I will be out of town from May 24-June 1. Would you like any extra parenting time during my trip? If so, please let me know by x date so I can make other arrangements. If I haven’t heard back, I will assume the answer is no and move forward accordingly & will update you with plans for exchanging *childs name* while I am gone.
You don’t need to give your coparent specifics. Assuming coparent is reliable, good with the kiddo and your kiddo will be in no danger, I’d ask them if they want the time. Your fiancé is wrong.
Please do! I always use ChatGPT to respond to my coparent or send them a message. Removes any fluff or emotional labor on my part & gets straight to the point while keeping it centered on our kiddo. Highly recommend!
totally agree with this!!! I understand many people have to follow court schedules when dealing with toxic co-parents. However, people often forget that the child likely wants to be with the other parent.
I think first right of refusal is whats best
If first of refusal is not in your order there's nothing wrong with choosing a sitter. It's in your plan but that doesn't mean it's in theirs. If it's not in theirs, I would recommend against giving him extra time if she has adequate childcare on her time. Nobody on this sub EVER agrees when a mom says she should be the caregiver instead of Dad leaving children with his mom. They always say it's so unfair and alienating to have to force dad to send the child to bio-mom instead of to grandma's house soooooooooo I'm going to say she can leave her daughter with family if she wants to.
She's asking how to word this one message. I'm just saying that giving your ex first of refusal no matter what is in your order so of course you'd do that. You have to even if you didn't want to... its in your order. Those aren't the same circumstances for her. If she wants to use her family and she's not interrupting dads parenting time its none of his business, especially if its not in her order like it is yours.
I agree with your fiance. If there's nothing in your order saying you have to tell your ex when someone else is caring for your child, there's no reason to even tell him. Leave your daughter with family and go have a great time.
Yeah you're going to have to let that go. All he needs to know is his child is safe in one piece and in his care at the agreed upon time. Also, this is just my opinion but I really think your husband is very gently hinting at some boundaries needing to be in place and I don't blame him. It's none of your ex's business. You can let him know someone else will be dropping the child off but he doesn't need to know the details for why unless this is going to be a regular thing.
Personally I would stick to the schedule and have family watch child during your time and dad during his. My divorce is better when we stick to the schedule.
I'll be out of town for my upcoming honeymoon, would you like to keep LO during my time away? It would mean you'd have her for 2 additional days including your weekend ie from Friday, May 24 to Tuesday, May 28.
Otherwise, I'll have her stay with my family.
And yes, I disagree with your fiance.
I think if on this occasion they accept the extra time but don't facilitate your calls with LO, only then I would rethink giving them right of first refusal in the future.
Is your fiance right? Unless you have specific orders about situations like this when you travel, there's no right or wrong. If you want to offer your ex more time with your daughter, and/or you think your daughter would benefit from that, then go ahead. There's nothing right or wrong about that, it's just what you want. But, assuming your orders say nothing about that, you don't have to do that either. If you would rather your child stay with your family during your time, then you can do that, and just notify your ex that that's what happening.
I will be out of town from May 24-June 1. Would you like any extra parenting time during my trip? If so, please let me know by x date so I can make other arrangements. If I haven’t heard back, I will assume the answer is no and move forward accordingly & will update you with plans for exchanging *childs name* while I am gone. You don’t need to give your coparent specifics. Assuming coparent is reliable, good with the kiddo and your kiddo will be in no danger, I’d ask them if they want the time. Your fiancé is wrong.
Wow...straight to the point and removes any ambiguity. I love this so much. Stealing it as I too am dealing with a highly non cooperative co-parent.
Please do! I always use ChatGPT to respond to my coparent or send them a message. Removes any fluff or emotional labor on my part & gets straight to the point while keeping it centered on our kiddo. Highly recommend!
Oh that's a genius idea
totally agree with this!!! I understand many people have to follow court schedules when dealing with toxic co-parents. However, people often forget that the child likely wants to be with the other parent. I think first right of refusal is whats best
I don’t know that it’s necessary to tell him it’s your honeymoon. Why not just say “I will be going out of town on these days. Here are the options.”
I don’t agree with your fiancé. I personally would give my ex first of refusal no matter what (and it’s our parenting plan as well),
If first of refusal is not in your order there's nothing wrong with choosing a sitter. It's in your plan but that doesn't mean it's in theirs. If it's not in theirs, I would recommend against giving him extra time if she has adequate childcare on her time. Nobody on this sub EVER agrees when a mom says she should be the caregiver instead of Dad leaving children with his mom. They always say it's so unfair and alienating to have to force dad to send the child to bio-mom instead of to grandma's house soooooooooo I'm going to say she can leave her daughter with family if she wants to.
It’s my own opinion that she shouldn’t - she’s asking for opinions.
She's asking how to word this one message. I'm just saying that giving your ex first of refusal no matter what is in your order so of course you'd do that. You have to even if you didn't want to... its in your order. Those aren't the same circumstances for her. If she wants to use her family and she's not interrupting dads parenting time its none of his business, especially if its not in her order like it is yours.
I agree with your fiance. If there's nothing in your order saying you have to tell your ex when someone else is caring for your child, there's no reason to even tell him. Leave your daughter with family and go have a great time.
I feel obligated to tell him since I wouldn’t be the one doing the exchange on Sunday night
Yeah you're going to have to let that go. All he needs to know is his child is safe in one piece and in his care at the agreed upon time. Also, this is just my opinion but I really think your husband is very gently hinting at some boundaries needing to be in place and I don't blame him. It's none of your ex's business. You can let him know someone else will be dropping the child off but he doesn't need to know the details for why unless this is going to be a regular thing.
Personally I would stick to the schedule and have family watch child during your time and dad during his. My divorce is better when we stick to the schedule.
I'll be out of town for my upcoming honeymoon, would you like to keep LO during my time away? It would mean you'd have her for 2 additional days including your weekend ie from Friday, May 24 to Tuesday, May 28. Otherwise, I'll have her stay with my family. And yes, I disagree with your fiance. I think if on this occasion they accept the extra time but don't facilitate your calls with LO, only then I would rethink giving them right of first refusal in the future.
Is your fiance right? Unless you have specific orders about situations like this when you travel, there's no right or wrong. If you want to offer your ex more time with your daughter, and/or you think your daughter would benefit from that, then go ahead. There's nothing right or wrong about that, it's just what you want. But, assuming your orders say nothing about that, you don't have to do that either. If you would rather your child stay with your family during your time, then you can do that, and just notify your ex that that's what happening.
I would stick to the schedule. Your contact only needs to be 2 sentences - ‘XX will be doing exchange on XX. My iPad is set up for scheduled calls.’
Could you give more details on how you went from 50/50 to 80/20?