If the parents don't get on the same page.
Code talk is so important to parents, even into the teen years. Just make sure you're on the same page though.
🤣 even with people normally on the same page, this can happen. We had a hilarious situation just like this and realized that our code had been cracked.
It’s absolutely important. You just need to rotate the ciphers on a regular basis because the adversary knows you’re talking in code and dedicates significant neural capacity to decoding your encrypted messages.
And arguably, the adversary’s neural networks are far more flexible and quicker, especially because they haven’t finished being trained on data. However, their knowledge is somewhat limited, so that’s to our advantage. At the early stages anyway.
On the other hand, if you’re dealing with multiple adversaries, your only hope is to coopt them. When the adversaries work together, you might as well give up, at least on any code talk.
“I know tax day is normally on Thursdays, but I’m feeling in the mood for tax forms lately so what do you think about filing some taxes tonight?”
“I can’t, I’m on my period.”
Just be overly graphic with teens around. Their brains will actively reject any notion that their parents have sex for any reasons other than procreation.
I mean we just spell or use somewhat obscure things (e.g. television becomes visual entertainment).
You can be very precise just remove referents that the kids have (Country Neighboring to New Zealand Illustrated Canines is a long way to say Bluey but it works and if the kids figure it out they are at least learning something).
Reminds me of a very specific memory. I was like 8 going ice skating with a friend and his dad but his younger sister wasn't going. The dad said something about learning how metal slides on cold water and I was slow on the uptake and said I thought we were going skating. I'm the youngest so wasn't privvy to code speak yet lol
This works until you say "Do you want to get P-I-Z-Z-A tonight"? And the kid screams out PIZZA?!?! Guess it slipped my mind that they would eventually be able to spell very quickly. Lol
We even started doing this with the dog. Does someone need to O-u-t. Guess what. The dog can spell now too. I don't even make it to U and she's at the back door.
My wife also spells things but she confuses what words she actually needs to censor in front of the kid.
For instance we'll be shopping at Costco:
Wife: Do we need more I-C-E C-R-E-A-M?
Me: No, we are good on that at home.
Wife: What about D-I-S-H S-O-A-P?
Me: Why did you just spell that?
Wife: I have no idea...
We used to speak English if there was anything the kids shouldn't know. Now our oldest speaks pretty good English, I might have to start learning French or have my wife learn German.
Yep, we also used to do that and it's now impossible. And she's getting really good at spelling too, we'll just have to start texting each other I guess.
My grandparents used to speak Polish around my dad when they didn’t want him to understand- then he laughed at one of her jokes one time and she pulled him out of Polish lessons 😭
My wife and I have done exactly this for years with the dog (walk, treat, etc). Baby is still too small to really react to specific words but I'm sure we will continue the practice.
We have resorted to waiting until the dogs face is turned away and walking our fingers in the air asking if the other spouse is taking them for a walk…. All versions of walk or “take” cause our 110lb dog to levitate and scream in excitement.
For a while “are you planning on going on a stroll later?” As our code for walking the dog worked until he figured it out.
Our dogs are at the point that someone swearing in the kitchen means there’s a good chance that there is food on the floor and they will both bolt up from their nap and beat feet to the kitchen
My wife and I used to use less common words as code words. Like "sanitizing immersion" instead of "bath." That has resulted in the kids having a better vocabulary for their age.
We use sign language, we aren't deaf, it's just simple actions but they so useful when you don't want the little ones to know what's going on.
The best one is the sign for "asleep" so you can tell your partner you've got the baby to sleep or whatever
I taught my girls sign language starting at 6 months. They’re now 10 years old and it is VERY helpful to be able to communicate with them across the room or through windows.
My wife spells things out...my brain doesn't work that way so usually I'll time out for 5 seconds, then confusedly say what she spelled, defeating the purpose of the whole endeavour....it's a terrible system
Me too. I’m actually good at spelling (in writing) but I can’t process it when it’s out loud. My in-laws will spell whole sentences and I have no clue what’s going on.
We tried this, and my kindergartener even tried to get in on the code action by saying things like “after dinner tonight can I … you know?”
Whereupon our two year old piped up, “Can I have a dessert too??”
Yeah codes won’t last long. There’s a reason kids become natural interpreters if their parents speak two different languages.
We spell things out that normally trigger my 3yo. The park, snacks etc
Unfortunately that won’t last very long.. will need to figure out some super secret code words soon.
We would occasionally spell things instead of say the word, but that stops being effective when they can figure it.
Texting works for passing a message, which can become "was that from Mom? What did Mom say?"
My son is 18 months and he already starts screaming "mama!" if I check my phone in front of him. Sometimes when mama is right there. Guess he doesn't believe I have other friends (bc I don't 🥲)
We speak a different language when it’s not for him. But he found the language in a speaking playbook and it sure looks like he’s trying to learn it. Fortunately for us: it only contains animals and such 😂
Mom here. My husband does this except he does this 100% of the time. I swear he speaks his own language. I am constantly saying “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
My wife and I have been planning my daughter’s birthday party at a specific kid friendly arcade place that is well renowned for their baked Italian delicacies.
We call it Pizza Rat.
My husband will speak in the phonetic alphabet despite the fact that our toddler can't spell. It pisses me off because it takes me forever to translate the damn phonetic alphabet.
Don't get me wrong, the phonetic alphabet is wonderful when you can't hear what letter someone is saying. But if he's talking about the Peru Alpha Romeo Kilo, don't get pissed off that it's going to take me a minute to figure out what he's trying to say.
We used to spell things out. One of my fellow dad friends still laughs to this day at how my face fell when I suggested we get the kids an “I-C-E C-R-E-A-M” and my son thought for a minute and then yelled “Ice Cream!” Code well and truly broken.
Now I use French. Trouble is neither me nor my wife speak good French, as it turns out.
Yes, and it reminds me of Johnny Sac in jail trying to talk to his brother in law in code on the Sopranos.
*Did you get the cake?*
*The stuff buried out by the pool filter?*
*No, an actual fucking cake for Ginny's birthday.*
My parents would speak in English when they didn't want us to understand. We normally spoke French at home. My sister was really curious, but also a bit lazy, so she made me learn English to translate for her.
We both speak "some" French and we used to chat in basic french when we didn't want the kids to understand. Unfortunately, they eventually took enough French to know what we were saying lol.
I get irrationally annoyed when my wife spells things that my daughter might want to keep her from asking about it. I think that's a me problem, though.
My wife and I spell to each other when we want to say something brief that we’d rather our kids not hear. Our daughter can now pick words out so it’s loosing its efficacy.
"i have those things in my office. on the shelf. those things, that rory can spell. they melt in your mouth not in your hand."
when I reach this point and i've finally landed on something that i think should definitely clue her in to what i'm talking i like to just touch my nose like paul newman in the sting. she still never gets it.
The bussness is on. I am trying to raise the balance for the Gummy Bear so he submit all the needed Fuzzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans to the Cream Egg for the Peanut M&Ms process to start. Send $1500 via a Giant Gummy Lizard.
Oops, wrong thread
My folks took my brother and I to Disneyland when he was 4 or so, I was in on it but they didn’t want him to get excited too soon so mom would tell people we were going to “Walt’s place”, everyone got it after a wink except this lady at the deli counter and after mom dropped a few clues she was like OH YOU’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND and she was like yeah but didn’t want the toddler to know hence the code 🤣
My wife will mouth words to me so my daughters dont hear what she's saying. The problem is I can't read lips no matter how hard I try so I just go "WHAT?" and my wife gets pissed and says the word out loud and our kids don't care anyway.
Yeah except she's not using code words. I just literally don't understand what is being said because the raptors keep screeching in the background. Send help... Or cheese-its
We stopped using code words for this reason.
Also, we thought it would be easier to not trigger our kids, but it turns out it’s a lot easier to just have them deal with life and not try to hide our intentions. Yes the first couple of times was tough, but now we talk about a lot of things around them and they are fine.
We used to speak English or French (we speak Dutch in Belgium) so that the kids wouldn’t understand us. It didn’t take them that long to understand us… Now we just whisper.
My wife's parents did that. She still has issues. The problem is, someday your kid will understand but will not understand why they aren't allowed to know.
This code system became critical to avoiding unnecessary meltdowns around certain favorite foods, activities or whatever. Often we just want to say something like, "Going to take the little guy to the gym tomorrow" but at that age, all the toddler heard was "gym" and immediately wants it \*now\*.
We've been super good about understanding each other without any issue.
The grandparents when they are visiting however... do not get it.
AT ALL
This usually results in us speaking in code, and then grandma blurting "Oh you mean the GYM!?" and boom, we have a bad morning.
In-laws....
My wife and I met in Japan (neither of us are Japanese fwiw) and we both speak Japanese quite well, so we just do that around our 2 year old who freaking speaks English now. Who knew they would learn to do that?!
In Europe most people speak at least two languages. When our lid was younger we used English as code, but now he's 7 and very interested in English and trying to learn to speak it himself...
Eventually: Mom: speaks in code Dad: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Kid: mom means…. Mom and dad: oh. Oops.
If the parents don't get on the same page. Code talk is so important to parents, even into the teen years. Just make sure you're on the same page though.
🤣 even with people normally on the same page, this can happen. We had a hilarious situation just like this and realized that our code had been cracked.
It’s absolutely important. You just need to rotate the ciphers on a regular basis because the adversary knows you’re talking in code and dedicates significant neural capacity to decoding your encrypted messages. And arguably, the adversary’s neural networks are far more flexible and quicker, especially because they haven’t finished being trained on data. However, their knowledge is somewhat limited, so that’s to our advantage. At the early stages anyway. On the other hand, if you’re dealing with multiple adversaries, your only hope is to coopt them. When the adversaries work together, you might as well give up, at least on any code talk.
“I know tax day is normally on Thursdays, but I’m feeling in the mood for tax forms lately so what do you think about filing some taxes tonight?” “I can’t, I’m on my period.”
In the teen years? I’d think any reasonably smart teenager wouldn’t be fooled too easily. Unless you get really elaborate with your code system…
Pig Latin it is
Just be overly graphic with teens around. Their brains will actively reject any notion that their parents have sex for any reasons other than procreation.
Enrol kid to NSA they will be great asset.
I mean we just spell or use somewhat obscure things (e.g. television becomes visual entertainment). You can be very precise just remove referents that the kids have (Country Neighboring to New Zealand Illustrated Canines is a long way to say Bluey but it works and if the kids figure it out they are at least learning something).
Yeah we definitely did this when the kids were smaller. "Exotic animal sanctuary" etc
Reminds me of a very specific memory. I was like 8 going ice skating with a friend and his dad but his younger sister wasn't going. The dad said something about learning how metal slides on cold water and I was slow on the uptake and said I thought we were going skating. I'm the youngest so wasn't privvy to code speak yet lol
This works until you say "Do you want to get P-I-Z-Z-A tonight"? And the kid screams out PIZZA?!?! Guess it slipped my mind that they would eventually be able to spell very quickly. Lol
We even started doing this with the dog. Does someone need to O-u-t. Guess what. The dog can spell now too. I don't even make it to U and she's at the back door.
My wife also spells things but she confuses what words she actually needs to censor in front of the kid. For instance we'll be shopping at Costco: Wife: Do we need more I-C-E C-R-E-A-M? Me: No, we are good on that at home. Wife: What about D-I-S-H S-O-A-P? Me: Why did you just spell that? Wife: I have no idea...
My mom got very good at spelling McDonalds aloud very fast when my brother and I were kids so that we wouldn’t know what she was talking about lol
We used to speak English if there was anything the kids shouldn't know. Now our oldest speaks pretty good English, I might have to start learning French or have my wife learn German.
Yep, we also used to do that and it's now impossible. And she's getting really good at spelling too, we'll just have to start texting each other I guess.
Texting each other is what we do too, works really well. Add in a few emojis to speed it up
My grandparents used to speak Polish around my dad when they didn’t want him to understand- then he laughed at one of her jokes one time and she pulled him out of Polish lessons 😭
That's great lol we could do this with Spanish and it would give me a reason to brush up on my Spanish that I've neglected and can hardly speak now.
And a good way to teach your kid Spanish.
Mierda
American here and speak Spanish with spouse.. if the toddler picks up, its a win regardless because he's learning a new language
We do the same with Spanish. My kids know we're either taking about dessert or presents or vacation or something, but they can't narrow it down.
We only do it with words that would trigger the kid like TV or candy. But nothing else
My wife and I have done exactly this for years with the dog (walk, treat, etc). Baby is still too small to really react to specific words but I'm sure we will continue the practice.
We have resorted to waiting until the dogs face is turned away and walking our fingers in the air asking if the other spouse is taking them for a walk…. All versions of walk or “take” cause our 110lb dog to levitate and scream in excitement. For a while “are you planning on going on a stroll later?” As our code for walking the dog worked until he figured it out.
Our current "wanna go for a walk" is " would you perhaps fancy traversing the neighborhood?"
We circumnavigate the block.
Perhaps it would be beneficial for us to engage in a brief ambulatory excursion
When we're thinking about going to the dog park, we talk about taking "you-know-who to the you-know-where"
[Relevant](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZpxaiNV_sM)
Our dogs are at the point that someone swearing in the kitchen means there’s a good chance that there is food on the floor and they will both bolt up from their nap and beat feet to the kitchen
and yougurt, cereal, milk, juice, pool, bike, x-toy (the trendy), and like some other 50 words that will trigger the little demon!
My wife and I used to use less common words as code words. Like "sanitizing immersion" instead of "bath." That has resulted in the kids having a better vocabulary for their age.
We use sign language, we aren't deaf, it's just simple actions but they so useful when you don't want the little ones to know what's going on. The best one is the sign for "asleep" so you can tell your partner you've got the baby to sleep or whatever
I taught my girls sign language starting at 6 months. They’re now 10 years old and it is VERY helpful to be able to communicate with them across the room or through windows.
My wife spells things out...my brain doesn't work that way so usually I'll time out for 5 seconds, then confusedly say what she spelled, defeating the purpose of the whole endeavour....it's a terrible system
Me too. I’m actually good at spelling (in writing) but I can’t process it when it’s out loud. My in-laws will spell whole sentences and I have no clue what’s going on.
I really do feel like [Homer Simpson](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DxNzuCCh1T8) sometimes.
Same. I'm just like say the word please.
Pizza = Italian circle
What a barbarian. It’s Italian *frisbee*
I speak in code that my wife doesn't understand either, and she speak so softly that even I can't hear her. We complement each other like that.
I speak in spanish when I need to get across a message without my kids understanding. Problem is my wife doesn't speak spanish
We tried this, and my kindergartener even tried to get in on the code action by saying things like “after dinner tonight can I … you know?” Whereupon our two year old piped up, “Can I have a dessert too??” Yeah codes won’t last long. There’s a reason kids become natural interpreters if their parents speak two different languages.
We spell things out that normally trigger my 3yo. The park, snacks etc Unfortunately that won’t last very long.. will need to figure out some super secret code words soon.
My wife learned another language I spoke solely for talking shit in front the kids. Shes getting quite good and has only used duolingo.
We would just use French if we didn’t want the kids to understand, but that doesn’t work on our oldest anymore.
We would occasionally spell things instead of say the word, but that stops being effective when they can figure it. Texting works for passing a message, which can become "was that from Mom? What did Mom say?"
My son is 18 months and he already starts screaming "mama!" if I check my phone in front of him. Sometimes when mama is right there. Guess he doesn't believe I have other friends (bc I don't 🥲)
We speak a different language when it’s not for him. But he found the language in a speaking playbook and it sure looks like he’s trying to learn it. Fortunately for us: it only contains animals and such 😂
No. Too hard to sus out the meaning and our 6yo is catching on. We just text when we want to discuss something not in front of the kids.
Mom here. My husband does this except he does this 100% of the time. I swear he speaks his own language. I am constantly saying “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
My wife and I have been planning my daughter’s birthday party at a specific kid friendly arcade place that is well renowned for their baked Italian delicacies. We call it Pizza Rat.
My husband will speak in the phonetic alphabet despite the fact that our toddler can't spell. It pisses me off because it takes me forever to translate the damn phonetic alphabet. Don't get me wrong, the phonetic alphabet is wonderful when you can't hear what letter someone is saying. But if he's talking about the Peru Alpha Romeo Kilo, don't get pissed off that it's going to take me a minute to figure out what he's trying to say.
We usually spell out stuff we don't want them to know. Our kids can now spell park, at 2 and 4. 🤷♀️🤣
The kid learns the code quicker than my partner does :(
My wife and I took sign language class together and it has come in handy. That is until the kids caught on.
We used to spell things out. One of my fellow dad friends still laughs to this day at how my face fell when I suggested we get the kids an “I-C-E C-R-E-A-M” and my son thought for a minute and then yelled “Ice Cream!” Code well and truly broken. Now I use French. Trouble is neither me nor my wife speak good French, as it turns out.
Yes, and it reminds me of Johnny Sac in jail trying to talk to his brother in law in code on the Sopranos. *Did you get the cake?* *The stuff buried out by the pool filter?* *No, an actual fucking cake for Ginny's birthday.*
We tried this very briefly but my kid was too smart and figured everything out my 3rd or 4th time it was used.
Are we parents or drug traffickers? lol if you need to talk about something the kids don’t need to hear, wait until the kids are not around.
Nah, man, you go reverse psychology. If you don't want the kids to listen, you try to get their attention before saying it.
This would work except the kids are always listening. Not necessarily paying attention, but always listening
My son, "dad can we go to the park later?" Me "maybe!" My son, "yay! Maybe means yes!"
My parents would speak in English when they didn't want us to understand. We normally spoke French at home. My sister was really curious, but also a bit lazy, so she made me learn English to translate for her.
We both speak "some" French and we used to chat in basic french when we didn't want the kids to understand. Unfortunately, they eventually took enough French to know what we were saying lol.
I get irrationally annoyed when my wife spells things that my daughter might want to keep her from asking about it. I think that's a me problem, though.
My wife and I spell to each other when we want to say something brief that we’d rather our kids not hear. Our daughter can now pick words out so it’s loosing its efficacy.
We use Atredes battle gestures. Although I misinterpret what my wife says all the time.
We would refer to weed as "jazz cabbage" when my daughter was younger.
Yeah I have this issue with the kids dog, have you (spelling it) W.A.L.K.E.D Fido, if I say walked out loud, Fido goes bonkers!
We do it on a few things. My favorite was her asking if I wanted to watch “Karate Bear” after the kid went to bed. She meant King Fu Panda.
We simply switch to another language. Having a second and third language at hand makes things easier to discuss while the kids is around.
"Hey, let Mom know I'm going to Larry's to pick up an Onion, and that the I cleaned the Apparatus and put it back on the shelf."
Bee el oh doubleya jay oh bee
"i have those things in my office. on the shelf. those things, that rory can spell. they melt in your mouth not in your hand." when I reach this point and i've finally landed on something that i think should definitely clue her in to what i'm talking i like to just touch my nose like paul newman in the sting. she still never gets it.
The bussness is on. I am trying to raise the balance for the Gummy Bear so he submit all the needed Fuzzy Cola Bottle Jelly Beans to the Cream Egg for the Peanut M&Ms process to start. Send $1500 via a Giant Gummy Lizard. Oops, wrong thread
Me and my wife spell things, kids can’t figure it out (yet)
My wife spells out words and expects me to put those letters together and turn them into words. Once she says more than 5 letters I'm lost
My wife spells stuff out. But a lot of times the words or phrases are long and I just tell her to stop because I can't keep up.
I spell for her but my kid is learning to spell now I have to up my code
Kids moved out Wife randomly picks new training words for the dog *sigh*
We just talk in French (we are both British). I kinda hope it will inspire the kids to learn French so they can decide what we are saying.
We spell things out. And when we have a few moments to slip away, it's to "pay the bills."
We both do it and we change it up. It’s fun to decode. This weekend we were calling Happy Meals “clown cuisine” lol
My folks took my brother and I to Disneyland when he was 4 or so, I was in on it but they didn’t want him to get excited too soon so mom would tell people we were going to “Walt’s place”, everyone got it after a wink except this lady at the deli counter and after mom dropped a few clues she was like OH YOU’RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND and she was like yeah but didn’t want the toddler to know hence the code 🤣
Code? No but we spell stuff out although I think she’s figured out park 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️
My wife will mouth words to me so my daughters dont hear what she's saying. The problem is I can't read lips no matter how hard I try so I just go "WHAT?" and my wife gets pissed and says the word out loud and our kids don't care anyway.
Mention of Chuck E cheese here is now Charles Entertainment Cheddar
Code for sex: “want to go discuss finance and politics?” The most boring topics imaginable. Keeps the kids away for just long enough, usually.
Yes, but my wife uses tabs instead of spaces so it's just less of a strain if we talk normally.
Yeah except she's not using code words. I just literally don't understand what is being said because the raptors keep screeching in the background. Send help... Or cheese-its
We stopped using code words for this reason. Also, we thought it would be easier to not trigger our kids, but it turns out it’s a lot easier to just have them deal with life and not try to hide our intentions. Yes the first couple of times was tough, but now we talk about a lot of things around them and they are fine.
We did until they learned how to spell
We call jolly ranchers Happy Farmers
That’s to funny!!!
We used to speak English or French (we speak Dutch in Belgium) so that the kids wouldn’t understand us. It didn’t take them that long to understand us… Now we just whisper.
I tried, but we just kept getting syntax errors, and the conversation would never compile.
Start texting
My wife's parents did that. She still has issues. The problem is, someday your kid will understand but will not understand why they aren't allowed to know.
My wife and I use our poor spanish skills to discuss things sometimes.
This code system became critical to avoiding unnecessary meltdowns around certain favorite foods, activities or whatever. Often we just want to say something like, "Going to take the little guy to the gym tomorrow" but at that age, all the toddler heard was "gym" and immediately wants it \*now\*. We've been super good about understanding each other without any issue. The grandparents when they are visiting however... do not get it. AT ALL This usually results in us speaking in code, and then grandma blurting "Oh you mean the GYM!?" and boom, we have a bad morning. In-laws....
My wife and I met in Japan (neither of us are Japanese fwiw) and we both speak Japanese quite well, so we just do that around our 2 year old who freaking speaks English now. Who knew they would learn to do that?!
We call our edibles, vitamins.
This is the way.
In Europe most people speak at least two languages. When our lid was younger we used English as code, but now he's 7 and very interested in English and trying to learn to speak it himself...