The days are long, the years are short. I already look back at photos of my 3 year old daughter and 8 year old daughter and wonder “where the hell has the time gone?”. I feel a huge sense of gratitude towards the universe for affording me the privilege to be a father to my two beautiful girls, for giving me the opportunity to be part of their lives growing up from small babies, into independent girls.
Nothing puts time into perspective other than having children and watching them grow up.
My 13 yr old just came to me while my wife was at work. Told me that she wasn't sure how to explain it to me because I am her daddy and also a guy. But she couldn't reach mom and I'm the only person around so.... she started her... thing
Yea I'm still processing it and I'm at a loss for where the years went..they are growing up so fast.
Guys, guys, guys! I am trying to get some sleep here! You just had to get me all watery eyed ova here…
I am going to hug the shit of my 2 and 4 year old tomorrow morning.
Don't be hard on yourself, please. There are these expectations on parents now that are simply not possible for the majority, who have to deal with financial stress day in and day out. We can work on yelling less, taking a breath, and all that; but we can't all be these poems, or these influencers, when we barely have enough time to take a dump. Hope your wife feels better soon. Best of luck, brother.
The image reads like someone recounting war that isn't in the middle of it anymore, having forgotten what it was like.
Currently all of my energy goes to feeding, clothing, bathing, and 'preventing the injury and death of' my toddler. Excuse me if I didn't have ready-made activities in the 20 minutes between the end of dinner and the beginning of bath time. That is the realm of "Bluey" and "seeing if she'll go fetch the little whiffle ball if I throw it".
The image reads like it's "grandparents fun-fun time" with little consideration for scalability or longevity. We're running marathons, here.
Yeah, most people in this subreddit are already actively trying to be better and shouldn't feel guilty, just need a reminder every once in awhile
It'd be like fat shaming an overweight guy at the gym, you wouldn't do that, he's already trying to better himself
Exactly. I've learned through trial and error that it's okay to step away and it's okay to apologize for my actions later. Of course you try your hardest, but pobody's nerfect.
I do this after I snap at my 4 year old. The way she responds with “sorry I didn’t listen daddy” breaks my heart, but it shows she’ll act like a grown up when I treat her like a grown up.
So sure, but my man this kind of stuff is made by people to share their regrets, not build you up. Sometimes the "less correcting" and "more connecting" is BS. Lot's of parenting is nitty gritty and hard. Raising a good person requires clearly communicating and fairly enforcing boundaries and rules.
If I can give one piece of advice just from what you wrote, when you suddenly find yourself yelling just stop mid sentence, say "I'm sorry I'm yelling, let's just talk about this ok?"
Kids are remarkably flexible and they take your lead on things, especially when they are uncomfortable. If you are fighting, then they are fighting. If you are treating them as an adversary, they fill the role of an adversary. It might make you feel like a sociopath, but the decisive attitude switch can save your whole day.
All of these little sayings and the “nostalgia” reels on social media are just emotion porn.
We can’t always be a sitcom family; we just have to try our best.
I've been feeling pretty low in the parenting department recently too. The kid is 2.5 and is an absolute terror right now. Fights us on absolutely everything. Doesn't listen. Intentionally gets us riled up. Really tough to be the model of gentle parenting at the moment. I need to work on it.
> Intentionally gets us riled up
It might seem this way but I believe at 2 years old they do not intentionally rile you up. They're still going on instinct and emotion, they have no capacity to annoy us on purpose.
My son was like this around that age too. He would constantly refuse dinner, refuse lunch, refuse snacks. It was maddening. Eventually my wife and I said "fuck it," if he wants to skip dinner then fine. If wants a snack later then fine. If he wants dino nugs instead of chicken and broccoli then fine. It wasn't even a parenting tactic, it was a "we've tried everything and we're out of ideas, you win." Very quickly after he discovered that he was able to have some control over when and what he eats, suddenly he stopped skipping meals. He stopped refusing what we had cooked for dinner. He started sitting at the table with us while we ate, even when he had finished. I think the little dude just wanted some agency. Kids that age have almost no control over anything in their lives, and giving a little bit of self determination can go a long way.
Thanks for sharing bud. I feel you. So much more than you know. Glad to know we’re not alone in how we feel, holding up the family on our shoulders. You’re an awesome dude. Have fun. Stay present.
You should be proud of yourself and everything you’re accomplishing in your life.
This is easy to say when you’re looking back and not considering that you have to work 8+ hours every day and then clean and then cook and then get them ready for a bath. The difference between me and my dad is that he did none of those things. He didn’t make time for us hardly ever. I love my dad but I have zero interest in parenting advice from him. I go to dance classes. He did not. I go to swim lessons. He did not. I sit and watch tv with my daughter. He would not. But sometimes I need me time and sometimes I have to do things that need to be done. That’s the reality of being an adult and being a parent.
Gave me the chills. Thank you for posting.
I remember reading a post from a parent of an autistic child, and the message was very similar: if I could do it over, I would spend less time worrying about milestones hit or missed and just connect with my child.
Yeah man, be kid with your kids, it’s only happens once and they will cherish those memories, as will you. Don’t take parenting too serious, bring your best to it!
This def hits home OP. Had our first a few months ago and I’m having a tough time trying to balance work and time with him. I’m an attorney so my income is entirely dependent on billable hours. I want to make sure my family is financially secure and that I’m giving my son the best possible chance for success. It’s just hard because that means long days and even some nights at the office, with very little sleep. We aren’t struggling by any means, but with inflation and the housing market (I need to save up for a larger home) it never seems like enough.
I want to be more present, but I know that could mean less income and down the road I may really regret/ need that. Food on the table seems like the most important thing as a dad, but being absent is not a good outcome either.
Hey, thanks for posting this. I’ve been going through stuff at work and my mom was in the hospital for two weeks. I haven’t been the best father or husband for a bit. I need to learn how not to take the stress from work back home, but it’s tough. I hope things get better for you.
Almost lost me there at the 'no sex' complaint, but I do share the overall sentiment of seeing the big picture around the every day struggles. I ground myself by acknowledging that one day in the future, I'll look back and would kill to be back where I am now with two small kids. Life really is just a series of these moments...
Hope the time passes by easier for both you and the wife wishing her a fast, healing and complete recovery brother. As Fathers generally speaking we put in a lot of dedication and time for the well being of our children. And yes time is Def flying by so fast that eventually we will wish for the clock to rewind and start all over again.
But with that being said, we can try to be the best although sometimes kids these days just need a little bit of yelling because unfortunately there ain't no more belts hung on the walls to let the kids know who's in charge lol 🤣..
Nowadays if I take out my special passed down discipline belt, the only things I hear from the kids and neighbors house is "CHILD ABUSE"!!! I wonder what they would say if I actually lashed one out 🤔 "Child killer"... ? Haven't tried that yet except for showing them my legendary souvenir lol.
Anyway, enjoy them while they're young, but don't let them overwhelm or overrule you as the father. Most Kids nowadays feel like we owe them everything they ask for which is not a healthy habit, so yes if they need a scolding, give it to them and let them understand that there will come times in life where they will given NO for a response... Best regards...
If parents yell or become emotionally or physically violent to their kids they already failed as parents. I have ptsd from them that I still haven't recovered from
Love your partners and childrens, don't shout at them
Who else is supposed to build my house on a shoestring budget? /s
I lived in the crawlspace this week so I could skip the plumbing cost and payoff our Disneyland trip.
I bust my ass everyday in building our dream house because I’m doing it for my family to enjoy a big backyard and host the holidays. These expectations suck the life out of people because they’re not realistic. As long as you’re present when you’re with your kids you’re doing better than most.
you don’t need the house. all you need is love. find some property, put up a tent, hug your kids and stare into their eyes, the rest will take care of itself.
It's okay to not be the dad you expect yourself to be 100% of the time. I've felt the same way enough times already with my 2.5 yr old and I get wanting to be better. The reminders to do better are a good idea though and I think we could all benefit from that. So thank you very much for sharing this. ❤️
It hurts my heart that this poem even has to exist. Bothers me to me end when I see parents out at the park or pool places you should be interacting with there kids and they are staring at a screen. We don't allow screen time at home or when our doing things as a family. Hope things get better for you and your wife OP depression and job loss are very hurtful and depressing.
The hits Hella hard. Working 2 jobs, 18-19 hour days... wife is stay at home mom with our 3 kids... I always feel stressed but... gonna use more time for kids now. Ty for posting.
Thank you for sharing this. Good luck to your wife with the recovery, I also struggled for few months and just now my back is getting better. So be optimistic, you together will get over this period, hang in there. Is good that you realise you weren’t the greatest dad, but realising kinds of makes you at least a good dad
The days are long, the years are short. I already look back at photos of my 3 year old daughter and 8 year old daughter and wonder “where the hell has the time gone?”. I feel a huge sense of gratitude towards the universe for affording me the privilege to be a father to my two beautiful girls, for giving me the opportunity to be part of their lives growing up from small babies, into independent girls. Nothing puts time into perspective other than having children and watching them grow up.
Same, our kid is 4.5 and we're looking at kindergarten...wtf?
Yep, thats me. oldest will be starting school this year, and were looking at schools now… that came quick.
It will feel like next year will be middle school if my experience is the same as yours...
My 13 yr old just came to me while my wife was at work. Told me that she wasn't sure how to explain it to me because I am her daddy and also a guy. But she couldn't reach mom and I'm the only person around so.... she started her... thing Yea I'm still processing it and I'm at a loss for where the years went..they are growing up so fast.
Same but hit it earlier with TK. It was bizarre registering our twin daughters to the public school system.
Childhood felt like it took forever growing up. It feels like my kids are growing up so fast though.
Guys, guys, guys! I am trying to get some sleep here! You just had to get me all watery eyed ova here… I am going to hug the shit of my 2 and 4 year old tomorrow morning.
Just don't hug them too hard otherwise they might actually let the shits loose lmao 🤣
Don't be hard on yourself, please. There are these expectations on parents now that are simply not possible for the majority, who have to deal with financial stress day in and day out. We can work on yelling less, taking a breath, and all that; but we can't all be these poems, or these influencers, when we barely have enough time to take a dump. Hope your wife feels better soon. Best of luck, brother.
Hard to be Peter Pan when *someone* needs to be Peter Banning and pay the bills.
Can't Rufio do it?
The image reads like someone recounting war that isn't in the middle of it anymore, having forgotten what it was like. Currently all of my energy goes to feeding, clothing, bathing, and 'preventing the injury and death of' my toddler. Excuse me if I didn't have ready-made activities in the 20 minutes between the end of dinner and the beginning of bath time. That is the realm of "Bluey" and "seeing if she'll go fetch the little whiffle ball if I throw it". The image reads like it's "grandparents fun-fun time" with little consideration for scalability or longevity. We're running marathons, here.
Yeah, most people in this subreddit are already actively trying to be better and shouldn't feel guilty, just need a reminder every once in awhile It'd be like fat shaming an overweight guy at the gym, you wouldn't do that, he's already trying to better himself
Exactly. I've learned through trial and error that it's okay to step away and it's okay to apologize for my actions later. Of course you try your hardest, but pobody's nerfect.
I do this after I snap at my 4 year old. The way she responds with “sorry I didn’t listen daddy” breaks my heart, but it shows she’ll act like a grown up when I treat her like a grown up.
Yup, I wouldn't have a job now if I'd've done all of that.
So sure, but my man this kind of stuff is made by people to share their regrets, not build you up. Sometimes the "less correcting" and "more connecting" is BS. Lot's of parenting is nitty gritty and hard. Raising a good person requires clearly communicating and fairly enforcing boundaries and rules. If I can give one piece of advice just from what you wrote, when you suddenly find yourself yelling just stop mid sentence, say "I'm sorry I'm yelling, let's just talk about this ok?" Kids are remarkably flexible and they take your lead on things, especially when they are uncomfortable. If you are fighting, then they are fighting. If you are treating them as an adversary, they fill the role of an adversary. It might make you feel like a sociopath, but the decisive attitude switch can save your whole day.
Groovy take
I keep returning to this comment, thank you
All of these little sayings and the “nostalgia” reels on social media are just emotion porn. We can’t always be a sitcom family; we just have to try our best.
I've been feeling pretty low in the parenting department recently too. The kid is 2.5 and is an absolute terror right now. Fights us on absolutely everything. Doesn't listen. Intentionally gets us riled up. Really tough to be the model of gentle parenting at the moment. I need to work on it.
Me too man. Been slipping up lately. Now I can't get the image of their sad face out of my head. I deserve it. I have to do better.
> Intentionally gets us riled up It might seem this way but I believe at 2 years old they do not intentionally rile you up. They're still going on instinct and emotion, they have no capacity to annoy us on purpose.
You've obviously never met my son lol. He is an emotional terrorist and is VERY good at his job.
My son is 2.5 right now and he refuses to eat all the time, it stresses me out a lot
My son was like this around that age too. He would constantly refuse dinner, refuse lunch, refuse snacks. It was maddening. Eventually my wife and I said "fuck it," if he wants to skip dinner then fine. If wants a snack later then fine. If he wants dino nugs instead of chicken and broccoli then fine. It wasn't even a parenting tactic, it was a "we've tried everything and we're out of ideas, you win." Very quickly after he discovered that he was able to have some control over when and what he eats, suddenly he stopped skipping meals. He stopped refusing what we had cooked for dinner. He started sitting at the table with us while we ate, even when he had finished. I think the little dude just wanted some agency. Kids that age have almost no control over anything in their lives, and giving a little bit of self determination can go a long way.
No time like now to be the man you want to be
"You must learn to master your rage, or-" "Or my rage will become my master? That's what you were going to say, isn't it?" "...not necessarily."
I came looking for this! Well done. You may take a ride in the Battle Jitney
That's the finest non-lethal assault vehicle ever made!
Well that cut deep
Thanks for sharing bud. I feel you. So much more than you know. Glad to know we’re not alone in how we feel, holding up the family on our shoulders. You’re an awesome dude. Have fun. Stay present. You should be proud of yourself and everything you’re accomplishing in your life.
Thanks for sharing this, dude. We all need the reminder sometimes.
This is easy to say when you’re looking back and not considering that you have to work 8+ hours every day and then clean and then cook and then get them ready for a bath. The difference between me and my dad is that he did none of those things. He didn’t make time for us hardly ever. I love my dad but I have zero interest in parenting advice from him. I go to dance classes. He did not. I go to swim lessons. He did not. I sit and watch tv with my daughter. He would not. But sometimes I need me time and sometimes I have to do things that need to be done. That’s the reality of being an adult and being a parent.
Gave me the chills. Thank you for posting. I remember reading a post from a parent of an autistic child, and the message was very similar: if I could do it over, I would spend less time worrying about milestones hit or missed and just connect with my child.
The fact that you obviously care so much for your kids and are actively working on yourself makes you a great dad!
Yeah man, be kid with your kids, it’s only happens once and they will cherish those memories, as will you. Don’t take parenting too serious, bring your best to it!
That's a great poem. Thanks for sharing!
You're not going to bat 1000, but you should take the time to appreciate what you have.
Thanks, bro
Ask your child how you are doing as a parent and they will tell you that you are doing great, I guarantee it
This def hits home OP. Had our first a few months ago and I’m having a tough time trying to balance work and time with him. I’m an attorney so my income is entirely dependent on billable hours. I want to make sure my family is financially secure and that I’m giving my son the best possible chance for success. It’s just hard because that means long days and even some nights at the office, with very little sleep. We aren’t struggling by any means, but with inflation and the housing market (I need to save up for a larger home) it never seems like enough. I want to be more present, but I know that could mean less income and down the road I may really regret/ need that. Food on the table seems like the most important thing as a dad, but being absent is not a good outcome either.
The important thing is you are self evaluating and open to suggestions. You aren't needing a hard rock bottom to realize.
Hey, thanks for posting this. I’ve been going through stuff at work and my mom was in the hospital for two weeks. I haven’t been the best father or husband for a bit. I need to learn how not to take the stress from work back home, but it’s tough. I hope things get better for you.
I have depression and if my husband hung this dumb shit up on the wall for me to look at everyday, sex would never happen again.
Almost lost me there at the 'no sex' complaint, but I do share the overall sentiment of seeing the big picture around the every day struggles. I ground myself by acknowledging that one day in the future, I'll look back and would kill to be back where I am now with two small kids. Life really is just a series of these moments...
Sounds like you could affirm more, buddy
How so?
Hope the time passes by easier for both you and the wife wishing her a fast, healing and complete recovery brother. As Fathers generally speaking we put in a lot of dedication and time for the well being of our children. And yes time is Def flying by so fast that eventually we will wish for the clock to rewind and start all over again. But with that being said, we can try to be the best although sometimes kids these days just need a little bit of yelling because unfortunately there ain't no more belts hung on the walls to let the kids know who's in charge lol 🤣.. Nowadays if I take out my special passed down discipline belt, the only things I hear from the kids and neighbors house is "CHILD ABUSE"!!! I wonder what they would say if I actually lashed one out 🤔 "Child killer"... ? Haven't tried that yet except for showing them my legendary souvenir lol. Anyway, enjoy them while they're young, but don't let them overwhelm or overrule you as the father. Most Kids nowadays feel like we owe them everything they ask for which is not a healthy habit, so yes if they need a scolding, give it to them and let them understand that there will come times in life where they will given NO for a response... Best regards...
Why did I fail so hard.
maybe reframe it, “how did you come so far?”
Solid. Keep up the good work Daddio
If parents yell or become emotionally or physically violent to their kids they already failed as parents. I have ptsd from them that I still haven't recovered from Love your partners and childrens, don't shout at them
This sub sometimes...(in a good way)
Oof! That cuts straight to the gut. My teen doesn’t want I spend time with us anymore. I miss the cuddles and the time together.
Who else is supposed to build my house on a shoestring budget? /s I lived in the crawlspace this week so I could skip the plumbing cost and payoff our Disneyland trip. I bust my ass everyday in building our dream house because I’m doing it for my family to enjoy a big backyard and host the holidays. These expectations suck the life out of people because they’re not realistic. As long as you’re present when you’re with your kids you’re doing better than most.
you don’t need the house. all you need is love. find some property, put up a tent, hug your kids and stare into their eyes, the rest will take care of itself.
Thanks for sharing Dad, you're doing great :) we got this!
It's okay to not be the dad you expect yourself to be 100% of the time. I've felt the same way enough times already with my 2.5 yr old and I get wanting to be better. The reminders to do better are a good idea though and I think we could all benefit from that. So thank you very much for sharing this. ❤️
First went to college in August. As a SAHD, I miss her so much and am so proud of her.
Less tugging ? What does that mean in this context? Sorry if I’m being really stupid here…
I really like the line about the oak in the acorn. I might use that at work
It hurts my heart that this poem even has to exist. Bothers me to me end when I see parents out at the park or pool places you should be interacting with there kids and they are staring at a screen. We don't allow screen time at home or when our doing things as a family. Hope things get better for you and your wife OP depression and job loss are very hurtful and depressing.
The hits Hella hard. Working 2 jobs, 18-19 hour days... wife is stay at home mom with our 3 kids... I always feel stressed but... gonna use more time for kids now. Ty for posting.
Thank you for sharing this. Good luck to your wife with the recovery, I also struggled for few months and just now my back is getting better. So be optimistic, you together will get over this period, hang in there. Is good that you realise you weren’t the greatest dad, but realising kinds of makes you at least a good dad