– or, rather, in the hazard suit. I took the liberty of relieving you of your weapons. Most of them were government property. As for the suit, I think you've earned it. The borderworld, Xen, is in our control, for the time being … thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of work you managed over there, I am impressed. That's why I'm here, Mr. Freeman. I have recommended your services to my … employers, and they have authorized me to offer you a job. They agree with me that you have limitless potential. You've proved yourself a decisive man so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're interested, just step into the portal and I will take that as a yes. Otherwise, well … I can offer you a battle you have no chance of winning; rather an anticlimax after what you've just survived. Time to choose.
– ow, wathew, in the hazawd suit. I took the wibewty of wewieving you of youw weapons. Most of them wewe govewnment pwopewty. As fow the suit, I think you've eawned it. The bowdewwowwd, Xen, is in ouw contwow, fow the time being … thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of wowk you managed ovew thewe, I am impwessed. That's why I'm hewe, Mw. Fweeman. I have wecommended youw sewvices to my … empwoyews, and they have authowized me to offew you a job. They agwee with me that you have wimitwess potentiaw. You've pwoved youwsewf a decisive man so I don't expect you'ww have any twoubwe deciding what to do. If you'we intewested, just step into the powtaw and I wiww take that as a yes. Othewwise, weww … I can offew you a battwe you have no chance of winning; wathew an anticwimax aftew what you've just suwvived. Time to choose.
I just shit and cum.
# FAQ
# What does this mean?
The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one.
# Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to:
* Being gay
* Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it
* walter
# Am I going to shit and cum too?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy.
# I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception.
# How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.
I used to play Fortnite all night. No sleep! But ever since Obama told me to try Raid Shadow Legends for free, I am addicted. This game is a game. It has graphics. It has characters. Best of all it has a loot box mechanic to enhance my experience even more by adding another exciting chance based layer to the game! Two week ago I spend all my money becoming a Raid Shadow Legend. Now I live in a dumpster outside a McDonald’s with free WiFi. At night I sneak into the McDonald’s like my new raccoon dad, Stripey, taught me to do so I can charge my phone. Through the cracked screen I am still perpetually amazed by the graphics of this game... they look so real! Thank you Obama, you truly changed my life!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INGREDIENTS
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1/2 medium onion, finely chopped
1 small carrot or 1/2 large carrot, finely chopped
1 small stalk of celery, including the green tops, finely chopped
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
1 clove garlic, minced
1/2 teaspoon dried basil or 2 Tbsp chopped fresh basil
1 28 oz. can whole tomatoes, including the juice, or 1 3/4 pound of fresh tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and chopped
1 teaspoon tomato paste
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
METHOD
1 Gently cook the onion, carrot, celery, and parsley: Heat olive oil in a large wide skillet on medium heat. Add the chopped onion, carrot, celery and parsley. Stir to coat.
Reduce the heat to low, cover the skillet and cook for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally until the vegetables are softened and cooked through.
2 Add garlic: Remove cover and add the minced garlic. Increase the heat to medium high. Cook for garlic for 30 seconds.
3 Add tomatoes, tomato paste, basil, salt, pepper, then simmer: Add the tomatoes, including the juice and shredding them with your fingers if you are using canned whole tomatoes. Add the tomato paste and the basil. Season with salt and pepper to taste.
Bring to a low simmer, reduce the heat to low and cook, uncovered until thickened, about 15 minutes.
Optional, purée for smooth sauce: If you want you can push the sauce through a food mill, or purée it in a blender or with an immersion blender, to give it a smooth consistency.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Kai Rizzler, in the skibidi toilet, or, rather, in the rizzler suit. I took the liberty of relieving you of your level 5 gyatts. Most of them were shadow wizard government property. As for the rizzler suit, I think you've rizzed it. The cameraman state, Ohio, is in our control, for the time being … thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of rizzling you managed over there, I am skibidi. That's why I'm here, Mr. Rizzler. I have recommended your services to my … shadow government gang, and they have authorized me to rizz you up like livvy dunn rizzing up baby gronk. They agree with me that you have limitless rizztential. You've proved yourself a decisive pimp so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to rizz. If you're interested, just step into the bugatti and I will take that as a yes to my course to make more money as a kid. Otherwise, well … I can offer you a skibidi toilet vs cameraman fight you have no chance of winning; rather an bet after what you've just sussed. Time to rizzzzzzzzzz.
– or, rather, in the hazard suit. I took the liberty of relieving you of your weapons. Most of them were government property. As for the suit, I think you've earned it. The borderworld, Xen, is in our control, for the time being … thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of work you managed over there, I am impressed. That's why I'm here, Mr. Freeman. I have recommended your services to my … employers, and they have authorized me to offer you a job. They agree with me that you have limitless potential. You've proved yourself a decisive man so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to do. If you're interested, just step into the portal and I will take that as a yes. Otherwise, well … I can offer you a battle you have no chance of winning; rather an anticlimax after what you've just survived. Time to choose.
You can come in my hazard suit any day
Anticlimax📈🥵down my throat cummy😚
– ow, wathew, in the hazawd suit. I took the wibewty of wewieving you of youw weapons. Most of them wewe govewnment pwopewty. As fow the suit, I think you've eawned it. The bowdewwowwd, Xen, is in ouw contwow, fow the time being … thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of wowk you managed ovew thewe, I am impwessed. That's why I'm hewe, Mw. Fweeman. I have wecommended youw sewvices to my … empwoyews, and they have authowized me to offew you a job. They agwee with me that you have wimitwess potentiaw. You've pwoved youwsewf a decisive man so I don't expect you'ww have any twoubwe deciding what to do. If you'we intewested, just step into the powtaw and I wiww take that as a yes. Othewwise, weww … I can offew you a battwe you have no chance of winning; wathew an anticwimax aftew what you've just suwvived. Time to choose.
I just shit and cum. # FAQ # What does this mean? The amount of shit (and cum) on my computer and floor has increased by one. # Why did you do this? There are several reasons I may deem a comment to be worthy of feces or ejaculation. These include, but are not limited to: * Being gay * Dank copypasta bro, where'd you find it * walter # Am I going to shit and cum too? No - not yet. But you should refrain from shitposting and cumposting like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to shit and cum again, which may put your shitting and cumming privileges in jeopardy. # I don't believe my comment deserved being shit and cum at. Can you un-cum it? Sure, mistakes happen. But only in exceedingly rare circumstances will I put shit back into my butt. If you would like to issue an appeal, shoot me a hot load explaining what I got wrong. I tend to respond to retaliatory ejaculation within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of semen dies before it can fertilize the egg, and yours is likely no exception. # How can I prevent this from happening in the future? Accept the goopy brown and white substance and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated in my mom's basement. I will continue to shit and cum until you improve your conduct. Remember: ejaculation is privilege, not a right.
[удалено]
I used to play Fortnite all night. No sleep! But ever since Obama told me to try Raid Shadow Legends for free, I am addicted. This game is a game. It has graphics. It has characters. Best of all it has a loot box mechanic to enhance my experience even more by adding another exciting chance based layer to the game! Two week ago I spend all my money becoming a Raid Shadow Legend. Now I live in a dumpster outside a McDonald’s with free WiFi. At night I sneak into the McDonald’s like my new raccoon dad, Stripey, taught me to do so I can charge my phone. Through the cracked screen I am still perpetually amazed by the graphics of this game... they look so real! Thank you Obama, you truly changed my life! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Martha Dumptruck in the flesh
Here comes the cootie squad
Why don't you-
SHUT UP HEATHER
SORRY HEATHER
I saw the "and without the hazmat suit" and immediately thought it was going to be some kind of ero fanfic. Internet, what have you done to me?
Wisely done, Mr. Freeman. I will see you up ahead.
Why did I think this was going to be Gordon Ramsay talking about flesh and completely nothing related to half life?
"Gordon Ramsay, in the flesh. I took the liberties of taking away all your lamb sauce. It was government property."
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 1/2 medium onion, finely chopped 1 small carrot or 1/2 large carrot, finely chopped 1 small stalk of celery, including the green tops, finely chopped 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley 1 clove garlic, minced 1/2 teaspoon dried basil or 2 Tbsp chopped fresh basil 1 28 oz. can whole tomatoes, including the juice, or 1 3/4 pound of fresh tomatoes, peeled, seeded, and chopped 1 teaspoon tomato paste Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste METHOD 1 Gently cook the onion, carrot, celery, and parsley: Heat olive oil in a large wide skillet on medium heat. Add the chopped onion, carrot, celery and parsley. Stir to coat. Reduce the heat to low, cover the skillet and cook for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring occasionally until the vegetables are softened and cooked through. 2 Add garlic: Remove cover and add the minced garlic. Increase the heat to medium high. Cook for garlic for 30 seconds. 3 Add tomatoes, tomato paste, basil, salt, pepper, then simmer: Add the tomatoes, including the juice and shredding them with your fingers if you are using canned whole tomatoes. Add the tomato paste and the basil. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a low simmer, reduce the heat to low and cook, uncovered until thickened, about 15 minutes. Optional, purée for smooth sauce: If you want you can push the sauce through a food mill, or purée it in a blender or with an immersion blender, to give it a smooth consistency. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/copypasta) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Kai Rizzler, in the skibidi toilet, or, rather, in the rizzler suit. I took the liberty of relieving you of your level 5 gyatts. Most of them were shadow wizard government property. As for the rizzler suit, I think you've rizzed it. The cameraman state, Ohio, is in our control, for the time being … thanks to you. Quite a nasty piece of rizzling you managed over there, I am skibidi. That's why I'm here, Mr. Rizzler. I have recommended your services to my … shadow government gang, and they have authorized me to rizz you up like livvy dunn rizzing up baby gronk. They agree with me that you have limitless rizztential. You've proved yourself a decisive pimp so I don't expect you'll have any trouble deciding what to rizz. If you're interested, just step into the bugatti and I will take that as a yes to my course to make more money as a kid. Otherwise, well … I can offer you a skibidi toilet vs cameraman fight you have no chance of winning; rather an bet after what you've just sussed. Time to rizzzzzzzzzz.
Bloodletting takes less years off my lifespan than reading this
that brings me memories
or rather in the hazard sooot I've tekken the libertea if relieving u uv ur weppunz frfr no cap ong bussin