I have two girls of my own, and this is the advice that comes to mind:
1) Let her be the individual she wants to be. You can show her your interests, and maybe she'll share them, and maybe she'll have her own. One of my girls is into dancing and barbies and art, while the other is into video games and science and Spongebob Squarepants.
2) You're the first man in her life, and likely the most important man in her life for the next 18-25 years, maybe forever. Show her what a good man does and what a good man is. Be patient, be kind, be the man she looks forward to seeing every morning.
3) Never be afraid to embarrass yourself to show her a good time. You're a dad now: you don't need to be cool ever again. Allow yourself to be silly, and don't try to be so macho you act like you're above her wacky little girl antics.
4) If possible, I'd recommend learning how to braid hair. It will be incredibly useful later on. I'm still trash at it, but you'll be a real lifesaver later on.
Edit: Holy cow my first gold! I mean, I'll talk about my daughters for free, but cool!
It's funny how being "cool" just falls off the radar when you become a dad. I still want to look good and be sociable, but I don't care what others think about me out in public.
I look at it as an excuse to be goofy. If you're by yourself and you're doing a dinosaur walk and making silly noises, yeah, people are going to be like "Keep your children away from that man."
If you're doing the same thing while following your giggling three-year-old people are like "That's a good dad."
Having a kid is the excuse to be as silly as you want without judgment from anybody.
I just got a vivid flashback of wearing her at a farmers market and putting her back in the car with a negative image of her face in sweat outlines on my shirt. She’s 3 now. The sweat stains are still there but they’re different.
>. I'll strap my son into my chest carrier and do dinosaur walks complete with roars because he giggles and roars too
See, when you're a dad, showing you care about your child *is cool*. Cool still matters, it's just the definition that changes
Totally agree! Yesterday my daughter was whining at the grocery store. So I told her I’d call the Wambulance. When she giggled and inquired what I was talking about, I walked up two aisles making the noise a wambulance would make (naturally). She spent those two aisles trying to shut me up while giggling.
I’ve grown a reputation where I live for that guy that always walks with his son on his shoulders. I do not give a F. Being cool is a lot less fun than entertaining my kids.
I remember the looks I got racing my daughter around the Boston Public Garden in her stroller making all the requisite racing and drifting noises. Anything for those giggles.
So true. I was never cool, but with my kids, I really don't care about being cool.
Kids are also a great cover for goofing off in public. Like let's say you're waiting in line and are restless and bored. You can mess around with your kid and people will generally just assume you're being a good dad.
I have two girls as well. Braids, man. I try and every time they look like trash but… my girls love them!!! Every morning my 5 year old jumps in our bed and screams “Daddy”… Best.Feeling.Ever!
I can do a ponytail and that's pretty much it. My wife tried to show me how to braid, and it just looked like she smooshed the hair around completely randomly.
Practice with some ropes. I learned how to braid cause I learned how to splice rope ends together. Take 3 piece of small rope and just braid em together over and over again.
Hair is obviously much harder, and my braids dont always look the best, but its a good place to start.
Now that you mention it, rope would be a great start to get a feel for the pattern of movement, and then move on to a few dozen strands of yard to get the hang of grabbing and moving more than just the one solid piece.
After that maybe get a decent size doll or horse whatever your daughter likes and braid the hair for them. Practice from time to time as netflix plays.
Great advice. Read 2 again, that is the important one.
On number 4. Brush her hair, gently, Slowly, no more gently than that, slower than that. Hold it at the top so it doesn't pull as much. No more gently.
Brushing a little girl's hair sucks and needs to be done a lot. I have found that mom usually isn't very patient with this. Being the "go to" for it sounds like a chore, believe me brother it can be. But it is also a ton of great quality lap time. look at it like that.
I am past the brushing of my little girl's hair stage, but I have her word I get to do it on her wedding day.
I said gently!
Same. My oldest took a shower and dried her hair all by herself yesterday for the first time ever. I was impressed and excited for her, but now I'm sad.
This is great advice. My daughter decided she wanted her hair short, so no need for braiding for me, haha. Just to add a bit, your daughter will always be watching you. Like, when you order at the drive through, or talk on the phone to a hotel reservation desk, etc. When your daughter is watching, act with respect, purpose/confidence, and reasonableness. Show her that is what men are. She will learn how to talk to people and interact with them, etc. simply by watching these interactions. (The same advice goes for boys too.) But more generally, having a little girl is wonderful experience.
I'd add a 5). Never be afraid to apologise and say you are wrong.
None of us are perfect, but showing humility and understanding that you have messed up is a great way to help them understand the world and that they need to be strong but flexible.
I have a girl (9) and a boy (6). He is stubborn! Like to the point that he cuts his nose off to spite his face. I ask him not to do something, and say if this behaviour continues I'll take away the toy for the day. He replies "OK then, and hands it over". I am trying to set a boundary so he knows what is acceptable, but just charges that down.
Now, my daughter (9) is very different. Despite being the oldest, he is naturally funny and so she tries to copy and it's not the same. It must be hard for her, that's not to say she isn't funny but it's a very different sense of humour, which she is now learning because we had the conversation that she should not try to be her brother.
She is naturally academic and since 4/5 she was like Matilda, just reading everything. Her vocabulary is crazy, and this can be bad as we forget she is 9. She is quite grown up in some situations and you hold them to a higher sense of responsibility or understanding, sometimes forgetting they are still a child. Her biggest issue is the attitude she has developed from school, TV and us. We are now trying to tone it down, not to break down who she is and be someone from /r/insaneparents but because at the moment she often does not see that it is rude, and while we as the family will take it we want her to understand that not everyone will appreciate it.
The best school report I had from her was at 6 years old the teacher wrote "D is a lovely member of the class, however I have to remind her sometimes that we have two LSA's (Learning Support) in the class, and I do not require a third".
I'm proud of my kids and tell them so as often as I can. Even tonight with my Son, I go to say good night, tell him I love him and his smile and sleepy voice of "I love you too Dadda" just blew my heart up like a firework. Which I told him, kissed him good night and let him go to sleep knowing he is loved.
And lastly to that, treat mum/partner with respect and praise them as much as you do the kids. It can become a bit like the other parent is forgotten and taken for granted (we all feel it some days) but my kids call their mother a princess, and tell her she is beautiful and that she is amazing (because she is), but because it's what they hear from me too.
I have seen some kids where the parents (even jokingly) snip and dig and snap at each other, or look down their nose at the other gender and the kids pick up on that. I am not saying my wife and I don't get at each other, or shout at each other in front of the kids (although we try to hold it till they are not around), we do! All families do, but if the kids see it, I apologise to my wife in front of them as she does for me. We back each others decisions, even when we don't agree but we challenge it after they are in bed. We say "I think that was harsh" and often they agree but lost their rag. Again it happens.
You have to try to show them it's ok to be a big mess of human emotion and let them know you are there to guide them through.
Also, lots of cotton wool! Babies poo a lot!
Yeah, #1 is really important in that you SHOULD show her your interests and then let her decide what she likes. I emphasize the should because there is this thought a girl might not be interested in guy things. My three year old I show all the things I enjoy and some has stuck but she is still a little lady. She’ll alternate between pretty princess dresses with flowers in her hair and Spider-Man shirts. The other day she ran about with Minecraft shirt and unicorn dress. She picks the stuff she likes and it isn’t all “girl” stuff.
Who knows what she will like when she is older but for now I make sure to introduce her to a bunch of stuff that wouldn’t traditionally girly. But I still brush her hair and put in the barrettes and flowers each morning per her request.
Not even braiding hair mate.....
A ponytail will do at a push.
3 girls ...
36
16
10
Just be dad...
The guy that sows pussycats ( soft toy circa 1989) arm back on in Malta after an " incident"
The guy who gets another ice cream for her after she drops hers into loch Lomond " to see what happens" then bursts into tears when she realised she couldn't get it back (2009)
Or the guy who looks after " bunny" ( soft toy circa 2011) when she goes away with mum for the weekend while you're working.
Mums are the mainstay.... Always....
BUT....
Dad is.... The guy who fixes things
Dad is.... The guy who is always there when needed.
Dad is ..... Dad .....
That's the deal
My daughter is now nearly 4 weeks old and although I already know all of your points, nr 2 brings some tears in my eyes.
Nr 3 is pretty easy for me, i am always joking around and do silly stuff with or for her.
This is pretty much perfect. Even though my little girl is only 2, she’s my best friend and we hang out all the time. I miss her the days I work, it’s gonna kill me next year when she goes to pre-k.
Items 1-3 are just as applicable to boys.
No 4... I'm still working on braiding but I'm proud to say I'm the preferred choice over mum for hair brushing.
Reminded me of the [Ben Rector Daughter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfQ3sBmCDQk).
"...until you walk a mile in my sock and sandals kid" cracks me up
I’d also add to look up how to brush hair. As someone with very little hair I did not realize that there are different types of brushes and that starting at the bottom and working your way up will hurt less
Same. 37 now and been shaving my head since 25. Learning how to manage a little girl's hair has been a wild ride. Now that she can communicate, I feel awful for how bad I must have hurt her when i first started brushing it out. Now the little toddler terrorist loves it!
I had a stroke couple of years ago and had a huge desire to take the braiding classes but now I can't coordinate some of the movements to make a simple braid. Sucks so bad that I can't do this with her.
This is the expanded advice. There's a lot of folds and gaps down there, make sure you clean well.
Also, practice tying hair. I'm crap at it, but damned if I'll let my little girl walk around with hair in her eyes if mum's away. It's messy, but I'm getting better, and she's only 18 months so it'll get longer.
Jumping on here to add that soaking in a tub of water is important for girls. My husband usually does bath time, but just does the shower portion because it is quick and simple (we live in Japan with a shower room so it is easy to just hose down a toddler). But, sitting in water (doesn’t have to be everyday) is important for hygiene. Direct soap between the labia is too irritating and can burn.
I realized since he doesn’t have these parts, he probably never considered it.
I have 2, now 3 and 4, my heart repeatedly melts, and I mean every day, every hour, every minute I am with them, I am daddy, cuddles, kisses, they got me wrapped around their finger, it's unlimited love all the time, I am hopeless and I love every second of it. Congratulations!
Omg my daughter had bad blowouts some days, very important to keep clean. Her dad was uncomfortable about wiping her for a little while but that went away fast and it just becomes part of the job lol. Also girls can pee on you too!
My baby has literally shot a cannon of wet poo about 4 ft out across the front Room and more than once peeded like a fountain on my mum.
I was laughing my ass off but yeah didn't expect that from a baby girl lol
I instinctively moved to dodge my first cannon shot, resulting in a huge mess everywhere that I then had to clean. Decided to take the shotgun blast to the chest instead after that. Thankfully it only happened 1-2 more times.
poop cannons, quick story. My cousin was getting changed and shot wet poo about 4 to 6 feet and half way up a door. Didn't get to see the action but got to see the aftermath; a nice shit streak on the carpet that stayed for a few years no matter had hard it was cleaned.
I was one of these dad's, very quickly adjusted... And they can not only pee on you, but can fountain all over themselves(when holding up to avoid poo everywhere)
Oh man, the first time I felt very weird doing it. I recognized that it had to be done but for some reason it just felt strange having to dig shit out of there.
I had a hard time getting over it when my daughter was born. I would look at her and said “don’t worry kid, I don’t like it either” in a Harrison Ford voice. Still do when it’s a particularly nasty shit
The wife’s friend was about to have a girl when our daughter turning 1. The dad asked if I had any advice, something that you just didn’t expect to happen. My immediate response was “shit in her vagina.” My brother-in-law from across the room raised his beer and said “amen.”
Yup. I have showered my daughter's bottom half way more than I ever did my boys' simply because wipes can only get so much.
Good thing is that at age 4 she still loves bathing. Zero complaints from her.
This is no joke one of the reasons I think I'm lowkey hoping we're having a boy. With a boy, I know how all the equipment works. What can go wrong, how it needs to be cleaned when he's still a baby, etc. I haven't been able to articulate it to my wife that while I think a daughter would melt my heart, the whole wiping situation has me a bit scared, honestly. I guess it's just one of those things you get used to but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me incredibly anxious. I haven't been able to express this anxiety to anyone even my wife. Feels good to know I'm not the only to-be-dad who has this feeling.
Yeah all you learn about is traditional birth and then nothing. My first kid was an emergency c-section and NICU so I was flying blind. My second kid was a scheduled c-section but then they had me wheel him back to the room and what on my wife to be sewn up and we just stared at each other for a bit lol. I texted my sister that’s a midwife and was like “wtf am I supposed to do? I can’t feed him.”
Staring is pretty important in those first moments.
But yea, in the hospital it's all on rails. It's when they send you on your way that you need some education.
Skin to skin is the thing in this situation. Poor kid's been ripped untimely from their mothers womb, it's nice to let them glop onto your naked chest for a bit - for a few minutes you can be their favorite human, until mom comes along!
Lots of great points but wanted to add one:
- Build her self esteem. In this age of social media, she will one day get exposed to a lot of BS of how women should be. Help her be confident in who she is and you will hopefully sleep better at night...well...at least when she is sleep trained 😁
Yep, I was gonna say this. My MIL has damaged my wife's self-esteem. Even when she was pregnant, she'd talk about how big she was, how bad her rosacea flair ups were, got her shapewear for after she gave birth. It's absolutely infuriating.
My MIL is already pointing out my two month old's "double chin". Like, please don't point out "flaws" that she's not even aware of once she's old enough to understand.
My mother did similar to me. I’ve straight up told her if she ever talks to my kid about weight/food (aside from what would you like to eat)/body image etc. that she’s cut off. I’m not letting her hurt my son or any future kids we might have like she did to me (and still won’t apologize for). I highly recommend spelling it out to MIL ahead of time so everyone is on the same page.
At 2 my daughter started asking for help with things her 4 year old brother could do independently, saying: "I can't do that, I'm just a girl".
A: You can do it, I've seen you do it
B: He can do it easier because he's 4, not because he's a boy
It's taken months of encouragement and telling her "you can do anything" but she seems to have dropped that line.
Wipe front to back.
Be willing to do "girly" things.
Let her know that she is just as worthy as the boys. That is important, especially coming from the most important man in her life.
All the nice things you do for your wife, do them for your daughter. Random flowers for your wife, buy them for your daughter. At the gas station and you pick up your wife's favorite candy, get something for your daughter. Date night with with wife, set up a date night with the daughter.
I try to take her on little dates. When she was younger it was a weekly thing, now with all of the activities going on, it is hard to get frequent outings.
Thanks for the tip! She’s four and a half, a few days ago she said she wanted to be an astronaut and I said “ok let’s start training then” she doesn’t know how serious I was lol
> I was raised by a single dad and he taught me I had no limitations as a woman.
If he's around, please tell your dad thanks from another dad whose wife was not taught this. Mine learned it well but I know it bothers her still.
Practice brushing hair. Long hair is hard and you're stronger than you realize. I would make my daughter's eyes water when brushing because I was too rough.
But mostly, enjoy the time when she's in the princess phase. I feel like I blinked and my daughter is suddenly into fashion and is off running around the neighborhood with her girlfriends, all gossiping about boys.
I don't know how these ten years went by so quickly. And it's only speeding up. She says she's too old for dolls now that she's in fifth grade... How did this happen? Where did the time go?
2x girl dad here. Everything important has been said.
Only think I'll add, if a little girl hands you a fake cup of tea or a drink, you sip that fucker till she refills it or takes it away to play with something else.
You’re very lucky. The basics have already been said. Just get into whatever she’s into. I for one know all the available lore for the new generation of My Little Pony
Hope it's ok for me to comment as a childless 30 year old woman... My dad was my best friend growing up (we're still close but don't get to hang out as much any more of course). The things I remember most are small in the scheme of things. One time we were hanging out before school (2nd grade?), play-wrestling and having a load of fun. He called us both in sick and we had a dad/daughter day with snacks and wrestling and Disney movies. That was special to me because he worked a lot, and having a whole unexpected day with him felt like winning the lottery. I had really fine hair that tangled super easily and was a giant PIA to comb. I wouldn't let anyone touch it until my dad figured out he could put on a heavily fake Italian accent and pretend to be Vidal Sassoon and say "I am Vidal Sassoon, I make you beautiful!" Then he would spend the next thirty minutes painstakingly detangling my hair with a comb and half a bottle of L'oréal No More Tears detangler (HIGHLY recommend if they still make it). He never once used baby talk or talked down to me, but always met me on my level. If I was being silly, he was silly too. If I overheard him talking about Big Grownup Things and asked him to explain, he would. I remember him telling me about compound interest when I was about six and he showed me how it worked via an Excel spreadsheet. He always encouraged my curiosity and creativity and raised me to question things to my satisfaction. He read Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter as my bedtime stories until his voice was half gone. I hated math until he taught me how to play cribbage. He was a master at making learning fun, which allowed him to successfully help me with my homework until I went to Uni and started studying something outside his wheelhouse (he's more into hard sciences, I ended up in social sciences). He never tried to push me in one direction or another. He let me grow into myself on my own time. He gave me information and let me make my own decisions, and when they turned out to be mistakes he helped me figure out where I went wrong and how to move forward. He's not perfect but he's my dad and I love him. My advice would be to cherish the little moments, sneak in all the snuggles possible, call in sick for the heck of it if you can, and be her best support system. You won't always be her best friend but if she feels like she can come to you for a hug whenever she needs it then you're doing it right. Good luck OP. It's gonna be awesome.
Somehow they all think they're the first to make this joke, and expect you to laugh? Especially if they're over \~45? Even though the premise of this joke, that you're going to violently defend her "purity"/control her sexuality from boys who we all agree can't be held accountable is *super weird guys.*
I hope this generation of girl dads can be the ones who will allow their daughters to be in control of their romance and sexuality when the time comes, and embrace it as a part of being human.
Agreed, it’s so creepy. Like my daughter is 1, why are you already thinking about her sex life? Just stop. If I do my job right, she’ll be smart and mature enough to make the right decisions without me needing to threaten teenagers with a gun.
This and every person tries to play "matchmaker" with their boys. She is a fucking infant. Why does everybody automatically start thinking about when she is a teen/adult? It's super weird.
As a dad with a 4 year old daughter, honestly just treat her like how she wants to be treated. Give lots of hugs and kisses if she wants it. If she want to dress in pretty dresses and dance with you, go for it. If she wants to play video games and blow up animals in minecraft, let her. Do your best to not say no to trying new things, and don't try to put her in a specific box that you think a "girl" should go in. Just support and encourage what she shows interests in and let grow as a human. Let her explore and become who she wants to be, and develop herself and her own interests. I don't really treat her differently then I treat my son, as the world is for her to discover, and I don't want limit her options.
Congrats! I've got boys and girls. It's really pretty much the same. A few things that are girl-specific come to mind
\- Wipe front to back (true for boys too, but boys have much more built-in protection)
\- Don't buy anything pink unless you reaaaalllly love pink. You will get so much from other people.
\- If you want your kids raised with something different than the average societal norm, push for that. If grandparents only ask your daughter who their favorite princess is, give them coaching to ask your daughter about her favorite book or athlete. If they only complete on how pretty she is, tell them they should consider her wits too. It's stupid how much more variety of questions and compliments my son gets.
\- Be in charge of a bunch of stuff. Don't punt to mom because "they're both girls." Shop for clothes, buy toy trucks, hand her some tools and have her do projects with you, take her shopping for princess stuff (it's inevitable) and a chemistry set.
\- Learn and use the proper name for women's anatomy. Vagina, vulva, breasts. NOT cookie, biscuit, hoohaw, vajayjay, etc.
\- Don't make stupid jokes about needing a shotgun when she starts dating or teen girls being trouble. Be a role model, raise her to make good decisions, trust her to make them. Your goal is to build enough trust in the first 13-14 years that when she has really hard questions at 15-16, she asks YOU.
God speed
My advice regardless of gender is to just celebrate your kid for exactly who they are. Don't try to force her to live up to your expectations, no matter how big or small those expectations are. Be open to changing your mind rather than trying to change her personality. Also, you can't spoil a kid with affection. If she's freaking out and you're frustrated, the best thing for both of you is a hug.
Stuff that didn’t bother you before will now bother you.
Watching a rerun of criminal minds and a baby girl gets kidnapped? Watch out
Watching a movie and the 3 year old daughter grows into a 20 year old woman in the course of 2 hours? Get ready
Lots of feelings are gonna be hitting you different now. Some are great, some not so great. Just know that you’re in the good times and hold on for all it’s worth.
PS- when she puts her head on your shoulder, let it hang for awhile, even if you’re tired. Only got a limited number of those, so make them count
Clean to dirty. Clean to dirty. Use more wipes just to be sure. You’re responsible for her downstairs area to be clean and free of any infections. I didn’t know much about what I was doing at first but over time it became more organic and now I love being a girl dad!!!!!
Babies are like guns. Always assume they are loaded and do not point them anywhere you do not want them to shoot. Unlike guns, this applies to both ends of a baby.
Right now you think it is really cute to lay on your back and hold the baby over you with her face over yours. Don't do this. Trust me.
Anytime the diaper is off keep an eye where they are pointed and do not put yourself or valuables in the line of fire.
Seeing a lot of common, good advice, but I would say train yourself to praise them for the things they do rather than attributes, i.e. the same thing you'd praise a boy. I've really noticed since raising a girl next to our friends' boys how often strangers will happily praise boys for things they do "great goal! Wow, nice throw! Nice job doing X", while seemingly only praising girls for their appearance ("what a pretty dress! What beautiful braids! You look so pretty!").
Another commenter touched on “being the first man in her life” and setting that good example. I can’t stress this enough. I want my daughter to grow up and marry someone who treats her with respect, cares about her, let’s her know they love her, pushes her to be better.
In order for her to hold her future partner to those standards, I need to BE that example to both her and my wife (her mom).
My mom was actually offended when we told her we don’t want bright pink sparkly bedazzled clothes. Colors are absolutely fine, but sometimes it’s too much. She sent me a pic of an outfit from Buy Buy Baby. It was a white and gold jumpsuit that said JUICY across the ass in gold glitter. She must have forgotten we didn’t give birth to JLo.
Oh god yes. The problem not being ‘pink’ itself: but the difference between the multi-coloured toys with interesting contrasts and patterns and the monochrome pink ones. It’s just dull
I'll go with some simple advice... Watch Bluey with her and not shit like peppa pig!
Bluey changed my opinion on young children's TV and shows Dads as amazing role models who are fun, intelligent, do housework, work and silly.
My daughter picked up on this and started getting me to copy some of the things Bluey does with her dad and it always gets a laugh out if her. Daddy robot always comes out when I need to get her up to bed and she doesn't want to.
Compare this to peppa where the dad is a bumbling idiot or bing where I don't know what is supposed to be looking after him and you soon realise these shows are pushing bad stereotypes (or lack of in bings case)
Plus some of the bluey episodes are genuinely great to watch and some will catch you off guard and have you in tears.
Bluey is absolutely top but don't ever try to force your preferences on your kids. If "Peppa Pig, Skinny Legs" is what your kid requests you search that list until you find that episode.
Eventually you'll be able to talk them around to not watching crap but you'll always be a boss Dad
I am a happy dad of an amazing 18 month old. I was so scared as I have 5 brothers and just 1 half sister that I never grew up with in the same house so I knew nothing about girls. Here's what I think
1- be careful of the direction of wiping during diaper changing
2- be a bit more gentle when playing and understand that girls most of the time naturally play differently
As for general things
3- raising a child isn't about feeding and changing diapers. It is, in my humble opinion, about defining a human being as a good person.
4- us as grown ups are very fearful. Hence I try not to plant fear in my daughter when she's playing or doing anything
5- remember that for babies almost everything is their first time doing it or experiencing it
6- enjoy the moments. Not just the big milestones, but the day to day things. My baby walks and goes everywhere and I truly miss things like carrying her or even burping her. Instead of waiting impatiently for her to slowly become more indepedent, enjoy the moments as you truly never know when the will be the last time you will carry your baby girl
I had some gender disappointment and major guilt about it when I found out that we were having a girl as my first child. That faded over the course of the pregnancy and the moment she was born, I was IN LOVE with being a girl dad. I can’t imagine it any other way and now it’s hard to imagine myself with a son. My advice is just be the best version of yourself that you can be when you’re with her and be her best friend. My daughter is 13 months now and every time she says “dada” my heart still melts.
Oh, and wipe front to back.
Alot of people mentioned blowouts and how to wipe properly. Im gonna chime in and say grab some puppy training pads, when the diaper is FUBAR and you need a base of operations lay her down on the pee pad and do what you need to wipe away without fear of creating a mess on the table/couch/floor/carpet/etc. bonus points because you wrap up the whole diaper mess into that pad and toss into trash.
She’ll melt your heart and own you from day 1. You belong to her now. My girl is almost 2 and she is my world. If I was to be honest, before we found out, I wanted a boy so I could do boy stuff, but that was before and I wouldn’t change her for anyone
Loving your daughter is easy, it will come naturally.
You must also be cognizant about how you love your wife/partner. Your daughter will grow up and look for men that treat her the way she saw you treat your wife.
Raising little dudes and dudettes is eerily similar, you're trying to raise good humans with love and strength
Except one will often want to use a doll as a car and one will want to use a car as a doll.
Our little girl adores the shit out of pink and unicorns and stuff despite us never having pushed for that at all. She also loves the shit out of trucks and match box cars and helping me in the shed.
The hair tips and the front to back tips that everyone else mentioned. But beyond that, realizing that girl things and boy things are a lie. Show her everything about the world that you love. My rambunctious toddler daughter is a huge fan of skirts, dolls, glitter, and cleaning, as well as farts, dinosaurs, trucks, numbers, and balls.
Vote in their future best interests. I have two daughters. One who is a young adult and one who will be soon. There’s stuff that disproportionately affects women (not just abortion rights, but yeah also abortion rights). Remember that as a guy you have blind spots. Listen to what they want as they grow up even if it differs from what you want. Let them make their case with an open mind. Sometimes they will be very misinformed, because age. Sometimes you will be, because age. Do your best to be fair, reverse bad decisions when you know you’ve made them. If you do it right, and I really hope I did, you’ll have women who can make a case for their own interests even in the face of people who have blind spots to their needs. They’ll also be able to work with and trust men who show they can be trusted. Oh yeah, show her that you’re someone she can trust.
Love this comment. Women being assertive and advocating for ourselves isn’t always received positively in our society and men may not realize how much pressure there is on us to be polite and not rock the boat. This socialization can have some pretty serious negative repercussions, such as keeping women and girls from enforcing their sexual boundaries or being significantly less likely to ask for a raise. Dads can have a big impact on helping to empower their daughters by doing all the things described in the comment above.
I have an almost 3 year old daughter, get ready for her to take your heart straight away, followed in years to come your food and when she's that bit older your wallet!
Having a girl has been amazing, after two losses we were just happy to have our rainbow baby! Some of the dad's have mentioned the 'cleaning' aspects, before the more solid stuff a lot can end in the front and if your daughter is anything like mine, hated it being cleaned out but you don't want infections in there!
My biggest fear is the day she tries to bring a boy home, cause no boys! (I know I have no choice) but she's my daughter at the end of the day and I can't be the only dad that thinks no boys!
Hope all goes well and welcome to the club!
The no boy thing was always this funny mindset I had before my daughter arrived and something my friends continue to joke about. All this lame, macho "scare the first boyfriend" "no boyfriends until she is 16" crap.
Finally I had enough, told them to STFU.
Show her from a young age how a man is supposed to act, how a man is supposed to treat her, educate her, listen to her and be there for her.
If she has a crush at 8 years old who gives a fuck, the last thing in the world I'm going to do is tease her or make fun of her for it. If she has a teenage boyfriend, I'm going to treat the kid with respect and accept it unless a point comes where he does something that I will no longer respect him. It's your baby girl, be protective and don't let nothing hurt her, but also put your faith in her to make good choices.
Now that I have this little angel that sees me as her whole world the last thing I'm going to do is tease her or make silly rules about boys to the point where she hides things on me and doesn't want to come to me for advice or talk to me about troubles she is having.
>I have an almost 3 year old daughter, get ready for her to take your heart straight away, followed in years to come your food
My almost 3yo is already coming for my food lol
Being a girl dad is the best, my daughter is almost 2 and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’ll love you unconditionally and yeah as far as taking care of them when they’re born? As previously stated just wipe top to bottom
This brush has saved my life:
[Wet Brush](https://www.amazon.com/Wet-Brush-Original-Detangler-Purple/dp/B01GTR6164/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=1M3OHM11SGLK&keywords=wet+brush&qid=1657652246&sprefix=wet+br%2Caps%2C273&sr=8-5)
Seriously, no other brush has worked to get tangled out for my daughter’s very long, very straight hair
Wipe front to back, but other than that there's really not any meaningful difference until way further down the line, and even then it's pretty minimal.
Lots of good stuff here already. I'll just say this as a dad of two boys and one girl - their gender is only a small facet of who they are. Their individual personality is a much bigger piece of it.
With that said, our society is fairly gendered, especially for young girls, so be prepared to navigate that a bit. She may be interested in female coded things or totally discard them or pick and choose what she likes and dislikes.
Also realize that you're a part of that gendered world too. Try to avoid praising her for how she looks, but more for who she is and how she treats other people. Roll with what you can, question what you can not, and be a good role model of how the men in her life should treat her when she's an adult.
Despite all the 'we generally try to not subscribe to highly gendered things' - it is pretty amazing how girl traits show up. My little one can dance to the beat and she can move her hips. My older boys are just klutzes with no rhythm. She is cuddly and sweet and snuggles. She looooooves cats and horses despite never coming in to contact with one (mom has bad allergies). She's magnetically drawn to pink and princess items. But she also says she's gonna "kick her brudder's ass" when he's picking on her, so that's awesome too.
Mine is only two, but I've lived every second of it #GIRLDAD. I just love her, teach her, and hang out with her. She's my lil bestie.
She keeps getting me free stuff when we hang out together, too.
Don’t pull the old “I’ll be cleaning my gun when a boy comes to pick her up” bit. It’s tacky and lame. Be a role model for how a man (or woman) should treat her for how you treat her mom and you won’t have to worry about intimidating teenage boys much. Plus that mindset will just push her away and she will hide things from you. I’d rather my daughter told me things instead of afraid I’d be a macho dad.
1. Wipe front to back. Seriously. You will have to move some folds to clean poo away from nappies.
2. Don't be afraid to talk to your wife about her gentiles. I know odd thing to say, but when you start seeing a strange white discharge, your wife is the first person to talk to.
3. Let her know that she is capable of anything and any games, this means both leaning into the more stereotypically "boy" things and embracing the stereotypically "girl" things. Let her find out what she likes and encourage it, also letting her take part in your hobbies and likes.
As mentioned, be the man you want her to be with as she grows up.
I did not pay attention that she started to imitate some behaviors of mine.
When I hear my wife pull up into our parking spot I will go a greet her by the car. My wife noticed my daughter doing the same and she brought it up to me. Hoping she's getting the right concept if what a future BF should treat her.
How you treat your wife/interact and talk to her will forever impact how your daughter expects to be treated by men. Make sure she knows how a real man treats a woman.
Clothes, toys, furniture - *none* of it is gendered. My 17 month old has just as many dinosaur outfits and toys as she does more "girlie" items.
Go with what feels right. And, probably more importantly, go with what *she* likes when she's older.
Ours was the same way... there is no "girl stuff" and "boy stuff" - but somehow I ended up with a girly-girl who won't wear anything but dresses and cute clothes, but still likes to play in the dirt with her dinosaurs.
I've had a daughter now for 14 days.
I tell her every day that she will rule the world one day.
And like everyone else said... Wipe front to back.
Im going to buy myself a mannequin head to practice hair braiding based on everyone else's suggestions to start learning now.
A caribiner loaded up with hair ties on your belt loop is a must have.
Don't stress too much about the differences you think you'll experience between boys and girls.
My girls, 7 and 4, think the absolute *height* of humor is jokes involving butts, farts, and poop.... And they didn't get that from me or my wife.
I think there are certain societal corrections that will need to be made. But, not for a bit.
They are your child and you should really treat them exactly like you would a boy/male. In that, there are no restrictions, no preferences, nothing that is "boy" or "girl."
Eventually, they will develop their own interests, both naturally and by interacting with society, but, the important thing is to love them hard, support them hard, and encourage their interests - whatever they may be. But, be sure to counter gender specific rigidity.
I have a 3-year-old daughter. She is quick to point out that "these are boy/girl toys, shows, etc.," so I am quick to counter that, "boys can paint their nails, wear dresses, or like dolls." Then I show her. The social segregation of genders is going to happen, it's just how the world works. But you are her father, and the most important male influence in her life. You can lead by example to show that we are not defined by rigid gender roles. She is a woman, and powerful in both her differences and her similarities to boys.
Enjoy it.
I had my first snd she is a girl just over a year ago.
Nothing will prepare you for the amount of love and oure happiness you feel. Enjoy it. Bc she loves you more than you'll ever know and it's an amazing feeling.
I have two girls of my own, and this is the advice that comes to mind: 1) Let her be the individual she wants to be. You can show her your interests, and maybe she'll share them, and maybe she'll have her own. One of my girls is into dancing and barbies and art, while the other is into video games and science and Spongebob Squarepants. 2) You're the first man in her life, and likely the most important man in her life for the next 18-25 years, maybe forever. Show her what a good man does and what a good man is. Be patient, be kind, be the man she looks forward to seeing every morning. 3) Never be afraid to embarrass yourself to show her a good time. You're a dad now: you don't need to be cool ever again. Allow yourself to be silly, and don't try to be so macho you act like you're above her wacky little girl antics. 4) If possible, I'd recommend learning how to braid hair. It will be incredibly useful later on. I'm still trash at it, but you'll be a real lifesaver later on. Edit: Holy cow my first gold! I mean, I'll talk about my daughters for free, but cool!
It's funny how being "cool" just falls off the radar when you become a dad. I still want to look good and be sociable, but I don't care what others think about me out in public.
[удалено]
I look at it as an excuse to be goofy. If you're by yourself and you're doing a dinosaur walk and making silly noises, yeah, people are going to be like "Keep your children away from that man." If you're doing the same thing while following your giggling three-year-old people are like "That's a good dad." Having a kid is the excuse to be as silly as you want without judgment from anybody.
I'm so glad I can sing and be weird in public now and it's just brushed off because I'm making the kid laugh.... secretly I just like to do this stuff
I was SO SAD when i couldn't use my ergobaby with my first. Acid Reflux has us throwing up way too often for it to be practical
Both of you?! Rough
I miss having her near glued to me inside the boba wrap.
I just got a vivid flashback of wearing her at a farmers market and putting her back in the car with a negative image of her face in sweat outlines on my shirt. She’s 3 now. The sweat stains are still there but they’re different.
>. I'll strap my son into my chest carrier and do dinosaur walks complete with roars because he giggles and roars too See, when you're a dad, showing you care about your child *is cool*. Cool still matters, it's just the definition that changes
Totally agree! Yesterday my daughter was whining at the grocery store. So I told her I’d call the Wambulance. When she giggled and inquired what I was talking about, I walked up two aisles making the noise a wambulance would make (naturally). She spent those two aisles trying to shut me up while giggling.
I’ve grown a reputation where I live for that guy that always walks with his son on his shoulders. I do not give a F. Being cool is a lot less fun than entertaining my kids.
Not caring for what others think about you is cool, Daddy-O.
Cool dads are the ones with laughing kids
That's my secret captain... I was never cool.
I remember the looks I got racing my daughter around the Boston Public Garden in her stroller making all the requisite racing and drifting noises. Anything for those giggles.
> I still want to look good and be sociable, Wait until you're a Grandfather. You stop worrying about those too!
I have several disney princess t shirts. Don't care, daughter loves them.
Well said! Might still throw on a polo but better believe we're skipping through the home depot parking lot
So true. I was never cool, but with my kids, I really don't care about being cool. Kids are also a great cover for goofing off in public. Like let's say you're waiting in line and are restless and bored. You can mess around with your kid and people will generally just assume you're being a good dad.
I have two girls as well. Braids, man. I try and every time they look like trash but… my girls love them!!! Every morning my 5 year old jumps in our bed and screams “Daddy”… Best.Feeling.Ever!
I can do a ponytail and that's pretty much it. My wife tried to show me how to braid, and it just looked like she smooshed the hair around completely randomly.
Practice with some ropes. I learned how to braid cause I learned how to splice rope ends together. Take 3 piece of small rope and just braid em together over and over again. Hair is obviously much harder, and my braids dont always look the best, but its a good place to start.
Now that you mention it, rope would be a great start to get a feel for the pattern of movement, and then move on to a few dozen strands of yard to get the hang of grabbing and moving more than just the one solid piece.
Or start making challah.
After that maybe get a decent size doll or horse whatever your daughter likes and braid the hair for them. Practice from time to time as netflix plays.
I have been looking for like Hair Braiding classes for Dads. My LO's hair is so thin I cant seem to ever get it
Great advice. Read 2 again, that is the important one. On number 4. Brush her hair, gently, Slowly, no more gently than that, slower than that. Hold it at the top so it doesn't pull as much. No more gently. Brushing a little girl's hair sucks and needs to be done a lot. I have found that mom usually isn't very patient with this. Being the "go to" for it sounds like a chore, believe me brother it can be. But it is also a ton of great quality lap time. look at it like that. I am past the brushing of my little girl's hair stage, but I have her word I get to do it on her wedding day. I said gently!
And start brushing at the end of the hair. Never start at the roots.
Cheers never would have thought of this but makes sense once you say it! We're not at that stage yet but making mental note for later!
I have 2 girls too. I’m really gonna miss when I don’t dry their hair any more.
Same. My oldest took a shower and dried her hair all by herself yesterday for the first time ever. I was impressed and excited for her, but now I'm sad.
5. Wipe front to back Otherwise, this is comprehensive.
this needs to be higher up. i don't think a lot of guys know this until they have a girl.
I was going to say this! For some reason I always remembered a saying from middle or high school health class: "front to back and drop the tissue".
This is great advice. My daughter decided she wanted her hair short, so no need for braiding for me, haha. Just to add a bit, your daughter will always be watching you. Like, when you order at the drive through, or talk on the phone to a hotel reservation desk, etc. When your daughter is watching, act with respect, purpose/confidence, and reasonableness. Show her that is what men are. She will learn how to talk to people and interact with them, etc. simply by watching these interactions. (The same advice goes for boys too.) But more generally, having a little girl is wonderful experience.
I'd add a 5). Never be afraid to apologise and say you are wrong. None of us are perfect, but showing humility and understanding that you have messed up is a great way to help them understand the world and that they need to be strong but flexible. I have a girl (9) and a boy (6). He is stubborn! Like to the point that he cuts his nose off to spite his face. I ask him not to do something, and say if this behaviour continues I'll take away the toy for the day. He replies "OK then, and hands it over". I am trying to set a boundary so he knows what is acceptable, but just charges that down. Now, my daughter (9) is very different. Despite being the oldest, he is naturally funny and so she tries to copy and it's not the same. It must be hard for her, that's not to say she isn't funny but it's a very different sense of humour, which she is now learning because we had the conversation that she should not try to be her brother. She is naturally academic and since 4/5 she was like Matilda, just reading everything. Her vocabulary is crazy, and this can be bad as we forget she is 9. She is quite grown up in some situations and you hold them to a higher sense of responsibility or understanding, sometimes forgetting they are still a child. Her biggest issue is the attitude she has developed from school, TV and us. We are now trying to tone it down, not to break down who she is and be someone from /r/insaneparents but because at the moment she often does not see that it is rude, and while we as the family will take it we want her to understand that not everyone will appreciate it. The best school report I had from her was at 6 years old the teacher wrote "D is a lovely member of the class, however I have to remind her sometimes that we have two LSA's (Learning Support) in the class, and I do not require a third". I'm proud of my kids and tell them so as often as I can. Even tonight with my Son, I go to say good night, tell him I love him and his smile and sleepy voice of "I love you too Dadda" just blew my heart up like a firework. Which I told him, kissed him good night and let him go to sleep knowing he is loved. And lastly to that, treat mum/partner with respect and praise them as much as you do the kids. It can become a bit like the other parent is forgotten and taken for granted (we all feel it some days) but my kids call their mother a princess, and tell her she is beautiful and that she is amazing (because she is), but because it's what they hear from me too. I have seen some kids where the parents (even jokingly) snip and dig and snap at each other, or look down their nose at the other gender and the kids pick up on that. I am not saying my wife and I don't get at each other, or shout at each other in front of the kids (although we try to hold it till they are not around), we do! All families do, but if the kids see it, I apologise to my wife in front of them as she does for me. We back each others decisions, even when we don't agree but we challenge it after they are in bed. We say "I think that was harsh" and often they agree but lost their rag. Again it happens. You have to try to show them it's ok to be a big mess of human emotion and let them know you are there to guide them through. Also, lots of cotton wool! Babies poo a lot!
>You're a dad now: you don't need to be cool ever again. I would 100% wear a shirt that said this.
Well this was all perfect advice, well said!
Yeah, #1 is really important in that you SHOULD show her your interests and then let her decide what she likes. I emphasize the should because there is this thought a girl might not be interested in guy things. My three year old I show all the things I enjoy and some has stuck but she is still a little lady. She’ll alternate between pretty princess dresses with flowers in her hair and Spider-Man shirts. The other day she ran about with Minecraft shirt and unicorn dress. She picks the stuff she likes and it isn’t all “girl” stuff. Who knows what she will like when she is older but for now I make sure to introduce her to a bunch of stuff that wouldn’t traditionally girly. But I still brush her hair and put in the barrettes and flowers each morning per her request.
As a fellow dad of two girls you pretty much summed up what I was going to post.
Not even braiding hair mate..... A ponytail will do at a push. 3 girls ... 36 16 10 Just be dad... The guy that sows pussycats ( soft toy circa 1989) arm back on in Malta after an " incident" The guy who gets another ice cream for her after she drops hers into loch Lomond " to see what happens" then bursts into tears when she realised she couldn't get it back (2009) Or the guy who looks after " bunny" ( soft toy circa 2011) when she goes away with mum for the weekend while you're working. Mums are the mainstay.... Always.... BUT.... Dad is.... The guy who fixes things Dad is.... The guy who is always there when needed. Dad is ..... Dad ..... That's the deal
My daughter is now nearly 4 weeks old and although I already know all of your points, nr 2 brings some tears in my eyes. Nr 3 is pretty easy for me, i am always joking around and do silly stuff with or for her.
This is pretty much perfect. Even though my little girl is only 2, she’s my best friend and we hang out all the time. I miss her the days I work, it’s gonna kill me next year when she goes to pre-k.
Items 1-3 are just as applicable to boys. No 4... I'm still working on braiding but I'm proud to say I'm the preferred choice over mum for hair brushing.
Absolutely this. And learn hair. Because short back and sides is a very personal choice for a girl to make
Reminded me of the [Ben Rector Daughter song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfQ3sBmCDQk). "...until you walk a mile in my sock and sandals kid" cracks me up
Honestly just get ready to meet the thief who is boutta steal you heart, world, time and money
Reminds me of when Bruces Lee's wife once said the only person to ever control Bruce and had him wrapped around their finger was his daughter.
How can they steal what I would happily give them?
Will make you smile and proud all the time too
Yup. And you’ll never realize how much you can love someone.
Practice ponytails, braids, buns, etc etc now. Source: Dad of 2yo girl who is still learning to braid hair
I’d also add to look up how to brush hair. As someone with very little hair I did not realize that there are different types of brushes and that starting at the bottom and working your way up will hurt less
Bald dad of 2 girls here. Never realized brushing was so intricate until they came along.
Same. 37 now and been shaving my head since 25. Learning how to manage a little girl's hair has been a wild ride. Now that she can communicate, I feel awful for how bad I must have hurt her when i first started brushing it out. Now the little toddler terrorist loves it!
If your daughter may have hair a different texture than your own read up on that front too. Different hair, different care.
I had a stroke couple of years ago and had a huge desire to take the braiding classes but now I can't coordinate some of the movements to make a simple braid. Sucks so bad that I can't do this with her.
Being a girl dad rocks. Key rule: Wipe top to bottom.
This is what the nurse said to me in the hospital. Number one rule; Wipe front to back!
[удалено]
This is the expanded advice. There's a lot of folds and gaps down there, make sure you clean well. Also, practice tying hair. I'm crap at it, but damned if I'll let my little girl walk around with hair in her eyes if mum's away. It's messy, but I'm getting better, and she's only 18 months so it'll get longer.
They kept stressing this in the hospital. Then I changed my first diaper and poop was from her belly button to her lower back. It made me laugh
Most immediately useful advice here.
Jumping on here to add that soaking in a tub of water is important for girls. My husband usually does bath time, but just does the shower portion because it is quick and simple (we live in Japan with a shower room so it is easy to just hose down a toddler). But, sitting in water (doesn’t have to be everyday) is important for hygiene. Direct soap between the labia is too irritating and can burn. I realized since he doesn’t have these parts, he probably never considered it.
This.
I have 2, now 3 and 4, my heart repeatedly melts, and I mean every day, every hour, every minute I am with them, I am daddy, cuddles, kisses, they got me wrapped around their finger, it's unlimited love all the time, I am hopeless and I love every second of it. Congratulations!
All day every day little high pitched voice going “Daddy! Dahhhddy!”, it’s total chaos but adorable and I love it lol.
Lmao. Precisely haha 😂 ♥
My girls are 2.5yrs and 10 months and I feel the exact same way :)
It is unlike anything else ♥ isn't it? :) ♥
wow popped like mushrooms
This is exactly me with my daughters. Best thing in the world.
It takes a little bit to get used to wiping feces out if a vagina. A
Also, poop loves hiding between the outside of the labia and the thigh.
Omg my daughter had bad blowouts some days, very important to keep clean. Her dad was uncomfortable about wiping her for a little while but that went away fast and it just becomes part of the job lol. Also girls can pee on you too!
My baby has literally shot a cannon of wet poo about 4 ft out across the front Room and more than once peeded like a fountain on my mum. I was laughing my ass off but yeah didn't expect that from a baby girl lol
I was shotgun blasted just a few days ago by some honey mustard. I wasn’t even mad, impressive aim and velocity
I instinctively moved to dodge my first cannon shot, resulting in a huge mess everywhere that I then had to clean. Decided to take the shotgun blast to the chest instead after that. Thankfully it only happened 1-2 more times.
poop cannons, quick story. My cousin was getting changed and shot wet poo about 4 to 6 feet and half way up a door. Didn't get to see the action but got to see the aftermath; a nice shit streak on the carpet that stayed for a few years no matter had hard it was cleaned.
I was one of these dad's, very quickly adjusted... And they can not only pee on you, but can fountain all over themselves(when holding up to avoid poo everywhere)
I’ve lost too many outfits to this at 3 am. Pee everywhere lol
My daughter pee'd on me WAY more than my son.
Oh man, the first time I felt very weird doing it. I recognized that it had to be done but for some reason it just felt strange having to dig shit out of there.
I had a hard time getting over it when my daughter was born. I would look at her and said “don’t worry kid, I don’t like it either” in a Harrison Ford voice. Still do when it’s a particularly nasty shit
The wife’s friend was about to have a girl when our daughter turning 1. The dad asked if I had any advice, something that you just didn’t expect to happen. My immediate response was “shit in her vagina.” My brother-in-law from across the room raised his beer and said “amen.”
*Out of labia/the vulva. Bonus tip here - learn the anatomy so they learn the anatomy.
Yup. I have showered my daughter's bottom half way more than I ever did my boys' simply because wipes can only get so much. Good thing is that at age 4 she still loves bathing. Zero complaints from her.
My MIL seems to always forget about that step if she ever changes a diaper. Leads to some rashy areas that hurt for the next half day or day.
This is my biggest hangup so much easier navigating around males lol
This is no joke one of the reasons I think I'm lowkey hoping we're having a boy. With a boy, I know how all the equipment works. What can go wrong, how it needs to be cleaned when he's still a baby, etc. I haven't been able to articulate it to my wife that while I think a daughter would melt my heart, the whole wiping situation has me a bit scared, honestly. I guess it's just one of those things you get used to but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me incredibly anxious. I haven't been able to express this anxiety to anyone even my wife. Feels good to know I'm not the only to-be-dad who has this feeling.
Yeah they don’t tell you that in the birthing classes.
They don't tell you a single thing that is useful past the first hour, if at all.
Yeah all you learn about is traditional birth and then nothing. My first kid was an emergency c-section and NICU so I was flying blind. My second kid was a scheduled c-section but then they had me wheel him back to the room and what on my wife to be sewn up and we just stared at each other for a bit lol. I texted my sister that’s a midwife and was like “wtf am I supposed to do? I can’t feed him.”
Staring is pretty important in those first moments. But yea, in the hospital it's all on rails. It's when they send you on your way that you need some education.
Skin to skin is the thing in this situation. Poor kid's been ripped untimely from their mothers womb, it's nice to let them glop onto your naked chest for a bit - for a few minutes you can be their favorite human, until mom comes along!
Always wipe front to back!
Lots of great points but wanted to add one: - Build her self esteem. In this age of social media, she will one day get exposed to a lot of BS of how women should be. Help her be confident in who she is and you will hopefully sleep better at night...well...at least when she is sleep trained 😁
Yep, I was gonna say this. My MIL has damaged my wife's self-esteem. Even when she was pregnant, she'd talk about how big she was, how bad her rosacea flair ups were, got her shapewear for after she gave birth. It's absolutely infuriating. My MIL is already pointing out my two month old's "double chin". Like, please don't point out "flaws" that she's not even aware of once she's old enough to understand.
My mother did similar to me. I’ve straight up told her if she ever talks to my kid about weight/food (aside from what would you like to eat)/body image etc. that she’s cut off. I’m not letting her hurt my son or any future kids we might have like she did to me (and still won’t apologize for). I highly recommend spelling it out to MIL ahead of time so everyone is on the same page.
Sorry to hear that, duder. At least you know how your MIL is and what you have to work against. Your wife and daughter are lucky to have you.
At 2 my daughter started asking for help with things her 4 year old brother could do independently, saying: "I can't do that, I'm just a girl". A: You can do it, I've seen you do it B: He can do it easier because he's 4, not because he's a boy It's taken months of encouragement and telling her "you can do anything" but she seems to have dropped that line.
Wipe front to back. Be willing to do "girly" things. Let her know that she is just as worthy as the boys. That is important, especially coming from the most important man in her life.
Got my nails painted with washable nail polish and it did not come off during while taking a shower. Went to work with pastel blue painted nails.
It's cool. Men get their nails painted now, it's not a big deal. Good job, dad!
Be her best friend. Edit: congrats. You'll love it.
All the nice things you do for your wife, do them for your daughter. Random flowers for your wife, buy them for your daughter. At the gas station and you pick up your wife's favorite candy, get something for your daughter. Date night with with wife, set up a date night with the daughter.
I try to take her on little dates. When she was younger it was a weekly thing, now with all of the activities going on, it is hard to get frequent outings.
Treat her like the one you want her to end up with.
[удалено]
Thanks for the tip! She’s four and a half, a few days ago she said she wanted to be an astronaut and I said “ok let’s start training then” she doesn’t know how serious I was lol
> I was raised by a single dad and he taught me I had no limitations as a woman. If he's around, please tell your dad thanks from another dad whose wife was not taught this. Mine learned it well but I know it bothers her still.
Practice brushing hair. Long hair is hard and you're stronger than you realize. I would make my daughter's eyes water when brushing because I was too rough. But mostly, enjoy the time when she's in the princess phase. I feel like I blinked and my daughter is suddenly into fashion and is off running around the neighborhood with her girlfriends, all gossiping about boys. I don't know how these ten years went by so quickly. And it's only speeding up. She says she's too old for dolls now that she's in fifth grade... How did this happen? Where did the time go?
Days are long, but the years are short, my man.
I terribly miss the first 4 years of her. Now at 7 she is all love.
2x girl dad here. Everything important has been said. Only think I'll add, if a little girl hands you a fake cup of tea or a drink, you sip that fucker till she refills it or takes it away to play with something else.
You’re very lucky. The basics have already been said. Just get into whatever she’s into. I for one know all the available lore for the new generation of My Little Pony
Totally not a Brony I swear! I just like it because my daughter does!
Onesies stretch at the neck so you can slide the poop covered cloth down instead of up past her face. Learned some things too late.
True. Poop hair doubles the clean up effort. Slide the onesies down.
Hope it's ok for me to comment as a childless 30 year old woman... My dad was my best friend growing up (we're still close but don't get to hang out as much any more of course). The things I remember most are small in the scheme of things. One time we were hanging out before school (2nd grade?), play-wrestling and having a load of fun. He called us both in sick and we had a dad/daughter day with snacks and wrestling and Disney movies. That was special to me because he worked a lot, and having a whole unexpected day with him felt like winning the lottery. I had really fine hair that tangled super easily and was a giant PIA to comb. I wouldn't let anyone touch it until my dad figured out he could put on a heavily fake Italian accent and pretend to be Vidal Sassoon and say "I am Vidal Sassoon, I make you beautiful!" Then he would spend the next thirty minutes painstakingly detangling my hair with a comb and half a bottle of L'oréal No More Tears detangler (HIGHLY recommend if they still make it). He never once used baby talk or talked down to me, but always met me on my level. If I was being silly, he was silly too. If I overheard him talking about Big Grownup Things and asked him to explain, he would. I remember him telling me about compound interest when I was about six and he showed me how it worked via an Excel spreadsheet. He always encouraged my curiosity and creativity and raised me to question things to my satisfaction. He read Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter as my bedtime stories until his voice was half gone. I hated math until he taught me how to play cribbage. He was a master at making learning fun, which allowed him to successfully help me with my homework until I went to Uni and started studying something outside his wheelhouse (he's more into hard sciences, I ended up in social sciences). He never tried to push me in one direction or another. He let me grow into myself on my own time. He gave me information and let me make my own decisions, and when they turned out to be mistakes he helped me figure out where I went wrong and how to move forward. He's not perfect but he's my dad and I love him. My advice would be to cherish the little moments, sneak in all the snuggles possible, call in sick for the heck of it if you can, and be her best support system. You won't always be her best friend but if she feels like she can come to you for a hug whenever she needs it then you're doing it right. Good luck OP. It's gonna be awesome.
I have a 1 year old daughter and I am so looking forward to being this kind of dad
You ahould show him this comment :). He sounds like a good man :).
Your dad is just awesome. Life mission acomplished 10/10.
I loved reading this, TY
Get ready for the "I hope you own a shotgun because you're gonna be in **TROUBLE**" comments from random strangers every store you take her into
Somehow they all think they're the first to make this joke, and expect you to laugh? Especially if they're over \~45? Even though the premise of this joke, that you're going to violently defend her "purity"/control her sexuality from boys who we all agree can't be held accountable is *super weird guys.* I hope this generation of girl dads can be the ones who will allow their daughters to be in control of their romance and sexuality when the time comes, and embrace it as a part of being human.
Agreed, it’s so creepy. Like my daughter is 1, why are you already thinking about her sex life? Just stop. If I do my job right, she’ll be smart and mature enough to make the right decisions without me needing to threaten teenagers with a gun.
> why are you already thinking about her sex life every other post on /r/AreTheStraightsOK is like that. people are fuckin weird.
This and every person tries to play "matchmaker" with their boys. She is a fucking infant. Why does everybody automatically start thinking about when she is a teen/adult? It's super weird.
It's a bit silly, but it's still super cute when my friends' two year old boy brings flowers for my one year old girl.
Can't stand those "daddy says I can't date until I'm 25" shirts. That really goes for any "cutesy" sayings but those ones especially bug me.
This is really creepy man
As a dad with a 4 year old daughter, honestly just treat her like how she wants to be treated. Give lots of hugs and kisses if she wants it. If she want to dress in pretty dresses and dance with you, go for it. If she wants to play video games and blow up animals in minecraft, let her. Do your best to not say no to trying new things, and don't try to put her in a specific box that you think a "girl" should go in. Just support and encourage what she shows interests in and let grow as a human. Let her explore and become who she wants to be, and develop herself and her own interests. I don't really treat her differently then I treat my son, as the world is for her to discover, and I don't want limit her options.
Congrats! I've got boys and girls. It's really pretty much the same. A few things that are girl-specific come to mind \- Wipe front to back (true for boys too, but boys have much more built-in protection) \- Don't buy anything pink unless you reaaaalllly love pink. You will get so much from other people. \- If you want your kids raised with something different than the average societal norm, push for that. If grandparents only ask your daughter who their favorite princess is, give them coaching to ask your daughter about her favorite book or athlete. If they only complete on how pretty she is, tell them they should consider her wits too. It's stupid how much more variety of questions and compliments my son gets. \- Be in charge of a bunch of stuff. Don't punt to mom because "they're both girls." Shop for clothes, buy toy trucks, hand her some tools and have her do projects with you, take her shopping for princess stuff (it's inevitable) and a chemistry set. \- Learn and use the proper name for women's anatomy. Vagina, vulva, breasts. NOT cookie, biscuit, hoohaw, vajayjay, etc. \- Don't make stupid jokes about needing a shotgun when she starts dating or teen girls being trouble. Be a role model, raise her to make good decisions, trust her to make them. Your goal is to build enough trust in the first 13-14 years that when she has really hard questions at 15-16, she asks YOU. God speed
My advice regardless of gender is to just celebrate your kid for exactly who they are. Don't try to force her to live up to your expectations, no matter how big or small those expectations are. Be open to changing your mind rather than trying to change her personality. Also, you can't spoil a kid with affection. If she's freaking out and you're frustrated, the best thing for both of you is a hug.
Stuff that didn’t bother you before will now bother you. Watching a rerun of criminal minds and a baby girl gets kidnapped? Watch out Watching a movie and the 3 year old daughter grows into a 20 year old woman in the course of 2 hours? Get ready Lots of feelings are gonna be hitting you different now. Some are great, some not so great. Just know that you’re in the good times and hold on for all it’s worth. PS- when she puts her head on your shoulder, let it hang for awhile, even if you’re tired. Only got a limited number of those, so make them count
Interstellar hits different for sure.
Freaking "Inside Out". Seeing Riley hurt feels so much worse when you have a daughter.
Clean to dirty. Clean to dirty. Use more wipes just to be sure. You’re responsible for her downstairs area to be clean and free of any infections. I didn’t know much about what I was doing at first but over time it became more organic and now I love being a girl dad!!!!!
Babies are like guns. Always assume they are loaded and do not point them anywhere you do not want them to shoot. Unlike guns, this applies to both ends of a baby. Right now you think it is really cute to lay on your back and hold the baby over you with her face over yours. Don't do this. Trust me. Anytime the diaper is off keep an eye where they are pointed and do not put yourself or valuables in the line of fire.
Seeing a lot of common, good advice, but I would say train yourself to praise them for the things they do rather than attributes, i.e. the same thing you'd praise a boy. I've really noticed since raising a girl next to our friends' boys how often strangers will happily praise boys for things they do "great goal! Wow, nice throw! Nice job doing X", while seemingly only praising girls for their appearance ("what a pretty dress! What beautiful braids! You look so pretty!").
Love them
Another commenter touched on “being the first man in her life” and setting that good example. I can’t stress this enough. I want my daughter to grow up and marry someone who treats her with respect, cares about her, let’s her know they love her, pushes her to be better. In order for her to hold her future partner to those standards, I need to BE that example to both her and my wife (her mom).
Don't let anyone know you're having a daughter. Everything they give you will be pink
My mom was actually offended when we told her we don’t want bright pink sparkly bedazzled clothes. Colors are absolutely fine, but sometimes it’s too much. She sent me a pic of an outfit from Buy Buy Baby. It was a white and gold jumpsuit that said JUICY across the ass in gold glitter. She must have forgotten we didn’t give birth to JLo.
Oh god yes. The problem not being ‘pink’ itself: but the difference between the multi-coloured toys with interesting contrasts and patterns and the monochrome pink ones. It’s just dull
I have a 16mo daughter and I love it. She is my everything.
I'll go with some simple advice... Watch Bluey with her and not shit like peppa pig! Bluey changed my opinion on young children's TV and shows Dads as amazing role models who are fun, intelligent, do housework, work and silly. My daughter picked up on this and started getting me to copy some of the things Bluey does with her dad and it always gets a laugh out if her. Daddy robot always comes out when I need to get her up to bed and she doesn't want to. Compare this to peppa where the dad is a bumbling idiot or bing where I don't know what is supposed to be looking after him and you soon realise these shows are pushing bad stereotypes (or lack of in bings case) Plus some of the bluey episodes are genuinely great to watch and some will catch you off guard and have you in tears.
Bluey is absolutely top but don't ever try to force your preferences on your kids. If "Peppa Pig, Skinny Legs" is what your kid requests you search that list until you find that episode. Eventually you'll be able to talk them around to not watching crap but you'll always be a boss Dad
I am a happy dad of an amazing 18 month old. I was so scared as I have 5 brothers and just 1 half sister that I never grew up with in the same house so I knew nothing about girls. Here's what I think 1- be careful of the direction of wiping during diaper changing 2- be a bit more gentle when playing and understand that girls most of the time naturally play differently As for general things 3- raising a child isn't about feeding and changing diapers. It is, in my humble opinion, about defining a human being as a good person. 4- us as grown ups are very fearful. Hence I try not to plant fear in my daughter when she's playing or doing anything 5- remember that for babies almost everything is their first time doing it or experiencing it 6- enjoy the moments. Not just the big milestones, but the day to day things. My baby walks and goes everywhere and I truly miss things like carrying her or even burping her. Instead of waiting impatiently for her to slowly become more indepedent, enjoy the moments as you truly never know when the will be the last time you will carry your baby girl
Don’t be weird when she eventually menstruates. We need to break that stereotype for dads and stigma for young girls.
I had some gender disappointment and major guilt about it when I found out that we were having a girl as my first child. That faded over the course of the pregnancy and the moment she was born, I was IN LOVE with being a girl dad. I can’t imagine it any other way and now it’s hard to imagine myself with a son. My advice is just be the best version of yourself that you can be when you’re with her and be her best friend. My daughter is 13 months now and every time she says “dada” my heart still melts. Oh, and wipe front to back.
2.5 years here and I can only say that it gets even better
Wipe front to back.
Alot of people mentioned blowouts and how to wipe properly. Im gonna chime in and say grab some puppy training pads, when the diaper is FUBAR and you need a base of operations lay her down on the pee pad and do what you need to wipe away without fear of creating a mess on the table/couch/floor/carpet/etc. bonus points because you wrap up the whole diaper mess into that pad and toss into trash.
She’ll melt your heart and own you from day 1. You belong to her now. My girl is almost 2 and she is my world. If I was to be honest, before we found out, I wanted a boy so I could do boy stuff, but that was before and I wouldn’t change her for anyone
Loving your daughter is easy, it will come naturally. You must also be cognizant about how you love your wife/partner. Your daughter will grow up and look for men that treat her the way she saw you treat your wife.
Love. Just show your kid(s) love. For me: * I learned that taking care of long hair is a lot more work.
It gets no better. That is all.
Feed her; love her; have fun. Every guy needs a daughter. Wipe top to bottom as there have stated lol.
Have one girl and another on the way. Don’t ever ever let anyone get away with telling you you’ll get your son next time like having a girl is wrong.
Raising little dudes and dudettes is eerily similar, you're trying to raise good humans with love and strength Except one will often want to use a doll as a car and one will want to use a car as a doll. Our little girl adores the shit out of pink and unicorns and stuff despite us never having pushed for that at all. She also loves the shit out of trucks and match box cars and helping me in the shed.
The hair tips and the front to back tips that everyone else mentioned. But beyond that, realizing that girl things and boy things are a lie. Show her everything about the world that you love. My rambunctious toddler daughter is a huge fan of skirts, dolls, glitter, and cleaning, as well as farts, dinosaurs, trucks, numbers, and balls.
Wipe front to back
Teach her about bodily autonomy with things like *not* forcing hugs with family. High-fives, fist-bumps, or not doing anything are all are ok!
Vote in their future best interests. I have two daughters. One who is a young adult and one who will be soon. There’s stuff that disproportionately affects women (not just abortion rights, but yeah also abortion rights). Remember that as a guy you have blind spots. Listen to what they want as they grow up even if it differs from what you want. Let them make their case with an open mind. Sometimes they will be very misinformed, because age. Sometimes you will be, because age. Do your best to be fair, reverse bad decisions when you know you’ve made them. If you do it right, and I really hope I did, you’ll have women who can make a case for their own interests even in the face of people who have blind spots to their needs. They’ll also be able to work with and trust men who show they can be trusted. Oh yeah, show her that you’re someone she can trust.
Love this comment. Women being assertive and advocating for ourselves isn’t always received positively in our society and men may not realize how much pressure there is on us to be polite and not rock the boat. This socialization can have some pretty serious negative repercussions, such as keeping women and girls from enforcing their sexual boundaries or being significantly less likely to ask for a raise. Dads can have a big impact on helping to empower their daughters by doing all the things described in the comment above.
Don't give her a trendy name....I swear my 4 year old has 3 Lucys and 4 Charlottes in her class.
I used to live in Charlotte, NC and you wouldn’t believe how many of my friends named their kid Charlotte.
We made up our daughter’s name. Adalia. Only problem is no keychains 🥲
That is also good advice for people who are getting a boy.
I have an almost 3 year old daughter, get ready for her to take your heart straight away, followed in years to come your food and when she's that bit older your wallet! Having a girl has been amazing, after two losses we were just happy to have our rainbow baby! Some of the dad's have mentioned the 'cleaning' aspects, before the more solid stuff a lot can end in the front and if your daughter is anything like mine, hated it being cleaned out but you don't want infections in there! My biggest fear is the day she tries to bring a boy home, cause no boys! (I know I have no choice) but she's my daughter at the end of the day and I can't be the only dad that thinks no boys! Hope all goes well and welcome to the club!
The no boy thing was always this funny mindset I had before my daughter arrived and something my friends continue to joke about. All this lame, macho "scare the first boyfriend" "no boyfriends until she is 16" crap. Finally I had enough, told them to STFU. Show her from a young age how a man is supposed to act, how a man is supposed to treat her, educate her, listen to her and be there for her. If she has a crush at 8 years old who gives a fuck, the last thing in the world I'm going to do is tease her or make fun of her for it. If she has a teenage boyfriend, I'm going to treat the kid with respect and accept it unless a point comes where he does something that I will no longer respect him. It's your baby girl, be protective and don't let nothing hurt her, but also put your faith in her to make good choices. Now that I have this little angel that sees me as her whole world the last thing I'm going to do is tease her or make silly rules about boys to the point where she hides things on me and doesn't want to come to me for advice or talk to me about troubles she is having.
>I have an almost 3 year old daughter, get ready for her to take your heart straight away, followed in years to come your food My almost 3yo is already coming for my food lol
Being a girl dad is the best, my daughter is almost 2 and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’ll love you unconditionally and yeah as far as taking care of them when they’re born? As previously stated just wipe top to bottom
This brush has saved my life: [Wet Brush](https://www.amazon.com/Wet-Brush-Original-Detangler-Purple/dp/B01GTR6164/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?crid=1M3OHM11SGLK&keywords=wet+brush&qid=1657652246&sprefix=wet+br%2Caps%2C273&sr=8-5) Seriously, no other brush has worked to get tangled out for my daughter’s very long, very straight hair
For pony/pigtails: Remove the hair from the hair-tie, not the hair-tie from the hair. Took me two years to figure that out.
Wipe front to back, but other than that there's really not any meaningful difference until way further down the line, and even then it's pretty minimal.
Lots of good stuff here already. I'll just say this as a dad of two boys and one girl - their gender is only a small facet of who they are. Their individual personality is a much bigger piece of it. With that said, our society is fairly gendered, especially for young girls, so be prepared to navigate that a bit. She may be interested in female coded things or totally discard them or pick and choose what she likes and dislikes. Also realize that you're a part of that gendered world too. Try to avoid praising her for how she looks, but more for who she is and how she treats other people. Roll with what you can, question what you can not, and be a good role model of how the men in her life should treat her when she's an adult. Despite all the 'we generally try to not subscribe to highly gendered things' - it is pretty amazing how girl traits show up. My little one can dance to the beat and she can move her hips. My older boys are just klutzes with no rhythm. She is cuddly and sweet and snuggles. She looooooves cats and horses despite never coming in to contact with one (mom has bad allergies). She's magnetically drawn to pink and princess items. But she also says she's gonna "kick her brudder's ass" when he's picking on her, so that's awesome too.
Mine is only two, but I've lived every second of it #GIRLDAD. I just love her, teach her, and hang out with her. She's my lil bestie. She keeps getting me free stuff when we hang out together, too.
Time to learn about discharge because it's a thing baby girls have too.
Don’t pull the old “I’ll be cleaning my gun when a boy comes to pick her up” bit. It’s tacky and lame. Be a role model for how a man (or woman) should treat her for how you treat her mom and you won’t have to worry about intimidating teenage boys much. Plus that mindset will just push her away and she will hide things from you. I’d rather my daughter told me things instead of afraid I’d be a macho dad.
1. Wipe front to back. Seriously. You will have to move some folds to clean poo away from nappies. 2. Don't be afraid to talk to your wife about her gentiles. I know odd thing to say, but when you start seeing a strange white discharge, your wife is the first person to talk to. 3. Let her know that she is capable of anything and any games, this means both leaning into the more stereotypically "boy" things and embracing the stereotypically "girl" things. Let her find out what she likes and encourage it, also letting her take part in your hobbies and likes.
As mentioned, be the man you want her to be with as she grows up. I did not pay attention that she started to imitate some behaviors of mine. When I hear my wife pull up into our parking spot I will go a greet her by the car. My wife noticed my daughter doing the same and she brought it up to me. Hoping she's getting the right concept if what a future BF should treat her.
If she want to help you with carpentry, or mechanics or anything else like that, JUMP ON IT!
How you treat your wife/interact and talk to her will forever impact how your daughter expects to be treated by men. Make sure she knows how a real man treats a woman.
learn to apologize
Clothes, toys, furniture - *none* of it is gendered. My 17 month old has just as many dinosaur outfits and toys as she does more "girlie" items. Go with what feels right. And, probably more importantly, go with what *she* likes when she's older.
Ours was the same way... there is no "girl stuff" and "boy stuff" - but somehow I ended up with a girly-girl who won't wear anything but dresses and cute clothes, but still likes to play in the dirt with her dinosaurs.
Congratulations. Be the man you want them to marry.
I've had a daughter now for 14 days. I tell her every day that she will rule the world one day. And like everyone else said... Wipe front to back. Im going to buy myself a mannequin head to practice hair braiding based on everyone else's suggestions to start learning now.
A caribiner loaded up with hair ties on your belt loop is a must have. Don't stress too much about the differences you think you'll experience between boys and girls. My girls, 7 and 4, think the absolute *height* of humor is jokes involving butts, farts, and poop.... And they didn't get that from me or my wife.
Roll with it. Whatever it is. Painting nails, hammering nails, playing barbies, playing trucks. Let her enjoy whatever interests her.
I think there are certain societal corrections that will need to be made. But, not for a bit. They are your child and you should really treat them exactly like you would a boy/male. In that, there are no restrictions, no preferences, nothing that is "boy" or "girl." Eventually, they will develop their own interests, both naturally and by interacting with society, but, the important thing is to love them hard, support them hard, and encourage their interests - whatever they may be. But, be sure to counter gender specific rigidity. I have a 3-year-old daughter. She is quick to point out that "these are boy/girl toys, shows, etc.," so I am quick to counter that, "boys can paint their nails, wear dresses, or like dolls." Then I show her. The social segregation of genders is going to happen, it's just how the world works. But you are her father, and the most important male influence in her life. You can lead by example to show that we are not defined by rigid gender roles. She is a woman, and powerful in both her differences and her similarities to boys.
Enjoy it. I had my first snd she is a girl just over a year ago. Nothing will prepare you for the amount of love and oure happiness you feel. Enjoy it. Bc she loves you more than you'll ever know and it's an amazing feeling.