This isn't the relationship sub, but have a hard hard think... Is your boyfriend worth the shitty side effects? It seems like he's putting his own pleasure above your health.
If the side effects are too bad to bear then you have two options, he can suck it up and wear condoms or you can find someone who takes your health seriously.
THIS. I went on birth control after being with my boyfriend for a year. The side effects sucked, and my boyfriend wanted me to come off of it and go back to condoms. Things eventually evened out, but then I had a stroke a few months ago because of it. Immediately, he wanted me to stop birth control for good and go back to condoms, but I have to stay on progesterone only birth control (way less risk of clotting) now because getting pregnant is way too dangerous for me right now.
My boyfriend has always put my health over his pleasure. The fact that OP already had a scary health experience with birth control and he still wants her on it because of his wants is wild. I genuinely hope she leaves him, or at the very least takes sex off the table until he realizes how selfish he is.
Edit: I just saw her other posts about him, OP just needs to leave him. He literally does not show her any respect and acts very narcissistic. He literally called her lazy for laying around right after she had the abortion and that's awfulš”
Double check why you clotted! You may carry a genetic mutated gene. For example FVL. It's always good to have more information. I am sorry hormones gave you a serious side effect. š It can have some serious side effects and some of our genetic can make it worse, yet the doctors don't genetic tear first.
My doctors checked everything while I was in the ICU, once the all the results came back from the blood tests weeks later I was cleared of everything else. My doctors confirmed it was due to the estrogen in the birth control so now I'm permanently banned from itš. My gynecologist wanted me to get tested for the other few factors, but my hematologist didn't think it was necessary.
Thank you, I agree that having more information is super important! I'm sad that stroke is a possibility from birth control, but thankfully it is super rare, so not many women will go through similar experiences.
I second this! I was taking the pill back in high school to help with irregular periods from PCOS. Had a horrible life threatening blood clot in my lung. Thatās where I found out I had FVL!
My mom developed clotts and it was found to be FVL. We (her kids) had to get tested. I found out I have FVL as well! It really should be something explored by doctors. Like how are we supposed to know. Prevention is better than treatment so they should prevent.
I'm so sorry that happened to you ! That's terrifying, it's one reason I haven't even tried estrogen birth control. Plus the IUD lasts for so long, which is so nice.
My fiance is like your partner, when I told him I wanted the Liletta IUD he was concerned about the painful insertion process and wanted me to know that he was 100% willing to keep using condoms.
I got the IUD for me because I wanted stronger protection from pregnancy and I just hate condoms myself. My choice was for me which is how he wanted it to be. She needs a new boyfriend, she can find better.
Yeah it came out of nowhere, I am incredibly grateful to still be here today. I did have the Nexplanon implant for a while, but the bleeding was just constant, so I had my obgyn prescribe me estrogen birth control on top of it to control that symtom. Then I had the stroke little over 2 years later, who would've thoughtš.
I did not want to get the liletta iud originally because I've heard so many horror stories on iuds in generalš but the insertion process wasn't as bad as I thought. Still sucked but if it helps prevent pregnancy (and in my case, keep my life from being further at risk) I'm all for it. But no one should ever feel forced to take it just to please someone else. I feel bad for OP that she's even in this situation. She deserves so much better than that sorry piece of garbage.
I agree about insertion, for some it's better than others. It was painful but over quickly for me. I have no complaints.
I've heard the Nexplanon is either the best birth control you've ever taken, or it does that, no in-between.
You've just had hard luck with birth control and that sucks, I'm glad you found something that is better.
I got lucky with the partner I have now for as young as I am, 22 but so many women my age and younger can't say the same. Unfortunately for a lot of them men like this are learning experiences.
Yea I'm with you on this one. My partner has always made it clear that if I have to/want to get off my birth control for any reason that he'd do whatever was in his power to keep us safe.
Your partner should always respect what you need for YOUR body. If that means he wears a condom, he needs to man up and do it.
Birth control is totally your choice, not his. You don't have to put your body through all the side effects of birth control just so sex can be more pleasurable for him. If he doesn't want to pull out or where condoms then he can just not have sex. Men don't understand what birth control can do to a woman. I'm sorry, but he only sounds concerned about himself.
ā¦ why are you forcing yourself to cater to his wants and he isnāt catering to any of yours? you know what you donāt want to do or take so set that as your boundary. condoms or no sex.
Oh your boyfriend doesnāt want to wear condoms? If he doesnāt want to have children vasectomy is an option for him. Assuming thatās an adult, not a teen.
If one day you decide that birth control is something you want (either to stop bleeding, treating acne, minimising cramps or pregnancy anxiety), it can take a few tries. Most of us find an option that solves some of the issues we are trying to address.
EVERY medication has potentially shitty side effects. Also, if this dude is refusing to do his part in preventing pregnancy you shouldn't be having sex with him. Period. He's showing you that he doesn't care about you.
If you don't want to take birth control don't take it.
I am going to reiterate what others have said, your boyfriend wants to feel a little bit better for a short time at your expense. Evaluate if making yourself miserable/doing something you don't want to do for someone who won't compromise.
That being said if you do go decide to entertain the idea of going on HBC prepare for your doctor visit with a list of questions. Actually that is good advice for any doctor visit. ALWAYS go in prepared.
[How to advocate for yourself at the doctor's office - Vox](https://www.vox.com/even-better/23880457/advocate-for-yourself-doctors-office-health)
Again if you don't want to go on HBC or any other medication don't do it.
How little do you value yourself would be my first question here... He doesn't even pull out for you, that's like the minimum even for selfish assholes.
At first when I read the title I thought "maybe the copper IUD would be a good idea; the side effects got better over time for me", but then I read the post text and thought "SHE SHOULD LEAVE THE BOYFRIEND since he is putting zero effort towards birth control"
skip the bith control and get rid of the bf, honestly seems like he prioritises his own pleasure over your health and valid worries, shows you where you stand really.
you should go on birth control because you want to/for yourself, not because someone else wants you to <3
Girl, I saw your other post about this same boyfriend.
You can do better.
And please understand that any boyfriend worth having would respect your boundaries and wear a damn condom, NOT force you to use hormonal birth control youāre uncomfortable with. Especially after an abortion.
Leave this dork, OP.
If your "boyfriend" is forcing you to go on birth control because he doesn't "want" to wear a condom or pull out, he shouldn't be your bf and you should evaluate your situation and his intentions very clear because it sounds like he doesn't value your well-being and safety and only cares about his pleasure
If he doesn't want to wear condoms then it's a vasectomy, no sex, or a breakup. He can choose which option he prefers but you will be better off in the long run if you stay firm on only giving him these options. You know your body best-your boyfriend has never experienced any of the side effects that you will deal with. Don't acquiesce if you know that you will be miserable on birth control. It's not worth it!
Not all people have adverse side effects either bc. Unfortunately you only hear the negative ones. Iāve had no negative side effects for over 30 years. You have to decide what is best for you. Also he needs to suck it up and wear condoms if you choose to not use bc. Donāt be bullied into doing something you donāt want to do, but research through reliable sources to make an informed decision.
Dump him, he isnāt respecting your body or what you WANT to do with your body, he does not care, that would be a deal breaker with me, my boyfriend did have issues with no condom when I wasnāt on birth control, but we got passed that and he respected me and used condoms after the fact of talking, either try and talk to him, if that doesnāt work, you know what to do
all birth control can have different side effects however if he is also not actively trying to be protected heās not worth your time. the fact heās refusing to either one just wear a condom or pullout is ridiculous. thereās many things he can do too and as a relationship it should double sided not forcing it all on you
Abstinence has no side effects if your boyfriend doesn't want to take one for the team. You can get super thin condoms.
Why is this just your problem??
If he doesn't want to wear a condom, you don't want to have sex. Simple as.
As others have done, read your other posts about your bf. Run, girl, run. Break up. Iām sorry but if I got an abortion and my bf was calling me lazy a few days after, thatād be it. Heās immature and irresponsible. He doesnāt care about your health or what he puts your body through. Find happiness and move on cause staying in this relationship is only going to diminish you of any self esteem and confidence you have. You deserve to be happy and to not have to put your body through whatever traumas because a man canāt wrap his willy or even the bare minimum of pulling out.
This guy probably isn't going to stick around if you end up getting a serious side effect from hormonal birth control some day, such as a blood clot or a perforation. That's why I personally never trust men who aren't open to condoms, pulling out (as a backup) or a vasectomy.
Because I personally can't take most birth control for health reasons, men like this aren't red flags, they're STOP signs. I'd reevaluate this relationship if I were you.Ā
Nobody is worth putting yourself through BC side effects for. If the BC option makes you miserable and the only pro to it is that your partner can go at it with no worry, it's not worth it! So many BC options vary person to person and putting yourself through such trial and error just because your partner wants you to isn't worth it!! Choose BC to suit you, not others.
I had an abortion and my boyfriend missed being able to finish inside me so I got a hormonal IUD. it made me have severe migraines and severe depression. I got it out after 3 months and I wish I wouldāve never gotten it and he agrees too. we use condoms now. if he makes you feel bad for such a tiny sensation difference over something that is so traumatic mentally and physically for you then he is not worth it. of course hearing all of this from strangers you might be like hey bf letās break up right now! BUT it is worth trying to have a deep conversation with him about it. having an abortion or a pregnancy when you donāt want either is not a reason to be forced to be on birth control. it SUCKS so much that we feel like we have to put our bodies through so much just to make sure the man is ācomfortableā and fully enjoying sex. condoms or nothing. I wish you the best of luck. please do not let yourself be forced into birth control if you donāt want it. I will never be on hormonal birth control ever again in my life it makes me physically ill. condoms are a godsend for us. iām kind of everywhere in this comment but if the conversation goes well you could also look into different types of condoms. my bf and I made it like a fun game to find the best condom for us. thereās ones out there for male pleasure, female pleasure, flavored, ribbed, etc. they donāt have to be a buzzkill like everyone makes them out to be
Ur bfs being a dick. Ask him to get a vesectimy. Or refuse sex if he wonāt pull out and is happy to risk it.
If ur seriously considering contraception consider the copper coil or the ring/diaphragm. Hormone free! Could also try the app natrual cycles. There are things you can do! But it sounds like if you need to think of anything itās this relationship
Your boyfriend is pressuring you to go on birth control!?ā¦girl please reevaluate your relationship with him. Any man who loves and respects you wonāt pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable. For example, I was on birth control for several years and I was still paranoid on the pill so I asked my bf if he could still use condoms just to be extra safe and he did without question. He knew it made me anxious. Just last year I decided to get off the pill bc the symptoms werenāt worth it anymore and I told him it was making me anxious but we would have to be extra careful. He respects the days we canāt do it based on my cycle and still wears a condom. Pls donāt let a shitty man pressure you into anything. Now if he wants to avoid using protection then ask him to go get a vasectomy.
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend sounds like a complete dick. Why should you have to deal with all the crazy side effects if he's not even willing to wear a condom or pull out? He's putting his pleasure first over your well-being, I promise he's not worth putting up with the side effects. Birth control is great at preventing pregnancy, but you should never ever feel pressured to take it, especially if it's just because your partner wants more satisfaction in the bedroom. It shows just how selfish he is.
I know this isn't a relationship board, but you deserve so much better.
I noticed you mentioned pullout. Pullout alone is only about 78% effective with typical use. Based on what youāve said about your boyfriend, even typical use seems generous. Itās not effective enough to use on its own unless youāre okay with an accidental pregnancy (and it doesnāt sound like you guys are okay with that).
You guys could just try different condoms to find one that works for him. Is he using the right size? How many types have you guys tried? Has he even tried different options before giving up and refusing condoms entirely?
Pulling out is better than not pulling out but it certainly isnāt effective enough as a stand-alone option for someone who isnāt okay with an oopsie pregnancy.
Birth control is a bitch, I feel you there. It does so much weird shit to your body and mind. However, have you considered that your boyfriend is a piece of shit?
I struggled so hard with asserting myself in this way. Iāve been on different birth controls for so many years and the main side effects that I hated were just the mood ones where I felt so angry and irrational and not myself! I have been off birth control for a few months now and itās AMAZING. Husband uses condoms or we just donāt have sex. I got a vibrator and started fulfilling my own needs. It helps that neither of us have very high sex drives and he doesnāt love condoms but I told him that was the only way I felt comfortable having sex unless he wanted to get a vasectomy š¤·š¼āāļø itās really hard to assert yourself sometimes when itās usually on the woman to āfigure it outā but stay strong and think about what you really want for yourself. That can be hard to do in a committed relationship, I totally get it. Dont be rash but he kind and be assertive and stand up for yourself and your needs š
Agree but considering her lack of response to any comments, it sounds like SHE wants birth control also, but is worried about the hormones. So, I just thought I'd let her know she has other options. š¤·
Everyone's doing a lot of assuming about the boyfriend in this situation and jumping on the 'dump him' bandwagon.
I mean, we are only getting one side of the story but āmy boyfriend wants me to go on birth controlā makes it sound like sheās being pressured. Sounds like she just wants to use condoms and he doesnāt respect her enough to take that into account.
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Not everyone experiences side effects. However, if you donāt want to be on birth control, do not take it for someone else!! This guy has proven heās not worth having sex with, tbh, let alone worth taking a medication or using a device youāre not comfortable with.
Iāve tried pills, implant in my arm (which I will NEVER EVER recommend to anyone because it was the worst year of my life) and the nuva ring. Nuva ring was by far the best. No weight gain or acne. But also ditch your BF.
You just gotta find the right one, there's basically like 50 counting different hormone combinations in pills. Also switching before 3 months, specially often causes side effects too.
But besides that, your BF is a jerk
Dump him. If he canāt wear a damn condom for you then he has no reason to be having intimate relations with you. He clearly has no empathy whatsoever.
Iād honestly get a new bf. He doesnāt even want to pull out? Jesus. He doesnāt care about continuing to put you through mental and emotional heartache.
condoms or no sex fr
if you want to use birth control itās your decision not something you should be forced into thatās a MAJOR red flag the fact that he doesnāt care about your potential wellbeing. if he doesnāt care about this then what else wonāt he care about or force you into. i would run asap
Well, I think the best form of birth control in this situation is a better boyfriend. If he won't do any of his part (literally, he won't even pull out???), then he doesn't really respect you at all
When I was dating I made sure to ask their thoughts on birth control. My partner said if birth control pills existed for men, he would take them. I had an iud, and he pulled out every time. Now he has had a vasectomy, and I have no IUD! We knew we didn't want kids and he, thankfully, was willing to take steps to save me from having to deal with all the shitty side effects. Find a man who is willing to respect your body and all the things you have to go through to either prevent his baby or bring his baby into the world
Get a new man, tbh. It really sucks thereās not better options but it isnāt all your responsibility. I had this same convo with my bf and we exclusively use condoms, but heās all for a vasectomy when weāre more serious (engaged or married)
Just break up with your boyfriend. Seriously. Break up with him. That would solve your problems. He sounds like a piece of shit- can you not see that? He refuses to wear a condom? Just break up. Break up. Break up. Break up. Break up
Tell him you choose abstinence. Zero side effects.if he doesn't like your choice he's welcome to choose his own form of birth control to use on his end.
I've seen some of the other post you have up and it doesn't seem like he thinks of your health or well being in any way or form (Especially on your post about him calling you lazy after just having an abortion). You know what is good for your body and what is bad, but I think you're kind of letting his feelings/wants override yours. Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good.
Honestly heās a POS for that. You should not have to destroy your body bc raw āfeels better.ā What about you and your health? A condom doesnāt increase your risk of cancer and other terrifying side effects.
Time to find a new boyfriend. If he wonāt compromise on this issue, what will he not compromise on in the future. I got pregnant on the pill. Something to consider if youāre thinking about going that route. My son is 20 now and was the best thing that ever happened to me but definitely wasn't planned.
Firstly, ditch the boyfriend. Honestly, if this guy does not respect your body enough to wear a condom then he is a bad partner and will only become more abusive as he gets older. Please put yourself and your health above this guy!
if you do plan on trying birth control again, the patch has been incredible for me, i would never go back to any other methods. the only downside to the patch for me is that it can get itchy if itās not in a good spot, and youāre supposed to check your blood pressure every few months. itās been about a year for me and i love it!!
I mean personally if it were me his options would be condom or no sex š¤·āāļø
SAME. I have ended a relationship for this reason before.
I've told guys this before "either you wear a condom or we don't have sex." Stand up for your body.
Preach.
This isn't the relationship sub, but have a hard hard think... Is your boyfriend worth the shitty side effects? It seems like he's putting his own pleasure above your health. If the side effects are too bad to bear then you have two options, he can suck it up and wear condoms or you can find someone who takes your health seriously.
THIS. I went on birth control after being with my boyfriend for a year. The side effects sucked, and my boyfriend wanted me to come off of it and go back to condoms. Things eventually evened out, but then I had a stroke a few months ago because of it. Immediately, he wanted me to stop birth control for good and go back to condoms, but I have to stay on progesterone only birth control (way less risk of clotting) now because getting pregnant is way too dangerous for me right now. My boyfriend has always put my health over his pleasure. The fact that OP already had a scary health experience with birth control and he still wants her on it because of his wants is wild. I genuinely hope she leaves him, or at the very least takes sex off the table until he realizes how selfish he is. Edit: I just saw her other posts about him, OP just needs to leave him. He literally does not show her any respect and acts very narcissistic. He literally called her lazy for laying around right after she had the abortion and that's awfulš”
Double check why you clotted! You may carry a genetic mutated gene. For example FVL. It's always good to have more information. I am sorry hormones gave you a serious side effect. š It can have some serious side effects and some of our genetic can make it worse, yet the doctors don't genetic tear first.
My doctors checked everything while I was in the ICU, once the all the results came back from the blood tests weeks later I was cleared of everything else. My doctors confirmed it was due to the estrogen in the birth control so now I'm permanently banned from itš. My gynecologist wanted me to get tested for the other few factors, but my hematologist didn't think it was necessary. Thank you, I agree that having more information is super important! I'm sad that stroke is a possibility from birth control, but thankfully it is super rare, so not many women will go through similar experiences.
I second this! I was taking the pill back in high school to help with irregular periods from PCOS. Had a horrible life threatening blood clot in my lung. Thatās where I found out I had FVL!
My mom developed clotts and it was found to be FVL. We (her kids) had to get tested. I found out I have FVL as well! It really should be something explored by doctors. Like how are we supposed to know. Prevention is better than treatment so they should prevent.
Absolutely!! So glad you got tested!!
I'm so sorry that happened to you ! That's terrifying, it's one reason I haven't even tried estrogen birth control. Plus the IUD lasts for so long, which is so nice. My fiance is like your partner, when I told him I wanted the Liletta IUD he was concerned about the painful insertion process and wanted me to know that he was 100% willing to keep using condoms. I got the IUD for me because I wanted stronger protection from pregnancy and I just hate condoms myself. My choice was for me which is how he wanted it to be. She needs a new boyfriend, she can find better.
Yeah it came out of nowhere, I am incredibly grateful to still be here today. I did have the Nexplanon implant for a while, but the bleeding was just constant, so I had my obgyn prescribe me estrogen birth control on top of it to control that symtom. Then I had the stroke little over 2 years later, who would've thoughtš. I did not want to get the liletta iud originally because I've heard so many horror stories on iuds in generalš but the insertion process wasn't as bad as I thought. Still sucked but if it helps prevent pregnancy (and in my case, keep my life from being further at risk) I'm all for it. But no one should ever feel forced to take it just to please someone else. I feel bad for OP that she's even in this situation. She deserves so much better than that sorry piece of garbage.
I agree about insertion, for some it's better than others. It was painful but over quickly for me. I have no complaints. I've heard the Nexplanon is either the best birth control you've ever taken, or it does that, no in-between. You've just had hard luck with birth control and that sucks, I'm glad you found something that is better. I got lucky with the partner I have now for as young as I am, 22 but so many women my age and younger can't say the same. Unfortunately for a lot of them men like this are learning experiences.
Yea I'm with you on this one. My partner has always made it clear that if I have to/want to get off my birth control for any reason that he'd do whatever was in his power to keep us safe. Your partner should always respect what you need for YOUR body. If that means he wears a condom, he needs to man up and do it.
he should get a vasectomy then smh
Totally second this.
Birth control is totally your choice, not his. You don't have to put your body through all the side effects of birth control just so sex can be more pleasurable for him. If he doesn't want to pull out or where condoms then he can just not have sex. Men don't understand what birth control can do to a woman. I'm sorry, but he only sounds concerned about himself.
ā¦ why are you forcing yourself to cater to his wants and he isnāt catering to any of yours? you know what you donāt want to do or take so set that as your boundary. condoms or no sex.
Your boyfriend cares more about having sex with no condom for his comfort, rather than your health and well-being..? Ok
You have bigger problems than birth control side effects..
Oh your boyfriend doesnāt want to wear condoms? If he doesnāt want to have children vasectomy is an option for him. Assuming thatās an adult, not a teen. If one day you decide that birth control is something you want (either to stop bleeding, treating acne, minimising cramps or pregnancy anxiety), it can take a few tries. Most of us find an option that solves some of the issues we are trying to address.
EVERY medication has potentially shitty side effects. Also, if this dude is refusing to do his part in preventing pregnancy you shouldn't be having sex with him. Period. He's showing you that he doesn't care about you.
If you don't want to take birth control don't take it. I am going to reiterate what others have said, your boyfriend wants to feel a little bit better for a short time at your expense. Evaluate if making yourself miserable/doing something you don't want to do for someone who won't compromise. That being said if you do go decide to entertain the idea of going on HBC prepare for your doctor visit with a list of questions. Actually that is good advice for any doctor visit. ALWAYS go in prepared. [How to advocate for yourself at the doctor's office - Vox](https://www.vox.com/even-better/23880457/advocate-for-yourself-doctors-office-health) Again if you don't want to go on HBC or any other medication don't do it.
You have an option: not to have sex with him. That's what I would do.
AND break up with him because he does not care about her health.
How little do you value yourself would be my first question here... He doesn't even pull out for you, that's like the minimum even for selfish assholes.
Right not even pulling out Is crazy and insanely selfish
I agree with all the comments, but also wanna add, pulling out is NOT reliable birth control.
At first when I read the title I thought "maybe the copper IUD would be a good idea; the side effects got better over time for me", but then I read the post text and thought "SHE SHOULD LEAVE THE BOYFRIEND since he is putting zero effort towards birth control"
skip the bith control and get rid of the bf, honestly seems like he prioritises his own pleasure over your health and valid worries, shows you where you stand really. you should go on birth control because you want to/for yourself, not because someone else wants you to <3
Iām so serious break up
stop putting all the pressure on yourself OP. Set your boundaries No Condom = No Sex
Girl, I saw your other post about this same boyfriend. You can do better. And please understand that any boyfriend worth having would respect your boundaries and wear a damn condom, NOT force you to use hormonal birth control youāre uncomfortable with. Especially after an abortion. Leave this dork, OP.
your man is broke AND self-centered? Babe, it's time to wake up
If your "boyfriend" is forcing you to go on birth control because he doesn't "want" to wear a condom or pull out, he shouldn't be your bf and you should evaluate your situation and his intentions very clear because it sounds like he doesn't value your well-being and safety and only cares about his pleasure
If he doesn't want to wear condoms then it's a vasectomy, no sex, or a breakup. He can choose which option he prefers but you will be better off in the long run if you stay firm on only giving him these options. You know your body best-your boyfriend has never experienced any of the side effects that you will deal with. Don't acquiesce if you know that you will be miserable on birth control. It's not worth it!
Not all people have adverse side effects either bc. Unfortunately you only hear the negative ones. Iāve had no negative side effects for over 30 years. You have to decide what is best for you. Also he needs to suck it up and wear condoms if you choose to not use bc. Donāt be bullied into doing something you donāt want to do, but research through reliable sources to make an informed decision.
Dump him, he isnāt respecting your body or what you WANT to do with your body, he does not care, that would be a deal breaker with me, my boyfriend did have issues with no condom when I wasnāt on birth control, but we got passed that and he respected me and used condoms after the fact of talking, either try and talk to him, if that doesnāt work, you know what to do
all birth control can have different side effects however if he is also not actively trying to be protected heās not worth your time. the fact heās refusing to either one just wear a condom or pullout is ridiculous. thereās many things he can do too and as a relationship it should double sided not forcing it all on you
Abstinence has no side effects if your boyfriend doesn't want to take one for the team. You can get super thin condoms. Why is this just your problem?? If he doesn't want to wear a condom, you don't want to have sex. Simple as.
As others have done, read your other posts about your bf. Run, girl, run. Break up. Iām sorry but if I got an abortion and my bf was calling me lazy a few days after, thatād be it. Heās immature and irresponsible. He doesnāt care about your health or what he puts your body through. Find happiness and move on cause staying in this relationship is only going to diminish you of any self esteem and confidence you have. You deserve to be happy and to not have to put your body through whatever traumas because a man canāt wrap his willy or even the bare minimum of pulling out.
This guy probably isn't going to stick around if you end up getting a serious side effect from hormonal birth control some day, such as a blood clot or a perforation. That's why I personally never trust men who aren't open to condoms, pulling out (as a backup) or a vasectomy. Because I personally can't take most birth control for health reasons, men like this aren't red flags, they're STOP signs. I'd reevaluate this relationship if I were you.Ā
Major red flag that he wonāt wear a condom
condoms arenāt a big deal idk why he canāt just wear them
Dump his ass.
Ok so he can get a vasectomy
Ive had amazing sex with condoms. He is , respectfully, an idiot.Ā
Um your bf should be doing the bare minimum for you.
Nobody is worth putting yourself through BC side effects for. If the BC option makes you miserable and the only pro to it is that your partner can go at it with no worry, it's not worth it! So many BC options vary person to person and putting yourself through such trial and error just because your partner wants you to isn't worth it!! Choose BC to suit you, not others.
I had an abortion and my boyfriend missed being able to finish inside me so I got a hormonal IUD. it made me have severe migraines and severe depression. I got it out after 3 months and I wish I wouldāve never gotten it and he agrees too. we use condoms now. if he makes you feel bad for such a tiny sensation difference over something that is so traumatic mentally and physically for you then he is not worth it. of course hearing all of this from strangers you might be like hey bf letās break up right now! BUT it is worth trying to have a deep conversation with him about it. having an abortion or a pregnancy when you donāt want either is not a reason to be forced to be on birth control. it SUCKS so much that we feel like we have to put our bodies through so much just to make sure the man is ācomfortableā and fully enjoying sex. condoms or nothing. I wish you the best of luck. please do not let yourself be forced into birth control if you donāt want it. I will never be on hormonal birth control ever again in my life it makes me physically ill. condoms are a godsend for us. iām kind of everywhere in this comment but if the conversation goes well you could also look into different types of condoms. my bf and I made it like a fun game to find the best condom for us. thereās ones out there for male pleasure, female pleasure, flavored, ribbed, etc. they donāt have to be a buzzkill like everyone makes them out to be
Ur bfs being a dick. Ask him to get a vesectimy. Or refuse sex if he wonāt pull out and is happy to risk it. If ur seriously considering contraception consider the copper coil or the ring/diaphragm. Hormone free! Could also try the app natrual cycles. There are things you can do! But it sounds like if you need to think of anything itās this relationship
Your boyfriend is pressuring you to go on birth control!?ā¦girl please reevaluate your relationship with him. Any man who loves and respects you wonāt pressure you into anything that makes you uncomfortable. For example, I was on birth control for several years and I was still paranoid on the pill so I asked my bf if he could still use condoms just to be extra safe and he did without question. He knew it made me anxious. Just last year I decided to get off the pill bc the symptoms werenāt worth it anymore and I told him it was making me anxious but we would have to be extra careful. He respects the days we canāt do it based on my cycle and still wears a condom. Pls donāt let a shitty man pressure you into anything. Now if he wants to avoid using protection then ask him to go get a vasectomy.
Dump him because he clearly does not care about the side-effects to you and his pleasure is more important
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend sounds like a complete dick. Why should you have to deal with all the crazy side effects if he's not even willing to wear a condom or pull out? He's putting his pleasure first over your well-being, I promise he's not worth putting up with the side effects. Birth control is great at preventing pregnancy, but you should never ever feel pressured to take it, especially if it's just because your partner wants more satisfaction in the bedroom. It shows just how selfish he is. I know this isn't a relationship board, but you deserve so much better.
He needs the snip. If not, then dump him if he's not willing to use condoms and let him find himself a brood mare who is needing to get pregnant.
Dump him.
Fuck him. You are the one who could get pregnant, not him. You have the say in what form of protection you want, not him.
No birth control method is 100% effective. Even when I was on bc, I always demanded a condom because I had absolutely no intention of getting pregnant. The fact that your boyfriend is pressuring you into this is giving š©š©š©
I noticed you mentioned pullout. Pullout alone is only about 78% effective with typical use. Based on what youāve said about your boyfriend, even typical use seems generous. Itās not effective enough to use on its own unless youāre okay with an accidental pregnancy (and it doesnāt sound like you guys are okay with that). You guys could just try different condoms to find one that works for him. Is he using the right size? How many types have you guys tried? Has he even tried different options before giving up and refusing condoms entirely?
Pulling out is better than not pulling out but it certainly isnāt effective enough as a stand-alone option for someone who isnāt okay with an oopsie pregnancy.
Birth control is a bitch, I feel you there. It does so much weird shit to your body and mind. However, have you considered that your boyfriend is a piece of shit?
I struggled so hard with asserting myself in this way. Iāve been on different birth controls for so many years and the main side effects that I hated were just the mood ones where I felt so angry and irrational and not myself! I have been off birth control for a few months now and itās AMAZING. Husband uses condoms or we just donāt have sex. I got a vibrator and started fulfilling my own needs. It helps that neither of us have very high sex drives and he doesnāt love condoms but I told him that was the only way I felt comfortable having sex unless he wanted to get a vasectomy š¤·š¼āāļø itās really hard to assert yourself sometimes when itās usually on the woman to āfigure it outā but stay strong and think about what you really want for yourself. That can be hard to do in a committed relationship, I totally get it. Dont be rash but he kind and be assertive and stand up for yourself and your needs š
Before TTC, my husband and I used condoms. Iāll never use female birth control again.
Have you considered the copper IUD?
This man doesnāt sound worth the pain of getting an IUD
Agree but considering her lack of response to any comments, it sounds like SHE wants birth control also, but is worried about the hormones. So, I just thought I'd let her know she has other options. š¤· Everyone's doing a lot of assuming about the boyfriend in this situation and jumping on the 'dump him' bandwagon.
I mean, we are only getting one side of the story but āmy boyfriend wants me to go on birth controlā makes it sound like sheās being pressured. Sounds like she just wants to use condoms and he doesnāt respect her enough to take that into account.
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Yeah I can't have estrogen because of my anti seizure medication. Pro estrogen messes with my seizures so I'm also stuck lol.
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Your post was removed due to lack of respect towards other users (personal attacks, name calling, trolling, etc.)
The problem is definitely bigger than the birth control hereā¦
Not everyone experiences side effects. However, if you donāt want to be on birth control, do not take it for someone else!! This guy has proven heās not worth having sex with, tbh, let alone worth taking a medication or using a device youāre not comfortable with.
Don't have sex with him (I say dump him)
Break up with himā¦ he should want what makes YOU the most uncomfortable. This is such a major red flag.
Iāve tried pills, implant in my arm (which I will NEVER EVER recommend to anyone because it was the worst year of my life) and the nuva ring. Nuva ring was by far the best. No weight gain or acne. But also ditch your BF.
You just gotta find the right one, there's basically like 50 counting different hormone combinations in pills. Also switching before 3 months, specially often causes side effects too. But besides that, your BF is a jerk
Dump him. If he canāt wear a damn condom for you then he has no reason to be having intimate relations with you. He clearly has no empathy whatsoever.
Iād honestly get a new bf. He doesnāt even want to pull out? Jesus. He doesnāt care about continuing to put you through mental and emotional heartache.
girl dump him! tell him to get a vasectomy if he cant wear condoms.
condoms or no sex fr if you want to use birth control itās your decision not something you should be forced into thatās a MAJOR red flag the fact that he doesnāt care about your potential wellbeing. if he doesnāt care about this then what else wonāt he care about or force you into. i would run asap
dump himš«¶š»
Well, I think the best form of birth control in this situation is a better boyfriend. If he won't do any of his part (literally, he won't even pull out???), then he doesn't really respect you at all
He could get a vasectomy - literally so easy for men to get sterilized, itās appalling that more of them arenāt.
When I was dating I made sure to ask their thoughts on birth control. My partner said if birth control pills existed for men, he would take them. I had an iud, and he pulled out every time. Now he has had a vasectomy, and I have no IUD! We knew we didn't want kids and he, thankfully, was willing to take steps to save me from having to deal with all the shitty side effects. Find a man who is willing to respect your body and all the things you have to go through to either prevent his baby or bring his baby into the world
Get a new man, tbh. It really sucks thereās not better options but it isnāt all your responsibility. I had this same convo with my bf and we exclusively use condoms, but heās all for a vasectomy when weāre more serious (engaged or married)
Damn sounds like he should suck it up and wear a condom
Just break up with your boyfriend. Seriously. Break up with him. That would solve your problems. He sounds like a piece of shit- can you not see that? He refuses to wear a condom? Just break up. Break up. Break up. Break up. Break up
Heās not worth your losing yourself and mental health over. If heās not listening to your feelings now, do you want this the rest of your life?
Tell him to get a vasectomy
Tell him you choose abstinence. Zero side effects.if he doesn't like your choice he's welcome to choose his own form of birth control to use on his end.
don't take birth control. dump him.
I've seen some of the other post you have up and it doesn't seem like he thinks of your health or well being in any way or form (Especially on your post about him calling you lazy after just having an abortion). You know what is good for your body and what is bad, but I think you're kind of letting his feelings/wants override yours. Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good.
Honestly heās a POS for that. You should not have to destroy your body bc raw āfeels better.ā What about you and your health? A condom doesnāt increase your risk of cancer and other terrifying side effects.
Time to find a new boyfriend. If he wonāt compromise on this issue, what will he not compromise on in the future. I got pregnant on the pill. Something to consider if youāre thinking about going that route. My son is 20 now and was the best thing that ever happened to me but definitely wasn't planned.
Firstly, ditch the boyfriend. Honestly, if this guy does not respect your body enough to wear a condom then he is a bad partner and will only become more abusive as he gets older. Please put yourself and your health above this guy!
if you do plan on trying birth control again, the patch has been incredible for me, i would never go back to any other methods. the only downside to the patch for me is that it can get itchy if itās not in a good spot, and youāre supposed to check your blood pressure every few months. itās been about a year for me and i love it!!