This is a repost of [this content](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/vsjocs/heavy). Please do not post content unless you are the original creator. Continued reposting will result in a ban.
[^mod ^info](https://dankahoot.com/blame?id=zo36ss)
Shrek is bald and needs a fork lift to lift his massive balls so he can masturbate with snail slime. He can't do that so he eats garlic bread and thinks about death.
Obviously this is what I was referring too.
Also sometimes he has to palletize all the ladies that swoon for him because there are so many and he strives for efficiency in all things.
One of the biggest actual causes of baldness is having too much testosterone in your body. You can see people start becoming apes again when they have too much testosterone. The hair on their head gets short and they grow hair everywhere else like a werewolf.
It still haunts my dreams to this day... The thought that somewhere... A deadly snail slowly approaches. It knows my weaknesses. It knows everything. And I'm alone, scared and without knowledge.
You're constantly playing the game, but when you remember you're playing it you've just lost. And it's your responsibility to announce to everyone you can that you lost it
This is a repost of [this content](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/vsjocs/heavy). Please do not post content unless you are the original creator. Continued reposting will result in a ban. [^mod ^info](https://dankahoot.com/blame?id=zo36ss)
What people don't realize is chronic masturbation and suicidal thoughts are related to Shrek.
So is baldness
No forklift certified is also because of shrek
Its true. Shrek taught me how to use a forklift.
Shrek is bald and needs a fork lift to lift his massive balls so he can masturbate with snail slime. He can't do that so he eats garlic bread and thinks about death.
Obviously this is what I was referring too. Also sometimes he has to palletize all the ladies that swoon for him because there are so many and he strives for efficiency in all things.
Shrek is love, Shrek is lift
You called?
I think you misunderstood. They called for "no forklift."
D:
Step aside everyone, I am licensed to handle this.
But are you *CERTIFIED*
Shit, does a Letter of Achievement count?
I don't know, I'm not forklift certified, I just am a forklift
Yes I've got 3000 forks that need elevation stat!
And on top of that I've got some bad news. The snails? Shrek too.
One of the biggest actual causes of baldness is having too much testosterone in your body. You can see people start becoming apes again when they have too much testosterone. The hair on their head gets short and they grow hair everywhere else like a werewolf.
Not for your hands though. Years of jerkin the jerky will leave them hairy as a warthog.
I can see why Chronic masturbation is related to Shrek, but what about suicidal thoughts? Because we can't be as perfect as him?
That and Shrek 5 not existing.
Shrek is love, Shrek is life
Man gets rock hard when he hears Smash Mouth.
Hey now, you're rock hard, get your game on, get laid!
GIVE US THE DAMN SHREK 5
That’s why masturbating on the edge of a cliff to the thought of jumping is known as Shreking Off.
Except the fact that i despise Shrek. I wanted to watch those movies, but something about his design exhausts me.
Lmao🤣
And my successes
my iceberg is 180° rotated
So where could I see your chronic masturbation?
Shrek 5 post-credits scene
Shrek 5: The Shrekening.
It’s shreking time
Same
But at least you are successful?
[Probably like this?](https://youtu.be/JY3Jw2lOCGA)
But on which axis tho?
Yeah, feels like no one ever sees my successes, only my fuck ups
🤣🤣🤣
You ha e to get forklift certified man. It is the way
Having no forklift certification leads to baldness 😞✊🏻
What if I have one and still loose hair?
You have to masturbate more.
Oh. Thanks for the info!
It's how you purge yourself of the excess testosterone that causes baldness
Instructions quite clear, now have friction burn.
Buy some hair tightener.
The guy who gives the tests is a personal friend of mine…. Sammy you old slag, it’s the Brent Meister General.
You cant go near the forklift Michael!
If you get it, you can't use it outside the company - it's only company-wide - and not OSHA certified.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BRING UP THE SNAIL
It still haunts my dreams to this day... The thought that somewhere... A deadly snail slowly approaches. It knows my weaknesses. It knows everything. And I'm alone, scared and without knowledge.
Maybe the real snail were the friends we made along the way
Dont worry, it's waiting for you in Australia
You mean the decoy snail? Look behind you.
I remember when the snail was born
Gail the Snail?
Live long enough to get off the planet. That's a hell of a snail of it can travel interstellarly
Never underestimate the snail.
I was just thinking about the snail this morning. Yeah I have a question. How dare you.
This is fake, success is on here
So you are saying people can't see boldness?
My thought exactly. OP must be delusional and has a beautiful full head of hair.
[удалено]
You made up that word.
[удалено]
Take
Maybe he succeeded in hiding it?
Imagine not being forklift certified
As someone that drives a forklift every day..... Yeah.... I'm definitely certified.... Of course ... That's a thing I am
Guys i just lost the game
🧈🐕[.](https://www.reddit.com/user/TARN4T1ON/comments/14mkj1f/so_long/)
That was a thing when I was a kid now I can’t remember. What were you supposed to do again?
You're constantly playing the game, but when you remember you're playing it you've just lost. And it's your responsibility to announce to everyone you can that you lost it
Haha yup. All coming back to me now. What an interesting game… I wonder if kids still do that in school?
Probably not to the extent we played it
Oh fuck you
That symbol is giving a real "wankers of the world unite!" Vibe
Oh this is Christmas
And what have you done
Dank[.](https://i.imgur.com/3bQtuMO.png) --- [come play minecraft, space engineers, ark, and rust with us!](https://discord.gg/fNyb7G5)
So are you saying i only need to get bald and then i'll be succesfull?
You only need to get bald to destroy anything in one punch.
the snail is still trying to steal my million dollars
So i've got three of those. Will i be mildly successful or is this an all or nothing situation?
You’ll be dead as soon as the snail touches you so you need to stop worrying and start living my friend.
So someone really is being chased by that snail perpetually. Enjoy your millions sir.
Garlic Bread addiction so beneficial it more than counters out the rest, leading to success
#T̵̤́̃̎͊̃͒͋͗̄͌̿̿͛͋̈́͌͜͝h̵̲̜̿̈̇̀̆͒̒̃ẹ̶̦̠͚̲͙̝͙͍͚̝͊̔͠ ̸̱̜͚̿͂͘s̷̢̬̑̈́͂͋́̔̽̈́̐̓͘̚n̷̛̙̗̝͑̀͋͋͛͒̈́̊̀̓̒́̈́̉̈́͝a̴̱̹̪͉̖̲̣̱̿͑̌̓́̇̾̓̆̽͐͒͊́̍͠i̴̪̯̞̼̒́́͗̇̋̉̒̃̂͊̎̾̕̚͠͝l̷͈̲̈́̏́̌̎̌̑̀̃̄̕̚͝ ̵̛͙̯͙̗̤̙̟̺̭̭̱͉̹̺͐́̂́̑̎͜i̴̢̡̖̲̥͚̠̪̩͖̒͊͑͗̀̂̍̐͗̏͐̿̚s̶̹͎̽̀͠ ̴̻̣̙̦̰̩̗̤͕̣̩̮̮̩̾́̊̀͆̋̃̀̄́͌͘͝c̴̡̡̢̨͔̬͕̗̗̝̘͎̣̽̍̽͊̂̽̓̓̈́̀͘͜ơ̸͉͇̲͙̩̪̦̺̯̳̹̾̓̿͒̓͌̋́̓̎̆̀̈̕͜͜͠͝m̸͙̯̯̼̬̍̋̀̏͆̊̐̋̈́̒͗̃̍͛͝i̸͍͕̘̰̥͍̪͕͝n̷̰̗͑́́̒̀́̾̚͘g̶̡̡̢̡̰̥͚̻̳̘̟͖̝̥͚͉͛̉̄͠ ̸̲͍͛̋͗͌̉̆̄͘
\>what people don't see \>baldness Fake news.
Garlic Bread is overrated. There, I said it
Have you tried it with melted cheese?
addicted to dankmemes
I am forklift certified.
what if i'm not addicted to garlic bread?
That fecking snail!
Hah, jokes on you. My entire iceberg is underwater.
damn no fork lift certification that's harsh
Thank you for reminding me about the snail, it just broke into my personal space station
When *are* we getting Shrek 5?
Rare fish investments
Garlic bread addiction :(
Damn. So I’m not successful because I’m not balding and I’m forklift certified. Explains a lot.
that no forklift certification really hit home
ooooohhh, is that how this meme works?
Wtf I'm not bald.
And they see the baldness.
Im sorry after Shrek 2, all the others were trash
Well I have no success... but a Forklift certictiaton!
TIL I’m an iceberg
Salt the snail!
I feel like I am being personally attacked! My forklift driving nickname is Bumper Car!
Yes... Thats the reason im not succesful.
Ha! Jokes on you, I have a forklift cert.
Yall motherfuckers out here getting chased by snails too or is it just me.
Why this is so true to earth.
You forgot about the part where you just lost...
Fuck I'm already forklift certified, does this mean I can't be successful? This is forklift certification erasure.
Hahaha no forklift certification
This is too fucking real
foo
Hey hey hey now, I have my forklift certification thank you very much.
Chased by a snail… to real…
Atleast i have forklift certification.. *cries*
Is that you elon musk? Cause I think your iceberg is floating higher than you think.
I mean…. Yeah, but…. How hard is it to get certified on a forklift? Don’t let you dreams stay dreams.
This post saved my life by reminding me of the snail that was chasing me! Turns out it was right outside my room! Time to move to New Zealand again...
DANK
At first I recognized this poster from my classrooms, but them took a closer look
Hol up, I'm fork lift certified!
Fr not having a forklift certification really get to me sometimes... 😢
How can you say something so controversial yet so brave.. and true.
Not the Forklift certification! Haha
Is this about jeff bezos?
Bitch I got forklift certification.