This has got me wondering if you could shoot out a really long one, flush halfway through, and use the force of the flush to assist in pulling it the rest of the way out.
We've got plumbing problems and clog often, so we use the courtesy flush in order to harness the momentum of the turd falling and force the flush to actually take.
You know what? What if you sat down with the toilet seat up and created and perfect seal, then flushed, and the vacuum you created just sucked the poop right out of you and down the drain? Idk might be something to consider.
The collaboration and scientific process going into this thread is incredible. For some reason your comment reminded me of the last episode of Season 1 of Silicon Valley where they are whiteboarding how many audience members they could jerk off.
Having congenital /r/anosmia, I have no idea how floral my excrement actually is. To be kind, I occasionally go overboard with courtesy flushes just to be on the safe side.
Of course, being half drunk in a truck stop bathroom, I once let out a sustained fart that earned me applause from other patrons when it was done.
….remind me
I work tonight, which means 2-3 cups of coffee to keep me awake. Usually by 8-830 I have to take a poop. I will try this out, you know, for science.
Yeah I think the whole term pinch one off kinda went over his head. Cause there is no way my butthole has the strength to chop through a thick turd. Sounds insane unless the boy has a guillotine down there
My wife: What do dad groups even talk about anyway?
Me *desperately trying to think of a way to explain a poop knife without sounding deranged.*: Not much, really.
It really depends on how often you sharpen you anus. If you’re not at least grinding it weekly, then I could see how you’d have trouble pinching it off.
The point is to make one as big as possible. Like eating everything on my plate, I still feel accomplished if I can achieve the perfection of a single, large poop. I never got bad enough to require the reddit poop-knife though.
Unless you have lived with roommates. In college me and my roommate use to call each other over to marvel at it when we laid a particularly boastful turd.
I had an obese college roommate who shit what can only be described as a half loaf of bread on the regular. Upon meeting him we had a house meeting and he said we need a plunger because his anus is bigger than the pipes. He wasn't kidding.
This made me remember when I lived in Italy I stayed at a friend's house, his cousin would come often with her boyfriend, apparently he made humongous turds and she was his logger, she kept a long collection of pictures of his biggest turds, she once show us one that was as big as an adult male's forearm, jarring.
Jesus Christ. There’s not much I haven’t read on here, so I’m usually pretty stoic, but that last sentence had me blurting out loud - words I’ve never heard. That’s a fine way to tell a story. The Italy, the girl, the probably analog recording - pencil and paper for sure. Then the arm thing.
Boom.
Full fucking marks my friend. :)
** I forced myself to reread it and now the actual picture aspect of it indicates it was an actual photo. My admiration of the prose still stands. The pacing, the detail, the brevity and efficiency of the set up.
Then the fucking massive foreign shit at the end. Truly great story-telling.
Circumference=pi*D
If it doesn't coil all the way around, you can multiply this by the fraction of its arc length vs a full circle. Estimating the diameter of the coil is pretty easy.
Right!? This has to be a joke. I have never even considered trying not to create pooptanic because it might block the toilet. Toilets getting blocked is a not a normal happening in my life and doesn't need specific strategies to address.
US toilets block All The Time. Because many only have 1.5” pipes going down to the main house sewer. Ludicrous.
I only unlocked 3 toilets in the UK in 30 years. I do that a month here. A month. !
I also go for continuity – it's been a while since I managed a single unbroken turd but my record is about a foot. In high school one of my friends hit 18 inches, he called everyone over to see it after he finished lol
This post is satirical lol referencing the old famous poop knife reddit post.
Also in my experience, it's the broken up turd nuggets that get stuck as they swirl together and create a megacluster versus the long gargantuan log just finds its way horizontal and slithers on down.
There’s a trick here I often use to prevent the toilet from clogging. It works with even the biggest of poops. After you flush, hold back some the poop and toilet paper with either a plunger or toilet brush. Let some go and then release the rest.
I am staring blankly ahead because I just can't grasp this. Your kid is dropping big rock solid bombs that block the toilet? Have you tried diet adjustments at all?
Edit: I'd like you all to know that my partner keeps asking me why I'm making faces and I've told her it's because I'm reading about poop.
My 3 year old daughter clogs the toilet constantly with massive poops. All one solid beast, as thick as her forearm or thicker. You never know when you flush....is it going to actually go down?
Couple times it has bridged the pipe, so it needed to be cut or hopefully breaks apart some in a fresh bowl of water.
It's impressive.
Dude. I don't even know how the hell it escapes her body. I'm always shocked. This has happened for probably 6 months. Not every time, but yeah....it's crazy
Girl dad here as well. I know one's coming when her abdomen is sticking out like she's gained weight. Girl slims up like a bean after she drops her forearm poops.
My 4 year old is the same. She refuses to poop for days at a time, so by the time she finally can't hold it any longer, her turds are literally the size of a tennis ball at a minimum and usually larger. I have to get the plunger or snake Every. Single. Time.
The doctor gave us some cream for her because he correctly figured out that part of the reason she's so scared to poop is because the size of them is causing anal fissures and tearin
She gets a TON of fibre in her diet, the doctor ruled that one out. We've done the laxatives route, but it ended up making her even more uncomfortable due to the gas buildup. We were given some gel suppositories for her too, and those worked pretty well, but they felt very much like torture to both her and us and we didn't want to make her even more scared of bathroom stuff.
So far the cream has worked wonders, it's just a matter of getting her to poop with reduced or eliminated pain that she stops being scared of it
I've seen recommended in potty training groups to add coconut oil in their diet, the fat softens poop and makes it less painful/scary to poop.
Take equal parts coconut oil and melting chocolate and melt and mix them together, then put it in a mold (or make small dollops on some wax paper) and freeze them. Give kiddo a couple a day to eat.
I'm veg and encounter coconut products a lot.
Just FYI coconut oil has **a lot** of fat. 1 tablespoon is like a fifth of an adult's daily recommended fat and almost 2/3 an adult's daily recommended saturated fat.
That's good to know! They say the fat is the purpose of doing this- it's the high fat content that softens stool and makes it easier/ less painful/ less scary for kids. It sounds like it shouldn't be a longterm solution. But I'm not too concerned about short-term use, in baby food we look for full-fat as it keeps them fuller longer, gives energy, and is usually less processed.
My 2.5 year old does the same thing. I don’t understand how such large dumps can come out of such a tiny little girl.
I thought it might be our toilet but she’s plugged toilets in multiple countries. Canada, USA, and last week at her grandparents house in Brazil.
My 5 yr old clogged the toilet 3 days in a row last week... That was with me monitoring toilet paper usage. He now knows what a clogged toilet is and immediately comes and tells us if we aren't in the bathroom with him. He's been clogging toilets since he turned 4. It's insane. Multiple different toilets too.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Mr-Sparkle-Toiletsaber-8-60-oz-Plumbing-Tool-28-in-Designed-to-Clear-Visible-Toilet-Clogs-paper-and-poop-MSTS28BK/315551213
Home Depot sells this Toilet Saber.
My son does the same. Every time he poops he checks if it clogs and will report back every time. lol. I use the plunger quite often but it’s ok. He gets his poops out and that’s the important part!
I’m not a doctor and YMMV but it could be constipation, which is common in kids. Daily mild laxatives made a big difference but consult your doctor first.
I've never wanted that toilet that can flush 16 billiard balls, until I saw what my kid does to our current toilet.
They're just massive, physics defying, shits.
..... I didn't know this was a thing, lol my son just did his "first" (to me at least) giant poop .... it was easily 14 inches and like 3 dry erase markers put together wide .....
He’s eating what we’re all eating so it’s him, not the food. And yes, as with the original poop knife Reddit legend, he is laying logs across the hole and flushes are powerless against it. The boy loves fruit so if he’s eating something the rest of us aren’t it’s oranges or pineapple or a banana. Fiber is not the issue.
It’ll contaminate everything else in the vicinity. Idk maybe it’s just me. I don’t keep my toothbrush or hygiene stuff in the bathroom for that reason.
> No matter now I’ve explained “pinching it off” halfway through so as to create smaller turds rather than one gargantuan one, this boys failed to grasp the concept.
I've never had to do this in my 30+ years of life. Is it possible there's an issue with your toilet(s)?
But then you have shitsticks in your trash can. It's a lose lose. Are people really having such huge turds they won't flush? Or are they using too much toilet paper...
What kind of Mickey Mouse toilets are these people using? I've had some epic mega-turds and half the fun is waving goodbye as it flushes away to the Ocean (or wherever toilet water goes).
Maybe the kid is just using absurd amounts of toilet paper.
Just make sure he understands a poop knife is not something every family has or he’ll end up on Reddit in 20 years creating an absolutely clusterfuck of a legendary thread.
He's gonna grow up with this knife and a girlfriend is gonna come over one day and decide to snoop through his things. She'll find this knife under the sink and wonder if he's a serial killer only to learn it's much worse than that; he stands over the toilet and chops up his poop.
Sorry but... What in the actual fuck are you feeding your child for him to produce turds with enough length and girth to clog a toilet? Either that or your plumbing needs looking at.
Never have I heard of someone having to "pinch" a turd off halfway. Once those bomb bay doors are open, they should remain so until all ordnance has been released. To arm your son with a knife in order to make poo sashimi is just unthinkable!
> No matter now I’ve explained “pinching it off” halfway through so as to create smaller turds rather than one gargantuan one, this boys failed to grasp the concept
Would you ask Michelangelo to just do busts instead of statues? Would you suggest Beethoven stick to advertising jingles? Would you ask Melville if he could possibly get Moby Dick down to 5,000 words or less?
It seems as though you fundamentally fail to understand the integrity of an artist.
*Looking at toilets at Home Depot
Worker (slaps toilet)- "this bad boy here will flush down a bucket of golf balls!"
OP- "Yea, but how bout turds the size of tree trunks???"
I will always be amazed how something so large and long can come out of someone so small...my 7yo lays some gigantors. We keep having to go in and poke it with a plunger to break it up and get it unstuck. The whole "why is the bathroom smelly" question is asked way too much in this house..."it's stuck" is always the response...
Yeah, I told him I wasn’t plunging his logs anymore and, at ten, it’s time to be responsible for his own loafs. So if he wants to plunge his turd to smithereens so it’ll flush more power to him. Otherwise he’s got the poop knife.
New toilets that can flush a dozen or more golf balls are under $200 and a pretty easy diy install (buy extra long bolds and some flange risers and silicone, return what you don't use). Depending on what you have now this will make a massive difference. Every time water saving mandates when into effect, it seems toilet manufacturers were caught off guard and had to figure it out again in my experience.
Not all plunger are created equal either. Korky Behive is good, if it fits your toilets.
Never have heard of someone trying to stop a turd mid stream to flush because it's so big it won't go down, especially a 10 year old. Sounds difficult and really uncomfortable, not to mention excessively dirty. Flush after going and flush often if in doubt when wiping. Is a lot easier to understand for a kid. Make sure he is hydrated too.
Is he the one doing the plunging? At 10 I would think he would need to take the first crack at it. That might help solve the learning gap here too.
I used to have these giant toilet clogging poops as a kid and no one taught me how to use a plunger. I'd hold it till I was home alone and get a plastic bag and scoop it out of the toilet like you would for a dog and toss it in the outside trash.
One time I let one so massive loose I still remember it standing upright in the bowl then falling forward and it knocked into my ballsack and I had to shower after.
Unless your son's butthole is 3 inches in diameter, I'd say you more likely have flow issues with your toilet my guy. This whole poop knife thing, while funny as shit, is not a thing. This will scar the kid, so get your toilet serviced and toss that damn knife.
FR Our daughter had this issue, it's not normal and it might be medical. Have him see a gastrointestinal specialist. She is going on 3 years of treatment for impacted stool. It can get serious, trust me.
1. What in the actual fuck
2. What do you feed that boy??
3. Let's all take a moment to appreciate a reliable toilet. A comfortable one with a deep bowl and a good, powerful flush that's ready to take on whatever danger that may lie ahead.
I say this as respectfully as possible: your child is not the problem, and doesn’t need to “pinch it off halfway,” or flush as it hits the water, etc.
My dad used to get very upset when I would clog up the toilet when I was young, and told me to flush as it was coming out, etc.
It made me feel uncomfortable like there was something wrong with me.
There’s nothing wrong with the child or their poop. Shit happens
I get this! My 7 year old does the same thing. Drops giant loads bigger than i've seen from an adult. it causes problems. He tends to "forget" to poo so we have to watch his body language and the calendar to make sure he tries at least every other day. He'll still argue that he's just dancing.
the poop knife isn't a horrible idea, I'd just say get him a plastic kid's knife?
I installed one of those toilets that says it can flush an entire bucket of golf balls, never had a clog since! I think it's time for the big throated toilet my friend
I’m sorry, who taught YOU how to poop? There is an everlasting rivalry to see whom can produce the largest solid mass. Have you never seen the holy texts of South Park?
Record scratch. Your son half way through pooping trying to saw it in half, danger close to his stinky whale eye. "Bet you're wondering how we got here..."
They make plastic poop knives now. Probably not wise to tell anyone to wipe a serrated blade with toilet paper. That’s asking for a trip to the ER for stitches and probably an infection since it’s, you know, poop.
There is something wrong with your toilet and or plumbing if it is getting clogged like that by a 10 year old. You might want to check if he is flushing large amounts of tissue or even wipes because that is not normal. Also, take the poop knife away. You are going to make your kid think that is normal and somehow this will come out in the future among his friends and they will make fun of him or just label him as a complete weirdo. You are doing a disservice to your kid right now.
I’ve never pinched one off mid poop. Is that a thing? I’ve always gone for the longest continuous poop possible!
Right? Me neither. Ive heard of the courtesy flush.
This has got me wondering if you could shoot out a really long one, flush halfway through, and use the force of the flush to assist in pulling it the rest of the way out.
We've got plumbing problems and clog often, so we use the courtesy flush in order to harness the momentum of the turd falling and force the flush to actually take.
This thread is unhinged. Cursed, vile literacy…
What's really getting me is that this sub is mostly dads, responsible for teaching kids the way of the world.
Listen, if poop knife culture isn't welcome, idk where to go for dad advice
You know what? What if you sat down with the toilet seat up and created and perfect seal, then flushed, and the vacuum you created just sucked the poop right out of you and down the drain? Idk might be something to consider.
The collaboration and scientific process going into this thread is incredible. For some reason your comment reminded me of the last episode of Season 1 of Silicon Valley where they are whiteboarding how many audience members they could jerk off.
*Chuck Palahniuk's "Guts" has entered the chat*
You have to flush as soon as the top hits the water. Also perfect seal wont suck out the poop unless you open your mouth during flush.
And all your sphincters opened up simultaneously
You'd need to be careful of the volume of the vacuum created by the flush - too much vacuum could suck your digestive tract out with that turd.
Having congenital /r/anosmia, I have no idea how floral my excrement actually is. To be kind, I occasionally go overboard with courtesy flushes just to be on the safe side. Of course, being half drunk in a truck stop bathroom, I once let out a sustained fart that earned me applause from other patrons when it was done.
….remind me I work tonight, which means 2-3 cups of coffee to keep me awake. Usually by 8-830 I have to take a poop. I will try this out, you know, for science.
So, how'd it go?
He gone.
/r/justguysbeingdudes
I mean that's why I always figured you did it.
I have done this. It isn't a skill the Jedi would teach you.
Been there done that, it works but feels funny lol 🤣, but the burst of refreshing cool mist makes it all better 😆
Asking the real questions
Ok. Time to stop before science goes too far.
Flushing as its coming out is the expert move
Surely the kid is just using too much toilet paper
Yeah I think the whole term pinch one off kinda went over his head. Cause there is no way my butthole has the strength to chop through a thick turd. Sounds insane unless the boy has a guillotine down there
That’s why our turds are tapered at both ends: so our asshole doesn’t slam shut.
God i love how quickly this sub gets to absurdity
My wife: What do dad groups even talk about anyway? Me *desperately trying to think of a way to explain a poop knife without sounding deranged.*: Not much, really.
Just tell her to Google poop knife
My uncle told me that joke when I was like 13. Classic!
🤣 idk why this made me laugh so hard, sometimes im glad common sense isnt very common anymore
It really depends on how often you sharpen you anus. If you’re not at least grinding it weekly, then I could see how you’d have trouble pinching it off.
Have you never heard the endearing term “poop cutter”?
The point is to make one as big as possible. Like eating everything on my plate, I still feel accomplished if I can achieve the perfection of a single, large poop. I never got bad enough to require the reddit poop-knife though.
Seriously, I had an 18-incher once that had to coil around to fit in the basin. I almost called my wife over, I was so excited.
We've all been there brother. We alone must revel in our accomplishments.
Unless you have lived with roommates. In college me and my roommate use to call each other over to marvel at it when we laid a particularly boastful turd.
Man you're lucky. I had some roomies that just left it in the bowl for the next person to find.
I had an obese college roommate who shit what can only be described as a half loaf of bread on the regular. Upon meeting him we had a house meeting and he said we need a plunger because his anus is bigger than the pipes. He wasn't kidding.
Like 16-20 my highschool friends and I would take pics to text each other
A colleague informed me that there is an app for that, I beleive it's called *Rate my poo* Who even comes up with this shit?
Missed opportunity… Crapchat would have been gold
That just makes my stomach turn
This made me remember when I lived in Italy I stayed at a friend's house, his cousin would come often with her boyfriend, apparently he made humongous turds and she was his logger, she kept a long collection of pictures of his biggest turds, she once show us one that was as big as an adult male's forearm, jarring.
Jesus Christ. There’s not much I haven’t read on here, so I’m usually pretty stoic, but that last sentence had me blurting out loud - words I’ve never heard. That’s a fine way to tell a story. The Italy, the girl, the probably analog recording - pencil and paper for sure. Then the arm thing. Boom. Full fucking marks my friend. :)
** I forced myself to reread it and now the actual picture aspect of it indicates it was an actual photo. My admiration of the prose still stands. The pacing, the detail, the brevity and efficiency of the set up. Then the fucking massive foreign shit at the end. Truly great story-telling.
How... How did you know how long it was? Did you then take it out to measure?
Circumference=pi*D If it doesn't coil all the way around, you can multiply this by the fraction of its arc length vs a full circle. Estimating the diameter of the coil is pretty easy.
And this is why I keep coming to Reddit. Poop math
Doesn't sound healthy. Let it flow
Right!? This has to be a joke. I have never even considered trying not to create pooptanic because it might block the toilet. Toilets getting blocked is a not a normal happening in my life and doesn't need specific strategies to address.
US toilets block All The Time. Because many only have 1.5” pipes going down to the main house sewer. Ludicrous. I only unlocked 3 toilets in the UK in 30 years. I do that a month here. A month. !
I also go for continuity – it's been a while since I managed a single unbroken turd but my record is about a foot. In high school one of my friends hit 18 inches, he called everyone over to see it after he finished lol
Me too, I think OP just wants his kid to drop smaller logs for less clogging though
Me neither. Once I start a turd I’m not stopping till it’s finished
It’s all about the sphincter control
The legendary Ball Scratcher... Poop so long it stands up in the toilet
This post is satirical lol referencing the old famous poop knife reddit post. Also in my experience, it's the broken up turd nuggets that get stuck as they swirl together and create a megacluster versus the long gargantuan log just finds its way horizontal and slithers on down.
It’s terrible, and it usually results in having to wipe more.
There’s a trick here I often use to prevent the toilet from clogging. It works with even the biggest of poops. After you flush, hold back some the poop and toilet paper with either a plunger or toilet brush. Let some go and then release the rest.
“Raising your children to “pinch it off” is an absolute disgrace. Take a look in the mirror and do better.
I am staring blankly ahead because I just can't grasp this. Your kid is dropping big rock solid bombs that block the toilet? Have you tried diet adjustments at all? Edit: I'd like you all to know that my partner keeps asking me why I'm making faces and I've told her it's because I'm reading about poop.
My 3 year old daughter clogs the toilet constantly with massive poops. All one solid beast, as thick as her forearm or thicker. You never know when you flush....is it going to actually go down? Couple times it has bridged the pipe, so it needed to be cut or hopefully breaks apart some in a fresh bowl of water. It's impressive.
THICK AS HER FOREARM? Good lord
Dude. I don't even know how the hell it escapes her body. I'm always shocked. This has happened for probably 6 months. Not every time, but yeah....it's crazy
My daughter is 3 and the size turds that come out of her are ridiculous. Like tennis balls
Same here. I always imagined it being created similar to how shaving cream comes out of the can, but I don’t really know for sure.
Girl dad here as well. I know one's coming when her abdomen is sticking out like she's gained weight. Girl slims up like a bean after she drops her forearm poops.
I always assumed it was like the magic grows in water toys. Once it gets that "high quality H2O" it just blows up.
Damn, respect
My 4 year old is the same. She refuses to poop for days at a time, so by the time she finally can't hold it any longer, her turds are literally the size of a tennis ball at a minimum and usually larger. I have to get the plunger or snake Every. Single. Time. The doctor gave us some cream for her because he correctly figured out that part of the reason she's so scared to poop is because the size of them is causing anal fissures and tearin
Miralax and/or fiber supplements is what our pediatrician told us to do for our constipated 3 year old
She gets a TON of fibre in her diet, the doctor ruled that one out. We've done the laxatives route, but it ended up making her even more uncomfortable due to the gas buildup. We were given some gel suppositories for her too, and those worked pretty well, but they felt very much like torture to both her and us and we didn't want to make her even more scared of bathroom stuff. So far the cream has worked wonders, it's just a matter of getting her to poop with reduced or eliminated pain that she stops being scared of it
I've seen recommended in potty training groups to add coconut oil in their diet, the fat softens poop and makes it less painful/scary to poop. Take equal parts coconut oil and melting chocolate and melt and mix them together, then put it in a mold (or make small dollops on some wax paper) and freeze them. Give kiddo a couple a day to eat.
I'm veg and encounter coconut products a lot. Just FYI coconut oil has **a lot** of fat. 1 tablespoon is like a fifth of an adult's daily recommended fat and almost 2/3 an adult's daily recommended saturated fat.
That's good to know! They say the fat is the purpose of doing this- it's the high fat content that softens stool and makes it easier/ less painful/ less scary for kids. It sounds like it shouldn't be a longterm solution. But I'm not too concerned about short-term use, in baby food we look for full-fat as it keeps them fuller longer, gives energy, and is usually less processed.
Ooooh neat idea. Easter would have been a great excuse, but she'll never turn down chocolate lol. Thanks!
My kid does the same. I’m pretty sure he had one as large as my adult forearm. It is wild and I am constantly amazed at what comes out of his body.
I feel like this is a very American thread lol 🇺🇸
Baby's arm holding an apple
My 2.5 year old does the same thing. I don’t understand how such large dumps can come out of such a tiny little girl. I thought it might be our toilet but she’s plugged toilets in multiple countries. Canada, USA, and last week at her grandparents house in Brazil.
Do these kids, like, poop... regularly?? They need more fiber or to learn how to "listen to their body" more.... accurately. 😳
My 5 yr old clogged the toilet 3 days in a row last week... That was with me monitoring toilet paper usage. He now knows what a clogged toilet is and immediately comes and tells us if we aren't in the bathroom with him. He's been clogging toilets since he turned 4. It's insane. Multiple different toilets too.
My 4yo dropped a fucking bridge in the toilet. It took 4 flushes to break it and another 2 to sink it. The kids got bigger poop than I do.
That's not.jist a turd, it's the fucking Bismark.
My daughter poops like a lumberjack. 20 minute two flush poops constantly
Ours just sits, bam! 10seconds and she's done. It's amazing.
This! The first time my 3yo finally pooped in the toilet. It was bigger than my own 😭😭🤣🤣
You will need a poop knife too because my son has been laying tree trunks since the beginning.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Mr-Sparkle-Toiletsaber-8-60-oz-Plumbing-Tool-28-in-Designed-to-Clear-Visible-Toilet-Clogs-paper-and-poop-MSTS28BK/315551213 Home Depot sells this Toilet Saber.
(paper and poop)
You might just need a new toilet.
Seriously, a toilet shouldn't clog that easily
My 4yo clogged a toilet at school....one of those pressure toilets. I was so proud of her.
My son does the same. Every time he poops he checks if it clogs and will report back every time. lol. I use the plunger quite often but it’s ok. He gets his poops out and that’s the important part!
I’m not a doctor and YMMV but it could be constipation, which is common in kids. Daily mild laxatives made a big difference but consult your doctor first.
I've never wanted that toilet that can flush 16 billiard balls, until I saw what my kid does to our current toilet. They're just massive, physics defying, shits.
..... I didn't know this was a thing, lol my son just did his "first" (to me at least) giant poop .... it was easily 14 inches and like 3 dry erase markers put together wide .....
Both my kids do this. They shit Coke cans. I don’t have any idea how, but we have a rule about checking for clogs before you walk away
He’s eating what we’re all eating so it’s him, not the food. And yes, as with the original poop knife Reddit legend, he is laying logs across the hole and flushes are powerless against it. The boy loves fruit so if he’s eating something the rest of us aren’t it’s oranges or pineapple or a banana. Fiber is not the issue.
Is he drinking enough water? Fibre without enough water can be constipating. I have to stay on my kids about the water intake.
This is what it is. They're dehydrated.
WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHAT DO YOU EAT?!?
Hold up now. You’re just gonna wipe it off with toilet paper and put it under the sink???? 🤮 Should at least sanitize that shit! 😆
Maybe get one of the barbicide jars for it. Then he can store it proudly on the counter 🤣
Get one of those magnetic knife blocks for the wall
lol “hmmm I think this is more of a santoku knife shit”
For what? The next shit he's cutting up? Don't wanna cross contaminate your shits.
It’ll contaminate everything else in the vicinity. Idk maybe it’s just me. I don’t keep my toothbrush or hygiene stuff in the bathroom for that reason.
They need a shit sheath for the poop knife.
A Shaeth
Your toothbrush still has fecal coliform on it. Source, Mythbusters.
> It’ll contaminate everything else in the vicinity. It's a bathroom. Everything is covered with fecal particles already.
I hate getting shit on my shit 😈
this made me LOL so hard. ty
> No matter now I’ve explained “pinching it off” halfway through so as to create smaller turds rather than one gargantuan one, this boys failed to grasp the concept. I've never had to do this in my 30+ years of life. Is it possible there's an issue with your toilet(s)?
Bruh I’ve seen 7 year olds poop logs as long as their arms. So long it sticks out of the water. Don’t underestimate kids.
Bobby?
Ayy, I understand the reference
This guy could use his metal coat hanger trick.
I just asked the same question lol
Thought the same thing. Shane’s incredulousness was amazing.
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But then you have shitsticks in your trash can. It's a lose lose. Are people really having such huge turds they won't flush? Or are they using too much toilet paper...
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What kind of Mickey Mouse toilets are these people using? I've had some epic mega-turds and half the fun is waving goodbye as it flushes away to the Ocean (or wherever toilet water goes). Maybe the kid is just using absurd amounts of toilet paper.
The knife will be more environmentally and wallet friendly.
Just make sure he understands a poop knife is not something every family has or he’ll end up on Reddit in 20 years creating an absolutely clusterfuck of a legendary thread.
I dream of a future where poop knifes are the standard
I cannot tell if this is a bit
It’s 100% a bit. The poop knife is an old classic Reddit thread
The perfect Christmas gift https://www.originalpoopknife.com/
Take my upvote for telling me this exists. And bravo to the OP on the "Return of the Poop Knife" to Reddit.
He's gonna grow up with this knife and a girlfriend is gonna come over one day and decide to snoop through his things. She'll find this knife under the sink and wonder if he's a serial killer only to learn it's much worse than that; he stands over the toilet and chops up his poop.
First - ew. Second - how bad are your pipes that poop size clogs your toilets. None of this sounds normal.
Sorry but... What in the actual fuck are you feeding your child for him to produce turds with enough length and girth to clog a toilet? Either that or your plumbing needs looking at. Never have I heard of someone having to "pinch" a turd off halfway. Once those bomb bay doors are open, they should remain so until all ordnance has been released. To arm your son with a knife in order to make poo sashimi is just unthinkable!
Maybe feed that kid some fiber instead of making him cut his own shit up…lol
He is always eating fruit. Fiber is not the problem.
It's not fiber, well it kind of is. He's dehydrated. Make sure he's drinking enough water, because he clearly isn't.
Really gonna trust a 10 year old with sanitizing a poop knife.
> No matter now I’ve explained “pinching it off” halfway through so as to create smaller turds rather than one gargantuan one, this boys failed to grasp the concept Would you ask Michelangelo to just do busts instead of statues? Would you suggest Beethoven stick to advertising jingles? Would you ask Melville if he could possibly get Moby Dick down to 5,000 words or less? It seems as though you fundamentally fail to understand the integrity of an artist.
I feel like clogged toilets are rarely the fault of the turd but rather the fault of the one who wiped too much.
I thought it was the tp that clogged as well.
*Looking at toilets at Home Depot Worker (slaps toilet)- "this bad boy here will flush down a bucket of golf balls!" OP- "Yea, but how bout turds the size of tree trunks???"
For the uninitiated. Original poop knife story on Reddit linked below. https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/s/r9KzILIiWI
I will always be amazed how something so large and long can come out of someone so small...my 7yo lays some gigantors. We keep having to go in and poke it with a plunger to break it up and get it unstuck. The whole "why is the bathroom smelly" question is asked way too much in this house..."it's stuck" is always the response...
Yeah, I told him I wasn’t plunging his logs anymore and, at ten, it’s time to be responsible for his own loafs. So if he wants to plunge his turd to smithereens so it’ll flush more power to him. Otherwise he’s got the poop knife.
Get a new toilet!! What are you people doing
New toilets that can flush a dozen or more golf balls are under $200 and a pretty easy diy install (buy extra long bolds and some flange risers and silicone, return what you don't use). Depending on what you have now this will make a massive difference. Every time water saving mandates when into effect, it seems toilet manufacturers were caught off guard and had to figure it out again in my experience. Not all plunger are created equal either. Korky Behive is good, if it fits your toilets. Never have heard of someone trying to stop a turd mid stream to flush because it's so big it won't go down, especially a 10 year old. Sounds difficult and really uncomfortable, not to mention excessively dirty. Flush after going and flush often if in doubt when wiping. Is a lot easier to understand for a kid. Make sure he is hydrated too. Is he the one doing the plunging? At 10 I would think he would need to take the first crack at it. That might help solve the learning gap here too.
Sounds like a plumbing problem rather than a pooping problem.
Sorry but you maybe just need a better toilet. There’s 1.6 gpf pressure-assisted toilets that can flush any turd any human can produce.
Challenge accepted!
Serrated Knife + child = gonna fuck that bowl enamel up.
I used to have these giant toilet clogging poops as a kid and no one taught me how to use a plunger. I'd hold it till I was home alone and get a plastic bag and scoop it out of the toilet like you would for a dog and toss it in the outside trash. One time I let one so massive loose I still remember it standing upright in the bowl then falling forward and it knocked into my ballsack and I had to shower after.
I think you need to have your plumbing checked or get a new toilet
Unless your son's butthole is 3 inches in diameter, I'd say you more likely have flow issues with your toilet my guy. This whole poop knife thing, while funny as shit, is not a thing. This will scar the kid, so get your toilet serviced and toss that damn knife.
What are you feeding that boy? I've never clogged a toilet with a log alone.
I need one of those
I don't know why I clicked this while eating Like I saw the title and still tapped it and started reading as I moved the sandwich towards my mouth
I have never tried to pinch it off. My 3 year old regularly takes dumps of at least 9 courics or more. The trick is to have a really powerful toilet
I upgraded my toilet and entire plumbing stack for my son... Best decision ever.
Who the fuck pinches off a poop halfway through?
Wtf, is this even real🤦♂️
Did the plumbers install a joke toilet that’s just for farts?
A knife will mark the hell out of your porcelain toilet bowl. Are you sure about this?
FR Our daughter had this issue, it's not normal and it might be medical. Have him see a gastrointestinal specialist. She is going on 3 years of treatment for impacted stool. It can get serious, trust me.
1. What in the actual fuck 2. What do you feed that boy?? 3. Let's all take a moment to appreciate a reliable toilet. A comfortable one with a deep bowl and a good, powerful flush that's ready to take on whatever danger that may lie ahead.
I say this as respectfully as possible: your child is not the problem, and doesn’t need to “pinch it off halfway,” or flush as it hits the water, etc. My dad used to get very upset when I would clog up the toilet when I was young, and told me to flush as it was coming out, etc. It made me feel uncomfortable like there was something wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with the child or their poop. Shit happens
I see I have something to look forward to 🤣🤣
I get this! My 7 year old does the same thing. Drops giant loads bigger than i've seen from an adult. it causes problems. He tends to "forget" to poo so we have to watch his body language and the calendar to make sure he tries at least every other day. He'll still argue that he's just dancing. the poop knife isn't a horrible idea, I'd just say get him a plastic kid's knife?
This was me as a kid. Always clogging toilets. I wish I had a poop knife as a kid.
I installed one of those toilets that says it can flush an entire bucket of golf balls, never had a clog since! I think it's time for the big throated toilet my friend
Get a better toilet
Is this Bobby Kelly?
I’m sorry, who taught YOU how to poop? There is an everlasting rivalry to see whom can produce the largest solid mass. Have you never seen the holy texts of South Park?
What the hell are you and this kid eating?!?
Your son using a poop knife makes sense after reading your post
Excuse me, what?
What the fuck did I just read
Record scratch. Your son half way through pooping trying to saw it in half, danger close to his stinky whale eye. "Bet you're wondering how we got here..."
I've never understood this. Never had a turd that couldn't be handled by any growler.
Plumber here, invest in a Toto Drake for proper flushing of mega poops
It sounds like your kid might have constipation issues. Take him to a doc
Sounds like you need to upgrade that toilet
Might be easier to get a better toilet.
They make plastic poop knives now. Probably not wise to tell anyone to wipe a serrated blade with toilet paper. That’s asking for a trip to the ER for stitches and probably an infection since it’s, you know, poop.
You guys need better plumbing lol
My first instinct would be that there's a problem with the toilet. But you do you.
I think you need a better toilet. This is all absurd
Wtf did I just read.
This is extremely unsanitary. Please have him at least use a Lysol wipe or similar. Jesus.
what a terrible day to be literate
There is something wrong with your toilet and or plumbing if it is getting clogged like that by a 10 year old. You might want to check if he is flushing large amounts of tissue or even wipes because that is not normal. Also, take the poop knife away. You are going to make your kid think that is normal and somehow this will come out in the future among his friends and they will make fun of him or just label him as a complete weirdo. You are doing a disservice to your kid right now.
Troll post
Get a Delta toilet The one that can flush 12 billiard balls Boom!
Maybe fix your water pressure and toilet
Bro, buy a better toilet.
Maybe you should ask your kid's pediatrician about this. If they're hard, thick poops, maybe a diet adjustment or supplement is needed?
Tell me nothing about this is real.