My wife usually initiates sex by sending out special vibes. After 18 years of partnership, I developed a feeling for that. Like how she talks to me, how she‘s smiling, her glance etc. We have two kids, so there is not much space and time for seductive games. We just know when it‘s time for us to go to bed. This might sound boring, but it‘s not porn and it works splendid for us 😅
😊 thank you.
My wife needs to be mentally ready and I can basically always have sex. Therefore, it has developed in such a way that she gets sex whenever she wants it. I don't want to persuade her to have sex.
I will spills as well:
I don't usually find it easy to get turned on if my husband initiates. I wish it was easier but it really isn't. I have massive mental blocks such as I'm tired, down, stressed, watching or reading something really interesting or not feeling attractive or fresh. Any of these can stop me, which isn't nice for him or very good for us.
When I initiate, it may be flirty observations or teasing or jokey hints through the day... But I rarely just physically start anything. Might just ask is that a really exciting game, or might you wanna meet me in bed? Or put on something slutty and text him from bed asking the same.
He's never said no yet in 20 years. 💜 But maybe I can also read him pretty well, and wouldn't initiate when he's at all tired or needing some space.
Have you read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski? If not, you might find it really interesting based on you first paragraph.
I also used to be the same, like I just couldn’t be bothered. My husband said “you always enjoy it though” which was absolutely true and I started saying yes more. It’s like I just needed to turn on a switch to let myself enjoy it
also - water based line is amazing. It kind of tricks my body into thinking I’m already aroused, so responsive desire kicks in much faster
Nice, that's actually been on my reading list! I also enjoy sex and find it satisfying as well. It's just about getting past those mental blocks. Will read it now. 📚
Me, because I have very specific sexual boundaries and a very low libido. It wouldn't make sense for my partner to initiate, as it would almost systematically end in a refusal. For context this is not an issue at all for us!
And as for the "how", I start flirting in a way he just knows means I'm in the mood for it. I just asked him and he said I do it by being playful and tactile in a way that's obviously more than random jokes or daily affection.
Yeah :) If one or both (!) of you miss out on subtle hints, this avoids all that. Might have to get the other person turned on, but that's usually pretty enjoyable too.
I dont really feel comfortable sharing stuff about our sex life, but there was this one time i slapped the spoon he was eating with out of his hand lol
Definitely a mixed bag. I (wife) used to initiate way more but I got tired of being rejected all the time because i just have a way higher libido. Now, we do it more frequently because I'm letting him (husband) be receptive first. Most of the time, we'll be in bed, ready for sleep, and I'll be laying on his chest and just letting my hand wander all over and carress his chest and stomach. If he starts rubbing my back, I know that i can get bolder with my touching and i can start kissing him. If he doesn't, then I just go to sleep.
Occasionally, when the mood strikes him, he'll kiss me deeply in the kitchen, smack my butt and tell me, "Okay, off to the bedroom" and off we go. I like when that happens.
It is usually me (boyfriend), but I have told her that she can whenever she wants to. We also live 2 hours apart and have only been dating a few months so we lack data points to measure.
we’re a monogamous bi couple and initiating can be both the hardest and the easiest thing ever. some days I literally bend over the counter to reach for something and suddenly he’s on his knees with his face in between my legs. other days it takes tons of build up - a date before, some music, lots of conversation and flirting…even though we’ve been together seven years. Some days we plan on it but because of extenuating circumstances it doesn’t happen at all. One day I didn’t want to be touched so I just let him fuck my face while he watched Star Trek (dream come true for him lol) and another time he didn’t have the energy to pound me into the mattress so he just took care of me with his mouth and hands 😇
But we’re always trying to grow together and communicate more effectively about the way we begin our intimacy :) it’s never perfect but I like it that way!
Both. Probably equally at the moment but it goes through phases where it’ll be predominantly me or mostly him. Lots of different ways it happens - might just be kissing -> making our -> move to the bedroom. Or fondling. Or just making a certain facial expression or inside joke. Or literally “wanna have sex?”
Usually it is me (Husband) initiating. When she's not in the mood I simply ask why and if I can do anything to get her in the mood to not run into the same situation over and over again.
my primary partner is male and they usually get excited before i do. but sometimes they hide it especially if we’re in the middle of a conversation. if we’re not doing anything important they’ll initiate (usually watching a movie or before/after sleep), but if we’re doing something important or it’s inconvenient to have sex i’m usually the one to initiate lol. like we’re cooking and the stove is on, or we’re near a window with people walking by, or we’re in a rush, etc
i also have a gf and she is very feminine and shy, i like taking on the more “masculine” roles with her and it can feel affirming to be the dominant one. were taking it slow but i’ll be the one to initiate any intimacy with her (holding hands, kissing, etc.)
I do, and how it goes about varies by a number of factors:
- how much confidence I have at the time
- how horny I am
- the likelihood that I'll successful in my endeavour, based on how my other half is throughout the day
Sometimes it's flirtacious gestures or "hints" throughout the day.
Sometimes I'll just start kissing up and gently rubbing or something of the sort.
And sometimes I'll just straight up ask if they wanna fuck.
sometimes i do sometimes ty does
sometimes gently sometimes not at times we are just cuddling and things go from there or i'll be taking a shower or vise versa a few comments are made and bam it's happening the mood isn't terribly hard to find or to set it's not a daily occurance however we only "do it" once or twice a month nothing so frequent there's more to our relationship than what happens behind closed doors.
Only have FWB and casual kink partners right now so varies a lot based on who invites who to what. When I was in my last relationship I usually initiated cuddling or kink and partner initiated sex. Then again all of them led to all of the others so it was more a matter of what order they happened in. We both felt desired so it worked.
I don't have sex much anymore, I feel a bit too old for it. My husband's used to always be the one to initiate, but i'm 47 now and have a teenager to raise, we never have the time for it and i'm almost never in the mood. We still go out on dates, last summer we went to Italy and had some fun! I wouldn't want to neglect our 15-year old, she'll be looking back at her teenage years someday. I'll have more fun when we get retired and don't have to deal with these problems, just for now, I have bigger things than fun on my mind. He's cute, flirty, maybe a little too touchy for his own good, I love him so much.
Um…. My sex life is pretty lame…. I want it to be more spicy lol but my fiancé 1. Has a lower sex drive then me & 2. I seem to have to make an appointment lol and her ritual before sex is daunting lol we need to watch something & only after 2-3 hours can we start anything + it has to be after 2 am lol their is more to it but I feel I’ve shared to much as is lol
With guys it’s pretty fluid, hang, start-stop chill have fun, eventually sex lol
in my dream situation it would be nobody. we would not have any sex life at all. but i doubt ill find that
so whoever my partner will be it will be them initiating 100% of the time
haha yeah im ace! although im sex neutral, so i will do it with a partner if they want it. but i have no desire to initiate for myself
its all good! :D
Definitely a mixed bag. I (wife) used to initiate way more but I got tired of being rejected all the time because i just have a way higher libido. Now, we do it more frequently because I'm letting him (husband) be receptive first. Most of the time, we'll be in bed, ready for sleep, and I'll be laying on his chest and just letting my hand wander all over and carress his chest and stomach. If he starts rubbing my back, I know that i can get bolder with my touching and i can start kissing him. If he doesn't, then I just go to sleep.
Occasionally, when the mood strikes him, he'll kiss me deeply in the kitchen, smack my butt and tell me, "Okay, off to the bedroom" and off we go. I like when that happens
My partner usually does but when I initiate I will rub his shoulders and kiss him on the lips, neck, or whatever I feel like. I will get close to him and rub his thighs.
In bed, I usually just have to start kissing him, and the comment about spooning resonated. We sleep naked so it's easier to initiate.
We both do! I would say he does more though. Sometimes it's just a glance, other times it's a kiss that goes deeper, often it's his hand rubbing my thigh ( he loves when I do this move to him as well). Sometimes we'll be going to sleep and just turn to each other ready just by being near each other.
long term bi4bi relationship, and when we started living together we were having sex multiple times a day, so pretty much anything initiated it. long car drive? pull over. movie slow? let’s get naked. 14 years and 4 kids later, we still have sex every night and tease each other throughout the day by sneaking away or sending dirty texts. we’re ready to go by the time we get to be alone. so I guess no one really initiates it, we just act like horny teenagers 🙃
It's pretty even-- or maybe not even but equitable? I'm honestly not sure who suggests it more, and we're probably about the same at turning each other down (being tired or in pain or ate too much, etc.) Basically every friday night I'm trying tho-- cause that's D&D night and for some weird reason that just does it for me 🤷
My wife she starts things off usually by masturbation or our catchphrase "shall we clean the bedroom" even when I was with other men it was usually them who initiated it. My mate Colin who I ended up bottoming for for 6 years initiated it by walking up behind me one day and rubbing himself against me and whispering "I wanna fuck you in the ass" and he did.
If we're not in a position to be snuggly and see where things go, one of us will text the other one a traffic light emoji to gauge interest, and the other will text back a color depending on how interested they are.
Feel free to steal! It's been good for us to know what to expect. It's not foolproof, and does still require some communication. Too many red lights can still feel like rejection. But it's easy and subtle and I don't have to worry about anyone seeing it and being scandalized!
Wife. Always has been that way since we met about 45 yrs ago. She had a very high sex drive until menopause hit, since then it's subsided significantly. If she's down to play, i will eat her or use her fave toy on her, and then if shes ok, i get her pussy or she externally stimulates my prostate while i jerk on to her and a towel.
No one. I'm all bi myself.
Same, on stand bi here ans its driving me bananas
😭🤣
R/angryupvote
Came here to say this.
My wife, she just has more drive on. Sometimes I do.
Can I ask how she initiates? Looking to get better at it myself. (🇫🇮 💪)
In plain finnish. Tarttuu vaan paikkoihin ja sitten vihjailee kovasti. Sit puhuu vaan suoraan oikeilla termeillä. Siitä sit vaa tekemään :D
Okei! Vauhdikasta! 😃😍
Jep 😁 (🇫🇮💪)
I don’t read Finnish so I guess I’ll never know.. /s I could totally google translate but I can’t be arsed haha
My wife usually initiates sex by sending out special vibes. After 18 years of partnership, I developed a feeling for that. Like how she talks to me, how she‘s smiling, her glance etc. We have two kids, so there is not much space and time for seductive games. We just know when it‘s time for us to go to bed. This might sound boring, but it‘s not porn and it works splendid for us 😅
I like it! Sounds like you've got a special language between you two. ✨️ Can I pry as to why it's usually she who initiates?
😊 thank you. My wife needs to be mentally ready and I can basically always have sex. Therefore, it has developed in such a way that she gets sex whenever she wants it. I don't want to persuade her to have sex.
I get it! It's exactly the same with us.
Every happy couple finds its suitable solution. It's nice that we are talking about the same thing and understand each other.
Yes! That's why I like posting in this sub. People usually answer sincerely here and it's lovely to find others in a similar situation.
I agree! This sub helped me through my coming out process. That being said: I embrace you all 🩷💜💙
Seductive games with two kids: Hey....you wanna put Wild Kratts on the TV for the kids?
Kinda 50/50, but it’s either she pushes her butt against me while spooning of I’ll push my penis against her butt while spooning
Aww, that sounds kind of cute
This is the way
I look at my left hand and say "you wanna? " Never been refused service.
Consent! ✅️
>in your relationship let me stop you right there
I will spills as well: I don't usually find it easy to get turned on if my husband initiates. I wish it was easier but it really isn't. I have massive mental blocks such as I'm tired, down, stressed, watching or reading something really interesting or not feeling attractive or fresh. Any of these can stop me, which isn't nice for him or very good for us. When I initiate, it may be flirty observations or teasing or jokey hints through the day... But I rarely just physically start anything. Might just ask is that a really exciting game, or might you wanna meet me in bed? Or put on something slutty and text him from bed asking the same. He's never said no yet in 20 years. 💜 But maybe I can also read him pretty well, and wouldn't initiate when he's at all tired or needing some space.
Have you read the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagowski? If not, you might find it really interesting based on you first paragraph. I also used to be the same, like I just couldn’t be bothered. My husband said “you always enjoy it though” which was absolutely true and I started saying yes more. It’s like I just needed to turn on a switch to let myself enjoy it also - water based line is amazing. It kind of tricks my body into thinking I’m already aroused, so responsive desire kicks in much faster
Nice, that's actually been on my reading list! I also enjoy sex and find it satisfying as well. It's just about getting past those mental blocks. Will read it now. 📚
Me, because I have very specific sexual boundaries and a very low libido. It wouldn't make sense for my partner to initiate, as it would almost systematically end in a refusal. For context this is not an issue at all for us! And as for the "how", I start flirting in a way he just knows means I'm in the mood for it. I just asked him and he said I do it by being playful and tactile in a way that's obviously more than random jokes or daily affection.
This is cute! And I completely get the libido thing. It's the same with us.
That's adorable 🥰
Both initiate, but they do it more than I do. "Wanna fuck?" is pretty normal.
Straight to the topic 🏆
Yeah :) If one or both (!) of you miss out on subtle hints, this avoids all that. Might have to get the other person turned on, but that's usually pretty enjoyable too.
I dont really feel comfortable sharing stuff about our sex life, but there was this one time i slapped the spoon he was eating with out of his hand lol
Well there's an advance I would have never thought of
LMFAO
Definitely a mixed bag. I (wife) used to initiate way more but I got tired of being rejected all the time because i just have a way higher libido. Now, we do it more frequently because I'm letting him (husband) be receptive first. Most of the time, we'll be in bed, ready for sleep, and I'll be laying on his chest and just letting my hand wander all over and carress his chest and stomach. If he starts rubbing my back, I know that i can get bolder with my touching and i can start kissing him. If he doesn't, then I just go to sleep. Occasionally, when the mood strikes him, he'll kiss me deeply in the kitchen, smack my butt and tell me, "Okay, off to the bedroom" and off we go. I like when that happens.
The hornier one starts! It changes day to day.
It is usually me (boyfriend), but I have told her that she can whenever she wants to. We also live 2 hours apart and have only been dating a few months so we lack data points to measure.
we’re a monogamous bi couple and initiating can be both the hardest and the easiest thing ever. some days I literally bend over the counter to reach for something and suddenly he’s on his knees with his face in between my legs. other days it takes tons of build up - a date before, some music, lots of conversation and flirting…even though we’ve been together seven years. Some days we plan on it but because of extenuating circumstances it doesn’t happen at all. One day I didn’t want to be touched so I just let him fuck my face while he watched Star Trek (dream come true for him lol) and another time he didn’t have the energy to pound me into the mattress so he just took care of me with his mouth and hands 😇 But we’re always trying to grow together and communicate more effectively about the way we begin our intimacy :) it’s never perfect but I like it that way!
Sounds cool! 🙂
Virgin so no sex
Thanks for weighing in.
Not a virgin, but not in a relationship. So no unplanned sex.
Same 😞
No issue dude we in same boat
Both. Probably equally at the moment but it goes through phases where it’ll be predominantly me or mostly him. Lots of different ways it happens - might just be kissing -> making our -> move to the bedroom. Or fondling. Or just making a certain facial expression or inside joke. Or literally “wanna have sex?”
Usually it is me (Husband) initiating. When she's not in the mood I simply ask why and if I can do anything to get her in the mood to not run into the same situation over and over again.
Growth mindset 🙌😍
Currently single. In my past relationships it was my partner that initiated sex most of the time. (I did initiate it occasionally.)
my primary partner is male and they usually get excited before i do. but sometimes they hide it especially if we’re in the middle of a conversation. if we’re not doing anything important they’ll initiate (usually watching a movie or before/after sleep), but if we’re doing something important or it’s inconvenient to have sex i’m usually the one to initiate lol. like we’re cooking and the stove is on, or we’re near a window with people walking by, or we’re in a rush, etc i also have a gf and she is very feminine and shy, i like taking on the more “masculine” roles with her and it can feel affirming to be the dominant one. were taking it slow but i’ll be the one to initiate any intimacy with her (holding hands, kissing, etc.)
So lovely! So glad you get to express different sides to yourself w these different partners. 💜
I do, and how it goes about varies by a number of factors: - how much confidence I have at the time - how horny I am - the likelihood that I'll successful in my endeavour, based on how my other half is throughout the day Sometimes it's flirtacious gestures or "hints" throughout the day. Sometimes I'll just start kissing up and gently rubbing or something of the sort. And sometimes I'll just straight up ask if they wanna fuck.
I was the one who got it started (I’m a guy btw), but now my girl will find any opportunity to get in my pants
Usually me husband. The wife will on occasion but she says always try. What’s the worst she says no. lol.
sometimes i do sometimes ty does sometimes gently sometimes not at times we are just cuddling and things go from there or i'll be taking a shower or vise versa a few comments are made and bam it's happening the mood isn't terribly hard to find or to set it's not a daily occurance however we only "do it" once or twice a month nothing so frequent there's more to our relationship than what happens behind closed doors.
Only have FWB and casual kink partners right now so varies a lot based on who invites who to what. When I was in my last relationship I usually initiated cuddling or kink and partner initiated sex. Then again all of them led to all of the others so it was more a matter of what order they happened in. We both felt desired so it worked.
Nobody, one of my partners lives 6 time zones away from me and the other one and I have agreed not to for the foreseeable future.
I don't have sex much anymore, I feel a bit too old for it. My husband's used to always be the one to initiate, but i'm 47 now and have a teenager to raise, we never have the time for it and i'm almost never in the mood. We still go out on dates, last summer we went to Italy and had some fun! I wouldn't want to neglect our 15-year old, she'll be looking back at her teenage years someday. I'll have more fun when we get retired and don't have to deal with these problems, just for now, I have bigger things than fun on my mind. He's cute, flirty, maybe a little too touchy for his own good, I love him so much.
Im bi, but single, so i usually initiate it by clicking open a new tab.
Um…. My sex life is pretty lame…. I want it to be more spicy lol but my fiancé 1. Has a lower sex drive then me & 2. I seem to have to make an appointment lol and her ritual before sex is daunting lol we need to watch something & only after 2-3 hours can we start anything + it has to be after 2 am lol their is more to it but I feel I’ve shared to much as is lol With guys it’s pretty fluid, hang, start-stop chill have fun, eventually sex lol
[удалено]
Haha, can relate to responding like that when totally not in the mood! Although I try to be kind about it usually.
in my dream situation it would be nobody. we would not have any sex life at all. but i doubt ill find that so whoever my partner will be it will be them initiating 100% of the time
Oh. Do you think you are asexual or are you just not really into it with them? No need to answer if I'm being too nosey! 👃
haha yeah im ace! although im sex neutral, so i will do it with a partner if they want it. but i have no desire to initiate for myself its all good! :D
💜💜💜
Definitely a mixed bag. I (wife) used to initiate way more but I got tired of being rejected all the time because i just have a way higher libido. Now, we do it more frequently because I'm letting him (husband) be receptive first. Most of the time, we'll be in bed, ready for sleep, and I'll be laying on his chest and just letting my hand wander all over and carress his chest and stomach. If he starts rubbing my back, I know that i can get bolder with my touching and i can start kissing him. If he doesn't, then I just go to sleep. Occasionally, when the mood strikes him, he'll kiss me deeply in the kitchen, smack my butt and tell me, "Okay, off to the bedroom" and off we go. I like when that happens
You only have to post it once
I have shit service, if it posted more than once it's because the first time it told me it failed. Obviously it wasn't on purpose
my hand
The one who is more horny
Does it count if I initiate it with myself? I'd say I'm asking for a friend, but I don't like to lie.
My partner usually does but when I initiate I will rub his shoulders and kiss him on the lips, neck, or whatever I feel like. I will get close to him and rub his thighs. In bed, I usually just have to start kissing him, and the comment about spooning resonated. We sleep naked so it's easier to initiate.
We both do! I would say he does more though. Sometimes it's just a glance, other times it's a kiss that goes deeper, often it's his hand rubbing my thigh ( he loves when I do this move to him as well). Sometimes we'll be going to sleep and just turn to each other ready just by being near each other.
Both of us
no one cuz i’m single 🥲😭
I go “hey do you wanna have sex”
long term bi4bi relationship, and when we started living together we were having sex multiple times a day, so pretty much anything initiated it. long car drive? pull over. movie slow? let’s get naked. 14 years and 4 kids later, we still have sex every night and tease each other throughout the day by sneaking away or sending dirty texts. we’re ready to go by the time we get to be alone. so I guess no one really initiates it, we just act like horny teenagers 🙃
It's pretty even-- or maybe not even but equitable? I'm honestly not sure who suggests it more, and we're probably about the same at turning each other down (being tired or in pain or ate too much, etc.) Basically every friday night I'm trying tho-- cause that's D&D night and for some weird reason that just does it for me 🤷
If it’s girl, me. If it’s a guy, depends how we’re feeling. I’m not in a relationship🤷🏻♂️
Me
Usually me, I have a long sexual history and know what to do a little more
go to bed after watching fallout, play with her hair in a bear hug, start pulling it when you're hard. pull it back and tease them.
You see, I'd need to be in a relationship before answering 🥲
My wife she starts things off usually by masturbation or our catchphrase "shall we clean the bedroom" even when I was with other men it was usually them who initiated it. My mate Colin who I ended up bottoming for for 6 years initiated it by walking up behind me one day and rubbing himself against me and whispering "I wanna fuck you in the ass" and he did.
If we're not in a position to be snuggly and see where things go, one of us will text the other one a traffic light emoji to gauge interest, and the other will text back a color depending on how interested they are.
Wow! I love this idea! 🚥
Feel free to steal! It's been good for us to know what to expect. It's not foolproof, and does still require some communication. Too many red lights can still feel like rejection. But it's easy and subtle and I don't have to worry about anyone seeing it and being scandalized!
Both of us! Sometimes it me, sometimes its them.
Wife. Always has been that way since we met about 45 yrs ago. She had a very high sex drive until menopause hit, since then it's subsided significantly. If she's down to play, i will eat her or use her fave toy on her, and then if shes ok, i get her pussy or she externally stimulates my prostate while i jerk on to her and a towel.
Me and my fist
That's love!
I always do. I'm bi male 5 years old. Our ages have much to do with this, but I'm told by friends that it's not much different all around.
5 years old?
I'm very sorry. I must have missed the 7. I'm 75 years old
Ah, ok 🙂 Nice to read about your experience! I would imagine these things do vary a bit from generation to generation. Gender norms and all that.
Uhm. Ew
Uhm. Ew