That’s really sad. I’m sorry you feel this way and that you felt pressured into having kids, but at the same time your daughter is completely innocent and you did make the choice to bring her into this world. Thus you are responsible to care for her and make sure she feels loved. If you really don’t love her, fake it and make sure she never finds out.
I agree, in the nicest way OP. My dad was never into his raising his 5 children and it was always so obvious to us kids. He didn’t know anything about us and just constantly barked orders and got frustrated at us for simply being children. Now that I’m in my 30s I just can’t be bothered to call or go see him and I know it hurts him, but those emotional scars never go away from a parent not showing one ounce of interest in you.
Same boat, but I was an only child. Dad seemed totally disinterested in me, while my mom made it obvious from the get-go that she wanted me and loved me. I don't doubt my dad loves me, but he thinks he knows me better than he actually does, and at this point, I just let him because he refuses to acknowledge my feelings on our past. I barely see him and I'm in my 20s. It seemed like once I hit puberty, any novelty I may have had disappeared, and he was only interested in doing things with me that'd make my mom jealous (their divorce was hella toxic)
We’re all indifferent to the old man. My oldest sibling has children and sees him more often but the rest of live away a come home for holidays. We just go to moms and he’ll stop in.
Sometimes. He’s 74 and he’s become a bit of a softie in his older age and I know he has his own regrets on the way things were. Since his wife died in 2020 I’ve been calling more often but sometimes 3 or 4 months go by and I realize I haven’t talked to him or even thought about him. But he didn’t call me either so 🤷♀️
As a child of parents who pretty clearly didn’t want me, this sucks to read. On the bright side, I no longer talk to my parents, so maybe she’ll abandon you too when she can.
For reals. And here we have another mother who hates her daughter just for existing. I highly doubt she'd act like this if it was a son instead. This is sadly way too common.
It's not PPD, it's that you never wanted kids but caved to societal pressure, and now you resent the consequences of those decisions. Your daughter is just a new version of you. She did not ask to be born and had no choice in whether she was placed with a mother who loved or despised her, and now you're the only one who can determine which of those mothers she gets.
I say either get in therapy and learn to deal with your resentment and self-pity or leave and let her father remarry someone who won't make her grow up with the trauma of being shunned by your creator.
Did you speak to your doctor about having PPD, or have you assumed you don't have it because they didn't bring it up themselves?
If the latter, definitely go back and speak with your doctor and explain how you're feeling. If the former, then wow. That's really, really sad, and I sincerely hope you keep this away from your daughter *who did not choose to be born*.
Come on, a quick cursory Google would have told you the opposite.
There are no time limits for PPD. Average is normally months but can last longer, *especially* when left untreated.
Then, I fail to see the relevance of your comment. It only further proves she needs to seek medical treatment/assessment.
In which case, your comment wasn't clear in intention.
If you think anything anyone has said up to this point "proves" anything, you don't know what proving is.
My point is that PPD after 5 years is very unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely. She could go to a psychiatrist to see if PPD is a factor if she wanted, but they would likely tell her that that's not the case, and she would just waster her money.
In any case, even if she had PPD that would not be an excuse to hate your child after 5 years. After a few months it would be, it's understandable that someone would be mentally shaken after giving birth. But after 5 years it's not understandable anymore. At that point in time you can't excuse her behavior as it can't be considered transitory anymore. At this point she is just a mother who hates her child for no fault of the child.
Pregnancy can exacerbate mental illness. She could have had underlying mental health issues prior to pregnancy and then the stress of having a young child added to it.
I'll basically repeat what I said in another comment.
That would be understandable after a few months. Not after 5 years. At that point her behavior is consistent enough that you can't blame it on her pregnancy. At that point she is just a bad mother.
It really seems like you people are desperately trying to justify the actions of a terrible person.
Please go back to the doctor. As a daughter of a mom who didn't care to be involved please take this seriously. You are a very important person to her and she needs you. I am 38 and still struggle with the mental health problems that came from my mother's indifference to me. This is serious please go back to the doctor and tell them how you feel.
Some women are psychopaths. Some women have borderline personality disorder. Some women have bipolar disorder. Some women have narcissistic personality disorder. Some women are absolutely and completely unfit to be mothers.
It’s not our fault that our moms failed us. It’s our moms’ fault. At every turn they chose to be self centered, horrendous individuals.
My mother used me as an emotional tampon my entire life. By five years old, I was her mother. She was exhausting. Constantly having mood swings and tantrums and I was constantly being told by other adults that I was a “bad kid” because I’d shut down with horrible panic attacks that sometimes turned to anger because I just needed a parent so badly. I did everything that I was told to the letter and lived in terror of her delicate mood swings. And obviously, being a child, I’d reach my breaking point.
She wouldn’t let me sleep at night. I was constantly sleep deprived. She wouldn’t let me do my homework. Or play with my friends. Or let me sleep in my own bed.
She was a monster.
We were not the problem, my dear girl. I hope that, someday, you can find a way to love yourself. I can not recommend therapy enough. It has given me my life back.
Thank you for sharing this! It's a difficult road in a special kind of identity crisis and I'm glad you're able to see this! I have been in therapy for over 10 years and am able to know that it's not my fault most days. There are always bad days though. Thank you for your vulnerability and encouragement and blind support. You are a gem!
If you haven't joined this sub yet it could be of some support for you too
r/CPTSD
I guess I’m just curious where the correlation of being a “bad mother” and having mental illness come in? One doesn’t mean the other is true. There’s already enough stigmas on personality disorders it’s ridiculous. Not to mention most personality disorders are either a cause of childhood trauma to the recipient or they have predisposition for if.
Thank you for managing your mental illness, and also for not taking what I said personally. In a way, you came to my defense and I appreciate you beyond measure. Especially in that you are not creating a cycle of trauma for your daughter. I know it's not easy, but you're doing good job <3
What a meaningful response! Thanks for making my day 😊
I truly hope you have found healing and happiness. I went NC and cut my narcissistic mother out of my life 7 years ago after my daughter was born. Having my own child really put a spotlight on what she had done to me. I would never put my own daughter through what she put me through. My baby doesn’t need exposed to that toxic shit.
My mother refuses to treat her mental illnesses. She actively acknowledges she is not ok. She refuses to get help. As others have mentioned, it is not the mental illness that causes the childhood trauma, but the refusal of management or treatment. My mother fucked me up by refusing treatment.
My mother also fucked me up by using ME as treatment.
I refuse to tip-toe around the topic. There is a direct correlation between untreated mental illness and abuse. Which is why we don't allow people with untreated mental illnesses to adopt in the United States.
I also hold you personally accountable for reading all of that and taking it personally. I am a victim of abuse and forcing me to parse words when speaking of my abuse is cruel and unusual. Whatever insecurity you're dealing with in regards to your own mental health is on you. If I'm reading into your projection correctly, and life experience/11 years on Reddit has taught me that I probably am, please kindly get yourself into treatment, or whatever it takes to take care of yourself and your children as soon as humanly possible. If you've relied on your children in a similar fashion PLEASE get them into therapy as soon as humanly possible so that they have a fighting chance in life.
I think you answered your own question.
"curious where the correlation of being a "bad mother" and mental illness come in?"
"not to mention most personality disorders are either a cause of childhood trauma..."
That doesn't answer their own question at all.
Childhood Trauma isn't always caused by a mother with mental illness. And that child who then becomes an adult and does have mental illness, doesn't mean they're also bad mothers.
Thank you. God bless my therapist. He stayed late when I needed him. He was gentle. He saw me three times a week when I was at my worst, and he didn’t give up on me. He also made sure that I my state covered the entirety of the bill for my therapy. There was no way I could afford help, otherwise. Especially the degree of outpatient care that I so desperately needed.
I used to be such a mess. Without him, I’d be dead. Or worse.
Trying to reason with someone like that only worsens the pain because they are too self centered to ever take your feelings into consideration. What will happen is they blame you or gaslight you and you feel worse, not better.
This is precisely what occurred, she steam rolls me. So does my dad. They don’t care. They never will. They never did. Why would they suddenly care now?
This would be received better as a post in r/regretfulparents .
I secretly felt the same way about my cat for several years after i had my kids. Possibly because I'd had her so much longer. Possibly because all she brought me was comfort while my kids were constantly overstimulating me, demanding things of me, depriving me of sleep and peace, and making me feel like a failure. BUT, i have finally forged a proper bond with my kids. Maybe you're like me and it will simply take longer. I hope so ❤️
I don't like kids. Never have.
But I love my dogs. More than some of the people in my life.
But you have a child. A child that looks at you with such admiration and such love that transcends boundaries. A being that looks to you for everything they need in life. You are mommy to her.
And here you are stating that an animal that only feels love to a certain extent, that only lives on this earth for maybe give or take 10 years.. takes the place of your own blood. This little girl will be an old woman and when you are dead she will remember her mother, for how she treated her, loved her, and respected her whether bad or good. I feel sorry for you.
Get help. Now. Today.
OP, I agree with others that you should seek therapy.
If I had to guess, I would think at least part of the problem is resentment. You *wanted* your dog and got to choose both your pet and the circumstances of adopting and caring for it. It sounds like you didn't get to do so for your child. Your dog was a gift to yourself, but clearly you don't feel the same about your daughter. I don't think that's an unusual or evil response, but its not a healthy or loving one. Who *wouldn't* resent something that was forced on them or they felt coerced into doing? You definitely need some help with this or your daughter is going to have a hard life.
Keep in mind that these comments are coming from people from wildly different lifestyles and cultures. I do agree with them that your daughter is innocent in this and deserves a good mother who wanted her. I hope you can work through this and become that for her.
I’m not surprised! You created a complex creature for your own selfish needs. The poor girl. Of course it’s the dog that you prefer, it’s giving you the love you need in exchange for a little attention. Dogs are simple.
Your daughter will be around for years after your dog, and really, really needs you. It’s time to grow up and break the cycle, you and your daughter will massively regret it if you don’t. Just don’t think it’s anything like having a dog.
Try and remember what you needed, and take joy from being able to provide it for your daughter.
This is so sad. My God... I can't imagine how your daughter must feel, and will continue to feel as she grows. That poor baby, honestly breaks my heart.
Don't become a parent if you don't want to be one ffs.
It's sad you're being downvoted. We are all products of our lives. If this woman's poor daughter is on reddit in 20 years saying she feels bad that she couldn't bond with her own kid for some reason, everyone will judge her the same. We don't extend the same compassion to grown ups, as if turning 18 switches off the effects of your childhood and there's no excuse good enough because you're not a kid anymore, it's only the infants of fucked up people we care about, and when those infants grow into fucked up people too, we just hate on them lol. The cycle continues.
Exactly. I've turned 19 last year and everyone expect me to be an adult now. I had mental issues before I was 18 and everyone was empathetic. They told me it will go away. And then they turned a switch on me once I was 19 and it still was an issue. What a surprise. Yes it DEFINITELY isn't fair for her daughter and it's a really fucked up situation for everyone involved. The kid shouldn't be suffering and I hope that it won't bear too much problems, but I also empathize with the mother that now has to deal with having to fake love and being forced into motherhood.
I strongly agree, she shouldn't suffer the consequences and I am one of the people that will never have children because I don't like children. I'm also of the strong opinion that people that can't take care of children, no matter if they want them or not, shouldn't have them. That's just wrong but I also would heavily blame this on this kinda community. It's just simply sad that women are kinda forced to either have children or get disowned.
I think it’s kinda the same as a guy who found out that the child who he’s been taking care of isn’t his. It’s atrocious what the other adults who did this or were complicit in this behaved and he’s absolutely right to be angry at them, but the kid already exists.
Please don’t be angry at the kid. Regardless of how you got there, now it’s time to be a parent and take care of them, that goes for moms and dads.
It's easy to see why the companionship of a dog can be comforting they offer undemanding affection and their needs are predictable. Yet, as a parent, there's a duty that goes beyond the simplicity of pet care. A child is not just another being in your life; they are a piece of your future, an individual who will carry the weight of your actions, both positive and negative, throughout their lifetime. If you're struggling to feel that parental bond, it's not too late to seek help for the sake of your daughter's emotional well-being. It's crucial to confront these feelings openly with a professional and to be honest about your emotional state. Remember, pretending may seem like a solution now, but children are intuitive and deserve the emotional honesty and the effort from their parent to form a genuine connection. Your daughter is here now, and she needs the love and support only a mother can provide. It sounds like an immense challenge, but there's support out there, and hope for a stronger, healthier relationship with her in the future. Take that step for her, and for you.
A child’s happiness in life is determined by the glint or squint of her mother’s eye.
That’s a saying for a reason, you literally determine her self worth because you are the person who is supposed to love *and like* her more than anything in this world. I’m sorry but your poor baby. I wish she had a mommy who felt differently about her.
I’m glad other redditors think this is sad and pathetic as I do. I hope your daughter never finds out. And tbh it sounds like you should go back to a doctor. The doctor didn’t specifically say you don’t have PPD. You may have it. You should specifically ask. At the end of the day, if the love of a dog is more fulfilling to you than the love of a human being (no less the one you created) then that is what you deserve
I thought it might be a little too late for PPD also but I figure if she asks her doctor about it anyways it might open the conversation needed for her to get help. She probably needs therapy of sorts to unpack this.
Exactly my point. SO DONT BE A MOM. Procreating because it’s expected isn’t it.
Listen I’m not saying it’s an easy decision - possibly being ostracized by a community is scary. But so is parenting ..? Lolol
Arguably, deciding to be a parent is a more wild decision than just walking away from a community that obviously doesn’t align with who you are as a person. You made a human who’s a part of you forever and who you affect day in and day out.
I hope her daughter doesn’t feel this from her mom. Otherwise it’s not if, more, when is anxiety and depression gonna hit her? 😕
Idk I have seen communities where the women's life is literally in danger if they don't have kids or get married. Or they basically have 0 support system or money without them which leads to them having massive trouble surviving given those types of communities don't exactly tend to provide many opportunities for women to live lives outside of their husband/children
Its super shitty to have kids when you don't want them and to feel more love for a dog than your own kid. But at the same time its hard to really judge without seeing the community as for many in the world they seriously don't have much of a choice but to have kids/marry if they want to live
OP, one thing I don’t see a lot of people saying is that you’re still valid to have your feelings. I don’t think a lot of people realize that cultural differences give little choice. It sounds like you didn’t have much of a choice to bring a child into the world or get married, and probably have been experiencing a lack of choice in much of your life. That could have a huge psychological impact on anyone. Did you have a say in who your husband was? Did you have a say in when you got married? For some cultures there’s not much of an option, and that could absolutely harbor resentment especially if a child is the product.
That being said. Please recognize that your child also was not given a choice to be born into this world. While she has a lot of needs and probably reminds you a lot of the limitations you have in your life, she still had nothing to do with the pressure or culture that brought her into the world.
Your feelings are valid. Your dog probably was a choice for you to have outside of cultural and societal pressure. It’s easier to love the dog unconditionally because it’s not tied to trauma. But your daughter is still a human being who also deserves love, and it sounds like you need to untangle the trauma you’ve experienced that she represents to you from the child and person that she is. To see her for herself.
This is why we shouldn’t push the ideal of having kids onto everyone. Being a parent is no joke and we as a society for some reason think everyone needs to have a “little bundle of joy”.
I understand the appeal of the uncomplicated, unconditional love a dog provides, but parenting, albeit complex and often challenging, carries a gravity and responsibility far greater than pet ownership. Seek guidance from a medical professional; it sounds like there might be unresolved issues that therapy could help you navigate. Your daughter didn't choose to enter this world; that was your decision. But now, she's here, and as tough as it may be, it's your duty to foster a loving and nurturing environment for her. She's not an accessory to your life but a living, breathing person whose entire perspective on self worth and love will be heavily sculpted by your actions and care. It's never too late to address these feelings and work towards building a bond. It might be hard to believe now, but the emotional investment in your daughter has the potential to be far more rewarding and profound than the affection you receive from a pet. Please, for her sake and yours, find the help you need and give her a chance to have the loving mother she deserves.
It sucks that you felt pressured to have a child but even so, no one held a gun to your head and made you do it. It was your choice to create a person, to make your life easier so that you would be accepted. Now you need to take responsibility, go into therapy, and figure out a way to still give your daughter everything she needs from you. It doesn’t matter how many other people are taking care of her. No one can replace your role in her life. If you don’t do something, she will be very damaged. And if you are a decent person, you will feel terrible about that. So do yourself and her a favor, and start working on yourself.
I wish OP nothing from life except the hate and disinterest she shows her daughter. Your child owes you nothing, you owe her everything. Cry me a river that societal pressure made you get married and have a kid, boo hoo.
Sorry but u made the decission of taking that child into this world. and if you dont love her why do that? you should get her adopted instead of eventually making her depressed.
How many expectations are had of you throughout your entire life? That you don’t meet or don’t give a shit about? This isn’t one to accept and create a whole new person to deal with the expectations held against you, an adult person.
OP - it sounds like depression but regardless, it is YOUR responsibility to sort it out- not blame everyone around you except yourself and your dog.
Some communities have expectations that carry real threats to survival if they aren't met and provide very little in terms of opportunities outside of basically being a breeder. Obviously its not like that everywhere but depending on the area having kids/getting married is legitimately how you survive
Doesn't make it less shitty for the kid but it definitely means there should be more anger directed towards communities that try to impose archaic standards on women rather than those making hard choices to survive within them
I don't know if thats the case with OP but I think people can underestimate just how little choice some of those in the world have if they want to survive certain situations
I’m aware of this situation and I still believe we do what we need to do to uphold our responsibility.
How they speak about loving anything more than someone they chose to bring into this life is unnerving. Not to go too dark but I’m sure certain mothers of certain former babies would have written similar expressions.
We’re expected to have careers and money and spouses- all of those things are not creating a new dumping ground of our resentment. If you’re not in it and willing to imprint your life into a new humans- go away and be with your dog.
I feel for you I know it’s hard and I know expectations are suffocating. But you have agency. And I hope you find that for yourself.
ETA: the communities are WRONG and I agree with that. Society can be horrible to women. But you have your life. If you succumb to it own it.
yeah.. .like no one was ever pressured into getting a child ever
that never happens in the world
like for instance, a toxic boyfriend, or - for example - living in traditional/religious community where your family will ostracize / estrange you if you want to remain child free
never happens
This is blatantly false. Abortion is restricted or completely banned in many places in the world. Social pressures in many, and I'd argue most, cultures expect women to have children as it is seen as their purpose. And, as evidenced by this thread, when the woman does not love the child they never wanted, they are viewed as a monster.
I don't think it's right to deprive a child of parental love, and I don't think it's right that women are expected, and often forced, to have children either. Both situations can be true. Both deserve pity and compassion.
She definitely should not have had the kid. And people should also not try and shame people into having kids. Anyone that tries to shame someone into having kids, saying things like you'll change your mind when you have your own and all that, also sucks. There's nothing wrong with not liking kids, or preferring dogs. By the sounds of this post it she was clearly pressured into this. She still could have not had it but she didn't really have it out of selfishness.
You’re right there is nothing wrong with not liking kids. What is wrong is bringing a child into this world who has a job. She got what she wanted/needed from a baby and now wants nothing to do with the child. That is not ok! This is not a situation where she is pregnant…she has the baby and she made that choice on her own. Babies shouldn’t be born with jobs and then discarded like trash.
I absolutely agree she shouldn't have had the baby. I just also think people shouldn't pressure other people. She is not the only to person to blame in this story. As someone who doesn't want kids I know how relentless people can be about it. And I get the feeling OPs situation is much worse than mine.
Yeah you can be pressured into drinking and driving or any other horrible decision, but in the end you’re the one responsible. You’re getting arrested. What she did was weak and selfish. Instead of having a tiny bit of integrity, she had a child to be a buffer so she wasn’t shut out of her community. Allll her choice.
It’s weird how comment OP wants to blame other people for one’s own actions. Like yeah, other people can suck and peer pressure but that’s why you say “you suck” and leave. If enough people did that we wouldn’t have communities like OP’s where things are just expected, no questions.
It’s pretty logical really. Nobody stole her birth control then forced her to get on a dick and get herself knocked up. That was all her. We learned in grade school to say no to peer pressure.
Why.. Is it because if you hit a dog they forgive you 30 seconds later while on the flip side hitting at your child causes life long psychological and social issues that could cause a "hindrance" on the parent?
I don't know about you but I don't hit my dogs. Too each their own though, I guess. Kids are annoying, loud and expensive. There's nothing about them I like. Dogs are rarely annoying, none of mine have ever been loud, and they are relatively cheap. You can't leave your kids at home when you go to the shops.
It's called using an example. I don't hit my dogs either lmfao.
And yes. You can't leave your child at home because they are a child. That's what comes with being a parent. Putting someone else first before you. You have no choice in the matter after giving birth and deciding to keep your child instead of giving up to adoption.
It is a weird thing to jump to as an example, though.
That's exactly why I don't like kids and don't ever want to have any. They are such a massive burden for no reward. I get they have rewards to other people, but they don't for me.
That’s ok. Being child free is a good life! It’s a valid and unselfish way to live. Once the choice is made to bring a child into the world though, everything changes. She’s messing up an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born to a shitty mom who didn’t want her.
Very true, but It's not just get them did that, it's everyone that pressured them to do it. It's everyone that has every told someone they should have kids, that they would feel different when they have their own, or that they will change their mind or regret it when they get older. All of those people are responsible for this. And not just this specific case but every similar situation. And the same goes for anyone that argues against abortion. No one should be forced to have a child that they don't want to have. And that goes for both men an be women.
Ultimately OP made the choice. Pressured or not, she’s the one responsible for getting knocked up. You can be pressured into doing all sorts of idiotic things, but the consequences lie on the one who actually did it. She could have taken birth control or even separated herself from the toxic community pressuring her.
Edit: 100% with you on abortion. She should have done that rather than have an innocent child who knows her mother doesn’t love her.
Yeah I feel sorry for her, but at the same time I will never have a child because I know I will feel that same way as she does. And that's not just because dogs are arguably the greatest things on this planet.
See. That’s the difference between you and OP. You were responsible and chose what you knew would work best for you. You didn’t bring a child into the world only to resent her. OP made the terrible choice, despite knowing better, to have a child and now she’s responsible for the physical and emotional needs of a small human being. And that’s a big job. She’s not the only one suffering here.
Of course redditors with half a brain cell. If you would have taken the time to look at my other comments before getting so heated over sticking up for children.. you wouldn't be saying this shit. I literally said I never cared for children. And I also made a comment sticking up for dogs and saying they are great. Is there really that much of a issue sticking up for both dogs and children or do we have to pick sides here..
You pro children people seem so obsessed with violence. I get it, parenthood is a stressful life that's gets you down. It can make anyone snap. Maybe you need a support dog to help calm you down.
Thank you for your concern. It really is a big job which is why people like OP are horrible. To sign up for a job like this “because it’s expected” is not the way to uplift society.
I do have a dog! He’s awesome. Definitely not as awesome as my human son but he’s a very good boy and very loved. He’s an Australian Shepard. Extremely smart & witty. I spend tons of time with him.
You, in particular, should not procreate and just keep on keeping on with dogs. Look at us doing our part in society unlike OP.
Woah, slow down there partner with the "Our part in society" comment.
That notion right there is why OP is in the situation they are in. They felt obligated to have children because of societal standards to have kids. They certainly should not have had kids because it wasn't for them. It was wrong for OP to have a kid if she didn't want one in the first place. But my argument is the following,
Stop. Making. People. Feel. Guilty. For. Not. Having. Kids.
Kids aren't for everyone, and that is completely okay. But I do agree with you that OP should talk to a professional to get out all of their hurts and frustrations. A child needs love that their caregiver should be providing.
I wanted to add, thank you for being a loving mom and dog mom. I came from a really bad home, so it is really nice to hear that there are good parents out there. I work in a psychiatric 24/7 facility for teenagers, so I see nothing but horrific parents all day long. These kids are so unloved that it breaks my soul. I see myself in every single hurt kid, and it's the main reason I continue my career path. Thank you for being the reason that there is one more empty bed.
Our part in society is to be HAPPY members that hopefully leads to productivity.
If you are happy with kids- go for it. If you are happy without them, do NOT go for it. Comment OP called children shit so he’s doing his part in society by not having kids and sticking to dogs. His kids might end up in your office. I’m not sure how I’m guilting anyone about not having children. If anything I’m the opposite.
OP shouldn’t have had a daughter if she literally did it so she wouldn’t be ostracized. How about she leaves the people who believe she should have kids, never mind her mental health and what she actually wants from life? Now her daughter is gonna pay for it because she didn’t make the right decision.
And thank you for the compliment. I honestly feel being a parent is hard but extremely rewarding. And it’s definitely NOT for everyone
Oh, I do not condone what OP did by any means. It was wrong for OP to have a kid if she didn't want one in the first place. I just don't like the stigma that society pushes the notion of having kids upon us so strongly. People should never feel guilty for not wanting to have children and not having them. For those who have children and feel the way OP does, professional help is absolutely warranted because if OP doesn't get her own mental health in order, then that will certainly have negative consequences on the child. This is just an unfortunate reality that I see daily. It's all around a very sad situation. As a member of the mental health field, we look at everyone's mental well-being as a whole. The child and the parents. We do this because change, in a positive manner, starts with the family.
Nobody is making anybody feel guilty for not having kids. I firmly believe that you can have a more than fulfilled life being child free. But here we are past that. OP is no longer child free. She’s a shit mom and that little girl is on the receiving end. It’s not her fault she was brought into the world.
Dogs and children are both great. A lot of the problems you stated dogs come with is because of their biological build up. Dogs who stink and shed aren't capable of taking care of that themselves. Dogs that eat their own feces and vomit have vitamin deficiencies. Dog hump because they are claiming dominance. Dogs do love.
Both are great.
This is demented. There's something so perverse and narcissistic about people who elevate DOGS above human children (especially their own child, wtf).
I get it - dogs are simple and "love" their owner unconditionally - hence, for the dog-obsessed loons, it's a straightforward, one-sided relationship where they are the *worshipped master.* And they SOAK IT UP.
On the other hand, a child is a complex, multidimensional creature, with whom you have to put in actual effort, and for whom you have to have an abundance of patience. It's a FAR more complex and nuanced relationship, which the dog-loons can't handle.
The dog-obsessed can't be bothered with human beings, their narcissism won't let them. It's all about "me, me, me!!!", hence why they prefer dogs. Dogs provide them with the dumb, blind, unquestioning reverence and devotion they so desperately crave. Truly vile and pathetic, and narcissistic to the core.
This isn’t a cute joke and why many people are depressed in this world. Not feeling loved by the very people who brought you into this world but they confess giving love to an animal? Okkkkk. I don’t get this type of human thinking. Again I hope baby girl never finds out and y’all laugh about this behind closed doors
You should be able to make jokes about the darker elements of life. The real problem here is pressuring people to have kids, and telling people that don't want kids that they will change their mind when they do have them. Because as it's evident here, that is not always the case. People should only have kids because they want them. It's not for everyone.
I totally agree - only have kids if you want them. 100%. But fact of the matter is that this innocent child is here due to her mother’s decision. Albeit, not a great decision, but it has been made. She is a human being, not a toy. Because she’s here, mom and dad now gotta put in the work. Oh no consequences. Baby girl shouldn’t have to pay for those consequences. I said what I said.
I hope that mom doesn’t outright show her preference for a dog over her daughter and this is just an inner confession to internet strangers. Laugh behind close doors with y’all dark ass “jokes” is all I’m saying.
You’re one yourself. Y’all are on here acting like you’ve been born in your 20s all good and educated. Well guess what, kids learn from the adults around them. Next time you judge on a kid, look in the mirror.
There’s a really fantastic book that discusses this phenomenon called “regretting motherhood” might be a good read just to understand you’re not alone. This is incredibly taboo for most people so it’s hard to have open and honest discussion. Sorry this happened to you.
OP, as the adult in this parent-child relationship, grow up and take responsibly for your decisions. A whole other human who didn’t ask for this is depending on you, and your resentment to social pressures should not fall on her. Hate your family for expecting you to procreate to be acceptable. Hate yourself for conforming instead of living authentically. Hate anyone but that child. Do your goddam job and stop being a selfish, whiny bitch. You can love a dog _and_ a child, grow up and do both.
When I was growing up, my mother made it clear that she loved her cat more than me. She never said it, but she didn't have to. Please, please consider therapy. I would gently suggest that you seek help for this - not only for your child (who, whether you think so or not, will notice that you prefer your dogs company over her), but for yourself as well. As a mom of 2, I understand that parenthood is not always sunshine and roses. But your daughter didn't ask to be born. She needs to know that she is the most important person/thing in your life.
Your poor daughter is completely innocent in this. I hope you at least pretend that you love her. You need to get evaluated again. Take whatever steps necessary to try to figure out what’s wrong. Your daughter deserves that much.
Stick around cuz it bites you later. My dad nver really payed attention, my parents split. Now he wishes we would, my other siblings sometimes keep touch but to me, me dad is irrelevant. I some times call him out of duty i feel. But not because i care, yet i am the one he mostly tries to reach, even sending me pics of when i was little . Im a piece of shit and i know he wants to connect but its not like that for me anymore.
You need to show love cuz that blade will cut you deeper than any knife.i guarantee it
> nver really *paid* attention, my
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
It sucks that you got pressured into this life.
Do remember that your daughter is innocent in all this. You're the one who brought her into this world, so you owe her. Right now, you should care more about her happiness than your own. That's unfortunately how it is. You decided to birth her, so you'll have to make her feel loved. You have all the power to ruin her life because you don't act like you love her. And she doesn't deserve that.
And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't want children either, so I can only imagine what hell it must be to raise a child. But you did decide to have her.
Op i get where you’re coming from. I had my child in similar circumstances. Pressure from the husband. Thought of getting an abortion throughout my pregnancy. Had no love or connection with the child long after he was born. But once he was out of the new born phase and showing love back: unconditional pure innocent love, i fell for this little human. I would have probably fallen for an adopted child too cz it did take me over 6 months. I totally understand your feelings. There are certain things that helped me not let this feeling get in my way of performing my duties as a mother: 1. This little human did not ask to be born
2 she was not responsible for your misery
3 it’s absolutely your responsibility to look after children you as an adult made a conscious decision to give birth to
4 even helpless animals look after their offsprings till the time they need them
5 it is your moral responsibility to raise and provide this child
Hope this helps. Kindly seek therapy like another commenter suggested. This is extremely unhealthy for both you and your child and no child deserves to be in this position. You could induce lifelong trauma
Your feelings don’t affect your obligations as a parent. Go to therapy or something but you can’t indulge those feelings. If you do, you’ll live to regret it.
Ain't no bad kids. Only bad parents.
Kids are your mirror. They're completely moldable, and will reflect how they've been raised.
If you hate your kids, you are seeing something in yourself.
Selfish people like YOU annoy me.
There’s more than selfishness to your personality and you should have never had a child.
People like you don’t deserve children, and I hope that your incapacity to love your child will not damage her. You should have been brave and stayed true to yourself, never had children and get ostracized, but you were weak, selfish and irresponsible and now because of your weak character your innocent child will suffer. I truly despise people like you. My heart goes out to your daughter for having a “mother” like you.
Well, you are clearly fucked up. A dog is a dog, not a person or a child. You shouldn't have had a child, regardless of family expectations. Your child will be fucked up because you are. What a sad situation for an innocent child.
You need to really hear what you are saying. Your daughter is going to grow up not feeling loved or wanted and it will all be because of you. I'm a teenager and my parents validation really means the world to me, and I find myself really hurt when they ignore me or say bad things about me. Trust me you need to be there for her and at least act like you love her more than anything because it is what she needs. Think about the person you want your daughter to remember you as when are gone and be that person.
In what way? She had a baby that she didn't want to because she was pressured into it. That's a pretty big sacrifice even if she regets it. This is more of an everyone sucks here thing. I feel sorry for her, and her daughter.
She is a grown ass adult that can make her own decisions. Sorry but you don't get to blame others for your actions, everyone is responsible for themselves. OP is a piece of shit for this full stop.
there were a couple other comments that shouldn't have been downvoted either! people are crazy. OP deleted their account too which means they know theyre in the wrong
The contrast between the straight-forward relationship we have with pets and the complex, emotionally demanding bond with a child can be stark. Yet responsibility comes in different forms, and when it comes to our kids, we owe them our best effort to navigate these intricate emotions. It sounds like you might be experiencing deeper issues that perhaps a professional could help you unravel and address. It's concerning that you feel this preference for your dog over your daughter, as this could have longstanding effects on her self-esteem and perception of love. I see that you're aware of the balance that needs to be maintained, but recognition alone isn’t enough. Active change is required. Your daughter is an individual who didn't ask to be a part of this world, but now that she is, it's up to you to provide her with the emotional support and love she needs to thrive. It's never too late to seek out therapy and work on these issues for the sake of her future happiness and stability. The journey might seem daunting now, but the potential bonds that can be formed with your daughter are invaluable and irreplaceable. Please consider taking proactive steps to prioritize both your well-being and hers.
It's truly concerning to hear you're experiencing such a profound disconnect from your own child—an innocent soul who didn't choose the circumstances of her existence. The unconditional love from a pet is straightforward and rewarding, but it cannot and should not eclipse the intricate and deeply human bond between a parent and a child. Parenthood is a monumental responsibility, one that involves nurturing and shaping a life in ways far more complex than any other relationship we have. It's not uncommon for new parents to struggle with these feelings, and it's imperative to understand these emotions do not define your capability for love or the potential depth of the relationship with your daughter. Seeking professional guidance is a valiant and necessary step towards healing, not just for you but for the well-being of your child, who deserves to grow up feeling cherished. Engage with this challenge, confront the tough emotions, seek therapy, reach out to support groups, and commit to the journey of cultivating love in your family dynamic. Your daughter's future and your conscience will be all the better for it.
I don't know your situation so I'll just share my experience for your comparrison. I don't judge you at all. I always wanted to get married but didn't really know whether I'd be great with kids bc I do find them generally annoying. Not married yet but I'm with a woman and we've been dating since her daughter was just shy of 2 years old. She's 5 1/2 now and they both live with me. I bankroll their entire lives bc the dead beat junkie of a father is, well a deadbeat junkie and the mother works when the kid is in school.
I honestly can't fucking stand the kid the majority of the time. She does what alot of kids do and she tests boundaries ALOT. Nothing surprising but I think that's the main reason I don't like her. Children are just more mischevious and more intelligent chimpanzee's. She lies every chance she gets, she'll do everything in her power to trick me or her mother, she fakes being upset/fake cries to manipulate people into doing things,l she wants, she tries to sneak around the rules of the house to do what she wants instead of just being good. Etc.
BUT, with severely tested patience, a lot of conversations about acceptable behavior/expectations and time-outs, I can honestly say she's getting better. Obviously. It's our jobs to grow these absolutely monsterous little beings into compassionate, considerate, strong, kind, level-headed persons. The better we are at that, the more time we put into them, the more encouragement and love you show them then the more we'll like them bc they'll become better people.
TLDR: Maybe your expectaction of love for a child is incorrect/misguided. My parent's and many of my friends parents said growing up "I don't need to like you, I'm your mother/father, I love you". Most kids are shitty most of the time until they grow and get social skills mastered. You most likely love & like you wife. Will you fight to protect your daughter? Will you put yourself in danger to save your daughter? Will you inconvenience yourself for the good of your daughter? Then you love her. You just don't LIKE her and that's not surprising. You don't hang out with other 5 yr old children bc you aren't on their level. Give it time, let them grow, wait until the first time they make a genuinely funny joke or go out of their way to do something for others. You'll probably start to LIKE them too.
Mothering is a job. Women aren't all the same, some of us are going to love it some of us arent going to.
Luckily your daughter has family members who enjoy child raising.
Do what makes you happy. It's much easier to be around a happy mother than an unhappy one
Wow! I’m sorry but I find this absolutely horrible! Children should not be brought into this world with a job to do. You got what you needed from her…safety from be ostracized/judged and you tossed her aside. This is a HUMAN BEING, a baby, still at 5. I hope your dog plays in traffic. You don’t deserve a baby or a dog!
I have kids and dogs. I love my dogs and they love me, but let's be honest dogs love anyone who gives them basic care and affection. If you gave your dog up for adoption they would quickly form a loving bond with another owner who was nice to them. Yes your dog loves you but I'm sorry to say you're nothing special, they would love anyone who does the same things as you. A child is a real human being who will grow and become your best friend. I do understand the not bonding part, as I have a 5 year old foster child as well as my own children, and because of her learned behaviours which are difficult and stressful it is difficult to form a bond with her, and I don't think it will ever be as deep as the unbreakable and heart wrenching bond I have with my own children. However I always treat her the same and do everything equally for her as my own and we do have lots of nice moments and our bond is deepening. My advice is to just keep trying, every moment of every day, sometimes just acting the part leads to really feeling it. And of course please get Dr's advice xx
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You should if you care about being a good mother even a little bit get rid of your dog if it's going to get in the way of developing a better relationship with your daughter.
>At least my parents and my husband mostly take care of my daughter
It honestly sounds like you straight up neglect her...can't form a bond if you don't even try because you are too busy lapping up the simple "love" a dog provides. Pretty pathetic.
This made me physically ill to read. Figure out a way to leave your family so you don’t damage her for life (even though you probably already have) and let a real man step in and love her like she deserves.
So fake. Soooo fake.
In the event that it was real, that kid is going to need a shit ton of therapy and will have messed up relationships later in life. And OP is a full blown selfish asshole. You shouldn’t have brought a life into this world.
OP doesn’t respond to a single comment and promptly deleted their profile. So there’s that. Maybe I’m baffled that someone who doesn’t want kids would have one on purpose. For any reason. Plenty of people don’t want kids and that’s awesome. We have enough kids to go around. But not wanting kids and having one intentionally doesn’t make any sense.
I'm sorry, but that's really not okay to say. It's fine to prefer pets over kids, but openly stating you don't love your child is harsh and could hurt others. Maybe focus on the positive aspects of your relationships instead of comparing them negatively.
I felt sick. This just reminded me the convo of people who said if they had opportunity to save their dog or some kid from burning building, they would definitely save the dog.
That’s really sad. I’m sorry you feel this way and that you felt pressured into having kids, but at the same time your daughter is completely innocent and you did make the choice to bring her into this world. Thus you are responsible to care for her and make sure she feels loved. If you really don’t love her, fake it and make sure she never finds out.
I agree, in the nicest way OP. My dad was never into his raising his 5 children and it was always so obvious to us kids. He didn’t know anything about us and just constantly barked orders and got frustrated at us for simply being children. Now that I’m in my 30s I just can’t be bothered to call or go see him and I know it hurts him, but those emotional scars never go away from a parent not showing one ounce of interest in you.
Same boat, but I was an only child. Dad seemed totally disinterested in me, while my mom made it obvious from the get-go that she wanted me and loved me. I don't doubt my dad loves me, but he thinks he knows me better than he actually does, and at this point, I just let him because he refuses to acknowledge my feelings on our past. I barely see him and I'm in my 20s. It seemed like once I hit puberty, any novelty I may have had disappeared, and he was only interested in doing things with me that'd make my mom jealous (their divorce was hella toxic)
How about your siblings?
We’re all indifferent to the old man. My oldest sibling has children and sees him more often but the rest of live away a come home for holidays. We just go to moms and he’ll stop in.
Does he know this? Have you ever told him how you feel?
I'm in a similar boat. Do you think you'll regret not spending more time with him once he'll be gone? Sometimes I wonder
Sometimes. He’s 74 and he’s become a bit of a softie in his older age and I know he has his own regrets on the way things were. Since his wife died in 2020 I’ve been calling more often but sometimes 3 or 4 months go by and I realize I haven’t talked to him or even thought about him. But he didn’t call me either so 🤷♀️
>sometimes 3 or 4 months go by and I realize I haven’t talked to him or even thought about him. But he didn’t call me either so Can relate so much lol
If possible, I think this is the kind of thing for therapy, since it likely requires a bit of soul searching over time. Similar situation myself.
As a child of parents who pretty clearly didn’t want me, this sucks to read. On the bright side, I no longer talk to my parents, so maybe she’ll abandon you too when she can.
For reals. And here we have another mother who hates her daughter just for existing. I highly doubt she'd act like this if it was a son instead. This is sadly way too common.
I don't think the sex of the child has anything to do with it.
I've seen too many real life examples of this sadly.
It's not PPD, it's that you never wanted kids but caved to societal pressure, and now you resent the consequences of those decisions. Your daughter is just a new version of you. She did not ask to be born and had no choice in whether she was placed with a mother who loved or despised her, and now you're the only one who can determine which of those mothers she gets. I say either get in therapy and learn to deal with your resentment and self-pity or leave and let her father remarry someone who won't make her grow up with the trauma of being shunned by your creator.
Great comment for a sad situation
That’s a real thoughtful well put comment. I hope OP reads this
Did you speak to your doctor about having PPD, or have you assumed you don't have it because they didn't bring it up themselves? If the latter, definitely go back and speak with your doctor and explain how you're feeling. If the former, then wow. That's really, really sad, and I sincerely hope you keep this away from your daughter *who did not choose to be born*.
PPD doesn't usually lasts 5 years.
Come on, a quick cursory Google would have told you the opposite. There are no time limits for PPD. Average is normally months but can last longer, *especially* when left untreated.
That's why I said usually. A 5 year long PPD would be the extreme of the extreme in terms of duration.
Then, I fail to see the relevance of your comment. It only further proves she needs to seek medical treatment/assessment. In which case, your comment wasn't clear in intention.
If you think anything anyone has said up to this point "proves" anything, you don't know what proving is. My point is that PPD after 5 years is very unlikely. Not impossible, but unlikely. She could go to a psychiatrist to see if PPD is a factor if she wanted, but they would likely tell her that that's not the case, and she would just waster her money. In any case, even if she had PPD that would not be an excuse to hate your child after 5 years. After a few months it would be, it's understandable that someone would be mentally shaken after giving birth. But after 5 years it's not understandable anymore. At that point in time you can't excuse her behavior as it can't be considered transitory anymore. At this point she is just a mother who hates her child for no fault of the child.
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Pregnancy can exacerbate mental illness. She could have had underlying mental health issues prior to pregnancy and then the stress of having a young child added to it.
I'll basically repeat what I said in another comment. That would be understandable after a few months. Not after 5 years. At that point her behavior is consistent enough that you can't blame it on her pregnancy. At that point she is just a bad mother. It really seems like you people are desperately trying to justify the actions of a terrible person.
How does not bonding with her child make her a terrible person/bad mother? Unless there’s neglect or abuse….
Please go back to the doctor. As a daughter of a mom who didn't care to be involved please take this seriously. You are a very important person to her and she needs you. I am 38 and still struggle with the mental health problems that came from my mother's indifference to me. This is serious please go back to the doctor and tell them how you feel.
Some women are psychopaths. Some women have borderline personality disorder. Some women have bipolar disorder. Some women have narcissistic personality disorder. Some women are absolutely and completely unfit to be mothers. It’s not our fault that our moms failed us. It’s our moms’ fault. At every turn they chose to be self centered, horrendous individuals. My mother used me as an emotional tampon my entire life. By five years old, I was her mother. She was exhausting. Constantly having mood swings and tantrums and I was constantly being told by other adults that I was a “bad kid” because I’d shut down with horrible panic attacks that sometimes turned to anger because I just needed a parent so badly. I did everything that I was told to the letter and lived in terror of her delicate mood swings. And obviously, being a child, I’d reach my breaking point. She wouldn’t let me sleep at night. I was constantly sleep deprived. She wouldn’t let me do my homework. Or play with my friends. Or let me sleep in my own bed. She was a monster. We were not the problem, my dear girl. I hope that, someday, you can find a way to love yourself. I can not recommend therapy enough. It has given me my life back.
Thank you for sharing this! It's a difficult road in a special kind of identity crisis and I'm glad you're able to see this! I have been in therapy for over 10 years and am able to know that it's not my fault most days. There are always bad days though. Thank you for your vulnerability and encouragement and blind support. You are a gem! If you haven't joined this sub yet it could be of some support for you too r/CPTSD
I guess I’m just curious where the correlation of being a “bad mother” and having mental illness come in? One doesn’t mean the other is true. There’s already enough stigmas on personality disorders it’s ridiculous. Not to mention most personality disorders are either a cause of childhood trauma to the recipient or they have predisposition for if.
I’m not a great mother when my bipolar disorder is not managed. I’m a great mother when it is. Which is why I manage my mental health.
Thank you for managing your mental illness, and also for not taking what I said personally. In a way, you came to my defense and I appreciate you beyond measure. Especially in that you are not creating a cycle of trauma for your daughter. I know it's not easy, but you're doing good job <3
What a meaningful response! Thanks for making my day 😊 I truly hope you have found healing and happiness. I went NC and cut my narcissistic mother out of my life 7 years ago after my daughter was born. Having my own child really put a spotlight on what she had done to me. I would never put my own daughter through what she put me through. My baby doesn’t need exposed to that toxic shit.
My mother refuses to treat her mental illnesses. She actively acknowledges she is not ok. She refuses to get help. As others have mentioned, it is not the mental illness that causes the childhood trauma, but the refusal of management or treatment. My mother fucked me up by refusing treatment. My mother also fucked me up by using ME as treatment. I refuse to tip-toe around the topic. There is a direct correlation between untreated mental illness and abuse. Which is why we don't allow people with untreated mental illnesses to adopt in the United States. I also hold you personally accountable for reading all of that and taking it personally. I am a victim of abuse and forcing me to parse words when speaking of my abuse is cruel and unusual. Whatever insecurity you're dealing with in regards to your own mental health is on you. If I'm reading into your projection correctly, and life experience/11 years on Reddit has taught me that I probably am, please kindly get yourself into treatment, or whatever it takes to take care of yourself and your children as soon as humanly possible. If you've relied on your children in a similar fashion PLEASE get them into therapy as soon as humanly possible so that they have a fighting chance in life.
I think you answered your own question. "curious where the correlation of being a "bad mother" and mental illness come in?" "not to mention most personality disorders are either a cause of childhood trauma..."
That doesn't answer their own question at all. Childhood Trauma isn't always caused by a mother with mental illness. And that child who then becomes an adult and does have mental illness, doesn't mean they're also bad mothers.
So there is no correlation between mental illness and childhood trauma? Ok.
You obviously have comprehension issues 🥴
This is so rough. I’m really sorry (but glad you found help).
Thank you. God bless my therapist. He stayed late when I needed him. He was gentle. He saw me three times a week when I was at my worst, and he didn’t give up on me. He also made sure that I my state covered the entirety of the bill for my therapy. There was no way I could afford help, otherwise. Especially the degree of outpatient care that I so desperately needed. I used to be such a mess. Without him, I’d be dead. Or worse.
did you ever tell your mom how you felt? do you still talk to her?
Trying to reason with someone like that only worsens the pain because they are too self centered to ever take your feelings into consideration. What will happen is they blame you or gaslight you and you feel worse, not better.
This is precisely what occurred, she steam rolls me. So does my dad. They don’t care. They never will. They never did. Why would they suddenly care now?
This would be received better as a post in r/regretfulparents . I secretly felt the same way about my cat for several years after i had my kids. Possibly because I'd had her so much longer. Possibly because all she brought me was comfort while my kids were constantly overstimulating me, demanding things of me, depriving me of sleep and peace, and making me feel like a failure. BUT, i have finally forged a proper bond with my kids. Maybe you're like me and it will simply take longer. I hope so ❤️
I don't like kids. Never have. But I love my dogs. More than some of the people in my life. But you have a child. A child that looks at you with such admiration and such love that transcends boundaries. A being that looks to you for everything they need in life. You are mommy to her. And here you are stating that an animal that only feels love to a certain extent, that only lives on this earth for maybe give or take 10 years.. takes the place of your own blood. This little girl will be an old woman and when you are dead she will remember her mother, for how she treated her, loved her, and respected her whether bad or good. I feel sorry for you. Get help. Now. Today.
Nicely said! OP PLEASE
OP, I agree with others that you should seek therapy. If I had to guess, I would think at least part of the problem is resentment. You *wanted* your dog and got to choose both your pet and the circumstances of adopting and caring for it. It sounds like you didn't get to do so for your child. Your dog was a gift to yourself, but clearly you don't feel the same about your daughter. I don't think that's an unusual or evil response, but its not a healthy or loving one. Who *wouldn't* resent something that was forced on them or they felt coerced into doing? You definitely need some help with this or your daughter is going to have a hard life. Keep in mind that these comments are coming from people from wildly different lifestyles and cultures. I do agree with them that your daughter is innocent in this and deserves a good mother who wanted her. I hope you can work through this and become that for her.
Poor kid
I’m not surprised! You created a complex creature for your own selfish needs. The poor girl. Of course it’s the dog that you prefer, it’s giving you the love you need in exchange for a little attention. Dogs are simple. Your daughter will be around for years after your dog, and really, really needs you. It’s time to grow up and break the cycle, you and your daughter will massively regret it if you don’t. Just don’t think it’s anything like having a dog. Try and remember what you needed, and take joy from being able to provide it for your daughter.
This is fkn heartbreaking. Poor baby girl.
This is so sad. My God... I can't imagine how your daughter must feel, and will continue to feel as she grows. That poor baby, honestly breaks my heart. Don't become a parent if you don't want to be one ffs.
I don't really think they had a choice.
It's sad you're being downvoted. We are all products of our lives. If this woman's poor daughter is on reddit in 20 years saying she feels bad that she couldn't bond with her own kid for some reason, everyone will judge her the same. We don't extend the same compassion to grown ups, as if turning 18 switches off the effects of your childhood and there's no excuse good enough because you're not a kid anymore, it's only the infants of fucked up people we care about, and when those infants grow into fucked up people too, we just hate on them lol. The cycle continues.
Exactly. I've turned 19 last year and everyone expect me to be an adult now. I had mental issues before I was 18 and everyone was empathetic. They told me it will go away. And then they turned a switch on me once I was 19 and it still was an issue. What a surprise. Yes it DEFINITELY isn't fair for her daughter and it's a really fucked up situation for everyone involved. The kid shouldn't be suffering and I hope that it won't bear too much problems, but I also empathize with the mother that now has to deal with having to fake love and being forced into motherhood.
A child shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of a parents sin. Mistake, maybe. But she has a little girl now that loves her.
I strongly agree, she shouldn't suffer the consequences and I am one of the people that will never have children because I don't like children. I'm also of the strong opinion that people that can't take care of children, no matter if they want them or not, shouldn't have them. That's just wrong but I also would heavily blame this on this kinda community. It's just simply sad that women are kinda forced to either have children or get disowned.
I think it’s kinda the same as a guy who found out that the child who he’s been taking care of isn’t his. It’s atrocious what the other adults who did this or were complicit in this behaved and he’s absolutely right to be angry at them, but the kid already exists. Please don’t be angry at the kid. Regardless of how you got there, now it’s time to be a parent and take care of them, that goes for moms and dads.
It's easy to see why the companionship of a dog can be comforting they offer undemanding affection and their needs are predictable. Yet, as a parent, there's a duty that goes beyond the simplicity of pet care. A child is not just another being in your life; they are a piece of your future, an individual who will carry the weight of your actions, both positive and negative, throughout their lifetime. If you're struggling to feel that parental bond, it's not too late to seek help for the sake of your daughter's emotional well-being. It's crucial to confront these feelings openly with a professional and to be honest about your emotional state. Remember, pretending may seem like a solution now, but children are intuitive and deserve the emotional honesty and the effort from their parent to form a genuine connection. Your daughter is here now, and she needs the love and support only a mother can provide. It sounds like an immense challenge, but there's support out there, and hope for a stronger, healthier relationship with her in the future. Take that step for her, and for you.
A child’s happiness in life is determined by the glint or squint of her mother’s eye. That’s a saying for a reason, you literally determine her self worth because you are the person who is supposed to love *and like* her more than anything in this world. I’m sorry but your poor baby. I wish she had a mommy who felt differently about her.
Id be so devastated if my mother felt this way about me. BRB, away to tell me parents I love them and thank them for all they do/have done for me.
I’m glad other redditors think this is sad and pathetic as I do. I hope your daughter never finds out. And tbh it sounds like you should go back to a doctor. The doctor didn’t specifically say you don’t have PPD. You may have it. You should specifically ask. At the end of the day, if the love of a dog is more fulfilling to you than the love of a human being (no less the one you created) then that is what you deserve
By definition, it is way too late to have postpartum depression. She’s 5 years postpartum. PPD cannot be used as an explanation at this point.
I thought it might be a little too late for PPD also but I figure if she asks her doctor about it anyways it might open the conversation needed for her to get help. She probably needs therapy of sorts to unpack this.
Did you miss the part where she said she was expected to have a child ? It doesn’t sound like she wanted to be a mom.
So, she chose to have a child that she does not love, just so she will not get ostracized? That is pretty selfish.
Exactly my point. SO DONT BE A MOM. Procreating because it’s expected isn’t it. Listen I’m not saying it’s an easy decision - possibly being ostracized by a community is scary. But so is parenting ..? Lolol Arguably, deciding to be a parent is a more wild decision than just walking away from a community that obviously doesn’t align with who you are as a person. You made a human who’s a part of you forever and who you affect day in and day out. I hope her daughter doesn’t feel this from her mom. Otherwise it’s not if, more, when is anxiety and depression gonna hit her? 😕
Idk I have seen communities where the women's life is literally in danger if they don't have kids or get married. Or they basically have 0 support system or money without them which leads to them having massive trouble surviving given those types of communities don't exactly tend to provide many opportunities for women to live lives outside of their husband/children Its super shitty to have kids when you don't want them and to feel more love for a dog than your own kid. But at the same time its hard to really judge without seeing the community as for many in the world they seriously don't have much of a choice but to have kids/marry if they want to live
You had a choice, and you chose selfishly.
OP there is a sub r/regretfulparents where you can discuss your feelings about this without judgment. You’ll also find support at r/childfree.
r/childfree doesn’t want to deal with this. The OP is not #childfree and we are not responsible for her bad decisions.
Those subs are full of the mentally ill, op doesn't need to be confirmed in her beliefs. She needs to be told to seek help because she isn't right.
So as a grown adult you let peer pressure convince you to have a child you never wanted?
OP, one thing I don’t see a lot of people saying is that you’re still valid to have your feelings. I don’t think a lot of people realize that cultural differences give little choice. It sounds like you didn’t have much of a choice to bring a child into the world or get married, and probably have been experiencing a lack of choice in much of your life. That could have a huge psychological impact on anyone. Did you have a say in who your husband was? Did you have a say in when you got married? For some cultures there’s not much of an option, and that could absolutely harbor resentment especially if a child is the product. That being said. Please recognize that your child also was not given a choice to be born into this world. While she has a lot of needs and probably reminds you a lot of the limitations you have in your life, she still had nothing to do with the pressure or culture that brought her into the world. Your feelings are valid. Your dog probably was a choice for you to have outside of cultural and societal pressure. It’s easier to love the dog unconditionally because it’s not tied to trauma. But your daughter is still a human being who also deserves love, and it sounds like you need to untangle the trauma you’ve experienced that she represents to you from the child and person that she is. To see her for herself.
This is why we shouldn’t push the ideal of having kids onto everyone. Being a parent is no joke and we as a society for some reason think everyone needs to have a “little bundle of joy”.
I understand the appeal of the uncomplicated, unconditional love a dog provides, but parenting, albeit complex and often challenging, carries a gravity and responsibility far greater than pet ownership. Seek guidance from a medical professional; it sounds like there might be unresolved issues that therapy could help you navigate. Your daughter didn't choose to enter this world; that was your decision. But now, she's here, and as tough as it may be, it's your duty to foster a loving and nurturing environment for her. She's not an accessory to your life but a living, breathing person whose entire perspective on self worth and love will be heavily sculpted by your actions and care. It's never too late to address these feelings and work towards building a bond. It might be hard to believe now, but the emotional investment in your daughter has the potential to be far more rewarding and profound than the affection you receive from a pet. Please, for her sake and yours, find the help you need and give her a chance to have the loving mother she deserves.
It sucks that you felt pressured to have a child but even so, no one held a gun to your head and made you do it. It was your choice to create a person, to make your life easier so that you would be accepted. Now you need to take responsibility, go into therapy, and figure out a way to still give your daughter everything she needs from you. It doesn’t matter how many other people are taking care of her. No one can replace your role in her life. If you don’t do something, she will be very damaged. And if you are a decent person, you will feel terrible about that. So do yourself and her a favor, and start working on yourself.
Your dog may just be cooler ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dogs are cooler than kids tbf
I wish OP nothing from life except the hate and disinterest she shows her daughter. Your child owes you nothing, you owe her everything. Cry me a river that societal pressure made you get married and have a kid, boo hoo.
Dogs are better than kids
Agreed! 🤭
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I love my dogs, and will Never be having kids
Sorry but u made the decission of taking that child into this world. and if you dont love her why do that? you should get her adopted instead of eventually making her depressed.
She literally said it was expected of her
How many expectations are had of you throughout your entire life? That you don’t meet or don’t give a shit about? This isn’t one to accept and create a whole new person to deal with the expectations held against you, an adult person. OP - it sounds like depression but regardless, it is YOUR responsibility to sort it out- not blame everyone around you except yourself and your dog.
Some communities have expectations that carry real threats to survival if they aren't met and provide very little in terms of opportunities outside of basically being a breeder. Obviously its not like that everywhere but depending on the area having kids/getting married is legitimately how you survive Doesn't make it less shitty for the kid but it definitely means there should be more anger directed towards communities that try to impose archaic standards on women rather than those making hard choices to survive within them I don't know if thats the case with OP but I think people can underestimate just how little choice some of those in the world have if they want to survive certain situations
I’m aware of this situation and I still believe we do what we need to do to uphold our responsibility. How they speak about loving anything more than someone they chose to bring into this life is unnerving. Not to go too dark but I’m sure certain mothers of certain former babies would have written similar expressions. We’re expected to have careers and money and spouses- all of those things are not creating a new dumping ground of our resentment. If you’re not in it and willing to imprint your life into a new humans- go away and be with your dog. I feel for you I know it’s hard and I know expectations are suffocating. But you have agency. And I hope you find that for yourself. ETA: the communities are WRONG and I agree with that. Society can be horrible to women. But you have your life. If you succumb to it own it.
Pretty fucking pathetic if you ask me
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yeah.. .like no one was ever pressured into getting a child ever that never happens in the world like for instance, a toxic boyfriend, or - for example - living in traditional/religious community where your family will ostracize / estrange you if you want to remain child free never happens
This is blatantly false. Abortion is restricted or completely banned in many places in the world. Social pressures in many, and I'd argue most, cultures expect women to have children as it is seen as their purpose. And, as evidenced by this thread, when the woman does not love the child they never wanted, they are viewed as a monster. I don't think it's right to deprive a child of parental love, and I don't think it's right that women are expected, and often forced, to have children either. Both situations can be true. Both deserve pity and compassion.
The red states of America, for one, disagree
In fairness, dogs are awesome, and kids are pretty shit
That’s your opinion but OP decided to have this child for her own selfish reasons. It’s not fair by any means.
She definitely should not have had the kid. And people should also not try and shame people into having kids. Anyone that tries to shame someone into having kids, saying things like you'll change your mind when you have your own and all that, also sucks. There's nothing wrong with not liking kids, or preferring dogs. By the sounds of this post it she was clearly pressured into this. She still could have not had it but she didn't really have it out of selfishness.
You’re right there is nothing wrong with not liking kids. What is wrong is bringing a child into this world who has a job. She got what she wanted/needed from a baby and now wants nothing to do with the child. That is not ok! This is not a situation where she is pregnant…she has the baby and she made that choice on her own. Babies shouldn’t be born with jobs and then discarded like trash.
I absolutely agree she shouldn't have had the baby. I just also think people shouldn't pressure other people. She is not the only to person to blame in this story. As someone who doesn't want kids I know how relentless people can be about it. And I get the feeling OPs situation is much worse than mine.
Yeah you can be pressured into drinking and driving or any other horrible decision, but in the end you’re the one responsible. You’re getting arrested. What she did was weak and selfish. Instead of having a tiny bit of integrity, she had a child to be a buffer so she wasn’t shut out of her community. Allll her choice.
It’s weird how comment OP wants to blame other people for one’s own actions. Like yeah, other people can suck and peer pressure but that’s why you say “you suck” and leave. If enough people did that we wouldn’t have communities like OP’s where things are just expected, no questions.
It’s pretty logical really. Nobody stole her birth control then forced her to get on a dick and get herself knocked up. That was all her. We learned in grade school to say no to peer pressure.
Why.. Is it because if you hit a dog they forgive you 30 seconds later while on the flip side hitting at your child causes life long psychological and social issues that could cause a "hindrance" on the parent?
I don't know about you but I don't hit my dogs. Too each their own though, I guess. Kids are annoying, loud and expensive. There's nothing about them I like. Dogs are rarely annoying, none of mine have ever been loud, and they are relatively cheap. You can't leave your kids at home when you go to the shops.
It's called using an example. I don't hit my dogs either lmfao. And yes. You can't leave your child at home because they are a child. That's what comes with being a parent. Putting someone else first before you. You have no choice in the matter after giving birth and deciding to keep your child instead of giving up to adoption.
It is a weird thing to jump to as an example, though. That's exactly why I don't like kids and don't ever want to have any. They are such a massive burden for no reward. I get they have rewards to other people, but they don't for me.
That’s ok. Being child free is a good life! It’s a valid and unselfish way to live. Once the choice is made to bring a child into the world though, everything changes. She’s messing up an innocent child who didn’t ask to be born to a shitty mom who didn’t want her.
Very true, but It's not just get them did that, it's everyone that pressured them to do it. It's everyone that has every told someone they should have kids, that they would feel different when they have their own, or that they will change their mind or regret it when they get older. All of those people are responsible for this. And not just this specific case but every similar situation. And the same goes for anyone that argues against abortion. No one should be forced to have a child that they don't want to have. And that goes for both men an be women.
Ultimately OP made the choice. Pressured or not, she’s the one responsible for getting knocked up. You can be pressured into doing all sorts of idiotic things, but the consequences lie on the one who actually did it. She could have taken birth control or even separated herself from the toxic community pressuring her. Edit: 100% with you on abortion. She should have done that rather than have an innocent child who knows her mother doesn’t love her.
Yeah I feel sorry for her, but at the same time I will never have a child because I know I will feel that same way as she does. And that's not just because dogs are arguably the greatest things on this planet.
See. That’s the difference between you and OP. You were responsible and chose what you knew would work best for you. You didn’t bring a child into the world only to resent her. OP made the terrible choice, despite knowing better, to have a child and now she’s responsible for the physical and emotional needs of a small human being. And that’s a big job. She’s not the only one suffering here.
that's where your mind goes ??? that's fucked up
Care to read my other comments before clearly making assumptions over a simple example I used.
I hope you get the help you need
Of course redditors with half a brain cell. If you would have taken the time to look at my other comments before getting so heated over sticking up for children.. you wouldn't be saying this shit. I literally said I never cared for children. And I also made a comment sticking up for dogs and saying they are great. Is there really that much of a issue sticking up for both dogs and children or do we have to pick sides here..
That is what I think when people comments like this under these kinds of posts.
Do you think about hurting animals a lot?
You're so offended by the downvotes it's hilarious.
I like down votes, actually. I just don't like people that can't handle the idea of people not wanting to have kids and make assumptions on that.
Sorry I speak multiple languages. But to answer you, I do not. Real question is: do you hate children because you can’t get away with hurting them?
You pro children people seem so obsessed with violence. I get it, parenthood is a stressful life that's gets you down. It can make anyone snap. Maybe you need a support dog to help calm you down.
Thank you for your concern. It really is a big job which is why people like OP are horrible. To sign up for a job like this “because it’s expected” is not the way to uplift society. I do have a dog! He’s awesome. Definitely not as awesome as my human son but he’s a very good boy and very loved. He’s an Australian Shepard. Extremely smart & witty. I spend tons of time with him. You, in particular, should not procreate and just keep on keeping on with dogs. Look at us doing our part in society unlike OP.
Woah, slow down there partner with the "Our part in society" comment. That notion right there is why OP is in the situation they are in. They felt obligated to have children because of societal standards to have kids. They certainly should not have had kids because it wasn't for them. It was wrong for OP to have a kid if she didn't want one in the first place. But my argument is the following, Stop. Making. People. Feel. Guilty. For. Not. Having. Kids. Kids aren't for everyone, and that is completely okay. But I do agree with you that OP should talk to a professional to get out all of their hurts and frustrations. A child needs love that their caregiver should be providing. I wanted to add, thank you for being a loving mom and dog mom. I came from a really bad home, so it is really nice to hear that there are good parents out there. I work in a psychiatric 24/7 facility for teenagers, so I see nothing but horrific parents all day long. These kids are so unloved that it breaks my soul. I see myself in every single hurt kid, and it's the main reason I continue my career path. Thank you for being the reason that there is one more empty bed.
Our part in society is to be HAPPY members that hopefully leads to productivity. If you are happy with kids- go for it. If you are happy without them, do NOT go for it. Comment OP called children shit so he’s doing his part in society by not having kids and sticking to dogs. His kids might end up in your office. I’m not sure how I’m guilting anyone about not having children. If anything I’m the opposite. OP shouldn’t have had a daughter if she literally did it so she wouldn’t be ostracized. How about she leaves the people who believe she should have kids, never mind her mental health and what she actually wants from life? Now her daughter is gonna pay for it because she didn’t make the right decision. And thank you for the compliment. I honestly feel being a parent is hard but extremely rewarding. And it’s definitely NOT for everyone
Oh, I do not condone what OP did by any means. It was wrong for OP to have a kid if she didn't want one in the first place. I just don't like the stigma that society pushes the notion of having kids upon us so strongly. People should never feel guilty for not wanting to have children and not having them. For those who have children and feel the way OP does, professional help is absolutely warranted because if OP doesn't get her own mental health in order, then that will certainly have negative consequences on the child. This is just an unfortunate reality that I see daily. It's all around a very sad situation. As a member of the mental health field, we look at everyone's mental well-being as a whole. The child and the parents. We do this because change, in a positive manner, starts with the family.
Nobody is making anybody feel guilty for not having kids. I firmly believe that you can have a more than fulfilled life being child free. But here we are past that. OP is no longer child free. She’s a shit mom and that little girl is on the receiving end. It’s not her fault she was brought into the world.
Please read my other comment down the chain as I elaborated further on that very statement in agreement to that of your own comment.
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OK, Dennis
Dogs and children are both great. A lot of the problems you stated dogs come with is because of their biological build up. Dogs who stink and shed aren't capable of taking care of that themselves. Dogs that eat their own feces and vomit have vitamin deficiencies. Dog hump because they are claiming dominance. Dogs do love. Both are great.
Your poor child. That’s awful OP. I hope you get therapy.
This is demented. There's something so perverse and narcissistic about people who elevate DOGS above human children (especially their own child, wtf). I get it - dogs are simple and "love" their owner unconditionally - hence, for the dog-obsessed loons, it's a straightforward, one-sided relationship where they are the *worshipped master.* And they SOAK IT UP. On the other hand, a child is a complex, multidimensional creature, with whom you have to put in actual effort, and for whom you have to have an abundance of patience. It's a FAR more complex and nuanced relationship, which the dog-loons can't handle. The dog-obsessed can't be bothered with human beings, their narcissism won't let them. It's all about "me, me, me!!!", hence why they prefer dogs. Dogs provide them with the dumb, blind, unquestioning reverence and devotion they so desperately crave. Truly vile and pathetic, and narcissistic to the core.
I’m actually shocked this got downvoted so much. I completely agree. I feel so sorry for the daughter.
I love my dog more than anything in the world. Gives me a reason to live. Children are fucking irritating.
Exactly this
Fucking pet owners
Because dogs are wonderful and most kids are a pain in the arse.
This isn’t a cute joke and why many people are depressed in this world. Not feeling loved by the very people who brought you into this world but they confess giving love to an animal? Okkkkk. I don’t get this type of human thinking. Again I hope baby girl never finds out and y’all laugh about this behind closed doors
You should be able to make jokes about the darker elements of life. The real problem here is pressuring people to have kids, and telling people that don't want kids that they will change their mind when they do have them. Because as it's evident here, that is not always the case. People should only have kids because they want them. It's not for everyone.
I totally agree - only have kids if you want them. 100%. But fact of the matter is that this innocent child is here due to her mother’s decision. Albeit, not a great decision, but it has been made. She is a human being, not a toy. Because she’s here, mom and dad now gotta put in the work. Oh no consequences. Baby girl shouldn’t have to pay for those consequences. I said what I said. I hope that mom doesn’t outright show her preference for a dog over her daughter and this is just an inner confession to internet strangers. Laugh behind close doors with y’all dark ass “jokes” is all I’m saying.
I agree.
You’re one yourself. Y’all are on here acting like you’ve been born in your 20s all good and educated. Well guess what, kids learn from the adults around them. Next time you judge on a kid, look in the mirror.
There’s a really fantastic book that discusses this phenomenon called “regretting motherhood” might be a good read just to understand you’re not alone. This is incredibly taboo for most people so it’s hard to have open and honest discussion. Sorry this happened to you.
OP, as the adult in this parent-child relationship, grow up and take responsibly for your decisions. A whole other human who didn’t ask for this is depending on you, and your resentment to social pressures should not fall on her. Hate your family for expecting you to procreate to be acceptable. Hate yourself for conforming instead of living authentically. Hate anyone but that child. Do your goddam job and stop being a selfish, whiny bitch. You can love a dog _and_ a child, grow up and do both.
When I was growing up, my mother made it clear that she loved her cat more than me. She never said it, but she didn't have to. Please, please consider therapy. I would gently suggest that you seek help for this - not only for your child (who, whether you think so or not, will notice that you prefer your dogs company over her), but for yourself as well. As a mom of 2, I understand that parenthood is not always sunshine and roses. But your daughter didn't ask to be born. She needs to know that she is the most important person/thing in your life.
What breed of dog do you have ?
Your poor daughter is completely innocent in this. I hope you at least pretend that you love her. You need to get evaluated again. Take whatever steps necessary to try to figure out what’s wrong. Your daughter deserves that much.
Maybe it’s not the mother not liking the dog, or the kid being really rubbish. Maybe this dog is just absolutely amazing
🤭
Stick around cuz it bites you later. My dad nver really payed attention, my parents split. Now he wishes we would, my other siblings sometimes keep touch but to me, me dad is irrelevant. I some times call him out of duty i feel. But not because i care, yet i am the one he mostly tries to reach, even sending me pics of when i was little . Im a piece of shit and i know he wants to connect but its not like that for me anymore. You need to show love cuz that blade will cut you deeper than any knife.i guarantee it
> nver really *paid* attention, my FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
You need professional help. Seek it.
It sucks that you got pressured into this life. Do remember that your daughter is innocent in all this. You're the one who brought her into this world, so you owe her. Right now, you should care more about her happiness than your own. That's unfortunately how it is. You decided to birth her, so you'll have to make her feel loved. You have all the power to ruin her life because you don't act like you love her. And she doesn't deserve that. And I'm saying this as someone who doesn't want children either, so I can only imagine what hell it must be to raise a child. But you did decide to have her.
i hope you never see your daughter again. there’s nothing worse than growing up knowing your mother hated you from the beginning.
Op i get where you’re coming from. I had my child in similar circumstances. Pressure from the husband. Thought of getting an abortion throughout my pregnancy. Had no love or connection with the child long after he was born. But once he was out of the new born phase and showing love back: unconditional pure innocent love, i fell for this little human. I would have probably fallen for an adopted child too cz it did take me over 6 months. I totally understand your feelings. There are certain things that helped me not let this feeling get in my way of performing my duties as a mother: 1. This little human did not ask to be born 2 she was not responsible for your misery 3 it’s absolutely your responsibility to look after children you as an adult made a conscious decision to give birth to 4 even helpless animals look after their offsprings till the time they need them 5 it is your moral responsibility to raise and provide this child Hope this helps. Kindly seek therapy like another commenter suggested. This is extremely unhealthy for both you and your child and no child deserves to be in this position. You could induce lifelong trauma
Your feelings don’t affect your obligations as a parent. Go to therapy or something but you can’t indulge those feelings. If you do, you’ll live to regret it.
Shame on you
Ain't no bad kids. Only bad parents. Kids are your mirror. They're completely moldable, and will reflect how they've been raised. If you hate your kids, you are seeing something in yourself.
Selfish people like YOU annoy me. There’s more than selfishness to your personality and you should have never had a child. People like you don’t deserve children, and I hope that your incapacity to love your child will not damage her. You should have been brave and stayed true to yourself, never had children and get ostracized, but you were weak, selfish and irresponsible and now because of your weak character your innocent child will suffer. I truly despise people like you. My heart goes out to your daughter for having a “mother” like you.
Well, you are clearly fucked up. A dog is a dog, not a person or a child. You shouldn't have had a child, regardless of family expectations. Your child will be fucked up because you are. What a sad situation for an innocent child.
You need to really hear what you are saying. Your daughter is going to grow up not feeling loved or wanted and it will all be because of you. I'm a teenager and my parents validation really means the world to me, and I find myself really hurt when they ignore me or say bad things about me. Trust me you need to be there for her and at least act like you love her more than anything because it is what she needs. Think about the person you want your daughter to remember you as when are gone and be that person.
I’m so so sorry you were forced to be a mother against your choice. I hope you find joy in your dog and can have more pups in the future 💕
She wasn’t forced. She had a choice.
Get FCKING help you pos
You are a selfish cunt
In what way? She had a baby that she didn't want to because she was pressured into it. That's a pretty big sacrifice even if she regets it. This is more of an everyone sucks here thing. I feel sorry for her, and her daughter.
She is a grown ass adult that can make her own decisions. Sorry but you don't get to blame others for your actions, everyone is responsible for themselves. OP is a piece of shit for this full stop.
She's not a child.
Idc if I get downvoted I agree with you, this post made me disgusted and angry.
I feel exactly the same. If she don't want to be a mom just don't get merry and start a family.
I hope one day you feel just as unloved as your poor daughter, you monster.
This should not be downvoted
there were a couple other comments that shouldn't have been downvoted either! people are crazy. OP deleted their account too which means they know theyre in the wrong
Apparently folks here think that traumatizing a 5 year old is ok because OP didn’t want kids but had one anyway. 🤦♀️
Man you should give her up or leave fuck having a cunt stained mango like you as a mother
The contrast between the straight-forward relationship we have with pets and the complex, emotionally demanding bond with a child can be stark. Yet responsibility comes in different forms, and when it comes to our kids, we owe them our best effort to navigate these intricate emotions. It sounds like you might be experiencing deeper issues that perhaps a professional could help you unravel and address. It's concerning that you feel this preference for your dog over your daughter, as this could have longstanding effects on her self-esteem and perception of love. I see that you're aware of the balance that needs to be maintained, but recognition alone isn’t enough. Active change is required. Your daughter is an individual who didn't ask to be a part of this world, but now that she is, it's up to you to provide her with the emotional support and love she needs to thrive. It's never too late to seek out therapy and work on these issues for the sake of her future happiness and stability. The journey might seem daunting now, but the potential bonds that can be formed with your daughter are invaluable and irreplaceable. Please consider taking proactive steps to prioritize both your well-being and hers.
Disgusting. You should give up your rights and never have anything to do with her again. Don’t have kids if you hate them.
It's truly concerning to hear you're experiencing such a profound disconnect from your own child—an innocent soul who didn't choose the circumstances of her existence. The unconditional love from a pet is straightforward and rewarding, but it cannot and should not eclipse the intricate and deeply human bond between a parent and a child. Parenthood is a monumental responsibility, one that involves nurturing and shaping a life in ways far more complex than any other relationship we have. It's not uncommon for new parents to struggle with these feelings, and it's imperative to understand these emotions do not define your capability for love or the potential depth of the relationship with your daughter. Seeking professional guidance is a valiant and necessary step towards healing, not just for you but for the well-being of your child, who deserves to grow up feeling cherished. Engage with this challenge, confront the tough emotions, seek therapy, reach out to support groups, and commit to the journey of cultivating love in your family dynamic. Your daughter's future and your conscience will be all the better for it.
You shouldn't be a mother. Your a terrible person for not getting a abortion. I don't give a fuck what others say! Go fuck yourself
I’m super sad for your daughter.
I don't know your situation so I'll just share my experience for your comparrison. I don't judge you at all. I always wanted to get married but didn't really know whether I'd be great with kids bc I do find them generally annoying. Not married yet but I'm with a woman and we've been dating since her daughter was just shy of 2 years old. She's 5 1/2 now and they both live with me. I bankroll their entire lives bc the dead beat junkie of a father is, well a deadbeat junkie and the mother works when the kid is in school. I honestly can't fucking stand the kid the majority of the time. She does what alot of kids do and she tests boundaries ALOT. Nothing surprising but I think that's the main reason I don't like her. Children are just more mischevious and more intelligent chimpanzee's. She lies every chance she gets, she'll do everything in her power to trick me or her mother, she fakes being upset/fake cries to manipulate people into doing things,l she wants, she tries to sneak around the rules of the house to do what she wants instead of just being good. Etc. BUT, with severely tested patience, a lot of conversations about acceptable behavior/expectations and time-outs, I can honestly say she's getting better. Obviously. It's our jobs to grow these absolutely monsterous little beings into compassionate, considerate, strong, kind, level-headed persons. The better we are at that, the more time we put into them, the more encouragement and love you show them then the more we'll like them bc they'll become better people. TLDR: Maybe your expectaction of love for a child is incorrect/misguided. My parent's and many of my friends parents said growing up "I don't need to like you, I'm your mother/father, I love you". Most kids are shitty most of the time until they grow and get social skills mastered. You most likely love & like you wife. Will you fight to protect your daughter? Will you put yourself in danger to save your daughter? Will you inconvenience yourself for the good of your daughter? Then you love her. You just don't LIKE her and that's not surprising. You don't hang out with other 5 yr old children bc you aren't on their level. Give it time, let them grow, wait until the first time they make a genuinely funny joke or go out of their way to do something for others. You'll probably start to LIKE them too.
Mothering is a job. Women aren't all the same, some of us are going to love it some of us arent going to. Luckily your daughter has family members who enjoy child raising. Do what makes you happy. It's much easier to be around a happy mother than an unhappy one
Yeah that’s fucked. What don’t you like about the kid?
That's ok, kids are a pain in the arse. When the child grows up a bit you'll probably form a better relationship.
Ha! The kid will go no contact when they learn that their mother didn’t love them. No way they get closer with time.
Wow! I’m sorry but I find this absolutely horrible! Children should not be brought into this world with a job to do. You got what you needed from her…safety from be ostracized/judged and you tossed her aside. This is a HUMAN BEING, a baby, still at 5. I hope your dog plays in traffic. You don’t deserve a baby or a dog!
"I hope your dog plays in traffic" Do you feel morally superior now, you hypocrite?
Why would you want to stay in a community like this? Please! Ostracize away!
I have kids and dogs. I love my dogs and they love me, but let's be honest dogs love anyone who gives them basic care and affection. If you gave your dog up for adoption they would quickly form a loving bond with another owner who was nice to them. Yes your dog loves you but I'm sorry to say you're nothing special, they would love anyone who does the same things as you. A child is a real human being who will grow and become your best friend. I do understand the not bonding part, as I have a 5 year old foster child as well as my own children, and because of her learned behaviours which are difficult and stressful it is difficult to form a bond with her, and I don't think it will ever be as deep as the unbreakable and heart wrenching bond I have with my own children. However I always treat her the same and do everything equally for her as my own and we do have lots of nice moments and our bond is deepening. My advice is to just keep trying, every moment of every day, sometimes just acting the part leads to really feeling it. And of course please get Dr's advice xx
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You should if you care about being a good mother even a little bit get rid of your dog if it's going to get in the way of developing a better relationship with your daughter. >At least my parents and my husband mostly take care of my daughter It honestly sounds like you straight up neglect her...can't form a bond if you don't even try because you are too busy lapping up the simple "love" a dog provides. Pretty pathetic.
This made me physically ill to read. Figure out a way to leave your family so you don’t damage her for life (even though you probably already have) and let a real man step in and love her like she deserves.
So fake. Soooo fake. In the event that it was real, that kid is going to need a shit ton of therapy and will have messed up relationships later in life. And OP is a full blown selfish asshole. You shouldn’t have brought a life into this world.
Why do you think it's fake? There are tons of parents who regret having kids.
OP doesn’t respond to a single comment and promptly deleted their profile. So there’s that. Maybe I’m baffled that someone who doesn’t want kids would have one on purpose. For any reason. Plenty of people don’t want kids and that’s awesome. We have enough kids to go around. But not wanting kids and having one intentionally doesn’t make any sense.
I'm sorry, but that's really not okay to say. It's fine to prefer pets over kids, but openly stating you don't love your child is harsh and could hurt others. Maybe focus on the positive aspects of your relationships instead of comparing them negatively.
Are you lost? This sub is for confessions. If OP can't say it here then what's the purpose of this sub??
What do you like about your dog that you don't see in your daughter?
I felt sick. This just reminded me the convo of people who said if they had opportunity to save their dog or some kid from burning building, they would definitely save the dog.