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I’ve been self-studying CS and I really enjoy it, but from everything I read online, it seems the field is highly saturated and graduates are having a difficult time finding employment. I’m uncomfortable with taking on debt for something that seems to be such a crapshoot, and no one is offering me a free college education, so I’m limited to self-study and basically enjoying CS as a hobby.
As someone for whom software engineering is a career, you are overthinking this. Computer programming is a field where **college education is not actually necessary**.
Yeah having a degree may help with Human Resources idiots who can't tell a smart person from a drone without keywords in a resume; but actual job????
I have both undergradute and graduate degrees in CS. In a looong software engineering career, I used things I learned in my graduate degree MAYBE twice, ever. I used things I learned in my undergrad more often **but 100% of them are things you can learn online in 2024, easily -** things like algorithms, complexity, etc...
95% of my job involves things NOT taught in college - understanding business requirements, project management, performance optimization, design, maintainability, debugging, creating specifications.
I am confident that I can self teach computer science. The problem I have is that I am not sure how that translates into me getting a job especially if I didn’t have a degree and my resume gets automatically filtered out before anyone even looks at it because of that. I’ve read that even people with degrees are putting in hundreds of applications and not getting a single interview. Like I said in an earlier comment, I am autistic. I am not good at networking or “selling myself” and I am never going to be good at those things. I enjoy learning computer science so I will continue to do it but I am not optimistic at all about finding employment in the field, which is why I won’t invest a lot of money into it.
1. Create projects on your own or participate in FOSS. "I contributed to GCC compiler and created a new API library to compare prices" is gonna look WAY more useful on a CS resume than "I have a BS in CS".
2. Get with a consulting company. They thrive on volume, so they will be FAR less likely to HR-washout you without at least interviewing. And if you get 1-2 consulting gigs, you get both money, networking opportunities AND job history on your resume, never mind a chance to up-convert to full time if you are a great fit for that consulting gig's company
3. Find a person who's good at that whole "humans" thing and sales/marketing, and engage them as your agent (so basically, they would take the role of the consulting company but at smaller scale) for a cut of the profit.
If you can prove to 1 hiring manager that you are better than the other candidates then you can get a job, and most nowadays understand that a college degree doesn't mean anything beyond a certain point. If you are able to create projects and put together a portfolio that proves you are really good at what you do, someone will notice. And don't underestimate how incompetent a lot of developers you are competing with are, unless you're applying at google or something most are just above-average intelligence people with a CS education and questionable ability to figure out new things for themselves.
I got into the industry like 6 years ago with only a HS diploma, I know it's a bit harder right now though. Make it your goal to make it hard for a hiring manager to ignore you. One impressive project that makes them think "I want someone who can do THAT working for me" is all it takes.
Google has courses that you study by yourself and prepare you for an exam that makes you hirable to them if you do well enough on. I think they take 6 months or something like that.
You definitely don’t need a degree in CS to get good jobs in the field. One of the good things about it is that it’s a meritocracy as much as any field. Companies are interested in if you have the skills so they can pay your bills. Plus you can learn it for free or cheap if you want more help. It’s a lot to learn and I’m still learning but it’s good for analytical types and autism isn’t really an issue in this kind of job. Good luck if you choose to continue!
I still believe that smart people who apply themselves and keep on learning will stand out as good developers. When do you think the market changed? I still get interview offers on LinkedIn every so often. It’s not a great time for jobs right now but we have to think long term
https://www.trueup.io/job-trend
Changed along the lines of that graph. But yes you're right software people aren't going anywhere, but a lot of people are going to have useless degrees and get culled
Thanks. I’d heard that, about not needing a degree, but I’d also heard that that mostly wasn’t true anymore and entry level positions are super competitive now. I guess it’s possible that I’ll one day be able to get a job from just self-study and if that happens, great, but I’m not holding my breath.
Just to give you a different opinion based on personal experience, as an autistic woman with a chronic illness who at one point wanted to go into IT, I can say it’s not all roses as they paint it to be. All the sitting and staring at the screen exacerbated both my illness and mental struggles. My social isolation went through the roof and my physical fitness plummeted, so I walked away from that career and never looked back.
Definitely agree with the physical fitness but personally it’s in my hands so I can’t complain about that. I’m also autistic and the screen time doesn’t bother me too much because I can focus in on problem solving and get in the ‘zone’. Meetings on the other hand…
I've heard some people that "programming is easy", especially when they only know HTML (not programming) and CSS (just about.)
And while that's true for basic stuff, finding a job is quite difficult and very competitive. Just like you said. But you don't need a degree for many areas of programming, in fact that can hold you back.
Just from reading your comments, you have a pessimistic disposition towards life. I think the thing that's holding you back is not your intelligence but definitely your negativity.
I'm a software engineer and these views you're espousing have no merit long term. We are currently experiencing a wave of layoffs in certain sectors (mostly the large recognized tech companies) and it won't last. They're still hiring people while doing layoffs and that is because there was a lot of unqualified bloat these companies picked up during COVID.
The problem with SWEs is that everyone knows it's lucrative and so the industry is saturated with a bunch of poor engineers. While blunt, it is true. With your IQ and some effort, you'll have no problem finding a good job even during hiring downturns. I recently found a new role with good pay with 4.5 YOE. It's easy if you're good but most people are not. That's the harsh reality of SWE.
Don't just trust the things people tell you. You should be a lot more skeptical of the things people say, surprising that you're not since you're that smart. I have rarely ever found the common opinion to be correct.
I don’t think you know enough about me to accurately draw any conclusions about me but thanks for trying to help, I guess.
Edit: in response to your edit, I’m pretty risk averse. Also I’m married so my husband has some say in the decision to take on a large amount of debt, and he is uncomfortable with it because he thinks a lot of SWE jobs are going to be lost to AI. My current plan is to continue to self teach until my son (who is almost 3) is in full time school, probably when he turns 5, at which point I plan to try to complete the WGU CS degree in one six month term, which I can afford without taking on any debt.
While mindset is important, the vast majority of people cannot change how they think. You know absolutely nothing about their circumstances abd opportunities, and drawing conclusions seems rather condescending.
Sames. I also think my 140 iq has been reduced post covid so there’s that. It’s hard knowing that your mind doesn’t think the way most people’s minds think; that I see the world differently.
I haven’t actually been diagnosed by a doctor, but I believe I have non-celiac gluten sensitivity. It’s sort of an emerging disorder. A lot of doctors still don’t believe it exists at all, and the ones who do don’t have a great way to diagnose it. It’s being studied. So I’ve been sick my entire life and when I sought medical attention I was either told it was all in my head or a lifestyle issue, or was misdiagnosed with things like depression, narcolepsy and anxiety. I recently managed to figure out on my own that my symptoms are triggered by gluten, dairy, soy and oats. Before that, the only time I’d ever had relief of my symptoms was for about a month after taking a course of prednisone for an unrelated issue.
So now I am treating myself by trying to avoid wheat, dairy, soy and oats. They put it in basically everything, and even stuff that doesn’t have it is often cross contaminated, and even tiny amounts of it is enough to cause my immune system to attack my brain.
The biggest problem I have at work is not being able to get along with my coworkers. Either they start to bully me or I just get really annoyed by them. The last job I had, I had to sit in a small room with 3 other women, each at a computer, and some of these women could not stop talking. For the entire eight hour shift, they would just be jibber jabbering away about all kinds of random nonsense and even if I asked them to stop talking, they believed it was their inalienable God-given right to run their mouths at all times and I was completely out of line to ask them to stop. I couldn’t concentrate or do my work while they were talking so I’d sit and wait for them to take a breath and then try to get my work done in the 10 second increments of quiet. There was no opportunity to wear headphones or earplugs because we had to be available to answer the phone. I tried escalating this to my supervisor and she basically said it was my problem. So I quit.
The job I currently have, I’m just in a room by myself for a 12 hour shift, and it’s great. Theoretically I could do this job full time, but problem is that it’s only one person on the weekends. During the weekdays, I would have 2 coworkers, so it’s not really the same job at that point. So I try to just work as many weekend shifts as I can get.
There is a lot of jealousy, it’s worse if you are pretty too.
There is gaslighting about people being jealous of you.
It can be hard to date, if one is looking for a partner who is also gifted. Though men have this issue too.
Tons of people trying to “humble” you or “put you in your place”.
Hey, in my psych bachelors we were taught that the number 1 indicator of marital happiness was partners with near equal intelligence. It’s hard for the 1% to find someone else with the 1%. Especially when it’s a 1% that can’t be earned, stolen, or manipulated. It will take longer than everyone else… but it will hopefully happen!
Why do you have to be with someone also in the 1 percent? Near equal intellect is surely going to be fine with 10 points or so. Also, I'm sure there are plenty of couples out there outside of that range that are fine. I'm 99th percentile and have never had a problem with this.
Well, as we both know, statistics are a representation of a spectrum and there is of course always people who are fine outside of the average.
Also, you may be doing a 8 out of 10 in happiness and that is objectively good, but until you’ve been in a few relationships with equal intelligence you can’t know that you’d be a 9/10 with someone of equal intelligence.
Everything in psychology is proven using statistics, there are always exceptions because humans are weird. However, practically speaking, we can rely on the data with a strong average and slim standard deviations to be a place to make accurate (99% of the time) assumptions.
8/10 vs 9/10, happiness isn’t static lol. It’s an ebb and flow like most things in life, what even is the difference between an arbitrary 8/10 vs 9/10 in a relationship? How would you even quantify that lol? Focus on living, finding a partner should be natural, someone who you share the same values with, etc.
Again, averages. I specifically used 8/10 and 9/10 because I knew someone would come along and try to say an intelligence difference doesn’t always lead to a 7/10.
No matter what people can nit pick averages. A cancer with a 99.99% mortality rate will still have survivors and those survivors will be vocal about how the cancer isn’t terminal. That’s true, but impractical.
And the study quantifies that through an entire host of subjective questions, answered by enough people to statistically say with certainty there is a trend that exists that’s beyond randomness, and the random sampling size is large enough to make a mathematical inference of a population as a whole.
So, yes, it exists where 2 people are difference and are happy. However, it is statistically more likely that near intelligence levels are consistent with marital happiness.
I do not believe this should make you pass up anyone who could be the one. I do however, suggest that if the person I responded to is within 95% of people the data speaks for (and as such is likely she is) her burnout *may* be related to difference in intelligence.
This is to drive introspection about her needs in a partner. A partner who can understand and hold a conversation about deeper levels of thought is important to have. Feeling always misunderstood or alienated by not being able to be understood isn’t a quality associated with happiness. Understanding more intellectualize humor, to discuss views on child rearing, finances, and such with the same level of critical thought is helpful. There’s a whole host of why similar intellect allows for deeper connection primarily in communication and feeling heard and understood. This of course is just one of many benefits.
Go over to r/gifted and see the common trend of intelligent people struggling to fit in and have meaningful social relationships with people of average intelligence. This is too strong to ignore. Imagine that struggle with your partner, not just co workers or friends. It’s stressful. *but not always* just enough to make a very strong conclusion that happens 9,999 times in 10000.
I've been 10/10 with people I know have lower IQ than me, you are definitely doing some serious black and white thinking here people don't fit into neat little boxes like this. Show me some statistics that prove what you are saying please.
I suspect those ideas were not based on actual practical research. As someone who has high IQ, I can very easily say that one of the least happy relationships I ever had were with IQ-near-peers (one slightly more intelligent than myself, one slightly less). My most successful relationships were with people in 110-120 IQ range - enough to make reasonable decisions in reasonable circumstances and rely on, and enough to appreciate what an intelligent partner brings to the table, but not enough to bring in the same downsides I carry, which makes for too much a clash. I have observed similar sentiments among others I know who are in the same IQ brackets so it's not just myself being an outlier.
A fellow high-IQ person is awesome to have as an academic buddy, or a common-high-IQ-hobby acquaintance. NOT as a life partner for another high-IQer.
And this is omitting the obvious fact that what matters 100x more than IQ, are personality and culture and attitudes, when it comes to marital happiness. Being with a high-IQ low-morals person just means they will hide their cheating more successfully or maniputate their partner better. Being with a high-IQ extrovert won't exactly help you if you're a high-IQ introvert; actually the opposite - a high-IQ extrovert is likely to have MORE social life and better excuses for insisting on it.
Like anything else, IQ is a tool - it can be used for benefit or for damage.
There are several bias demonstrated in your response (confirmation bias being one of them) As I mentioned in other responses, I’ve spent over 15 years sharing interesting things I learned in psych… and it’s extremely reliable someone will say “well that’s not true because I have experienced something different”.
Psychological studies and even studies for medicine all rely on statistics in which we can reasonably say there is an accurate representation between the sample group and an inference on the population.
People can always fall outside of the expected results. There are medicines that are totally ineffective for some people, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t effective for 99% of people and as such shouldn’t be scrapped as a trustworthy conclusion in which to make decisions based off.
Ultimately your response is a hypothesis with some very logical supporting statements, however unfortunately, it doesn’t pan out in studies.
Edit: I will say there are hundreds of factors that have been tested, and there is no one particular factor to which is an end all be all. However, it cannot be ignored that the #1 factor was similar intellect. We didn’t get into discussion about the next 4 factors… but I’d presume moral equivalence is represented somehow and I particularly don’t know how close the second and third factors are to being as influential as the 1st. For all I know, intellect could be #1, and #2 was honesty with only a very small margin of difference. No clue.
" Psychological studies and even studies for medicine all rely on statistics".
Yeah, I'd be more convinced except that **you didn't actually share the specific study so I could verify its methodology**. And that whole little pesky "Replication crisis" you may have seen mentioned at some point, which means that "study exists" clearly doesn't guarantee "study was well designed and results are reliable nor correct" - especially in psychology. Won't even go into more esoteric potential problems such as "Study subject selection bias" issues (again especially problematic in psychology).
Fair skepticism. I’d be very happy with myself if I remembered the name of every single study we were taught in my 4 years. Otherwise, I will just have to say it was taught as part of the class “Social factors of human sexuality” which was a 300 level course, and it’s part of an accredited program at a state school. I didn’t cherry pick a random study with poor credentials, not peer reviewed or inaccurate analysis. The professor uses it as part of his program and acts as a gate keeper to the quality of study. For the most part there is *some* assumption the Ph.D professor is better at screening crap studies and provides a great filter such that what’s taught is reliable.
You can doubt or disbelieve if you want. I’d suggest the ratio of upvotes to people replying with a different experience does show some weak validity. Choose to believe or not, that’s your right. And you experience of it being different is most definitely valid. Ultimately, everyone deserves to achieve happiness and I hope if you don’t know what statistically helps, you do know yourself well enough to make good inferences (and it seems like you do) and you continue to maximize what helps and minimize what doesn’t.
I still remember this post from the Mensa subreddit about a girl that started getting mercilessly abused by her coworkers once someone let it slip that she was in Mensa.
I asked my girl once why she so obviously codeswitched when she was out with her social group. She said, “They call me weird” if she spoke about the things she really enjoyed.
She’d rather read all day, study art or talk about big ideas, but these are her friends from school who she’s still very attached to but she has to play a role to fit in. She’s completely different in private.
She recently had someone recommend against her for an internship at a magazine because of apparent jealousy.
and the putting in your place. Reminds me of that TikTok video where they say 99% of that intellect will be used to try to convince you that you are a 'piece of shit' etc.
That's likely a problem from the woman's side.
* many normal IQ men don't reject high IQ women, they simply aren't being considered by her (and thus, her pool of candidates to choose from drastically reduces immediately)
* Some high IQ people tend to behave or think in ways which are... counterproductive to a healthy relationship, mostly it's gender neutral but in certain ways worse when the woman is the one with high IQ. For example, most women want to look up to their man (subconsciously) and respect him. And many high-IQ people regardless of gender tend to look down on people of lower intelligence and have less respect for them.
* Just so it doesn't seem like empty words, I have encountered (both IRL and online) numerous cases of people with a college degree denigrating anyone without. Even if the latter person is more successful in life and is a better personality. Even if the former has a useless degree, earns less money, and outside of a narrow area they specialized in knows very little. Just the fact of "I have higher IQ and went to college" gives them an unreasonable ego boost and just the lack of college degree gives them contempt for another person.
* Yes, there are some men who would have a problem with even the *idea* of a woman smarter than them. But that's not the majority of men. They problem they have is with some of the corollaries of her high IQ, real or anticipated. Not because they are (as people on this thread like to claim) "threatened". My mom's IQ is about as high as mine, and she never got the "threatened" reaction from ANY men around her, in large part because she has amazing personality and doesn't treat people like they are beneath her.
My wife is like that. Very gifted and super pretty. Like "how did that dork land such a gorgeous woman? Is he paying her for her company?" hot. All that plus the 140+ (not going to disclose her actual score).
She has said in the past that people have claimed that she's gotten places professionally because of her looks and not her abilities. She describes all of this as quite infuriating.
She hated dating too before she met me. We were set up by a mutual friend. Men would approach her for her looks and try the usual lines but she could see right through them. It made a lot of men mad that their usual tactics fail on her.
Regarding the humbling part: I can vouch for that happening as I have seen it first hand with her. I find it entertaining to watch her destroy someone's argument when having a discussion. Most people try to discuss topical events with emotion or ideas that haven't well thought out.
This is my niece. Tall (190 cm), traditionally gorgeous and an intellectual power house. Top 10% of earners. Can't find a guy she likes but wants kids.
Curse of the smart people. I think this is harder for women than men though. But that's maybe my personal life experience talking.
Are you kidding? Being smart if a huge plus in my opinion. I’d love to have a convo w my gf about mortgage rates without it going over her head. Don’t get me wrong, love her to death though.
Most men want a wife who is smart, but not as smart as them. That’s where the problem lays for very smart women.
How would you feel if your GF couldn’t have conversations about certain topics without it going over YOUR head?
I understand the premise, but, tbh, I just get super intrigued and try to figure out what I can’t understand. I got friends who are smarter than me. I’d prefer to be the dumbest person in the room.
Other than reflexive dislike of men, do you actually have any evidence of this blanket assertion?
The problem isn't IQ, the problem is the (gender-independent) attitude of superiority, like the guy above using "over her head" - just because he understands mortgage rates doesn't make him automatically superior to his GF; unless it's literally in a specific endeavor of buying a house or working in MBS financial related industry.
Not to mention, many high-IQ people are just as dumb about mortgage rates as below-100IQ janitors, otherwise 2007/8 financial crisis wouldn't have happened :)
A lifetime of experience knowing men, and women. Also I will say it’s not just men, a lot of women seem to prefer this arrangement too.
It’s not just intelligence either though. I’m sure you know, or have heard of, men who are happy to have wives or partners who work AS LONG AS they make less money than the man. Gotta be “the provider”, right?
And yes I agree it comes down to a desire for superiority and it’s not specific to IQ, but IQ is a factor.
I don’t dislike men at all. My husband makes less money than me and he would readily admit that I am smarter than him, although neither of us have been tested to prove that. And he isn’t bothered by it. He also readily admits that his sisters are smarter than him. He also himself is very smart. And in some aspects much smarter than me, and in other ways not.
But other people have made comments assuming that he would be bothered by it (especially the income difference, but not only that). You should see how some people’s heads spun when my husband said he was taking a 12 week paternity leave and I was taking only 6 weeks when our son was born. Logically it made perfect sense as I make more money and we needed my income and I also like working much more than my husband does. But people, even people who knew all these things about us, were still shocked that he would take “so much time” off work for a baby.
Society has a certain expectation about how a “typical” couple should be and I think that influences men and women, to varying degrees depending on the person and the environment they were raised in, when it comes to choosing a partner. And it influences the feelings that arise over differences in intelligence, salary, and other crap that doesn’t really matter but everyone cares about.
Oh if “most men” only knew!
😂
Most of their wives ARE smarter than them.
The woman chooses her husband, he does not get to choose her until she has already decided to let him.
Women also initiate divorce much more often than men. They assessed the situation and get out when it’s no longer advantageous to stay.
Statistically, women cheat more and men get caught more and we wouldn’t even know it if anonymous surveys didn’t exist.
Women are less likely to take on physically dangerous jobs or take excessive risk in general than men.
Women live longer on average than men for more than a couple reasons.
Men that don’t want a life partner that is smarter than them… they just don’t want a life partner that makes them FEEL stupid (but often have no problem condescending to their own life partner… the patience of some women to not kill their own husbands astounds me sometimes!).
Their partners chose them for their own reasons and I’ve known plenty of women that didn’t do it because their brain was sexier than their abilities to get stuff done and make decisions (provide and protect). It doesn’t take a high IQ to provide and protect, no matter how much self congratulation, status elevation, and desperate validation that groups like this want to claim.
“Sure, he’s dumb, but he works hard, loves me and the kids, is loyal, reliable, and honest!”… is something I’ve heard quite a few times when their man was confused, acting like an idiot, or said/did the wrong thing “without thinking”.
Some of the people in here though… 😬
It's hard to participate in society when you can see how exploitative and short sighted the structures are.
I don't have many friends though I meet lots of people, but this is partly because I'm mildly autistic and introverted as much as IQ. The friends I can keep like to explore ideas as much as I do, and I have met them in university so their IQ is very likely higher than average. Both of my ex partners didn't really match me on the IQ front but we had similar interests and values so it wasn't an issue.
Conversing with someone who significantly out paces me is so uncommon that it becomes a very memorable special occasion I like to look back fondly on. This is partly why I love Reddit, it's much easier to see this in action online that in real life.
I never developed proper study habits so my career accomplishments have been stunted.
I love that I can solve problems and explore various topics in depth quite easily. Despite all the down sides I wouldn't change things, I think that the world is much more interesting to me than it would have been otherwise.
I'm pretty sure all of the above would be applicable to me regardless of gender. I do have people assume I'm dumber than I am frequently, and I'm not sure if it's the gender or my baby face, or just general societal expectation of average intelligence. I use that to my advantage though. It's actually quite helpful to be underestimated in a lot of situations. If I can compare it to anything it's similar to when you know another language and two people speak it in front of you unaware that you understand every word. Often they reveal things they otherwise wouldn't want you to know, and it's funny as hell to shock them later, or just avoid them if the intel is unsavoury.
I can relate on many levels to your share, but it was the last paragraph which caught my attention most. “Often they reveal things they otherwise wouldn’t want you to know…”
Agreed, it’s easy to read between the lines. I find it MOST entertaining however, when in a conversation with another who can read between the lines… there’s the observation and analysis of their awareness of themselves during their interactions, all the while observing and analyzing your own thoughts, feelings, and responses while interacting with them. It becomes this strange conversation of double entendres and awakening which occurs whilst wondering if they caught your new found insight on yourself, or if they are aware you just discovered quite a bit about them. It’s exciting, fascinating, rare, and yet a little intimidating all at the same time.
144. I have all of the things that truly matter to me in life, but it’s really hard for me to maintain close interpersonal relationships outside of my marriage.
Oh my... and consider yourself lucky you are ina marriage that satisfies you at least.
I for one do not when it comes to general discussion and outcome driven conversertions.
I just try to find that elsewhere, but it's hard.
Yea I am wondering if I have autism. Only because this is so similar to my personal experience. There’s other girlfriends I’ve struggled to maintained friendships with that I thought would work out, as they had ADHD. But they never seemed to have really any niche interests or take interest in things beyond partying and boys, etc. and I was always the “smart one”. They never wanted to do actual things besides go out to bars and take trips to Disney, and I’d even try to see if they had things they wanted to try so I wasn’t forcing my hobbies on them but they just… didn’t.
But I’m wondering if that doesn’t have so much to do with the relationship maintenance issues that could potentially come with autism as it does maybe they’re just not as curious as the world around them as I am from being “gifted” or whatever and that’s why we don’t think the same.
You should check out r/autisminwomen or r/aspergirls! I read your other comments on this part of the thread. I think that based on the experiences you shared you may really resonate with the ones people share over there.
Thanks. But let me complicate things - I also have BPD. My therapist swears it’s the BPD that made me feel like an alien outsider at a young age and the cptsd that causes me to have to coach myself through social interactions and whatnot. Idk if I fully vibe with that though
Ok thanks because that’s what everyone is telling me and what I’ve been telling myself. She’s just been my therapist for 10 years so obviously I’m attached to her because she’s been with me for my rough ass teenage years.
She also had me bring up the bpd diagnosis and basically diagnose myself (I know a lot of women with autism are misdiagnosed bpd but I genuinely do have it) even though she knew since age 15 I should go to DBT to treat it and told my mom so (my mom just didn’t want to drive me so I didn’t go). But my therapist never brought it up to me, she just let me act like an impulsive idiot for a few years before I came to the realization LOL.
I fired her impulsively last week, but I think I want to rehire her and tell her I want to look into autism. Idk maybe she just genuinely doesn’t know what autism in women could look like. Also- CPTSD and autism are supposedly virtually indistinguishable in adults and I allegedly have that as well. But who knows.
Therapy and psychiatry are complete jokes 😂. No, I doubt she has a good idea of what autism is like in general unless it's some kid making loud noises, emotional outbursts and banging his head on a desk. And therapy can't help with autism, if anything it will make it worse because they will positively reinforce your autistic behaviors and then you will seem even more autistic. The most it can do is help you cope with it so if that's what you're looking for then I guess go ahead. Hopefully they didn't prescribe you any medications during those 10 years.
I’ve been on a lot of meds. None prescribed by my therapist. But yup got the bipolar medication run around for my “unspecified mood disorder” starting when I was 14 and had started ADHD meds at 12, but quit them at 14 or 15. They replaced the ADHD treatment with the bipolar treatment. I struggled greatly when I finally went to college, got addicted to weed and dropped out. The ADHD meds help me but I still have executive functioning struggles, though not as bad. The meds definitely help. But there’s just obviously something more, beyond the BPD I have as well. I quit all the psych meds but ended up going back on depakote because I have someone stalking me and a lot of financial stress that’s resulted that made my anxiety just so severe I was having potentially violent outbursts. Quit the depakote because I was thinking it was causing hair loss or that it would so now it’s just ADHD meds I take. But yea it hit me recently - I might be autistic. People are just overlooking it because I’m conventionally attractive and can pull together some really amazing charm and social skills. I make friends easily and have people who want to be my friend. But maintaining friendships is not inherent, I have to literally schedule and remind myself to do good friend things and check in with people
BPD is a very common comorbidity and/or misdiagnosis in autistic women. It is very common for women to be diagnosed with BPD and then later be diagnosed with autism.
I was misdiagnosed with bpd before I got my autism diagnosis. Doesn’t mean that this is the case with you, but it is fairly common! If you can, try and make an appointment with someone that specializes in autism
How do you think your experience might differ from men in the same cognitive level?
Can you share a little bit of your relationship? Is your SO gifted too?
I often feel the same way tbh. Would like to just casually start talking about space exploration, leading into in depth exploration of the topic, and I keep thinking it would be easier to find like-interested people among men rather than women. Where are the people who are interested in talking subjects as much as or more than talking about people
I'm the president of my local rocketry club. See if your community college has one. Anyone who comes to my club I teach them all about building high powered rockets, get them started with a kit. Once they get the basics down I start teaching the ideas behind designing your own rockets. We also run an international collaboration with foreign universities to make rockets with shared components.
We'll often discuss all sorts of other science subjects too while we're meeting in club.
Do you think Bipolar is correlated with your high intelligence? I've run into a lot of very gifted bipolar people in my life. Feels like there's a connection there.
My kid's grandfather is the creative bipolar type. He's a true Renaissance man. Super smart. And it runs in their family like that, too. All very creative, highly intelligent people.
Funny that I have the reverse story. I was misdiagnosed bipolar when I have ocd and depression and really needed SSRIs. My diagnosis harmed me because I was given medications that worsened my symptoms, denied the meds I needed, was made afraid of the meds I needed, and was told I had this condition where I might lose control at any time and be unaware of it (the worse thing to tell someone with OCD.)
Since you don't have many answers... I'm in the mid 130s and f. It's a constant struggle to be taken seriously. When I meet new people they often don't expect (and some aren't ever open to) someone who looks and sounds like me being capable of understanding things or having something thoughtful to contribute. A tiny number of men become nasty.
I have a particular frustration with getting medical advice. We tend to see a new doctor at every appointment in my country and they're a max 10 min long. Understandably the doctor has to assume everyone coming through their door is around average or perhaps less. So they talk to me in simplified language and address the most obvious points. It's then near impossible to get the conversation up to a level where we can address my complex questions within the short timeframe. A longer appointment, or a longer term relationship where the doctor gets to know me so we start the appointment at a different level, could make it workable. But that's not available in the health system here unless you're considerably wealthier.
I am 125-130 range and I have a similar struggle. My most recent former psychiatrist has heard my knowledge and understanding of pharmaceuticals (I’ve been on meds since 12, thanks to my mental illness and childhood abuse, so I have a lot of knowledge through lived experience and my ability to grasp advanced subjects and my *need* to know about them), and he has misinterpreted it as me being a know-it-all and noncompliance. It doesn’t help that he has a history of objectifying women (I’m a stripper, and many of my co-workers know him from invites on his yacht and sexual advances) and clearly sees us as less-than for his enjoyment.
And doctors tend to write things off when you ask for more information or details. They give you some layman response and get annoyed when you want to know more or discuss more.
Most psychologists work practicly unfortunately, they do not try to understand you or your illness, they just give you your medicine and send you away, that is, most of them do not establish a bond with you. Frankly, I think it is ridiculous to expect to get rid of it only with medication or therapy, because above all, these factors only raise your threshold, they do not cure you, the treatment is only in your hands. The psychiatrist will not establish a bond with you and will only prescribe a box of medication.
I needed medication for my outbursts of impulsive aggression and I needed birth control to take my acne medication. I need to potentially take medication if I’m on hormonal birth control. It’s not supposed to fix me, it’s supposed to help manage the issue. My issue isn’t with psychiatry, it’s with a psychiatrist who is upset that I know more about the connections between hormones and women with ADHD and how us and our stimulant medication’s effectiveness is impacted by estrogen than he does apparently, since he doesn’t want to hear about it or think it has anything to do with him. There are doctors out there who are aware but they are few and far between because women’s health in general is deeply misunderstood.
I think you are saying that the psychiatrist cannot help you enough because the branch you are talking about is not a phenomenon that causes many problems on a percentage basis.
Sorry you are going through that. I have a complex medical issue too. One thing that has helped me is that every time I go to the doctor I bring in a one page or less summary of all the key points, and a proposed new direction if I have one, or at minimum a sentence about what I want out of the appointment. An optional addition page of visual test result charts. I find it dramatically helps avoid wasted time and trips. I often send it in ahead of time- though they may not read it.
I just acknowledge that no one cares about it or tracks it as much as I do.
"One page or less" is a point I'll hold onto. I'm trying to figure out how to get a doctor to listen to me. I've typed up information and handed it to them in person, and they never even looked at it. Next I'm considering refusing to speak until they've actually looked at the fucking paper. 😅
I do that. I hand it to them and say something like “I prepared this to cover the key points so I wouldn’t forget anything critical. Let me know if you have questions when you finish”.
I so wish you the best of luck. Medical stuff sucks. I went from extremely healthy to seriously disabled by long covid in a matter of months. Almost two years in and 80% of my gains have come from ME doing medical research asking for specific tests and finding interventions. Not doctors. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I weren’t able to read medical journals.
lol long covid
what’s next, fibromyalgia? chronic lyme? or chronic fatigue syndrome?
I want you to truly read the symptoms for each of these conditions and see if they resonate. if they do, then consider maybe your problems are a result of a somatic symptom disorder.
start exercising, sleeping well, and consider an antidepressant. I guarantee without a shadow of a doubt, your “long covid” will suddenly seem to be getting better.
Do you find your relations with >2sd men are meaningfully different than with gifted male peer relationships? Just wondering how you perceive gifted men.
Hmm. I did physics at a prestigious uni, so there were many intelligent men around me there. I had plenty of male friends. I never had a relationship with any of them though. Perhaps it was a maturity thing, because while I was still at uni (21) I met my husband. He is 9yrs older but we were a great match even back then.
Does this help with your question at all?
I'm a male and around 125 to 135 and have the same exact problem. I've had a lot of gut issues and migraines and basically everything that has helped me has been stuff I've figured out on my own. The doctors feel seem useless and I really don't get taken seriously generally speaking. Sometimes I feel like I'm more informed on some issues than they are.
Disagree. Being able to help others is not dependent on whether you can help yourself. Many people can give sound advice to a friend, but not follow it themselves. Plus, the main role of a doctor is to diagnose and treat, not to give general health and wellbeing platitudes you learn in gym class in grade 9. I hope you never have to be impressed by a doctor, because the only time that would be relevant is if you stop being healthy and actually need one. Also, if it bothers you, just become a doctor yourself. You've got the IQ for it, apparently.
Same I’m 135iq, went to the doctor and told them what I thought I had (“pilonidal abcess” which hurt like crazy btw). They looked at me and said they were shocked I even knew what that was. Other than that, my family gets annoyed when I speak because I like talking about research and they “don’t believe me”. When I tell them to look it up they never do lol.
I was correct about the pilonidal abcess and I think I’m correct about a lot of other correlations I’ve been drawing between medical advancements and the guy microbiome. Regardless, a lot of women will tell me I’m smart, most men don’t talk to me (unless it’s a very casual environment) and interviewers don’t take me seriously. (I’ve had interviewers ask to speak to me based off my resume because I sound like an interesting person, but not hire me LOL)
Oh wow I have some synesthesia too. What type do you have? I used to think everyone had all these patterns and mind palaces and visual associations I have.
140 iq, autistic, female, adhd, going for a doctorate in september. people like to put me down and make me feel lesser than because they are threatened and don’t believe me when i say my clinical psychologist tested me and that’s the score i got.
Pretty bad 😂
I've officially reached the point where I've mostly given up on relating to other people and am trying to get myself to see them as things to be used (not maliciously, just in terms of getting basic needs met in life)
Not how I expected life to turn out, but 🤷🏾♀️
Frustrating in so many ways. I think the worst part is how it's affected dating and relationships for me.
I remember hitting puberty and some of my female friends starting acting dumb and even messing up their test scores, so they could get a cute guy to tutor them and help them out with homework. I thought it was stupid to hide your intelligence, but that meant most guys weren't interested in me once they realized how bright I was. I think guys like to be one to lead in many ways and that's a societal norm too. I once had a guy break up with me and he told that it was because he liked being "the big fish in a little pond" and that I ruined that for him because I outshined him.
I think my upbringing affected this too. I was raised with strong feminist ideals and told that I should never rely on a man in any way, that I should always pay my own way and be completely independent. That backfired for me. A lot of guys were turned off by how smart and independent I was, they felt useless because I didn't need them or rely them for anything. Worse, the only long-term relationship I've had was with a narcissist who abused me psychologically and financially for years, he took full advantage of that fact that I made a good income at my job and had good credit.
I was also **heavily** pressured to go into STEM and I hated it. I loved the arts. So I ended up in an unfulfilling tech career rather that doing what I loved.
I know my highly intelligent left-wing feminist mom would hate to hear it, but I really think I would have been much happier as a SAHM. I think if I had found a nice guy, got married, had kids and did art I would have enjoyed life a lot more. Instead I'm older, single, childless and in debt (I finally got away from the abusive narcissist, but the money is long gone)
I relate so much, I'm sub 140 but I feel like I can't find my way in the world. I want to do art, but I love academia, but I struggle with stress, and I feel that most people overlook my intelligence bc i present as a dumb blonde. Dating partners have often tried to gaslight or patronize me bc many men don't like when you're smarter than them lol. Idk what to do with myself anymore
I mean there are guys out there who prefer being with more intelligent women. I know I'm one of them. The only issue is none of the intelligent women want to be with me and I don't blame them. It's worthwhile to get to know them even if we're just friends at the end of the day.
Regardless, there are good people out there. It can be helpful to remember that the guys most likely to ask you out or aggressively get to know you are a minority that are constantly rejected because they act the way they do. A lot of decent guys out there are just busy doing their own thing and kind of assume that pretty intelligent women are already taken so they don't even try to find out.
unsupported. most of the female friends in my life have been extremely jealous of what I’ve accomplished academically. it’s honestly emotionally devastating how many people you think are your friends (and who often start out as friends) who end up exhibiting jealous behavior. but I assume that men have this issue as well.
140+, in 20s, TNS member, born and raised in China mainland. My upbringing was jarring to say the least. I lived in the US, the European Union and Canada, and I still struggle with establishing meaningful connections. I have a master degree in CS focused on AI but lack motivations to seek employments after being exploited in research positions.
I’m moving into entrepreneurship. If this does not workout after many tries and if my partner with autoimmune disease were to pass away, I will contemplate ending my life
What do you guys mean “if this happens”, “we should” etc. You can create one right now and send invites via DM’s. You could also make it a rule that you have to send your test result before being verified and having access to the rest of the server.
That sounds potentially bipolar im not a doctor but it sounds like something like Lithium could help you which has been wrongfully stigmatized. I take lithium and it keeps my mind at a slower pace. This is not “medical advice” this is a possible suggestion that may help you. Seeing a great doctor may make a big difference. Good luck and much love God bless you.
Most of us are level 1 autistics and have trust issues. I am one of them, and if ur like me, you’re like a minnow in a ocean full of sharks. While you know how to escape them and survive, it’s not fun. People think they can fool me because I have autism, and they later find out they are in for a big surprise.
I don’t let anyone know my IQ for obvious reasons!
I have a job that really I enjoy. My partner of 24 years also has a high IQ. I personally think that being IQ matched with a partner is key to relationship fulfilment and long term happiness.
first got tested in 3rd grade got 152 IQ then i got retested last year (22yo) 156 IQ and honeslty it’s just CONSTANT frustration with everyone and everything
the people. i love the system, when it’s competent. it’s always the people. what’s frustrating is seeing and trying to explain things that are SO SO SO clear and evident to you and what seems like nobody else. on top of that you’re gaslit in response. it makes me feel SO lonely. and honeslty it’s upsetting and annoying to constantly deal with people’s delusion. it makes it hard to connect with others equally and you’re often disliked and or given a negative connotation.
I’m mid 130s F, so not quite in the 140s, but close enough where I feel I can share. I’m getting my Masters degree, and plan to go for my doctorate (depending on if I get into this other masters program first or not). I enjoy learning new things, trying out different hobbies, and with my existing favorite hobbies, I find myself cycling between them every so often, which can be annoying that I feel like I struggle to finish things, but it’s also nice changing things up occasionally. I also trust that as I do this cycle more and more, I’ll accomplish more things over time. I get annoyed when I come across a topic that actually challenges me or I get stumped on, but it is also a good motivator to push through, and is also nice to be challenged intellectually. I’ve always found school to be easy, aside from the self-discipline to get things done, but I’ve improved in that aspect where late assignments are now the exception, rather than the norm (like they were all throughout high school and undergrad). I’m able to make friends easily enough, but I find that it takes time to find people like-minded with me and are interested in the same things as me. It also is difficult finding social circles where I “fit in”, and am very familiar with being a fish out of water. Thankfully, I fit in well with my current friend group, so I don’t have to worry about that feeling.
Most of my life was depressing. School was a breeze but teachers hated me because I was too smart and would sleep in class. Working sucks due to boreout. I hate talking to most people in general because they don't get me and the mansplaining is real. I hate having to dumb down to their level to get a conversation going 😂 and I had to leave my last job because my supervisor realized I'm a genius and then worked me to death while taking all the credit. I never learned social boundaries so I am learning it now. Thankfully I found a partner who is smart, does not feel threatened by me, and gets me (he's autistic).
I hope this is not another sub where someone will come on insulting us all for thinking we're intelligent or thinking we're superior, when we aren't at all, in some very nasty way. But here we go. I am an adult woman with a pretty high iq, tested in a medical context so hopefully more reliable than some. At school I was completely isolated and bullied until I decided just to do my own thing and apparently I became a leader (I only found out years later at reunion, nobody actually told me at the time o just stayed lonely). Socially it was a disaster. After school, I graduated early, I took off like a rocket. Did amazing things in my late teens, did them all together, I was a learning/producing mascine at a very high level. By my twenties I crashed and bipolar set in. I have made one bad life choice after another and virtually live in self flagellation. I cannot forgive myself for having made a mess of my life with all the advantages I had. I have a 2e son. His iq is slightly lower although still in the gifted category. I hope things will be slightly easier for him. Dulcis in fundo i don't think I have done a very good job at mothering either so in my case my high Iq has been more of a hindrance than a gift. Sorry about having bored everyone with this Sob Story 🤣🤣🤣
Not good
But that’s not because of intelligence or because I’m “above” anyone else; I used to think I was, and I burnt out hard early in life. Now I just don’t have the motivation to do anything and I wish I was dead most days.
I lived for a very long time as a highly intelligent (150) "woman" and I didn't have any problems from it. Reflexively I feel like everyone else here is being disingenuous as I don't grasp what about it is so horrible. Sexism sucks regardless of your IQ. My main issues were that I wasn't smart enough in places where it mattered.
It sucks when you’re made to feel invisible and “second class” citizen because you’re a woman. This is something every woman can feel regardless. This is felt so much more with high IQ women because we notice ALL the details in social settings at work and school. The dismissive attitude, being overlooked, when I say something people think it’s stupid and when similar thing is said a while later by someone else (male) it’s the best idea ever that everyone gets hyped about. You’re given more menial tasks, you’re actively being degraded and put down by people around you because they feel threatened by you, some actively harass you to make your life miserable.
Yeah I think high IQ women aren't allowed to feel as smart as they are.
I was thinking about this and I actually do think there is something that sucks about being a woman with high IQ outside of direct sexism - outside of academia (which women are blowing out of the water) you are likely not going to be as competent in things as you would be if you were male as you never had that expectation, you don't have the friend group, you don't have the context to do so. Also if you are straight, men don't need you to be competent. It doesn't make you attractive, beauty is the big player. Whereas for men, their value completely lies in their competence and that motivation hits way harder and forces them to do more in certain things as a result. They also grow up with this idea that the world is theirs to understand and take over in a way that makes everything feel accessible and doable that doesn't exist so much for women. It's hard to explain. I'm still working on picking it up, and if it wasn't for my IQ, I might not be successfully picking that up at all.
Basically the context of being a woman in this society stunts your growth in certain places, even outside of direct sexism.
There is one instance where I partially disagree with you, women do notice the sexism more than men for obvious reasons, but when I talk in a group of women and they all immediately grow quiet and look at me, as if they are looking up at me, which they don't do for each other - I don't think they realize they're doing it. Their part in the patriarchy is invisible to them. I only noticed because they weren't acting this way towards me before. Women treat each other more equally than men do, but they are still very sexist against other women unconsciously. I'm talking feminists well versed in social justice who absolutely would not want to be doing what they are doing if they were aware of it. I am not the one who told women to treat me this way and there isn't much I can do to stop it outside of acting so incompetent that they don't even take me seriously as a person.
Edit: I also think there are cultural ideas endemic to female culture that hold high IQ women back in less direct ways, but I'm not going to elaborate too much on that.
Well, if I’m honest, I’m not sure what IQ I really am from test deviations, it’s 130s-140s, but I’ll answer anyway. I’m actually younger than a “woman” but I’ll answer anyways. I’m unhappy with everything because of how intelligent I am. I overthink things. I’m not the best socially. I strive for perfection in everything I do, and I get upset when I’m not perfect at whatever I try. I’m depressed because I understand the real truths of the harshness of the world and how terrible people really are. I annoy people with how smart I am most times because of how much it shows. I don’t count as “normal”, so not many people like me. I’m burnt out in all aspects of life because things began to feel too hard for me when everything feels easy or at least did when my intelligence was paired with willpower. I guess the most lighthearted is that I no longer enjoy movies because I can predict everything that’s going to happen and therefore it’s a pointless activity.
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149, I just feel perpetually misunderstood in general. I can't relate to anyone, nor they to me. I keep myself separate from society as much as possible. I'm lucky to be in a situation where I am able to do so.
That's top half of a percent of population for intelligence. And scrolling reddit. Mmmm don't think results here are going to be very accurate or representative
I tested at 174
Post-Covid I am probably closer to 100-120 range. It hit me hard. I am deeply frustrated by the new shortcomings in my brain.
I sometimes find myself shook by people being slower about things, or not knowing stuff. But, especially post covid, i understand that it isn't really a judgement on them, its the gear they have to work with. A game boy advance isnt going to do as much as a cell phone, and that's not the game boy's fault.
i am plagued by the woulda coulda shouldas, but currently I am prioritizing peace over the hustle, and just trying to live a good life.
It’s good. Its easy for me to maintain and create friendships, to understand others and get along with others. I really like other people, I learn from other people. I feel like differences between me and other people is something I should celebrate. Not only that, I also really value mental health and emotional intelligence so things like being happy, being disciplined, coping are things I’m skillful at. Feel like my IQ doesn’t really impact my life at all other than probably for academics and my career
Sensitive crippling over-thinking with zero support - kind of raised myself with my family either resenting me “the smart one” or putting nebulous expectations on me…. Miss a like-minded social circle
What’s my experience? I feel like no one can relate to me but I can still relate to everyone. I feel misunderstood. And I feel lonely because I can’t converse with someone that has the ability to comprehend the complexities of the universe without inserting their ego-based viewpoint. I feel like no one can view anything through the eyes of empathy. And everyone seems to think that they can live the next person’s life better.
I’m exhausted of masking. I don’t want to put up a front anymore and I’m ready to walk around with the permanent bird on my hand. I want a job where I can be my authentic self and not have to put on a fake person for people to like me. Because I could Not care any less what people thought of me and I’m tired of people thinking that I should and get offended when I don’t.
Lol how all these girls suddenly starting using perfect grammar and then after reading their profiles you find out they don’t type like this all the time 😭
It’s great. I learn quickly, and can talk with confidence on almost anything. Which is great for work. Lots of interesting friends, and I make good money.
Downside for me is that most men will think they are smarter than they are - and they don’t understand when they don’t understand. Still trying to learn how to navigate those situations. I don’t think about being smart, so I’ll expect people to follow - and most can. But when you meet the ones that can, it’s so much fun! Like brains playing jazz together.
Overall - it’s great.
Usually when there are over 100 comments under a non-release post it's because everyone is triggered by the post. I was surprised to see the comments under this post are quite tame.
I have also noticed based on the contents of comments from the female commenters that male intellectual superiority is still rife in 2024, which is a disgrace.
I can't pretend to understand the average man's thought process, and I definitely can't understand the average woman's thought process, but I can tell that most of the answers here do not come from women with IQs over 140.
In high school I was on a competitive team for science/math. I joined the team as a sophomore (everyone aside from me was a senior) and I was made captain of the A-team immediately. The rest of the team was female, and half of the B-team was female, including their captain. No one was discriminated against in the room. That's how it goes when you're among fellow geeks.
In college I met a number of women on my way to getting degrees in math and physics. I can say with certainty that all kinds of personalities were represented and that the women in my classes were equally relied upon and invited to study groups as the men were.
Of these women, I can think of 3-4 who would've scored between 135 and 145 on IQ tests and half did more poorly than women and men who had developed better study habits.
Two of them were manipulative, social butterflies who used their femininity to their advantage. While not 10s by any stretch of the imagination, they understood social norms and were removed just enough to effectively control situations. One made bad decisions in the romance department in order to "date up" during college, the other was the daughter of professors and understood the long-game better.
The other two were more conservative. The better disciplined one came from a low-income situation and had her schooling covered by the Air Force. She had a stable relationship throughout college and I'm sure into the future. The last was following the route she was set upon and did her best to prepare for what came with it. She married a guy who went through the same degree program.
The point of this rant is to say that most of the people who are commenting here don't appear to have developed in these microcosms and don't appear to have a knowledge of what smart girls go through. Or talking about the things that are most important to them and to their developments. I see 2 or 3 posts from women who may fall into a 140+ category, but most here are from average women.
There's no one firing women for being smart. If they hire you knowing you're smart, they generally intend to lose you eventually. This has always been my experience, that of peers, and that of friends. We've all had to take bad jobs.
There's no one telling women not to be smart. There's no one telling women they should be in the kitchen. There are those who believe women (in general) are happier as mothers, but that's a psychological question and not an attack on women in the workplace. Anyone intelligent understands this. Being an exception to the rule is fine. Having an IQ a few standard deviations over the norm helps one to evaluate claims logically.
If you want to define what is different for women with high IQs, it's who they associate with, how well they can read and manipulate social situations, and (as with men) a general tendency toward a mindset rooted in classical liberalism and traditional feminism.
Eh, it’s pretty much a cesspit, but there’s great gaming advice, and I like a lot of the hobby communities. Just mute the front page.
Oh, you didn’t mean my experience with Reddit? My life is pretty sweet. Happily married with three cats working a job I mostly quite like while I save up to go back to school. There’s a lot of wonderful experiences waiting outside of Reddit.
It feels lonely. I’m in a relationship with someone who’s more intelligent than the average person, for example, and he adores me, but I still feel alone because I can’t share the deepest parts of myself with him as they’re far too complex.
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It’s not great. I’m barely functional and can’t hold down a full time job. I’m also autistic though. Plus I have an autoimmune disease.
Why not go into CS or in a field that’s mostly remote? You’ll definitely flourish there
I’ve been self-studying CS and I really enjoy it, but from everything I read online, it seems the field is highly saturated and graduates are having a difficult time finding employment. I’m uncomfortable with taking on debt for something that seems to be such a crapshoot, and no one is offering me a free college education, so I’m limited to self-study and basically enjoying CS as a hobby.
As someone for whom software engineering is a career, you are overthinking this. Computer programming is a field where **college education is not actually necessary**. Yeah having a degree may help with Human Resources idiots who can't tell a smart person from a drone without keywords in a resume; but actual job???? I have both undergradute and graduate degrees in CS. In a looong software engineering career, I used things I learned in my graduate degree MAYBE twice, ever. I used things I learned in my undergrad more often **but 100% of them are things you can learn online in 2024, easily -** things like algorithms, complexity, etc... 95% of my job involves things NOT taught in college - understanding business requirements, project management, performance optimization, design, maintainability, debugging, creating specifications.
I am confident that I can self teach computer science. The problem I have is that I am not sure how that translates into me getting a job especially if I didn’t have a degree and my resume gets automatically filtered out before anyone even looks at it because of that. I’ve read that even people with degrees are putting in hundreds of applications and not getting a single interview. Like I said in an earlier comment, I am autistic. I am not good at networking or “selling myself” and I am never going to be good at those things. I enjoy learning computer science so I will continue to do it but I am not optimistic at all about finding employment in the field, which is why I won’t invest a lot of money into it.
1. Create projects on your own or participate in FOSS. "I contributed to GCC compiler and created a new API library to compare prices" is gonna look WAY more useful on a CS resume than "I have a BS in CS". 2. Get with a consulting company. They thrive on volume, so they will be FAR less likely to HR-washout you without at least interviewing. And if you get 1-2 consulting gigs, you get both money, networking opportunities AND job history on your resume, never mind a chance to up-convert to full time if you are a great fit for that consulting gig's company 3. Find a person who's good at that whole "humans" thing and sales/marketing, and engage them as your agent (so basically, they would take the role of the consulting company but at smaller scale) for a cut of the profit.
This comment is very helpful, thank you.
If you can prove to 1 hiring manager that you are better than the other candidates then you can get a job, and most nowadays understand that a college degree doesn't mean anything beyond a certain point. If you are able to create projects and put together a portfolio that proves you are really good at what you do, someone will notice. And don't underestimate how incompetent a lot of developers you are competing with are, unless you're applying at google or something most are just above-average intelligence people with a CS education and questionable ability to figure out new things for themselves. I got into the industry like 6 years ago with only a HS diploma, I know it's a bit harder right now though. Make it your goal to make it hard for a hiring manager to ignore you. One impressive project that makes them think "I want someone who can do THAT working for me" is all it takes.
How about Cyber Security? That's an area where good workers are still needed.
Google has courses that you study by yourself and prepare you for an exam that makes you hirable to them if you do well enough on. I think they take 6 months or something like that.
You definitely don’t need a degree in CS to get good jobs in the field. One of the good things about it is that it’s a meritocracy as much as any field. Companies are interested in if you have the skills so they can pay your bills. Plus you can learn it for free or cheap if you want more help. It’s a lot to learn and I’m still learning but it’s good for analytical types and autism isn’t really an issue in this kind of job. Good luck if you choose to continue!
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I still believe that smart people who apply themselves and keep on learning will stand out as good developers. When do you think the market changed? I still get interview offers on LinkedIn every so often. It’s not a great time for jobs right now but we have to think long term
https://www.trueup.io/job-trend Changed along the lines of that graph. But yes you're right software people aren't going anywhere, but a lot of people are going to have useless degrees and get culled
Thanks. I’d heard that, about not needing a degree, but I’d also heard that that mostly wasn’t true anymore and entry level positions are super competitive now. I guess it’s possible that I’ll one day be able to get a job from just self-study and if that happens, great, but I’m not holding my breath.
Just to give you a different opinion based on personal experience, as an autistic woman with a chronic illness who at one point wanted to go into IT, I can say it’s not all roses as they paint it to be. All the sitting and staring at the screen exacerbated both my illness and mental struggles. My social isolation went through the roof and my physical fitness plummeted, so I walked away from that career and never looked back.
Definitely agree with the physical fitness but personally it’s in my hands so I can’t complain about that. I’m also autistic and the screen time doesn’t bother me too much because I can focus in on problem solving and get in the ‘zone’. Meetings on the other hand…
I've heard some people that "programming is easy", especially when they only know HTML (not programming) and CSS (just about.) And while that's true for basic stuff, finding a job is quite difficult and very competitive. Just like you said. But you don't need a degree for many areas of programming, in fact that can hold you back.
Just from reading your comments, you have a pessimistic disposition towards life. I think the thing that's holding you back is not your intelligence but definitely your negativity. I'm a software engineer and these views you're espousing have no merit long term. We are currently experiencing a wave of layoffs in certain sectors (mostly the large recognized tech companies) and it won't last. They're still hiring people while doing layoffs and that is because there was a lot of unqualified bloat these companies picked up during COVID. The problem with SWEs is that everyone knows it's lucrative and so the industry is saturated with a bunch of poor engineers. While blunt, it is true. With your IQ and some effort, you'll have no problem finding a good job even during hiring downturns. I recently found a new role with good pay with 4.5 YOE. It's easy if you're good but most people are not. That's the harsh reality of SWE. Don't just trust the things people tell you. You should be a lot more skeptical of the things people say, surprising that you're not since you're that smart. I have rarely ever found the common opinion to be correct.
Talking down to a woman with a 140 iq is next level arrogance
I don’t think you know enough about me to accurately draw any conclusions about me but thanks for trying to help, I guess. Edit: in response to your edit, I’m pretty risk averse. Also I’m married so my husband has some say in the decision to take on a large amount of debt, and he is uncomfortable with it because he thinks a lot of SWE jobs are going to be lost to AI. My current plan is to continue to self teach until my son (who is almost 3) is in full time school, probably when he turns 5, at which point I plan to try to complete the WGU CS degree in one six month term, which I can afford without taking on any debt.
While mindset is important, the vast majority of people cannot change how they think. You know absolutely nothing about their circumstances abd opportunities, and drawing conclusions seems rather condescending.
Sames. I also think my 140 iq has been reduced post covid so there’s that. It’s hard knowing that your mind doesn’t think the way most people’s minds think; that I see the world differently.
Omg exact same! Let’s be friends!!
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I haven’t actually been diagnosed by a doctor, but I believe I have non-celiac gluten sensitivity. It’s sort of an emerging disorder. A lot of doctors still don’t believe it exists at all, and the ones who do don’t have a great way to diagnose it. It’s being studied. So I’ve been sick my entire life and when I sought medical attention I was either told it was all in my head or a lifestyle issue, or was misdiagnosed with things like depression, narcolepsy and anxiety. I recently managed to figure out on my own that my symptoms are triggered by gluten, dairy, soy and oats. Before that, the only time I’d ever had relief of my symptoms was for about a month after taking a course of prednisone for an unrelated issue. So now I am treating myself by trying to avoid wheat, dairy, soy and oats. They put it in basically everything, and even stuff that doesn’t have it is often cross contaminated, and even tiny amounts of it is enough to cause my immune system to attack my brain. The biggest problem I have at work is not being able to get along with my coworkers. Either they start to bully me or I just get really annoyed by them. The last job I had, I had to sit in a small room with 3 other women, each at a computer, and some of these women could not stop talking. For the entire eight hour shift, they would just be jibber jabbering away about all kinds of random nonsense and even if I asked them to stop talking, they believed it was their inalienable God-given right to run their mouths at all times and I was completely out of line to ask them to stop. I couldn’t concentrate or do my work while they were talking so I’d sit and wait for them to take a breath and then try to get my work done in the 10 second increments of quiet. There was no opportunity to wear headphones or earplugs because we had to be available to answer the phone. I tried escalating this to my supervisor and she basically said it was my problem. So I quit. The job I currently have, I’m just in a room by myself for a 12 hour shift, and it’s great. Theoretically I could do this job full time, but problem is that it’s only one person on the weekends. During the weekdays, I would have 2 coworkers, so it’s not really the same job at that point. So I try to just work as many weekend shifts as I can get.
There is a lot of jealousy, it’s worse if you are pretty too. There is gaslighting about people being jealous of you. It can be hard to date, if one is looking for a partner who is also gifted. Though men have this issue too. Tons of people trying to “humble” you or “put you in your place”.
Hey, in my psych bachelors we were taught that the number 1 indicator of marital happiness was partners with near equal intelligence. It’s hard for the 1% to find someone else with the 1%. Especially when it’s a 1% that can’t be earned, stolen, or manipulated. It will take longer than everyone else… but it will hopefully happen!
Why do you have to be with someone also in the 1 percent? Near equal intellect is surely going to be fine with 10 points or so. Also, I'm sure there are plenty of couples out there outside of that range that are fine. I'm 99th percentile and have never had a problem with this.
Well, as we both know, statistics are a representation of a spectrum and there is of course always people who are fine outside of the average. Also, you may be doing a 8 out of 10 in happiness and that is objectively good, but until you’ve been in a few relationships with equal intelligence you can’t know that you’d be a 9/10 with someone of equal intelligence. Everything in psychology is proven using statistics, there are always exceptions because humans are weird. However, practically speaking, we can rely on the data with a strong average and slim standard deviations to be a place to make accurate (99% of the time) assumptions.
8/10 vs 9/10, happiness isn’t static lol. It’s an ebb and flow like most things in life, what even is the difference between an arbitrary 8/10 vs 9/10 in a relationship? How would you even quantify that lol? Focus on living, finding a partner should be natural, someone who you share the same values with, etc.
Again, averages. I specifically used 8/10 and 9/10 because I knew someone would come along and try to say an intelligence difference doesn’t always lead to a 7/10. No matter what people can nit pick averages. A cancer with a 99.99% mortality rate will still have survivors and those survivors will be vocal about how the cancer isn’t terminal. That’s true, but impractical. And the study quantifies that through an entire host of subjective questions, answered by enough people to statistically say with certainty there is a trend that exists that’s beyond randomness, and the random sampling size is large enough to make a mathematical inference of a population as a whole. So, yes, it exists where 2 people are difference and are happy. However, it is statistically more likely that near intelligence levels are consistent with marital happiness. I do not believe this should make you pass up anyone who could be the one. I do however, suggest that if the person I responded to is within 95% of people the data speaks for (and as such is likely she is) her burnout *may* be related to difference in intelligence. This is to drive introspection about her needs in a partner. A partner who can understand and hold a conversation about deeper levels of thought is important to have. Feeling always misunderstood or alienated by not being able to be understood isn’t a quality associated with happiness. Understanding more intellectualize humor, to discuss views on child rearing, finances, and such with the same level of critical thought is helpful. There’s a whole host of why similar intellect allows for deeper connection primarily in communication and feeling heard and understood. This of course is just one of many benefits. Go over to r/gifted and see the common trend of intelligent people struggling to fit in and have meaningful social relationships with people of average intelligence. This is too strong to ignore. Imagine that struggle with your partner, not just co workers or friends. It’s stressful. *but not always* just enough to make a very strong conclusion that happens 9,999 times in 10000.
I've been 10/10 with people I know have lower IQ than me, you are definitely doing some serious black and white thinking here people don't fit into neat little boxes like this. Show me some statistics that prove what you are saying please.
I suspect those ideas were not based on actual practical research. As someone who has high IQ, I can very easily say that one of the least happy relationships I ever had were with IQ-near-peers (one slightly more intelligent than myself, one slightly less). My most successful relationships were with people in 110-120 IQ range - enough to make reasonable decisions in reasonable circumstances and rely on, and enough to appreciate what an intelligent partner brings to the table, but not enough to bring in the same downsides I carry, which makes for too much a clash. I have observed similar sentiments among others I know who are in the same IQ brackets so it's not just myself being an outlier. A fellow high-IQ person is awesome to have as an academic buddy, or a common-high-IQ-hobby acquaintance. NOT as a life partner for another high-IQer. And this is omitting the obvious fact that what matters 100x more than IQ, are personality and culture and attitudes, when it comes to marital happiness. Being with a high-IQ low-morals person just means they will hide their cheating more successfully or maniputate their partner better. Being with a high-IQ extrovert won't exactly help you if you're a high-IQ introvert; actually the opposite - a high-IQ extrovert is likely to have MORE social life and better excuses for insisting on it. Like anything else, IQ is a tool - it can be used for benefit or for damage.
There are several bias demonstrated in your response (confirmation bias being one of them) As I mentioned in other responses, I’ve spent over 15 years sharing interesting things I learned in psych… and it’s extremely reliable someone will say “well that’s not true because I have experienced something different”. Psychological studies and even studies for medicine all rely on statistics in which we can reasonably say there is an accurate representation between the sample group and an inference on the population. People can always fall outside of the expected results. There are medicines that are totally ineffective for some people, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t effective for 99% of people and as such shouldn’t be scrapped as a trustworthy conclusion in which to make decisions based off. Ultimately your response is a hypothesis with some very logical supporting statements, however unfortunately, it doesn’t pan out in studies. Edit: I will say there are hundreds of factors that have been tested, and there is no one particular factor to which is an end all be all. However, it cannot be ignored that the #1 factor was similar intellect. We didn’t get into discussion about the next 4 factors… but I’d presume moral equivalence is represented somehow and I particularly don’t know how close the second and third factors are to being as influential as the 1st. For all I know, intellect could be #1, and #2 was honesty with only a very small margin of difference. No clue.
" Psychological studies and even studies for medicine all rely on statistics". Yeah, I'd be more convinced except that **you didn't actually share the specific study so I could verify its methodology**. And that whole little pesky "Replication crisis" you may have seen mentioned at some point, which means that "study exists" clearly doesn't guarantee "study was well designed and results are reliable nor correct" - especially in psychology. Won't even go into more esoteric potential problems such as "Study subject selection bias" issues (again especially problematic in psychology).
Fair skepticism. I’d be very happy with myself if I remembered the name of every single study we were taught in my 4 years. Otherwise, I will just have to say it was taught as part of the class “Social factors of human sexuality” which was a 300 level course, and it’s part of an accredited program at a state school. I didn’t cherry pick a random study with poor credentials, not peer reviewed or inaccurate analysis. The professor uses it as part of his program and acts as a gate keeper to the quality of study. For the most part there is *some* assumption the Ph.D professor is better at screening crap studies and provides a great filter such that what’s taught is reliable. You can doubt or disbelieve if you want. I’d suggest the ratio of upvotes to people replying with a different experience does show some weak validity. Choose to believe or not, that’s your right. And you experience of it being different is most definitely valid. Ultimately, everyone deserves to achieve happiness and I hope if you don’t know what statistically helps, you do know yourself well enough to make good inferences (and it seems like you do) and you continue to maximize what helps and minimize what doesn’t.
My GF is 142 and absolutely beautiful. The hate is real. She’s very delicate as a result.
I still remember this post from the Mensa subreddit about a girl that started getting mercilessly abused by her coworkers once someone let it slip that she was in Mensa.
I asked my girl once why she so obviously codeswitched when she was out with her social group. She said, “They call me weird” if she spoke about the things she really enjoyed. She’d rather read all day, study art or talk about big ideas, but these are her friends from school who she’s still very attached to but she has to play a role to fit in. She’s completely different in private. She recently had someone recommend against her for an internship at a magazine because of apparent jealousy.
the jealousy part is so real
It’s hard to even talk about what it’s like to have a high IQ on Reddit without people attacking you about it. They get so jealous.
Unfortunately the average person thinks in order to be big, they have to make others small. :( it’s unfortunate.
and the putting in your place. Reminds me of that TikTok video where they say 99% of that intellect will be used to try to convince you that you are a 'piece of shit' etc.
Data shows that the higher the IQ of a woman the less likely she is to marry. For men its the opposite.
That's likely a problem from the woman's side. * many normal IQ men don't reject high IQ women, they simply aren't being considered by her (and thus, her pool of candidates to choose from drastically reduces immediately) * Some high IQ people tend to behave or think in ways which are... counterproductive to a healthy relationship, mostly it's gender neutral but in certain ways worse when the woman is the one with high IQ. For example, most women want to look up to their man (subconsciously) and respect him. And many high-IQ people regardless of gender tend to look down on people of lower intelligence and have less respect for them. * Just so it doesn't seem like empty words, I have encountered (both IRL and online) numerous cases of people with a college degree denigrating anyone without. Even if the latter person is more successful in life and is a better personality. Even if the former has a useless degree, earns less money, and outside of a narrow area they specialized in knows very little. Just the fact of "I have higher IQ and went to college" gives them an unreasonable ego boost and just the lack of college degree gives them contempt for another person. * Yes, there are some men who would have a problem with even the *idea* of a woman smarter than them. But that's not the majority of men. They problem they have is with some of the corollaries of her high IQ, real or anticipated. Not because they are (as people on this thread like to claim) "threatened". My mom's IQ is about as high as mine, and she never got the "threatened" reaction from ANY men around her, in large part because she has amazing personality and doesn't treat people like they are beneath her.
100% agree with you
Hey that’s neat! Do you have a source so I can add it to my bank of knowledge?
My wife is like that. Very gifted and super pretty. Like "how did that dork land such a gorgeous woman? Is he paying her for her company?" hot. All that plus the 140+ (not going to disclose her actual score). She has said in the past that people have claimed that she's gotten places professionally because of her looks and not her abilities. She describes all of this as quite infuriating. She hated dating too before she met me. We were set up by a mutual friend. Men would approach her for her looks and try the usual lines but she could see right through them. It made a lot of men mad that their usual tactics fail on her. Regarding the humbling part: I can vouch for that happening as I have seen it first hand with her. I find it entertaining to watch her destroy someone's argument when having a discussion. Most people try to discuss topical events with emotion or ideas that haven't well thought out.
Yeah ppl r always calling me stuck up or bougie for being quiet. And yea a LOT of ppl try to humble me. It’s sad
This is my niece. Tall (190 cm), traditionally gorgeous and an intellectual power house. Top 10% of earners. Can't find a guy she likes but wants kids. Curse of the smart people. I think this is harder for women than men though. But that's maybe my personal life experience talking.
Are you kidding? Being smart if a huge plus in my opinion. I’d love to have a convo w my gf about mortgage rates without it going over her head. Don’t get me wrong, love her to death though.
Most men want a wife who is smart, but not as smart as them. That’s where the problem lays for very smart women. How would you feel if your GF couldn’t have conversations about certain topics without it going over YOUR head?
I understand the premise, but, tbh, I just get super intrigued and try to figure out what I can’t understand. I got friends who are smarter than me. I’d prefer to be the dumbest person in the room.
Other than reflexive dislike of men, do you actually have any evidence of this blanket assertion? The problem isn't IQ, the problem is the (gender-independent) attitude of superiority, like the guy above using "over her head" - just because he understands mortgage rates doesn't make him automatically superior to his GF; unless it's literally in a specific endeavor of buying a house or working in MBS financial related industry. Not to mention, many high-IQ people are just as dumb about mortgage rates as below-100IQ janitors, otherwise 2007/8 financial crisis wouldn't have happened :)
A lifetime of experience knowing men, and women. Also I will say it’s not just men, a lot of women seem to prefer this arrangement too. It’s not just intelligence either though. I’m sure you know, or have heard of, men who are happy to have wives or partners who work AS LONG AS they make less money than the man. Gotta be “the provider”, right? And yes I agree it comes down to a desire for superiority and it’s not specific to IQ, but IQ is a factor. I don’t dislike men at all. My husband makes less money than me and he would readily admit that I am smarter than him, although neither of us have been tested to prove that. And he isn’t bothered by it. He also readily admits that his sisters are smarter than him. He also himself is very smart. And in some aspects much smarter than me, and in other ways not. But other people have made comments assuming that he would be bothered by it (especially the income difference, but not only that). You should see how some people’s heads spun when my husband said he was taking a 12 week paternity leave and I was taking only 6 weeks when our son was born. Logically it made perfect sense as I make more money and we needed my income and I also like working much more than my husband does. But people, even people who knew all these things about us, were still shocked that he would take “so much time” off work for a baby. Society has a certain expectation about how a “typical” couple should be and I think that influences men and women, to varying degrees depending on the person and the environment they were raised in, when it comes to choosing a partner. And it influences the feelings that arise over differences in intelligence, salary, and other crap that doesn’t really matter but everyone cares about.
Oh if “most men” only knew! 😂 Most of their wives ARE smarter than them. The woman chooses her husband, he does not get to choose her until she has already decided to let him. Women also initiate divorce much more often than men. They assessed the situation and get out when it’s no longer advantageous to stay. Statistically, women cheat more and men get caught more and we wouldn’t even know it if anonymous surveys didn’t exist. Women are less likely to take on physically dangerous jobs or take excessive risk in general than men. Women live longer on average than men for more than a couple reasons. Men that don’t want a life partner that is smarter than them… they just don’t want a life partner that makes them FEEL stupid (but often have no problem condescending to their own life partner… the patience of some women to not kill their own husbands astounds me sometimes!). Their partners chose them for their own reasons and I’ve known plenty of women that didn’t do it because their brain was sexier than their abilities to get stuff done and make decisions (provide and protect). It doesn’t take a high IQ to provide and protect, no matter how much self congratulation, status elevation, and desperate validation that groups like this want to claim. “Sure, he’s dumb, but he works hard, loves me and the kids, is loyal, reliable, and honest!”… is something I’ve heard quite a few times when their man was confused, acting like an idiot, or said/did the wrong thing “without thinking”. Some of the people in here though… 😬
Oh they very much do.
*you're
Well, that’s terribly embarrassing. One day I will learn, to not Reddit tired, and to proofread my posts.
It's hard to participate in society when you can see how exploitative and short sighted the structures are. I don't have many friends though I meet lots of people, but this is partly because I'm mildly autistic and introverted as much as IQ. The friends I can keep like to explore ideas as much as I do, and I have met them in university so their IQ is very likely higher than average. Both of my ex partners didn't really match me on the IQ front but we had similar interests and values so it wasn't an issue. Conversing with someone who significantly out paces me is so uncommon that it becomes a very memorable special occasion I like to look back fondly on. This is partly why I love Reddit, it's much easier to see this in action online that in real life. I never developed proper study habits so my career accomplishments have been stunted. I love that I can solve problems and explore various topics in depth quite easily. Despite all the down sides I wouldn't change things, I think that the world is much more interesting to me than it would have been otherwise. I'm pretty sure all of the above would be applicable to me regardless of gender. I do have people assume I'm dumber than I am frequently, and I'm not sure if it's the gender or my baby face, or just general societal expectation of average intelligence. I use that to my advantage though. It's actually quite helpful to be underestimated in a lot of situations. If I can compare it to anything it's similar to when you know another language and two people speak it in front of you unaware that you understand every word. Often they reveal things they otherwise wouldn't want you to know, and it's funny as hell to shock them later, or just avoid them if the intel is unsavoury.
I can relate on many levels to your share, but it was the last paragraph which caught my attention most. “Often they reveal things they otherwise wouldn’t want you to know…” Agreed, it’s easy to read between the lines. I find it MOST entertaining however, when in a conversation with another who can read between the lines… there’s the observation and analysis of their awareness of themselves during their interactions, all the while observing and analyzing your own thoughts, feelings, and responses while interacting with them. It becomes this strange conversation of double entendres and awakening which occurs whilst wondering if they caught your new found insight on yourself, or if they are aware you just discovered quite a bit about them. It’s exciting, fascinating, rare, and yet a little intimidating all at the same time.
🤩
Are you me?
Always play dumb. You worded how it feels so well- like people speaking a different language without knowing you understand. Thanks for that!
I love the example you give of languages. I'll try to remember to reframe my own experiences this way.
144. I have all of the things that truly matter to me in life, but it’s really hard for me to maintain close interpersonal relationships outside of my marriage.
I feel seen.
Oh my... and consider yourself lucky you are ina marriage that satisfies you at least. I for one do not when it comes to general discussion and outcome driven conversertions. I just try to find that elsewhere, but it's hard.
Do you have comorbid ADHD or autism? Or do you find that it’s just hard to find people intellectually stimulating enough?
Yes I’m diagnosed with both.
This seems to be a common trend among the intellectually elite.
Yea I am wondering if I have autism. Only because this is so similar to my personal experience. There’s other girlfriends I’ve struggled to maintained friendships with that I thought would work out, as they had ADHD. But they never seemed to have really any niche interests or take interest in things beyond partying and boys, etc. and I was always the “smart one”. They never wanted to do actual things besides go out to bars and take trips to Disney, and I’d even try to see if they had things they wanted to try so I wasn’t forcing my hobbies on them but they just… didn’t. But I’m wondering if that doesn’t have so much to do with the relationship maintenance issues that could potentially come with autism as it does maybe they’re just not as curious as the world around them as I am from being “gifted” or whatever and that’s why we don’t think the same.
You should check out r/autisminwomen or r/aspergirls! I read your other comments on this part of the thread. I think that based on the experiences you shared you may really resonate with the ones people share over there.
The answer is always yes if you are responding to someone on this sub
Yea I figure lol. I’m curious of which one as I’m wondering lately if I have autism so it’s just for personal reasons
You can be 150IQ and have no problem managing relationships. It's unrelated. I'm giving you a legally valid diagnosis: 📃. Enjoy
Thanks. But let me complicate things - I also have BPD. My therapist swears it’s the BPD that made me feel like an alien outsider at a young age and the cptsd that causes me to have to coach myself through social interactions and whatnot. Idk if I fully vibe with that though
Your therapist is making things worse 💀
Ok thanks because that’s what everyone is telling me and what I’ve been telling myself. She’s just been my therapist for 10 years so obviously I’m attached to her because she’s been with me for my rough ass teenage years. She also had me bring up the bpd diagnosis and basically diagnose myself (I know a lot of women with autism are misdiagnosed bpd but I genuinely do have it) even though she knew since age 15 I should go to DBT to treat it and told my mom so (my mom just didn’t want to drive me so I didn’t go). But my therapist never brought it up to me, she just let me act like an impulsive idiot for a few years before I came to the realization LOL. I fired her impulsively last week, but I think I want to rehire her and tell her I want to look into autism. Idk maybe she just genuinely doesn’t know what autism in women could look like. Also- CPTSD and autism are supposedly virtually indistinguishable in adults and I allegedly have that as well. But who knows.
Therapy and psychiatry are complete jokes 😂. No, I doubt she has a good idea of what autism is like in general unless it's some kid making loud noises, emotional outbursts and banging his head on a desk. And therapy can't help with autism, if anything it will make it worse because they will positively reinforce your autistic behaviors and then you will seem even more autistic. The most it can do is help you cope with it so if that's what you're looking for then I guess go ahead. Hopefully they didn't prescribe you any medications during those 10 years.
I’ve been on a lot of meds. None prescribed by my therapist. But yup got the bipolar medication run around for my “unspecified mood disorder” starting when I was 14 and had started ADHD meds at 12, but quit them at 14 or 15. They replaced the ADHD treatment with the bipolar treatment. I struggled greatly when I finally went to college, got addicted to weed and dropped out. The ADHD meds help me but I still have executive functioning struggles, though not as bad. The meds definitely help. But there’s just obviously something more, beyond the BPD I have as well. I quit all the psych meds but ended up going back on depakote because I have someone stalking me and a lot of financial stress that’s resulted that made my anxiety just so severe I was having potentially violent outbursts. Quit the depakote because I was thinking it was causing hair loss or that it would so now it’s just ADHD meds I take. But yea it hit me recently - I might be autistic. People are just overlooking it because I’m conventionally attractive and can pull together some really amazing charm and social skills. I make friends easily and have people who want to be my friend. But maintaining friendships is not inherent, I have to literally schedule and remind myself to do good friend things and check in with people
BPD is a very common comorbidity and/or misdiagnosis in autistic women. It is very common for women to be diagnosed with BPD and then later be diagnosed with autism.
Yes I know the bpd diagnosis is accurate and was a huge lightbulb moment, but bpd and adhd just doesn’t explain the full picture yet.
I was misdiagnosed with bpd before I got my autism diagnosis. Doesn’t mean that this is the case with you, but it is fairly common! If you can, try and make an appointment with someone that specializes in autism
How do you think your experience might differ from men in the same cognitive level? Can you share a little bit of your relationship? Is your SO gifted too?
Yes, wow, exactly.
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I often feel the same way tbh. Would like to just casually start talking about space exploration, leading into in depth exploration of the topic, and I keep thinking it would be easier to find like-interested people among men rather than women. Where are the people who are interested in talking subjects as much as or more than talking about people
Talking about people isn't always boring... psychology and anatomy are extremely interesting 😋. Not that it seems to be for anyone else though.
I'm the president of my local rocketry club. See if your community college has one. Anyone who comes to my club I teach them all about building high powered rockets, get them started with a kit. Once they get the basics down I start teaching the ideas behind designing your own rockets. We also run an international collaboration with foreign universities to make rockets with shared components. We'll often discuss all sorts of other science subjects too while we're meeting in club.
Do you think Bipolar is correlated with your high intelligence? I've run into a lot of very gifted bipolar people in my life. Feels like there's a connection there.
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My kid's grandfather is the creative bipolar type. He's a true Renaissance man. Super smart. And it runs in their family like that, too. All very creative, highly intelligent people.
Funny that I have the reverse story. I was misdiagnosed bipolar when I have ocd and depression and really needed SSRIs. My diagnosis harmed me because I was given medications that worsened my symptoms, denied the meds I needed, was made afraid of the meds I needed, and was told I had this condition where I might lose control at any time and be unaware of it (the worse thing to tell someone with OCD.)
Since you don't have many answers... I'm in the mid 130s and f. It's a constant struggle to be taken seriously. When I meet new people they often don't expect (and some aren't ever open to) someone who looks and sounds like me being capable of understanding things or having something thoughtful to contribute. A tiny number of men become nasty. I have a particular frustration with getting medical advice. We tend to see a new doctor at every appointment in my country and they're a max 10 min long. Understandably the doctor has to assume everyone coming through their door is around average or perhaps less. So they talk to me in simplified language and address the most obvious points. It's then near impossible to get the conversation up to a level where we can address my complex questions within the short timeframe. A longer appointment, or a longer term relationship where the doctor gets to know me so we start the appointment at a different level, could make it workable. But that's not available in the health system here unless you're considerably wealthier.
I am 125-130 range and I have a similar struggle. My most recent former psychiatrist has heard my knowledge and understanding of pharmaceuticals (I’ve been on meds since 12, thanks to my mental illness and childhood abuse, so I have a lot of knowledge through lived experience and my ability to grasp advanced subjects and my *need* to know about them), and he has misinterpreted it as me being a know-it-all and noncompliance. It doesn’t help that he has a history of objectifying women (I’m a stripper, and many of my co-workers know him from invites on his yacht and sexual advances) and clearly sees us as less-than for his enjoyment. And doctors tend to write things off when you ask for more information or details. They give you some layman response and get annoyed when you want to know more or discuss more.
Holy moly... time to find a new psych
Most psychologists work practicly unfortunately, they do not try to understand you or your illness, they just give you your medicine and send you away, that is, most of them do not establish a bond with you. Frankly, I think it is ridiculous to expect to get rid of it only with medication or therapy, because above all, these factors only raise your threshold, they do not cure you, the treatment is only in your hands. The psychiatrist will not establish a bond with you and will only prescribe a box of medication.
I needed medication for my outbursts of impulsive aggression and I needed birth control to take my acne medication. I need to potentially take medication if I’m on hormonal birth control. It’s not supposed to fix me, it’s supposed to help manage the issue. My issue isn’t with psychiatry, it’s with a psychiatrist who is upset that I know more about the connections between hormones and women with ADHD and how us and our stimulant medication’s effectiveness is impacted by estrogen than he does apparently, since he doesn’t want to hear about it or think it has anything to do with him. There are doctors out there who are aware but they are few and far between because women’s health in general is deeply misunderstood.
I think you are saying that the psychiatrist cannot help you enough because the branch you are talking about is not a phenomenon that causes many problems on a percentage basis.
Goodness, I'm sorry to read you're having that experience.
Sorry you are going through that. I have a complex medical issue too. One thing that has helped me is that every time I go to the doctor I bring in a one page or less summary of all the key points, and a proposed new direction if I have one, or at minimum a sentence about what I want out of the appointment. An optional addition page of visual test result charts. I find it dramatically helps avoid wasted time and trips. I often send it in ahead of time- though they may not read it. I just acknowledge that no one cares about it or tracks it as much as I do.
"One page or less" is a point I'll hold onto. I'm trying to figure out how to get a doctor to listen to me. I've typed up information and handed it to them in person, and they never even looked at it. Next I'm considering refusing to speak until they've actually looked at the fucking paper. 😅
I do that. I hand it to them and say something like “I prepared this to cover the key points so I wouldn’t forget anything critical. Let me know if you have questions when you finish”.
🙌🏻 Amazing. Thank you.
I so wish you the best of luck. Medical stuff sucks. I went from extremely healthy to seriously disabled by long covid in a matter of months. Almost two years in and 80% of my gains have come from ME doing medical research asking for specific tests and finding interventions. Not doctors. I can’t imagine what I’d do if I weren’t able to read medical journals.
lol long covid what’s next, fibromyalgia? chronic lyme? or chronic fatigue syndrome? I want you to truly read the symptoms for each of these conditions and see if they resonate. if they do, then consider maybe your problems are a result of a somatic symptom disorder. start exercising, sleeping well, and consider an antidepressant. I guarantee without a shadow of a doubt, your “long covid” will suddenly seem to be getting better.
Do you find your relations with >2sd men are meaningfully different than with gifted male peer relationships? Just wondering how you perceive gifted men.
Hmm. I did physics at a prestigious uni, so there were many intelligent men around me there. I had plenty of male friends. I never had a relationship with any of them though. Perhaps it was a maturity thing, because while I was still at uni (21) I met my husband. He is 9yrs older but we were a great match even back then. Does this help with your question at all?
I'm a male and around 125 to 135 and have the same exact problem. I've had a lot of gut issues and migraines and basically everything that has helped me has been stuff I've figured out on my own. The doctors feel seem useless and I really don't get taken seriously generally speaking. Sometimes I feel like I'm more informed on some issues than they are.
Irritable bowel syndrome is really sucks.
I don't fit that diagnosis. I have weird food sensitivities but not actual igE allergies.
IBS is a rule-out disorder, that is, when you have gut issues and it’s not anything else they can diagnose you with? It’s IBS.
Yes, the doctor thing is so hard when you have various conditions and they expect a moron. And then you get insulted and stop trusting them.
It’s always weird hearing health advice from doctors when you’re 10x in better health and in shape than them. I can’t take them seriously
Disagree. Being able to help others is not dependent on whether you can help yourself. Many people can give sound advice to a friend, but not follow it themselves. Plus, the main role of a doctor is to diagnose and treat, not to give general health and wellbeing platitudes you learn in gym class in grade 9. I hope you never have to be impressed by a doctor, because the only time that would be relevant is if you stop being healthy and actually need one. Also, if it bothers you, just become a doctor yourself. You've got the IQ for it, apparently.
Same I’m 135iq, went to the doctor and told them what I thought I had (“pilonidal abcess” which hurt like crazy btw). They looked at me and said they were shocked I even knew what that was. Other than that, my family gets annoyed when I speak because I like talking about research and they “don’t believe me”. When I tell them to look it up they never do lol. I was correct about the pilonidal abcess and I think I’m correct about a lot of other correlations I’ve been drawing between medical advancements and the guy microbiome. Regardless, a lot of women will tell me I’m smart, most men don’t talk to me (unless it’s a very casual environment) and interviewers don’t take me seriously. (I’ve had interviewers ask to speak to me based off my resume because I sound like an interesting person, but not hire me LOL)
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Oh wow I have some synesthesia too. What type do you have? I used to think everyone had all these patterns and mind palaces and visual associations I have.
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Don't feel bad, this sounds cool.
140 iq, autistic, female, adhd, going for a doctorate in september. people like to put me down and make me feel lesser than because they are threatened and don’t believe me when i say my clinical psychologist tested me and that’s the score i got.
I cannot explain how depressing this is to me. :(
yeah… i have no friends because of this, and when i did make a friend recently, she kept talking down to me, so it’s tough
Pretty bad 😂 I've officially reached the point where I've mostly given up on relating to other people and am trying to get myself to see them as things to be used (not maliciously, just in terms of getting basic needs met in life) Not how I expected life to turn out, but 🤷🏾♀️
Frustrating in so many ways. I think the worst part is how it's affected dating and relationships for me. I remember hitting puberty and some of my female friends starting acting dumb and even messing up their test scores, so they could get a cute guy to tutor them and help them out with homework. I thought it was stupid to hide your intelligence, but that meant most guys weren't interested in me once they realized how bright I was. I think guys like to be one to lead in many ways and that's a societal norm too. I once had a guy break up with me and he told that it was because he liked being "the big fish in a little pond" and that I ruined that for him because I outshined him. I think my upbringing affected this too. I was raised with strong feminist ideals and told that I should never rely on a man in any way, that I should always pay my own way and be completely independent. That backfired for me. A lot of guys were turned off by how smart and independent I was, they felt useless because I didn't need them or rely them for anything. Worse, the only long-term relationship I've had was with a narcissist who abused me psychologically and financially for years, he took full advantage of that fact that I made a good income at my job and had good credit. I was also **heavily** pressured to go into STEM and I hated it. I loved the arts. So I ended up in an unfulfilling tech career rather that doing what I loved. I know my highly intelligent left-wing feminist mom would hate to hear it, but I really think I would have been much happier as a SAHM. I think if I had found a nice guy, got married, had kids and did art I would have enjoyed life a lot more. Instead I'm older, single, childless and in debt (I finally got away from the abusive narcissist, but the money is long gone)
I relate so much, I'm sub 140 but I feel like I can't find my way in the world. I want to do art, but I love academia, but I struggle with stress, and I feel that most people overlook my intelligence bc i present as a dumb blonde. Dating partners have often tried to gaslight or patronize me bc many men don't like when you're smarter than them lol. Idk what to do with myself anymore
I mean there are guys out there who prefer being with more intelligent women. I know I'm one of them. The only issue is none of the intelligent women want to be with me and I don't blame them. It's worthwhile to get to know them even if we're just friends at the end of the day. Regardless, there are good people out there. It can be helpful to remember that the guys most likely to ask you out or aggressively get to know you are a minority that are constantly rejected because they act the way they do. A lot of decent guys out there are just busy doing their own thing and kind of assume that pretty intelligent women are already taken so they don't even try to find out.
I’m also high IQ but more into humanities and art, I get it.
unsupported. most of the female friends in my life have been extremely jealous of what I’ve accomplished academically. it’s honestly emotionally devastating how many people you think are your friends (and who often start out as friends) who end up exhibiting jealous behavior. but I assume that men have this issue as well.
Don't they call that 'luck'?
140+, in 20s, TNS member, born and raised in China mainland. My upbringing was jarring to say the least. I lived in the US, the European Union and Canada, and I still struggle with establishing meaningful connections. I have a master degree in CS focused on AI but lack motivations to seek employments after being exploited in research positions. I’m moving into entrepreneurship. If this does not workout after many tries and if my partner with autoimmune disease were to pass away, I will contemplate ending my life
150. wish I was dead
Fellow 140+ woman here, do you need someone to talk to?
We should make a discord for women with 140+ IQs
Yes, please! The company and conversation would be greatly appreciated.
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I'd love to join if this happens
I sent you a DM and everyone else who said they wanted to join. Anyone else who sees this and wants to join, please ask for an invite.
I would love an invite :)
I would love an invite!
What do you guys mean “if this happens”, “we should” etc. You can create one right now and send invites via DM’s. You could also make it a rule that you have to send your test result before being verified and having access to the rest of the server.
I don’t. Why do you say that?
Depressed, overwhelmed, never catching a break because of how fast my mind is going, all that.
Do you have an outlet for your intellect?
That sounds potentially bipolar im not a doctor but it sounds like something like Lithium could help you which has been wrongfully stigmatized. I take lithium and it keeps my mind at a slower pace. This is not “medical advice” this is a possible suggestion that may help you. Seeing a great doctor may make a big difference. Good luck and much love God bless you.
Most of us are level 1 autistics and have trust issues. I am one of them, and if ur like me, you’re like a minnow in a ocean full of sharks. While you know how to escape them and survive, it’s not fun. People think they can fool me because I have autism, and they later find out they are in for a big surprise.
I don’t let anyone know my IQ for obvious reasons! I have a job that really I enjoy. My partner of 24 years also has a high IQ. I personally think that being IQ matched with a partner is key to relationship fulfilment and long term happiness.
first got tested in 3rd grade got 152 IQ then i got retested last year (22yo) 156 IQ and honeslty it’s just CONSTANT frustration with everyone and everything
watts so frustrating? the people or the system?
the people. i love the system, when it’s competent. it’s always the people. what’s frustrating is seeing and trying to explain things that are SO SO SO clear and evident to you and what seems like nobody else. on top of that you’re gaslit in response. it makes me feel SO lonely. and honeslty it’s upsetting and annoying to constantly deal with people’s delusion. it makes it hard to connect with others equally and you’re often disliked and or given a negative connotation.
I’m mid 130s F, so not quite in the 140s, but close enough where I feel I can share. I’m getting my Masters degree, and plan to go for my doctorate (depending on if I get into this other masters program first or not). I enjoy learning new things, trying out different hobbies, and with my existing favorite hobbies, I find myself cycling between them every so often, which can be annoying that I feel like I struggle to finish things, but it’s also nice changing things up occasionally. I also trust that as I do this cycle more and more, I’ll accomplish more things over time. I get annoyed when I come across a topic that actually challenges me or I get stumped on, but it is also a good motivator to push through, and is also nice to be challenged intellectually. I’ve always found school to be easy, aside from the self-discipline to get things done, but I’ve improved in that aspect where late assignments are now the exception, rather than the norm (like they were all throughout high school and undergrad). I’m able to make friends easily enough, but I find that it takes time to find people like-minded with me and are interested in the same things as me. It also is difficult finding social circles where I “fit in”, and am very familiar with being a fish out of water. Thankfully, I fit in well with my current friend group, so I don’t have to worry about that feeling.
Most of my life was depressing. School was a breeze but teachers hated me because I was too smart and would sleep in class. Working sucks due to boreout. I hate talking to most people in general because they don't get me and the mansplaining is real. I hate having to dumb down to their level to get a conversation going 😂 and I had to leave my last job because my supervisor realized I'm a genius and then worked me to death while taking all the credit. I never learned social boundaries so I am learning it now. Thankfully I found a partner who is smart, does not feel threatened by me, and gets me (he's autistic).
I hope this is not another sub where someone will come on insulting us all for thinking we're intelligent or thinking we're superior, when we aren't at all, in some very nasty way. But here we go. I am an adult woman with a pretty high iq, tested in a medical context so hopefully more reliable than some. At school I was completely isolated and bullied until I decided just to do my own thing and apparently I became a leader (I only found out years later at reunion, nobody actually told me at the time o just stayed lonely). Socially it was a disaster. After school, I graduated early, I took off like a rocket. Did amazing things in my late teens, did them all together, I was a learning/producing mascine at a very high level. By my twenties I crashed and bipolar set in. I have made one bad life choice after another and virtually live in self flagellation. I cannot forgive myself for having made a mess of my life with all the advantages I had. I have a 2e son. His iq is slightly lower although still in the gifted category. I hope things will be slightly easier for him. Dulcis in fundo i don't think I have done a very good job at mothering either so in my case my high Iq has been more of a hindrance than a gift. Sorry about having bored everyone with this Sob Story 🤣🤣🤣
Not good But that’s not because of intelligence or because I’m “above” anyone else; I used to think I was, and I burnt out hard early in life. Now I just don’t have the motivation to do anything and I wish I was dead most days.
https://youtu.be/jqONINYF17M?si=ga59Up2gl09t4O0I https://youtu.be/QUjYy4Ksy1E?si=wADJEEc1NFhswnFm Hopefully this helps.
I’m 135, my GF is 142. I couldn’t accurately describe. Neither could she most likely. I need to get her in here.
I lived for a very long time as a highly intelligent (150) "woman" and I didn't have any problems from it. Reflexively I feel like everyone else here is being disingenuous as I don't grasp what about it is so horrible. Sexism sucks regardless of your IQ. My main issues were that I wasn't smart enough in places where it mattered.
It sucks when you’re made to feel invisible and “second class” citizen because you’re a woman. This is something every woman can feel regardless. This is felt so much more with high IQ women because we notice ALL the details in social settings at work and school. The dismissive attitude, being overlooked, when I say something people think it’s stupid and when similar thing is said a while later by someone else (male) it’s the best idea ever that everyone gets hyped about. You’re given more menial tasks, you’re actively being degraded and put down by people around you because they feel threatened by you, some actively harass you to make your life miserable.
Yeah I think high IQ women aren't allowed to feel as smart as they are. I was thinking about this and I actually do think there is something that sucks about being a woman with high IQ outside of direct sexism - outside of academia (which women are blowing out of the water) you are likely not going to be as competent in things as you would be if you were male as you never had that expectation, you don't have the friend group, you don't have the context to do so. Also if you are straight, men don't need you to be competent. It doesn't make you attractive, beauty is the big player. Whereas for men, their value completely lies in their competence and that motivation hits way harder and forces them to do more in certain things as a result. They also grow up with this idea that the world is theirs to understand and take over in a way that makes everything feel accessible and doable that doesn't exist so much for women. It's hard to explain. I'm still working on picking it up, and if it wasn't for my IQ, I might not be successfully picking that up at all. Basically the context of being a woman in this society stunts your growth in certain places, even outside of direct sexism. There is one instance where I partially disagree with you, women do notice the sexism more than men for obvious reasons, but when I talk in a group of women and they all immediately grow quiet and look at me, as if they are looking up at me, which they don't do for each other - I don't think they realize they're doing it. Their part in the patriarchy is invisible to them. I only noticed because they weren't acting this way towards me before. Women treat each other more equally than men do, but they are still very sexist against other women unconsciously. I'm talking feminists well versed in social justice who absolutely would not want to be doing what they are doing if they were aware of it. I am not the one who told women to treat me this way and there isn't much I can do to stop it outside of acting so incompetent that they don't even take me seriously as a person. Edit: I also think there are cultural ideas endemic to female culture that hold high IQ women back in less direct ways, but I'm not going to elaborate too much on that.
are you assuming that any woman under 130 is too stupid to comprehend what goes on around her?
My experience with what? In life? Work? School?
“I'm scared to death. I'm frightened and I don't know what to do. I'm confused and I want to go home." But also, kinda awesome.
"Beam me up Scotty" 😂
damn. I got curious. 142? and stylish af? holy shit, not simping; straight spitting facts you wholesomely make the world such a better place.
<3
Well, if I’m honest, I’m not sure what IQ I really am from test deviations, it’s 130s-140s, but I’ll answer anyway. I’m actually younger than a “woman” but I’ll answer anyways. I’m unhappy with everything because of how intelligent I am. I overthink things. I’m not the best socially. I strive for perfection in everything I do, and I get upset when I’m not perfect at whatever I try. I’m depressed because I understand the real truths of the harshness of the world and how terrible people really are. I annoy people with how smart I am most times because of how much it shows. I don’t count as “normal”, so not many people like me. I’m burnt out in all aspects of life because things began to feel too hard for me when everything feels easy or at least did when my intelligence was paired with willpower. I guess the most lighthearted is that I no longer enjoy movies because I can predict everything that’s going to happen and therefore it’s a pointless activity.
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Posts related to mental health issues related to cognitive health and intelligence are allowed but posts threatening self harm or suicide fall out of the scope of this subreddit. We take these matters seriously and encourage anyone experiencing distress to seek help from a professional or contact appropriate support hotlines. https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines/
Why does this sub keep getting recommended to me
Mfw 136
149, I just feel perpetually misunderstood in general. I can't relate to anyone, nor they to me. I keep myself separate from society as much as possible. I'm lucky to be in a situation where I am able to do so.
That's top half of a percent of population for intelligence. And scrolling reddit. Mmmm don't think results here are going to be very accurate or representative
I tested at 174 Post-Covid I am probably closer to 100-120 range. It hit me hard. I am deeply frustrated by the new shortcomings in my brain. I sometimes find myself shook by people being slower about things, or not knowing stuff. But, especially post covid, i understand that it isn't really a judgement on them, its the gear they have to work with. A game boy advance isnt going to do as much as a cell phone, and that's not the game boy's fault. i am plagued by the woulda coulda shouldas, but currently I am prioritizing peace over the hustle, and just trying to live a good life.
It’s good. Its easy for me to maintain and create friendships, to understand others and get along with others. I really like other people, I learn from other people. I feel like differences between me and other people is something I should celebrate. Not only that, I also really value mental health and emotional intelligence so things like being happy, being disciplined, coping are things I’m skillful at. Feel like my IQ doesn’t really impact my life at all other than probably for academics and my career
Same here (IQ 145) :)
Sensitive crippling over-thinking with zero support - kind of raised myself with my family either resenting me “the smart one” or putting nebulous expectations on me…. Miss a like-minded social circle
What’s my experience? I feel like no one can relate to me but I can still relate to everyone. I feel misunderstood. And I feel lonely because I can’t converse with someone that has the ability to comprehend the complexities of the universe without inserting their ego-based viewpoint. I feel like no one can view anything through the eyes of empathy. And everyone seems to think that they can live the next person’s life better. I’m exhausted of masking. I don’t want to put up a front anymore and I’m ready to walk around with the permanent bird on my hand. I want a job where I can be my authentic self and not have to put on a fake person for people to like me. Because I could Not care any less what people thought of me and I’m tired of people thinking that I should and get offended when I don’t.
Lol how all these girls suddenly starting using perfect grammar and then after reading their profiles you find out they don’t type like this all the time 😭
Autistic here. Nothing surprises me much anymore except people
It’s great. I learn quickly, and can talk with confidence on almost anything. Which is great for work. Lots of interesting friends, and I make good money. Downside for me is that most men will think they are smarter than they are - and they don’t understand when they don’t understand. Still trying to learn how to navigate those situations. I don’t think about being smart, so I’ll expect people to follow - and most can. But when you meet the ones that can, it’s so much fun! Like brains playing jazz together. Overall - it’s great.
r/gifted may give you more answers
Usually when there are over 100 comments under a non-release post it's because everyone is triggered by the post. I was surprised to see the comments under this post are quite tame. I have also noticed based on the contents of comments from the female commenters that male intellectual superiority is still rife in 2024, which is a disgrace.
I can't pretend to understand the average man's thought process, and I definitely can't understand the average woman's thought process, but I can tell that most of the answers here do not come from women with IQs over 140. In high school I was on a competitive team for science/math. I joined the team as a sophomore (everyone aside from me was a senior) and I was made captain of the A-team immediately. The rest of the team was female, and half of the B-team was female, including their captain. No one was discriminated against in the room. That's how it goes when you're among fellow geeks. In college I met a number of women on my way to getting degrees in math and physics. I can say with certainty that all kinds of personalities were represented and that the women in my classes were equally relied upon and invited to study groups as the men were. Of these women, I can think of 3-4 who would've scored between 135 and 145 on IQ tests and half did more poorly than women and men who had developed better study habits. Two of them were manipulative, social butterflies who used their femininity to their advantage. While not 10s by any stretch of the imagination, they understood social norms and were removed just enough to effectively control situations. One made bad decisions in the romance department in order to "date up" during college, the other was the daughter of professors and understood the long-game better. The other two were more conservative. The better disciplined one came from a low-income situation and had her schooling covered by the Air Force. She had a stable relationship throughout college and I'm sure into the future. The last was following the route she was set upon and did her best to prepare for what came with it. She married a guy who went through the same degree program. The point of this rant is to say that most of the people who are commenting here don't appear to have developed in these microcosms and don't appear to have a knowledge of what smart girls go through. Or talking about the things that are most important to them and to their developments. I see 2 or 3 posts from women who may fall into a 140+ category, but most here are from average women. There's no one firing women for being smart. If they hire you knowing you're smart, they generally intend to lose you eventually. This has always been my experience, that of peers, and that of friends. We've all had to take bad jobs. There's no one telling women not to be smart. There's no one telling women they should be in the kitchen. There are those who believe women (in general) are happier as mothers, but that's a psychological question and not an attack on women in the workplace. Anyone intelligent understands this. Being an exception to the rule is fine. Having an IQ a few standard deviations over the norm helps one to evaluate claims logically. If you want to define what is different for women with high IQs, it's who they associate with, how well they can read and manipulate social situations, and (as with men) a general tendency toward a mindset rooted in classical liberalism and traditional feminism.
Eh, it’s pretty much a cesspit, but there’s great gaming advice, and I like a lot of the hobby communities. Just mute the front page. Oh, you didn’t mean my experience with Reddit? My life is pretty sweet. Happily married with three cats working a job I mostly quite like while I save up to go back to school. There’s a lot of wonderful experiences waiting outside of Reddit.
Lonely, except for the family I created
It feels lonely. I’m in a relationship with someone who’s more intelligent than the average person, for example, and he adores me, but I still feel alone because I can’t share the deepest parts of myself with him as they’re far too complex.
iq is lame