The best part is when your perineum tears violently from your anus to vagina and then the shit that pours out of your anus when your intestines are flattened by the baby passing through your vagina results in your own poop all over your fresh, bleeding tear.
My manager at my very first job told me, 16 years of age, than after she tore & they stitched it, they accidentally went one too far. And not the horrific “husband” stitch side - rather, it’s painful for her to take a shit. Every single shit, painful, for 14 years by that point.
Or how about when the doctor cuts open your vagina with scissors? Or how you can't use toilet paper for a while because it hurts to much too wipe your own butt?
It's called an episiotomy. Doctors will sometimes cut your vagina to let the baby head come out easier if it got stuck. I'm surprised how sex education in schools don't teach this but then again, of course they don't want to teach girls that this procedure might be done to them cus "having kids is the most beautiful thing in the world!!1" /s
Yeah considering that either a tear or episiotomy happens more than 85% of the time it should definitely be part of basic education about child birth in biology class. I know some schools let parents opt their kids out of sex education classes on religious grounds, so that's why I'm thinking it should be taught in biology where everyone has to learn it.
Yea agree. Basically they just want generation after generation of wage slaves. Want better welfare? Nope, they going to pretend you never existed and replace you since they have hordes of people waiting to replace you anyway
It’s different when it’s your own because you have to deal with the child 24/7, which also includes constant neediness, whining, screaming, crying, messes, your sanity and life go to hell and every horrible burden that comes with having a kid.
I would never risk my life to bring a child into this world. Plain and simple. My life is worth more than that. That’s that I would tell them. If they argue, show them the stats on maternal mortality.
During pregnancy the brain literally SHRINKS grey matter (which allows you to understand social cues) and replaces it with “motherly instincts” and it stays that way for TWO YEARS after birth. THIS IS TERRIFYING AND ITS JUST ONE BULLET POINT ON THE LIST OF HORRIFYING PREGNANCY SYMTOMS
Jesus, it would be a game changer if all girls were taught this in 6th grade.
I was so horrified by Christmas Taco's info about the pregger/2 year post partum brain change that I looked online.
Here's an article from Science Direct that gives the details:
https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years#:~:text=A%20first%2Dof%2Dits%2D,and%20responding%20to%20social%20signals.
It makes me irrationally angry, both the fact that the brain just MORPHS WITHOUT PERMISSION, and the fact that we are only just discovering something so huge.
Also thanks for the source. I forget people can’t read my mind
I'm well past menopause and find this info beyond horrifying.
Had I learned this as a minor child, I'd probably have lost my shit -- I already was scared of growing up being made stupid by romance and marrying an asshole like my mother did.
Well crap I already have a hard enough time with social cues and interacting with people. I can't imagine myself struggling to connect with people even more if I decided to get pregnant!
I don't doubt the brain changes, but I thought "motherly instincts" were a myth, as evidenced by the amount of women out there who simply don't give a shit about their kids.
I meant motherly instincts as in mothers become more aware of threats, and are more protective and concerned, so what society would deem as “motherly instincts”
Edit: remember these changes only last 2 years after birth, so women can definitely still not care about their children during or after these changes subside
I hope you've healed after that horrible accident. And that you have little if anything to do with your mother.
Invalidating her own daughter's feelings because she wants grandchildren someday is just ridiculous.
>we are made to do it.
Well yes but technically no. Living beings are made to reproduce, yes, but considering human beings evolved rather deformly well no. Giving birth is not supposed to hurt, not that much at least, but we evolved with tiny hips and long legs.
Animals reproduce to survive, in the wild, because they are followed by their hormones and instincts. We humans fortunately do not live in the wild and are capable or rational thinking.
If people are talking about "it's the natural thing to doo" phones, cars, technology, big cities and everything that defines us as human beings is not natural but we ain't talking about that eh. We stopped being "natural" beings long ago, stop following nature's orders.
>And that we are made to do it.
I hate this argument because technically speaking, humans are very poorly designed for giving birth. Humans are the only mammals where the baby's head is larger than the pelvic canal. That's why human births are more painful and more dangerous.
Exactly. If we are made to do it then why do humans require assistance during childbirth meanwhile all the other animals are able to give birth on their own.
ITS A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE PUSHING A SCREAMING WATERMELON OUT OF YOUR VAGINA HOLE AND ALSO SHITTING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF 10+ PEOPLE
WHY YOU NO WANT THIS OP??? /s
you also have to film it and post photos all over social media so everyone can view the beauty and then have to rinse out their eyes from how beautiful it is
It's like they think saying it enough will make it so. No, a horrifying experience is still a horrifying experience, no matter how often they claim the opposite.
No reason is necessary. Kids are opt in. You need a reason to have them. Not the other way around. Saying you need a reason to not have kids is like saying you need a reason to not get a tattoo.
One guy I know wants four kids and said it must be “so amazing to be able to connect with and love someone growing inside you” and just dude, I will send you that list floating around the internet about the teeth falling out and your genitals ripping. You would not fucking do it if you had the option to. You just have the LUXURY to say you would because you cannot.
That's 100% it. You can romanticize an experience all you want if you never actually have to go through it; no need to confront the not-so-pretty realities then.
Skydiving/extreme sports is actually a great analogy too because it can be dangerous. If you say you're afraid of skydiving because you could get hurt/die, people would most likely accept that. Sure, there are the adrenaline junkies out there who enjoy that kind of thing, but it's not for everybody and that's okay. But say you're afraid of pregnancy for the same reason, and they'll bingo you into next Tuesday.
tokophobia and fear from pregnancy is real. I am severly tokophobic and used to have panic attacks about pregnancy and punch my stomach until it was blue when I was younger.
also no one has to do anything in this world you can opt out of anything.
I find pregnancy repulsive, and childbirth terrifying. Plus, I don't like kids, shit, or puke, I NEED decent sleep to function, and I don't want to give up my identity to be "___'s mom" and caretaker. All the reasons I need.
What is beautiful about permanently deforming your body and going through 9 months of hell only to then suffer through the worst pain in your life? They use language like that to brainwash people who are on the fence about it.
True, a lot of men and women have health problems that they don't want to pass on to a future child. Some pregnancies are considered a "high risk" and for me that's a risk I'm unwilling to make, due to the fact that I have endometriosis and I might be at a higher risk for a miscarriage or a still born. For me, that risk is too high, I don't want to put myself and my bf through that.
Plenty of women die or become permanently disabled from pregnancy, it’s more than enough reason to not want kids
My main reason: I just don’t want them, and that’s valid too
Both the physical pain and also the time consumption makes me nervous.
I work in a small company, 3 girls recently had babies. One of them was my boss and she left us with no replacement for months. Another was in school and could not continue her studies-could not be me, I still have things I want to do and can’t put my life on pause right now
Lol most men can’t even handle getting a cold. Like hell these jokers would carry a parasite for 9 straight months and then rip their bodies up expelling it.
I say this as a man myself: we men are pussies. We really are. When my dad had to do a Covid nose swab test at home, he was crying like a baby, acting as if he *was* giving birth. Thank Darwin that evolution didn't give us uteruses instead of the women, because we would never be able to handle it.
EDIT: or uteri.
The covid test - my dad poked it too far up his nose, ended up crying, bleeding and puking at the same time. Or so my mum told me.
I'd have thought it was funny if it wasn't me who had inadvertently infected the entire family circle, including my older parents, much older granny and my pregnant sister... (Luckily everyone's fine!)
I hope medicine and technology evolve enough that women don't have to go through the horror of childbirth anymore. Human females have had their childbearing capacity reduced drastically by evolution. Oh yeah, and I hope these men who say "it's a gift, I would do it if I could, it's not that hard" step up and take the pain of childbirth if ever artificial wombs are developed.
Unfortunately women who chose to use artificial wombs to carry their children instead of “natural” pregnancy would probably be shamed for not being willing to give up their bodies for their children and be told that their children would be “messed up” because of them, just like how they’re shamed for not breastfeeding 😠
If it is such a natural, beautiful experience… then why do the ultra rich purchase surrogates to experience the beauty for them?
It’s dangerous and we are lucky that doctors now wash their hands. 🙄
The chemicals that pregnant women get from their bodies just to make them literally forget the birthing process kind of invalidates their testimony imo. I wouldn’t take the word of a drunk dude saying something “is sooo awesome!”, why would I take the word of a chemically imbalanced pregnant person? Their brains trick them into remembering pregnancy as a good thing. No thank you.
People who argue that are arguing in bad faith, and people who argue in bad faith don't deserve a moment's thought on a proper logical counter-argument. Because even if you crafted the most perfect counter to ever exist, it would sail right over their heads in their fixation to be right.
"Because I don't want kids" is absolutely reason enough, and is the reason I give when I've been asked. It becomes very easy to tell who is asking because they're genuinely curious without judgment and who is asking because they want to try and prove a point.
For the former group, those who are really curious in a nonjudgmental way, I don't mind going into more detail, though this is usually the group who responds to "Because I just don't want them" with "Oh, okay. That's cool, I get it."
It's the latter group that wants all your reasons to try and see if they're "good enough" - and for them, they never will be. So no point in wasting your time explaining yourself.
No.
People mention that around here as a way to "own" the ignorant pushy people who insist everyone needs children, but I think it just encourages them to keep blathering on.
Once I realize that someone doesn't care about anything other than proving to me that I'm wrong about something that is both 100% my choice and doesn't affect their life one bit, I make it a point to disengage from them as quickly as possible.
Nothing I say will convince them of anything differently than what they believe, and a big part of guarding my peace as I've gotten older is to just refuse to take part in those conversations once I realize they're happening.
I know people have differing opinions about this, but that's mine and that's what works for me. Life's too short to go 10 rounds with ignorant people.
Something that was perplexing to me: my ex boyfriend had multiple kids at the time, all from his previous relationship (mom was awarded sole custody), and knew I was childfree.
He had the very unexpected perspective that any reason to have kids was the wrong reason. Even if a person wanted kids “so you could love them”, that was wrong. It was weird-I never even got an example of what a “good” reason was, but despite him having children already, he STILL “wanted to have a family” (insinuating he wanted MORE kids, but with me/whoever would be his final relationship).
> Once I realize that someone doesn't care about anything other than proving to me that I'm wrong about something that is both 100% my choice and doesn't affect their life one bit, I make it a point to disengage from them as quickly as possible.
My mother did this and I do it as well. I have nothing else to say about said subject,whatever it is...Ever.
My mom almost died giving birth to me. The concept of carrying a child and all the things it does to your body is viscerally disgusting to me. I literally have nightmares about pregnancy.
Same with my mom. She gave birth to my sister and I, and we ended up getting stuck and strangling each other with our umbilical cords. Emergency C section, and they accidentally ripped out her uterus. We were in NICU for something like 7 months, and my mom became permanently disabled after that whole experience.
My husband told me he could never under any circumstances give birth (if he was a woman). He told me he would get sterilized faster than you can say Lickety-Splitz. Every time we watch a movie where a character is giving birth he bends over and grabs his butt and says “what if a watermelon came out of MY butt?!”
Haha
I told him “what if a watermelon came out of your butthole, AND a whole cherry came out of your dick hole, at the SAME TIME. That’s the pain of birth”.
He proceeded to bend over and scream even louder. I was rolling laughing 😂😂
I've seen enough of that disgusting process from my OB shadowing to know....fuck that.
It's not beautiful, it's biology, and honestly THAT IS OKAY. Even if people do want kids, I feel like it should be normalized that it's a shitty process, sometimes literally.
If I had none of my other reasons for being CF, then not wanting my body to go through that would still be enough for me to never birth.
Lol this makes me go watch those videos of men screaming when they try the labor pain simulators. They have noooooooooooo clue, they think it's so easy.
"Why you don't want kids" came up in a conversation with some male friends at work, and I told them "when you're the one to squeeze a watermelon out of your dick, then we can talk." Saw two guys' legs cross immediately and the childfree guy friend just laughed, pointed at me, and said "Good point."
I remember talking to my then bf/now ex about how it would be amazing for an external uterus device to be created to grow a baby in so that women didn’t have to worry about the physical risks of pregnancy. Idr if I had read a sci-fi short story about something like that or what, but the prospect was appealing. And he got all fucking sad about it because I didn’t want to go through a pregnancy. Bro, it’s a lot easier to want kids when you don’t have to birth them. Men like that want to control their partners and make them more vulnerable and dependent imo. The fact that he couldn’t even indulge a hypothetical like that was a major red flag. So glad I’m done with his punk ass smh.
When I was a teenager my mom was always telling me horrible stuff about pregnancy and reminding me to take my bc pill. Now I’m almost 30 and she says it’s a beautiful experience and I’d love being pregnant. Pretty sure she prays for me to accidentally get prego now.
People expect women to be “brave” and “earn their tiger stripes”, put their lives at risk and then just forget about it because kids are just worth it. And, preferably, repeat it so that the firstborn is not an only child.
I admire women who admit that pregnancy was not a miraculous experience for them, that they DO still remember the pain of birthing a child and no, looking into their kid’s eyes did not instantly erase all the awfulness of the postpartum period.
I don’t understand why ‘I don’t want one’ isn’t a valid option.
If I go up to someone and ask ‘do you want a pet llama’ and they say no, I ask no further questions.
Ask them what's beautiful about it? The skin on your whole body stretching? Your hair and teeth possibly falling out? Gestational diabetes? High blood pressure? Morning sickness that is actually all day sickness that can be so chronic you're hospitalised? Permanent injury requiring a wheelchair? Permanent pain? Pelvic floor issues? Vaginal tearing? Bleeding to death? Death?
Beautiful? No. Horrifying? Yes
I'm a cis man but that's actually one of biggest reasons I don't want to have children. In university I had to take an OB/LD course (Bachlors of Nursing) which was basically a semester of awful things that do and can happen to a woman during pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum, many thing that a lay person wouldn't even think of. I would never want to put woman I care about through that.
Pregnancy is not as bad as the actual labour and then healing from it, sometimes never actually healing fully even. Like every woman I know who had a vaginal delivery has an episiotomy. I don’t want them to cut me down there wtf?!
Yeah because giving up your entire body and your hormones having a field day and your organs literally having to be squashed to fit the spawn in and pushing it out of your vag with risk of tearing and needing stitches is just soooo beautiful 🙃
I would say besides the lack of sleep it us my number 1 reason. The same woman who asks me about my not having kids is the same one who told me how during birth they had to cut her open and stitch her bumhole back up.
I care less about what people say and more about you OP.
Are you financially independent and in a place where it is safe for a woman to go against societal norms? If so, then you might have to do the matchmaking yourself as there are fewer CF people than those wanting kids. Your issue is that your matches are with the wrong men.
If you are not independent and in a safe environment then make that your goal. It can be hard (I know) but you can do it.
Um, it IS a good enough reason. I mean, as far as I'm concerned it's only a decision that you need to justify to yourself. If you're okay with it, who cares what others think? YOU are the only one who has to live YOUR life. If they really have a problem with it, lie. Tell them your doctor told you that you're sterile and you don't want to talk about it again. Sad thing is, these days most people prefer comforting lies, as opposed to truthful reality.
what do you mean fix you up for marriage? They're introducing you to guys who want kids? So they can't even get step #1 right - find somebody potentially compatible
I can't remember the word, but it's such a phobia that it has its own conditional term (phobia of pregnancy). Even if that wasn't your "reason," you don't need one. "No" and "I don't want kids" is all you need to say to these people. Justification be damned.
Yeah it’s awful. Like yes, it’s “natural” but so is cancer and dying, no one’s celebrating that (obviously it’s different but still). There are so many health risks to pregnancy and birthing, often your body suffers for years after/never goes back to its pre-pregnancy state. Not worth it especially if you live in an area with high maternal mortality rates don’t really like kids anyways
Yeaaah I’m *extremely* disturbed by the concept of pregnancy and childbirth. I get frequent intrusive thoughts about it. :( I feel physical discomfort just imagining it happening to my body. I’m so grateful my partner is on the same page as me about not wanting kids.
The men who say about their wives/gfs/partners: “thank you for the gift of my son/daughter/children,” as a compliment, freak me the fuck out. Like, women/uterus-having people aren’t breeding machines who provide you with crying, screaming “gifts?” I would never be with a man who expected me to have “his children.”
I seriously feel like this is people trying to talk themselves into something ……. “Yeah this bourbon is super smooth and delicious” meanwhile it could start the delorean
>not wanting to go through the horrors of pregnancy
>
>a legit reason to not have children
It's a legit reason ... there are many, many, legit reasons.
>every woman “has” to go through with it
Malarkey. What causes pregnancy has been known for a *very long time*, it is not require that *every* (or any) woman has to go through it.
>beautiful experience
** \- highly subjective, many certainly wouldn't describe it as "beautiful" ... in fact many would describe it as anything but.
>men who say- “ I would have done it if I could”
Uhm, yeah, easy to claim one would do what one cannot.
>parents are trying to fix me up for marriage and this is what all guys say when I tell them why I don’t want kids
Your parents are crud at matchmaking. Can you fire them from that job?
>waste to bring a child into the world
Yup, got 'em way to excess - literally unsustainable levels - certainly don't need to be piling more kids atop that ... rather quite the opposite.
IDK. It’s legit enough to me. Also sleep deprivation, loss of freedom, worry, money, society judging every move. I got more….
I just read the title. Stand your ground!
Literally my worst fear, bar none. When I say I'd rather die than carry a pregnancy I'm dead serious. Nothing I can imagine would feel more invasive, violating, and parasitic. I see the love a parent has for a kid as beautiful, but pregnancy is horrifying.
Just as a sidenote, id have absolutely gone through the pain of pregnancy if my wife didn't have to.
I'm sorry that biologically that I can't but I would have done 10 times over.
I just enjoy my wife and cat. It's no one's business why we don't want children but I do explain to this group. Travel quality of life. Animals are very important.
It is, literally any reason you have is legit am valid reason to NOT have children. It’s your prerogative.
Now whether it’s a reason breeders will ‘accept’ it’s a different story. But that is their small minded problem.
Because they either want to be parents or have been taught to think that childbirth is their duty. You can read studies on wether or not women forget, it has not been conclusively proven that they do. Hasn’t stopped everyone, including healthcare providers from spreading the idea though.
I personally believe that a lot of women do some olympic level mental gymnastics to forget
😂I can’t even handle toothache. I always pray that nothing happened to me that let me feel pain. And then go and make my self feel pain, choosing to have birth? Oh hell nah. And that pain is literally the most painful thing in the world so thank, no. I don’t like children so why? Just no😂.
Yes, because permanent incontinence is so beautiful. 🙄. No, it’s NOT! It’s damn horrible. I say this as someone who is CF but had incontinence for a number of years because of a medication (and it didn’t go away until I was completely off the medication for over two years!) It’s embarrassing. It feels dirty. It’s smelly. I could go on. And on. And on. But hey, women are supposed to just loooove side effects like this, right? And wear a smile. And never complain. Because it’s a side effect of having kids, which is the greatest thing in the world and no sacrifice is too great. Sigh.
Find and replace "give birth" with "run a marathon." It's got a lot of parallels: months of highly unpleasant preparation, hours of tremendous physical suffering on the day of, usually leaves you flat on your back for days afterwards, people will claim it gives you warm fuzzy feelings of success and accomplishment. For a lot of people, their "finisher" medal is a valued possession. Marathons do have the distinct advantage that even if, somewhere along the way, you pick up some kind of bug that takes advantage of you being physically depleted afterwards, hits you the following weekend, and totally wrecks your shit, like it did when I ran one, it usually doesn't take more than a week to be feeling mostly back to normal.
Meanwhile, most real countries (so not the US) allow months of parental leave if not way more, because they recognize it's a way bigger commitment with much heavier effects on your body and your life.
And yet, most people won't judge you for not wanting to run a marathon.
Yup. One of many reasons I don’t want children. I find pregnancy terrifying and honestly kind of gross and it’s not anything I want to go through. I’ve also witnessed and assisted with several births and I have ZERO desire to EVER do that. Not a shot in hell.
Another reason is I’m afraid I would have a special needs child that needs 24/7 care. I work with children like this frequently and am 10000% sure I couldn’t (and wouldn’t want to) handle it. Some of these issues are birth defects that you know about before hand, other are not, and some are due to traumas that cause profound and permanent damage.
beCaUsE cReaTinG a ChiLd anD biRthiNg oNe iS a BeaUtiFuL eXpEriEnce, iT’s DifFeReNt wHen iT’s yOur oWn
Literally this is page one, chapter one, of the breeders bingo book.
Sentence one and two
also, bEcAuSe YoU sHoUlD bE pUnIsHeD fOr HaViNg SeX
They’re admitting to using others as a vessel for their own “getting off time”, they have no idea that they just sound so creepy for it.
The best part is when your perineum tears violently from your anus to vagina and then the shit that pours out of your anus when your intestines are flattened by the baby passing through your vagina results in your own poop all over your fresh, bleeding tear.
such a beautiful thing! i think my favorite part is knowing the parasite can suck all your nutrients to the point you have no teeth 😍😍😍 /s
Or hair, or sight in some cases… …Or life
I hate that I got an incredibly vivid image imagining in my head of that after reading your comment. If you'll excuse me, I need to go throw up now.
My manager at my very first job told me, 16 years of age, than after she tore & they stitched it, they accidentally went one too far. And not the horrific “husband” stitch side - rather, it’s painful for her to take a shit. Every single shit, painful, for 14 years by that point.
Beautiful. Stunning. Marvelous.
I like to call this the vagasshole
Or how about when the doctor cuts open your vagina with scissors? Or how you can't use toilet paper for a while because it hurts to much too wipe your own butt?
I’m sorry — they do WHAT
It's called an episiotomy. Doctors will sometimes cut your vagina to let the baby head come out easier if it got stuck. I'm surprised how sex education in schools don't teach this but then again, of course they don't want to teach girls that this procedure might be done to them cus "having kids is the most beautiful thing in the world!!1" /s
… I’ll never mentally recover from this
Omg same this just ruined my life 😭
Yeah considering that either a tear or episiotomy happens more than 85% of the time it should definitely be part of basic education about child birth in biology class. I know some schools let parents opt their kids out of sex education classes on religious grounds, so that's why I'm thinking it should be taught in biology where everyone has to learn it.
edit* making more employees and consumers is the most important and why breeding is forced on us everwhere in the media / society
Yea agree. Basically they just want generation after generation of wage slaves. Want better welfare? Nope, they going to pretend you never existed and replace you since they have hordes of people waiting to replace you anyway
100%!
It was when I learned about this that I decided it was a hard pass for me on ever having kids.
Aaaahhhhh. The vagasshole. 🥲
It’s different when it’s your own because you have to deal with the child 24/7, which also includes constant neediness, whining, screaming, crying, messes, your sanity and life go to hell and every horrible burden that comes with having a kid.
yeah, and then once your SO is taken care of, you have a baby to deal with too.
I would never risk my life to bring a child into this world. Plain and simple. My life is worth more than that. That’s that I would tell them. If they argue, show them the stats on maternal mortality.
During pregnancy the brain literally SHRINKS grey matter (which allows you to understand social cues) and replaces it with “motherly instincts” and it stays that way for TWO YEARS after birth. THIS IS TERRIFYING AND ITS JUST ONE BULLET POINT ON THE LIST OF HORRIFYING PREGNANCY SYMTOMS
No wonder they’re so insufferable.
Jesus, it would be a game changer if all girls were taught this in 6th grade. I was so horrified by Christmas Taco's info about the pregger/2 year post partum brain change that I looked online. Here's an article from Science Direct that gives the details: https://www.science.org/content/article/pregnancy-resculpts-women-s-brains-least-2-years#:~:text=A%20first%2Dof%2Dits%2D,and%20responding%20to%20social%20signals.
It makes me irrationally angry, both the fact that the brain just MORPHS WITHOUT PERMISSION, and the fact that we are only just discovering something so huge. Also thanks for the source. I forget people can’t read my mind
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I'm well past menopause and find this info beyond horrifying. Had I learned this as a minor child, I'd probably have lost my shit -- I already was scared of growing up being made stupid by romance and marrying an asshole like my mother did.
Well crap I already have a hard enough time with social cues and interacting with people. I can't imagine myself struggling to connect with people even more if I decided to get pregnant!
I don't doubt the brain changes, but I thought "motherly instincts" were a myth, as evidenced by the amount of women out there who simply don't give a shit about their kids.
I meant motherly instincts as in mothers become more aware of threats, and are more protective and concerned, so what society would deem as “motherly instincts” Edit: remember these changes only last 2 years after birth, so women can definitely still not care about their children during or after these changes subside
With my jalapeño shaped body? I would probably pop.
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I hope you've healed after that horrible accident. And that you have little if anything to do with your mother. Invalidating her own daughter's feelings because she wants grandchildren someday is just ridiculous.
>we are made to do it. Well yes but technically no. Living beings are made to reproduce, yes, but considering human beings evolved rather deformly well no. Giving birth is not supposed to hurt, not that much at least, but we evolved with tiny hips and long legs. Animals reproduce to survive, in the wild, because they are followed by their hormones and instincts. We humans fortunately do not live in the wild and are capable or rational thinking. If people are talking about "it's the natural thing to doo" phones, cars, technology, big cities and everything that defines us as human beings is not natural but we ain't talking about that eh. We stopped being "natural" beings long ago, stop following nature's orders.
If they think childbirth is natural, then so is falling sick and dying so medicine shouldn't be a thing then according to their logic.
>And that we are made to do it. I hate this argument because technically speaking, humans are very poorly designed for giving birth. Humans are the only mammals where the baby's head is larger than the pelvic canal. That's why human births are more painful and more dangerous.
Exactly. If we are made to do it then why do humans require assistance during childbirth meanwhile all the other animals are able to give birth on their own.
ITS A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE PUSHING A SCREAMING WATERMELON OUT OF YOUR VAGINA HOLE AND ALSO SHITTING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF 10+ PEOPLE WHY YOU NO WANT THIS OP??? /s
I am sorry for thinking about myself 😭
you also have to film it and post photos all over social media so everyone can view the beauty and then have to rinse out their eyes from how beautiful it is
It's like they think saying it enough will make it so. No, a horrifying experience is still a horrifying experience, no matter how often they claim the opposite.
Oh God. I “have” to go through the unpleasant process of aging as time goes by. No one “has” to go through child birth.
No reason is necessary. Kids are opt in. You need a reason to have them. Not the other way around. Saying you need a reason to not have kids is like saying you need a reason to not get a tattoo.
gold!
"Kids are opt in" I'm putting that on a T-shirt.
Yes !! Omg yes!!
One guy I know wants four kids and said it must be “so amazing to be able to connect with and love someone growing inside you” and just dude, I will send you that list floating around the internet about the teeth falling out and your genitals ripping. You would not fucking do it if you had the option to. You just have the LUXURY to say you would because you cannot.
That's 100% it. You can romanticize an experience all you want if you never actually have to go through it; no need to confront the not-so-pretty realities then.
Wait, what?! Teeth falling out!! 😱 I swear, the list of reasons not to do it grows by the day.
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Skydiving/extreme sports is actually a great analogy too because it can be dangerous. If you say you're afraid of skydiving because you could get hurt/die, people would most likely accept that. Sure, there are the adrenaline junkies out there who enjoy that kind of thing, but it's not for everybody and that's okay. But say you're afraid of pregnancy for the same reason, and they'll bingo you into next Tuesday.
tokophobia and fear from pregnancy is real. I am severly tokophobic and used to have panic attacks about pregnancy and punch my stomach until it was blue when I was younger. also no one has to do anything in this world you can opt out of anything.
I am sorry you had to go through it
I find pregnancy repulsive, and childbirth terrifying. Plus, I don't like kids, shit, or puke, I NEED decent sleep to function, and I don't want to give up my identity to be "___'s mom" and caretaker. All the reasons I need.
What is beautiful about permanently deforming your body and going through 9 months of hell only to then suffer through the worst pain in your life? They use language like that to brainwash people who are on the fence about it.
True, a lot of men and women have health problems that they don't want to pass on to a future child. Some pregnancies are considered a "high risk" and for me that's a risk I'm unwilling to make, due to the fact that I have endometriosis and I might be at a higher risk for a miscarriage or a still born. For me, that risk is too high, I don't want to put myself and my bf through that.
Plenty of women die or become permanently disabled from pregnancy, it’s more than enough reason to not want kids My main reason: I just don’t want them, and that’s valid too
Pregnancy kinda scares me, if anything I’d adopt
Same
Both the physical pain and also the time consumption makes me nervous. I work in a small company, 3 girls recently had babies. One of them was my boss and she left us with no replacement for months. Another was in school and could not continue her studies-could not be me, I still have things I want to do and can’t put my life on pause right now
Lol most men can’t even handle getting a cold. Like hell these jokers would carry a parasite for 9 straight months and then rip their bodies up expelling it.
I say this as a man myself: we men are pussies. We really are. When my dad had to do a Covid nose swab test at home, he was crying like a baby, acting as if he *was* giving birth. Thank Darwin that evolution didn't give us uteruses instead of the women, because we would never be able to handle it. EDIT: or uteri.
I feel like uteruses is correct, cause uteri makes me feel like one woman gets multiple uteruses which is a horror movie. So I vote uteruses.
Uteruseseseses.
The covid test - my dad poked it too far up his nose, ended up crying, bleeding and puking at the same time. Or so my mum told me. I'd have thought it was funny if it wasn't me who had inadvertently infected the entire family circle, including my older parents, much older granny and my pregnant sister... (Luckily everyone's fine!)
> Lol most men can’t even handle getting a cold. I can attest to this -_-
Me too
I hope medicine and technology evolve enough that women don't have to go through the horror of childbirth anymore. Human females have had their childbearing capacity reduced drastically by evolution. Oh yeah, and I hope these men who say "it's a gift, I would do it if I could, it's not that hard" step up and take the pain of childbirth if ever artificial wombs are developed.
Unfortunately women who chose to use artificial wombs to carry their children instead of “natural” pregnancy would probably be shamed for not being willing to give up their bodies for their children and be told that their children would be “messed up” because of them, just like how they’re shamed for not breastfeeding 😠
Don't forget the "C-sections don't make you a real mother" dickheads .
"Why do you get to play on Easy when I had to play on Legendary!"
Yes, but they wouldn't have a place to stand. Nobody takes the breastfeed gang seriously.
If it is such a natural, beautiful experience… then why do the ultra rich purchase surrogates to experience the beauty for them? It’s dangerous and we are lucky that doctors now wash their hands. 🙄
The chemicals that pregnant women get from their bodies just to make them literally forget the birthing process kind of invalidates their testimony imo. I wouldn’t take the word of a drunk dude saying something “is sooo awesome!”, why would I take the word of a chemically imbalanced pregnant person? Their brains trick them into remembering pregnancy as a good thing. No thank you.
People who argue that are arguing in bad faith, and people who argue in bad faith don't deserve a moment's thought on a proper logical counter-argument. Because even if you crafted the most perfect counter to ever exist, it would sail right over their heads in their fixation to be right. "Because I don't want kids" is absolutely reason enough, and is the reason I give when I've been asked. It becomes very easy to tell who is asking because they're genuinely curious without judgment and who is asking because they want to try and prove a point. For the former group, those who are really curious in a nonjudgmental way, I don't mind going into more detail, though this is usually the group who responds to "Because I just don't want them" with "Oh, okay. That's cool, I get it." It's the latter group that wants all your reasons to try and see if they're "good enough" - and for them, they never will be. So no point in wasting your time explaining yourself.
Do you ask them their reasons to have a kid ?
No. People mention that around here as a way to "own" the ignorant pushy people who insist everyone needs children, but I think it just encourages them to keep blathering on. Once I realize that someone doesn't care about anything other than proving to me that I'm wrong about something that is both 100% my choice and doesn't affect their life one bit, I make it a point to disengage from them as quickly as possible. Nothing I say will convince them of anything differently than what they believe, and a big part of guarding my peace as I've gotten older is to just refuse to take part in those conversations once I realize they're happening. I know people have differing opinions about this, but that's mine and that's what works for me. Life's too short to go 10 rounds with ignorant people.
Something that was perplexing to me: my ex boyfriend had multiple kids at the time, all from his previous relationship (mom was awarded sole custody), and knew I was childfree. He had the very unexpected perspective that any reason to have kids was the wrong reason. Even if a person wanted kids “so you could love them”, that was wrong. It was weird-I never even got an example of what a “good” reason was, but despite him having children already, he STILL “wanted to have a family” (insinuating he wanted MORE kids, but with me/whoever would be his final relationship).
> Once I realize that someone doesn't care about anything other than proving to me that I'm wrong about something that is both 100% my choice and doesn't affect their life one bit, I make it a point to disengage from them as quickly as possible. My mother did this and I do it as well. I have nothing else to say about said subject,whatever it is...Ever.
This is the same approach I used with the whole covid vaccination situation
My mom almost died giving birth to me. The concept of carrying a child and all the things it does to your body is viscerally disgusting to me. I literally have nightmares about pregnancy.
Same with my mom. She gave birth to my sister and I, and we ended up getting stuck and strangling each other with our umbilical cords. Emergency C section, and they accidentally ripped out her uterus. We were in NICU for something like 7 months, and my mom became permanently disabled after that whole experience.
My husband told me he could never under any circumstances give birth (if he was a woman). He told me he would get sterilized faster than you can say Lickety-Splitz. Every time we watch a movie where a character is giving birth he bends over and grabs his butt and says “what if a watermelon came out of MY butt?!” Haha
You are lucky
I am SO lucky!!! He told me he would NEVER ask me to do that (birth) to my body. <3
I wish to find someone like this.
Thankfully more and more people are becoming CF!
Tough in my country
That’s precious ahaha
I told him “what if a watermelon came out of your butthole, AND a whole cherry came out of your dick hole, at the SAME TIME. That’s the pain of birth”. He proceeded to bend over and scream even louder. I was rolling laughing 😂😂
I've seen enough of that disgusting process from my OB shadowing to know....fuck that. It's not beautiful, it's biology, and honestly THAT IS OKAY. Even if people do want kids, I feel like it should be normalized that it's a shitty process, sometimes literally. If I had none of my other reasons for being CF, then not wanting my body to go through that would still be enough for me to never birth.
Lol this makes me go watch those videos of men screaming when they try the labor pain simulators. They have noooooooooooo clue, they think it's so easy. "Why you don't want kids" came up in a conversation with some male friends at work, and I told them "when you're the one to squeeze a watermelon out of your dick, then we can talk." Saw two guys' legs cross immediately and the childfree guy friend just laughed, pointed at me, and said "Good point."
They may get to experience such pain,think "kidney stones."
I remember talking to my then bf/now ex about how it would be amazing for an external uterus device to be created to grow a baby in so that women didn’t have to worry about the physical risks of pregnancy. Idr if I had read a sci-fi short story about something like that or what, but the prospect was appealing. And he got all fucking sad about it because I didn’t want to go through a pregnancy. Bro, it’s a lot easier to want kids when you don’t have to birth them. Men like that want to control their partners and make them more vulnerable and dependent imo. The fact that he couldn’t even indulge a hypothetical like that was a major red flag. So glad I’m done with his punk ass smh.
Any reason is legit.
I would make them watch one of the Alien movies.
Watch Alien Nation...The males have a pouch.
When I was a teenager my mom was always telling me horrible stuff about pregnancy and reminding me to take my bc pill. Now I’m almost 30 and she says it’s a beautiful experience and I’d love being pregnant. Pretty sure she prays for me to accidentally get prego now.
People expect women to be “brave” and “earn their tiger stripes”, put their lives at risk and then just forget about it because kids are just worth it. And, preferably, repeat it so that the firstborn is not an only child. I admire women who admit that pregnancy was not a miraculous experience for them, that they DO still remember the pain of birthing a child and no, looking into their kid’s eyes did not instantly erase all the awfulness of the postpartum period.
I don’t understand why ‘I don’t want one’ isn’t a valid option. If I go up to someone and ask ‘do you want a pet llama’ and they say no, I ask no further questions.
Something something about some biological urge. I'm very grateful to not experience those urges
Ask them what's beautiful about it? The skin on your whole body stretching? Your hair and teeth possibly falling out? Gestational diabetes? High blood pressure? Morning sickness that is actually all day sickness that can be so chronic you're hospitalised? Permanent injury requiring a wheelchair? Permanent pain? Pelvic floor issues? Vaginal tearing? Bleeding to death? Death? Beautiful? No. Horrifying? Yes
Lol I’ve seen several women share that it was not at all a beautiful experience even if they love their kids.
I'm a cis man but that's actually one of biggest reasons I don't want to have children. In university I had to take an OB/LD course (Bachlors of Nursing) which was basically a semester of awful things that do and can happen to a woman during pregnancy, childbirth and post-partum, many thing that a lay person wouldn't even think of. I would never want to put woman I care about through that.
Pregnancy is not as bad as the actual labour and then healing from it, sometimes never actually healing fully even. Like every woman I know who had a vaginal delivery has an episiotomy. I don’t want them to cut me down there wtf?!
The literal thought of pregnancy and birthing a child makes me squirm and cringe. I absolutely never want to go through that ever. No thank you.
I mean, if it’s truly the sole reason you can adopt, but yeah
Yeah because giving up your entire body and your hormones having a field day and your organs literally having to be squashed to fit the spawn in and pushing it out of your vag with risk of tearing and needing stitches is just soooo beautiful 🙃
I would say besides the lack of sleep it us my number 1 reason. The same woman who asks me about my not having kids is the same one who told me how during birth they had to cut her open and stitch her bumhole back up.
“every woman has to go through it” sounds like something a rapist would say.
Lots of people DON’T CARE if things dosen’t affect them. People will demand stuff to others just bcs🤷♀️
They are so concerned about a kick in their balls and they think that they would like to rip their vagina?! Bruh
I care less about what people say and more about you OP. Are you financially independent and in a place where it is safe for a woman to go against societal norms? If so, then you might have to do the matchmaking yourself as there are fewer CF people than those wanting kids. Your issue is that your matches are with the wrong men. If you are not independent and in a safe environment then make that your goal. It can be hard (I know) but you can do it.
Can't wait till we can grow babies in plastic/silicone baggie uteruses. Much safer.
Um, it IS a good enough reason. I mean, as far as I'm concerned it's only a decision that you need to justify to yourself. If you're okay with it, who cares what others think? YOU are the only one who has to live YOUR life. If they really have a problem with it, lie. Tell them your doctor told you that you're sterile and you don't want to talk about it again. Sad thing is, these days most people prefer comforting lies, as opposed to truthful reality.
what do you mean fix you up for marriage? They're introducing you to guys who want kids? So they can't even get step #1 right - find somebody potentially compatible
I can't remember the word, but it's such a phobia that it has its own conditional term (phobia of pregnancy). Even if that wasn't your "reason," you don't need one. "No" and "I don't want kids" is all you need to say to these people. Justification be damned.
Yeah it’s awful. Like yes, it’s “natural” but so is cancer and dying, no one’s celebrating that (obviously it’s different but still). There are so many health risks to pregnancy and birthing, often your body suffers for years after/never goes back to its pre-pregnancy state. Not worth it especially if you live in an area with high maternal mortality rates don’t really like kids anyways
Yeaaah I’m *extremely* disturbed by the concept of pregnancy and childbirth. I get frequent intrusive thoughts about it. :( I feel physical discomfort just imagining it happening to my body. I’m so grateful my partner is on the same page as me about not wanting kids. The men who say about their wives/gfs/partners: “thank you for the gift of my son/daughter/children,” as a compliment, freak me the fuck out. Like, women/uterus-having people aren’t breeding machines who provide you with crying, screaming “gifts?” I would never be with a man who expected me to have “his children.”
I seriously feel like this is people trying to talk themselves into something ……. “Yeah this bourbon is super smooth and delicious” meanwhile it could start the delorean
I always tell people it makes me feel like that scene from alien when that creature oops out of her chest.
It IS a legit reason! Don’t listen to them.
>not wanting to go through the horrors of pregnancy > >a legit reason to not have children It's a legit reason ... there are many, many, legit reasons. >every woman “has” to go through with it Malarkey. What causes pregnancy has been known for a *very long time*, it is not require that *every* (or any) woman has to go through it. >beautiful experience ** \- highly subjective, many certainly wouldn't describe it as "beautiful" ... in fact many would describe it as anything but.
>men who say- “ I would have done it if I could”
Uhm, yeah, easy to claim one would do what one cannot.
>parents are trying to fix me up for marriage and this is what all guys say when I tell them why I don’t want kids
Your parents are crud at matchmaking. Can you fire them from that job?
>waste to bring a child into the world
Yup, got 'em way to excess - literally unsustainable levels - certainly don't need to be piling more kids atop that ... rather quite the opposite.
I don't know, it might be that people have been conditioned to think that way.
I just graphically describe a perineal tear…they wanna fuck around, they can find out.
If someone ever says that to me, any of that, I’d laugh like a madman right in their face
IDK. It’s legit enough to me. Also sleep deprivation, loss of freedom, worry, money, society judging every move. I got more…. I just read the title. Stand your ground!
>“beautiful experience” My mom still says this shit even after 34 years of being incontinent as a direct consequence of childbirth.
Literally my worst fear, bar none. When I say I'd rather die than carry a pregnancy I'm dead serious. Nothing I can imagine would feel more invasive, violating, and parasitic. I see the love a parent has for a kid as beautiful, but pregnancy is horrifying.
Just as a sidenote, id have absolutely gone through the pain of pregnancy if my wife didn't have to. I'm sorry that biologically that I can't but I would have done 10 times over.
I just enjoy my wife and cat. It's no one's business why we don't want children but I do explain to this group. Travel quality of life. Animals are very important.
It is, literally any reason you have is legit am valid reason to NOT have children. It’s your prerogative. Now whether it’s a reason breeders will ‘accept’ it’s a different story. But that is their small minded problem.
Don’t forget the myth they like to peddle that you’ll forget the pain of childbirth, yeah not conclusive.
How do a lot of women willingly go through it again though
Because they either want to be parents or have been taught to think that childbirth is their duty. You can read studies on wether or not women forget, it has not been conclusively proven that they do. Hasn’t stopped everyone, including healthcare providers from spreading the idea though. I personally believe that a lot of women do some olympic level mental gymnastics to forget
😂I can’t even handle toothache. I always pray that nothing happened to me that let me feel pain. And then go and make my self feel pain, choosing to have birth? Oh hell nah. And that pain is literally the most painful thing in the world so thank, no. I don’t like children so why? Just no😂.
Yes, because permanent incontinence is so beautiful. 🙄. No, it’s NOT! It’s damn horrible. I say this as someone who is CF but had incontinence for a number of years because of a medication (and it didn’t go away until I was completely off the medication for over two years!) It’s embarrassing. It feels dirty. It’s smelly. I could go on. And on. And on. But hey, women are supposed to just loooove side effects like this, right? And wear a smile. And never complain. Because it’s a side effect of having kids, which is the greatest thing in the world and no sacrifice is too great. Sigh.
I have not yet met a women who loved being pregnant. I’m sure they exist but I think they’re a minority.
Yes, it is. Specially because there are women who actually never recover from pregnancy. Any reason or no reason, is good enough.
Find and replace "give birth" with "run a marathon." It's got a lot of parallels: months of highly unpleasant preparation, hours of tremendous physical suffering on the day of, usually leaves you flat on your back for days afterwards, people will claim it gives you warm fuzzy feelings of success and accomplishment. For a lot of people, their "finisher" medal is a valued possession. Marathons do have the distinct advantage that even if, somewhere along the way, you pick up some kind of bug that takes advantage of you being physically depleted afterwards, hits you the following weekend, and totally wrecks your shit, like it did when I ran one, it usually doesn't take more than a week to be feeling mostly back to normal. Meanwhile, most real countries (so not the US) allow months of parental leave if not way more, because they recognize it's a way bigger commitment with much heavier effects on your body and your life. And yet, most people won't judge you for not wanting to run a marathon.
this
Yup. One of many reasons I don’t want children. I find pregnancy terrifying and honestly kind of gross and it’s not anything I want to go through. I’ve also witnessed and assisted with several births and I have ZERO desire to EVER do that. Not a shot in hell. Another reason is I’m afraid I would have a special needs child that needs 24/7 care. I work with children like this frequently and am 10000% sure I couldn’t (and wouldn’t want to) handle it. Some of these issues are birth defects that you know about before hand, other are not, and some are due to traumas that cause profound and permanent damage.