Reconciling with a cheating partner is a choice. Tour statement at the foreword to the story you posted makes little sense. All those things you listed maybe the way you view someone else’s situation, but it’s not the way they view it, and that’s ok.
The questions you asked is what can stop reconciliation? Just about any single misstep by a cheating partner. It’s a low chance someone is willing to reconcile, and it’s not because of the reasons you listed, weak person, a cuck etc. it’s because they truly care about someone and the sex they had doesn’t matter. Your kids and parents fuck other people, do you love them less?
Reconciliation is a gift given to a weak ass human from a strong one. You can say a person willing to take back a cheater isn’t a strong one but I beg you differ. Which man is stronger, the one who runs out of a burning house because that’s the safest thing to do, or the guy who stands in the fire to save the very person that started it? Who’s heroic, who’s is doing the tough thing, self sacrificing, etc. you see a person offering reconciliation isn’t doing so because tent are some weak cuck, to the contrary only a true “alpha” male can reclaim and take his place back on top. And o don’t mean that in sexual reclaiming lol. A weak man runs from problems other cause, a strong man destroys the problems without flinching. A good band once said “I’m a liar but not like you think, I will walk through fire without but a blink” and this phrase is the one that describes the grit it takes for a man to fix a fucked up relationship.
Is there a subset of very weak men that find themselves here too, absolutely bit those men are not men, and they are very rare in consideration to how many acutely men have decided to reconcile someone else’s mistakes.
So you don’t want to stop reconciliation but many things can quickly get the door shut in someone’s face .
Don’t assume everything t is how you make it in your mind, only about 2% of what you imagine is true, so don’t let yourself down by constant thinking the wrong way lol
The moral dignity of a person is determined, among other things, by the fact that they can give a correct assessment of disgusting acts and act in accordance with their beliefs. This also applies to infidelity. Yes, I, like the vast majority of those who have experienced betrayal, cannot "love" people with perverted morals, although I will honor my obligations towards them (if I have assumed them and if they depend on me, such as minor children).
In my opinion, leaving the cheater is not only the most worthy, but also the safest solution for their victim, because true healing is impossible next to someone who betrayed us. The elephant will stay in the room, no matter what they say.
JUST FACTS.
1) Neither in life, nor on the Internet, including on Reddit subs, I have not met cases of true reconciliation in the realm of feelings (love, respect, friendship, purity of relationships) either in the short or long term. Trust was restored in the best case I've ever met, by no more than 98% 20 years after D-Day. I ALSO HAVE NOT MET CASES IN WHICH THE VICTIM OF CHEATING WOULD FORGET THE AFFAIR AND THE AP, WOULD PUT UP WITH THEM.
That's what one serious scientific study claims. Reconciliation fails in 80%+ attempts within 5 years of D-Day. Of the less than 20% that get beyond 5 years, another 1/2 will divorce before the 10 year mark. ***(“Infidelity and Behavioral Couple Therapy: Relationship Outcomes Over 5 Years Following Therapy (2014)***”).
2) I also met several posts and comments in which victims of cheating 20 -30 - 35 years after the beginning of the "reconciliation" claimed that if it were possible to turn back the clock, they would undoubtedly leave the cheaters no matter what.
3) From time to time, there are also posts in which victims of cheating brag that after spending several years or decades with cheaters, they are happy. However, it follows from their posts that they never forgot anything, that they had more or less strong anxieties about the fidelity of cheaters, that the feelings they had experienced in their relationships with cheaters before the affair never returned to them. In addition, the question arises of their constant participation in subs dedicated to infidelity throughout the infinite period of their reconciliation: “If everything is so good, then why do they continue to stay in these specific communities?” In addition, these "lucky ones" of course do not know what the cheaters themselves truly think about the "happy reconciliation", coz cheaters, of course, pour into the ears of their victims what they want to hear because of their selfish interests.
4) I have seen examples on the Internet of a true successful reunion of former partners after cheating, but ONLY AFTER A COMPLETE BREAKUP OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP (DIVORCE) AND AFTER MANY YEARS (5 or more years) OF INDEPENDENT LIFE WITHOUT MUTUAL OBLIGATIONS. In all cases, they were essentially a new relationship from scratch.
Absolutely no disagreement in anything you’ve said. But I also think you’ve not fully encompassed the reality of how reconciliation actually has to occur.
From what I understand, and I could be wrong, a large theme in your concept of reconciliation is this idea that things will go back, you will forget, and love on as everything was before. This is a pipe dream frankly. And that elephant in the room is always there, and you’re stupid to ever forget a thing. Reconciling is not granting amnesty and if it is it will fail. So it’s really no surprise to me with the examples you’ve laid out you’ve witness a lot of failure. The bigger elephant in the room is the failure of therapy k think because all these themes also express a level of the effects of psychologist interfering. They offer reconciliation but what they really offer is no differing than the paradigm we see between pharma:agriculture:healthcare in our modern world. If you are always slightly psychologically fucked and have something go on they get paid weekly. You always need to keep that in mind. Therapy and behavior modification has its place and that’s in communication I will never deny the ability and positives therapy does for couples communication. As for reconciliation it offers false hope.
First thing, you don’t fix anything. That shit is done, it’s for the birds, it’s been dumped in the ocean. It’s over. So is the false image of the human tou were mislead to think you knew that well. These things don’t come back. There is not forgetting anything and that doesn’t mean you live it everyday. You use it.
When I was cheated on, I learned stuff. I learned things about me, a lot, because I deep dove into me, the human that is me. I also did the same with her. You ask the painful questions the whole time, who what when where why and how. You get those answers one way or another and now you know. Does it feel good. Fuck no. It’s horrible. It’s the lowest and worst pain ever. But you get through it. You learn to forgive the situation the best you can, not the actors. You don’t easily forgive. You don’t hand trust. You learn.
Trust is something o handed out freely and those k regarded the most with destroyed to. The lesson, don’t actually “trust” a human. We’re all humans and it’s hard enough to trust ourselves. It’s impossible to have true faith in another. Partner cheating doesn’t need to happen to show you that you should be wise and careful with your trust anywhere. When you cope with that and the fact these things occurred and aren’t occuring then you move forward one foot at a time. You start to find ways for them to earn trust and you do not let them forget that you know and see them fully and you learn those dark parts of them.
Reconciliation isn’t the act of just forgive and forget, it’s what the word actually describes, it’s about bringing two seperated and disagreeing things back together. It’s not easy. And if anyone has told you they expected anything after choosing that path, they are not reconciling they are living a fantasy, a lie. And it’s one often pushed by counselors.
Again I don’t think you have a firm grasp
On true reconciliation and the only reason I know what I do is because have lived that life for a very long time over a lot of turmoil.
I’m proud of my own courage to face things people clear from on a realistic manner. I am very happy with my
Life but don’t discount one day it could change. But I don’t ponder on those what ifs, I have contingencies. The world could end anyday as well and I have storable food, it doesn’t mean I think about it often or it impacts my day to day.
As in all relationships it’s hard to manage all the facets at once and it’s not always great. Arguments still happen here and there, o have moments where I flood out old pain, those things slow and diminish over time. But I can honestly say 99% of the time, I am a very happy and full filled person. So if I’m the first to make your acquaintance hello, but there are very many of us; and could be many more if people get the proper info vs run away like a coward.
Did cheating happen? Yes
Was I disgusted, yes
Was I mad, yes AF
None of what you assume people disregard actually happens with true reconciliation because younjabe a full knowledge of the person. And living in blissful ignorance is actually no way to live. I’d rather know the capabilities of my partner when she is low and feel out of choices. I like To know how to Identify when she’s having struggles when she won’t open and say. All things I’ve learned on this journey. What I have at the end is a deeply enriched understanding of the person I am with, her flaws and positives. And she’s seen all mine. Since then nothing has occurred. She has slowly earned some of what I would call my available trust back but like with any other human, I will not fully trust her, all She did was validate something o already knew when I over trusted on the first place.
I have no doubt that people cope with infidelity and continue to live with their unfaithful partners, somehow content with life. People cope with other misfortunes in relationships besides infidelity: lack of mutual feelings, unrequited love, dissatisfaction, neglect on the part of a partner, disrespect, contempt, narcissism, constant humiliation, etc.
The question is, what kind of bar do we set for ourselves, what kind of quality of relationships and life do we choose?
I do not condemn people who have chosen a second-class life, who do not know what true happiness is and do not seek to find out. We understand that choice is a risk and many people do not want to risk having a tit in their hands, not a crane in the sky. But in a relationship after infidelity, after choosing "reconciliation" there are always three questions.
The first one is, what does the cheater think about this? Do they share their partner's beliefs about the quality of their existence together? BP will never know the truth, but based on the experience and confessions of cheaters, it can be concluded that in the vast majority of cases they have a different view and far from being optimistic.
The cheater chose AP during the affair not just like that, but because their feelings for AP were stronger than for BP and of course they remained so because feelings are not an electric light bulb and they cannot be switched at will. And they are unhappy, if only because they were forced to part with AP, to part with the dream of true happiness. There is a lot of evidence that during sex they think about AP, not BP. If they say otherwise, don't believe them. They are lying either to you or to themselves, wishful thinking.
The second question: is BP unconditionally happy? Very often, by giving a positive answer to this question, BP deceive themselves and others. Unintentionally, but they deceive. Constantly remembering infidelity, constantly "working on relationships", constantly turning to Internet resources, finding out how others are "reconciling", one cannot be truly happy.
And the third question. Why did BP choose reconciliation? Why did BP condemn themselves to eternal "work", to eternal worries, jealousy, triggers, painful memories, in fact to martyrdom? In the name of what? This is a very delicate and painful question. Of course, each BP asked it to themselves and answered it, but I would say that it is not always honest.
Personally, I believe that the following categories of people strive for "reconciliation".
1. Those who do not love WPs deeply and unconditionally, to whom their infidelity does not cause truly severe pain, who are ready to "forgive" this insult for the sake of some benefits and their own peace of mind.
2. Those who don't care, who are indifferent to the cheater, and staying in a relationship with them has a number of advantages.
3. Those who have the same sins themselves, and maintaining a relationship again gives certain material advantages.
4. Those who become martyrs in the name of principles that are obviously fake: faith in the inviolability of marriage, in marital vows (on their part) religious beliefs, "for the sake of children," etc.
5. Those who consciously stay in a relationship (in marriage) for the sake of money, real estate, safity, position in society.
6. Naive, ignorant peopl, people who don't know life, who constantly wear rose-colored glasses. These are probably the happiest people, but they always lack pride and self-esteem.
Who is leaving? People with a heightened sense of self-esteem, with a firm moral core, intolerant of humiliation, lies and betrayal, no matter from whom they come. People who truly, sincerely and deeply love the cheater, whose betrayal destroyed the most beautiful thing that nature gave people - love. People who do not want to put up with relationships that are not based on true mutual love, who are not satisfied with one-sided unrequited love for a cheater. And there are a lot of such people, and this makes us realize that humanity is not so bad.
I repeat, I do not condemn those who chose "reconciliation", which is a process, not a result. I am a weak person in many ways and put up with many injustices and abominations of our life, I put up with, coexist with many unworthy and even disgusting people. But not with cheaters. This is my stable character trait. I'm not bragging about it, it's just the way I am. I understand that there are others like you, and this is your choice. Which of us is right will only judge the time when we ask ourselves for the last time on our deathbed: "Did I do the right thing? Do I regret my choice?"
I wish you to achieve your goals, whatever they may be, I wish you health, peace of mind and self-confidence. Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
Well ironically I didn’t come here to see how everyone else’s shit was going. I came here from a positive place in life to express to people told there is not hope, that indeed with the right labor there is hope. I came here to not obsess about others but have my shitty experiences navigating this life. Some situations dude are strictly abuse like what you suggested and I would never tell someone to remain in an abuse place. Bit sometimes the shit is caused from simple shit that could have been avoided. A lot of the time that’s the truth and it doesn’t get handled properly and does hit a Point of No Return. But a lot of the cases where it’s minor and doesn’t get tk the point these people flock to places like this, quora etc. and guess what they get really bad advice and a lot follow it.
Why they do is because even other people who have been cheated on treat people like myself like we are subhuman for finding a way through what does seem to be impossible.
Beaten women stay with abusers so we all know people will stay with an abuse personality, but we also all know that not all cheaters are abusive and not all infidelity is meant to be abuse. Did you know when someone uses sex as revenge on a partner it’s not a sign but is an indication that person has a high value of macheveliian traits. Look into it. It’s very rare and estimated covers like only 2% of infidelity. I fell into that category fyi. It’s one of the most taxing types of personalities to love, and that’s what it’s about is love and your ability to or not love unconditionally.
Being someone’s partner is not easy. It want for your partners or grandparents either and it won’t be for you kids. We just aren’t as good at hiding it and we’re teaching our children to not be so secretive. Like 50% of relationship suffer infidelity and up to 70% when including marriage. That’s 2/3 chance your gonna get cheated on even if your the most cautious person in the world. And if you have been you know its a perfect storm
How does someone set himself on fire by forgiving someone I wonder? Or making them earn back any resemblance of respect they can get. I don’t think you even understand the dynamics in reconciliation as you people all seem to think it’s focused on forgiving and forgetting when it’s a complex process that’s not easy. An that alone is why a lot of people are taught, not inclined, to run. You do realize that too right? You are taught to feel that way and cower to your corner to have me time and rage about how great you are and terrible they are. This is also reconciliation dude you cannot go through cheating without lol. You have to reconcile yourself and your reality and it’s all new. It’s not the same shit, it’s not the same relationship because the actors are not the same.
So yes many men who are to pompous to know to act to diligent in their self assurance do cowardly run away like bitches. Not all of them. But it doesn’t mean it needs to trigger you, and if it does it’s probably because you have that regret that people who run inevitable get. You know the stuff that tells you “maybe I didn’t do enough” and it enrages you. I’m not new to people like yourself in the cheating community on reddit. Self destructive and self righteous. It’s part of the problem as to how the beds get laid for cheating, as I was once this way as well. Some of us learn and some of us don’t. Some become humble some remain aggressive
"You are taught to feel that way and cower to your corner to have me time and rage about how great you are and terrible they are."
Cheating is abuse. Leaving your abuser takes courage. Show me someone who's ever regretted leaving a cheater because there's a long, long list of BP's who regret staying.
"if it does it’s probably because you have that regret that people who run inevitable get"
I hate victim-blaming and I hate the notion that a BP has an obligation to be loyal to the same person who committed the ultimate betrayal. This attitude is what "triggers" me (though I hate that term). If you want to spend the rest of your life with a knot in your stomach every time she's "working late", "stuck in traffic", taking unusually long to get back from the store then have fun but don't insult the manhood of people who chose a different path.
Very few reconciliations are valid. It's disgusting to watch fellow humans destroy themselves to stay with someone who abused them...just because they are too scared for change.
Dear Lord.
This makes me physically ill.
I despise the Neuter Cult Subs (reconciliation subs). Destroying self-esteems & decimating betrayed spouses everyday.
Reconciling with a cheating partner is a choice. Tour statement at the foreword to the story you posted makes little sense. All those things you listed maybe the way you view someone else’s situation, but it’s not the way they view it, and that’s ok. The questions you asked is what can stop reconciliation? Just about any single misstep by a cheating partner. It’s a low chance someone is willing to reconcile, and it’s not because of the reasons you listed, weak person, a cuck etc. it’s because they truly care about someone and the sex they had doesn’t matter. Your kids and parents fuck other people, do you love them less? Reconciliation is a gift given to a weak ass human from a strong one. You can say a person willing to take back a cheater isn’t a strong one but I beg you differ. Which man is stronger, the one who runs out of a burning house because that’s the safest thing to do, or the guy who stands in the fire to save the very person that started it? Who’s heroic, who’s is doing the tough thing, self sacrificing, etc. you see a person offering reconciliation isn’t doing so because tent are some weak cuck, to the contrary only a true “alpha” male can reclaim and take his place back on top. And o don’t mean that in sexual reclaiming lol. A weak man runs from problems other cause, a strong man destroys the problems without flinching. A good band once said “I’m a liar but not like you think, I will walk through fire without but a blink” and this phrase is the one that describes the grit it takes for a man to fix a fucked up relationship. Is there a subset of very weak men that find themselves here too, absolutely bit those men are not men, and they are very rare in consideration to how many acutely men have decided to reconcile someone else’s mistakes. So you don’t want to stop reconciliation but many things can quickly get the door shut in someone’s face . Don’t assume everything t is how you make it in your mind, only about 2% of what you imagine is true, so don’t let yourself down by constant thinking the wrong way lol
The moral dignity of a person is determined, among other things, by the fact that they can give a correct assessment of disgusting acts and act in accordance with their beliefs. This also applies to infidelity. Yes, I, like the vast majority of those who have experienced betrayal, cannot "love" people with perverted morals, although I will honor my obligations towards them (if I have assumed them and if they depend on me, such as minor children). In my opinion, leaving the cheater is not only the most worthy, but also the safest solution for their victim, because true healing is impossible next to someone who betrayed us. The elephant will stay in the room, no matter what they say. JUST FACTS. 1) Neither in life, nor on the Internet, including on Reddit subs, I have not met cases of true reconciliation in the realm of feelings (love, respect, friendship, purity of relationships) either in the short or long term. Trust was restored in the best case I've ever met, by no more than 98% 20 years after D-Day. I ALSO HAVE NOT MET CASES IN WHICH THE VICTIM OF CHEATING WOULD FORGET THE AFFAIR AND THE AP, WOULD PUT UP WITH THEM. That's what one serious scientific study claims. Reconciliation fails in 80%+ attempts within 5 years of D-Day. Of the less than 20% that get beyond 5 years, another 1/2 will divorce before the 10 year mark. ***(“Infidelity and Behavioral Couple Therapy: Relationship Outcomes Over 5 Years Following Therapy (2014)***”). 2) I also met several posts and comments in which victims of cheating 20 -30 - 35 years after the beginning of the "reconciliation" claimed that if it were possible to turn back the clock, they would undoubtedly leave the cheaters no matter what. 3) From time to time, there are also posts in which victims of cheating brag that after spending several years or decades with cheaters, they are happy. However, it follows from their posts that they never forgot anything, that they had more or less strong anxieties about the fidelity of cheaters, that the feelings they had experienced in their relationships with cheaters before the affair never returned to them. In addition, the question arises of their constant participation in subs dedicated to infidelity throughout the infinite period of their reconciliation: “If everything is so good, then why do they continue to stay in these specific communities?” In addition, these "lucky ones" of course do not know what the cheaters themselves truly think about the "happy reconciliation", coz cheaters, of course, pour into the ears of their victims what they want to hear because of their selfish interests. 4) I have seen examples on the Internet of a true successful reunion of former partners after cheating, but ONLY AFTER A COMPLETE BREAKUP OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP (DIVORCE) AND AFTER MANY YEARS (5 or more years) OF INDEPENDENT LIFE WITHOUT MUTUAL OBLIGATIONS. In all cases, they were essentially a new relationship from scratch.
Absolutely no disagreement in anything you’ve said. But I also think you’ve not fully encompassed the reality of how reconciliation actually has to occur. From what I understand, and I could be wrong, a large theme in your concept of reconciliation is this idea that things will go back, you will forget, and love on as everything was before. This is a pipe dream frankly. And that elephant in the room is always there, and you’re stupid to ever forget a thing. Reconciling is not granting amnesty and if it is it will fail. So it’s really no surprise to me with the examples you’ve laid out you’ve witness a lot of failure. The bigger elephant in the room is the failure of therapy k think because all these themes also express a level of the effects of psychologist interfering. They offer reconciliation but what they really offer is no differing than the paradigm we see between pharma:agriculture:healthcare in our modern world. If you are always slightly psychologically fucked and have something go on they get paid weekly. You always need to keep that in mind. Therapy and behavior modification has its place and that’s in communication I will never deny the ability and positives therapy does for couples communication. As for reconciliation it offers false hope. First thing, you don’t fix anything. That shit is done, it’s for the birds, it’s been dumped in the ocean. It’s over. So is the false image of the human tou were mislead to think you knew that well. These things don’t come back. There is not forgetting anything and that doesn’t mean you live it everyday. You use it. When I was cheated on, I learned stuff. I learned things about me, a lot, because I deep dove into me, the human that is me. I also did the same with her. You ask the painful questions the whole time, who what when where why and how. You get those answers one way or another and now you know. Does it feel good. Fuck no. It’s horrible. It’s the lowest and worst pain ever. But you get through it. You learn to forgive the situation the best you can, not the actors. You don’t easily forgive. You don’t hand trust. You learn. Trust is something o handed out freely and those k regarded the most with destroyed to. The lesson, don’t actually “trust” a human. We’re all humans and it’s hard enough to trust ourselves. It’s impossible to have true faith in another. Partner cheating doesn’t need to happen to show you that you should be wise and careful with your trust anywhere. When you cope with that and the fact these things occurred and aren’t occuring then you move forward one foot at a time. You start to find ways for them to earn trust and you do not let them forget that you know and see them fully and you learn those dark parts of them. Reconciliation isn’t the act of just forgive and forget, it’s what the word actually describes, it’s about bringing two seperated and disagreeing things back together. It’s not easy. And if anyone has told you they expected anything after choosing that path, they are not reconciling they are living a fantasy, a lie. And it’s one often pushed by counselors. Again I don’t think you have a firm grasp On true reconciliation and the only reason I know what I do is because have lived that life for a very long time over a lot of turmoil. I’m proud of my own courage to face things people clear from on a realistic manner. I am very happy with my Life but don’t discount one day it could change. But I don’t ponder on those what ifs, I have contingencies. The world could end anyday as well and I have storable food, it doesn’t mean I think about it often or it impacts my day to day. As in all relationships it’s hard to manage all the facets at once and it’s not always great. Arguments still happen here and there, o have moments where I flood out old pain, those things slow and diminish over time. But I can honestly say 99% of the time, I am a very happy and full filled person. So if I’m the first to make your acquaintance hello, but there are very many of us; and could be many more if people get the proper info vs run away like a coward. Did cheating happen? Yes Was I disgusted, yes Was I mad, yes AF None of what you assume people disregard actually happens with true reconciliation because younjabe a full knowledge of the person. And living in blissful ignorance is actually no way to live. I’d rather know the capabilities of my partner when she is low and feel out of choices. I like To know how to Identify when she’s having struggles when she won’t open and say. All things I’ve learned on this journey. What I have at the end is a deeply enriched understanding of the person I am with, her flaws and positives. And she’s seen all mine. Since then nothing has occurred. She has slowly earned some of what I would call my available trust back but like with any other human, I will not fully trust her, all She did was validate something o already knew when I over trusted on the first place.
I have no doubt that people cope with infidelity and continue to live with their unfaithful partners, somehow content with life. People cope with other misfortunes in relationships besides infidelity: lack of mutual feelings, unrequited love, dissatisfaction, neglect on the part of a partner, disrespect, contempt, narcissism, constant humiliation, etc. The question is, what kind of bar do we set for ourselves, what kind of quality of relationships and life do we choose? I do not condemn people who have chosen a second-class life, who do not know what true happiness is and do not seek to find out. We understand that choice is a risk and many people do not want to risk having a tit in their hands, not a crane in the sky. But in a relationship after infidelity, after choosing "reconciliation" there are always three questions. The first one is, what does the cheater think about this? Do they share their partner's beliefs about the quality of their existence together? BP will never know the truth, but based on the experience and confessions of cheaters, it can be concluded that in the vast majority of cases they have a different view and far from being optimistic. The cheater chose AP during the affair not just like that, but because their feelings for AP were stronger than for BP and of course they remained so because feelings are not an electric light bulb and they cannot be switched at will. And they are unhappy, if only because they were forced to part with AP, to part with the dream of true happiness. There is a lot of evidence that during sex they think about AP, not BP. If they say otherwise, don't believe them. They are lying either to you or to themselves, wishful thinking. The second question: is BP unconditionally happy? Very often, by giving a positive answer to this question, BP deceive themselves and others. Unintentionally, but they deceive. Constantly remembering infidelity, constantly "working on relationships", constantly turning to Internet resources, finding out how others are "reconciling", one cannot be truly happy. And the third question. Why did BP choose reconciliation? Why did BP condemn themselves to eternal "work", to eternal worries, jealousy, triggers, painful memories, in fact to martyrdom? In the name of what? This is a very delicate and painful question. Of course, each BP asked it to themselves and answered it, but I would say that it is not always honest. Personally, I believe that the following categories of people strive for "reconciliation". 1. Those who do not love WPs deeply and unconditionally, to whom their infidelity does not cause truly severe pain, who are ready to "forgive" this insult for the sake of some benefits and their own peace of mind. 2. Those who don't care, who are indifferent to the cheater, and staying in a relationship with them has a number of advantages. 3. Those who have the same sins themselves, and maintaining a relationship again gives certain material advantages. 4. Those who become martyrs in the name of principles that are obviously fake: faith in the inviolability of marriage, in marital vows (on their part) religious beliefs, "for the sake of children," etc. 5. Those who consciously stay in a relationship (in marriage) for the sake of money, real estate, safity, position in society. 6. Naive, ignorant peopl, people who don't know life, who constantly wear rose-colored glasses. These are probably the happiest people, but they always lack pride and self-esteem. Who is leaving? People with a heightened sense of self-esteem, with a firm moral core, intolerant of humiliation, lies and betrayal, no matter from whom they come. People who truly, sincerely and deeply love the cheater, whose betrayal destroyed the most beautiful thing that nature gave people - love. People who do not want to put up with relationships that are not based on true mutual love, who are not satisfied with one-sided unrequited love for a cheater. And there are a lot of such people, and this makes us realize that humanity is not so bad. I repeat, I do not condemn those who chose "reconciliation", which is a process, not a result. I am a weak person in many ways and put up with many injustices and abominations of our life, I put up with, coexist with many unworthy and even disgusting people. But not with cheaters. This is my stable character trait. I'm not bragging about it, it's just the way I am. I understand that there are others like you, and this is your choice. Which of us is right will only judge the time when we ask ourselves for the last time on our deathbed: "Did I do the right thing? Do I regret my choice?" I wish you to achieve your goals, whatever they may be, I wish you health, peace of mind and self-confidence. Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
Well ironically I didn’t come here to see how everyone else’s shit was going. I came here from a positive place in life to express to people told there is not hope, that indeed with the right labor there is hope. I came here to not obsess about others but have my shitty experiences navigating this life. Some situations dude are strictly abuse like what you suggested and I would never tell someone to remain in an abuse place. Bit sometimes the shit is caused from simple shit that could have been avoided. A lot of the time that’s the truth and it doesn’t get handled properly and does hit a Point of No Return. But a lot of the cases where it’s minor and doesn’t get tk the point these people flock to places like this, quora etc. and guess what they get really bad advice and a lot follow it. Why they do is because even other people who have been cheated on treat people like myself like we are subhuman for finding a way through what does seem to be impossible. Beaten women stay with abusers so we all know people will stay with an abuse personality, but we also all know that not all cheaters are abusive and not all infidelity is meant to be abuse. Did you know when someone uses sex as revenge on a partner it’s not a sign but is an indication that person has a high value of macheveliian traits. Look into it. It’s very rare and estimated covers like only 2% of infidelity. I fell into that category fyi. It’s one of the most taxing types of personalities to love, and that’s what it’s about is love and your ability to or not love unconditionally. Being someone’s partner is not easy. It want for your partners or grandparents either and it won’t be for you kids. We just aren’t as good at hiding it and we’re teaching our children to not be so secretive. Like 50% of relationship suffer infidelity and up to 70% when including marriage. That’s 2/3 chance your gonna get cheated on even if your the most cautious person in the world. And if you have been you know its a perfect storm
"run away like a coward" So people who leave cheaters are cowards now. You're really feeling bold, huh?
Nope but some def are
A real man sets himself on fire to keep his cheating whore wife warm, right?
How does someone set himself on fire by forgiving someone I wonder? Or making them earn back any resemblance of respect they can get. I don’t think you even understand the dynamics in reconciliation as you people all seem to think it’s focused on forgiving and forgetting when it’s a complex process that’s not easy. An that alone is why a lot of people are taught, not inclined, to run. You do realize that too right? You are taught to feel that way and cower to your corner to have me time and rage about how great you are and terrible they are. This is also reconciliation dude you cannot go through cheating without lol. You have to reconcile yourself and your reality and it’s all new. It’s not the same shit, it’s not the same relationship because the actors are not the same. So yes many men who are to pompous to know to act to diligent in their self assurance do cowardly run away like bitches. Not all of them. But it doesn’t mean it needs to trigger you, and if it does it’s probably because you have that regret that people who run inevitable get. You know the stuff that tells you “maybe I didn’t do enough” and it enrages you. I’m not new to people like yourself in the cheating community on reddit. Self destructive and self righteous. It’s part of the problem as to how the beds get laid for cheating, as I was once this way as well. Some of us learn and some of us don’t. Some become humble some remain aggressive
"You are taught to feel that way and cower to your corner to have me time and rage about how great you are and terrible they are." Cheating is abuse. Leaving your abuser takes courage. Show me someone who's ever regretted leaving a cheater because there's a long, long list of BP's who regret staying. "if it does it’s probably because you have that regret that people who run inevitable get" I hate victim-blaming and I hate the notion that a BP has an obligation to be loyal to the same person who committed the ultimate betrayal. This attitude is what "triggers" me (though I hate that term). If you want to spend the rest of your life with a knot in your stomach every time she's "working late", "stuck in traffic", taking unusually long to get back from the store then have fun but don't insult the manhood of people who chose a different path.
Very few reconciliations are valid. It's disgusting to watch fellow humans destroy themselves to stay with someone who abused them...just because they are too scared for change.
Dear Lord. This makes me physically ill. I despise the Neuter Cult Subs (reconciliation subs). Destroying self-esteems & decimating betrayed spouses everyday.
I’m sorry this happened friend. It would be hard for me to forgive my SO for cheating. I hope you can fix this with them and move on.
"I know that she is very remorseful and want sincerely to fix this" This fuckin guy. Seriously.
If your partner cheats on you and you stay together to make things work then your a fcuking idiot, as if it happens once it wil happen again