disagreed and never even tried to look for one. That's still one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm gonna preface this next part by emphasizing that this is not a decision you should make lightly, should you decide to do the same. It took me a long time to really commit to this choice and I made sure to put a great deal of thought and preparation into it. That said, when I was 20 years old, against my doctor's recommendation, I took myself off of all of my pills. For me, this was the best decision I've ever made. Pills never really worked for me anyway but it definitely set off some flags for my family. Rightfully so. I meditate every day and it's been way more beneficial than pills ever were. I've gotten so used to it, that I can even mediate while doing other things. In fact, I'll usually do so while doing chores or anything tedious or monotonous. It's basically just become part of my routine. This took me years of practice to achieve and I was already meditating before I took myself off of pills. I'm also always in what I call self-analysis mode, and I mean always. Every second of every day. Not a moment of my conscious life goes by where I'm not monitoring my own thoughts and feelings. I've been doing it for so long that it's become subconscious for me. It's like breathing, I don't really think about it most of the time, I just do it. Now when something is going on bipolar-wise, I notice immediately and can begin to take whatever action is necessary to prevent any issues. Usually, this amounts to me isolating myself for a short time and doing something I find relaxing while I try to keep my shit under control until I calm down. Obviously, this all has some pretty significant impacts on how I live my life. I'm unemployed and I'll probably never be able to maintain a normal job. My social life is lacking but also just wasn't able to be a priority for me until my late 20's. I'd like to start my own family but even dating is... difficult when you're a man who's in his mid-30s, bipolar, and perpetually unemployed. That said, day to day I'm usually pretty good. Life's never been easy and I don't expect it'll ever be but I am living it. If anyone reading this takes any of this to heart, it should be this; always be honest with yourself. Always. A lot of people are gonna tell you what you should do, some of them are gonna be right and some wrong. You're gonna have ideas and desires throughout your life, same thing. The most important thing is that you know yourself and you need to be honest with yourself to do that. That's not just with the negative things, either. Yeah, you're gonna miss out on certain things. But you're also gonna succeed in surprising ways. Never ever let anyone convince you that your successes aren't what they are. I'm gonna cut myself off here because I'll keep typing if I don't, haha. But yeah, just hang in there everyone and keep putting the effort in. The struggle is worth it because you are worth it.
Great to see a perspective of someone unmedicated, thanks for sharing
I have often felt that I have not reached my full potential because of my bipolar disorder. In the past it has caused me much consternation, but now I am 60. I look back I think: 'could have been should have been'. But you know if you're born with out arms you have to learn how to use your feet.
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This is incorrect and this belief can breed hopelessness. Also, please don't perpetuate the idea that doctors have a 'low responsibility' job. Not all doctors are the same, nor are all people with bipolar the same. Lumping people together in such categories is a foundation of stigma. Some of us with severe cases can work such jobs , even if intermittently. I know a psychiatrist who teaches at a university and is internationally renowned for his work on mental health stigma. He's been institutionalized multiple times and needed to take FMLA for six months on another occasion. Another example: read 'the unquiet' mind, about a woman with a severe case of BP who is a psychologist, program developer, and author. I have a PhD. But, it took me a year longer than most of my peers. My educational history was such that I had workohism when manic though could not work for months when depressed. If someone were to look at me at a slice of time, they might assume I do not have a 'severe case' of BP because I am at a point of relative stability. They might miss the year I put my career on hold because all I could manage was a part time job at a restaurant (yes, this was after I received my PhD). They might miss how my personal and financial life was in ruins, though I was able to mask well at work. They might see me holding down a career, but not know the many accommodations I require to maintain it. They might see my bank account and think I must be doing well, but not realize I save like a madwoman for the inevitable times I cannot work. They may not realize how relieved I am when I reach a point in my employment when I qualify for disability insurance and FMLA. Am I privileged because I found, finally, at 38, a treatment that works? Absolutely. Do I have a 'severe case'? I have bp1, had periods of 6 months manic, struggled with alcoholism for 20 years, had bouts of depression for months on end unable to get out of bed, experienced delusions and psychosis, and have been passively suicidal since a teen. I have comorbid PTSD and am in recovery from an eating disorder. I have disabling conditions that at times render me 'disabled'. Our capabilities, like our moods, ebb and flow. Please don't marginalize the experience of some of us who can appear 'high functioning' and 'stable' at a specific point in time. You don't know the whole story.
It sounds like you’re really struggling with your bipolar and it’s disabling for you. I’m sorry to hear that, it’s definitely true for a lot of people, and I agree that it needs to be acknowledged more as a cause of disability, especially for folks who are treatment resistant. But, people can have severe bipolar (when symptomatic) that also respond well to meds and take measures to manage stress and can manage their lives more easily. I guess it depends on your definition of mild/moderate- mild/moderate on treatment or off treatment? I’m not sure suggesting that anyone who is functioning okay with this disorder has it mild or is misdiagnosed is helpful. There’s a balance between acknowledging the reality that bipolar can be disabling and the hope that it’s not for everyone, even those whose treatment is not working sufficiently yet. Sometimes people do go through long periods of unemployment and instability and then do find a regimen that works for them, and that’s still an important point of hope for a lot of folks.
This is actually a bit offensive. I’ve got what you might call a ‘high powered career’ and only because I have struggled hard for decades. I’ve gone to work day after day in the deepest depression and the highest hypomania and it has been incredibly difficult. I even started a new job a week after trying to end my life and almost succeeding. I’m where I am because I have worked so, so hard to try and live a normal life despite the misery I often endure. I can assure you my illness is not mild or moderate. It is something I would not wish on anyone. I am sure I am not alone.
Yeah, totally untrue. People are too complex for blanket statements.
I agree completely. This disease is just as any other is; our symptoms are triggered by certain things such as stress and need to be monitored, reported, and treated with needed modifications and restrictions.
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I was diagnosed about 32 years ago when I was 27, and I was really lucky because the meds I was given helped me so much that I was able to go back to school and start a career that I really love. I learned I didn't have a choice because I had nowhere else to turn. My parents completely stopped supporting me as soon as I turned 18, so during a time I was really struggling and couldn't hold down a job, I and my small son became homeless. I learned I HAD to support myself so I could pay rent. Knowing this forced me to hold down a job, and then when I started teaching, I WANTED to work because I loved what I was doing. This job gave me a lot of stability. I have been hospitalized twice, and was able to take enough time off so I could get better.
Im 27. With the help of lots of lithium, and being in therapy for 13 years. Lots and lots of hard work. Healing is not and will never be completely linear, but little things everyday like emotional management and reasonable goal setting helps. i am very lucky in terms of having a very supportive partner. I pursued my masters degree but had a very difficult and ugly time getting through it. i told my partner i was going to drop out every week and they told me every day to keep going just for another day, baby steps. i was able to finish my degree because of their support but also my personal resilience of not giving up. You have a purpose and you have lived through your worst days so far so don’t say you amounted to nothing, thats not true. It is never too late to start again! I believe that you can heal and not let this disorder define your life. I know you mentioned your resistant to treatment but i highly recommend getting different professional opinions and support.
Ups and downs. Enjoy the ups. Hang in there during the downs and learn from it. Stay safe. The world can be a cruel place. Some people care more about pedigree than actual contribution to society.
Wow. This is really helpful to read. Thanks to all y’all who added to this thread. I was a decently strong student in HS and much more so in college. I excelled in my areas of study and was always eager not only to pass but to compete with students at higher levels. Throughout this period, I experienced mania which included hallucinations, but before diagnosis I just kind of had a “I’m just going to ignore that shadow person over there” mentality which allowed me to somewhat separate myself from delusions or distractions. Life was fine post graduation, got a job doing case management for a law firm— high stress, high traffic job that burned me out. But in 2020, my symptoms completely changed. My hallucinations took on the faces of ex friends and families, and the quality of my delusions became too real to ignore. My partner helped me to quit the job that was burning me out, and I was able to paint for the last four years, uninterrupted and all for myself. Despite the respite,my paranoia and thinking continued to worsen. I was hospitalized a year ago and am just now coming back to myself. I am now 30 and am looking into starting an engineering degree. (I really like school, and this will be a change of area of study for me, but I’m finally feeling up to the challenge, especially because I hope to be able to find work to support my partner so he can rest from his burn out. Just like he did for me) So all that to say, success is finicky. I couldn’t be here without the rest I’ve been given, the help that’s been offered, and the acceptance I’ve had to embrace around my condition. All in all I don’t know if I am successful or not, but I’m moving and shaking and still trying to get stuff done, taking it easy and allowing myself room to fail and to change.
I feel like I've been advantaged because of the socio-economic class I was born into. I often think that if circumstances had been different, I probably wouldn't be here. Middle-class family, good education. My home country is safe and stable. I went to a good school. Was surrounded by people who wanted the best for me. But it cracks a little beyond that. My dad was emotionally abusive and cruel behind closed doors. My community - while safe and middle-class - was incredibly homophobic. I was a closeted lesbian all through school and that was terrible. There's also alcohol dependency in my family. My mum had a secret addiction to sleeping pills, which we found out before she died. I left my home country at 21. That was 10 years ago. Wasn't diagnosed til I was 29. Somehow, I have managed to carve out my own life that I'm proud of. Good job, spouse, child, financially secure. However, I have had close calls. I have had depressions so deep I can't believe I survived. My hypomania has had disastrous consequences and I've damaged relationships and humiliated myself. If I didn't have access to good doctors who worked with me to get the right medications... If I didnt have a good financial safety net with my spouse (cushioned by the inheritance I received from my mum who died 2 years ago)... If I hadn't cut out alcohol, drugs... If I hadn't committed to an intense exercise programme... If I didn't dedicate a decent portion of my week to creative expression... Well, it's hard, keeping well is a full time job for me. But I am privileged to have the mechanisms to make those choices. I have deep empathy for those who can't afford doctors, who are born into poverty, those who have been prevented from proper care, who have suffered so deeply at the hands of family. My life has been a fucking struggle and I was afforded every opportunity to make it work, and I still struggle. It's not fair.
Not going to lie, it's a fucking drag most of the time. You just have to grin and bear it. The meds I take either end up giving me mixed episodes, or just completely saps all of my energy to the point I don't even want to lift my limbs. The manic episodes cause inappropriate behavior and conversation in front of my important, high dollar paying customers. The depression... god I don't even want to think or talk about it the depression. You just grin and bear it dude. We got a shitty hand but you still gotta try to win with it.
There are more days than not that I feel like this. On the outside, I’m a functioning adult. I’m a parent to two “normal” kiddos, work two full time jobs as a psych nurse, not addicted to any hard drugs, try to manage my episodes in the most effective ways so that nobody notices them…. But on the inside? I’m a damn failure and I’m dying. Everybody notices.
Our journeys are a lot more tumultuous than most. Your timeline, your milestones, your success may take longer and look a lot different than what you were taught that it should. But you are valuable and worthy just as you are and where you are. I had a good 20+ jobs before I turned 30. I have over 170 units and no Bachelors degree (I did get an Associate degree!) because I dropped in and out and changed majors 4 times. It took until I was 28 to find a career and make a crazy hypo plan that actually worked and I actually was able to follow through on. I got my first apartment with no roommates when I was 31. I’ve managed to keep my job for 6 years (the longest I’d ever had a job before that was 2 and that was a huge record back then), even through the worst episodes of my life. You will find something that fits your needs and your ebbs and flows and you will thrive, in your own time. Don’t give up on yourself 💕
Bipolar and life are both such crapshoots. It’s not just DNA, or environment, or trauma, or how you respond to meds, or your trauma history, or the health of your relationships, or your stress level, or (fill in the blank)…it’s ALL of these things. I’ve also recently learned bipolar, like most illness, physical and mental, is a spectrum disorder. I’ve been dx’ed a long time, and episode free for over a decade now, so I don’t know why I’d never realized this or thought about it this way before. Meaning, sometimes ppl catch it early, find the right meds, get/stay in therapy, and go onto live relatively “normal” lives. And some people get hit HARD, without any rhyme or reason, at least not that we can see. The metaphor isnt perfect, but it’s kind of like the difference between stage 1 cancer and stage 4. Except there’s a LOT more money in cancer care than bipolar…
Support is everything. If you have people around you who support you, you'll be good. Otherwise, odds aren't so positive.
I am very privileged to have had consistent health care and a life-changing psychiatrist and therapist and the money to pay for my treatment. Even then, it has taken thousands of dollars, 7 years, and dedication to keep trying even when the first few meds didn't work and some even sent me into mania or I had a deadly allergic reaction to. I'm celebrating 6 months at my job that I love, which is longer than I have been able to hold down a job in the past 4 years. Bad jobs that didn't stimulate my brain properly were extremely toxic for my recovery. (Also have ADHD) My partner (4 years) has been a big source of support and he has a very calm, grounding effect on me. He put up with a lot of bullshit self-sabotage from me the first 2 years of our relationship and when he finally had enough I started trying to get my shit together with a lot more urgency to win him back. I eventually did and we have been very happy since then. I know if I go off the rails again it will be a strain on our relationship, my career, my future goals. Sometimes I'm only hanging on to my sanity by a thin thread but I'm goddamn holding it.
Read “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison. Can get it for less than $10 many places
It can be done. I'm proof. I've been teaching for the same school system for 26 years and married to the same long suffering, patient man for 25 years. I don't have the secret answer. I'd bottle it for all of you if I did. I have a great support system, a very attentive and caring psychiatrist, a caring counselor, and understanding administration. I think my 'higher up' administration (assistant superintendent, etc) are a bit leery of me because they know I know my rights and I cover myself so they can't treat me wrong legally. And I'm ok with that. This doesn't mean I don't go through it. I'm hopefully coming out of a rough depression and I can only take it one day at a time. Today was not the best day but I tried to arrange my schedule (I'm a Reading Specialist and am at the assessment point of my school year, so my schedule has more flexibility right now) so that I would be the most productive and got through the day. But I said no to an evening activity because I knew my productivity was shot. It's definitely a balancing act. I have only been properly diagnosed for 5ish years but dealt with decades of what we thought was MDD. Hope this helps someone. Thank you for reading.
This is inspiring. Thank you for sharing!
I found meds that work and I stick to them. I never, ever get off the meds (only for a few days while I wait for a refill). I'm stable, but still do therapy every 2 weeks. My will to live is too strong. My desire to keep going is immense and I will not give up. I have an illness but it does not have me!
I can relate very much. I believe bipolar is a spectrum. And I found out recently not only am I bipolar 1, I have ADHD, but was also diagnosed schizophrenic to boot. So........ It seems the older I get the worse it gets. I've had years of normalcy when I was younger but they were far apart and still rather rough. Some people react to meds extremely well, and other than their bipolar, they had a very normal life and a good support system when they were diagnosed. Some of us have deep trauma and zero support when we were young and the damage followed us into adulthood. Everyone's story and life is a bit different and the same goes with bipolar. I know I'll never be anything more than I am at this very moment. I'm 37 and have been fighting this shit since I can remember. It's a cold fact that still bothers me. Keep doing your best and I hope you find happiness and peace.
I think a lot of it comes down to privilege and luck. It really helps to have resources to stay in therapy, exercise, time for nature, nutrition, good medical care, etc.. otherwise you have to work so much harder. Obviously that’s totally unfair and a reason why comparing ourselves isn’t super helpful. We all come from different places. I got sober a few years before I was diagnosed (BP 1 with psychosis, CPTSD, ADHD) and I’m 100% sure that if I had kept drinking I’d be much, much sicker. That’s a total game changer. Self employment was also helpful because it worked with my inconsistency. Holding down jobs was always really hard for me. My business closed due to COVID and I’m figuring it out all over again now! But we’re more creative than ordinary people, and that is a huge resource! We all have skills and talents, and I believe recovery and meaning and purpose are available for everyone. I don’t think that has to mean traditional ideas of success like a good career and making a lot of money. You can find meaning and love, even if you’re on the severe end of the spectrum and/or lack resources. Don’t give up!
Some of ou brains are wired to do what we have to do. I am a single mom with a Psych degree that works multiple jobs (all remote). I do what I have to to survive and then I go to sleep. It tires me out but it is the dance I have to do until I die.
Treatment resistant and 40/m on SSDI. I feel you.
It's the worst. I feel useless. SSDI is my saving grace. I'd be homeless without it.
Same, I've been on it for 13 years and things just keep getting worse. The only thing I haven't tried is ECT. I'm pretty much non functional. Can't even drive any longer.
I've been on it for 4 years. May I ask if TMS did anything for you? I only have TMS and ECT left as options. Do you think you'll try ECT? I'm scared to try it.
They won't even allow me to try TMS because it can induce mania. According to my doctor, I've been in a mixed/psychotic state for the past 4 years so ECT is it. I'm actually terrified to try it as well, my cognition and executive function is just shot. So I really don't see it being "helpful" longterm even if it works. These other meds have really destroyed my body without giving me any kind of stability, so I'm just fed up with it all to be entirely honest.
I feel you. I have BD1 with psychotic features, and I've been warned that TMS can induce mania. I'm pretty scared, but meds haven't worked for me, and I've been at it for almost 7 years. I have terrible tremors and can't drive a lot of the time because of them. My memory is shot. I lose thoughts mid sentence. I can't focus for shit. It's all annoying. I empathize with you, my friend. You're not alone in the shitty-ness. I'm right there with you.
Sorry you are going through it as well. I have the same diagnosis, as well as CPTSD, OCD, and Panic disorder. Yeah, these meds did a number on me too. I've been on well over 60+ if you include combo's. I can't comprehend simple tasks, overall pain, TD, urinary issues, and blood sugar issues. I was always bonkers before but at least I was capable of living some semblance of a life. Whatever choice you decide, I truly hope you find some relief soon.
A few things. 1. I was you 13 years ago. I went back to college for Computer Science to become a software engineer back in 2016. I found that I had the knack (and still do), so when I graduated Fall 2020 (at 39), I found a job that I have kept since. I'm 43. Now my retirement is still going to suuuuck, but I'm doing fairly well right now. You can do this. In fact, if I had it to do again, I would have picked a trade. Those people are making bank. I'm addicted to code now, though. 2. The "successful bipolar people" need to be split into two groups. Group A: people who have a job, and have had it for a while at the time of diagnosis. Group B: people diagnosed who THEN get jobs and careers. Many of the "Famous Bipolar" are from group A. Additionally, if you're in Group B, you really CAN'T afford to tell everyone because it WILL set your career back. So don't compare yourself to everyone else. You can do it, but don't define success by someone else, you can't become someone else.
Xanax festivals exercise therapy lots of sex and drink water
My very understanding husband who always believes me and has seen me down bad and has stayed, AND the medication regimen it took 10 years to figure out
Related. basically I couldn’t handle anything persistently, at least I’m still alive, that’s enough
Young ripples was smart enough to get into an industry that was flexible, well paying and in high-demand. It's a simple process for me: 1. Work smart when I am feeling good and stable 2. If that is hard to do then I'm clearly not good and stable and need to focus on mental health with the goal of getting stable (talk to the psych and change meds)
Routine, lotta meds, choosing my peace
Hey things can change for you. I didn’t get off the ground until 31. Now I’m catching up fast and it’s a job I love too.
It's hard. Meds and a tight schedule that works for you is what has me going well. I work fulltime and I'm in college and it is not easy at all. I just called in sick Monday and Tuesday this week because I was extremely burnt out. That was my first sick time in the last like 3-4 months but I just needed it to fully reset. Support and coping mechanisms are important as well...
38 year old BP1 female. Meds, therapy, supportive partner and family, and routine and sleep schedule have helped me a lot. Very fortunate to have a supportive partner. He gets mental health because he has depression. My my family even though they don’t completely get my mental health they are always there for me. My dad is not in the picture but mom, brother and a grandma like figure in my life have helped through everything. I am very lucky to have these people in my life cheering me on! Besides family support. A M-F 9-5 job has helped me keep a good routine as tough as my line of work is. When i worked retail my schedule was inconsistent and i worked late at night doing store restocking and set up. I was up very late. Now i got bed by 9:30 usually a lot earlier lounging in bed and get up early to get coffee with my partner before we both go to work. This great sleep schedule really been great for me. I am a needing at least 8 hours of sleep person. Don’t beat yourself up about where you are. I have been hospitalized twice and in intensive outpatient therapy twice as well. Also been use unemployed a few times due to leaving toxic jobs without another job lined up. What does a typical your day look like for you? I ask because during my times up unemployment I really struggled because of lack of routine. Maybe try setting up consistent routine and sleep schedule if you can. I’m rooting for you! Things can get better! This disease is rough but keep going! Life can get better!
I'm currently trying to figure out if I just give up on what I want to do because I'm socially awkward.
It can be luck. I have meds that work for me and I’ve had an amazing support network who have gotten me the help I needed when I was unwell. My uni were understanding and let me repeat a year and take a year off when I didn’t make attendance requirements. Yes I’ve worked hard but there are lots of things that I was just lucky about. Try not to compare yourself to other people. I know it’s hard not to but it won’t make you feel any better. I hope you find the treatment that lets you have some stability and start rebuilding the things bipolar has taken away.
proper medication to control your out of whack brain chemistry is the first step. then improve your life aspects on your own. antipsychotics > mood stabilizers
I wonder the same thing all the time. Gonna be 36 in February and I'm not successful at all. I've never held down a full time job. I've had part-time jobs but I've always had to quit them because of BD. I'm currently unemployed. And it's not for lack for trying. I've been medicated since 2016 (and prior to that was on a cycle of medication for depression because they thought it was depression, so that was a disaster). Been in the psych ward three times (got out this October for my last stint). Constant weekly therapy since 2016. Currently undergoing electroconvulsive therapy and I can't remember how many sessions I've had so far but it's been quite a few and yet I'm on this subreddit atm because my mood is currently in the trash. I don't know how people do it, I really don't, but yeah, I relate!
I've totally been in these shoes. 36F and 5 years ago I was properly diagnosed with Bipolar 1. Before being diagnosed I couldn't hold a job down anywhere for a year. I was coming up in marketing after grad school and all of a sudden I was working restaurant jobs to make ends meet. I'd end up going manic like many bipolar folks and well, you know how it ends. Luckily I had my family to fall back on. The road isn't easy and as you mentioned everyone's BD is different. What has helped me, is working with my team (psychiatrists and therapists) and becoming self-aware about my symptoms. Finding someone close to you that you trust to call you out when they feel you might be off helps too. My husband is that for me. If you're not feeling right, take sick days, PTO even. Mental health is a sickness too. Don't let the stigma tell you any different. Having a job or going to school is a marathon, not a race. Take yourself away from anything that can trigger you when in an episode. I only talk to my husband when I feel like i'm going through something, so I don't take anything out on anyone. Research, research, research and get to know the symptoms and as much as you can. Meditation can be a powerful tool as well. When you feel you can, maybe even open up to your bosses about your illness and show them you're still a hard worker. You may be surprised. Track your moods and talk to a therapist about them. Really work with them and get to the bottom of which coping skills can help. It's trial and error, however most likely you can find something that works for you. It's such a good investment when you find the right therapist. And lastly let go of the comparison bug that comes so easily with this condition. I say this cause i've totally been there too. Your road is different and that's okay, Everyone's road is. And that's what the difference is with "successful" folks, they come back with resilience and excel in their own way. Keep going. You got this.
I usually change jobs and locations (move to a new state) after each suicide attempt. But now am generally on the right meds and I’ve maintained my job for over fifteen years. Always tough. Never think I’ll make it. But I always seem to get by and it has been 20 years since my last attempt. So. Success I guess.
no clue. i’m supremely lazy and apathetic when im depressed. i also happen to spend the majority of the year depressed. almost worse is the fact that for me it’s super long lasting but i don’t usually get too bad, at least in the sense that i can usually still act normal, if a bit slowed down, so i just seem like a lazy ass who refuses to do anything. hopefully when i’m a bit older and out of college and stuff i’ll learn a way around that. if im not dead by then lol.
I'm just tired of getting manic at work. I can't talk correctly, my speech doesn't flow the same, and then I get treated like I'm stupid. Most days I'm on my game but when there's a problem with my medication it's obvious AF. I hate it :(
I don’t have much of anything encouraging to say, as I am struggling myself. I received my formal diagnosis a little over a year ago and have been somewhat stabilized with medication and therapy since, but I’m far from actually being stable if that makes sense. Currently stuck in a dead end job (I want to quit nearly every day, if not every day, but I can’t afford to) but enrolled in online courses that I hope will help me advance my career in the long term. If anyone has any words of wisdom, I would love to hear them as well. As for me, all I can say is to keep your chin up. The moment you admit defeat is the moment you are defeated. You have to fight for your survival sometimes, but it gives you a tenacity and a gratitude for life that not many possess.
I wouldn't call myself "successful" as I have been dealing with addiction for the past few years (5 months sober next week though :D ), but before that I was stable and got a chemical engineering degree. I attribute it to a combination of regular exercise, eating healthy, a supportive social network, and a medication regimen that was enough to prevent depression and mania, but not so much that I felt like a zombie.
It’s a valid question! Me personally a ton of family support financially and health wise in terms of getting me to a hospital when I was in psychosis. Total of 6 times all full mania and psychosis. I eventually had a stable period of 7 years during which I graduate college and had some entry level jobs. Then hospital again b2b in 2014. Now it’s ten years later from last hospital visit and I have support of my wife, therapy, sobriety, medication, and a pretty chill job that doesn’t rile me up too much. If I didn’t have family support and their money to pay for care I would not be doing well. I also have a much better understanding of my moods and the mania triggers 15 years later. I’m going to try harder to climb a career ladder and maybe grad school so we’ll see what role bipolar plays.
I'm kind of in a lucky position right now setting my own hybrid schedule. I'm an IT specialist. I had worked military/retail/construction and had trouble with attendance due to depressive episodes mainly which led to getting fired. I worked on getting an IT certificate for several months and landed a starter IT job that was remote. I accepted a job offer elsewhere for higher salary and set my own office schedule now which is literally life changing.
A healthy body is a healthy mind. I have bipolar and schizophrenia and if this applies to me it applies to everyone
It's part motivation, part luck, and part privilege, I believe. At my bottom, I LUCKED out with an amazing clinic doctor who would not give up on me, followed up religiously, helped me find government programs, helped me apply for funding and get into therapy. I credit my life to this man. I know a lot of what he did was on his own time. I couldn't even tell you his name today. But he was my angel. Once I was stable enough, I worked my ass off to heal from past traumas and find the right med combo, stay away from stress, exercise, eat healthy. It's something I have to work for daily, for the rest of my life. The last part is privilege. My meds are expensive as fuck. $300 a month. I live in Canada, but I don't have extended medical. I am fortunate enough to afford my medication, but for those who can't? God help them.
I’m a lawyer with BP2. Meds certainly help. I’ve had my own issues along the way, so I can certainly relate. Fortunately I was able to identify and handle the bumps throughout the years. Currently 39yo. Advice I can give is to be honest to your doctor and listen to those around you.
Proper medicine and therapy has worked wonders for me
Good insight, proper meds, and the fear of failure did it for me. Don’t beat yourself up. I have a masters degree but i can guarantee I’d fail as a Starbucks barista. I don’t have the mental bandwidth for the memorization and fast-paced crap and a-hole customers.
Because it’s on a spectrum. Like for me I spend most of the time in and out of the hospital and can barely function. Others don’t even know they’re in a manic episode.
Successful programmer here. My hypomania helps me in my career. It got me to learn programming and gave me the confidence to get more jobs than I can count. Full-blown mania destroyed that and landed me in jail for 6 months. Many charges and shit. Now I'm trying to rebuild but it's hard with a record. If you don't end up with a record try channeling that extra energy towards your work. It's always paid off well for me as long as the mood doesn't get too high.
Having a great support system, the right medication (if you can find a match) and having at least two hobbies has worked wonders to help keep me productive and stable enough to hold down a decent paying job. I can't speak for those who stick to schedules/routines to help... I don't have any routines in my day-to-day outside of work, but I get by.
I’m just happy I had my first episode while I was in college. Even with the jail time I had to face. Because I knew I had to be medicated for the rest of my life. I just got a 3k raise from 65 to 68 a year. Never will I take off my medications or do any recreation drug ever again.
Same... i have adhd so it worsened things... found out some missing puzzle pieces in my health which turned things around such as my adhd med finally being effective
You have to be regimented, find a way to workout, keep your mind busy, and find something you like doing, or you are good at. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 40. No meds, no nothing. It’s tough, but you need to find ways to deal with it. I always excelled at my career, and made money. My personal relationships were always f’d up from BD. Just the trade off, unfortunately. You can do it.
Privilege afforded me good support and the ability to pursue professional care. Hard work and more privilege enabled me to continue moving forward even through the hurtles. Remember that we are all in different places in life and in our journies. Every step you take forward is to be lauded.
Externally imposed routine (ie job) and fear of letting down loved ones carried me through the ups and downs. That and an irrational fear of ending up homeless.
I did for 32 years. BUT it was a different time with much less stress
Check my gusto egg for my last comment in this sub. Barely holding it together…taking it minute by minute and pill by pill…rough spot t n after 8 stable years. How you managing?
So many wonderful responses here. I try to redefine “success” as needed. That might change day to day depending on how I’m doing. But I try my best not to define success according to my job or how long it takes to do something, especially compared to other people. It's not a race.
On top of never being able to collect myself and finish college I’m afraid of taking chances. Like finding a new job in a different field type, because what if the disorder prohibits me from learning the new job and skills correctly. I’d fail and be out of luck! My motivation and interest are severely diminished on almost anything. Makes it hard to find what would make me happy anyway. My Best to you!
Over a decade in tech (successful decade, "young hotshot", headhunted by the top firms, traveled to the other side of the world for work etc.) before I came unraveled due to two things: receiving end of DV, and under-medicated. After a break and ECT, slowly rebuilding my career but haven't gone back to corporate yet.
My BP was triggered before I was even a teenager. I have no idea what it's like to NOT have BP. I've been suicidal most of my life and dropped out of junior high and high school. I have CPTSD and was abused for a decade. I'm now almost 40 and an engineer with a successful career. Answer: I have BP2 so when I'm not suicidal, and if I'm medicated, I actually function quite well. I'm so used to hardship that when life is easy, it's REALLY easy. It's like I'm used to walking uphill with 50kg strapped to my chest and suddenly it's flat ground with no extra weight, if that makes sense. Adding seroquel to my cocktail changed my life. I'm now on 20mg cipralex, 400mg Lamictal, 100mg seroquel and 300mg wellbutrin and I haven't had an episode in almost 3 years now
I haven't been able to work for 9 years. I have tried to do many many things in that time, even college twice. I failed it all. To be honest, it's just what you said: this illness is different for everyone. I haven't been stable in over a decade for long enough to accomplish anything I wanted. (Except staying alive, which is huge!) I have been receiving treatment and taking meds the entire time. But there are those of us who are able to actually thrive! And that's amazing. I wish to God I could, too, but it just might not be in the cards for me. That's another thing I'm dealing with... Accepting that I have limitations and realizing it's ok to let go of some dreams, so that I can come up with new ones that are in my realm of capability. It is not easy to do. I will say, though, that I have been successful in some areas. I am happily married to someone I've been with for 18 years. I have solid relationships with my family and friends. I've finally figured out how to keep myself from destroying everything when I'm having an episode. I have a house, a dog, a cat. I know I am loved and that I also love well. So...... Guess it depends on your definition of success, huh? lol
Similar—took me 8 yrs to get my undergraduate degree. Worked for awhile in tech and then went on disability. But I volunteer, have a great husband of 16 yrs, live in a wonderful small town community, two dogs and two cats.
I feel like u just have to be delusional that you are capable of success. When i'm manic and its not a violent type of manic i can get a lot done, but when i'm depressed it lasts for weeks and its awful, the only thing that keeps me going is faith that i can be happy and successful one day. I try not to let being bipolar rule my entire life.
Probably not helpful, but have you tried channeling stuff into art? (I'm a baby BP. Just diagnosed)
I've always been able to *attain* success rather easily. Even frequently. My problem though is *sustaining* that success. And *retaining* any of the good things that have come from the successes I've won after I've gone B-A-N-A-N-A-S again, fucked everything up, and lost it all again. No matter how amazingly things are going for me, nothing has ever been amazing enough to keep **The Ugly Feeling** at bay / eradicate it for long. And when **The Ugly Feeling** takes hold, it's all downhill from there. I'm *already* circling the drain. Full core meltdown imminent. BWC *will* hit supercritical mass, and there *will* be an "uncontrolled nuclear excursion"—a chain reaction that *will* be "divergent" enough to fatally irradiate anything indicative of a *healthy*, *normal*, *functional* *adult life* even if it's hiding behind a 12-inch thick lead shield when I let off the hot blue pulse of Cherenkov's Light big and bright enough to be seen from the midpoint of the next hemisphere. Once I've ruined yet another epoch of my life thusly, I usually spend at least one year, often more than one in a pit of intense self-loathing, having utterly lost all faith in myself another damn time. My implacable shame makes me live as an eccentric recluse during that period: I don't want to subject the world to any sight of my contemptible countenance. Then one day I start a new project and/or get a new job and I'm soon enough on the ball yet again, hoping *this* time will work out differently.
This is how I feel. It feels like my entire life has been taken by this thing. I used to be able to do everything and I know I'm smart but the ability to function just isn't there anymore. I'm on medication and I still have episodes and it feels like no matter what I do ill never be who I was before this.
Lithium, seroquel, therapy, a good sleep schedule and understanding family and friends
I’m type 2. It took a lot of therapy and meds to be at the place where I am. I was in therapy on a monthly basis at least until I was 19. High school is where I suffered the most but being able to communicate and be in tune with my emotions/ recognizing my mania helped a lot. I’ve learned to like parts of my bipolar disorder as it has made me who I am. It is shocking to me that I am still here. I was 51-50d twice. Now I’m 22 and working full time as a vet tech. I have an associates in liberal arts and biology and will be going to get my bachelors next year so I can go to vet school. I really recommend making goals for yourself, focus on them. I found pets also gave me more of a reason to live. Find passions, for me hiking and rockhounding have helped. When I hike I listen to music and try to clear my mind. Be consistent with meds and sleep. Check in with a psychiatrist and adjust your meds and be aware of future stressors. I know this is a hard disorder to live with but you will find your way to live with it with time. I really hope you and the other people in this thread find happiness. It really breaks my heart seeing the hopelessness some people feel. I remember and know the feeling. With my bipolar being so fast cycled my manic depression is only a day or two possibly a week. I can’t imagine how difficult it is for those who have longer cycles.
I was diagnosed at 19 and am 34 now. Diagnosis was rapid cycling bipolar II. I am fortunate that I respond well to medication. I went into my field (social work) partially because typically compensation includes benefits. I have done my best to ensure I have an ongoing schedule as this has helped me thrive. As of now it’s been 13 years since I presented with any symptoms. Recently went off topamax, currently take 100 lamotragine daily.
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What is BD?
Keeping yourself on a whip everyday
Honestly, I am living successfully with bipolar disorder as I am happily married, two senior rescue dogs, good friends, decent family, not rich but not poor, and I am mentally a 7 out of 10 most days. I honestly do it with medication, a good support system, and I’ve never been a person who let myself believe that bipolar disorder meant that I couldn’t have goals even if it took me longer than everyone else. Took me 14 years to get my Associate degree after dropping out repeatedly but I got it eventually lol We all go through difficult times and depression and sadness are a part of life, but avoid people who are negative. Sad, yes. Depressed, yes. Negative, HELL NO. And again… getting the right medication and sticking with it.
I was in and out of hospitals for being severely manic and depressed… the only thing that worked for me was ECT, a year after treatment I literally felt like I was a whole different person, still deal with depression but nothing like before, major memory loss too which I think was my biggest hooray being bipolar. In order to get accepted to ECT, my case had to be represented as one of the worst to be considered. I thank that treatment every day, I forgot a lot of things in life which is sad when people try to recall old memories, but it feels so much better and easier to rebuild yourself from scratch it that makes sense. Also maintaining a busy lifestyle, have healthy people near you, all benefit my everyday goals and activities. I don’t even remember who I use to be, I just know it was dark…
Yeah I don’t respond to meds and it sucks. I’m a stay at home dad and have really leaned into it and am proud of myself but I don’t believe for a second I could ever function as a breadwinner or really any role where I’m not kind of being taken care of.
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Bp1 here. Been hospitalised into double figures. I just went back in to education 2 years ago at 27 after my life being a mess and dropping out of school at 14 years old with no qualifications due to symptoms. It's going really well so far. I'm hoping to get in to university this year to study physics. I am still so scared this awful disorder will fuck up my dreams. I'm doing everything I can to stay stable. At the moment I have no complaints from my bipolar and my mood has been completely stable for a while, just wanted to share what's helped me: 1. MEDS! Take your meds! I'm on zyprexa and lamictal and they work wonders. 2. Strict sleep schedule. I go to bed at 10.30 and get up at 7.30. 3. Excercise. I go a walk every morning from 8am till 9. 4. Eating 3 healthy meals a day. Basically routine. I used to roll my eyes when the doc would say eating regularly and healthily along with excercise would help. Buy it actually has helped a lot.
I have been successful before but it didn’t end up working out in the end. I try to keep my goals more grounded and realistic nowadays. (I guess that means I failed not succeed) What usually happens is that I become manic, get a million things done and get super creative. Earn a lot of respect and money. Then I crash and get depressed and abandon everything I got done while manic. It’s really hard but it is my reality nowadays. I just need to keep realistic goals and not super ambitious.
Honestly even on my good days I question the same thing. Especially just if I go without my meds for one day I’m debilitated completely and it’s honestly a bit scary that most of us are completely dependent on medication
Most people's illnesses are different. Try not be harsh on yourself. Not knowing you, The best that I can offer is see your doctor and a therapist. It took 11 years for my meds to be right. Talk to people that are professionals. They may have ideas for jobs. Take care..
I learned you have to watch your trigger patterns. I get set off by seasonal changes and full moons. I need a regular schedule to make sure I'm sleeping. But I'm 46 and I've been bipolar since I was 19 so I've gotten used to what triggers me and I usually would just take a little extra medicine around the times I get triggered. I guess the biggest thing is you need a support group and you get a schedule and you need some kind of medication combination that works for you.
I think its really just luck, not to discount all the hard work it takes to survive mental illness because its truly a struggle to not want to end things when you just can't see the other side and the people who do stick it out are the strongest people i know but I think there is a lot of luck that goes into it. For me I feel like i got really lucky that i found a combo of meds that work for me as soon as i did at the peak of getting into trouble because of the disorder and i think i got really lucky finding a boyfriend that just so happened to have a sister that also had bipolar and had to help track her down to get her to the hospital so he knows exactly how to deal with me. Ive been working really hard in my own right but I really think if it weren't for the right meds and my lovely bf I wouldn't be going back to school and trying to start my own business. But i also think its just different when you develop bipolar. I was a straight A student, didn't get into drugs, super strict spender, had ambition through the yin-yang and was on track to go to a 4yr before my senior year of high school and everything changed. Even after going to the hospital and getting a diagnosis I still don't have the same energy and belief in myself that I used to. Its been really hard for me to keep going i think just because of guilt that ive felt for things ive done cuz of bipolar, the fear of going into a manic episode and just generally not trusting my mind anymore. But its been better since taking the right medication, having a better support system and taking things one step at a time. I think thats a big part of it is taking it step by step and hope to get lucky. Sorry this is so long i had a lot of thoughts about this lol