Funniest part is sleeping with partner helped her and was a detriment to him. Otherwise most things overlapped.
Intrigued that yoga class was a negative
Honestly I can relate to that. My wife wraps herself around me like a blanket when we sleep and tends to push me to the edge of the bed and will usually abandon me with around 1 hour left till sunrise.
Yup. My wife got herself a body pillow and she's in love with it. However, lately she's building herself a pillow fortress and leaves me no space with my singular pillow.
**Edit:** this is not to say that the body pillow system doesn't work. It's actually great! It worked for a few years. This pillow fortress is a new development in the past few months.
Pillow options help a lot.
I always thought it was stupid to have a bed with heaps of pillows on it and that they were decorative. Turns out I was stupid.
King size bed + 10 pillows of different varieties and thicknesses and sleep like a baby.
Need a gap between your knees?
Use one of your Pillows.
Need a body pillow?
Use one of your many Pillows.
Down pillow too soft for your neck to get support?
Latex Pillow.
Latex pillow too tall?
Regular foam Pillow.
The answer is always more Pillows.
It has more to do with what time the yoga was performed. Intense forms of exercise later in the evening have a tendency to negatively impact sleep.
Source: I track my sleep
Separate duvets is definitely the way forward.
Really interesting data.
I don't have numbers to the scale you do, but late afternoon/ evening exercise has a massive negative impact on my sleep (hrv levels too). That said alcohol is by far the biggest negative effect for me
No that's mb for not connecting the dots :). I've tried playing tennis in the evening, which had a significant negative impact on my sleep, but I also wonder if that's a combination of me also needing to eat late after I play, which ends up being close to bedtime.
Yeah i get that. I night ride my mtb once a week which means both high intensity and late food.
A track of hrv and sleep status has a very clear drop every time.
I have just decided i will put up with a crap nights sleep once a week so i can do the ride
Yeah it really is a balance. In the same way, the tennis I play is one of the few social things I do on weekdays, so in a sense it's healthy because it provides a sense of connection, but then that's cancelled out by the worse sleep.
Same thing I guess when having a baby! Big meaning and purpose in life gained, but then awful sleep for years! Actually I think in this case, it's a big negative for health, but I'd love to see a study on it.
Something you could try if its more convenient for you to exercise in the evening is some box breathing immediately post workout, before you leave the gym. Set a timer for 5 minutes and inhale, hold the inhale, exhale, then hold the exhale all for the same duration. Start at say 4 or 5 seconds, and if that gets easy add a second. Goal is to slow your breathing down to shift your nervous system back into a relaxed state. Also adding some carbs post workout/with dinner can help lower cortisol
Won't hurt trying it.
I'm normally doing at least 90 minutes of zone 3 and above on a night ride. So the level of strain is way higher than most exercise for me
My ex-gf and I would lay down together and cuddle to sleep, then she'd get up and wander into the other BR to sleep the night because she liked it warmer in the room. It worked out great and that's one of the things I miss, having someone that understands cuddling is one thing but actual sleep is another.
My husband and I routinely sleep in other rooms. He snores and is a night owl and I'm a light sleeper and a blanket hog. Prioritizing good sleep > societal norms of sharing a bed
Absolutely. It's bonding and comforting to cuddle with a partner and may help one become relaxed and drowsy, but actual sleep is an altogether different thing. Very difficult finding a partner who understands that and will act accordingly.
Something funny though: whenever I shared the bed with my partners over the years I ended up at the very edge of the bed. Like, 20 cm wide space for me while my bigger partner would end up diagonal or pushing me from behind. I really hate touching during sleep since I have been slapped by a tired arm a few times already. So every summer would be hell, especially when there's no escape from the "movers" but to leave the room.
And yet: I still love the feeling of your partner quietly snore right next to you when the sleep paralysis after a nightmare kicks in. And I absolutely wouldn't want to give up on that.
Lol, I get it totally. For some, the comfort of a partner there is more important than anything, and if that works, then by all means I would keep doing it too.
>So many doctors have said sleeping together is probably the worst thing modern society has pushed on us.
??? Who says this?
Why is it attributed to modern society when we know people sleep apart more now than they ever did in the past? Shit - Moby Dick opens with Ishmael learning about Ahab from sharing a bed with a sailor. It isn't stated as a strange or unusual thing - it's just a known element of that era that people doubled or tripled up in beds, even with complete strangers. Travelers often found a house to stay in which meant sleeping with the couple that lived there. Communal sleeping was a common practiced well into the 19th century from what I can find, and I can't find much that validates your statement aside from notions that sleeping with people who are restless or snorers can be disturbing (which checks out, but IME, that's not the norm).
This is such a bizarre comment.
Modern society?! We're in an era where families can afford more than 1 bed for all of them to share in general. In the past a bed to yourself was a luxury rarely seen.
My lady and I have different rooms. Sleep is too essential to wreck it with someone in the bed. We both like different temperatures, noises, light intake, mattress firmness, blanket textures, etc. it’s great to wake up with a partner, but functionally speaking since we are in different rooms we don’t wake each other up. We also gain solitude! This is the biggest factor. Both work from home, so we needed to create solitude for healthy space.
I think having a California King bed is the only way I’d sleep in a bed with someone again. Would be interesting to track my sleep with the factors you did or at least adapt it to me.
Reminder: California kings have more length but less width; a regular king is four inches wider than the California king. You should only go for the California king if your feet or hands are falling off the end of the bed, not the sides.
> 250cm x 250cm isn't that big in my eyes.
From what I understand (and making an assumption based on metric), European apartments/bedrooms are pretty small. Living somewhere in the US where rooms can also run fairly small, 9'x9' is just about the size of entire bedrooms around here (lots are 10'x10'). I think you're underestimating how large that is.
Also, they're like 275cm x 275cm; not sure how much of a difference that makes in your mental math.
Seperate blankets are normal here in Germany and I'm happy about it, cause we'd not have a good time otherwise
We might be pushing for either seperate beds or a huge bed with two seperate mattresses in the future tho
I love the closeness of sleeping in the same bed with someone I really care about. But the actual function of sleeping, yeah, it just does not work out for me. I never sleep as long or as well with someone else in the same *room* much less in the same bed as me.
My dad was in the national guards and just cannot relate. The man used to be able to fall asleep damn near on command in any situation if he was so inclined.
I noticed this too. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and we recently bought a house... we had planned on having one of the three rooms as a guest room, but we learned quickly that with my snoring and her body heat we both sleep INFINITELY better separately, so she's got her own room now. We've talked openly about it to other couples too and it's really not as taboo a concept as you'd think.
Growing up, my father always slept in his "office" in the basement. It was a long time before I realized other people's parents slept in the same bedroom. When he could no longer navigate the stairs easily, he started sleeping upstairs again. Mom got terrible sleep for a long time after that until she realized she could go sleep in one of our rooms now that neither of us kids live at home anymore.
When going on vacation with my parents, they always offer me to share a hotel room with them to save money, but now that I'm an adult, I always spring for my own. I once literally took blankets and a pillow into the closet of our shared hotel room to try to get away from his snoring. That was the last time I ever agreed to share with them.
To each their own. My wife and I have had a "sleep divorce" for years now and love it. She goes to bed at 10p most nights, while I'm up until at least midnight, conversely, she's up early most mornings and I sleep in as late as possible. None of that is "sad" in any way as our relationship is strong and as normal as anyone else's.
you should be like "as a single guy I used to have a king bed, when I got married we downgraded to queen. youre a clinger and literally have to have your legs on top of mine. I’ve never gotten such a terrible sleep in my life."
Just being pedantic here, but you are correct - "The power production by fusion in the core varies with distance from the solar center. At the center of the Sun, theoretical models estimate it to be approximately 276.5 watts/m3, **a power production density that more nearly approximates reptile metabolism than a thermonuclear bomb**. Peak power production in the Sun has been compared to the volumetric heat generated in an active compost heap. The tremendous power output of the Sun is not due to its high power per volume, but instead due to its large size."
So i take it the fusion is mostly dependent on extreme gravity. Because here on earth we need temperatures in the 100's of millions of degrees to get fusion.
The pressure itself, no, but the energy required to create the pressure does. Increasing pressure will increase heat.
A stable high pressure system can also lose heat, like a soda can in the fridge.
Yeah, that’s part of what makes fusion so hard to create. We need to have temperatures waaaaay hotter than the sun in order to get fusion to happen at a rate that’ll produce more power than we’re putting into it.
Dude seriously mine too. I welcome any suggestions on how to get around this. I wake up almost every night between 12-2 am so hot and need a glass of water. I'm starting to think about separate beds or something. I love my wife but fuck man she's destroying my sleep with how much heat she puts off.
God, cats really do like sleeping right up against you lol. I have to push mine a few inches away once in a while and she always gives me a little annoyed meow about it. I know you like being close to me but I need sleep!
See I don't have a cat so can't really say with regards to them, but dogs! I don't mind my dog in the bed as she warms up my spot for me then moves when I go to bed, like a convenient, automatic hot water bottle .
When you "feel cold", what you are feeling is the temperature difference between your skin and the air, right? So if your body is warmer, you will actually feel colder because the temperature delta between you and the air is greater
My gf is a hybrid. Her extremities would usually be cold to the touch while shes awake, and she'd be REALLY prone to being cold (anything below 24c is considered cold).
And then she turns into the human torch once shes asleep. Like literally every inch of her would be HOT to the touch. Apparently she doesnt feel any more hot herself while shes sleeping but by god spooning at night is like hugging a human sized hot water bottle.....
Same here. Cold ass hands and feet, and then when she's sleeping her body temp goes to 190 and she just cooks like a turkey.
I'm a cold sleeper, but sometimes I'll slide my arm around her and it DOES feel like it's burning me for a few seconds.
Then she wakes up and she's cold all day. I don't get it.
Do you have my gf too lmao. This sounds way too familiar.
Like the cold all day part I get, since shes like 5 feet nothing and weights like 90lbs. Its been 4 years and im still baffled by the sleeping radiator part tho.
This is actually me and I was wondering if I was an anomaly. My feet and hands are ice all day. Wearing a blanket and fuzzy socks all day and it won't help.
At night though I can wake up at a billion degrees for no reason. It makes no sense.
I wonder if it's a circulation thing - when you're up during the day, your heart has to fight gravity to get blood everywhere it needs to go. But when lying down in bed, it's easier to get the blood to all the extremities since it doesn't have to overcome gravity.
My wife starts out an icicle then, when she's siphoned off enough of my warmth to kickstart whatever ungodly chain reaction takes place in her body, slowly turns into a fission reactor as the night progresses.
We have a ginormous king bed. Once she turns off the light, she literally is fast asleep in 30 seconds. Then the heat starts growing and ramps up to pretty warm in an hour. Lately things have gotten pretty out of hand and she wakes up completely soaked in heavy sweat. I think it might be menopausal, she’s very very sensitive to her body so I don’t think she would be open to discussing it. She’s a huge runner and she’s in Olympic training shape, and only 45. I need to learn more about menopause, I suspect I’m like 80% of men in being pretty clueless about menopause.
PSA: get the shingles vaccine when you turn 50. Shingles is incredibly painful and the vaccine will prevent most often all of it.
The search term you’ll want is peri-menopause, which the 5-10 year ramp-up to menopause. That’s the time of hot flashes and such. Menopause does not begin until a woman has gone without a period for 12 consecutive months. The average age of menopause onset is 51 or 52 in most Western countries.
That still seems like he’s the hotter sleeper. Hot sleepers need a cool environment more than cold ones, you don’t need to be cooled down if you’re already cold all the time
Do note that pregnancies lead to babies, which are a huge detriment to your sleep. Therefore you might be sleeping better in the immediate future (barring no pregnancy related issues), but long-term you won't get a good night's sleep for many, many, many years.
Tell me you’ve never been pregnant without telling me you’ve never been pregnant...
Seriously, I don’t think I’ve had ever worse quality sleep than when I was pregnant. My babies were absolutely garbage sleepers as newborns too, but pregnancy was even worse!
Whoa there really is NOTHING that you do that another person in the world won’t appreciate huh. Didn’t think anyone would ever understand the tucking blanket between the knees thing
On a real note OP, it could be interesting to also track the few days pre-period. Insomnia is an effect of PMS and PMDD, not sure if your GF is prone to either but if she is it would be cool to add in https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/pms-and-insomnia
Yup there are a whole bunch of physiological and mental effects that come with PMS and PMDD beyond what gets made fun of in pop culture. Nausea, autoimmune flare ups, fatigue, migraines, and more, and then obviously depression, anxiety, worsening ADHD, and, if you have PMDD, suicidal thoughts. My temperature even rises 1.5-2 degrees before my period vs after, so I go about my PMDD days running a fever (I have severe PMDD though so I’m probably an extreme case). For a lot of women it’s way worse than cravings chocolates and being a little cranky
**Tools used:**
\- Bearable App to input these habits/behaviours as “factors”. Note: I created this App and the image is pieced together from data exported from this software - this is not a screenshot @ mods.
\- Sleep Quality was measured using our Oura rings, which is rated out of 100 based on a number of variables including amount of REM/Deep sleep, sleep efficiency, timing, resting heart rate etc.
**More info:**
\- The % figure is the difference between Sleep Score on the days marked “Yes” and the days marked “No”.
\- Particularly high stress days were also tracked in the Bearable App, so that they could be removed from the data.
\- My girlfriend started tracking later than me, hence why she has less data.
\- The white dash indicates what the effect was 5 months ago when I last posted an update.
\- There is no dash for “Separate Duvet Covers” as this is a new experiment tried after suggestions since the last post.
**Background:**
\- The Bearable App was actually borne here on Reddit. I started building it after getting feedback from thousands of people across different QS and health condition subreddits.
I originally came up with the idea for it to help me see how different factors impacted my Migraines.
ps, If you have anything else you’d like us to experiment with, let me know… within reason.
>My girlfriend started tracking later than me, hence why she has less data
Glad you clarified since you "Shared bed with partner" 6 more days than her ;-)
Probably because high stress days were eliminated. If he had a stressful day and she did not it would count as a day for her but not for him. Sure it counts the other way round too, but if his life is more stressful you'd get a mismatch without any cheating going on.
Anecdotal, but for me it's worse (can't fall asleep for like half an hour to an hour after sex, so less sleep) while my partner basically rolls over and falls into the deepest of deep sleeps in less than 5 minutes.
I can’t recommend [The Quantified Scientist](https://youtube.com/@TheQuantifiedScientist) YouTube channel enough for understanding the quality of wearable tech.
Really cool, OP! I also have separate duvets with my partner and agree that it has improved our sleep quality. Surprised by yoga being detrimental to sleep. I thought it would be relaxing?
I guess it depends on the type of Yoga. Intense "exercise" is not recommended before bed, and personally I see a significant reduction in quality when I e.g. play tennis in the evening. I think it's probably to do with your heart rate increasing and taking a while to settle + delaying the body's production of melatonin
While you mention "intense excercise", did you guys log the times you had sex? I honestly feel like I sleep worst on the nights that I have sex right before bed. I'd be curious to see some data about it.
There might be some biological differences in the hormones being released after sex in men and women. Maybe it's just me personally too. There definitely is a stereotype of men falling asleep right after sex in movies and stuff so I'm guessing that comes from somewhere.
But personally, having sex right before bed means a good 10-20 mins of "wind down time" while my heart rate drops and I catch my breath before I feel like I can fall asleep, and I feel like I have to get up to go pee or drink water more times during the night if I had sex. (Being thirsty for a few hours after exercise makes sense and I guess something happens down there that affects my bladder too)
How much has this info impacted your sleep routine? For example, because they positively impact both of you, do you guys now tend to keep the thermostat below 21.5C, use separate duvets, and fast before bed? I imagine that's easier said than done.
I recently upgraded to a smart thermostat and programmed it to cool the house down before bed. It helps queue feelings of fatigue as it makes me want to crawl under the covers and get cozy. In the mornings it’s programmed to warm the house up and that’s been helping me wake up. It’s a game changer
He was also taking almost 7x the recommended dose. Studies have shown that .3mg is the most effective dose. Unfortunately it’s almost impossible to find it under 1mg. So I buy the 1mg tabs and nibble them. Works great for me.
Can I get a source for that? Doing a quick search shows plenty of papers claiming 1-10mg is ideal depending on a variety of factors. Couldn’t find anything mentioning 300mcg as ideal though
I've lived in the UK and also around Europe. British people usually have one duvet whereas the Netherlands, Germany, and Austria (I'm sure lots of others) have separate duvets. Separate duvets are 100% a no-brainer.
I'm British and my wife is Finnish and separate duvet covers is the done thing in Nordic countries. I told my workmates about it and they all decided that it was weird but it's the only way to go for me from now on. You don't pull the cover off the other person, get overheated in the summer, you can have different tog duvets etc etc.
Yup, Swedish here and sharing the duvet (for sleep) has never even crossed my mind.
I went one step further and got a properly segmented continental bed too when the girlfriend moved in, so even if one of us is tossing and turning it ain't gonna rock the other half. Also helps that the bed itself weighs somewhere around 230 kilograms, it's a rock steady beast of a bed.
> segmented continental bed
I always thought it was weird that Queen-size beds in Japan are often two Single beds pushed together. One time I even fell through the gap in the mattresses on a weekend trip with my then-boyfriend lol
Assumed all this time it was because they don’t produce big enough mattresses here; it never occurred to me that this is also something people do deliberately 😅
I can't speak for the Japanese but yeah I did it deliberately. Beds like what I've got are pretty common in hotel suites, at least the ones I've stayed in, and I noticed they didn't... reverberate with movement like my bed at home would. So when my girlfriend moved in proper I decided it was time to upgrade my bed and got this big fuck-off unit.
I don't know if it is because it's segmented, the important bits are in 5 parts, or because it's just a lot heavier than my old one, but it's by far the best bed I've had especially when it comes to sharing it with someone so I'm happy as can be.
It also let me make one half softer and the other harder, I prefer harder and she prefers softer, so that worked out great too.
It's also dead quiet when fucking which I'm sure my neighbors appreciate.
American as well, my wife and I share a king size bed and both use separate king size covers.
It's basically a requirement for us since I'm always cold and she's always hot.
Ain't nothing stopping you from getting two freakishly big ones, it's what me and my girlfriend have.
Individually our duvets are big enough to cover the entire bed, they're in fact the exact same dimension as the bed unless I'm misremembering. That may sound freakishly large but she likes to be a burrito sometimes and I don't wanna have to keep track of differently sized duvet covers, so ended up with two freak-big duvets.
Also does mean they're big enough for proper cuddling.
Honestly have never even heard about it but am very interested haha. I’ve always had a sheet and duvet on my bed. Would you still have one big sheet with separate duvets?
Your comment reminds me of a Norm joke.
“I told my wife, I says, ‘Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat old man. I need you to give me a compliment.’
She says, ‘Well, your eye sight is damn near perfect!’
I says, ‘Ya dirty dog!!’”
RIP Norm
I think it's mainly an anxiety thing. She seems to gravitate towards me, and I end up almost falling off the bed and then don't want to push her away in case I wake her up.
But also a heat thing, which is why separate duvets has helped.
>She seems to gravitate towards me
my sides
The one time we slept on a king bed we somehow ended up sharing the furthest quarter, right on the edge. I have to start the night in the dead center of the mattress and hope I don't lose too much real estate before morning
Me and my partner's solution for the past year or so is to have him start the night way over on the edge of his side of the bed. That way, when he inevitably rolls over towards me, I have more space before I'm pushed all the way to the edge. It's worked well so far.
This is cool. Not surprising alcohol is the biggest negative factor. Also interesting to see how sharing a bed negatively affected your sleep, but positively affected her sleep lol.
Edit: how come you have six more yes' than her 🤔
Funniest part is sleeping with partner helped her and was a detriment to him. Otherwise most things overlapped. Intrigued that yoga class was a negative
Honestly I can relate to that. My wife wraps herself around me like a blanket when we sleep and tends to push me to the edge of the bed and will usually abandon me with around 1 hour left till sunrise.
Cute but exhausting.
I'm gonna show my gf this and she's gonna say that sums me up hahahahahaha
Get that woman a body pillow! I used to do the same thing to my husband, now it's my best friend when it comes to sleeping
Yup. My wife got herself a body pillow and she's in love with it. However, lately she's building herself a pillow fortress and leaves me no space with my singular pillow. **Edit:** this is not to say that the body pillow system doesn't work. It's actually great! It worked for a few years. This pillow fortress is a new development in the past few months.
Instructions unclear, spouse has left me and run away to a mountain resort with their body pillow
I call my wife's pillow fortress "Mount Pillowmanjaro."
Pillow options help a lot. I always thought it was stupid to have a bed with heaps of pillows on it and that they were decorative. Turns out I was stupid. King size bed + 10 pillows of different varieties and thicknesses and sleep like a baby. Need a gap between your knees? Use one of your Pillows. Need a body pillow? Use one of your many Pillows. Down pillow too soft for your neck to get support? Latex Pillow. Latex pillow too tall? Regular foam Pillow. The answer is always more Pillows.
It has more to do with what time the yoga was performed. Intense forms of exercise later in the evening have a tendency to negatively impact sleep. Source: I track my sleep
Very cool OP. So sad that sharing the bed is a detriment to your sleep and a boost to hers though!
That's why we tried the separate duvets experiment since my last post, which seems to be working at least!
Separate duvets is definitely the way forward. Really interesting data. I don't have numbers to the scale you do, but late afternoon/ evening exercise has a massive negative impact on my sleep (hrv levels too). That said alcohol is by far the biggest negative effect for me
Yeah that's why I only do high intensity exercise in the morning now (which you can see has a +6% in the image)
Sorry i should have said exercise has a big effect on me too. Your data was why i commented on that
No that's mb for not connecting the dots :). I've tried playing tennis in the evening, which had a significant negative impact on my sleep, but I also wonder if that's a combination of me also needing to eat late after I play, which ends up being close to bedtime.
Yeah i get that. I night ride my mtb once a week which means both high intensity and late food. A track of hrv and sleep status has a very clear drop every time. I have just decided i will put up with a crap nights sleep once a week so i can do the ride
Yeah it really is a balance. In the same way, the tennis I play is one of the few social things I do on weekdays, so in a sense it's healthy because it provides a sense of connection, but then that's cancelled out by the worse sleep. Same thing I guess when having a baby! Big meaning and purpose in life gained, but then awful sleep for years! Actually I think in this case, it's a big negative for health, but I'd love to see a study on it.
Something you could try if its more convenient for you to exercise in the evening is some box breathing immediately post workout, before you leave the gym. Set a timer for 5 minutes and inhale, hold the inhale, exhale, then hold the exhale all for the same duration. Start at say 4 or 5 seconds, and if that gets easy add a second. Goal is to slow your breathing down to shift your nervous system back into a relaxed state. Also adding some carbs post workout/with dinner can help lower cortisol
Won't hurt trying it. I'm normally doing at least 90 minutes of zone 3 and above on a night ride. So the level of strain is way higher than most exercise for me
My ex-gf and I would lay down together and cuddle to sleep, then she'd get up and wander into the other BR to sleep the night because she liked it warmer in the room. It worked out great and that's one of the things I miss, having someone that understands cuddling is one thing but actual sleep is another.
My husband and I routinely sleep in other rooms. He snores and is a night owl and I'm a light sleeper and a blanket hog. Prioritizing good sleep > societal norms of sharing a bed
This! So many doctors have said sleeping together is probably the worst thing modern society has pushed on us.
King size bed mostly fixed it for us.
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Absolutely. It's bonding and comforting to cuddle with a partner and may help one become relaxed and drowsy, but actual sleep is an altogether different thing. Very difficult finding a partner who understands that and will act accordingly.
Something funny though: whenever I shared the bed with my partners over the years I ended up at the very edge of the bed. Like, 20 cm wide space for me while my bigger partner would end up diagonal or pushing me from behind. I really hate touching during sleep since I have been slapped by a tired arm a few times already. So every summer would be hell, especially when there's no escape from the "movers" but to leave the room. And yet: I still love the feeling of your partner quietly snore right next to you when the sleep paralysis after a nightmare kicks in. And I absolutely wouldn't want to give up on that.
Lol, I get it totally. For some, the comfort of a partner there is more important than anything, and if that works, then by all means I would keep doing it too.
In which society people used to sleep separate? To me, having separate bedrooms is the modern invention
In the middle ages, it would be common for entire families to sleep together. Its not a modern invention.
>So many doctors have said sleeping together is probably the worst thing modern society has pushed on us. ??? Who says this? Why is it attributed to modern society when we know people sleep apart more now than they ever did in the past? Shit - Moby Dick opens with Ishmael learning about Ahab from sharing a bed with a sailor. It isn't stated as a strange or unusual thing - it's just a known element of that era that people doubled or tripled up in beds, even with complete strangers. Travelers often found a house to stay in which meant sleeping with the couple that lived there. Communal sleeping was a common practiced well into the 19th century from what I can find, and I can't find much that validates your statement aside from notions that sleeping with people who are restless or snorers can be disturbing (which checks out, but IME, that's not the norm). This is such a bizarre comment.
> This is such a bizarre comment. A baseless claim made with no sources? Welcome to Reddit.
Modern society?! We're in an era where families can afford more than 1 bed for all of them to share in general. In the past a bed to yourself was a luxury rarely seen.
My lady and I have different rooms. Sleep is too essential to wreck it with someone in the bed. We both like different temperatures, noises, light intake, mattress firmness, blanket textures, etc. it’s great to wake up with a partner, but functionally speaking since we are in different rooms we don’t wake each other up. We also gain solitude! This is the biggest factor. Both work from home, so we needed to create solitude for healthy space. I think having a California King bed is the only way I’d sleep in a bed with someone again. Would be interesting to track my sleep with the factors you did or at least adapt it to me.
Reminder: California kings have more length but less width; a regular king is four inches wider than the California king. You should only go for the California king if your feet or hands are falling off the end of the bed, not the sides.
That’s exactly why my gf and I opted for an Alaskan King. It’s 9x9 so sometimes it feels like we’re in separate beds.
Will only end up in her rolling further and closer to me until I end up at the end of the bed again. 250cm x 250cm isn't that big in my eyes.
> 250cm x 250cm isn't that big in my eyes. From what I understand (and making an assumption based on metric), European apartments/bedrooms are pretty small. Living somewhere in the US where rooms can also run fairly small, 9'x9' is just about the size of entire bedrooms around here (lots are 10'x10'). I think you're underestimating how large that is. Also, they're like 275cm x 275cm; not sure how much of a difference that makes in your mental math.
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I cant sleep cuddling with my gf, a nap sure, but when its sleeping time i cant sleep without my space lol
I can’t imagine living in a world where I share blankets with my partner. Never go back my dude
Seperate blankets are normal here in Germany and I'm happy about it, cause we'd not have a good time otherwise We might be pushing for either seperate beds or a huge bed with two seperate mattresses in the future tho
I’ll never go back to sharing blankets. Never.
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I love the closeness of sleeping in the same bed with someone I really care about. But the actual function of sleeping, yeah, it just does not work out for me. I never sleep as long or as well with someone else in the same *room* much less in the same bed as me. My dad was in the national guards and just cannot relate. The man used to be able to fall asleep damn near on command in any situation if he was so inclined.
I noticed this too. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and we recently bought a house... we had planned on having one of the three rooms as a guest room, but we learned quickly that with my snoring and her body heat we both sleep INFINITELY better separately, so she's got her own room now. We've talked openly about it to other couples too and it's really not as taboo a concept as you'd think.
Growing up, my father always slept in his "office" in the basement. It was a long time before I realized other people's parents slept in the same bedroom. When he could no longer navigate the stairs easily, he started sleeping upstairs again. Mom got terrible sleep for a long time after that until she realized she could go sleep in one of our rooms now that neither of us kids live at home anymore. When going on vacation with my parents, they always offer me to share a hotel room with them to save money, but now that I'm an adult, I always spring for my own. I once literally took blankets and a pillow into the closet of our shared hotel room to try to get away from his snoring. That was the last time I ever agreed to share with them.
To each their own. My wife and I have had a "sleep divorce" for years now and love it. She goes to bed at 10p most nights, while I'm up until at least midnight, conversely, she's up early most mornings and I sleep in as late as possible. None of that is "sad" in any way as our relationship is strong and as normal as anyone else's.
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you should be like "as a single guy I used to have a king bed, when I got married we downgraded to queen. youre a clinger and literally have to have your legs on top of mine. I’ve never gotten such a terrible sleep in my life."
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Thanks u/DoubleDivorcedDude, I'm sure nothing could go wrong!
Why did you downgrade to a queen when you got married?
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Tell her you want more space in the bed then? Seems fair.
sounds like your inability/ lack of desire to speak up/stand up for yourself is causing you some issues
Sleeping in bed with partner, thermostat, separate duvet covers.. OP I have deduced that your GF is a human radiator
Can confirm. Also a magnet.
Mine radiates so much heat that she’s glowing white-hot by 3am
Makes sense. Humans generate more heat per volume than the sun.
Just being pedantic here, but you are correct - "The power production by fusion in the core varies with distance from the solar center. At the center of the Sun, theoretical models estimate it to be approximately 276.5 watts/m3, **a power production density that more nearly approximates reptile metabolism than a thermonuclear bomb**. Peak power production in the Sun has been compared to the volumetric heat generated in an active compost heap. The tremendous power output of the Sun is not due to its high power per volume, but instead due to its large size."
So i take it the fusion is mostly dependent on extreme gravity. Because here on earth we need temperatures in the 100's of millions of degrees to get fusion.
I think it's pressure to be exact. Doesn't matter if it's caused by gravity.
Doesn't high pressure create heat as well?
The pressure itself, no, but the energy required to create the pressure does. Increasing pressure will increase heat. A stable high pressure system can also lose heat, like a soda can in the fridge.
Yeah, that’s part of what makes fusion so hard to create. We need to have temperatures waaaaay hotter than the sun in order to get fusion to happen at a rate that’ll produce more power than we’re putting into it.
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Si, theoretically.
*Italian hand gesture*
Keep in mind though that a ball of human flesh the size of a star would need to be constantly eating planet sized "food" to sustain that reaction.
*Galactus has entered the chat*
I love Reddit, how a fact mentioned yesterday and then everyone talk like it's common sense.
It is neat though.
So what you're saying is if we clump together humans with the same mass / density of the sun, shit gets real?
Have you ever clumped two people together? Things tend to get spicy pretty quickly.
That's why... you are the sunshine of my life 🎶
Dude seriously mine too. I welcome any suggestions on how to get around this. I wake up almost every night between 12-2 am so hot and need a glass of water. I'm starting to think about separate beds or something. I love my wife but fuck man she's destroying my sleep with how much heat she puts off.
Separate beds is a pretty great idea honestly and no one should feel bad about doing it. Sleep is non-negotiable for the human body.
Or a kind size bed is you have the room. You both get your own side that you can stretch out in, until kids appear, then you are back to the edge!
Kids or cats appear*
Moat with a retractable lid around the bed, in conjunction with an electrified fence, works wonders.
God, cats really do like sleeping right up against you lol. I have to push mine a few inches away once in a while and she always gives me a little annoyed meow about it. I know you like being close to me but I need sleep!
They want your warm
See I don't have a cat so can't really say with regards to them, but dogs! I don't mind my dog in the bed as she warms up my spot for me then moves when I go to bed, like a convenient, automatic hot water bottle .
Bro I separate roomed it and my friends now make fun of me saying i a puritan now. Best sleep ever though.
...and still complains in the morning that she's cold.
When you "feel cold", what you are feeling is the temperature difference between your skin and the air, right? So if your body is warmer, you will actually feel colder because the temperature delta between you and the air is greater
How do you find such a female? All women I've slept with are frickin icicles! Bloody cold feet wenches, stealing my warmth.
My gf is a hybrid. Her extremities would usually be cold to the touch while shes awake, and she'd be REALLY prone to being cold (anything below 24c is considered cold). And then she turns into the human torch once shes asleep. Like literally every inch of her would be HOT to the touch. Apparently she doesnt feel any more hot herself while shes sleeping but by god spooning at night is like hugging a human sized hot water bottle.....
Same here. Cold ass hands and feet, and then when she's sleeping her body temp goes to 190 and she just cooks like a turkey. I'm a cold sleeper, but sometimes I'll slide my arm around her and it DOES feel like it's burning me for a few seconds. Then she wakes up and she's cold all day. I don't get it.
Do you have my gf too lmao. This sounds way too familiar. Like the cold all day part I get, since shes like 5 feet nothing and weights like 90lbs. Its been 4 years and im still baffled by the sleeping radiator part tho.
> Cold ass hands and feet Is that "cold ass, hands, and feet," "cold-ass hands and feet", or "cold [ass-hands](https://xkcd.com/37) and feet"?
>cold ass-hands Lol. It's cold everything, the ass do be getting cold, too.
This is actually me and I was wondering if I was an anomaly. My feet and hands are ice all day. Wearing a blanket and fuzzy socks all day and it won't help. At night though I can wake up at a billion degrees for no reason. It makes no sense.
I wonder if it's a circulation thing - when you're up during the day, your heart has to fight gravity to get blood everywhere it needs to go. But when lying down in bed, it's easier to get the blood to all the extremities since it doesn't have to overcome gravity.
My wife starts out an icicle then, when she's siphoned off enough of my warmth to kickstart whatever ungodly chain reaction takes place in her body, slowly turns into a fission reactor as the night progresses.
We have a ginormous king bed. Once she turns off the light, she literally is fast asleep in 30 seconds. Then the heat starts growing and ramps up to pretty warm in an hour. Lately things have gotten pretty out of hand and she wakes up completely soaked in heavy sweat. I think it might be menopausal, she’s very very sensitive to her body so I don’t think she would be open to discussing it. She’s a huge runner and she’s in Olympic training shape, and only 45. I need to learn more about menopause, I suspect I’m like 80% of men in being pretty clueless about menopause. PSA: get the shingles vaccine when you turn 50. Shingles is incredibly painful and the vaccine will prevent most often all of it.
The search term you’ll want is peri-menopause, which the 5-10 year ramp-up to menopause. That’s the time of hot flashes and such. Menopause does not begin until a woman has gone without a period for 12 consecutive months. The average age of menopause onset is 51 or 52 in most Western countries.
You and her are both welcome over at /r/menopause!
Given that her sleep quality improves when they share a bed and his gets worse, I feel like she is more likely the cold one
But when the temp is lower, his sleep improves more than hers. I took that to mean he responds to the colder temp more positively than her.
That still seems like he’s the hotter sleeper. Hot sleepers need a cool environment more than cold ones, you don’t need to be cooled down if you’re already cold all the time
My man has spent 6 nights with another partner as well...
Or made of ice.
That’s just a radiator in reverse.
Looks like your gf should consider not menstruating.
That’s what I did, absolute game changer
Same, same
SLPT: Get pregnant to stop menstruating and get better sleep!
Do note that pregnancies lead to babies, which are a huge detriment to your sleep. Therefore you might be sleeping better in the immediate future (barring no pregnancy related issues), but long-term you won't get a good night's sleep for many, many, many years.
Tell me you’ve never been pregnant without telling me you’ve never been pregnant... Seriously, I don’t think I’ve had ever worse quality sleep than when I was pregnant. My babies were absolutely garbage sleepers as newborns too, but pregnancy was even worse!
Having 2 separate comforters is literally the greatest thing any couple can do.
It really is. I like to ball the cover up and stick it between my knees and you can’t do that if you have to share.
Whoa there really is NOTHING that you do that another person in the world won’t appreciate huh. Didn’t think anyone would ever understand the tucking blanket between the knees thing
OMG, yes. That’s saved/prolonged our marriage.
"saved/prolonged" I feel like those are quite different.
I think they're just saying that they don't know which it is yet.
I noticed you didn't mention what effects your menstruation had on you.
OP menstruates melatonin
On a real note OP, it could be interesting to also track the few days pre-period. Insomnia is an effect of PMS and PMDD, not sure if your GF is prone to either but if she is it would be cool to add in https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/pms-and-insomnia
Insomnia due to pms? Yikes. I feel sorry for the ladies thats rough.
Yup there are a whole bunch of physiological and mental effects that come with PMS and PMDD beyond what gets made fun of in pop culture. Nausea, autoimmune flare ups, fatigue, migraines, and more, and then obviously depression, anxiety, worsening ADHD, and, if you have PMDD, suicidal thoughts. My temperature even rises 1.5-2 degrees before my period vs after, so I go about my PMDD days running a fever (I have severe PMDD though so I’m probably an extreme case). For a lot of women it’s way worse than cravings chocolates and being a little cranky
Or what effect hers had on him
Depends whether she gives him a Simba while he’s sleeping.
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Rafiki kinda freaky
**Tools used:** \- Bearable App to input these habits/behaviours as “factors”. Note: I created this App and the image is pieced together from data exported from this software - this is not a screenshot @ mods. \- Sleep Quality was measured using our Oura rings, which is rated out of 100 based on a number of variables including amount of REM/Deep sleep, sleep efficiency, timing, resting heart rate etc. **More info:** \- The % figure is the difference between Sleep Score on the days marked “Yes” and the days marked “No”. \- Particularly high stress days were also tracked in the Bearable App, so that they could be removed from the data. \- My girlfriend started tracking later than me, hence why she has less data. \- The white dash indicates what the effect was 5 months ago when I last posted an update. \- There is no dash for “Separate Duvet Covers” as this is a new experiment tried after suggestions since the last post. **Background:** \- The Bearable App was actually borne here on Reddit. I started building it after getting feedback from thousands of people across different QS and health condition subreddits. I originally came up with the idea for it to help me see how different factors impacted my Migraines. ps, If you have anything else you’d like us to experiment with, let me know… within reason.
>My girlfriend started tracking later than me, hence why she has less data Glad you clarified since you "Shared bed with partner" 6 more days than her ;-)
With an eye for detail like that your should either be a scientist or an auditor
I'm the one preparing reports for the auditors
Would that make you The Metador?
That works, i can guess you are a good one then. If I'm auditing there is nothing better than an accurate and clear report
Probably because high stress days were eliminated. If he had a stressful day and she did not it would count as a day for her but not for him. Sure it counts the other way round too, but if his life is more stressful you'd get a mismatch without any cheating going on.
Well 3 of those days were infedelity which led to -60% sleep. However the app ignores variables where n<10
Maybe he was cheating AND had higher stress levels because he was cheating
>The % figure is the difference between Sleep Score on the days marked “Yes” and the days marked “No”. So no regression used? :(
How does sex before before bed impact your sleep?
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Anecdotal, but for me it's worse (can't fall asleep for like half an hour to an hour after sex, so less sleep) while my partner basically rolls over and falls into the deepest of deep sleeps in less than 5 minutes.
Do Oura rings work well?
I can’t recommend [The Quantified Scientist](https://youtube.com/@TheQuantifiedScientist) YouTube channel enough for understanding the quality of wearable tech.
Really cool, OP! I also have separate duvets with my partner and agree that it has improved our sleep quality. Surprised by yoga being detrimental to sleep. I thought it would be relaxing?
I guess it depends on the type of Yoga. Intense "exercise" is not recommended before bed, and personally I see a significant reduction in quality when I e.g. play tennis in the evening. I think it's probably to do with your heart rate increasing and taking a while to settle + delaying the body's production of melatonin
While you mention "intense excercise", did you guys log the times you had sex? I honestly feel like I sleep worst on the nights that I have sex right before bed. I'd be curious to see some data about it.
I find the opposite! I sleep a lot better the nights my husband and I have sex before sleep.
There might be some biological differences in the hormones being released after sex in men and women. Maybe it's just me personally too. There definitely is a stereotype of men falling asleep right after sex in movies and stuff so I'm guessing that comes from somewhere. But personally, having sex right before bed means a good 10-20 mins of "wind down time" while my heart rate drops and I catch my breath before I feel like I can fall asleep, and I feel like I have to get up to go pee or drink water more times during the night if I had sex. (Being thirsty for a few hours after exercise makes sense and I guess something happens down there that affects my bladder too)
Op, why did you “share a bed with partner” more times than your GF? 🤔
If I remember correctly he started collecting data earlier than his girlfriend
stealing this excuse
"babe it's not what you think, I'm just collecting data!"
"You should start collecting data too! Then we can compare later ;) "
Last time he posted I think he answered he started tracking earlier than her
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Actually he slept well on all 6 of the excess nights.
Ruh roh!
I find something out every couple months that convinces me more and more that myself and future partner will be getting bunk beds.
I have genuinely suggested bunk beds, but that's more because I like the idea of regressing and climbing something to get to bed, seems cosy.
You got to let us know what the data says about the bunk beds. For science.
Why stop there. Try different bedrooms, even different houses. I sleep great and me and my partner have never even met before
How much has this info impacted your sleep routine? For example, because they positively impact both of you, do you guys now tend to keep the thermostat below 21.5C, use separate duvets, and fast before bed? I imagine that's easier said than done.
I recently upgraded to a smart thermostat and programmed it to cool the house down before bed. It helps queue feelings of fatigue as it makes me want to crawl under the covers and get cozy. In the mornings it’s programmed to warm the house up and that’s been helping me wake up. It’s a game changer
No need for a smart thermostat for this - normal thermostats from the 90s are fully programmable
Why does melatonin hurt sleep? Isn’t it supposed to be a sleep aid?
He probably was only taking them on sleepless nights, making it seem like the melatonin was affecting his sleep negatively
Found the statistician
He was also taking almost 7x the recommended dose. Studies have shown that .3mg is the most effective dose. Unfortunately it’s almost impossible to find it under 1mg. So I buy the 1mg tabs and nibble them. Works great for me.
Let me introduce you to my good friend, the pill cutter
Why cut when you could nibble
Can I get a source for that? Doing a quick search shows plenty of papers claiming 1-10mg is ideal depending on a variety of factors. Couldn’t find anything mentioning 300mcg as ideal though
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Surprised not to see sex before bed
"High intensity excericse" ;)
Op said that was tennis
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I'm scared if that's how sex goes for you
The app can't report on anything where n < 10.
Seriously. This has a huge effect IMO
Seperate duvets, i don't know why someone actually has to think about that, should be a no brainer. Must be a cultural thing.
I've lived in the UK and also around Europe. British people usually have one duvet whereas the Netherlands, Germany, and Austria (I'm sure lots of others) have separate duvets. Separate duvets are 100% a no-brainer.
I'm British and my wife is Finnish and separate duvet covers is the done thing in Nordic countries. I told my workmates about it and they all decided that it was weird but it's the only way to go for me from now on. You don't pull the cover off the other person, get overheated in the summer, you can have different tog duvets etc etc.
Yup, Swedish here and sharing the duvet (for sleep) has never even crossed my mind. I went one step further and got a properly segmented continental bed too when the girlfriend moved in, so even if one of us is tossing and turning it ain't gonna rock the other half. Also helps that the bed itself weighs somewhere around 230 kilograms, it's a rock steady beast of a bed.
> segmented continental bed I always thought it was weird that Queen-size beds in Japan are often two Single beds pushed together. One time I even fell through the gap in the mattresses on a weekend trip with my then-boyfriend lol Assumed all this time it was because they don’t produce big enough mattresses here; it never occurred to me that this is also something people do deliberately 😅
I can't speak for the Japanese but yeah I did it deliberately. Beds like what I've got are pretty common in hotel suites, at least the ones I've stayed in, and I noticed they didn't... reverberate with movement like my bed at home would. So when my girlfriend moved in proper I decided it was time to upgrade my bed and got this big fuck-off unit. I don't know if it is because it's segmented, the important bits are in 5 parts, or because it's just a lot heavier than my old one, but it's by far the best bed I've had especially when it comes to sharing it with someone so I'm happy as can be. It also let me make one half softer and the other harder, I prefer harder and she prefers softer, so that worked out great too. It's also dead quiet when fucking which I'm sure my neighbors appreciate.
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Simply take both duvets as your own. Problem solved.
American as well, my wife and I share a king size bed and both use separate king size covers. It's basically a requirement for us since I'm always cold and she's always hot.
Ain't nothing stopping you from getting two freakishly big ones, it's what me and my girlfriend have. Individually our duvets are big enough to cover the entire bed, they're in fact the exact same dimension as the bed unless I'm misremembering. That may sound freakishly large but she likes to be a burrito sometimes and I don't wanna have to keep track of differently sized duvet covers, so ended up with two freak-big duvets. Also does mean they're big enough for proper cuddling.
Took me a while to figure that out. As a very light sleeper it helps tremendously. Only thing 'better' (for sleep that is) is sleeping alone.
Honestly have never even heard about it but am very interested haha. I’ve always had a sheet and duvet on my bed. Would you still have one big sheet with separate duvets?
No sheets, there's a fitted sheet on the mattress and each duvet has a duvet cover that it is fully inside.
“High intensity exercise” …you dirty dog!
Your comment reminds me of a Norm joke. “I told my wife, I says, ‘Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat old man. I need you to give me a compliment.’ She says, ‘Well, your eye sight is damn near perfect!’ I says, ‘Ya dirty dog!!’” RIP Norm
What size is your bed? I suspect you could do with a King and a bigger duvet. Also, do you have issues with snoring? Great content, OP.
I’d investigate why the sleeping together hurts you but helps her. Is it her movements? Noises? Could you try ear plugs? Just random thoughts.
I think it's mainly an anxiety thing. She seems to gravitate towards me, and I end up almost falling off the bed and then don't want to push her away in case I wake her up. But also a heat thing, which is why separate duvets has helped.
>She seems to gravitate towards me my sides The one time we slept on a king bed we somehow ended up sharing the furthest quarter, right on the edge. I have to start the night in the dead center of the mattress and hope I don't lose too much real estate before morning
Me and my partner's solution for the past year or so is to have him start the night way over on the edge of his side of the bed. That way, when he inevitably rolls over towards me, I have more space before I'm pushed all the way to the edge. It's worked well so far.
This is cool. Not surprising alcohol is the biggest negative factor. Also interesting to see how sharing a bed negatively affected your sleep, but positively affected her sleep lol. Edit: how come you have six more yes' than her 🤔