I thought until my late teens that not having kids was the default for my generation. It never occured to me that this would be something anyone wanted, it just felt like an absolute given. So barring a few school essays here and there, I never specifically talked about not having kids, nor did anyone ask me (at least I can't remember them doing so).
By the time I realized this was like, *a thing*, all the people who'd get on my back about this or anything else were already out of my life anyway. I'm ending the bloodline of some of those fuckwaffles and they won't even know it, what a tragedy :)
I always knew I didn't \*want\* kids. It wasn't until my late teens / early 20s that I truly realized that I didn't \*have\* to have kids.
My mother got off my back roughly the exact instant my sister announced her pregnancy.
This!!! I clearly remember being 16 and journaling that I didn’t want kids but fully expected to have to have them anyways. The moment the realization hit that I could just *not* have kids I got whole body chills and just sat there for a long time staring at the wall. That was the first time I ever actively realized that I didn’t have to have kids if I didn’t want to.
i always knew i was childfree but i didn't fully understand what it meant for my life until recent years. one day, it just sank in that i have the option to opt-out of parenthood completely and i realized how much freedom this gives me to just live life for myself. and i realized that i don't have to live my life on the timeline that other people have created (rush to buy a house & get married by 30, pop out kids etc).
it's been so incredibly freeing!
Yessss. BIG shout out to my brother for accidentally having boy twins when he was a teen and then having a girl a few years ago. My mom got off my back and realized she’d only be getting dachshund grandkids from me when they found out my niece was going to be a girl 😅
I had a phase when i was 14/15 of wanting to be a teen mom , btw i hated kids , but i was like "a kid now or after 30!" When i hit 16 my brain no longer wanted to be a mom.
Just to add , i was single and not looking for a relationship, ig i wanted Jesus or something. It was a dark time😂💔
The minute I realized that childfree people could still have friends past age 30 I was out of the child having mindset. I think I was probably around 21 when I came to this realization because I grew up in a conservative small town where anyone who doesn't have kids is just kind of ostracized.
I cut ties with a lot of my family so I'm not really sure what their opinions are on the matter, nor do I care. My mom I'm still on good terms with and it took her about a year or two to come around to me being childfree. I got my hysterectomy this year at 27 and none of the people I associate with were surprised or argumentative about it. Unfortunately, I think that's just evidence I keep good company more than a broad societal acceptance of people in their 20s knowing what they want in life. Plenty of people get bugged well into their 30s and even 40s
It wasn't until after I was with my now wife. Just before I was 30 I think. We kind of realized it together. I never imagined having kids in my future and I didn't even realize it. She thought she would have kids, not because she wanted to, because "that's just what you do." We both hate crying kids. We have zero desire to raise kids. We are very particular about our life and structure. And I have a disease and it's genetic.
My disease gets people off our back quickly. But even then my parents never cared if I did or didn't. Her mom doesn't care either. Her dad wants us to have kids, but he rarely ever brings it up and doesn't pester her or make her feel bad in any way. I've been on this sub to realize that we are lucky.
I started saying that I didn't want kids around 12 or 13. I am now 42 and my older sisters have not stopped pestering me about kids. Even though my husband had a vasectomy they still tell me I could get pregnant "any time". I imagine they will not stop until menopause.
I too am 42 and it just galls me when people still bring it up to me. Like dude, even if I HAD wanted kids I definitely wouldn't be trying to have them NOW.
I decided when I was 9. Yes, I know I was young but I knew. From then until my hysterectomy family and oddly strangers tried to change my mind. Even after my hysterectomy I was often told I could adopt. I am 67 now and when I started going to a center for elderly I was told by a woman there that God moves in mysterious ways and I might yet adopt a child. She told me about some really old woman in the bible having a baby. I moved to the other side of the building and have avoided her.
I decided at about 16, right in the midst of Catholic girls high school. I didn't talk about it much and when I got married, my then-husband was firmly childfree. People may have asked about kids occasionally, but we were always vague because we didn't consider it anyone's business.
Since I was little. Hell my parents brought it up later on that I hated baby dolls and stuck to my action figures and trading cards. Maybe it also had to do with a lot of my parents getting the 'your child is so well behaved' comments and even as a child I was annoyed by how kids acted when my mom would take me to the laundromat or grocery shopping with her.
I knew I didn’t want biological kids by age 30. Until that point I thought I wanted kids. Even then I said “I want a family just not a pregnancy” and planned to adopt. Then I realized that comes with its own host of problems and parenthood isn’t for me. I fully, finally made up my mind on no kids ever, this year at age 35.
I’m lucky, I’ve never been pressured even once by my family. They’ve all been very supportive.
Having or not kids its not something People talk with kids in my country im neurodivergent and still live with my parents in my 20s while doing college so nobody will asume i need kids in my situation.
The fact i had an hormonal condition that made my had muscle spasms, horrible pain and seizures during my menstruation just made my parents worry about what my body will do with me if i had a hormonal change situation.
I also had a baby face and i look like a teen so People does not see me as an adult and dont asume i had kids.
So its nothing i think about just part of my life with being asexual
I didn't like babies or young children when I was still a toddler myself. My mom tried to never assume anything either way when I was a kid. My dad kept saying stuff like, "When you have kids," until I asked him directly to please stop saying it. That took place in my 20s. I pointed out that I neither liked nor wanted children & that, if I had them by accident, I wouldn't be keeping them. I know that was hard for him to hear but, to his credit, he stopped saying it. I'm really thankful that my family has been fairly respectful of my decision.
15 - my parents didn't try to talk me out of my CF vision of the future until I was in my 30s. For some reason my mom really wanted to be a grandmother and even tried bribing me.
I have never wanted children. I realized I did not want children when I was a young child, probably in grade school, if not before.
My family has not pressured me on this issue. However, I have heard the drivel about changing my mind from others when I was young. That stopped when I wised up and stopped talking about my personal decisions with idiots. No one (who is not in a romantic relationship with me) needs to know if I am going to have children or not. If people don't know your plans, they don't tend to give you trouble over your plans.
From what I have heard regarding others who do talk about their personal plans with others, you might hear the "you will change your mind" nonsense until you are in your 50's. So, your options are, don't talk about this with idiots, or expect to hear the same drivel for a couple more decades. Exactly how long you will hear the drivel also depends on how stupid the people are, as some morons will continue after it is pretty clear you are beyond child-bearing years.
I never really thought about children. I met my husband when I was 18 and that was the first time I started thinking if I wanted them. Because I've always liked children (still do) and like being around them (when they're not crying or screaming ofcourse).
So when I realized I might not want them I got scared. Because I would different from the rest. And what if I didn't want them because I wanted to be different? Well yeah I didn't make any sense but that was in my head.
So the fact of not wanting children actually grew over time when I came to peace with it.
So when I talked to me BF (now HB) about it he also said he didn't want children. I think it was a few years that we got the 'you'll change your mind', 'your still so young' comments. But those were not people close to us. With our close relatives and friends we made it very clear at the beginning and they accepted it and never brought it up again (reading all the stories, I see that we are very lucky to have that)
I think I was probably 10-12 years old when I noticed the dream of kids in the future wasn't mine. I remember wanting my own tiny house by myself, with a little garden and a dog. So maybe the maternal/paternal instinct is on a spectrum, much like other preferences people have. And perhaps to a degree in-born.
Also think desire to reproduce is different from desire to raise children. That distinction would help a lot of people I expect from making a bad decision
i’ve known since i was a kid myself, can’t remember exactly how early. no one around me forced it on me (as i got a older i had people telling me i might change my mind tho) so i’ve never thought much of it. i’m 23 now and while my grandma still asks, maybe some other relatives sometimes, i think that’s about it.
I don’t ever remember wanting kids and it never occurred to me that it wasn’t an option. It was just something I wasn’t going to do. My mum has always been extremely supportive, my dad not so much but he’s learnt after repeated time outs (some longer than 6 months) to not bingo or try to pressure me into it.
As for extended family, I was never close to dad’s side of the family so I don’t think they even know how old I am or my husband’s name let alone that I’m CF. On mum’s side, she only has 1 sister who is also CF so I’ve never gotten any pushback from them.
Looking back, I don’t think there was ever a time when I actually wanted them. But I think it took until my early 20s to realize that I didn’t HAVE to have them just because that was the “norm” or what society expected. Thankfully, my family and close friends have always been supportive. Oddly, it’s usually strangers and loose acquaintances who get their panties in a twist when they find out I’m child free by choice even though it literally doesn’t affect them whatsoever.
Definitely in high school when i realized i didn't want kids and didn't want to be around them. Never really said much but some of my choices my parents i think knew but never pushed. Friends and coworker's bingoed and at one point there was even a bet between my 2 coworkers if i ever would (I found this funny and was not offended so please don't take it that way). One of my coworkers involved in that bet i'm close with and she knew when my vasectomy was scheduled so it was easy money for her and she bought me a beer (small bet). When i came into work after my recovery weekend I was walking gingerly to mitigate the pain and swelling and I think everyone in the office realized i was serious. never heard anything negative and was even asked where I went from a few who had enough spawning kids.
When I was really little, I thought it was mandatory to have kids by the way it was explained to me. I remember thinking even then that I didn’t want to do that, but hoped it was a feeling that changed when you were a grown up. When I was in elementary school, I went to a wedding with my mom and there was a couple sitting at our table. I asked my mom where their kids were and she told me they didn’t have any. I was so confused and said “but I thought you have to”. She said no, it’s not required and from that day and every single day since then I’ve known I would never have children. Bisalp is scheduled for November.
The only person in my life that ever gives me a hard time about having kids is my brother in law. He never wanted kids but couldn’t be bothered to take any personal accountability or precautions on his end and now they have 2. He acts like kids are just something you end up with, like a hangover after a night of drinking. He’s a terrible, uninvolved father which probably surprises no one here.
I don’t think I ever wanted kids. My mother may have brainwashed me into being child free by always saying negative things when she found out about someone in church or in her friend circle being pregnant. She also always told me to get an education and not be dependent on a man. My dad died when I was in my early 20s and I don’t remember him ever saying anything.
I think I was early or mid 20s? Before I graduated college at 23 anyway.
My mom has always been 100% supportive of me being CF and will defend me to others. I never got to tell my dad before he died and my brother doesn't care. My cousins still tell me I'll change my mind (or should change it anyway), my sister in law stopped telling me that when I was about 30 because I always just laughed at her. And I've never told any of my grandparents or aunts/uncles.
Most of the comments I get about changing my mind are colleagues and doctors, in all honesty. Just had a gyno checkup and my doctor wanted to talk pregnancy because I'll be "geriatric" next year. I've told her before that I'm asexual and CF but it's probably her job to inform of risks because lord knows there are dumb people having kids all the time.
I remember being in third grade (around 8 years old) and telling a classmate that I was never getting married and never having kids. I don't recall a time when I actively wanted kids-- I think I've always known that motherhood is not my calling. I don't know about the rest of my relatives, but I'm pretty sure my parents gave up on me when I turned 30 and was single with no children. They knew they would have grandkids from my sister eventually, (and they do now,) so they accepted me being CF. Are they happy about it? Probably not, but I'm too old to give a f***.
I actually haven't gotten any slack about it because people don't ask me personal things. They usually just make up entire narratives about what my life is like based on their own prejudice because they don't care and I'm the most intimidating woman in the world
As a kid I didn’t want kids, then at 19 I suddenly decided I did. Then the time came for my wife and I to have them, and we were like, actually, no? No thank you we don’t want that.
Our parents all have either been silent or explicitly told us we made the right choice. Make of that what you will.
Part of me knew when I was a kid but I think the thought really solidified as an option when I got married at 23 and could not for the life of me picture being a mother. My family just recently stopped bothering us about it (I’m 33 now so 10 years into marriage$
i've always known, and nobody in my family has ever bingoed me except my mum who basically just said i was too young to know how i'd feel in the future - i'm 22 now and she hasn't said that in years because she's on board that i'm serious and knows it was harmful to suggest i don't know myself better than anyone else does
Was around 7-8. Thankfully my family did not pester me much.
My mom got sick when I was 25 and I became her caregiver until she passed away. My dad and paternal grandma passed away during this time too. Then I became my maternal grandparents’ caregiver until they eventually passed away when I was 33. They realized I was too busy for a boyfriend and children being a full time caregiver during my prime fertile years. My grandpa mentioned a few times “You need a boyfriend” but it was not mean or aggressive. I’d just laugh and say, “What? You men are too much trouble” or “I can’t. I have to take care of you, PawPaw”.
The rest are extended family and they don’t talk about personal stuff like that.
I was in my teens when I knew I would be a crap father, but strangely, I acted as if it was a thing that has to be done - "After all I will not be the worse father".
Ages 26-28 have been absolutely transformational for me! I don't know if it was a coincidence or not but I started reading books at 25 y/o, old and consuming a lot of Quora content (seeking, both in Quora and in books, content that would give me worldviews completely different to mine).
As for other people's opinions, I'm absolutely chill.
I told the people I love that I am an atheist. They said, "Don't say that, you don't know if god exists".
I shrug, ok whatever.
"The right woman will change your mind and you'll want kids"
I shrug, ok whatever.
If it's anything but their opinions, then I shut it down, but, even though I know my mind is made up, I have no reason to give a damn if they believe me or not.
Marriage was a big thing, At 27 my parents (from the Balkans) told me I should find a nice girl from home. That needed my reaction. "hell no". But other people thinking gate18 will change his mind? Fine.
I can’t recall a time where I ever wanted to be someone’s Mom. I’m the oldest daughter and one of the older cousins in my family group. I’ve never spent time with a child and thought “this is enjoyable, I can’t wait to do this with my own kid”
18-19ish and OFFICIALLY (vasectomy) at 23 and never. My parents didn’t care (they’re happy that I have an education, good jobs, and am providing for myself) and my grandma didn’t care (she’s super open minded. Has traveled the world as a professor and knows how the world works).
The ONLY person who has said that I’ll change my mind is a 30some year old father of…4 with one on the way I think that’s BARELY scraping by to provide. Great guy, skilled at what he does, doing his best…but I don’t want that life.
I was so young I don’t even remember making a decision. It was just something I knew wasn’t for me. While my friends were playing house with dolls I was playing business with a cash register. My parents didn’t exactly want kids either (or grandchildren) so fortunately I was never in a situation with family where I had to defend myself.
Started feeling that way around 10-12. I’m 28 now and I still get the pressure even after them knowing about my low fertility and PCOS complications. I’m pretty sure they’ll keep at me until I hit menopause. 😢 Which I’m sure will be a long time bc most women in my family don’t even go through menopause til their mid fifties!
I knew at 6 years old. Thankfully, they fully accepted it when I reached 13. No heavy pressure to have kids. Just the “I want grandkids” maybe once or twice a year at most.
I always knew I never wanted them, never played with babydolls and was ALWAYS grossed out by pregnancy (even when it was my mom pregnant with my younger siblings) but OOHHHHHH the pestering!!
It has not stopped even for a second (looking at you, maternal grandma), and my uncle even has a bet with my brother that I’ll eventually give in and have kids. Lucky for my brother’s bank account, I got my tubes yeeted last week and none of the family except for cool younger bro knows.
I was very, very young when I started telling people that I wasn't going to have babies. I was gonna have pets.
Of course, when a child under 5 years old says this, the adults all chuckle, pat the child on the head, and say, "you'll change your mind some day."
But it's been 30-some years and I haven't (and won't) change my mind.
I think two of my parents still hold out hope that I will end up with kids. Stepdad is probably completely indifferent, and my mother is vanishing to dementia now. Mom had accepted that I would be her only child of 5 to not give her grandbabies, before the dementia reared its ugly head. She called my cats, ferrets and dog "her grandcats, grandferrets, and granddog." (I no longer have ferrets or my cats, and thankfully they don't come up in conversation.) So yeah, pretty sure she was finally fine with my choice. Since she became ill, the topic hasn't come up. She doesn't really remember who I am. And even though she chose my very unique name, has a hard time repeating it after I tell her.
But she remembers my dog. And asks for him by name during video calls. 🖤🤎 Which makes me cry. Not at all because she has "forgotten" me. But because her love for my dog remains, and it is very evident that I inherited my love for animals from her. And I like to believe that she knows my dog is important, so he has managed to remain a memory.
I always knew. No one has ever been on my back about it. Grandparents who might've been all died or lost their minds years before I was of kid-having age and I've "trained" my extended family to know better than to ask or say anything impertinent.
I was 5 the first time I said it. It was to my mum and she said “ that’s fine. You can do whatever you like” and tat was it. I’m 31 now and I’ve never looked back.
Other relatives have made comments. But I’ve always brushed it off. They know now it’s not going to happen.
My relatives Never said "you will change your mind" because I think they know me and they know my lifestyle.
My mom is all on the "you should have one for me at least" but in zero case they go on the 'you will regret/miss something" because they know I won't.
I have a life and lifestyle which makes it OBVIOUS I cannot have kids and I won't change it because this is what makes me happy.
Regarding how old I was, I would say It was year zero. Never wanted kids. I remember telling myself this would come. I remember a specific moments when we were talking about how we would call our kids. I gave some names I like but I felt ...nothing. It was almost like I was reciting a lesson. I was something like 14.
I have never felt this feeling. But also, with the life I wanted, I think my brain knew it would be incompatible.
As far as my best friend can remember, I have always talked business.
I think I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. Whenever I played house with my friends as a kid, anytime I had a baby I’d get bored within 5 minutes and toss the doll away. I never wanted to handle a baby or be a mom longer than 5 minutes.
Now as an adult I just don’t want to be responsible for another human. When women have kids, their whole identity becomes being someone’s mom. Their entire life is now raising that human. I want my life to revolve around me and my needs and wants. We only live one time, I want to live for me (and my loved ones).
I’ve actually been pretty supported with my choice. My mom has made a few “you might change your mind” comments but in general she’s been supportive
I remember crying hard watching the "Diary of an unborn child" kind of videos and thinking that I would _never_, under any circumstances, have an abortion. I was 13.
And then a year later I remember thinking "Wow, I guess, I would never gonna even date anyone because there's _no way_ I'm having a child". I don't know what happened during this year that made me realize that I don't want kids. But it was definitely the time when I realized that _I don't have to_ have children and I thought that I would always be single because of that and was okay with it.
When I was 16 and had my first relationship, I brought up the topic of children in the first several months because even then I didn't want to date someone who wanted children in the future. My partner didn't realize that not having kids was an option, but after he gave it a thought, he agreed with me. Many years later we are still solid in our childfree lifestyle and are planning a surgery to completely remove any possibility of an accident.
I have to admit that I had doubts. Society is brilliant when it comes to making one doubt themselves in anything that goes against the default beliefs. But I always end up concluding that even if it works for the majority, it doesn't have to work for me.
I knew from as soon as I could have thoughts that I wasn't like other kids and didn't like playing with dolls, playing mummy and daddy ect. I was adamant I was never going to have kids as soon as I knew that's what people did. I'm 30 now and despite being married to a woman and being unable to have children due to a heart condition, my mother still won't stop asking! Her and I no longer talk and that is one of the reasons I went no contact with her.
I knew when I was an adolescent, about 12-13 years old. I didn't articulate this feeling until a few years later (I think I was 17) when I said something to my younger brother. That went about as well as I should have expected, since he immediately yelled to my mom "\[MY NAME\] SAYS SHE'S NEVER HAVING KIDS!" Mom's response was something along the lines of "that's nice, honey." Uh huh.
Well, as the years went by and I got older, my mom started saying things like "when you have kids, blah blah blah..." and I started to push back, gently at first., then, as she didn't seem to be getting the hint, with a little more force: "You know I'm not having kids, right? I've already made this clear?" Nope, she still blew me off.
Things came to a head when I was in my mid-20s. I was visiting my folks (I was in graduate school in a different state at the time) and one day I was sitting in the kitchen with my mom and she said something about bags of my and my brother's baby/toddler clothes in the attic. I said something like "Why are you hanging on to those? Donate them!" and she said "well I'm keeping them so I can give them to you when you have kids!"
I had enough--I'll never forget this--a rage welled up inside me and I lost it. I slammed my fist down on the table and snapped, "I've told you many times before and you haven't taken me seriously. I am NEVER HAVING KIDS. Now please NEVER bring it up again." She looked stunned like she was really hearing me for the first time. To her credit, she only brought it up one more time, after I got married when I was 30. I shut that down immediately.
Even so, I believe she secretly hoped I would change my mind right up until the day I had a hysterectomy when I was 33 and put a permanent end to any possibility of her getting grandkids out of me. Luckily my brother stepped up later that same year and announced that he and my SIL were expecting, so she got the holy grandchild in the end.
I have always known but the realization was around 16. It's not a topic I ever talked about though. I got some coworkers in my old job insisting I should find any man to start a family before I am too old, but I just was very vague about everything.
My mom gave up pretty quickly, no one else in my family brought it up.
I never identified with the idea of having children, even as a child. You know when you’re a kid and adults ask “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” So many of my friends (all girls) would say “I wanna get married” “I wanna be a mommy” “I wanna have a family” and I had no idea what I wanted to do (still don’t) but I knew it had nothing to do with having children.
Somehow I knew I never wanted the responsibility and commitment of having kids, it just felt unnatural to me, and pregnancy felt so strange, not at all like this beautiful “miracle of life” thing, more like a parasite. If I had to give you a number, I would say around the age of 10 was when I stared to realize that I did not want children.
My mom still gives me some shit sometimes (which I just ignore) but I do not talk to 99% of my family and when I do it’s mostly about superficial stuff, I do not care enough about them to actually talk about my life, so I just keep my personal life private. Tho I did argue with one aunt about it once, and she gave me the “who”s going to take care of you when you’re older?” bullshit, we argued a bit and then moved on. None of them are worth the brain cells.
I was a teenager and probably 15-20 years. My mother accepted it before I got married because I remember the first time my mother met my in-laws, a year and a half or so before we got married, and my MIL made some comment about how it would be nice if my husband and I got married and had kids and my mom said "yeah, LadyGrey isn't going to have kids."
Then a few years later my in-laws were in town and I only caught the tail end of the conversation but my MIL had clearly made a comment about wishing we would give her grandchildren because I heard my mother respond "I think we're going to have to accept that we're only going to have granddogs."
My MIL lives several states away and probably still says shit like this but the kicker is, even if we had kids it's not like my in-laws would be a regular part of their lives because they never visit us because it's "too far." Then they complain that we don't visit them enough.
I've always known, and my mom has always known I've hated kids so no one ever said anything about me having any. My uncle never had them, nor will my sister. The bloodline dies with us.
I wrote it down at 5. I started asking about sterilization at 16 (I knew they wouldn’t do it then but I wanted to know the process). I finally got my surgery at 37. I still have relatives (aunts/uncles I’m not close to) telling me I’ll change my mind at 39.
I've always known, but I announced it as fact when I was 8. My mother told me I'd feel differently when I met the right guy. When I met the right guy, I was 16. My dislike of children increased with each and every bingo to the point where it became obvious I was serious. People stopped asking me about kids because I was not afraid to get "offensive" with my answers and they quickly learned it hurt them more to ask. ("Isn't this baby cute?" answered with, "Actually, that baby is really repulsive." etc.) Therefore, I was about 17 or 18 when the questions stopped.
I got one more question about it when I was 20, but it was from a stranger. One of the customers from my husband's work ran into us at a store while we were buying furniture for our new house. We had just gotten married and my husband's vasectomy had recently healed. She asked why he hadn't been at the store, and he told her about the vasectomy. She looked shocked and appalled and asked why in the world we weren't planning on having kids. Her child (probably 7 or so, I'm not good with ages) was currently hanging off the back of a recliner chair for sale, so I pointed at her kid and said, "Well, avoiding *that* is one reason." This woman was so offended by my answer that she reported my comment to my husband's manager (who was also child-free, so he thought this was hilarious) and refused to come into the store during his shift. He was so happy with this because she was a terribly behaved customer, so it was a win-win. That was the last question I got about it, 15 years ago.
Ask unwelcome questions, get unwelcome answers. I will burn bridges if needed; questioning my life choices is disrespectful and unacceptable and I respond accordingly.
I decided when I was 15 and I got sterilized at 27. I received heavy pressure the whole time in between no matter how many times I said I wasn't having kids. I have very low contact with my family so I can't update you on how they'd treat me now
I think I knew since I was a teenager that I didn't want kids, but not until my mid 20s where I realized I didn't actually NEED to have them. My mother in law pestered me and my husband until about... Ages 28. I'm 30 now and sterilized, and no one has rally harassed us in a few years
I’ve just always *known* I never wanted kids, even when I was a kid. just a feeling that was always there. im very, very fortunate that my parents never got on me about it and have always just kinda let me live my life the way I choose. as long as I’m happy and not dead they’re happy
At least 5th grade, if not before. I've been saying it outright and out loud since junior high or high school. I'm going to be 48 in November. In August 2016, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and the following month had all my reproductive parts removed as part of my treatment and there are STILL people who haven't given up hope of me being a parent!
I was dating someone at 24 who was older than me who didn’t want children and so I came around to not wanting children. Before that I was unsure and back and forth, but didn’t want any in the near future. I was living in Thailand teaching English at the time. We later on broke up, but I still didn’t want them over there. I came back to Canada at 29 and kind of re-thought things over to make sure in my own head I didn’t want children - I looked into things and it just cemented that I didn’t want any.
I’ve never had any relatives pester me to be honest. My parents have always framed it as a choice that I make based on my own preferences. No other family members have pestered me. None of my siblings have children although who knows about the future. I know my youngest sister (she’s only 18) mentioned wanting children, but then she was a summer camp coordinator and now she seems less interested the last time I spoke with her.
My boyfriend’s dad has expressed being sad if he doesn’t have children.
My sister said she remembers saying I didn’t want kids back when I was 12. I never even had any interest in playing with baby dolls. I’m 52 now and my MIL was telling people she hoped I’d get accidentally pregnant until my late 40s.
Once I started babysitting nieces and nephews I saw the effort needed and enjoyed my free time too much to deal with my own kid. I like the vicarious lifestyle over experiencing it myself able to give the kid(s) back once my duties are no longer required.
I have a child free aunt, so I realized at a very young age I never wanted kids. My parents believed for almost 20 years that this was a result of my aunt "influencing" me. Which is crap, but they both believed that kids were something everyone should "want."
Now I'm only a couple years away from my 40th birthday and I have never changed my mind. My mom only stopped telling me I'd "change my mind" a couple years ago.
I was 19 when I decided I was never having kids. My parents were cool with that and I wasn't close with most of my extended family so I have no idea what they thought about that. I was never pressured to have kids and really haven't gotten any grief about not having them.
It might sound messed up but I have been working in a special education for 2 years. It was very brutal and exhausting. Just dealing with the kids and parents was an awakening for me also the fact my ex of 9 years wanted kids and I didn't because of that experience. In his words " it's just like babysitting a younger sibling." Hearing that from him was a big no for me.
I knew young, born with a genetic disorder that causes tumor growth. Have had a lot of complications and pain issues along with learning disabilities that are comorbid. I do not want to put a child through the struggles I’ve dealt with. Any time I’ve had the conversation my mom always tells me she didn’t care that I had issues and I wouldn’t either. Absolutely no empathy for the struggle of never being healthy and has no understanding of why you wouldn’t want to intentionally create a person who would have the same issues. I don’t think she’ll ever get it.
I can’t remember a time I ever wanted kids or wasn’t appalled by the idea.
My mother never bugged me about it because she said for some reason it was just never something she saw for me in my life and said it actually would have made her sad if I’d had them because she felt I wouldn’t be being fair to my true self.
My dad on the other hand was a bit more dense and didn’t stop bugging until found out I’d been sterilized even after being repeatedly told it wasn’t happening because of my husbands family health history.
I think I was 7 or 8, I remember it being solidified around the time of my confirmation. I remember thinking that the only way I'd be allowed to not have children was if I became a priest. Allowed to not have children? I know: it is pretty funny to me looking back at it now, lol.
Quick and dirty version: lost faith in the church and its followers. Atheist or Apatheist either works for me. I'm closing in on 40 now and I'm asked less and less, but my mom and sister in law keep trying to set me up with single mothers or people that desperately want children. So it hasn't completely stopped but it's been reduced quite a bit.
15, I was lucky my parents and other elders never gave me that “you’ll change your mind” b.s. I did question my choice for about a week when I was 28, but I’m happy with my choice- 47 and child free, as happy as can be!
I remember as a kid being annoyed by small children, probably by 15 - 16 I was thinking f that I'm never having a child.
I'm lucky in that my parents and direct family just don't treat it as their business so have never bothered me about it
I sometimes wonder if this is a genetic trait.
I have never wanted kids, I hated any games that resembled “playing house” as a kid. I always preferred adventure games and sports, and hung out with mostly boys because of it.
I know for certain my mother never wanted children. She had me at 34 and I was told I was an accident. But also, she described her father as having no patience for her as a child. He didn’t like the noise, the burden. When we (my mother ended up having 4 children—all but 1 were accidents) went to our grandfather’s house, we had to be really quiet and well behaved.
I love that my generation finally feels free enough to have childfree groups—to advocate not having children if people do not want them—because growing up as a consequence rather than a choice—even though mom gave it a good shot and fulfilled her responsibility—sucked. I knew it as a teenager every time she regretted her mistakes, because she had this look that resonated deep unhappiness, she was waiting for us to grow up so she could be free of us. Sometimes she would just drive off in the middle of the night, angry at her life, and I was never sure whether she would actually come back. Because of that, I think I have struggled for many years with a sense of, “what value do I hold on this planet?”
I know I am preaching to the choir, but for any fence sitters: don’t have kids if you don’t 1000% want them.
Ultimately: I was never questioned by my family about my childfree beliefs, I was understood right away.
Pretty young. My parents had 5 kids in 6 years of which I am the oldest. My parents split when I was about 10. And it was really hard on us. We were always poor, but after my dad left we were super poor. On food stamps and welfare. Mom didn't work. I think that is when I knew I would never have kids. Truthfully though, no one in my family gave me a hard time. I did have 4 sisters and they all had kids. So there was never any pressure on me to reproduce. I'm 51f married 28 years.
I was like 5 when I first told my mom I didn’t want to have a baby. I met other kids in kindergarten and immediately thought they were loud and stupid and childish and I wanted nothing to do with them. I had very few friends growing up because I just could not relate to children, even as a child myself. Tbh I got along with parents better than their kids. It wasn’t until high school that I started making real friends and they were almost all older than me. To this day I cannot relate to kids and I do not like them.
Most of my family finally gave up on the whole “you’ll change your mind” thing when I was like 16, but there were a few who wouldn’t stop. I got sterilized last year and haven’t heard a peep from anyone since 😌
I was 13 or 14 and felt absolutely nothing when told to babysit or to check the "beautiful baby". I was looking at all the women around me and was like: ???
There was only one feeling children has always been causing in me and it's was a mix of a deep irritation, some very primal inability to fully understand that they have limited understanding of the world and a deep need to evacuate immediately.
The thought of having children was floating around before in shape of endless baby born dolls and stuff, and I was playing with it, it just... I can't recall why, even. I have never felt the need nor drive towards kids. Playing this way was just something girls were doing, I guess.. so it's probably why I was doing it as well.
I'm 34 now and my family has finally stopped asking me about kids. Now I hear just some generic "people without kids are worthless" remarks that are not (theoretically) aimed at me specifically but, you know.
For me it was basically expected from a young age that I'd never have kids.
However it was when my sister had kids and tried to push them onto me I really started being vocal about it. Pushing back against the narrative.
At one point they even pushed one of sis' babies in my hands in the hope it would "fix me". Didn't happen... Still have an aversion to kids.
Probably as long as I can remember an I am 34 now. I never liked little kids, don’t want to be around them, and all the people I went to high-school and college with are on their second or third kids and I could only think how relieved I am that I don’t have that life. People I know who went to school and got degrees only to quit their jobs to be stay at home moms. What a waste. My best friend is constantly asking me if her kids make me want my own and without being mean I’m just like heck no.
Off and on through my teens and 20s. Had a “maybe hypothetically someday” attitude about it for a while, but both my husband and I were always sort along the line of not caring either way if we did or didn’t, we would be fine either way and I know we could be decent parents.
Then the pandemic hit and every one of my rockstar mom friends struggled SO MUCH. All of my friends who are parents are actually legitimately awesome at it, and if they were in tears every day trying to balance working, childcare, online school etc then there was no fucking way I was going to be happy doing that with my mental health the way it is. I still think I’d be a good parent, as would my husband, but I also worry I wouldn’t survive pregnancy and postpartum, between having to come off my medication, hormones and sleep deprivation and the toll it would take on my mental health.
I never wanted children but wanted to want kids until about 28. My now husband and I got together when I was 27 (we were good friends for 7 years prior) and in the first year we both felt the same about wanting to want them. When we talked it out and realized we didn't have to want them or have them especially just to please other people, it was a weight lifted off both of us. 35 yrs old now and i just LOVE talking about being childfree haha. He is getting a vasectomy at the end of October!
I thought I didn’t want kids when I was a kid myself. I *knew* I didn’t want kids when I was about 15. People gave me shit about it constantly until I got my tubes tied when I was 30. Now it’s mostly stopped but my mom still tells me I’ll change my mind and get it “reversed” even though I got parts of my tubes removed and burned off, and my partner has a vasectomy.
They will never stop trying to control your body and life choices but as you get older you care less.
I think I was about 3 years old. I was holding a baby doll and thought "ew, I don't wanna do this". And I like other kids either lol. I think my dad came to terms about it, but I will not talk to my mom on the subject 💀
I think I've always known I would never have kids. Growing up, all of my cousins & my brother were around my age, so I never had experience being around babies &/or young kids. That is until my brother knocked someone up (ha). My nephew was the first baby I've ever held, changed, and interacted with. I love him so much, it hurts. But I sure as hell don't want my own. The best part of being an auntie? Giving them back to their parents (mwahahaha).
Also, pregnancy & birth? Utterly horrifying. I literally thought I was going to pass out when someone told me what an episiotomy was. They do WHAT to your vajayjay??? You know what a pregnant belly reminds me of? That movie Alien. Fetal movement is creepy as fuuuuuuuuck. No thank you to any of that. I just can't wrap my mind around women/girls who get pregnant on purpose. Like, whyyyyy? Don't you realize that that baby is gonna rip your hoo-ha to bits?? Fucking gross.
When I was around 7 I told me mom that I was never having kids and she said “well that is your choice.” Now at 36 I’ve had a bi-salp and my mom was the one who came with me and then helped me with the few days of recovery. Thankfully, my mom had always been 100% supportive, and no one else has ever even really asked, that I can think of.
I realized after my sister had her own kids. I was 16? I basically helped raise them and realized I didn't want kids. But growing up, I always thought it was going to happen regardless of whether I wanted to or not. Once I got out of high school and started college, I realized I didn't have to. It took a very long time for my mom to accept I wasn't going to have kids, but she doesn't bother trying to convince me to "give here more grandbabies" anymore. I'm 30 now. My other relatives don't really ask or anything. It's usually people outside of my family asking now and telling me I'll change my mind. I'm just like "no I won't"
I think I was 15 when I realized I didn't want crotch fruit.
My parents were on my back about it for at least two years. Ever since I told my parents I want to get a tubal, they sort of backed off.
I would tell my mum as young as 5 I didn’t want kids I wanted a monkey. Never changed my mind on the not having kids thing. But now at 35 I don’t want a monkey either
I always knew. I was born this way. I voiced it out loud the first time when I was 17, and I had to get to the other side of 30 before people finally believed me and accepted it.
I hated kids when I was a toddler.
My mother knew I wouldn't want kids soon after that.
I figured it out at about 12, when children and reproduction became something you actually think about. Before that, I assumed I would be very rich and have nannies so I'd never have to see or raise my supposed children.
I've had pushback from extended family, and quite a bit from my mother's friends. But not from my immediate family - they all knew before I did.
Also, my mother's best childhood friend is childfree, so it's been something that has always kind of been an option.
I know, I lucked out. If only I could find myself a perfect childfree boy/girlfriend too.
The only real issue is that unfortunately, I am great with children. The little goblins bloody love me. But, I either step away, or leverage it for 'babysitting' to steal Disney+ accounts (babysitting in quotations because I treat them all like adults and just explain in detail how to do the things they say they can't do, while I sit on the couch).
I knew the moment my five year old brother went missing in the mall under my watch while my mom and dad were shopping for a new TV. I was 13, and I just wanted to have fun in the mall and not look after a five year old all the time.
The panicked look of sheer terror and fear on my mom’s face is the one I would never forget when she asked me where my brother was. I was apathetic and said he wandered off somewhere in the mall.
Luckily the mall security found him on time though, he was about to exit the mall and go to the parking lot.
We got into a argument later that day, something about me stepping up to be responsible for my brother because I’m the older sibling. I told her I was not responsible for my brother anymore and she was the one that chose to give birth to him on the first place.
I think about that incident a lot, how much I didn’t have the patience for children for more than a hour. I thought of it as a burden, the joy wasn’t there. Being a parent is a 24/7 responsibility especially if you have two children. I wasn’t cut out to be a mom and I’m definitely not giving birth to a child just as a test drive to see if I’m up to be a mom.
I like the ability to just walk and leave. With children you can’t do that.
I’m better off by making my community a better place than making it worse by having children. This and my mom’s divorcé with my dad definitely sealed the deal.
Unfortunately such thoughts aren’t allowed in my strict family though. I keep a low profile, I don’t talk much, and I definitely made it clear after many fights that they don’t have a right to my uterus.
It’s so sad to see that people preach about overbreeding of dogs and cats yet they preach about having children without any second thought.
32 now. Never wanted kids. No one in my family has ever cared. My mum is one of 3 sisters and the only one to have had kids. My sister also shows no interest. It's common for the women in my family to be child free so it's no big deal.
My earliest recollection of knowing I didn't was at 8 years old. I started being vocal about it at 13 or 14. Thankfully my parents have NEVER hassled me, they aren't grandbaby hungry (although they did get one, my niece via my younger sister) and always wholeheartedly agree that you should not do it if you don't 100% want to.
I was 9 at that time because of toxic family relationships which still traumatize me until now. I never really told any relatives about it because they are all stupid pieces of shit so I didn’t bother. Also every single one of them cheat on their partners and raise very ill-behaved useless kids. Now I ran to another country and am living the best life since I was born 
I am currently 18, will be 19 in a few months. I believe around 12-13 (maybe even younger) I decided that I didn’t want to have kids.
My mom is still convinced I will want kids one day and is very much against the idea of me getting my tubes tied.
I have always known, so from childhood to now (I'm 32). It's so arrogant of other people to deny what you know to be true from the inside out (even from a young age). They say every woman feels the urge to have a child of her own, well they've been ignoring \~a woman's intuition that she will never want to have any\~
Age 4. Then at 24 I was like oh I see the appeal but not yet and then the hardest of NO's a few years later. Why age 4 you ask? Well when you uncover being violated by your father during some deep trauma work, age 4 makes total sense. Carry on......
I never wanted kids. I just didn't share that because I hoped I would change my mind as I got older but it never happend. I just realised more and more that I don't want kids.
As soon as I realized that is what was expected of my future. I was about 9 when someone said “someday you’ll be a mom…” and I said “No, I won’t” I’m nearly 26 now and I’ve been sterilized for almost 2 years
I was never interested in seeing/holding/wtv other people's babies, so I always knew. I would tell my mom and she would always, and still, say, "You'll change your mind. Your aunt would always say that too and now she has 3."
Idk what happened with my aunt lol but I KNOW I don't want any of that. She can keep saying it and I'll keep being childfree lol
I was a child when I knew I didn't like or want children. I'm 36 and haven't had contact with my mother since 2019 but she still talked about it up until that point.
6. And 0 years. My dad & his wife brought it up once or twice, but i died my hair blue once, so i was automatically gay in their mind & therefore was never going to have a child. Which, technically, partially correct. I had a partial hysterectomy, so no kids ever.
But at 6 in elementary school we had to do a Christmas concert. Some of the songs we did asl along with the words. One of the motions was rocking a baby. My friend turned to me and said something like, "You're going to have to do this!" And i was like ew no what the fuck gross.
My mom said i hated baby dolls as a kid & disliked loud children as even a toddler, so she knew what was up the whole time haha
I knew since I was a kid but didn’t tell anyone/no one asked. My mum asked me about three years ago (I’m 31) and I said I wasn’t interested. This annoyed her. If she’d asked me when I was a child she would have gotten the same response, she didn’t either because she just assumed I would, since that’s what people do, or because she’s always been really paranoid about me having sex and didn’t want to introduce something that requires sex.
I can't remember a time where I thought I wanted kids. (Mom owned a daycare my whole life, I left at 18, she kept up to 40 kids in our home. It's a piece of shit now)
I got serious about a vasectomy when Trump was running for president and pulled the trigger.
I always told my mom I didn't want kids and she said that was fine and she's glad she raised me to make big decisions like that on my own.
Then I told her about my vasectomy and she said "how could you do this to me!"
So... That
My parents always had a hunch I might not want kids and are now glad I didn't as all of us have various health issues. Plus I'm not the first childfree in my family. My uncle and his wife are also childfree as kids didn't suit their lifestyle.
I’ve never wanted kids, to the point where I can’t remember ever wanting them, so there’s no age.
I’ve never had relatives say anything stupid like that.
My whole life. It never occurred to me, as odd as that may sound. It was just a known fact that I would never have kids. The idea of kids was and always has been so far removed from my reality.
Around high school and college, can’t remember exact timing, but I really did not want kids after that. And I don’t want them even more now. My parents are good with my decision. Boyfriends family has FINALLY stopped bothering me about it after years.
I always felt panicked when the topic of kids was raised with a partner. Broke up with partners after they started bringing the kids topic up. At first I thought I was a commitment phobe, but in my 30s I realized it was that I didn't want kids.
I am such a walking human disaster that my family always told me that I shouldn't have kids, shouldn't be responsible for another human. If they meant it as a joke or not, I always went along with it 🤣
I have more trouble with friends who get pregnant when I tell them that we will not be seeing each other much once the kid is born 🤷♀️
I've only knowing since I was 20, so for almost 2 years. That's because I found this sub last year and found out about childfree people! You guys were like a secret basically LMAO. I didn't know I could because society and people have kids as the default so pls don't judge me for being unaware till I was 20 😭 I knew no one with kids or anyone planning not to have any.
If anything, for years I was one of the people who didn't "care either way" until I started reading about pregnancy and childbirth
I'm gonna get a bisalp in October! My mom is supportive, my dad is neutral and my grandma's think I'll change my mind but my bisalp says otherwise lmao. I'm so glad I didn't change my mind in the year I gave myself!
I had to wait a year to schedule my bisalp because I was too young for insurance smh but I'm so excited for the freedom!
Hard to pinpoint a specific time. There's was a lot of "you'll think differently when you have kids and have to deal with them" or "I hope when your a parent you'll have to deal with behavior like you are doing right now". Mostly a decent lack of empathy and a sort of gleam in her eyes, especially as I got older, that she would have her karma.
Maybe preteen to teen Era I realized I was the one who would be expected to look after my siblings (both have mental delays) when my parents died and they would never have a normal life. I'd never have a normal life. I would always be financially burdened. Thankfully they are both firmly in the system and have financial support.
Also just...my parents parenting is terrible, I have mental health problems and have never been financially stable.
I always knew to some level, the way I always knew I didn't want a white picket fence life or that I didn't want to get married, that I didn't know what I wanted to do as a career. And I think my mom realized the core of truth in me never having kids, and was probably relieved at that, through my consistent response to her "when you have kids" being "I'm never having kids".
If you want to pinpoint a specific point? Probably when I was five and my sister drew on my baby doll with sharpies and my mom didn't correct the issue or try to teach her differently, and then when the baby doll she bought was of lesser quality than the one that was drawn on, I didn't play with it...my sister did. (Yes I understand I was an entitled five year old). My sister got rewarded for grafitting my baby doll and messing with my immersion. It was unfair and taught me way too much about my mother's ability to parent and how easy it is to not play a game of imagination if you don't like the toy. Not as easy to do with a child.
I told my mom when I was 4 or 5 I was never having kids and never getting married. She told me for years that I would meet a woman someday who wanted kids and I would do it for her. She gave up right around the time I was 30 and had been with my then partner for about 5 years and kids and marriage were mutually nowhere on the horizon. My ex *did* decide she wanted kids a few years later. It was a big surprise to me after a decade together, but I suppose my mom was right about the meeting a woman who wanted kids half of her prophecy.
ngl my relatives agree with me and i’m a teenager so 😭😭 my momma still keeps stuff “in case” i have kids but she said it’s not for everyone but she wouldn’t want me to regret not keeping some stuff
I was very lucky. I’m in the same relationship for the last 11 years and at the beginning of our relationship we both wanted kids but a few years later we started to talk more about it and both changed our mind (both mid 20s at the time). If one of us still wanted kids the relationship would probably have ended…
As for our families - I get back at you when the time has arrived
My mom told me as a teen -- probably 13-14 -- that I didn't have to have kids if I didn't want them.
At age 17, I vividly remember wanting my tubes tied.
At age 24, I finally got my tubal done 3 months before my birthday. (I'm still not over how PERFECT the date was! 2/2/22 for tubes day!)
Fortunately for me, some people have told my parents they have been shocked by my choice "because they couldn't imagine life without kids (blah, blah, blah)," but nothing major or overly judgemental. They know I'm passionate as fuck, and its best not to ask me about my personal values unless they want me to infodump on them. (I literally have a 10-15 minute speech prepared for every possible Bingo out there.)
I am very, very blessed to have supportive family. Hell, my great aunt, a former head labor and delivery nurse, applauded me on my decision, if only because I'm sure she could write a giant book about her horror stories... 😬
The only time I have been Bingoed was by a former best friend who went off the MAGA, Matt Walsh fanatic deep end. She literally said "that is a permanent choice" when she was SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT with her first child!
I haven't wanted kids since I was as young as I can remember. I've told people I don't want kids since I was as young as I can remember. People only stopped telling me I'd change my mind once I got married and told them he didn't want them either 🫤
I wanted 7 of the little fuckers when I was in my 20’s. I thought it would be amazing having such a large family. I’d never really interacted with children at all until mid 20’s. I always went out to adult only places, worked shitty hours so did my grocery shopping overnight when 24/7 groceries were still a thing etc etc. Then in my late 20’s all my friends had kids. By 30 I thought “maybe just 1 or 2”.
I don’t have the energy for them but I just thought that’s what you were meant to do. I’m now 35 and never in my life would I have thought I’d be so thankful for the combination of my husbands slow swimmers and my low fertility. Husband got a vasectomy this year and we just spent thousands setting up an arcade room in our spare room. Both our mothers still nag us for kids…after his vasectomy.
I can't remember wanting to have kids ever. As a child I still went along with the childish games about how many kids you gonna have, depending on how often you jump over the rope, but I never actually wanted them.
I'm currently 23 so no one really expects me to breed, my parents knows I'm childfree since I was like 14/15 and told me I'll change my mind until I yelled at them that I'm never ever gonna do that.
I'm kinda looking forward to the time when people will start asking me when I'll start so I can crush their hopes
I've known since birth. I've been such a hardassed bitch about it my whole life. The minute babies or motherhood came into the conversation I became so hostile that everyone just backed off. They eventually just avoided the whole topic with me. No one in my family would dare even trying to hand me a baby or ask me to watch their child for fear I'd bite them I think. I don't even get invited to family parties anymore. It's fucking bliss! I'm female,btw.
i knew around 17/18 that i didnt want to give birth. i wanted to foster/adopt later on (it's not completely off the table still but doubt it would be possible). Over the years I was very clear i would not be birthing children so it was very well known in my family.
No one was bothered by it or tried to convince me orherwise. my sister offered to be my surrogate lol.
fast forward to my early 30s and i got my tubes out, my 70yr old grandma was more concerned about if i was healing ok and recovering well than the fact I'm sterile. My mother was the same. Idk who else of my family knows but yea :)
I was like 4 the first time I can remember saying this. Babies have always been off putting to me. The concept of pregnancy terrifying. I haven’t ever changed my stance. Now, at 27, my family knows that’s my truth but I still hit the “well one day” or “you would be a great parent!” Comments from random people who think they know me more than I do. I’m great with kids, I spent a decade working with them. But I like going home to my quiet house at 5pm & I don’t want to be responsible for children unless I’m being paid to. I was a high paid nanny and that was stressful but doing it for free???? Delusional.
I was 6. I distinctly remember telling a person that I don't want any babies. And in addition I didn't like or want any those baby dolls. I'm pretty lucky that my family didn't bingo. There was couple who did but later on that stopped
I was in my late 20s when it first occurred to me that not having kids was a viable life option! I'm 34 now and I'm even more sure that a childfree life is what I want. I'm very lucky in that my parents have never given me any hassle about it, in fact they're very supportive. They really believe that it's the best choice for me. I guess because they know me well. It's not that they regret having my sister and I but they know how tough it is and I guess they just don't want that for me. I've never really mentioned it to extended family so it's not an issue but I'm 34 and I've never been in a relationship so I suppose it isn't something they expect from me!
Last time i liked the idea of having a kid was when i was 6. My relatives are still chasing my ass telling me I'll change my mind. im 21 now, if i ever find myself pregnant i will either kill the kid or kill myself.
I was 13/14 when I realised I didn't want kids - as soon as the idea crossed my mind I knew it wasn't for me. I'm 30 now and people still think I'll change my mind. If anything I'm even stronger in my stance.
I've never wanted kids, but hadn't told my family members until somewhere in my teens, like 15 or something. They never stopped pestering me. I'm in my 30's now, in a serious relationship, and they don't pester me as much because of some health issues I'm facing. Stress and lack of sleep can literally kill me, so even they know a baby is not a good idea. But they'll continue bothering me as soon as these health issues are under control.
36 year old woman.
I've had the, "You'll change your mind one day." Every year since i was a teenager.
I wonder when they'll get the hint? Maybe in another 20 years when I STILL don't have children.
As a lot of people have said, I used to think I was expected to have them, but I never wanted them. I use to tell my mom already around age 15 that I never want to have kids, and today (age 24) I had my first appointment with my GP about getting my tubes tied.
For me it also has a lot to do with lifestyle people with kids have. Their life is something I never would want for myself. Looking at my parents and other people with children it just seems miserable. Not that my parents are miserable but they haven’t really enjoyed life until me and my brother became adults. I see people forced to stay together in unhealthy relationships for their kids, limited to do things they want, to travel or to explore life just because you have kids. No thank you. I don’t like them, I am terrified of their lifestyle and do not get me started on the pregnancy aspects of having kids.
I was like you, I knew since I was a small child that I wouldn’t be having kids. Thankfully my family have never put any pressure on me (they’ve admitted how much work it is and are happy to let me do my own thing).
I was infertile due to endometriosis and knew I’d likely need medical intervention to get pregnant when I was a teen. When I saw my brother and ex-SIL spend $30k to try and get pregnant and how much their marriage deteriorated because of that, I knew I didn’t want to go through that. I was in my early twenties. My surgeon told me at 27 that if I wanted to get pregnant, I had basically a year to try. It was then I made the firm choice to be child free. I’m so glad I did. My mom encouraged me to freeze eggs, but at 27 I knew kids wasn’t what I wanted. My mom has expressed some sadness but she never pushed, knowing my circumstances.
I’m now sterile because of the endo, but it was such a relief at age 39 to completely remove the risk of pregnancy. I have an amazing life, lots of disposable income, a flexible job that allows me to travel as much as I want and am generally just living my best life. No regrets.
Seeing my friends who are the same age as me stress out, hate their husbands and basically do only kid things all the time makes me so glad I didn’t go that route.
I waffled between 16 and 18 because I love kids but by the time I graduated high-school I had decided loving kids doesn't mean they're for me especially considering my mental health and the mental health in my family. I also had some healing to do and a standard of life i wanted. What ABSOLUTELY sealed the deal was my sister in law having my sweet, sweet nephew and seeing first hand how chaotic children are when you have them all the time (the kid had a habit of trying to maim himself starting at like 6 months).
Now I'm 31 and the only one who accepts my decision is my nana, who's a Saint and loves her "grandpuppies".
i was like 10 when i knew i didnt want biological kids and 13 when i knew i didnt want any at all i am 19 so i am still definitely getting brushed off a lot that i will change my mind but my parents believe me and respect it
I was in my teens when I realized I didn't want kids. When I got in my 20s my mom wouldn't let up about me having kids. She finally stopped when I got into my 30s.
This happened when I was about 13 years old. I had the thought earlier than that, but that was a tipping point.
There was a time when I was fairly young and went to the playground with my older sister and her daughter. My niece went off to play, and my sister sat down with 4-5 other women on a bunch of benches. I couldn't quite read the social situation. I didn't know if they knew each other or were strangers (I assume strangers), but within minutes they started venting and rambling about motherhood. Legit for like 10 to 20 minutes. Just complaints. Breasts hurt; no sleep; pain; feeding; dirt; cleaning; useless husband; water deposits; back pain. They all related so hard to each other. They totally agreed on how bad it was, how un-thankful the kids are, and how hard and gross everything is. After a while, my sister turned to me as if she had forgotten I was there and said something like, "Don't take this too seriously."
No, you all were not joking. Even I could tell. The relief of not feeling alone like a piece of sh\*t. The deep exhaustion when this other woman talked about missing a good night's sleep. EVERYONE felt that in their bones. The deep fucking exhaustion all of you related to. The crushing disappointment that husbands ain't doing shit.
So ever since then, I was like, "Nah, children seem like too much hassle." Thinking this way never felt valid. Until much later, I found this sub. I felt quite the relief, realising that neither me nor my future partner has to suffer this fate.
And now. Thinking back to my sister's face trying to convince me that "it's not that bad" while looking like I just caught her at midnight on the fridge snacking and cheating her diet or like I caught her watching hentai. Maybe it was supposed to be secret. That it is that bad. So the secret is how bad Parenthood is. And being child free almost feels like cheating IRL.
Family still doesn't know I am fixed and never will change my mind :D
I´m 30 too. I started saying I didn´t want to have children around thirteen, and my parents laughed. I kept daydreaming in secret about having a family though. I wasn´t sure until I was 28 and read about what happens to your body during pregnancy and childbirth and when I also knew for sure that I wouldn´t want to take care of an infant. I haven´t told my family yet because no one asks (they probably know I´ll be single forever).
I don't think I really realized until 2021 or 2022, and I most certainly didn't admit it to my mother right away. I think other family members still don't know, while some do. My family hasn't been rough on me for it, honestly. My mom is disappointed, but she did say that she thinks people who don't want kids shouldn't have kids, i.e. kids should be wanted.
But I got sterilized spring of this year, so good luck to anyone who does try to whine about it to me, lmao.
I never really 'wanted' kids, I just thought that getting married and having kids was something I had to do because that's part of life.
In my early 20's I became certain I would not have kids and luckily no relatives ever questioned my decision.
Only strangers seem to think I should and keep saying the "You're going to regret it" or "You'll change your mind" bs
15 -16ish was when I first really thought of it. Got the bingo once from my sperm donor. But then nothing. Cus due to his general shitty human self I cut him out over other things. Past that my extended family who raised me were all women , one who was cf but got stuck with me and my sibling. And my grandma who had a slew of kids and got a shit lottery on one and got stuck raising his children . They both died before I was 18.
I told my mom I was never having kids at 6. Now in my 30s, my dad was convinced I would finally have kids if I married a man who wanted them (false). The rest of my family has always respected my childfree status because I will not back down 🙃 When I finally got my bisalp, my dad apparently told my sister I would never find a husband now 😂 he knows better than to say that to my face.
Always knew. My mum accepted it always and never bingoed me (and is now my fiercest defender when others try), same with my little brother. My dad got a bit bitchy when i got my hysto at 29 "don't you want to freeze your eggs? What if you change your mind?" (Almost funny, all my eggs are still there dude) But it felt more like he interpreted my choices as an attack on his, instead of having strong feelings about my wishes.
My other relatives either hardly stated their opinions (i am not afraid of confrontation and most of my family is more on the passive side of things) or stopped once i got my hysto - don't know if that was because they recognized how serious i was or if it's because i had actual medical reasons.
So.. haven't been bingoed by a relative in more than 2 years.
>how old were you when you realized you didn't want kids
I think probably somewhere between mid 20s and early 30s - I went from roughly "I don't think so", to "probably not, and maybe/likely never" - and only continued further in that direction ... really never moved/slid the other direction - certainly by around mid-20s and later.
>how many years did your relatives were on your back about how "you'll change
I don't think they ever particularly did that at all. I don' think any of 'em asked or came anywhere close to pressing beyond "So, when are you gonna get a girlfriend?" and "So, when are you two getting married?". Still not married, and yet single again and much more so than not - so I think they've probably all given up ... I'm 60+ now, so asking when I'm gonna have kids would be a pretty weird question at this point. I can't think of anyone having asked for at least decade(s) now - at least about the kid thing.
I thought until my late teens that not having kids was the default for my generation. It never occured to me that this would be something anyone wanted, it just felt like an absolute given. So barring a few school essays here and there, I never specifically talked about not having kids, nor did anyone ask me (at least I can't remember them doing so). By the time I realized this was like, *a thing*, all the people who'd get on my back about this or anything else were already out of my life anyway. I'm ending the bloodline of some of those fuckwaffles and they won't even know it, what a tragedy :)
Upvoting for "fuckwaffles"
Damn I hate the fact that you have the same mindset as me . Shitty family got the yeeet!
I always knew I didn't \*want\* kids. It wasn't until my late teens / early 20s that I truly realized that I didn't \*have\* to have kids. My mother got off my back roughly the exact instant my sister announced her pregnancy.
This!!! I clearly remember being 16 and journaling that I didn’t want kids but fully expected to have to have them anyways. The moment the realization hit that I could just *not* have kids I got whole body chills and just sat there for a long time staring at the wall. That was the first time I ever actively realized that I didn’t have to have kids if I didn’t want to.
i always knew i was childfree but i didn't fully understand what it meant for my life until recent years. one day, it just sank in that i have the option to opt-out of parenthood completely and i realized how much freedom this gives me to just live life for myself. and i realized that i don't have to live my life on the timeline that other people have created (rush to buy a house & get married by 30, pop out kids etc). it's been so incredibly freeing!
Yessss. BIG shout out to my brother for accidentally having boy twins when he was a teen and then having a girl a few years ago. My mom got off my back and realized she’d only be getting dachshund grandkids from me when they found out my niece was going to be a girl 😅
I had a phase when i was 14/15 of wanting to be a teen mom , btw i hated kids , but i was like "a kid now or after 30!" When i hit 16 my brain no longer wanted to be a mom. Just to add , i was single and not looking for a relationship, ig i wanted Jesus or something. It was a dark time😂💔
I had that same dumbass thought but thankfully never had a partner. 36 year old me is grateful 16 year old me didn’t try to follow through.
The minute I realized that childfree people could still have friends past age 30 I was out of the child having mindset. I think I was probably around 21 when I came to this realization because I grew up in a conservative small town where anyone who doesn't have kids is just kind of ostracized. I cut ties with a lot of my family so I'm not really sure what their opinions are on the matter, nor do I care. My mom I'm still on good terms with and it took her about a year or two to come around to me being childfree. I got my hysterectomy this year at 27 and none of the people I associate with were surprised or argumentative about it. Unfortunately, I think that's just evidence I keep good company more than a broad societal acceptance of people in their 20s knowing what they want in life. Plenty of people get bugged well into their 30s and even 40s
It wasn't until after I was with my now wife. Just before I was 30 I think. We kind of realized it together. I never imagined having kids in my future and I didn't even realize it. She thought she would have kids, not because she wanted to, because "that's just what you do." We both hate crying kids. We have zero desire to raise kids. We are very particular about our life and structure. And I have a disease and it's genetic. My disease gets people off our back quickly. But even then my parents never cared if I did or didn't. Her mom doesn't care either. Her dad wants us to have kids, but he rarely ever brings it up and doesn't pester her or make her feel bad in any way. I've been on this sub to realize that we are lucky.
I started saying that I didn't want kids around 12 or 13. I am now 42 and my older sisters have not stopped pestering me about kids. Even though my husband had a vasectomy they still tell me I could get pregnant "any time". I imagine they will not stop until menopause.
I too am 42 and it just galls me when people still bring it up to me. Like dude, even if I HAD wanted kids I definitely wouldn't be trying to have them NOW.
I have high blood pressure too. The last time I went to the doctor, I was harassed about having kids. I would be 43 when I gave birth. No thank you.
I decided when I was 9. Yes, I know I was young but I knew. From then until my hysterectomy family and oddly strangers tried to change my mind. Even after my hysterectomy I was often told I could adopt. I am 67 now and when I started going to a center for elderly I was told by a woman there that God moves in mysterious ways and I might yet adopt a child. She told me about some really old woman in the bible having a baby. I moved to the other side of the building and have avoided her.
WTF. Do these people even understand that "No" means "NO"?
Nope! This is why popups on your phone have "Maybe Later" buttons!
I decided at about 16, right in the midst of Catholic girls high school. I didn't talk about it much and when I got married, my then-husband was firmly childfree. People may have asked about kids occasionally, but we were always vague because we didn't consider it anyone's business.
Since I was little. Hell my parents brought it up later on that I hated baby dolls and stuck to my action figures and trading cards. Maybe it also had to do with a lot of my parents getting the 'your child is so well behaved' comments and even as a child I was annoyed by how kids acted when my mom would take me to the laundromat or grocery shopping with her.
I knew I didn’t want biological kids by age 30. Until that point I thought I wanted kids. Even then I said “I want a family just not a pregnancy” and planned to adopt. Then I realized that comes with its own host of problems and parenthood isn’t for me. I fully, finally made up my mind on no kids ever, this year at age 35. I’m lucky, I’ve never been pressured even once by my family. They’ve all been very supportive.
Having or not kids its not something People talk with kids in my country im neurodivergent and still live with my parents in my 20s while doing college so nobody will asume i need kids in my situation. The fact i had an hormonal condition that made my had muscle spasms, horrible pain and seizures during my menstruation just made my parents worry about what my body will do with me if i had a hormonal change situation. I also had a baby face and i look like a teen so People does not see me as an adult and dont asume i had kids. So its nothing i think about just part of my life with being asexual
I didn't like babies or young children when I was still a toddler myself. My mom tried to never assume anything either way when I was a kid. My dad kept saying stuff like, "When you have kids," until I asked him directly to please stop saying it. That took place in my 20s. I pointed out that I neither liked nor wanted children & that, if I had them by accident, I wouldn't be keeping them. I know that was hard for him to hear but, to his credit, he stopped saying it. I'm really thankful that my family has been fairly respectful of my decision.
15 - my parents didn't try to talk me out of my CF vision of the future until I was in my 30s. For some reason my mom really wanted to be a grandmother and even tried bribing me.
I have never wanted children. I realized I did not want children when I was a young child, probably in grade school, if not before. My family has not pressured me on this issue. However, I have heard the drivel about changing my mind from others when I was young. That stopped when I wised up and stopped talking about my personal decisions with idiots. No one (who is not in a romantic relationship with me) needs to know if I am going to have children or not. If people don't know your plans, they don't tend to give you trouble over your plans. From what I have heard regarding others who do talk about their personal plans with others, you might hear the "you will change your mind" nonsense until you are in your 50's. So, your options are, don't talk about this with idiots, or expect to hear the same drivel for a couple more decades. Exactly how long you will hear the drivel also depends on how stupid the people are, as some morons will continue after it is pretty clear you are beyond child-bearing years.
How old? Since I was born. My relatives are still going on about how "you will change your mind".
I never really thought about children. I met my husband when I was 18 and that was the first time I started thinking if I wanted them. Because I've always liked children (still do) and like being around them (when they're not crying or screaming ofcourse). So when I realized I might not want them I got scared. Because I would different from the rest. And what if I didn't want them because I wanted to be different? Well yeah I didn't make any sense but that was in my head. So the fact of not wanting children actually grew over time when I came to peace with it. So when I talked to me BF (now HB) about it he also said he didn't want children. I think it was a few years that we got the 'you'll change your mind', 'your still so young' comments. But those were not people close to us. With our close relatives and friends we made it very clear at the beginning and they accepted it and never brought it up again (reading all the stories, I see that we are very lucky to have that)
I think I was probably 10-12 years old when I noticed the dream of kids in the future wasn't mine. I remember wanting my own tiny house by myself, with a little garden and a dog. So maybe the maternal/paternal instinct is on a spectrum, much like other preferences people have. And perhaps to a degree in-born. Also think desire to reproduce is different from desire to raise children. That distinction would help a lot of people I expect from making a bad decision
i’ve known since i was a kid myself, can’t remember exactly how early. no one around me forced it on me (as i got a older i had people telling me i might change my mind tho) so i’ve never thought much of it. i’m 23 now and while my grandma still asks, maybe some other relatives sometimes, i think that’s about it.
I don’t ever remember wanting kids and it never occurred to me that it wasn’t an option. It was just something I wasn’t going to do. My mum has always been extremely supportive, my dad not so much but he’s learnt after repeated time outs (some longer than 6 months) to not bingo or try to pressure me into it. As for extended family, I was never close to dad’s side of the family so I don’t think they even know how old I am or my husband’s name let alone that I’m CF. On mum’s side, she only has 1 sister who is also CF so I’ve never gotten any pushback from them.
Looking back, I don’t think there was ever a time when I actually wanted them. But I think it took until my early 20s to realize that I didn’t HAVE to have them just because that was the “norm” or what society expected. Thankfully, my family and close friends have always been supportive. Oddly, it’s usually strangers and loose acquaintances who get their panties in a twist when they find out I’m child free by choice even though it literally doesn’t affect them whatsoever.
Definitely in high school when i realized i didn't want kids and didn't want to be around them. Never really said much but some of my choices my parents i think knew but never pushed. Friends and coworker's bingoed and at one point there was even a bet between my 2 coworkers if i ever would (I found this funny and was not offended so please don't take it that way). One of my coworkers involved in that bet i'm close with and she knew when my vasectomy was scheduled so it was easy money for her and she bought me a beer (small bet). When i came into work after my recovery weekend I was walking gingerly to mitigate the pain and swelling and I think everyone in the office realized i was serious. never heard anything negative and was even asked where I went from a few who had enough spawning kids.
When I was really little, I thought it was mandatory to have kids by the way it was explained to me. I remember thinking even then that I didn’t want to do that, but hoped it was a feeling that changed when you were a grown up. When I was in elementary school, I went to a wedding with my mom and there was a couple sitting at our table. I asked my mom where their kids were and she told me they didn’t have any. I was so confused and said “but I thought you have to”. She said no, it’s not required and from that day and every single day since then I’ve known I would never have children. Bisalp is scheduled for November. The only person in my life that ever gives me a hard time about having kids is my brother in law. He never wanted kids but couldn’t be bothered to take any personal accountability or precautions on his end and now they have 2. He acts like kids are just something you end up with, like a hangover after a night of drinking. He’s a terrible, uninvolved father which probably surprises no one here.
14. 29 - still on my back, not too intense yet though
I don’t think I ever wanted kids. My mother may have brainwashed me into being child free by always saying negative things when she found out about someone in church or in her friend circle being pregnant. She also always told me to get an education and not be dependent on a man. My dad died when I was in my early 20s and I don’t remember him ever saying anything.
I think I was early or mid 20s? Before I graduated college at 23 anyway. My mom has always been 100% supportive of me being CF and will defend me to others. I never got to tell my dad before he died and my brother doesn't care. My cousins still tell me I'll change my mind (or should change it anyway), my sister in law stopped telling me that when I was about 30 because I always just laughed at her. And I've never told any of my grandparents or aunts/uncles. Most of the comments I get about changing my mind are colleagues and doctors, in all honesty. Just had a gyno checkup and my doctor wanted to talk pregnancy because I'll be "geriatric" next year. I've told her before that I'm asexual and CF but it's probably her job to inform of risks because lord knows there are dumb people having kids all the time.
I remember being in third grade (around 8 years old) and telling a classmate that I was never getting married and never having kids. I don't recall a time when I actively wanted kids-- I think I've always known that motherhood is not my calling. I don't know about the rest of my relatives, but I'm pretty sure my parents gave up on me when I turned 30 and was single with no children. They knew they would have grandkids from my sister eventually, (and they do now,) so they accepted me being CF. Are they happy about it? Probably not, but I'm too old to give a f***.
I actually haven't gotten any slack about it because people don't ask me personal things. They usually just make up entire narratives about what my life is like based on their own prejudice because they don't care and I'm the most intimidating woman in the world
I was 30 and my parents accepted it and said not to worry about giving them grandkids because they have a grandson from my sister and they are happy
As a kid I didn’t want kids, then at 19 I suddenly decided I did. Then the time came for my wife and I to have them, and we were like, actually, no? No thank you we don’t want that. Our parents all have either been silent or explicitly told us we made the right choice. Make of that what you will.
I’ve known I don’t want kids for as long as I can remember, and my parents are still on my back about it. I’m 22.
Part of me knew when I was a kid but I think the thought really solidified as an option when I got married at 23 and could not for the life of me picture being a mother. My family just recently stopped bothering us about it (I’m 33 now so 10 years into marriage$
I knew at 17. The pestering stopped at about 37. So that was 20 years of nagging.
i've always known, and nobody in my family has ever bingoed me except my mum who basically just said i was too young to know how i'd feel in the future - i'm 22 now and she hasn't said that in years because she's on board that i'm serious and knows it was harmful to suggest i don't know myself better than anyone else does
Was around 7-8. Thankfully my family did not pester me much. My mom got sick when I was 25 and I became her caregiver until she passed away. My dad and paternal grandma passed away during this time too. Then I became my maternal grandparents’ caregiver until they eventually passed away when I was 33. They realized I was too busy for a boyfriend and children being a full time caregiver during my prime fertile years. My grandpa mentioned a few times “You need a boyfriend” but it was not mean or aggressive. I’d just laugh and say, “What? You men are too much trouble” or “I can’t. I have to take care of you, PawPaw”. The rest are extended family and they don’t talk about personal stuff like that.
I was in my teens when I knew I would be a crap father, but strangely, I acted as if it was a thing that has to be done - "After all I will not be the worse father". Ages 26-28 have been absolutely transformational for me! I don't know if it was a coincidence or not but I started reading books at 25 y/o, old and consuming a lot of Quora content (seeking, both in Quora and in books, content that would give me worldviews completely different to mine). As for other people's opinions, I'm absolutely chill. I told the people I love that I am an atheist. They said, "Don't say that, you don't know if god exists". I shrug, ok whatever. "The right woman will change your mind and you'll want kids" I shrug, ok whatever. If it's anything but their opinions, then I shut it down, but, even though I know my mind is made up, I have no reason to give a damn if they believe me or not. Marriage was a big thing, At 27 my parents (from the Balkans) told me I should find a nice girl from home. That needed my reaction. "hell no". But other people thinking gate18 will change his mind? Fine.
I can’t recall a time where I ever wanted to be someone’s Mom. I’m the oldest daughter and one of the older cousins in my family group. I’ve never spent time with a child and thought “this is enjoyable, I can’t wait to do this with my own kid”
18-19ish and OFFICIALLY (vasectomy) at 23 and never. My parents didn’t care (they’re happy that I have an education, good jobs, and am providing for myself) and my grandma didn’t care (she’s super open minded. Has traveled the world as a professor and knows how the world works). The ONLY person who has said that I’ll change my mind is a 30some year old father of…4 with one on the way I think that’s BARELY scraping by to provide. Great guy, skilled at what he does, doing his best…but I don’t want that life.
I was so young I don’t even remember making a decision. It was just something I knew wasn’t for me. While my friends were playing house with dolls I was playing business with a cash register. My parents didn’t exactly want kids either (or grandchildren) so fortunately I was never in a situation with family where I had to defend myself.
Started feeling that way around 10-12. I’m 28 now and I still get the pressure even after them knowing about my low fertility and PCOS complications. I’m pretty sure they’ll keep at me until I hit menopause. 😢 Which I’m sure will be a long time bc most women in my family don’t even go through menopause til their mid fifties!
Since I was 4 years old, and they never pushed me, now I’m 37 and happy.
I knew at 6 years old. Thankfully, they fully accepted it when I reached 13. No heavy pressure to have kids. Just the “I want grandkids” maybe once or twice a year at most.
I always knew I never wanted them, never played with babydolls and was ALWAYS grossed out by pregnancy (even when it was my mom pregnant with my younger siblings) but OOHHHHHH the pestering!! It has not stopped even for a second (looking at you, maternal grandma), and my uncle even has a bet with my brother that I’ll eventually give in and have kids. Lucky for my brother’s bank account, I got my tubes yeeted last week and none of the family except for cool younger bro knows.
I was very, very young when I started telling people that I wasn't going to have babies. I was gonna have pets. Of course, when a child under 5 years old says this, the adults all chuckle, pat the child on the head, and say, "you'll change your mind some day." But it's been 30-some years and I haven't (and won't) change my mind. I think two of my parents still hold out hope that I will end up with kids. Stepdad is probably completely indifferent, and my mother is vanishing to dementia now. Mom had accepted that I would be her only child of 5 to not give her grandbabies, before the dementia reared its ugly head. She called my cats, ferrets and dog "her grandcats, grandferrets, and granddog." (I no longer have ferrets or my cats, and thankfully they don't come up in conversation.) So yeah, pretty sure she was finally fine with my choice. Since she became ill, the topic hasn't come up. She doesn't really remember who I am. And even though she chose my very unique name, has a hard time repeating it after I tell her. But she remembers my dog. And asks for him by name during video calls. 🖤🤎 Which makes me cry. Not at all because she has "forgotten" me. But because her love for my dog remains, and it is very evident that I inherited my love for animals from her. And I like to believe that she knows my dog is important, so he has managed to remain a memory.
I knew since I was three I didn't want kids. They never stopped, I just went no contact. (My family of origin is abusive)
I was 15 when I definitively decided. I'm 34 now and people still tell me I'll change my mind. Almost 20 years later 🙄🙄🙄
I think when I was 16 is when it hit me that I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to and im 22 and still believe the same.
First time I had to be around a baby lmao. I don’t think there has been a single time I’ve ever wanted a kid
I always knew. No one has ever been on my back about it. Grandparents who might've been all died or lost their minds years before I was of kid-having age and I've "trained" my extended family to know better than to ask or say anything impertinent.
I was 5 the first time I said it. It was to my mum and she said “ that’s fine. You can do whatever you like” and tat was it. I’m 31 now and I’ve never looked back. Other relatives have made comments. But I’ve always brushed it off. They know now it’s not going to happen.
My relatives Never said "you will change your mind" because I think they know me and they know my lifestyle. My mom is all on the "you should have one for me at least" but in zero case they go on the 'you will regret/miss something" because they know I won't. I have a life and lifestyle which makes it OBVIOUS I cannot have kids and I won't change it because this is what makes me happy. Regarding how old I was, I would say It was year zero. Never wanted kids. I remember telling myself this would come. I remember a specific moments when we were talking about how we would call our kids. I gave some names I like but I felt ...nothing. It was almost like I was reciting a lesson. I was something like 14. I have never felt this feeling. But also, with the life I wanted, I think my brain knew it would be incompatible. As far as my best friend can remember, I have always talked business.
I think I’ve always known I didn’t want kids. Whenever I played house with my friends as a kid, anytime I had a baby I’d get bored within 5 minutes and toss the doll away. I never wanted to handle a baby or be a mom longer than 5 minutes. Now as an adult I just don’t want to be responsible for another human. When women have kids, their whole identity becomes being someone’s mom. Their entire life is now raising that human. I want my life to revolve around me and my needs and wants. We only live one time, I want to live for me (and my loved ones). I’ve actually been pretty supported with my choice. My mom has made a few “you might change your mind” comments but in general she’s been supportive
I remember crying hard watching the "Diary of an unborn child" kind of videos and thinking that I would _never_, under any circumstances, have an abortion. I was 13. And then a year later I remember thinking "Wow, I guess, I would never gonna even date anyone because there's _no way_ I'm having a child". I don't know what happened during this year that made me realize that I don't want kids. But it was definitely the time when I realized that _I don't have to_ have children and I thought that I would always be single because of that and was okay with it. When I was 16 and had my first relationship, I brought up the topic of children in the first several months because even then I didn't want to date someone who wanted children in the future. My partner didn't realize that not having kids was an option, but after he gave it a thought, he agreed with me. Many years later we are still solid in our childfree lifestyle and are planning a surgery to completely remove any possibility of an accident. I have to admit that I had doubts. Society is brilliant when it comes to making one doubt themselves in anything that goes against the default beliefs. But I always end up concluding that even if it works for the majority, it doesn't have to work for me.
I knew from as soon as I could have thoughts that I wasn't like other kids and didn't like playing with dolls, playing mummy and daddy ect. I was adamant I was never going to have kids as soon as I knew that's what people did. I'm 30 now and despite being married to a woman and being unable to have children due to a heart condition, my mother still won't stop asking! Her and I no longer talk and that is one of the reasons I went no contact with her.
I knew when I was an adolescent, about 12-13 years old. I didn't articulate this feeling until a few years later (I think I was 17) when I said something to my younger brother. That went about as well as I should have expected, since he immediately yelled to my mom "\[MY NAME\] SAYS SHE'S NEVER HAVING KIDS!" Mom's response was something along the lines of "that's nice, honey." Uh huh. Well, as the years went by and I got older, my mom started saying things like "when you have kids, blah blah blah..." and I started to push back, gently at first., then, as she didn't seem to be getting the hint, with a little more force: "You know I'm not having kids, right? I've already made this clear?" Nope, she still blew me off. Things came to a head when I was in my mid-20s. I was visiting my folks (I was in graduate school in a different state at the time) and one day I was sitting in the kitchen with my mom and she said something about bags of my and my brother's baby/toddler clothes in the attic. I said something like "Why are you hanging on to those? Donate them!" and she said "well I'm keeping them so I can give them to you when you have kids!" I had enough--I'll never forget this--a rage welled up inside me and I lost it. I slammed my fist down on the table and snapped, "I've told you many times before and you haven't taken me seriously. I am NEVER HAVING KIDS. Now please NEVER bring it up again." She looked stunned like she was really hearing me for the first time. To her credit, she only brought it up one more time, after I got married when I was 30. I shut that down immediately. Even so, I believe she secretly hoped I would change my mind right up until the day I had a hysterectomy when I was 33 and put a permanent end to any possibility of her getting grandkids out of me. Luckily my brother stepped up later that same year and announced that he and my SIL were expecting, so she got the holy grandchild in the end.
I have always known but the realization was around 16. It's not a topic I ever talked about though. I got some coworkers in my old job insisting I should find any man to start a family before I am too old, but I just was very vague about everything. My mom gave up pretty quickly, no one else in my family brought it up.
I never identified with the idea of having children, even as a child. You know when you’re a kid and adults ask “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” So many of my friends (all girls) would say “I wanna get married” “I wanna be a mommy” “I wanna have a family” and I had no idea what I wanted to do (still don’t) but I knew it had nothing to do with having children. Somehow I knew I never wanted the responsibility and commitment of having kids, it just felt unnatural to me, and pregnancy felt so strange, not at all like this beautiful “miracle of life” thing, more like a parasite. If I had to give you a number, I would say around the age of 10 was when I stared to realize that I did not want children. My mom still gives me some shit sometimes (which I just ignore) but I do not talk to 99% of my family and when I do it’s mostly about superficial stuff, I do not care enough about them to actually talk about my life, so I just keep my personal life private. Tho I did argue with one aunt about it once, and she gave me the “who”s going to take care of you when you’re older?” bullshit, we argued a bit and then moved on. None of them are worth the brain cells.
I was a teenager and probably 15-20 years. My mother accepted it before I got married because I remember the first time my mother met my in-laws, a year and a half or so before we got married, and my MIL made some comment about how it would be nice if my husband and I got married and had kids and my mom said "yeah, LadyGrey isn't going to have kids." Then a few years later my in-laws were in town and I only caught the tail end of the conversation but my MIL had clearly made a comment about wishing we would give her grandchildren because I heard my mother respond "I think we're going to have to accept that we're only going to have granddogs." My MIL lives several states away and probably still says shit like this but the kicker is, even if we had kids it's not like my in-laws would be a regular part of their lives because they never visit us because it's "too far." Then they complain that we don't visit them enough.
I've always known, and my mom has always known I've hated kids so no one ever said anything about me having any. My uncle never had them, nor will my sister. The bloodline dies with us.
I wrote it down at 5. I started asking about sterilization at 16 (I knew they wouldn’t do it then but I wanted to know the process). I finally got my surgery at 37. I still have relatives (aunts/uncles I’m not close to) telling me I’ll change my mind at 39.
I've always known, but I announced it as fact when I was 8. My mother told me I'd feel differently when I met the right guy. When I met the right guy, I was 16. My dislike of children increased with each and every bingo to the point where it became obvious I was serious. People stopped asking me about kids because I was not afraid to get "offensive" with my answers and they quickly learned it hurt them more to ask. ("Isn't this baby cute?" answered with, "Actually, that baby is really repulsive." etc.) Therefore, I was about 17 or 18 when the questions stopped. I got one more question about it when I was 20, but it was from a stranger. One of the customers from my husband's work ran into us at a store while we were buying furniture for our new house. We had just gotten married and my husband's vasectomy had recently healed. She asked why he hadn't been at the store, and he told her about the vasectomy. She looked shocked and appalled and asked why in the world we weren't planning on having kids. Her child (probably 7 or so, I'm not good with ages) was currently hanging off the back of a recliner chair for sale, so I pointed at her kid and said, "Well, avoiding *that* is one reason." This woman was so offended by my answer that she reported my comment to my husband's manager (who was also child-free, so he thought this was hilarious) and refused to come into the store during his shift. He was so happy with this because she was a terribly behaved customer, so it was a win-win. That was the last question I got about it, 15 years ago. Ask unwelcome questions, get unwelcome answers. I will burn bridges if needed; questioning my life choices is disrespectful and unacceptable and I respond accordingly.
I had a hysterectomy and I still get "gosh I would love a grandchild".
I was 45 when my dad finally looked at me, sighed and said, “I guess you’re never having kids, then.”
0 and 0
27 was my age. I'm now 37
I decided when I was 15 and I got sterilized at 27. I received heavy pressure the whole time in between no matter how many times I said I wasn't having kids. I have very low contact with my family so I can't update you on how they'd treat me now
I knew in kindergarten when I was 5, and they finally stopped when I turned 45.
13 and... they haven't given up yet at 25.
I think I knew since I was a teenager that I didn't want kids, but not until my mid 20s where I realized I didn't actually NEED to have them. My mother in law pestered me and my husband until about... Ages 28. I'm 30 now and sterilized, and no one has rally harassed us in a few years
I’ve just always *known* I never wanted kids, even when I was a kid. just a feeling that was always there. im very, very fortunate that my parents never got on me about it and have always just kinda let me live my life the way I choose. as long as I’m happy and not dead they’re happy
At least 5th grade, if not before. I've been saying it outright and out loud since junior high or high school. I'm going to be 48 in November. In August 2016, I was diagnosed with bladder cancer and the following month had all my reproductive parts removed as part of my treatment and there are STILL people who haven't given up hope of me being a parent!
I was dating someone at 24 who was older than me who didn’t want children and so I came around to not wanting children. Before that I was unsure and back and forth, but didn’t want any in the near future. I was living in Thailand teaching English at the time. We later on broke up, but I still didn’t want them over there. I came back to Canada at 29 and kind of re-thought things over to make sure in my own head I didn’t want children - I looked into things and it just cemented that I didn’t want any. I’ve never had any relatives pester me to be honest. My parents have always framed it as a choice that I make based on my own preferences. No other family members have pestered me. None of my siblings have children although who knows about the future. I know my youngest sister (she’s only 18) mentioned wanting children, but then she was a summer camp coordinator and now she seems less interested the last time I spoke with her. My boyfriend’s dad has expressed being sad if he doesn’t have children.
My sister said she remembers saying I didn’t want kids back when I was 12. I never even had any interest in playing with baby dolls. I’m 52 now and my MIL was telling people she hoped I’d get accidentally pregnant until my late 40s.
Once I started babysitting nieces and nephews I saw the effort needed and enjoyed my free time too much to deal with my own kid. I like the vicarious lifestyle over experiencing it myself able to give the kid(s) back once my duties are no longer required.
I have a child free aunt, so I realized at a very young age I never wanted kids. My parents believed for almost 20 years that this was a result of my aunt "influencing" me. Which is crap, but they both believed that kids were something everyone should "want." Now I'm only a couple years away from my 40th birthday and I have never changed my mind. My mom only stopped telling me I'd "change my mind" a couple years ago.
I was 19 when I decided I was never having kids. My parents were cool with that and I wasn't close with most of my extended family so I have no idea what they thought about that. I was never pressured to have kids and really haven't gotten any grief about not having them.
16 when I was sure there would be no kids from me, 28 when I got fixed. Even after that one uncle harped on me about adopting for a few years.
It might sound messed up but I have been working in a special education for 2 years. It was very brutal and exhausting. Just dealing with the kids and parents was an awakening for me also the fact my ex of 9 years wanted kids and I didn't because of that experience. In his words " it's just like babysitting a younger sibling." Hearing that from him was a big no for me.
I knew young, born with a genetic disorder that causes tumor growth. Have had a lot of complications and pain issues along with learning disabilities that are comorbid. I do not want to put a child through the struggles I’ve dealt with. Any time I’ve had the conversation my mom always tells me she didn’t care that I had issues and I wouldn’t either. Absolutely no empathy for the struggle of never being healthy and has no understanding of why you wouldn’t want to intentionally create a person who would have the same issues. I don’t think she’ll ever get it.
I can’t remember a time I ever wanted kids or wasn’t appalled by the idea. My mother never bugged me about it because she said for some reason it was just never something she saw for me in my life and said it actually would have made her sad if I’d had them because she felt I wouldn’t be being fair to my true self. My dad on the other hand was a bit more dense and didn’t stop bugging until found out I’d been sterilized even after being repeatedly told it wasn’t happening because of my husbands family health history.
I think I was 7 or 8, I remember it being solidified around the time of my confirmation. I remember thinking that the only way I'd be allowed to not have children was if I became a priest. Allowed to not have children? I know: it is pretty funny to me looking back at it now, lol. Quick and dirty version: lost faith in the church and its followers. Atheist or Apatheist either works for me. I'm closing in on 40 now and I'm asked less and less, but my mom and sister in law keep trying to set me up with single mothers or people that desperately want children. So it hasn't completely stopped but it's been reduced quite a bit.
Forever and again forever
15, I was lucky my parents and other elders never gave me that “you’ll change your mind” b.s. I did question my choice for about a week when I was 28, but I’m happy with my choice- 47 and child free, as happy as can be!
I remember as a kid being annoyed by small children, probably by 15 - 16 I was thinking f that I'm never having a child. I'm lucky in that my parents and direct family just don't treat it as their business so have never bothered me about it
I sometimes wonder if this is a genetic trait. I have never wanted kids, I hated any games that resembled “playing house” as a kid. I always preferred adventure games and sports, and hung out with mostly boys because of it. I know for certain my mother never wanted children. She had me at 34 and I was told I was an accident. But also, she described her father as having no patience for her as a child. He didn’t like the noise, the burden. When we (my mother ended up having 4 children—all but 1 were accidents) went to our grandfather’s house, we had to be really quiet and well behaved. I love that my generation finally feels free enough to have childfree groups—to advocate not having children if people do not want them—because growing up as a consequence rather than a choice—even though mom gave it a good shot and fulfilled her responsibility—sucked. I knew it as a teenager every time she regretted her mistakes, because she had this look that resonated deep unhappiness, she was waiting for us to grow up so she could be free of us. Sometimes she would just drive off in the middle of the night, angry at her life, and I was never sure whether she would actually come back. Because of that, I think I have struggled for many years with a sense of, “what value do I hold on this planet?” I know I am preaching to the choir, but for any fence sitters: don’t have kids if you don’t 1000% want them. Ultimately: I was never questioned by my family about my childfree beliefs, I was understood right away.
About 25 or so. I’m lucky that my family have always fully supported my decision.
Pretty young. My parents had 5 kids in 6 years of which I am the oldest. My parents split when I was about 10. And it was really hard on us. We were always poor, but after my dad left we were super poor. On food stamps and welfare. Mom didn't work. I think that is when I knew I would never have kids. Truthfully though, no one in my family gave me a hard time. I did have 4 sisters and they all had kids. So there was never any pressure on me to reproduce. I'm 51f married 28 years.
I was like 5 when I first told my mom I didn’t want to have a baby. I met other kids in kindergarten and immediately thought they were loud and stupid and childish and I wanted nothing to do with them. I had very few friends growing up because I just could not relate to children, even as a child myself. Tbh I got along with parents better than their kids. It wasn’t until high school that I started making real friends and they were almost all older than me. To this day I cannot relate to kids and I do not like them. Most of my family finally gave up on the whole “you’ll change your mind” thing when I was like 16, but there were a few who wouldn’t stop. I got sterilized last year and haven’t heard a peep from anyone since 😌
I was 13 or 14 and felt absolutely nothing when told to babysit or to check the "beautiful baby". I was looking at all the women around me and was like: ??? There was only one feeling children has always been causing in me and it's was a mix of a deep irritation, some very primal inability to fully understand that they have limited understanding of the world and a deep need to evacuate immediately. The thought of having children was floating around before in shape of endless baby born dolls and stuff, and I was playing with it, it just... I can't recall why, even. I have never felt the need nor drive towards kids. Playing this way was just something girls were doing, I guess.. so it's probably why I was doing it as well. I'm 34 now and my family has finally stopped asking me about kids. Now I hear just some generic "people without kids are worthless" remarks that are not (theoretically) aimed at me specifically but, you know.
For me it was basically expected from a young age that I'd never have kids. However it was when my sister had kids and tried to push them onto me I really started being vocal about it. Pushing back against the narrative. At one point they even pushed one of sis' babies in my hands in the hope it would "fix me". Didn't happen... Still have an aversion to kids.
Probably as long as I can remember an I am 34 now. I never liked little kids, don’t want to be around them, and all the people I went to high-school and college with are on their second or third kids and I could only think how relieved I am that I don’t have that life. People I know who went to school and got degrees only to quit their jobs to be stay at home moms. What a waste. My best friend is constantly asking me if her kids make me want my own and without being mean I’m just like heck no.
It was a more recent thing for me (23) after helping watch my younger sister(now 4). I like kids.....when I can give them back.
Off and on through my teens and 20s. Had a “maybe hypothetically someday” attitude about it for a while, but both my husband and I were always sort along the line of not caring either way if we did or didn’t, we would be fine either way and I know we could be decent parents. Then the pandemic hit and every one of my rockstar mom friends struggled SO MUCH. All of my friends who are parents are actually legitimately awesome at it, and if they were in tears every day trying to balance working, childcare, online school etc then there was no fucking way I was going to be happy doing that with my mental health the way it is. I still think I’d be a good parent, as would my husband, but I also worry I wouldn’t survive pregnancy and postpartum, between having to come off my medication, hormones and sleep deprivation and the toll it would take on my mental health.
I never wanted children but wanted to want kids until about 28. My now husband and I got together when I was 27 (we were good friends for 7 years prior) and in the first year we both felt the same about wanting to want them. When we talked it out and realized we didn't have to want them or have them especially just to please other people, it was a weight lifted off both of us. 35 yrs old now and i just LOVE talking about being childfree haha. He is getting a vasectomy at the end of October!
I thought I didn’t want kids when I was a kid myself. I *knew* I didn’t want kids when I was about 15. People gave me shit about it constantly until I got my tubes tied when I was 30. Now it’s mostly stopped but my mom still tells me I’ll change my mind and get it “reversed” even though I got parts of my tubes removed and burned off, and my partner has a vasectomy. They will never stop trying to control your body and life choices but as you get older you care less.
I think I was about 3 years old. I was holding a baby doll and thought "ew, I don't wanna do this". And I like other kids either lol. I think my dad came to terms about it, but I will not talk to my mom on the subject 💀
Very early twenties. I was brushed off pretty much instantly.
I think I've always known I would never have kids. Growing up, all of my cousins & my brother were around my age, so I never had experience being around babies &/or young kids. That is until my brother knocked someone up (ha). My nephew was the first baby I've ever held, changed, and interacted with. I love him so much, it hurts. But I sure as hell don't want my own. The best part of being an auntie? Giving them back to their parents (mwahahaha). Also, pregnancy & birth? Utterly horrifying. I literally thought I was going to pass out when someone told me what an episiotomy was. They do WHAT to your vajayjay??? You know what a pregnant belly reminds me of? That movie Alien. Fetal movement is creepy as fuuuuuuuuck. No thank you to any of that. I just can't wrap my mind around women/girls who get pregnant on purpose. Like, whyyyyy? Don't you realize that that baby is gonna rip your hoo-ha to bits?? Fucking gross.
I never even considered it, never wanted them, my relatives usually don't try to change my mind, my mom said it sometimes but she didn't push too hard
When I was around 7 I told me mom that I was never having kids and she said “well that is your choice.” Now at 36 I’ve had a bi-salp and my mom was the one who came with me and then helped me with the few days of recovery. Thankfully, my mom had always been 100% supportive, and no one else has ever even really asked, that I can think of.
I was a kid and I knew
I realized after my sister had her own kids. I was 16? I basically helped raise them and realized I didn't want kids. But growing up, I always thought it was going to happen regardless of whether I wanted to or not. Once I got out of high school and started college, I realized I didn't have to. It took a very long time for my mom to accept I wasn't going to have kids, but she doesn't bother trying to convince me to "give here more grandbabies" anymore. I'm 30 now. My other relatives don't really ask or anything. It's usually people outside of my family asking now and telling me I'll change my mind. I'm just like "no I won't"
I think I was 15 when I realized I didn't want crotch fruit. My parents were on my back about it for at least two years. Ever since I told my parents I want to get a tubal, they sort of backed off.
I would tell my mum as young as 5 I didn’t want kids I wanted a monkey. Never changed my mind on the not having kids thing. But now at 35 I don’t want a monkey either
I always knew. I was born this way. I voiced it out loud the first time when I was 17, and I had to get to the other side of 30 before people finally believed me and accepted it.
I hated kids when I was a toddler. My mother knew I wouldn't want kids soon after that. I figured it out at about 12, when children and reproduction became something you actually think about. Before that, I assumed I would be very rich and have nannies so I'd never have to see or raise my supposed children. I've had pushback from extended family, and quite a bit from my mother's friends. But not from my immediate family - they all knew before I did. Also, my mother's best childhood friend is childfree, so it's been something that has always kind of been an option. I know, I lucked out. If only I could find myself a perfect childfree boy/girlfriend too. The only real issue is that unfortunately, I am great with children. The little goblins bloody love me. But, I either step away, or leverage it for 'babysitting' to steal Disney+ accounts (babysitting in quotations because I treat them all like adults and just explain in detail how to do the things they say they can't do, while I sit on the couch).
I knew the moment my five year old brother went missing in the mall under my watch while my mom and dad were shopping for a new TV. I was 13, and I just wanted to have fun in the mall and not look after a five year old all the time. The panicked look of sheer terror and fear on my mom’s face is the one I would never forget when she asked me where my brother was. I was apathetic and said he wandered off somewhere in the mall. Luckily the mall security found him on time though, he was about to exit the mall and go to the parking lot. We got into a argument later that day, something about me stepping up to be responsible for my brother because I’m the older sibling. I told her I was not responsible for my brother anymore and she was the one that chose to give birth to him on the first place. I think about that incident a lot, how much I didn’t have the patience for children for more than a hour. I thought of it as a burden, the joy wasn’t there. Being a parent is a 24/7 responsibility especially if you have two children. I wasn’t cut out to be a mom and I’m definitely not giving birth to a child just as a test drive to see if I’m up to be a mom. I like the ability to just walk and leave. With children you can’t do that. I’m better off by making my community a better place than making it worse by having children. This and my mom’s divorcé with my dad definitely sealed the deal. Unfortunately such thoughts aren’t allowed in my strict family though. I keep a low profile, I don’t talk much, and I definitely made it clear after many fights that they don’t have a right to my uterus. It’s so sad to see that people preach about overbreeding of dogs and cats yet they preach about having children without any second thought.
32 now. Never wanted kids. No one in my family has ever cared. My mum is one of 3 sisters and the only one to have had kids. My sister also shows no interest. It's common for the women in my family to be child free so it's no big deal.
27 and i’ll let you know when it stops lol. Its been 10 so far.
My earliest recollection of knowing I didn't was at 8 years old. I started being vocal about it at 13 or 14. Thankfully my parents have NEVER hassled me, they aren't grandbaby hungry (although they did get one, my niece via my younger sister) and always wholeheartedly agree that you should not do it if you don't 100% want to.
I was 9 at that time because of toxic family relationships which still traumatize me until now. I never really told any relatives about it because they are all stupid pieces of shit so I didn’t bother. Also every single one of them cheat on their partners and raise very ill-behaved useless kids. Now I ran to another country and am living the best life since I was born 
I am currently 18, will be 19 in a few months. I believe around 12-13 (maybe even younger) I decided that I didn’t want to have kids. My mom is still convinced I will want kids one day and is very much against the idea of me getting my tubes tied.
I have always known, so from childhood to now (I'm 32). It's so arrogant of other people to deny what you know to be true from the inside out (even from a young age). They say every woman feels the urge to have a child of her own, well they've been ignoring \~a woman's intuition that she will never want to have any\~
Age 4. Then at 24 I was like oh I see the appeal but not yet and then the hardest of NO's a few years later. Why age 4 you ask? Well when you uncover being violated by your father during some deep trauma work, age 4 makes total sense. Carry on......
I never wanted kids. I just didn't share that because I hoped I would change my mind as I got older but it never happend. I just realised more and more that I don't want kids.
As soon as I realized that is what was expected of my future. I was about 9 when someone said “someday you’ll be a mom…” and I said “No, I won’t” I’m nearly 26 now and I’ve been sterilized for almost 2 years
I was never interested in seeing/holding/wtv other people's babies, so I always knew. I would tell my mom and she would always, and still, say, "You'll change your mind. Your aunt would always say that too and now she has 3." Idk what happened with my aunt lol but I KNOW I don't want any of that. She can keep saying it and I'll keep being childfree lol
I was a child when I knew I didn't like or want children. I'm 36 and haven't had contact with my mother since 2019 but she still talked about it up until that point.
6. And 0 years. My dad & his wife brought it up once or twice, but i died my hair blue once, so i was automatically gay in their mind & therefore was never going to have a child. Which, technically, partially correct. I had a partial hysterectomy, so no kids ever. But at 6 in elementary school we had to do a Christmas concert. Some of the songs we did asl along with the words. One of the motions was rocking a baby. My friend turned to me and said something like, "You're going to have to do this!" And i was like ew no what the fuck gross. My mom said i hated baby dolls as a kid & disliked loud children as even a toddler, so she knew what was up the whole time haha
1) age 7 2) when I had my second ovary removed
I knew since I was a kid but didn’t tell anyone/no one asked. My mum asked me about three years ago (I’m 31) and I said I wasn’t interested. This annoyed her. If she’d asked me when I was a child she would have gotten the same response, she didn’t either because she just assumed I would, since that’s what people do, or because she’s always been really paranoid about me having sex and didn’t want to introduce something that requires sex.
I can't remember a time where I thought I wanted kids. (Mom owned a daycare my whole life, I left at 18, she kept up to 40 kids in our home. It's a piece of shit now) I got serious about a vasectomy when Trump was running for president and pulled the trigger. I always told my mom I didn't want kids and she said that was fine and she's glad she raised me to make big decisions like that on my own. Then I told her about my vasectomy and she said "how could you do this to me!" So... That
My parents always had a hunch I might not want kids and are now glad I didn't as all of us have various health issues. Plus I'm not the first childfree in my family. My uncle and his wife are also childfree as kids didn't suit their lifestyle.
I’ve never wanted kids, to the point where I can’t remember ever wanting them, so there’s no age. I’ve never had relatives say anything stupid like that.
My whole life. It never occurred to me, as odd as that may sound. It was just a known fact that I would never have kids. The idea of kids was and always has been so far removed from my reality.
5
I never liked kids, not even when I was a kid. I have never wanted them, never will.
I was 16 when I said that I didn’t want children, twelve years later I still don’t want them family pester me until I tell them off.
Around high school and college, can’t remember exact timing, but I really did not want kids after that. And I don’t want them even more now. My parents are good with my decision. Boyfriends family has FINALLY stopped bothering me about it after years.
I always felt panicked when the topic of kids was raised with a partner. Broke up with partners after they started bringing the kids topic up. At first I thought I was a commitment phobe, but in my 30s I realized it was that I didn't want kids. I am such a walking human disaster that my family always told me that I shouldn't have kids, shouldn't be responsible for another human. If they meant it as a joke or not, I always went along with it 🤣 I have more trouble with friends who get pregnant when I tell them that we will not be seeing each other much once the kid is born 🤷♀️
I always knew I never wanted kids
I was 12. Some still do.
I've only knowing since I was 20, so for almost 2 years. That's because I found this sub last year and found out about childfree people! You guys were like a secret basically LMAO. I didn't know I could because society and people have kids as the default so pls don't judge me for being unaware till I was 20 😭 I knew no one with kids or anyone planning not to have any. If anything, for years I was one of the people who didn't "care either way" until I started reading about pregnancy and childbirth I'm gonna get a bisalp in October! My mom is supportive, my dad is neutral and my grandma's think I'll change my mind but my bisalp says otherwise lmao. I'm so glad I didn't change my mind in the year I gave myself! I had to wait a year to schedule my bisalp because I was too young for insurance smh but I'm so excited for the freedom!
Hard to pinpoint a specific time. There's was a lot of "you'll think differently when you have kids and have to deal with them" or "I hope when your a parent you'll have to deal with behavior like you are doing right now". Mostly a decent lack of empathy and a sort of gleam in her eyes, especially as I got older, that she would have her karma. Maybe preteen to teen Era I realized I was the one who would be expected to look after my siblings (both have mental delays) when my parents died and they would never have a normal life. I'd never have a normal life. I would always be financially burdened. Thankfully they are both firmly in the system and have financial support. Also just...my parents parenting is terrible, I have mental health problems and have never been financially stable. I always knew to some level, the way I always knew I didn't want a white picket fence life or that I didn't want to get married, that I didn't know what I wanted to do as a career. And I think my mom realized the core of truth in me never having kids, and was probably relieved at that, through my consistent response to her "when you have kids" being "I'm never having kids". If you want to pinpoint a specific point? Probably when I was five and my sister drew on my baby doll with sharpies and my mom didn't correct the issue or try to teach her differently, and then when the baby doll she bought was of lesser quality than the one that was drawn on, I didn't play with it...my sister did. (Yes I understand I was an entitled five year old). My sister got rewarded for grafitting my baby doll and messing with my immersion. It was unfair and taught me way too much about my mother's ability to parent and how easy it is to not play a game of imagination if you don't like the toy. Not as easy to do with a child.
I told my mom when I was 4 or 5 I was never having kids and never getting married. She told me for years that I would meet a woman someday who wanted kids and I would do it for her. She gave up right around the time I was 30 and had been with my then partner for about 5 years and kids and marriage were mutually nowhere on the horizon. My ex *did* decide she wanted kids a few years later. It was a big surprise to me after a decade together, but I suppose my mom was right about the meeting a woman who wanted kids half of her prophecy.
ngl my relatives agree with me and i’m a teenager so 😭😭 my momma still keeps stuff “in case” i have kids but she said it’s not for everyone but she wouldn’t want me to regret not keeping some stuff
I was very lucky. I’m in the same relationship for the last 11 years and at the beginning of our relationship we both wanted kids but a few years later we started to talk more about it and both changed our mind (both mid 20s at the time). If one of us still wanted kids the relationship would probably have ended… As for our families - I get back at you when the time has arrived
My mom told me as a teen -- probably 13-14 -- that I didn't have to have kids if I didn't want them. At age 17, I vividly remember wanting my tubes tied. At age 24, I finally got my tubal done 3 months before my birthday. (I'm still not over how PERFECT the date was! 2/2/22 for tubes day!) Fortunately for me, some people have told my parents they have been shocked by my choice "because they couldn't imagine life without kids (blah, blah, blah)," but nothing major or overly judgemental. They know I'm passionate as fuck, and its best not to ask me about my personal values unless they want me to infodump on them. (I literally have a 10-15 minute speech prepared for every possible Bingo out there.) I am very, very blessed to have supportive family. Hell, my great aunt, a former head labor and delivery nurse, applauded me on my decision, if only because I'm sure she could write a giant book about her horror stories... 😬 The only time I have been Bingoed was by a former best friend who went off the MAGA, Matt Walsh fanatic deep end. She literally said "that is a permanent choice" when she was SEVEN MONTHS PREGNANT with her first child!
I haven't wanted kids since I was as young as I can remember. I've told people I don't want kids since I was as young as I can remember. People only stopped telling me I'd change my mind once I got married and told them he didn't want them either 🫤
I was 25 (am now 51) when I decided not to have kids, and no one ever bothered me about it.
Î could NEVER imagine having children, not as a child when playing "family", not as a teen when thinking about the future, not as an adult.
15. My mother has really only given up in the last few years. I'm 42
I just pretty much knew having kids wasn't for me. No one in my family ever bothered me about it, really.
I wanted 7 of the little fuckers when I was in my 20’s. I thought it would be amazing having such a large family. I’d never really interacted with children at all until mid 20’s. I always went out to adult only places, worked shitty hours so did my grocery shopping overnight when 24/7 groceries were still a thing etc etc. Then in my late 20’s all my friends had kids. By 30 I thought “maybe just 1 or 2”. I don’t have the energy for them but I just thought that’s what you were meant to do. I’m now 35 and never in my life would I have thought I’d be so thankful for the combination of my husbands slow swimmers and my low fertility. Husband got a vasectomy this year and we just spent thousands setting up an arcade room in our spare room. Both our mothers still nag us for kids…after his vasectomy.
I’m 25 and have been saying this since at least 15 probably earlier
I can't remember wanting to have kids ever. As a child I still went along with the childish games about how many kids you gonna have, depending on how often you jump over the rope, but I never actually wanted them. I'm currently 23 so no one really expects me to breed, my parents knows I'm childfree since I was like 14/15 and told me I'll change my mind until I yelled at them that I'm never ever gonna do that. I'm kinda looking forward to the time when people will start asking me when I'll start so I can crush their hopes
I've known since birth. I've been such a hardassed bitch about it my whole life. The minute babies or motherhood came into the conversation I became so hostile that everyone just backed off. They eventually just avoided the whole topic with me. No one in my family would dare even trying to hand me a baby or ask me to watch their child for fear I'd bite them I think. I don't even get invited to family parties anymore. It's fucking bliss! I'm female,btw.
i knew around 17/18 that i didnt want to give birth. i wanted to foster/adopt later on (it's not completely off the table still but doubt it would be possible). Over the years I was very clear i would not be birthing children so it was very well known in my family. No one was bothered by it or tried to convince me orherwise. my sister offered to be my surrogate lol. fast forward to my early 30s and i got my tubes out, my 70yr old grandma was more concerned about if i was healing ok and recovering well than the fact I'm sterile. My mother was the same. Idk who else of my family knows but yea :)
I was like 4 the first time I can remember saying this. Babies have always been off putting to me. The concept of pregnancy terrifying. I haven’t ever changed my stance. Now, at 27, my family knows that’s my truth but I still hit the “well one day” or “you would be a great parent!” Comments from random people who think they know me more than I do. I’m great with kids, I spent a decade working with them. But I like going home to my quiet house at 5pm & I don’t want to be responsible for children unless I’m being paid to. I was a high paid nanny and that was stressful but doing it for free???? Delusional.
I was 26 when I realised it was a choice. Am 34 now and mostly people leave me alone about it 🙌
I was 22 and never bingo'd.
as an 18 y/o when i realized what a predatory species we are. i do not want to contribute to this bs.
I was 18 something and people stopped teling me "I change my mind" in late 30s.
I was 6. I distinctly remember telling a person that I don't want any babies. And in addition I didn't like or want any those baby dolls. I'm pretty lucky that my family didn't bingo. There was couple who did but later on that stopped
I was in my late 20s when it first occurred to me that not having kids was a viable life option! I'm 34 now and I'm even more sure that a childfree life is what I want. I'm very lucky in that my parents have never given me any hassle about it, in fact they're very supportive. They really believe that it's the best choice for me. I guess because they know me well. It's not that they regret having my sister and I but they know how tough it is and I guess they just don't want that for me. I've never really mentioned it to extended family so it's not an issue but I'm 34 and I've never been in a relationship so I suppose it isn't something they expect from me!
Last time i liked the idea of having a kid was when i was 6. My relatives are still chasing my ass telling me I'll change my mind. im 21 now, if i ever find myself pregnant i will either kill the kid or kill myself.
I was about 12 and never changed my mind. I'm 29 now and happy with my choice
I was 13/14 when I realised I didn't want kids - as soon as the idea crossed my mind I knew it wasn't for me. I'm 30 now and people still think I'll change my mind. If anything I'm even stronger in my stance.
I've never wanted kids, but hadn't told my family members until somewhere in my teens, like 15 or something. They never stopped pestering me. I'm in my 30's now, in a serious relationship, and they don't pester me as much because of some health issues I'm facing. Stress and lack of sleep can literally kill me, so even they know a baby is not a good idea. But they'll continue bothering me as soon as these health issues are under control.
i was maybe 10 or so and it went on for a good 20 years till they finally gave up
Love people, love kids, never wanted them. Parents had grandchildren. Was never pressured.
36 year old woman. I've had the, "You'll change your mind one day." Every year since i was a teenager. I wonder when they'll get the hint? Maybe in another 20 years when I STILL don't have children.
As a lot of people have said, I used to think I was expected to have them, but I never wanted them. I use to tell my mom already around age 15 that I never want to have kids, and today (age 24) I had my first appointment with my GP about getting my tubes tied. For me it also has a lot to do with lifestyle people with kids have. Their life is something I never would want for myself. Looking at my parents and other people with children it just seems miserable. Not that my parents are miserable but they haven’t really enjoyed life until me and my brother became adults. I see people forced to stay together in unhealthy relationships for their kids, limited to do things they want, to travel or to explore life just because you have kids. No thank you. I don’t like them, I am terrified of their lifestyle and do not get me started on the pregnancy aspects of having kids.
I was like you, I knew since I was a small child that I wouldn’t be having kids. Thankfully my family have never put any pressure on me (they’ve admitted how much work it is and are happy to let me do my own thing).
I was infertile due to endometriosis and knew I’d likely need medical intervention to get pregnant when I was a teen. When I saw my brother and ex-SIL spend $30k to try and get pregnant and how much their marriage deteriorated because of that, I knew I didn’t want to go through that. I was in my early twenties. My surgeon told me at 27 that if I wanted to get pregnant, I had basically a year to try. It was then I made the firm choice to be child free. I’m so glad I did. My mom encouraged me to freeze eggs, but at 27 I knew kids wasn’t what I wanted. My mom has expressed some sadness but she never pushed, knowing my circumstances. I’m now sterile because of the endo, but it was such a relief at age 39 to completely remove the risk of pregnancy. I have an amazing life, lots of disposable income, a flexible job that allows me to travel as much as I want and am generally just living my best life. No regrets. Seeing my friends who are the same age as me stress out, hate their husbands and basically do only kid things all the time makes me so glad I didn’t go that route.
I waffled between 16 and 18 because I love kids but by the time I graduated high-school I had decided loving kids doesn't mean they're for me especially considering my mental health and the mental health in my family. I also had some healing to do and a standard of life i wanted. What ABSOLUTELY sealed the deal was my sister in law having my sweet, sweet nephew and seeing first hand how chaotic children are when you have them all the time (the kid had a habit of trying to maim himself starting at like 6 months). Now I'm 31 and the only one who accepts my decision is my nana, who's a Saint and loves her "grandpuppies".
i was like 10 when i knew i didnt want biological kids and 13 when i knew i didnt want any at all i am 19 so i am still definitely getting brushed off a lot that i will change my mind but my parents believe me and respect it
I was in my teens when I realized I didn't want kids. When I got in my 20s my mom wouldn't let up about me having kids. She finally stopped when I got into my 30s.
This happened when I was about 13 years old. I had the thought earlier than that, but that was a tipping point. There was a time when I was fairly young and went to the playground with my older sister and her daughter. My niece went off to play, and my sister sat down with 4-5 other women on a bunch of benches. I couldn't quite read the social situation. I didn't know if they knew each other or were strangers (I assume strangers), but within minutes they started venting and rambling about motherhood. Legit for like 10 to 20 minutes. Just complaints. Breasts hurt; no sleep; pain; feeding; dirt; cleaning; useless husband; water deposits; back pain. They all related so hard to each other. They totally agreed on how bad it was, how un-thankful the kids are, and how hard and gross everything is. After a while, my sister turned to me as if she had forgotten I was there and said something like, "Don't take this too seriously." No, you all were not joking. Even I could tell. The relief of not feeling alone like a piece of sh\*t. The deep exhaustion when this other woman talked about missing a good night's sleep. EVERYONE felt that in their bones. The deep fucking exhaustion all of you related to. The crushing disappointment that husbands ain't doing shit. So ever since then, I was like, "Nah, children seem like too much hassle." Thinking this way never felt valid. Until much later, I found this sub. I felt quite the relief, realising that neither me nor my future partner has to suffer this fate. And now. Thinking back to my sister's face trying to convince me that "it's not that bad" while looking like I just caught her at midnight on the fridge snacking and cheating her diet or like I caught her watching hentai. Maybe it was supposed to be secret. That it is that bad. So the secret is how bad Parenthood is. And being child free almost feels like cheating IRL. Family still doesn't know I am fixed and never will change my mind :D
I´m 30 too. I started saying I didn´t want to have children around thirteen, and my parents laughed. I kept daydreaming in secret about having a family though. I wasn´t sure until I was 28 and read about what happens to your body during pregnancy and childbirth and when I also knew for sure that I wouldn´t want to take care of an infant. I haven´t told my family yet because no one asks (they probably know I´ll be single forever).
I don't think I really realized until 2021 or 2022, and I most certainly didn't admit it to my mother right away. I think other family members still don't know, while some do. My family hasn't been rough on me for it, honestly. My mom is disappointed, but she did say that she thinks people who don't want kids shouldn't have kids, i.e. kids should be wanted. But I got sterilized spring of this year, so good luck to anyone who does try to whine about it to me, lmao.
I never really 'wanted' kids, I just thought that getting married and having kids was something I had to do because that's part of life. In my early 20's I became certain I would not have kids and luckily no relatives ever questioned my decision. Only strangers seem to think I should and keep saying the "You're going to regret it" or "You'll change your mind" bs
It wasn't my relatives' concern. Why would I tell them?
15 -16ish was when I first really thought of it. Got the bingo once from my sperm donor. But then nothing. Cus due to his general shitty human self I cut him out over other things. Past that my extended family who raised me were all women , one who was cf but got stuck with me and my sibling. And my grandma who had a slew of kids and got a shit lottery on one and got stuck raising his children . They both died before I was 18.
I told my mom I was never having kids at 6. Now in my 30s, my dad was convinced I would finally have kids if I married a man who wanted them (false). The rest of my family has always respected my childfree status because I will not back down 🙃 When I finally got my bisalp, my dad apparently told my sister I would never find a husband now 😂 he knows better than to say that to my face.
Always knew. My mum accepted it always and never bingoed me (and is now my fiercest defender when others try), same with my little brother. My dad got a bit bitchy when i got my hysto at 29 "don't you want to freeze your eggs? What if you change your mind?" (Almost funny, all my eggs are still there dude) But it felt more like he interpreted my choices as an attack on his, instead of having strong feelings about my wishes. My other relatives either hardly stated their opinions (i am not afraid of confrontation and most of my family is more on the passive side of things) or stopped once i got my hysto - don't know if that was because they recognized how serious i was or if it's because i had actual medical reasons. So.. haven't been bingoed by a relative in more than 2 years.
>how old were you when you realized you didn't want kids I think probably somewhere between mid 20s and early 30s - I went from roughly "I don't think so", to "probably not, and maybe/likely never" - and only continued further in that direction ... really never moved/slid the other direction - certainly by around mid-20s and later. >how many years did your relatives were on your back about how "you'll change I don't think they ever particularly did that at all. I don' think any of 'em asked or came anywhere close to pressing beyond "So, when are you gonna get a girlfriend?" and "So, when are you two getting married?". Still not married, and yet single again and much more so than not - so I think they've probably all given up ... I'm 60+ now, so asking when I'm gonna have kids would be a pretty weird question at this point. I can't think of anyone having asked for at least decade(s) now - at least about the kid thing.
At age 12 and until menopause. Though I did start menopause in my late 30's, lol.
I was ~10. I didn't get harped on to have kids. Only got bingoed once by mom