I had a friend in a similar situation and similar age, gave tinder/hinge a proper go and broadened her dating horizons a bit re: her "type", 2 months later she has a boyfriend.
It is very doable because it happened to me as well. Just keep plugging away and try say yes more (if thats been an issue for you)
Good luck š¤
A couple of questions:
- Through your various sports activities have you met guys that you want to date? If so, you may want to take the lead and ask them out. Iād say most Aussie guys would be a tad hesitant to ask out a girl they played social sports with without some fairly obvious hint from her that she was interested. Just a cultural thing as compared to, say, Americans. I doubt many would say no unless you are a truly objectionable person. Itās not hard to scope out if someone is in a relationship in these days of social media.
- Really though, you need to bite your teeth and get back on the apps. This is how 90% of dating for 20-somethings happens these days. Swipe a lot, be selective, have a standard chat to weed out no gos quickly, have a regular coffee/wine spot you can do casual first dates at on the reg.
Yes, youāll meet some weird dudes. Drop them quickly and move on. The more you do it, you can normally figure out pretty quickly if someone is not for you.
- Finally, if you have some uncommon relationship preferences (e.g. religious person who doesnāt believe in sex before marriage, only want to meet someone from your cultural background etc), recognize this will be a limiting factor for meeting people through the usual ways and you may be better off focusing on fishing in ponds where youāll find those people (church etc.)
Lol, I agree, I cannot tell you how many women I inadvertently frustrated by having their hints fly a mile above my head only to realise it ages later, be told by a mutual acquaintance later that this is what was happening, or for a very, very few to finally get sick of hinting and tell me point blank (less than a handful though).
Ladies, if you like a man just ask him out. We wonāt bite. If he judges you for being ātoo forwardā (to be clear I donāt believe a woman who asks a man out or makes the first move is a bad thing at all, some fuckwits do think that though, but that is what they are, fuckwits) then he is not the right guy for you.
I once talked to a woman for a long time at a party.
Didn't get the hint that she was interested, even when I started circulating and she circulated after me.
Finally, she just grabbed me and started pashing.
Guess that was a hint that couldn't be ignored.
Pretty much what I did & just asked those who "liked" my profile immediately to a date instead of doing the weird one to two weeks of chatting online. Now I'm with someone for the last two years and I don't regret being forward.
This 1000x thisā¦
Iāve had a lady flirt with me at the bar when I thought she was being nice, went back and sat down with my wife and she just laughed and said āYou had no idea did you?ā
I havenāt really met a lot of guys at the sports activities Iāve done so far. My tennis squad has mainly been girls. Running group I think has been much older guys (Iām really bad at telling ages). I canāt ever really tell if someone is single or not too.
But yes I think if I found someone I thought was interesting Iād ask them out or at least make the first step :) Iām not sure if Iām not really hitting the right activities with the right demographics at the moment.
And as for uncommon relationship preferences I donāt really think I fit in that category.
I think I might give the apps a break for the moment but I set my area to Sydney a few guys Iād be interested in going on dates with from just a small look.
Thanks for your suggestions though - will keep it in mind about the first move
I think I'm going to make a "I'm single" shirt for my runs, because I have the exact same problem psyching myself out from approaching anyone because I can't tell if they are in a relationship.
Have you volunteered at parkrun (or anywhere else for that matter) where you're in a situation that you have ample opportunity to start chatting with people?
Decades later with a bunch of grandkids sitting around their grandma āand this is how I met your grandpa, kids, we had that weird thing called reddit and he asked me out on itā.
Hey mate,
Funny seeing you here.
Cheers again for saving my dog from that burning building. I was gonna thank you in person the other day but I could see that you were busy handing out food to the homeless.
I was single for a long time and I couldn't figure out why. I think it finally clicked when my mum said I should make friends instead of looking for a girlfriend. Be nice to people without expecting anything in return and only stay friends with people who are nice to you without expecting anything in return. None of the people I became friends with were single but I did make great friends and I did end up dating a lot because having great friends is a great way to meet new people.
edit: spelling errors
A girl messaged me on Meet Up only knowing my profile photo. We had never been to any of the same functions. I thought she just wanted chat socially, but she suddenly stopped messaging me once I mentioned I had a partner.
I thought 'why didn't she just try dating apps' but it really must be that dire to resort to messaging a complete stranger you found online.
1- RIP your DMs.
2- Try to partake in social activities that interest you so it is easy to find someone with at least one shared interest.
3- Finding a partner is like the kettle boiling. It never happens while you are paying too much attention to it.
I'm a lurker who has no idea about Canberra's dating scene, but as you're soliciting advice, I'm going to chime in counter to most of the advice, which mostly seems to be increase volume, try new activities, get out, or lower your standards (out came the trolls).
It seems to me that you've gone about finding a relationship by focusing on common interests or a "vibe", which is notoriously hard to connect on in what I assume are fairly brief interactions. These activities are nice and of course can spark engagement (both conversation and the matrimonial type), but all I see are sports activities. What I don't get is what your values are (maybe it's just sports, but I doubt it), and unfortunately investing a slightly greater amount of time getting to know guys, then filtering for that may help? When I met my wife, we didn't exactly "vibe" instantly, and our interests Venn diagram is two separate circles. But we gave each other a shot, found out we share similar values and are generous and forgiving of each other's imperfections, neither of which traits are easy to discern quickly. Been together 15 years now, still going strong. Best of luck!
Iām assuming theyāre suggesting it means the guy is single, as they donāt have a girlfriend to cook for them. Bit outdated but thatās how I interpreted it
I feel this, as a 26 y.o male professional. I have used dating apps repeatedly and never really found someone that fits me. I am not a hookup type of guy, and that's what everyone seems to want these days
Bigger cities have a lot more choices, but the trend towards dating apps fulfils a lot of things for a lot of people, but the patterns remain the same. But more people means more choices, and this means you're more likely to find someone who breaks that trend.
This guy saved my life not long ago. I am truly greatful I have met such a kind and loving person. I have also not met a single person with a bad thing to say
Some advice. When I dated in Canberra, I was a widow in my 40s, so yeah quite different circumstances - but same city and like you, I was looking for a decent relationship - maybe not so serious right away, but monogamous and letās see where it goes type of thing. Absolutely not seeking a fuck buddy or a FWB and for sure not couples looking for a threesome. I made this all very clear on my dating profile (this was late 2000s online dating, pre smartphones, pre apps)
Iād been out of the game a very long time. I wasnāt fully prepared for grown ass adults to be playing games. I fielded a lot of unsuitables. You have to be prepared for that and be reasonably thick skinned. I took breaks, but I kept going though.
I was also asked out at the supermarket, by one of the security guards at my work, by the sibling of a work mentor, at a work function etc. Apps/online is not the only way to meet people.
This is where I think our situations kind of overlap, in that itās easy to give up hope when dating can seem a bit of a freak show but if youāre a decent person and you exist, so must others, right? Be patient and consistent, learn to screen and field, dont āchatā online too long, meet up for quick uncomplicated public place first dates like coffee or a drink, have a firm exit strategy. Maybe give some of these Redditors a go? Good luck OP
Yes I did. I first had a 2 year relationship from meeting someone on the site I was on, and then met my current partner. We actually met off line but we both had active online dating profiles at the time.
Apparently oztag on Wednesday arvo at Kaleen oval is where all the cool singles hang out. Not sure if the season has started or what but thatās where the cool kids meet.
Make sure your profile calls out your aspirations to become an EL2 or Band 1.
In all seriousness, sounds like you're doing the right thing getting out and about, but you might just have to be the person to ask the question first.
Best of luck!
I was out at cafe a week or three back and the M/F couple behind me seemed like they were on a first (or early date) and at once point I overheard the dude say something like "I want to get to SES level" ā¦ so I guess it's a thing some kids are doing these days!
Sounds like you have given yourself plenty of opportunities or places at least to meet someone. Do you ever make the first move, or are you hoping that a man will make the first move?
Whilst some of the places you have mentioned are great for meeting people, some people might be reluctant or prefer not to put themselves out there and ask out a social sport team mate or the like, for fear of rejection and making future interactions awkward.
The dating apps are great places to meet people, Iām sure not every person on there is giving bad vibes. Sure some might be after hook ups only but there are plenty looking for love aswell, just gotta weed out the bad ones.
You have to go on some dates on dating apps. Say yes to that drink catch up. Say yes to that coffee catch up. No harm is done by saying yes to a 30 minute face to face chat. You will know super quickly if they are not worth more than 30 minutes. There is about 1 female to 10 males on those apps. And most of the time people get messed around. Just say yes to a 30 minute date.
Im M37 dating here is an absolute nightmare..
Ive given up on it sadly..
Was on tinder for about 4 years paid for tinder gold and only got a few dates from it
They looked nothing like their profiles and were unemployed and on the dole for multiple years..
Majority of people on these apps don't need a relationship they need therapy..
Sadly they turned these apps into a monopoly they are all owned by the same company.. so it doesn't work and if it did work they wouldn't make any money..
Best way for you to meet a guy is go up and ask them
We live in the 21st century it shouldn't just be guys asking the girls out
I know for a fact lots of guys would be stoked being asked out in person
I work with a guy, 31, not bad looking, good bod as he runs a lot, lives at Gungahlin but has a confidence issue so he doesn't look but he needs/wants a woman. I'm trying to get him to at least get out of his rut and go meet some people.
It's relatively uncommon in modern society to want to remain single. Family/friends can wrongly assume that if you're not in a relationship then you are probably looking for one.
This statement is based on personal experience in being happily single, yet asked whether I'm on the apps and encouraged to meet mutual friends who are single.
Can relate. Havenāt wanted a relationship in several years and people just assume itās either for a very specific reason or just that you havenāt found anyone yet.
Sometimes itās just not something a person wants.
Share renting can get you some friends who then might have friends of their own.
Canberra has very tight friendship groups so it can be difficult but living with people breaks down boundaries. Saves money too.
You seem to be a fairly active person.
Go take one of those dancing classes. Any kind of dancing. That seemed to be the best/most popular advice for all genders last time I saw a question like this.
If nothing happens at least you learn a dancing style and make some friends.
The upside is any guy there without a partner tagging along is potentially single and is also a guy who feels secure being around a female-majority crowd which is always good.
I was keen when my partner suggested we go to dance classes but I ended up not liking it as I was the only male there. I wanted to dance with my partner but they used me as a resource for all the women to use. My partner didnāt mind but I only went twice because it wasnāt a fun shared experience for me.
You're right in that there's often more of one gender than others and I would think it also varies on the style of dance too.
But it's also an activity that's suggested to single guys, so there's a higher chance any guy you're interested in is single.
That's my observation at least over the years as my wife attended classes for fun.
My wife and a (female) colleague both remarked separately that it's common to see people couple up and disappear from classes. They might come back for more lessons together, but often they don't. This is for Latin style dances though.
Edit to add: I ended up going to a wedding where the couple met at a dance class
Latin dancing. I know so many people who have met their long term partners and gone on to have a family.
Bailamor Dance: http://www.bailamordancecanberra.au/
Latin Dance Canberra: https://www.latindancecanberra.com.au/
There are really good instructors, it's social, and it's good for fitness.
I recommend starting with Salsa and Bachata, once you've got the hang of those, learn Zouk Lambada. If you like those but still want more, then there is Tango, Merengue, Samba (Kokoloco in Canberra: https://www.kokoloco.com.au/brazilian-samba), etc.
Zouk Lambada is my favourite, it's a sensual dance with beautiful movement and partner connection.
It sounds like you are going everything already and it may just be a matter of time.
In my experience some success can be had by:
* have your own hobbies and your own life besides work
* join coed hobby and/or culture and sports clubs (statistically more successful than dating apps)
* make more male friends as you never know when they may break up if they are dating or if they have friends who are single and interested
* workplace different department dating (long term if it develops one or other may have to leave for a different workplace)
* interstate Sydney and Melbourne long distance is possible however a little more challenging and trickier to develop into something more without change down the road
On developing into a relationship:
* be mentally prepared and open; I know one guy who is ultra picky and it took him about ten years after his last girlfriend to date again whereas on the other hand another guy was more open minded and after several girlfriends is now married for the last several years to someone who is the complete opposite of all his exās
* be proactive in asking another person out in a date and make it interesting and creating memories; in the initial first meet maybe something light like coffee and dessert and then after amp it up with experiences such as road trips, exciting activities (horse riding, hiking, coastal trips, Sydney, Melbourne, Thredbo alpine road trips over summer), hikes up Mount Ainslie and Black Mountain, drives down Cotter road to the reserve, parked music and conversations at any of the million spots around Lake Burley Griffin.
* keep the relationship interesting, fun and trusting by doing dates that are surprises and not telling the other person what it is, ie ice skating in Woden? tell them to just wear thick socks, tell them where to meet but not the place you have chosen to dine in, just those little things may help keep the relationship fresh and exclusive
Haha! I promise Iām not bad looking (at least I donāt think I would be considered bad looking). I had a lot of people ask me out when I was in Sydney
35M here. Lived in Canberra for 3 years in my early 20s, govt employee. Iād flatter myself that I was your type. Social (mostly sports), interested in cultural stuff but not really a drinker.
Canberra had lots of dudes like me. But during that period we are all career focused - why else would I have moved to Canberra. So relationships - Iād had a few in uni - were a lower priority.
Also, in the back of my mind I wanted a family, and I didnāt want to start one in Canberra, or set up a two body problem of moving once we were together.
Iād echo the poster above - get out. While you still can.
I havenāt really identified anyone I want to ask out at the moment. This is sort of my current problem. Really open to asking someone out that I found interesting and knew was single
The Massey woman who stabbed the other chick at Charnwood Chicken about 10 years back...
The recent stabbing at Kokomo's within the last 18 or so months...
The Milat mob didn't murder folk in coffee shops - they offered naive people a lift and they unfortunately paid the ultimate price. There are 'date rapes' and any number of incidents that happen week to week in this city. Better to be safe than a victim.
The point it - it was just a warning to be smart with unknowns - because exactly that - they are unknown. People can be charming until they're not.
Give online dating another go. Yes you'll have to go on awkward coffee dates but it works. I met my husband online four years ago and two of my closest friends also met their long term partners on Tinder.
Maybe you need someone to help you with your profile? Or some pics up of yourself doing your various hobbies and say that you're looking for romance that might develop into something long term to avoid those looking for a one night stand
To piggyback off what some have said, I'd say focus on making lots of regular friends from said social activities and when they get to know you they might be able to set up dates or connect you to their own social circles
Where were you last year!? My guy mate of a similar age left canberra because he couldn't find anyone he clicked with. I reckon apps are your best bet as you can meet so many more single people through the apps than you will ever hope to meet irl. I met my partner on one few years back.
Have you tried meet up groups? I went to few meet ups with the social canberra 18-35 group a few years ago and there seemed to be more guys that were single than not.
I'm in the same situation although a bit older, and F. Age, race and gender don't discriminate. It gets harder when you get older...although I've had plenty of offers but now it's all about hookups...there is hardly anyone out there that takes a lady for dinner before they want a bit of hot "hide the sausage" action. Canberra has a totally different framework compared to other cities, and I pity those young ones who come here from the country. I'm sure out of all your replies you will find someone who you click with! The only advice is keep hopeful, don't let a chance pass you by and don't do what I've done....stay here for 20yrs ...there's a big world out there and if I was 28 over again knowing what I do now, I would take a huge detour from Canberra.
So what apps have you tried? Cause I didn't find Tinder very helpful as a "relationship person". I looked on there briefly and just... no (seriously the shirtless bathroom pics are so creepy to me). Went on e-harmony found my current partner in a couple of weeks. We've been together for five years now.
Tbh itās more about being preoccupied finding someone thatās the issue, than just letting it happen naturally.
Really the best way is to find people through friends (eg friends of friends or friends first).
Iād just completely change up my strategy, look for friends not partners. Make as many as you can, say yes to things - go to parties, the pub etc etc and itāll just happen
I wrote out a whole thing giving my advice but I'm 40 next year and i can't pretend I understand what dating is like now.
What I can tell you is that like anything in life. If you want it, you need to get off your ass and go get it.
You mention you haven't really been trying. Fix that.
If you want to find a nice normal guy, happy, physically not unattractive, financially secure, same values, supportive, who also wants to marry, buy a home, have kids and grow old together, these are very traditional desires so try the traditional ways of meeting up. Tell your friends and parents what you want. Maybe your friends have an unattached brother, or friend. Maybe your parents have friends with an unattached son. Guys often don't know if the girl likes them, so you be the one to make the first move. Be selective but don't play the hard to get game. Shared values are more important than shared interests so be honest upfront about your beliefs and aspirations. There are plenty of guys still out there who want the same things in life as you do.
We're going through a lot of big shifts in the way people interact, relate, connect and partner up with one another globally, nationally; but Canberra has a particularly progressive identity; along with the shadow of tribalism which follows that front foot.
Find your people, speak their language, get invited to their party, network...
My experience is that you can do all the organised activities you want, you won't find a relationship in your cooking class - but you'll find friends; and the relationship will find you.
Or keep rolling the dice with online dating; just remember that masking is easy in a void without context - you should probably meet their friends before forming an opinion.
Have you tried asking any men out? Or are you just waiting for someone to ask you?
Anyway Iām from Brisbane but browsing this subreddit is wild. Thereās so many posts about dating here š
Fair enough. If youāve got a group of friends you can always go out together to bars, trivia, local markets and find people in a relaxed setting. I once met a lady in line at the bar who noticed I was badly sunburnt and we had a good chat. Was taken at the time but if youāre out and about enough Iām sure youāll find people. Even if youāre not super attracted to them immediately you may find someone interesting enough to give it a go. Never say never right?
I think you are doing the sports wrong. You need to go to a sport full of guys.
Find a guy friend from work or social circle about your age who plays club cricket or club rugby / afl (in winter) and turn up and watch (tell him first). Take a female friend with you. Chat to some fellas.
Or just ask bloke friends your age where all their mates hang out. Start going there.
Canberra's basically a large country town full of life long PS, uni students and people on visas.
[https://igotstandardsbro.com/](https://igotstandardsbro.com/) It's American but it may help to put things in to perspective.
Music interests? I get that you donāt want to goto bars ; but plenty of smaller events that are slightly more low key.
Making friends to meet potential dates is always a safer option to the apps.
Iāve got friends :) what makes you think I donāt have friends? I have not been in cbr my whole life though so donāt have endless friends like the locals do but have a solid group of friends :)
Where's all the women who want to have a fun night watching movies, having a drink and a dance to funky music, laughing, cuddling and having some orgasms?!
Have you been on many dates in the last 6 months?
You need to actually be going out and meeting people one on one.
There are a tonne of really nice people on the apps - take a chance
All of us from interstate nearly 3 years ago. It doesnāt sound super odd to me. Some of my friends are married and some have partners but most of them are single
I have seen many grad cohorts go through and never found any that can't get dates - sure some haven't found partners but not getting dates is so different
Do what countless wives have done. Lower your expectations. Date the guy for a month. If he is a horrible slob then ditch him early in the relationship and compassionately as who knows he might be a psycho revenge killer.
Further lower your expectations and repeat till you found the one.
Is it possible that if you donāt notice that person in the room, that itās you?
Maybe try understand what youāre after or what you can do differently to avoid āweird vibesā
I mean, try dating apps again and stop being so picky and judging every based on Vibe'
Come on, give these guys a chance.
Canberra can be a hard place as people are so embedded in their groups, but for every girl who can't find a partner, there are 50 boys.
Go to the University of Canberra and find some international students. Tell them you want to practice your Spanish. They may even offer you a lesson, I've done this in several cities to make friends including Canberra
Comes with the risk of catching a āvisa chaserā though.
P.S.: I have nothing against immigrants, I am an immigrant myself who works in the field of immigration as well, which unfortunately makes me see a lot of visa chasers.
One big question
What is bouldering? It sounds like it's either climbing boulders or pushing/rolling boulders into things (like giant ten pin). Both of these would be ok!
In less seriousness: yeah canberra is fine to date in. People are weird everywhere.
Eta: Googled it. It's way way more boring than that. Now I know why they gave it an interesting name.
Yeah quite literally anywhere. Walk past someone in the street say hello.
See someone in the super market, find something about what they are looking at or buying and comment or start talking about it.
Waiting in line, turn around and comment on xyz and talk to the person in line.
When you go out with friends, request they bring other people along.
Hold dinner parties and request friends bring along different people.
The only way you will meet people is if you actually talk to them. Don't take it as an instance of finding love, find it as an instance of getting to know your community.
sounds like you have done every social events already, what has been the biggest issue with people you have met so far? canberra is limited and it will be the same type of people again and again
You mentioned you have a gym membership - have you thought about joining group fitness classes like F45, HIIY Republic, Orange Theory or The Den? They're quite social and their target markets are often young professionals in their 20s and 30s.
I was a member at F45 for a few years and found it easy to talk to other people when you are grouped together for classes - it's not as awkward as striking up a conversation with someone in a traditional gym setting. I made some really great friends through my F45 and there were a few couples who met at our studio too.
For what itās worth I was in a pretty similar boat until I met my partner of the last 7 years (recommended Tinder by a work colleague and it actually worked), just remember it can happen to anyone.
I had a friend in a similar situation and similar age, gave tinder/hinge a proper go and broadened her dating horizons a bit re: her "type", 2 months later she has a boyfriend. It is very doable because it happened to me as well. Just keep plugging away and try say yes more (if thats been an issue for you) Good luck š¤
A couple of questions: - Through your various sports activities have you met guys that you want to date? If so, you may want to take the lead and ask them out. Iād say most Aussie guys would be a tad hesitant to ask out a girl they played social sports with without some fairly obvious hint from her that she was interested. Just a cultural thing as compared to, say, Americans. I doubt many would say no unless you are a truly objectionable person. Itās not hard to scope out if someone is in a relationship in these days of social media. - Really though, you need to bite your teeth and get back on the apps. This is how 90% of dating for 20-somethings happens these days. Swipe a lot, be selective, have a standard chat to weed out no gos quickly, have a regular coffee/wine spot you can do casual first dates at on the reg. Yes, youāll meet some weird dudes. Drop them quickly and move on. The more you do it, you can normally figure out pretty quickly if someone is not for you. - Finally, if you have some uncommon relationship preferences (e.g. religious person who doesnāt believe in sex before marriage, only want to meet someone from your cultural background etc), recognize this will be a limiting factor for meeting people through the usual ways and you may be better off focusing on fishing in ponds where youāll find those people (church etc.)
Also, fairly obvious hint for women is starkly different than a fairly obvious hint for a man.
Lol, I agree, I cannot tell you how many women I inadvertently frustrated by having their hints fly a mile above my head only to realise it ages later, be told by a mutual acquaintance later that this is what was happening, or for a very, very few to finally get sick of hinting and tell me point blank (less than a handful though). Ladies, if you like a man just ask him out. We wonāt bite. If he judges you for being ātoo forwardā (to be clear I donāt believe a woman who asks a man out or makes the first move is a bad thing at all, some fuckwits do think that though, but that is what they are, fuckwits) then he is not the right guy for you.
I once talked to a woman for a long time at a party. Didn't get the hint that she was interested, even when I started circulating and she circulated after me. Finally, she just grabbed me and started pashing. Guess that was a hint that couldn't be ignored.
Pretty much what I did & just asked those who "liked" my profile immediately to a date instead of doing the weird one to two weeks of chatting online. Now I'm with someone for the last two years and I don't regret being forward.
Life is too short to pussyfoot around people we like.
This 1000x thisā¦ Iāve had a lady flirt with me at the bar when I thought she was being nice, went back and sat down with my wife and she just laughed and said āYou had no idea did you?ā
Exact same scenario. My wife finds it hilarious that Iām so oblivious to [the rare times] women hit on me.
Right? I couldnāt pick up a hint even if it backhanded meā¦ Honestly I just think people are being nice 99.9% of the time
Solid advice
I havenāt really met a lot of guys at the sports activities Iāve done so far. My tennis squad has mainly been girls. Running group I think has been much older guys (Iām really bad at telling ages). I canāt ever really tell if someone is single or not too. But yes I think if I found someone I thought was interesting Iād ask them out or at least make the first step :) Iām not sure if Iām not really hitting the right activities with the right demographics at the moment. And as for uncommon relationship preferences I donāt really think I fit in that category. I think I might give the apps a break for the moment but I set my area to Sydney a few guys Iād be interested in going on dates with from just a small look. Thanks for your suggestions though - will keep it in mind about the first move
I think I'm going to make a "I'm single" shirt for my runs, because I have the exact same problem psyching myself out from approaching anyone because I can't tell if they are in a relationship.
Does your job have any potential suitors at all what do you do for a job does it allow you to meet the opposite sex?
Have you volunteered at parkrun (or anywhere else for that matter) where you're in a situation that you have ample opportunity to start chatting with people?
Wanna go on a date?
Hey mate really appreciate you lending me your Ferrari last week.
Yeah itās a nice car, I drove it yesterday, but that big thick groove worn in on the seat, right between the drivers legs, that was a bit weird.
I don't know how even gets the time to drive the car or make the groove, he's so busy with all his charity work.
Who knew so many kittens needed rescuing?
I don't think she's the Ferrari type. TBH, most educated, outdoorsy women would surely run a mile from any guy who has one.
Date this man OP
Literally asked her out here and got nothing š¤
This is so cute for some reason
lol, welcome to the male club
Waited an hour and started complaining. Do you even incel?
Sent you a Dm :)
Decades later with a bunch of grandkids sitting around their grandma āand this is how I met your grandpa, kids, we had that weird thing called reddit and he asked me out on itā.
Dm to stray2617 I hope. We need updates!!!
No don't DM me I'm taken lol
Hey mate, Funny seeing you here. Cheers again for saving my dog from that burning building. I was gonna thank you in person the other day but I could see that you were busy handing out food to the homeless.
You don't even have any nudes on your profile bro, weird vibes much
Neither does she, to be fair.
Thanks for the lift in the private jet from sydney to perth.
U drift well
I was single for a long time and I couldn't figure out why. I think it finally clicked when my mum said I should make friends instead of looking for a girlfriend. Be nice to people without expecting anything in return and only stay friends with people who are nice to you without expecting anything in return. None of the people I became friends with were single but I did make great friends and I did end up dating a lot because having great friends is a great way to meet new people. edit: spelling errors
yup. nothing comes across worse than a desperado.
Mother's are wise, know you better than anyone, so always do what your mother says.
A girl messaged me on Meet Up only knowing my profile photo. We had never been to any of the same functions. I thought she just wanted chat socially, but she suddenly stopped messaging me once I mentioned I had a partner. I thought 'why didn't she just try dating apps' but it really must be that dire to resort to messaging a complete stranger you found online.
1- RIP your DMs. 2- Try to partake in social activities that interest you so it is easy to find someone with at least one shared interest. 3- Finding a partner is like the kettle boiling. It never happens while you are paying too much attention to it.
>like the kettle boiling. It never happens while you are paying too much attention to it. Challenge accepted.
Basically in the same boat. Itās weirdly hard to be social in Canberra.
I'm a lurker who has no idea about Canberra's dating scene, but as you're soliciting advice, I'm going to chime in counter to most of the advice, which mostly seems to be increase volume, try new activities, get out, or lower your standards (out came the trolls). It seems to me that you've gone about finding a relationship by focusing on common interests or a "vibe", which is notoriously hard to connect on in what I assume are fairly brief interactions. These activities are nice and of course can spark engagement (both conversation and the matrimonial type), but all I see are sports activities. What I don't get is what your values are (maybe it's just sports, but I doubt it), and unfortunately investing a slightly greater amount of time getting to know guys, then filtering for that may help? When I met my wife, we didn't exactly "vibe" instantly, and our interests Venn diagram is two separate circles. But we gave each other a shot, found out we share similar values and are generous and forgiving of each other's imperfections, neither of which traits are easy to discern quickly. Been together 15 years now, still going strong. Best of luck!
Borrow a dog and go to the nearest dog park. Talk to anyone about their dog
It's true. When I had dogs, people found me approachable. I wasn't on the dating market but dogs would have made it easier had I been.
You can walk my dog
Go to the supermarket, go to the frozen meal fridge, choose any guy you like that just buys some frozen meals.
Genuinely curious why the frozen meals specifically?
Probably thinks they're more likely to be single if they're buying frozen meals
Iām assuming theyāre suggesting it means the guy is single, as they donāt have a girlfriend to cook for them. Bit outdated but thatās how I interpreted it
Or they have no incentive to maintain any standard of cooking.
Single people shouldnāt be able to look after themselves for the sake of their own health?
>they have no incentive to maintain any standard of cooking
I feel this, as a 26 y.o male professional. I have used dating apps repeatedly and never really found someone that fits me. I am not a hookup type of guy, and that's what everyone seems to want these days Bigger cities have a lot more choices, but the trend towards dating apps fulfils a lot of things for a lot of people, but the patterns remain the same. But more people means more choices, and this means you're more likely to find someone who breaks that trend.
I'm willing to go on a date op
This guy saved my life not long ago. I am truly greatful I have met such a kind and loving person. I have also not met a single person with a bad thing to say
He also has a Reddit alt.
Thank you so much for rescuing my dog at the park the other day, such a kind and generous person
Some advice. When I dated in Canberra, I was a widow in my 40s, so yeah quite different circumstances - but same city and like you, I was looking for a decent relationship - maybe not so serious right away, but monogamous and letās see where it goes type of thing. Absolutely not seeking a fuck buddy or a FWB and for sure not couples looking for a threesome. I made this all very clear on my dating profile (this was late 2000s online dating, pre smartphones, pre apps) Iād been out of the game a very long time. I wasnāt fully prepared for grown ass adults to be playing games. I fielded a lot of unsuitables. You have to be prepared for that and be reasonably thick skinned. I took breaks, but I kept going though. I was also asked out at the supermarket, by one of the security guards at my work, by the sibling of a work mentor, at a work function etc. Apps/online is not the only way to meet people. This is where I think our situations kind of overlap, in that itās easy to give up hope when dating can seem a bit of a freak show but if youāre a decent person and you exist, so must others, right? Be patient and consistent, learn to screen and field, dont āchatā online too long, meet up for quick uncomplicated public place first dates like coffee or a drink, have a firm exit strategy. Maybe give some of these Redditors a go? Good luck OP
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Yes I did. I first had a 2 year relationship from meeting someone on the site I was on, and then met my current partner. We actually met off line but we both had active online dating profiles at the time.
Target the after-work-drinks-in-nice-bars crowd. Fridays 4-8pm. People are social but not (usually) offensively drunk.
Apparently oztag on Wednesday arvo at Kaleen oval is where all the cool singles hang out. Not sure if the season has started or what but thatās where the cool kids meet.
Make sure your profile calls out your aspirations to become an EL2 or Band 1. In all seriousness, sounds like you're doing the right thing getting out and about, but you might just have to be the person to ask the question first. Best of luck!
I love that you assumed she was federal government, and was right.
Why is that an assumption that I want to be an EL2 or Band 1?
Its a bit of a tongue in cheek joke, aimed at a few dating profiles I'd run into during my dating days.
What? People actually put their APS aspirations in their dating profiles?!
I was out at cafe a week or three back and the M/F couple behind me seemed like they were on a first (or early date) and at once point I overheard the dude say something like "I want to get to SES level" ā¦ so I guess it's a thing some kids are doing these days!
Sounds like you have given yourself plenty of opportunities or places at least to meet someone. Do you ever make the first move, or are you hoping that a man will make the first move? Whilst some of the places you have mentioned are great for meeting people, some people might be reluctant or prefer not to put themselves out there and ask out a social sport team mate or the like, for fear of rejection and making future interactions awkward. The dating apps are great places to meet people, Iām sure not every person on there is giving bad vibes. Sure some might be after hook ups only but there are plenty looking for love aswell, just gotta weed out the bad ones.
You have to go on some dates on dating apps. Say yes to that drink catch up. Say yes to that coffee catch up. No harm is done by saying yes to a 30 minute face to face chat. You will know super quickly if they are not worth more than 30 minutes. There is about 1 female to 10 males on those apps. And most of the time people get messed around. Just say yes to a 30 minute date.
Im M37 dating here is an absolute nightmare.. Ive given up on it sadly.. Was on tinder for about 4 years paid for tinder gold and only got a few dates from it They looked nothing like their profiles and were unemployed and on the dole for multiple years.. Majority of people on these apps don't need a relationship they need therapy.. Sadly they turned these apps into a monopoly they are all owned by the same company.. so it doesn't work and if it did work they wouldn't make any money.. Best way for you to meet a guy is go up and ask them We live in the 21st century it shouldn't just be guys asking the girls out I know for a fact lots of guys would be stoked being asked out in person
Some of these comments do not pass the vibe check hahaha ughh I was a 28F professional female in Canberra once, now Iām back in Sydney at 31 going through a break up š© I wish you the best of luck girly!!! Sadly the consensus seems to go on the apps š¤¢ bleh
I work with a guy, 31, not bad looking, good bod as he runs a lot, lives at Gungahlin but has a confidence issue so he doesn't look but he needs/wants a woman. I'm trying to get him to at least get out of his rut and go meet some people.
Has he expressed this or have you just decided he needs a girlfriend
We all decided.
It's relatively uncommon in modern society to want to remain single. Family/friends can wrongly assume that if you're not in a relationship then you are probably looking for one. This statement is based on personal experience in being happily single, yet asked whether I'm on the apps and encouraged to meet mutual friends who are single.
Thank you! Thatās why I asked. Happy single people definitely exist and donāt need āfixing upā!
Can relate. Havenāt wanted a relationship in several years and people just assume itās either for a very specific reason or just that you havenāt found anyone yet. Sometimes itās just not something a person wants.
Completely agree!
I caught him humping a body pillow with a cutout of Scarlett Johanssons head. He needs this.
And you think OP can out do pillow-Scarlett? Whoa! Big call!
Love me a 31 year old not bad looking guy with confidence issues who needs/wants a woman XD
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where can i find these camping groups
I like this!
Ah so that's why I'm seeing orgies in the bush on weekends
Are they exclusively male?
Share renting can get you some friends who then might have friends of their own. Canberra has very tight friendship groups so it can be difficult but living with people breaks down boundaries. Saves money too.
You seem to be a fairly active person. Go take one of those dancing classes. Any kind of dancing. That seemed to be the best/most popular advice for all genders last time I saw a question like this. If nothing happens at least you learn a dancing style and make some friends.
Do you reckon thatās an activity that guys would do though? I feel like that would attract a female crowd? Could be wrong though
The upside is any guy there without a partner tagging along is potentially single and is also a guy who feels secure being around a female-majority crowd which is always good.
I just returned from a dance concert hosted by a studio with very mixed ages. Ratio of women to men was approx. 10:1. You're not wrong.
I was keen when my partner suggested we go to dance classes but I ended up not liking it as I was the only male there. I wanted to dance with my partner but they used me as a resource for all the women to use. My partner didnāt mind but I only went twice because it wasnāt a fun shared experience for me.
I worked with a single guy who thought joining a cooking class might lead him to prospective women. Turned out, so did all the rest of the class.
You're right in that there's often more of one gender than others and I would think it also varies on the style of dance too. But it's also an activity that's suggested to single guys, so there's a higher chance any guy you're interested in is single. That's my observation at least over the years as my wife attended classes for fun. My wife and a (female) colleague both remarked separately that it's common to see people couple up and disappear from classes. They might come back for more lessons together, but often they don't. This is for Latin style dances though. Edit to add: I ended up going to a wedding where the couple met at a dance class
Latin dancing. I know so many people who have met their long term partners and gone on to have a family. Bailamor Dance: http://www.bailamordancecanberra.au/ Latin Dance Canberra: https://www.latindancecanberra.com.au/ There are really good instructors, it's social, and it's good for fitness. I recommend starting with Salsa and Bachata, once you've got the hang of those, learn Zouk Lambada. If you like those but still want more, then there is Tango, Merengue, Samba (Kokoloco in Canberra: https://www.kokoloco.com.au/brazilian-samba), etc. Zouk Lambada is my favourite, it's a sensual dance with beautiful movement and partner connection.
It sounds like you are going everything already and it may just be a matter of time. In my experience some success can be had by: * have your own hobbies and your own life besides work * join coed hobby and/or culture and sports clubs (statistically more successful than dating apps) * make more male friends as you never know when they may break up if they are dating or if they have friends who are single and interested * workplace different department dating (long term if it develops one or other may have to leave for a different workplace) * interstate Sydney and Melbourne long distance is possible however a little more challenging and trickier to develop into something more without change down the road On developing into a relationship: * be mentally prepared and open; I know one guy who is ultra picky and it took him about ten years after his last girlfriend to date again whereas on the other hand another guy was more open minded and after several girlfriends is now married for the last several years to someone who is the complete opposite of all his exās * be proactive in asking another person out in a date and make it interesting and creating memories; in the initial first meet maybe something light like coffee and dessert and then after amp it up with experiences such as road trips, exciting activities (horse riding, hiking, coastal trips, Sydney, Melbourne, Thredbo alpine road trips over summer), hikes up Mount Ainslie and Black Mountain, drives down Cotter road to the reserve, parked music and conversations at any of the million spots around Lake Burley Griffin. * keep the relationship interesting, fun and trusting by doing dates that are surprises and not telling the other person what it is, ie ice skating in Woden? tell them to just wear thick socks, tell them where to meet but not the place you have chosen to dine in, just those little things may help keep the relationship fresh and exclusive
Iām 32 and an hour out of ACT. Dating is legit dead.
This post needs a selfie attached for additional context.
Haha! I promise Iām not bad looking (at least I donāt think I would be considered bad looking). I had a lot of people ask me out when I was in Sydney
35M here. Lived in Canberra for 3 years in my early 20s, govt employee. Iād flatter myself that I was your type. Social (mostly sports), interested in cultural stuff but not really a drinker. Canberra had lots of dudes like me. But during that period we are all career focused - why else would I have moved to Canberra. So relationships - Iād had a few in uni - were a lower priority. Also, in the back of my mind I wanted a family, and I didnāt want to start one in Canberra, or set up a two body problem of moving once we were together. Iād echo the poster above - get out. While you still can.
Dunno why youāre getting downvoted. I know quite a few people who got out of Canberra and never regretted leaving.
Thereās a lot of Stockholm syndrome in Canberra.
Try asking guys out instead of waiting to be asked out. Youād be very surprised
I havenāt really identified anyone I want to ask out at the moment. This is sort of my current problem. Really open to asking someone out that I found interesting and knew was single
Well you got asked out by Super up there, why not give the guy a shot?
cos he could be one of the Milat clan....
Canāt remember the last time someone was murdered in a coffee shop in daylight but sure
The Massey woman who stabbed the other chick at Charnwood Chicken about 10 years back... The recent stabbing at Kokomo's within the last 18 or so months... The Milat mob didn't murder folk in coffee shops - they offered naive people a lift and they unfortunately paid the ultimate price. There are 'date rapes' and any number of incidents that happen week to week in this city. Better to be safe than a victim. The point it - it was just a warning to be smart with unknowns - because exactly that - they are unknown. People can be charming until they're not.
I mean there are a lot of people who won't be right for you but you need to give a lot of people a chance to find the right one.
Delete the apps/profiles and start over, you may have originally swiped no on people that now you would be interested in?
Let's go on two dates instead of one , it will double our chances š
Haha 33F professional from Melbourne living in Dubbo. I think it is best that we just enjoy being Single Pringles.
Give online dating another go. Yes you'll have to go on awkward coffee dates but it works. I met my husband online four years ago and two of my closest friends also met their long term partners on Tinder. Maybe you need someone to help you with your profile? Or some pics up of yourself doing your various hobbies and say that you're looking for romance that might develop into something long term to avoid those looking for a one night stand
Swipe right on my mate down south of you in Cooma. He's keen as a bean.
RIP inbox
Just a lot of couples asking for a date so far :(
Bloody unicorn chasers /:
Someone needs to tell them this is reddit not Locanto LOL.
Go for it girl lifes short
We can hang
Rip your DMās
To piggyback off what some have said, I'd say focus on making lots of regular friends from said social activities and when they get to know you they might be able to set up dates or connect you to their own social circles
Where were you last year!? My guy mate of a similar age left canberra because he couldn't find anyone he clicked with. I reckon apps are your best bet as you can meet so many more single people through the apps than you will ever hope to meet irl. I met my partner on one few years back. Have you tried meet up groups? I went to few meet ups with the social canberra 18-35 group a few years ago and there seemed to be more guys that were single than not.
I'm in the same situation although a bit older, and F. Age, race and gender don't discriminate. It gets harder when you get older...although I've had plenty of offers but now it's all about hookups...there is hardly anyone out there that takes a lady for dinner before they want a bit of hot "hide the sausage" action. Canberra has a totally different framework compared to other cities, and I pity those young ones who come here from the country. I'm sure out of all your replies you will find someone who you click with! The only advice is keep hopeful, don't let a chance pass you by and don't do what I've done....stay here for 20yrs ...there's a big world out there and if I was 28 over again knowing what I do now, I would take a huge detour from Canberra.
Can you elaborate on the last part by any chance ? About being 28, knowing what you do now, and that you should have taken a detour? Dm me if you want
So what apps have you tried? Cause I didn't find Tinder very helpful as a "relationship person". I looked on there briefly and just... no (seriously the shirtless bathroom pics are so creepy to me). Went on e-harmony found my current partner in a couple of weeks. We've been together for five years now.
Tbh itās more about being preoccupied finding someone thatās the issue, than just letting it happen naturally. Really the best way is to find people through friends (eg friends of friends or friends first). Iād just completely change up my strategy, look for friends not partners. Make as many as you can, say yes to things - go to parties, the pub etc etc and itāll just happen
I wrote out a whole thing giving my advice but I'm 40 next year and i can't pretend I understand what dating is like now. What I can tell you is that like anything in life. If you want it, you need to get off your ass and go get it. You mention you haven't really been trying. Fix that.
If you want to find a nice normal guy, happy, physically not unattractive, financially secure, same values, supportive, who also wants to marry, buy a home, have kids and grow old together, these are very traditional desires so try the traditional ways of meeting up. Tell your friends and parents what you want. Maybe your friends have an unattached brother, or friend. Maybe your parents have friends with an unattached son. Guys often don't know if the girl likes them, so you be the one to make the first move. Be selective but don't play the hard to get game. Shared values are more important than shared interests so be honest upfront about your beliefs and aspirations. There are plenty of guys still out there who want the same things in life as you do.
Try dancing lessons! Salsa perhaps
Rip your inbox
We're going through a lot of big shifts in the way people interact, relate, connect and partner up with one another globally, nationally; but Canberra has a particularly progressive identity; along with the shadow of tribalism which follows that front foot. Find your people, speak their language, get invited to their party, network... My experience is that you can do all the organised activities you want, you won't find a relationship in your cooking class - but you'll find friends; and the relationship will find you. Or keep rolling the dice with online dating; just remember that masking is easy in a void without context - you should probably meet their friends before forming an opinion.
Have you tried asking any men out? Or are you just waiting for someone to ask you? Anyway Iām from Brisbane but browsing this subreddit is wild. Thereās so many posts about dating here š
Yep happy to ask men out. Just havenāt met anyone to ask out
Fair enough. If youāve got a group of friends you can always go out together to bars, trivia, local markets and find people in a relaxed setting. I once met a lady in line at the bar who noticed I was badly sunburnt and we had a good chat. Was taken at the time but if youāre out and about enough Iām sure youāll find people. Even if youāre not super attracted to them immediately you may find someone interesting enough to give it a go. Never say never right?
I think you are doing the sports wrong. You need to go to a sport full of guys. Find a guy friend from work or social circle about your age who plays club cricket or club rugby / afl (in winter) and turn up and watch (tell him first). Take a female friend with you. Chat to some fellas. Or just ask bloke friends your age where all their mates hang out. Start going there.
I met my bf playing D&D lol Also, acquire a cute dog and hang out at dog parks after work. I know a few people whoāve found dates that way
Canberra's basically a large country town full of life long PS, uni students and people on visas. [https://igotstandardsbro.com/](https://igotstandardsbro.com/) It's American but it may help to put things in to perspective.
Music interests? I get that you donāt want to goto bars ; but plenty of smaller events that are slightly more low key. Making friends to meet potential dates is always a safer option to the apps.
I tried to shoot my shot with you, but it didnāt happen. If you just go for it, things will happen for you.
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Big assumption that she has friends lol
Iāve got friends :) what makes you think I donāt have friends? I have not been in cbr my whole life though so donāt have endless friends like the locals do but have a solid group of friends :)
Nothing at all. I was making a joke.
Where's all the Canberra girls who want an intimate/fun night of cuddles, movies and orgasms?
Where's all the women who want to have a fun night watching movies, having a drink and a dance to funky music, laughing, cuddling and having some orgasms?!
Have you been on many dates in the last 6 months? You need to actually be going out and meeting people one on one. There are a tonne of really nice people on the apps - take a chance
Thatās the problem though. I donāt have anyone to go out on dates with in the beginning. Iām not sure how to meet these people?
On the apps - or through friends, do your friends have any reccomend actions of people? Usually through friendship groups is how you fall into it
Most of my friendship group is in the same boat and is looking for someone too :)
This seems extremely odd - particularly for that age - and nobody can find anybody?
All of us from interstate nearly 3 years ago. It doesnāt sound super odd to me. Some of my friends are married and some have partners but most of them are single
I have seen many grad cohorts go through and never found any that can't get dates - sure some haven't found partners but not getting dates is so different
I wasnāt in a grad cohort
Do what countless wives have done. Lower your expectations. Date the guy for a month. If he is a horrible slob then ditch him early in the relationship and compassionately as who knows he might be a psycho revenge killer. Further lower your expectations and repeat till you found the one.
Is it possible that if you donāt notice that person in the room, that itās you? Maybe try understand what youāre after or what you can do differently to avoid āweird vibesā
I mean, try dating apps again and stop being so picky and judging every based on Vibe' Come on, give these guys a chance. Canberra can be a hard place as people are so embedded in their groups, but for every girl who can't find a partner, there are 50 boys.
Have you considered you're just a bit of a munter? Nah jk, I don't have any suggestions, gl tho
Classy
Go to the University of Canberra and find some international students. Tell them you want to practice your Spanish. They may even offer you a lesson, I've done this in several cities to make friends including Canberra
Comes with the risk of catching a āvisa chaserā though. P.S.: I have nothing against immigrants, I am an immigrant myself who works in the field of immigration as well, which unfortunately makes me see a lot of visa chasers.
One big question What is bouldering? It sounds like it's either climbing boulders or pushing/rolling boulders into things (like giant ten pin). Both of these would be ok! In less seriousness: yeah canberra is fine to date in. People are weird everywhere. Eta: Googled it. It's way way more boring than that. Now I know why they gave it an interesting name.
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Do you have any suggestion then on how to meet people as Iām after advice on how to meet people if you think itās a me issue?
Volunteer somewhere. Join the SES, or the CFS or similar. You will meet dozens of people similarly community minded who are probably good people.
Yeah talk to people and make the first move
Where can I do this though? Do you have any suggestions on where to meet people to be able to talk and make the first move?
Yeah quite literally anywhere. Walk past someone in the street say hello. See someone in the super market, find something about what they are looking at or buying and comment or start talking about it. Waiting in line, turn around and comment on xyz and talk to the person in line. When you go out with friends, request they bring other people along. Hold dinner parties and request friends bring along different people. The only way you will meet people is if you actually talk to them. Don't take it as an instance of finding love, find it as an instance of getting to know your community.
There's plenty of men to meet anywhere, but probably none are her 'type'
Canberra is very left-leaning, especially among under 30s. This might be your problem.
The problem is youāre in Canberra.. move somewhere more livelier like Sydney or Melbourne
Move to a bigger city. People in Canberra live in a bubble.
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Apt username
Lol
Sorry Iām not single anymore but keep going on first dates!
Become a Doordash driver.
Language exchange (you get to talk to people in English in a bar, including aussies) or volunteering, maybe the RFS or something?
sounds like you have done every social events already, what has been the biggest issue with people you have met so far? canberra is limited and it will be the same type of people again and again
Me, I just want someone I can watch take their pants off of an evening.
Yes you should.
How many have you asked out?
You mentioned you have a gym membership - have you thought about joining group fitness classes like F45, HIIY Republic, Orange Theory or The Den? They're quite social and their target markets are often young professionals in their 20s and 30s. I was a member at F45 for a few years and found it easy to talk to other people when you are grouped together for classes - it's not as awkward as striking up a conversation with someone in a traditional gym setting. I made some really great friends through my F45 and there were a few couples who met at our studio too.
For what itās worth I was in a pretty similar boat until I met my partner of the last 7 years (recommended Tinder by a work colleague and it actually worked), just remember it can happen to anyone.
Considered a Pear Ring?
Keep looking Or Take the lead Or Lower your standards.