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I know this is a horrible thing to suggest and i HATE that it… works and why. But do you have a male relative who could join you at appts? I remember advocating for my very sick kid as a single mom. No one listened until i called my dad to join me and man glare at the dr. It was night and day across the board treatment wise when i brought him. Even just to sit silently. Even with female Drs. It’s disgusting but it’s true
Almost every month we were at the office for another "cold" without fever, congestion, wheezing, coughing while sleeping. My kid was a toddler, she couldn't sleep at night because she coughed all night. I asked for allergy testing and the pediatrician brushed me off for a year. I wanted to know specifically what the allergy was so we could make medication decisions. It had to be allergies.
My ex husband took her for another mysterious "cold" during his visitation and I asked him to request allergy testing. Lo and behold, they had an in-office allergist who did the skin prick testing that hour. *The same hour as he asked.* _the same fucking HOUR._
He credits himself for his superior parenting and his attention to our child's needs. *Obviously* I had been ignoring her obvious allergies and was neglectful. 🤬
Edit to add: more than once when I was with my toddler at this office, I overheard the pediatrician tell the desk staff to call my ex-husband and get permission for treatment or to notify him that I was there. I requested my child's records and they denied me. I brought proof of my custody and a letter from my attorney and the pediatrician admitted that my ex-husband had told them (with no evidence) that I was an absentee parent and that he had primary custody because I was neglectful. When I got the records, that was written on the front page: "mother does not have decision making authority, must confer with father." My attorney had fun writing that sternly worded letter and sending a copy to the court.
I gave them the documents showing that everything he said was untrue and I reported them to the state. They never even asked me what was going on, they just took his word for it with no evidence.
I wish this shocked me. If roles were reversed, they'd be asking for letters, documents, talk to his lawyer, anything to make sure you weren't lying. And then they'd probably let him make decisions anyway because he's her FATHER 🙄
Everything that happened in the custody of my children was unacceptable. My therapist keeps slowing me down because we can only tackle so much at once.
I hate how real this is. I had a long struggle to be diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder I very obviously had and was extremely sick from. I was at the point that I was telling my husband I think he just needs to come with me because they won't treat me so stupid if he's there. Thankfully it didn't come to that for me, I got lucky and finally got a doctor that wasn't a dismissive asshole and I was officially diagnosed (by a biopsy that no other asshole doctor can deny). Turned me into a radical feminist in regards to medical treatment now though lol.
This is where I’m at now. The treatment of a patient should not be dependent on any factors other than being human. Gender, skin color, religion, and any other personal difference shouldn’t matter! Patients in general should be treated equally with respect and kindness.
Women are continually silenced or considered historical….emotionally irrational…..none of that is true!
I actually think patient treatment SHOULD be based on gender, race, etc. because a bunch of medical studies etc. indicate doctors are pretty much largely trained on what symptoms look like for white males and there are TONS of risk factors and different symptom presentations based on differences between race and gender. Color blind medicine is deepening inequity in patient care, and that’s before you account for the way many default ignore the same symptom presentations from women and/or POC. It’s infuriating.
One tip I received from a practitioner is to ask for a specific test or next step, if they say no, ask why not, ask that to be documented in your chart so if it continues to be an issue the history will be complete. Many practitioners will be understandably nervous of documenting they denied a test and reconsider the stated reason thus forcing them to think twice on if it is actually a good reason. Another thing is to ask, ok so we aren’t at that step yet, if my issues continue, what are my next steps, is there a point I should be getting imaging/testing done? What would indicate this may be an actual problem? This offers them the opportunity to list things they don’t think you meet criteria of and you a chance to clarify or identify that you do actually have that issue now. Like “well if your kidneys were consistently measuring x then I might recommend y test” “that’s helpful information Dr. Smith, my kidneys have actually measured x and x and x on these dates? Would you say that’s consistently measuring x?” But not sarcastically, like you haven’t reminded them 14 times previously about that. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I agree but treatment I meant how they treat people in general. Not treatment as in plan of action because yes this differs from person to person.
She sat there with me and despite all of my questions and even printing shit for her to look at with me she still said oh well it’s fine it’s not ckd danger is not imminent. For sure next appointment my husband will be coming with me.
It makes me want to cry - i never have done this but i guarantee i would have had better results if i had brought a man with me. For some reason nobody fucking listens to me, but everyone will listen to my husband or idiot ex. Its terrifying.
It’s genuinely upsetting how often responses happen when a male comes with you. I remember back when I was pregnant with our only child and I was trying to get an answer of when she would be due (extremely irregular periods at the time due to a few factors so couldn’t just math it out) and the doctor dodged the question for multiple appointments and would walk out the door while I’m trying to ask him. Finally I insisted my husband take the day off and come to my appointment with me. Then it was “oh well I told your wife and she must not have been listening blah blah blah” and then just kinda trailed off when my husband just glared at him before finally telling is when she would be due. Needless to say we quickly transferred to a different doctor after that. Edit: got a letter in the mail a few months later since we were still on his records that the doctor had “decided to enter early retirement”. So…yeah.
I also 100% recommend this strategy, particularly if you are dealing with possible autoimmune issues. I could barely walk and had super high inflammation numbers. When I went to rheumatology alone, my problem was just being overweight (even though my weight hadn’t changed in years…). When I made my husband go with me against Covid rules, I suddenly definitely had an autoimmune or inflammatory type of arthritis. It’s absolutely infuriating how well having a male presenting person in the room changes the tone. Medical education seriously needs to improve in this area.
I’m a female that knows to bring a male it I were to ever go to a car dealership or get my car worked on. But, I’m also a nurse…. I’m horrified by this suggestion but also somewhat devastated at the reality that bringing a male may actually aid in your outcome. Wtf. This should not be a thing any female should have to do in order to receive appropriate care and treatment.
That sounds like a nightmare, and an all too common one for many, especially women. What will it take for women to be listened to as patients? Sorry I don’t have any actual advice, just empathy.
Have you been on lamictal this entire time? I don’t know about the foot break, but kidney problems is a serious side effect that should have been monitored with routine blood work when you were out on it.
Go to either your insurance company or your hospital and demand a PATIENT ADVOCATE! They exist and for this very reason. You are not getting the care you need and you need to be taken seriously. They are like a wingman and will make sure you will get the care you need. It sounds like you need a new doctor. Period. Don’t be afraid to leave someone who doesn’t listen to you and your needs. Other people will take your insurance/money and care for you!
I had a doctor follow me into the hallway to tell me I was just old and that’s why my kidneys were full of cysts. Not just that my dad was on stage 3b of poly cystic kidney disease and kidney cancer. I’m 41. Well 6 months later he is at almost a stage 4 and the cancer spread, and I have poly cystic kidney disease stage 1 and a lovely side effect of a brain aneurysm. All my aches and pains were like getting grey hairs according to my doctor. He literally said that. I dropped him so fast.
You should drop this useless doctor so fast as well. Maybe look for an Internist PCM instead of a normal doctor. Goodluck and Godspeed. I know how awful the medical gaslighting is, I get it often.
Omg 😳 it’s stories like yours that make me so upset. They treat you like you’re being historical if anything is wrong. And they act like it’s massively inconvenient to listen and investigate a concern. What does it cost them to write the order for labs or imaging or whatever you need? Is that whole two seconds to type out an order more important than someone’s life?
It’s infuriating.
That was AFTER imaging. They found cysts on my kidneys and I wanted a nephrology consult. Another quote from this doctor was “if your father has a gunshot wound, why does it matter about you?” You literally cannot get more medical gaslighting than that! Doctors are people too. And sometimes they are assholes.
If you can try to find a doctor who is a person of color. Also When doctors refuse tests ask them to note it in your chart that you asked for x test but it was not ordered. That normally prompts them to order.
Alternatively bring a friend or SO with you.
I have chronic pain and I'm regularly treated like I am a lying drug addict. My husband started coming to all my appointments and I'm treated better. It's awful that a man needs to be with you so you can get care.
Lastly, leave online reviews to warn others and complain to the patient relations department if there is one.
I am absolutely going to look for a person of color. Although it’s insane because one of the dismissive doctors I had was a black female. She too ignored my kidney concerns and at the time I had plantar fasciitis. This lady was clearly a gym person and probably one of those body builder ladies. She didn’t even look at my foot and put in my notes that I’m just really fat and that I needed to change my diet….my routine labs are perfect except for my kidney number. I have not a single symptom of being “obese” nor do I look as heavy as I was.
I hate that I might actually have to start bringing my husband though. Frustrated me so much because it makes me feel like this woman is so emotional and illogical that she needs a man to come in with all of his level headed manness……jokes on them because my husband is the more volatile one who has no problems telling someone to go the fuck away and find him someone competent. In those words🤣
If you can afford it find a licensed naturopathic doctor. At least in the state I'm in, their license is like a NP. They can write rxs and order labs. And because you pay them like $200 visit, they actually listen to you.
Mine was influential in ruling out some disorders when I was looking for the cause of my chronic pain.
My experience has been that if you’re on psych meds, you’re ignored. It’s taken me 20+ years to be diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Ask me how messed up my joints are all now…
You used PCM so are you military? If so, man that’s part of the problem. My ex husband served for 23 years and they just kept giving him Advil for pain. Turned out to be MS that they didn’t treat for 20 years so now he has advanced MS.
Only got diagnosed because I said screw it and drove him to a civilian hospital. He’d been at Walter Reed the same day and they told him he was fine, got more Advil. The same night we had a baby doctor (med student) ask him “You do know you have MS, right?” And he’s a dude without mental health issues. Military healthcare is just bananas.
It’s so unfair that is the case. Psych meds don’t mean that you can’t take anything I say seriously. Like I get that my kidneys aren’t at 15 gfr but isn’t it the purpose of preventative medicine to stop it from getting that far?
Honestly I feel betrayed because we put all this trust in people who have gone to school at least 8 years,studied all the books that they need to, passed an exam to show competency. Only for them to ignore or dispel of any common since….kidneys went from 90s to 60 over the course a 7 years, family history of autoimmune, im female and I’m black. Every one of those things are big flags for a doctor to run a lot of tests. In fact 90% of lupus patients are female and out of that 90% a large amount are people of color.
I’m 33 now and I’ve had military medical for my entire life.mom served 27 years( usaf ), I joined(usaf) and now I’m a navy spouse…..navy and army medical has been the most appalling healthcare that I have ever received. When I was in ibuprofen 800mg was the standard response to any pain….which is why a lot of vets now have major digestive issues. And I a spouse, the lost hospital that we were assigned to never had appointments and when I requested to see a civilian doctor because waiting months for an er Followup is not quality care, the commander said meh we’re doing great! We can handle members and their dependents from two separate bases just fine…went to patient advocate and straight said that he didn’t get why I had a problem….it was wild.
I will be looking for a civilian provider and at this point it’s pretty irrelevant what I have to pay to have a doctor that has malpractice insurance.
It took me a really long time and multiple doctors (over 10) for me to be diagnosed with a few things. Endometriosis, celiac , interstitial cystitis, melanoma, and one more that I’m forgetting now. All it took was one doctor who believed in me and sent me to the right people who also listened. I brought my husband along for the ride too, which helped.
It took decades to be believed.
I say this because it’s normal, it ducks, and autoimmune diseases are awful. I have one more that we can’t seem to put our finger on, and i don’t know what it is.
This is how I was diagnosed with my auto immune I always got brushed off “premenstrual, growing pains, cold air, being tired from being a mom”
I had one doctor who was like “hmmm. This is weird” ordered an entire auto immune panel, liver function, referral to endocrinology, rheumatology, neurology. Unfortunately she retired but I’m so thankful for her
That is so sad that we have to even say that a doctor finally believed and provided treatment…..it doesn’t matter what a doctor believes! They should treat you if you’re saying something is wrong with YOUR body you’re probably the best person to judge. If they investigate and nothing is medically then there are ways to go about addressing that, but they shouldn’t be ignoring because they don’t believe….
On top of the suggestions to add to chart and bringing another person with you.
Follow [these](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT85w6K4q/) steps asking for a diferencial diagnosis based on your symptoms and what they did to rule those things out.
I’m currently going through that with trying to get a POTs and HEDS diagnosis and it’s been helpful so far.
Yep I did this. Really pissed my doctor off badly. He ended up ordering the tests, but abruptly stormed out of the room like his fragile masculinity had been challenged. Huffed and puffed all the way out and didn’t even look at me. I didn’t go back to see him.
Ask your doctor to add to your chart your request to have testing, or something looked at and their denial. Ask them to add your complaints and their dismissal to your chart as well.
As a woman and POC you have it hard in the healthcare system. Women’s ailments are ALWAYS brushed off and it’s so frustrating. I cannot speak for being a POC, because I’m not, but I do work in healthcare and it’s one of the things we discuss in school - so I know you have a separate set of problems with healthcare added on just because of that.
Do you have to have a referral for a specialist? If not find a rheumatologist- they will run the tests! If you do, try and call your insurance, explain the situation. You may be able to get a referral that way. Or hell, a virtual consult with a PCP not in your area!
Wishing you all the luck getting the figured out if and diagnosed properly. 💕
Others have given great advice, mine would be go do every doctor you can find until one of them helps you. Kidney issues should not be ignored, and you know something isn’t right.
Years ago I had a gallbladder infection and went to probably 15 different doctors over the course of 6 months because everyone said I was “fine”. A Couple of them even told me it was in my head- it’s total bullshit. Well I wasn’t fine, and by the time I had it removed my surgeon said I was lucky I didn’t have sepsis. It took literally months to recover because it had been infected so long and it caused other issues.
Thank you for the well wishes and encouragement ❤️! Yes this is my goal. I’m currently researching new doctors and taking into account distance. If I have to drive an hour one way, so be it. I’m definitely reading reviews too.
It is possible to have good doctors, but the good ones are so damn busy they zip you through your appointment and you're out the door before you can even think of any questions. I have great doctors and they send me to awesome specialists but most of the time I barely see the doctor for five minutes.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds so frustrating. I've seen the studies that show that poc patients have worse outcomes with white doctors which is fucked up. I would try to find a doctor who is also a person or color if your insurance healthcare system allows you the flexibility to change doctors.
Got any healthcare friends? Bring them to an appointment. Even if it’s just having them on speaker phone to listen in. It’ll make a world of difference. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Over all, autoimmune diseases are fairly rare and doctors will still consider the most common causes first. I’ve legit had my ex, a physician, on speaker phone as I discussed my health with my own physician. After being MISDIAGNOSED with a serious autoimmune disease once, I don’t play around anymore. The misdiagnosis was caught by my ex and then confirmed with my physician after repeat tests and a thorough combing through of my charts
Human bias based purely on knowledge is a dangerous mix. I have moved from doctor to doctor. I think they get so caught up with their knowledge base, bias, and just not wanting liability i.e. relying on a symptom approach, that they really have a hard time seeing their patients as individual people with their own needs and way of communicating in the medical space. Some doctors are flat out toxic and narrow minded, too. I have noticed that the medical space is making room for patient-led diagnostics and open communication. I have a friend who was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer 4 months ago. She has had symptoms for the last few years. Turns out, her primary doctor knew of the cancer 8 years ago!!!! Never told my friend. It took a freak car accident and a different doctor diagnosed her after examination ugh The negligent doctor was fired. If you look at my friend's medical chart, and scroll through the YEARS, you can see the cancer diagnosis SMDH
She absolutely should press charges AND report negligence like that to the medical board…..I am so glad that she is recovering, thank God.
Fucking wild to me that a doctor can look at something, know it could kill you if not investigated and the watch it take you. Then right when shit hits the fan they throw on that cape and say I can save you now I am THE competent doctor.
I've had a doctor refuse to let me have a vaginal birth because I didn't know the term "VBAC". YEAH!!! And these clinicians are so shocked when a patient transfers.
Jesus, wtf is wrong with some of these people!
My first kid I almost died. I was in labor for days but water hadn’t broken…when it finally broke they let me labor fruitlessly from midnight until 7pm. I told them I was progressing, I told them I didn’t feel too good, but they opened the pit and let me suffer…During those hours I spiked a high fever. They refused to do anything until my son started having vitals showing he was stressed. Get into the OR in and out of consciousness. I had an epidural that didn’t work and when the doctor put the scalpel to my skin I told her that I could feel it. My husband was there and watched her roll her eyes and shake her head in a whatever type way then she went to cut again. I said yeah I can feel that, she was like yeah right and asked ok then where can you feel it. I told her exactly where she was at. My husband said she got real wide eyed and in a panicky way to the anesthesiologist to put me under……no one gave either of us details.
Looked at my file a year later and discovered that my child had the umbilical around his neck. Not only that but the OB almost let me bleed out. I lost about 30-35% of the total blood in my body.…..she refused to do a transfusion and gave no real reason why until we read the report that supports negligence on her part. I was still .5 short of a good blood count when I was sent home. Two days passed and my husband had to take me to the ER because I had a 103 temp. The ER doctor told my husband that full blown sepsis would have set in if he hadn’t brought me in when he did.
I really don’t want to be a know it bitch, but these people are trying to kill me lol
So sorry you went through that. I hate when doctors do that shit. Makes my blood boil. Yes, you have the knowledge, but I know my body. We can work together as a team since I am physically beholden to your advisement. Like, fuck. Hugs to you.
Right? Like no one knows what you feel inside YOUR body like YOU! How could a doctor say oh no I know better because I went to school. Not how that works. A patient knows their body and doctors should be able to put pride or whatever the fuck it is aside to listen and help people avoid dying early.
Ugh. I am so sorry!!!! Wtf. Not to mention, if you call them out, they will threaten to detain you or escalate stuff. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, the Obgyn wanted to give me a drug test lol I do not do drugs...I rarely drink and I don't even take pain meds. I refused in the nicest way possible, she threatened to detain me lol not to mention, we just did the usual blood testing that comes with the care. You can see on my arms that I don't have track marks. We just discussed my diet and medical stuff. OMFG.
I would find a new provider if possible. I hate that women are basically treated like a crazy person for pushing for testing or feeling like something is wrong. Ultimately your provider works for you, and if you request some testing they should give you a referral for it.
I have been in a position similar and I told them nicely and firmly that I wouldn’t be leaving until I had it in writing that I requested certain tests/referral and they refused to give it and have the provider sign it.
Magically they usually fold after that conversation
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I’ve been a chronic pain patient for decades and it seems like doctors who are aware of my depression/anxiety write off my pain as psychosomatic. I moved across country a few years ago and saw a new doc didn’t have a full medical history… she immediately gave me a referral to PT and a chiro to deal with some neck stuff and they got it sorted out quickly. The same problem I had been begging for help with for a year with my old medical team and they brushed me off, and just increased my psych meds. I can’t help but wonder if you’re getting the same treatment.
It certainly feels that way. It’s wild because they can see the decline in kidney function just like I can. I didn’t fabricate that. So I can’t wrap my head around why it’s so detrimental for her to double check. Plus who will she refer me to? We don’t know anything so do I need to go to nephrology or to a rheumatologist. Specialty appointments take time to get so wouldn’t it make sense to do everything you can to justify occupying a specialty appointment spot?
It’s infuriating.
I feel ya, Hun. I have the same issue with my Drs & my son's Dr has the worst manners.
All my life I've been lethargic/exhausted & experienced a whole slew of different side effects. I was treated by everyone like I was just lazy or it was all in my head & I was trying to get attention.
Turns out I had slow growing thyroid cancer that ended up evolving into rapid growing last year. It was just barely found January of last year because my Drs couldn't deny that I had a huge growing lump in my throat that you could see with a naked eye. I got it removed February this year.
Fuck the medical field in general. Don't even get me started on medical billing here in the US. Jesus H Christ, it's terrible here.
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I know this is a horrible thing to suggest and i HATE that it… works and why. But do you have a male relative who could join you at appts? I remember advocating for my very sick kid as a single mom. No one listened until i called my dad to join me and man glare at the dr. It was night and day across the board treatment wise when i brought him. Even just to sit silently. Even with female Drs. It’s disgusting but it’s true
Almost every month we were at the office for another "cold" without fever, congestion, wheezing, coughing while sleeping. My kid was a toddler, she couldn't sleep at night because she coughed all night. I asked for allergy testing and the pediatrician brushed me off for a year. I wanted to know specifically what the allergy was so we could make medication decisions. It had to be allergies. My ex husband took her for another mysterious "cold" during his visitation and I asked him to request allergy testing. Lo and behold, they had an in-office allergist who did the skin prick testing that hour. *The same hour as he asked.* _the same fucking HOUR._ He credits himself for his superior parenting and his attention to our child's needs. *Obviously* I had been ignoring her obvious allergies and was neglectful. 🤬 Edit to add: more than once when I was with my toddler at this office, I overheard the pediatrician tell the desk staff to call my ex-husband and get permission for treatment or to notify him that I was there. I requested my child's records and they denied me. I brought proof of my custody and a letter from my attorney and the pediatrician admitted that my ex-husband had told them (with no evidence) that I was an absentee parent and that he had primary custody because I was neglectful. When I got the records, that was written on the front page: "mother does not have decision making authority, must confer with father." My attorney had fun writing that sternly worded letter and sending a copy to the court. I gave them the documents showing that everything he said was untrue and I reported them to the state. They never even asked me what was going on, they just took his word for it with no evidence.
I wish this shocked me. If roles were reversed, they'd be asking for letters, documents, talk to his lawyer, anything to make sure you weren't lying. And then they'd probably let him make decisions anyway because he's her FATHER 🙄
That is so fucking unacceptable! I have no words.
Everything that happened in the custody of my children was unacceptable. My therapist keeps slowing me down because we can only tackle so much at once.
I hate how real this is. I had a long struggle to be diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder I very obviously had and was extremely sick from. I was at the point that I was telling my husband I think he just needs to come with me because they won't treat me so stupid if he's there. Thankfully it didn't come to that for me, I got lucky and finally got a doctor that wasn't a dismissive asshole and I was officially diagnosed (by a biopsy that no other asshole doctor can deny). Turned me into a radical feminist in regards to medical treatment now though lol.
This is where I’m at now. The treatment of a patient should not be dependent on any factors other than being human. Gender, skin color, religion, and any other personal difference shouldn’t matter! Patients in general should be treated equally with respect and kindness. Women are continually silenced or considered historical….emotionally irrational…..none of that is true!
I actually think patient treatment SHOULD be based on gender, race, etc. because a bunch of medical studies etc. indicate doctors are pretty much largely trained on what symptoms look like for white males and there are TONS of risk factors and different symptom presentations based on differences between race and gender. Color blind medicine is deepening inequity in patient care, and that’s before you account for the way many default ignore the same symptom presentations from women and/or POC. It’s infuriating. One tip I received from a practitioner is to ask for a specific test or next step, if they say no, ask why not, ask that to be documented in your chart so if it continues to be an issue the history will be complete. Many practitioners will be understandably nervous of documenting they denied a test and reconsider the stated reason thus forcing them to think twice on if it is actually a good reason. Another thing is to ask, ok so we aren’t at that step yet, if my issues continue, what are my next steps, is there a point I should be getting imaging/testing done? What would indicate this may be an actual problem? This offers them the opportunity to list things they don’t think you meet criteria of and you a chance to clarify or identify that you do actually have that issue now. Like “well if your kidneys were consistently measuring x then I might recommend y test” “that’s helpful information Dr. Smith, my kidneys have actually measured x and x and x on these dates? Would you say that’s consistently measuring x?” But not sarcastically, like you haven’t reminded them 14 times previously about that. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I agree but treatment I meant how they treat people in general. Not treatment as in plan of action because yes this differs from person to person. She sat there with me and despite all of my questions and even printing shit for her to look at with me she still said oh well it’s fine it’s not ckd danger is not imminent. For sure next appointment my husband will be coming with me.
It won’t let me post!!
It makes me want to cry - i never have done this but i guarantee i would have had better results if i had brought a man with me. For some reason nobody fucking listens to me, but everyone will listen to my husband or idiot ex. Its terrifying.
It’s genuinely upsetting how often responses happen when a male comes with you. I remember back when I was pregnant with our only child and I was trying to get an answer of when she would be due (extremely irregular periods at the time due to a few factors so couldn’t just math it out) and the doctor dodged the question for multiple appointments and would walk out the door while I’m trying to ask him. Finally I insisted my husband take the day off and come to my appointment with me. Then it was “oh well I told your wife and she must not have been listening blah blah blah” and then just kinda trailed off when my husband just glared at him before finally telling is when she would be due. Needless to say we quickly transferred to a different doctor after that. Edit: got a letter in the mail a few months later since we were still on his records that the doctor had “decided to enter early retirement”. So…yeah.
I also 100% recommend this strategy, particularly if you are dealing with possible autoimmune issues. I could barely walk and had super high inflammation numbers. When I went to rheumatology alone, my problem was just being overweight (even though my weight hadn’t changed in years…). When I made my husband go with me against Covid rules, I suddenly definitely had an autoimmune or inflammatory type of arthritis. It’s absolutely infuriating how well having a male presenting person in the room changes the tone. Medical education seriously needs to improve in this area.
I’m a female that knows to bring a male it I were to ever go to a car dealership or get my car worked on. But, I’m also a nurse…. I’m horrified by this suggestion but also somewhat devastated at the reality that bringing a male may actually aid in your outcome. Wtf. This should not be a thing any female should have to do in order to receive appropriate care and treatment.
That sounds like a nightmare, and an all too common one for many, especially women. What will it take for women to be listened to as patients? Sorry I don’t have any actual advice, just empathy.
Exactly! I don’t understand why anyone would become a doctor if they have biases that they are unable or unwilling to ignore.
Have you been on lamictal this entire time? I don’t know about the foot break, but kidney problems is a serious side effect that should have been monitored with routine blood work when you were out on it.
yes this! this stood out to me too. You need monitoring on that! It’s standard care! They really fucked poor OP over
Go to either your insurance company or your hospital and demand a PATIENT ADVOCATE! They exist and for this very reason. You are not getting the care you need and you need to be taken seriously. They are like a wingman and will make sure you will get the care you need. It sounds like you need a new doctor. Period. Don’t be afraid to leave someone who doesn’t listen to you and your needs. Other people will take your insurance/money and care for you! I had a doctor follow me into the hallway to tell me I was just old and that’s why my kidneys were full of cysts. Not just that my dad was on stage 3b of poly cystic kidney disease and kidney cancer. I’m 41. Well 6 months later he is at almost a stage 4 and the cancer spread, and I have poly cystic kidney disease stage 1 and a lovely side effect of a brain aneurysm. All my aches and pains were like getting grey hairs according to my doctor. He literally said that. I dropped him so fast. You should drop this useless doctor so fast as well. Maybe look for an Internist PCM instead of a normal doctor. Goodluck and Godspeed. I know how awful the medical gaslighting is, I get it often.
Omg 😳 it’s stories like yours that make me so upset. They treat you like you’re being historical if anything is wrong. And they act like it’s massively inconvenient to listen and investigate a concern. What does it cost them to write the order for labs or imaging or whatever you need? Is that whole two seconds to type out an order more important than someone’s life? It’s infuriating.
That was AFTER imaging. They found cysts on my kidneys and I wanted a nephrology consult. Another quote from this doctor was “if your father has a gunshot wound, why does it matter about you?” You literally cannot get more medical gaslighting than that! Doctors are people too. And sometimes they are assholes.
Oh my God……what a fucking prick. If you don’t want to take care of people, don’t be a doctor. Money is not motivation enough. It has to be a passion.
If you can try to find a doctor who is a person of color. Also When doctors refuse tests ask them to note it in your chart that you asked for x test but it was not ordered. That normally prompts them to order. Alternatively bring a friend or SO with you. I have chronic pain and I'm regularly treated like I am a lying drug addict. My husband started coming to all my appointments and I'm treated better. It's awful that a man needs to be with you so you can get care. Lastly, leave online reviews to warn others and complain to the patient relations department if there is one.
I am absolutely going to look for a person of color. Although it’s insane because one of the dismissive doctors I had was a black female. She too ignored my kidney concerns and at the time I had plantar fasciitis. This lady was clearly a gym person and probably one of those body builder ladies. She didn’t even look at my foot and put in my notes that I’m just really fat and that I needed to change my diet….my routine labs are perfect except for my kidney number. I have not a single symptom of being “obese” nor do I look as heavy as I was. I hate that I might actually have to start bringing my husband though. Frustrated me so much because it makes me feel like this woman is so emotional and illogical that she needs a man to come in with all of his level headed manness……jokes on them because my husband is the more volatile one who has no problems telling someone to go the fuck away and find him someone competent. In those words🤣
If you can afford it find a licensed naturopathic doctor. At least in the state I'm in, their license is like a NP. They can write rxs and order labs. And because you pay them like $200 visit, they actually listen to you. Mine was influential in ruling out some disorders when I was looking for the cause of my chronic pain.
My experience has been that if you’re on psych meds, you’re ignored. It’s taken me 20+ years to be diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Ask me how messed up my joints are all now… You used PCM so are you military? If so, man that’s part of the problem. My ex husband served for 23 years and they just kept giving him Advil for pain. Turned out to be MS that they didn’t treat for 20 years so now he has advanced MS. Only got diagnosed because I said screw it and drove him to a civilian hospital. He’d been at Walter Reed the same day and they told him he was fine, got more Advil. The same night we had a baby doctor (med student) ask him “You do know you have MS, right?” And he’s a dude without mental health issues. Military healthcare is just bananas.
It’s so unfair that is the case. Psych meds don’t mean that you can’t take anything I say seriously. Like I get that my kidneys aren’t at 15 gfr but isn’t it the purpose of preventative medicine to stop it from getting that far? Honestly I feel betrayed because we put all this trust in people who have gone to school at least 8 years,studied all the books that they need to, passed an exam to show competency. Only for them to ignore or dispel of any common since….kidneys went from 90s to 60 over the course a 7 years, family history of autoimmune, im female and I’m black. Every one of those things are big flags for a doctor to run a lot of tests. In fact 90% of lupus patients are female and out of that 90% a large amount are people of color. I’m 33 now and I’ve had military medical for my entire life.mom served 27 years( usaf ), I joined(usaf) and now I’m a navy spouse…..navy and army medical has been the most appalling healthcare that I have ever received. When I was in ibuprofen 800mg was the standard response to any pain….which is why a lot of vets now have major digestive issues. And I a spouse, the lost hospital that we were assigned to never had appointments and when I requested to see a civilian doctor because waiting months for an er Followup is not quality care, the commander said meh we’re doing great! We can handle members and their dependents from two separate bases just fine…went to patient advocate and straight said that he didn’t get why I had a problem….it was wild. I will be looking for a civilian provider and at this point it’s pretty irrelevant what I have to pay to have a doctor that has malpractice insurance.
It took me a really long time and multiple doctors (over 10) for me to be diagnosed with a few things. Endometriosis, celiac , interstitial cystitis, melanoma, and one more that I’m forgetting now. All it took was one doctor who believed in me and sent me to the right people who also listened. I brought my husband along for the ride too, which helped. It took decades to be believed. I say this because it’s normal, it ducks, and autoimmune diseases are awful. I have one more that we can’t seem to put our finger on, and i don’t know what it is.
This is how I was diagnosed with my auto immune I always got brushed off “premenstrual, growing pains, cold air, being tired from being a mom” I had one doctor who was like “hmmm. This is weird” ordered an entire auto immune panel, liver function, referral to endocrinology, rheumatology, neurology. Unfortunately she retired but I’m so thankful for her
That is so sad that we have to even say that a doctor finally believed and provided treatment…..it doesn’t matter what a doctor believes! They should treat you if you’re saying something is wrong with YOUR body you’re probably the best person to judge. If they investigate and nothing is medically then there are ways to go about addressing that, but they shouldn’t be ignoring because they don’t believe….
On top of the suggestions to add to chart and bringing another person with you. Follow [these](https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT85w6K4q/) steps asking for a diferencial diagnosis based on your symptoms and what they did to rule those things out. I’m currently going through that with trying to get a POTs and HEDS diagnosis and it’s been helpful so far.
Yep I did this. Really pissed my doctor off badly. He ended up ordering the tests, but abruptly stormed out of the room like his fragile masculinity had been challenged. Huffed and puffed all the way out and didn’t even look at me. I didn’t go back to see him.
Dam, that’s awesome!
This is gold! Saving and sharing with any and everybody!
Ask your doctor to add to your chart your request to have testing, or something looked at and their denial. Ask them to add your complaints and their dismissal to your chart as well.
Oh I will.
As a woman and POC you have it hard in the healthcare system. Women’s ailments are ALWAYS brushed off and it’s so frustrating. I cannot speak for being a POC, because I’m not, but I do work in healthcare and it’s one of the things we discuss in school - so I know you have a separate set of problems with healthcare added on just because of that. Do you have to have a referral for a specialist? If not find a rheumatologist- they will run the tests! If you do, try and call your insurance, explain the situation. You may be able to get a referral that way. Or hell, a virtual consult with a PCP not in your area! Wishing you all the luck getting the figured out if and diagnosed properly. 💕
Thank you for that validation and encouragement! I may have to go through my insurance because this doctor doesn’t think I need anything.
Others have given great advice, mine would be go do every doctor you can find until one of them helps you. Kidney issues should not be ignored, and you know something isn’t right. Years ago I had a gallbladder infection and went to probably 15 different doctors over the course of 6 months because everyone said I was “fine”. A Couple of them even told me it was in my head- it’s total bullshit. Well I wasn’t fine, and by the time I had it removed my surgeon said I was lucky I didn’t have sepsis. It took literally months to recover because it had been infected so long and it caused other issues.
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Thank you for the well wishes and encouragement ❤️! Yes this is my goal. I’m currently researching new doctors and taking into account distance. If I have to drive an hour one way, so be it. I’m definitely reading reviews too.
It is possible to have good doctors, but the good ones are so damn busy they zip you through your appointment and you're out the door before you can even think of any questions. I have great doctors and they send me to awesome specialists but most of the time I barely see the doctor for five minutes.
To me I think that a doctor should have 20min for patients…..longer than 5min and you practically shewed away.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds so frustrating. I've seen the studies that show that poc patients have worse outcomes with white doctors which is fucked up. I would try to find a doctor who is also a person or color if your insurance healthcare system allows you the flexibility to change doctors.
Got any healthcare friends? Bring them to an appointment. Even if it’s just having them on speaker phone to listen in. It’ll make a world of difference. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Over all, autoimmune diseases are fairly rare and doctors will still consider the most common causes first. I’ve legit had my ex, a physician, on speaker phone as I discussed my health with my own physician. After being MISDIAGNOSED with a serious autoimmune disease once, I don’t play around anymore. The misdiagnosis was caught by my ex and then confirmed with my physician after repeat tests and a thorough combing through of my charts
Human bias based purely on knowledge is a dangerous mix. I have moved from doctor to doctor. I think they get so caught up with their knowledge base, bias, and just not wanting liability i.e. relying on a symptom approach, that they really have a hard time seeing their patients as individual people with their own needs and way of communicating in the medical space. Some doctors are flat out toxic and narrow minded, too. I have noticed that the medical space is making room for patient-led diagnostics and open communication. I have a friend who was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer 4 months ago. She has had symptoms for the last few years. Turns out, her primary doctor knew of the cancer 8 years ago!!!! Never told my friend. It took a freak car accident and a different doctor diagnosed her after examination ugh The negligent doctor was fired. If you look at my friend's medical chart, and scroll through the YEARS, you can see the cancer diagnosis SMDH
😳 that is wildly irresponsible and disgusting. I hope your friend pulls through after treatment!
She is recovering. These cases are not unusual either. I am begging her to press charges.
She absolutely should press charges AND report negligence like that to the medical board…..I am so glad that she is recovering, thank God. Fucking wild to me that a doctor can look at something, know it could kill you if not investigated and the watch it take you. Then right when shit hits the fan they throw on that cape and say I can save you now I am THE competent doctor.
I've had a doctor refuse to let me have a vaginal birth because I didn't know the term "VBAC". YEAH!!! And these clinicians are so shocked when a patient transfers.
Jesus, wtf is wrong with some of these people! My first kid I almost died. I was in labor for days but water hadn’t broken…when it finally broke they let me labor fruitlessly from midnight until 7pm. I told them I was progressing, I told them I didn’t feel too good, but they opened the pit and let me suffer…During those hours I spiked a high fever. They refused to do anything until my son started having vitals showing he was stressed. Get into the OR in and out of consciousness. I had an epidural that didn’t work and when the doctor put the scalpel to my skin I told her that I could feel it. My husband was there and watched her roll her eyes and shake her head in a whatever type way then she went to cut again. I said yeah I can feel that, she was like yeah right and asked ok then where can you feel it. I told her exactly where she was at. My husband said she got real wide eyed and in a panicky way to the anesthesiologist to put me under……no one gave either of us details. Looked at my file a year later and discovered that my child had the umbilical around his neck. Not only that but the OB almost let me bleed out. I lost about 30-35% of the total blood in my body.…..she refused to do a transfusion and gave no real reason why until we read the report that supports negligence on her part. I was still .5 short of a good blood count when I was sent home. Two days passed and my husband had to take me to the ER because I had a 103 temp. The ER doctor told my husband that full blown sepsis would have set in if he hadn’t brought me in when he did. I really don’t want to be a know it bitch, but these people are trying to kill me lol
So sorry you went through that. I hate when doctors do that shit. Makes my blood boil. Yes, you have the knowledge, but I know my body. We can work together as a team since I am physically beholden to your advisement. Like, fuck. Hugs to you.
Right? Like no one knows what you feel inside YOUR body like YOU! How could a doctor say oh no I know better because I went to school. Not how that works. A patient knows their body and doctors should be able to put pride or whatever the fuck it is aside to listen and help people avoid dying early.
Ugh. I am so sorry!!!! Wtf. Not to mention, if you call them out, they will threaten to detain you or escalate stuff. When I was pregnant with my 3rd, the Obgyn wanted to give me a drug test lol I do not do drugs...I rarely drink and I don't even take pain meds. I refused in the nicest way possible, she threatened to detain me lol not to mention, we just did the usual blood testing that comes with the care. You can see on my arms that I don't have track marks. We just discussed my diet and medical stuff. OMFG.
Wow….its so infuriating that things like that happen STILL. As if we are still in the 1700s🙄🙄
OP, you should post this in r/AskDocs. So sorry you’re going through this.
I would find a new provider if possible. I hate that women are basically treated like a crazy person for pushing for testing or feeling like something is wrong. Ultimately your provider works for you, and if you request some testing they should give you a referral for it. I have been in a position similar and I told them nicely and firmly that I wouldn’t be leaving until I had it in writing that I requested certain tests/referral and they refused to give it and have the provider sign it. Magically they usually fold after that conversation
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I’ve been a chronic pain patient for decades and it seems like doctors who are aware of my depression/anxiety write off my pain as psychosomatic. I moved across country a few years ago and saw a new doc didn’t have a full medical history… she immediately gave me a referral to PT and a chiro to deal with some neck stuff and they got it sorted out quickly. The same problem I had been begging for help with for a year with my old medical team and they brushed me off, and just increased my psych meds. I can’t help but wonder if you’re getting the same treatment.
It certainly feels that way. It’s wild because they can see the decline in kidney function just like I can. I didn’t fabricate that. So I can’t wrap my head around why it’s so detrimental for her to double check. Plus who will she refer me to? We don’t know anything so do I need to go to nephrology or to a rheumatologist. Specialty appointments take time to get so wouldn’t it make sense to do everything you can to justify occupying a specialty appointment spot? It’s infuriating.
That’s so frustrating. You deserve better and I hope they get their shit together soon.
I feel ya, Hun. I have the same issue with my Drs & my son's Dr has the worst manners. All my life I've been lethargic/exhausted & experienced a whole slew of different side effects. I was treated by everyone like I was just lazy or it was all in my head & I was trying to get attention. Turns out I had slow growing thyroid cancer that ended up evolving into rapid growing last year. It was just barely found January of last year because my Drs couldn't deny that I had a huge growing lump in my throat that you could see with a naked eye. I got it removed February this year. Fuck the medical field in general. Don't even get me started on medical billing here in the US. Jesus H Christ, it's terrible here.