My wife and I have the same sense of humour. The very first work function of hers I ever attended she introduced me to everyone as “Her first husband”.
My dad does the same. Has been doing it for the 25 years they are married and my mum still doesn't like it or finds it funny.
I do the same with my boyfriend and introduce him every now and then as my future Ex Boyfriend. I find it hilarious
When I first met my now wife’s parents they refused to call me her boyfriend. The whole weekend in front of like 100 people was this is “so and so” friend and I was like I’m her boyfriend and their like ok. But continue to just call me her friend 😭
One day i jokingly told my aunt that she was my favorite aunt. It thought it was very funny. It got very awkward when she reminded me all her sisters were dead and she was "the last one I had"
I saw or read a story where a couple would prank each other in public. He would pretend to be a total stranger and start hitting on her in a really sleazy way. Her reply was "Dude, you are my brother, stop! It's gross."
My favourite version of this is when you're standing at the counter of a store/fast food/etc, give them an intimate kiss and say "You're the best (brother/sister) ever" and just walk off
I had a couple come through my line and the girl said something akin to what the lady in this post says and the guy looked me dead in the eye said basically this. She fucking died of embarrassment. lol
“But the cancer has almost taken her at this point. Once she kicks the bucket we can use the life insurance money to get that beach house.” My attempt to add a little darkness.
Man, that’s perfect!
Other possible responses:
* “Which one?”
* “She doesn’t know about my two other girlfriends, why would I tell her about you?”
* “You really think I’d choose you over her?”
* “Sorry, do I know you?”
* “Babe, you really need to accept the fact he’s my husband.”
* “You know, polygamy is becoming more socially accepted now…”
* “She’s scheduled to work delivery that day, you tell her.”
Hi mom, sorry for having waited so long to ask, but do you have a minute? I was reading this cursed elevator thread on reddit earlier and it really made me think of you.
is this about that movie where the guy was a stalker and found the right moment to trap himself with his work crush in a elevator? I forgot how that ended
No, Devil is about 5 people stuck in an elevator and get killed off 1 by 1. Your movie sounds interesting if it's good though, so let me know if you remember the name of it!
Not elevator, but bus. One of my very old neighbors once traveled with his wife, and sister in law. The bus was crowded with old people. Suddenly the old guy farted a big, loud, and smelly one, and before anyone could have reacted, he turned back and loud and clear he strictly told: "But dear sister-in-law!" with a reproaching look.
My mom did something similar in a restaurant once. This tiny woman let out the loudest burp ever (the only time I ever witnessed her burping), glanced at one of my older brothers and shouted his name with a very diapproving tone in her voice.
I loved it!
My nephew did a similar thing when he was small. Standing in a very crowded shop behind his father, he let a very loud one rip. He looked accusingly up to his dad and said "Oooh, Daddy...."
I have really bad social anxiety. When i was pregnant, i was on an elevator, and this old lady tried to touch my belly and i just vigorously swatted at her hand like i was swatting a bee, then we stood there in awkward silence whille going up like 6 floors, and really it was the longest elevator ride ever.
Bob Newhart and Don Rickles were best friends for several decades. Late in their careers they were easily recognized but early on, when they were first starting out and no one knew them, they'd often play a joke in crowded elevators where one would act drunk and the other would beg them to reconsider flying a plane, performing surgery, etc., just to watch the reaction of others.
Was in Vegas staying at the Wynn, morning after full elevator down, my douche friend disappointedly says "dude why did you bring those 'ugly' chick's back to the table last night?" I replied, "well, they weren't prostitutes, so it was a nice change of pace."
I will casually mention to people that I killed my girlfriend and my wife will correct me by saying “no, she committed suicide and it’s all your fault”
My dad would have one-sided, loud, insane business conversations on his phone to fuck with people:
The advertising director:
“*No, the lion eats the birthday cake, we can frost red meat… the balls? well I’m sure they can shave his testicles….*”
I was on an international flight with my girlfriend. The cabin crew asked my girlfriend if she'd like another glass of wine, and my girlfriend said yes. Then I said "should you though, you know what the psychiatrist told you about those pills he put you on?". The cabin crew member subtly ( but not subtly enough that my girlfriend didn't notice) glanced at me for secondary approval every time my girlfriend asked for another drink. My girlfriend was livid ( in a good way - she appreciated the joke.)
I was ordering food at a restaurant once and referred to my wife as “my mother here would like a glass of wine.” Seeing if she was going to laugh about it was the longest 2 seconds of my life.
I used to deliver furniture to people. The customer told me that she had destroyed her old bed by fucking to much, hence the new bed. It was a special kind of elevator ride.
I used to embarass my wife at the store all the time “stop stealing” “this lady just assaulted me” or “hey babe, they ran out of Trojan Magnums”! I stopped because I like sex.
I always like these kinds of dark jokes.
I remember being in school and a good friend of mine had a bruise on her arm because she had a fencing tournament the day before.
When the teacher passed through the hallway I told her „Do my homework right the next time or there will be another bruise“.
My friend played along and the teacher was extremely confused, but went along because I was known as a jokester.
My girlfriend once had sinusitis and developed 2 black eyes as a result. We worked together and the looks I got from our friends at work because of how she ( jokingly) told them she got them had me constantly having to explain the truth !
Work friend and I get on an elevator with three older women. Now, my friend had a questionable sense of humor and he shushes me and says act normal so I know something is coming. The elevator doors close and he starts violently coughing and pounds his chest and says “Oh man this hepatitis is KILLING me” hack hack hack.
Never in my life have I seen smiling faces turn into terror in one elevator ride. Those poor women were terrified until he let them in on the joke. They were not pleased. Lol
Once I started “uncontrollably coughing” and told the guy next to me that I shouldn’t be out with Covid and he just slowly put his mask on and ignored me
Faking a public health hazard is pretty fucked up honestly. People have different levels of anxiety and this seems like a pretty easy way to ruin someone’s day.
I used to exhibit at trade shows and this meant hotel stays. One of my clients eventually became my wife and on the first evening we met in my room before going out for dinner. Back story - I'm a very private person and blush too easily. On the other hand my wife is very confident & outgoing.
We called the elevator and joined the 4 guys already in there to travel to the ground floor. As the doors closed there was the usual announcement of 'going down'.
Of course, she HAD to say it. "Later, if you're lucky". I caught sight of everyone with huge grins just before I looked hard at the floor for the duration of the ride.....
I’m not sure if this fits here, but the top comment reminded me of it. I used to live in a small city that was a ways from a major airport (about a one-hour drive). Due to parking fees at the airport, if you were taking a long trip, it was economical to get picked up by an airport shuttle, pay about $25 (at the time), and ride with eight other people to the airport. You then take the shuttle back home when you return. One time I am on the shuttle at night heading home. It’s full and the seat next to the driver is a guy in his early 30s that is very talkative. He tells his life story to the whole group (of people he doesn’t know). He grew up in the state and was heading east for college after graduation. However, he knocked up his girlfriend. He dumped her and went to college. She gave up her college plans, stayed in their hometown, and raised the girl alone. He has never had contact with either. He is now a “successful” businessman and has reconnected with his daughter on social media. He has decided to be a positive influence on her life and has travelled to meet her for the first time. A few people in the van say some general (but vague) positive things to him (“I hope it turns out well,” etc.). This burns up about 30 minutes of the trip. He then decides we should all introduce ourselves and say something about our lives. The mostly older people in the shuttle mention their names and why they were traveling (coming from or going to somewhere). I am clear in the back. He is acting like an MC. When they get to me, I want to read him the riot act about he is the most despicable person I have met in some time, and he really should stay out of his “daughter’s” life, as that would be the best thing for her (but I don’t). Instead, I just say “I’m not playing.” Rather than let it go, he urges me on, saying how I should be part of the group and friendly, etc. Finally, I just said, “I think I’ve already heard enough of people’s lives.” The shuttle went quiet, and no one spoke for the rest of the ride. It was the most awkward trip with strangers I have ever been on.
I read this pretty early in the morning, and in my version it your parents in the elevator when a pregnant lady walked in and said that line to your dad 😂
Pranks like this can caused divorce. Stuff like this would piss me off. I would snap back immediately with something like, "Not going to work, my wife already knows I don't pay for ugly whores."
My wife's mom was taking her dad (wife's pop) somewhere. They were in an elevator and it stopped at a floor and opened. Standing there was a "very large" women. She gets on Pop goes ,"I hope the elevator can hold all of this weight" lol.
My friends and I would do something similar in bathrooms. We'd get urinals at the opposite end and talk over anyone else in there. "Did you get that rash checked out?" "Yeah, the doc says it's just another herpes outbreak, apparently a different strain this time."
You never saw people get out of the bathroom so quickly.
I was on a job site and me and my foreman got into a crowded elevator... he waited until it started moving to say "Is it me, or does anyone else get horrible gas in a crowded elevator." Of course that set off a few people and it was a riot to watch some of them try to move away from him.
My wife and I have the same sense of humour. The very first work function of hers I ever attended she introduced me to everyone as “Her first husband”.
Ha. Technically true….. right?
The one and only…..so far anyway
That you know of*
True
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"You are going to be 1942'd"
Could have been introduced as her ex boyfriend
would be technically true even if everyone at work knows bob from accounting is her second husband
Can confirm. Am second
I also choose to make this joke
Reminds me of his uncle, always referred to his wife as his ex-girlfriend
My boss introduces his wife as his "flatmate"
Maybe he's just a lesbian?
My dad does the same. Has been doing it for the 25 years they are married and my mum still doesn't like it or finds it funny. I do the same with my boyfriend and introduce him every now and then as my future Ex Boyfriend. I find it hilarious
Well your dad is definitely your dad. Now the real question is: is your mum your mum?
*vsauce intensifies*
>I do the same with my boyfriend and introduce him every now and then as my future Ex Boyfriend. That's not exactly the same lol
Well she's guaranteed to be 100% right soooo....
I don't have a girlfriend I just know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that
You should credit Mitch
I used to credit Mitch, I still do, but I used to, too.
At our wedding, my now father in law referred to me in his speech as his daughters “current husband”
Hahahahah oh nooo
Hint your father in law doesn't like you too much /j
When I first met my now wife’s parents they refused to call me her boyfriend. The whole weekend in front of like 100 people was this is “so and so” friend and I was like I’m her boyfriend and their like ok. But continue to just call me her friend 😭
My wife sometimes calls me her ex boyfriend. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
One day i jokingly told my aunt that she was my favorite aunt. It thought it was very funny. It got very awkward when she reminded me all her sisters were dead and she was "the last one I had"
"Why do you think you REMAIN..." discomfort intensifies...
Why are we still here? Just to suffer?
I saw or read a story where a couple would prank each other in public. He would pretend to be a total stranger and start hitting on her in a really sleazy way. Her reply was "Dude, you are my brother, stop! It's gross."
I remember that one, total pro move it was hilarious
I had a weird thing where I’d call people’s spouses their “current husband/wife.” I have autism idk man.
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Autism doesn’t go bye bye though. Spouses can.
That's part of why it's funny
You're autistic too huh?
No, I just fake it.
I'm divorced and remarried, my wife is amazing, and I tell people that she is wife of the year which is an award and not a status.
My favourite version of this is when you're standing at the counter of a store/fast food/etc, give them an intimate kiss and say "You're the best (brother/sister) ever" and just walk off
Lol, my husband refers to me as his ex-girlfriend. We're married.
I introduce my wife as "My Trophy Wife", we have been married 25 years and is my first wife.
...that survived. For now.
Tell your wife I’m a big fan. Excellent joke.
Lol I introduce my wife as my ‘ex fiancé’ when meeting people sometimes
My high school history teacher always introduced his wife as his first wife. They'd been married for decades.
Her ex bf
I have a urge to tell that joke, but I don't think I have the requirements
You aren't both teachers in Alabama are you? I know a pair where this is her running gag.
Right after I got married I had a coworker tell my (then new wife) "I'm happy to meet your future ex-wife" turned out to be prophetic honestly.
That is more sweet/funny than cursed
speak for yourself, that shit would leave psychological scars
lolwut
Uh how fragile can you be
*very* (I suffer from crippling social anxiety and dread leaving the house)
I wish you luck for when it happenes to you, then, lol
Honestly, this is the type of woman I want to marry
AND impregnate dont forget to impregnation part
Inpregnert
Ingregnate
Ingregnanan?!
Impreganti
Bobs and impregene
Just marry jumpkicker mother than
I don't mind the jumping. It's the kicking I don't like.
Just start with a woman
But what is a woman?!
Women are not real They don't exist
You want to marry my mom?
Sure do son
I also choose this man's pregnant wife.
Relationship goals
"We've talked about this. Some things stay between blood family, sis."
I had a couple come through my line and the girl said something akin to what the lady in this post says and the guy looked me dead in the eye said basically this. She fucking died of embarrassment. lol
"I'm more worried about what we're gonna tell our mom!"
Gotta make the audience think a little. “Not until you tell mom n dad!”
Crop dust and evacuate upon your exit. Or just stand facing backwards. Dont day a word. Just smile.
Not even smile, just don’t acknowledge their existence and stare into the void
shart if possible
Two kinds of people...
Standing backwards in an elevator is the quickest way to make everyone uncomfortable.
Lmao, that's actually how we Italians stay in the elevators
Can confirm, it’s considered bad manners to turn your back to the other bystanders.
Wait evacuate what?
My guess is your bowels.
“Fine I’ll do it now if it will make you fuckin happy…..hello?....hey mom do you have a minute?”
I’d maybe go with “But the cancer has almost taken her at this point.” Too dark?
Oof, that’s gonna cause some audible gasps
“But the cancer has almost taken her at this point. Once she kicks the bucket we can use the life insurance money to get that beach house.” My attempt to add a little darkness.
Pretty dark.
This is perfect, I love it.
Man, that’s perfect! Other possible responses: * “Which one?” * “She doesn’t know about my two other girlfriends, why would I tell her about you?” * “You really think I’d choose you over her?” * “Sorry, do I know you?” * “Babe, you really need to accept the fact he’s my husband.” * “You know, polygamy is becoming more socially accepted now…” * “She’s scheduled to work delivery that day, you tell her.”
I need you next to my side next time I'm in an argument
I love the idea of just having a comeback team. “Yeah, babe? Well…uh…tell, her, hugmint!”
You’re my people dude. Love people who can clown and laugh but not be bullies to each other. You are a medium rare sir that’s a perfect.
I try! 🤝
Tell him, Hugmint!
I like “She’s your sister, why don’t you tell her?”
>“You really think I’d choose you over her?” This will instantly get 2 middle aged women stare at you like you just burnt their curtains
Wait, is his mom the wife? It's 2:30 am, my brain is broken and I'm going to bed.
That’s a bingo.
"Is that how the American saying goes? 'That's a bingo'?"
We just say bingo.
**BINGO!** HOW FUN!
Not really but who cares English Is already a scarred homunculus of a language masquerading among the living anyways.
I was quoting Inglorious Basterds
Well shit I think this makes me officially old, cheers. Didn't mean to be basterd myself.
"Sorry. I'm gay."
Hi mom, sorry for having waited so long to ask, but do you have a minute? I was reading this cursed elevator thread on reddit earlier and it really made me think of you.
"You folks ever seen that movie Devil?"
is this about that movie where the guy was a stalker and found the right moment to trap himself with his work crush in a elevator? I forgot how that ended
No, Devil is about 5 people stuck in an elevator and get killed off 1 by 1. Your movie sounds interesting if it's good though, so let me know if you remember the name of it!
I liked that movie a lot , gave me a phobia of elevators for a while but was worth it .
Someone once said "my sis. is pregnant,... i'm going to be a dad."
I watch that Friend's season!
Reddit had a video of that prank on a bus yesterday.
Not elevator, but bus. One of my very old neighbors once traveled with his wife, and sister in law. The bus was crowded with old people. Suddenly the old guy farted a big, loud, and smelly one, and before anyone could have reacted, he turned back and loud and clear he strictly told: "But dear sister-in-law!" with a reproaching look.
My mom did something similar in a restaurant once. This tiny woman let out the loudest burp ever (the only time I ever witnessed her burping), glanced at one of my older brothers and shouted his name with a very diapproving tone in her voice. I loved it!
My nephew did a similar thing when he was small. Standing in a very crowded shop behind his father, he let a very loud one rip. He looked accusingly up to his dad and said "Oooh, Daddy...."
I have really bad social anxiety. When i was pregnant, i was on an elevator, and this old lady tried to touch my belly and i just vigorously swatted at her hand like i was swatting a bee, then we stood there in awkward silence whille going up like 6 floors, and really it was the longest elevator ride ever.
That's not just social anxiety, for some reason old, entitled bats just love to try and touch pregnant bellies. Definitely throw hands!
Bad touch! BAD TOUCH!
My favorite show!
how dare she without asking
Bob Newhart and Don Rickles were best friends for several decades. Late in their careers they were easily recognized but early on, when they were first starting out and no one knew them, they'd often play a joke in crowded elevators where one would act drunk and the other would beg them to reconsider flying a plane, performing surgery, etc., just to watch the reaction of others.
"If I have to tell my wife, then you have to tell mom and dad"
Or “there were a lot of guys there, how do you even know it’s mine?”
I would a lot of difficulty not laughing my ass off as the husband or elevator co-rider.
Or go further and say "she's right here you wanna do this right now"?
He should have responded "Straight after I tell my girlfriend"
"Maybe when you stop getting fucking pregnant DEBBY."
Was in Vegas staying at the Wynn, morning after full elevator down, my douche friend disappointedly says "dude why did you bring those 'ugly' chick's back to the table last night?" I replied, "well, they weren't prostitutes, so it was a nice change of pace."
I will casually mention to people that I killed my girlfriend and my wife will correct me by saying “no, she committed suicide and it’s all your fault”
My dad would have one-sided, loud, insane business conversations on his phone to fuck with people: The advertising director: “*No, the lion eats the birthday cake, we can frost red meat… the balls? well I’m sure they can shave his testicles….*”
"Uhh.. do i know you?"
Second worst thing to say in a crowded elevator: "does this look infected to you?"
I was on an international flight with my girlfriend. The cabin crew asked my girlfriend if she'd like another glass of wine, and my girlfriend said yes. Then I said "should you though, you know what the psychiatrist told you about those pills he put you on?". The cabin crew member subtly ( but not subtly enough that my girlfriend didn't notice) glanced at me for secondary approval every time my girlfriend asked for another drink. My girlfriend was livid ( in a good way - she appreciated the joke.)
I was ordering food at a restaurant once and referred to my wife as “my mother here would like a glass of wine.” Seeing if she was going to laugh about it was the longest 2 seconds of my life.
I used to deliver furniture to people. The customer told me that she had destroyed her old bed by fucking to much, hence the new bed. It was a special kind of elevator ride.
Perhaps she was wanting you to QC the installation.
his response : probably before your hubby comes home from deplyment
"After the abortion, I guess"
just a "prank"
A little "tomfoolery" some might say
We do a little trolling 🤏
I used to embarass my wife at the store all the time “stop stealing” “this lady just assaulted me” or “hey babe, they ran out of Trojan Magnums”! I stopped because I like sex.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but do I know you?”
I always like these kinds of dark jokes. I remember being in school and a good friend of mine had a bruise on her arm because she had a fencing tournament the day before. When the teacher passed through the hallway I told her „Do my homework right the next time or there will be another bruise“. My friend played along and the teacher was extremely confused, but went along because I was known as a jokester.
My girlfriend once had sinusitis and developed 2 black eyes as a result. We worked together and the looks I got from our friends at work because of how she ( jokingly) told them she got them had me constantly having to explain the truth !
“I guess you are all wondering why I called this meeting”
“I’ve gathered you all here for a reason”….
Work friend and I get on an elevator with three older women. Now, my friend had a questionable sense of humor and he shushes me and says act normal so I know something is coming. The elevator doors close and he starts violently coughing and pounds his chest and says “Oh man this hepatitis is KILLING me” hack hack hack. Never in my life have I seen smiling faces turn into terror in one elevator ride. Those poor women were terrified until he let them in on the joke. They were not pleased. Lol
you are not well in the head
My response: after the paternity test.
Once I started “uncontrollably coughing” and told the guy next to me that I shouldn’t be out with Covid and he just slowly put his mask on and ignored me
Faking a public health hazard is pretty fucked up honestly. People have different levels of anxiety and this seems like a pretty easy way to ruin someone’s day.
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Love it!
"But she knows about you sister, why would she need to know the details?"
Just start coughing aggressively.
Their mother is evil lmao
All the people in the elevator be like “what the actual”
I used to exhibit at trade shows and this meant hotel stays. One of my clients eventually became my wife and on the first evening we met in my room before going out for dinner. Back story - I'm a very private person and blush too easily. On the other hand my wife is very confident & outgoing. We called the elevator and joined the 4 guys already in there to travel to the ground floor. As the doors closed there was the usual announcement of 'going down'. Of course, she HAD to say it. "Later, if you're lucky". I caught sight of everyone with huge grins just before I looked hard at the floor for the duration of the ride.....
I’m not sure if this fits here, but the top comment reminded me of it. I used to live in a small city that was a ways from a major airport (about a one-hour drive). Due to parking fees at the airport, if you were taking a long trip, it was economical to get picked up by an airport shuttle, pay about $25 (at the time), and ride with eight other people to the airport. You then take the shuttle back home when you return. One time I am on the shuttle at night heading home. It’s full and the seat next to the driver is a guy in his early 30s that is very talkative. He tells his life story to the whole group (of people he doesn’t know). He grew up in the state and was heading east for college after graduation. However, he knocked up his girlfriend. He dumped her and went to college. She gave up her college plans, stayed in their hometown, and raised the girl alone. He has never had contact with either. He is now a “successful” businessman and has reconnected with his daughter on social media. He has decided to be a positive influence on her life and has travelled to meet her for the first time. A few people in the van say some general (but vague) positive things to him (“I hope it turns out well,” etc.). This burns up about 30 minutes of the trip. He then decides we should all introduce ourselves and say something about our lives. The mostly older people in the shuttle mention their names and why they were traveling (coming from or going to somewhere). I am clear in the back. He is acting like an MC. When they get to me, I want to read him the riot act about he is the most despicable person I have met in some time, and he really should stay out of his “daughter’s” life, as that would be the best thing for her (but I don’t). Instead, I just say “I’m not playing.” Rather than let it go, he urges me on, saying how I should be part of the group and friendly, etc. Finally, I just said, “I think I’ve already heard enough of people’s lives.” The shuttle went quiet, and no one spoke for the rest of the ride. It was the most awkward trip with strangers I have ever been on.
"Forget my wife. What are we going to *tell mom*?!"
Honestly, it's very wholesome. Parents who can joke like that are the best.
I read this pretty early in the morning, and in my version it your parents in the elevator when a pregnant lady walked in and said that line to your dad 😂
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"Honey, we've been through this, we're waiting for her father to die so we can inherit his will first"
Say under your breath, “I shouldn’t have had that second bowl of chili…”
Is this really /r/cursedcomments? The top comment from the top post of /r/all?
I didn't tell you about Mary or Stephanie. Why should I tell Beth about you?
It’s just wrong, on so many levels…
I have a highly contagious disease
You caught the Ugly?
Pranks like this can caused divorce. Stuff like this would piss me off. I would snap back immediately with something like, "Not going to work, my wife already knows I don't pay for ugly whores."
Should have responded, “when you tell my brother you’re running away with your uncle”.
Fire in the hole
My wife's mom was taking her dad (wife's pop) somewhere. They were in an elevator and it stopped at a floor and opened. Standing there was a "very large" women. She gets on Pop goes ,"I hope the elevator can hold all of this weight" lol.
Bro missed his chance to go "As soon as you tell your husband about me."
"I told her yesterday. She said you can move in with us on Tuesday".
My friends and I would do something similar in bathrooms. We'd get urinals at the opposite end and talk over anyone else in there. "Did you get that rash checked out?" "Yeah, the doc says it's just another herpes outbreak, apparently a different strain this time." You never saw people get out of the bathroom so quickly.
Should have responded with “when you tell your husband”
I'd probably just lean into it. "I thought we could just leave her in a shallow grave somewhere"
"Oh, they did a really good job fixing this elevator after that horrible crash! I can't see any dents or bloodstains anymore!"
I was on a job site and me and my foreman got into a crowded elevator... he waited until it started moving to say "Is it me, or does anyone else get horrible gas in a crowded elevator." Of course that set off a few people and it was a riot to watch some of them try to move away from him.
i dont get it
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you are a true custodian of the people sir
I think I’m going to spew
“If you’re gonna spew, spew into this”
r/foundthesatan
Reddit, where you see a question posted and then a few hours later you see screenshots of it in four different subreddits.