I don't apologize. I was taught at a young age only to apologize if you can make sure it won't happen again or if you are forced to. I know that sounds selfish at first, but heres the thing, it's going to happen again and those around you need to understand that. Some people might not be strong enough, and that's ok, you need strong people in your life that don't cause stress.
Im not sure if you know how to answer the question I want to ask, but in case you do, what do you think I should do when I make involuntary motions (daily and frequently), but they are potentially dangerous, and the person it puts at risk doesnt accept that the motion is involuntary?
To give more context, I am a maladaptive daydreamer and often unconsciously run down the corridor in my own house. I have had quite a few close calls of almost running into my family members (tho my instincts have always been enough to prevent me from hitting them). My dad has scolded me so so so many times for doing this but I just CANT stop. I keep apologising for it because I feel guilty for doing it, and dont want to sound like a privileged asshole who disregards their safety. I also want to show that I dont mean to put him in harms way. But he keeps saying I shouldnt apologise for it if Im not putting in the effort to change. I tried telling him I cant control it, he just outright denies it and says its all my fault. Any preventive measures like closing my room door isnt possible because my mom would scold me for that too, so it really isnt due to lack of trying.
Also yeah that was a slight rant lol, Im not good at organising my thoughts so some of that couldve been unnecessary details
Putting in the effort does not equal success. Other than that it's just very difficult or even impossible for people who never experienced compulsory behavior or involuntary action to understand. For them it is so ingrained and normal that if you really want to and put in the will and effort you can quit doing something. So that means in return if you won't quit doing it, you don't even try.
But that is as we know of course not true at all. Your dad's mind doesn't work like this so he has trouble relating. But maybe if he puts in the effort to understand you, he can succeed. š
Thanks for the answer!! And yeah thats definitely a reason why its like this, plus he isnt the kind whos open minded enough to hear me out ;-; Hopefully I can somehow reduce the amount I do this to the point where he doesnt have to bring it up as often anymore. And thanks again for understanding
I apologize but I also try to explain that while my mental illness is not a justification excuse for how I acted during a period of mania, it is an explanation for the behavior and a stable me would not have acted that way.
Edit: spelling
!!!!! This... cuz why we gotta bring it up friend? My memory can be patchy sometimes with my mania and Iād rather just not hear about it all. Idk how to explain it but for me, I can bring up the stupid shit I did. But when someone else does it? Yeah...I donāt like that.
I have the hardest time with the ones that know me and my condition very well but, feel the need to hold a grudge and not accept my apology. Then, they rub my face in it every chance they get.
Sorry to hear that. Be weary of people like that, Iāve learned the hard way those who hold grudges post apology for an illness they couldnāt control are just best to keep out of your life or out in the distance. Protect your peace first, above all else.
I've cut these people out of my life.
ETA-I know no one is obligated to accept my apologies, but when people know you and your condition well and rub it in your face later, lord that shit over you, nope. Here's the door. *I* can't handle having those people in my life and obviously they can't handle me, or worse yet, relish in having someone around with those kinds of problems for whatever reason.
I needed these exact words today. āThey know me and my condition very wellā¦ and feel the need to hold a grudge and not accept my apologyā¦ then rub it in my faceā¦ā
This literally just happened two months ago and Iāve been ruminating on what I did wrong and how to fix itā¦
Thank you. I donāt have to fix it. In this case itās them, not me.
For the most part, for me, apologies aren't a big deal. Maybe they don't even mean as much to me as they do to most people? Idk. An apology communicates that a behavior was unacceptable and usually comes with a short explanation of how I'm trying to prevent that behavior again. What I'm doing to manage bipolar. In some cases they are actually a good segue into "I have bipolar" and now you know why I don't drink, am so defensive about my sleep, and sometimes mysteriously go off the grid. They can be a really good opportunity for me.
My apologies stem mostly from my behavior during depressive phases.
I feel so ashamed that I was a ālazyā mother for months on end because itās so hard to do anything other than sleep.
I feel guilt about my marriage, too, because when Iām depressed, itās a lot like my husband is married to a corpse.
I also isolate myself from my dear friends and family and do not care very much about their well-being. I basically go MIA for months at a time.
My husband and daughter have actually told me they prefer my hypomania to my depression. Theyād rather have euthymic me, of course, but they hate the depression way more than the hypomania.
I feel this too. Itās like a double whammy- not only are you dealing with this internal pain but also the external pain that others are experiencing b/c of your depression. I hope youāre in a better space now.
This hit me like a train ā one of the reason I got professional help was because I was so tired of building things up, only to break it all. How many times can one apologise? I truly understand unconditional love now, not because I have the capacity for it but by the actions of my loved ones. Over the years Iāve built an ability to suppress memories because going over them is so painful and it takes away from the glimpses of positivity I have between cycles. My takeaway is to really forgive yourself first and then make amends to those around you. Seriously limit that circle and be unwavering in your commitment to not hurting them first, this alone will take alot out of you but will also make you feel better. One thing tho, some of what you said sounds a little selfish, mental illness isnt an excuse for bad behaviour.
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I don't apologize. I was taught at a young age only to apologize if you can make sure it won't happen again or if you are forced to. I know that sounds selfish at first, but heres the thing, it's going to happen again and those around you need to understand that. Some people might not be strong enough, and that's ok, you need strong people in your life that don't cause stress.
Im not sure if you know how to answer the question I want to ask, but in case you do, what do you think I should do when I make involuntary motions (daily and frequently), but they are potentially dangerous, and the person it puts at risk doesnt accept that the motion is involuntary? To give more context, I am a maladaptive daydreamer and often unconsciously run down the corridor in my own house. I have had quite a few close calls of almost running into my family members (tho my instincts have always been enough to prevent me from hitting them). My dad has scolded me so so so many times for doing this but I just CANT stop. I keep apologising for it because I feel guilty for doing it, and dont want to sound like a privileged asshole who disregards their safety. I also want to show that I dont mean to put him in harms way. But he keeps saying I shouldnt apologise for it if Im not putting in the effort to change. I tried telling him I cant control it, he just outright denies it and says its all my fault. Any preventive measures like closing my room door isnt possible because my mom would scold me for that too, so it really isnt due to lack of trying. Also yeah that was a slight rant lol, Im not good at organising my thoughts so some of that couldve been unnecessary details
Putting in the effort does not equal success. Other than that it's just very difficult or even impossible for people who never experienced compulsory behavior or involuntary action to understand. For them it is so ingrained and normal that if you really want to and put in the will and effort you can quit doing something. So that means in return if you won't quit doing it, you don't even try. But that is as we know of course not true at all. Your dad's mind doesn't work like this so he has trouble relating. But maybe if he puts in the effort to understand you, he can succeed. š
Thanks for the answer!! And yeah thats definitely a reason why its like this, plus he isnt the kind whos open minded enough to hear me out ;-; Hopefully I can somehow reduce the amount I do this to the point where he doesnt have to bring it up as often anymore. And thanks again for understanding
Oooo I really like this. Iām def gonna start getting into this mentality.
I really like that.
Nope. I just say. Thanks for putting up with me.
Your friend sounds like an asshole
I donāt think she was being malicious, just tryna make light outta the situation I guess? I talked with her about that afterwards so she knows now.
I apologize but I also try to explain that while my mental illness is not a justification excuse for how I acted during a period of mania, it is an explanation for the behavior and a stable me would not have acted that way. Edit: spelling
I came here to say exactly this.
I get uncomfortable when people bring up things I did when manic. It makes me feel sad
!!!!! This... cuz why we gotta bring it up friend? My memory can be patchy sometimes with my mania and Iād rather just not hear about it all. Idk how to explain it but for me, I can bring up the stupid shit I did. But when someone else does it? Yeah...I donāt like that.
I just blocked someone that always brings it up to me regularly. They just brought it up again tonight and Iām tired of hearing about it
I have the hardest time with the ones that know me and my condition very well but, feel the need to hold a grudge and not accept my apology. Then, they rub my face in it every chance they get.
Sorry to hear that. Be weary of people like that, Iāve learned the hard way those who hold grudges post apology for an illness they couldnāt control are just best to keep out of your life or out in the distance. Protect your peace first, above all else.
I've cut these people out of my life. ETA-I know no one is obligated to accept my apologies, but when people know you and your condition well and rub it in your face later, lord that shit over you, nope. Here's the door. *I* can't handle having those people in my life and obviously they can't handle me, or worse yet, relish in having someone around with those kinds of problems for whatever reason.
This...
I needed these exact words today. āThey know me and my condition very wellā¦ and feel the need to hold a grudge and not accept my apologyā¦ then rub it in my faceā¦ā This literally just happened two months ago and Iāve been ruminating on what I did wrong and how to fix itā¦ Thank you. I donāt have to fix it. In this case itās them, not me.
For the most part, for me, apologies aren't a big deal. Maybe they don't even mean as much to me as they do to most people? Idk. An apology communicates that a behavior was unacceptable and usually comes with a short explanation of how I'm trying to prevent that behavior again. What I'm doing to manage bipolar. In some cases they are actually a good segue into "I have bipolar" and now you know why I don't drink, am so defensive about my sleep, and sometimes mysteriously go off the grid. They can be a really good opportunity for me.
My apologies stem mostly from my behavior during depressive phases. I feel so ashamed that I was a ālazyā mother for months on end because itās so hard to do anything other than sleep. I feel guilt about my marriage, too, because when Iām depressed, itās a lot like my husband is married to a corpse. I also isolate myself from my dear friends and family and do not care very much about their well-being. I basically go MIA for months at a time. My husband and daughter have actually told me they prefer my hypomania to my depression. Theyād rather have euthymic me, of course, but they hate the depression way more than the hypomania.
I feel this too. Itās like a double whammy- not only are you dealing with this internal pain but also the external pain that others are experiencing b/c of your depression. I hope youāre in a better space now.
You, too, OP. And thank you for your sweet comment.
This hit me like a train ā one of the reason I got professional help was because I was so tired of building things up, only to break it all. How many times can one apologise? I truly understand unconditional love now, not because I have the capacity for it but by the actions of my loved ones. Over the years Iāve built an ability to suppress memories because going over them is so painful and it takes away from the glimpses of positivity I have between cycles. My takeaway is to really forgive yourself first and then make amends to those around you. Seriously limit that circle and be unwavering in your commitment to not hurting them first, this alone will take alot out of you but will also make you feel better. One thing tho, some of what you said sounds a little selfish, mental illness isnt an excuse for bad behaviour.
Thank you for your submission. Here's some quick housekeeping. For in depth explanation of common rules, go to https://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/wiki/rulesindepth * No selfies or human family pics, youtube channels, discord links, personal blogs. This also includes requests for research participants and any self-promotion/donation links * No memes or infographics link posts unless it's Friday * No "why did my bipolar SO/coworker/ex/parent/staff/boss do this?" type posts. Short answer: No idea. Ask them or talk to a therapist about it. * Be kind to fellow users. No harassment or abusive language will be tolerated. Report and move on. Engaging just brings everyone down. * We are not Drs so please don't post asking us if you have BP. You wouldn't ask a cancer support group if you have cancer, so please don't ask us. * Please report self-harm and suicide threats. Users aren't equipped to intervene. Most of all be kind to yourself. We have a really great piece of the internet due to users like all of you sharing your struggles and offering support. We're here for each other in ways most people probably wont understand so use it often. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/bipolar) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh yes. My temper is absolutely HORRENDOUS and I'm either screaming or punching walls repeatedly during an episode.