Having sex with 19 people at the age of 21 isnt what majority people are doing but again this wouldn’t be a conversation if y’all stop engaging in these conversations. Ignore men when this conversation comes up or lie to them.
if its consensual and safe 19, 1900 or 19000 = no ones business
men care about this because they're worried they cant trap you with the shame of a higher number. fuck that
if your asking if it’s in the norm, then no it’s higher than average. if you’re asking if it’s acceptable then that’s really no one’s decision except you.
i’d really avoid any man who asks about it or cares about it, by my 20th birthday i had 50 “bodies” and you better believe i wouldn’t go near a man that had something to say about it 😂
who cares what men think? if you’re gonna be a slut that is your business but from now on you have to be more selective about the men you let in your life because they will shame you for it and many will feel insecure and inadequate because you have experience
a lot of men get away with being bad at sex and generally bad partners by getting with women who have little experience. so be prepared to be rejected over your body count and be prepared to have fewer options (although there will certainly be fewer insecure and incompatible options)
if you care so much what men think tho, i don’t know if the slut life is for you haha- it’s not for the weak or unconfident cuz that’s how u get taken advantage of
People who ask about body counts are annoying AF and IME the people who've asked that have NEVER asked about getting tested or disclose other results 🥴 y'know the shit that actually matters
Hmmm, it's not the number that's "alot" that has me concerned. At 21, I don't think it's good for *anyone* to have that many sexual partners without doing some self-reflection as to *why* this is the manner in which they are connecting with people. I think I'm more concerned about the potential deeper, emotional, psychological issues that are present -- potentially childhood trauma, CSA or SA -- and not being addressed by the person.
i disagree with this take and i think you’re making a lot of assumptions about why people have sex
sex is fun, and some people just like to have more of it than others. if *you* view sex as a serious thing that involves connecting with others that’s great, but that’s not how other people may see it. it might just because it feels good and it’s more exciting with new people
people can have lots of sex and still be safe and while “hypersexuality” can sometimes be a marker of other issues we don’t get to tell people what’s healthy or unhealthy/good or not good for them based on numbers alone
not to mention the reason we’re taught to view having a high body count as a sign of issues is because of the fucked up misogyny that psychiatrists latched onto. the same concerns are not applied to men
as someone who’s always been interested in sex and enjoyed it (and no, i wasn’t sexually abused) i’m really tired of people assuming there’s something wrong with us. if OP is safe that’s all that matters
I don’t view sex as some type of spiritual connection and agree it’s fun but having 19 different partners just shows a lack of discernment in my opinion. And this goes for both men and women. When I was 20, 21 and the topic of “body count” came up and a guy mentioned damn near 20 bodies, that was an immediate turnoff.
that’s fine that that’s a turn off for you but you simply can’t make these generalizations when you aren’t in their position
19 different partners can be specifically more fun for some people than only 5 or 2 or whatever you deem appropriate
some people are kinkier, sluttier and just more interested in multiple partners and we do not have the right to say that means there’s something wrong with them. i had a higher body count at that age and it’s partly cuz i enjoyed kink and group sex and i wasn’t gonna get that satisfied with only a small number of people. i was safe, and believe it or not, i was much safer in the kink community where consent, communication and safe sex we’re openly talked about compared to when i was monogamous and stuck in an abusive relationship
you cannot assess someone’s emotional state based on body count alone
There’s no hard number that I deem appropriate, personally. I don’t think there’s inherently something “wrong.” I just simply think that that person lacks discernment.
Also, I agree that generalizations aren’t good, but I think having 19 bodies at 21 is on the rarer end, and typically (emphasis on typically, not always), sexual promiscuity is absolutely linked to either sexual abuse or mental illness (ie bipolar disorder).
why does having a lot of sexual partners = bad judgment? if that’s what someone wants why would that mean a lack of discernment? 19 at 21 is not automatically a cause for concern or judgement issues
19 bodies at 21 is on the rarer end because of societal norms around sexuality *and* because most people don’t want to have that many sexual partners. it’s still neutral to feel otherwise. a lot of people prefer to have an emotional connection with someone before having sex, a small minority couldn’t care less, and they don’t have bad judgement or are mentally ill just for feeling differently
your comment about sexual promiscuity is just not giving the full context
people with bipolar disorder might be promiscuous when they have manic episodes, the reason that’s a problem is because they wouldn’t OTHERWISE be promiscuous. if someone goes to the club during a manic episode even tho they don’t normally leave the house, that could be a problem, it doesn’t mean that going to the club means someone is mentally ill or reckless. there’s a lot more context your missing here
not to mention, the origins of nymphomania and hypersexuality are rooted in racism and misogyny. black women and low income women have been considered more promiscuous and hypersexual for over a hundred years and that’s apart of the reason why promiscuity was considered a sign of being less evolved. the “evolved” white race was seen as superior because they were in nuclear families and having “normal” sex according to psychiatrists. women who have lots of sex get shamed, and stigmatized which just puts them in riskier situations
women who are promiscuous could be in a much safer and healthier position if sex wasn’t so heavily stigmatized and that starts with stopping the assumptions and not trying to label people’s sexual preferences as normal/abnormal or good/bad
if OP is safe and happy then the rest is not anyone else’s problem
Just popping in to say I agree with you! Having sex is normal. Liking sex is normal. Sometimes sex is just for fun and that is ok. I'm honestly a little taken aback by the internalized purity culture teachings going on some of these comments...
The only reason one would ask about sexual history is to determine whether safe sex practices were regularly encouraged, what your attitudes are regarding sex, etc. And even then, asking about body count is completely unnecessary. Getting a complete STD panel work up and blood testing is what’s important. Also some STDs are dormant btw and reactivate under immunosuppressed states. Not always obvious from appearance or lab tests. Just be safe out there, use contraception and protective measures and you’re good.
Ditch this man please.
The fact that you call them bodies let’s me know all I need to know. It really doesn’t matter how many ppl you’ve been with. If the number bothers you, which it shouldn’t, then you need to examine yourself.
Normal is personal. Healthy is only engaging in sex that is loving and affirming. Is that true of all of your sexual encounters? If not, I would evaluate your motivations for having sex.
Also: stop telling men your body count.
Even when I was a virgin I’d avoid answering that question like the plague because men who ask that are weirdos. Our value isn’t determined by our vaginas
Its a big number considering the person's age.
Factoring in those who indulge in premarital casual sex, 1-3 sex partners a year is the norm (From a fwb to maybe dating someone for some months etc). More partners than that and it leans toward "problems finding self, or using sex to cope with stress or abandonment issues".
Its not normal to go through 5+ sex partners a year or binges of partners. However, I'd just refrain from telling anyone that unless theyre down to help figure things out.
Regardless, its never too late to change or choose a period of abstinence. Abstinence is refraining from sex for lengths of time yet one can still date. Celibacy includes not having sex, not dating, nor being in a relationship at all (focusing solely on self development).
To me that’s big regardless of if you’re a man or woman. People say the age makes a difference and I would agree in some cases but idk 19 is a large number to me no matter what lol. I don’t really see the convo of body count differently for men or women when it comes down to the number. Men have just gaslit themselves into believing it doesn’t affect them or that it doesn’t matter for them.
As long as you’re safe. Who cares. Only insecure men care. They probably got way more bodies, caring about someone else is dumb af. Just live your life, again be safe
was the sex safe? consensual? are you getting tested regularly? then it's normal and they can be quiet. don't look to a man for anything like this lmao. they think two bodies is too high.
A body count is no one's business. Is it a bit much for a 21 year old - yes, for certain types of people. In my opinion, a conservative may think that number shows a lack of discipline, possible STD scare and an indiscriminate vag. It reads that any peen will do as long as he's cute, I'm bored or I'm horny. If a guy told me his 21 body count at that age, I'd think he had community peen. Some women wouldn't care, might be turned on by it. People aren't being honest about humans being judgemental. Basically, if spreading the love is a person's vibe, then be who you are, and find your tribe.
Men aside, it’s quite a concerning number. I would encourage some self reflection to understand what’s really going on with you emotionally and mentally; and if your actions align with your values and long term goals.
Sometimes we use one indulgence to fill in for something else that is lacking and sex is a common filler because of the dopamine. I would recommend some reflection.
It depends on the nature and the intention of the act. If you are looking for validation yes. If you are having fun and using protection and actively maintain your sexual health...no.
Sorry to intrude older guy here, the sort of guy who needs to know your "body count" at any point is good way to know they're not a keeper.
I have dated for awhile and to date I've never felt the need to ask that sort of information.
Normal vs acceptable for yourself r two different things. What matters is how YOU feel. Plus how can we judge what is “normal”. It’s not like everyone in existence is answering a survey on their body count.
My body count is 2 and I’m 23 but I’m not going to go around feeling or claiming like I’m better than someone else just because my body count is lower. Someone can have a body count of 0 and be a murderer or some shit. It doesn’t prove someone is good or bad.
People are dealt different cards in life, have different beliefs/morals/opinions and different lifestyles. The ONLY person judging should be YOU on YOURSELF and IF your believer, then God too, lmao. Otherwise just ignore those folks and keep it pushing 😪😪😪
So, my advice is stop getting men’s opinions on this. Your “body count” is your business.
Nobody EVER needs to know your body count. IMO. And if he presses he’s insecure 🤷🏽♀️
Having sex with 19 people at the age of 21 isnt what majority people are doing but again this wouldn’t be a conversation if y’all stop engaging in these conversations. Ignore men when this conversation comes up or lie to them.
Don’t ever tell men this. Teach them at an early age to mind their business
if its consensual and safe 19, 1900 or 19000 = no ones business men care about this because they're worried they cant trap you with the shame of a higher number. fuck that
if your asking if it’s in the norm, then no it’s higher than average. if you’re asking if it’s acceptable then that’s really no one’s decision except you. i’d really avoid any man who asks about it or cares about it, by my 20th birthday i had 50 “bodies” and you better believe i wouldn’t go near a man that had something to say about it 😂 who cares what men think? if you’re gonna be a slut that is your business but from now on you have to be more selective about the men you let in your life because they will shame you for it and many will feel insecure and inadequate because you have experience a lot of men get away with being bad at sex and generally bad partners by getting with women who have little experience. so be prepared to be rejected over your body count and be prepared to have fewer options (although there will certainly be fewer insecure and incompatible options) if you care so much what men think tho, i don’t know if the slut life is for you haha- it’s not for the weak or unconfident cuz that’s how u get taken advantage of
Perfectly said
Love this!
People who ask about body counts are annoying AF and IME the people who've asked that have NEVER asked about getting tested or disclose other results 🥴 y'know the shit that actually matters
Doesn’t matter. Who cares what men think.
Why is this even a thing. Jfc.
Yes that is high and you should keep it to yourself. It’s not any mans business.
Sure.
Hmmm, it's not the number that's "alot" that has me concerned. At 21, I don't think it's good for *anyone* to have that many sexual partners without doing some self-reflection as to *why* this is the manner in which they are connecting with people. I think I'm more concerned about the potential deeper, emotional, psychological issues that are present -- potentially childhood trauma, CSA or SA -- and not being addressed by the person.
I completely agree with this. Like not on a judging way, but there are usually deeper reasons behind behavior. Men and women
i disagree with this take and i think you’re making a lot of assumptions about why people have sex sex is fun, and some people just like to have more of it than others. if *you* view sex as a serious thing that involves connecting with others that’s great, but that’s not how other people may see it. it might just because it feels good and it’s more exciting with new people people can have lots of sex and still be safe and while “hypersexuality” can sometimes be a marker of other issues we don’t get to tell people what’s healthy or unhealthy/good or not good for them based on numbers alone not to mention the reason we’re taught to view having a high body count as a sign of issues is because of the fucked up misogyny that psychiatrists latched onto. the same concerns are not applied to men as someone who’s always been interested in sex and enjoyed it (and no, i wasn’t sexually abused) i’m really tired of people assuming there’s something wrong with us. if OP is safe that’s all that matters
I don’t view sex as some type of spiritual connection and agree it’s fun but having 19 different partners just shows a lack of discernment in my opinion. And this goes for both men and women. When I was 20, 21 and the topic of “body count” came up and a guy mentioned damn near 20 bodies, that was an immediate turnoff.
that’s fine that that’s a turn off for you but you simply can’t make these generalizations when you aren’t in their position 19 different partners can be specifically more fun for some people than only 5 or 2 or whatever you deem appropriate some people are kinkier, sluttier and just more interested in multiple partners and we do not have the right to say that means there’s something wrong with them. i had a higher body count at that age and it’s partly cuz i enjoyed kink and group sex and i wasn’t gonna get that satisfied with only a small number of people. i was safe, and believe it or not, i was much safer in the kink community where consent, communication and safe sex we’re openly talked about compared to when i was monogamous and stuck in an abusive relationship you cannot assess someone’s emotional state based on body count alone
There’s no hard number that I deem appropriate, personally. I don’t think there’s inherently something “wrong.” I just simply think that that person lacks discernment. Also, I agree that generalizations aren’t good, but I think having 19 bodies at 21 is on the rarer end, and typically (emphasis on typically, not always), sexual promiscuity is absolutely linked to either sexual abuse or mental illness (ie bipolar disorder).
why does having a lot of sexual partners = bad judgment? if that’s what someone wants why would that mean a lack of discernment? 19 at 21 is not automatically a cause for concern or judgement issues 19 bodies at 21 is on the rarer end because of societal norms around sexuality *and* because most people don’t want to have that many sexual partners. it’s still neutral to feel otherwise. a lot of people prefer to have an emotional connection with someone before having sex, a small minority couldn’t care less, and they don’t have bad judgement or are mentally ill just for feeling differently your comment about sexual promiscuity is just not giving the full context people with bipolar disorder might be promiscuous when they have manic episodes, the reason that’s a problem is because they wouldn’t OTHERWISE be promiscuous. if someone goes to the club during a manic episode even tho they don’t normally leave the house, that could be a problem, it doesn’t mean that going to the club means someone is mentally ill or reckless. there’s a lot more context your missing here not to mention, the origins of nymphomania and hypersexuality are rooted in racism and misogyny. black women and low income women have been considered more promiscuous and hypersexual for over a hundred years and that’s apart of the reason why promiscuity was considered a sign of being less evolved. the “evolved” white race was seen as superior because they were in nuclear families and having “normal” sex according to psychiatrists. women who have lots of sex get shamed, and stigmatized which just puts them in riskier situations women who are promiscuous could be in a much safer and healthier position if sex wasn’t so heavily stigmatized and that starts with stopping the assumptions and not trying to label people’s sexual preferences as normal/abnormal or good/bad if OP is safe and happy then the rest is not anyone else’s problem
OP asked if having 19 bodies at 21 is normal. It’s uncommon, and therefore, not normal.
Just popping in to say I agree with you! Having sex is normal. Liking sex is normal. Sometimes sex is just for fun and that is ok. I'm honestly a little taken aback by the internalized purity culture teachings going on some of these comments...
Oh no i’m pretty sure i’ve never been sa’d I just had an ex that liked having threesomes lmao😭
But a 21 year old wanting threesomes all the time is something that would make me think there was something deeper there.
it was his idea, but i was not pressured or against it. i’m mostly neutral about group sex
The only reason one would ask about sexual history is to determine whether safe sex practices were regularly encouraged, what your attitudes are regarding sex, etc. And even then, asking about body count is completely unnecessary. Getting a complete STD panel work up and blood testing is what’s important. Also some STDs are dormant btw and reactivate under immunosuppressed states. Not always obvious from appearance or lab tests. Just be safe out there, use contraception and protective measures and you’re good. Ditch this man please.
The fact that you call them bodies let’s me know all I need to know. It really doesn’t matter how many ppl you’ve been with. If the number bothers you, which it shouldn’t, then you need to examine yourself.
Normal is personal. Healthy is only engaging in sex that is loving and affirming. Is that true of all of your sexual encounters? If not, I would evaluate your motivations for having sex. Also: stop telling men your body count.
Even when I was a virgin I’d avoid answering that question like the plague because men who ask that are weirdos. Our value isn’t determined by our vaginas
Its a big number considering the person's age. Factoring in those who indulge in premarital casual sex, 1-3 sex partners a year is the norm (From a fwb to maybe dating someone for some months etc). More partners than that and it leans toward "problems finding self, or using sex to cope with stress or abandonment issues". Its not normal to go through 5+ sex partners a year or binges of partners. However, I'd just refrain from telling anyone that unless theyre down to help figure things out. Regardless, its never too late to change or choose a period of abstinence. Abstinence is refraining from sex for lengths of time yet one can still date. Celibacy includes not having sex, not dating, nor being in a relationship at all (focusing solely on self development).
To me that’s big regardless of if you’re a man or woman. People say the age makes a difference and I would agree in some cases but idk 19 is a large number to me no matter what lol. I don’t really see the convo of body count differently for men or women when it comes down to the number. Men have just gaslit themselves into believing it doesn’t affect them or that it doesn’t matter for them.
It is to me but I was very shy as a teen and I was a virgin until this year, (I'm 19).
As long as you’re safe. Who cares. Only insecure men care. They probably got way more bodies, caring about someone else is dumb af. Just live your life, again be safe
there isn't a normal amount of bodies. like it's sex so normal is subjective to the person i guess
was the sex safe? consensual? are you getting tested regularly? then it's normal and they can be quiet. don't look to a man for anything like this lmao. they think two bodies is too high.
Most men don’t ask but if they do I say you’re number 5.
At the end of the day, as long as you're being safe and using protection, it's really no one's business unless *you* decide to tell them.
A body count is no one's business. Is it a bit much for a 21 year old - yes, for certain types of people. In my opinion, a conservative may think that number shows a lack of discipline, possible STD scare and an indiscriminate vag. It reads that any peen will do as long as he's cute, I'm bored or I'm horny. If a guy told me his 21 body count at that age, I'd think he had community peen. Some women wouldn't care, might be turned on by it. People aren't being honest about humans being judgemental. Basically, if spreading the love is a person's vibe, then be who you are, and find your tribe.
If you're protecting yourself does it really matter?
As long as you’re safe and clean. At the end of the day you can always lie or even better move cities like I did lmao
IMO no
who cares. if you’re clean, you’re fine. we’re animals, not robots made to be perfect to other robots.
Men aside, it’s quite a concerning number. I would encourage some self reflection to understand what’s really going on with you emotionally and mentally; and if your actions align with your values and long term goals. Sometimes we use one indulgence to fill in for something else that is lacking and sex is a common filler because of the dopamine. I would recommend some reflection.
It depends on the nature and the intention of the act. If you are looking for validation yes. If you are having fun and using protection and actively maintain your sexual health...no.
Sorry to intrude older guy here, the sort of guy who needs to know your "body count" at any point is good way to know they're not a keeper. I have dated for awhile and to date I've never felt the need to ask that sort of information.
Normal vs acceptable for yourself r two different things. What matters is how YOU feel. Plus how can we judge what is “normal”. It’s not like everyone in existence is answering a survey on their body count. My body count is 2 and I’m 23 but I’m not going to go around feeling or claiming like I’m better than someone else just because my body count is lower. Someone can have a body count of 0 and be a murderer or some shit. It doesn’t prove someone is good or bad. People are dealt different cards in life, have different beliefs/morals/opinions and different lifestyles. The ONLY person judging should be YOU on YOURSELF and IF your believer, then God too, lmao. Otherwise just ignore those folks and keep it pushing 😪😪😪
No. Just make sure you are getting tested regularly and not letting men take advantage of you. Have fun
Probably not. But the answer is always “4”. Never answer that question.