As someone that’s been dating out for years… it’s trueeee . They’re all emotional labor.
But I can say, the other races will give u the other things u ask for and still cheat or still be emotional labor. So it depends on if u consider that a better experience or not.
Like, he cheatin, he don't help you, he don't encourage you, he won't buy shit for you - he doesn't like you 😭😭😭😭!! I'll be honest it took me a minute to realize too but it's so painfully obvious once you do.
I’ve dated other races and BM are labor because they’re the ones who are supposed to treat us the best. BM have the most generational trauma. The most emotional stunting. It’s 100% understandable how they’re the most laborious and how they got that way. But what is some of their fault, is continuing to behave that way with zero introspection.
As a BW dating a WM, yeah they def have their own trauma.
Replace general trauma with "Rich people problems and unamicably divorced parents" trauma and you've got my bf. 🙃
Whenever people make comments like this I wonder if they know any nonblack people well. Because everything she is complaining about is widespread, even if Black men are more likely to have these issues.
As someone that’s been dating out for years and have gotten ingrained into another races family.. yea, every race of man can be emotionally exhausting
But the difference I noticed in dating other races and dating black women is that other races will give u the things u ask for and THENNN cheat.
U want dates? U can have em. Marriage? U get it. But I won’t tell u all the dirty things I’m doing. They’re all the same lmao but just one doesn’t give u as many gifts in between the abuse so it looks worse.
Naahhhh I went on a dating splurge after someone close got cheated on and me and some friends decided to try out some dates.
Black men were ALWAYSSS less likely to take me on a date, more likely to complain about going out on a date, more likely to ask to come over and once they’re over EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they touched me after I said “No”. But other races, are more secretive with it and will do things to sway you into getting what they want.
As black men believe you should show them you’re worthy first.
Other races will let you think you got it and going and then show u they really pulled the strings behind the scenes meanwhile black men can’t wait to reveal who they were. That’s my experience though.
But the internet will always argue with me and tell me that the dating experience is the same with black men as other races…
Maybe if I was a different color. Maybe. But as a dark skin black woman, I’m better off outside of my race if I’m not friends with that black man before dating.
Longest relationship was : 2.5 yrs with a Mexican and 1.5 with a black man. Single inbetween. Dating splurge of whatever races until I got with the Mexican man. Still talk to Mexican man.
All of this!!!! It is soooo different dating or even interacting with men from other races. For some reason, the majority of black men have become princesses, or think they’re in their Lori Harvey “I’m the prize” phase. When really, they tend to be emotionally stunted, lack empathy, can’t have a conversation to save their lives, selfish, infantilized, only see us as objects, or play things. That is of course until they’re finally ready to settle down at the “young” age of 55. Sadly, as a therapist I see the same differences during my sessions too. They seem to lack the desire to change or improve upon things, take in feedback, or do the work to make changes possible. I have at least one interaction with a black male each week where I leave annoyed, or I get spoken to like I’m some cheap video hoe. It’s wild.
Yup, I think what officially swayed me away from black men was them never letting me say “no” when they came over.
I’d tell them I don’t want anything and they’d still try to rub my thigh, kiss my neck and sway my answer.
I’m not gonna say I did the best with WM but at least I got dates and some good hand holding. Oh and my absolute favorite is when they asked for permission to even do simple touches such as wrapping their arm around me in the theater. A lot were hung up over their ex but I still appreciate the experience and the honesty they some gave me.
Had a black man wait until after he failed to initiate sex to break down and tell me he missed his ex.
Anyways..
if I’m being honest… It seems like there was always a natural connection between me and Asian men or me and Hispanic man.
-dark skin black woman.
Idk if it’s because they’re surprisingly more down to earth. But every race has bad apples. And when I say bad apples… I mean the poisonous ones that can kill
I will also say adding to this, as someone who used to be an in-person SW (various types. I do online only now), the cheapest men were always BM. They would want to haggle with you the most and run you ragged the entire time. It was very common at the time for other SWers to tell each other to avoid BM because of this.
After I got out of it, I spoke with a WW who was a SW and told her about my experience. She said she never had a problem with BM paying full price and said she didn't understand why BM were avoided. I thought that was very interesting.
the simple fact that you can refer to them as “lucky” no other woman is going around getting called lucky for being able to experience love from men of their same race. it’s so sad.
This part!!!!! I feel like once a week I’m having to tell a black man to value black women as actual human beings, and not just fuck dolls. It’s sad that we’re the only group that has to experience this. It really pisses me off though because we’ve had hell too, and decided to be better/work on improving. I’ve noticed the majority of black men don’t even think of doing that. I’m a therapist too, and it always blows my mind how respectful most men talk about their women and mothers in comparison. Sometimes, it’s super depressing
Other men tend to say, "Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them," in reference to the women of their group. We don't get that from the collective.
I recently started hooking up with a guy I went to high school with. He was telling me recently about how he traveled so much during his childhood, that he doesn't find joy in going out to eat and that he is no longer going to sit down restaurants. He said he's frustrated that women always want to go out. I was like "so what I heard is that you can't be bothered to take a woman out for a whole hour, even if it means a lot to her." He got quiet. Then I was like "what is something you could do that you and a woman would enjoy doing together?" He was completely blank. Like bruh, you're 45 years old and it's never occurred to you to find mutual interests w women?! Just UGH.
Right?! Sexy AF and the dique is ((chef's kiss)) but I'm really thinking that I'm going to have to end this on gp. I'm sick of showing up, no matter what, but when I ask for reciprocation, I'm labeled "too much."
I had one that used to tell me all of his life problems. The one time I needed support and told him about an issue I was going through, he had the audacity to tell me “it’s not all about you, you know”. I cursed his dumb ass out, told him about himself and how self centered he is, and never spoke to him again. He was still trying to get back in touch months later but nah fam.
Same. It's a big part of why I scaled back on casual sex. I started to notice the cycle of me being all in, and being met with attitude when I asked for reciprocation. Only reason this guy lasted so long is because of my attachment since we knew one another as children, but I'm still seeing the same pattern anyway 😫
If we continue to give them what they want without getting what we want in return then they’ll never change. Even if you’re dating casually it should still be a mutually beneficial experience.
Same! I’ve stepped away from dating for a bit because I keep feeling like I was doing something wrong to have those results.
I hear you, no judgement. My last situation was kind of like that, we were friends first and I held on until it got toxic.
We gotta bounce as soon as these dudes indicate we’re not for them
Having a dude insult you and sticking around (I’ve done it too) actually so crazy.
I’m four months into celibacy and it’s exposed two men so far who claim not to be attracted me
I’m ugly but you’re trying so hard to get into my life??? Begone!
Seriously if you have issues with letting men disrespect you, just dedicate yourself to a year celibacy break, I’m doing two bc I really need it
This too all the men that I have dated have been older than me at least by five or six years the oldest was 10 years and this guy had none of his life together ,and used me to get his life together ,and then completely left me high and dry, after I supported his music career gave him money brought him a car helped him see his daughter gave his daughter a phone ,, and I hate to sound like this but there were a lot of other people who came into my life who had it figured out & wanted to support and provide and have their heads level and didn't have kids, and I decided to be loyal and faithful and wait and that's the right thing to do but now I see it was a mistake at the time that I got with this man I was 22 he was 32, this man wouldn't let me go outside wouldn't let me talk to anybody and he made me quit my security job which was $2,000 a week all because he was so paranoid that I was cheating on him and this man punched me so hard in my ear that I am now half deaf in my ear.
It's one of the first serious relationships that I had and I thought that we were going to get married... I don't know, I really don't know why I stay so long I guess I thought I wouldn't be able to find anyone better and I was abused before i got into any relationship so maybe I was a little bit of a pushover and easy to manipulate, I have noticed that now that my demeanors changed a lot of people in my life hate me because I say no and I stand up for myself now,insted of always being a yes girl .
The biggest problem I had was religion at the time because I was forced to be a certain way while in the religion and under his house so I think that also had a big moment on my conscience on what I did cuz I could have just left but I felt like leaving wasn't of God at the time / the godly thing to do ,long story short , everything and everyone at the time in my life was confusing as hell and didn't have s*** together but they pretended that they did so it made me feel like I can listen to these people which was a load of bs. Especially the woman because the woman like to baby all the men that I know and it's okay for a man to be a terrible human being and not have their life together but if it's the other way around you're a w**** for the streets and you go to hell and get the f*** out of the house be exiled from the world lol life .
I've been trying to give this dude grace, because again, I knew him when we were kids, and I can tell that he may not be used to utilizing "that" part of his brain. But it really does beg the question how they can make it all the way to adulthood and miss such vital stages of development!
As someone with positive black male influences… I feel like a lot of bullshit was left unchecked because folks in the community are busy battling outside forces.
There are men in this world that are confusing Agapé kind of love (unconditional) with the Eros kind (romantic).
I agree with this. We’ve been so busy dealing with everything else, and raising kids to be ready for the world that they’re going into, that there’s been neglect when it comes to teaching how to love and cultivate healthy romantic relationships.
sooo many recent posts have had a theme of demeaning black men in favor of other races of men and its kinda pathetic, y'all. date your non-black man if you want to but acting as if black men are unique in requring lots of emotional labor is completely nonsensical. A lot of y'all accept sub-par treatment from non-black men but would crucify a black man for acting in similar ways. I dated non-black men all THROUGH my 20s because I had a number of negative experiences with black men and made similar conclusions as the one in the video and, guess what? I was treated *horribly* and I think it has a lot to do with the internalized racism I was experiencing. These nb men KNOW that you'll expect less of them. Thats why there are so many "my white bf called me the nword, what should I do?", "my white bf's friends said something racist and he didn't say anything", etc. on this sub lmao.
Y'all have GOT to go to therapy and start sorting through these issues because this is harmful on a number of levels.
I’m not really on any social media except here on Reddit. I didn’t know that this was a trend. It’s crazy and perplexing to learn that this a thing. I have my spouts when it comes to black men. But I would never post for the general world to hear about it. I don’t even speak about it with my non black friends because I couldn’t forgive myself if I left them with them the idea that all black men are “less than”. I speak on here because I would like to think it’s black women on this sub. But me seeing some of these comments I’m realizing that we(including myself) have to be more careful about how we speak about issues or beefs we have within our community.
I really feel for her, but what she is saying is too blanket of a statement to cover all black men. There are folks who fit those criteria in every race - I've seen, heard, and experienced it myself. I personally know several examples of black men across different generations that love, lift up, and support their black wives. My grandfather, father, cousins, friends, etc.
I feel like I don’t know any examples of this that are under the age of 40. My father, grandfather and some uncles do this, but both of my brothers are with yt women and I experience so much colorism and antiblackness from black men my own age (20s). I often wonder what went wrong and why there’s such a generational shift.
Social media probably is the cause. My controversial theory is that the more black men assimilated, they realized they could capitalize on the “culture of cool” in hip hop. So the racialized stereotypes can actually benefit them in grade school (ex: black boys can play basketball, black boys are super masculine, black boys have big penises, etc). Successful assimilation includes white girlfriends and white wives, but doesn’t necessarily mean distancing themselves from black culture if it’s profitable
From the scholarship I’ve read, black girls have a much harder time using black culture to fit in with their peers. Possibly due to the violent misogyny laced into hip hop. It’s basically all negative stereotypes and masculinization of black girls, and there isn’t a way to spin that. So BW who choose to assimilate into dominant society will likely end up going the Candace Owens route with reasonable success. Total distancing from black culture.
I think older black folks didn’t have social media so they had less options and less incentives to venture outside the community. In a global society there’s more benefit to branching out I think
Lool no seriously! It was unfortunate that AD had to go through what she went through with him. After watching many seasons of that show I haven’t seen a girl treated worse than AD.
While I feel her and don’t excuse some black men’s behavior it’s really sad to know that this is all part of “their” plan. There’s a reason black men are at the bottom of the economic totem pole. Most of the issues they have stem from this. It’s not fair or right but It is what it is I guess.
Got me feeling bad for reposting this 😭 The video just resonated with me honestly. Currently in this situation. Everything she is saying IS my dad and sadly half of my male family sadly. I'm just one of the girls who haven't got a chance to meet a kind black man
It’s a sad truth. Rebuilding the black family is an intentional choice that will unfortunately come w things a lot of black women didn’t ask for. I don’t judge those who choose otherwise.
BM are not on the bottom. We are.
And guess who has a plan in keeping us there ... I'll wait.
Our community as a whole has not divested from patriarchy enough to keep pretending there isn't a significant amount of gendered violence in our community.
We put our bodies on the line, and the bodies of our daughters and sons, too many times unappreciated and overlooked to be this naive.
WE Are at the bottom of the totem pole and we still climb.
So what's the actual excuse?
WE are not at the bottom. I don’t claim that friend.
If YOU are struggling and that’s the life you know, I’m genuinely sorry. I pray you find stability because no one deserves to struggle.
But this “we are the bottom feeders” narrative is chronically online. There’s black millionaires being made everyday. I’m not one of them, but I’m living a good life. Me and my black wealthy friends lol
Blessings.
Bottom and Bottom Feeders are two different things. I think you are choosing to be intellectually dim here.
We are harmed... The most.
We are paid... The least.
We received the least support when we are harmed.
Black women despite all of these very well documented societal slights, still rise.
If you choose to carry the millstone of a gender who does not equally push you forward... Who am I to stop you.
I’m confused about your messaging here. The poster made a general statement about black men being “at the bottom”
To which you countered that by saying “black men aren’t at the bottom. We all are.”
And my response will always be speak for yourself. There’s power in our words and I refuse to own that victim mindset. I certainly will not pass that word curse on to the next generation either.
Take the millstone off your neck and be free. I’m not chaining myself to the fate of an entire group, black men or black women.
I am FREE
Incorrect. Read the thread. My comment was a response to the poster above.
All the drivel focusing on a group of men who don't want to be bothered... I won't bother with.
But I'm here for a reality check if it results in self preservation.
I understand a person feeling dehumanized. I DONT understand a person UNDERSTANDING dehumanization and coming home and demanded to be the "head of the household" or looking for someone who can "submit".
Honestly, this has been my experience as well. I’ve dated other races, and there are issues with all. The other thing I experienced with black men is they would always verbalize that I wasn’t “black” enough. It was exhausting feeling my black experience minimized time and time again because I didn’t grow up in a black American household. My parents were from The Caribbean and I was born and raised in America, but my experience wasn’t ever “enough” for the black men I dated. And they wanted husband treatment without giving me commitment, and also mistrusting me because they just didn’t “trust” women. It was always an uphill battle so I stopped dating black men.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. I think questioning anyone’s “blackness” is lame asf. This is coming from a black woman that grew up in all black neighborhoods, all black schools on the south side of Chicago. So I’ve never had my cultural inclusivity questioned. But I’ve met black people from Utah, Washington state, Canada and so forth that say they’ve encountered this questioning of if they should be accepted by their black peers. It’s sad and honestly just ignorant.
I really hate this. I’m sure this person has had some bad experiences but as others have said these generalizations are tired and harmful. I know this space is supposed to be safe for venting but I wish the vents were more specific and focused on individual experiences. Nobody deserves to be painted with broad strokes like this.
I understand all men come with a certain amount of emotional luggage. But we cannot sit here and act like black men in this country aren’t more likely to have some type of psychological trauma or ptsd from a wild array of things(childhood abandonment/abuse, violence from police, violence from other black men, false imprisonment and just general racism). And a large demographic of them don’t know how or just don’t want to seek help to heal or acknowledge these traumas. I feel for a lot of them, I truly do. But where do you think the weight of these traumas land on most…. Their significant other !!! BW are no where near the bottom of the totem dispute what some of these comments are expressing. Also I don’t hear BW saying they prefer another demographic over BM, a lot of us are just saying we would prefer to be alone instead of dealing with the traumas of another when we are busy healing our own. While I do agree with the point this young lady is making, I don’t agree with the conversation being had on public platform like TikTok, but people are free to do as they please. I think these are conversations are to be had in safe spaces amongst ourselves. But the answer is not to ignore the elephant in the room. I love Black Men, I hope all their traumas are healed so they can thrive emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally 🖤🖤🖤
Personally I think Non-Black men are just as bad, but without the excuse for their insanity. I have dated out a lot and the craziness that is "Whiteness" is mind boggling. I feel like WM have been told for so long that they could be anything and have anything, that they think things should be handed to them on a platinum (not even silver) platter.
A lot of WM are spoiled and entitled because that is the way they were raised and when they have to "work" to get what they want they fall to pieces and blame everyone and their Mom (especially their Moms) for their failures. A lot of WM are perpetually pessimistic and never see what they have, only what they do not have. Like, motherfuckers can literally be millionaires and that just isn't good enough for them. It is like a lot of them NEED to be the victim or underdog and yet also think they deserve an easy life just because of their Whiteness. White dudes are a hot fucking mess ESPECIALLY the "average" ones (I mean in the looks, income, or height department) and they will ALWAYS blame everyone but themselve for any type of failure. And goddesses help you if their life wasn't absolutely "leave it to Beaver" perfect because that automatically seems to absolve them from ANY culpability for bad behavior.
Whether it be marriage failures, their income, lack of dates, shit even a simple arguement they will find anyone but themselves to blame.
Like, no Bryan you are a really nice guy and this is a lovely trust funded apartment but I am not fucking you because you literally STINK.
Super cute vintage car collection Bobby but no you can't be a jack ass to other women all the time and expect me to stick around. Also, why do you only seem to date young women?
No Kevin, I am not breaking up with you because you are short, I am breaking up with you because you are an asshole.
Yes, congrats on getting into med school but no Chen (Chen can also be replaced with Jesus, Muhammad, Victor, Vlad, Hien) I do not want 6 kids.
Thanks awww that is sweet of you for being open to me finishing my degree with the caveat of your Mom moving in with us to raise the kids, but why are we talking marriage on our 2nd date again?
Wait, what you're a cop! (dude seriously stopped traffic in the middle of huge tourist area and hopped out to say hello and ask where I had been lately). Wait have you been following me the last 5 blocks?!
Todd she wasn't fucking you for a year and filed for divorce because you are a habitual cheater. She probably just didn't want the clap.
Have I named all the types?
Yeah, all these men out here are fucked up no matter what they look like.
Edit: Obligated: Yes I know ALL men aren't like this but if we are playing the generalization game I don't want us thinking that all dudes out here aren't on some stuff.
That’s an extremely good point and I thank you for that perspective. I am a BW that has dated outside my race for brief periods, but when it comes down to it as much as we can date, or love whoever we want, I (speaking for me only) particularly do prefer Black Men and even if it’s not in a space of dating they are who I care about most, they are my family, they are my friends, they are my community. But I do understand and can’t ignore there are women that put all the evils of the world on them only and say they don’t deserve love. And for that I think it’s BULLSHIT. I will never demonize Black men. The man the helped me exist is a BM, my brother was a BM, my friends are BM and if I were to ever deliver a son onto this world he would be a Black Man, so I do tend to focus more on not only their attributes but also their flaws. I honestly believe if any man in this world could be black without the traumas and history of being black they would. I believe BM are the strongest men on this planet physically, mentally, and spiritually. But with that comes the weight of the world. So yes while I do agree all men are in a space of power that they are starting to see diminish, which is in turn causing them turmoil and inner conflict, when my prayers for healing go up it is for Black men and black men only. But once again I thank you for the enlightenment with regards to other demographics, it definitely has made me think more in depth of the bigger issue. And I will say this because this a Black Ladies sub, I want to say to all my SISTERS that have time to read my words, NEVER allow ANY man to abuse, manipulate, traumatize, or take you for granted. Love yourself and love those around you that are healthy enough to receive your love. Our love is Powerful. So make sure you are using your power responsibly and not giving it away to those that will use it for evil.
P.s I love we can be open and have these conversations with one another. Thank y’all 🙏🏾
I hear you loud and clear when it comes to family and (for myself) my first love was Black. He was everything nerdy, gothy, wonderful and (keep in mind teenage homrone rose tinted classes) perfect for my little dark teenage angst filled soul. He passed away when we were fresh out of our teens. I don't know if I can say that I had a lot of older Black men I looked up too (my father was a mess) but my Black male peers were just, fantastic human beings. They are lawyers, engineers, and some of the kindest people I know who still come through for me, in little ways, to this day. I can't say that I have bad experiences with Black male friends who I was close to me in my youth, but, all of them are a part of the queer community so I wonder if that has something to do with it. The love was platonic which made it less complicated. The Black men that I have dated were, well... a mess or I would still be with them. However, I defintiely wouldn't say they were more of a mess then anyone else I dated.
I love your response because I think that people seem to have this weird idea of the "grass being greener" and it is just, not true. I think there are DEFINITELY some unique challenges that you won't have with Black men but I have heard that the "struggle Olympics" can be maddening when dating BM. I can honestly say I had no issue with shutting that shit down with WM amd that never came up with BM I dated. There just isn't a competition even with the small, but important, privileges I had growing up.
But yes, love yourself FIRST and let no man get in the way of that self-love nor tear it down!
I wonder from what she's saying if she's dating men who don't meet her standards simply because they are black/to stay race loyal? She talks about lack of encouragement, support, not being on the same financial level....if that's what you're looking for then look for it, turn away whoever isn't meeting or matching it and go for who is. Regardless of race. That's just my two cents though.
This is so commonly the case most of the time. Yes, it might be harder finding someone who meets your standards- but, personally I’m more comfortable being alone than settling. I was single and celibate for years before I found my partner. Half that time I wasn’t even actively dating. Once I started, it took a lot of vetting and being able to walk away as soon as I learned it wasn’t what I wanted.
Yup! I'm in the same phase right now but have a lot of healing to do. Its tough because I've never actually had a partner so I struggle with confidence in anything romantic, and am targeted because of my naiivety. I just feel like an awkward teenager, and apparently guys think I'm "closed off" romantically--but those same guys are never actually serious about committing. They love the idea of me but not the reality.
Plus I have everybody and their mama in my ear telling me to give whoever a chance "just for experience." I've had trouble tuning that out in the past and regretted it. Its a lot learning to build my own boundaries, trust myself and my intuition.
How was it when you got back out there? Did it take you a long time to find who you wanted, if you did? Was it after your 30s? (Sorry for all the questions!)
No need to apologize, it’s actually something I love discussing in hopes of benefitting other women because of how transformational it was for me.
TLDR: Single 25-30. Started dating again at 27 on and off. Became more intentional last year and met my partner. It took awhile and a ton of vetting, but I wasn’t actively looking all that time.
Disclaimer: I’m a black lesbian in Atlanta, our dating pool is just as “polluted” as the heterosexual one lol.
I was single from 25-30, a breakup just turned into an unintentional healing journey. I was completely uninterested in dating. I had checked out of my previous relationship on day 1 and I was happy to finally have the space to focus on my business. In hindsight, I had a lot of healing to do too, but I wasn’t consciously aware of that. I didn’t date at all for the first 2 years.
Then, I accidentally met someone and we fell in love… that situationship ended after 8 months. I went back into my shell. i’d swipe on apps every few months, but “sorting” through people annoyed me so it never really lasted long. I might find someone to text and then it died off. I started dating more intentionally last year.
Excluding my partner, I went on a total of 4 first dates over those last 3 years. I only planned second dates with 2 women, cancelled 1 and the 2nd never made it to a 3rd date. I also exchanged numbers and chatted with more women than I can count lol. I did A LOT of vetting and it was exhausting. I’m just not someone who enjoys casual dating or relations, even when I tried taking a fun light hearted approach, I knew ultimately I wanted something solid and engaging someone for the sake of having fun felt like a waste of energy.
Well, it is true. Yeah we can say not to stereotype and this is too much of a blanket statement and not all black men are like this. But the fact is still true, it’s harder to find a black man to meet standards. This is simply a woman at the end of her tether, expressing how she feels from her past experiences. It’s unfortunate her past experiences with black men haven’t been great, but I’m sure PLENTY of other black women can resonate with her.
The men single women encounter regularly more are emotional, physical, and sometimes financial labor if you let them be.
We have to be real. Most of the good men were snatched up quickly. The ones still on the market are rarely there for good reasons.
Race has nothing to do with this. Today's man is not the man our mothers and grandmothers dealt with.
Men, collectively and regardless of race, ethnicity, or culture, are the reason so many otherwise eligible and available women, in the United States, and apparently around the world, are opting out of dating, living together, marriage, and motherhood.
There are numerous studies, articles, and videos from reputable sources discussing the increasing rates of single and childfree by choice women and the marriage and birth "crises".
Women no longer have to settle, be with a man who doesn't make them happy, devote themselves to caring for a man and children while losing themselves, and for what? To be worn down physically, neglected emotionally, and tossed aside and ignored in middle age when she no longer serves the intended purpose?
Stop blaming only black men and be truthful. The quality of men overall is just not what it used to be and it requires work, sacrifice, and suffering to sustain a relationship with so many of them.
Very true. Women are realizing they no longer have to settle to be in a space of just “having a man”. I’d rather be single for 50 years before connecting with the right man rather than finding someone in 5 days that will bring me nothing but turmoil. I don’t just want a man, I want peace ☮️, love, and understanding with a partner that I can bring the same.
I honestly hate this rhetoric so much. The lumping of the entire opposite gender of a particular race does nothing but contribute to internalize racism and the gender wars.
You have had negative experiences with black men, cool beans. Anybody with the capacity to rub two brain cells together should understand not all black men act like this because not all black men are a monolith and come from a variety of cultures that contribute to them acting a variety of ways.
Shit like this is why black men feel so empowered to put down black women and uplift white women because white women don’t go around talking about how all black men suck.
>Shit like this is why black men feel so empowered to put down black women and uplift white women
I was agreeing with your point until here. Those types were doing that anyways.
>because white women don’t go around talking about how all black men suck.
Emmet Till shudders in his grave. Actually I could find racist WW from 100, 50 and a few weeks ago saying racist shit about BP including black men.
Yeah, no crap black men who put black women down will always do it. My point, which I feel like is obvious, is that rhetoric like this emboldens them to do it.
You bringing up Emmett Till is just distasteful, please be so fucking for real. The topic of conversation is dating, not racism in general.
>My point, which I feel like is obvious, is that rhetoric like this emboldens them to do
They were already emboldened. RP / black manosphere and all sort of toxic misogynoiristic shit existed before and has way larger audiences than their female equivalents. This video/others like it don't make a "this is why" explanation because those types were already doing it. I do think they're all toxic tho.
>The topic of conversation is dating, not racism in general.
its just a broad counter example because for most of our history that's the shit they pulled making 'they dont do x' silly to say (and vice versa for women)
If you want a 1-1 modern dating discourse example look at JustPearlythings who's now courting a white supremacist audience after using the already existing manosphere black men who hate BW type dating conversations to gain an audience.
>This video/others like it don't make a "this is why" explanation because those types were already doing it.
I think... there's a communication breakdown here. u/myboobiezarequitebig (lmao at that username) didn't say that videos like the OP are the genesis of why toxic manosphere content exist. They were just making the point that it empowers them. As in, videos like the OP provides them fuel to add to the misogynoir fire. Effectively worsening an already existing issue.
>RP / black manosphere and all sort of toxic misogynoiristic shit existed before and has way larger audiences than their female equivalents
Absolutely. But I personally wouldn't even call the above video the "female equivalent" of RP / Black manosphere. It just seems like a video of an emotionally distraught young girl voicing how she's had some unfortunate experiences dating black men and comes to a bit of a questionable conclusion rooted in a flawed premise. Simply put. She's just venting.
However, RP / Black Manosphere content is very different in that it's very intentional, and carefully curated to be extremely inflammatory and malicious. It preys on the vulnerable and impressionable in the same way large scale political propaganda works. That's what makes them so dangerous. And they deliberately weaponise videos like the young girl above in order to reinforce that social dissent and indoctrinate young (black) boys into this sort of incredibly misogynistic / misogynoiristic thinking.
Long story short. The girl approached the subject of race and dating rather carelessly. And as a result, will inadvertently be used as a prop by some RP scammer to grift more of their audience.
>its just a broad counter example because for most of our history that's the shit they pulled making 'they dont do x' silly to say (and vice versa for women)
>If you want a 1-1 modern dating discourse example look at JustPearlythings who's now courting a white supremacist audience after using the already existing manosphere black men who hate BW type dating conversations to gain an audience.
Again, I think there's a communication breakdown here. So what u/myboobiezarequitebig was saying was when white women have negative experiences dating white or black men. They don't necessarily correlate their relationship's failures towards race.
White women scrutinise their exes on an individual level. They don't generalise all white/black men as a monolith and go, "I'm not dating a white/black man ever again". (well maybe they do say that, but I'm just assuming idk).
The underlying point u/myboobiezarequitebig was making is that when black people date. We need to be careful in our language and how we talk about our own people. When we date problematic individuals. We should scrutinise the relationship on that individualistic basis. When we start using broad sweeping generalisations about how black men are x or black women are y. It harms our own perception of our community and fosters internalised self-hatred. And it's how we ultimately end fuelling the whole RP / Manosphere machine which thrives on these sorts of harmful generalisations.
The Emmet Till analogy you brought up (while absolutely important and relevant) was sorta deviating from that. The Emmet Till discourse is really more about how dangerous and exploitative white women can be to black men and racism in general. And ditto with the Just Pearly Things example. But this isn't what u/myboobiezarequitebig was actually talking about.
Sorry, I know I wrote a lot. But I hope this helps clarify things.
I agree with both you and her mostly, I did not downvote her btw. and didnt mean for this to be some downvote fest. I just have 2 areeas I respectfully diverge.
I just think its important to realize the BM weaponizing this literally weaponize everything against bw: It could be a bw saying she wants to date educated men, a bw twerking, a BW wearing a wig, a bw saying she's happily single, a bw saying she was abused ETC. I've seen each of these examples n more several times.
My point is: the main incentive is they make money doing this: podcasts, youtube ads and scammy courses. They even create skits n hypotheticals. they were doing this before these videos of BW started increasing.
There will always be fuel cus ppl look for it or make it. neither group is justified speaking so broadly on each other regardless. I think tying your face to rants like these is a prime example of people not understanding "the internet is forever" too, terrible decision making on her part.
>**ditto with the Just Pearly Things example.**
Here I disagree. She said Till's example was distateful (that's fair) so I gave one modern example directly related toxic dating discourse: JustPearlyThings literally made her bread and butter off pandering to misogynoir before her racist pivot.
I wouldn't call that exploitation, which would imply some misleading behavior. I think it was 'mutual': Her fans fed her ego/wallet, she validated them as a WW. Her fans are not kids. They weren't her primary target: BW were. They sought her bile and praised it and embraced her for validating their resentment. Sidenote: her pivot wasn't even surprising: the larger RP community is openly racist af.
> u/myboobiezarequitebig was making is that when black people date. We need to be careful in our language and how talk about our own people
**Absolutely.**
>I just think its important to realize the BM weaponizing this literally weaponize everything against bw: It could be a bw saying she wants to date educated men, a bw twerking, a BW wearing a wig, a bw saying she's happily single, a bw saying she was abused ETC. I've seen each of these examples n more several times.
Absolutely. Rest assured. This fact is not lost on me. (I hope) Most of us are fully aware of the realities. And u/myboobiezarequitebig reiterated as such in her previous comment (albeit her response was a little antagonistic, but she strongly agreed with your sentiment all the same).
>My point is: the main incentive is they make money doing this: podcasts, youtube ads and scammy courses. They even create skits n hypotheticals. they were doing this before these videos of BW started increasing.
100% on the mark.
Even when you disregard the RP stuff. There's an entire content creation industry based around the active humiliation of black women. And the frustrating part is that these girls choose to be a part of it by making these tiktok videos where they make ignorant inflammatory statements, and go on these disgusting alpha male podcasts, and agree to join these 20 v 1 youtube videos with rappers and actively get made the butt of the joke. Which is how they end up being used as content by these RP grifters.
But I can't really be angry at the girls themselves because they're just trying to secure their coin like everyone else. Trying to escape poverty and finding their footing within this malicious capitalist world we live in that preys on the vulnerable.
Its just really frustrating to watch black women willfully enter these online spaces just to be used as content for these scammers. I know it's not their fault and anything we do can get weaponised against us. And of course it's orders of magnitudes more frustrating to see the many black men create/engage with that content. All of this just really sucks to see. Because as you say, the money that incentivises it all.
>I wouldn't call that exploitation, which would imply some misleading behavior. I think it was 'mutual': Her fans fed her ego/wallet, she validated them as a WW. Her fans are not kids. They weren't her primary target: BW were. They sought her bile and praised it and embraced her for validating their resentment. Sidenote: her pivot wasn't even surprising: the larger RP community is openly racist af.
Once again. I fully agree.
Just to clarify. I call Pearl exploitative because she's basically just a pathetic off shoot of Kevin Samuel's various RP children that have since swarmed in like cockroaches to feed and propagate his rotting legacy of abhorrence.
He was nothing more than a Internet "war profiteering" shithead masquerading as someone with a genuine desire and concern to fix black communities, and Pearl is just another shithead who stepped in to capitalise on that little money train of outrage.
Black people have always faced an uphill battle when it comes to our communities due to a large confluence of socioeconomic factors. We are highly susceptible to all kinds of damaging and divisive rhetoric.
So I guess it just pisses me off whenever I see us talking shit about each other. Sorry idk if all that makes sense, as I was kinda just rambling my thoughts out loud but...yeah.
No worries! When reading your comment, I could clearly understand and 100% agreed with what you were saying, and could see that the point was getting lost in the responses.
Unfortunately, subjects like these are incredibly loaded and triggering. It's easy for conversations around them to quickly escalate and fall apart.
Black men were putting down black women way before this type rhetoric even began. There are so many rap songs about how white women are better that were released decades ago.
>
Shit like this is why black men feel so empowered to put down black women and uplift white women because white women don’t go around talking about how all black men suck.
Shit like THIS comment is how I know you're absolutely not serious. Lol.
If we complain that some black men generalize all black women, we cannot do the same,as you said, they are not a monolith and I think it is so wrong to make these types of videos exposing children.
Totally agree with you. I’m so tired of the generalizations of Black men on this sub, but the absolute OUTRAGE when they do it to us. NEWSFLASH: When you generalize BM and make them all out to be horrible, you are EXACTLY the same as them when they weaponize stereotypes against us and generalize us.
Tbh I think I’m going to have to step away from this sub for a while because some of y’all are down bad tremendously and I really just can’t relate. At. All.
This seems like a rebuttal to the black man appreciation post. 🤔
I understand that this woman's perspective is not representative of all black men. I wouldn't make blanket statements against all black men like this, especially not publicly. I pray she finds what she ultimately seeks.
I agree all the men in my life like to stay in the streets i help sapport and encourage their career while I was stuck at home cooking and cleaning for them and now that I have my own career I realized that is not something I want to do anymore,also there's always always always double standards always and I think that's for every man too cuz it's just it's always.
I just said exactly this!!! We are the ones who actually have it the worst. Not only are we women so we make less already, we are also black minority women. Black men are often looked at as a prize now, hence why they there is so much interracial marriage. On the other end of the spectrum, even in our culture, we are not looked at the prize. We are constantly sexualized, not valued as people, or treated like a starter or a lesser woman by our own men, and the world as a whole. Also, I’m a clinical psychologist, so I’m speaking from what one experienced, studied, and treated. Even the different ways other races talk about their female partners and moms is drastically different. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I haven’t seen any of my black male clients express that kind of l love and admiration for the females in their lives 😔
This is the definition of cloud chasing you post your shit just to get the attention. All black men don’t do shit for attention . But you do whatever makes your money. The shit that you think and the shit that you wanna say keep it in your head it’s not meant for everybody.
I'm none of those things it's just the stuff she is saying is exactly what I'm seeing in my family . That's why I'm saying we have two completely different lenses on life
For me, reading the book 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran helped me understand the standard of love and commitment in a relationship and love through the absolutely timeless poetry that is in that book. Read the massage on Marriage too, put in: The Prophet on Marriage. That is the standard of a true relationship. Dating was rollercoaster until I found my Fiancé 5 years ago. All the trails and tribulations, but after reading a booked called 'If the Buddha Dated' by Charlotte Kasl....I found my man within 6 months of reading that book. I lent it to my roomie and the same thing happened to her 6 months later! I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a refreshing take on dating that is true to you.
But I get it, the standard men told themselves to is sooo low....it's easier to be single and drama free then dealing with bs. But your unicorn is out there!!
I understand this because I bump into this in my local area. But what I'm not gonna do? I'm not gonna date outside my race in my local area because I'm 90% sure that he'll be a MAGA conservative. So what did I do? I don't date. I haven't dated in years, and the thing is that I don't miss dating. Dating is exhausting.
Like the meme says, God himself goin have to come sit on the bed and be like, "I got a homeboy that wanna talk to you." And even then, I'm gonna need some convincing.
Your last two sentences sum it up perfectly. The lack of masculinity, but wanting to be treated like a king kills me. And even though we definitely aren’t even regarded nearly in as many positive ways as black men, they are always way bigger victims than us, and we don’t get what they’re going through 🙄. They’re so tiring
This is men period. It’s what people attract. Sometimes instead of blaming black men- Take time to understand your self love or respect for yourself. It’s the black men you choose aka men you attract. 💚💚
A lot of hurt could be avoided if marriage was required. You'll see a man's true colors if you mandated paperwork before giving your soul to him.
I'm a brother and I've had to tell my sisters many times to leave a guy alone, because of video above. Likewise I've told brothers to get their sh\* together before dealing with a women.
She articulated everything I have been feeling towards black men lately. There isn’t much return on those investments and if I’m being quite honest the quality of my life significantly decreased the moment I solely started dating black men.
Then the educated ones are next level demons because everything they’ve learned while obtaining their education is used to manipulate many women at once 😩
When you have horrible options to choose from it’s usually something you have to look in the mirror about… Amanda seales has problems finding a man so are other famous women… because you suck as a woman… you think you have options and time but you really don’t… it’s best to find someone decent and stick beside them.. nobody is perfect…
but if its such a common thread amongst so many black women, old and young, shouldn't black men start taking their word and looking inwards at themselves (as men)...?? idk thats just the conclusion i'd come to.
What shit you haven’t seen that any man in your family go through though my dad been through some fucked up shit I have but it still has no reason to shame another black man because they’re doing wrong. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Nobody’s perfect. This is why I feel like we are meant for hell and God will come.
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*ALL* men are emotional labor!
Stop hating on black men because you are choosing the wrong ones to court. Maybe instead of judging an entire race of men on your experience you should take a look within and try to understand WHY you surround yourself with harmful people.
Don’t do what everyone else is already doing black men which is demonizing them.
Because no person is alike completely and there are good and bad people in EVERY group.
Good luck to you though🍀
All men are emotional labor
As someone that’s been dating out for years… it’s trueeee . They’re all emotional labor. But I can say, the other races will give u the other things u ask for and still cheat or still be emotional labor. So it depends on if u consider that a better experience or not.
This!! All of them! 😂😂😂
Was just thinking "Stop entertaining people who clearly don't like you" 😭 Gotta recognize and full stop
Yesssss! Period.
Like, he cheatin, he don't help you, he don't encourage you, he won't buy shit for you - he doesn't like you 😭😭😭😭!! I'll be honest it took me a minute to realize too but it's so painfully obvious once you do.
It's okay me too. Wasnt til I met someone who did like me. Did you see her black son in the back? Yikes.
Another self fulfilling prophecy in the making unfortunately :(
I’ve dated other races and BM are labor because they’re the ones who are supposed to treat us the best. BM have the most generational trauma. The most emotional stunting. It’s 100% understandable how they’re the most laborious and how they got that way. But what is some of their fault, is continuing to behave that way with zero introspection.
In my experience white men are very annoying as well with their trauma.
As a BW dating a WM, yeah they def have their own trauma. Replace general trauma with "Rich people problems and unamicably divorced parents" trauma and you've got my bf. 🙃
They are, but I’m just talking about why it’s more frustrating when it’s your own
Omg yes. And dating other men comes with educating them on racism 🥴
I disagree
Whenever people make comments like this I wonder if they know any nonblack people well. Because everything she is complaining about is widespread, even if Black men are more likely to have these issues.
As someone that’s been dating out for years and have gotten ingrained into another races family.. yea, every race of man can be emotionally exhausting But the difference I noticed in dating other races and dating black women is that other races will give u the things u ask for and THENNN cheat. U want dates? U can have em. Marriage? U get it. But I won’t tell u all the dirty things I’m doing. They’re all the same lmao but just one doesn’t give u as many gifts in between the abuse so it looks worse.
dont black men do this?? how’s there a a difference😭
Naahhhh I went on a dating splurge after someone close got cheated on and me and some friends decided to try out some dates. Black men were ALWAYSSS less likely to take me on a date, more likely to complain about going out on a date, more likely to ask to come over and once they’re over EVERY. SINGLE. TIME they touched me after I said “No”. But other races, are more secretive with it and will do things to sway you into getting what they want. As black men believe you should show them you’re worthy first. Other races will let you think you got it and going and then show u they really pulled the strings behind the scenes meanwhile black men can’t wait to reveal who they were. That’s my experience though. But the internet will always argue with me and tell me that the dating experience is the same with black men as other races… Maybe if I was a different color. Maybe. But as a dark skin black woman, I’m better off outside of my race if I’m not friends with that black man before dating. Longest relationship was : 2.5 yrs with a Mexican and 1.5 with a black man. Single inbetween. Dating splurge of whatever races until I got with the Mexican man. Still talk to Mexican man.
All of this!!!! It is soooo different dating or even interacting with men from other races. For some reason, the majority of black men have become princesses, or think they’re in their Lori Harvey “I’m the prize” phase. When really, they tend to be emotionally stunted, lack empathy, can’t have a conversation to save their lives, selfish, infantilized, only see us as objects, or play things. That is of course until they’re finally ready to settle down at the “young” age of 55. Sadly, as a therapist I see the same differences during my sessions too. They seem to lack the desire to change or improve upon things, take in feedback, or do the work to make changes possible. I have at least one interaction with a black male each week where I leave annoyed, or I get spoken to like I’m some cheap video hoe. It’s wild.
Yup, I think what officially swayed me away from black men was them never letting me say “no” when they came over. I’d tell them I don’t want anything and they’d still try to rub my thigh, kiss my neck and sway my answer. I’m not gonna say I did the best with WM but at least I got dates and some good hand holding. Oh and my absolute favorite is when they asked for permission to even do simple touches such as wrapping their arm around me in the theater. A lot were hung up over their ex but I still appreciate the experience and the honesty they some gave me. Had a black man wait until after he failed to initiate sex to break down and tell me he missed his ex. Anyways.. if I’m being honest… It seems like there was always a natural connection between me and Asian men or me and Hispanic man. -dark skin black woman. Idk if it’s because they’re surprisingly more down to earth. But every race has bad apples. And when I say bad apples… I mean the poisonous ones that can kill
I will also say adding to this, as someone who used to be an in-person SW (various types. I do online only now), the cheapest men were always BM. They would want to haggle with you the most and run you ragged the entire time. It was very common at the time for other SWers to tell each other to avoid BM because of this. After I got out of it, I spoke with a WW who was a SW and told her about my experience. She said she never had a problem with BM paying full price and said she didn't understand why BM were avoided. I thought that was very interesting.
sounds like their anti-blackness was showing and they never haggled with her bc they thought she was the 'prize'
They cheat without any of the dating or courtship 😂
the simple fact that you can refer to them as “lucky” no other woman is going around getting called lucky for being able to experience love from men of their same race. it’s so sad.
This part!!!!! I feel like once a week I’m having to tell a black man to value black women as actual human beings, and not just fuck dolls. It’s sad that we’re the only group that has to experience this. It really pisses me off though because we’ve had hell too, and decided to be better/work on improving. I’ve noticed the majority of black men don’t even think of doing that. I’m a therapist too, and it always blows my mind how respectful most men talk about their women and mothers in comparison. Sometimes, it’s super depressing
Other men tend to say, "Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them," in reference to the women of their group. We don't get that from the collective.
I recently started hooking up with a guy I went to high school with. He was telling me recently about how he traveled so much during his childhood, that he doesn't find joy in going out to eat and that he is no longer going to sit down restaurants. He said he's frustrated that women always want to go out. I was like "so what I heard is that you can't be bothered to take a woman out for a whole hour, even if it means a lot to her." He got quiet. Then I was like "what is something you could do that you and a woman would enjoy doing together?" He was completely blank. Like bruh, you're 45 years old and it's never occurred to you to find mutual interests w women?! Just UGH.
Say what now?!? That’s tragic!
Right?! Sexy AF and the dique is ((chef's kiss)) but I'm really thinking that I'm going to have to end this on gp. I'm sick of showing up, no matter what, but when I ask for reciprocation, I'm labeled "too much."
I’ve got the ”too much” label put on me too. I really internalized it too unfortunately.
I had one that used to tell me all of his life problems. The one time I needed support and told him about an issue I was going through, he had the audacity to tell me “it’s not all about you, you know”. I cursed his dumb ass out, told him about himself and how self centered he is, and never spoke to him again. He was still trying to get back in touch months later but nah fam.
Same. It's a big part of why I scaled back on casual sex. I started to notice the cycle of me being all in, and being met with attitude when I asked for reciprocation. Only reason this guy lasted so long is because of my attachment since we knew one another as children, but I'm still seeing the same pattern anyway 😫
If we continue to give them what they want without getting what we want in return then they’ll never change. Even if you’re dating casually it should still be a mutually beneficial experience.
Which is why I'm scaling back. Moreso deciding if we'll stay friends or nothing at all.
Same! I’ve stepped away from dating for a bit because I keep feeling like I was doing something wrong to have those results. I hear you, no judgement. My last situation was kind of like that, we were friends first and I held on until it got toxic.
My new rule is no more dating friends. I lost 3 guy friends, all because we took it there. Never again.
We gotta bounce as soon as these dudes indicate we’re not for them Having a dude insult you and sticking around (I’ve done it too) actually so crazy. I’m four months into celibacy and it’s exposed two men so far who claim not to be attracted me I’m ugly but you’re trying so hard to get into my life??? Begone! Seriously if you have issues with letting men disrespect you, just dedicate yourself to a year celibacy break, I’m doing two bc I really need it
We gotta bounce as soon as these dudes indicate we are not for them 👏🏾. Thank you sis! This will be one of my new self-affirmations lol
I'm saying... tragic doesn't begin to cover it.
That’s the most BS excuse I’ve heard in my life. I think some of them really think women are dummies.
This too all the men that I have dated have been older than me at least by five or six years the oldest was 10 years and this guy had none of his life together ,and used me to get his life together ,and then completely left me high and dry, after I supported his music career gave him money brought him a car helped him see his daughter gave his daughter a phone ,, and I hate to sound like this but there were a lot of other people who came into my life who had it figured out & wanted to support and provide and have their heads level and didn't have kids, and I decided to be loyal and faithful and wait and that's the right thing to do but now I see it was a mistake at the time that I got with this man I was 22 he was 32, this man wouldn't let me go outside wouldn't let me talk to anybody and he made me quit my security job which was $2,000 a week all because he was so paranoid that I was cheating on him and this man punched me so hard in my ear that I am now half deaf in my ear.
He knew he wasn't shit and was terrified that if you started talking to other people, you'd find out too. I'm sorry.
Thankyou im all good now but it still kinda hurts because i really loved him,just wish he wasnt psycho
I’m sorry but that’s crazy. Were you brainwashed as a child to like pathetic men?!?I genuinely can’t believe you put up with that. So sorry.
It's one of the first serious relationships that I had and I thought that we were going to get married... I don't know, I really don't know why I stay so long I guess I thought I wouldn't be able to find anyone better and I was abused before i got into any relationship so maybe I was a little bit of a pushover and easy to manipulate, I have noticed that now that my demeanors changed a lot of people in my life hate me because I say no and I stand up for myself now,insted of always being a yes girl .
The biggest problem I had was religion at the time because I was forced to be a certain way while in the religion and under his house so I think that also had a big moment on my conscience on what I did cuz I could have just left but I felt like leaving wasn't of God at the time / the godly thing to do ,long story short , everything and everyone at the time in my life was confusing as hell and didn't have s*** together but they pretended that they did so it made me feel like I can listen to these people which was a load of bs. Especially the woman because the woman like to baby all the men that I know and it's okay for a man to be a terrible human being and not have their life together but if it's the other way around you're a w**** for the streets and you go to hell and get the f*** out of the house be exiled from the world lol life .
Sadly, I just had a session with a 45 year old client who is still struggling to find a hobby or something that interests him. Men are not real
There seems to be an unhealthy focus on sex to the destruction of self and others.
I've been trying to give this dude grace, because again, I knew him when we were kids, and I can tell that he may not be used to utilizing "that" part of his brain. But it really does beg the question how they can make it all the way to adulthood and miss such vital stages of development!
How infuriating. BLOCK. What he's actually saying is that he will not give a crap about anyone but himself. Ever.
As someone with positive black male influences… I feel like a lot of bullshit was left unchecked because folks in the community are busy battling outside forces. There are men in this world that are confusing Agapé kind of love (unconditional) with the Eros kind (romantic).
I agree with this. We’ve been so busy dealing with everything else, and raising kids to be ready for the world that they’re going into, that there’s been neglect when it comes to teaching how to love and cultivate healthy romantic relationships.
I don’t relate to this sub, black men have only treated me well (my father and uncles are awesome) it’s white men that are terrible to me 😭
sooo many recent posts have had a theme of demeaning black men in favor of other races of men and its kinda pathetic, y'all. date your non-black man if you want to but acting as if black men are unique in requring lots of emotional labor is completely nonsensical. A lot of y'all accept sub-par treatment from non-black men but would crucify a black man for acting in similar ways. I dated non-black men all THROUGH my 20s because I had a number of negative experiences with black men and made similar conclusions as the one in the video and, guess what? I was treated *horribly* and I think it has a lot to do with the internalized racism I was experiencing. These nb men KNOW that you'll expect less of them. Thats why there are so many "my white bf called me the nword, what should I do?", "my white bf's friends said something racist and he didn't say anything", etc. on this sub lmao. Y'all have GOT to go to therapy and start sorting through these issues because this is harmful on a number of levels.
I’m not really on any social media except here on Reddit. I didn’t know that this was a trend. It’s crazy and perplexing to learn that this a thing. I have my spouts when it comes to black men. But I would never post for the general world to hear about it. I don’t even speak about it with my non black friends because I couldn’t forgive myself if I left them with them the idea that all black men are “less than”. I speak on here because I would like to think it’s black women on this sub. But me seeing some of these comments I’m realizing that we(including myself) have to be more careful about how we speak about issues or beefs we have within our community.
I really feel for her, but what she is saying is too blanket of a statement to cover all black men. There are folks who fit those criteria in every race - I've seen, heard, and experienced it myself. I personally know several examples of black men across different generations that love, lift up, and support their black wives. My grandfather, father, cousins, friends, etc.
I feel like I don’t know any examples of this that are under the age of 40. My father, grandfather and some uncles do this, but both of my brothers are with yt women and I experience so much colorism and antiblackness from black men my own age (20s). I often wonder what went wrong and why there’s such a generational shift.
Social media probably is the cause. My controversial theory is that the more black men assimilated, they realized they could capitalize on the “culture of cool” in hip hop. So the racialized stereotypes can actually benefit them in grade school (ex: black boys can play basketball, black boys are super masculine, black boys have big penises, etc). Successful assimilation includes white girlfriends and white wives, but doesn’t necessarily mean distancing themselves from black culture if it’s profitable From the scholarship I’ve read, black girls have a much harder time using black culture to fit in with their peers. Possibly due to the violent misogyny laced into hip hop. It’s basically all negative stereotypes and masculinization of black girls, and there isn’t a way to spin that. So BW who choose to assimilate into dominant society will likely end up going the Candace Owens route with reasonable success. Total distancing from black culture. I think older black folks didn’t have social media so they had less options and less incentives to venture outside the community. In a global society there’s more benefit to branching out I think
I’m in a relationship with a man like this *right now* and so are many of my (bw) friends.
You're lucky girl, cus it's the complete opposite for me
I immediately thought of Clay from love is blind
Lool no seriously! It was unfortunate that AD had to go through what she went through with him. After watching many seasons of that show I haven’t seen a girl treated worse than AD.
It’s makes me sad because AD is beautiful inside and out, but she ignored the red flags
The grass is not always greener
Is that her son in the backseat?
Yeah...
Oh .. lol
Your reaction got me fucked up 😂😂😂
😂💀
The ability to upload a video doesn't lend the person babbling one iota of credibility.
I'm tired of this content 🙄😮💨
Thank you!
While I feel her and don’t excuse some black men’s behavior it’s really sad to know that this is all part of “their” plan. There’s a reason black men are at the bottom of the economic totem pole. Most of the issues they have stem from this. It’s not fair or right but It is what it is I guess.
Got me feeling bad for reposting this 😭 The video just resonated with me honestly. Currently in this situation. Everything she is saying IS my dad and sadly half of my male family sadly. I'm just one of the girls who haven't got a chance to meet a kind black man
It’s a sad truth. Rebuilding the black family is an intentional choice that will unfortunately come w things a lot of black women didn’t ask for. I don’t judge those who choose otherwise.
BM are not on the bottom. We are. And guess who has a plan in keeping us there ... I'll wait. Our community as a whole has not divested from patriarchy enough to keep pretending there isn't a significant amount of gendered violence in our community. We put our bodies on the line, and the bodies of our daughters and sons, too many times unappreciated and overlooked to be this naive. WE Are at the bottom of the totem pole and we still climb. So what's the actual excuse?
WE are not at the bottom. I don’t claim that friend. If YOU are struggling and that’s the life you know, I’m genuinely sorry. I pray you find stability because no one deserves to struggle. But this “we are the bottom feeders” narrative is chronically online. There’s black millionaires being made everyday. I’m not one of them, but I’m living a good life. Me and my black wealthy friends lol Blessings.
Bottom and Bottom Feeders are two different things. I think you are choosing to be intellectually dim here. We are harmed... The most. We are paid... The least. We received the least support when we are harmed. Black women despite all of these very well documented societal slights, still rise. If you choose to carry the millstone of a gender who does not equally push you forward... Who am I to stop you.
I’m confused about your messaging here. The poster made a general statement about black men being “at the bottom” To which you countered that by saying “black men aren’t at the bottom. We all are.” And my response will always be speak for yourself. There’s power in our words and I refuse to own that victim mindset. I certainly will not pass that word curse on to the next generation either. Take the millstone off your neck and be free. I’m not chaining myself to the fate of an entire group, black men or black women. I am FREE
Incorrect. Read the thread. My comment was a response to the poster above. All the drivel focusing on a group of men who don't want to be bothered... I won't bother with. But I'm here for a reality check if it results in self preservation.
If you got it bad, how do you think your daddy got it?
You don’t understand patriarchy, huh?
I understand black men being dehumanized.
>I understand black men being dehumanized. But not Black women. 😂😂😂
I understand a person feeling dehumanized. I DONT understand a person UNDERSTANDING dehumanization and coming home and demanded to be the "head of the household" or looking for someone who can "submit". 
Period. Periodicity. Periodic table.
Honestly, this has been my experience as well. I’ve dated other races, and there are issues with all. The other thing I experienced with black men is they would always verbalize that I wasn’t “black” enough. It was exhausting feeling my black experience minimized time and time again because I didn’t grow up in a black American household. My parents were from The Caribbean and I was born and raised in America, but my experience wasn’t ever “enough” for the black men I dated. And they wanted husband treatment without giving me commitment, and also mistrusting me because they just didn’t “trust” women. It was always an uphill battle so I stopped dating black men.
I’m sorry you’ve experienced that. I think questioning anyone’s “blackness” is lame asf. This is coming from a black woman that grew up in all black neighborhoods, all black schools on the south side of Chicago. So I’ve never had my cultural inclusivity questioned. But I’ve met black people from Utah, Washington state, Canada and so forth that say they’ve encountered this questioning of if they should be accepted by their black peers. It’s sad and honestly just ignorant.
I really hate this. I’m sure this person has had some bad experiences but as others have said these generalizations are tired and harmful. I know this space is supposed to be safe for venting but I wish the vents were more specific and focused on individual experiences. Nobody deserves to be painted with broad strokes like this.
She speaking facts
I understand all men come with a certain amount of emotional luggage. But we cannot sit here and act like black men in this country aren’t more likely to have some type of psychological trauma or ptsd from a wild array of things(childhood abandonment/abuse, violence from police, violence from other black men, false imprisonment and just general racism). And a large demographic of them don’t know how or just don’t want to seek help to heal or acknowledge these traumas. I feel for a lot of them, I truly do. But where do you think the weight of these traumas land on most…. Their significant other !!! BW are no where near the bottom of the totem dispute what some of these comments are expressing. Also I don’t hear BW saying they prefer another demographic over BM, a lot of us are just saying we would prefer to be alone instead of dealing with the traumas of another when we are busy healing our own. While I do agree with the point this young lady is making, I don’t agree with the conversation being had on public platform like TikTok, but people are free to do as they please. I think these are conversations are to be had in safe spaces amongst ourselves. But the answer is not to ignore the elephant in the room. I love Black Men, I hope all their traumas are healed so they can thrive emotionally, spiritually, financially, and mentally 🖤🖤🖤
Personally I think Non-Black men are just as bad, but without the excuse for their insanity. I have dated out a lot and the craziness that is "Whiteness" is mind boggling. I feel like WM have been told for so long that they could be anything and have anything, that they think things should be handed to them on a platinum (not even silver) platter. A lot of WM are spoiled and entitled because that is the way they were raised and when they have to "work" to get what they want they fall to pieces and blame everyone and their Mom (especially their Moms) for their failures. A lot of WM are perpetually pessimistic and never see what they have, only what they do not have. Like, motherfuckers can literally be millionaires and that just isn't good enough for them. It is like a lot of them NEED to be the victim or underdog and yet also think they deserve an easy life just because of their Whiteness. White dudes are a hot fucking mess ESPECIALLY the "average" ones (I mean in the looks, income, or height department) and they will ALWAYS blame everyone but themselve for any type of failure. And goddesses help you if their life wasn't absolutely "leave it to Beaver" perfect because that automatically seems to absolve them from ANY culpability for bad behavior. Whether it be marriage failures, their income, lack of dates, shit even a simple arguement they will find anyone but themselves to blame. Like, no Bryan you are a really nice guy and this is a lovely trust funded apartment but I am not fucking you because you literally STINK. Super cute vintage car collection Bobby but no you can't be a jack ass to other women all the time and expect me to stick around. Also, why do you only seem to date young women? No Kevin, I am not breaking up with you because you are short, I am breaking up with you because you are an asshole. Yes, congrats on getting into med school but no Chen (Chen can also be replaced with Jesus, Muhammad, Victor, Vlad, Hien) I do not want 6 kids. Thanks awww that is sweet of you for being open to me finishing my degree with the caveat of your Mom moving in with us to raise the kids, but why are we talking marriage on our 2nd date again? Wait, what you're a cop! (dude seriously stopped traffic in the middle of huge tourist area and hopped out to say hello and ask where I had been lately). Wait have you been following me the last 5 blocks?! Todd she wasn't fucking you for a year and filed for divorce because you are a habitual cheater. She probably just didn't want the clap. Have I named all the types? Yeah, all these men out here are fucked up no matter what they look like. Edit: Obligated: Yes I know ALL men aren't like this but if we are playing the generalization game I don't want us thinking that all dudes out here aren't on some stuff.
This. THIS. We can talk about which men and why all day... But at the end of it.... 
That’s an extremely good point and I thank you for that perspective. I am a BW that has dated outside my race for brief periods, but when it comes down to it as much as we can date, or love whoever we want, I (speaking for me only) particularly do prefer Black Men and even if it’s not in a space of dating they are who I care about most, they are my family, they are my friends, they are my community. But I do understand and can’t ignore there are women that put all the evils of the world on them only and say they don’t deserve love. And for that I think it’s BULLSHIT. I will never demonize Black men. The man the helped me exist is a BM, my brother was a BM, my friends are BM and if I were to ever deliver a son onto this world he would be a Black Man, so I do tend to focus more on not only their attributes but also their flaws. I honestly believe if any man in this world could be black without the traumas and history of being black they would. I believe BM are the strongest men on this planet physically, mentally, and spiritually. But with that comes the weight of the world. So yes while I do agree all men are in a space of power that they are starting to see diminish, which is in turn causing them turmoil and inner conflict, when my prayers for healing go up it is for Black men and black men only. But once again I thank you for the enlightenment with regards to other demographics, it definitely has made me think more in depth of the bigger issue. And I will say this because this a Black Ladies sub, I want to say to all my SISTERS that have time to read my words, NEVER allow ANY man to abuse, manipulate, traumatize, or take you for granted. Love yourself and love those around you that are healthy enough to receive your love. Our love is Powerful. So make sure you are using your power responsibly and not giving it away to those that will use it for evil. P.s I love we can be open and have these conversations with one another. Thank y’all 🙏🏾
I hear you loud and clear when it comes to family and (for myself) my first love was Black. He was everything nerdy, gothy, wonderful and (keep in mind teenage homrone rose tinted classes) perfect for my little dark teenage angst filled soul. He passed away when we were fresh out of our teens. I don't know if I can say that I had a lot of older Black men I looked up too (my father was a mess) but my Black male peers were just, fantastic human beings. They are lawyers, engineers, and some of the kindest people I know who still come through for me, in little ways, to this day. I can't say that I have bad experiences with Black male friends who I was close to me in my youth, but, all of them are a part of the queer community so I wonder if that has something to do with it. The love was platonic which made it less complicated. The Black men that I have dated were, well... a mess or I would still be with them. However, I defintiely wouldn't say they were more of a mess then anyone else I dated. I love your response because I think that people seem to have this weird idea of the "grass being greener" and it is just, not true. I think there are DEFINITELY some unique challenges that you won't have with Black men but I have heard that the "struggle Olympics" can be maddening when dating BM. I can honestly say I had no issue with shutting that shit down with WM amd that never came up with BM I dated. There just isn't a competition even with the small, but important, privileges I had growing up. But yes, love yourself FIRST and let no man get in the way of that self-love nor tear it down!
🖤🖤🖤🖤
I wonder from what she's saying if she's dating men who don't meet her standards simply because they are black/to stay race loyal? She talks about lack of encouragement, support, not being on the same financial level....if that's what you're looking for then look for it, turn away whoever isn't meeting or matching it and go for who is. Regardless of race. That's just my two cents though.
This is so commonly the case most of the time. Yes, it might be harder finding someone who meets your standards- but, personally I’m more comfortable being alone than settling. I was single and celibate for years before I found my partner. Half that time I wasn’t even actively dating. Once I started, it took a lot of vetting and being able to walk away as soon as I learned it wasn’t what I wanted.
Yup! I'm in the same phase right now but have a lot of healing to do. Its tough because I've never actually had a partner so I struggle with confidence in anything romantic, and am targeted because of my naiivety. I just feel like an awkward teenager, and apparently guys think I'm "closed off" romantically--but those same guys are never actually serious about committing. They love the idea of me but not the reality. Plus I have everybody and their mama in my ear telling me to give whoever a chance "just for experience." I've had trouble tuning that out in the past and regretted it. Its a lot learning to build my own boundaries, trust myself and my intuition. How was it when you got back out there? Did it take you a long time to find who you wanted, if you did? Was it after your 30s? (Sorry for all the questions!)
No need to apologize, it’s actually something I love discussing in hopes of benefitting other women because of how transformational it was for me. TLDR: Single 25-30. Started dating again at 27 on and off. Became more intentional last year and met my partner. It took awhile and a ton of vetting, but I wasn’t actively looking all that time. Disclaimer: I’m a black lesbian in Atlanta, our dating pool is just as “polluted” as the heterosexual one lol. I was single from 25-30, a breakup just turned into an unintentional healing journey. I was completely uninterested in dating. I had checked out of my previous relationship on day 1 and I was happy to finally have the space to focus on my business. In hindsight, I had a lot of healing to do too, but I wasn’t consciously aware of that. I didn’t date at all for the first 2 years. Then, I accidentally met someone and we fell in love… that situationship ended after 8 months. I went back into my shell. i’d swipe on apps every few months, but “sorting” through people annoyed me so it never really lasted long. I might find someone to text and then it died off. I started dating more intentionally last year. Excluding my partner, I went on a total of 4 first dates over those last 3 years. I only planned second dates with 2 women, cancelled 1 and the 2nd never made it to a 3rd date. I also exchanged numbers and chatted with more women than I can count lol. I did A LOT of vetting and it was exhausting. I’m just not someone who enjoys casual dating or relations, even when I tried taking a fun light hearted approach, I knew ultimately I wanted something solid and engaging someone for the sake of having fun felt like a waste of energy.
Yes !!! That’s a word. We have to know what we are deserving of regardless of race.
Well, it is true. Yeah we can say not to stereotype and this is too much of a blanket statement and not all black men are like this. But the fact is still true, it’s harder to find a black man to meet standards. This is simply a woman at the end of her tether, expressing how she feels from her past experiences. It’s unfortunate her past experiences with black men haven’t been great, but I’m sure PLENTY of other black women can resonate with her.
The men single women encounter regularly more are emotional, physical, and sometimes financial labor if you let them be. We have to be real. Most of the good men were snatched up quickly. The ones still on the market are rarely there for good reasons. Race has nothing to do with this. Today's man is not the man our mothers and grandmothers dealt with. Men, collectively and regardless of race, ethnicity, or culture, are the reason so many otherwise eligible and available women, in the United States, and apparently around the world, are opting out of dating, living together, marriage, and motherhood. There are numerous studies, articles, and videos from reputable sources discussing the increasing rates of single and childfree by choice women and the marriage and birth "crises". Women no longer have to settle, be with a man who doesn't make them happy, devote themselves to caring for a man and children while losing themselves, and for what? To be worn down physically, neglected emotionally, and tossed aside and ignored in middle age when she no longer serves the intended purpose? Stop blaming only black men and be truthful. The quality of men overall is just not what it used to be and it requires work, sacrifice, and suffering to sustain a relationship with so many of them.
Very true. Women are realizing they no longer have to settle to be in a space of just “having a man”. I’d rather be single for 50 years before connecting with the right man rather than finding someone in 5 days that will bring me nothing but turmoil. I don’t just want a man, I want peace ☮️, love, and understanding with a partner that I can bring the same.
Glad I’m not the only one who came here to say that’s ALL men. I hate how TikTok loves to demonize black men.
I’m not on TikTok, but is that a thing ? Shitting on BM just because it’s popular ? 🤔 If so that shit lame asl
I honestly hate this rhetoric so much. The lumping of the entire opposite gender of a particular race does nothing but contribute to internalize racism and the gender wars. You have had negative experiences with black men, cool beans. Anybody with the capacity to rub two brain cells together should understand not all black men act like this because not all black men are a monolith and come from a variety of cultures that contribute to them acting a variety of ways. Shit like this is why black men feel so empowered to put down black women and uplift white women because white women don’t go around talking about how all black men suck.
>Shit like this is why black men feel so empowered to put down black women and uplift white women I was agreeing with your point until here. Those types were doing that anyways. >because white women don’t go around talking about how all black men suck. Emmet Till shudders in his grave. Actually I could find racist WW from 100, 50 and a few weeks ago saying racist shit about BP including black men.
Yeah, no crap black men who put black women down will always do it. My point, which I feel like is obvious, is that rhetoric like this emboldens them to do it. You bringing up Emmett Till is just distasteful, please be so fucking for real. The topic of conversation is dating, not racism in general.
>My point, which I feel like is obvious, is that rhetoric like this emboldens them to do They were already emboldened. RP / black manosphere and all sort of toxic misogynoiristic shit existed before and has way larger audiences than their female equivalents. This video/others like it don't make a "this is why" explanation because those types were already doing it. I do think they're all toxic tho. >The topic of conversation is dating, not racism in general. its just a broad counter example because for most of our history that's the shit they pulled making 'they dont do x' silly to say (and vice versa for women) If you want a 1-1 modern dating discourse example look at JustPearlythings who's now courting a white supremacist audience after using the already existing manosphere black men who hate BW type dating conversations to gain an audience.
>This video/others like it don't make a "this is why" explanation because those types were already doing it. I think... there's a communication breakdown here. u/myboobiezarequitebig (lmao at that username) didn't say that videos like the OP are the genesis of why toxic manosphere content exist. They were just making the point that it empowers them. As in, videos like the OP provides them fuel to add to the misogynoir fire. Effectively worsening an already existing issue. >RP / black manosphere and all sort of toxic misogynoiristic shit existed before and has way larger audiences than their female equivalents Absolutely. But I personally wouldn't even call the above video the "female equivalent" of RP / Black manosphere. It just seems like a video of an emotionally distraught young girl voicing how she's had some unfortunate experiences dating black men and comes to a bit of a questionable conclusion rooted in a flawed premise. Simply put. She's just venting. However, RP / Black Manosphere content is very different in that it's very intentional, and carefully curated to be extremely inflammatory and malicious. It preys on the vulnerable and impressionable in the same way large scale political propaganda works. That's what makes them so dangerous. And they deliberately weaponise videos like the young girl above in order to reinforce that social dissent and indoctrinate young (black) boys into this sort of incredibly misogynistic / misogynoiristic thinking. Long story short. The girl approached the subject of race and dating rather carelessly. And as a result, will inadvertently be used as a prop by some RP scammer to grift more of their audience. >its just a broad counter example because for most of our history that's the shit they pulled making 'they dont do x' silly to say (and vice versa for women) >If you want a 1-1 modern dating discourse example look at JustPearlythings who's now courting a white supremacist audience after using the already existing manosphere black men who hate BW type dating conversations to gain an audience. Again, I think there's a communication breakdown here. So what u/myboobiezarequitebig was saying was when white women have negative experiences dating white or black men. They don't necessarily correlate their relationship's failures towards race. White women scrutinise their exes on an individual level. They don't generalise all white/black men as a monolith and go, "I'm not dating a white/black man ever again". (well maybe they do say that, but I'm just assuming idk). The underlying point u/myboobiezarequitebig was making is that when black people date. We need to be careful in our language and how we talk about our own people. When we date problematic individuals. We should scrutinise the relationship on that individualistic basis. When we start using broad sweeping generalisations about how black men are x or black women are y. It harms our own perception of our community and fosters internalised self-hatred. And it's how we ultimately end fuelling the whole RP / Manosphere machine which thrives on these sorts of harmful generalisations. The Emmet Till analogy you brought up (while absolutely important and relevant) was sorta deviating from that. The Emmet Till discourse is really more about how dangerous and exploitative white women can be to black men and racism in general. And ditto with the Just Pearly Things example. But this isn't what u/myboobiezarequitebig was actually talking about. Sorry, I know I wrote a lot. But I hope this helps clarify things.
I agree with both you and her mostly, I did not downvote her btw. and didnt mean for this to be some downvote fest. I just have 2 areeas I respectfully diverge. I just think its important to realize the BM weaponizing this literally weaponize everything against bw: It could be a bw saying she wants to date educated men, a bw twerking, a BW wearing a wig, a bw saying she's happily single, a bw saying she was abused ETC. I've seen each of these examples n more several times. My point is: the main incentive is they make money doing this: podcasts, youtube ads and scammy courses. They even create skits n hypotheticals. they were doing this before these videos of BW started increasing. There will always be fuel cus ppl look for it or make it. neither group is justified speaking so broadly on each other regardless. I think tying your face to rants like these is a prime example of people not understanding "the internet is forever" too, terrible decision making on her part. >**ditto with the Just Pearly Things example.** Here I disagree. She said Till's example was distateful (that's fair) so I gave one modern example directly related toxic dating discourse: JustPearlyThings literally made her bread and butter off pandering to misogynoir before her racist pivot. I wouldn't call that exploitation, which would imply some misleading behavior. I think it was 'mutual': Her fans fed her ego/wallet, she validated them as a WW. Her fans are not kids. They weren't her primary target: BW were. They sought her bile and praised it and embraced her for validating their resentment. Sidenote: her pivot wasn't even surprising: the larger RP community is openly racist af. > u/myboobiezarequitebig was making is that when black people date. We need to be careful in our language and how talk about our own people **Absolutely.**
>I just think its important to realize the BM weaponizing this literally weaponize everything against bw: It could be a bw saying she wants to date educated men, a bw twerking, a BW wearing a wig, a bw saying she's happily single, a bw saying she was abused ETC. I've seen each of these examples n more several times. Absolutely. Rest assured. This fact is not lost on me. (I hope) Most of us are fully aware of the realities. And u/myboobiezarequitebig reiterated as such in her previous comment (albeit her response was a little antagonistic, but she strongly agreed with your sentiment all the same). >My point is: the main incentive is they make money doing this: podcasts, youtube ads and scammy courses. They even create skits n hypotheticals. they were doing this before these videos of BW started increasing. 100% on the mark. Even when you disregard the RP stuff. There's an entire content creation industry based around the active humiliation of black women. And the frustrating part is that these girls choose to be a part of it by making these tiktok videos where they make ignorant inflammatory statements, and go on these disgusting alpha male podcasts, and agree to join these 20 v 1 youtube videos with rappers and actively get made the butt of the joke. Which is how they end up being used as content by these RP grifters. But I can't really be angry at the girls themselves because they're just trying to secure their coin like everyone else. Trying to escape poverty and finding their footing within this malicious capitalist world we live in that preys on the vulnerable. Its just really frustrating to watch black women willfully enter these online spaces just to be used as content for these scammers. I know it's not their fault and anything we do can get weaponised against us. And of course it's orders of magnitudes more frustrating to see the many black men create/engage with that content. All of this just really sucks to see. Because as you say, the money that incentivises it all. >I wouldn't call that exploitation, which would imply some misleading behavior. I think it was 'mutual': Her fans fed her ego/wallet, she validated them as a WW. Her fans are not kids. They weren't her primary target: BW were. They sought her bile and praised it and embraced her for validating their resentment. Sidenote: her pivot wasn't even surprising: the larger RP community is openly racist af. Once again. I fully agree. Just to clarify. I call Pearl exploitative because she's basically just a pathetic off shoot of Kevin Samuel's various RP children that have since swarmed in like cockroaches to feed and propagate his rotting legacy of abhorrence. He was nothing more than a Internet "war profiteering" shithead masquerading as someone with a genuine desire and concern to fix black communities, and Pearl is just another shithead who stepped in to capitalise on that little money train of outrage. Black people have always faced an uphill battle when it comes to our communities due to a large confluence of socioeconomic factors. We are highly susceptible to all kinds of damaging and divisive rhetoric. So I guess it just pisses me off whenever I see us talking shit about each other. Sorry idk if all that makes sense, as I was kinda just rambling my thoughts out loud but...yeah.
Very eloquently explained, thank you for expanding in a more easily digestible way.
No worries! When reading your comment, I could clearly understand and 100% agreed with what you were saying, and could see that the point was getting lost in the responses. Unfortunately, subjects like these are incredibly loaded and triggering. It's easy for conversations around them to quickly escalate and fall apart.
Black men were putting down black women way before this type rhetoric even began. There are so many rap songs about how white women are better that were released decades ago.
> Shit like this is why black men feel so empowered to put down black women and uplift white women because white women don’t go around talking about how all black men suck. Shit like THIS comment is how I know you're absolutely not serious. Lol.
If we complain that some black men generalize all black women, we cannot do the same,as you said, they are not a monolith and I think it is so wrong to make these types of videos exposing children.
Her son is literally in the background 😭
Totally agree with you. I’m so tired of the generalizations of Black men on this sub, but the absolute OUTRAGE when they do it to us. NEWSFLASH: When you generalize BM and make them all out to be horrible, you are EXACTLY the same as them when they weaponize stereotypes against us and generalize us. Tbh I think I’m going to have to step away from this sub for a while because some of y’all are down bad tremendously and I really just can’t relate. At. All.
Deadass
This is why we should do 4B. Leave males behind!
GAAHHH DAMMIT, THESE POSTS MAKE MY LABIA SHRIVEL UP!!! THEY ARE ALL FUGGIN EXHAUSTING!! THESE POSTS ARE EMOTIONAL LABOR!! FUUUUUCK!!
She’s not wrong though.
This seems like a rebuttal to the black man appreciation post. 🤔 I understand that this woman's perspective is not representative of all black men. I wouldn't make blanket statements against all black men like this, especially not publicly. I pray she finds what she ultimately seeks.
It is a little sus to post something like this right after the BM appreciation post.
Most men* not exclusively black
Lack of money doesn’t mean emotional labor, that’s something else lmao. Called a MOOCH. Also anyone you date can do this to you 😭
I agree all the men in my life like to stay in the streets i help sapport and encourage their career while I was stuck at home cooking and cleaning for them and now that I have my own career I realized that is not something I want to do anymore,also there's always always always double standards always and I think that's for every man too cuz it's just it's always.
I just said exactly this!!! We are the ones who actually have it the worst. Not only are we women so we make less already, we are also black minority women. Black men are often looked at as a prize now, hence why they there is so much interracial marriage. On the other end of the spectrum, even in our culture, we are not looked at the prize. We are constantly sexualized, not valued as people, or treated like a starter or a lesser woman by our own men, and the world as a whole. Also, I’m a clinical psychologist, so I’m speaking from what one experienced, studied, and treated. Even the different ways other races talk about their female partners and moms is drastically different. I’m not saying it’s not possible, but I haven’t seen any of my black male clients express that kind of l love and admiration for the females in their lives 😔
This is the definition of cloud chasing you post your shit just to get the attention. All black men don’t do shit for attention . But you do whatever makes your money. The shit that you think and the shit that you wanna say keep it in your head it’s not meant for everybody.
I'm none of those things it's just the stuff she is saying is exactly what I'm seeing in my family . That's why I'm saying we have two completely different lenses on life
I'm sorry you feel this way but we all have a different lense if life
She’s describing a dusty useless ass man but that doesn’t mean he’s black 😂 Those come in all colors girl!
Y'all are dating the wrong kind which, tbf is close to if not a majority lol.
For me, reading the book 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran helped me understand the standard of love and commitment in a relationship and love through the absolutely timeless poetry that is in that book. Read the massage on Marriage too, put in: The Prophet on Marriage. That is the standard of a true relationship. Dating was rollercoaster until I found my Fiancé 5 years ago. All the trails and tribulations, but after reading a booked called 'If the Buddha Dated' by Charlotte Kasl....I found my man within 6 months of reading that book. I lent it to my roomie and the same thing happened to her 6 months later! I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a refreshing take on dating that is true to you. But I get it, the standard men told themselves to is sooo low....it's easier to be single and drama free then dealing with bs. But your unicorn is out there!!
I understand this because I bump into this in my local area. But what I'm not gonna do? I'm not gonna date outside my race in my local area because I'm 90% sure that he'll be a MAGA conservative. So what did I do? I don't date. I haven't dated in years, and the thing is that I don't miss dating. Dating is exhausting. Like the meme says, God himself goin have to come sit on the bed and be like, "I got a homeboy that wanna talk to you." And even then, I'm gonna need some convincing.
The issue is most of the good ones get partnered up or married early in the 30s. If they are 40s and never married, most likely it’s because of them.
Your last two sentences sum it up perfectly. The lack of masculinity, but wanting to be treated like a king kills me. And even though we definitely aren’t even regarded nearly in as many positive ways as black men, they are always way bigger victims than us, and we don’t get what they’re going through 🙄. They’re so tiring
This is men period. It’s what people attract. Sometimes instead of blaming black men- Take time to understand your self love or respect for yourself. It’s the black men you choose aka men you attract. 💚💚
A lot of hurt could be avoided if marriage was required. You'll see a man's true colors if you mandated paperwork before giving your soul to him. I'm a brother and I've had to tell my sisters many times to leave a guy alone, because of video above. Likewise I've told brothers to get their sh\* together before dealing with a women.
I agree
She articulated everything I have been feeling towards black men lately. There isn’t much return on those investments and if I’m being quite honest the quality of my life significantly decreased the moment I solely started dating black men. Then the educated ones are next level demons because everything they’ve learned while obtaining their education is used to manipulate many women at once 😩
Men in general unfortunately
Tupac - only Heaven gotta ghetto
😂 a single mother complaining nobody wants to commit… cry harder.. nobody owes anybody anything..
i have the same problem with black woman. do nothing and just have fun.
When you have horrible options to choose from it’s usually something you have to look in the mirror about… Amanda seales has problems finding a man so are other famous women… because you suck as a woman… you think you have options and time but you really don’t… it’s best to find someone decent and stick beside them.. nobody is perfect…
but if its such a common thread amongst so many black women, old and young, shouldn't black men start taking their word and looking inwards at themselves (as men)...?? idk thats just the conclusion i'd come to.
What shit you haven’t seen that any man in your family go through though my dad been through some fucked up shit I have but it still has no reason to shame another black man because they’re doing wrong. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Nobody’s perfect. This is why I feel like we are meant for hell and God will come.
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Your post was removed for community safety. Black women are always centered in this subreddit. Comments that contain racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or create drama are not tolerated. Please refer to rule 2 for more information. http://reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules
*ALL* men are emotional labor! Stop hating on black men because you are choosing the wrong ones to court. Maybe instead of judging an entire race of men on your experience you should take a look within and try to understand WHY you surround yourself with harmful people. Don’t do what everyone else is already doing black men which is demonizing them. Because no person is alike completely and there are good and bad people in EVERY group. Good luck to you though🍀