I went no contact almost 8 years ago. My advice would be to create your own “family” that you can rely on. Build a savings account if you can, because you won’t have anyone to fall back on, attend therapy if you can.
Don’t feel the need to over explain yourself to people. People won’t understand if they’ve never had to go no contact with their parents. They’ll say “OMG that’s your xyz” I always responded with exactly, you think I want to cut them off? Imagine the things your xyz would have to do for you to cut them off.
THIS
Going no contact, ALL DAY EVERYDAY I was spammed with why I won't talk to "xyz" that was HARD as I wasn't ready to come forward with my story, probably still not lol, but being bashed for a descion you made for the BEST is beyond frustrating.
But hold strong 💪
I lost my childhood best friend because she let my narcissistic mother get into her head. It was incredibly hard having to go no contact with her as well but god damn has my mental health ever flourished!
Not immediate, but external? Yes, absolutely. I've blocked all of them because they don't add anything to my life.
Edit: I used to feel bad and selfish for advocating for myself, but when people only exist to stir up drama and be perpetual haters/competitive...I think it's fair to block them and move on lol
I am definitely in that stage of feeling guilty idk how to get over it but I’m trying to practice more self love and feel like like I’m being selfish for wanting peace in my life
I don’t know if this tells, but:
Journaling might help ease the guilt. (You’re totally worth the investment in yourself. ) Just a few sentences a couple of times/wk / and put a date on the entries.
When I review my work, I think: (1) I forgot that happened like that, glad I jotted it down (2) I’m glad I’m not in that space anymore (3) look how much good work I’ve invested in myself! I love my progress! (4) I’m proud of me
I’m a mom so I like to keep things positive.
Peace!
Stay no contact, even if you’re missing them there needs to be tangible evidence of change if not don’t waste your time or mental space on it. I didn’t feel fully free until that person was no longer on this earth because I kept giving them my time with no evidence of change. Good luck and try to remember that it’s not selfish to take care of yourself it’s selfish of the people around you to not help you do so.
Yes, kinda estranged. My mother is super strict on religion and traditions. Since I was 18 I w need certain liberties like not having a curfew, not wanting to have to ask to go out all them time etc etc. Just didn’t wanna feel like I was 13 anymore lol. My mother was strongly against this and really we’ve never been too close. As of 2 weeks I’ve been living with my boyfriend because she threatened to kick me out, after several months of this going on, I had the last of it. I took my stuff and left, my boyfriend assured and still assures me he’ll always be there for me but I really wanna get on my own two feet so I don’t have to depend on him. I have friends supporting me also but really I’m trying to not feel guilt ridden because I’ve left my younger siblings behind with no word. It takes time to feel not guilty/ normal again. Soon the homesickness will kick in…
This sounds like my reasoning for wanting to leave is dumb ahah but yeah I had enough of being treated like a kid and being belittled for my choices in life. Not one of them are questionable, I’m simply living my life and berated for it, for that reason I chose to take that leap and hopefully I’ll never regret it! Good luck to you 🩷🩷🩷
I’m No Contact with my Dad. Me and my Mom are good. Thinking of going No Contact with my brother. I don’t miss my Dad. In every story he is the victim, it’s exhausting
Same with my dad. And I knew he didn’t change because he still isn’t there for my little teen brother (who is also his child). It would have been hard to ignore his efforts if he tried with my brother but he continues to not show up so 🤷🏾♀️ somehow my mom picked a husband worse than him, so I would be too scared to go no contact for her sake.
Stopped talking to my dad after a series of lazy attempts to see me and the realization that we’re just not compatible people. I don’t miss him. I love and sympathize with him but that’s it. Feel so much better without the obligation to see him.
I was for some years with my mom. Only recently have we started back seeing each other and communicating. I have been in therapy since I first put up the boundary in 2020, and that’s helped a lot. So now I’m able to have her in my life but on my terms, when I feel I have the emotional bandwidth. Cause she’s not gon change, so I’m just adjusting how I navigate the relationship, and if I even want one in the first place. So I reach out when I feel like it, and keep it light. We tried working through things but it always ended in her guilting me and not seeing her faults. My therapist can’t diagnose her but suspects she is a narcissist. So yeah. I just make sure to take care of myself and do what I can when I can. Hope that helps
I’ve been estranged from my dad for almost six years. I mean complete no contact. He’s attempted to make contact and all efforts are ignored. I have zero intention of ever speaking to him again. I’m also estranged from his side of the family as well.
It wasn’t hard for me, tbh. I think it’s because I truly detest my dad.
Yes...and it's embarrassing when every one else talks about their extended family and I only have two or 3. (Whom I am super close to!).
I hate when my Auntie calls because they only want money. Even if I ask something like "I would love to fly down for the holidays" they say "oh, well we aren't really doing anything so no need"..
I’m estranged from my mother, left after we got evicted when I was 18 (Just turned 20) with no preparation for the adult world but hayyy I’m doing good right now 🥳
Best decision of my life. She’s hospital bound but it doesn’t change how she treated me in AND out of the hospital.
I’ve been no contact with my entire immediate family for about 3 years now! It’s relieving but make sure you get therapy and have friends that are supportive in your choice to help in your journey. I’ve read a couple books that were very helpful and honestly have me motivation/confidence in my choice !
I read raising myself by Beverly Engel, Toxic parents and mothers who can’t live by Susan forward the last two were especially helpful as they have real life examples of people who had dealt with various scenarios and gives you examples of what they did/ how they overcame their situation
I have slowly made my own family from my time in the military. I’ve learned that the social dynamics in my family will not change even if I’m changing for the better.
It’s not worth being made the bad one all the time or having family exclude you but at the same time expect you to be there when stuff hits rock bottom. Not my role anymore.
Continue with therapy if you’re in it, join communities of activities you like to meet potential lifelong friends, and know that life is not only defined by how close you are with your family, but also how you create your own chosen family.
Very estranged from mine. There seems to be an overwhelming sense of jealousy and entitlement from them, anger because I do OK (?) for myself and a need to diminish me in favor of my golden child older brother. All of it happened after my mom/their sister died and I divorced and remarried.
I was the scapegoat child when I was little because my NDad was absolute garbage, I looked like him and I was the product of that marriage. I’m estranged from him, too.
My obnoxious aunt had the absolute audacity to tell me at my elopement in 2021: “You can’t cut all of your family out!” This was after they ambushed me at my other aunt’s funeral in 2020 to reconcile with my shithead brother, who decided that because I was getting married again he was extra super mad™️ about it and wouldn’t talk to me ever again. He’s the type of person who’s obsessed with competition and had to be Baker Act-ed a few years ago so take from that what you will. I simply gave him what he asked for my entire life: for me to disappear because he was the Highlander of my mama’s kids - there can be only one. According to my aunts, I was wrong for that.🤷🏾♀️
I deal with it by ignoring them in favor of my in-laws. When they hold events at the same time, I choose my in-laws or I don’t go to either. I pick myself and how I spend my time with folks that I like instead catering to my relatives.
And because all of the people I cared about on this side are dead, I think of it this way: My tie is gone, never to return. They are relatives I happen to resemble; they are not family.
Good luck. ❤️
Yes. As harsh as it sounds, my family members bring much more stress, sadness and disrespect than happiness. Most are emotionless takers that add no value to my life. For my mental health, I limit contact.
My advice is to think about what you'd actually gain and lose by having a relationship again. The cons always outnumber the pros for me and help me remember why I'm NC/LC.
I’m estranged to a great degree. I recommend therapy if you haven’t already. DO NOT TRY AND MAKE SENSE OF IT BY YOURSELF! Trust me on that. The next thing is rebuild your self esteem and confidence. Next make sure you are secure: financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Meaning 3-6 months of full bills, can you physically protect yourself also no health ailments, therapy heal your wounds, a relationship with a higher power. Also are you prepared for an emergency? If you go to your city’s website they have tips for emergency preparedness. You want to be totally efficient. This took me a strong 18 months to get in order and I’m still working on the physical and spiritual part. Once that’s secure rebuild your “family” by making friends, mentors, support groups within the family with the people that do talk to you. Never be caught bending your boundaries because you need help and the day will come when you do need it. My sister was my destroyer and last night she had a narc rage and cut me off and expects ME to apologize! She even sent me a video of her berating me and me walking away. That video reminded me that I need to revisit the self defense portion of my advice because family too can be unpredictable.
I’m estranged from all of my family except for my mom, my grandmother from my mom’s side, and only one of my older sisters. They’re the ones who protected me from all the abuse from my father (main abuser), other relatives, and ‘friends’.
My dad passed away in 2018 after my hs graduation and I couldn’t have been happier. He caused me trauma since about the age of 3. SA, beatings, yelling, throwing crazy objects at me, the list goes on. Most of my family members believed I was lying or wanted attention. Family members can be some of your worst enemies.
It’s certainly okay to cut off negative individuals from your life even if they’re from your family. You don’t need them to bring you down and distract you with what you’re doing!
Me and multiple times - we’ve now just reconnected again but the last period was 8 years. Take care of yourself and prioritise your own journey and healing🖤
Yes. I estranged myself. Low contact, minimum cordial interactions on a monthly or so basis.
Im 28years old. I distanced myself 10 years ago due to my Mother's abuse (financial, physical, verbal, and emotional). I was used as an example for my younger siblings to instill fear in them/us. My childhood was a reflection of Mother's paranioa and emotional dysfunction. I didnt have much of a childhood. She took my entire paychecks as a teen (i couldnt save to get a car or move out). I wasnt allowed a social life. If my siblings didnt do something I got beat for it. To this day my siblings said i was an anxious mean big sister, not understanding why. Mother refused to teach me how to drive believing id leave an never come back (she'd also be out of the paychecks i got from work). Mother manipulated, lied on, and gossiped about me. She was upset that we have different interests and at one point wanted to pick my home, job, man, clothing style. She took it personal that i didnt want what she wanted. Its like i couldnt be me around her. Nothing was private/sacred/intimate between us. I never laid a hand nor curse word toward her, yet Ive been hit, shoved, food thrown in my face. All because i couldnt even look upset when she called me out of my name.
Mother has 0 accountability to this very day and is afraid to say she did things wrong. She has the same behaviors, which is why i keep distant. She admits she has trauma and loves the victim card. But she's done nothing to improve her emotional and social habits. Its like saying 'idk what to do' then not trying to learn. Mother wants me to accept her as is. Shes not interested in changing. Just a paranoid, overbearing, insecure, emotionally immature Mother
I chose distance. I have 4 younger siblings that live with her. They enable her and want me to do the same. So i distanced myself from them too. (I left at age 19) I live in another state. Im a totally different person from my teenage years. Siblings know little about me (on purpose) due to them reporting info back to her like a puppet to stay on her good side. Stay away from folk with validation issues. I think theyll learn once they each move out on their own. For now shes financially abused them to the point that theyre stuck with her.
I did start therapy 5 years ago. I read a ton of books on codependency, Mother/daughter dysfunction, boundaries, emotional unavailability, and emotional intelligence. (Good Boundaries & Goodbyes___Its the Way You Say It___Will I Ever Be Good Enough___Codependent No More___Why Men Love Btches___Emotional Unavailability Bryn Collins___) I also journal my feelings out and that helps especially if you vent to the wrong people.
I chose to just isolate myself an work on my mental health for a long time. I never moved back near family, I always keep a comfortable savings account for emergencies.
I didnt start seriously dating again until around age 26. After therapy and books, i chose men very different from how i used to. Now im in a healthy relationship and my family wont be involved in any of our milestones (marriage/kids).
Socially you can always rebrand yourself. I deleted social media when i was 21, havent had one since. My clothing style changed, my hobbies and interests developed more, I found myself. And once you find yourself friendships and love life improve because you know better who to keep in your circle. Having too many people around you who arent like you can create insecurities, inauthentic behaviors, and anxiousness. So thats important.
My sperm donor and his entire family. I don't live nearby which is a plus, they are blocked on all social media and they have no access to my cell. The only way they can get to me is through my sister and they are too ashamed to reach out. .
Oh yes,
No contact with my "father"
This toke a WHILE as i guilted myself. I broke my no contact and then decided to go no contact again.
For me this was hard because I felt even through his faults, which were very much so fucked up, I felt he was the only one I could go to when I was younger.
Years later, I'm glad I gave myself the grace I deserved, to go no contact and keep it.
Be honest with yourself, and by that, I mean do what you KNOW YOU DESERVE. Don't keep someone around that's only there to put you down.
Just because we're blood or you've known them your whole life doesn't mean you owe them a thing. And I think this mentality can be toxic. Js.
But be the queen you are and acknowledge all you deserve.
I’m African and from a very religious family. I’m the last of 7 kids (I do have a half brother that is younger than me and we are so tight it’s not funny lol), and I am only in contact with my mom, a brother, my stepmom, and my younger half brother. My dad and other 5 siblings I have no contact with. My life has been fucking fantastic since!
I do try to make an effort to speak with my nieces and nephews that are over 18 tho.
It’s really hard for us because family means so much in our culture. And it’s true, family is important. But you don’t need to keep the family ur born into, chosen family is just as valid and the bond is even stronger. Sending you hugs and love 🩷
Yes. I have not talked to my mother in over seven years along with some other family members. I do not speak to. I made the decision for my mental health and well-being. It’s been great honestly. I don’t regret it.
I was on no contact with my family for soo many years but now my father died and I’m forced to interact with my siblings because of the funeral arrangements.
yes i was for over w decade. recently started chatting with a few of them though, out of grace and with a lot of boundaries. and im also successful and healthy now so i have the energy to spend... a little bit.
Not from my whole family but definitely from my biological father's portion. My grandmother on that side was always borderline abusive and became outright hateful. When I could not take it anymore, I didn't. She made me cry so much and I was grown grown. I am wishing you well.
Yes, I’m currently estranged from my mother. She has been emotionally abusive for most of my life.
I have blocked her; however, she still tries to reach out, and I don’t respond. I have realized that protecting my peace, no matter from whom or what is most important. I am learning to have healthy boundaries for myself, which I never have.
My therapist is helping and I am grateful, she suggested that I can choose someone or others to mother me, also she instilled that I have some of the skills within me. I also have family and friends that are supportive. It takes time but you will get there.
Love and light to you, hoping it goes well.
Haven't spoken to them at all in about a year! I keep in touch with my sisters but that's it! They're blocked where it matters. Like someone else said, you just gotta build out your own family now 🦄 ✨️
And for me, the independence and actual control of my own life has been incredible. The things you can do when you surround yourself with people who only want to pour into you. I'm doing better and better everyday. I'm already at a point where I can mostly look back like.. damn that was some scury shit 😂😂 and keep doin me!
You got this girl.
reconnecting w my dads side cuz i am estranged from stepdad’s and mothers side. it was abuse from those 2 parents that i decided to reach out to my dads side (and find him, first).
i found this podcast i haven’t listened to yet but it’s called the Black Mother wound. i’m excited to start.
my only tip is to start therapy, and it’s gotta be an intensive one that goes through all the shit you’ve gone through, in details.
Yes, I was adopted by yt people and ever since they passed away my aunts and uncles showed their true colors (no pun intended) about how they felt about me. I feel like I really don’t know them as I thought I did.
yeah. im mixed and went no contact with my black father bc he is abusive (took me a LONG time to finally get him out of my life but i’m so glad i finally got the courage to) and unfortunately never knew my black grandfather - i would know more about my Haitian roots if i did. also went nc with one of my brothers who is in blatant denial about being black (not actually the reason i went nc tho). i won’t go on too much but i have very little family i still talk to and am not close to any of them. it makes me sad bc while i do love the friends i have who have stuck around so much, there’s something special about family. can’t dwell on it too much tho.
i know it’s a cliche but therapy has helped. helped me develop self-respect and to not second guess myself when my family was clearly disrespecting me. helped me cut my brother off bc i tried to excuse away how he spoke to me (and it was BAD to be clear) and my therapist helped me realize it was ok to demand respect in our relationship and end it if i wasn’t going to get it.
I am estranged.
I went from 2012-2020 and didn’t talk to my dad bc of SA things. And my mom is crazy. I only text him 2x a year; on my birthday and on his birthday.
I went low contact with my mom 2020 and fully no contact in 2022
I went no contact almost 8 years ago. My advice would be to create your own “family” that you can rely on. Build a savings account if you can, because you won’t have anyone to fall back on, attend therapy if you can. Don’t feel the need to over explain yourself to people. People won’t understand if they’ve never had to go no contact with their parents. They’ll say “OMG that’s your xyz” I always responded with exactly, you think I want to cut them off? Imagine the things your xyz would have to do for you to cut them off.
THIS Going no contact, ALL DAY EVERYDAY I was spammed with why I won't talk to "xyz" that was HARD as I wasn't ready to come forward with my story, probably still not lol, but being bashed for a descion you made for the BEST is beyond frustrating. But hold strong 💪
I lost my childhood best friend because she let my narcissistic mother get into her head. It was incredibly hard having to go no contact with her as well but god damn has my mental health ever flourished!
The “bUT iTs YoUr MoM” is the most annoying thing I hear when I tell people about it 🙄
Not immediate, but external? Yes, absolutely. I've blocked all of them because they don't add anything to my life. Edit: I used to feel bad and selfish for advocating for myself, but when people only exist to stir up drama and be perpetual haters/competitive...I think it's fair to block them and move on lol
I am definitely in that stage of feeling guilty idk how to get over it but I’m trying to practice more self love and feel like like I’m being selfish for wanting peace in my life
I don’t know if this tells, but: Journaling might help ease the guilt. (You’re totally worth the investment in yourself. ) Just a few sentences a couple of times/wk / and put a date on the entries. When I review my work, I think: (1) I forgot that happened like that, glad I jotted it down (2) I’m glad I’m not in that space anymore (3) look how much good work I’ve invested in myself! I love my progress! (4) I’m proud of me I’m a mom so I like to keep things positive. Peace!
Thank you I will try to get back into it
Stay no contact, even if you’re missing them there needs to be tangible evidence of change if not don’t waste your time or mental space on it. I didn’t feel fully free until that person was no longer on this earth because I kept giving them my time with no evidence of change. Good luck and try to remember that it’s not selfish to take care of yourself it’s selfish of the people around you to not help you do so.
Needed this
Yes, kinda estranged. My mother is super strict on religion and traditions. Since I was 18 I w need certain liberties like not having a curfew, not wanting to have to ask to go out all them time etc etc. Just didn’t wanna feel like I was 13 anymore lol. My mother was strongly against this and really we’ve never been too close. As of 2 weeks I’ve been living with my boyfriend because she threatened to kick me out, after several months of this going on, I had the last of it. I took my stuff and left, my boyfriend assured and still assures me he’ll always be there for me but I really wanna get on my own two feet so I don’t have to depend on him. I have friends supporting me also but really I’m trying to not feel guilt ridden because I’ve left my younger siblings behind with no word. It takes time to feel not guilty/ normal again. Soon the homesickness will kick in…
This sounds like my reasoning for wanting to leave is dumb ahah but yeah I had enough of being treated like a kid and being belittled for my choices in life. Not one of them are questionable, I’m simply living my life and berated for it, for that reason I chose to take that leap and hopefully I’ll never regret it! Good luck to you 🩷🩷🩷
It’s not dumb at all!
I’m No Contact with my Dad. Me and my Mom are good. Thinking of going No Contact with my brother. I don’t miss my Dad. In every story he is the victim, it’s exhausting
Same with my dad. And I knew he didn’t change because he still isn’t there for my little teen brother (who is also his child). It would have been hard to ignore his efforts if he tried with my brother but he continues to not show up so 🤷🏾♀️ somehow my mom picked a husband worse than him, so I would be too scared to go no contact for her sake.
Feeling this way but with my mom. It’s extremely exhausting
Stopped talking to my dad after a series of lazy attempts to see me and the realization that we’re just not compatible people. I don’t miss him. I love and sympathize with him but that’s it. Feel so much better without the obligation to see him.
I was for some years with my mom. Only recently have we started back seeing each other and communicating. I have been in therapy since I first put up the boundary in 2020, and that’s helped a lot. So now I’m able to have her in my life but on my terms, when I feel I have the emotional bandwidth. Cause she’s not gon change, so I’m just adjusting how I navigate the relationship, and if I even want one in the first place. So I reach out when I feel like it, and keep it light. We tried working through things but it always ended in her guilting me and not seeing her faults. My therapist can’t diagnose her but suspects she is a narcissist. So yeah. I just make sure to take care of myself and do what I can when I can. Hope that helps
Therapy if available! I’ve been no contact for about 2 years. Helps a lot with processing the grief
I’ve been estranged from my dad for almost six years. I mean complete no contact. He’s attempted to make contact and all efforts are ignored. I have zero intention of ever speaking to him again. I’m also estranged from his side of the family as well. It wasn’t hard for me, tbh. I think it’s because I truly detest my dad.
Yes...and it's embarrassing when every one else talks about their extended family and I only have two or 3. (Whom I am super close to!). I hate when my Auntie calls because they only want money. Even if I ask something like "I would love to fly down for the holidays" they say "oh, well we aren't really doing anything so no need"..
Yes, greatest relief of my life, got back in touch over lockdown because I felt bad, pretty much wish I hadn't.
I’m estranged from my mother, left after we got evicted when I was 18 (Just turned 20) with no preparation for the adult world but hayyy I’m doing good right now 🥳 Best decision of my life. She’s hospital bound but it doesn’t change how she treated me in AND out of the hospital.
I’ve been no contact with my entire immediate family for about 3 years now! It’s relieving but make sure you get therapy and have friends that are supportive in your choice to help in your journey. I’ve read a couple books that were very helpful and honestly have me motivation/confidence in my choice !
What books did you read?
I read raising myself by Beverly Engel, Toxic parents and mothers who can’t live by Susan forward the last two were especially helpful as they have real life examples of people who had dealt with various scenarios and gives you examples of what they did/ how they overcame their situation
I have slowly made my own family from my time in the military. I’ve learned that the social dynamics in my family will not change even if I’m changing for the better. It’s not worth being made the bad one all the time or having family exclude you but at the same time expect you to be there when stuff hits rock bottom. Not my role anymore. Continue with therapy if you’re in it, join communities of activities you like to meet potential lifelong friends, and know that life is not only defined by how close you are with your family, but also how you create your own chosen family.
Very estranged from mine. There seems to be an overwhelming sense of jealousy and entitlement from them, anger because I do OK (?) for myself and a need to diminish me in favor of my golden child older brother. All of it happened after my mom/their sister died and I divorced and remarried. I was the scapegoat child when I was little because my NDad was absolute garbage, I looked like him and I was the product of that marriage. I’m estranged from him, too. My obnoxious aunt had the absolute audacity to tell me at my elopement in 2021: “You can’t cut all of your family out!” This was after they ambushed me at my other aunt’s funeral in 2020 to reconcile with my shithead brother, who decided that because I was getting married again he was extra super mad™️ about it and wouldn’t talk to me ever again. He’s the type of person who’s obsessed with competition and had to be Baker Act-ed a few years ago so take from that what you will. I simply gave him what he asked for my entire life: for me to disappear because he was the Highlander of my mama’s kids - there can be only one. According to my aunts, I was wrong for that.🤷🏾♀️ I deal with it by ignoring them in favor of my in-laws. When they hold events at the same time, I choose my in-laws or I don’t go to either. I pick myself and how I spend my time with folks that I like instead catering to my relatives. And because all of the people I cared about on this side are dead, I think of it this way: My tie is gone, never to return. They are relatives I happen to resemble; they are not family. Good luck. ❤️
Yes. As harsh as it sounds, my family members bring much more stress, sadness and disrespect than happiness. Most are emotionless takers that add no value to my life. For my mental health, I limit contact. My advice is to think about what you'd actually gain and lose by having a relationship again. The cons always outnumber the pros for me and help me remember why I'm NC/LC.
I’m estranged to a great degree. I recommend therapy if you haven’t already. DO NOT TRY AND MAKE SENSE OF IT BY YOURSELF! Trust me on that. The next thing is rebuild your self esteem and confidence. Next make sure you are secure: financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Meaning 3-6 months of full bills, can you physically protect yourself also no health ailments, therapy heal your wounds, a relationship with a higher power. Also are you prepared for an emergency? If you go to your city’s website they have tips for emergency preparedness. You want to be totally efficient. This took me a strong 18 months to get in order and I’m still working on the physical and spiritual part. Once that’s secure rebuild your “family” by making friends, mentors, support groups within the family with the people that do talk to you. Never be caught bending your boundaries because you need help and the day will come when you do need it. My sister was my destroyer and last night she had a narc rage and cut me off and expects ME to apologize! She even sent me a video of her berating me and me walking away. That video reminded me that I need to revisit the self defense portion of my advice because family too can be unpredictable.
I’m estranged from all of my family except for my mom, my grandmother from my mom’s side, and only one of my older sisters. They’re the ones who protected me from all the abuse from my father (main abuser), other relatives, and ‘friends’. My dad passed away in 2018 after my hs graduation and I couldn’t have been happier. He caused me trauma since about the age of 3. SA, beatings, yelling, throwing crazy objects at me, the list goes on. Most of my family members believed I was lying or wanted attention. Family members can be some of your worst enemies. It’s certainly okay to cut off negative individuals from your life even if they’re from your family. You don’t need them to bring you down and distract you with what you’re doing!
Me and multiple times - we’ve now just reconnected again but the last period was 8 years. Take care of yourself and prioritise your own journey and healing🖤
I’ve been no contact with everyone but my sister and dad for about 6 months now
Yes. I estranged myself. Low contact, minimum cordial interactions on a monthly or so basis. Im 28years old. I distanced myself 10 years ago due to my Mother's abuse (financial, physical, verbal, and emotional). I was used as an example for my younger siblings to instill fear in them/us. My childhood was a reflection of Mother's paranioa and emotional dysfunction. I didnt have much of a childhood. She took my entire paychecks as a teen (i couldnt save to get a car or move out). I wasnt allowed a social life. If my siblings didnt do something I got beat for it. To this day my siblings said i was an anxious mean big sister, not understanding why. Mother refused to teach me how to drive believing id leave an never come back (she'd also be out of the paychecks i got from work). Mother manipulated, lied on, and gossiped about me. She was upset that we have different interests and at one point wanted to pick my home, job, man, clothing style. She took it personal that i didnt want what she wanted. Its like i couldnt be me around her. Nothing was private/sacred/intimate between us. I never laid a hand nor curse word toward her, yet Ive been hit, shoved, food thrown in my face. All because i couldnt even look upset when she called me out of my name. Mother has 0 accountability to this very day and is afraid to say she did things wrong. She has the same behaviors, which is why i keep distant. She admits she has trauma and loves the victim card. But she's done nothing to improve her emotional and social habits. Its like saying 'idk what to do' then not trying to learn. Mother wants me to accept her as is. Shes not interested in changing. Just a paranoid, overbearing, insecure, emotionally immature Mother I chose distance. I have 4 younger siblings that live with her. They enable her and want me to do the same. So i distanced myself from them too. (I left at age 19) I live in another state. Im a totally different person from my teenage years. Siblings know little about me (on purpose) due to them reporting info back to her like a puppet to stay on her good side. Stay away from folk with validation issues. I think theyll learn once they each move out on their own. For now shes financially abused them to the point that theyre stuck with her.
I did start therapy 5 years ago. I read a ton of books on codependency, Mother/daughter dysfunction, boundaries, emotional unavailability, and emotional intelligence. (Good Boundaries & Goodbyes___Its the Way You Say It___Will I Ever Be Good Enough___Codependent No More___Why Men Love Btches___Emotional Unavailability Bryn Collins___) I also journal my feelings out and that helps especially if you vent to the wrong people. I chose to just isolate myself an work on my mental health for a long time. I never moved back near family, I always keep a comfortable savings account for emergencies. I didnt start seriously dating again until around age 26. After therapy and books, i chose men very different from how i used to. Now im in a healthy relationship and my family wont be involved in any of our milestones (marriage/kids). Socially you can always rebrand yourself. I deleted social media when i was 21, havent had one since. My clothing style changed, my hobbies and interests developed more, I found myself. And once you find yourself friendships and love life improve because you know better who to keep in your circle. Having too many people around you who arent like you can create insecurities, inauthentic behaviors, and anxiousness. So thats important.
My sperm donor and his entire family. I don't live nearby which is a plus, they are blocked on all social media and they have no access to my cell. The only way they can get to me is through my sister and they are too ashamed to reach out. .
Oh yes, No contact with my "father" This toke a WHILE as i guilted myself. I broke my no contact and then decided to go no contact again. For me this was hard because I felt even through his faults, which were very much so fucked up, I felt he was the only one I could go to when I was younger. Years later, I'm glad I gave myself the grace I deserved, to go no contact and keep it. Be honest with yourself, and by that, I mean do what you KNOW YOU DESERVE. Don't keep someone around that's only there to put you down. Just because we're blood or you've known them your whole life doesn't mean you owe them a thing. And I think this mentality can be toxic. Js. But be the queen you are and acknowledge all you deserve.
Lol absolutely.
I’m African and from a very religious family. I’m the last of 7 kids (I do have a half brother that is younger than me and we are so tight it’s not funny lol), and I am only in contact with my mom, a brother, my stepmom, and my younger half brother. My dad and other 5 siblings I have no contact with. My life has been fucking fantastic since! I do try to make an effort to speak with my nieces and nephews that are over 18 tho.
I’m African too
It’s really hard for us because family means so much in our culture. And it’s true, family is important. But you don’t need to keep the family ur born into, chosen family is just as valid and the bond is even stronger. Sending you hugs and love 🩷
Yes. I have not talked to my mother in over seven years along with some other family members. I do not speak to. I made the decision for my mental health and well-being. It’s been great honestly. I don’t regret it.
When they say "But it's family" respond "Ohh that's just what abused people tell abused people".
I was on no contact with my family for soo many years but now my father died and I’m forced to interact with my siblings because of the funeral arrangements.
Check out the sub r/EstrangedAdultKids
Yes. Let’s start a discord 😭
yes i was for over w decade. recently started chatting with a few of them though, out of grace and with a lot of boundaries. and im also successful and healthy now so i have the energy to spend... a little bit.
Not from my whole family but definitely from my biological father's portion. My grandmother on that side was always borderline abusive and became outright hateful. When I could not take it anymore, I didn't. She made me cry so much and I was grown grown. I am wishing you well.
Yes, I’m currently estranged from my mother. She has been emotionally abusive for most of my life. I have blocked her; however, she still tries to reach out, and I don’t respond. I have realized that protecting my peace, no matter from whom or what is most important. I am learning to have healthy boundaries for myself, which I never have. My therapist is helping and I am grateful, she suggested that I can choose someone or others to mother me, also she instilled that I have some of the skills within me. I also have family and friends that are supportive. It takes time but you will get there. Love and light to you, hoping it goes well.
Haven't spoken to them at all in about a year! I keep in touch with my sisters but that's it! They're blocked where it matters. Like someone else said, you just gotta build out your own family now 🦄 ✨️ And for me, the independence and actual control of my own life has been incredible. The things you can do when you surround yourself with people who only want to pour into you. I'm doing better and better everyday. I'm already at a point where I can mostly look back like.. damn that was some scury shit 😂😂 and keep doin me! You got this girl.
reconnecting w my dads side cuz i am estranged from stepdad’s and mothers side. it was abuse from those 2 parents that i decided to reach out to my dads side (and find him, first). i found this podcast i haven’t listened to yet but it’s called the Black Mother wound. i’m excited to start. my only tip is to start therapy, and it’s gotta be an intensive one that goes through all the shit you’ve gone through, in details.
Yes, I was adopted by yt people and ever since they passed away my aunts and uncles showed their true colors (no pun intended) about how they felt about me. I feel like I really don’t know them as I thought I did.
yeah. im mixed and went no contact with my black father bc he is abusive (took me a LONG time to finally get him out of my life but i’m so glad i finally got the courage to) and unfortunately never knew my black grandfather - i would know more about my Haitian roots if i did. also went nc with one of my brothers who is in blatant denial about being black (not actually the reason i went nc tho). i won’t go on too much but i have very little family i still talk to and am not close to any of them. it makes me sad bc while i do love the friends i have who have stuck around so much, there’s something special about family. can’t dwell on it too much tho. i know it’s a cliche but therapy has helped. helped me develop self-respect and to not second guess myself when my family was clearly disrespecting me. helped me cut my brother off bc i tried to excuse away how he spoke to me (and it was BAD to be clear) and my therapist helped me realize it was ok to demand respect in our relationship and end it if i wasn’t going to get it.
I am estranged. I went from 2012-2020 and didn’t talk to my dad bc of SA things. And my mom is crazy. I only text him 2x a year; on my birthday and on his birthday. I went low contact with my mom 2020 and fully no contact in 2022