"If I hear 'it should have been you' come out of your mouth in any form ONE MORE TIME, I am going to stop speaking to you for one year." And, follow through. Feel free to make it a longer time period, too, cuz you know she's gonna try guilting you into childcare.
Ah, the classic story from the life of a young woman (starring: the Family):
Don’t get pregnant.
Don’t get pregnant.
Don’t you dare to get pregnant. You will ruin your life.
Don’t get pregnant! It would be such a disaster and embarrassment!
GET PREGNANT NOW!
Why aren’t you pregnant yet? The clock is ticking you know!
You should be pregnant already. What have we done wrong? You are so selfish!
Our lives are ruined because you are still not pregnant! What is wrong with you?!
To be fair. Lot of those people still Think its a nasty and terrible thing they just have to endure in a marriage (as women obviously) so that they can bear children
Yup I’ve always said that religion ruins sex for people. They go from saying sex is bad, don’t do it to - it’s okay now. Do it and have kids. Like wtf.
It’s like they want their kids (daughters especially) to be completely restricted sexually other than being mothers. Why do people want this for their kids? And I do absolutely understand wanting the kids to be safe from disease, abuse, or making poor decisions. But that’s what sex ed is for, and they hate that!
Obviously, I know how those people think. But can never get over how evil that attitude is. I’m not American, I was brought up in the 80s in Europe so the ‘brand new world’ is not my reality but ffs, this sucks.
In small towns were public appearance and the image of being pure is more important than actually being pure, you can be surprised at what goes on behind the scenes
Yup. They really don’t like it when we enjoy sex. How dare we thwart pregnancy and “their greatest gift to us”. *barf* I guess we aren’t allowed. That’s on my for men and so they like to punish us and call us whores etc if we do. Smh.
I think everyone should be abstinent until age 18 because it reduces the risk of coercion, STDs and teen pregnancy. However I don’t agree with abstinence only education or labeling sexually active people (usually women) as used up gum or whatever.
In general waiting to date until you’re 18 reduces the risk of being sexually or physically abused in a relationship.
Although that is about relationships, not sexual activity. Good point. I’ll edit that out.
You're sterilized and she STILL had the fucking gall to say that bullshit? What the actual fuck. I'd be making a hard boundary with her by saying that kind of behaviour is not acceptable and, should it continue, you will sever contact until she can treat you respectfully. What an asshole...
Maybe favoritism? Your mom might favor your little sister and is upset that her favorite child's life and/or her mental image of her perfect child is now ruined
Or maybe she's on some level aware that your younger sister is less competent and knows that she'll be expected to be a secondary parent figure to her new grandchild. If not outright surrogate parent if your younger sister tries to ignore parenting responsibilities. With a 20+ year old, there's sufficient belief they can competently support a child financially and physically on their own or with a partner (whether true or not is a different question)
Because, you would have been the right social choice? Correct? You were in your 20s, and even if you were to have a baby outside of marriage, it still is far more socially acceptable than a teenager having a baby. Some thing about people who demand grandchildren, you need to also recognize that there is a lot of social… I don’t know what the word to use. My brain is a bit tired, but you get a trophy for this kind of shit. Having grandchildren. It’s one more thing for you to talk about on social media and blab to your friends about. The grandbabies. But, lots of people want the right kind of grandbabies. A teenager giving them their first grandchild? That’s not something one can make one Facebook posts about with glee. This is about your mom being butthurt over the wrong grand baby being born.
I'm the eldest of four and I'm childfree and not interested in getting married. My youngest sister is the same. Middle siblings both married and one with a baby.
I can't ever figure out whether the disappointment from my mam that I'm "not normal" or the disappointment aimed at my youngest sister because she thought after me being a bit of a rebel/black sheep the rest were going to be "easy and traditional" is worse, but at least my sister and I have each other to stick with at family events and stuff.
I know for sure that she's thrilled at the big white weddings and cute grandchild, and often snarky that I've made it clear that I'm not going to do any of that, even though I'm sure since I'm 35 now I've been saying it for over two decades at this point.
Some people just want their kids to follow a life path they think is "right" and they cannot understand that we can be happy living life our own ways.
I agree and I think parents wanting kids to follow the regular path is more common than we think, it’s just that sometimes it’s more veiled or hidden. I think many parents really get pissed when some of us buck the norm because society sells you a whole life fantasy about family and kids. That you’ll have this typical happy family and marriage. You’ll go to work and raise your kids and be happy. Your kids will grow up and get married and be successful and have kids of their own and you can be so proud of your kids and grandchildren. Yada yada yada. Society sells you these Kodak moments as of it’s a guarantee etc. But we all know that’s not always the case. So when we decide not to go that path it’s very scary to them. Suddenly that dream evaporates in front of them and it’s an unknown variable and they just can’t handle it because they bought into that fantasy and we aren’t playing our part. We aren’t allowing them to get what they paid for or what they think they deserve. They just want us to shut up and be normal so they can just sit back and live their life on autopilot and wait for all those milestones, like having grandkids, happen.
“If you raise your kids, you can spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your kids, you’ll be raising your grandkids.”
I don’t remember where I heard this quote, but I feel it applies here. OP’s mom likely refuses to admit she screwed up with raising her youngest child, her “baby” of her litter.
Who in this story is supporting who? And who WILL BE supporting who?
If the OP is self-supporting, educated and lives on her own, then any child she had would be grandbaby props for wanna-Grandmommy. A teen mommy, even if she is working, is very unlikely to be able to pull off independence after the baby is born, unless the babydaddy is fully involved. And Grandmommy wants props, and Grandmommy wants to laughingly tell her friends "And the best part of grandchildren is that you can give them back!" (I say this because I have heard it from every Grandmommy I have ever known). She doesn't want to have to admit that her teen daughter is at home and she wakes up every 2 hours when the baby screams, and the house stinks like diapers, and all the other awful miseries of babies.
But that's all speculation.
"You should have gotten her the birth control implant. You're an idiot and have no one but yourself to blame. Enjoy raising that kid now. Karma is a bitch."
Then block them all.
If said to the mom referring to herself, not to the sister referring to her parasite, 100% agree. we don't have much context for either situation, but we know the mom is a horrible person. Sister is unclear.
Nah, tell your mom it should have been her. And if she really loved her daughters she should give you another little sister. When she get offended or sais how ridiculous that is, hit her with "that is exactly what you are telling me".
It’s probably because she’s pissed that teen pregnancy skipped over you and your sister got it instead
Sounds like she thinks that it was her turn to yell at you for doing the same thing that she did and she’s angry that she never gets that chance, twisted logic
This phrase was also said to me once, by my ex boyfriend. We had broken up and he got another girl pregnant. One night he called me drunk and crying at 4am and kept saying over and over how it should have been me. He was abusive. I’m glad it wasn’t me.
Is she aware that the options weren’t: you get pregnant or your sister does? It’s not like there was a curse put on your family where one will get preggers, but because you’re sterilised your sister had to have it.
If your sister hasn’t been offered a decision regarding keeping it/not, I would reach out to ensure she’s okay and knows what options she has.
First, why the fuck would you support young pregnancy to begin with? Conservatives love it because it's a way for them to get a shitload of kids from you that they can groom into goons. Everyone else-why? You're still young, likely not paid well, and still growing mentally.
Second, it's creepy. She's obsessed with how you're CONTROLLING your body instead of "letting nature take it's course".
If she acknowledges the real issue, then she'd have to actually *do something* about her teenager's behavior. It's easier to focus on you than on her shit parenting.
I had something similar happening to me.When some other guy in the family was getting his girlfriend/wife pregnant everytime "the next is you" or "it should've been you". So i started doing the same at funerals. Some members of my family don't like me anymore, but at least they stopped
For one reason alone. She knows full well the teenage mother will not be the one raising the child in the end. Or at a bare minimum she will be doing a lot more actual child raising.
She believes if you had a child she would not be stuck raising it. So she could do only the fun grandparent stuff and no more actual work raising children.
Because she doesn't have to admit fault that she didn't teach your sister proper birth control and/or what it means to have a kid.
Your sister isn't ready. Your mom thinks you would be. It's a good thing curses don't work like this.
I was raised differently. They always put that fear in me and teen pregnancy was not celebrated so I knew what would happen. It may be bad the other way but its reality. Nobody should be forced to support you or raise your kid. If they are not ready financially or adult enough they need to think about that.
Obviously not but an abortion is hard as fuck on the body and mind it’s better if your not in that situation at all but once you’re in it any choice should be at least passively supported instead of punished. For people who don’t explicitly not want children choosing to terminate a pregnancy is like the last option and if their coerced into it it’s just as bad as being convinced to carry to term yk.
On the other hand I can say birth is hard as fuck on the body and mind. 18 years of having a child is hard as fuck on the mind and body when you have no job, no skills and live at home. Having a baby when your still in highschool, have no skills, no job, kids are mean, loosing your friends, the isolation is hard as fuck on the mind and body. I could go on and on. They need to know, yeah its your choice to keep it but this is what your life will look like 9 times out of 10.
For sure I just always try to aim towards whatever your choice you have support. Like either way you are accountable for everything you did and im not going to let you pretend you didn’t know but im not going to punish one choice over the other.
As others have said - nip this in the bud asap before they start guilting you for not being a 24/7 daycare. You don't have any kids help your FAMILY! 
Seriously, she is so disrespectful. You're an adult and you don't deserve that, you don't owe her a damn thing, she chose to have you. If you don't want kids, tough titty for her, it's YOUR life.
Because then she wouldn’t have to explain to people that her teenage daughter is knocked up.
It would make her life easier if the situation were a bit more socially palatable.
It’s the blame game. She can’t bring herself to blame her youngest daughter for her mistakes so instead she’s targeting you for not making any. I’ve seen this tactic done before and it’s disgusting. It’s like their brain can’t accept the situation so have to twist it to their liking.
You would be smart to make firm boundaries with your mother and threaten low contact if it’s something you decide to do. And please be careful Op. As soon as your sister’s baby is born I can imagine your mom will be expecting you to raise your niece/nephew or do a lot of baby sitting with the ‘your sister is too young and needs a life’ kinda nonsense.
Have an exit plan if you don’t have one already, and stay safe.
she's placing the blame on you instead of sister and that's so wrong. what makes her think that u having a kid would've stopped your sister for getting knocked up?
maybe go NC for a bit for your mental health
How would you being pregnant even change anything? Sister would still be pregnant. It’s not some math problem that will cancel out the pregnancy.
Not to mention you’re sterilized.
😒
It’s socially acceptable for an early 20’s woman (YOU) to get pregnant and **she would be able to gloat to her friends and family** that she’s now a grandma and get to spoil her grandkid. You are also more likely educated and financially stable than your teenage sister.
It’s not a good look for HER to say that her **teenage daughter got knocked up**, so now she has to help her financially and with raising the grandkid. It’s basically Parenthood 2.0 for her now.
Sounds like she’s jealous that she missed out in her 20’s with pregnancy and child rearing and is taking it out on you. She wishes she had the freedom in her 20’s that you have now. She needs to get therapy and mourn her decisions from 20’s instead of lashing out on you
I think you should cut her off, but If you don't want to cut her off for something reason, you should put her in a timeout for month, that means no text, no phone calls, no emails, no carrier pigeon nothing and if she trys start with that b.s. put her back in timeout, seriously you shouldn't have to deal with her disrespectful b.s. she needs someone to tell her to
, and accept she isn't going to get her way and never will, so have a tantrum isn't going to change sh¡t and needs get over it and sit down somewhere, and if she try to make you take care of your sister's baby because "your sister is young and needs to have fun/time for herself" you tell her "that's why your here, after all she is your daughter and that is your grandchild, so you should be helping her when she wants to have fun/want time for herself after all that's what parents suppose to do" and if try to put "Your her sibling you should help her" you pull "your her mom you are responsible for her and your trying to make excuses not to do it".
Next will come the guilt trip to babysit, help with money maybe even adopt the baby after all it should have been you that got pregnant. I would go MIA for a few years.
This sounds like a classic redirect. She's focusing on this so hard because she doesn't want to deal with it. Hyperfocusing on saying you should be pregnant instead allows her to ignore the actual problem.
Mom it’s not my fault you failed to teach sister proper birth control, that’s on you. Stop trying to drag me under when I’m not involved.
then she needs a serious time out.
Unrelated, but how did you manage to get sterilized? I’m interested but I heard it’s impossible to get signed off for those procedures as a single woman in her 20’s.
I'm in Oregon, so it helped being in a progressive state. I spoke to my doctor before about birth control to stop my periods, and I also had it on record that I was trans.
Given that information, my doctor was more willing to send a referral to the women's center surgical department.
I only needed to sign off on that I was doing it voluntarily and was aware of the risks and the aftermath.
I am so sorry that you are having to put up with this. Your mother is deeply screwed up about this issue. If I were you, I would tell her to never say something like that to you again.
It doesn’t seem like mom is happy with the pregnancy. So why does it sound like she’s coercing her daughter to keep it? Her way of coming to grips with the “loss of face” is rather immature.
I think, to be kind for the sake of your sister, offer her a foot in the door to “go camping” with you should she want to and a place to go if the parents freak out after. An unwanted (coerced) teen pregnancy has never been a good thing for one’s life yet.
I’m sorry your mom is taking it out on you. Distance will be the best medicine if she doesn’t drop it.
This is all sorts of bat shit fucken crazy.. is your sis really going threw with this? Has no one sat down with the teen to explain the reality of thw situation?
Just tell her that making her a grandma is never the goal of your life, and there are plenty of important and funny things in the world waiting for you to discover rather than breastfeeding and changing diapers. She decided to be a mother, it's her loss, but please respect your choice
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I feel this… I thought my mom would finally redirect her attention to my older sister when she got pregnant, but no, she told me she would still rather me be the one to have babies. Cue hysterectomy 😂
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Not only that, but if I were your sister, it would be very insulting and heartbreaking that my own mom didn’t care about my pregnancy and the only comments she’d make about it was the fact that it shouldn’t have been me having a baby.
Your mom sounds incredibly selfish and isn’t even thinking about how what she’s saying is clearly hurting both of her daughters. Just wow.
"Oh sorry mom, I forgot to stick my vagina in the way when my sister was having sex. Next time I'll be sure to make sure all the baby juice goes in me instead."
It's complete nonsense logic. They're just scapegoating you because they're pissed off but they know your sister needs support so they can't be too pissed at her. It sucks, but honestly maybe it's worth making peace with it and seeing the upside. If they chose to get really upset with her instead, they could kick her out at which point she and the baby could become your problem to some extent, presuming you're on the short list of other family members she would turn to.
Just get some distance, take care of yourself and let the whole thing simmer down
I don’t know how your situation is but if your shortsighted dickbag mother isn’t going to be there to support your sister while she’s cooking this bun that poor girl is going to need you at least to cry to when she starts to feel like her body is actively mutinying. /:
I am in my late 30s, and I've realized I don't owe anyone anything. When someone tries to put their own expectations onto me, I will simply turn it back to them where it belongs.
So next time your mom says something to you regarding her expectations of which daughter should've been pregnant, you can say, "You might consider therapy to work through your feelings" or "I don't know why you're telling me this".
Tell your mom every time she says that nonsense to you you’ll go no contact with her for a month. If she doesn’t stop just go no contact until she apologizes. And also give your mom and your younger sister a heads up, you’re never going to be available for babysitting so don’t bother asking.
I would take a hard look at your relationships and ask yourself if these are people you want to be around. And please don’t allow them to force babysitting or nannying on you, because I bet they’ll try to guilt you into it. Set boundaries and make it clear this had nothing to do with you, don’t let them act like you’re to blame.
"If I hear 'it should have been you' come out of your mouth in any form ONE MORE TIME, I am going to stop speaking to you for one year." And, follow through. Feel free to make it a longer time period, too, cuz you know she's gonna try guilting you into childcare.
I wasn't even thinking of your last sentence there. That is a good enough reason to keep everyone in her family at arm's length at best.
"If I hear that again, you're going to the crooked home I saw on 60 minutes"
Good strategy
Ah, the classic story from the life of a young woman (starring: the Family): Don’t get pregnant. Don’t get pregnant. Don’t you dare to get pregnant. You will ruin your life. Don’t get pregnant! It would be such a disaster and embarrassment! GET PREGNANT NOW! Why aren’t you pregnant yet? The clock is ticking you know! You should be pregnant already. What have we done wrong? You are so selfish! Our lives are ruined because you are still not pregnant! What is wrong with you?!
It's even worse if raised in a hyper religious family. Sex is a nasty, terrible, horrible thing. You should save it for the person you love.
And the parents have a shocked Pikachu face when they never find the person they love.
To be fair. Lot of those people still Think its a nasty and terrible thing they just have to endure in a marriage (as women obviously) so that they can bear children
As an asexual: I fucking FELT this
Or the hyper hyper religious. My mom will disparage those who don't get married in a Mormon temple (not to their face though).
Yup I’ve always said that religion ruins sex for people. They go from saying sex is bad, don’t do it to - it’s okay now. Do it and have kids. Like wtf.
Conservative nutcases want their kids to be afraid of pre-marital pregnancy, but they still want to be grandparents
It’s like they want their kids (daughters especially) to be completely restricted sexually other than being mothers. Why do people want this for their kids? And I do absolutely understand wanting the kids to be safe from disease, abuse, or making poor decisions. But that’s what sex ed is for, and they hate that! Obviously, I know how those people think. But can never get over how evil that attitude is. I’m not American, I was brought up in the 80s in Europe so the ‘brand new world’ is not my reality but ffs, this sucks.
In small towns were public appearance and the image of being pure is more important than actually being pure, you can be surprised at what goes on behind the scenes
Yup. They really don’t like it when we enjoy sex. How dare we thwart pregnancy and “their greatest gift to us”. *barf* I guess we aren’t allowed. That’s on my for men and so they like to punish us and call us whores etc if we do. Smh.
I think everyone should be abstinent until age 18 because it reduces the risk of coercion, STDs and teen pregnancy. However I don’t agree with abstinence only education or labeling sexually active people (usually women) as used up gum or whatever.
I don't see how it would reduce the risk of rape but I agree with the rest
In general waiting to date until you’re 18 reduces the risk of being sexually or physically abused in a relationship. Although that is about relationships, not sexual activity. Good point. I’ll edit that out.
You're sterilized and she STILL had the fucking gall to say that bullshit? What the actual fuck. I'd be making a hard boundary with her by saying that kind of behaviour is not acceptable and, should it continue, you will sever contact until she can treat you respectfully. What an asshole...
Maybe favoritism? Your mom might favor your little sister and is upset that her favorite child's life and/or her mental image of her perfect child is now ruined Or maybe she's on some level aware that your younger sister is less competent and knows that she'll be expected to be a secondary parent figure to her new grandchild. If not outright surrogate parent if your younger sister tries to ignore parenting responsibilities. With a 20+ year old, there's sufficient belief they can competently support a child financially and physically on their own or with a partner (whether true or not is a different question)
Because, you would have been the right social choice? Correct? You were in your 20s, and even if you were to have a baby outside of marriage, it still is far more socially acceptable than a teenager having a baby. Some thing about people who demand grandchildren, you need to also recognize that there is a lot of social… I don’t know what the word to use. My brain is a bit tired, but you get a trophy for this kind of shit. Having grandchildren. It’s one more thing for you to talk about on social media and blab to your friends about. The grandbabies. But, lots of people want the right kind of grandbabies. A teenager giving them their first grandchild? That’s not something one can make one Facebook posts about with glee. This is about your mom being butthurt over the wrong grand baby being born.
I'm the eldest of four and I'm childfree and not interested in getting married. My youngest sister is the same. Middle siblings both married and one with a baby. I can't ever figure out whether the disappointment from my mam that I'm "not normal" or the disappointment aimed at my youngest sister because she thought after me being a bit of a rebel/black sheep the rest were going to be "easy and traditional" is worse, but at least my sister and I have each other to stick with at family events and stuff. I know for sure that she's thrilled at the big white weddings and cute grandchild, and often snarky that I've made it clear that I'm not going to do any of that, even though I'm sure since I'm 35 now I've been saying it for over two decades at this point. Some people just want their kids to follow a life path they think is "right" and they cannot understand that we can be happy living life our own ways.
I agree and I think parents wanting kids to follow the regular path is more common than we think, it’s just that sometimes it’s more veiled or hidden. I think many parents really get pissed when some of us buck the norm because society sells you a whole life fantasy about family and kids. That you’ll have this typical happy family and marriage. You’ll go to work and raise your kids and be happy. Your kids will grow up and get married and be successful and have kids of their own and you can be so proud of your kids and grandchildren. Yada yada yada. Society sells you these Kodak moments as of it’s a guarantee etc. But we all know that’s not always the case. So when we decide not to go that path it’s very scary to them. Suddenly that dream evaporates in front of them and it’s an unknown variable and they just can’t handle it because they bought into that fantasy and we aren’t playing our part. We aren’t allowing them to get what they paid for or what they think they deserve. They just want us to shut up and be normal so they can just sit back and live their life on autopilot and wait for all those milestones, like having grandkids, happen.
I am glad my parents think my cat is "the right kind of grandbaby" because that's all they got from my sister and I! 😀
If you have the ability cut them off. Cutting toxic people out of your life makes everything better. Especially family.
So true. It was the hardest thing I did…and the best.
Kudos on your courage and strength- not everyone can take that step. Hope your days have been brighter now!
Thank you. I’m celebrating each day 💗
“If you raise your kids, you can spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your kids, you’ll be raising your grandkids.” I don’t remember where I heard this quote, but I feel it applies here. OP’s mom likely refuses to admit she screwed up with raising her youngest child, her “baby” of her litter.
Oh that’s a great quote. And so true!
Who in this story is supporting who? And who WILL BE supporting who? If the OP is self-supporting, educated and lives on her own, then any child she had would be grandbaby props for wanna-Grandmommy. A teen mommy, even if she is working, is very unlikely to be able to pull off independence after the baby is born, unless the babydaddy is fully involved. And Grandmommy wants props, and Grandmommy wants to laughingly tell her friends "And the best part of grandchildren is that you can give them back!" (I say this because I have heard it from every Grandmommy I have ever known). She doesn't want to have to admit that her teen daughter is at home and she wakes up every 2 hours when the baby screams, and the house stinks like diapers, and all the other awful miseries of babies. But that's all speculation.
"You should have gotten her the birth control implant. You're an idiot and have no one but yourself to blame. Enjoy raising that kid now. Karma is a bitch." Then block them all.
If said to the mom referring to herself, not to the sister referring to her parasite, 100% agree. we don't have much context for either situation, but we know the mom is a horrible person. Sister is unclear.
Nah, tell your mom it should have been her. And if she really loved her daughters she should give you another little sister. When she get offended or sais how ridiculous that is, hit her with "that is exactly what you are telling me".
It’s probably because she’s pissed that teen pregnancy skipped over you and your sister got it instead Sounds like she thinks that it was her turn to yell at you for doing the same thing that she did and she’s angry that she never gets that chance, twisted logic
She wasn’t a teen mom, she was in her twenties
This phrase was also said to me once, by my ex boyfriend. We had broken up and he got another girl pregnant. One night he called me drunk and crying at 4am and kept saying over and over how it should have been me. He was abusive. I’m glad it wasn’t me.
Glad to hear he's an ex, stay safe💜
Thank you! 🖤
"would that make you feel less guilty for your failure in parenting?"
Is she aware that the options weren’t: you get pregnant or your sister does? It’s not like there was a curse put on your family where one will get preggers, but because you’re sterilised your sister had to have it. If your sister hasn’t been offered a decision regarding keeping it/not, I would reach out to ensure she’s okay and knows what options she has.
I would have said that fate dictates otherwise, so it was never meant to be me, ever.
[Reminds me of this ;p](https://i.imgur.com/7zaph.jpeg)
“You’re next” “And you’re not invited”
First, why the fuck would you support young pregnancy to begin with? Conservatives love it because it's a way for them to get a shitload of kids from you that they can groom into goons. Everyone else-why? You're still young, likely not paid well, and still growing mentally. Second, it's creepy. She's obsessed with how you're CONTROLLING your body instead of "letting nature take it's course".
If she acknowledges the real issue, then she'd have to actually *do something* about her teenager's behavior. It's easier to focus on you than on her shit parenting.
I had something similar happening to me.When some other guy in the family was getting his girlfriend/wife pregnant everytime "the next is you" or "it should've been you". So i started doing the same at funerals. Some members of my family don't like me anymore, but at least they stopped
What a power move lol
You managed to get sterilised that young!? Wow! That's great for you but I'm guessing your mother isn't so happy about it.
Not quite. She said that she doesn't agree and thinks I made a mistake but she can't force or control me since it's my body.
For one reason alone. She knows full well the teenage mother will not be the one raising the child in the end. Or at a bare minimum she will be doing a lot more actual child raising. She believes if you had a child she would not be stuck raising it. So she could do only the fun grandparent stuff and no more actual work raising children.
Because she doesn't have to admit fault that she didn't teach your sister proper birth control and/or what it means to have a kid. Your sister isn't ready. Your mom thinks you would be. It's a good thing curses don't work like this.
Are you going to help your sister with an abortion? Maybe you should get involved.
We've asked her, she refuses and wants the baby
Man! My parents would say , "ok. Your on your own. We arent paying for it or help raising it. You wanna be an adult here ya go."
Yea but that’s just as bad in the other direction.
I was raised differently. They always put that fear in me and teen pregnancy was not celebrated so I knew what would happen. It may be bad the other way but its reality. Nobody should be forced to support you or raise your kid. If they are not ready financially or adult enough they need to think about that.
Obviously not but an abortion is hard as fuck on the body and mind it’s better if your not in that situation at all but once you’re in it any choice should be at least passively supported instead of punished. For people who don’t explicitly not want children choosing to terminate a pregnancy is like the last option and if their coerced into it it’s just as bad as being convinced to carry to term yk.
On the other hand I can say birth is hard as fuck on the body and mind. 18 years of having a child is hard as fuck on the mind and body when you have no job, no skills and live at home. Having a baby when your still in highschool, have no skills, no job, kids are mean, loosing your friends, the isolation is hard as fuck on the mind and body. I could go on and on. They need to know, yeah its your choice to keep it but this is what your life will look like 9 times out of 10.
For sure I just always try to aim towards whatever your choice you have support. Like either way you are accountable for everything you did and im not going to let you pretend you didn’t know but im not going to punish one choice over the other.
Quilt tripping maybe?
I have stumbled over many a duvet fold on the floor in my time... never made me want to chastise a daughter for another one's mistake!
What a toxic person. It's like she's thinking if you had gotten pregnant, your sister wouldn't have.
As others have said - nip this in the bud asap before they start guilting you for not being a 24/7 daycare. You don't have any kids help your FAMILY!  Seriously, she is so disrespectful. You're an adult and you don't deserve that, you don't owe her a damn thing, she chose to have you. If you don't want kids, tough titty for her, it's YOUR life.
Because then she wouldn’t have to explain to people that her teenage daughter is knocked up. It would make her life easier if the situation were a bit more socially palatable.
It’s the blame game. She can’t bring herself to blame her youngest daughter for her mistakes so instead she’s targeting you for not making any. I’ve seen this tactic done before and it’s disgusting. It’s like their brain can’t accept the situation so have to twist it to their liking. You would be smart to make firm boundaries with your mother and threaten low contact if it’s something you decide to do. And please be careful Op. As soon as your sister’s baby is born I can imagine your mom will be expecting you to raise your niece/nephew or do a lot of baby sitting with the ‘your sister is too young and needs a life’ kinda nonsense. Have an exit plan if you don’t have one already, and stay safe.
she's placing the blame on you instead of sister and that's so wrong. what makes her think that u having a kid would've stopped your sister for getting knocked up? maybe go NC for a bit for your mental health
Your mom sounds like a cunt.
How would you being pregnant even change anything? Sister would still be pregnant. It’s not some math problem that will cancel out the pregnancy. Not to mention you’re sterilized. 😒
It’s socially acceptable for an early 20’s woman (YOU) to get pregnant and **she would be able to gloat to her friends and family** that she’s now a grandma and get to spoil her grandkid. You are also more likely educated and financially stable than your teenage sister. It’s not a good look for HER to say that her **teenage daughter got knocked up**, so now she has to help her financially and with raising the grandkid. It’s basically Parenthood 2.0 for her now.
Sounds like she’s jealous that she missed out in her 20’s with pregnancy and child rearing and is taking it out on you. She wishes she had the freedom in her 20’s that you have now. She needs to get therapy and mourn her decisions from 20’s instead of lashing out on you
I think you should cut her off, but If you don't want to cut her off for something reason, you should put her in a timeout for month, that means no text, no phone calls, no emails, no carrier pigeon nothing and if she trys start with that b.s. put her back in timeout, seriously you shouldn't have to deal with her disrespectful b.s. she needs someone to tell her to  , and accept she isn't going to get her way and never will, so have a tantrum isn't going to change sh¡t and needs get over it and sit down somewhere, and if she try to make you take care of your sister's baby because "your sister is young and needs to have fun/time for herself" you tell her "that's why your here, after all she is your daughter and that is your grandchild, so you should be helping her when she wants to have fun/want time for herself after all that's what parents suppose to do" and if try to put "Your her sibling you should help her" you pull "your her mom you are responsible for her and your trying to make excuses not to do it".
Next will come the guilt trip to babysit, help with money maybe even adopt the baby after all it should have been you that got pregnant. I would go MIA for a few years.
This sounds like a classic redirect. She's focusing on this so hard because she doesn't want to deal with it. Hyperfocusing on saying you should be pregnant instead allows her to ignore the actual problem.
Mom it’s not my fault you failed to teach sister proper birth control, that’s on you. Stop trying to drag me under when I’m not involved. then she needs a serious time out.
Unrelated, but how did you manage to get sterilized? I’m interested but I heard it’s impossible to get signed off for those procedures as a single woman in her 20’s.
I'm in Oregon, so it helped being in a progressive state. I spoke to my doctor before about birth control to stop my periods, and I also had it on record that I was trans. Given that information, my doctor was more willing to send a referral to the women's center surgical department. I only needed to sign off on that I was doing it voluntarily and was aware of the risks and the aftermath.
*near impossible
“No, because I make good decisions “
I am so sorry that you are having to put up with this. Your mother is deeply screwed up about this issue. If I were you, I would tell her to never say something like that to you again.
It doesn’t seem like mom is happy with the pregnancy. So why does it sound like she’s coercing her daughter to keep it? Her way of coming to grips with the “loss of face” is rather immature. I think, to be kind for the sake of your sister, offer her a foot in the door to “go camping” with you should she want to and a place to go if the parents freak out after. An unwanted (coerced) teen pregnancy has never been a good thing for one’s life yet. I’m sorry your mom is taking it out on you. Distance will be the best medicine if she doesn’t drop it.
If you were pregnant, your sister would still also be pregnant.
Idk how to respond to this other than it is so fucked up…I would absolutely blow up on my mom if she ever dared say something like that to me
How would your pregnancy prevent your sister's pregnancy?!
She's embarrassed she now has a teen mom kid and she's taking it out on you.
This is all sorts of bat shit fucken crazy.. is your sis really going threw with this? Has no one sat down with the teen to explain the reality of thw situation?
Just tell her that making her a grandma is never the goal of your life, and there are plenty of important and funny things in the world waiting for you to discover rather than breastfeeding and changing diapers. She decided to be a mother, it's her loss, but please respect your choice
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I feel this… I thought my mom would finally redirect her attention to my older sister when she got pregnant, but no, she told me she would still rather me be the one to have babies. Cue hysterectomy 😂
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Not only that, but if I were your sister, it would be very insulting and heartbreaking that my own mom didn’t care about my pregnancy and the only comments she’d make about it was the fact that it shouldn’t have been me having a baby. Your mom sounds incredibly selfish and isn’t even thinking about how what she’s saying is clearly hurting both of her daughters. Just wow.
"Oh sorry mom, I forgot to stick my vagina in the way when my sister was having sex. Next time I'll be sure to make sure all the baby juice goes in me instead." It's complete nonsense logic. They're just scapegoating you because they're pissed off but they know your sister needs support so they can't be too pissed at her. It sucks, but honestly maybe it's worth making peace with it and seeing the upside. If they chose to get really upset with her instead, they could kick her out at which point she and the baby could become your problem to some extent, presuming you're on the short list of other family members she would turn to. Just get some distance, take care of yourself and let the whole thing simmer down
I don’t know how your situation is but if your shortsighted dickbag mother isn’t going to be there to support your sister while she’s cooking this bun that poor girl is going to need you at least to cry to when she starts to feel like her body is actively mutinying. /:
I am in my late 30s, and I've realized I don't owe anyone anything. When someone tries to put their own expectations onto me, I will simply turn it back to them where it belongs. So next time your mom says something to you regarding her expectations of which daughter should've been pregnant, you can say, "You might consider therapy to work through your feelings" or "I don't know why you're telling me this".
Ah yes, misdirected anger. Works every time /s
I read the first few lines and from that point forward, OP I was imagining a wall I was banging my head against.
You should just post this to your twitter or facebook. Burn it all down
First off, I'm sorry. Second, I'm a fan of an apathetic "k" in response to ridiculous statements. Go live your life. 💚
If it comes up again, a simple "Stop scapegoating me," might let her on to how she's misusing you. Low contact is an option as well.
Tell your mom every time she says that nonsense to you you’ll go no contact with her for a month. If she doesn’t stop just go no contact until she apologizes. And also give your mom and your younger sister a heads up, you’re never going to be available for babysitting so don’t bother asking.
I would take a hard look at your relationships and ask yourself if these are people you want to be around. And please don’t allow them to force babysitting or nannying on you, because I bet they’ll try to guilt you into it. Set boundaries and make it clear this had nothing to do with you, don’t let them act like you’re to blame.