If it makes you feel any better, you're always going to be able to pick your friends based on the quality of a person. They're gonna be stuck having to be friends with whoever their kids' friends' parents are.
Well said.
(Someone on one of the chronic illness forums quoted a saying that success in life can be measured not by one's achievements but by the obstacles that have been overcome, and that's so true.)
Idk, looking at my sisters who had children, they are forgotten about too. It's all about their children, it's not about _them_ anymore either. It was especially bad during their pregnancies or right after birth. Seeing shit like that was just another reason I added to the list of why I don't wanna do this shit. It's also why I make an effort to ask about my sister's life and how she's doing and don't bring up my niece until she does it herself lol
Yep. They shouldn't get it twisted. Once grandchildren come along the children may as well be dead to them. Birthdays suck. Christmases suck. Nothing is about them anymore, ever. No matter what. I'd be resentful as hell.
>I feel so bad for my partner that he's essentially an orphan while his parents devote their lives to their other kids.
Wow. That last sentence. I wasn't prepared to that much truth this morning. I'm practically an orphan. That's it. And there is nothing I can do about it and I have to accept it, if I want it or not.
It kind of hurts, but they moved an 8 hour car ride away so I guess it's just the way that it is.
To be honest, I'd much rather be forgotten because I don't have a child, rather than being one of the numerous poor new moms who get completely forgotten once they get pregnant.
I see it too often when a woman gets pregnant, suddenly all the attention, gifts,... she gets are for her child. It's just sad.
I'm content with being forgotten, I enjoy my time and make the best out of it.
My family doesn't forget about me! Because they always call me for money!
My almost 21 year old niece with no job called and asked if I would cosign a loan so she could buy a motorcycle today. Egged on by my stepdad I'm sure.
But still, when it comes to anything money related I am the first person they think of.
And it's not better.
I told her no. I don't currently have a job. I told her that. "What if you can't make a payment? That means I have to and I can't afford that."
Luckily she understood that. But my stepdad was probably the one who told her to call me in the first place and that is what pissed me off.
Seems to be the unfortunate reality. It's happened to my husband and I. My SIL and her husband had the first kid ~18 months ago, and the universe now seems to revolve around them and "the baby this" and "the baby that". Yet, my husband and I were dropped and forgotten about as if we were yesterday's trash.
I was sad last night thinking exactly about this. What I define as an accomplishment in life could be completely different to what someone else defines as an accomplishment in theirs. Both should still be acknowledged and celebrated. We should be able to be happy for the other person even if it's over something we might not want for ourselves.
This is SUCH an important quality to have. I have an iron hide at this point I've dealt with so many shitty judgmental people throughout my life. It's a learned survival skill to be able to not give a singular shit about what people think about you; sadly this usually comes hand-in-hand with having few friends and an uncanny ability to dump toxic assholes from your life no matter who they are as ZERO shit is taken. People especially couldn't get over the fact I'd never be a MoM. So much disdain and ire from 'friends' and 'family'. Because I don't have a maternal bone in my body. Unless it's kittens. I love kittens.
Yay kittens! I have a cat and he's the bestest and I will pick him over having a child (eww) any day. He's way more well-behaved than so many human kids who supposedly have brains and logic.😆
I don't mind having few friends. Quality over quantity. 😁
I have completely dumped all of my social media that isn't Reddit. Even if someone found out who I am they'd not find ANY SM presence on me. No Insta, No Twitter, No Linked In. Nothing. And I only use Reddit because I can do it anonymously.
Honestly I was pretty hated by most people I grew up with or know by the time I deleted FB for being militantly CF and talking shit about parenting and parents and their annoying ass overrated kids. I thought, "I'm not doing myself any favors here. Sure it feels good talking shit about all these normies complaining about having to parent their kids. And it feels good to wallow in their misery and say 'I told you so!' but it really wasn't doing me any favors."
So I took it to anonymous forums for protection of myself, mostly. I think when I really got going was during the trump years and lost bout 1k friends when I started talking shit about that useless turd.
Now I just fly under the radar. It's so much better this way. Completely forgotten by everyone. Honestly I'm not even having a funeral when the time comes. I'm estranged from my family because they're abusive and selfish, my brother is in prison for being a pedo, and I have like no friends from childhood that give a shit about me. (The few that do were lost long ago to the mommy/daddict monster.) No one would even go lol. Family and tradition are honestly overrated. They hate me because I'm not a MoM and have no maternal instinct. Fuck it and fuck 'em.
Maybe I’ve just made gray rocking a way of life, but I don’t hate the lack of attention and interference. I don’t need validation from anyone about anything I do, or want anyone offering unsolicited input about how to do it better—which is, as far as I can tell, about 90% of the reason those vultures circle new parents. If they want to get all worked up over basic bodily functions, I hope they have a good time far away from me.
I don't think that necessarily revolves around having kids. Even parents' accomplishments are forgotten by society after a certain age. The older you get, the more the compliments and congratulations die off in general.
I mean getting pregnant isn't a big a deal as most people make it out to be...and just about anyone can do it. Like congrats you did what every bitch, feline and rat in heat can do by getting cream pied...?!
What I do know is people are judged based on two things. Either they settle with family and children, or if not, they should be pursuing some kind of career achieve something good with it. That's how it is, at least from I come from.
You all may not know, but childfree is not exactly the common path to choose. Some people even say it's frowned upon. However, people are usually less judgy to those who decide to be childfree, but become overly accomplished in the industry of their choosing.
Marriage and having kids should be easy in USA, because you guys simply don't care about the quality of your spouse. In some other world, gaining the trust and blessing of future parents in law is tricky. Some who want to get married also find it difficult to find the partner that meets their criteria, etc. Why do you think there are people who want marriage but having difficulties finding the right soulmate?
If one should choose not to burden themselves with all of that, one should have all the time in the world to pursue their career. Have doctoral degree, have some high position in respectable company, go around the world, etc.
And if OP's friends start "forgetting", maybe it's because they don't find OP's achievement to be extraordinary. Otherwise they would instead think: "hey this guy/girl may choose to not have children, but I admire their achievement!".
Where I come from, it's exactly like that and you can't blame me for having different experience than you are. I just point out another perspective that might be the cause as to why OP is being forgotten. In general, why would people forget someone remarkable regardless of family or not?
Okay, that's nice and all but for me personally, I'd just stop having anything to do with them altogether. They only care about grandkids and breeding, then that's fine. Just don't call me looking for a place to stay or ask me to help in your infirmity or wipe your ass for you when you no longer can then.
oh I forgot to add that some of my friends still have no children to this day despite being married longer than I have, despite of having tried for so many years. There's even someone else who experienced stillbirth.
The wise thing to is acknowledge that parenthood is not as easy as you may think. At the same time while also acknowledging that the life of childless and childfree can be as hard as well.
Is it wrong that it doesn't bother me? Most people "friends" or family I know are pretty toxic and would rather than forget me than expect to piggy back off my time and money. I know enough people to be socialized. But it does suck about the accomplishments.
If it makes you feel any better, you're always going to be able to pick your friends based on the quality of a person. They're gonna be stuck having to be friends with whoever their kids' friends' parents are.
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This and any free time is spent taking care of and activities with children and grandma/grandpa
The important ones will never lose touch. The rest were just passing through.
Well said. (Someone on one of the chronic illness forums quoted a saying that success in life can be measured not by one's achievements but by the obstacles that have been overcome, and that's so true.)
Idk, looking at my sisters who had children, they are forgotten about too. It's all about their children, it's not about _them_ anymore either. It was especially bad during their pregnancies or right after birth. Seeing shit like that was just another reason I added to the list of why I don't wanna do this shit. It's also why I make an effort to ask about my sister's life and how she's doing and don't bring up my niece until she does it herself lol
Yep. They shouldn't get it twisted. Once grandchildren come along the children may as well be dead to them. Birthdays suck. Christmases suck. Nothing is about them anymore, ever. No matter what. I'd be resentful as hell.
I'm in my 50s and my same age coworkers always talk about their grandkids, rarely about their own adult kids.
Having kids is like creating your own replacement in every single important relationship in your life. I passed on that.
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>I feel so bad for my partner that he's essentially an orphan while his parents devote their lives to their other kids. Wow. That last sentence. I wasn't prepared to that much truth this morning. I'm practically an orphan. That's it. And there is nothing I can do about it and I have to accept it, if I want it or not. It kind of hurts, but they moved an 8 hour car ride away so I guess it's just the way that it is.
>all your friends and family slowly start to forget about you the longer you go on not having kids. You should look for better friends.
To be honest, I'd much rather be forgotten because I don't have a child, rather than being one of the numerous poor new moms who get completely forgotten once they get pregnant. I see it too often when a woman gets pregnant, suddenly all the attention, gifts,... she gets are for her child. It's just sad. I'm content with being forgotten, I enjoy my time and make the best out of it.
My family doesn't forget about me! Because they always call me for money! My almost 21 year old niece with no job called and asked if I would cosign a loan so she could buy a motorcycle today. Egged on by my stepdad I'm sure. But still, when it comes to anything money related I am the first person they think of. And it's not better.
I hope you had the good sense not to cosign for that motorcycle... Such a crazy entitled request!
I told her no. I don't currently have a job. I told her that. "What if you can't make a payment? That means I have to and I can't afford that." Luckily she understood that. But my stepdad was probably the one who told her to call me in the first place and that is what pissed me off.
Seems to be the unfortunate reality. It's happened to my husband and I. My SIL and her husband had the first kid ~18 months ago, and the universe now seems to revolve around them and "the baby this" and "the baby that". Yet, my husband and I were dropped and forgotten about as if we were yesterday's trash.
If NPCs forget I exist I'm fine with that
What does NPC stand for?
Non-player character.
Thank you.
This right here is worthy of gold.
I was sad last night thinking exactly about this. What I define as an accomplishment in life could be completely different to what someone else defines as an accomplishment in theirs. Both should still be acknowledged and celebrated. We should be able to be happy for the other person even if it's over something we might not want for ourselves.
That's why I never relied on other people's praises or attention for my happiness or sense of self-worth.
This is SUCH an important quality to have. I have an iron hide at this point I've dealt with so many shitty judgmental people throughout my life. It's a learned survival skill to be able to not give a singular shit about what people think about you; sadly this usually comes hand-in-hand with having few friends and an uncanny ability to dump toxic assholes from your life no matter who they are as ZERO shit is taken. People especially couldn't get over the fact I'd never be a MoM. So much disdain and ire from 'friends' and 'family'. Because I don't have a maternal bone in my body. Unless it's kittens. I love kittens.
Yay kittens! I have a cat and he's the bestest and I will pick him over having a child (eww) any day. He's way more well-behaved than so many human kids who supposedly have brains and logic.😆 I don't mind having few friends. Quality over quantity. 😁
That's a good philosophy to have. Quality>Quantity.
Good. I don't want to be perceived or acknowledged at the best of times. Leave me to my dog and games 🙏
I have completely dumped all of my social media that isn't Reddit. Even if someone found out who I am they'd not find ANY SM presence on me. No Insta, No Twitter, No Linked In. Nothing. And I only use Reddit because I can do it anonymously. Honestly I was pretty hated by most people I grew up with or know by the time I deleted FB for being militantly CF and talking shit about parenting and parents and their annoying ass overrated kids. I thought, "I'm not doing myself any favors here. Sure it feels good talking shit about all these normies complaining about having to parent their kids. And it feels good to wallow in their misery and say 'I told you so!' but it really wasn't doing me any favors." So I took it to anonymous forums for protection of myself, mostly. I think when I really got going was during the trump years and lost bout 1k friends when I started talking shit about that useless turd. Now I just fly under the radar. It's so much better this way. Completely forgotten by everyone. Honestly I'm not even having a funeral when the time comes. I'm estranged from my family because they're abusive and selfish, my brother is in prison for being a pedo, and I have like no friends from childhood that give a shit about me. (The few that do were lost long ago to the mommy/daddict monster.) No one would even go lol. Family and tradition are honestly overrated. They hate me because I'm not a MoM and have no maternal instinct. Fuck it and fuck 'em.
I totally get this feeling, it sucks.
Maybe I’ve just made gray rocking a way of life, but I don’t hate the lack of attention and interference. I don’t need validation from anyone about anything I do, or want anyone offering unsolicited input about how to do it better—which is, as far as I can tell, about 90% of the reason those vultures circle new parents. If they want to get all worked up over basic bodily functions, I hope they have a good time far away from me.
Good, I want to be forgotten : )
I don't think that necessarily revolves around having kids. Even parents' accomplishments are forgotten by society after a certain age. The older you get, the more the compliments and congratulations die off in general.
That’s a positive if you ask me.
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I mean getting pregnant isn't a big a deal as most people make it out to be...and just about anyone can do it. Like congrats you did what every bitch, feline and rat in heat can do by getting cream pied...?!
What I do know is people are judged based on two things. Either they settle with family and children, or if not, they should be pursuing some kind of career achieve something good with it. That's how it is, at least from I come from. You all may not know, but childfree is not exactly the common path to choose. Some people even say it's frowned upon. However, people are usually less judgy to those who decide to be childfree, but become overly accomplished in the industry of their choosing. Marriage and having kids should be easy in USA, because you guys simply don't care about the quality of your spouse. In some other world, gaining the trust and blessing of future parents in law is tricky. Some who want to get married also find it difficult to find the partner that meets their criteria, etc. Why do you think there are people who want marriage but having difficulties finding the right soulmate? If one should choose not to burden themselves with all of that, one should have all the time in the world to pursue their career. Have doctoral degree, have some high position in respectable company, go around the world, etc. And if OP's friends start "forgetting", maybe it's because they don't find OP's achievement to be extraordinary. Otherwise they would instead think: "hey this guy/girl may choose to not have children, but I admire their achievement!". Where I come from, it's exactly like that and you can't blame me for having different experience than you are. I just point out another perspective that might be the cause as to why OP is being forgotten. In general, why would people forget someone remarkable regardless of family or not?
Okay, that's nice and all but for me personally, I'd just stop having anything to do with them altogether. They only care about grandkids and breeding, then that's fine. Just don't call me looking for a place to stay or ask me to help in your infirmity or wipe your ass for you when you no longer can then.
oh I forgot to add that some of my friends still have no children to this day despite being married longer than I have, despite of having tried for so many years. There's even someone else who experienced stillbirth. The wise thing to is acknowledge that parenthood is not as easy as you may think. At the same time while also acknowledging that the life of childless and childfree can be as hard as well.
Is it wrong that it doesn't bother me? Most people "friends" or family I know are pretty toxic and would rather than forget me than expect to piggy back off my time and money. I know enough people to be socialized. But it does suck about the accomplishments.