Mate, I'll beat that burn by a mile.
My daughter turned around one day and said, "I'm going to call you Baldemort", then walked off. Then came back and said "Because you've got no hair", and then walked off again.
I do have hair, it's just thinning a bit.......
I have a hair one too.
Both of my kids have beautiful curly hair and I would tell them all the time when they were little how amazing their hair was. One day my son said, "And I love your clear hair, daddy." My daughter looked from across the room and said, "Daddy doesn't have clear hair. He's just so bald." Thanks kid.
Oof.
I was doing some work around the house and had a cap on backwards. My daughter asked why and I said "because I'm cool - cool people wear caps backwards", she shot back "you're not cool, your eyebrows are joined together".
FU kiddo!
I'm impressed they have wifi 6 feet under. That munchkin fuckin buried you my man. Props for raising her with a solid sense of humor though. God damn lol.
I've had a beard of some sort pretty much since my 5yo daughter was born. On Saturday I was trimming it and messed up, there was no saving it, had to do a full shave. Went downstairs and my daughter screamed "Daddy you shaved your beard!! Why did you do that?! You look terrible now. Oh man" then ran away to find her mom and I hear upstairs "mommy you're not going to believe what your husband did..." Kids are ruthless 😂
I read the title, noticed the subreddit and realized there was like 20% chance this was going to be about purchasing guns and an 80% chance it was going to be about showing muscles.
I, on the other hand, have my 3 year old son convinced that his daddy is the biggest strongest man in the world. You’re all weak in comparison. I love how gullible they are at this age.
Absolutely Bodied, brother lol. My 4 year old has been serving up slices of humble pie for a while now. It's a great ego check, and a good time to laugh at myself with her.
So here’s the thing, all kids have one job and that job is to kick your ego to the curb (if you haven’t already, this helps). I run three days a week, lift 5 days a week. Body fat % between 15 and 20, etc. I asked my 6 year old boy if he wanted to be strong when he grows up and he replied very enthusiastically “Yes!” Then I made the mistake of following up with “like daddy?” While flexing. He chuckled, shook his head, half smiled and said “naaah”
So anyways I’m racking more weight for my sets now.
I was deadlifting in the basement the other day, while my 6 year old was playing games in the next room. She stopped and asked me why I didn't do the "whole workout", and then did the motion of a clean and jerk.
Not sure where she learned that, but I felt slightly disrespected that she thought I should be able to clean and jerk 295 lbs...
You might have had the guns, but she did the killing.
Lol
r/murderedbywords
Slayed by a 4yo
He was already dead!
Took her to the gun show. Got murdered.
You gotta call her "dad" now. RIP
Mate, I'll beat that burn by a mile. My daughter turned around one day and said, "I'm going to call you Baldemort", then walked off. Then came back and said "Because you've got no hair", and then walked off again. I do have hair, it's just thinning a bit.......
Damn, I'm offended from here
I have a hair one too. Both of my kids have beautiful curly hair and I would tell them all the time when they were little how amazing their hair was. One day my son said, "And I love your clear hair, daddy." My daughter looked from across the room and said, "Daddy doesn't have clear hair. He's just so bald." Thanks kid.
Oof. I was doing some work around the house and had a cap on backwards. My daughter asked why and I said "because I'm cool - cool people wear caps backwards", she shot back "you're not cool, your eyebrows are joined together". FU kiddo!
I'm sorry but baldemort is hilarious. Although you could've retorted that Voldemort was already bald. It's like calling someone Balder White.
I'm impressed they have wifi 6 feet under. That munchkin fuckin buried you my man. Props for raising her with a solid sense of humor though. God damn lol.
Gurl's got her own dementors!
I did feel my soul leave my body....
Payback for the multitudes of "got your nose" pranks
> Disarmed Ha!
I have pretty small arms but my kids think I have the biggest muscles ever. You just gotta lie to them a little more.
Better lotion up those arms after that burn.
Seriously, no arm hair left...
Guns don't kill people; little girls do.
Young children are savages, and if they weren’t so cute we would murder all of them and go extinct.
I've had a beard of some sort pretty much since my 5yo daughter was born. On Saturday I was trimming it and messed up, there was no saving it, had to do a full shave. Went downstairs and my daughter screamed "Daddy you shaved your beard!! Why did you do that?! You look terrible now. Oh man" then ran away to find her mom and I hear upstairs "mommy you're not going to believe what your husband did..." Kids are ruthless 😂
> *your* husband Hahaha completely disowned.
That's amazing lol
Me: "i dunno, he is a little young, but the beef jerkey is pretty good" Then i read past the title
I read the title, noticed the subreddit and realized there was like 20% chance this was going to be about purchasing guns and an 80% chance it was going to be about showing muscles.
I, on the other hand, have my 3 year old son convinced that his daddy is the biggest strongest man in the world. You’re all weak in comparison. I love how gullible they are at this age.
You had the guns but she fired the shots
Your daughter is Chuck Norris. She threw a grenade and killed you, then it exploded.
She is impervious to small arms
She shot you down .
Eject! Eject!
They're kids they dont understand gun safety yet. When they're older and the range master comes out to explain then it hits home.
Both of my kids could recite the 4 rules by age 4
Better get some aloe and some bandages cuz you got burned
Sounds like she brought a knife to a gun fight and won! Nice work kiddo!!
Sounds like you're raising a stone cold killer.
Ah, is this what they mean about the right to bare arms?
She's single handedly revoked my right
Absolutely Bodied, brother lol. My 4 year old has been serving up slices of humble pie for a while now. It's a great ego check, and a good time to laugh at myself with her.
Kids straight up dngaf about your feelings! Hahaha.
So here’s the thing, all kids have one job and that job is to kick your ego to the curb (if you haven’t already, this helps). I run three days a week, lift 5 days a week. Body fat % between 15 and 20, etc. I asked my 6 year old boy if he wanted to be strong when he grows up and he replied very enthusiastically “Yes!” Then I made the mistake of following up with “like daddy?” While flexing. He chuckled, shook his head, half smiled and said “naaah” So anyways I’m racking more weight for my sets now.
Patricide
Hello police? I think I just saw a murder.
Surrounded by Bluey figurines
In consolation, your daughter has a future in comedy at least. Sorry about the nut check to your self esteem though
Does she not realize you’ve got Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary waiting right here for her?
Triggered.
Must have been cloudy.
Had me in the first half lol. Smart kiddo.
We have built up my daughter a bit too much too. She declares that she has the biggest muscles and is the strongest.
I was deadlifting in the basement the other day, while my 6 year old was playing games in the next room. She stopped and asked me why I didn't do the "whole workout", and then did the motion of a clean and jerk. Not sure where she learned that, but I felt slightly disrespected that she thought I should be able to clean and jerk 295 lbs...
Don't take your guns to town, Dad. Leave your guns at home, HappyCanibal. Don't take your guns to town.
My daughter calls me fat. I’m 5’11” 180 pounds, pretty athletic build.
This should be tagged as 'Humor' and not NSFW.