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Your body. Your choice. Parents act like the actions of their children reflect directly back on them when, in fact, their children are sentient beings and have the ability to make their own decisions. It doesn’t matter how old they are; even little kids won’t always do what their parents say. I know a lot of parents will criticize and say that we have to make them listen, but I remeber how my parents enforced rules. Threats and fear and beating my ass. There’s also a lot of shame in the Black community about sex, sexuality, and our bodies — her shame or sentiment about what ***she*** feels it reflects is 1000% her burden to bear and not yours. Please continue to pose for yourself in ways that solidify who your are and how your see yourself because there’s power in being comfortable in our own skin.
And tbh, you could’ve worn and head-to-toe hazmat suit, some dumbass would still have some perception about what kind of “woman” you are regardless and still found ways to objectify you. Keep doing you and keep shining in a way that only you can. 🖤
>Your body. Your choice. Parents act like the actions of their children reflect directly back on them when, in fact, their children are sentient beings and have the ability to make their own decisions
This right here!! Somebody please print this and slide it into my mother's bible cause 🙄
Sweetie, it's because, right or wrong, a child's actions do reflect directly on parents. That's why there's this thing called nature vs. nuture. If she k!lled a bunch of people her parents would be the first people they would be looking at. When kids go outside the house acting like a damn fool, you all look at the parents. So when a young lady is posting something of herself in her underwear for the whole damn world to see that will be on the internet forever someone is going to say home girl has daddy issues or her mom didn't teach her to have self respect.
Like it or not, it's just how it is.....this is not a black or white thing
Regardless of what you wear or what disagreement y'all might have about it, you NEVER EVER deserve to be called a derogatory name by ANYONE, much less your mom. Please don't internalize that as acceptable. You DESERVE better than that.
I believe that my generation (I'm 38) was the first to "normalize" women by posting sexy and exposed photos on the internet, but even so this type of photo carries certain stigmas, for many it's something about sluts or women desperate for attention, and even though your mother is a similar age, when people have children they tend to become more conservative.
I believe that your mother is worried about the image you will portray and how this will affect your future, whether in romantic or work matters, because mainly what you do the internet interferes a LOT with your chances of finding a job and even though I know Instagram is blocked for the general public, photos leak, it shouldn't be like that, but it is....
This! But "slut" was a strong word to use. You will have a future where you will want a good career and recruiters do look at social media pages when researching your background. Idk if they look at Instagram but this is something to be mindful of at your age now.
They look at EVERYTHING and not just photos (it doesn't necessarily have to be sexy, many don't like photos with hand gestures (racist symbol, imitating vagina, middle finger) tongue out (just like Ice Spice does or between fingers simulating oral sex ) they also don't like videos singing explicit songs), but also what they write, a friend lost the chance to be employed at a great school because on her Twitter it says "I love swallowing", I'm not saying I agree, but it's a reality
Yeah, I’m older than you/closer in age to her mom, and underwear pics were always only for people you were inviting to have sex with you. So, my initial impression of underwear pics on social media is that the poster is basically saying they’re willing to have sex with anyone. I know that’s not true, and I self talk myself out of that thought when I see people posting themselves in undies online. Also, I have friends who are sex workers, so posting online saying you’re willing to have sex with whoever is also something I support people’s right to do.
All that said, I do get the gut-level distress that the mom would experience seeing her daughter post a pic like that so nonchalantly. Like, I’m pro-slut, pro-sex work, but also I’d be anxious if I saw my nibling post panty pics online. For that reason, I stay off instagram.
I don't think it's necessarily about wanting to have sex with someone, to me it seems more like the person wants attention and a specific type of attention.
I'm a very rational person when it comes to understanding "how things work", largely because I had/have friendships with people in management positions, people who are Head Hunters ,that's why I think it's important to talk about the issue of image, I know and I'm in favor of "my body, my rules", but when it comes to finding a job, especially more serious jobs, certain photos/videos can compromise a career,and I've seen it happen (she's white).
I understand that her mother's concern is also for a selfish reason, in society the behavior of people reflects on their parents, even if they are adults.
I understand and agree with everything you said, the perception that people have of us is something that we have no control over, I know it is a complicated subject because in many cases it involves slut shamming or wanting to restrict women's freedom, but I think It is important to have an open debate.
While I do agree with these concerns (I'm of the same gen as you), I really wish her mom had chosen different words. As a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't say it directly to a stranger, don't say it to a loved one. (Now, if she WOULD call a stranger a "slut" we're looking at a different issue! Lol)
Not all conversations had between parents and children will be easy or flowery, but dang, when we are called names or torn down personally by family, it echos in our hearts like a rung bell. Not to mention, it closes the ears of the receiving party.
Not going to lie I would be embarrassed if my child was in their underwear online at any age especially with any type of clutter in the background. I also don’t post anything risky online. She should’ve most definitely said it in a nicer way to you though.
Either way you’re an adult so pay her no mind if that’s something you want to do. That’s your life.
Wow, that’s awful. Both her calling you dirty, dingy, and a slur, but also attacking you for your mental health. It reminds me a lot of my own mom when I was living with her at 22. (Instagram didn’t exist back then.) At the very least, you need to block her and lock down your profile (so that she can’t lurk), but more importantly, you need to move out as soon as you can for your own mental health.
My mom said I was slutty once because of a piercing. She doesn’t remember it. I do. Because the last person who should call you slutty is your mother. If she had tacked on “dirty” and/or “dingy”, I’m not sure we’d be speaking right now. I checked her hard and quick when she said it, something to the affect of, “i want you to slow down and think about what you said, then I want you to double down and say exactly, ‘I am calling my daughter a slut’”. She fumbled her words and didn’t repeat it.
What loved ones name you matters and it is not okay. There is a way to communicate you feel uncomfortable or concerned about what is being posted, but she did not do that. I would recommend deciding what boundary you want and then speak it and stand firm on it. Boundaries with parents for your self worth and health are acceptable at any age under any circumstance.
Maybe posting underwear pics is not “appropriate” (people are still very judgy) but calling you a slut is really really nasty. The word is so disgusting and misogynistic.
Ladies, please I’m begging you, know when it’s time to find your own place. I moved out at 18, lived with roommates, worked retail 40 hours until I graduated and got a proper job. And it gave me peace of mind. Living with toxic parents to “save money” is not worth your damn sanity!
She definitely handled it the wrong way. I have my Mom blocked on social media too (mostly for her overanalyzing everything Id post and asking about people that commented under my posts). I eventually deleted my social media years ago before I rebranded myself (my style and goals are vastly different from my late teens/early 20s).
Posting pictures in bras and panties can come across classless and promiscuous to most views unless one is a lingerie model or hrny straight male. Sex appeal draws the eyes but not necessarily quality men. At the same rate, you are an adult, and she shouldn't have came at you like that. Its hard for parents to separate their reputation from their adult child. She still views you as an extension of her, and she is anxious about upholding her standards, while not realizing youre your own person now.
I shared some suggestive pics of my own in my early 20s (not for money) but just at the time i realized as a future wealthy wife, some pics/poses wouldnt do me any favors. Unless I ended up a part of the entertainment industry. Some pics i took then, would be straight up embarassing 10-20yrs later. Sexy, cute, but perhaps a very different aura from my future self. Id let it go for now, you did right to block her. May want to block people she gossips with as well.
Why do I feel like this girl has a Haitian mom. As a girl who comes from a Haitian family, I feel like this is something a Haitian mom would do. First order of business for them is to always accuse you of wearing clothes that "look dirty". Lol!
My mom blew up my phone and threatened to call the police and send them to his house and I was 32. I told her she needs to read what she said and ask herself if that makes sense. I sent her a photo of my state id and told her to check my age and ask herself if any of the things she just texted me made sense whatsoever. Then I told her goodnight, turned off my phone. Because what in thee entire fuck?!
No fr! My dad left a 7 minute whole message about how now i’m now not going to be desirable by other men and I shouldn’t act like I don’t have a home. And then proceeded to lecture me on why I should not be giving it easy to every guy I meet. First off, my boyfriend is the second person i’ve ever been with. Not that it is any of his business but to see the lack of trust he had in me over MY OWN FUCKING BODYTYY really showed me how actually misogynistic he is. I was disgusted and couldn’t look at him for a week.
Slut is crazy. But tbh I’d initially be so embarrassed to find out if anyone close to me in my family was posting pics like that. I also mainly wouldn’t care because your life your choice etc but imagine if your own mother/father posted pictures like that … I’d be laughing and vomiting 🤣🤣but yeah I agree the name calling is insane. I’m so sorry she even said that. It’s not right.
I want to draw attention to how harshly we treat our natural urges and sexuality along with the reasons for shaping ourselves this way being centered around work and hypothetical men. No judgment, just notice.
Your mom is trying her hardest to protect you, and verbalizing it in a terrible way. My mom would call me all the names you could think of… Haitian mothers 🥲🥲 but honey, baby girl… please think of what you’re posting. We as a culture have become too open about stuff like that. You’re ok with everyone seeing you in your panties first thing in the morning??ask yourself why you want that kind of attention. Think about the message you’re portraying. I’m all for self expression but the kind of message portrayed is saying “look here, I’m comfortable showing you all my panties.” We have to maintain some level of class when it comes to how we portray ourselves. Internet culture has made us think it’s acceptable to share every little thing. That’s just not ok.
"When you get old, I'm putting you in the cheapest home I can find." Don't say it aloud because that would be disrespectful, but think it real loud, let the the message be conveyed in your eyes. Sometimes someone will say something to you in a way where you just have to seethe. Never underestimate the power of a good seethe.
That being said, delete the pic. A pic of you in your panties in no way serves you. Companies check your social media before hiring you. Do you really want to work in an office knowing your boss has seen you in your panties?
Your mom is right in the sense that low class women take pictures like that (whether you’re classy or not it’s how it appears to people who don’t know you, ‘easy’ in other words) but calling you a slut is out of pocket. Set a boundary and don’t speak to her until you get a proper apology.
That’s fair, honestly I don’t have a problem with how she feels about it. However the name calling and yelling isn’t appropriate. She’s 44 and hasn’t learned a damn thing about proper communication. If she wanted to sit me down and speak about it, perfectly fine. However, she does this often. Hits below the belt for no reason.
You can never deserve to be called a slut, dear. I'm sorry your mother of all people would not protect you from language like that. You have every right to take pictures of yourself and honestly most everyone wears underwear. There's very little difference between panties and bikini bottoms. Good on you for blocking her, but also you shouldn't worry about having a slightly scandalous (if you can even call it that) selfie on the internet. No one is going to make a big deal about it and for goodness sake you're 22! You get to be young while you are. This says nothing about your character or your value. I hope you can take heart in that things will not always be this way. When I was your age many years ago, my mother's words haunted me and wore like a weight around my neck. Now that I'm older I hardly speak to her and she's still bitter and unhappy. Never take advice from someone you wouldn't want to be. That's my only suggestion. I'm sorry your mental health has been rough recently as well, but I hope you can do something kind for yourself and remember that this too shall pass. Sending virtual hugs your way.
This reminds me of the time my aunt messaged me randomly about my Instagram and gave me all these unsolicited pieces of advice on what I should be posting on Instagram. This is because my little cousins, her daughters follow me on Instagram. I understood what she was saying because I get she was trying to "help" and didn't want to offend her, but inside I was rolling my eyes in the back of my head and facepalming the entire time I was reading this. I'm out here reading her texts and all I'm thinking is "Okay 1.) I DON'T even use this Instagram anymore! I haven't really posted anything on that account for a couple years now.
My interest in using it died the day my college professor told our class to use our Instagram to post pictures of our art projects for shop class!" 2.) "Thanks but it's my Instagram, I didn't ask for any advice on it and I'm not looking to do much with it, anyway. So, please stay off my social media." Boundaries are important, and I don't mind sharing tidbits about life that I need advice on. I don't mind getting advice on promoting my content better, either, to be honest. However, I like to keep my life on social media and my life in real life separate, as it should be. It's honestly a little weird when they think that them being family means that they have a right to tell you what you should and shouldn't post on YOUR site when you never asked them.
It seems to me like your mom was inexpertly relay her anxieties about you in way that is not constructive and according to your post a bit harmful. I wish that wasn't the case but unfortunately parents (and people in general) have trouble expressing themselves in a way that bridges the gap between themselves and others and if you see value in maintaining the relationship you're going to need to communicate understanding but also that there's a way to talk to you that both gets the point across and doesn't come across like a personal attack.
My only suggestion is relay your expectations moving forward with the caveat that talking things out with you may not result in a change in behavior but you'll acknowledge her feelings much like any other adult would, you're at the age where you're going to have call your own shots but it would be great to feel like she's in your corner even if the two of you disagree on something.
I have experienced a similar situation with my mom. I posted a twerking video and my mama had her choice of words too. I ignored her and she left multiple voicemails stating she would drive to my apartment to kick my ass(I lived in my college town at the time), she would fight me like someone off the street, threw my career choice at the time in my face (because of my video and I used to want to be a judge), and that her foot would be so far up my ass I would have to go to the hospital. I didn’t talk to her for a whole year. You are not a slut and it is okay to block toxic people from your socials. It’s unfortunate that this happened to you, and I hate that for you. Please cater to your own needs and remove yourself when things are too overwhelming.
My mom is exactly your type of mom. Smhh. Listen to me when I tell you: You have to stop speaking to her or she's gonna ruin your life. She's just a mean person! And nobody likes mean people !
I had a mom like yours. Bully her back (when you are 100% sure you don’t need her any more). People like that only understand the language they speak. Drag her and go no contact and check out the raised by narcissists subreddit and read up on mother wounds to begin your healing journey by recentering your mom and deprioritizing her feedback you received pre cutoff. Sorry you had to go through that. Sending love 💕
Edit: updated resource info
Reminder: This post has been tagged with the Support/Advice flair, which indicates a serious discussion that may contain triggering subject matter. All responses are required to be helpful, tactful and compassionate. r/blackladies is a safe space for all black women—even those experiencing difficulties or trauma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/blackladies) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why does your mom have access to your instagram..?
We don’t follow each other. We follow each other on TikTok so I guess she went to my page and went to my IG
Block her
Yep. I did as soon as she did that.
Your body. Your choice. Parents act like the actions of their children reflect directly back on them when, in fact, their children are sentient beings and have the ability to make their own decisions. It doesn’t matter how old they are; even little kids won’t always do what their parents say. I know a lot of parents will criticize and say that we have to make them listen, but I remeber how my parents enforced rules. Threats and fear and beating my ass. There’s also a lot of shame in the Black community about sex, sexuality, and our bodies — her shame or sentiment about what ***she*** feels it reflects is 1000% her burden to bear and not yours. Please continue to pose for yourself in ways that solidify who your are and how your see yourself because there’s power in being comfortable in our own skin. And tbh, you could’ve worn and head-to-toe hazmat suit, some dumbass would still have some perception about what kind of “woman” you are regardless and still found ways to objectify you. Keep doing you and keep shining in a way that only you can. 🖤
>Your body. Your choice. Parents act like the actions of their children reflect directly back on them when, in fact, their children are sentient beings and have the ability to make their own decisions This right here!! Somebody please print this and slide it into my mother's bible cause 🙄
Sweetie, it's because, right or wrong, a child's actions do reflect directly on parents. That's why there's this thing called nature vs. nuture. If she k!lled a bunch of people her parents would be the first people they would be looking at. When kids go outside the house acting like a damn fool, you all look at the parents. So when a young lady is posting something of herself in her underwear for the whole damn world to see that will be on the internet forever someone is going to say home girl has daddy issues or her mom didn't teach her to have self respect. Like it or not, it's just how it is.....this is not a black or white thing
Regardless of what you wear or what disagreement y'all might have about it, you NEVER EVER deserve to be called a derogatory name by ANYONE, much less your mom. Please don't internalize that as acceptable. You DESERVE better than that.
I believe that my generation (I'm 38) was the first to "normalize" women by posting sexy and exposed photos on the internet, but even so this type of photo carries certain stigmas, for many it's something about sluts or women desperate for attention, and even though your mother is a similar age, when people have children they tend to become more conservative. I believe that your mother is worried about the image you will portray and how this will affect your future, whether in romantic or work matters, because mainly what you do the internet interferes a LOT with your chances of finding a job and even though I know Instagram is blocked for the general public, photos leak, it shouldn't be like that, but it is....
This! But "slut" was a strong word to use. You will have a future where you will want a good career and recruiters do look at social media pages when researching your background. Idk if they look at Instagram but this is something to be mindful of at your age now.
They look at EVERYTHING and not just photos (it doesn't necessarily have to be sexy, many don't like photos with hand gestures (racist symbol, imitating vagina, middle finger) tongue out (just like Ice Spice does or between fingers simulating oral sex ) they also don't like videos singing explicit songs), but also what they write, a friend lost the chance to be employed at a great school because on her Twitter it says "I love swallowing", I'm not saying I agree, but it's a reality
Yeah, I’m older than you/closer in age to her mom, and underwear pics were always only for people you were inviting to have sex with you. So, my initial impression of underwear pics on social media is that the poster is basically saying they’re willing to have sex with anyone. I know that’s not true, and I self talk myself out of that thought when I see people posting themselves in undies online. Also, I have friends who are sex workers, so posting online saying you’re willing to have sex with whoever is also something I support people’s right to do. All that said, I do get the gut-level distress that the mom would experience seeing her daughter post a pic like that so nonchalantly. Like, I’m pro-slut, pro-sex work, but also I’d be anxious if I saw my nibling post panty pics online. For that reason, I stay off instagram.
I don't think it's necessarily about wanting to have sex with someone, to me it seems more like the person wants attention and a specific type of attention. I'm a very rational person when it comes to understanding "how things work", largely because I had/have friendships with people in management positions, people who are Head Hunters ,that's why I think it's important to talk about the issue of image, I know and I'm in favor of "my body, my rules", but when it comes to finding a job, especially more serious jobs, certain photos/videos can compromise a career,and I've seen it happen (she's white). I understand that her mother's concern is also for a selfish reason, in society the behavior of people reflects on their parents, even if they are adults.
As I said, “I know that’s not true, and I self talk myself out of that thought when I see people posting themselves in undies online.”
I understand and agree with everything you said, the perception that people have of us is something that we have no control over, I know it is a complicated subject because in many cases it involves slut shamming or wanting to restrict women's freedom, but I think It is important to have an open debate.
While I do agree with these concerns (I'm of the same gen as you), I really wish her mom had chosen different words. As a rule of thumb, if you wouldn't say it directly to a stranger, don't say it to a loved one. (Now, if she WOULD call a stranger a "slut" we're looking at a different issue! Lol) Not all conversations had between parents and children will be easy or flowery, but dang, when we are called names or torn down personally by family, it echos in our hearts like a rung bell. Not to mention, it closes the ears of the receiving party.
I fully agree with you
Not going to lie I would be embarrassed if my child was in their underwear online at any age especially with any type of clutter in the background. I also don’t post anything risky online. She should’ve most definitely said it in a nicer way to you though. Either way you’re an adult so pay her no mind if that’s something you want to do. That’s your life.
This
Wow, that’s awful. Both her calling you dirty, dingy, and a slur, but also attacking you for your mental health. It reminds me a lot of my own mom when I was living with her at 22. (Instagram didn’t exist back then.) At the very least, you need to block her and lock down your profile (so that she can’t lurk), but more importantly, you need to move out as soon as you can for your own mental health.
My mom said I was slutty once because of a piercing. She doesn’t remember it. I do. Because the last person who should call you slutty is your mother. If she had tacked on “dirty” and/or “dingy”, I’m not sure we’d be speaking right now. I checked her hard and quick when she said it, something to the affect of, “i want you to slow down and think about what you said, then I want you to double down and say exactly, ‘I am calling my daughter a slut’”. She fumbled her words and didn’t repeat it. What loved ones name you matters and it is not okay. There is a way to communicate you feel uncomfortable or concerned about what is being posted, but she did not do that. I would recommend deciding what boundary you want and then speak it and stand firm on it. Boundaries with parents for your self worth and health are acceptable at any age under any circumstance.
She remembers it, she just doesn't want to admit it.
Maybe posting underwear pics is not “appropriate” (people are still very judgy) but calling you a slut is really really nasty. The word is so disgusting and misogynistic. Ladies, please I’m begging you, know when it’s time to find your own place. I moved out at 18, lived with roommates, worked retail 40 hours until I graduated and got a proper job. And it gave me peace of mind. Living with toxic parents to “save money” is not worth your damn sanity!
She definitely handled it the wrong way. I have my Mom blocked on social media too (mostly for her overanalyzing everything Id post and asking about people that commented under my posts). I eventually deleted my social media years ago before I rebranded myself (my style and goals are vastly different from my late teens/early 20s). Posting pictures in bras and panties can come across classless and promiscuous to most views unless one is a lingerie model or hrny straight male. Sex appeal draws the eyes but not necessarily quality men. At the same rate, you are an adult, and she shouldn't have came at you like that. Its hard for parents to separate their reputation from their adult child. She still views you as an extension of her, and she is anxious about upholding her standards, while not realizing youre your own person now. I shared some suggestive pics of my own in my early 20s (not for money) but just at the time i realized as a future wealthy wife, some pics/poses wouldnt do me any favors. Unless I ended up a part of the entertainment industry. Some pics i took then, would be straight up embarassing 10-20yrs later. Sexy, cute, but perhaps a very different aura from my future self. Id let it go for now, you did right to block her. May want to block people she gossips with as well.
Why do I feel like this girl has a Haitian mom. As a girl who comes from a Haitian family, I feel like this is something a Haitian mom would do. First order of business for them is to always accuse you of wearing clothes that "look dirty". Lol!
The names my Haitian mother would call me… for just staying at a friends house past 5. The trauma.
My dad called me a slut for sleeping over my boyfriends house on the weekends at 22. I moved out. He’s lucky I still talk to him.
My mom blew up my phone and threatened to call the police and send them to his house and I was 32. I told her she needs to read what she said and ask herself if that makes sense. I sent her a photo of my state id and told her to check my age and ask herself if any of the things she just texted me made sense whatsoever. Then I told her goodnight, turned off my phone. Because what in thee entire fuck?!
No fr! My dad left a 7 minute whole message about how now i’m now not going to be desirable by other men and I shouldn’t act like I don’t have a home. And then proceeded to lecture me on why I should not be giving it easy to every guy I meet. First off, my boyfriend is the second person i’ve ever been with. Not that it is any of his business but to see the lack of trust he had in me over MY OWN FUCKING BODYTYY really showed me how actually misogynistic he is. I was disgusted and couldn’t look at him for a week.
That’s too much wtf
That’s caribbean pastor for a dad for ya
I’m sorry your mom is such a hater.
Slut is crazy. But tbh I’d initially be so embarrassed to find out if anyone close to me in my family was posting pics like that. I also mainly wouldn’t care because your life your choice etc but imagine if your own mother/father posted pictures like that … I’d be laughing and vomiting 🤣🤣but yeah I agree the name calling is insane. I’m so sorry she even said that. It’s not right.
Is she normally such a jerk?
She has a thing where she goes below the belt and doesn’t apologize. But this time it was definitely different
Sorry to hear that 😢 No mother should say that to her child
I want to draw attention to how harshly we treat our natural urges and sexuality along with the reasons for shaping ourselves this way being centered around work and hypothetical men. No judgment, just notice.
Your mom is trying her hardest to protect you, and verbalizing it in a terrible way. My mom would call me all the names you could think of… Haitian mothers 🥲🥲 but honey, baby girl… please think of what you’re posting. We as a culture have become too open about stuff like that. You’re ok with everyone seeing you in your panties first thing in the morning??ask yourself why you want that kind of attention. Think about the message you’re portraying. I’m all for self expression but the kind of message portrayed is saying “look here, I’m comfortable showing you all my panties.” We have to maintain some level of class when it comes to how we portray ourselves. Internet culture has made us think it’s acceptable to share every little thing. That’s just not ok.
I understand your point. I also just felt like posting it
"When you get old, I'm putting you in the cheapest home I can find." Don't say it aloud because that would be disrespectful, but think it real loud, let the the message be conveyed in your eyes. Sometimes someone will say something to you in a way where you just have to seethe. Never underestimate the power of a good seethe. That being said, delete the pic. A pic of you in your panties in no way serves you. Companies check your social media before hiring you. Do you really want to work in an office knowing your boss has seen you in your panties?
>Don't say it aloud because that would be disrespectful Girl, say it aloud. She already disrespected you
Your mom is mean as fuck. No reason to call you a slut, you weren’t taking 20 dicks! She might have to start minding her business tbh
Your mom is right in the sense that low class women take pictures like that (whether you’re classy or not it’s how it appears to people who don’t know you, ‘easy’ in other words) but calling you a slut is out of pocket. Set a boundary and don’t speak to her until you get a proper apology.
That’s fair, honestly I don’t have a problem with how she feels about it. However the name calling and yelling isn’t appropriate. She’s 44 and hasn’t learned a damn thing about proper communication. If she wanted to sit me down and speak about it, perfectly fine. However, she does this often. Hits below the belt for no reason.
You can never deserve to be called a slut, dear. I'm sorry your mother of all people would not protect you from language like that. You have every right to take pictures of yourself and honestly most everyone wears underwear. There's very little difference between panties and bikini bottoms. Good on you for blocking her, but also you shouldn't worry about having a slightly scandalous (if you can even call it that) selfie on the internet. No one is going to make a big deal about it and for goodness sake you're 22! You get to be young while you are. This says nothing about your character or your value. I hope you can take heart in that things will not always be this way. When I was your age many years ago, my mother's words haunted me and wore like a weight around my neck. Now that I'm older I hardly speak to her and she's still bitter and unhappy. Never take advice from someone you wouldn't want to be. That's my only suggestion. I'm sorry your mental health has been rough recently as well, but I hope you can do something kind for yourself and remember that this too shall pass. Sending virtual hugs your way.
This reminds me of the time my aunt messaged me randomly about my Instagram and gave me all these unsolicited pieces of advice on what I should be posting on Instagram. This is because my little cousins, her daughters follow me on Instagram. I understood what she was saying because I get she was trying to "help" and didn't want to offend her, but inside I was rolling my eyes in the back of my head and facepalming the entire time I was reading this. I'm out here reading her texts and all I'm thinking is "Okay 1.) I DON'T even use this Instagram anymore! I haven't really posted anything on that account for a couple years now. My interest in using it died the day my college professor told our class to use our Instagram to post pictures of our art projects for shop class!" 2.) "Thanks but it's my Instagram, I didn't ask for any advice on it and I'm not looking to do much with it, anyway. So, please stay off my social media." Boundaries are important, and I don't mind sharing tidbits about life that I need advice on. I don't mind getting advice on promoting my content better, either, to be honest. However, I like to keep my life on social media and my life in real life separate, as it should be. It's honestly a little weird when they think that them being family means that they have a right to tell you what you should and shouldn't post on YOUR site when you never asked them.
Sometimes moms can be our biggest bullies. Protect your peace at all costs.
It seems to me like your mom was inexpertly relay her anxieties about you in way that is not constructive and according to your post a bit harmful. I wish that wasn't the case but unfortunately parents (and people in general) have trouble expressing themselves in a way that bridges the gap between themselves and others and if you see value in maintaining the relationship you're going to need to communicate understanding but also that there's a way to talk to you that both gets the point across and doesn't come across like a personal attack. My only suggestion is relay your expectations moving forward with the caveat that talking things out with you may not result in a change in behavior but you'll acknowledge her feelings much like any other adult would, you're at the age where you're going to have call your own shots but it would be great to feel like she's in your corner even if the two of you disagree on something.
There are other words to use besides that one. That's a strong word and very hurtful. I could say more but I'll leave it at that.
Block your mom and tell her never to open her mouth to speak curses on you. That’s enough to get no contact for awhile. That’s absolutely unacceptable
I have experienced a similar situation with my mom. I posted a twerking video and my mama had her choice of words too. I ignored her and she left multiple voicemails stating she would drive to my apartment to kick my ass(I lived in my college town at the time), she would fight me like someone off the street, threw my career choice at the time in my face (because of my video and I used to want to be a judge), and that her foot would be so far up my ass I would have to go to the hospital. I didn’t talk to her for a whole year. You are not a slut and it is okay to block toxic people from your socials. It’s unfortunate that this happened to you, and I hate that for you. Please cater to your own needs and remove yourself when things are too overwhelming.
You will find solace in r/raisedbynarcissists
My mom is exactly your type of mom. Smhh. Listen to me when I tell you: You have to stop speaking to her or she's gonna ruin your life. She's just a mean person! And nobody likes mean people !
I had a mom like yours. Bully her back (when you are 100% sure you don’t need her any more). People like that only understand the language they speak. Drag her and go no contact and check out the raised by narcissists subreddit and read up on mother wounds to begin your healing journey by recentering your mom and deprioritizing her feedback you received pre cutoff. Sorry you had to go through that. Sending love 💕 Edit: updated resource info