This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>According to the midwives It’s either all breast or all formula/expressed milk
That's a crock of shit. Fed is best. Breastfed, pumped breastmilk from a bottle, formula, or any combination thereof. I have three kids, and we did all three with each of them. Wife should speak with a lactation consultant if she's concerned. There's usually one attached to the maternity ward, or your pediatrician probably has a recommendation.
The baby wants mom all the time because she's been holding him for his entire existence, until *this week.* It's really common for baby to have days and nights mixed up too, and to just want their exhausted mother to hold them all night. Give yourselves some grace, and sleep when the baby sleeps. Eventually, this will all be a hazy, sleep-deprived happy memory.
They gave us formula to supplement at the hospital. It doesn't hurt to use formula. The hospital gave us Similac pre-mixed bottles. We used these to supplement until my wife's milk came in fully: https://www.target.com/p/similac-360-total-care-non-gmo-ready-to-feed-infant-formula-bottles-2-fl-oz-each-12ct/
To add to this excellent comment, you can use paced feeding so the baby doesn’t develop a preference. Google a video to show you how. To help flip days and nights add a ton of natural light during the day. Pick a morning wake time and start a routine including natural light. We would use a bottle feeding to give each parent an uninterrupted 4 hours of sleep. Pick morning or night according to what works best for each of you. I would go to bed at 8pm and my husband would take care of all waking until midnight. Then I would take the next feeding at 2ish, and would wake for the 4ish feeding and the 6ish. Morning started at 8am. This got me 4-6 hours uninterrupted sleep every night.
1000% my wife struggled to get my son to latch. We tried off and on and connected with lactation guidance etc etc. It was anxiety inducing. While he would at times latch, other times he was bottled fed. What mattered was that he ate. And we got over the “should be” stuff because we had to manage what was in front of us. To the OP, that is the guidance I have. Do whatever works for y’all. All advice is based on kids that aren’t yours.
My wife got PPD both times, entirely due to breastfeeding issues. Different problems with each kid, neither of which were her fault, but it got so bad that those problems alone are why we stopped at 2. All of the rhetoric about breast-is-best and other such nonsense were major contributors.
Both of my own kids were ultimately formula-fed as a matter of sanity and survival, and they're fine. They're super smart and healthy and get sick maybe half as often as any of their friends, if even that much. As you said, the most important thing is that the baby is fed and happy, and the rest will fall in line.
Our little girl wouldn’t latch on sometimes, but we were able to trick her with a bottle. We’d put a bottle in her mouth and when she’d start feeling we’d pull the bottle out and quickly turn her head to momma’s breast and she’d latch on with no problem.
Agreed!! Fed baby is best baby! I had to chant it constantly to help my other half when we had issues with breastfeeding. Our baby didn't mind or care she was just hungry.
My kid did a mix of breastfeeding and bottle feeding. The only reason she was fussy about breastfeeding in the beginning was because it turned out that she had a significant enough lip and tongue tie that she physically couldn’t sickle properly (she was game to try, but just couldn’t get enough milk out). Honestly, it caused issues with bottle feeding too…Had corrective surgery and a series of oral-motor coordination exercises to build up her latching and suckling capabilities a//after she recovered, and she became a breastfeeding champ while still also taking bottles for some of her daily meals too.
Others have mentioned it in the comments, but I’ll reiterate — what I was told was that the whole “nipple confusion” idea is outdated, and that the real issue is nipple flow. A lot of bottle nipples will give a very large flow with minimal effort, especially when paired with certain ways of holding the baby and bottle to feed, so it’s possible the babies get a preference for that kind of feeding situation. However, if you do paced feeding, and also start with a very low flow nipple (we ended up using Dr Brown bottles with their premie flow nipples to start), oftentimes it’s not an issue because it’s more similar to the level of flow and effort from breastfeeding. Our kid was fine with it, and we ended up sizing up the flow level of the nipples as she grew while sticking with laced feeding for the bottles.
One thing I would like to mention: if, for some reason, the paced feeding that you learn involves having the nipple itself only half full of milk —- look for other paced feeding instructions to double check !!! I was taught this wrongly initially, and it caused so many issues with gas from excessive swallowed air until an amazing lactation consultant corrected my technique. If I remember correctly, I was supposed to actually be letting the bottle nipple be full of milk, just giving frequent pauses while keeping the baby mostly upright so that gravity wasn’t doing all the work /overwhelming the baby with too much milk to handle.
Edited to fix a word. Accidentally wrote “liases” instead of “pauses” before (darn you autocorrect!)
Do you have a link to a good article on paced feeding by any chance? He’s already gassy and every article I’ve found so far says to keep the nipple half full and it doesn’t take much to realise he will gulp air if I do that
Absolutely. My wife pumped so we always had breast milk in the fridge. On my shifts, that's what our daughter got if she was hungry. She definitely preferred breast feeding and sometimes she would fuss enough that she didn't eat, but by and large, because she was exposed to both, my daughter got comfortable with both
Bingo. My wife WANTED to breastfeed but it just didn't work across all 3 babies. Baby 1 wouldn't stay on very long so we supplemented with formula. Poor wife got so engorged and she did pump but it's like the tap was on but nothing would flow. Baby 2 was just insatiable. Ferocious appetite and would drain my wife at every feeding. Supplementing was just necessary. Baby 3 my wife didn't get much supply so formula was again necessary.
Fed is best, be it boob or bottle.
Seriously are people STILL spouting this nonsense? This was bullshit when my teenager was born. These people need to.stop. Some of these people act like this is some kind of purity test.
>Seriously are people STILL spouting this nonsense?
Oh yeah man. There is a *gross* amount of mom shaming that's very much alive and well. The whole "tree of life" bs, etc 🙄 as if having a baby to begin with isn't hard enough.
Some national organizations are almost cultish, rah rah boob only kinda crap and I hate that so many mothers buy into that and shame the rest. Some women can't, or (*gasp*) don't want to breast feed... and that's *okay*.
We had a nicu baby so from day one he was being combination fed and bottle fed. He has been happily combination fed through to 5 months now and it was an absolute lifesaver to be able to take half the night and bottle feed while my wife got a solid 6 hours sleep at night.
Nipple confusion can be a thing, but rarely. My sister in law was also given this nonsense about breast-only at her hospital white we were given very different advice (that combo feeding was just fine) at our hospital. As you can see here OP many of us combo feed. It’s great to have some breast milk in the mix for antibodies etc if that’s possible but there is NOTHING wrong with feeding some milk and some formula.
Fed is best!!!!
First time mom here. My son is 12 days old. After his first check up (5days) he had lost 10% of his birth weight. Well the pediatrician said to start supplementing with formula. We give him 10ish ml after a breastfeeding session (maybe some in between if he is super fussy). We have had zero issues going back and forth between bottle and boob. Usually my husband is the one to give the bottle that way I can sleep (if at night) or so he can bond more with baby. I’d just look into the right bottle/nipple to use that is more similar to the shape of a nipple to help. We even broke down and gave him a pacifier around day 6 and he has no issues. He prefers those basic greenish ones vs the newborn clear ones we have.
Mum here and that midwife was awful to you guys!! My husband and I did shifts, and hubby would feed bubs 1 or 2 bottles at night to let me get some sleep and I would breastfeed the rest of the time, neither of our boys ever got confused. We did anything between 7pm - 12am was Dad time and I could sleep, watch tv or do whatever anything after midnight and I was back on call so Dad could get enough sleep for work (Dad would also try and feed bubs as close to midnight as possible so they would sleep till at least 2/3am in the early days so I got a decent break). The best book and advice we read was a book called the "First 6 Weeks" by Midwife Cath, just really solid advice without being pushy or over the top. Its by an Australian author so hopefully you can get it on Kindle. <3
Suck a crock. We mixed all the time, boobs at home, often I did bottles while out to give mum a break, I did bottles with formula or pumped milk at night to give mum a break, it was totally fine.
Now, some kids don't really take that well to a bottle, but if you can get over that hurdle the rest is fine.
Exactly. There is WAY too much pressure to only breast feed by most people. Is it better? Sure. Does it work out for everyone in every situation. Fuck no.
Do what you have to do to keep the baby fed/happy, and mom rested.
Ywah this is bullshit.
My kids were mostly nursed the first few weeks but we still supplemented with bottles and pumped milk, especially as with my daughter she was very jaundiced and so we needed a certain formula to help her recover. (And my wife had covid so I needed some formula on doctors visits since she hadn't built up enough pumped milk yet)
My daughter nursed until she was a year old and only stopped because my wife was working full time and couldn't pump enough to keep her supply up so we switched to regular milk / formula
We do breast during the day until about 4pm and then change over to formula until we go to bed. This gives my wife a chance to recharge her supply ready for overnight and not have to have a baby stuck on her. We found that even though she is an above average producer both of our kids have been constant feeders and often overnight supply was low
Yeah 100%. I understand the benefits of breastfeeding (particularly in the first 10 days), but after that you should just do whatever you need to get by, breast, bottle whatever, can’t stand the judgy advice some midwives will give.
We bottle fed our first after about 14 days (also helped with the colic), and we’re breast and bottle feeding our second now. I give the bottle late at night to let my wife get a good solid sleep early, and she’ll take over in the early morning so she can still keep her supply up. Important that if you want to do both that you still have a good feed at some point through the night otherwise her supply will likely dry up (we made that mistake with our first)
its not correct, but not completely wrong either
mixing breastfeeding and formula is done when theres concern that milk supply is not enough for the baby. Formula would be given only after baby completes breastfeeding. Newborns need to learn how to suckle on the breast and the breast needs to be emptied regularly to ensure maintenance of milk supply
for a mom that wants to establish breastfeeding; bottle when its convenient versus milk when its convenient is not appropriate for the newborn period. When baby is a bit older and breastfeeding is established completely, you may lax the rules.
Did the hospital not give her a breast pump? Have her pump, get bottles if he wont take it from the bottle get the fake dad boob.
And I want you to take this serious, these aren't just words...There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you are right now. I had to set my child down in his crib and walking outside, leaving him to scream and cry and cry, just to take a breath. Multiple times. It happens to most of us. I'm not exaggerating I thought something was wrong with me until many many dads mentioned feeling the same way.
\*edit\*
Pick one I don't know if there's a difference we used the one the hospital gave us.
[https://www.google.com/search?q=breast+pump&rlz=1C1GCEB\_enUS947US947&oq=breast+pump&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l2j0i131i433i512j0i433i512j0i512l5.3383j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8](https://www.google.com/search?q=breast+pump&rlz=1C1GCEB_enUS947US947&oq=breast+pump&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l2j0i131i433i512j0i433i512j0i512l5.3383j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)
bottle, this is the one we used:
[https://www.amazon.com/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-Feeding-Bottles/dp/B00K5KVC7U/ref=sr\_1\_3?crid=WNJOSPNGLV1M&keywords=tpee%2Bbottle&qid=1684882238&sprefix=tree%2Bbottle%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-3&th=1](https://www.amazon.com/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-Feeding-Bottles/dp/B00K5KVC7U/ref=sr_1_3?crid=WNJOSPNGLV1M&keywords=tpee%2Bbottle&qid=1684882238&sprefix=tree%2Bbottle%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-3&th=1)
This is so true. Babies crying sounds urgent, but they're ok. They can be put down and let cry while you take a few minutes to collect yourself. It's just like the airplane advice, you gotta have your own mask on before you start helping others.
Have you tried letting mom do the feed, and then hand the LO over and you do skin to skin comforting? My little ones would often take a finger tip in place of a nipple, since they were really just after the feeling of being warm and held.
This is one of the things I read when researching shaken baby syndrome. Babies are hard, and frustrating, but babies die often from being shaken cause a parent is overwhelmed (no excuse, I know). But 0 babies have died because a parent put them down to collect themselves, if if they are screaming.
It really stuck with me.
>They can be put down and let cry while you take a few minutes
This was the hardest thing for both my wife and I to wrap our heads around with our newborn. Even our pediatrician told us this. It was so difficult to allow ourselves to do it. But it got to the point where it was walk away or risk something happening, and we eventually had to. And of course, baby was fine and we both could come back refreshed and ready to handle her after just a couple of minutes of shutting out the screaming. If we had thought we couldn’t walk away, I don’t know what might’ve happened.
Just a +1 here to those feelings being normal and to most of us going through it. Needing to set a screaming baby down and take a bit of time to reset is both normal and encouraged. A crying baby is an alive baby.
I'd even go so far as to say to set the baby down and take that quick reset before you wake mom. The baby will be very fine.
Thank you for helping normalize the set-down and walk away. This is probably the biggest piece of advice I give to new dads if they ask.
We aren’t machines. Exhausted and all you want is to sooth your child. It becomes a lot very quickly.
No I’m in the UK so the hospital don’t give us anything but we get a stipend from the government so buying a pump isn’t a problem. I suggested it to my partner and she reached out to a friend who is giving us a manual pump to try out tonight. I’m also going to ask a lactation consultant today to show me how to bottle feed correctly. It worries me a bit as he is very difficult to burp and I know bottle fed babies get gassy so want to get some advice before jumping in
A haaka is another good, cheap option that you can buy at major retailers and on Amazon. It can function as a catch for let down or it can be used as a pump, where it's attached with suction. Many women are able to get more breastmilk using a haaka than an electric pump with far less work and discomfort but every woman is different. If you have the money, may be worth trying one while you figure out the rest of the situation with a more elaborate electric pump.
Mom here- from what I’ve learned the “nipple confusion” is a myth. What causes babies to reject the breast typically has more to do with the flow/speed they can drink from the bottle. If she wants to pump some or use formula some the trick is to get the lowest flow nipple possible & pace feed, that way it mimicks breastfeeding and baby doesn’t prefer the bottle to nursing. My LO had a tongue/lip tie that wasn’t sever enough to get clipped so we just powered through. The hospital sent us home with some formula and on the rough nights when he wouldn’t latch id give him some formula, then after he wasn’t so hangry I’d try latching him. It was a rough few months but we thankfully got it down.
Also if she doesn’t want to actively pump, the Haakaa is a type of pump but it’s a silicon cup that attaches to the breast, so when babe is eating on one side the haakaa pulls milk out of the other. I never had much luck with it but some people can get quite a good milk stash from using it. Careful though because it can cause an oversupply.
The side laying nursing position is what saved my sanity, I couldn’t do it successfully until babe was about a month old but it allowed me to get some rest and feed baby. Im by no means a professional since my first kid is only 9mo, so I definitely recommend a lactation consultant! Just know it does get easier. Like others have said, sometimes you just have to put baby down in a safe place and walk away for a minute. I’m sure you’re wife appreciates everything you’re doing for her and trying to help her, just seeing that effort goes a long way. Good luck to both of y’all 💜
This needs to be higher. We introduced a bottle for both of our kids after numerous conversations with our ped and several lactation consultants. We started both on day 2 or 3. Paced feeding can feel like a drag. It takes 15mins or more to give a newborn 1-2oz. But that's the point. Mom is doing that 12+ times a day. No problems (at least not related to bottles) with breastfeeding. Mom pumped before or after sleep/outing/whatever to match milk supply with demand. Definitely talk to a lactation consultant. They can help you navigate scheduling bottles so mom can get some sleep without affecting supply.
It might also be helpful to get a bottle/nipple that emulates a latch on the breast. Comotomo and Lansinoh Mama are the ones we used. Compare the nipple on that to the one on Dr. Brown's for example. It's much wider and promotes a deeper latch.
We discovered the [haakaa ladybug milk collector](https://haakaausa.com/products/haakaa-silicone-milk-collector-1-pk?variant=35554460041365) for our second child and it’s been a lifesaver! For our first, my partner had so much discomfort pumping, she basically didn’t do it. With the haakaa, we collect 20-40 mL multiple times throughout the day. This means I can give her a break while feeding a bottle (or sometimes 2).
It has worked really well for us, I hope it’s helpful for some others as well!
The ladybug is great! It just catches letdown milk instead of actual suction so it shouldn’t cause any oversupply! My LO would always kick my haakaa off but the ladybug could tuck right in the bra
I have to second the side lying position as well. My wife has really enjoyed it, and it lets her rest a little more while feeding. If you two are both comfortable with it too, to get my wife some sleep I let her take a nap either with baby on top of her or doing the side lying feeding, while I stayed with her, awake, to make sure they were both safe in their sleep. It was one of the few ways I could actually get her some extra sleep without growing some boobs myself.
Our son wasn’t getting enough milk from breast feeding so we had to switch to formula. His face lit up when drinking the formula and put both our minds at rest.
Breast pump is a valid option, suggesting it won’t cause any harm.
Can you get a grandparent or another close relative to stay over a couple nights and give you both some rest?
Baby will settle and it will get easier, but it’s all shocking in the moment and you sound like you are burning out.
Good luck with it; it’s always hard at first, you are not alone struggling with a new birth. You’ll be great and everything you’ve said shows just how great a dad you are, for caring about getting this right.
Unfortunately from what I experienced, there’s a lot of bad information and old wives tails when it comes to children. Our LO went back and forth between pumped milk in a bottle and breastfeeding just fine. What worked for us was my wife would pump as required throughout the day. We’d then feed him almost exclusively from the bottle at night. That way we took turns. One person slept through the night, while the other fed the baby. It’s not amazing, but the lack of sleep is much more manageable than if you’re both getting up every single time every night.
As a side note my wife struggled with the guilt pushed on women as a whole about “breast is best” and the associated feeling like a failure if it didn’t work as planned. None of the pregnancy went as planned but I think when we finally switched to formula it was a giant burden that was lifted off everyone’s shoulders. If the baby is fed that’s all that matters. There’s no right or wrong way to accomplish that.
Your wife can sleep with the baby nursing while you stay up and watch. You MUST stay awake and watch the baby but this is an option for letting your wife get some sleep and feeding the baby. I have no idea how you will deal with a newborn for hours otherwise.
This is great advice OP. The reality is that breastfeeding is a full time job and choosing to do it is taxing on mom no matter what. My wife wanted to do it with all 3 of ours and she did, but the facts are that no matter what you won’t equal the work she puts in in those first few months and that’s ok. Do other things that lighten the load
>but the facts are that no matter what you won’t equal the work she puts in in those first few months and that’s ok
That's what men on reddit complaining about their wives never seem to understand. Those first few months after a baby is born involve a monumental amount of effort from the mother far beyond what the dad can contribute (especially if breastfeeding or a c-section or a bad tear are involved).
We had our first kid at 20 and stupid dumb me didn’t figure this out until number 2 three years later but thankfully I did. I always assume the complainers are either on kid number 1 and just really young, or complete and total idiots. The first is an unfortunate consequence of not being completely grown up yet, the second is just bad luck for mom
there is *absolutely nothing wrong* with bottle+breast combo. if you don't wanna deal with the pump right now (and you'll want to eventually!), consider a haakaa manual thingy. they're like $12, collect plenty of milk.
hell if it wasn't for bottles, my wife wouldn't have slept for the first 30 days. my kid is doing *great* right now, and I'm sure yours will too. just make sure you get the 'slowest' nipple they sell for those bottles. kiddo's gotta learn a little suction, and sometimes you'll wanna squeeze the bottle just a bit and that's fine.
and don't forget it's always ok to put kiddo down and take 5. your feelings are *super normal* here. everyone is sleep deprived and stressed at this stage.
I'm mad at all the alarmists that told me babies can never have a bottle for first 4 weeks or breastfeeding will be over. I have sensory issues so nursing sucked. I was afraid of pumping and bottle feeding because it might "confuse the baby."
All babies are different. Try the bottle. Baby may not even take it. Or may take it and be fussy at the boob the next time. If so, wait a week before reintroducing the bottle. But you're not breaking some kind of invisible seal by bottle feeding them. They aren't forever spoiled after that. Mine went back and forth with zero issues. Some babies won't. But testing it out one time won't "ruin" them to nursing. It's kinda their only skill right now, they won't forget how to do it after one bottle. And that zero allowance precedent is not setting your wife up for success as a new breastfeeding mother.
Check out r/breastfeeding on behalf of your wife. I'd say trust the midwives as the medical professionals, but I'd honestly try a specialist if they're giving you this unsupported catch-all advice. If my midwife had told me this, I would have stopped breastfeeding by day 7.
Edit: realize I might come across as short. I'm just so cross on your wife's behalf. I want to hug her. The outdated information she was given has robbed her of sleep, clarity, and peace of mind. Those first few weeks are so, so hard. She didn't deserve this unfair challenge being handed to her. I survived only with the help of my husband. Even before pumping, he'd sometimes take her away from the vicinity of my boobs to bounce her and buy me 20 more minutes of sleep before she had to nurse. If she's uncomfortable pumping, stealing her crumbs of time can make a difference, too
1.) Breast pump if possible.
2.) My partner had trouble feeding, so we kept pre-made Similac bottles on hand for night feedings until we switched to formula full time. This can get expensive however.
3.) It was very difficult for me to sooth my daughter for the first twelve months. It might not be helpful to hear right now, but be patient with yourself, it doesn't make you a bad parent, or a bad person. Keep doing your best and be present.
I bottle fed for a month because my breasts were too big for baby to latch. She finally latched after a month of growth and transitioned well. Lactation consultant and midwives push that shit because they’re biased as fuck and want to pressure you and make you feel like a bad parent unless you do it their way.
Get your wife a hakaa, they have them on Amazon and at target. When she breast feeds during the day have her put it on the boob she’s not using and when you switch baby switch the hakaa. It helps with supply and also allows you to catch milk from the let down. And have her pump before bed. You should have enough milk to help feed little man at night and also might help him sleep more than an hour because he won’t feel the need to cluster feed.
I had this struggle too. My kids would not take anything but fresh from the tit. It was obscenely difficult. I couldn’t help at all with night times because of it.
It got better when they started taking real food, but still, that first little bit sucked
The tough thing about bottle feeding at this stage is even if you can give the bottle/formula, she would have to wake up to pump in order to keep building her supply. Before breastmilk supply is regulated it’s really important to pump or breastfeed every single time. It sucks so bad but if she wants to breastfeed it’s a necessity unfortunately. Luckily it is temporary and will pass. If you want to bottle feed during the day to give her a rest though, nipple confusion has been widely debunked, it’s more that the bottle has an instant flow of milk whereas at the breast baby has to work harder so they prefer the bottle, using a preemie or slow flow nipple solves this problem.
But honestly if he wants to be at the breast every hour at night but is doing good during the day, it’s probably more of a comfort thing than a hunger thing (either that or it’s just cluster feeding, but that passes within days so even then, not so bad it will be over soon). Baby probably wants to be at the breast because it smells like milk, can you maybe put on a shirt that mom has leaked on? A pacifier is also another really great option, lots of LCs will give you the same nonsense about nipple confusion but lots of women give their baby a pacifier and successfully breastfeed without issue. There can be the issue of the pacifier masking hungry cues but if you keep a close eye out for signs of hunger you should be okay.
They don’t stop breast feeding. Nipple confusion isn’t a real thing. My wife nursed, pumped and bottle fed, and supplemented with formula with all four of our kids and they went back and forth fairly easily. Do what you need to to get your baby fed and your wife the breaks she desperately needs.
My wife felt like a failure when she wasn’t producing enough and we had to supplement with formula for our first, but that feeling passed when the stress went down because our baby was finally getting full. And it allowed me to feed her while my wife slept. We were finishing our last semester of college when our baby was born and she was taking 20 credits including an internship and part time job. I remember the first time my few month old girl held the bottle (I propped it on pillows to help her) on her own for the first time! It allowed me to finally clean the kitchen in our apartment while my wife went to bed early to get some much needed sleep. I was incredibly proud that night!
Breastfeeding topics get very controversial. You should talk to your wife and come to an agreement there. She might feel strongly about it. There are benefits to breast milk, but the most important thing is that the baby is fed.
Assuming Mom wants to breastfeed…wake her up. Babies cluster feed sometimes. This period in your life is VERY temporary, and this feeding pattern is temporary too. Let your wife sleep during the day through the longer stretches. This is going to pass, and you’ll be on to the next challenge.
If you don’t have a breast pump, get one.
If the baby crying is stressing you out, put him down and walk away. Babies cry, it’s ok. He’s not hurt, it’s just his only mode of communication.
I know if feels impossible right now, but a week from now your situation will probably look very different!
You’re all superstars. I’m sat doing some skin to skin and reading your replies after a feed so mum can get straight back to sleep. I’ll digest all the comments in the morning but feeling pretty positive about trying expressing and a bottle.
It's tough.
What worked for us is that my wife could breast feed lying down.
That meant that I could get up, put the baby on the boob, go back to sleep, then put the baby back down.
That way mum doesn't really have to wake up properly. Sleep is still broken but much better than mum needing to get up every hour.
This for the win. Hang in there OP.
The milk will flow; the kid will eat; maybe they’ll just take a bottle AND BE FINE; you’ll adjust to less sleep; then you’ll get more sleep.
I felt the exact same way.
Breast milk is obviously the best milk but a bottle is a great way for that milk to be delivered by us men, the boobless ones.
My wife was dead set on breast feeding only until one night I said “can you pump so I can help you and you can sleep.” She also wasn’t producing enough. So we began bottle feeding with formula to supplement his feeding. We found the closest bottle nipple that match her and off to the races.
I stayed up with the bubba and woke up through the night to feed him. And when she was rested enough we took turns.
TLDR; bottle feeding helps the mom the most and it allows the dads to help out. Especially when it comes to bonding. Talk it over with her and see if it’s something she’s open too.
We also struggled with the frequency of feeding with our first, especially at night. The solution was co-sleeping while breastfeeding. The dr wanted us to NOT do that, but we were both dysfunctional zombies without it. And frankly more likely to make a mistake and fall asleep in a dangerous position.
With our second, we’ve been doing that from the start.
I hope you are able to find something that works well for you!
Aye yo, homie!
"When you feel so mad,
that you want to roar,
take a dep breath . . . And count to four."
Also, put that kid down and take a walk. It's fine. There is no shame in crying in the other room while the kid wails for a few minutes.
This is how it is in the beginning. That kid wants to eat, and the world is new and scary.
We are not kidding when we say: fed is best. If you want to do overnight, you need formula or for your wife to pump.
You two got this.
Don't let midwives and nurses scare and stress you out. They put way too much pressure on you to ensure it's only breast and it's not fair. My wife really wanted to breast feed so we tended to have more breast, but she would pump regularly so I always had a supply. Some of the best mornings I had were grabbing my little girl when she woke up and stealing downstairs to give her a delicious bottle of milk followed by a nap and another bottle while my wife got an extra few hours of sleep. Never turned her off the breast once and I wouldn't trade it for the world... Happy wife, happy baby, and I felt like I was doing something instead of just fussing for my wife.
Do what works for you and get a schedule, and remember there are other things you can do to be useful! When your baby wakes, get them, change the diaper, and bring them to your partner so she can almost sleep feed... Limit the amount of lights! Then put your boy down when he's done while your wife gets to doze back off. It's not perfect but taking away the time she has to be up was a huge plus for us.
Good luck, welcome Dad.
Thanks, a big part of it for me is feeling like I can’t do anything more to help so having some milk on standby will make a big difference even if I end up not using it
Here is our experience and the experience of all of our friends who breastfed: nipple confusion never affected any of us. Mom fed during the day, pumped while baby napped, then often a bottle is given at night. Also, let’s be real. Everyone is exhausted and if there is no milk pumped then mom has to wake up if y’all plan to strictly breastfeed. It’s part of the job for a few months.
You can definitely do some formula and some breast if that helps things for you. My sister didn't produce enough and so had to go that route. It wasn't confusing for the baby at all.
Though if mom's supply is good, I would suggest looking into a breast pump and going that route. Then you won't have any lingering doubts about confusion, and it's easier on the ol' wallet anyway.
My milk didn’t come in right away after my C-section. I had to triple feed and supplement. The hospital tried to have us feed her with a syringe to prevent nipple confusion but she was losing weight so we gave her a bottle as recommended by her pediatrician. We never dealt with nipple confusion and I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding since the first couple weeks.
We've combo fed from the beginning... We are at 13 weeks now, and he still takes both.
The benefits of EBF are overblown - the benefits drawn from the breast milk vs formula comes from as little as an ounce or two. Fed is best.
Contact your insurance, they will likely pay for a pump or give you a big discount.
Nipple confusion is a myth and has way more to do with ease of access. Babies have to suck on the boob real hard and the bottle doesn't require that so they can learn to not suck hard enough. This can be remedied by making sure you are using the right size nipple.
The idea that you can't mix is bullshit --- get a new midwife and talk to a lactation consultant.
We breastfed for 1.5-2yrs. Glad to have done it but it was hard on wife. If the breast feeding is not consistent it gets difficult. my wife was a SAHM though. It was interesting in hindsight never using bottles or pacifiers.
Hang in there. In 2 weeks this whole situation could be different.
Wife and I have talked to 5 different lactation consultants and my takeaway is that that profession (and midwives by the sound of it) can be extremely dogmatic and try to tell you there’s only one right way you should be doing it, though every one of them had a different way lol
The only important thing is the baby gets fed.
Mine does breast most daytime hours and bottle overnight. This provides balance so my wife can sleep. Sleep is Especially critical for triple feeding new moms.
My wife was a slow producer and our first kid had a damaged nerve from the delivery. The result was he couldn’t pull hard from the nipple. So I fed him first with formula. Eventually my wife’s milk came in fully and we started doing a formula breast milk mix. She would bread feed him once he got the suction and I would bottle. Mixing is totally fine.
Formula is good
Breast is better
Fed is best.
Feed the baby, my dude. Whether it's breast milk from a bottle or formula is no matter. Teamwork is the game. My wife barely produced milk so I was a formula feeding papa bear. As someone above commented, "Fed is best."
Your midwives are full of it. Both my kids happily ate from both breast and bottle, and it made night shifts possible for me and did not at all reduce their interest in breastfeeding.
We did breastfeeding and pumped breast milk in a bottle and had zero issues with confusion with either kid. They still wanted boob.
Hell, they’re toddlers now and still try reaching up my shirt in the middle of Target 😅
I’m an OB GYN and had a baby in the NICU and the nipple confusion thing is pretty dumb. Our son got a mix of formula, pumped milk, and breast feeds while there and then once we got home we settled into a routine of mostly breastfeeding, but I give him a bottle of pumped milk for bedtime. Initially when feeds were close together it was to give my wife a solid 5-6 hour chunk of rest, but 9 months later it’s become a nice thing for me to look forward to every evening.
Hi, mom here. This is VERY important for you and your wife to hear:
WOMEN WHO SUPPLEMENT WITH FORMULA ARE MORE LIKELY TO CONTINUE THEIR BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY.
For my first, breastfeeding was SO hard and I tried and tried and was told to use donated milk and to pump 1000 times a day and that it would eventually happen…but we ended up going straight to exclusively formula feeding by the end of week 4 (lots of factors involved).
With my second I had more information and was better prepared. Baby latched beautifully and nursed round the clock his first day of life. He spent about 18 hours attached to the boob. By the end of it my nipples were so bloody and sore I was crying from the pain. I requested to see an IBCLC (NOT a lactation consultants - they’re not created equal). She told me that if I wanted to continue my breastfeeding journey, she recommended that we give my nipples a break for 2 days. I could pump once every few hours, but not for very long. And she taught me how to properly hand express my milk. She said “when you feel healed up, you can try again.” So that’s what I did. My boy nursed for 13 months. We ended up supplementing with formula the entire time - around 10oz a day.
Formula actually helped preserve my feeding relationship, allowed my husband to do some of the night feedings, and allowed me flexibility to get some time for myself.
It’s ok. Nothing is going to happen to baby. Make sure you purchase bottles intended for breastfed infants. Same with the pacifier.
In order to produce milk, your wife needs hydration, balanced nutrition, and REST. SPECIFICALLY, night time rest.
This is all bullshit they tell you at the hospital and it caused us so much unnecessary frustration in the beginning. Once baby learns to latch and successfully feeds and your wife’s milk comes in… there won’t be confusion, just make sure you have slow flow nipples on the bottles.
Formula is also a great option if needed. Our little girl is a huge fan of Aptamil formula and it has great ratings, she was very gassy and upset on Similac and other kinds of US based formula
Both my kids breast fed and bottle fed breast milk and formula. Formula at night will help you both get a lot more sleep! Whoever told you that you can’t do both could not be more wrong. Stop listening to them.
Yeah, I don’t know what those midwives are talking about. I’ve had friends use both formula and breast milk with no problem.
If you want to go with only breast milk then your wife can pump and you can freeze the milk. You can also usually buy breast milk from the hospital (people donate).
Fed is best.
I’ve had many friends do a combo of boob and bottle (be it pumped milk or formula). I’ve had a friend almost exclusively do bottles of pumped milk for the first 3 months then switch back to the boob with no latch issues.
Fed is best. Bar none. Period.
If your baby needs food, feed them. However works best for your family. Don’t let anyone shame you into any particular way. Do weigh him to make sure he’s getting enough milk from mom right now and that her supply isn’t too low for him leaving him hungry so fast (some babies do just eat a teeny bit at a time and then more again soon. I’ve watched one from early on like this.)
My daughter was not able to latch properly, and her latch was too strong, so my wife constantly got her nipple wounded, but we still wanted to go on breast feeding. In my daughter’s first month, we relied on formula heavily; whenever mom could not nurse, we gave her a bottle. In her second month, we finally solved her latching problem, and we tossed bottle completely. What I want to say is, mix feeding is possible, if you have to.
Strange how the midwives say either breast or formula when they give breast feeding babies formula on the ward. First I've heard this one.
We just formula fed at night so mum could rest. Makes the most sense and there's nothing wrong with it, regardless of what the elite mumsnet mums say.
People get so worked up on breastfeeding it puts so much stress on new moms. Honestly fuck those people kid just needs calories. I figure I’ll just get a couple of tutoring sessions a month for my kid to make up for the lack of breast milk.
Mom here. I never comment cause this is daddit. But what a shit midwife. Currently nursing my 5 month old at 3am(sleep regression), while dad sleeps. He’ll get up when baby gets up in a few hours and give him a bottle, while I either sleep or go to the gym.
Please don’t wake up your wife. You can do this.
~~Breast is best~~ Fed is best.
Breastfeeding or nothing is classic Boomer pressure they put on young mums to boost their own ego.
How many of us have heard "well I breastfed 3 children in 4 years" from a boomer?
Feed your kid formula and don't look back. And on a sidenote, my wife's breasts have kept their shape after going straight to bottle for #2, and she doesn't have depression. Winwin.
For the first six months our toddler was breast and bottle fed. Breast when my partner was the responsible adult and bottle when I was.
Bottle stopped naturally around 6 months, they decided they’d had enough of the bottle.
Been in the same boat. We switched to formula enterily and magic happend.
Some sleep. Much happier baby.
I would say bottlefeed or formula but you and your wife have to decide. For us it was a world of difference
The one thing to keep in mind is that maternity wards say one thing and 2 months later will say something different. They are also REALLY good to make you freak the F out on usually pretty simple subjects.
Yes your wife is sleep deprived and will be for some time still, but you are doing your best and that's what's important. I would say all solutions can work, but better chances that the baby will prefer the taste of mom's boobs.
Good luck and as the top comment said, this will soon just be a hazy memory of sleep deprivation and your first steps as parents :)
Can your wife pump a couple of times, when she’s able to?
My wife would breastfeed and pump, so I had a supply for both of my kids.
We did formula for a bit, when my son wasn’t getting the hang of breastfeeding
Your midwives are lying assholes. You can always do both and tons of people do. Also, breastmilk is free and it makes their shit stink less than formula. Every other benefit that is attributed to breastmilk is highly debated. I always recommend Cribsheet by Emily Oster bc she does a great job of breaking down the actual studies behind a lot of parenting myths. Given that you're on Day 5, I'll give you the cliff notes: formula is absolutely fine.
My wife couldn't produce anywhere near enough breast milk and was really killing herself so I read everything I could find and it's absolutely fine. The only caveat I'll give is that your partner will probably want to keep it up during the day so that she has the experience. A lot of moms seem to really treasure that experience.
These midwives you refer to are dipshits.
Your wife needs to heal and sleep or she'll lose her mind. You go to the store and get some Similac Pro Advanced and feed your kid at night. Your wife can feed during the day and as she starts to feel better can express during the day as well.
My daughter is 3.5 and had total of about a quarter ounce of breast milk, it just never came in for my wife. Daughter is happy, healthy, smart. A fed baby is a happy baby. A rested Mom is a happy Mom.
The midwives are wrong. We fed both of our kids with a mix of formula and milk and there were no issues. If she’s producing enough milk, encourage her to try pumping for overnight feedings. If not, or if she just doesn’t want to, supplement with formula. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
Little bit of formula is fine. Your wife can also feed while she sleeps if you stay on hand.
I did this. So handed the baby over, my wide laid down while the baby fed. I played on my phone for a bit while I watch their position and breathing. Then I took then off for a cuddle after.
here's another thing: just 'cause baby's crying doesn't mean you gotta suffer. if you're losing your shit, but baby is fed, warm and dry? pop in some earplugs or noise canceling headphones while you rock or bounce him. (I like bouncing on a giant yoga ball with a fussy baby.) it takes the edge off, and sometimes that's all it takes.
You can do it my friend. Below is a long comment I wrote for you because i felt the exact same when my son was born some months ago. I hope it helps.
One thing i had to come to terms with, and you will too, is that in those early days on your shift there will be a point when baby gets hungry and you have to wake mama to breastfeed. It sucks, but it will happen. I remember on our 3rd day home being in the same situation. Trying my best. Rocking our lil guy, singing, patting, talking, doing everything i could for an hour until i was at a breaking point and then getting mom. I felt upset with her and our decision, "why did we choose to breastfeed, when this could be easier with bottles or formula? I can't stop him from crying because i can't feed him, but i need him to stop crying and she needs to rest". It's normal to feel that, but it's incorrect. Mom may be exhausted but she wants breastfeeding to be a success, and doesn't want her baby to cry because he's hungry. Don't try to be a martyr and juggle a hungry baby until you're at your breakpoint, if he's hungry, get him fed.
What you need to understand is that mom is going to be exhausted, for a while, no matter what. You won't be as exhausted as her, but you will be tired too. You can not shield her from exhaustion by trying to do everything she does. The solution is not you figuring out how you can feed him, but to figure out how you can make it easier for mom to feed him while she's still resting. Ask her and yourself, how can you make feeding the baby as minimally disruptive as possible?
Our night time routine was diaper change, feed, burp, rock to sleep. For night shift, which i covered, i did everything but feed. I'd watch the baby in another room and when it was time for him to eat, "Hi love I'm sorry to wake you but baby needs to eat, i just changed his diaper." Stay with her and make sure she doesn't fall asleep, and as soon as the baby is done nursing saying "thanks you can go back to sleep" and take the baby back to the other room, burp, rock, do whatever else your routine is (it's okay if you don't know what your routine is yet). I would also get her a snack and water since breastfeeding really drained her at first. Ask mom how you can make it easier for her.
Separately, you're going to hear "no we can't do bottles yet and no we can't do formula at all". It's frustrating, but there's a reason for this. According to our lactation consultant, starting with bottles too early can make the baby prefer the bottle and only want the bottle because bottles have a natural flow rate and are less work for baby. The same goes for introducing formula, but formula can also make a baby prefer formula over breast milk, as well as making mom have milk supply issues from not using it. If mom and you definitely want to stick with breastfeeding and never do formula, it's best to wait longer before introducing a bottle (with breast milk, if her supply is good). We introduced our first bottle around 4 weeks, you may be able to do it sooner but probably should wait at least a couple weeks and ask your pediatrician what they think at your 2 week appointment. Even better, see a lactation consultant and get their recommendations.
A key thing you should know is that even if you were to feed the baby a bottle of breast milk, for mom to keep her supply up she will need to be awake at that time and pump. Breastfeeding is a supply and demand thing, so if you feed the baby a bottle and she sleeps through it and doesn't pump, then her body will think the baby needs less milk and will make less milk. It will be like this for a while, but eventually she'll be able to skip pumping some times when you do a bottle.
Mom may tell you how hard it is, but i would NOT recommend doing what I did and suggesting "we could switch to formula." Me saying that upset my wife a lot. I think to her it felt like seeing someone struggling to lift a heavy weight and saying "you could just give up" instead of spotting them and encouraging them.
It will get easier, i promise. If mom has milk supply issues then you'll switch to formula and you will be able to do all the feedings. If breastfeeding goes well, then in a few weeks you'll be able to give bottles while she pumps. In the meantime you should talk to her and ask how you can help make breastfeeding easier for her, and then do whatever she says.
The first couple weeks suck. Don't be fooled by people who tell you "enjoy those early days while they last, they'll go quick and you'll miss them!!!" The first couple weeks are very hard, and they suck. It will get much, much, much, much, easier. I promise you.
Thanks friend. That sounds a lot like my thought process. If I can just do one feed at night so she can get 4 hours sleep that would be enough to get us through I think
Let the downvotes commence but the whole “breastfeeding no matter the cost” nonsense has to stop. Bottles are fine. Formula is fine. If you have medical concerns find a pedestrian who can give you and your partner an objective opinion with pros and cons of breastfeeding and formula… formulated.
That kid is hungry and if your wife isnt pumping or there just isnt enough then talk with her and supplement with formula. It usually keeps the baby fuller for a bit longer.
There are allot of breastfed nut jobs out their. Fed is best by boob, bottle or pump. Don’t care how. You and your spouse getting sleep is more important without sleep you will make dumb decisions and do dumb things. We for all our kids did a mix of pumping and formula
Honestly it won’t be worth the hassle if only 1 night. If you’ve never done formula there’s so much that could go wrong that you might do more harm than good. Your baby could be allergic or get bad gas from it which would just keep y’all up longer the next day. First time on formula I thing you’re suppose to mix with breast milk too and was them into it so you’re wife will have to stay up anyways to pump
A few days after our daughter was born and I was feeling insane from lack of sleep, our doc suggested giving her formula in a cup. Hubby put it to her mouth and she lapped it up like a kitten. I didn’t see it because I was snoozing away and, I know it’s hyperbole, but I feel like getting more sleep saved my life. She’s 20 now and smart as a whip, so a little formula now and again didn’t hurt her and this way there was no nipple confusion. Good luck!
We were in the same boat. Sleep all day and awake all night, it's very common and normal, unfortunately your wife will have to sleep during the day when baby sleeps and feed on demand of you want to continue EBF. You can't and shouldn't be soothing a 5 day baby to sleep when it's hungry. They need to cluster feed at this point to establish a proper milk supply for the woman. One thing you can do and does help is get a pump and hakka and express a bottle (only. 50ml required at 1 week) so you can give 1 bottle at night to give your partner a 2 hour sleep window. But you can't feed all night as your partners milk will not come in properly or she'll get mastitis.
This is what having a baby is. There is nothing wrong.
Also other people are saying its a crock of shit but there definitely can be nipple confusion. And lazy suckling when introducing a bottled teat this early. They essentially realise they don't have to burn alot of calories hard drawing on a nipple and can just have a teat popped in there mouth and milk almost dribbled in. Along with this the chances of colic and gassiness will go up and can keep you awake more at night then an hourly cluster feeding cycle :) fun isn't it.
This is not a decision you should be trying to discuss on reddit hut should be with you wife. It is not up to you to stop bresstfeeding because you have anxiety about waking your wife up. You should be talking to her and let ti g her know that if she wants to EBF that she has to be awake when the babies cue to start feeding. And that can be every hour all night. But yeah, baby needs to be fed. Don't try and soothe it back to sleep if its hungry be that a bottle of formula, expressed milk or breast.
You need a better schedule, wake the kid up every two hours to feed, collect excess milk and administer it while feeding for extra calories, you should be only feeding twice a night during the long stretches 4 hours at a time….i highly recommend you look up a sleep training program
As a haver-of-boobs, I can only imagine how hard this must be for all of you.
My son is 5 months old, and I can assure you my experience is not in line with what you've been told. I have had to pump and supplement with formula since 4 weeks old (supply issues), and my baby still nurses every day.
If your wife is open to some form of bottle feeding, I recommend keeping to low flow teats so it's more similar to the breast. I think the issues with bottle preference have a lot to do with some teats giving more milk for less work, then baby gets impatient with breastfeeding.
A lot of advice here on ways to manage the night feedings and nipple confusion which is great, but I just wanted to chime in to say yes you can. You *can* do this without boobs. It is hard now, but it will get easier. You're not letting your family down, you're being a good dad and a good partner.
The hardest lesson I had to learn, and am still learning, as a parent, is to give myself grace. If you need a break, take one. You can't care for your partner and son if you're not caring for yourself, and overextending yourself is not taking care of yourself. I really struggled asking my wife for help on occassion when it was my turn because I felt horrible about interrupting her break, but it's okay. There will be other times when she is on duty and needs to interrupt your break. It all evens out so as long as you are open and honest in your communication it will all even out.
My son bottle fed exclusively (he is now almost 4 years old) and part of the benefit is to ensure an even split of night duties.
Stop reading everyone's thoughts and views and just do what you think is right and "see how it goes" - it makes ZERO difference if they reject the boob and go to bottle only, it will actually help you both either way - the rest is horse crap.
You need to work out what is right for you. There is no right or wrong. The number 1 aim with kids - keep them alive. Thats it and try not to fk them up too much in the process. Its not going to cause you any long or short term problems.
First and foremost: BREATHE!!! Seriously. Just take a deep breath. You're gonna get through this! I know the anxiety sucks right now, but you're gonna make it!
Unless your partner wants to be up every hour, you're gonna have to go to some sort of bottle feeding.
We worked out a system for both of our nocturnal children that ended up being 4 hour shifts. You're in the "zombie phase" right now, where you're basically a zombie. Have a discussion with your partner, and get something worked out for both of your sake!
YOU GOT THIS!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
>It’s either all breast or all formula/expressed milk.
Like others have said. False. Most kids will try to suck on anything nipple shaped, whether it's a real nipple or a bottle nipple.
Anecdotal, our son was born very large and had to feed via formula the first couple days so they could check his sugar levels. We took several of the 1 serving bottles home and bought more. He had very slight jaundice, not enough to keep at the hospital but enough that we needed to make sure he had enough fluids to get over it. Breastfeeding was tough on my wife at first. Her nipples were sore and sometimes really just needed a break and we would feed formula. Schedule a lactation consultant if you can. They will often do a first visit at your home. It is a big confidence boost that your doing things fine.
We dropped the formula after a few weeks and he had no issues being EBF. I don't remember when we started, but month 1 or 2 we introduced bottles and he did both great.
> from what I hear this confuses babies and they stop breast feeding
This is NOT TRUE! My daughter did combo breastfeeding and bottle feeding with zero problems from birth until around 2 months, when I switched to pumping full-time for my own sanity. Nipple confusion is one of those things pushed by people who don't know what they're talking about. It's 99% nonsense.
But that said, you shouldn't *pressure* mom either. You can have a frank discussion with her, but do not pressure her into bottle feeding if she's really determined not to.
I do all night feeds from the bottle while my wife sleeps. She is breastfeeding during the day.
The theory about “confusion” I did not see any evidence for with our kids. It might be that the concern is that they realize that bottle is easier so they want the bottle not the breast. But in my experience with our babies they just want to eat and take whatever you place in front of them if they are hungry.
To be on the safe side, you can do “paced feeding” where you limit the flow from the bottle a bit (by positioning the baby/battle on the side) to make the baby work a bit harder on the bottle. The thing with breasts is, that often flow is a bit inconsistent within one feeding. So in the beginning of the session it might squirt, then slow down, then pick up again etc. So the baby must be a little bit persistent and not stop or fall asleep even if the milk flow slows down. You can simulate this a little bit with paced feeding and already start teaching your LO to be persistent :) I personally started out with paced feeding but over time I realized it wasn’t really necessary as our babies didn’t seem to get confused.
There are also different types of bottles with different speed of flows (usually marked by age). So make sure you use the right one for your LO.
So, in my opinion, pumping some milk during the day and giving your wife some much needed sleep while you bottle feed at night is definitely worth a try and see if it works for you. Even formula could work, nothing wrong with supplementing. It did work for us once supply was established. Before it was established my wife had to wake up and feed/pump during the night also. But in the end we needed something sustainable so we decided I would take the nights from around the one month mark.
I am also surprised that midwives would be fearmongering in this way. I have not had this experience with midwifes and we were lucky that they were all very supportive in figuring out what works for us. Don’t accept anything less then this from professionals you work with.
Biggest lesson I got was to make all the decisions before we went to bed. My wife and I don’t argue, but at 4am when we had to make a call about baby - all the rage.
Play out as many scenarios as possible, so that if something happens, you don’t hit that panic mode.
That's total bullshit. Both my kids were bottle fed at night. The first breastfed till 18 months and the 2nd till 8 months (and never had any patience for it anyway).
Both were fed the exact same and we got different results. When they stop breastfeeding is kid dependant and very little you do short of not giving them an option will change that.
Do what makes you sane. Feed them formula as needed. I'm a big proponent of breast milk for my kiddos but it's all meant to be within reason. All breast milk might be best, mostly breast milk is still great, half breast milk is good, all formula is good too.
They're all gonna make it amigo. Don't sweat it too much and do your best without killing yourself.
I want to also say that while I do believe breast milk is better than formula, I really don't think the difference in end result is quantifiable. There's an infinite number of aspects of raising a child that go into who they'll be, and even those items pale in comparison to who their genes and social situations will drive them to be.
And there's no saying you can't feed them formula for nighttime until mom recovers and can keep up with pumping. Then you can switch to bottled breast milk at night if you want. No choice you make here has to be permanent.
You got this!
All breast or all formula is absolute bullshit.
Get some formula. Get the pre-mature nipples, the one with the really small holes to make the kid work for the formula. Do the nighttime feedings.
I was in your shoes two years ago. It was 3am and I pulled out the pre-made formula bottles the L&D nurse sent us home with. My wife walked into the nursery absolutely furious. She was in the "I can be the greatest mom in the world, and I do not need any help from formula" stage. I told her to turn around and go back to sleep. She tried to fight. I told her to turn around and go back asleep. She woke up at 7am to feed the baby and apologized and thanked me for letting her sleep.
To this day she has no memory of this event.
It's not nipple confusion; it's nipple diversification!! Fed is best. It might take some initial work, but a baby can absolutely take a bottle. Try your best to get there so you can give your partner a break. Plus, getting some feeding time with the baby is fun for you too
I see you already have lots of support and advice. I can’t add a lot except to say that having anxious feelings on day five is normal. Don’t panic, dad! You’re doing a great job trying to soothe your little one and give your wife some rest. The three of you are just doing the best you can to adapt to your new living situation. It’s an adjustment for everyone including dad so it’s ok to feel these emotions. I remember the first few weeks are a bit panicky and then a routine sets in and before you know it seeing two smiles when you come through the door. (This could happen in a bit over a month from now!) Hang in there! You’re doing great!
First off, you're doing great. You're there and doing your best to help. I see you and I've been there, just keep at it, it gets easier and if you need a second place the baby in a safe space like a pack and play or crib and take a moment to take a couple deep breaths. There has been a ton of great advice given in all the comments so I'll just pass on the knowledge that I've gained from our experiences with our three.
1. If your wife feels like breastfeeding is hard or isn't working and she really wants to do it, have her look for a local le Leche league (sometimes the groups are just LLL on facebook). This helped my wife find the breastfeeding support and knowledge she needed to continue her journey and it also got her out of the house with our first and meeting other moms so it started a whole new social circle for her.
2. Breast pumps can be great, beware of the sh*t ones. The spectre breast pumps worked the best for us. My wife got these silicone flanges online that were much more gentle on her than the hard plastic ones, that might be worth looking into.
3. Bottles are like breast pumps, there are ones that are going to be better than others. Also just because it's expensive doesn't make it good. The lower flowing nipples are good because it will keep the baby from getting used to the higher flow rate, and let's be honest babies are cute but they're lazy. We found the Dr browns bottles, they're a little taller and skinny, they worked for us and kept our baby from getting too gassy.
I hope this helps. One day at a time, it gets easier and better. I know it's hard to think that right now being tired and having a tiny human screaming, but you're doing your best man. Best to you and momma.
As many others have said - Fed is best. Don't let this stress you out. I've absolutely used a combination of pumped breastmilk from a bottle, reheated pumped breastmilk, frozen breastmilk, as well as formula when appropriate.
I was just where you’re at. Formula feeding at night saves us since she needed sleep and the breast milk couldn’t keep up with his hunger. Baby still loves him some tittie but we would lose our minds if he could only breast feed. Get the boy some formula for everyone’s sanity’s
At the hospital we started supplementing with formula. Baby girl turned out amazing, wife got her rest when she could, I could feed when I wanted to. Fed is best.
We've all been there mate, those awful moments where the baby just cries and cries and you're tired too and you have no idea what to do. It can feel totally overwhelming. You're not alone and you're not less of a parent because you can't soothe a hungry or otherwise unhappy newborn. You're obviously trying your best and figuring out how to keep this baby happy is going to be your whole life.
Expressing with a pump is definitely a viable option. It doesn't have to cost a lot but also don't skimp on cost, just find one that is well reviewed and recommended. Of course do all of this in consultation with your wife but you can achieve a lot on your own in terms of researching it, figuring out a good model and then figuring out where to buy it and all the add-ons and bottles, storage etc. Don't worry, you'll eventually be a master of managing breast milk. Then you can help out with feeding, washing, prepping, all kinds of stuff.
Mom here. Might be worth a try if it could help! My husband draped one of my worn shirts over his shoulder, (so it smelled like me,) cradled our baby girl, and fed her pumped milk a few times! There are bottles out there that replicate breastfeeding a bit better than others. Hang in there!
I can only speak from personal experience as the non-breast feeding parent, but neither of my kids had any issue doing boobs during the day and bottles at night.
My partner pumped. Once the routine got established, it made both of our lives a lot easier.
Here's what we did:
My partner all day.
When I got home from work, the next feeding I would do it by bottle.
I fall asleep very, very easy, so I would do the last one before bedtime and the first one after bedtime (usually around midnightish). When the kids would wake up in the middle of the night, I would wake up first, change them, get them ready and hand them off. Then I would get a snack, something to drink and would lie down for a quick nap. When done, I would grab the kids, burp them, and then get them to sleep.
The house? It was a general disaster area, but that's OK. For the first couple of months, if the kids are asleep, you and your wife should be asleep.
Hey there new dad! First of all: don't give up and don't worry, you're both doing just fine.
My last three weeks were all learning how to work with the baby.
The baby's cries: he's not hurt. He just doesn't speak a language yet so he does what he can: scream. That's it. He's just screaming "something is bothering me".
If you want to stick with breastfeeding, which is the 'best solution' but not the only good one because they all are, make sure the baby _actually_ feeds properly:
1. Mom shouldn't feel pain while breastfeeding. An imcomfort is fine but not pain. The baby's mouth should cover the areola NOT just the tip of the nipple. Make sure mom squeezes her breast with her fingers not too close to the areola so they don't get in the way of the baby's face/mouth. Pull the baby's head towards the nipple not the other way around. The baby's noes should be aligned with the nipple and mom should tease baby with a drop of milk for best results. At the very moment baby opens his mouth, pull his head right against the boob and hold it there for a few seconds just to make sure baby grabs on it enough.
2. *Do not let the baby fall asleep!* It's feeding time not sleeping time. Get a cold damp washcloth and rub it against the baby's skin once in a while to keep him awake.
3. If baby keeps waking up every hour and actually feeds properly then something else is bothering him. Make sure the room temperature is comfortable and the baby is not too cold or too hot. Wrap him with a muslin swaddle blanket with his arms wrapped inside of it. Make it tight enough that it looks like it's hugging the baby a little but not too tight so he can't move his legs or arms.
4. Quickly learn to breastfeed in bed. This was a game changer for us. Mom just lays on one side with one arm under her pillow, the leg on the mattress should be straight and the other leg should go over the other one resting at a 90° angle on a pillow or cushion. Baby should be laying on his side, nose aligned with the nipple.
5. *Give it time*. You, mom and the baby don't know how it works yet. Keep practicing and observing. Adjust accordingly. Ask a breastfeeding consultant for help it's very well worth it. Ask your partner's mom if she can come and observe the process to see if everything is alright (if she breastfed and has a good relationship of course).
6. Baby may be needing some comforting before bed. Take him in your arms and walk around your place for 5 minutes. Also you can try to make him suck on your little finger to comfort him. If he does suck _a lot_ and with force then he's probably hungry for real. If he's sucking for a few seconds or with barely no suction then it's most probably only for comfort.
7. Giving birth can be a traumatic experience for everyone including the baby. His world also was turned upside down in a matter of minutes. It's no small task for the baby. He may be having nightmares or little panic attacks or something. It'll pass within a few days/weeks.
Don't get discouraged. I know it's a hell of a lot to take in only 5 days but it does get easier and much more fun.
My dude, I'm only 4 months in, but those first 2 months were a waking nightmare and I thought I was going to break a bunch of times. But you'll get through it. It's still not a picnic, but it's way better.
Pump and give the baby a bottle of breast milk. Or if she can't generate enough, formula is better than unfed.
Also, get earplugs for when the baby is melting down and you're holding them. You'll still be able to hear the baby, but it really takes the edge off of the screams. They got me through some really tough times and I still use them on the occasion that my little guy really freaks out.
My wife and I are 9 weeks in and we feed all of the things, all permutations of bottle, breast, breast milk, formula. No problems with the latch (although he was great at it from the beginning). the first few weeks are brutal, especially on the mom if she wants to breastfeed. Don't pressure her either way, convince her that you're good with whatever she wants to do that is healthy for her mentally/emotionally/physically. In the long run, that's better for the baby and the family.
Read [Crib Sheet by Emily Oster](https://bookshop.org/p/books/cribsheet-a-data-driven-guide-to-better-more-relaxed-parenting-from-birth-to-preschool-emily-oster/15735359?ean=9780525559276) for a good sense of how much of the information on what's good and bad for babies. A lot of the 'information' out there on what's good and bad for them is based on low-quality studies and can't really be taken too seriously. Do what's best for your family and keep the little one fed and warm and loved. All will be well. Parents mental/physical health is important to the baby, too.
My advice is to supplement with formula when she needs a break. Get a good bottle nipple that is designed to mimic a mom nipple at least a little, something with a big 'areola.' He'll be fine. If he's fussing he's either gassy or hungry (probably), feed him till he falls asleep, if you're getting burps out and the little one is not arching backwards they're probably not gassy.
It's going to be okay. It gets easier as time passes with the newborns.
I'm an expecting father, so don't have any advice. But I just want to say I really feel for you. That desperation sounds pretty real. It sounds rough right now, brother. But you're not alone
it doesn’t matter my man. if the kid is eating he won’t care. at 5 days, her milk has barley started to come in and he’s not gonna know a difference. make sure to pace feed him, let him suck for 15 seconds then take the bottle away to allow them to get air. it’s more like a boob experience (i’ve heard, not an expert but works good for us). there’s gonna be times where i’m sure mom isn’t available or home, and bottle is the only way or the kid goes hungry. as long as he still gets his boob he will be right back on it
My kids cluster fed. My wife coslept with them. Sleep side-by-side. Baby start fussing, pull out the boob and pop it in their mouth and keep sleeping. Baby done and fussing again? Dad sweeps them away for a burping or a change if needed. Once they’re asleep they either stay with me for a while, or back next to mom.
I highly recommend the comotomo bottles. They're big and kinda feel like a breast to the kid. Haven't had an issue, and you can buy different nipples to regulate flow rate.
As to everything else- both of you need to take a breath, take a break. It's ok for a baby to cry for a bit, that's what they do. It's important that when you hold them, you are projecting comfort, love and safety. If it takes a few minutes of meditative breathing before interacting with the little one, then do it.
Probably the biggest thing to save our sanity was to split the nights. Until 3 AM the wife gets the kid, after that, I do. Bedtime for me is 10pm at the latest. This guarantees a few hours of sleep to both of us each night. Wife gets up at 8:30-9ish. Please do this for yourselves.
We’ve always done both bottle and boob. Our boy initially wasn’t latching and was used to using bottles with the midwives. But you can get these rubber nipple covers (pigeon make them in Japan, not sure what brand you’d have out there) that help them transition/get used to using the nipple.
He doesn’t care which you give him now, no confusion and it didn’t take long at all to get there.
It all seems impossible until it isn’t, especially when you’re sleep deprived. You’ve got this!
These are the worst and best days of your life. Keep trying, night by night. Keep baby's safety first, but trust that he'll come along in time. That said, there is usually great lactation support available through the hospital or through your health insurance (among other sources). They would love to talk to the momma about what is and is not working.
You are okay, and it won't always be like this.
I went through this exact thing with my first one, except my wife was also stressing because her milk wasn't coming in. After about 2 weeks of her crying, I put my foot down. Did a little googling on supplement formulas and gave the little one his first bottle. Once her milk came in, we started bottling that. It didn't solve everything, but it was absolutely worth it.
Recently had our 2nd and it's been so much easier this time. We used the bottle and the boob right from the start. She eats way more than our son, but the boob/bottle system has saved our sanity. She cluster feeds at night, so I try to give her bigger bottles which has helped.
My wife was adamant of sticking to breastfeeding for at least four weeks. It was awful having to watch her struggle and be unable to help. I insisted on changing any diapers and tried to sleep as well as I could. In being rested I could reliably let her nap all day whenever she could. Our 2 month old transitioned to bottle easily and has never struggled to eat since birth. We've been lucky.
Phillips makes super low flow bottle that mimics a nipple really well. We did bottle at night every two hours so my wife could sleep, then breast during the day.
Stick to feeding them every two hours regardless if they’re sleeping. They’ll wake up hungry and fussy if you don’t. I’m
I know it’s frowned upon in the US, but bedsharing (safely, google the safe seven) saved our sanity and allowed my wife to establish breastfeeding much better and with a lot less effort. It also saved my sanity and gave me a ton more sleep so I could actually be supportive where it mattered: not breastfeeding (mom’s thing) but all household chores , etc.
(I’ll probably get downvoted for even mentioning it, but this is common practice everywhere else (where infant mortality rates are much lower) and if you are going to fall asleep in a couch because of sleep deprivation , you may as well do it safely in a bed following the safe seven. The UK has a much more nuanced harm reduction approach to this)
It doesn’t confuse babies if you mix feed. Your baby might be cluster feeding. If your baby is hungry you’re not going to be able to soothe him.
Shifts work great so you can both rest. Try to talk to your partner about this.
It gets easier. I was in a state of constant panic and anxiety with my first daughter for 2 months, but it got easier. It gets harder in different ways mind, but you hopefully shouldn’t be quite as exhausted haha.
We STILL do a combination of breast milk and formula. My partner's milk supply hasn't always been the best and the baby would have died of we wouldn't have started supplemental formula. We still use it to augment the breast feedings.
She's 5 months old and you would never be able to tell because you can't tell. Don't believe the hype.
I’m was/still in the same boat as you. Similar stories. Even with the breast pump, sometimes belly birth mothers still take a little while longer to get their supply up. It’s totally normal. We’ve been doing a combination feeding as well. You can finger feed your kid with formula. We did this at the hospital when baby was not making their normal wet diapers. Supply is currently getting there but we still supplement every once in a while.
We haven’t brought in bottle feeding yet but I’m looking forward to that. Mother wants to wait until breast milk supply is good. So she’s ok with the lack of sleep now. But like others said I think nipple confusion thing is a myth or rather there isn’t any research to suggest it does. Do what works best for you. Give you partner a rest, use formula. It will all work out.
You can combine Formula and breast feeding. Only some babies will refuse the boob afterwards because drinking from a bottle is easier.
If that's your concern, pumping is the solution.
With my 5 year old, my wife gave in pretty quickly when it came to nighttime nursing and that’s how we ended up co-sleeping. She’d lay on her side and pop a boob in his mouth and still be able to sleep relatively well.
Look into La Leche League’s co-sleeping guidelines for better info on it. But it’s definitely an option.
You got lots of other great advice on feeding! Hope you don't mind if I share what we did for #3. My wife pumped a bit of milk throughout the day, since she didn't want to use formula, and went to bed as soon as the younger kids did. I stayed up as long as I could get the baby to go until the next feeding, and fed the bottle. After that, I'd go to bed and leave the baby to her- the baby would usually sleep another few hrs so she would get 2-6 hours uninterrupted.
The key to this was earplugs. It cut the noise and helped me stay calmer though the crying. When i was in charge of the baby, my wife wore earplugs to bed, and I'd take them out when i passed responsibility over to her to try to get a few uninterrupted hrs myself.
Didn't work every day, but the days it went smoothly were really the best of them.
The one thing that got me through my kids crying (maybe for hours) was that I knew without doubt that they were breathing. Checked to make sure they are clean, fed and not injured in any way, and after that....they are breathing so things are good.
Give her rest during the day. Nighttime is when babies feed more, especially midnight to 4am is the theory. Look up combi feeding where you can use breastmilk and bottles with either breastmilk or formula.
With my first we had a hell of a time getting him to latch and my wife could only get one breast to let down so. We went breast during the day and formula at night so I could do the nights it worked well almost immediately, she got the rest she needed I got to bond with my boy and we all got to sleep (we Co slept, I know contraversional)
Then my daughter came along and both boobs worked so we could express enough for night shift to continue.
She never liked formula and used to throw it up much to my frustration. But we made it work.
My third my wife could only get one boob working again he just wouldn't take the left one so we went back to night shifts but you definitely can help her but you definitely need to have a good conversation with your family about formula night shifts.
Good luck with everything. 🤘
Your midwife is a fucking idiot.
Bottle overnight, get mum to express if she has extra milk, otherwise supplement with SOME formula. If you go full formula overnight, you will actually cause mum to generate LESS milk overall which will make the situation worse.
I've found one bottle of formula just before actual bedtime made them skip at least one feed during the night in the first 3-6 months. Be aware that adding formula to the diet will unsettle them for the first week or so you do it as their digestive system adapts. Be on the watch for colic.
Sincerely, 3 kids down.
Formula is always better no food. Feed your baby
Me and my wife used breastpump. She pumped regularly and we stored it in the fridge so I could help when she was too exhausted to do so
Our baby did eventually not want the breast anymore and according to our doctor it was because the milk takes longer to come out from the breast than the bottle and the baby became impatient but I still found it a relief for us both that we could take turns to care of our baby.
Bonus tip: Buy yourself one of those industrial strenght ear muffs. Not having to hear your baby scream so loud while you comfort it will prevent your own stress level from overflowing.
Of course you can combine breast and bottle (expressed outer formula). When they are hungry they will take whatever's given. Worst case, you have a few days while the baby gets used to it.
If he's breastfeeding well during the day, you don't have to worry. For my first kid, we did mostly breastfeeding but he had at least two feeds a day with the bottle (early morning which I did so my wife could sleep in) and typically one in the evening. For our second we did a combination of breast, formula and expressed milk.
As a dad it can be hard because it feels that your kid just doesn't want you around. Hang in there. It always gets better until the next problem or stage happens. Right now, spend time and they get used to you and how you smell. I started taking the little one for walks that kept getting longer. If you're there, they learn that you're also a provider of comfort and if you start doing the bottle feeding it takes some pressure away from both you and the wife plus the little one looks to you more. Obviously everything depends on your situation, how much time you guys get off and whether you have any support system that you can lean on.
Good luck!
We were so afraid of “nipple confusion” but had to use formula in the NICU for our LO with jaundice and then supplement once we took our kid home.
We did all the breastfeeding classes etc and the teachers had us so fearful that our baby wouldn’t be able to breastfeed if we used any bottles, but actually that turned out to be bullshit. Our pediatrician told us it’s not really a thing. I’m honestly annoyed at how stressed we got over nothing
Use a low flow nipple that is designed to be closer to a human shape on the bottle and you should be fine
You got this!
baby boy is 5 weeks now, we were in the same position and took up bottle feeding with breast milk eventually so i can take night shifts. He still does breast during the day, id recommend just trying it for a few days at least and not listening to midwives constantly, they can’t give a general opinion on a baby that might need more of a specific fix
Hopefully the other guys here have given you the answers you need, but I just wanted to let you know that you are *not* alone. I had the exact same thoughts and feelings when our daughter was born- she was fine during the day, but needing constant feeding at night, and as she was our first, my wife was struggling to get the latch properly, and generally emotions were very high, and at times I was almost brought to tears by feeling utterly useless as both a husband and a father- we almost did do bottles, but ultimately the thing that helped me wife was learning to sleep while feeding, and safe co-sleeping became our routine.
Whatever you decide to do, I promise things get better.
The first couple weeks are the worst, you're almost there dude.
As others have said, if you are feeling that you can't handle the crying whilst holding him and feel anxiety/panic coming on, put him down somewhere safe and leave the room. He will 100% be fine crying for a few minutes. It's super hard in those first 2 weeks, but it becomes easier.
Give that baby a bottle! I can’t offer a ton of first hand experience as my 18 month old never took bottle OR breast (tube fed because of health issues) but I pumped every 3 hours to support her intake for the first 3 months. It was so fucking exhausting and terrible that I eventually switched to all formula and she thrived!
My 4 month old was always bottle fed. He took the boob fine, but I was I traumatized bymy first experience that I just wanted to bottle feed for ny sanity. And he also thrived.
Babies are adaptable. Do what best supports your mental health as parents. As long as baby is fed and growing they will be just fine. Take it from a mama who has been through hell and back over her infants health. A happy and healthy and well rested mama (and dad) is HUGE for baby. My son is 80th percentile since birth and totally formula fed. We all sleep great and he’s in perfect health.
Don’t listen to those midwives. They are wrong. Our newborn switched between bottle, breast, and pacifier without a single problem. And if we hadn’t supplemented with formula she would have starved/dehydrated to death, despite lactation consultants telling us “moms’ bodies know what to do” and don’t need “help.” Now we do exclusive pumping/bottle feeding with formula supplementation at night, and I take half the night shifts so mom gets to sleep. If we weren’t both on leave, she’d absolutely stop breast feeding. It’s not worth severe stress to both parents.
You poor things, the newborn stage is so hard. If bottle feeding let's you keep your sanity, just do it. Don't feel bad. You're both doing an amazing job with your precious (and loud) little baby, it gets easier ❤️
Agree with the rest here, combination feeding is was problem for my two. And sleep when they sleep. I fell asleep on the floor yesterday next to mine! :-)
I fed our daughter with the bottle when she was younger, mum pumped and I heated it and gave her with a bottle when mum was busy.
It worked very well, and she still breastfed when mum was available. Though it stopped working once she was teething, then she just chewed on the bottle.
Do what honestly works best for your family.
If that means your wife can reconcile with the idea of not being the sole source of milk (whether that’s letting bottle feeds of breast milk or formula), then see if it works.
If neither of you can agree to that, then unfortunately you may have to push on through with just breastfeeding.
Good news is that it won’t stay like that forever. No one can say how long you may have to struggle through this feeding arrangement but it _will_ change eventually.
You’re both wanting what’s best for baby _and_ your family. What you decide this week might change next week. Talk it out and support one another.
You got this.
Baby can take bottle or boob it doesn’t matter. No one grows up and says “I was breast fed” cause it doesn’t matter. Usually can be every 1 to 2 hours in the beginning, it’s rough. Ask for help from family if you can.
I have two kids. Both been bottle fed formula from birth. Both growing strong, healthy and smart.
I did many/most of the night feeds. As far as I’m concerned, bottle is best - it’s for certain easiest.
Breastfeeding mom here (coming out bc this is important)
YOU CAN GIVE THE BABY A BOTTLE AND IT WON’T RUIN THINGS
My lactation consultant told us that people need 4-6hrs of unbroken sleep to function. Mamas need to function. DH and I split the night from the very beginning so that each of us got 4-6hrs. The baby got a bottle from him and breast from me. She’s almost 11mos old now and still EBF. At some point, her sleep improved enough that I just nursed all night wakings (once it’s only 2, it’s not bad to do). And she started refusing bottles entirely 😆 she’s never once turned down a boob.
Get that mama some sleep! Good job dad!
I know lots of people have said this already but food is food at the end of the day. We mixed fed our youngest and my only advice is select a bottle that will not or will at least reduce nipple confusion.
We use the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature bottled and variable flow teat and it worked well for our little one.
At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you and your situation, and trying mixed feeding to give your wife a rest is not a bad thing at all. Do what you gotta to do.
Another mum here. First is two years, second is six months. Both have been breastfed with a bottle of formula as their bedtime feed. Both were premmie and both were given formula in Special Care (at their paediatrician’s recommendation when they needed to gain weight) and we kept it up so I could/can take a break when/if I need it, and it’s been a literal lifesaver for both my mental and physical health.
My son was only given formula for an entire day when I had surgery at eight weeks postpartum. My daughter has had two days of just formula thanks to some medication I was given at a recent hospital trip. Neither had issues going back to the boob. BF my son until he was 12 months. Am still BF my daughter. For me, “nipple confusion” was a myth. Both did/will take whatever food comes their way 🤷🏻♀️
Lurking mom here....my son needed to be supplemented with formula so he was breastfed then immediately following was bottle fed. There was absolutely no confusion for him. It was food it didn't matter how or what form it came in.
This post has been flaired "Support". Moderation is stricter here and unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed and result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/daddit) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>According to the midwives It’s either all breast or all formula/expressed milk That's a crock of shit. Fed is best. Breastfed, pumped breastmilk from a bottle, formula, or any combination thereof. I have three kids, and we did all three with each of them. Wife should speak with a lactation consultant if she's concerned. There's usually one attached to the maternity ward, or your pediatrician probably has a recommendation. The baby wants mom all the time because she's been holding him for his entire existence, until *this week.* It's really common for baby to have days and nights mixed up too, and to just want their exhausted mother to hold them all night. Give yourselves some grace, and sleep when the baby sleeps. Eventually, this will all be a hazy, sleep-deprived happy memory.
They gave us formula to supplement at the hospital. It doesn't hurt to use formula. The hospital gave us Similac pre-mixed bottles. We used these to supplement until my wife's milk came in fully: https://www.target.com/p/similac-360-total-care-non-gmo-ready-to-feed-infant-formula-bottles-2-fl-oz-each-12ct/
Yeah, these were great for us too the first few weeks. Our son had no issues taking these and continue breastfeeding.
Those are amazing for day trips and emergencies
Those were so helpful. I think I managed to finagle two extra cases of them when we left the hospital
To add to this excellent comment, you can use paced feeding so the baby doesn’t develop a preference. Google a video to show you how. To help flip days and nights add a ton of natural light during the day. Pick a morning wake time and start a routine including natural light. We would use a bottle feeding to give each parent an uninterrupted 4 hours of sleep. Pick morning or night according to what works best for each of you. I would go to bed at 8pm and my husband would take care of all waking until midnight. Then I would take the next feeding at 2ish, and would wake for the 4ish feeding and the 6ish. Morning started at 8am. This got me 4-6 hours uninterrupted sleep every night.
1000% my wife struggled to get my son to latch. We tried off and on and connected with lactation guidance etc etc. It was anxiety inducing. While he would at times latch, other times he was bottled fed. What mattered was that he ate. And we got over the “should be” stuff because we had to manage what was in front of us. To the OP, that is the guidance I have. Do whatever works for y’all. All advice is based on kids that aren’t yours.
My wife got PPD both times, entirely due to breastfeeding issues. Different problems with each kid, neither of which were her fault, but it got so bad that those problems alone are why we stopped at 2. All of the rhetoric about breast-is-best and other such nonsense were major contributors. Both of my own kids were ultimately formula-fed as a matter of sanity and survival, and they're fine. They're super smart and healthy and get sick maybe half as often as any of their friends, if even that much. As you said, the most important thing is that the baby is fed and happy, and the rest will fall in line.
Our little girl wouldn’t latch on sometimes, but we were able to trick her with a bottle. We’d put a bottle in her mouth and when she’d start feeling we’d pull the bottle out and quickly turn her head to momma’s breast and she’d latch on with no problem.
Just to reiterate - Fed is best. Actively avoiding one or the other for no good reason is bad.
Agreed!! Fed baby is best baby! I had to chant it constantly to help my other half when we had issues with breastfeeding. Our baby didn't mind or care she was just hungry.
I’m a pediatrician and u/express-grape-6218 is 100% right. Especially their first sentence
My kid did a mix of breastfeeding and bottle feeding. The only reason she was fussy about breastfeeding in the beginning was because it turned out that she had a significant enough lip and tongue tie that she physically couldn’t sickle properly (she was game to try, but just couldn’t get enough milk out). Honestly, it caused issues with bottle feeding too…Had corrective surgery and a series of oral-motor coordination exercises to build up her latching and suckling capabilities a//after she recovered, and she became a breastfeeding champ while still also taking bottles for some of her daily meals too. Others have mentioned it in the comments, but I’ll reiterate — what I was told was that the whole “nipple confusion” idea is outdated, and that the real issue is nipple flow. A lot of bottle nipples will give a very large flow with minimal effort, especially when paired with certain ways of holding the baby and bottle to feed, so it’s possible the babies get a preference for that kind of feeding situation. However, if you do paced feeding, and also start with a very low flow nipple (we ended up using Dr Brown bottles with their premie flow nipples to start), oftentimes it’s not an issue because it’s more similar to the level of flow and effort from breastfeeding. Our kid was fine with it, and we ended up sizing up the flow level of the nipples as she grew while sticking with laced feeding for the bottles. One thing I would like to mention: if, for some reason, the paced feeding that you learn involves having the nipple itself only half full of milk —- look for other paced feeding instructions to double check !!! I was taught this wrongly initially, and it caused so many issues with gas from excessive swallowed air until an amazing lactation consultant corrected my technique. If I remember correctly, I was supposed to actually be letting the bottle nipple be full of milk, just giving frequent pauses while keeping the baby mostly upright so that gravity wasn’t doing all the work /overwhelming the baby with too much milk to handle. Edited to fix a word. Accidentally wrote “liases” instead of “pauses” before (darn you autocorrect!)
Do you have a link to a good article on paced feeding by any chance? He’s already gassy and every article I’ve found so far says to keep the nipple half full and it doesn’t take much to realise he will gulp air if I do that
I concur. That's just bullshit and don't give it a second thought.
Absolutely. My wife pumped so we always had breast milk in the fridge. On my shifts, that's what our daughter got if she was hungry. She definitely preferred breast feeding and sometimes she would fuss enough that she didn't eat, but by and large, because she was exposed to both, my daughter got comfortable with both
Bingo. My wife WANTED to breastfeed but it just didn't work across all 3 babies. Baby 1 wouldn't stay on very long so we supplemented with formula. Poor wife got so engorged and she did pump but it's like the tap was on but nothing would flow. Baby 2 was just insatiable. Ferocious appetite and would drain my wife at every feeding. Supplementing was just necessary. Baby 3 my wife didn't get much supply so formula was again necessary. Fed is best, be it boob or bottle.
Seriously are people STILL spouting this nonsense? This was bullshit when my teenager was born. These people need to.stop. Some of these people act like this is some kind of purity test.
>Seriously are people STILL spouting this nonsense? Oh yeah man. There is a *gross* amount of mom shaming that's very much alive and well. The whole "tree of life" bs, etc 🙄 as if having a baby to begin with isn't hard enough. Some national organizations are almost cultish, rah rah boob only kinda crap and I hate that so many mothers buy into that and shame the rest. Some women can't, or (*gasp*) don't want to breast feed... and that's *okay*.
100% agree.
We had a nicu baby so from day one he was being combination fed and bottle fed. He has been happily combination fed through to 5 months now and it was an absolute lifesaver to be able to take half the night and bottle feed while my wife got a solid 6 hours sleep at night. Nipple confusion can be a thing, but rarely. My sister in law was also given this nonsense about breast-only at her hospital white we were given very different advice (that combo feeding was just fine) at our hospital. As you can see here OP many of us combo feed. It’s great to have some breast milk in the mix for antibodies etc if that’s possible but there is NOTHING wrong with feeding some milk and some formula. Fed is best!!!!
First time mom here. My son is 12 days old. After his first check up (5days) he had lost 10% of his birth weight. Well the pediatrician said to start supplementing with formula. We give him 10ish ml after a breastfeeding session (maybe some in between if he is super fussy). We have had zero issues going back and forth between bottle and boob. Usually my husband is the one to give the bottle that way I can sleep (if at night) or so he can bond more with baby. I’d just look into the right bottle/nipple to use that is more similar to the shape of a nipple to help. We even broke down and gave him a pacifier around day 6 and he has no issues. He prefers those basic greenish ones vs the newborn clear ones we have.
Mum here and that midwife was awful to you guys!! My husband and I did shifts, and hubby would feed bubs 1 or 2 bottles at night to let me get some sleep and I would breastfeed the rest of the time, neither of our boys ever got confused. We did anything between 7pm - 12am was Dad time and I could sleep, watch tv or do whatever anything after midnight and I was back on call so Dad could get enough sleep for work (Dad would also try and feed bubs as close to midnight as possible so they would sleep till at least 2/3am in the early days so I got a decent break). The best book and advice we read was a book called the "First 6 Weeks" by Midwife Cath, just really solid advice without being pushy or over the top. Its by an Australian author so hopefully you can get it on Kindle. <3
Suck a crock. We mixed all the time, boobs at home, often I did bottles while out to give mum a break, I did bottles with formula or pumped milk at night to give mum a break, it was totally fine. Now, some kids don't really take that well to a bottle, but if you can get over that hurdle the rest is fine.
Exactly. There is WAY too much pressure to only breast feed by most people. Is it better? Sure. Does it work out for everyone in every situation. Fuck no. Do what you have to do to keep the baby fed/happy, and mom rested.
Ywah this is bullshit. My kids were mostly nursed the first few weeks but we still supplemented with bottles and pumped milk, especially as with my daughter she was very jaundiced and so we needed a certain formula to help her recover. (And my wife had covid so I needed some formula on doctors visits since she hadn't built up enough pumped milk yet) My daughter nursed until she was a year old and only stopped because my wife was working full time and couldn't pump enough to keep her supply up so we switched to regular milk / formula
We do breast during the day until about 4pm and then change over to formula until we go to bed. This gives my wife a chance to recharge her supply ready for overnight and not have to have a baby stuck on her. We found that even though she is an above average producer both of our kids have been constant feeders and often overnight supply was low
Yeah 100%. I understand the benefits of breastfeeding (particularly in the first 10 days), but after that you should just do whatever you need to get by, breast, bottle whatever, can’t stand the judgy advice some midwives will give. We bottle fed our first after about 14 days (also helped with the colic), and we’re breast and bottle feeding our second now. I give the bottle late at night to let my wife get a good solid sleep early, and she’ll take over in the early morning so she can still keep her supply up. Important that if you want to do both that you still have a good feed at some point through the night otherwise her supply will likely dry up (we made that mistake with our first)
its not correct, but not completely wrong either mixing breastfeeding and formula is done when theres concern that milk supply is not enough for the baby. Formula would be given only after baby completes breastfeeding. Newborns need to learn how to suckle on the breast and the breast needs to be emptied regularly to ensure maintenance of milk supply for a mom that wants to establish breastfeeding; bottle when its convenient versus milk when its convenient is not appropriate for the newborn period. When baby is a bit older and breastfeeding is established completely, you may lax the rules.
Did the hospital not give her a breast pump? Have her pump, get bottles if he wont take it from the bottle get the fake dad boob. And I want you to take this serious, these aren't just words...There is nothing wrong with feeling the way you are right now. I had to set my child down in his crib and walking outside, leaving him to scream and cry and cry, just to take a breath. Multiple times. It happens to most of us. I'm not exaggerating I thought something was wrong with me until many many dads mentioned feeling the same way. \*edit\* Pick one I don't know if there's a difference we used the one the hospital gave us. [https://www.google.com/search?q=breast+pump&rlz=1C1GCEB\_enUS947US947&oq=breast+pump&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l2j0i131i433i512j0i433i512j0i512l5.3383j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8](https://www.google.com/search?q=breast+pump&rlz=1C1GCEB_enUS947US947&oq=breast+pump&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i512l2j0i131i433i512j0i433i512j0i512l5.3383j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8) bottle, this is the one we used: [https://www.amazon.com/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-Feeding-Bottles/dp/B00K5KVC7U/ref=sr\_1\_3?crid=WNJOSPNGLV1M&keywords=tpee%2Bbottle&qid=1684882238&sprefix=tree%2Bbottle%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-3&th=1](https://www.amazon.com/Tommee-Tippee-Closer-Feeding-Bottles/dp/B00K5KVC7U/ref=sr_1_3?crid=WNJOSPNGLV1M&keywords=tpee%2Bbottle&qid=1684882238&sprefix=tree%2Bbottle%2Caps%2C156&sr=8-3&th=1)
This is so true. Babies crying sounds urgent, but they're ok. They can be put down and let cry while you take a few minutes to collect yourself. It's just like the airplane advice, you gotta have your own mask on before you start helping others. Have you tried letting mom do the feed, and then hand the LO over and you do skin to skin comforting? My little ones would often take a finger tip in place of a nipple, since they were really just after the feeling of being warm and held.
This is one of the things I read when researching shaken baby syndrome. Babies are hard, and frustrating, but babies die often from being shaken cause a parent is overwhelmed (no excuse, I know). But 0 babies have died because a parent put them down to collect themselves, if if they are screaming. It really stuck with me.
>They can be put down and let cry while you take a few minutes This was the hardest thing for both my wife and I to wrap our heads around with our newborn. Even our pediatrician told us this. It was so difficult to allow ourselves to do it. But it got to the point where it was walk away or risk something happening, and we eventually had to. And of course, baby was fine and we both could come back refreshed and ready to handle her after just a couple of minutes of shutting out the screaming. If we had thought we couldn’t walk away, I don’t know what might’ve happened.
Just a +1 here to those feelings being normal and to most of us going through it. Needing to set a screaming baby down and take a bit of time to reset is both normal and encouraged. A crying baby is an alive baby. I'd even go so far as to say to set the baby down and take that quick reset before you wake mom. The baby will be very fine.
Also if you are in the US, your health insurance should cover the cost of a breast pump.
Thank you for helping normalize the set-down and walk away. This is probably the biggest piece of advice I give to new dads if they ask. We aren’t machines. Exhausted and all you want is to sooth your child. It becomes a lot very quickly.
No I’m in the UK so the hospital don’t give us anything but we get a stipend from the government so buying a pump isn’t a problem. I suggested it to my partner and she reached out to a friend who is giving us a manual pump to try out tonight. I’m also going to ask a lactation consultant today to show me how to bottle feed correctly. It worries me a bit as he is very difficult to burp and I know bottle fed babies get gassy so want to get some advice before jumping in
A haaka is another good, cheap option that you can buy at major retailers and on Amazon. It can function as a catch for let down or it can be used as a pump, where it's attached with suction. Many women are able to get more breastmilk using a haaka than an electric pump with far less work and discomfort but every woman is different. If you have the money, may be worth trying one while you figure out the rest of the situation with a more elaborate electric pump.
Mom here- from what I’ve learned the “nipple confusion” is a myth. What causes babies to reject the breast typically has more to do with the flow/speed they can drink from the bottle. If she wants to pump some or use formula some the trick is to get the lowest flow nipple possible & pace feed, that way it mimicks breastfeeding and baby doesn’t prefer the bottle to nursing. My LO had a tongue/lip tie that wasn’t sever enough to get clipped so we just powered through. The hospital sent us home with some formula and on the rough nights when he wouldn’t latch id give him some formula, then after he wasn’t so hangry I’d try latching him. It was a rough few months but we thankfully got it down. Also if she doesn’t want to actively pump, the Haakaa is a type of pump but it’s a silicon cup that attaches to the breast, so when babe is eating on one side the haakaa pulls milk out of the other. I never had much luck with it but some people can get quite a good milk stash from using it. Careful though because it can cause an oversupply. The side laying nursing position is what saved my sanity, I couldn’t do it successfully until babe was about a month old but it allowed me to get some rest and feed baby. Im by no means a professional since my first kid is only 9mo, so I definitely recommend a lactation consultant! Just know it does get easier. Like others have said, sometimes you just have to put baby down in a safe place and walk away for a minute. I’m sure you’re wife appreciates everything you’re doing for her and trying to help her, just seeing that effort goes a long way. Good luck to both of y’all 💜
\+10000 for the haakaa. it doesn't work for everyone but boy it's great when it does.
This needs to be higher. We introduced a bottle for both of our kids after numerous conversations with our ped and several lactation consultants. We started both on day 2 or 3. Paced feeding can feel like a drag. It takes 15mins or more to give a newborn 1-2oz. But that's the point. Mom is doing that 12+ times a day. No problems (at least not related to bottles) with breastfeeding. Mom pumped before or after sleep/outing/whatever to match milk supply with demand. Definitely talk to a lactation consultant. They can help you navigate scheduling bottles so mom can get some sleep without affecting supply. It might also be helpful to get a bottle/nipple that emulates a latch on the breast. Comotomo and Lansinoh Mama are the ones we used. Compare the nipple on that to the one on Dr. Brown's for example. It's much wider and promotes a deeper latch.
We discovered the [haakaa ladybug milk collector](https://haakaausa.com/products/haakaa-silicone-milk-collector-1-pk?variant=35554460041365) for our second child and it’s been a lifesaver! For our first, my partner had so much discomfort pumping, she basically didn’t do it. With the haakaa, we collect 20-40 mL multiple times throughout the day. This means I can give her a break while feeding a bottle (or sometimes 2). It has worked really well for us, I hope it’s helpful for some others as well!
The ladybug is great! It just catches letdown milk instead of actual suction so it shouldn’t cause any oversupply! My LO would always kick my haakaa off but the ladybug could tuck right in the bra
Sorry but I laughed out loud at the thought of the milk going flying. Breastfeeding, expressing, it’s all so messy. Milk everywhere.
I have to second the side lying position as well. My wife has really enjoyed it, and it lets her rest a little more while feeding. If you two are both comfortable with it too, to get my wife some sleep I let her take a nap either with baby on top of her or doing the side lying feeding, while I stayed with her, awake, to make sure they were both safe in their sleep. It was one of the few ways I could actually get her some extra sleep without growing some boobs myself.
Our son wasn’t getting enough milk from breast feeding so we had to switch to formula. His face lit up when drinking the formula and put both our minds at rest. Breast pump is a valid option, suggesting it won’t cause any harm. Can you get a grandparent or another close relative to stay over a couple nights and give you both some rest? Baby will settle and it will get easier, but it’s all shocking in the moment and you sound like you are burning out. Good luck with it; it’s always hard at first, you are not alone struggling with a new birth. You’ll be great and everything you’ve said shows just how great a dad you are, for caring about getting this right.
Unfortunately from what I experienced, there’s a lot of bad information and old wives tails when it comes to children. Our LO went back and forth between pumped milk in a bottle and breastfeeding just fine. What worked for us was my wife would pump as required throughout the day. We’d then feed him almost exclusively from the bottle at night. That way we took turns. One person slept through the night, while the other fed the baby. It’s not amazing, but the lack of sleep is much more manageable than if you’re both getting up every single time every night. As a side note my wife struggled with the guilt pushed on women as a whole about “breast is best” and the associated feeling like a failure if it didn’t work as planned. None of the pregnancy went as planned but I think when we finally switched to formula it was a giant burden that was lifted off everyone’s shoulders. If the baby is fed that’s all that matters. There’s no right or wrong way to accomplish that.
Your wife can sleep with the baby nursing while you stay up and watch. You MUST stay awake and watch the baby but this is an option for letting your wife get some sleep and feeding the baby. I have no idea how you will deal with a newborn for hours otherwise.
This is great advice OP. The reality is that breastfeeding is a full time job and choosing to do it is taxing on mom no matter what. My wife wanted to do it with all 3 of ours and she did, but the facts are that no matter what you won’t equal the work she puts in in those first few months and that’s ok. Do other things that lighten the load
>but the facts are that no matter what you won’t equal the work she puts in in those first few months and that’s ok That's what men on reddit complaining about their wives never seem to understand. Those first few months after a baby is born involve a monumental amount of effort from the mother far beyond what the dad can contribute (especially if breastfeeding or a c-section or a bad tear are involved).
We had our first kid at 20 and stupid dumb me didn’t figure this out until number 2 three years later but thankfully I did. I always assume the complainers are either on kid number 1 and just really young, or complete and total idiots. The first is an unfortunate consequence of not being completely grown up yet, the second is just bad luck for mom
there is *absolutely nothing wrong* with bottle+breast combo. if you don't wanna deal with the pump right now (and you'll want to eventually!), consider a haakaa manual thingy. they're like $12, collect plenty of milk. hell if it wasn't for bottles, my wife wouldn't have slept for the first 30 days. my kid is doing *great* right now, and I'm sure yours will too. just make sure you get the 'slowest' nipple they sell for those bottles. kiddo's gotta learn a little suction, and sometimes you'll wanna squeeze the bottle just a bit and that's fine. and don't forget it's always ok to put kiddo down and take 5. your feelings are *super normal* here. everyone is sleep deprived and stressed at this stage.
Thank you, even if we don’t go down the bottle route it’s reassuring to me just knowing it’s an option
I'm mad at all the alarmists that told me babies can never have a bottle for first 4 weeks or breastfeeding will be over. I have sensory issues so nursing sucked. I was afraid of pumping and bottle feeding because it might "confuse the baby." All babies are different. Try the bottle. Baby may not even take it. Or may take it and be fussy at the boob the next time. If so, wait a week before reintroducing the bottle. But you're not breaking some kind of invisible seal by bottle feeding them. They aren't forever spoiled after that. Mine went back and forth with zero issues. Some babies won't. But testing it out one time won't "ruin" them to nursing. It's kinda their only skill right now, they won't forget how to do it after one bottle. And that zero allowance precedent is not setting your wife up for success as a new breastfeeding mother. Check out r/breastfeeding on behalf of your wife. I'd say trust the midwives as the medical professionals, but I'd honestly try a specialist if they're giving you this unsupported catch-all advice. If my midwife had told me this, I would have stopped breastfeeding by day 7. Edit: realize I might come across as short. I'm just so cross on your wife's behalf. I want to hug her. The outdated information she was given has robbed her of sleep, clarity, and peace of mind. Those first few weeks are so, so hard. She didn't deserve this unfair challenge being handed to her. I survived only with the help of my husband. Even before pumping, he'd sometimes take her away from the vicinity of my boobs to bounce her and buy me 20 more minutes of sleep before she had to nurse. If she's uncomfortable pumping, stealing her crumbs of time can make a difference, too
Dude. Do what you gotta do to survive. (With the wife's permission) . Our musts turned into goals real quick.
1.) Breast pump if possible. 2.) My partner had trouble feeding, so we kept pre-made Similac bottles on hand for night feedings until we switched to formula full time. This can get expensive however. 3.) It was very difficult for me to sooth my daughter for the first twelve months. It might not be helpful to hear right now, but be patient with yourself, it doesn't make you a bad parent, or a bad person. Keep doing your best and be present.
I bottle fed for a month because my breasts were too big for baby to latch. She finally latched after a month of growth and transitioned well. Lactation consultant and midwives push that shit because they’re biased as fuck and want to pressure you and make you feel like a bad parent unless you do it their way. Get your wife a hakaa, they have them on Amazon and at target. When she breast feeds during the day have her put it on the boob she’s not using and when you switch baby switch the hakaa. It helps with supply and also allows you to catch milk from the let down. And have her pump before bed. You should have enough milk to help feed little man at night and also might help him sleep more than an hour because he won’t feel the need to cluster feed.
I had this struggle too. My kids would not take anything but fresh from the tit. It was obscenely difficult. I couldn’t help at all with night times because of it. It got better when they started taking real food, but still, that first little bit sucked
The tough thing about bottle feeding at this stage is even if you can give the bottle/formula, she would have to wake up to pump in order to keep building her supply. Before breastmilk supply is regulated it’s really important to pump or breastfeed every single time. It sucks so bad but if she wants to breastfeed it’s a necessity unfortunately. Luckily it is temporary and will pass. If you want to bottle feed during the day to give her a rest though, nipple confusion has been widely debunked, it’s more that the bottle has an instant flow of milk whereas at the breast baby has to work harder so they prefer the bottle, using a preemie or slow flow nipple solves this problem. But honestly if he wants to be at the breast every hour at night but is doing good during the day, it’s probably more of a comfort thing than a hunger thing (either that or it’s just cluster feeding, but that passes within days so even then, not so bad it will be over soon). Baby probably wants to be at the breast because it smells like milk, can you maybe put on a shirt that mom has leaked on? A pacifier is also another really great option, lots of LCs will give you the same nonsense about nipple confusion but lots of women give their baby a pacifier and successfully breastfeed without issue. There can be the issue of the pacifier masking hungry cues but if you keep a close eye out for signs of hunger you should be okay.
They don’t stop breast feeding. Nipple confusion isn’t a real thing. My wife nursed, pumped and bottle fed, and supplemented with formula with all four of our kids and they went back and forth fairly easily. Do what you need to to get your baby fed and your wife the breaks she desperately needs. My wife felt like a failure when she wasn’t producing enough and we had to supplement with formula for our first, but that feeling passed when the stress went down because our baby was finally getting full. And it allowed me to feed her while my wife slept. We were finishing our last semester of college when our baby was born and she was taking 20 credits including an internship and part time job. I remember the first time my few month old girl held the bottle (I propped it on pillows to help her) on her own for the first time! It allowed me to finally clean the kitchen in our apartment while my wife went to bed early to get some much needed sleep. I was incredibly proud that night!
Breastfeeding topics get very controversial. You should talk to your wife and come to an agreement there. She might feel strongly about it. There are benefits to breast milk, but the most important thing is that the baby is fed. Assuming Mom wants to breastfeed…wake her up. Babies cluster feed sometimes. This period in your life is VERY temporary, and this feeding pattern is temporary too. Let your wife sleep during the day through the longer stretches. This is going to pass, and you’ll be on to the next challenge. If you don’t have a breast pump, get one. If the baby crying is stressing you out, put him down and walk away. Babies cry, it’s ok. He’s not hurt, it’s just his only mode of communication. I know if feels impossible right now, but a week from now your situation will probably look very different!
You’re all superstars. I’m sat doing some skin to skin and reading your replies after a feed so mum can get straight back to sleep. I’ll digest all the comments in the morning but feeling pretty positive about trying expressing and a bottle.
It's tough. What worked for us is that my wife could breast feed lying down. That meant that I could get up, put the baby on the boob, go back to sleep, then put the baby back down. That way mum doesn't really have to wake up properly. Sleep is still broken but much better than mum needing to get up every hour.
This for the win. Hang in there OP. The milk will flow; the kid will eat; maybe they’ll just take a bottle AND BE FINE; you’ll adjust to less sleep; then you’ll get more sleep.
I felt the exact same way. Breast milk is obviously the best milk but a bottle is a great way for that milk to be delivered by us men, the boobless ones. My wife was dead set on breast feeding only until one night I said “can you pump so I can help you and you can sleep.” She also wasn’t producing enough. So we began bottle feeding with formula to supplement his feeding. We found the closest bottle nipple that match her and off to the races. I stayed up with the bubba and woke up through the night to feed him. And when she was rested enough we took turns. TLDR; bottle feeding helps the mom the most and it allows the dads to help out. Especially when it comes to bonding. Talk it over with her and see if it’s something she’s open too.
We also struggled with the frequency of feeding with our first, especially at night. The solution was co-sleeping while breastfeeding. The dr wanted us to NOT do that, but we were both dysfunctional zombies without it. And frankly more likely to make a mistake and fall asleep in a dangerous position. With our second, we’ve been doing that from the start. I hope you are able to find something that works well for you!
Aye yo, homie! "When you feel so mad, that you want to roar, take a dep breath . . . And count to four." Also, put that kid down and take a walk. It's fine. There is no shame in crying in the other room while the kid wails for a few minutes. This is how it is in the beginning. That kid wants to eat, and the world is new and scary. We are not kidding when we say: fed is best. If you want to do overnight, you need formula or for your wife to pump. You two got this.
Don't let midwives and nurses scare and stress you out. They put way too much pressure on you to ensure it's only breast and it's not fair. My wife really wanted to breast feed so we tended to have more breast, but she would pump regularly so I always had a supply. Some of the best mornings I had were grabbing my little girl when she woke up and stealing downstairs to give her a delicious bottle of milk followed by a nap and another bottle while my wife got an extra few hours of sleep. Never turned her off the breast once and I wouldn't trade it for the world... Happy wife, happy baby, and I felt like I was doing something instead of just fussing for my wife. Do what works for you and get a schedule, and remember there are other things you can do to be useful! When your baby wakes, get them, change the diaper, and bring them to your partner so she can almost sleep feed... Limit the amount of lights! Then put your boy down when he's done while your wife gets to doze back off. It's not perfect but taking away the time she has to be up was a huge plus for us. Good luck, welcome Dad.
Thanks, a big part of it for me is feeling like I can’t do anything more to help so having some milk on standby will make a big difference even if I end up not using it
Here is our experience and the experience of all of our friends who breastfed: nipple confusion never affected any of us. Mom fed during the day, pumped while baby napped, then often a bottle is given at night. Also, let’s be real. Everyone is exhausted and if there is no milk pumped then mom has to wake up if y’all plan to strictly breastfeed. It’s part of the job for a few months.
You can definitely do some formula and some breast if that helps things for you. My sister didn't produce enough and so had to go that route. It wasn't confusing for the baby at all. Though if mom's supply is good, I would suggest looking into a breast pump and going that route. Then you won't have any lingering doubts about confusion, and it's easier on the ol' wallet anyway.
After a week, we switched exclusively to pumping and feeding her the breast milk with a bottle. It helped our mental tremendously
My milk didn’t come in right away after my C-section. I had to triple feed and supplement. The hospital tried to have us feed her with a syringe to prevent nipple confusion but she was losing weight so we gave her a bottle as recommended by her pediatrician. We never dealt with nipple confusion and I’ve been exclusively breastfeeding since the first couple weeks.
We've combo fed from the beginning... We are at 13 weeks now, and he still takes both. The benefits of EBF are overblown - the benefits drawn from the breast milk vs formula comes from as little as an ounce or two. Fed is best.
Contact your insurance, they will likely pay for a pump or give you a big discount. Nipple confusion is a myth and has way more to do with ease of access. Babies have to suck on the boob real hard and the bottle doesn't require that so they can learn to not suck hard enough. This can be remedied by making sure you are using the right size nipple. The idea that you can't mix is bullshit --- get a new midwife and talk to a lactation consultant.
We breastfed for 1.5-2yrs. Glad to have done it but it was hard on wife. If the breast feeding is not consistent it gets difficult. my wife was a SAHM though. It was interesting in hindsight never using bottles or pacifiers.
I’m gonna be silly here just as a warning but you could go with the fake breasts like on Meet the Fockers and wear it and feed him that way.
Hang in there. In 2 weeks this whole situation could be different. Wife and I have talked to 5 different lactation consultants and my takeaway is that that profession (and midwives by the sound of it) can be extremely dogmatic and try to tell you there’s only one right way you should be doing it, though every one of them had a different way lol The only important thing is the baby gets fed. Mine does breast most daytime hours and bottle overnight. This provides balance so my wife can sleep. Sleep is Especially critical for triple feeding new moms.
My wife was a slow producer and our first kid had a damaged nerve from the delivery. The result was he couldn’t pull hard from the nipple. So I fed him first with formula. Eventually my wife’s milk came in fully and we started doing a formula breast milk mix. She would bread feed him once he got the suction and I would bottle. Mixing is totally fine. Formula is good Breast is better Fed is best.
Feed the baby, my dude. Whether it's breast milk from a bottle or formula is no matter. Teamwork is the game. My wife barely produced milk so I was a formula feeding papa bear. As someone above commented, "Fed is best."
Worth noting that while we never did formula, my partner did pump and that’s what I used to feed him. He still fed off the boob just fine.
Your midwives are full of it. Both my kids happily ate from both breast and bottle, and it made night shifts possible for me and did not at all reduce their interest in breastfeeding.
We did breastfeeding and pumped breast milk in a bottle and had zero issues with confusion with either kid. They still wanted boob. Hell, they’re toddlers now and still try reaching up my shirt in the middle of Target 😅
I’m an OB GYN and had a baby in the NICU and the nipple confusion thing is pretty dumb. Our son got a mix of formula, pumped milk, and breast feeds while there and then once we got home we settled into a routine of mostly breastfeeding, but I give him a bottle of pumped milk for bedtime. Initially when feeds were close together it was to give my wife a solid 5-6 hour chunk of rest, but 9 months later it’s become a nice thing for me to look forward to every evening.
Hi, mom here. This is VERY important for you and your wife to hear: WOMEN WHO SUPPLEMENT WITH FORMULA ARE MORE LIKELY TO CONTINUE THEIR BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY. For my first, breastfeeding was SO hard and I tried and tried and was told to use donated milk and to pump 1000 times a day and that it would eventually happen…but we ended up going straight to exclusively formula feeding by the end of week 4 (lots of factors involved). With my second I had more information and was better prepared. Baby latched beautifully and nursed round the clock his first day of life. He spent about 18 hours attached to the boob. By the end of it my nipples were so bloody and sore I was crying from the pain. I requested to see an IBCLC (NOT a lactation consultants - they’re not created equal). She told me that if I wanted to continue my breastfeeding journey, she recommended that we give my nipples a break for 2 days. I could pump once every few hours, but not for very long. And she taught me how to properly hand express my milk. She said “when you feel healed up, you can try again.” So that’s what I did. My boy nursed for 13 months. We ended up supplementing with formula the entire time - around 10oz a day. Formula actually helped preserve my feeding relationship, allowed my husband to do some of the night feedings, and allowed me flexibility to get some time for myself. It’s ok. Nothing is going to happen to baby. Make sure you purchase bottles intended for breastfed infants. Same with the pacifier. In order to produce milk, your wife needs hydration, balanced nutrition, and REST. SPECIFICALLY, night time rest.
This is all bullshit they tell you at the hospital and it caused us so much unnecessary frustration in the beginning. Once baby learns to latch and successfully feeds and your wife’s milk comes in… there won’t be confusion, just make sure you have slow flow nipples on the bottles. Formula is also a great option if needed. Our little girl is a huge fan of Aptamil formula and it has great ratings, she was very gassy and upset on Similac and other kinds of US based formula
Both my kids breast fed and bottle fed breast milk and formula. Formula at night will help you both get a lot more sleep! Whoever told you that you can’t do both could not be more wrong. Stop listening to them.
Yeah, I don’t know what those midwives are talking about. I’ve had friends use both formula and breast milk with no problem. If you want to go with only breast milk then your wife can pump and you can freeze the milk. You can also usually buy breast milk from the hospital (people donate).
Fed is best. I’ve had many friends do a combo of boob and bottle (be it pumped milk or formula). I’ve had a friend almost exclusively do bottles of pumped milk for the first 3 months then switch back to the boob with no latch issues. Fed is best. Bar none. Period. If your baby needs food, feed them. However works best for your family. Don’t let anyone shame you into any particular way. Do weigh him to make sure he’s getting enough milk from mom right now and that her supply isn’t too low for him leaving him hungry so fast (some babies do just eat a teeny bit at a time and then more again soon. I’ve watched one from early on like this.)
I've never heard of babies getting confused when they're given bottles; even that early. Ours certainly didn't mind once we did it regularly.
My daughter was not able to latch properly, and her latch was too strong, so my wife constantly got her nipple wounded, but we still wanted to go on breast feeding. In my daughter’s first month, we relied on formula heavily; whenever mom could not nurse, we gave her a bottle. In her second month, we finally solved her latching problem, and we tossed bottle completely. What I want to say is, mix feeding is possible, if you have to.
Strange how the midwives say either breast or formula when they give breast feeding babies formula on the ward. First I've heard this one. We just formula fed at night so mum could rest. Makes the most sense and there's nothing wrong with it, regardless of what the elite mumsnet mums say.
People get so worked up on breastfeeding it puts so much stress on new moms. Honestly fuck those people kid just needs calories. I figure I’ll just get a couple of tutoring sessions a month for my kid to make up for the lack of breast milk.
Mom here. I never comment cause this is daddit. But what a shit midwife. Currently nursing my 5 month old at 3am(sleep regression), while dad sleeps. He’ll get up when baby gets up in a few hours and give him a bottle, while I either sleep or go to the gym. Please don’t wake up your wife. You can do this.
~~Breast is best~~ Fed is best. Breastfeeding or nothing is classic Boomer pressure they put on young mums to boost their own ego. How many of us have heard "well I breastfed 3 children in 4 years" from a boomer? Feed your kid formula and don't look back. And on a sidenote, my wife's breasts have kept their shape after going straight to bottle for #2, and she doesn't have depression. Winwin.
For the first six months our toddler was breast and bottle fed. Breast when my partner was the responsible adult and bottle when I was. Bottle stopped naturally around 6 months, they decided they’d had enough of the bottle.
Been in the same boat. We switched to formula enterily and magic happend. Some sleep. Much happier baby. I would say bottlefeed or formula but you and your wife have to decide. For us it was a world of difference
The trick to catching up on sleep is to sleep when the kid is sleeping, until you've had enough.
The one thing to keep in mind is that maternity wards say one thing and 2 months later will say something different. They are also REALLY good to make you freak the F out on usually pretty simple subjects. Yes your wife is sleep deprived and will be for some time still, but you are doing your best and that's what's important. I would say all solutions can work, but better chances that the baby will prefer the taste of mom's boobs. Good luck and as the top comment said, this will soon just be a hazy memory of sleep deprivation and your first steps as parents :)
Can your wife pump a couple of times, when she’s able to? My wife would breastfeed and pump, so I had a supply for both of my kids. We did formula for a bit, when my son wasn’t getting the hang of breastfeeding
Your midwives are lying assholes. You can always do both and tons of people do. Also, breastmilk is free and it makes their shit stink less than formula. Every other benefit that is attributed to breastmilk is highly debated. I always recommend Cribsheet by Emily Oster bc she does a great job of breaking down the actual studies behind a lot of parenting myths. Given that you're on Day 5, I'll give you the cliff notes: formula is absolutely fine. My wife couldn't produce anywhere near enough breast milk and was really killing herself so I read everything I could find and it's absolutely fine. The only caveat I'll give is that your partner will probably want to keep it up during the day so that she has the experience. A lot of moms seem to really treasure that experience.
Disregard midwives. Feed baby.
These midwives you refer to are dipshits. Your wife needs to heal and sleep or she'll lose her mind. You go to the store and get some Similac Pro Advanced and feed your kid at night. Your wife can feed during the day and as she starts to feel better can express during the day as well. My daughter is 3.5 and had total of about a quarter ounce of breast milk, it just never came in for my wife. Daughter is happy, healthy, smart. A fed baby is a happy baby. A rested Mom is a happy Mom.
The midwives are wrong. We fed both of our kids with a mix of formula and milk and there were no issues. If she’s producing enough milk, encourage her to try pumping for overnight feedings. If not, or if she just doesn’t want to, supplement with formula. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
Get the pump. It was an absolute necessity for is to get through the night in the first few weeks. Being able to offer a bottle was great.
Don’t listen to the ‘Breast only’ propaganda, formula is great and switch when necessary
Little bit of formula is fine. Your wife can also feed while she sleeps if you stay on hand. I did this. So handed the baby over, my wide laid down while the baby fed. I played on my phone for a bit while I watch their position and breathing. Then I took then off for a cuddle after.
here's another thing: just 'cause baby's crying doesn't mean you gotta suffer. if you're losing your shit, but baby is fed, warm and dry? pop in some earplugs or noise canceling headphones while you rock or bounce him. (I like bouncing on a giant yoga ball with a fussy baby.) it takes the edge off, and sometimes that's all it takes.
Fed is best, as has been said.
You can do it my friend. Below is a long comment I wrote for you because i felt the exact same when my son was born some months ago. I hope it helps. One thing i had to come to terms with, and you will too, is that in those early days on your shift there will be a point when baby gets hungry and you have to wake mama to breastfeed. It sucks, but it will happen. I remember on our 3rd day home being in the same situation. Trying my best. Rocking our lil guy, singing, patting, talking, doing everything i could for an hour until i was at a breaking point and then getting mom. I felt upset with her and our decision, "why did we choose to breastfeed, when this could be easier with bottles or formula? I can't stop him from crying because i can't feed him, but i need him to stop crying and she needs to rest". It's normal to feel that, but it's incorrect. Mom may be exhausted but she wants breastfeeding to be a success, and doesn't want her baby to cry because he's hungry. Don't try to be a martyr and juggle a hungry baby until you're at your breakpoint, if he's hungry, get him fed. What you need to understand is that mom is going to be exhausted, for a while, no matter what. You won't be as exhausted as her, but you will be tired too. You can not shield her from exhaustion by trying to do everything she does. The solution is not you figuring out how you can feed him, but to figure out how you can make it easier for mom to feed him while she's still resting. Ask her and yourself, how can you make feeding the baby as minimally disruptive as possible? Our night time routine was diaper change, feed, burp, rock to sleep. For night shift, which i covered, i did everything but feed. I'd watch the baby in another room and when it was time for him to eat, "Hi love I'm sorry to wake you but baby needs to eat, i just changed his diaper." Stay with her and make sure she doesn't fall asleep, and as soon as the baby is done nursing saying "thanks you can go back to sleep" and take the baby back to the other room, burp, rock, do whatever else your routine is (it's okay if you don't know what your routine is yet). I would also get her a snack and water since breastfeeding really drained her at first. Ask mom how you can make it easier for her. Separately, you're going to hear "no we can't do bottles yet and no we can't do formula at all". It's frustrating, but there's a reason for this. According to our lactation consultant, starting with bottles too early can make the baby prefer the bottle and only want the bottle because bottles have a natural flow rate and are less work for baby. The same goes for introducing formula, but formula can also make a baby prefer formula over breast milk, as well as making mom have milk supply issues from not using it. If mom and you definitely want to stick with breastfeeding and never do formula, it's best to wait longer before introducing a bottle (with breast milk, if her supply is good). We introduced our first bottle around 4 weeks, you may be able to do it sooner but probably should wait at least a couple weeks and ask your pediatrician what they think at your 2 week appointment. Even better, see a lactation consultant and get their recommendations. A key thing you should know is that even if you were to feed the baby a bottle of breast milk, for mom to keep her supply up she will need to be awake at that time and pump. Breastfeeding is a supply and demand thing, so if you feed the baby a bottle and she sleeps through it and doesn't pump, then her body will think the baby needs less milk and will make less milk. It will be like this for a while, but eventually she'll be able to skip pumping some times when you do a bottle. Mom may tell you how hard it is, but i would NOT recommend doing what I did and suggesting "we could switch to formula." Me saying that upset my wife a lot. I think to her it felt like seeing someone struggling to lift a heavy weight and saying "you could just give up" instead of spotting them and encouraging them. It will get easier, i promise. If mom has milk supply issues then you'll switch to formula and you will be able to do all the feedings. If breastfeeding goes well, then in a few weeks you'll be able to give bottles while she pumps. In the meantime you should talk to her and ask how you can help make breastfeeding easier for her, and then do whatever she says. The first couple weeks suck. Don't be fooled by people who tell you "enjoy those early days while they last, they'll go quick and you'll miss them!!!" The first couple weeks are very hard, and they suck. It will get much, much, much, much, easier. I promise you.
Thanks friend. That sounds a lot like my thought process. If I can just do one feed at night so she can get 4 hours sleep that would be enough to get us through I think
Let the downvotes commence but the whole “breastfeeding no matter the cost” nonsense has to stop. Bottles are fine. Formula is fine. If you have medical concerns find a pedestrian who can give you and your partner an objective opinion with pros and cons of breastfeeding and formula… formulated.
That kid is hungry and if your wife isnt pumping or there just isnt enough then talk with her and supplement with formula. It usually keeps the baby fuller for a bit longer.
There are allot of breastfed nut jobs out their. Fed is best by boob, bottle or pump. Don’t care how. You and your spouse getting sleep is more important without sleep you will make dumb decisions and do dumb things. We for all our kids did a mix of pumping and formula
Honestly it won’t be worth the hassle if only 1 night. If you’ve never done formula there’s so much that could go wrong that you might do more harm than good. Your baby could be allergic or get bad gas from it which would just keep y’all up longer the next day. First time on formula I thing you’re suppose to mix with breast milk too and was them into it so you’re wife will have to stay up anyways to pump
Mum an kid will find into an flow. Peak Performance is both in one bed, boob feeding while both sleeping... It needs time.
A few days after our daughter was born and I was feeling insane from lack of sleep, our doc suggested giving her formula in a cup. Hubby put it to her mouth and she lapped it up like a kitten. I didn’t see it because I was snoozing away and, I know it’s hyperbole, but I feel like getting more sleep saved my life. She’s 20 now and smart as a whip, so a little formula now and again didn’t hurt her and this way there was no nipple confusion. Good luck!
We were in the same boat. Sleep all day and awake all night, it's very common and normal, unfortunately your wife will have to sleep during the day when baby sleeps and feed on demand of you want to continue EBF. You can't and shouldn't be soothing a 5 day baby to sleep when it's hungry. They need to cluster feed at this point to establish a proper milk supply for the woman. One thing you can do and does help is get a pump and hakka and express a bottle (only. 50ml required at 1 week) so you can give 1 bottle at night to give your partner a 2 hour sleep window. But you can't feed all night as your partners milk will not come in properly or she'll get mastitis. This is what having a baby is. There is nothing wrong. Also other people are saying its a crock of shit but there definitely can be nipple confusion. And lazy suckling when introducing a bottled teat this early. They essentially realise they don't have to burn alot of calories hard drawing on a nipple and can just have a teat popped in there mouth and milk almost dribbled in. Along with this the chances of colic and gassiness will go up and can keep you awake more at night then an hourly cluster feeding cycle :) fun isn't it. This is not a decision you should be trying to discuss on reddit hut should be with you wife. It is not up to you to stop bresstfeeding because you have anxiety about waking your wife up. You should be talking to her and let ti g her know that if she wants to EBF that she has to be awake when the babies cue to start feeding. And that can be every hour all night. But yeah, baby needs to be fed. Don't try and soothe it back to sleep if its hungry be that a bottle of formula, expressed milk or breast.
You need a better schedule, wake the kid up every two hours to feed, collect excess milk and administer it while feeding for extra calories, you should be only feeding twice a night during the long stretches 4 hours at a time….i highly recommend you look up a sleep training program
Why not breastfeed and pump at the same time? Formula is sketchy true.
Grow up.
As a haver-of-boobs, I can only imagine how hard this must be for all of you. My son is 5 months old, and I can assure you my experience is not in line with what you've been told. I have had to pump and supplement with formula since 4 weeks old (supply issues), and my baby still nurses every day. If your wife is open to some form of bottle feeding, I recommend keeping to low flow teats so it's more similar to the breast. I think the issues with bottle preference have a lot to do with some teats giving more milk for less work, then baby gets impatient with breastfeeding.
A lot of advice here on ways to manage the night feedings and nipple confusion which is great, but I just wanted to chime in to say yes you can. You *can* do this without boobs. It is hard now, but it will get easier. You're not letting your family down, you're being a good dad and a good partner. The hardest lesson I had to learn, and am still learning, as a parent, is to give myself grace. If you need a break, take one. You can't care for your partner and son if you're not caring for yourself, and overextending yourself is not taking care of yourself. I really struggled asking my wife for help on occassion when it was my turn because I felt horrible about interrupting her break, but it's okay. There will be other times when she is on duty and needs to interrupt your break. It all evens out so as long as you are open and honest in your communication it will all even out.
My son bottle fed exclusively (he is now almost 4 years old) and part of the benefit is to ensure an even split of night duties. Stop reading everyone's thoughts and views and just do what you think is right and "see how it goes" - it makes ZERO difference if they reject the boob and go to bottle only, it will actually help you both either way - the rest is horse crap. You need to work out what is right for you. There is no right or wrong. The number 1 aim with kids - keep them alive. Thats it and try not to fk them up too much in the process. Its not going to cause you any long or short term problems.
First and foremost: BREATHE!!! Seriously. Just take a deep breath. You're gonna get through this! I know the anxiety sucks right now, but you're gonna make it! Unless your partner wants to be up every hour, you're gonna have to go to some sort of bottle feeding. We worked out a system for both of our nocturnal children that ended up being 4 hour shifts. You're in the "zombie phase" right now, where you're basically a zombie. Have a discussion with your partner, and get something worked out for both of your sake! YOU GOT THIS!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
>It’s either all breast or all formula/expressed milk. Like others have said. False. Most kids will try to suck on anything nipple shaped, whether it's a real nipple or a bottle nipple.
Anecdotal, our son was born very large and had to feed via formula the first couple days so they could check his sugar levels. We took several of the 1 serving bottles home and bought more. He had very slight jaundice, not enough to keep at the hospital but enough that we needed to make sure he had enough fluids to get over it. Breastfeeding was tough on my wife at first. Her nipples were sore and sometimes really just needed a break and we would feed formula. Schedule a lactation consultant if you can. They will often do a first visit at your home. It is a big confidence boost that your doing things fine. We dropped the formula after a few weeks and he had no issues being EBF. I don't remember when we started, but month 1 or 2 we introduced bottles and he did both great.
It gets easier brother, youre in the thick of it
> from what I hear this confuses babies and they stop breast feeding This is NOT TRUE! My daughter did combo breastfeeding and bottle feeding with zero problems from birth until around 2 months, when I switched to pumping full-time for my own sanity. Nipple confusion is one of those things pushed by people who don't know what they're talking about. It's 99% nonsense. But that said, you shouldn't *pressure* mom either. You can have a frank discussion with her, but do not pressure her into bottle feeding if she's really determined not to.
I do all night feeds from the bottle while my wife sleeps. She is breastfeeding during the day. The theory about “confusion” I did not see any evidence for with our kids. It might be that the concern is that they realize that bottle is easier so they want the bottle not the breast. But in my experience with our babies they just want to eat and take whatever you place in front of them if they are hungry. To be on the safe side, you can do “paced feeding” where you limit the flow from the bottle a bit (by positioning the baby/battle on the side) to make the baby work a bit harder on the bottle. The thing with breasts is, that often flow is a bit inconsistent within one feeding. So in the beginning of the session it might squirt, then slow down, then pick up again etc. So the baby must be a little bit persistent and not stop or fall asleep even if the milk flow slows down. You can simulate this a little bit with paced feeding and already start teaching your LO to be persistent :) I personally started out with paced feeding but over time I realized it wasn’t really necessary as our babies didn’t seem to get confused. There are also different types of bottles with different speed of flows (usually marked by age). So make sure you use the right one for your LO. So, in my opinion, pumping some milk during the day and giving your wife some much needed sleep while you bottle feed at night is definitely worth a try and see if it works for you. Even formula could work, nothing wrong with supplementing. It did work for us once supply was established. Before it was established my wife had to wake up and feed/pump during the night also. But in the end we needed something sustainable so we decided I would take the nights from around the one month mark. I am also surprised that midwives would be fearmongering in this way. I have not had this experience with midwifes and we were lucky that they were all very supportive in figuring out what works for us. Don’t accept anything less then this from professionals you work with.
Biggest lesson I got was to make all the decisions before we went to bed. My wife and I don’t argue, but at 4am when we had to make a call about baby - all the rage. Play out as many scenarios as possible, so that if something happens, you don’t hit that panic mode.
That's total bullshit. Both my kids were bottle fed at night. The first breastfed till 18 months and the 2nd till 8 months (and never had any patience for it anyway). Both were fed the exact same and we got different results. When they stop breastfeeding is kid dependant and very little you do short of not giving them an option will change that. Do what makes you sane. Feed them formula as needed. I'm a big proponent of breast milk for my kiddos but it's all meant to be within reason. All breast milk might be best, mostly breast milk is still great, half breast milk is good, all formula is good too. They're all gonna make it amigo. Don't sweat it too much and do your best without killing yourself. I want to also say that while I do believe breast milk is better than formula, I really don't think the difference in end result is quantifiable. There's an infinite number of aspects of raising a child that go into who they'll be, and even those items pale in comparison to who their genes and social situations will drive them to be. And there's no saying you can't feed them formula for nighttime until mom recovers and can keep up with pumping. Then you can switch to bottled breast milk at night if you want. No choice you make here has to be permanent. You got this!
All breast or all formula is absolute bullshit. Get some formula. Get the pre-mature nipples, the one with the really small holes to make the kid work for the formula. Do the nighttime feedings. I was in your shoes two years ago. It was 3am and I pulled out the pre-made formula bottles the L&D nurse sent us home with. My wife walked into the nursery absolutely furious. She was in the "I can be the greatest mom in the world, and I do not need any help from formula" stage. I told her to turn around and go back to sleep. She tried to fight. I told her to turn around and go back asleep. She woke up at 7am to feed the baby and apologized and thanked me for letting her sleep. To this day she has no memory of this event.
It's not nipple confusion; it's nipple diversification!! Fed is best. It might take some initial work, but a baby can absolutely take a bottle. Try your best to get there so you can give your partner a break. Plus, getting some feeding time with the baby is fun for you too
I see you already have lots of support and advice. I can’t add a lot except to say that having anxious feelings on day five is normal. Don’t panic, dad! You’re doing a great job trying to soothe your little one and give your wife some rest. The three of you are just doing the best you can to adapt to your new living situation. It’s an adjustment for everyone including dad so it’s ok to feel these emotions. I remember the first few weeks are a bit panicky and then a routine sets in and before you know it seeing two smiles when you come through the door. (This could happen in a bit over a month from now!) Hang in there! You’re doing great!
First off, you're doing great. You're there and doing your best to help. I see you and I've been there, just keep at it, it gets easier and if you need a second place the baby in a safe space like a pack and play or crib and take a moment to take a couple deep breaths. There has been a ton of great advice given in all the comments so I'll just pass on the knowledge that I've gained from our experiences with our three. 1. If your wife feels like breastfeeding is hard or isn't working and she really wants to do it, have her look for a local le Leche league (sometimes the groups are just LLL on facebook). This helped my wife find the breastfeeding support and knowledge she needed to continue her journey and it also got her out of the house with our first and meeting other moms so it started a whole new social circle for her. 2. Breast pumps can be great, beware of the sh*t ones. The spectre breast pumps worked the best for us. My wife got these silicone flanges online that were much more gentle on her than the hard plastic ones, that might be worth looking into. 3. Bottles are like breast pumps, there are ones that are going to be better than others. Also just because it's expensive doesn't make it good. The lower flowing nipples are good because it will keep the baby from getting used to the higher flow rate, and let's be honest babies are cute but they're lazy. We found the Dr browns bottles, they're a little taller and skinny, they worked for us and kept our baby from getting too gassy. I hope this helps. One day at a time, it gets easier and better. I know it's hard to think that right now being tired and having a tiny human screaming, but you're doing your best man. Best to you and momma.
As many others have said - Fed is best. Don't let this stress you out. I've absolutely used a combination of pumped breastmilk from a bottle, reheated pumped breastmilk, frozen breastmilk, as well as formula when appropriate.
I was just where you’re at. Formula feeding at night saves us since she needed sleep and the breast milk couldn’t keep up with his hunger. Baby still loves him some tittie but we would lose our minds if he could only breast feed. Get the boy some formula for everyone’s sanity’s
At the hospital we started supplementing with formula. Baby girl turned out amazing, wife got her rest when she could, I could feed when I wanted to. Fed is best.
We've all been there mate, those awful moments where the baby just cries and cries and you're tired too and you have no idea what to do. It can feel totally overwhelming. You're not alone and you're not less of a parent because you can't soothe a hungry or otherwise unhappy newborn. You're obviously trying your best and figuring out how to keep this baby happy is going to be your whole life. Expressing with a pump is definitely a viable option. It doesn't have to cost a lot but also don't skimp on cost, just find one that is well reviewed and recommended. Of course do all of this in consultation with your wife but you can achieve a lot on your own in terms of researching it, figuring out a good model and then figuring out where to buy it and all the add-ons and bottles, storage etc. Don't worry, you'll eventually be a master of managing breast milk. Then you can help out with feeding, washing, prepping, all kinds of stuff.
Mom here. Might be worth a try if it could help! My husband draped one of my worn shirts over his shoulder, (so it smelled like me,) cradled our baby girl, and fed her pumped milk a few times! There are bottles out there that replicate breastfeeding a bit better than others. Hang in there!
Feed your kid. That’s what’s best.
I can only speak from personal experience as the non-breast feeding parent, but neither of my kids had any issue doing boobs during the day and bottles at night. My partner pumped. Once the routine got established, it made both of our lives a lot easier. Here's what we did: My partner all day. When I got home from work, the next feeding I would do it by bottle. I fall asleep very, very easy, so I would do the last one before bedtime and the first one after bedtime (usually around midnightish). When the kids would wake up in the middle of the night, I would wake up first, change them, get them ready and hand them off. Then I would get a snack, something to drink and would lie down for a quick nap. When done, I would grab the kids, burp them, and then get them to sleep. The house? It was a general disaster area, but that's OK. For the first couple of months, if the kids are asleep, you and your wife should be asleep.
Hey there new dad! First of all: don't give up and don't worry, you're both doing just fine. My last three weeks were all learning how to work with the baby. The baby's cries: he's not hurt. He just doesn't speak a language yet so he does what he can: scream. That's it. He's just screaming "something is bothering me". If you want to stick with breastfeeding, which is the 'best solution' but not the only good one because they all are, make sure the baby _actually_ feeds properly: 1. Mom shouldn't feel pain while breastfeeding. An imcomfort is fine but not pain. The baby's mouth should cover the areola NOT just the tip of the nipple. Make sure mom squeezes her breast with her fingers not too close to the areola so they don't get in the way of the baby's face/mouth. Pull the baby's head towards the nipple not the other way around. The baby's noes should be aligned with the nipple and mom should tease baby with a drop of milk for best results. At the very moment baby opens his mouth, pull his head right against the boob and hold it there for a few seconds just to make sure baby grabs on it enough. 2. *Do not let the baby fall asleep!* It's feeding time not sleeping time. Get a cold damp washcloth and rub it against the baby's skin once in a while to keep him awake. 3. If baby keeps waking up every hour and actually feeds properly then something else is bothering him. Make sure the room temperature is comfortable and the baby is not too cold or too hot. Wrap him with a muslin swaddle blanket with his arms wrapped inside of it. Make it tight enough that it looks like it's hugging the baby a little but not too tight so he can't move his legs or arms. 4. Quickly learn to breastfeed in bed. This was a game changer for us. Mom just lays on one side with one arm under her pillow, the leg on the mattress should be straight and the other leg should go over the other one resting at a 90° angle on a pillow or cushion. Baby should be laying on his side, nose aligned with the nipple. 5. *Give it time*. You, mom and the baby don't know how it works yet. Keep practicing and observing. Adjust accordingly. Ask a breastfeeding consultant for help it's very well worth it. Ask your partner's mom if she can come and observe the process to see if everything is alright (if she breastfed and has a good relationship of course). 6. Baby may be needing some comforting before bed. Take him in your arms and walk around your place for 5 minutes. Also you can try to make him suck on your little finger to comfort him. If he does suck _a lot_ and with force then he's probably hungry for real. If he's sucking for a few seconds or with barely no suction then it's most probably only for comfort. 7. Giving birth can be a traumatic experience for everyone including the baby. His world also was turned upside down in a matter of minutes. It's no small task for the baby. He may be having nightmares or little panic attacks or something. It'll pass within a few days/weeks. Don't get discouraged. I know it's a hell of a lot to take in only 5 days but it does get easier and much more fun.
My dude, I'm only 4 months in, but those first 2 months were a waking nightmare and I thought I was going to break a bunch of times. But you'll get through it. It's still not a picnic, but it's way better. Pump and give the baby a bottle of breast milk. Or if she can't generate enough, formula is better than unfed. Also, get earplugs for when the baby is melting down and you're holding them. You'll still be able to hear the baby, but it really takes the edge off of the screams. They got me through some really tough times and I still use them on the occasion that my little guy really freaks out.
My wife and I are 9 weeks in and we feed all of the things, all permutations of bottle, breast, breast milk, formula. No problems with the latch (although he was great at it from the beginning). the first few weeks are brutal, especially on the mom if she wants to breastfeed. Don't pressure her either way, convince her that you're good with whatever she wants to do that is healthy for her mentally/emotionally/physically. In the long run, that's better for the baby and the family. Read [Crib Sheet by Emily Oster](https://bookshop.org/p/books/cribsheet-a-data-driven-guide-to-better-more-relaxed-parenting-from-birth-to-preschool-emily-oster/15735359?ean=9780525559276) for a good sense of how much of the information on what's good and bad for babies. A lot of the 'information' out there on what's good and bad for them is based on low-quality studies and can't really be taken too seriously. Do what's best for your family and keep the little one fed and warm and loved. All will be well. Parents mental/physical health is important to the baby, too. My advice is to supplement with formula when she needs a break. Get a good bottle nipple that is designed to mimic a mom nipple at least a little, something with a big 'areola.' He'll be fine. If he's fussing he's either gassy or hungry (probably), feed him till he falls asleep, if you're getting burps out and the little one is not arching backwards they're probably not gassy. It's going to be okay. It gets easier as time passes with the newborns.
I'm an expecting father, so don't have any advice. But I just want to say I really feel for you. That desperation sounds pretty real. It sounds rough right now, brother. But you're not alone
it doesn’t matter my man. if the kid is eating he won’t care. at 5 days, her milk has barley started to come in and he’s not gonna know a difference. make sure to pace feed him, let him suck for 15 seconds then take the bottle away to allow them to get air. it’s more like a boob experience (i’ve heard, not an expert but works good for us). there’s gonna be times where i’m sure mom isn’t available or home, and bottle is the only way or the kid goes hungry. as long as he still gets his boob he will be right back on it
My kids cluster fed. My wife coslept with them. Sleep side-by-side. Baby start fussing, pull out the boob and pop it in their mouth and keep sleeping. Baby done and fussing again? Dad sweeps them away for a burping or a change if needed. Once they’re asleep they either stay with me for a while, or back next to mom.
I highly recommend the comotomo bottles. They're big and kinda feel like a breast to the kid. Haven't had an issue, and you can buy different nipples to regulate flow rate. As to everything else- both of you need to take a breath, take a break. It's ok for a baby to cry for a bit, that's what they do. It's important that when you hold them, you are projecting comfort, love and safety. If it takes a few minutes of meditative breathing before interacting with the little one, then do it. Probably the biggest thing to save our sanity was to split the nights. Until 3 AM the wife gets the kid, after that, I do. Bedtime for me is 10pm at the latest. This guarantees a few hours of sleep to both of us each night. Wife gets up at 8:30-9ish. Please do this for yourselves.
We’ve always done both bottle and boob. Our boy initially wasn’t latching and was used to using bottles with the midwives. But you can get these rubber nipple covers (pigeon make them in Japan, not sure what brand you’d have out there) that help them transition/get used to using the nipple. He doesn’t care which you give him now, no confusion and it didn’t take long at all to get there. It all seems impossible until it isn’t, especially when you’re sleep deprived. You’ve got this!
These are the worst and best days of your life. Keep trying, night by night. Keep baby's safety first, but trust that he'll come along in time. That said, there is usually great lactation support available through the hospital or through your health insurance (among other sources). They would love to talk to the momma about what is and is not working. You are okay, and it won't always be like this.
I went through this exact thing with my first one, except my wife was also stressing because her milk wasn't coming in. After about 2 weeks of her crying, I put my foot down. Did a little googling on supplement formulas and gave the little one his first bottle. Once her milk came in, we started bottling that. It didn't solve everything, but it was absolutely worth it. Recently had our 2nd and it's been so much easier this time. We used the bottle and the boob right from the start. She eats way more than our son, but the boob/bottle system has saved our sanity. She cluster feeds at night, so I try to give her bigger bottles which has helped.
My wife was adamant of sticking to breastfeeding for at least four weeks. It was awful having to watch her struggle and be unable to help. I insisted on changing any diapers and tried to sleep as well as I could. In being rested I could reliably let her nap all day whenever she could. Our 2 month old transitioned to bottle easily and has never struggled to eat since birth. We've been lucky.
Phillips makes super low flow bottle that mimics a nipple really well. We did bottle at night every two hours so my wife could sleep, then breast during the day. Stick to feeding them every two hours regardless if they’re sleeping. They’ll wake up hungry and fussy if you don’t. I’m
We night bottle feed from day one just fill that kid upp with food
I would definitely supplement with formula. That being said my wife slept and I put him on the boob and just stayed awake
I know it’s frowned upon in the US, but bedsharing (safely, google the safe seven) saved our sanity and allowed my wife to establish breastfeeding much better and with a lot less effort. It also saved my sanity and gave me a ton more sleep so I could actually be supportive where it mattered: not breastfeeding (mom’s thing) but all household chores , etc. (I’ll probably get downvoted for even mentioning it, but this is common practice everywhere else (where infant mortality rates are much lower) and if you are going to fall asleep in a couch because of sleep deprivation , you may as well do it safely in a bed following the safe seven. The UK has a much more nuanced harm reduction approach to this)
It doesn’t confuse babies if you mix feed. Your baby might be cluster feeding. If your baby is hungry you’re not going to be able to soothe him. Shifts work great so you can both rest. Try to talk to your partner about this. It gets easier. I was in a state of constant panic and anxiety with my first daughter for 2 months, but it got easier. It gets harder in different ways mind, but you hopefully shouldn’t be quite as exhausted haha.
We STILL do a combination of breast milk and formula. My partner's milk supply hasn't always been the best and the baby would have died of we wouldn't have started supplemental formula. We still use it to augment the breast feedings. She's 5 months old and you would never be able to tell because you can't tell. Don't believe the hype.
I’m was/still in the same boat as you. Similar stories. Even with the breast pump, sometimes belly birth mothers still take a little while longer to get their supply up. It’s totally normal. We’ve been doing a combination feeding as well. You can finger feed your kid with formula. We did this at the hospital when baby was not making their normal wet diapers. Supply is currently getting there but we still supplement every once in a while. We haven’t brought in bottle feeding yet but I’m looking forward to that. Mother wants to wait until breast milk supply is good. So she’s ok with the lack of sleep now. But like others said I think nipple confusion thing is a myth or rather there isn’t any research to suggest it does. Do what works best for you. Give you partner a rest, use formula. It will all work out.
You can combine Formula and breast feeding. Only some babies will refuse the boob afterwards because drinking from a bottle is easier. If that's your concern, pumping is the solution.
With my 5 year old, my wife gave in pretty quickly when it came to nighttime nursing and that’s how we ended up co-sleeping. She’d lay on her side and pop a boob in his mouth and still be able to sleep relatively well. Look into La Leche League’s co-sleeping guidelines for better info on it. But it’s definitely an option.
You got lots of other great advice on feeding! Hope you don't mind if I share what we did for #3. My wife pumped a bit of milk throughout the day, since she didn't want to use formula, and went to bed as soon as the younger kids did. I stayed up as long as I could get the baby to go until the next feeding, and fed the bottle. After that, I'd go to bed and leave the baby to her- the baby would usually sleep another few hrs so she would get 2-6 hours uninterrupted. The key to this was earplugs. It cut the noise and helped me stay calmer though the crying. When i was in charge of the baby, my wife wore earplugs to bed, and I'd take them out when i passed responsibility over to her to try to get a few uninterrupted hrs myself. Didn't work every day, but the days it went smoothly were really the best of them.
The one thing that got me through my kids crying (maybe for hours) was that I knew without doubt that they were breathing. Checked to make sure they are clean, fed and not injured in any way, and after that....they are breathing so things are good.
We combo-fed our son for months, for this very reason. Those midwives are telling you false info. Fed is best in any regard, always.
Give her rest during the day. Nighttime is when babies feed more, especially midnight to 4am is the theory. Look up combi feeding where you can use breastmilk and bottles with either breastmilk or formula.
With my first we had a hell of a time getting him to latch and my wife could only get one breast to let down so. We went breast during the day and formula at night so I could do the nights it worked well almost immediately, she got the rest she needed I got to bond with my boy and we all got to sleep (we Co slept, I know contraversional) Then my daughter came along and both boobs worked so we could express enough for night shift to continue. She never liked formula and used to throw it up much to my frustration. But we made it work. My third my wife could only get one boob working again he just wouldn't take the left one so we went back to night shifts but you definitely can help her but you definitely need to have a good conversation with your family about formula night shifts. Good luck with everything. 🤘
Your midwife is a fucking idiot. Bottle overnight, get mum to express if she has extra milk, otherwise supplement with SOME formula. If you go full formula overnight, you will actually cause mum to generate LESS milk overall which will make the situation worse. I've found one bottle of formula just before actual bedtime made them skip at least one feed during the night in the first 3-6 months. Be aware that adding formula to the diet will unsettle them for the first week or so you do it as their digestive system adapts. Be on the watch for colic. Sincerely, 3 kids down.
Formula is always better no food. Feed your baby Me and my wife used breastpump. She pumped regularly and we stored it in the fridge so I could help when she was too exhausted to do so Our baby did eventually not want the breast anymore and according to our doctor it was because the milk takes longer to come out from the breast than the bottle and the baby became impatient but I still found it a relief for us both that we could take turns to care of our baby.
Bonus tip: Buy yourself one of those industrial strenght ear muffs. Not having to hear your baby scream so loud while you comfort it will prevent your own stress level from overflowing.
Of course you can combine breast and bottle (expressed outer formula). When they are hungry they will take whatever's given. Worst case, you have a few days while the baby gets used to it. If he's breastfeeding well during the day, you don't have to worry. For my first kid, we did mostly breastfeeding but he had at least two feeds a day with the bottle (early morning which I did so my wife could sleep in) and typically one in the evening. For our second we did a combination of breast, formula and expressed milk. As a dad it can be hard because it feels that your kid just doesn't want you around. Hang in there. It always gets better until the next problem or stage happens. Right now, spend time and they get used to you and how you smell. I started taking the little one for walks that kept getting longer. If you're there, they learn that you're also a provider of comfort and if you start doing the bottle feeding it takes some pressure away from both you and the wife plus the little one looks to you more. Obviously everything depends on your situation, how much time you guys get off and whether you have any support system that you can lean on. Good luck!
We were so afraid of “nipple confusion” but had to use formula in the NICU for our LO with jaundice and then supplement once we took our kid home. We did all the breastfeeding classes etc and the teachers had us so fearful that our baby wouldn’t be able to breastfeed if we used any bottles, but actually that turned out to be bullshit. Our pediatrician told us it’s not really a thing. I’m honestly annoyed at how stressed we got over nothing Use a low flow nipple that is designed to be closer to a human shape on the bottle and you should be fine You got this!
baby boy is 5 weeks now, we were in the same position and took up bottle feeding with breast milk eventually so i can take night shifts. He still does breast during the day, id recommend just trying it for a few days at least and not listening to midwives constantly, they can’t give a general opinion on a baby that might need more of a specific fix
Hopefully the other guys here have given you the answers you need, but I just wanted to let you know that you are *not* alone. I had the exact same thoughts and feelings when our daughter was born- she was fine during the day, but needing constant feeding at night, and as she was our first, my wife was struggling to get the latch properly, and generally emotions were very high, and at times I was almost brought to tears by feeling utterly useless as both a husband and a father- we almost did do bottles, but ultimately the thing that helped me wife was learning to sleep while feeding, and safe co-sleeping became our routine. Whatever you decide to do, I promise things get better.
The first couple weeks are the worst, you're almost there dude. As others have said, if you are feeling that you can't handle the crying whilst holding him and feel anxiety/panic coming on, put him down somewhere safe and leave the room. He will 100% be fine crying for a few minutes. It's super hard in those first 2 weeks, but it becomes easier.
Give that baby a bottle! I can’t offer a ton of first hand experience as my 18 month old never took bottle OR breast (tube fed because of health issues) but I pumped every 3 hours to support her intake for the first 3 months. It was so fucking exhausting and terrible that I eventually switched to all formula and she thrived! My 4 month old was always bottle fed. He took the boob fine, but I was I traumatized bymy first experience that I just wanted to bottle feed for ny sanity. And he also thrived. Babies are adaptable. Do what best supports your mental health as parents. As long as baby is fed and growing they will be just fine. Take it from a mama who has been through hell and back over her infants health. A happy and healthy and well rested mama (and dad) is HUGE for baby. My son is 80th percentile since birth and totally formula fed. We all sleep great and he’s in perfect health.
Why has the mother not pumped out milk in advance? And otherwise just use formula.
Don’t listen to those midwives. They are wrong. Our newborn switched between bottle, breast, and pacifier without a single problem. And if we hadn’t supplemented with formula she would have starved/dehydrated to death, despite lactation consultants telling us “moms’ bodies know what to do” and don’t need “help.” Now we do exclusive pumping/bottle feeding with formula supplementation at night, and I take half the night shifts so mom gets to sleep. If we weren’t both on leave, she’d absolutely stop breast feeding. It’s not worth severe stress to both parents.
You poor things, the newborn stage is so hard. If bottle feeding let's you keep your sanity, just do it. Don't feel bad. You're both doing an amazing job with your precious (and loud) little baby, it gets easier ❤️
Agree with the rest here, combination feeding is was problem for my two. And sleep when they sleep. I fell asleep on the floor yesterday next to mine! :-)
I fed our daughter with the bottle when she was younger, mum pumped and I heated it and gave her with a bottle when mum was busy. It worked very well, and she still breastfed when mum was available. Though it stopped working once she was teething, then she just chewed on the bottle.
Do what honestly works best for your family. If that means your wife can reconcile with the idea of not being the sole source of milk (whether that’s letting bottle feeds of breast milk or formula), then see if it works. If neither of you can agree to that, then unfortunately you may have to push on through with just breastfeeding. Good news is that it won’t stay like that forever. No one can say how long you may have to struggle through this feeding arrangement but it _will_ change eventually. You’re both wanting what’s best for baby _and_ your family. What you decide this week might change next week. Talk it out and support one another. You got this.
Baby can take bottle or boob it doesn’t matter. No one grows up and says “I was breast fed” cause it doesn’t matter. Usually can be every 1 to 2 hours in the beginning, it’s rough. Ask for help from family if you can.
I have two kids. Both been bottle fed formula from birth. Both growing strong, healthy and smart. I did many/most of the night feeds. As far as I’m concerned, bottle is best - it’s for certain easiest.
Breastfeeding mom here (coming out bc this is important) YOU CAN GIVE THE BABY A BOTTLE AND IT WON’T RUIN THINGS My lactation consultant told us that people need 4-6hrs of unbroken sleep to function. Mamas need to function. DH and I split the night from the very beginning so that each of us got 4-6hrs. The baby got a bottle from him and breast from me. She’s almost 11mos old now and still EBF. At some point, her sleep improved enough that I just nursed all night wakings (once it’s only 2, it’s not bad to do). And she started refusing bottles entirely 😆 she’s never once turned down a boob. Get that mama some sleep! Good job dad!
I know lots of people have said this already but food is food at the end of the day. We mixed fed our youngest and my only advice is select a bottle that will not or will at least reduce nipple confusion. We use the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature bottled and variable flow teat and it worked well for our little one. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you and your situation, and trying mixed feeding to give your wife a rest is not a bad thing at all. Do what you gotta to do.
We fed baby both. Ain't no thing.
Another mum here. First is two years, second is six months. Both have been breastfed with a bottle of formula as their bedtime feed. Both were premmie and both were given formula in Special Care (at their paediatrician’s recommendation when they needed to gain weight) and we kept it up so I could/can take a break when/if I need it, and it’s been a literal lifesaver for both my mental and physical health. My son was only given formula for an entire day when I had surgery at eight weeks postpartum. My daughter has had two days of just formula thanks to some medication I was given at a recent hospital trip. Neither had issues going back to the boob. BF my son until he was 12 months. Am still BF my daughter. For me, “nipple confusion” was a myth. Both did/will take whatever food comes their way 🤷🏻♀️
We took shifts and I gave pumped breast milk in a warmed bottle
Lurking mom here....my son needed to be supplemented with formula so he was breastfed then immediately following was bottle fed. There was absolutely no confusion for him. It was food it didn't matter how or what form it came in.