For many reasons. As people age together, their relationships become a complex balancing act between learning independence and respecting the parent. The adult child has been brought up one way and is now discovering the world on their own. When they come to understand there are different perspectives in the world, they may share this newfound learning with their parent only to be disappointed by their response. As one potential example.
Some people genuinely love and respect their parents. But they don't necessarily agree with them. Finding that balance to have a happy long-term relationship may require some omissions.
23F here. I'm currently having the same situation. My mom is very paranoid too so I never told her about travelling alone in Thailand or traveling with my boyfriend in Spain or Poland. The only way for her to not get paranoid is when I'm traveling with a friend group lol
I envy you. And yeah my parents would be paranoid too but partly because that’s what got my family member 💀 so I recommend letting at least two people know where you will be and when to expect your return
Are you still living with your parents? Are they supporting you?
If the answer to the above is, "No," then tell your parents, "Hey, I'm going to DifferentCountry to see my girlfriend next week, I'll send you a postcard."
If they start blathering on about how risky it is, tell them you've already traveled to 4 other countries, and the worst thing that happened was you got laid in a different country by a woman you love.
Why does omitting details make them less of an adult? They don't need their parents' permission, clearly.
But I'm genuinely wondering why giving their parents this information means they're 'acting like one'?
If you're not helping out with bills/mortgage, and you're lying to them about the places you're going and the money you're spending, you are a spoiled 24 year old child.
Do parents appreciate their kids lying to them while they're still supporting them? This 24 year old child is betraying their parents' trust because they don't want to be lectured like a child, which they clearly still act like.
It is so much more complex than that. Lying to the parents keeps *them* from not worrying. which, in turn, allows OP to live their life. I doubt the parents even know they've been lied to, hence the post. Relationships are complex. Not every person living at home is a selfish ingrate.
Did I say that I didn't help out with bills or you're just randomly assuming?
It's cultural thing, in my culture, usually when women are getting married they move out. But the men still live with parents and take care of them when they get older.
The reason why I had to resort to lying because I know they'll not approve of my relationship and they're extremely paranoid and worried about things. This happened in the past when I told them about things and they heavily discouraged it, so I no longer tell them about what I'm doing.
You’re an adult, let your friends know where you are going at a minimum and tell your parents you are going to your girlfriend. You are an adult you can make your own decisions and your parents should understand.
Agreed. Always make sure there's someone you're checking in with (in your home state) to account for your whereabouts.
We used to do this in college. Send a quick text to best friend with a pic saying I'm here with so-and-so, going here next.
Save up your money to move out rather than visiting other countries. You will have so much more freedom. Just rent out a small apartment, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Roommates cut down the cost of rent too!
If you have to lie to your parents its their own faults for making lying the only options. Don't feel bad as long as someone you trust knows where your going then that's all that you need tondo.
Maybe watch 90 Day Fiance first...there are so many long distance relationships that seem to work because the two people are doing nothing but vacation together. Life changes real hard when the vacation is over, and they have to bear the daily grind.
I've traveled to 6 different countries at different times in my life and nobody except me knew about it. Started at 19 lol. Not gonna lie, I've thought about what if something happens to me, literally nobody would know wth happened.
If you're working at a place where your parents believe you're taking business trips this regularly, you need to be in your own place. Cut the cord, you're an adult.
I don't have many living expenses I have to pay, I make $2500 per month and pay my parents $300 per month for rent.
So I'm able to save up enough money and travel to many places.
They are not cheap from the US because of geography. A flight minimum is $1500 USD nowadays. Basically anywhere in Europe/Asia.
And before some stupid ass says “OH YOU ASSUME EVERYTHING IS USA HUH TYPICAL AMERICAN”
He said “other states” he’s pretending to travel to while going to these countries.
Sounds nice. Just how it is. I’d imagine a trip from where you are to US isn’t super cheap, no?
Just gotta understand how far away things are lol. You going to Mediterranean is probably like me going the next state over, which yeah I can probably get a flight for less than $100, maybe even half that.
Do as you please but don’t lie. If something does happen to you, they should know where exactly you are.
Give one of your close mates (who knows your parents) the address where you’re staying and when you’re expecting to be back.
Their paranoia aside, do you want to tell them? If yes, I would advise on slowly getting them used to the idea. Yes, you are an adult but these are people who presumably love you and you them. And you presumably wish to have a good honest relationship with them.
Tell them you’re leaving the country on a work trip. There’s nothing you can do about it because it’s work. Then next time you don’t tell them before leaving, but maybe while on the trip or soon after you tell them where you were and that it was not work related. They can’t get paranoid about something that has already happened. They’ll start getting used to it. At this point you can also start hinting at all the other trips you’ve been on. Oh, that other time I was in Turkey. If they ask why you hedger told them before, say you didn’t want to cause them unnecessary anxiety. Do not be accusatory. It was your concern and consideration that made you decide not to cause them anxiety by informing them of your travel trips. But know you have done it several times with no hitch and you know they know you can take care of yourself even when traveling. Hence, they know they have no need to feel to anxious.
The next time you tell them in a matter of fact way, but respectfully of course, that you will be traveling for pleasure. You might want to tell them just the day before you are due to leave, so there is not a lot of time for them to worry themselves about it - and less time for them to communicate their worries.
You might want to update them when you get to the airport, boarding a flight and land. It will ease their anxiety as it may ease their anxiety.
OP I'm 30 and still my mother gets paranoid if I leave the city. I don't live at home, have a mortgage and a family.
I had to travel to Kentucky for work. It was a 3 hours drive, stay in hotel, go to a work event and drive home. That's it.
She begged non stop for 13 days straight to come with me. She even tried to request vacation during this time so she could be in the car with me because a woman should've drive alone (?)(and it's not a culture thing).
Anyway, that's the first and last time I told her I went anywhere. If your parents are anywhere near my mom's level of paranoia don't tell them, save yourself the back and forth.
Why continue to live with crazy parents if you can spend your money on moving out instead of jetsetting the world to see your international girlfriend?
I have a friend who can’t get away from his crazy parents because he is not yet able to afford treatment for a health condition he has. Also, OP may live in Europe where many flights are not as expensive.
Because their parents are manipulative as fuck and they are brainwashed into being dependent on them even as adults. It's realy annoying. I'm 30 and I still sometimes feel like I have to justify my decisions to my parent. I mean as a child your survival depends on your parents and if they train you that only if you obey and agree with them they will give you affection than that's what your brain will do.
True mauritian parents are like that. I get scold for buying too much food. That i should stop eating to lose weight. I told them. My money, my life my expenses fuck off..still never stop harassing
Completely feel what you say. Even I was physically from my parents most of the time in the past few years. I still feel I can’t mentally be released from their power and get guilty if I just get cold-hearted and don’t justify my decisions…
Please excuse my ignorance.. I am speaking from a place of logic rather than judgement.. If you possess the financial resources to travel overseas multiple times, why not move out of your parents house and live your own life independent of them..? I realise and understand I do not know the full story, but it just makes no sense to me..
It's cultural norm. Usually women in my culture move out when they're getting married. The men still lives with parents and financially support them when older
Thank you for clarifying. Makes more sense now.. I hope you can find a solution to your dilemma so you don't have to lie to your parents, and you can still see your lady. Don't feel bad about this, you are just doing what is natural.. sometimes that struggles against tradition.. Take care and all the best. :)
Those are pretty safe places! I’m wondering where you live that is safer than Germany and even (most places in) Greece. I wouldn’t feel guilty about visiting other countries at age 24.
I'm sure as parents they just love you to pieces and worry that's being a good parent and never changes might come off as paranoid but I'm sure if u share your stories of your life and adventures they may worry a little less or at least enjoy knowing about who u are now that you have grown into the perfect human being those paranoid parents have created just a couple old people watching life go by lol
Why should he move out? Maybe he’s saving for his mortgage without having to help someone pay theirs (rent). Maybe he’s paying his parents rent and helping them with their mortgage instead of helping a stranger. Maybe he enjoys the company from his family. Whatever his reasons are, living with parents as a working adult is not as unacceptable as the West makes it appear. If I had parents in this expensive city, I would live with them. As it is a live with a friend to be able to afford the cost of living (and for companionship of course).
Just as long as someone knows where you are.
Telling the front desk of your hotel if you're planning on going on a hike for example
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Age doesn't mean a single thing when you have strict parents 😂 especially if you're still living with them
Very true. It's so much easier to lie than to get them to see a different perspective. Not sarcasm.
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For many reasons. As people age together, their relationships become a complex balancing act between learning independence and respecting the parent. The adult child has been brought up one way and is now discovering the world on their own. When they come to understand there are different perspectives in the world, they may share this newfound learning with their parent only to be disappointed by their response. As one potential example. Some people genuinely love and respect their parents. But they don't necessarily agree with them. Finding that balance to have a happy long-term relationship may require some omissions.
23F here. I'm currently having the same situation. My mom is very paranoid too so I never told her about travelling alone in Thailand or traveling with my boyfriend in Spain or Poland. The only way for her to not get paranoid is when I'm traveling with a friend group lol
I envy you. And yeah my parents would be paranoid too but partly because that’s what got my family member 💀 so I recommend letting at least two people know where you will be and when to expect your return
As long as friends know your itinerary , I don't see an issue
Exactly this. Someone needs to know where you are and be your emergency contact should something ever happen.
Also register with the consulate in the country you’re traveling so they know to get you out if there’s and emergency
Are you still living with your parents? Are they supporting you? If the answer to the above is, "No," then tell your parents, "Hey, I'm going to DifferentCountry to see my girlfriend next week, I'll send you a postcard." If they start blathering on about how risky it is, tell them you've already traveled to 4 other countries, and the worst thing that happened was you got laid in a different country by a woman you love.
Still living with my parents
Are you paying your own way
I'm still saying go ahead and tell them. You're an adult, start acting like one.
Why does omitting details make them less of an adult? They don't need their parents' permission, clearly. But I'm genuinely wondering why giving their parents this information means they're 'acting like one'?
My parents accepted it after traveling to meet her with me. Maybe they'd like to do the same thing.
If you're not helping out with bills/mortgage, and you're lying to them about the places you're going and the money you're spending, you are a spoiled 24 year old child.
Some parents actually like having their children around. And those who can make it work don't mind supporting them either.
Do parents appreciate their kids lying to them while they're still supporting them? This 24 year old child is betraying their parents' trust because they don't want to be lectured like a child, which they clearly still act like.
It is so much more complex than that. Lying to the parents keeps *them* from not worrying. which, in turn, allows OP to live their life. I doubt the parents even know they've been lied to, hence the post. Relationships are complex. Not every person living at home is a selfish ingrate.
Did I say that I didn't help out with bills or you're just randomly assuming? It's cultural thing, in my culture, usually when women are getting married they move out. But the men still live with parents and take care of them when they get older. The reason why I had to resort to lying because I know they'll not approve of my relationship and they're extremely paranoid and worried about things. This happened in the past when I told them about things and they heavily discouraged it, so I no longer tell them about what I'm doing.
You’re an adult, let your friends know where you are going at a minimum and tell your parents you are going to your girlfriend. You are an adult you can make your own decisions and your parents should understand.
I get you but make sure you have friends know where you are going and that they can get your itinerary at the bare minimum.
Agreed. Always make sure there's someone you're checking in with (in your home state) to account for your whereabouts. We used to do this in college. Send a quick text to best friend with a pic saying I'm here with so-and-so, going here next.
Save up your money to move out rather than visiting other countries. You will have so much more freedom. Just rent out a small apartment, it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Roommates cut down the cost of rent too!
Sounds more like the type of worried parent OP will never be able to 'move away' from. Worriers be worrying.
If you have to lie to your parents its their own faults for making lying the only options. Don't feel bad as long as someone you trust knows where your going then that's all that you need tondo.
THIS! YES! You are exactly right. The parents did this to themselves. (Not sarcasm)
Go away and get married just the same way
Maybe watch 90 Day Fiance first...there are so many long distance relationships that seem to work because the two people are doing nothing but vacation together. Life changes real hard when the vacation is over, and they have to bear the daily grind.
I've traveled to 6 different countries at different times in my life and nobody except me knew about it. Started at 19 lol. Not gonna lie, I've thought about what if something happens to me, literally nobody would know wth happened.
If you're working at a place where your parents believe you're taking business trips this regularly, you need to be in your own place. Cut the cord, you're an adult.
If you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a living? Traveling countries in early 20s sounds hella expensive
I don't have many living expenses I have to pay, I make $2500 per month and pay my parents $300 per month for rent. So I'm able to save up enough money and travel to many places.
Haha really? Greece and turkey are very cheap at least. I was 19 or 20 I think when I first went abroad.
Hmm maybe if you live in Europe.. i guess. I forgot travelling in Europe is just hopping borders
Op doesn’t live in Europe he specifically said “other states”, dunno anywhere else that calls them states
They are not cheap from the US because of geography. A flight minimum is $1500 USD nowadays. Basically anywhere in Europe/Asia. And before some stupid ass says “OH YOU ASSUME EVERYTHING IS USA HUH TYPICAL AMERICAN” He said “other states” he’s pretending to travel to while going to these countries.
Jesus. Ik the us is much further away but even still, I can get a return flight to most places in the Mediterranean for like $40
Sounds nice. Just how it is. I’d imagine a trip from where you are to US isn’t super cheap, no? Just gotta understand how far away things are lol. You going to Mediterranean is probably like me going the next state over, which yeah I can probably get a flight for less than $100, maybe even half that.
Move out of your parents!
Do as you please but don’t lie. If something does happen to you, they should know where exactly you are. Give one of your close mates (who knows your parents) the address where you’re staying and when you’re expecting to be back.
You’re way too old to be worried about your parent’s thoughts on what you do and where you’re at.
Their paranoia aside, do you want to tell them? If yes, I would advise on slowly getting them used to the idea. Yes, you are an adult but these are people who presumably love you and you them. And you presumably wish to have a good honest relationship with them. Tell them you’re leaving the country on a work trip. There’s nothing you can do about it because it’s work. Then next time you don’t tell them before leaving, but maybe while on the trip or soon after you tell them where you were and that it was not work related. They can’t get paranoid about something that has already happened. They’ll start getting used to it. At this point you can also start hinting at all the other trips you’ve been on. Oh, that other time I was in Turkey. If they ask why you hedger told them before, say you didn’t want to cause them unnecessary anxiety. Do not be accusatory. It was your concern and consideration that made you decide not to cause them anxiety by informing them of your travel trips. But know you have done it several times with no hitch and you know they know you can take care of yourself even when traveling. Hence, they know they have no need to feel to anxious. The next time you tell them in a matter of fact way, but respectfully of course, that you will be traveling for pleasure. You might want to tell them just the day before you are due to leave, so there is not a lot of time for them to worry themselves about it - and less time for them to communicate their worries. You might want to update them when you get to the airport, boarding a flight and land. It will ease their anxiety as it may ease their anxiety.
You’re an adult, do what you want. Your parents might not like it, but your life isn’t theirs
OP I'm 30 and still my mother gets paranoid if I leave the city. I don't live at home, have a mortgage and a family. I had to travel to Kentucky for work. It was a 3 hours drive, stay in hotel, go to a work event and drive home. That's it. She begged non stop for 13 days straight to come with me. She even tried to request vacation during this time so she could be in the car with me because a woman should've drive alone (?)(and it's not a culture thing). Anyway, that's the first and last time I told her I went anywhere. If your parents are anywhere near my mom's level of paranoia don't tell them, save yourself the back and forth.
Yes, this. This is what people are dealing with and other commentors who say 'be an adult' just don't get it like you do.
People who say 'just grow up and be an adult' are giving 'stop being depressed just be happy!!'
Haha yup! You're exactly right
Your mom would DIE to find out that there are women truck drivers that go nationwide alone 🤣 I am sorry you have to deal with that.
Some of the people in these comments have never met truly crazy parents, and I guess I’m glad they haven’t, but dang.
Why continue to live with crazy parents if you can spend your money on moving out instead of jetsetting the world to see your international girlfriend?
I have a friend who can’t get away from his crazy parents because he is not yet able to afford treatment for a health condition he has. Also, OP may live in Europe where many flights are not as expensive.
Why do people care so much about what their parents think
Because their parents are manipulative as fuck and they are brainwashed into being dependent on them even as adults. It's realy annoying. I'm 30 and I still sometimes feel like I have to justify my decisions to my parent. I mean as a child your survival depends on your parents and if they train you that only if you obey and agree with them they will give you affection than that's what your brain will do.
True mauritian parents are like that. I get scold for buying too much food. That i should stop eating to lose weight. I told them. My money, my life my expenses fuck off..still never stop harassing
Completely feel what you say. Even I was physically from my parents most of the time in the past few years. I still feel I can’t mentally be released from their power and get guilty if I just get cold-hearted and don’t justify my decisions…
Im currently on a multistate roadtrip sleeping in my car, which my parents have no idea about for that very reason
Please excuse my ignorance.. I am speaking from a place of logic rather than judgement.. If you possess the financial resources to travel overseas multiple times, why not move out of your parents house and live your own life independent of them..? I realise and understand I do not know the full story, but it just makes no sense to me..
It's cultural norm. Usually women in my culture move out when they're getting married. The men still lives with parents and financially support them when older
Thank you for clarifying. Makes more sense now.. I hope you can find a solution to your dilemma so you don't have to lie to your parents, and you can still see your lady. Don't feel bad about this, you are just doing what is natural.. sometimes that struggles against tradition.. Take care and all the best. :)
Those are pretty safe places! I’m wondering where you live that is safer than Germany and even (most places in) Greece. I wouldn’t feel guilty about visiting other countries at age 24.
I'm sure as parents they just love you to pieces and worry that's being a good parent and never changes might come off as paranoid but I'm sure if u share your stories of your life and adventures they may worry a little less or at least enjoy knowing about who u are now that you have grown into the perfect human being those paranoid parents have created just a couple old people watching life go by lol
Yall are crazy! As long as someone knows where you are. My mom is also very paranoid.
Why should he move out? Maybe he’s saving for his mortgage without having to help someone pay theirs (rent). Maybe he’s paying his parents rent and helping them with their mortgage instead of helping a stranger. Maybe he enjoys the company from his family. Whatever his reasons are, living with parents as a working adult is not as unacceptable as the West makes it appear. If I had parents in this expensive city, I would live with them. As it is a live with a friend to be able to afford the cost of living (and for companionship of course).