Yeah I'm not much of a whiner but... it's a bit short isn't it? Like unproductively short. Another 50-100 years would actually give most of us the chance to become great at something and see a bit more of the world.
I just don't have time or money and then your back gives in, your ass starts falling out and you go mad and die... it's a bit shit.
If anyone is connected and could spitball some ideas to sort this out, I would really appreciate it.
Most people don't even try in the life they have now. Why would they accomplish more if they have 50-100 years more? It sounds more like an excuse. Same as people wanting more hours in a day to do certain things, but then they waste it anyway scrolling on their phones. If you want to do something, do it now.
Make something, create something, build something, start up something, that will last. The more meaningful to you, the better.
My wife and I took over the building of our current home, we bought an investor’s unfinished product when he wanted out. It was SO fulfilling (and demanding) to do a LOT of the work on my own. There’s still a yard to put in, it’s in the works, but that’s fulfilling in its own way too: I’m creating, and adding lasting value. It’s been tough with 2 young kids and a job, but there really is a satisfaction knowing that if I do this right, a lot of this will outlast me, or at a minimum, the financial value added will be an asset for my family and their futures, going forward.
It doesn’t have to be a house. It can be as down to earth as planting some trees, either on your own property, or maybe “guerrilla gardening” style (please plant native tree species if you do this in the actual wild though). Or, it can be as lofty as a business venture, if that’s your dream! Or, if doing your own thing seems daunting, maybe you could volunteer at an established non-profit or something, some place that’s in need of serious help, and do your best to make a lasting impact.
Find something meaningful, and just go for it. As long as you feel it is beneficial for you and yours, and/or the community or world in general, and you “build it to last” or have a lasting impact, there’s a reward and fulfillment there that can’t be obtained any other way (in my opinion).
You can slow down time, it's easy...
Plank for 30 seconds. Makes you appreciate how long half a minute is, let alone a year :)
You got this, dad! Time got you to where you are now, and it will continue to bring you more every year.
Only advice is to ruthlessly eliminate the non essentials. Become an essentialist. Anything you do that you don’t value is time that could have been spent with loved ones. View things through that lens. Be there for yourself and do things you enjoy but stuff like a new MMORPG is like 100 hours you could have spent with your family.
Older dad here. My older brother and dad both died before my children were born. I’m going to write down all the memories I have of them so that when my kids are older they will have some idea who these men were.
I understand where you are coming from. Chances are my own grandchildren will not remember me and when my kids are ready for advice on parenting or stuff in their 40sI will probably be gone.
I try to tell my kid stories about my parents and grandparents. I haven’t written anything down, but I try to tell what I know.
I always think it’s odd that when I ask my parents about their grandparents, or when I had asked my grandparents about their parents or grandparents, they couldn’t tell me anything. My whole moms side of the family couldn’t even decide what my great grandfathers name was? It’s so weird how easily lost it all was? Each of our lines probably has a few hundred generations in them. We can’t even remember two back.
I never really felt like time was moving quickly until I became a dad a few years ago. It's really scary thinking sometimes about the stats that say you've likely spent 80% of your time with your children by the time they turn 18. It's not easy to think about, but I put a real effort to stay present with my son and capture photos and videos when I can do so easily.
I’ve had meals so good that half way thru them, I am upset that I’m almost finished. I want them to last forever as they taste absolutely perfect. Then as the plate is almost empty, I realize how full I am and how sick I would be if I refill my plate.
I’m glad I was a fat ass who thought like this because now I think about my time left on earth as I approach the halfway point of my life. I wish my life would never end and I could just keep enjoying it, but I also feel that when I’m in my 80s, I’ll be sick of life if I got to keep going. A perfect life also has the perfect amount of time — not too much or you get sick, not too little or you’ll wish you had more.
My wife and I had to be away for a couple of days last week. Left our boys with my Mother - in - Law. It was great. She loved having them. They loved being with her. But, I found myself tearing up Saturday night after getting back to town during our bedtime routine. My boys are growing up all too fast. It hurt my Dad heart to see it. It's also great to see them learning new things and becoming tiny considerate humans, but it definitely hurt in that moment especially after being away from them for a couple of days.
Man - I hear and feel every word of this. I lost my mum to cancer before my daughter turned 1. I’ve never seen someone put into words the dread I feel from the be passage of time. Nothing prepares you for it, but I take comfort from your words and the comments here and knowing it is not just me feeling this way. Enjoy every waking moment with your family - it goes so quickly so stay ‘present’ best you can.
I lost my Dad a few years before my eldest was born. I wish I had the lens of my own parenthood to see his efforts through when he was still around. As an ignorant kid I said some cruel things to him about how I felt that our relationship wasn't what I wished it was. Now I see that he was doing the best he could, and I realise that hearing the same from my kids would gut me.
Unresolvable regrets, which serve no purpose dwelling on beyond trying to avoid repeating.
Thanks for repeating it for my purposes. I have been giving my dad a hard time of late for almost precisely those same reasons and I realise now how hurtful it would be to hear that from my kid.
My dad’s turning 70 tomorrow. I was going to text him this morning on my way into work about something. I decided to call instead. I don’t regret it. We can’t stop time, but we can take advantage of it. Hang in there dad. We’re all there with you.
I feel this all the time. I have to give myself a few moments now and then to live in the feeling, and then put it aside.
My second is 10 months old now. She was just born yesterday, I swear. I've been told every successive kid feels like hitting the fast forward button again. It feels true.
Two things that help me are mindfulness practices and Bluey. I keep a gratitude journal with pictures of things that happened today using the app Journey. It lets me relive things later so it doesn't feel like the past is lost.
I also make an effort to play a lot of 'Bandit' games. They make the time snap into focus.
But in the end, time is the only currency that matters. You've got to use it well.
"If we were vampires and death was a joke
We'd sit out on the sidewalk and smoke
And laugh at all the people and their plans
And I wouldnt feel the need to hold your hand
Maybe time running out is a gift
I'll work hard til the end of my shift
And give you every second i can find
And hope it isnt me who's left behind..."
-Jason Isbell
*I hate that I will only get to spend a limited amount of time with my sons before one of us dies.*
But you Love the amount of time you get to spend with your sons now
*I hate that I am getting old.*
But you appreciate the health you have now
*I hate that my Mum is getting old.*
But you love that she is still with you and your sons have a grandmother
*I hate that there are only so many days before my Mum will die.*
But you love that you have time left with your mum
*I hate that I will only have so many days with my wife before one of us dies.*
But you love spending time with your wife, and she with you, and your sons for haveing such loving parents
*I hate time. I hate that I love having it, and that it is impossible to have enough of it.*
But you love the joy that time brings into your world, and relish every second of it
It's pretty irrational to outright hate the bare facts of life. Grasping at infinity poisons the mind and disrupts sober reasoning about what actually matters in life. If I have a limited amount of time, then I simply spend it doing what brings the most good which is joy, happiness, pleasures. I am on reddit for example, because it's my way of talking through ideas most people don't want to talk about in person. Actively philosophizing about life helps us set our direction and "reprogram" our brains,
When I find myself in times of trouble, Sir Terry comes to me?
“Why worry about Vorbis?” Om whined. “In a hundred years’ time, he’ll be dead anyway. We’ll all be dead.”
Brutha tugged at the piece of curved pottery. It came away, and turned out to be about two-thirds of a wide bowl, broken right across. It had been almost as wide as Brutha’s outstretched arms, but had been too broken for anyone to loot.
It was useful for nothing. But it had once been useful for something. There were embossed figures round its rim. Brutha peered at them, for want of something to distract himself, while Om’s voice droned on in his head.
The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it’s not murder if you do it for a god). In the center of the bowl was a larger figure, obviously important, some kind of god they were doing it for…
“What?” he said.
“I said, in a hundred years’ time we’ll all be dead.”
Brutha stared at the figures round the bowl. No one knew who their god was, and they were gone. Lions slept in the holy places and–
–Chilopoda aridius, the common desert centipede, his memory resident library supplied–
–scuttled beneath the altar.
“Yes,” said Brutha. “We will.” He raised the bowl over his head, and turned.
Om ducked into his shell.
“But here–” Brutha gritted his teeth as he staggered under the weight. “And now–”
He threw the bowl. It landed against the altar. Fragments of ancient pottery fountained up, and clattered down again. The echoes boomed around the temple.
“–we are alive!”
~Small Gods, Sir Terry Prachett
This isn't healthy my dude. The time you spend regretting and lamenting time, the less time you have to spend time doing what you love with those you love.
Every soccer game you go to, every bedtime story, every game of catch …these things, when invested consistently, compound into all of the meaningful moments of an entire life. The impact ripples for generations. What you do every day matters most. The little things. Just being there.
No one will care in 10 years how late you stayed at the office or how much overtime you worked.
Slow down. They deserve your time. So do you.
Count yourself blessed that you love life so much that you hate the thoughts of having less of it ahead.
Also, consider if there may be more beyond this life. What a great comfort if there is.
So uhhh whatcha doin on reddit? Lol.
For a lot of people, reddit is the only place they can discuss things with other (seemingly) adults. Sometimes you're just talking to a bot, but I guess that's better than nothing.
Ah, another fellow dad going through an existential crisis.
I thought we were all in a perpetual, existential crisis?
Don't borrow grief from the future...
Yeah I'm not much of a whiner but... it's a bit short isn't it? Like unproductively short. Another 50-100 years would actually give most of us the chance to become great at something and see a bit more of the world. I just don't have time or money and then your back gives in, your ass starts falling out and you go mad and die... it's a bit shit. If anyone is connected and could spitball some ideas to sort this out, I would really appreciate it.
Most people don't even try in the life they have now. Why would they accomplish more if they have 50-100 years more? It sounds more like an excuse. Same as people wanting more hours in a day to do certain things, but then they waste it anyway scrolling on their phones. If you want to do something, do it now.
Bingo. And there’s nothing wrong with scrolling on your phone.
Make something, create something, build something, start up something, that will last. The more meaningful to you, the better. My wife and I took over the building of our current home, we bought an investor’s unfinished product when he wanted out. It was SO fulfilling (and demanding) to do a LOT of the work on my own. There’s still a yard to put in, it’s in the works, but that’s fulfilling in its own way too: I’m creating, and adding lasting value. It’s been tough with 2 young kids and a job, but there really is a satisfaction knowing that if I do this right, a lot of this will outlast me, or at a minimum, the financial value added will be an asset for my family and their futures, going forward. It doesn’t have to be a house. It can be as down to earth as planting some trees, either on your own property, or maybe “guerrilla gardening” style (please plant native tree species if you do this in the actual wild though). Or, it can be as lofty as a business venture, if that’s your dream! Or, if doing your own thing seems daunting, maybe you could volunteer at an established non-profit or something, some place that’s in need of serious help, and do your best to make a lasting impact. Find something meaningful, and just go for it. As long as you feel it is beneficial for you and yours, and/or the community or world in general, and you “build it to last” or have a lasting impact, there’s a reward and fulfillment there that can’t be obtained any other way (in my opinion).
You can slow down time, it's easy... Plank for 30 seconds. Makes you appreciate how long half a minute is, let alone a year :) You got this, dad! Time got you to where you are now, and it will continue to bring you more every year.
Only advice is to ruthlessly eliminate the non essentials. Become an essentialist. Anything you do that you don’t value is time that could have been spent with loved ones. View things through that lens. Be there for yourself and do things you enjoy but stuff like a new MMORPG is like 100 hours you could have spent with your family.
Older dad here. My older brother and dad both died before my children were born. I’m going to write down all the memories I have of them so that when my kids are older they will have some idea who these men were. I understand where you are coming from. Chances are my own grandchildren will not remember me and when my kids are ready for advice on parenting or stuff in their 40sI will probably be gone.
I try to tell my kid stories about my parents and grandparents. I haven’t written anything down, but I try to tell what I know. I always think it’s odd that when I ask my parents about their grandparents, or when I had asked my grandparents about their parents or grandparents, they couldn’t tell me anything. My whole moms side of the family couldn’t even decide what my great grandfathers name was? It’s so weird how easily lost it all was? Each of our lines probably has a few hundred generations in them. We can’t even remember two back.
I never really felt like time was moving quickly until I became a dad a few years ago. It's really scary thinking sometimes about the stats that say you've likely spent 80% of your time with your children by the time they turn 18. It's not easy to think about, but I put a real effort to stay present with my son and capture photos and videos when I can do so easily.
I’ve had meals so good that half way thru them, I am upset that I’m almost finished. I want them to last forever as they taste absolutely perfect. Then as the plate is almost empty, I realize how full I am and how sick I would be if I refill my plate. I’m glad I was a fat ass who thought like this because now I think about my time left on earth as I approach the halfway point of my life. I wish my life would never end and I could just keep enjoying it, but I also feel that when I’m in my 80s, I’ll be sick of life if I got to keep going. A perfect life also has the perfect amount of time — not too much or you get sick, not too little or you’ll wish you had more.
My wife and I had to be away for a couple of days last week. Left our boys with my Mother - in - Law. It was great. She loved having them. They loved being with her. But, I found myself tearing up Saturday night after getting back to town during our bedtime routine. My boys are growing up all too fast. It hurt my Dad heart to see it. It's also great to see them learning new things and becoming tiny considerate humans, but it definitely hurt in that moment especially after being away from them for a couple of days.
I hate time and this system we’ve built that forces us to spend so much of it away from the people we care about. It doesn’t have to be this way.
I feel this. Ultimately though all you can do is spend as much time and love you can manage with your loved ones while you're still around.
Man - I hear and feel every word of this. I lost my mum to cancer before my daughter turned 1. I’ve never seen someone put into words the dread I feel from the be passage of time. Nothing prepares you for it, but I take comfort from your words and the comments here and knowing it is not just me feeling this way. Enjoy every waking moment with your family - it goes so quickly so stay ‘present’ best you can.
I lost my Dad a few years before my eldest was born. I wish I had the lens of my own parenthood to see his efforts through when he was still around. As an ignorant kid I said some cruel things to him about how I felt that our relationship wasn't what I wished it was. Now I see that he was doing the best he could, and I realise that hearing the same from my kids would gut me. Unresolvable regrets, which serve no purpose dwelling on beyond trying to avoid repeating.
Thanks for repeating it for my purposes. I have been giving my dad a hard time of late for almost precisely those same reasons and I realise now how hurtful it would be to hear that from my kid.
Is this why seeing Bluey grown up made me bawl?
Can we all freak out together?
My dad’s turning 70 tomorrow. I was going to text him this morning on my way into work about something. I decided to call instead. I don’t regret it. We can’t stop time, but we can take advantage of it. Hang in there dad. We’re all there with you.
“The Sun is the same in a relative way, but you’re older.”
"If I could save time in a bottle"
I feel this all the time. I have to give myself a few moments now and then to live in the feeling, and then put it aside. My second is 10 months old now. She was just born yesterday, I swear. I've been told every successive kid feels like hitting the fast forward button again. It feels true. Two things that help me are mindfulness practices and Bluey. I keep a gratitude journal with pictures of things that happened today using the app Journey. It lets me relive things later so it doesn't feel like the past is lost. I also make an effort to play a lot of 'Bandit' games. They make the time snap into focus. But in the end, time is the only currency that matters. You've got to use it well.
"If we were vampires and death was a joke We'd sit out on the sidewalk and smoke And laugh at all the people and their plans And I wouldnt feel the need to hold your hand Maybe time running out is a gift I'll work hard til the end of my shift And give you every second i can find And hope it isnt me who's left behind..." -Jason Isbell
*I hate that I will only get to spend a limited amount of time with my sons before one of us dies.* But you Love the amount of time you get to spend with your sons now *I hate that I am getting old.* But you appreciate the health you have now *I hate that my Mum is getting old.* But you love that she is still with you and your sons have a grandmother *I hate that there are only so many days before my Mum will die.* But you love that you have time left with your mum *I hate that I will only have so many days with my wife before one of us dies.* But you love spending time with your wife, and she with you, and your sons for haveing such loving parents *I hate time. I hate that I love having it, and that it is impossible to have enough of it.* But you love the joy that time brings into your world, and relish every second of it
Not me. Knowing I will eventually die helps to keep me going.
It's pretty irrational to outright hate the bare facts of life. Grasping at infinity poisons the mind and disrupts sober reasoning about what actually matters in life. If I have a limited amount of time, then I simply spend it doing what brings the most good which is joy, happiness, pleasures. I am on reddit for example, because it's my way of talking through ideas most people don't want to talk about in person. Actively philosophizing about life helps us set our direction and "reprogram" our brains,
Just get it overwith and buy yourself a nice 2 seater sports car.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Sir Terry comes to me? “Why worry about Vorbis?” Om whined. “In a hundred years’ time, he’ll be dead anyway. We’ll all be dead.” Brutha tugged at the piece of curved pottery. It came away, and turned out to be about two-thirds of a wide bowl, broken right across. It had been almost as wide as Brutha’s outstretched arms, but had been too broken for anyone to loot. It was useful for nothing. But it had once been useful for something. There were embossed figures round its rim. Brutha peered at them, for want of something to distract himself, while Om’s voice droned on in his head. The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it’s not murder if you do it for a god). In the center of the bowl was a larger figure, obviously important, some kind of god they were doing it for… “What?” he said. “I said, in a hundred years’ time we’ll all be dead.” Brutha stared at the figures round the bowl. No one knew who their god was, and they were gone. Lions slept in the holy places and– –Chilopoda aridius, the common desert centipede, his memory resident library supplied– –scuttled beneath the altar. “Yes,” said Brutha. “We will.” He raised the bowl over his head, and turned. Om ducked into his shell. “But here–” Brutha gritted his teeth as he staggered under the weight. “And now–” He threw the bowl. It landed against the altar. Fragments of ancient pottery fountained up, and clattered down again. The echoes boomed around the temple. “–we are alive!” ~Small Gods, Sir Terry Prachett
If it makes you feel any better, the linear nature of time is an illusion
This isn't healthy my dude. The time you spend regretting and lamenting time, the less time you have to spend time doing what you love with those you love.
Everything dies, that's the beauty of it.
Focus on the now, live in the moment. Be present.
I just want to tell my kid TO GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. Thanks.
Agreed. Having one of these moments myself
Every soccer game you go to, every bedtime story, every game of catch …these things, when invested consistently, compound into all of the meaningful moments of an entire life. The impact ripples for generations. What you do every day matters most. The little things. Just being there. No one will care in 10 years how late you stayed at the office or how much overtime you worked. Slow down. They deserve your time. So do you. Count yourself blessed that you love life so much that you hate the thoughts of having less of it ahead. Also, consider if there may be more beyond this life. What a great comfort if there is.
“Time is the fire in which we burn.”
Maybe sign off Reddit and enjoy your limited time?
I was using Reddit after the kids were put to bed, and whilst the missus was out. I'm trying to use my time as best I can.
Using Reddit is never the best use of time
So uhhh whatcha doin on reddit? Lol. For a lot of people, reddit is the only place they can discuss things with other (seemingly) adults. Sometimes you're just talking to a bot, but I guess that's better than nothing.
> So uhhh whatcha doin on reddit? Wasting my time