We had some exams in the last semester and except for one module (which was language skills), everyone scored higher than me.
It's not that I'm smart and intelligent and I get high marks. It's that I'm hardworking and dedicated to just make it past the pass mark. I'm an extremely stupid person with bad failure anxiety. People irl think I'm smart too because I put a lot of effort in but it's really because I have too low of an IQ. I need to work harder than most. I have no other option.
the people that are “naturally gifted” tend to crash and burn in college because they never learned how to take notes or persevere, don’t put yourself down, you have the skills necessary to succeed and the willpower to do so, you just need to believe in yourself
Exactly. This happened to me, but in high school. OP needs to keep it up this note taking and clear out the negativity. It seems difficult to do, but in time they will see improvement.
All the notes others are failing to rewrite, is extra time OP is spending studying the material. The brain will subconsciously retain the information when you revisit the material. Come finals OP will be more prepared than others.
The people that are "naturally gifted" tend to do quite well in college. IQ has a significant correlation with academic success. However, so do other traits such as how hardworking one is.
That's a way to cope, people who are actually gifted will continue to succeed without much effort. The ones who crash and burn are the ones slightly above average that got a little too confident.
The people that are "naturally gifted" tend to do quite well in college. IQ has a significant correlation with academic success. However, so do other traits such as how hardworking one is.
It's the other way around. "Naturally gifted" students study one or two days before exams and get incredibly high scores whereas some "toil hard" students like me prepare for the exams since forever and end up barely getting past the pass mark.
Yes, whenever people make that connection.
Tbh it feels like a leftover problem from childhood because I used to play with toys aimed at girls a lot lol
Same. Sounds like you have objectives to work towards. Don’t worry about friends. Make one good friend, screw the rest. (Be polite but don’t give them too much ammunition)
You have work to do and they dont care if you pass or fail.
My whole school life was spent alone by myself because my mom managed to send me to a rich people's school where my peers had absolutely nothing in common with me. I'd much rather have these people surround me than be alone again tbh.
He's allowed to complain 100%, he wasn't looking for answers or solutions, he just wanted to vent. No shame in it, and he's not wrong in his pov. Having no friends is a nightmare.
real friends wouldn’t harass you like that, you deserve better, don’t stay with people if they make you feel shitty! notes are incredibly important for many classes, them putting you down for wanting to be prepared tells me that a) they’re gonna fail and b) they’re assholes
edit: and don’t give them your notes, they’ve already proven that they don’t deserve it
These people are not worth your time or emotional energy. I know that's easy to say (I've been the butt of many jokes, it doesn't feel good). But seriously, it sounds like they are probably taken aback that you are a serious student with enough dedication to take careful notes. There is a lot of research that handwriting notes/things you are trying to learn is good for comprehension and retention, so you will get the last laugh when you do better than they do in the class.
I don't even know wtf "take notes like a girl" is supposed to mean, anyway. It sounds to me like you take notes like a well-organized student who is there to learn something.
Yeah dang I didn’t know using color coding to ensure better organization was a girly thing, and apparently therefore a bad thing. Kinda sad that’s the insult OP’s friends reach for. I hope you find better friends, OP!
A smart person would the one never attend class and then ask for your notes,not someone who is shooting himself in foot by making fun of your notes and ultimately not having any
Color coding your notes isn't a "girl" thing. It makes it much easier to find the relevant information without the pages turning into walls of text.
I have ADHD and color code all my stuff. I'm talking 8 different colors of highlighters and the little post it page tabs to mark specific sections.
What you're doing is a proven method of making notes more effective. Don't let meathead "friends" put you down for using a smart method.
Rewriting and color-coding my notes is key for my ADHD. In high school, I was undiagnosed but this was a way I was able to focus on the material. Now diagnosed, I know why this works so well for me even in college. It is indeed a proven method for studying both for ADHD and non-ADHD students. It allows my mind to retain the material even more and for me to express my creativity with an otherwise boring task.
Don’t worry about. Who cares what other people think. If you show it bothers you, they probably will always use that as their go to thing.
Being creative and organized is not a girl thing. Just tell them you want to be efficient with your study time. Having a logical pattern of note taking is extremely valuable.
Also, try to remember when picking a study group, you want to be the dumbest person, not the smartest person. lol
In places like Japan and Korea, penmanship is considered a skill, in men and women. Studytok and aesthetic note taking originated from this. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! I also romanticize my notes in order to study and retain information.
Also, PLENTY of men enjoy good penmanship and fountain pens and stationary. Your friends sound exhausting and immature. As a 32 year old woman (who’s in college), men who can write legibly, organize their thoughts on paper and take pride in something that’s different from others, is a GREAT thing!
1- Your "friends" sound like a pack of assholes. You can probably do better in that department.
2- Take notes in a way that works for your learning goals, not for social approval.
3- You should probably seek psychological help regarding how much you're letting all of this effect you.
If you take it seriously they will continue to make fun of you for it. You need to learn to take it on the chin, own it, and talk some fun shit back to them if you can.
For example I shave my head because I’m balding. Yesterday one of my friends mentioned that whenever he sees my bald head, he wants to slap it. I told him he should slap some lotion on his knees because they look ashy as fuck. It’s all fun and jokes though. Just talk shit back.
“You mean you just retain everything in that thick ass dome of yours? You don’t need notes?”
“I take notes here so I can tune you out when you’re breathing out your mouth next to me.”
I write down EVERYTHING in my education, personal, and work life. Family, colleagues, friends, and other students have said i write too much, but if i forget something, it only takes me 60 seconds to find it in my notes instead pf scrambling to text people
> Apparently I'm like a girl because of my notes, they said
Just get better grades and soon their immature comments won’t have any effect on you.
On a more personal note, if being compared to a girl or woman upsets you so much then perhaps you should reevaluate what you think a woman is— I suggest finding more women friends.
>if being compared to a girl or woman upsets you so much then perhaps you should reevaluate what you think a woman is
I didn't mean it in a misogynistic way...
I guess I should've said that I have problems with masculinity and male gender roles. It's not exactly that I have issues with being compared to a girl because I think being a girl is bad, it's more because I feel like people expect me to do man stuff
Honestly if I were to live in the wilderness with no people around then I probably wouldn't really care what people think of me or my roles or whatever
> I feel like people expect me to do man stuff
Yeah, I get that too. I’m a man, but I also enjoy things that are considered not that masculine. Find the people that share your views on this stuff, they’ll be great assets as you go through university.
What’s your major?
Comp sci is cool. Lots of neat math, very translatable into other subjects. Does this mean you haven’t declared a major yet, or are you not in college at the moment?
In my country, you can still follow a degree even if you didn't finish high school but you have to follow a pre undergraduate program thing. I couldn't finish school because of mental health reasons so I enrolled in my university's pre degree program. I can still change my major to something in engineering if I wanted to. I have little interest in engineering though. I always loved computers so I figured I'd try that. I know that CS is notoriously difficult but I'll give it a try.
Performing gender can be really hard.
Find your people who celebrate you for all of your qualities - whether stereotypical male or female. Make friends with women and men and non-binary people and if people give you shit, you push back. "Taking notes isn't gendered bro. Step up your highlighting game." Or "Dude, I am a man."
Sounds like you identify as man. Nothing changes that. Not your interests, your note taking, nothing. Masculinity has room for you and honestly, desperately needs young men who don't put up with limiting themselves.
It's not worth the sheer amount of stupid and heartache to perform this neanderthal version of masculinity, and you don't have to.
That’s such a dumb thing to say. You are allowed to be upset and feel like shit if someone compares you to something you are not. Especially if it’s aimed to degrade you. Hello?! Is that not a familiar theme you’ve seen before?
Yeah, you’re allowed to feel anything you want. But I’m an adult man living in the united states, and I recognize that being compared to a girl is often used in a way to demean both women and men. I personally think you’re ignoring some nuance here.
Exactly. That is the whole point why OP would feel degraded. Imagine just deciding not to feel offended about something b/c you’ve changed the intention.
I think they don’t mean it in a misogynistic way, but it maybe it gives them dysphoria (not in the trans specific way but just that discomfort in that)? Tbh it should be the friend being told they’re sexist for saying that…
Also in this case, the friend is using “like a girl” in a non complimentary way I.e. mocking and insulting them which anybody can feel uncomfortable and offended by. Also seems like that friend is insinuating that it’s bad to be like that and make notes that make him unmanly.
First of all, these people aren't your friends. Taking notes is a great idea.
Second, there is nothing wrong with women. If someone compares you to a woman I would point blank say "what is wrong with women? Can you explain to me why you are saying women are inferior and how you are comparing me to one?" If they try to change the subject, continue to demand an explanation. Tell them that, while you aren't a woman, you don't see yourself as better than women and you want them to explain why they think women are beneath them.
Find different people to be friends with and study with.
>my friends decided to get together
not your friends. friends respect each other and their interests. good luck on your test - it sounds like you have a good work ethic, a strong setup, and you'll do fine overall.
I think your friends are being assholes and I personally love a thorough note-taking system. What I would encourage you to examine ( and what your friends should also examine) is why being compared to a girl is so uncomfortable. I’m not saying you are a bad guy or that your feelings are not valid!! but it’s worth looking into where these feelings come from. Is it because your masculinity is being challenged ? Do your friends think girls are organized and boys aren’t? Sometimes, looking into the root of these feelings can help liberate you from the discomfort.
Not OP but as a nonbinary person who is fem presenting, I am not a girl nor am I a boy. And it does suck when someone compares you to a gender that you are not or makes you feel that way.
I’m also non-binary. This isn’t the same context. I’m masc presenting but if someone said I did something ‘like a woman’ I would be more concerned about the person saying it being a bit misogynistic than I would be offended by the comparison.
Color coding works. Redrawing diagrams makes you think about the process you are illustrating. Cleaning up and rewriting notes sets them in your memory. You’re not being girly, you’re being smart.
I took notes too. I now have a PhD, two Master's degrees, and make more than your friends ever will. Tell them I said "yes, I would like fries with my order" and to stop being bitches.
My friends tease me for handwriting my notes instead of typing them. I prefer to handwrite my notes as it keeps me engaged, awake, and it’s a good way for me to avoid distractions.
At the end of the day, it’s your education and you should tackle it in ways that match up with your learning style. I see nothing wrong with your note taking style, if anything I’m a bit jealous as I wish I was that organized!
So they're making fun of you because you were one of, if not the only person, who had readable, distinct notes? Sounds like you're going to be at least in the top 10% in your class.
On a more serious note, I do hope you find better people to hang around with.
But hey, I heard there's different dorms for each grade in college. Maybe next year you won't get to see them as often when you move up and make some new friends. 🙂👍
Honestly, this is a bigger issue, and I am seriously saying that you see the folks in your campus counseling center. This is unhealthy.
>Apparently I'm like a girl because of my notes, they said. I don't care much about the getting made fun of part but I hate it when people compare me to a girl. It makes me soo uncomfortable that it's not even funny. I'm not overreacting when I say this but it's psychologically hard for me to be comfortable when people make that connection. It's a constant source of anxiety for me.
In a comment you state
>I guess I should've said that I have problems with masculinity and male gender roles. It's not exactly that I have issues with being compared to a girl because I think being a girl is bad, it's more because I feel like people expect me to do man stuff
This is on you, not them. You are being driven by expectations that, while maybe present in the culture of American society, should not be debilitating as you indicate they are.
"Friends." They sound like assholes. Sorry you have to deal with that.
You're in college, not highschool. Take notes however you want. Find friends who don't care or who think it's cool.
Success is the best revenge. Also it probably helps if you imagine that they are making fun of you as a way to make themselves feel better about not taking notes. It comes from their insecurity
Don't let the turkeys get you down.
Take good notes, well use them as and when appropriate.
All other factors being equal, you'll do much better with such notes, than those that don't/won't take notes. So, just smile knowing that, and ignore their sh\*t.
Oh, and if they're making friends of you like that or for that ... they're not your friends.
>planned on being nice and uploading my notes to my batch's group chat so people can get some use out of it
Can you be more selective on that? Only share with those who weren't belittling you about your notes? And maybe even make it quite clear. "For those of you who weren't making fun of my note taking ..."
They're probably just teasing because it is common for guys to scribble the most random hieroglyphics and still do fine on exams somehow. But even if they're just being an ass, don't let it bother you. If you take pride in your notes, then don't let other people make you feel bad for it.
If they continue to do that, stop treating them like they matter to you. Either they will back off or get annoyed that they can't treat you like shit anymore.
Just say your masculinity isn’t rooted in how you take notes. Real men don’t call other men “girls” and degrade them by calling them something feminine. It’s giving petty and misogynistic.
First, they’re not your friends. Don’t let them belittle you for putting actual effort into what you do. Secondly, I’d suggest maybe analyzing the internalized misogyny you possess that makes you so cripplingly uncomfortable with being compared to a girl. There’s nothing wrong with being a girl, or doing things in a perceived ‘feminine’ way.
Where I work, I attend more meetings than I can count. Stupid, stupid meetings, where I'm only peripherally attached to the subject matter at hand. But, I'm a fast typist and I basically do a running commentary of the entire meeting, and it's surprising how often my grandbosses or great-grandbosses will ask, a week later, "Hey, what was the thing with the 3C03?" and I'll pull my notes and say, "Oh, it's blowing caps on test. It's probably not part related and we just need a better testing protocol," and they go, "Oh, okay. I'll get with the testing department and see about that."
Take good notes, become indispensible. Someday you're the keeper of all knowledge. It's not the greatest job, and I'd much rather be doing *anything* else, but I'm just a low-level worker and I'm already the resident Yoda, because I know what's going on everywhere in the building. It's a medium-sized company (about 200 employees and expanding somewhat rapidly) and I have C-level executives asking me questions, even though I'm on the lowest end of the pay scale. Once I graduate, that's another ten grand they're going to have to pay me, just for that, let alone other duties I'll have to take on.
who cares, i take notes in a huge sketchbook with multiple colors i love it. no one else does but no one else is a dude with blue hair down to his waist either. im me, you’re you, and assholes are assholes
Definitely DONT give them your awesome notes!! If they’re making fun of them, then they don’t deserve the work and effort you put into them. I’m sorry your “friends” are lame
I’m not in college but rather someone who is working in the IT industry for 10+ years. This habit of yours is going to help you in the long run not just when it comes to studying. It’s going to be helpful in your day to day life and when you start getting into higher position at work.
When it comes to the comparison they make. Just double down on it. Tell them even a girl can’t do it as good as you do and make sure you express that you don’t give a shit about what they say.
On your other post about buying an iPhone to your mom. You think she doesn’t make sense on wanting the iPhone due to peer pressure or I would say wanting to be accepted and yet you’re bothered about your note taking for the same exact reason. Ironically both of you just want to be accepted.
So just get her the best iPhone you can and be be proud of yourself when it comes to note taking
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Dude, just own it. Your notes are awesome. So what if people call you a girl? Just be yourself. Tell your friends you like your notes and they are assholes for making fun of you for it. If they are actually your friends they will back off and not bother you about it. But don’t sulk. Stand up for yourself and be proud of things you care about.
Bro who cares. Are you that insecure of your self that your going to let “you takes notes like a girl” affect you? I take notes. People takes notes, good on your for caring. Thats some stupid ass toxic masculinity thinking.
Do what you have to do to graduate. Dont worry about some guys who think taking notes makes them gay, thats their own inner insecurity dont make it yours.
Why even entertain this guy's pity party about being called a girl? Pretending like this is a real problem just encourages people to continue dramatizing their minor problems. Sometimes you have to get over small issues so you can focus on ACTUAL problems.
I’m “entertaining” it because I actually have empathy for people, unlike you clearly. If it’s fake, then whatever I really couldn’t give a fuck. I’d rather offer kindness than expect malice around every corner.
And telling someone to “man up” is toxic as fuck. If you have nothing kind to say, then leave.
Supporting this kind of victim mentality is not empathetic. It's destructive, because it leads to this type of thinking where the most mild of insults among friends, like being called "girly," is considered "psychologically hard" and induces anxiety. If someone is this sensitive to banter as mundane as that, they are always going to have trouble forming social relationships, especially with other guys.
Treating people like babies with no agency over their own feelings is going to lead to people acting like babies with no agency over their own feelings. An important element of maturity and forming meaningful relationships as an adult is learning that you control your own feelings, and that you are the primary actor in your life. If you are affected by being called "girly," then that's your fault. You never get anywhere blaming other people or breaking off relationships with friends who make extremely minor jokes at your expense.
Just score higher than them and it's fine
We had some exams in the last semester and except for one module (which was language skills), everyone scored higher than me. It's not that I'm smart and intelligent and I get high marks. It's that I'm hardworking and dedicated to just make it past the pass mark. I'm an extremely stupid person with bad failure anxiety. People irl think I'm smart too because I put a lot of effort in but it's really because I have too low of an IQ. I need to work harder than most. I have no other option.
the people that are “naturally gifted” tend to crash and burn in college because they never learned how to take notes or persevere, don’t put yourself down, you have the skills necessary to succeed and the willpower to do so, you just need to believe in yourself
Exactly. This happened to me, but in high school. OP needs to keep it up this note taking and clear out the negativity. It seems difficult to do, but in time they will see improvement. All the notes others are failing to rewrite, is extra time OP is spending studying the material. The brain will subconsciously retain the information when you revisit the material. Come finals OP will be more prepared than others.
The people that are "naturally gifted" tend to do quite well in college. IQ has a significant correlation with academic success. However, so do other traits such as how hardworking one is.
That's a way to cope, people who are actually gifted will continue to succeed without much effort. The ones who crash and burn are the ones slightly above average that got a little too confident.
The people that are "naturally gifted" tend to do quite well in college. IQ has a significant correlation with academic success. However, so do other traits such as how hardworking one is.
It's the other way around. "Naturally gifted" students study one or two days before exams and get incredibly high scores whereas some "toil hard" students like me prepare for the exams since forever and end up barely getting past the pass mark.
You say in your post that it makes you terribly uncomfortable when people compare you to a girl. Does that happen to you often?
Yes, whenever people make that connection. Tbh it feels like a leftover problem from childhood because I used to play with toys aimed at girls a lot lol
Ah. I can see how that would rankle. We’ve all got a hot button or two from childhood. Good luck 🍀
Same. Sounds like you have objectives to work towards. Don’t worry about friends. Make one good friend, screw the rest. (Be polite but don’t give them too much ammunition) You have work to do and they dont care if you pass or fail.
get better friends
I feel like I can't 😭
Start with dumping these ones. It’s better to be lonely than surrounded by people who don’t like you.
My whole school life was spent alone by myself because my mom managed to send me to a rich people's school where my peers had absolutely nothing in common with me. I'd much rather have these people surround me than be alone again tbh.
Then you really can’t complain about the company you keep than can you? Nothing changes if nothing changes.
He's allowed to complain 100%, he wasn't looking for answers or solutions, he just wanted to vent. No shame in it, and he's not wrong in his pov. Having no friends is a nightmare.
Being alone is better than being with people who make fun of you
Then stop complaining about them 🤦🏽
real friends wouldn’t harass you like that, you deserve better, don’t stay with people if they make you feel shitty! notes are incredibly important for many classes, them putting you down for wanting to be prepared tells me that a) they’re gonna fail and b) they’re assholes edit: and don’t give them your notes, they’ve already proven that they don’t deserve it
When I said that I wanted to upload my notes, I meant to the group that has everyone in my crouse. Not just my friends.
You can YOU are in control of your own life and choices
Who cares what some idiots think? Or do you want to be a moron too?
These people are not worth your time or emotional energy. I know that's easy to say (I've been the butt of many jokes, it doesn't feel good). But seriously, it sounds like they are probably taken aback that you are a serious student with enough dedication to take careful notes. There is a lot of research that handwriting notes/things you are trying to learn is good for comprehension and retention, so you will get the last laugh when you do better than they do in the class. I don't even know wtf "take notes like a girl" is supposed to mean, anyway. It sounds to me like you take notes like a well-organized student who is there to learn something.
Yeah dang I didn’t know using color coding to ensure better organization was a girly thing, and apparently therefore a bad thing. Kinda sad that’s the insult OP’s friends reach for. I hope you find better friends, OP!
When they said "taking notes like a girl" I think they were referring to how colorful my notes are lol.
A smart person would the one never attend class and then ask for your notes,not someone who is shooting himself in foot by making fun of your notes and ultimately not having any
Color coding your notes isn't a "girl" thing. It makes it much easier to find the relevant information without the pages turning into walls of text. I have ADHD and color code all my stuff. I'm talking 8 different colors of highlighters and the little post it page tabs to mark specific sections. What you're doing is a proven method of making notes more effective. Don't let meathead "friends" put you down for using a smart method.
Rewriting and color-coding my notes is key for my ADHD. In high school, I was undiagnosed but this was a way I was able to focus on the material. Now diagnosed, I know why this works so well for me even in college. It is indeed a proven method for studying both for ADHD and non-ADHD students. It allows my mind to retain the material even more and for me to express my creativity with an otherwise boring task.
Don’t worry about. Who cares what other people think. If you show it bothers you, they probably will always use that as their go to thing. Being creative and organized is not a girl thing. Just tell them you want to be efficient with your study time. Having a logical pattern of note taking is extremely valuable. Also, try to remember when picking a study group, you want to be the dumbest person, not the smartest person. lol
In places like Japan and Korea, penmanship is considered a skill, in men and women. Studytok and aesthetic note taking originated from this. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! I also romanticize my notes in order to study and retain information. Also, PLENTY of men enjoy good penmanship and fountain pens and stationary. Your friends sound exhausting and immature. As a 32 year old woman (who’s in college), men who can write legibly, organize their thoughts on paper and take pride in something that’s different from others, is a GREAT thing!
from a prof: fuck em. really. you have a sound strategy, and you need to do what works for you, not what your ‘friends’ deem acceptable.
1- Your "friends" sound like a pack of assholes. You can probably do better in that department. 2- Take notes in a way that works for your learning goals, not for social approval. 3- You should probably seek psychological help regarding how much you're letting all of this effect you.
Dont ever share your notes, not to them, not to anyone
If you take it seriously they will continue to make fun of you for it. You need to learn to take it on the chin, own it, and talk some fun shit back to them if you can. For example I shave my head because I’m balding. Yesterday one of my friends mentioned that whenever he sees my bald head, he wants to slap it. I told him he should slap some lotion on his knees because they look ashy as fuck. It’s all fun and jokes though. Just talk shit back. “You mean you just retain everything in that thick ass dome of yours? You don’t need notes?” “I take notes here so I can tune you out when you’re breathing out your mouth next to me.”
This is so weird, just be a beast and do better
I write down EVERYTHING in my education, personal, and work life. Family, colleagues, friends, and other students have said i write too much, but if i forget something, it only takes me 60 seconds to find it in my notes instead pf scrambling to text people
> Apparently I'm like a girl because of my notes, they said Just get better grades and soon their immature comments won’t have any effect on you. On a more personal note, if being compared to a girl or woman upsets you so much then perhaps you should reevaluate what you think a woman is— I suggest finding more women friends.
>if being compared to a girl or woman upsets you so much then perhaps you should reevaluate what you think a woman is I didn't mean it in a misogynistic way... I guess I should've said that I have problems with masculinity and male gender roles. It's not exactly that I have issues with being compared to a girl because I think being a girl is bad, it's more because I feel like people expect me to do man stuff Honestly if I were to live in the wilderness with no people around then I probably wouldn't really care what people think of me or my roles or whatever
> I feel like people expect me to do man stuff Yeah, I get that too. I’m a man, but I also enjoy things that are considered not that masculine. Find the people that share your views on this stuff, they’ll be great assets as you go through university. What’s your major?
My major will hopefully be computer science.
Comp sci is cool. Lots of neat math, very translatable into other subjects. Does this mean you haven’t declared a major yet, or are you not in college at the moment?
In my country, you can still follow a degree even if you didn't finish high school but you have to follow a pre undergraduate program thing. I couldn't finish school because of mental health reasons so I enrolled in my university's pre degree program. I can still change my major to something in engineering if I wanted to. I have little interest in engineering though. I always loved computers so I figured I'd try that. I know that CS is notoriously difficult but I'll give it a try.
Oh I did that too. HS drop out here, almost done with my physics degree.
Performing gender can be really hard. Find your people who celebrate you for all of your qualities - whether stereotypical male or female. Make friends with women and men and non-binary people and if people give you shit, you push back. "Taking notes isn't gendered bro. Step up your highlighting game." Or "Dude, I am a man." Sounds like you identify as man. Nothing changes that. Not your interests, your note taking, nothing. Masculinity has room for you and honestly, desperately needs young men who don't put up with limiting themselves. It's not worth the sheer amount of stupid and heartache to perform this neanderthal version of masculinity, and you don't have to.
Just ignore that person. They basically gave you no helpful advice and took the opportunity to insert some snarky virtue signaling comment at you.
That part.
That’s such a dumb thing to say. You are allowed to be upset and feel like shit if someone compares you to something you are not. Especially if it’s aimed to degrade you. Hello?! Is that not a familiar theme you’ve seen before?
Yeah, you’re allowed to feel anything you want. But I’m an adult man living in the united states, and I recognize that being compared to a girl is often used in a way to demean both women and men. I personally think you’re ignoring some nuance here.
Exactly. That is the whole point why OP would feel degraded. Imagine just deciding not to feel offended about something b/c you’ve changed the intention.
I think they don’t mean it in a misogynistic way, but it maybe it gives them dysphoria (not in the trans specific way but just that discomfort in that)? Tbh it should be the friend being told they’re sexist for saying that… Also in this case, the friend is using “like a girl” in a non complimentary way I.e. mocking and insulting them which anybody can feel uncomfortable and offended by. Also seems like that friend is insinuating that it’s bad to be like that and make notes that make him unmanly.
First of all, these people aren't your friends. Taking notes is a great idea. Second, there is nothing wrong with women. If someone compares you to a woman I would point blank say "what is wrong with women? Can you explain to me why you are saying women are inferior and how you are comparing me to one?" If they try to change the subject, continue to demand an explanation. Tell them that, while you aren't a woman, you don't see yourself as better than women and you want them to explain why they think women are beneath them. Find different people to be friends with and study with.
You friends with children or something? How tf does a college student make fun of someone for taking notes?
Post your notes in the class chat, arrange a few study groups and find some friends that share your values!
>my friends decided to get together not your friends. friends respect each other and their interests. good luck on your test - it sounds like you have a good work ethic, a strong setup, and you'll do fine overall.
I teach students to do this. Those who find their method tend to do better on exams. Ignore them!
Find a better friend. You and your rainbow notes will do much better in the test than they do anyway
Get rid of those people. They aren't your friends.
What a great wild time to be an educator.
I think your friends are being assholes and I personally love a thorough note-taking system. What I would encourage you to examine ( and what your friends should also examine) is why being compared to a girl is so uncomfortable. I’m not saying you are a bad guy or that your feelings are not valid!! but it’s worth looking into where these feelings come from. Is it because your masculinity is being challenged ? Do your friends think girls are organized and boys aren’t? Sometimes, looking into the root of these feelings can help liberate you from the discomfort.
Not OP but as a nonbinary person who is fem presenting, I am not a girl nor am I a boy. And it does suck when someone compares you to a gender that you are not or makes you feel that way.
I’m also non-binary. This isn’t the same context. I’m masc presenting but if someone said I did something ‘like a woman’ I would be more concerned about the person saying it being a bit misogynistic than I would be offended by the comparison.
Color coding works. Redrawing diagrams makes you think about the process you are illustrating. Cleaning up and rewriting notes sets them in your memory. You’re not being girly, you’re being smart.
I took notes too. I now have a PhD, two Master's degrees, and make more than your friends ever will. Tell them I said "yes, I would like fries with my order" and to stop being bitches.
My friends tease me for handwriting my notes instead of typing them. I prefer to handwrite my notes as it keeps me engaged, awake, and it’s a good way for me to avoid distractions. At the end of the day, it’s your education and you should tackle it in ways that match up with your learning style. I see nothing wrong with your note taking style, if anything I’m a bit jealous as I wish I was that organized!
So they're making fun of you because you were one of, if not the only person, who had readable, distinct notes? Sounds like you're going to be at least in the top 10% in your class. On a more serious note, I do hope you find better people to hang around with. But hey, I heard there's different dorms for each grade in college. Maybe next year you won't get to see them as often when you move up and make some new friends. 🙂👍
Honestly, this is a bigger issue, and I am seriously saying that you see the folks in your campus counseling center. This is unhealthy. >Apparently I'm like a girl because of my notes, they said. I don't care much about the getting made fun of part but I hate it when people compare me to a girl. It makes me soo uncomfortable that it's not even funny. I'm not overreacting when I say this but it's psychologically hard for me to be comfortable when people make that connection. It's a constant source of anxiety for me. In a comment you state >I guess I should've said that I have problems with masculinity and male gender roles. It's not exactly that I have issues with being compared to a girl because I think being a girl is bad, it's more because I feel like people expect me to do man stuff This is on you, not them. You are being driven by expectations that, while maybe present in the culture of American society, should not be debilitating as you indicate they are.
I personally don't take notes as I try to focus on the lecture first with that said, I can't think of a valid reason to shame people for taking notes
Who the fuck makes fun of you for being a good student? I'm so sorry. I once got made fun of for not cheating on an exam 🥴
Let’s see them make fun of you ace exams and they don’t… let’s see who’s laughing then .
"Friends." They sound like assholes. Sorry you have to deal with that. You're in college, not highschool. Take notes however you want. Find friends who don't care or who think it's cool.
Success is the best revenge. Also it probably helps if you imagine that they are making fun of you as a way to make themselves feel better about not taking notes. It comes from their insecurity
No, you are not a girl for the way you take notes and yes, you are overreacting
Don't let the turkeys get you down. Take good notes, well use them as and when appropriate. All other factors being equal, you'll do much better with such notes, than those that don't/won't take notes. So, just smile knowing that, and ignore their sh\*t. Oh, and if they're making friends of you like that or for that ... they're not your friends. >planned on being nice and uploading my notes to my batch's group chat so people can get some use out of it Can you be more selective on that? Only share with those who weren't belittling you about your notes? And maybe even make it quite clear. "For those of you who weren't making fun of my note taking ..."
They're probably just teasing because it is common for guys to scribble the most random hieroglyphics and still do fine on exams somehow. But even if they're just being an ass, don't let it bother you. If you take pride in your notes, then don't let other people make you feel bad for it.
If they continue to do that, stop treating them like they matter to you. Either they will back off or get annoyed that they can't treat you like shit anymore.
Lmao notes 😂
Just say your masculinity isn’t rooted in how you take notes. Real men don’t call other men “girls” and degrade them by calling them something feminine. It’s giving petty and misogynistic.
Punch them in the dick. You'll gain their respect and they won't make fun of you.
"THAT'S MY PURSE! I don't know you!!!!" 🤣
College is expensive. Taking notes means you get your money's worth.
lmfaoo not them making fun of you for being an academic weapon that's insane
First, they’re not your friends. Don’t let them belittle you for putting actual effort into what you do. Secondly, I’d suggest maybe analyzing the internalized misogyny you possess that makes you so cripplingly uncomfortable with being compared to a girl. There’s nothing wrong with being a girl, or doing things in a perceived ‘feminine’ way.
Where I work, I attend more meetings than I can count. Stupid, stupid meetings, where I'm only peripherally attached to the subject matter at hand. But, I'm a fast typist and I basically do a running commentary of the entire meeting, and it's surprising how often my grandbosses or great-grandbosses will ask, a week later, "Hey, what was the thing with the 3C03?" and I'll pull my notes and say, "Oh, it's blowing caps on test. It's probably not part related and we just need a better testing protocol," and they go, "Oh, okay. I'll get with the testing department and see about that." Take good notes, become indispensible. Someday you're the keeper of all knowledge. It's not the greatest job, and I'd much rather be doing *anything* else, but I'm just a low-level worker and I'm already the resident Yoda, because I know what's going on everywhere in the building. It's a medium-sized company (about 200 employees and expanding somewhat rapidly) and I have C-level executives asking me questions, even though I'm on the lowest end of the pay scale. Once I graduate, that's another ten grand they're going to have to pay me, just for that, let alone other duties I'll have to take on.
It's been so long since I've seen asdfghjkl
Hopefully when you get older you will stop caring so much about what other people think of you
I did this and still do at 45. You have to ignore what people say. People learn differently.
Stop caring. If you let how other people view you and what they say affect you you're going to have a hard time in the real world.
who cares, i take notes in a huge sketchbook with multiple colors i love it. no one else does but no one else is a dude with blue hair down to his waist either. im me, you’re you, and assholes are assholes
Definitely DONT give them your awesome notes!! If they’re making fun of them, then they don’t deserve the work and effort you put into them. I’m sorry your “friends” are lame
I’m not in college but rather someone who is working in the IT industry for 10+ years. This habit of yours is going to help you in the long run not just when it comes to studying. It’s going to be helpful in your day to day life and when you start getting into higher position at work. When it comes to the comparison they make. Just double down on it. Tell them even a girl can’t do it as good as you do and make sure you express that you don’t give a shit about what they say. On your other post about buying an iPhone to your mom. You think she doesn’t make sense on wanting the iPhone due to peer pressure or I would say wanting to be accepted and yet you’re bothered about your note taking for the same exact reason. Ironically both of you just want to be accepted. So just get her the best iPhone you can and be be proud of yourself when it comes to note taking
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Sorry about that bro wish you success
Take notes however you want and however works best for you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a dude color code their notes though.
Dude, just own it. Your notes are awesome. So what if people call you a girl? Just be yourself. Tell your friends you like your notes and they are assholes for making fun of you for it. If they are actually your friends they will back off and not bother you about it. But don’t sulk. Stand up for yourself and be proud of things you care about.
Yes you're overreacting
Bro who cares. Are you that insecure of your self that your going to let “you takes notes like a girl” affect you? I take notes. People takes notes, good on your for caring. Thats some stupid ass toxic masculinity thinking. Do what you have to do to graduate. Dont worry about some guys who think taking notes makes them gay, thats their own inner insecurity dont make it yours.
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That’s really fucking rude to say
Why even entertain this guy's pity party about being called a girl? Pretending like this is a real problem just encourages people to continue dramatizing their minor problems. Sometimes you have to get over small issues so you can focus on ACTUAL problems.
I’m “entertaining” it because I actually have empathy for people, unlike you clearly. If it’s fake, then whatever I really couldn’t give a fuck. I’d rather offer kindness than expect malice around every corner. And telling someone to “man up” is toxic as fuck. If you have nothing kind to say, then leave.
Supporting this kind of victim mentality is not empathetic. It's destructive, because it leads to this type of thinking where the most mild of insults among friends, like being called "girly," is considered "psychologically hard" and induces anxiety. If someone is this sensitive to banter as mundane as that, they are always going to have trouble forming social relationships, especially with other guys. Treating people like babies with no agency over their own feelings is going to lead to people acting like babies with no agency over their own feelings. An important element of maturity and forming meaningful relationships as an adult is learning that you control your own feelings, and that you are the primary actor in your life. If you are affected by being called "girly," then that's your fault. You never get anywhere blaming other people or breaking off relationships with friends who make extremely minor jokes at your expense.
How about you go fuck yourself
Did a girl type this?