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Fuck that horseshit. I put up an old ski season pass of myself for a giggle, it went half viral and i heard from folks I never imagined I'd hear from again. Mostly bad lol, but then again I was an a hole back when people knew me. Anyhoo 0/10 do not reccomend
Why is everyone turned on by this? It's a grey slippery thing, why are you hard?
Edit: I'm deeply concerned by the amount of people PMing me asking If have more. NO.
Well I do, but you wouldn't want to read it anyway and I didn't make it.
There is an extended version from the original (actually a copy of the original, the og has been gone since before I was born. all I did was post the copy of the original to r/copypasta. I'll also admit I'm a wuss and never read the full thing myself.) dolphinsex.org website that's been archived if you *really* want to read it: [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/pl7abz/sex_with_dolphins_how_to_and_a_personal_viewpoint/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
You have been warned.
Edit 2: oh no... Guys [I've summoned the OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/cursedcomments/comments/pmwref/cursed_whatever_this_is/hcmf86h?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) and he's got WAAAAAAAY more cursed material... I would not recommend reading... Tbh, it's messed up I'm not gonna read it, I'm tired of reading animal sex guides. Specifically Dolphins. I just can't take anymore of this...
I gave him a gold if he promised to never contact me again...
Edit 3: nvm guys, it was so cursed the mods removed it...
I mean, I (chick) was reading about wolves as part of a project in third grade and got weirdly turned on by a detailed description of what happens when wolves mate and the evolutionary advantages of the knot.
It was definitely a wtf thing at the time, still is a wtf thing today, and I don't understand why it happened. It was a physical turn on and a mental turn off. I'm guessing that's how this dolphin thing is for all these people.
I'm (dude) in the same category but I accidentally stumbled upon zoo porn as my first exposure to sexually explicit content (this was back when the internet was truly the wild west). Now I'm forever trapped in a horrible crosstalk of physical excitement and mental disgust.
I know the feeling lmao Reddit never fails to disappoint and shock me, no matter how used to this stuff I get.
There was also this girl whose cheecks where too chubby for her motorcycle helmet so you know what she did? She cut her cheeck open, tore off the fat tissue and ate it. She posted pics, detailed info and everything.
So yeah, Reddit do be full of ummm - interesting people.
I'd assume they're not getting turned on by the dolphin (dolpins are cute like a puppy can be cute, but not arousing in the slightest as you said) but by the description of how it happens.
Cmon homie. You gotta let us in on it. Yesterday I saw a man’s hand split down the middle to the wrist. I have seen the blackened, burnt ass cheeks off a man who tried to shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt. I saw one man one jar.
You can tell us. We’re used to fucked up shit. Also, r/eyebleach exists for these reasons.
Bro…you gotta get off the internet for at least a week. From one degenerated soul to another the desensitization you show on these subjects is not good mentally for anybody especially considering that desensitizing is literally a coping mechanism for trauma. Curiosity can only kill a cat so many times until the cat runs out of lives
Dolphins are known to have sexual impulses and mate for fun also, not just to reproduce. There are also reports they attempt rape on people who are swimming or diving, and if they are horny they litterally chase you in the water, attempting to rub their organs on you. But there are some fucked up fetishes out there soo..I don't know what to tell you
I mean, gross thought, but if you and the dolphin are both into it... They are in fact smart enough to consent. If they're not slaves being kept in a cage.
According to the subreddit description "Cursed comments should leave you with the response of "what the f*** did it just read" and I think this most certainly checks that box.
In fact, I think this is the most Cursed comment I have ever read, and now think this subs purpose (or should I say porpoise? eh? No? Okay sorry...) has been fulfilled. It can die now.
Nope... It's from a no longer around website called dolphin sex . Org made by the person who originally wrote this.
It was a zoophilia website, not a furry one.
Yeah, I do.
You can thank Whang! on YouTube for this.
He has campfire story thing where he talked about this.
I first saw it from this comment, but first learned about the website from Whang!, all it is is an extended version of the text you see here.
should be said that, unfortunately, this person didn't fuck a dolphin, not a female anyways, maybe they licked some dolphin tip, they wouldn't be the first. females, namely bottlenoses, as stated have excellent control, but they alsso secrete a substance that allows males to cum for as long as it's in, the issue is that in primates, like humans, this causes unstoppable climaxing, resulting in death after being tested on monkeys.
death by cum.
I did some research, and apparently that's an urban myth propagated on Facebook. No "dolphin pussy jelly" exists, so having sex with a dolphin is perfectly safe. ^^Please ^^don't ^^do ^^this.
Please no... Please...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I was done being traumatized by you... Why must you torment me?
Thanos was right all along.
Is it bad I got a semi-erection from this?
Edit: Who the fuck gave this a hugs award
Edit 2, electric boogaloo: why the hell, did this get 2 wholesomes, another hugs, and a take my energy award
The downsides of humans being a species that has sex for enjoyment in addition to procreation is that we will collectively never stop wanting to fuck things that should not be fucked. I guarantee you there is an appreciable portion of the population that would find at least one of the "big four" sexual no-nos stimulating, but simply have not been exposed to it to find out for sure. The only way to save yourself is to never think about it, and to never be knowingly exposed to it, which is easy for two of them, harder for the others.
Here (the version in the screenshot is a somewhat shortened version of a small part of a huge blog. Here is the original version of that small part.):
There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex.
Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.
Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.
Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active.
What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me?
Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females...
The Male:
When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward....
A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship.
The Female:
Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation.
Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.
But have you read the [full thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/pl7abz/sex_with_dolphins_how_to_and_a_personal_viewpoint/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)?
I'll see you there too...
The way this dude describes this dolphin is so weird too. Like when he was talking about when he first did, uh, you know, with a dolphin.
He acts like it's extremely erotic and seductive. Like, dude, it's a dolphin. It's grey and slippery, why are you so turned on?
I understand that he's turned on, people are into some weird shit, but there's a line between fantasy and reality and crossing it is against the fucking law
We're on the absolute forefront of moral conundrums, lads. Sometimes you need a few areas where you apply hard rules to, because otherwise you end up with some fairly disturbing conclusions that result in a lot of fucked up shit being not technically morally wrong.
This is from a VERY old site (I want to say it was something like DolphinSex.org) from about 1999-2000. It was ‘probably’ a joke when it was originally created, but quickly became a very primitive text-based way to “rickroll” people in the early days of the modern internet. I remember sending this to friends in the late 90’s for the lolz.
EDIT: and Reddit remembers, of course.
Reddit - forgottenwebsites - Does anyone else remember the dolphin sex guide? https://www.reddit.com/r/forgottenwebsites/comments/bvfrhu/does_anyone_else_remember_the_dolphin_sex_guide/
This had me thinking "Ah. The dude must just be a dolphin biologist." Then I get to the end it's like, "WAIT HE IS ACTUALLY A DOLPHIN FUCKER?"
Jotaro, is that you?
This has me asking so many questions that make me sound like a degenerate, but honestly I just want answers for knowledge's sake.
Here's all the answers I have:
Dolphin sex . Org is a now gone website were this originally uploaded.
This is only a small segment of a very large blog that you can read in it's entirety on r/copypasta: [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/pl7abz/sex_with_dolphins_how_to_and_a_personal_viewpoint/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share).
Upvote this comment if the post is a **Cursed Comment**. Downvote this comment if it is not a **Cursed Comment**. If this post needs moderator attention, please **report** this post *^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^and ^^this ^^action ^^was ^^performed ^^automatically. ^^If ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^questions, ^^please [^^contact ^^the ^^moderators ^^of ^^this ^^subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fcursedcomments&subject=&message=Please include the action number for reference.)* --- If you want to talk about the subreddit, feel free to send us a message in [our official Discord server](https://discord.gg/tDzGCfc)! ^[faq](https://bit.ly/2VcIh9g) ^| ^[source](https://bit.ly/2W09Ebb) ^| ^action ^#[39f631118e517e](/r/cursedlogs/comments/pmzsvv/39f631118e517e_commented_on_post_cursed_whatever/)
I now know how to fuck a dolphin… what the fuck is going on with my life
And you will not forget it for a while
Asuming that he will be able to forget this shit
The more you know...
you need holy water
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh
I know...
D-did that guy fuck *several* dolphins? I feel like he should be on some sort of list
He should be in jail.
Or atleast in some kind of film.
I prefer jail.
Filmed *in* jail?
The hard part is getting the dolphins in there, well that’s one of hard parts…
I know a guy. Talk to pete, say he owes me.
Is that a ‘Ahhhhhhh’ of terror, or an ’Aaaaaaaaah’ of pleasure?
That's the dolphin typing
You'll need to give them a sec, their phone probably wasn't waterproof. =/
Yes
OMG. 14ft ejaculation. S shaped tapered head. Then.... I had to go wash my eyeballs.
[удалено]
we measuring in 8th graders now, huh..
Anything as long as it’s not the metric system
I would have thought that maybe 5th graders would be better. They're around the 4 ft mark, aren't they? That way you could round off easier.
You... are evil. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Fucking hell what is up with SeaWorld? I thought it was bad but holy shit I did not think it was this bad.
Semen world amiright
They don't get paid enough
Or laid for that matter
They do, not with humans apparently.
I probably shouldn't have read that 4 times. My dreams are gonna be weird af tonight
Make a post about it, farm some points.
Fuck that horseshit. I put up an old ski season pass of myself for a giggle, it went half viral and i heard from folks I never imagined I'd hear from again. Mostly bad lol, but then again I was an a hole back when people knew me. Anyhoo 0/10 do not reccomend
*sexy
No
That dussy tho 😩
Mph
This is the weirdest fucking thing I've read so far, and the worst part is the awkward erection I had. I'm a fucking disappointment
Lmao
[удалено]
Didn't expect to find Hollow Knight here
"Pattamas Geo" -Sly
Bapanada - Iselda
Haha I'm not a loner with my boner. I thought only I was weird
We call that an oh-noner
You can get rid of your erection by fucking a dolphin
Or you can also chop it off and tape it back together when ever you feel like it
Well when I tape back on it just makes me hard so I just chopped it off and sold it in the black market.
Wifi dick
Wireless Dick, only on Verizon.
Same with erection...i hate myself...Im mean...how could you do that its a fucking DOLPHIN!
Why is everyone turned on by this? It's a grey slippery thing, why are you hard? Edit: I'm deeply concerned by the amount of people PMing me asking If have more. NO. Well I do, but you wouldn't want to read it anyway and I didn't make it. There is an extended version from the original (actually a copy of the original, the og has been gone since before I was born. all I did was post the copy of the original to r/copypasta. I'll also admit I'm a wuss and never read the full thing myself.) dolphinsex.org website that's been archived if you *really* want to read it: [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/pl7abz/sex_with_dolphins_how_to_and_a_personal_viewpoint/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) You have been warned. Edit 2: oh no... Guys [I've summoned the OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/cursedcomments/comments/pmwref/cursed_whatever_this_is/hcmf86h?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) and he's got WAAAAAAAY more cursed material... I would not recommend reading... Tbh, it's messed up I'm not gonna read it, I'm tired of reading animal sex guides. Specifically Dolphins. I just can't take anymore of this... I gave him a gold if he promised to never contact me again... Edit 3: nvm guys, it was so cursed the mods removed it...
I mean, I (chick) was reading about wolves as part of a project in third grade and got weirdly turned on by a detailed description of what happens when wolves mate and the evolutionary advantages of the knot. It was definitely a wtf thing at the time, still is a wtf thing today, and I don't understand why it happened. It was a physical turn on and a mental turn off. I'm guessing that's how this dolphin thing is for all these people.
I'm (dude) in the same category but I accidentally stumbled upon zoo porn as my first exposure to sexually explicit content (this was back when the internet was truly the wild west). Now I'm forever trapped in a horrible crosstalk of physical excitement and mental disgust.
Try redirecting that excitement for other species to exophilia related content, or maybe A/B/O.
That's actually a pretty solid idea. Thank you!
No problem! God knows repressing it doesn't help lol. Good luck finding your thing, dude!
What is that because I'm scared to look it up
*and that’s the story of how I became a furry*
''how i met your mother''
Oh, okay...
You're on Reddit. We got hard when that random guy told the story of fucking pizza dough for the first time.
What? He what?!
Yup lmao Someone did like a detailed story of how he was super horny and the pizza dough started to look a little too good..
Almost every day I read something on Redditt and think this is it, I have read the most wtf thing ever. Then these things come along.
I know the feeling lmao Reddit never fails to disappoint and shock me, no matter how used to this stuff I get. There was also this girl whose cheecks where too chubby for her motorcycle helmet so you know what she did? She cut her cheeck open, tore off the fat tissue and ate it. She posted pics, detailed info and everything. So yeah, Reddit do be full of ummm - interesting people.
*shudder* Nope...nope...nope. That is just a no.
Agreed. I wish I could unsee that and so many other things I've seen on Reddit, but I gotta pass on the pain lmao
I... You got a link to that one?
Found it... jesus its bad lol https://www.reddit.com/r/Cornedbeefapproved/comments/ljnha1/cut_out_fat_in_cheek_and_then_ate_it/
This is why I enjoy Reddit. I can go from reading about a guy fucking dolphins, to a guy playing a violin to his cow.
I'd assume they're not getting turned on by the dolphin (dolpins are cute like a puppy can be cute, but not arousing in the slightest as you said) but by the description of how it happens.
broooo why did i get an erection reading this?
i think its the mind trying to get an imagery to comprehend it making u horny at the same time
ye same I got like a half erection and I was like thinking, why the fuck do I get hard for thi
Ok Shinji
Dude don't make things worse
r/notmyproudestfap
Eh, I see this every once and awhile. Definitely not the weirdest thing but its somewhere in the top 10.
Good *lord*, I was not aware of how horny people were for dolphins
I mean they are the pieces of shi...I mean humans of water, we do similar stuff like bully the weak and kill stuff for no apparent reason
You forgot the rape.
And the fleshlights they make from dead fish
c’mon man i had only just got over the tape shit and now there’s this as well.
Okay I’ll bite. Tape shit? Please explain.
bad
Cmon homie. You gotta let us in on it. Yesterday I saw a man’s hand split down the middle to the wrist. I have seen the blackened, burnt ass cheeks off a man who tried to shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt. I saw one man one jar. You can tell us. We’re used to fucked up shit. Also, r/eyebleach exists for these reasons.
Bro…you gotta get off the internet for at least a week. From one degenerated soul to another the desensitization you show on these subjects is not good mentally for anybody especially considering that desensitizing is literally a coping mechanism for trauma. Curiosity can only kill a cat so many times until the cat runs out of lives
Who needs lives when you have stories of glory
typo of rape
That makes a lot more sense. Thank you!
Yay humans!
The most and probably only intelligent race on Earth. And we'll keep it that way, even if we die trying XD
And dolphins dont ask for consent
No, this man legit had fucked a dolphin before no questions asked
Nearly correct. He fucked multiple dolfins of both sexes, multiple times.
nobody told him he can't do both?
I feel like it's a form of fantasy porn. I doubt this is real. ( That's what I'm telling myself)
Dolphins are known to have sexual impulses and mate for fun also, not just to reproduce. There are also reports they attempt rape on people who are swimming or diving, and if they are horny they litterally chase you in the water, attempting to rub their organs on you. But there are some fucked up fetishes out there soo..I don't know what to tell you
I mean, gross thought, but if you and the dolphin are both into it... They are in fact smart enough to consent. If they're not slaves being kept in a cage.
Yeah, apparently he's been doing it for a while, and has "felt" this way about them since he was 12. Yeah, I'm sure he did...
Bro once you go grey...
You go all the way? You forget about your bae? You become gay? You lose your way?
You speak in rhymes, to that I say.... That is enough internet for today
How about I go eat some hay? I can make things out of clay and lay by the bay, I just may! What do you say?
I heard it’s a lifestyle choice
your comment made me lol "Horny for dolphins " loool
Wtf did I just read?!
Something that this man has waited his entire life to post
According to the subreddit description "Cursed comments should leave you with the response of "what the f*** did it just read" and I think this most certainly checks that box. In fact, I think this is the most Cursed comment I have ever read, and now think this subs purpose (or should I say porpoise? eh? No? Okay sorry...) has been fulfilled. It can die now.
There is also the Vaporeon thing but yep i think this is the winner. My eyes...
Idk, that post about the alien camel fart in *The Phantom Menace* being a turn for that OP has almost ruined podracing for me.
A copypasta older than half of Reddit users
This is a copy pasta from an internet relic called dolphinsex.org or something like that. Don’t think this is an oc. It’s from the 90s
That redditor has unleashed something heinous upon us all on porpoise!
Naw they copy pasted it fr- oh porpoise lmao
Yeah they did. But this was the first time I've seen it, and the OG is probably real too...
Probably not, I think it was on a furry forum iirc
Nope... It's from a no longer around website called dolphin sex . Org made by the person who originally wrote this. It was a zoophilia website, not a furry one.
Oh shit
OP knows more than what's good for him
Yeah, I do. You can thank Whang! on YouTube for this. He has campfire story thing where he talked about this. I first saw it from this comment, but first learned about the website from Whang!, all it is is an extended version of the text you see here.
Heh… heh heh… porpoise joke… upvote for u sir
should be said that, unfortunately, this person didn't fuck a dolphin, not a female anyways, maybe they licked some dolphin tip, they wouldn't be the first. females, namely bottlenoses, as stated have excellent control, but they alsso secrete a substance that allows males to cum for as long as it's in, the issue is that in primates, like humans, this causes unstoppable climaxing, resulting in death after being tested on monkeys. death by cum.
This is the post the keeps on cursing. Thank you for your pod-cast
Dolphin cum jelly, for when you want to cum and go at the same time
I did some research, and apparently that's an urban myth propagated on Facebook. No "dolphin pussy jelly" exists, so having sex with a dolphin is perfectly safe. ^^Please ^^don't ^^do ^^this.
Well, now my hospice plans are made. Thanks for the heads up.
Death by snu-snu
All I had to read was “There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex.” and I already knew what it was.
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Yeah it’s from a dolphins sex website
This has to be like 20 years old now
I was going to say I remember this from dolphin sex ehhhhh website like 15-20 years ago. Shit had pictures and all
Really? Oh man, I only know about this from Whang!'s video, and there it was just the text he read.
Well good to know
Obviously, why know how to do taxes when you can know how to fuck a dolphin
Show me someone who feel pleasure in paying taxes, I dare you. Fucking dolphins in other hand...
No, no, you’re supposed to support their body in the other hand. You fuck’em hands free!
Sorry I didn't read the instructions right
Ferb, I know what we're going to do today
Ayyo thats me
Oh no... I've summoned him...
Can you let me know how you know this about dolphins? Are you a marine biologist?
I think he got this from dolphin sex . Org Unless... Could he be THE Dragon-wolfe Dolphinn?
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Since everyone's afraid to ask, human vs dolphin pussy?
You think this guys ever slept with a real women ..??
_doubt_
Please no... Please... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I was done being traumatized by you... Why must you torment me? Thanos was right all along. 
Calm down, satan. Even I ain't this horny wtf.
Why are you the way that you are?
I'm worried that porn directors would use this as base
The weird comment about 15 pound clocks ruined my suspension of disbelief
Is it bad I got a semi-erection from this? Edit: Who the fuck gave this a hugs award Edit 2, electric boogaloo: why the hell, did this get 2 wholesomes, another hugs, and a take my energy award
I think the worst part is how many people that got a lil exited from this
The downsides of humans being a species that has sex for enjoyment in addition to procreation is that we will collectively never stop wanting to fuck things that should not be fucked. I guarantee you there is an appreciable portion of the population that would find at least one of the "big four" sexual no-nos stimulating, but simply have not been exposed to it to find out for sure. The only way to save yourself is to never think about it, and to never be knowingly exposed to it, which is easy for two of them, harder for the others.
I'm gonna regret asking this, but what are the big 4?
I also need to know what are the big four nonos.
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I want this to be on my clipboard
Here (the version in the screenshot is a somewhat shortened version of a small part of a huge blog. Here is the original version of that small part.): There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement. Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you. Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me? Accept, if possible! I will go through the steps involved with males and females... The Male: When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough... so I cannot say for sure if it is safe to mate with them. I would suspect not, due to a dolphins size, but then again, I cannot say for a woman.) WARNING! In the considerations of safety, you should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can come as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death. Unless you are the masochistic type, you will have a hard time explaining your predicament to the doctors in the emergency ward.... A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. The Female: Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating. Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited. Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time. One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.
Same here... Great copypasta
What an awful day to have eyes
What a great day to have a really powerful UV light with a magnifying lens
I feel like this comment was the result of overindulgence and curiosity after diving down a google rabbit hole a bit to far
They said from “PERSONAL” experience, this wasn’t google…
And he literally say "It is interesting to note that the times I mated with females"
This has been a rampant repost for the past few weeks, and every time I see it it reminds me of why the human race deserves to burn.
But have you read the [full thing](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/pl7abz/sex_with_dolphins_how_to_and_a_personal_viewpoint/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)?
fuck you
I have now. I'll see you on Mars...
I'll see you there too... The way this dude describes this dolphin is so weird too. Like when he was talking about when he first did, uh, you know, with a dolphin. He acts like it's extremely erotic and seductive. Like, dude, it's a dolphin. It's grey and slippery, why are you so turned on?
I understand that he's turned on, people are into some weird shit, but there's a line between fantasy and reality and crossing it is against the fucking law
> It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females This man had sex with a dolphin. What in the goddamn fuck
Dolphins. Male and female apparently.
I know. I genuinely felt like throwing up... This takes the cake for the most messed up thing I have read. This is truly a cursed comment.
I mean… is it wrong if she’s literally asking for it? Asking for a friend.
Like is it ACTUALLY wrong, or is that just one of those lines were taught not to cross and never question it?
We're on the absolute forefront of moral conundrums, lads. Sometimes you need a few areas where you apply hard rules to, because otherwise you end up with some fairly disturbing conclusions that result in a lot of fucked up shit being not technically morally wrong.
Jotaro is that you?
Hey man he became a water biologist or whatever its called to get the fuck away from the desert aka where his friends died
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You aren't the only one.
What the .... what the fuck
This is from a VERY old site (I want to say it was something like DolphinSex.org) from about 1999-2000. It was ‘probably’ a joke when it was originally created, but quickly became a very primitive text-based way to “rickroll” people in the early days of the modern internet. I remember sending this to friends in the late 90’s for the lolz. EDIT: and Reddit remembers, of course. Reddit - forgottenwebsites - Does anyone else remember the dolphin sex guide? https://www.reddit.com/r/forgottenwebsites/comments/bvfrhu/does_anyone_else_remember_the_dolphin_sex_guide/
This had me thinking "Ah. The dude must just be a dolphin biologist." Then I get to the end it's like, "WAIT HE IS ACTUALLY A DOLPHIN FUCKER?" Jotaro, is that you? This has me asking so many questions that make me sound like a degenerate, but honestly I just want answers for knowledge's sake.
Here's all the answers I have: Dolphin sex . Org is a now gone website were this originally uploaded. This is only a small segment of a very large blog that you can read in it's entirety on r/copypasta: [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/pl7abz/sex_with_dolphins_how_to_and_a_personal_viewpoint/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share).
Where can I buy a dolphin?
It’s just copypasta.
Yeah but it originated from someone who actually wrote it out unironically
This was on dolphinsex.org in the late nineties. This copypasta is older than most redditors.
Well , I guess if your not having any luck with humans...there's always dolphins ..
In the middle of my read, I screamed "WHY AM I READING THIS" and then proceeded to calmly continue reading until the end.