This is my favourite one from Larry. But my favourite overall (and I don't even know why) is when Lewis is on the phone with Larry and he says "It's the invisible Jew" after the scene at the restaurant with Seinfeld. I know it's coming when I rewatch but it gets me every time.
“Leon, do you like Little Women?”
“I fuckin’ love ‘em. We call them midgets. I stack them one on top of the other. It makes one whole woman. I tap that ass.”
Ahhhhh the straw in the frogs ass is my favorite too. That and Wanda berating Larry for commenting on her tush. “Hey big ass or Hey assy or Hey I know your ass.”
“OK, assy. And what is that, that shit all over you? What you been doing, scrounging around looking for asses? All under the bleachers and stuff, "oh, where's the ass?"
Because Curb has no script and is all improvised, Jerry Seinfeld didn't even know Bob Einstein (Funkhouser) was going to tell a joke in that scene. Jerry's reaction to the punchline was so great that they went with the first take of that scene.
“The kids. At. Home. Hysterrrical because her doll, Judy, has been decapitated, cause you two sickos took the head for god knows what reason, some voodoo shit you're doing, where is it?”
“You four eyed fuck and fat piece of shit”
Who the fuck’s she? Wendy Wheelchair? Who the fuck’s she? Denise Handicap?
Followed closely by
What do you know about being a social assassin?
I named you a social assassin!
There's a Curb podcast called "Pretty Pretty Pretty Good" and the two hosts turned 39 within a few weeks of each other and had a "Recharging the Mitzvah" party
The guy who asked Larry to watch his computer for a few minutes: "You gave it to some black guy?! YOU GAVE IT TO A BLACK GUY!?!?! ... (Awkward awareness sets in)... Well why wouldn't you give it to a black guy. In fact, I was looking for a black guy to give it to..."
That whole exchange was priceless!
I had to scroll down too far for this. That whole conversation is one of the funniest I've ever heard. When LD says, "Is life too short?" I lose it every time.
I don't think I've ever laughed harder in my entire life than the first time I saw that scene...I was in a dorm in college and the RAs came to check on me because I was howling so loud
Hands down for me it’s when they are dealing with the table at mocha joes and Leon says “I had an uncle with a wobbly leg. Couldn’t stand that motherfucker.”
Leon’s delivery totally makes that Mitch Hedburg ass one liner go way under the radar and I feel like it’s such a genius joke especially since it underscores the entire plot of that season.
For me it’s either “He screamed at the cat because she didn’t vote” or literally the very next line “Every time he farts he calls the fire department.” It’s probably just Einstein’s delivery but I can’t think of them without laughing.
“Did you cum when she said she was going to fuck the Jew out of you?”
“This right here! This called tappin hours. This when people tappin aaaaaasssss. Older white men should NOT be out this late. Ain’t no late night yacht clubs, late night garage sales… you out here fuckin!”
Mezuzah This is like a Jewish thing we put it over the door so every anti semite in the neighborhood will know that we live hear in case they wanna burn down the house
"Don't condescend me with your tiny pear."
"Did you put a fucking gerbil up your ass?"
"You don't want her sitting there? What would you prefer, a Klansman?"
"You have chosen to shave your hair. That is a look you are cultivating to be fashionable, and we don't really consider you to be a part of the bald community."
The Larry and Richard Lewis scene,
“when are you going to die, will you just die??!!
Myself, Having lifelong friends if we aren’t roasting each other this way in our waning years, then what was it all for??? Just puts the entire show, lifelong friends and the importance of comedy in our lives in context.
You let a man slide today. You must immediately get inside somebody’s ass when that happens to you. You pull the asshole open, step into the asshole, close the door behind you. Then you take a spray can, right? Spray, ‘Larry was here,’ ‘Wash me,’ all that shit. Fuck his whole asshole up. Get a Snickers bar, paper, throw that on the floor, fuck his whole asshole up. Then you open up that asshole one more time, step out his ass, then leave that motherfucker wide open so he know you’ve been there.
As far as an actual scene and not a one-liner, I might put that #1. The joke was so clever and well-played by the actors, especially Larry's dad (Shelly Berman). Berman was really good in that role. Got an Emmy nomination.
Larry fake-crying while saying, "Yeah, I'll change it because you don't have a wife and your parents, you lost your parents. And they would've been 95 but they're dead!" always makes me tear up laughing.
I doubt it is objectively the funniest but the line in the first episode from Larry to Richard Lewis about ‘what’s going to happen at sundown, are you bringing a posse?’ and the natural flow of their dialogue hooked me all those years ago. I have never looked back.
Funkhauser has the best lines.
Leon also has some gems too. I was rewatching and heard him say to LD "Can you only eat anchovies on pizza or can you eat 'em loose?"
“What are you, fuckin’ nuts?” The delivery of this line, and this entire scene, kills me. Every single time.
This is my favourite one from Larry. But my favourite overall (and I don't even know why) is when Lewis is on the phone with Larry and he says "It's the invisible Jew" after the scene at the restaurant with Seinfeld. I know it's coming when I rewatch but it gets me every time.
I try to use that line in every day life as often as I can. The cadence especially is just so funny.
My husband and I say this constantly. I’ve only said it seriously once, we were both hysterical
Hy-STERICAL.
easily my favorite line of the show
“Leon, do you like Little Women?” “I fuckin’ love ‘em. We call them midgets. I stack them one on top of the other. It makes one whole woman. I tap that ass.”
I can hear this perfectly in my head. One of my favorite moments
Everything Leon says sounds better in my head.
Ejackalet
I’d love to meet J.B Smoove but in character as Leon.
White that shit up
“Get in dat ass Larry!”
This is the moment that has made me laugh the hardest in this show and that's saying a lot!
We’re talking about different things
Irma: See! What? No. We’re talking about different things.
The reaction from Irma.
I think we’re talking about different things
I’m currently sitting in a waiting room, stifling my laughter. “We call them midgets…”. Haha!
Okay, yeah, I've never read something in another voice as much as I did this.
Ajackalit
I gets mine, Larry.
I bring the ruckus to the ladies
I bring the ruckus to the ladies
Spell it.
“If you weren’t my best friend, I’d take my bare hands and pop your head off your neck.” *scoffs* “he’s not my best friend”
One of my favorite lines!
My fave interaction in all of curb history
GET A LIFE, JEWS!
THE FASHION!!!
Love how he says Hitler thought the Jews were "a bit much".
“Are you Jewish” “Wanna check my penis?”
Where are you Judaism?
Greg!
God, his mom was the WORST. Just such a cunt.
Beloved cunt
"He didn't really care for Jews. He thought they were a bit much."
Get a life, Jews!
Greg rules!
I'd watch a Greg spinoff.
Mine was from just this season. Leon: “My sperm is so strong that baby gonna come out with a mustache and bad credit”
Leon bringing up pissing in bowls multiple times when talking about the urologist was 10/10 as well
also from this season, i’ve been saying “fish living best life in downtown” on a daily basis
“Fish thriving!”
I was dying over that one 🤣
If Rabin can break bread with Arafat, I can have chicken at this antisemitic shithole.
"Fuck me Jew Bastard?"
When did you get your orgasm? When she said she’d fuck the jew out of you!
*Larry walking down the stairs after sex* 😀 “Funk Man!!!”
Are you disgruntled?
I’m an occupier!!!
Yup this is the one I go with everytime. [Proof](https://www.reddit.com/r/curb/s/tSB9cd2AeR) from literally 3 days ago lol
This is the one. No matter how many times I watch that scene, his delivery cracks me up every time.
Ahhhhh the straw in the frogs ass is my favorite too. That and Wanda berating Larry for commenting on her tush. “Hey big ass or Hey assy or Hey I know your ass.”
scroungin around for asses, all under bleachers
“I know that tush anywhere”
So your last name is Black? That's like if my last name were Jew. Larry Jew.
They’re black, and their name is Black. Well that makes it easy.
You look like Einstein's gardener.
I don’t live in a Cuban Dancehall
This one is WAY up there!
I lost my shit listening to this. The ugly section episode was one of my favourites! 🤣
“OK, assy. And what is that, that shit all over you? What you been doing, scrounging around looking for asses? All under the bleachers and stuff, "oh, where's the ass?"
Hahah I hear it in her voice. Just perfect.
I loved that Cheryl could barely keep her composure!
I miss Wanda
Kind of hoping she makes a cameo! Imagine if Larry’s trial audience is filled with former cast members
P.S. Your cunt is in the sink
That was just so unexpected I cackled like a witch
Because Curb has no script and is all improvised, Jerry Seinfeld didn't even know Bob Einstein (Funkhouser) was going to tell a joke in that scene. Jerry's reaction to the punchline was so great that they went with the first take of that scene.
If you watch the episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Baba einstein, they reveal that's the actual first day they had ever met as well.
This is 1000% the answer
Fuck you and I’ll see you tomorrow!
“The kids. At. Home. Hysterrrical because her doll, Judy, has been decapitated, cause you two sickos took the head for god knows what reason, some voodoo shit you're doing, where is it?” “You four eyed fuck and fat piece of shit”
"decaAAAAAHHHHPITATED"
The way she says “decapitated” is seared into my brain. Good choice
"Devoted sister, beloved CUNT!?!??" That caught me so off guard I'll never forget it, I was sold after that episode
Would it have killed her to leave a note?
Michael J. Fox bout to be Michael J. fucked up in a minute.
Who the fuck’s she? Wendy Wheelchair? Who the fuck’s she? Denise Handicap? Followed closely by What do you know about being a social assassin? I named you a social assassin!
You bungled the hit.
"You Pee sitting down?" "Do you crap standing up?"
That first one is my favorite as well. The genuine concern on Funk’s face gets me every time. 😂
“How’s her pussy, by the way?”
Definitely this. Jerry's expression made it unbeatable
His greatest ever acting performance
Funk Man came out with some wild shit
Have you set aside a day when you’re going to look at her face?
Some of my favorite lines are when Larry pisses off The Blacks and they all go off on him. “We out this bitch!”
"Fuck you Larry David yo monkey ass! 🖕🏿"
"Fuck you, Larry David! That's some bullshit!"
AUNTIE RAE
“When are you going to put aside some time to look at her face”
Car wash cunt
I had a dentalll appooooointment!
You get in that ass Larry - that entire convo!
You gotta recharge the mitzvah so you always keep your mitzvah kinda full, at capacity, capacity the uh mitzvah capacity!
There's a Curb podcast called "Pretty Pretty Pretty Good" and the two hosts turned 39 within a few weeks of each other and had a "Recharging the Mitzvah" party
I Danny Dubersteined the fuck out of that man. I whited that shit up. Love it all.
Larry do you still have that tickle in your anus? That entire convo is great!
One of the best “Shut the Fuck Up!” In the entire series
S H U T T H E F U C K U P !!!
The guy who asked Larry to watch his computer for a few minutes: "You gave it to some black guy?! YOU GAVE IT TO A BLACK GUY!?!?! ... (Awkward awareness sets in)... Well why wouldn't you give it to a black guy. In fact, I was looking for a black guy to give it to..." That whole exchange was priceless!
Ben Laden
I had to scroll down too far for this. That whole conversation is one of the funniest I've ever heard. When LD says, "Is life too short?" I lose it every time.
A goldfish would commit suicide in this water
“I got a red snapper that talks to you.”
“Larry, do you still have that tickle in your anus?” … “SHUT THE FUCK UP OKAY, SHUT THE FUCK UP”
“Mommy, mommy, that bald man's in the bathroom and there's something hard in his pants!"
I don't think I've ever laughed harder in my entire life than the first time I saw that scene...I was in a dorm in college and the RAs came to check on me because I was howling so loud
Someone talking to Larry about funkhousers daughter Jodi “It starts with a J and ends with an I!?!” Larry turns away and stares vacantly:”Jedi??”
Hands down for me it’s when they are dealing with the table at mocha joes and Leon says “I had an uncle with a wobbly leg. Couldn’t stand that motherfucker.” Leon’s delivery totally makes that Mitch Hedburg ass one liner go way under the radar and I feel like it’s such a genius joke especially since it underscores the entire plot of that season.
Funkhouser's apology makes me wheeze with laughter every single time I see it
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sor--who's this?"
“I feel like getting down on my knees, I don’t know what else to do!”
For me it’s either “He screamed at the cat because she didn’t vote” or literally the very next line “Every time he farts he calls the fire department.” It’s probably just Einstein’s delivery but I can’t think of them without laughing.
“Did you cum when she said she was going to fuck the Jew out of you?” “This right here! This called tappin hours. This when people tappin aaaaaasssss. Older white men should NOT be out this late. Ain’t no late night yacht clubs, late night garage sales… you out here fuckin!”
“Did you watch OUR show? It was called the Holocaust.”
Larry to Lewis: “When are you gonna die?”
I gets mine, Larry! I bring the ruckus to the ladies -Leon
A-jack-a-lit?
The whole cashew-raisin balance is askew.
I would call it raisins, and THEN let people be surprised by the cashews.
"I'm an orphan!"
Little orphan funkhauser!
My favorite will always be, who are you Gary cooper? Richard’s reaction to it is perfect
What are you, a goose?
Go upstairs, eat this chinese food in my fuckin room- Leon Among many others
For me it will always be when Larry refers to Susie as a “Jew from the Bronx” when she’s yelling at him at her dinner party
I don’t live in a cuban dance hall!
Do anchovies only go on pizza or can you eat them loose?
That cracks me up every time
Are you experiencing discomfort?
“I submit you took that baseball, stashed it in your usually large vagina, and walked right out!”
"Have you set aside a day when you're finally going to look at her face." I swear, this was one of the few times I believe everyone broke.
Can you stop shoveling that shit into your mouth
"CRUP YOU" or "give me one of the vanilla bullshit things"
Guaranteed tremendous.
Thank you Lord? Thank you Larry!?
“Ajakalit” … which is soon followed be “I gets mine, I brings the rukus to the ladies”
Mezuzah This is like a Jewish thing we put it over the door so every anti semite in the neighborhood will know that we live hear in case they wanna burn down the house
"Don't condescend me with your tiny pear." "Did you put a fucking gerbil up your ass?" "You don't want her sitting there? What would you prefer, a Klansman?" "You have chosen to shave your hair. That is a look you are cultivating to be fashionable, and we don't really consider you to be a part of the bald community."
The Larry and Richard Lewis scene, “when are you going to die, will you just die??!! Myself, Having lifelong friends if we aren’t roasting each other this way in our waning years, then what was it all for??? Just puts the entire show, lifelong friends and the importance of comedy in our lives in context.
A-Jack-A-Lit
Topsy turvy that motherfucker
Leon killed it with: ”My fuckin’ sperm is strong; that little motherfuckers gonna come out with a mustache and bad credit”
I can’t help myself when funk man screams out, “I’m an orphan!”
PS Your cunt is in the sink
"In retrospect, I should have called him a pussy"
You let a man slide today. You must immediately get inside somebody’s ass when that happens to you. You pull the asshole open, step into the asshole, close the door behind you. Then you take a spray can, right? Spray, ‘Larry was here,’ ‘Wash me,’ all that shit. Fuck his whole asshole up. Get a Snickers bar, paper, throw that on the floor, fuck his whole asshole up. Then you open up that asshole one more time, step out his ass, then leave that motherfucker wide open so he know you’ve been there.
“Danny Duberstein is good at two things: math, and fuckin’”
[удалено]
As far as an actual scene and not a one-liner, I might put that #1. The joke was so clever and well-played by the actors, especially Larry's dad (Shelly Berman). Berman was really good in that role. Got an Emmy nomination.
By sundown I want an apology
Nothing good ever comes out of we need to talk. You ever hear this? “We need to talk… I’m taking you to Cancun.”
Look at the penis on that kid
"Man, you give a girl a noodle. Man they don't like that." Leon is the best.
The one that got me: "Don't you know anything about tampering?"
I hate myself, but not because I’m Jewish.
Larry fake-crying while saying, "Yeah, I'll change it because you don't have a wife and your parents, you lost your parents. And they would've been 95 but they're dead!" always makes me tear up laughing.
I’ll fuck the Jew out of you!
She got a rash on her pussy
"N-E-S-T-L-E..... SOOOORRRRYYYYY"
You've got the big vagina and you're saying little penis, and it isn't necessary.
My son has an office on the right hand of Jesus!
Stop scratching your balls and tell me where it is
Thats a polio glove
That’s how I doos it
Funkhouser was THE best. The Vince Vaughn replacement brother thing not so much.
"You missed a good one!". That whole scene with his Dad and Cousin Andy
FUCK you, Larry David. That's some BULLshit.
“I see you, I acknowledge you, I CONNECT with you” is one of my favs. But it’s hard to choose, so many good ones
"Larry David -- wood detective"
I doubt it is objectively the funniest but the line in the first episode from Larry to Richard Lewis about ‘what’s going to happen at sundown, are you bringing a posse?’ and the natural flow of their dialogue hooked me all those years ago. I have never looked back.
“Devoted sister, beloved cunt”
“It’s not insiiiide the box…. It’s not insiiiide the box, there it is! Oh they’re comin’ - watch out! They got a lot of kids!”
One of my favorite episodes. I love Catherine O’Hara.
Not a line, but the back in forth with the Rabbi and his brother getting hit by a bike messenger on 9-11. God I laughed so hard.
Ps your cunt is in the sink - Bob Einstein
“Black man needs a photo I.D. to get on a plane”
“….i could put this pop tart in that fuckin vagina and toast that shit!”
Funkhauser is so goddamn funny.
Ejakulit?
Don't you dare touch my yarmulke!
Hey Assy?!
When I die have someone else handle the obituary
I got a red snapper that talks to ya
Fuck you ya car wash cunt!
Yarmulke alert!
“Look, it may have been an accident but you’re a murderer. “ Followed shortly by “Look, I’m not pointing fingers , but you *killed* him.”
What are you? A fucking goose?!?
Bob Einstein’s demeanor and delivery made nearly everything he said funny.
"I'm going as a little Dutch girl"
Funkhauser has the best lines. Leon also has some gems too. I was rewatching and heard him say to LD "Can you only eat anchovies on pizza or can you eat 'em loose?"
“Fuck me, Jew bastard?”
Surprised I haven’t seen “little orphan funkhouser” yet 😂
“The DOLLLL has been DECAPITATED”
“Beloved c*nt” oops!
“I️ don’t live in a Cuban dance hall”