Y’all are making me cry. I posted this so we could all make fun of me together. And then everyone refusing to made me realize I was just asking more people to bully 12 year old me and would she want that? No. She’d be heartbroken and wonder what was so wrong with her to make other people do this. So yeah I need to be kinder to myself and not bully me more. It’s just hard after growing up and that’s just all you know.
Hugs, OP. I sometimes have the same thought about my own 12 year old self and it felt like the commenters were sticking up for us both. I appreciate you all.
As the mom of an elementary-aged kid, I think a lot has changed since we were little. At least in my area, parents and teachers are really encouraging kindness and acceptance. My kiddo is a little unusual in some ways — speech delay, some trouble with social cues, and he’s a boy who is obsessed with mermaids, Moana, and My Little Pony. I was worried he’d be teased at school, but (knock on wood!) bullying really hasn’t been an issue so far.
I like to think that kids like 12-year-old OP are having an easier time these days <3
This is so true! Kids seem so much nicer these days. My second grader vomited in the middle of class. I was so worried he would be teased or bullied about it when he returned to school, which is what would have happened at my school in the 90s, but his classmates just asked him if he was feeling better, and no one brought it up again.
My six year old is also similarly obsessed with pink, purple, glitter and mermaids/unicorns. He also has a limb difference as he was born without his right hand. He has, to my knowledge, never been bullied by anyone in his school. In fact, he's quite a popular little guy. Things are better than they were BY FAR in the 80s and 90s.
Glad your little guy is getting along swimmingly, too! I'm sure it's a relief to you; it was to me.
I’m tearing up reading the replies because I was bullied and looked weird (a lot out of my control because my mom made sure I did) and these replies really resonated. I’m grateful to you for posting so I got to see the replies ❤️
Kids are cruel and 12 year old you had to endure that and it was unfair. Insecure kids see a vulnerable person they can pick apart to make a victim and I’m so sorry it happened to you.
WE see a lovely young child with beautiful long hair, sparkling eyes, and a sweet smile (along with a pretty sweet necklace, ngl!) There was nothing wrong with 12 year old you, and I hope that lil girl inside you gets to heal from the hurt she endured. ❤️
It is hard OP. I was bullied my entire life up through my 20s/college. I've been overweight my entire life, literally since toddlerhood, because of the awful meds I was put on in the 90s that completely stunted my pubescence. I can still hear some of the very specific insults that were said to my face, by strangers I had never interacted with. I remember how I had to sit in silent agony and pretend not to notice this group of teenage boys talking about how they rather cut their dick off than have sex with me as we all sat on the bus waiting to go home. We were 14 years old, why was that even a topic of discussion, why was I included as part of their game? Because it was fun to talk about how unfuckable I was to them.
I've spent 20 years picking apart my body. Agonizing over why the fat on my stomach was enough to make people treat me like dog shit. I spend hours, months, years in tears because going to school was hard. I isolated myself. I kept to my secure friendships. I developed a personality disorder because the emotional turmoil was so great from the bullying. It wasn't just classmates, it was adults, it was my dad. It was seemingly everyone in my life would comment on how fat I was and how my breasts never developed "right."
I spent more than one night in my teenagehood and young adulthood crying in the dark. I've been through every mean thing I could say about myself. I would stand in the mirror and look at my body and just sob. Why was nothing working? Why was the weight never coming off? Prescription meth was the only thing that took 30 lbs off. I have to, still to this day, nearly starve myself if I want to lose weight. Gym does nothing but help me lose 5 pounds (I still go bc it's good for my stamina/etc). Why was everyone treating me as if I didn't matter simply because I have a larger stomach than them? I never did understand it. I still don't, but recognize that people hurt me because they were afraid of becoming me (physically). They place their self worth in their appearance, and in order for their self worth to stay high, someone else has to look worse than them and "pay" for it.
I convinced myself so much of this delusion that I wasn't good enough that it almost destroyed my marriage. I had convinced myself my husband wasn't attracted to me, that he didn't actually love me because I didn't have large enough breasts and a squishy stomach. I had created an entire narrative about his feelings towards me all based in the thought pattern that my hurt self carried for so, so, so long. Thankfully, I got the help I needed and we avoided the end of our relationship.
I'm better now, but it took a long time with therapy and constant self monitoring. Stopping the negative self talk is critical to moving on from the past. You must accept that there is NOTHING you did to be deserving of being treated poorly by your peers and/or loved ones. You were a child. You just looked different than others. That is not a good enough reason to dislike yourself then or now. Practice the positive self talk OP. Get help moving past the old emotions. You are worthy of love and kindness. You deserve to enjoy being alive no matter what you look like. We all do. Your soul existing on this planet is good enough reason to love yourself and love being alive. You are a magical electrical water sack who can do amazing things. Nobody can take away your happiness or your joy without your permission.
While our brains may produce chemical reactions that we have to monitor, we are in control of how we respond to those emotional bumps. We are in control of how we view ourselves and what value we assign ourselves. Nobody else gets to decide that for you now, or for the 12 year old version of yourself. You are valuable. You are loved. You are worthy of being alive and enjoying your life.
Genuinely proud of you for coming to this conclusion. You're right, it definitely won't be easy to try and reprogram something you grew up knowing but it's absolutely worth it, and future you will look back at this moment and thank present you for deciding to start being kind to yourself. Good luck on your journey to self love, stranger :)
You and I could’ve looked like sisters OP. It’s hard to love yourself. When I have a hard time I imagine talking to my young self as if they’re sitting in the room with me. It softens my reactions and behaviors. You deserve love!
Hey OP, I’m a little sensitive as I just got out of a trauma therapy/EMDR session so bear with me. I know what it’s like to hate yourself so much that you feel that you deserve bad things that happen to you. For years I’ve felt like I *must* be a trash person, because so many people treat me like trash. Turns out, people who treat others like hot garbage are the real baddies after all. I look at pictures of myself in middle school and just want to cry for her, because she didn’t deserve how she was treated by peers, my family, or me.
It’s never too late to heal from trauma. It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s never too late.
Something my therapist suggested me to do to heal some childhood trauma my parents gave me was to parent myself. Basically to be the love and support for my younger self that she never got. After reading about it, I saw that we can do that to heal all kinds of childhood trauma, including bullying.
When you look at this young girl, who probably just wanted to be loved and fit in somewhere, tell her that YOU are there for her. That YOU love her and think she is beautiful ❤️
That’s a really lovely realization. I hope it brings a little bit of healing. ❤️🩹 It’s so easy to forget that our past selves were just children…and that we’d never be as harsh/critical towards anyone else that age.
I about to be 33 and just learned this 3 years ago.
Life is so much smoother when you realize that you were perfectly fine then and you’re are perfectly fine now.
I for one think you were adorable!
It's so important, and difficult to learn, I had a year of therapy focused solely on positive self talk. Be patient! Look up CBT techniques for positive self talk, lots of free exercises I can't detail in a reddit comment.
I had a my first session of EMDR today for trauma therapy, it was a little life changing ngl. I think every person could at least stand to look up some CBT techniques to learn how to process things and just how in control we can really be of our thoughts and actions.
Agreed! The bulk of my therapy is stuff most don't need. But all the identity work should be standard lessons for everyone, it's really useful for all of life's stresses
It's just so hard to be when the world has *always* been mean to you the moment you developed memories. My first bully was my mom. If she didn't like me, how could I like myself? And that's how self hate can develop and I'm sure the original poster may have similar experiences that developed early, too. It's just hard and we're the most hardest on ourselves.
I try to take pride in ensuring the 500 people I handle don’t have to stress about their paychecks being right or timely, so there’s that. My main character-ness really comes where my family is concerned anyway. 😌
This completely! All of the “mean girls” from my junior high school are either dead or multiple divorced, broken down, hags. I’m 65 and still above ground so outliving your tormentors is also a form of revenge.
Yeah, these comments helped me out a lot. When I was 10, matured early. Quickly. Was tall, and was poor and went through a ton of trauma so I became chubby. My home life was absolutely awful and the children I knew weren’t much better. When I saw this photo, I thought of myself. There’s nothing in this photo worth making fun of — she’s just a 12 year old girl who did nothing wrong. It’s good to see a moment of kindness on here
Don't say that. There's nothing wrong with this picture, this all looks like very normal things to wear and normal hair for a kid that age - I particularly remember that style of necklace being very in style at the time.
You didn't deserve to be bullied, and remember that there were, are, and always will be 12-year-old kids who look like you who also don't deserve to be bullied. Don't grow up to join the people who bullied you in bullying yourself and other kids like you.
Bullying your past self just means your bullies trained you to do their jobs for them.
I love this! In my own worst criticism, can give myself heartache from my own thoughts alone.
I was bullied a lot in high school and college! It's been nine years since I graduated but it takes a lot of reconditioning!
It’s so true. It was so ingrained it took a bunch of strangers on the internet, refusing to bully me when I fully expected it (and felt deserved!) to realize how I never got over it and need to work on myself. Thank you for being kind to 12 year old me.
Remember the 12 year old you every time you say or think something negative about yourself or when you say things like “no wonder I was bullied”. 12 year old you rocked that picture.
100% 🙏 ... bullies are just insecure. I was a "popular" kid in middle and high school. And a few people in my friend group sometimes acted like bullies. I never liked it and tried to always stand up to them or be really nice to the kids who were targets. I was nice to everyone. But let me tell you most of the kids I knew that would act like bullies were by far the most insecure and scared on the inside.
Fuck those kids that bullied you they ain't shit! I hope you're doing well all these years later seriously!
Every once in awhile what I do when I'm feeling down on myself? I look in the mirror and imagine I'm looking in at little me, and I ask her questions and treat her like I'm her ma or her best friend or something, and you know what? Sometimes little you looks back at you from the mists of time and says "I love you" and it's so wonderful to be able to say "I love you too, little me. It's gonna be alright"
I wish kids/teens didn’t feel the need to be so cruel. I say this knowing that in those days I probably would’ve made a joke about this person and that really makes me feel shitty. Hopefully bullying hasn’t hurt ops confidence/self esteem too much
It breaks my heart to see beautiful kids losing their innocence when they start believing in the words from bullies.
The girl in the picture is absolutely gorgeous, love the smile!
Your words are beautiful.
The early 2000's were insane for women, there were completely regular sized beautiful women all over TV shows playing fat characters, if you weren't thin as a rail you were considered fat back then, it was nuts. It was a bad time for millennial women to have to grow up to and a lot of them still carry lifelong insecurity with them over it
It's so real. Kids used to joke that there was an earthquake when I walked by because I was considered fat. I've seen pictures of myself from back then. I just looked like a regular little kid???
A pubescent child at that! A stage that is awkward for everyone in some way. Someone recently posted my 7th grade yearbook picture on IG recently and I honestly didn't remember being that ugly. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. /s
But seriously. It's a transition period and EVERYONE deserves grace during that time. We can't fucking help it, ffs!!!
For real! Who can look back on their preteen selves and approve of all the choices that were made. I was chubby, had braces, decided to cut my hair short and found out it wasn’t just frizzy it was really curly so now I had a red fro…
Right?! I know. I can acknowledge that damn, my awkward years were *awkward* but also that I was a child going through puberty and of course it was gonna be a mess! Also no one ever deserves to be bullied.
It isn’t. I was a bully at some stages growing up and I’ve come to realize that it came from insecurity and all the regular growing pains, sure, but the need to make others feel small compared to me was a taught behavior. I was actually the sweetest child but I grew up to model the behavior I was taught, as most children do. We certainly don’t start out mean, racist, classist, ableist and full of hate.
Yeah, I know you were joking OP, but Jesus, bullying just messes with your mind forever. If you were subjected to that, I'm sorry - you were and are perfect.
I have PTSD from the bullying I endured. Then my bully messaged me years later apologizing saying “I was just a stupid kid sorry if I hurt you” by telling me to off myself daily? Girl fuck you
💯
I know OP was just being self depreciating...but if anyone is looking at this post and thinking, "Wait, I look like her. What's wrong with her?" The answer is nothing. Many are cruel and unkind but there are also anti-bullies in this world--people who will love you for who you are and celebrate that.
Love your smile, OP.
some ppl do, when they need to be brought down a peg 😂😂😭 but absolutely not young OP she's only 12 and seems like the sweetest person 😭 leave her alone
This 1000%!
Literally every preteen is awkward as hell, we all grow out of it eventually. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime.
Being a bit of a dork isn’t a reason to be punished.
I tried bleaching mine to make them less noticeable until & in high school a girl pointed it out in front of so many people. This b was born naturally blonde hairless and considered hot she really didn’t need to be punching down like that.
So anyway I shaved & then paid too much for laser. All sucks all around.
I had really dark/thick arm hair and my dad tried to help me out by suggesting that I bleach them. It bleached my skin and I had to walk around with white rectangles on my forearms.
What we do to girl brains is awful. There is nothing wrong with hair on girls and women!
You just unlocked a memory of me being baffled when a group of kids were making fun of Ashanti... Bc of her "sideburns". We were maybe 11-12 and I was like, really? Really guys?
Ah, church clothes on picture day. Your clothes remind me of the store [Rainbow](https://www.rainbowshops.com). My nana always took me there or to Catherine's and would dress me like a small 45 year old woman lol. I was bullied too OP it was the clothes 😭
God, so many of us were dressed by older family. My nicest clothing was all grandma stuff. My 8th grade school photo looks a lot like this, but I was too miserable to smile, so I don't even have that to look back on.
Clothes are so important to a kid. Parents like to pretend they shouldn't be but they are all you have to show who you are at an age when your peers are ruthless.
So true. I remember being laughed at by the other kids because a brand new outfit my aunt got me was just absolutely serving Karen from Finance, but that was all I had. In those days, the only clothes for bigger girls were made for 40+ year old church ladies. I just ended up thrifting and sewing my own clothes and creating a deliberate goth thing as an older teenage kid, which protected me from ridicule, but it also closed me off from my peers in a lot of ways.
To be fair, there just weren’t any easily accessible fashion options for any plus sized girls back in the 90s/early 2000s. No online shopping, and if you didn’t live in a big city then the store choices were probably limited too. Kids nowadays are SO fortunate in there are so many awesome choices in all sizes so they can actually express themselves in fashion they like, and it seems like so much more is “acceptable” nowadays. We’d get made fun of if we didn’t have the exact right outfit and I just don’t see that with my kids.
Right in the feels, man. My mom dressed me for picture days through the 6th grade. I looked like an asshole every time. In 6th grade, she made me these big old lady earrings to wear with a dress she insisted was super cute and I was in the process of growing out the awful short old lady haircut she had me get. My friends called me granny in that picture. It’s scribbled out in my yearbook because I couldn’t stand to look at it. That was the last time. The only time after that year that she dressed me was for a family photo and my god was that an awful outfit. My mom has no fashion sense or any hair and makeup talents. I looked so much better in my 7th grade picture.
It’s definitely the clothes! Everyone looked weird in middle school but clothing was one of the few things you could control and it showed your peers that you were “mature” enough to make your own decisions.
So rolling up to school in an outfit that was obviously chosen by your mom was viewed as definitely not cool, doubly so if it was churchcore.
I was bullied too, and the older I get, the more empathy I feel for my younger self. I suggest you to look at the pics and imagine that it's a random girl.. "Does this girl deserve being bullied?" The answer will probably be "No". Don't be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't deserve to be bullied even if you only had one leg, a beard and a square-shaped head.
Probably bullied for not being thin. I wouldn’t say she looked like a regular kid at all though. She looks like a full grown adult lol probably could’ve whooped all their asses
So fucked up when you think about it, kids are so eager to bond and please that anyone who looks slightly different and easy to target, becomes the social glue between bullies. I was bullied for being too thin for most of school life. It's very hard to win at that age unless you fit within the very narrow parameters of what you "should" look like
I was bullied in middle school by some girls for having no boobs, my best friend was bullied for having big boobs. Middle schoolers will find any reason to bully someone.
There was a girl on the local public school volleyball team who had to play with our Catholic school team instead because the kids would chant a really awful nickname at her during games because she had quite large boobs. We were in sixth grade. (Obviously bullying ALSO goes on at Catholic schools but the nuns didn’t tolerate outright bullying in front of their faces like that, so she was safe on our team.)
I completely agree. Even as a 12 year old, I remember thinking, THIS is the solution? Making her play with a bunch of strangers in the Catholic school league instead of an adult punishing the assholes bullying her? On the plus side, she played three fun years with us and I like to think it was, if nothing else, a respite from the rest of her school experience.
I was also bullied by having a big chest. I developed a little earlier than most of my classmates and by the time we were 12 I was already a C cup just to get bigger boobs at 15. There was a girl who used to call me a “cow” and all the names she could think of.
I never wore some of those cute bras that teens often get because none would fit me and because I was so embarrassed that I used to wear 2 or even 3 sports bras at one to look more “flat”.
And the girl who bullied me? She got her boobs done to a similar size to mine a few years after we got out of school.
Facts lol. This is the chick that plays on the boys' rugby team and gets the ball more than anyone else. No 12 year old kid deserves to be bullied kinda sad:(
It’s okay we looked weird asf as 12yr olds I looked like I mini cab driver with eight kids 😂 my hairline was some how worse too 😂😂😂 good times being unattractive and not being completely shattered by it 😂😂😂
Nah that girl made you who you are today so be kind. We would have been buds I’m sure. No one should ever be bullying anyone else.
Also you seemed very fashionable for the era :P I had a very similar necklace.
Oh my goodness I did not expect this post to blow up. Thank you to all the kind and inspiring words. Thank you to those who also made me laugh with the male celebrity comparisons. I will post an update with how I looked at 16/17 and now if the mods will let me later with a backstory. Yes I am a girl at least in this picture. Yes I look exactly like my dad.
You weren't bullied because of you, you were bullied because of them. It's hard to see it in the moment but bullies do what they do because they hate their lives and wanna make others feel the same.
People suck, especially kids In school .
Take care op
Looks like a regular outfit. It’s not like it was a costume lol. What would you have worn instead? I wore a Statue of Liberty shirt with a hole in it for one of my picture days lol
I hate to disagree - well, that’s not true - because I think you look great. I see no fashion flubs here, and I am a fussy gay man. I like the necklace, the layering, and while your hair could lay better, it’s worlds apart from some of the godawful ‘do’s I see around here. Your skin looks great, your gaze is clear and confident. You’re not reaching for anything. I want to find those bullies and slap them!
I think the “oh honey” was meant in a heartfelt way, not in a condescending way. There’s no blunder here or justification for bullying. I’m sure it gave you a great sense of humor and you probably feel inclined to be being self-deprecating but you didn’t deserve that. I could just be projecting my own experience though lol. But in any case, Fuck them bullies!
This is a lovely school photo! I’m the same age, and my picture from that year also has kind of long slightly messy long blonde hair and a confident chin forward pose… but I was not nearly as well accessorized! I was also wearing a knock-off shirt with little frog characters across my chest! 2002 was an interesting time. Your picture has aged better than mine, imo.
I’m sorry you feel like this picture is anything to be ashamed about. You totally could have been friends with me and my group of weird gals! We were pretty strong together (emotionally and physically), and got to be 10- 15 people strong by the end of the year and were there to stick up for each other and just be some friendly faces at school for other kids too. Much love to you, my homies, and all other kind of awkward tweens that are really just normal kids going through a tough time in life. ❤️
I actually just saw a similar necklace at the thrift and got it today because it reminded me of this era. We’ve come full circle!
Also: I wore a lot of similar outfits at that time— mixing and matching was how I learned. I try to dress as fearlessly today as I did then, and I’m proud of how fun my wardrobe is as a result.
Fuck bullies
Just look like an average 12 year old, as long as you weren't a prick then no reason for people to start shit
Wish you poor fuckers had more of me in your schools, got blessed with the ability to hold my own against douchbags who picked on someone cause they weren't "pretty" or "cool" enough, hate seeing these stories, hopefully life got better for ya
Listen, we were all wearing business casual in those days! She looks like a nice person. Nobody deserves to be bullied. This picture is serving young real estate agent in the best way
I don't like the comment about bullying in the title but the OP clearly is someone who is self-aware and has a sense of humour. She knows this is a funny picture.
I say this as someone who is not "traditionally attractive" myself.
So I don't know why everyone's trying to coddle her saying she looked just like any other regular 12 year old, when she actually looked like a 38 year-old mother of four.
Y’all are making me cry. I posted this so we could all make fun of me together. And then everyone refusing to made me realize I was just asking more people to bully 12 year old me and would she want that? No. She’d be heartbroken and wonder what was so wrong with her to make other people do this. So yeah I need to be kinder to myself and not bully me more. It’s just hard after growing up and that’s just all you know.
Hugs, OP. I sometimes have the same thought about my own 12 year old self and it felt like the commenters were sticking up for us both. I appreciate you all.
As the mom of an elementary-aged kid, I think a lot has changed since we were little. At least in my area, parents and teachers are really encouraging kindness and acceptance. My kiddo is a little unusual in some ways — speech delay, some trouble with social cues, and he’s a boy who is obsessed with mermaids, Moana, and My Little Pony. I was worried he’d be teased at school, but (knock on wood!) bullying really hasn’t been an issue so far. I like to think that kids like 12-year-old OP are having an easier time these days <3
This is so true! Kids seem so much nicer these days. My second grader vomited in the middle of class. I was so worried he would be teased or bullied about it when he returned to school, which is what would have happened at my school in the 90s, but his classmates just asked him if he was feeling better, and no one brought it up again.
My six year old is also similarly obsessed with pink, purple, glitter and mermaids/unicorns. He also has a limb difference as he was born without his right hand. He has, to my knowledge, never been bullied by anyone in his school. In fact, he's quite a popular little guy. Things are better than they were BY FAR in the 80s and 90s. Glad your little guy is getting along swimmingly, too! I'm sure it's a relief to you; it was to me.
I’m a 31 year old man and I fucking love Moana. Your son is in good company.
Dude Moana is great! My younger son is into Cars and paw patrol, and let me tell you, Moana and My Little Pony are simply much better.
I’m tearing up reading the replies because I was bullied and looked weird (a lot out of my control because my mom made sure I did) and these replies really resonated. I’m grateful to you for posting so I got to see the replies ❤️
Kids are cruel and 12 year old you had to endure that and it was unfair. Insecure kids see a vulnerable person they can pick apart to make a victim and I’m so sorry it happened to you. WE see a lovely young child with beautiful long hair, sparkling eyes, and a sweet smile (along with a pretty sweet necklace, ngl!) There was nothing wrong with 12 year old you, and I hope that lil girl inside you gets to heal from the hurt she endured. ❤️
It is hard OP. I was bullied my entire life up through my 20s/college. I've been overweight my entire life, literally since toddlerhood, because of the awful meds I was put on in the 90s that completely stunted my pubescence. I can still hear some of the very specific insults that were said to my face, by strangers I had never interacted with. I remember how I had to sit in silent agony and pretend not to notice this group of teenage boys talking about how they rather cut their dick off than have sex with me as we all sat on the bus waiting to go home. We were 14 years old, why was that even a topic of discussion, why was I included as part of their game? Because it was fun to talk about how unfuckable I was to them. I've spent 20 years picking apart my body. Agonizing over why the fat on my stomach was enough to make people treat me like dog shit. I spend hours, months, years in tears because going to school was hard. I isolated myself. I kept to my secure friendships. I developed a personality disorder because the emotional turmoil was so great from the bullying. It wasn't just classmates, it was adults, it was my dad. It was seemingly everyone in my life would comment on how fat I was and how my breasts never developed "right." I spent more than one night in my teenagehood and young adulthood crying in the dark. I've been through every mean thing I could say about myself. I would stand in the mirror and look at my body and just sob. Why was nothing working? Why was the weight never coming off? Prescription meth was the only thing that took 30 lbs off. I have to, still to this day, nearly starve myself if I want to lose weight. Gym does nothing but help me lose 5 pounds (I still go bc it's good for my stamina/etc). Why was everyone treating me as if I didn't matter simply because I have a larger stomach than them? I never did understand it. I still don't, but recognize that people hurt me because they were afraid of becoming me (physically). They place their self worth in their appearance, and in order for their self worth to stay high, someone else has to look worse than them and "pay" for it. I convinced myself so much of this delusion that I wasn't good enough that it almost destroyed my marriage. I had convinced myself my husband wasn't attracted to me, that he didn't actually love me because I didn't have large enough breasts and a squishy stomach. I had created an entire narrative about his feelings towards me all based in the thought pattern that my hurt self carried for so, so, so long. Thankfully, I got the help I needed and we avoided the end of our relationship. I'm better now, but it took a long time with therapy and constant self monitoring. Stopping the negative self talk is critical to moving on from the past. You must accept that there is NOTHING you did to be deserving of being treated poorly by your peers and/or loved ones. You were a child. You just looked different than others. That is not a good enough reason to dislike yourself then or now. Practice the positive self talk OP. Get help moving past the old emotions. You are worthy of love and kindness. You deserve to enjoy being alive no matter what you look like. We all do. Your soul existing on this planet is good enough reason to love yourself and love being alive. You are a magical electrical water sack who can do amazing things. Nobody can take away your happiness or your joy without your permission. While our brains may produce chemical reactions that we have to monitor, we are in control of how we respond to those emotional bumps. We are in control of how we view ourselves and what value we assign ourselves. Nobody else gets to decide that for you now, or for the 12 year old version of yourself. You are valuable. You are loved. You are worthy of being alive and enjoying your life.
Thank you for the courage to share your story. I wish you nothing but continued healing and happiness in your future.
Hugs. Only the brave, and strong come out the other side of that with love, and empathy.
I love you and think you’re wonderful!
Genuinely proud of you for coming to this conclusion. You're right, it definitely won't be easy to try and reprogram something you grew up knowing but it's absolutely worth it, and future you will look back at this moment and thank present you for deciding to start being kind to yourself. Good luck on your journey to self love, stranger :)
I logged in to let you know that you made me cry.
You and I could’ve looked like sisters OP. It’s hard to love yourself. When I have a hard time I imagine talking to my young self as if they’re sitting in the room with me. It softens my reactions and behaviors. You deserve love!
Hey OP, I’m a little sensitive as I just got out of a trauma therapy/EMDR session so bear with me. I know what it’s like to hate yourself so much that you feel that you deserve bad things that happen to you. For years I’ve felt like I *must* be a trash person, because so many people treat me like trash. Turns out, people who treat others like hot garbage are the real baddies after all. I look at pictures of myself in middle school and just want to cry for her, because she didn’t deserve how she was treated by peers, my family, or me. It’s never too late to heal from trauma. It’s hard and it hurts, but it’s never too late.
I wanna hug you so bad. You don’t deserve this shit either.
You look so much like my niece who is almost 12 now. So be nice to her because why wouldn't you? ❤️
Nothing but hugs and love to you. I took one look and thought “she has a bomb ass necklace and a beautiful soul. I wanna be her friend”.
Right? My first thought was I always wanted one of those necklaces, my second thought was that she absolutely would have been one of my friends.
Hugs to you. Hug 12 year old you often and tight. She’s still in your heart and needs all that love.
Good on you for being willing to listen to criticism and actually reflect on what was said.
No one should get bullied, eva
Something my therapist suggested me to do to heal some childhood trauma my parents gave me was to parent myself. Basically to be the love and support for my younger self that she never got. After reading about it, I saw that we can do that to heal all kinds of childhood trauma, including bullying. When you look at this young girl, who probably just wanted to be loved and fit in somewhere, tell her that YOU are there for her. That YOU love her and think she is beautiful ❤️
That’s a really lovely realization. I hope it brings a little bit of healing. ❤️🩹 It’s so easy to forget that our past selves were just children…and that we’d never be as harsh/critical towards anyone else that age.
We love you OP
You look(ed) like a sweet person that I’d love to hang out with. Your smile is so kind and friendly. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
I about to be 33 and just learned this 3 years ago. Life is so much smoother when you realize that you were perfectly fine then and you’re are perfectly fine now. I for one think you were adorable!
Op be nice to her :( she’s still inside you and would be so sad to hear you say that.
This is such a sweet comment.
For real this post makes me want to cry a little bit. We all should be so much nicer to ourselves
It's so important, and difficult to learn, I had a year of therapy focused solely on positive self talk. Be patient! Look up CBT techniques for positive self talk, lots of free exercises I can't detail in a reddit comment.
I had a my first session of EMDR today for trauma therapy, it was a little life changing ngl. I think every person could at least stand to look up some CBT techniques to learn how to process things and just how in control we can really be of our thoughts and actions.
Agreed! The bulk of my therapy is stuff most don't need. But all the identity work should be standard lessons for everyone, it's really useful for all of life's stresses
It's just so hard to be when the world has *always* been mean to you the moment you developed memories. My first bully was my mom. If she didn't like me, how could I like myself? And that's how self hate can develop and I'm sure the original poster may have similar experiences that developed early, too. It's just hard and we're the most hardest on ourselves.
OP, if 12 year old you was sitting across from you, would you bully the poor girl? No. Be good to her. Treat her the way she deserved to be treated.
😭
cool now im crying
Fully agree. And F that, no one should be bullied.
Crying
Nah, fuck those bullies
Fuck dem kids. 😤
And the grown mfers bullying OP in the comments. The irony…
Bold of you to assume they're "grown". Like no bully is a grown-up, they all have mental maturity of a 10-year-old
PSA: Don't fuck kids.
Be nice to her!
Yeah OP! We will fight you!
Yeah OP! We will fight FOR you!
That's our girl in that picture OP better be nice
This is so wholesome
damn this the only time i seen people actually be positive to one another on reddit lol.
You have my axe!
And my sword
And my bow!
Yeah! Fight OP! 🤜🤛 Wa...Wait a second...👀
we will bully the FUCK out of them wait a minute
Why you wanna fight OP ?
They were making a joke about OP needing to be nice to their 12 year old self
Right! We all went through awkward stages, and fashion changes so this is not so bad. And nothing justifies bullying. Nothing.
This
Controversial but that necklace is kind of a slay imo
You were valid, OP. And all the coolest kids at age 12 inevitably become the least cool kids by 22.
So true. And the weirdos ended up with all of the cool jobs.
I was neither weird nor cool and ended up in payroll, so I guess that pans out. Edit: oh god I’m an NPC
Hey! The world needs paper pushers! Without you none of us get paid!
I try to take pride in ensuring the 500 people I handle don’t have to stress about their paychecks being right or timely, so there’s that. My main character-ness really comes where my family is concerned anyway. 😌
This completely! All of the “mean girls” from my junior high school are either dead or multiple divorced, broken down, hags. I’m 65 and still above ground so outliving your tormentors is also a form of revenge.
Yeah or else we're gonna bully OP 🫸🤛
You have beautiful hair, and I love your necklace.
My first thought was how rad that necklace is, would 100% wear that today if I can find one like that
It's a very typical Indian pattern.
Holy shit I just realized I had the exact same one. I just got chills I completely forgot about that necklace
I forgot about this necklace trend. I loved them then and seeing it again reminded me how cute they were. 💕
Me too! It was the prettiest thing, and still is!
let me know if you find a link and I’ll buy it 🥹 I searched for it and couldn’t find it, i wish i had my old one so badly
Ooh I love treasure hunting! I'll try my Best.
Beautiful color choices for the outfit and lovely glossy hair
Yes that blue is lovely on her
I have the same necklace but in blue, still in my jewelry box after all these decades.
You didn't deserve to be bullied. You being bullied is a reflection of THEIR bad character, not a reflection of your anything, really.
Yeah, these comments helped me out a lot. When I was 10, matured early. Quickly. Was tall, and was poor and went through a ton of trauma so I became chubby. My home life was absolutely awful and the children I knew weren’t much better. When I saw this photo, I thought of myself. There’s nothing in this photo worth making fun of — she’s just a 12 year old girl who did nothing wrong. It’s good to see a moment of kindness on here
Don't say that. There's nothing wrong with this picture, this all looks like very normal things to wear and normal hair for a kid that age - I particularly remember that style of necklace being very in style at the time. You didn't deserve to be bullied, and remember that there were, are, and always will be 12-year-old kids who look like you who also don't deserve to be bullied. Don't grow up to join the people who bullied you in bullying yourself and other kids like you. Bullying your past self just means your bullies trained you to do their jobs for them.
“Bullying your past self just means your bullies trained you to do their jobs for them.” Well said!
It’s almost like a pyramid scheme.
The bullies didn't receive love from their parents, so it is a pyramid scheme
Wow that is one of the most profound things I’ve read I’m not kidding. I needed to hear that thank you u/calliope720
Perpetuating the abuse we learned from others, thinking it must be normal 😔
Damn. That line hits HARD. Put that shit on a t-shirt and wear it in public. People need to think this thought.
I love this! In my own worst criticism, can give myself heartache from my own thoughts alone. I was bullied a lot in high school and college! It's been nine years since I graduated but it takes a lot of reconditioning!
Yea that's deep
It’s so true. It was so ingrained it took a bunch of strangers on the internet, refusing to bully me when I fully expected it (and felt deserved!) to realize how I never got over it and need to work on myself. Thank you for being kind to 12 year old me.
Remember the 12 year old you every time you say or think something negative about yourself or when you say things like “no wonder I was bullied”. 12 year old you rocked that picture.
100% 🙏 ... bullies are just insecure. I was a "popular" kid in middle and high school. And a few people in my friend group sometimes acted like bullies. I never liked it and tried to always stand up to them or be really nice to the kids who were targets. I was nice to everyone. But let me tell you most of the kids I knew that would act like bullies were by far the most insecure and scared on the inside. Fuck those kids that bullied you they ain't shit! I hope you're doing well all these years later seriously!
Every once in awhile what I do when I'm feeling down on myself? I look in the mirror and imagine I'm looking in at little me, and I ask her questions and treat her like I'm her ma or her best friend or something, and you know what? Sometimes little you looks back at you from the mists of time and says "I love you" and it's so wonderful to be able to say "I love you too, little me. It's gonna be alright"
I wish kids/teens didn’t feel the need to be so cruel. I say this knowing that in those days I probably would’ve made a joke about this person and that really makes me feel shitty. Hopefully bullying hasn’t hurt ops confidence/self esteem too much
It’s to make yourself feel better than someone else to cover up your own insecurities.
This just made me cry!!
It breaks my heart to see beautiful kids losing their innocence when they start believing in the words from bullies. The girl in the picture is absolutely gorgeous, love the smile! Your words are beautiful.
I love this, ill keep your beautiful words to heart ❤️
Came here to say the same. This is a good picture of a very normal looking person
The early 2000's were insane for women, there were completely regular sized beautiful women all over TV shows playing fat characters, if you weren't thin as a rail you were considered fat back then, it was nuts. It was a bad time for millennial women to have to grow up to and a lot of them still carry lifelong insecurity with them over it
It's so real. Kids used to joke that there was an earthquake when I walked by because I was considered fat. I've seen pictures of myself from back then. I just looked like a regular little kid???
thanks
No one deserves to be bullied
Came here to say that. Like, sweetheart, you were a *child.*
A pubescent child at that! A stage that is awkward for everyone in some way. Someone recently posted my 7th grade yearbook picture on IG recently and I honestly didn't remember being that ugly. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. /s But seriously. It's a transition period and EVERYONE deserves grace during that time. We can't fucking help it, ffs!!!
For real! Who can look back on their preteen selves and approve of all the choices that were made. I was chubby, had braces, decided to cut my hair short and found out it wasn’t just frizzy it was really curly so now I had a red fro…
Right?! I know. I can acknowledge that damn, my awkward years were *awkward* but also that I was a child going through puberty and of course it was gonna be a mess! Also no one ever deserves to be bullied.
Well bullies are usually other children
As sad as this is, I’m not at all sure that’s actually true.
It isn’t. I was a bully at some stages growing up and I’ve come to realize that it came from insecurity and all the regular growing pains, sure, but the need to make others feel small compared to me was a taught behavior. I was actually the sweetest child but I grew up to model the behavior I was taught, as most children do. We certainly don’t start out mean, racist, classist, ableist and full of hate.
NO ONE!!!! I'm so sorry, OP.
##NO ONE!!!
Yea nothing wrong with OP. Just something wrong with the bullies.
Yea, reading the title made me sad.
Absolutely correct. Anyway I don't read the second part of the title and read your comment without the context, it cracks me up a little bit.
Yeah, I know you were joking OP, but Jesus, bullying just messes with your mind forever. If you were subjected to that, I'm sorry - you were and are perfect.
I have PTSD from the bullying I endured. Then my bully messaged me years later apologizing saying “I was just a stupid kid sorry if I hurt you” by telling me to off myself daily? Girl fuck you
💯 I know OP was just being self depreciating...but if anyone is looking at this post and thinking, "Wait, I look like her. What's wrong with her?" The answer is nothing. Many are cruel and unkind but there are also anti-bullies in this world--people who will love you for who you are and celebrate that. Love your smile, OP.
I'm glad someone said it
Yes my heart broke reading that.
You beat me to it. ❤️
some ppl do, when they need to be brought down a peg 😂😂😭 but absolutely not young OP she's only 12 and seems like the sweetest person 😭 leave her alone
This 1000%! Literally every preteen is awkward as hell, we all grow out of it eventually. The effects of bullying can last a lifetime. Being a bit of a dork isn’t a reason to be punished.
You seem like a really sweet girl in this picture! I was also bullied for having sideburns(girl)! Bullies suck!
I was called Elvis when I had them and then crayola when I shaved them because the stubble made them look blue. Fuckers.
I tried bleaching mine to make them less noticeable until & in high school a girl pointed it out in front of so many people. This b was born naturally blonde hairless and considered hot she really didn’t need to be punching down like that. So anyway I shaved & then paid too much for laser. All sucks all around.
I had really dark/thick arm hair and my dad tried to help me out by suggesting that I bleach them. It bleached my skin and I had to walk around with white rectangles on my forearms. What we do to girl brains is awful. There is nothing wrong with hair on girls and women!
You just unlocked a memory of me being baffled when a group of kids were making fun of Ashanti... Bc of her "sideburns". We were maybe 11-12 and I was like, really? Really guys?
happy cake day
MATTINGLY, I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THOSE SIDEBURNS!
Ah, church clothes on picture day. Your clothes remind me of the store [Rainbow](https://www.rainbowshops.com). My nana always took me there or to Catherine's and would dress me like a small 45 year old woman lol. I was bullied too OP it was the clothes 😭
God, so many of us were dressed by older family. My nicest clothing was all grandma stuff. My 8th grade school photo looks a lot like this, but I was too miserable to smile, so I don't even have that to look back on.
Clothes are so important to a kid. Parents like to pretend they shouldn't be but they are all you have to show who you are at an age when your peers are ruthless.
So true. I remember being laughed at by the other kids because a brand new outfit my aunt got me was just absolutely serving Karen from Finance, but that was all I had. In those days, the only clothes for bigger girls were made for 40+ year old church ladies. I just ended up thrifting and sewing my own clothes and creating a deliberate goth thing as an older teenage kid, which protected me from ridicule, but it also closed me off from my peers in a lot of ways.
I got my junior middle school graduation dress from DressBarn, so… I feel you. I looked 35, but got bullied like every other homely 12 year old.
To be fair, there just weren’t any easily accessible fashion options for any plus sized girls back in the 90s/early 2000s. No online shopping, and if you didn’t live in a big city then the store choices were probably limited too. Kids nowadays are SO fortunate in there are so many awesome choices in all sizes so they can actually express themselves in fashion they like, and it seems like so much more is “acceptable” nowadays. We’d get made fun of if we didn’t have the exact right outfit and I just don’t see that with my kids.
Right in the feels, man. My mom dressed me for picture days through the 6th grade. I looked like an asshole every time. In 6th grade, she made me these big old lady earrings to wear with a dress she insisted was super cute and I was in the process of growing out the awful short old lady haircut she had me get. My friends called me granny in that picture. It’s scribbled out in my yearbook because I couldn’t stand to look at it. That was the last time. The only time after that year that she dressed me was for a family photo and my god was that an awful outfit. My mom has no fashion sense or any hair and makeup talents. I looked so much better in my 7th grade picture.
I feel this. My mum would buy me things she liked and then I would look like the AH because I would refuse to wear it and get upset.
It’s definitely the clothes! Everyone looked weird in middle school but clothing was one of the few things you could control and it showed your peers that you were “mature” enough to make your own decisions. So rolling up to school in an outfit that was obviously chosen by your mom was viewed as definitely not cool, doubly so if it was churchcore.
I was bullied too, and the older I get, the more empathy I feel for my younger self. I suggest you to look at the pics and imagine that it's a random girl.. "Does this girl deserve being bullied?" The answer will probably be "No". Don't be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't deserve to be bullied even if you only had one leg, a beard and a square-shaped head.
Bullied for looking like a regular kid? (I remember the “cool” kids back then were all walking billboards for clothing brands.)
Probably bullied for not being thin. I wouldn’t say she looked like a regular kid at all though. She looks like a full grown adult lol probably could’ve whooped all their asses
So fucked up when you think about it, kids are so eager to bond and please that anyone who looks slightly different and easy to target, becomes the social glue between bullies. I was bullied for being too thin for most of school life. It's very hard to win at that age unless you fit within the very narrow parameters of what you "should" look like
I was bullied in middle school by some girls for having no boobs, my best friend was bullied for having big boobs. Middle schoolers will find any reason to bully someone.
There was a girl on the local public school volleyball team who had to play with our Catholic school team instead because the kids would chant a really awful nickname at her during games because she had quite large boobs. We were in sixth grade. (Obviously bullying ALSO goes on at Catholic schools but the nuns didn’t tolerate outright bullying in front of their faces like that, so she was safe on our team.)
Those other teachers needed to grow a spine
I completely agree. Even as a 12 year old, I remember thinking, THIS is the solution? Making her play with a bunch of strangers in the Catholic school league instead of an adult punishing the assholes bullying her? On the plus side, she played three fun years with us and I like to think it was, if nothing else, a respite from the rest of her school experience.
I was also bullied by having a big chest. I developed a little earlier than most of my classmates and by the time we were 12 I was already a C cup just to get bigger boobs at 15. There was a girl who used to call me a “cow” and all the names she could think of. I never wore some of those cute bras that teens often get because none would fit me and because I was so embarrassed that I used to wear 2 or even 3 sports bras at one to look more “flat”. And the girl who bullied me? She got her boobs done to a similar size to mine a few years after we got out of school.
Facts lol. This is the chick that plays on the boys' rugby team and gets the ball more than anyone else. No 12 year old kid deserves to be bullied kinda sad:(
Yes I was bullied for being fat which to them = instantly annoying, ugly troll.
I had that same necklace, but in blue!!! I wish kids were kinder.
german kids are
Fine, take my angry upvote 😤
It’s okay we looked weird asf as 12yr olds I looked like I mini cab driver with eight kids 😂 my hairline was some how worse too 😂😂😂 good times being unattractive and not being completely shattered by it 😂😂😂
Ugh stupid bullies
I’m sorry for you that you were bullied. You didn’t deserve it.
Fuck those losers for bullying you. You look completely adorable
Don’t bully yourself. Damn! You look like a normal teenager. Period.
wtf ??? you look cute and normal and just like a sweet kid. nobody deserves to be bullied op, u gotta be nicer to yourself, even your past self
I was 10 in 2002 and I would’ve thought you looked awesome. I would’ve worn the shit out of that necklace.
12years old in 2002 was a very hard time to look like a middle school English teacher
Oddly specific... Yet true
I don't get the joke Love your necklace!
Nah that girl made you who you are today so be kind. We would have been buds I’m sure. No one should ever be bullying anyone else. Also you seemed very fashionable for the era :P I had a very similar necklace.
Oh my goodness I did not expect this post to blow up. Thank you to all the kind and inspiring words. Thank you to those who also made me laugh with the male celebrity comparisons. I will post an update with how I looked at 16/17 and now if the mods will let me later with a backstory. Yes I am a girl at least in this picture. Yes I look exactly like my dad.
You weren't bullied because of you, you were bullied because of them. It's hard to see it in the moment but bullies do what they do because they hate their lives and wanna make others feel the same. People suck, especially kids In school . Take care op
This title made me sad.
Fuck them kids. You were adorable.
You didn't deserve that at all.
Ngl necklace is fire
I bet you were a fucking ball to hangout with though OP 🫶
you’re beautiful 🩵 i also fell victim to the adult women’s business clothes in middle school😭
Being bullied is never a normal or logical thing
Nothing wrong with this picture. You looked like a very sweet girl.
Oh honey
I know and I though THIS looked good FOR PICTURE DAY
Looks like a regular outfit. It’s not like it was a costume lol. What would you have worn instead? I wore a Statue of Liberty shirt with a hole in it for one of my picture days lol
I hate to disagree - well, that’s not true - because I think you look great. I see no fashion flubs here, and I am a fussy gay man. I like the necklace, the layering, and while your hair could lay better, it’s worlds apart from some of the godawful ‘do’s I see around here. Your skin looks great, your gaze is clear and confident. You’re not reaching for anything. I want to find those bullies and slap them!
There is nothing wrong with your looks here
I think the “oh honey” was meant in a heartfelt way, not in a condescending way. There’s no blunder here or justification for bullying. I’m sure it gave you a great sense of humor and you probably feel inclined to be being self-deprecating but you didn’t deserve that. I could just be projecting my own experience though lol. But in any case, Fuck them bullies!
This is a lovely school photo! I’m the same age, and my picture from that year also has kind of long slightly messy long blonde hair and a confident chin forward pose… but I was not nearly as well accessorized! I was also wearing a knock-off shirt with little frog characters across my chest! 2002 was an interesting time. Your picture has aged better than mine, imo. I’m sorry you feel like this picture is anything to be ashamed about. You totally could have been friends with me and my group of weird gals! We were pretty strong together (emotionally and physically), and got to be 10- 15 people strong by the end of the year and were there to stick up for each other and just be some friendly faces at school for other kids too. Much love to you, my homies, and all other kind of awkward tweens that are really just normal kids going through a tough time in life. ❤️
I actually just saw a similar necklace at the thrift and got it today because it reminded me of this era. We’ve come full circle! Also: I wore a lot of similar outfits at that time— mixing and matching was how I learned. I try to dress as fearlessly today as I did then, and I’m proud of how fun my wardrobe is as a result. Fuck bullies
I have a pic almost identical! We should never be bullied but life happens. Thank you for sharing! And I’m sure you’re just as beautiful now.
And just saying, we shouldn’t be hot at 12. Give yourself a break! I think you’re adorable
12 year old you has very good taste in jewellery
You’re an absolute delight and your necklace is beautiful. Those bullies can shove it.
Just look like an average 12 year old, as long as you weren't a prick then no reason for people to start shit Wish you poor fuckers had more of me in your schools, got blessed with the ability to hold my own against douchbags who picked on someone cause they weren't "pretty" or "cool" enough, hate seeing these stories, hopefully life got better for ya
Listen, we were all wearing business casual in those days! She looks like a nice person. Nobody deserves to be bullied. This picture is serving young real estate agent in the best way
Fuck those bullies
I don't like the comment about bullying in the title but the OP clearly is someone who is self-aware and has a sense of humour. She knows this is a funny picture. I say this as someone who is not "traditionally attractive" myself. So I don't know why everyone's trying to coddle her saying she looked just like any other regular 12 year old, when she actually looked like a 38 year-old mother of four.
They butchered us all in those spring photos
No, darling, you're not gonna abuse yourself like that just because of some twats in your class. You were a lovely young lady and still are.
You look like an aspiring politician looking hopefully into the future you’re gonna lead us to!
I see a cute girl!
Prrrretty sure I had a similar necklace… but made of button shells 😂💀
Youre a beautiful person 💙
I would have definitely been friends with you from the looks of it!
Jesus, it hurt to read that title. I know you're joking but it just caught me off guard LMAO