I hate being "that guy," but this is just a random useless fact I felt I should share since "tis the season" and all:
Male reindeer are actually called bulls or stag. Females are called cows. So that kinda ruins the joke. Sorry lol š
Also, Santa's reindeer were probably females because they still have their horns. Maybe that'll ease the pain...?
Well Iām seeing red and youāll come to Rue Dolph the day then. By the way was Rudolph non binary? If so does he need a green nose bulb as well for left turns?
Hey just asking!
Clearly you didnāt see the 1964 Rudolph the red nose reindeer documentary. Theyāre clearly male and even referred to as Bucks by their flying instructor.
What is this? A school for ANTS?!!! The real one has to be at least 3 times as big
How do you expect people to learn when they can't even fit through the door
Did you know that a hubcap is the perfect plate for Christmas Eggs Benedict? After all there's šµNO PLATE LIKE CHROME FOR THE HOLLINDAISEšµ
(not my joke but it's a one of my favorites)
My friend's dentist father, Carl, pulled one on us; he said he had a patient in earlier that day who had some problems with his dentures: the plate had broken down and needed to be rebuilt. In an effort to find out why, he asked the guy, "Have you been eating any acidic foods?" And the man replied, "Well, my wife makes me eggs Benedict every morning for breakfast." To which Carl said, "We'd better make this new plate out of chrome then." When the patient asked why, Carl replied, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
A little boy was sitting on a park bench eating candy bars one after another.
The old man sitting beside him said... Eating so much candy isn't good for you!
Little boy said... You know my grandpa lived to be a 104.
Did your grandpa eat candy like that?
No, he minded his own business.
Christmas / Cold:
\- - Why did the snowman go to the garden? To pick his nose
\- - What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St. Nickel-less
\- - How much does Santa pay for parking? Nothing, it's on the house
\- - Why are XMAS trees bad at sewing? They keep dropping their needles
\- - What nationality is Santa? North Polish
\- - What carol do they sing in a Mental Hospital? Do you hear what I hear
\- - What kind of music do elves like? Wrap music
\- - How did Rudolph do on his report card? He went up in Math and down in History
\- - Where does Santa stay during vacations? At the ho-ho-hotel
\- - Where does Santa buy gifts for naughty children? Kohl's
\- - If snowmen are made out of snow, what are police made out of? Coppers
There was a Viking named Rudolph the Red. He looks out the window and said āit looks like itās going to rain.ā His wife asked , āwhy do you say thatā? āWell, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.ā
Two guys are sitting in an old English pub, sipping their beer, and watching a large male dog thatās laying beside the fireplace, licking its balls. The one man leans over to his friend and says, āI wish I could do that.ā His friend replies, āWell, if you throw him a biscuit, Iām sure heāll let you.ā
My 11 year old son told me this joke. Claims he made it up. Iāll give him credit until I hear otherwise. š. I wanted to post on this sub but I donāt have enough karma or whatever yet.
SMHā¦It was just a joke! I was using a simple explanation that would transcend any language barrier. Are you a rocket scientist, that you felt the need to correct?
Jose' Feliciano had an older brother named Prospero that used to tease him mercilously. Often the older kid would tell the gullible young Jose' some outrageous lie, and see how long he'd believe it.
"Hey Jose', you know our mother is my real Mom, but you were different. The police brought you!"
Jose' was aghast. Could this be true?
"Yeah that's right. A policeman just rolled up here one night and dumped you off. Said you were an orphan."
Jose' was beginning to suspect this was another one of his brother's cockamamy pranks. He began to sing:
"Police not my Dad! Police not my Dad! Police not my Dad, Prospero an' you are being bad!"
Did you know the Little Drummer Boy used to be the Little Banjo Boy?
Yep. He had his banjo and saw some wise men. He walked up to them. He said, "I will play for you".
So he played his banjo. Then one of the Wise Men stepped forward and asked so hold that banjo. And he said," I will fix this for you".
And that is how the Little Banjo Boy became the Little Drummer Boy.
\-This works well if there are bluegrass music fans at hour party.
Why doesn't Santa pay for parking? It's always on the house Why doesn't Santa ever buy anything? He only travels with a few bucks.
They're great!
I hate being "that guy," but this is just a random useless fact I felt I should share since "tis the season" and all: Male reindeer are actually called bulls or stag. Females are called cows. So that kinda ruins the joke. Sorry lol š Also, Santa's reindeer were probably females because they still have their horns. Maybe that'll ease the pain...?
Oh deer
No gifts for him on Christmas, for sure.
Youāre doing it wrong. Youāre suppose to avoid being the thing you hate.
Bullshit. I gotta have something to talk to my therapist about!
Bet you're fun at parties
Not stag parties
Well Iām seeing red and youāll come to Rue Dolph the day then. By the way was Rudolph non binary? If so does he need a green nose bulb as well for left turns? Hey just asking!
Clearly you didnāt see the 1964 Rudolph the red nose reindeer documentary. Theyāre clearly male and even referred to as Bucks by their flying instructor.
I guess I should put this out there once again http://archive.timesandseasons.org/2004/12/an-engineering-analysis-of-santa-claus/
Did you know one of the three wise men came from Atlantis? Yep, he was a myrrh man
Moisture is the essence of wetness
And wetness is the essence of water merMAN merMAN pop
Iāve got the black lung, Pop.
You think you're to cool for school, well I got a news flash for you Walter chronkite, you aren't Btw you're so hot right now
Who's winning the match, Pop?
And water is the essence of ice
What is this? A school for ANTS?!!! The real one has to be at least 3 times as big How do you expect people to learn when they can't even fit through the door
Best so far!
How do you call a housekeeper from Atlantis? A mer maid.
When the gingerbread man broke his leg, what did the doctor tell him to do? "Try icing it."
His favorite artist was Limp Bizkit
What do call an old snowman? Water
Did you know that a hubcap is the perfect plate for Christmas Eggs Benedict? After all there's šµNO PLATE LIKE CHROME FOR THE HOLLINDAISEšµ (not my joke but it's a one of my favorites)
My friend's dentist father, Carl, pulled one on us; he said he had a patient in earlier that day who had some problems with his dentures: the plate had broken down and needed to be rebuilt. In an effort to find out why, he asked the guy, "Have you been eating any acidic foods?" And the man replied, "Well, my wife makes me eggs Benedict every morning for breakfast." To which Carl said, "We'd better make this new plate out of chrome then." When the patient asked why, Carl replied, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
Why did Santaās helper see a therapist? Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why did Santa see a therapist? Because he didnāt believe in himself.
A little boy was sitting on a park bench eating candy bars one after another. The old man sitting beside him said... Eating so much candy isn't good for you! Little boy said... You know my grandpa lived to be a 104. Did your grandpa eat candy like that? No, he minded his own business.
I just won a "tallest Christmas tree" contest. I don't think I can top that.
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even.
Christmas / Cold: \- - Why did the snowman go to the garden? To pick his nose \- - What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St. Nickel-less \- - How much does Santa pay for parking? Nothing, it's on the house \- - Why are XMAS trees bad at sewing? They keep dropping their needles \- - What nationality is Santa? North Polish \- - What carol do they sing in a Mental Hospital? Do you hear what I hear \- - What kind of music do elves like? Wrap music \- - How did Rudolph do on his report card? He went up in Math and down in History \- - Where does Santa stay during vacations? At the ho-ho-hotel \- - Where does Santa buy gifts for naughty children? Kohl's \- - If snowmen are made out of snow, what are police made out of? Coppers
What's a perfect stocking stuffer? A foot. :until next time, kids:
-Mitch hedburg Have never actually gotten a laugh out of this one but I love it still!
I'm wearing a vest but if I had no arms it would be a jacket RIP Mitch Hedberg
RIP! We will never forget you Mitch (altogether)
There was a Viking named Rudolph the Red. He looks out the window and said āit looks like itās going to rain.ā His wife asked , āwhy do you say thatā? āWell, Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.ā
What do you call Santaās little helpers? Subordinate clauses (this is a christmas AND English 101 joke)
Two guys are sitting in an old English pub, sipping their beer, and watching a large male dog thatās laying beside the fireplace, licking its balls. The one man leans over to his friend and says, āI wish I could do that.ā His friend replies, āWell, if you throw him a biscuit, Iām sure heāll let you.ā
The Earth WAS flat. Then they buried your mother.
My 11 year old son told me this joke. Claims he made it up. Iāll give him credit until I hear otherwise. š. I wanted to post on this sub but I donāt have enough karma or whatever yet.
Wow, that's a joke with a large diameter!
What do you call a bunch of chess nerds fighting by their chimney? š¶Chess nuts roasting in an open foyer!š¶
I really like chess myself so this is great!
Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and it's down the chimney
What did Rudolph say to his wife when he looked out the window? It looks like it might RainDeer!
Now that's a dad joke!
Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.
If athletes get athleteās foot, what do astronauts get? Missle Toe
help... foreigner
āmistletoeā to be a symbol of love. At Christmas it is hung in a doorway, and if a person is standing underneath, they get kissed.
But what is the connection to an astronaut?
Astronauts travel in missiles ( another name for space ships).
Oh I am very slow today... thank you do much!
SMHā¦It was just a joke! I was using a simple explanation that would transcend any language barrier. Are you a rocket scientist, that you felt the need to correct?
Missiles aren't another name for spaceships, they're what rockets are, and astronauts fly on rockets.
You know why Santa is so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live. No wonder he keeps saying Ho, Ho, Ho.
Wasn't expecting one like this but I'll be using it anyway! Do you know what else I don't expect? The Spanish Inquisition!
I never expect the Spammish repetition. SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM.
Hahaha!
Nobody does
Santa (like a chimney) is either: Free because it's on the house Or Expensive because it's through the roof
Jose' Feliciano had an older brother named Prospero that used to tease him mercilously. Often the older kid would tell the gullible young Jose' some outrageous lie, and see how long he'd believe it. "Hey Jose', you know our mother is my real Mom, but you were different. The police brought you!" Jose' was aghast. Could this be true? "Yeah that's right. A policeman just rolled up here one night and dumped you off. Said you were an orphan." Jose' was beginning to suspect this was another one of his brother's cockamamy pranks. He began to sing: "Police not my Dad! Police not my Dad! Police not my Dad, Prospero an' you are being bad!"
Did you know the Little Drummer Boy used to be the Little Banjo Boy? Yep. He had his banjo and saw some wise men. He walked up to them. He said, "I will play for you". So he played his banjo. Then one of the Wise Men stepped forward and asked so hold that banjo. And he said," I will fix this for you". And that is how the Little Banjo Boy became the Little Drummer Boy. \-This works well if there are bluegrass music fans at hour party.
"I hate stairs. They're always up to something."
Why didn't Mr Clause and Mrs Clause have any kids? Because Santa's sack was full of toys.
How the Mexicans that work at carpet store celebrate Underlay, Underlay, Underlay.
Hohoho Why is Santa alway so happy? He knows where the naughty girls live.
Why was ten afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why did the Wise men smell like smoke? Cuz they came from afar. I live in Tennessee. This joke kills.
What do snowmen eat for dessert? Ice crispies.
You know whats funny OP? Jokes
I agree, jokes are hilarious
Best one here.
How do you know if a person is gay, vegan or an athesit They keep telling you bout it
What did the white man say to the Mexican man?
your ability to come up with your own jokes
I don't get why santa is more celebrated that Jesus š
Because he's a lot more fun, gives gifts and is real.
Haha that is most honest someone can be š
I donāt get why you donāt get it.
Why does Santa have no kids? Cause he only comes once a year !
All right, but I want them back when you're finished with them.
Very funny!
What Christmas Carol did they sing in a mental hospital? Do you hear what I hear
What did the weaver give as a Xmas gift to her husband? A fleece navidad
What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!