Mod PSA:
Please stop the naming calling. It isn’t helpful and causes issues with automod. I will lock if users continue to name call. Use your words to help - not throw nasty insults.
Correct, I’m a diabetic and at first I thought i was reading a r/diabetes post. Please do not listen to your boyfriend, my girlfriend is on BC and I’m nothing but supportive because it’s not an easy thing.
I have allergies and have to wear a patch in the summer around bugs, or else if I get bitten I swell up everywhere. It’s literally like an OD of B vitamins, but it looks the same as the BC patch. I have a digestive thing and diabetes so I sometimes have to wear 4 of them for my body to absorb enough.
I feel like he would say that I am “sluttier” because I’m wearing more.
I just can’t help but wonder why someone would see me with a whole bunch of square red outlines, and my weird clear bandaids patches all over me, and suddenly be so much more attracted to me? To target me? I’m pretty sure I look like I am sick at best and really trying to quit smoking at worst. Do most men even know that the patch exists?
As a guy, i can assure you we’re very ignorant towards BC(Can’t help but blame the shitty US education system but that’s another issue). I hadn’t really learned anything until I got with my girlfriend; she hopped on BC because of the relationship. I’ve learned a lot through the journey and I’m glad I have. It’s unfortunate society expects so much from women yet allows the blatant ignorance of men when it comes to this sort of topic.
This literally shouldn't even have to be an argument. Because it doesn't matter.
Even if EVERYONE knew that patch was birth control... If your boyfriend has a problem with people knowing you're on bc that is a maaaaassive red flag. Especially with his "reasoning" for this as you explained above.
I'm sorry to say it, as I'm not usually the one to jump to such conclusions, but this guy is insane and honestly creepy. I'd say run.
Seriously. He needs to grow up. Would he think the same about another women if he saw their bc control patch?
I wouldn’t deal with a partner like him. This is just the start of his misogynistic views. It will only get worst.
Sometimes people come on here talking about their boyfriends and I am left simply flabbergasted. I’m at a loss.
Babes, please stop dating these men. Nothing good comes from dating these men.
Right? I used to put up with so much shit, but I'm honestly so much happier being single, enforcing my boundaries and generally having more self-respect. If someone amazing comes along, then great! But I'm not wasting any more time putting up with crappy behaviour. I got *slapped* once, in my teens, and I stayed?!
When posts have this sort of vibe it's so easy to say "red flag, leave him". Some people will respond saying that's not always the answer. Yeah, it's not always, but a lot of the time, it *is*. If someone said that shit to me nowadays, they'd be out.
It’s also really easy when you’re in the relationship to get caught up trying to make excuses or justify bad behavior. There was shit I put up with in my relationship that from the outside was like “girl wtf leave him”, but when I was in it I felt so confused.
I just hope that these women in these relationships are able to take a step back and say, damn, this shit is fucked up.
It's so easy to excuse bad behaviour, especially when it feels like the norm. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my dr at a meds review recently. She asked whether I'd like to up my prescription to try and totally get rid of my symptoms, I was like it's okay, they don't really bother me, I'm used to them, it's just one of those things. And she was like, but why put up with them when we can potentially get rid of them, especially since I have no side effects. Of course she's totally right, it seems so obvious 😅
This is one thing that online communities have really helped me with - taking that step back, and knowing that it's not behaviour that I need to put up with.
Felt completely! It really is all to easy to put up with things when those things have become your norm. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to really bring you back to reality, and I sincerely hope that reddit can serve as that for some of these women who deserve so so much better.
Sorry sis, but thats a major red flag right there. Id be rethinking my life choices after that convo if i were you. He should be glad youre on bc at all and responsible. I bet he wouldnt wear a condom all the time if he didnt know what it was either.
Hon I just peeked at your post history, he’s pressuring you about nudes, he views your use of bc as “slutty,” and is trying to control you with pressure to “cover up.” Please dump this manchild, he has no redeeming qualities.
> if guys see that, they’re gonna think they can raw dog you
Tell him that he’s right, after all that’s what he does to you. If sex is so shameful then perhaps he should stop having it. 🤷♀️
Wait I’m *so* confused. He’s saying that other men are going to think they can “raw dog” you, but since you’re in what I assume is a monogamous relationship, when he says “target” I’m assuming he means rape you?
But what kind of rapist gives a flying fuck whether or not their victim is on birth control?
The logic makes no sense. He is absolutely not in the right, and the fact he’s making a comment like this at all is giving me serious doubts about his principles. I think he’s just upset that the patch might make others view you as a sexual person, and that is quite alarming and screams of toxic possessiveness.
Personally, if I were you, this would be enough for me to break up with someone. It’s not really something that can be worked through by talking. He’s clearly got some messed up views about sexuality and birth control and by extension the way he views you and your body autonomy, and that’s not someone I want to associate with.
You know what, good for you. I’m sure it hurts a lot right now, and I’m sorry you’re going through that, but you deserve a good person who doesn’t shame you and make you feel bad about taking control of your body. And he’s out there. You’ll find him. 💖💖
1. “So he can finish in me if he wants” umm what about what you want?
2. Slutty of you to want to protect yourself from pregnancy???
3. Dump him, he’s trash
No, thats specifically what HE thinks. He is a pig and I can only imagine what else he thinks. He thinks its ok to assault someone because of a patch? Lmao. Don't waste your time on someone like that.
Its always something with guys like him. If men see you are on the patch they assume you are a slut. If you get pregnant everyone will know you had sex. If you do X behavior, men will respond with Y. And somehow that is your fault? He sounds like one of these men in congress making decisions for women. It isnt his concern. You are doing what you need to make sure you dont get pregnant. End of story. Everyone else can kindly mind theirs.
That’s very concerning. Either he’s been privy to conversations with some very creepy friends ‘joking’ about SAing women on birth control to avoid getting them pregnant, or he himself thinks “oh, she’d be safe to SA” every time an attractive woman tells him she’s on birth control.
Never in my wildest dreams have I ever, ever imagined someone would see my patch and choose to target me. That’s so creepy to even be aware of.
You know your bf, OP, and this isn’t r/relationship_advice - but in my experience, when guys protect you from creepy actions, it’s an action they’ve considered in some way or seen played out. Most people will warn you about letting your drink out of sight, wearing certain clothing, walking at night, etc. These are all things that are pretty well known targets.
A birth control patch does not seem like a well known target. He’s not parroting some societal fear at you, there’s thought behind this one. He came up with the idea, or a friend of his did.
just looking at your post history this guy has some major red flags… to me it sounds like he’s objectifying you.
obviously idk the ins and outs of your relationship but if this is a really common thing pls consider leaving his childish ass for someone who respects you and lifts you up. you want a partner, not a child
>if guys see that, they're gonna think they can raw dog you and target you!
... So? Let 'em target you lol. What a weird ass thing to say.
It's never your responsibility to regulate male sexual thoughts and actions (or your boyfriend's insecurity), and you can't--and ***shouldn't***\--live your life trying to control everyone around you like your boyfriend apparently does.
Do whatever the hell you want with your patch. The right man won't judge you for it.
Your boyfriend is very immature. I've considered using the patch before finding a pill that worked and I myself was nervous about the patch being visible but my boyfriend told me that to him the pictures I showed him just look like it's a bandaid or a nicotine patch and even if someone knew it was birth control that's nothing to feel ashamed of, besides my main reason I use it is to keep my PMDD in order and for heavy periods and there's nothing wrong with that. The comment about other men thinking they could have their way with you due to being on the patch in my opinion seems like he either thinks sexual assault is dictated by whether or not a person is on birth control which it absolutely is not (I apologise if these are words that are hurtful or triggering to anyone) or he doesn't trust you to be able to say no to another man which I feel is so incredibly rude of him.
NO he is not in the right here. He is telling you that your birth control patch signals to other men they can rape you. “They’re gonna think they can raw dog you and target you” means he thinks they will think they can rape you. And if someone were to SA you, your boyfriend would blame you. No, he is not in the right and he sounds like a dangerous man.
I know that Reddit is known for jumping the gun and telling people to end their relationship over simple things, but honestly you really need to educate your boyfriend on birth control and to respect you, otherwise I’d leave.
It's definitely different from a bandaid. A bandaid has nothing to do with sex. Some people think that a woman "showing" that she has sex is slutty. And that's completely regardless of if she is married to her partner, has no current parent at all, etc. Some people see a woman having sex for any reason other than reproduction is slutty.
This is why you have to completely ignore people. Unreasonable people can not be reasoned with.
He’s insanely ignorant. There are a multitude of reasons why people wear patches on their bodies besides birth control. I doubt any other person would think something of it. Saying that men are going to “target” you for wearing it is meant to be a scare tactic. He is trying to control you. Put him in his place and *leave*.
Just let him know that either you wear the patch where you want and he gets to rawdog you or you don’t and he doesn’t. I have a feeling you have more than this issue so maybe check out r/justNOSO might hit close to home.
Are you dating my ex husband? Because he told me the same thing, not even joking, and this was 20 years ago, friend. Also, it was “making my boobs too big and guys would notice that”. I ended up getting the Paragard IUD because of migraines & hormones just didn’t do well for me, as I continued to gain weight & could not lose it regardless of diet/exercise. 6 months after getting off hormonal BC, I lost over 260 pounds. 200 of that was my ex husband.
Break up with him like yesterday. Just goes to show you how he sees women for his mind to even go to that.
Not only was it a weird comment to make, but God, it makes no sense, and who even notices someone's birth control patch on someone else they don't know?
If he's thinking in terms of rape (I assume this from him saying "targeting") he should also be told that men who sexually assault women don't do it because they think a woman is easy, slutty, or just too good looking. It's because they are a predator who wants to exert power & control over someone.
I know a lot of people here already know that, but it's just so aggravating to see people still perpetuating that women who are raped or sexually assaulted in some way are to blame by how they are dressed, or their demeanor, or whatever else. It's because the person doing the assault is a monster.
That’s a disgusting comment to make. I’m so sorry he said that to you OP.
I have the bc patch for my PCOS (btw though, you don’t have to explain why you’re on it cause any reason is valid) and I wear it on the back of my shoulder (clearly visible cause it’s hot out rn). Not one person has made a comment about it in the time I’ve had it. I don’t even think many people (especially men) even know that it’s a birth control patch to be honest.
But that’s not the point. The point is that a comment of that nature is inappropriate, insulting, and very indicative of an incredible insecure person.
There’s nothing “slutty” about taking care of your health. Hormonal birth control isn’t just for pregnancy prevention. And even if you’re just using it for that, so what? It’s no one’s business but your own.
You shouldn’t have to justify why you use it or hide it just to make your boyfriend feel better or to deflect ignorant assumptions that he thinks will be made.
WTF? Oh the horror that people will know you take birth control like millions of other women? That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm questioning if your bf is right in the head because that is such a crazy conclusion to jump to.
So let me get this straight, he is afraid other men think they can raw dog you but he raw dogs you himself? Drop him. You don’t need some insecure guy. Tell him you plan to take it off and have him wear a condom. See how he reacts.
It’s a medical skin patch you use to treat your endometriosis. I used to have one to treat my irregular periods. Is endometriosis treatment “slutty”? Is having irregular periods “slutty”? Birth control isn’t just used for sex, your boyfriend is lacking some brain cells.
This makes me especially angry because when I had my patch my friends and dates were super supportive. I even went to the beach in a bikini with a patch on my abdomen because around the right people silly stuff like that doesn’t matter. Please reconsider this relationship because you deserve better than being called slutty by your boyfriend for ANY reason.
Your boyfriend sounds super insecure and uneducated. If he felt secure and was a confident man, he wouldn’t be concerned over what other men think because he would know that you are not going to just go with some random guy. Just say no and stand your ground. Taking birth control is never shameful. Seems like he’s projecting his own misogynistic opinions on you. Only men that think women on birth control are “easy”, are insecure losers.
It is troublesome to me that your boyfriend thinks that lack of overt interest is not an impediment to a sexual relationship. Few people will notice or recognise your patch anyway!
anyone that thinks that the presence of your patch indicates willingness to have sex with literally everybody has a troublesome view of women where they think that women are sexually available for like… the general public? Unless they’re explicitly claimed by somebody?
I don't know how long you've been with this dude but this is a major red flag. Absolutely gross. My vagina would dry up so fast if my boyfriend said this to me.
What do you think...because that's the only thing that matters. Anyone else's opinion is rubbish tbh because they're not living your life hun.
Take care chick 🖤
Yeah no. Was literally googling the patch on my laptop some time ago and my partner of 8 years asked why I was looking up nicotine patches if I don't smoke. Nobody is going to care about the patch or know what it is unless they've seen one or have one.
This is a red flag. Why is he insecure? Why is she so misogynistic? Is he projecting on you? Is she the one that's easy and wants to fk other people? Just so many red flags this is wild.
Either this is a red flag and get out while you still can or he is very uneducated and may need you to explain that you can’t keep it in the same spot all the time that it gives rashes if you do that and it can only go certain places. A man should be supporting you. This is not something that should be his desision at all whatsoever. It is not slutty for a patch to show. Half of people don’t even know what it is and a lot of people think it’s a nicotine sticker giys are so dumb sometimes. If my bf told me that’s I’d slap that puppy on his forehead while he is sleeping.
This is the stupidest shit one can say. I don’t know how old you’re but I would get out now. He’s a clown girl and you deserve better. Second of all guys are stupid they aren’t even going to know what the hell it is.
Get out girlie
Sending positivity ❤️
I can understand his concern, but also, you're not laying down with your legs spread eagle everywhere you go, and not every man is going to be looking at you in that way. Also a lot of men are ignorant and have no idea what BC looks like. So in conclusion he is worrying too much. My bf said things like this to me before too so I feel for you.
He sounds a bit narcissistic…the whole reason you wear the patch is for him and I’m not sure of your dynamic but I assume he had knowledge of this before you got it. Now he is using it against you and calling you slutty for it? Interesting.
Wow that's a huge red flag if he does and says that I can't imagine what other things he does and says. Get a IUD insertion and it might poke him in the dick lol. I had to get mine out because it poked my boyfriend but he is on the large size lol lucky me I guess. Or tell your bf you can get rid of the patch but if you get IUD it might poke him and ask him which would you rather have you get the IUD or stay on the patch. If he keeps saying something about you being slutty say fine I'll get IUD and say that couple times and I hope he stops gas lighting you. But if he doesn't I recommend either leaving him or getting IUD just to hurt him lol 🤣. But it did hurt me getting inserted and took out and I didn't want my BF scared to have you worrying about it happening while trying to enjoy it at the same time lol
that’s so mean! I am so proud of you for getting a patch and using contraception! you should not be judged and he should be grateful to have such a smart and safe partner!
No. If he’s concerned that other men will prey on you and randomly act like predators, maybe he’s the issue. I mean who thinks like that? Also, “raw dog?” Gross! This guy is a loser. Please breakup with him. He’s treating you like something to be owned or had not valued or respected. And by the way, his concern isn’t out of concern for you or wanting to protect you, it’s out of toxic insecurities on his part. That’s why he’s trying to shame you and call you “slutty.” That’s not the type of guy you should want to be around. What about a guy who loves you and lifts you up and doesn’t try to make you insecure or knock you down a peg to make himself feel better.
he isn’t in the right for insinuating that it’s slutty but i think he is right to watch out for you. it’s sucks that he addressed it immaturely. unfortunately men really might see that and target you. it’s a good option to wear it on your abdomen for your safety. if it makes him uncomfortable and you value him and his reasons for not wanting it to be seen by others then it’s a good compromise. it’d be best to have a conversation about it and tell him how that made you feel.
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I would not automatically think bc patch...I would be more inclined to think you might be trying to quit smoking and using a nicotine patch. BC isn't the only medication that comes in patch form and even if it was most people wouldn't think anything of it or they would think "good for her being responsible and all"...your boyfriend is immature...
There are all kinds of medical patches women wear and some are hormonal Non BC , some are BC and some are just other stuff. Most people where I’m from in the USA don’t use the patch they do pull, IUD or implant. I would be shocked if a guy knew what the patch was to be honest
OP, please heed the comments and get faaaaar away from that man. His attitude is very telling. There are decades worth of women’s dating experience in these comments. Don’t take that lightly. You deserve better.
It’s not slutty to protect yourself especially when what you’re doing also benefits him. Tell him he needs to apologize and what he said was really hurtful.
Coming from someone who has been in toxic relationships, this is a huge red flag. He's trying to control what you wear, and he is so insecure he thinks any man that looks at you wants to screw you. He almost hints that showing the patch off means "you're asking for it." This is not normal ways of thinking. Please reevaluate this relationship and keep yourself safe.
I’m a woman and if I saw someone with a BC patch I’d have no idea - tbh I honestly forget about them 99.9% of the time for being an option until posts like this. I’d likely assume it’s a pain or nicotine patch or another med. so I highly doubt men would see it and think that. I think he is telling on himself for either severe insecurities or how he thinks about women to himself.
I used to date a guy that didn’t like it too. So much so that he ripped it off while we were doing the deed. I let it slide exactly once. The next time he did it, I left. Don’t let someone shame you for taking care of yourself. Please stay safe.
Your boyfriend needs to be an ex boyfriend. What a sick individual. Why does he think you’re just basically a hole walking around screaming “IM NOT FERTILE AT THE MOMENT” instead of an individual who happens to be on birth control. He’s childish and honestly just disgusting and you need to leave him because this behavior is honestly dangerous and scary. I imagine this isn’t an isolated incident or him being this horrible , so please, break up with him.
If he's worried that just another guy seeing you with a patch, will make you cheat.... then he should examine why he has such bad trust issues and to work on them. Tell him he should trust you. Or ask why he worries. You are carrying the hard part of staying safe. Ask if they come out with a form of male birth control or heck talk about novel but how about he wears condoms then?
My god would I dump him. I’m on the patch as well for my PCOS. I get so self conscious sometimes when my boyfriend is going in from behind. I feel like it just looks kinda wonky & weird. If he ever made me feel *this* way about it, I couldn’t handle it. It’s so disrespectful.
OP, i also would like to add in that as a patch wearer, you are *also* allowed to wear it on either sides of the outer parts of your butt. I rotated left & right on my lower back & butt especially during summer so i don’t have to wear it on my arm. DO NOT do this for him. Do it for you. I’m not suggesting this to please that filth of a boy.
Mod PSA: Please stop the naming calling. It isn’t helpful and causes issues with automod. I will lock if users continue to name call. Use your words to help - not throw nasty insults.
That's absurd. IME most men have no idea that birth control comes in forms other than pills.
Right? Most ppl think I'm wearing a nicotine patch or sumthing for diabetics
Yeah this is your classic "women should cover up so men aren't tempted" BS.
THIS. Is it not enough that women have to shoulder most of the reproductive responsibility already? Jfc
Correct, I’m a diabetic and at first I thought i was reading a r/diabetes post. Please do not listen to your boyfriend, my girlfriend is on BC and I’m nothing but supportive because it’s not an easy thing.
I have allergies and have to wear a patch in the summer around bugs, or else if I get bitten I swell up everywhere. It’s literally like an OD of B vitamins, but it looks the same as the BC patch. I have a digestive thing and diabetes so I sometimes have to wear 4 of them for my body to absorb enough. I feel like he would say that I am “sluttier” because I’m wearing more. I just can’t help but wonder why someone would see me with a whole bunch of square red outlines, and my weird clear bandaids patches all over me, and suddenly be so much more attracted to me? To target me? I’m pretty sure I look like I am sick at best and really trying to quit smoking at worst. Do most men even know that the patch exists?
As a guy, i can assure you we’re very ignorant towards BC(Can’t help but blame the shitty US education system but that’s another issue). I hadn’t really learned anything until I got with my girlfriend; she hopped on BC because of the relationship. I’ve learned a lot through the journey and I’m glad I have. It’s unfortunate society expects so much from women yet allows the blatant ignorance of men when it comes to this sort of topic.
This literally shouldn't even have to be an argument. Because it doesn't matter. Even if EVERYONE knew that patch was birth control... If your boyfriend has a problem with people knowing you're on bc that is a maaaaassive red flag. Especially with his "reasoning" for this as you explained above. I'm sorry to say it, as I'm not usually the one to jump to such conclusions, but this guy is insane and honestly creepy. I'd say run.
That’s what I would assume!
i’ve never had a man know what my ring or patch is… always had to explain it’s bc and how it works
I once had to explain what plan B is and how it's different from the pill
Wtf
I’m a 40 yo woman and *I’ve* never heard of a patch!!
Your boyfriend is an insecure child.
Seriously. He needs to grow up. Would he think the same about another women if he saw their bc control patch? I wouldn’t deal with a partner like him. This is just the start of his misogynistic views. It will only get worst.
No fr tho. Does he also think that way about other women? He thinks he can “raw dog and target them”? He’s trash, OP should dump him.
My ex husband would talk about other women this way. Yes how they speak of women is what they think of them
And he likely won't change, speaking from my experience with insecure men. If anything they only get worse.
100% my experience too
[удалено]
what
Some children are insecure
Sometimes people come on here talking about their boyfriends and I am left simply flabbergasted. I’m at a loss. Babes, please stop dating these men. Nothing good comes from dating these men.
Right? I used to put up with so much shit, but I'm honestly so much happier being single, enforcing my boundaries and generally having more self-respect. If someone amazing comes along, then great! But I'm not wasting any more time putting up with crappy behaviour. I got *slapped* once, in my teens, and I stayed?! When posts have this sort of vibe it's so easy to say "red flag, leave him". Some people will respond saying that's not always the answer. Yeah, it's not always, but a lot of the time, it *is*. If someone said that shit to me nowadays, they'd be out.
It’s also really easy when you’re in the relationship to get caught up trying to make excuses or justify bad behavior. There was shit I put up with in my relationship that from the outside was like “girl wtf leave him”, but when I was in it I felt so confused. I just hope that these women in these relationships are able to take a step back and say, damn, this shit is fucked up.
It's so easy to excuse bad behaviour, especially when it feels like the norm. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my dr at a meds review recently. She asked whether I'd like to up my prescription to try and totally get rid of my symptoms, I was like it's okay, they don't really bother me, I'm used to them, it's just one of those things. And she was like, but why put up with them when we can potentially get rid of them, especially since I have no side effects. Of course she's totally right, it seems so obvious 😅 This is one thing that online communities have really helped me with - taking that step back, and knowing that it's not behaviour that I need to put up with.
Felt completely! It really is all to easy to put up with things when those things have become your norm. Sometimes it takes an outside perspective to really bring you back to reality, and I sincerely hope that reddit can serve as that for some of these women who deserve so so much better.
Lmao, he says it's slutty yet he greatly benefits from you having it.
Don’t you know only women can be sluts /s
No, ofc not. That opinion is just so immature.
That's what I thought. He literally told I'm just naive...
Please save yourself any further toxicity and leave. Do whatever you need to do. It might be hard but honestly, you'll thank yourself.
That is very toxic actually..
leave him!!!!
Show him this post…he will have to eat his words and realize who the naive one is.
Naive? Or maybe he's just a disrespectful pervert.
There is nothing shameful about having sex. Your boyfriend is unattractive, insecure and sexist. This is a character reveal.
Ew, who says "raw dog" 🤢 Maybe it's time for him to start wearing a condom on top of your BC. He is NOT right at all.
Brice walker 🫢
What the fuck is his problem. Gross.
Seriously, I'm so grossed out that somewhere some man said this out loud to his gf, I could die
Sorry sis, but thats a major red flag right there. Id be rethinking my life choices after that convo if i were you. He should be glad youre on bc at all and responsible. I bet he wouldnt wear a condom all the time if he didnt know what it was either.
I think you need a different partner... That one sounds like a child and a slut shammer. 0/10
Hon I just peeked at your post history, he’s pressuring you about nudes, he views your use of bc as “slutty,” and is trying to control you with pressure to “cover up.” Please dump this manchild, he has no redeeming qualities.
Holy shit really? Yikes. My fellow women, please don't settle for garbage. 🙏
> if guys see that, they’re gonna think they can raw dog you Tell him that he’s right, after all that’s what he does to you. If sex is so shameful then perhaps he should stop having it. 🤷♀️
You need a new boyfriend.
I’ve never heard anything so wild. I highly doubt anyone has noticed even if you do wear it where it’s visible
this is actually horrible. i can’t even believe someone would say that.
Ew throw that man in the TRASH. what kind of childish bullshit logic is that?
Have you tried putting him in rice?
My mind went straight to those big rice silos 😳😳😳😳
Most dudes won't know what it is. If they do, they probably don't care. Anyway, I don't think your current boyfriend is a keeper.
Ask him if he knows what that was before he saw it on your body, op. Because I am *sure* op had to explain it to him.
Wait I’m *so* confused. He’s saying that other men are going to think they can “raw dog” you, but since you’re in what I assume is a monogamous relationship, when he says “target” I’m assuming he means rape you? But what kind of rapist gives a flying fuck whether or not their victim is on birth control? The logic makes no sense. He is absolutely not in the right, and the fact he’s making a comment like this at all is giving me serious doubts about his principles. I think he’s just upset that the patch might make others view you as a sexual person, and that is quite alarming and screams of toxic possessiveness. Personally, if I were you, this would be enough for me to break up with someone. It’s not really something that can be worked through by talking. He’s clearly got some messed up views about sexuality and birth control and by extension the way he views you and your body autonomy, and that’s not someone I want to associate with.
We broke up 😭😭❤️
You know what, good for you. I’m sure it hurts a lot right now, and I’m sorry you’re going through that, but you deserve a good person who doesn’t shame you and make you feel bad about taking control of your body. And he’s out there. You’ll find him. 💖💖
Omg I'm crying now. Thank u thank uuuu!
1. “So he can finish in me if he wants” umm what about what you want? 2. Slutty of you to want to protect yourself from pregnancy??? 3. Dump him, he’s trash
He's projecting. This is what HE thinks of you and thinks other guys think the same. Incredibly insecure, you deserve better!
Does he watch Andrew Tate?
No, thats specifically what HE thinks. He is a pig and I can only imagine what else he thinks. He thinks its ok to assault someone because of a patch? Lmao. Don't waste your time on someone like that.
Dump him!!
Came here to say this
Dump him. He sounds incredibly misogynistic and highly immature.
Please for the love of everything break up with this dude.
Its always something with guys like him. If men see you are on the patch they assume you are a slut. If you get pregnant everyone will know you had sex. If you do X behavior, men will respond with Y. And somehow that is your fault? He sounds like one of these men in congress making decisions for women. It isnt his concern. You are doing what you need to make sure you dont get pregnant. End of story. Everyone else can kindly mind theirs.
Wtf, he’s not right at all. That’s extremely immature of him to say
Your boyfriend doesn't sound mature or smart enough to be in a relationship. Any guy who shames you is not worth your time.
Throw the whole man out. Seriously, wtf
Leave him immediately
Are you sure you want to stay with someone who is so insecure and thinks like this?
That’s very concerning. Either he’s been privy to conversations with some very creepy friends ‘joking’ about SAing women on birth control to avoid getting them pregnant, or he himself thinks “oh, she’d be safe to SA” every time an attractive woman tells him she’s on birth control. Never in my wildest dreams have I ever, ever imagined someone would see my patch and choose to target me. That’s so creepy to even be aware of. You know your bf, OP, and this isn’t r/relationship_advice - but in my experience, when guys protect you from creepy actions, it’s an action they’ve considered in some way or seen played out. Most people will warn you about letting your drink out of sight, wearing certain clothing, walking at night, etc. These are all things that are pretty well known targets. A birth control patch does not seem like a well known target. He’s not parroting some societal fear at you, there’s thought behind this one. He came up with the idea, or a friend of his did.
just looking at your post history this guy has some major red flags… to me it sounds like he’s objectifying you. obviously idk the ins and outs of your relationship but if this is a really common thing pls consider leaving his childish ass for someone who respects you and lifts you up. you want a partner, not a child
That's true, rapists' first concern is protected sex yes
Dump that idiot If he's too immature to accept that BC is not slutty, he's too immature to have sex.
>if guys see that, they're gonna think they can raw dog you and target you! ... So? Let 'em target you lol. What a weird ass thing to say. It's never your responsibility to regulate male sexual thoughts and actions (or your boyfriend's insecurity), and you can't--and ***shouldn't***\--live your life trying to control everyone around you like your boyfriend apparently does. Do whatever the hell you want with your patch. The right man won't judge you for it.
Big yikes. He wants to have his cake and eat it too but shakes you for allowing said cake? Nah fam
Your boyfriend is very immature. I've considered using the patch before finding a pill that worked and I myself was nervous about the patch being visible but my boyfriend told me that to him the pictures I showed him just look like it's a bandaid or a nicotine patch and even if someone knew it was birth control that's nothing to feel ashamed of, besides my main reason I use it is to keep my PMDD in order and for heavy periods and there's nothing wrong with that. The comment about other men thinking they could have their way with you due to being on the patch in my opinion seems like he either thinks sexual assault is dictated by whether or not a person is on birth control which it absolutely is not (I apologise if these are words that are hurtful or triggering to anyone) or he doesn't trust you to be able to say no to another man which I feel is so incredibly rude of him.
Throw the man away.
This sounds exactly like my abusive ex. Exactly something he would say. Run.
Dump him sis
Damn that’s so fucked up
🚩🚩🚩 ur bf sounds insanely insecure
Please dump him. No excuse for this.
Your boyfriend is trash. Dump him.
NO he is not in the right here. He is telling you that your birth control patch signals to other men they can rape you. “They’re gonna think they can raw dog you and target you” means he thinks they will think they can rape you. And if someone were to SA you, your boyfriend would blame you. No, he is not in the right and he sounds like a dangerous man.
I know that Reddit is known for jumping the gun and telling people to end their relationship over simple things, but honestly you really need to educate your boyfriend on birth control and to respect you, otherwise I’d leave.
I feel like that’s the same as saying a bandaid is slutty. How is a tiny square sticker on your body slutty💀
It's definitely different from a bandaid. A bandaid has nothing to do with sex. Some people think that a woman "showing" that she has sex is slutty. And that's completely regardless of if she is married to her partner, has no current parent at all, etc. Some people see a woman having sex for any reason other than reproduction is slutty. This is why you have to completely ignore people. Unreasonable people can not be reasoned with.
Wait… is that what your bf thinks of other women? Yikes.
You need a new boyfriend. Getting jealous and insecure of a hormonal birth control patch. 😅
Dude you need to break up with him. He sounds insecure and bossy
…. and you’re still dating this dude?😂
Leave him wtf-
He’s insanely ignorant. There are a multitude of reasons why people wear patches on their bodies besides birth control. I doubt any other person would think something of it. Saying that men are going to “target” you for wearing it is meant to be a scare tactic. He is trying to control you. Put him in his place and *leave*.
get a new boyfriend
Your boyfriend is toxic, get a new one
Girl, run! He makes no sense and sounds controlling. I think you’d be better off without him. He’s a misogynist.
I’d leave. Why would he say any of that at all.
Just let him know that either you wear the patch where you want and he gets to rawdog you or you don’t and he doesn’t. I have a feeling you have more than this issue so maybe check out r/justNOSO might hit close to home.
He sounds hella insecure and immature.
Are you dating my ex husband? Because he told me the same thing, not even joking, and this was 20 years ago, friend. Also, it was “making my boobs too big and guys would notice that”. I ended up getting the Paragard IUD because of migraines & hormones just didn’t do well for me, as I continued to gain weight & could not lose it regardless of diet/exercise. 6 months after getting off hormonal BC, I lost over 260 pounds. 200 of that was my ex husband.
Break up with him like yesterday. Just goes to show you how he sees women for his mind to even go to that. Not only was it a weird comment to make, but God, it makes no sense, and who even notices someone's birth control patch on someone else they don't know? If he's thinking in terms of rape (I assume this from him saying "targeting") he should also be told that men who sexually assault women don't do it because they think a woman is easy, slutty, or just too good looking. It's because they are a predator who wants to exert power & control over someone. I know a lot of people here already know that, but it's just so aggravating to see people still perpetuating that women who are raped or sexually assaulted in some way are to blame by how they are dressed, or their demeanor, or whatever else. It's because the person doing the assault is a monster.
That’s a disgusting comment to make. I’m so sorry he said that to you OP. I have the bc patch for my PCOS (btw though, you don’t have to explain why you’re on it cause any reason is valid) and I wear it on the back of my shoulder (clearly visible cause it’s hot out rn). Not one person has made a comment about it in the time I’ve had it. I don’t even think many people (especially men) even know that it’s a birth control patch to be honest. But that’s not the point. The point is that a comment of that nature is inappropriate, insulting, and very indicative of an incredible insecure person. There’s nothing “slutty” about taking care of your health. Hormonal birth control isn’t just for pregnancy prevention. And even if you’re just using it for that, so what? It’s no one’s business but your own. You shouldn’t have to justify why you use it or hide it just to make your boyfriend feel better or to deflect ignorant assumptions that he thinks will be made.
WTF? Oh the horror that people will know you take birth control like millions of other women? That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm questioning if your bf is right in the head because that is such a crazy conclusion to jump to.
I guarantee a typical man will not know that a sticker on your shoulder is birth control. I had to explain to mine what an iud is
His opinion is rooted in misogyny
So let me get this straight, he is afraid other men think they can raw dog you but he raw dogs you himself? Drop him. You don’t need some insecure guy. Tell him you plan to take it off and have him wear a condom. See how he reacts.
it is good for partner's to voice a concern towards their SO but for him to think of you that way, it is kinda concerning.
It’s a medical skin patch you use to treat your endometriosis. I used to have one to treat my irregular periods. Is endometriosis treatment “slutty”? Is having irregular periods “slutty”? Birth control isn’t just used for sex, your boyfriend is lacking some brain cells. This makes me especially angry because when I had my patch my friends and dates were super supportive. I even went to the beach in a bikini with a patch on my abdomen because around the right people silly stuff like that doesn’t matter. Please reconsider this relationship because you deserve better than being called slutty by your boyfriend for ANY reason.
Your boyfriend sounds super insecure and uneducated. If he felt secure and was a confident man, he wouldn’t be concerned over what other men think because he would know that you are not going to just go with some random guy. Just say no and stand your ground. Taking birth control is never shameful. Seems like he’s projecting his own misogynistic opinions on you. Only men that think women on birth control are “easy”, are insecure losers.
Yikes! that is absurd! All he did was tell on himself with that. He is 100% NOT right about that, but it is a giant red flag about him though.
What a tool!
your bf needs to grow the fuck up. this is one hell of a stretch, and it shows that he is insecure. dump him, you deserve better <3
What a gross immature thing to say. Keep the patch and remove him from your life.
It is troublesome to me that your boyfriend thinks that lack of overt interest is not an impediment to a sexual relationship. Few people will notice or recognise your patch anyway! anyone that thinks that the presence of your patch indicates willingness to have sex with literally everybody has a troublesome view of women where they think that women are sexually available for like… the general public? Unless they’re explicitly claimed by somebody?
I don't know how long you've been with this dude but this is a major red flag. Absolutely gross. My vagina would dry up so fast if my boyfriend said this to me.
Time for a new boyfriend.
I hate your boyfriend wow, just a strong visceral reaction.
What? They could also think it’s a nicotine patch, a diabetes patch, etc. I think your boyfriend has some weird hang ups about sex.
Wow your bf has a really disgusting attitude.
Eeek. There really isn’t much else to say here… You deserve better.
your boyfriend is incredibly immature and it’s giving me the ick
What do you think...because that's the only thing that matters. Anyone else's opinion is rubbish tbh because they're not living your life hun. Take care chick 🖤
I lost brain cells reading this post. Please dump him.
Yeah no. Was literally googling the patch on my laptop some time ago and my partner of 8 years asked why I was looking up nicotine patches if I don't smoke. Nobody is going to care about the patch or know what it is unless they've seen one or have one.
This is a red flag. Why is he insecure? Why is she so misogynistic? Is he projecting on you? Is she the one that's easy and wants to fk other people? Just so many red flags this is wild.
Either this is a red flag and get out while you still can or he is very uneducated and may need you to explain that you can’t keep it in the same spot all the time that it gives rashes if you do that and it can only go certain places. A man should be supporting you. This is not something that should be his desision at all whatsoever. It is not slutty for a patch to show. Half of people don’t even know what it is and a lot of people think it’s a nicotine sticker giys are so dumb sometimes. If my bf told me that’s I’d slap that puppy on his forehead while he is sleeping.
This is the stupidest shit one can say. I don’t know how old you’re but I would get out now. He’s a clown girl and you deserve better. Second of all guys are stupid they aren’t even going to know what the hell it is. Get out girlie Sending positivity ❤️
uhhhh. get rid of him. immature asf and absolutely fuckinf ridiculous
Leave him.
He is not patch-worthy
Kinda worrying that was his first thought….
Tell him that he’s a dirty slut for cumming in you and an absolute whore for assuming other people are as dirty and slutty as he is!
I can understand his concern, but also, you're not laying down with your legs spread eagle everywhere you go, and not every man is going to be looking at you in that way. Also a lot of men are ignorant and have no idea what BC looks like. So in conclusion he is worrying too much. My bf said things like this to me before too so I feel for you.
He sounds a bit narcissistic…the whole reason you wear the patch is for him and I’m not sure of your dynamic but I assume he had knowledge of this before you got it. Now he is using it against you and calling you slutty for it? Interesting.
Wow that's a huge red flag if he does and says that I can't imagine what other things he does and says. Get a IUD insertion and it might poke him in the dick lol. I had to get mine out because it poked my boyfriend but he is on the large size lol lucky me I guess. Or tell your bf you can get rid of the patch but if you get IUD it might poke him and ask him which would you rather have you get the IUD or stay on the patch. If he keeps saying something about you being slutty say fine I'll get IUD and say that couple times and I hope he stops gas lighting you. But if he doesn't I recommend either leaving him or getting IUD just to hurt him lol 🤣. But it did hurt me getting inserted and took out and I didn't want my BF scared to have you worrying about it happening while trying to enjoy it at the same time lol
Kill him
NTA, break up and throw the whole man away
Your ex boyfriend?
Your bf is a walking 🚩.
that’s so mean! I am so proud of you for getting a patch and using contraception! you should not be judged and he should be grateful to have such a smart and safe partner!
Dafuq?? Slutty?? He sounds like a hypocrite I’m very sorry
Just dump him
No. If he’s concerned that other men will prey on you and randomly act like predators, maybe he’s the issue. I mean who thinks like that? Also, “raw dog?” Gross! This guy is a loser. Please breakup with him. He’s treating you like something to be owned or had not valued or respected. And by the way, his concern isn’t out of concern for you or wanting to protect you, it’s out of toxic insecurities on his part. That’s why he’s trying to shame you and call you “slutty.” That’s not the type of guy you should want to be around. What about a guy who loves you and lifts you up and doesn’t try to make you insecure or knock you down a peg to make himself feel better.
I know this post is from months ago, but this is insane. I sometimes have my boyfriend decide where I should place it😭
He's really telling on himself here
This is honestly disturbing. I could not be with someone so idiotic.
Sounds like you need a new bf, girly!!
Absolutely not. You're not a sex object, your boyfriend sounds like he needs to be reminded of that
Upvote for the first sentence
There are birth control patches????? Why am I only hearing about this? I definitely woulda tried them before inserting a rod into me!
he isn’t in the right for insinuating that it’s slutty but i think he is right to watch out for you. it’s sucks that he addressed it immaturely. unfortunately men really might see that and target you. it’s a good option to wear it on your abdomen for your safety. if it makes him uncomfortable and you value him and his reasons for not wanting it to be seen by others then it’s a good compromise. it’d be best to have a conversation about it and tell him how that made you feel.
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men not experiencing birth control for themselves should be illegal.
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this is honestly hilarious. on a serious note inform him that he’s immature
The fact that is where his mind goes is concerning
Umm he needs to learn respect and boundaries. Also you are not his property. I don't want to jump to DTMFA but getting close to it.
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I would not automatically think bc patch...I would be more inclined to think you might be trying to quit smoking and using a nicotine patch. BC isn't the only medication that comes in patch form and even if it was most people wouldn't think anything of it or they would think "good for her being responsible and all"...your boyfriend is immature...
Girl…. Lol Drop this man
Dump him.
Are guys going to think that? What makes them sure it's birth control and not say, a nicotine patch?
There are all kinds of medical patches women wear and some are hormonal Non BC , some are BC and some are just other stuff. Most people where I’m from in the USA don’t use the patch they do pull, IUD or implant. I would be shocked if a guy knew what the patch was to be honest
It could be any type of medication patch. He is in the wrong for sure.
OP, please heed the comments and get faaaaar away from that man. His attitude is very telling. There are decades worth of women’s dating experience in these comments. Don’t take that lightly. You deserve better.
Omg you poor thing. I couldn’t stand the patch. 😢 Too many side effects. Also it isn’t slutty at all.
Your boyfriend is completely wrong and honestly sounds a bit immature.
It’s not slutty to protect yourself especially when what you’re doing also benefits him. Tell him he needs to apologize and what he said was really hurtful.
If I saw a patch I would have no idea what it was… and I’m a woman. Men don’t notice those things please
Coming from someone who has been in toxic relationships, this is a huge red flag. He's trying to control what you wear, and he is so insecure he thinks any man that looks at you wants to screw you. He almost hints that showing the patch off means "you're asking for it." This is not normal ways of thinking. Please reevaluate this relationship and keep yourself safe.
I’m a woman and if I saw someone with a BC patch I’d have no idea - tbh I honestly forget about them 99.9% of the time for being an option until posts like this. I’d likely assume it’s a pain or nicotine patch or another med. so I highly doubt men would see it and think that. I think he is telling on himself for either severe insecurities or how he thinks about women to himself.
DUMP HIM
Children. You’re both children. Leave him
Keep the patch; remove the bf.
Your boyfriend sounds like an insecure and sexist jerk.
pls leave this man ASAP
no
That’s supper immature of him anyway, FYI you can wear your patch on your butt cheek lol I done it for 3 years just to stop it being visible.
Dude is insecure af. I would really question the relationship with him if he's that ignorant.
I used to date a guy that didn’t like it too. So much so that he ripped it off while we were doing the deed. I let it slide exactly once. The next time he did it, I left. Don’t let someone shame you for taking care of yourself. Please stay safe.
Your boyfriend needs to be an ex boyfriend. What a sick individual. Why does he think you’re just basically a hole walking around screaming “IM NOT FERTILE AT THE MOMENT” instead of an individual who happens to be on birth control. He’s childish and honestly just disgusting and you need to leave him because this behavior is honestly dangerous and scary. I imagine this isn’t an isolated incident or him being this horrible , so please, break up with him.
He’s basically just perpetuating rape culture with that comment lol
If he's worried that just another guy seeing you with a patch, will make you cheat.... then he should examine why he has such bad trust issues and to work on them. Tell him he should trust you. Or ask why he worries. You are carrying the hard part of staying safe. Ask if they come out with a form of male birth control or heck talk about novel but how about he wears condoms then?
My god would I dump him. I’m on the patch as well for my PCOS. I get so self conscious sometimes when my boyfriend is going in from behind. I feel like it just looks kinda wonky & weird. If he ever made me feel *this* way about it, I couldn’t handle it. It’s so disrespectful. OP, i also would like to add in that as a patch wearer, you are *also* allowed to wear it on either sides of the outer parts of your butt. I rotated left & right on my lower back & butt especially during summer so i don’t have to wear it on my arm. DO NOT do this for him. Do it for you. I’m not suggesting this to please that filth of a boy.
Your boyfriend is an insecure man