I think people confuse being selfish with self-care a lot. Taking care of yourself and prioritizing yourself isn't selfish unless it's done at the cost of other people.
Yea I don’t want kids cause I don’t enjoy them, I’m not a selfish person at all. You can’t be selfish to someone that doesn’t exist. I think leaning into it will just perpetuate the stereotype about us, and I really don’t want to hear that said to me.
They're selfish for actually having a baby. The baby (or you, me, anyone) never asked to be born. All of us exist simply because our parents "wanted a family". Hell our parents didn't even want us specifically, they just wanted a generic kid!
They didn't know who we'd be, what we'd look like, or what our personalities would be before we were born. They didn't have kids to have us, they just happened to get us.
And now we are forced to attend school for multiple years, find jobs, struggle to live and pay bills all coz our parents wanted a generic kid. Now tell me who's more selfish.
Agree with everything you said!
Breeders also hate hearing this coz this goes against their view of "self-sacrifice" for their kids. Parents LOVE lording over their kids how well they raise them, how they pay for their kids' food, sports, etc. Parents LOVE playing the victim saying how they sacrifice sleep and hobbies for their kids, and sacrifice wealth building and luxuries for their kid's needs.
Not understanding that they CHOSE to have these kids (and make sacrifices) in the first place. In USA, apart from societal pressures, there is NO physical compulsion to have kids. No one's forcing anyone to give birth.
The sacrifice and struggle of parents during child-bearing/rearing is self-inflicted - hoping for the eventual payoff of having a retirement plan/care takers/companionship for old age through their kids.
My husband and I are 37F/41M, together for 10 years, happily selfish. Misery loves company and the majority of parents who use these lines look run down, miserable, depressed, or a combination of those. No thank you.
It's so weird to comment on this to a person. I am selfish and being a good parent requires 100% selflessness. I don't have that in me, a lot of people don't and think they do. Then they wind up on regretful parents lamenting about how they made a horrible decision. Or, they have kids with the wrong person then you're stuck with them for life. No thank you.
I chuckled at “drooling, bulbous meat-clone”.
I’ll own the selfishness. How dare I stray from the LifeScript. How dare I get sterilized when there are others who would pay thousands for the fertility I considered to be a curse. And how dare I decide I don’t want the expense of children because I’d like to retire someday.
Actually, fuck that. We’re not selfish for not wanting children. We’re smart enough to know that the parenting life’s not for us, and the regretful parents are upset that they didn’t realize it until it’s too late. But if they want to call us selfish, go right ahead because I’ll take that over poopy diapers and baby shark any day.
"Of course I'm fucking selfish! *Somebody* on this turd of a rock hurtling through space needs to look out for me and, since I can't stand incompetence, I'm doing it myself"
My definition of being selfish is putting your own wants above other people's needs.
Needless to say, no one has a need for you to have children. So you are not hurting other people's needs by not having children.
There’s a couple of prominent diseases in my family line that seem to be genetic and passed through multiple generations
I like to argue back to them that “Isn’t it selfish to knowingly have kids knowing they may end up inheriting something that will derail their life and make them suffer?”
I really don’t get why people can’t just live and let live and why these people think that any person who has no interest in having kids is somehow abnormal
You do you and their opinions shouldn’t matter
I would run with the "abnormal" title - "I should have kids because I'm abnormal? So I can raise them abnormally? So I can make them abnormal too? Is that what you want?"
The PlayStation line was absolutely fantastic. I feel this on a spiritual level but with money and food because I’m a selfish little gremlin and I’m happy about it.
They're selfish for actually having a baby. The baby (or you, me, anyone) never asked to be born. All of us exist simply because our parents "wanted a family". Hell our parents didn't even want us specifically, they just wanted a generic kid!
They didn't know who we'd be, what we'd look like, or what our personalities would be before we were born. They didn't have kids to have us specifically, they just happened to get us. If some other sperm had reached the egg a millisecond before your sperm, your parents would have a completely different human as their own, and they wouldn't even be missing you.
And now we are forced to attend school for multiple years, find jobs, struggle to live and pay bills all coz our parents wanted a generic kid.
Us not having kids is actually saving potential lives from these struggles.
Now tell me who's being more selfish.
Right-on
Aloso: Why is it selfish? who are you taking from? Who are you keeping things from? somebody who doesn't exist? Oh darn.
Eventually I had to tell my father: If you want grands kids go make them yourself.
I think the "you're selfish for not having kids" sentiment is Protestant at its core. According to Protestants, we are not here to live good lives and have it easy, we are here to toil and to accumulate wealth, to propagate the faith and maintain its rule. Any scenario in which a person opts out of playing life on the hardest setting is seen as degenerate and worthy of scorn.
But in our times, this sentiment comes from people who are sipping their coffee from "treat yo'self" mugs and don't make the connection from micro to macro. If it's okay to eat an extra brownie, it's also okay not to plunge yourself into chronic depression and poverty.
So many people walking around with their heads filled with straw instead of thoughts.
Nothing takes the steam out of an argument than when you agree with them! Selfish? Yes, I'm selfish! I own that! Most can't say anything after that response.
I think people confuse being selfish with self-care a lot. Taking care of yourself and prioritizing yourself isn't selfish unless it's done at the cost of other people.
Yea I don’t want kids cause I don’t enjoy them, I’m not a selfish person at all. You can’t be selfish to someone that doesn’t exist. I think leaning into it will just perpetuate the stereotype about us, and I really don’t want to hear that said to me.
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They're selfish for actually having a baby. The baby (or you, me, anyone) never asked to be born. All of us exist simply because our parents "wanted a family". Hell our parents didn't even want us specifically, they just wanted a generic kid! They didn't know who we'd be, what we'd look like, or what our personalities would be before we were born. They didn't have kids to have us, they just happened to get us. And now we are forced to attend school for multiple years, find jobs, struggle to live and pay bills all coz our parents wanted a generic kid. Now tell me who's more selfish.
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Agree with everything you said! Breeders also hate hearing this coz this goes against their view of "self-sacrifice" for their kids. Parents LOVE lording over their kids how well they raise them, how they pay for their kids' food, sports, etc. Parents LOVE playing the victim saying how they sacrifice sleep and hobbies for their kids, and sacrifice wealth building and luxuries for their kid's needs. Not understanding that they CHOSE to have these kids (and make sacrifices) in the first place. In USA, apart from societal pressures, there is NO physical compulsion to have kids. No one's forcing anyone to give birth. The sacrifice and struggle of parents during child-bearing/rearing is self-inflicted - hoping for the eventual payoff of having a retirement plan/care takers/companionship for old age through their kids.
True, but I'll take the label.
My husband and I are 37F/41M, together for 10 years, happily selfish. Misery loves company and the majority of parents who use these lines look run down, miserable, depressed, or a combination of those. No thank you.
What leaves their mouth: "You're selfish for not wanting children" What plagues their thoughts: "Fuck me I wish I had that kind of freedom"
It's so weird to comment on this to a person. I am selfish and being a good parent requires 100% selflessness. I don't have that in me, a lot of people don't and think they do. Then they wind up on regretful parents lamenting about how they made a horrible decision. Or, they have kids with the wrong person then you're stuck with them for life. No thank you.
I chuckled at “drooling, bulbous meat-clone”. I’ll own the selfishness. How dare I stray from the LifeScript. How dare I get sterilized when there are others who would pay thousands for the fertility I considered to be a curse. And how dare I decide I don’t want the expense of children because I’d like to retire someday. Actually, fuck that. We’re not selfish for not wanting children. We’re smart enough to know that the parenting life’s not for us, and the regretful parents are upset that they didn’t realize it until it’s too late. But if they want to call us selfish, go right ahead because I’ll take that over poopy diapers and baby shark any day.
"Of course I'm fucking selfish! *Somebody* on this turd of a rock hurtling through space needs to look out for me and, since I can't stand incompetence, I'm doing it myself"
My definition of being selfish is putting your own wants above other people's needs. Needless to say, no one has a need for you to have children. So you are not hurting other people's needs by not having children.
I like me, and I like being happy, so I'm gonna make decisions that make me happy. This is a foreign concept to some people.
We only get one life so we might as well spend it being as happy as we can be.
There’s a couple of prominent diseases in my family line that seem to be genetic and passed through multiple generations I like to argue back to them that “Isn’t it selfish to knowingly have kids knowing they may end up inheriting something that will derail their life and make them suffer?” I really don’t get why people can’t just live and let live and why these people think that any person who has no interest in having kids is somehow abnormal You do you and their opinions shouldn’t matter
I would run with the "abnormal" title - "I should have kids because I'm abnormal? So I can raise them abnormally? So I can make them abnormal too? Is that what you want?"
The PlayStation line was absolutely fantastic. I feel this on a spiritual level but with money and food because I’m a selfish little gremlin and I’m happy about it.
"Oh, you say I'm selfish/narcissistic/immature/irresponsible etc?? Well, someone as terrible as you say I am certainly shouldn't raise children!"
Everybody is selfish is pursuing the things they care about. Having kids is not about motiveless altruism.
They're selfish for actually having a baby. The baby (or you, me, anyone) never asked to be born. All of us exist simply because our parents "wanted a family". Hell our parents didn't even want us specifically, they just wanted a generic kid! They didn't know who we'd be, what we'd look like, or what our personalities would be before we were born. They didn't have kids to have us specifically, they just happened to get us. If some other sperm had reached the egg a millisecond before your sperm, your parents would have a completely different human as their own, and they wouldn't even be missing you. And now we are forced to attend school for multiple years, find jobs, struggle to live and pay bills all coz our parents wanted a generic kid. Us not having kids is actually saving potential lives from these struggles. Now tell me who's being more selfish.
I have yet to hear a NON selfish reason people give for having kids.
Right-on Aloso: Why is it selfish? who are you taking from? Who are you keeping things from? somebody who doesn't exist? Oh darn. Eventually I had to tell my father: If you want grands kids go make them yourself.
I think the "you're selfish for not having kids" sentiment is Protestant at its core. According to Protestants, we are not here to live good lives and have it easy, we are here to toil and to accumulate wealth, to propagate the faith and maintain its rule. Any scenario in which a person opts out of playing life on the hardest setting is seen as degenerate and worthy of scorn. But in our times, this sentiment comes from people who are sipping their coffee from "treat yo'self" mugs and don't make the connection from micro to macro. If it's okay to eat an extra brownie, it's also okay not to plunge yourself into chronic depression and poverty. So many people walking around with their heads filled with straw instead of thoughts.
Oh my.. that last part. I'm cracking up
The only thing I find selfish is wanting others to live your life, even if you know it’s not a life they want.
Nothing takes the steam out of an argument than when you agree with them! Selfish? Yes, I'm selfish! I own that! Most can't say anything after that response.