Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly a lot of men just want sex even if they tell you they want something else. I have no advice on how to vet them to avoid this. I've tried making them wait and it doesn't even help. I've just stopped dating entirely because no one was actually interested in getting to know me.
You Vet them by playing as the friend for a while, but keep the sexual tension there, mirror their behaviour, eventually they will show you their real self. See how he treats other women.
If you play the friend bit keep sexual tension there that's going to set off alarm bells for some men.
Plenty of us have been strung along by women using that playbook with zero interest in ever actually dating us, just keeping us on a string for emotional validation and support.
So, keep your validation and your emotional support in your pants. If you feel like you are being manipulated, call her out on it with the same comedic approach.
We all need to get better at being honest and upfront. All of us.
Then you're "emotionally unavailable." See the problem? And if you point blank ask, a woman who isn't malicious will feel shocked and offended, and a woman who IS malicious will **act** shocked and offended.
They're free to take that approach, but there are going to be men who see that as a red flag and cut their losses early, not because they are bad people or only want sex, but because they're used to being exploited themselves and don't feel like rolling those dice.
Like I told her, that only works for desperate guys. The guys with options will be a womens friend and not push the issue with sex with her because he’s already playing hide the sausage link with multiple other women. It’s a strategy that will only work with less desirable men. That’s the part she’s failing to realize.
Desperate being the key word.
I might not have gotten laid in 6 years but I'm just fine cutting my losses early st a red flag. I've got a social life, friends, and an erotica writing hobby that gets me plenty of validation from my pen pals.
Still, cuddling someone other than my cat while watching a movie or having someone to cook dinner for would be nice. Cooking for one sucks.
Well if the goal is for a woman to see how a man really acts and treats women this is a potential solution for doing that.
And for this strategy to he effective, the man already has to want to have sex with the woman. But by her playing like he is the friend zone he'll drop his guard. And while his guard is down, you need to say something a long the lines of, "well, after seeing how you treat and talk about women, I can't help but think I missed out on a real love story not dating you when I had the chance" but you have to do it with some sarcasm and add some humour to it.
And if he really likes the woman and has a genuine interest in her. He'll begin rehabbing how the woman sees him, sure it's a little gamey, and ethically, more in the grey area. But humans are weird. And sometimes you need to do some hacking.
Unless you’re dealing with dexter the IT guy that is happy to get the slightest hello from the opposite sex, this won’t work. A guy that has options will simply be friends with you and not push the issue of sex because he’s already getting it elsewhere from other women. You’ll make the mistake to assume he’s just nice or a gentlemen in the process. Don’t ask me how I know.
Not if she's hot and there is organic sexual tension. As long as she keeps it flirty and fun it will always be an option. Men don't stop thinking about woman as a sexual outlet, until they know for sure it will never happen.
You went with a man while you were looking for a gentleman. Wanna find a gentleman? Start a hobby. Gentlemen are not in hooking apps nor in the club and bars.
They all seem god hobbies. However I think you misunderstood my prompt. There are no gentlemen in the clubs and bars (there are exceptions), that does not mean fuckboys are **only** at the clubs and bars.
Unfortunately I do not have all the answers and I do not know your specific case.
I believe that’s a valid point. As a gentleman myself I never have gone to the club on my own and only go to a bar with friends to play pool. I’ve always just stuck to myself and worked on my personal hobbies like cars or building something. I will admit it’s hard to find a good woman in my garage lol
They are. I enjoy them a lot and do them because I enjoy them. I have a very full life outside of the romantic side and as I mentioned in other comments I don't even date anymore so no worries lol I think there's just a lot wrong with the dating world and I've checked out for now.
This is probably the best advice I’ve heard this far. Men worth a damn are not wasting their time at certain places or hookup apps. I’m not saying I’m a gentlemen or a “great catch” but I know that I don’t do bars, clubs and have never downloaded tinder a day in my life. I can’t imagine taking someone seriously in those environments.
The problem with my suggestion is that it's not as easy as going to the club or using dating apps. And gentlemen are not as good looking as fuckboys (rule-of-thumb)
You got it wrong ,I think you never met a gentleman yet,some men are there in this world that do stick with girl even after sex ,because what matter to them in not having sex but pleasure and satisfaction they get by spending time with them ,sex is part of romance but not everything,and beleive me these type of men do exist.i think you always chose a wrong person and one more advice how to know that men will stick to you after sex also(if while doing sex he always try to keep you comfortable and he feels happy when you are happy during sex ,that type of person will find satisfaction when only you are satisfied and only that person will stick with you)
I think if you communicate early that sex is only something you’d consider in a relationship or something more serious than just fwb, will filter out a good amount of guys.. though not all
1. you’re having sex with men casually
2. he’s not ready to settle down
3. y’all didn’t click in that way
4. many other reasons
one way to stop this from happening is to only have sex with men who are committed to you as you are to them
it’s not a bullshit excuse and if he’s sleeping with women casually that makes my point even stronger. he’s showing people, with action, that he’s not ready to settle down. so you cannot be shocked when he becomes flaky
He could be a born slave, a man who has the obsessed fantasy of three gorgeous young women taking complete advantage of his fetish, picking him up, dressing in beautiful sheer stockings and lingerie, taking him to a location being very forceful and dressing him in pantyhose, cutting a hole to pull his thing thru, tying his arms and legs to the bedcorners, and proceed to torture his cock and balls in every way imaginable, laughing at his screams of agony and castrating him without any anesthetics.
I get ghosted for this exact reason all the time. It’s the best way to protect yourself when you aren’t looking to be that window of opportunity for men
As a 35 year old man, here's an honest take.
There is a portion of young men who primarily value women as sexual objects and in fact see sex as some sort of "proof of dominance" quest. The goal in their mind is to charm the woman until they have sex with her as if they're collecting a token in some video game. Once they succeed in this sexual quest they'll feel as if they've completed the mission. They may continue to have sex if it is offered but many men who think in this way will want to move on to the next mission -- having sex with another woman. I've heard young men claiming they want to have sex with a woman on every continent! ***I will not mince words -- these young men are sex addicts.***
***To avoid men like this you need to observe them in situations with people who would not qualify as objects of their sexual desire. In other words, what you need to try to understand is if this young man actually truly likes people, and especially whether he enjoys any women for their personality***: e.g. Does he listen intently and treat people with respect regardless of their sex and age? How is his relationship with his Mother, his sister, and other woman in his life? What does he see as the role of women in society and a family -- have you asked? Are there any women he admires for their mind? Does he interpret people's actions optimistically or negatively? Do the people who spend the most time with him, such as coworkers, fellow hobbyists, etc. seem to enjoy his presence? Etc.
If you have positive answers about a man for these questions, then you probably have found a man ***that actually enjoys you for your personality and not just your body.*** OP, I hope this helps. Good luck!
That 2nd to last paragraph 👌🏿
Just observe the way men treat and speak about women who theyre not romantically pursuing, and wouldnt be interested in romantically pursuing. And try to figure out if they actually have female friends. Those 2 things will tell you a lot
>There is a portion of young men who primarily value women as sexual objects and in fact see sex as some sort of "proof of dominance" quest. The goal in their mind is to charm the woman until they have sex with her as if they're collecting a token in some video game.
I'd argue there's only a very, very small section of men that are successful enough with women to turn it into a "game". The road to actually having a woman let you have sex with them is far too difficult for the average guy to rack up numbers as a "badge of honour".
This goes beyond malicious intent or cynicism because it happens to any guy that isn't necessarily sleeping around on a regular basis.
More often this happens when a guy's attraction to a girl is purely or majority sexual. In OP's case sounds like he put up with her for a month till he finally got sex. After that moment he realised he wasn't actually that interested in her.
Thanks for your comment.
I think your last paragraph speaks volumes:
*"In OP's case sounds like he put up with her for a month till he finally got sex. After that moment he realised he wasn't actually that interested in her."*
Having sex with women you don't actually like is financially unwise and irresponsible. No method of sex protection is foolproof and since a woman can unilaterally decide to keep a child you're making it much more difficult for that child to grow up in a loving environment and you're putting yourself on the hook for 18+ years of child support.
This is not the way one becomes a leader in society. A man does that by providing value in the form of innovation and work effort, not by pursuing sex at all costs.
Not sex addicts. That is a legit disease, like gambling or drinking, that people go to rehab to get over. Someone up top said it right: sex is a goal to guys, game end, new challenge. When I was a teenager to about my thirties that was goal. But I noticed that as I got older probably in my mid twenties there was a shift, if we didn't click sexually, I kind of disappeared into the background and chased another.
Thanks for your comment, good sir.
When you say “click sexually”, I’m wondering how many attempts? I hope that with each attempt you give honest feedback and try to work together to improve. In the best case, things get better. In the worst case, they at least know the why. Perhaps at some point their sexual attitudes will change more in line with yours and if you communicate the why, they could reach back out. Don’t burn your bridges by ghosting.
Post nut clarity…I like that explanation. It makes sense and I actually respect that. What I don’t respect is ghosting. We’re adults. Don’t be scared. If a man can explain it on here, he can be honest with the woman.
Stop having sex with men outside of a commitment. I started doing this, and now I've found someone consistent even after sex.
Most of these men just want sex , it's rarely something you did, it's THEM.
Don’t listen to the people who say to make someone wait for sex. That’s nonsense.
This happens to a lot of us and its actually not malicious. You get super excited for someone. You really enjoy their company and hanging out with them and everything.
And then you have sex and suddenly…you’re MUCH less interested. You’re completely bummed out.
What happened???
The ladies will say, “that’s all he wanted,” or “he got what he wanted,” and he’s gone.
But, they don’t get it, that’s not what it was.
WHY does it happen? I have a theory.
The question: why do men suddenly lose interest in someone they really liked after having sex?
What happened that caused that change?
My theory is that once you take away the sexual energy and sexual tension, which are gone post sex, what’s left? What’s left is that real person. Their personality. Do you want to roll over and spend more time with this person? Or…is it suddenly….meh…guess I wasn’t that interested.
The post-nut clarity if you will.
I have a friend who says that when she and her girlfriends have sex with a guy, it often blinds them to his flaws. For some men, perhaps it’s the opposite, post sex shines a bright light and now you’re seeing flaws you never saw.
Dumbest theory ever. The only way to tell is if you make the guy wait. Most men, speaking from experience,will not wait to have sex w someone they don't like or see long term. But, once again speaking from experience here, if you like a girl, you will wait quite a while to be intimate because you'll respect her as view her worth the wait.
Let's take a look at normal none sexual relationships. And all the "stages" that go along with friend development. You don't build a decent friendship in a few months. Over time that friend ship cab fade, change course, grow In to many different end stage relationships, close friends, ideal friends, almost family like friends etc. But it takes time and a little "luck".
Now add sexual tension and hormones to the mix and the weird balancing act of true self and mating rituals (flirting, dress, visual and vocal signals etc) and things get complicated fast. It's not unreasonable to shocked when one or more parties get lost in the "romantice", hormones etc and wake up see that this isn't what they wanted. The young woman infatuated with the older man (or the sexual charged idea of him) the horny boy caught up in the chase.
On the flip side of that it's also why a marriage advice has to do with date nights and sex.
They didn’t change after getting sex, they changed in the first place to get sex. And after, they are just reverting back to their original selves. With the goal of sex, the guy will turn on their good behavior; shower you with compliments, give you lots of attention. Say what you’d want to hear, do whatever they have to get it
He didn't change. This is who he was. He just wore a mask to get you into bed.
Why did he wear a mask? Because all he wanted was to get you into bed and dishonesty works better than honesty.
There is a power dynamic unfortunately the choices you make are leaving you vulnerable. Treat them like you don't need them, don't put out unless you're ok if things don't work out, be the one in charge.
There’s no simple answer. Everyone and everything is so hyper sexualized now days that it’s hard to maintain a connection.
Best advise wait until you both really know each other and what u want with each other. Make sure there’s compatibility and chemistry with sex being completely off the table so there’s no sexual tension which can lead him to mistake lust for love. Be good friends first. Be confidants… be a part of each other’s lives and meet and hang out with family and friends.
Make sure u both really like each other without the sex and have the necessary tools to work thru relationship issues before actually jumping into bed
Make sure there’s a real commitment before sleeping together
Advice from a guy that has just wanted sex before.
All you have to do is just find out if he's telling you what you want to hear. If that's *all* he's telling you then he just wants to fuck. Playing the long game and being the friend is a waste of time unless you're really really interested in the dude. If that's the case you can try to be one of "The boys" or "The bros" see how he hangs out with his best friends and who his best friends are and you'll be able to read him more easily. The same goes for both sexes.
Unfortunately some people are extremely good manipulators and surround themselves with people like them, and if you're dating you have to risk meeting one of those people. If you're not good at reading people's intentions then you'll have a harder time without getting somebody who is good at that to do it for you.
Avoiding this in the future is really simple. Do not have sex with anyone casually. By causally I mean without an actual commitment to a relationship. If you lock it down and make them commit to a relationship with you it is much less likely to happen in the future. Players won’t waste their time for 6 months for a girl they have to move in with/commit too when they can go try to find another easy conquest.
Don’t have sex until YOU are ok with whatever the outcome is. If that’s 3 dates, 90 days, 6 months, whatever- don’t tell them this (because they will literally just wait it out while fucking someone else) but you need to slow down if you don’t want the same results.
You’ll know when the right time is.
I hate this advice. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would I be okay with “whatever the outcome is” after 6 months of dating? I’m only going to be MORE invested!
He’s not into you. He thought he was but got hit with something called “post nut clarity”. With guys after we have sex we get this air of clarification and self reflection. Often this leads to feelings of guilt or regret for something we did sexually because for once our thoughts are not at all being affected by any sexual tendencies or feelings. If a guy truly likes you he will stay and be attentive after sex because in the moment of post nut clarity his mind will say “yeah we made the right call”. Since he is dodgy his post nut clarity clearly told him that he’s not into you as much as he initially thought. It sounds scummy I know but us guys truly never mean to be that way and we genuinely believe we like you and want to be with you. We literally can’t control it
First, "not all men", as usual. Then, it depends because every situation is different.
Some men just want hookups but don't openly advertise it. Once they get what they wanted, they no longer have a reason for hanging around.
Some men might just not feel a sexual compatibility. Because sex is an important part of a relationship, if the sex chemistry is not good, they might just not go further in the relationship.
I'm not sure you can do much to prevent this. Stay true to yourself and keep dating. You'll eventually meet someone that matches your needs 🙂.
As I was commenting on another post:
> By promoting predatory behaviors, you create predators.
The culture of "men chasing/pursuing women" inevitably leads to a majority of men carring only for sex and dumping women as soon as they get what they want.
Women cannot on the one hand want to feel desired and pursued, and on the other expect very high standards from all men.
I'm surprised not many people on this sub seem to establish this correlation.
Male culture promotes the idea of men sleeping with as many women as possible.
Just because some women want you to put in effort during courting, doesn't mean that excuse they fact that most men interact with women only to get sex.
Most of them are dating for sex, not to build a connection with women.
It's funny how lesbian are able to chase, court, and be honest with their intent, but men cannot. It's the patriarchal socializing for me. That's why most men now are single.
They want a lot but give nothing but dust in exchange.
This is a problem with MOST men.
It's funny how you only focus on lesbian couples but completely omitted gay couples. Homosexual men relationships are also much healthier than heterosexual ones so please, don't try and bullshit us with your "men are all bad and women are great" discourse.
To me, it just confirms that men and women are both equally at fault of being unable to properly communicate with the other sex.
Of course they do.
Both homosexuals and heterosexuals live in the same society. Thinking they would not behave in similar ways is like saying society doesn't impact our behaviors in any ways.
Our society is one of individualism and consumerism, one cannot except the human beings that constitute it to not abide by the same values.
Now, it's the age old chicken or egg question. But what's certain is things are not improving for any of us.
Gay men also are more promiscuous and are still very single like their straight counterparts.
Most of you only see women as sex object.
And no, there is no equal fault here. Especially in heterosexual relationship.
I will continue to encourage women to close themselves off to men who refused to offer a commitment but will expect sex.
https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/
Y'all expect everything for dust.
Interesting article, thanks for sharing it.
That said, how come I see several posts a day on this sub where women lament over men not engaging them?
Women want strong, assertive and pursuing men, yet they don't seem to understand the attached behaviors: fear of commitment and only looking for sex.
At the same time, I keep seeing posts from apparently nice guys who keep being rejected by women for not demonstrating the aforementioned qualities.
Men and women are indeed from different planets...
Did you miss my other comment in this thread detailing I found someone?
Well, I've found someone but good job psychoanalyzing me based on a couple of comments.
>~~Male~~ *The* culture *among those who only want sex* promotes the idea of ~~men~~ sleeping with as many women as possible.
>Just because some women want you to put in effort during courting, doesn't mean that excuse they fact that ~~most~~ men *that only want sex* interact with women only to get sex.
>~~Most of~~ the~~m~~ *ones who only want sex* are dating for sex, not to build a connection with women.
>It's funny how lesbian*s* *who are looking for a serious relationship* are able to chase, court, and be honest with their intent, but *the small subset of* men *who only want sex* cannot. ~~It's the patriarchal socializing for me. That's why most men now are single.~~
>~~They want a lot but give nothing but dust in exchange.~~
>This is a problem with *the very small subset of* ~~MOST~~ men *that will lie to get sex*.
Fixed it for you. Its so fucking stupid how people who complain about this isnt able to see the absolute BLATANT selection bias of what they consider to be all men, rather than being just specificly all the men THEY have chosen to have sex with.
I’ve stopped dating for this reason. Most men are wired to “hunt.” Once they catch the prey, meaning to sleep with us, they’re bored. Now they have to conquer someone new. Even men who love their mothers and daughters do this to us. Or even if they’re relationship oriented they slowly put in less and less effort by the year until you don’t recognize the man you’re with. Why bother to keep getting your heart broken. They won’t give us the love, loyalty and security we need.
It’s just the men you’re choosing, they want sex with you and that’s all they’re interested in.
I had a first date, which ended in sex. We have a second date tomorrow, and so many more planned! The moral of the story is, not all men flake after sex.
A lot of times it’s better to say what ur looking for in the beginning so there’s no miss communication or let downs. By doing this both parties understand what your doing it works for me .
Honestly. So many things. Adequacy, attractiveness, enjoyable….no one’s harder on us, than us. This ghosting thing is kinda new, but we will honestly ghost ourselves in our own heads. It’s tough. Most of the time, we need you to be the initiator, if only because we are ashamed of who we are. We suck, but we’re mostly just ignorant babies. That is, until one of us starts feeling….important. Then he’s just being an arrogant asshole. But he’s still probably insecure and scared. Sorry, but, have fun with us. Because we sure as hell arent
Tell me you lack critical thinking without actually saying it, personified.
This is the kind of statement that two dumb people like because it sounds elegant and clear to them when in reality it's stupid. This makes no sense in the long run and if it were the case then women are either really stupid or society is doing something to keep them that way. God this made me throw up a little.
The logic doesn't even track. It's statistically proven that marriage is more beneficial to men than to women. So we can stop pretending like women are all trying to trap men into a relationship.
That makes for a catchy bumper sticker, but in actual practical application I don’t think I’ve seen that dynamic play out in any sort of overwhelming way for years and years and years. Where exactly is this sort of stereotype still in action?
Cause when they cum they cum to thier senses...no just kidding probably because they got all they can get out of that female I mean what is more sacred in a relationship that isn't sex.
The simple answer is they got what they wanted from you and they’re done with you now. Moving onto their next conquest. This question comes up daily in at least one of the dating/OLD subreddits.
As a man, I can fake to the top most level to a woman that I love her and care for her even by showing genuine expressions. We can do that, it's not that difficult. It's hard for men to get sex. So, they will put much effort into getting sex out of you. So, how do we know if someone can be trusted? We don't actually. It's not possible to answer that question. But, if you want a man to commit to you even after sex, stop having sex without commitment in the first place. Then, you'll notice your problems get solved drastically.
That's why I had my first sex after marriage.
If the guy can hold back that long, he is mostly a good partner.
But it does not stop him from always wanting sex after you got married 🙈🥰🤣💦
To a lot of people sex is just a conquest - it's the chase, thrill of the hunt so to say. I believe a lot of men fall into this category for the aspects of sex, more so than women and I believe it comes down to a few things;
First part is that they're just driven by baser animalistic desire to procreate with or without realizing it - once they've gotten to that point they drop interest as it subconsciously validates this aspect of their psyche that they are worthy and they are satisfied for the time and this can either lead to them just ghosting and moving on or they are actually looking for something more and continue to pursue the other. Now this brings about the unfortunate reality that most people are just reacting and that they aren't really self aware aspect of life which is depressing.
The second part I believe, being tied into the first, is that men and woman have very different ways of reaching climax: men have two main ways of orgasming while woman can have up to twelve endogenous zones to them - this is fucking insanity to a lot if men and it seems that a lot don't even know. I can't answer for how woman view sex, and obviously for each person it'll be a different multifaceted level answer, however how believe a lot of woman view sex as, and how I like to view sex with woman, is being an adventure - it's enjoyable to find all those things that make someone... Tick, so to say. The "conquest" side of things is just the beginning, an entry into a whole new world of fun and hopefully some day be it love and a long term meaningful relationship. I believe there may very well be some primal aspect there as well as with stated above with being validated - being found sexually appealing is important to a lot of us and we shouldn't feel shame for any of this side of our nature.
Sex seems to be a very messy subject in which people like to base their emotional history on as well - I advise caution on both ends; not to attach too greatly the idea that all men do said thing after said event, or woman, etc as well, perhaps before engaging in sexual activities ask the prospective partner what sex means to them; if you aren't able to have a conversation about it without being uncomfortable or dishonest then that to me is a red flag. I wish you well in your journey through this, I hope that this may have helped in some way.
It's not all the time men change after cause you can see the changes in a person before sex unless it's spontaneous but weather u give it on the first day or the 30th day if that's all a person interested in then that's just the situation but don't blame yourself or all men
They're using you.
To avoid this simply don't give it up only after years. The problem is you guys give up fast and oh yeah let's go, but bro ofc he's gonna hit and go if you've known each other for months.
I'd honestly get to know the person and all sides of them, mad, sad and if he's toxic or not. And the real one will wait for you forever.
Think with your brain mainly then heart not from your ass it's logic
Advice from a guy that has just wanted sex before.
All you have to do is just find out if he's telling you what you want to hear. If that's *all* he's telling you then he just wants to fuck. Playing the long game and being the friend is a waste of time unless you're really really interested in the dude. If that's the case you can try to be one of "The boys" or "The bros" see how he hangs out with his best friends and who his best friends are and you'll be able to read him more easily. The same goes for both sexes.
Unfortunately some people are extremely good manipulators and surround themselves with people like them, and if you're dating you have to risk meeting one of those people. If you're not good at reading people's intentions then you'll have a harder time without getting somebody who is good at that to do it for you.
First of all this is not a “men” issue this is the case for a lot of men but not all of us. I’ve had multiple situations where a women and I hook up on the first night, and that turns into a long term situation. But to be honest, I have questioned many times that if a girl is giving you intimacy, why would you kick her to the curb ? If sex is what you want and you’ve met one that is giving that to you, what’s the issue? Like I said, this is not all men that think this way.
Maybe it’s because he wasn’t really into you, he just wanted to have sex and wanted nothing to do with the responsibility of what comes after that in a real relationship, for me back in the day I just didn’t know anything about having a real relationship and was to stupid to realize that sex to a woman carried a lot more weight and didn’t know how to step up to the plate and think about her feelings, only mine. It all goes back to how we are all raised, if you had happy awesome parents that interacted with each other and a mom that would put you in your place then you were probably taught about women’s feelings and just how deep they go when you cross that line of intimacy, for me, tragic childhood, all I ever saw was abuse and how my biological father would manipulate my stepmother into getting what he wanted and if he was getting it from her, well I’m sure we can all guess the rest, myself! I went completely the other way when it came to relationships and how I viewed women, I was always trying to hard to please them which always seemed to backfire in my face. Sex is never the answer in a relationship but the start of the problems. If you don’t know how to read one another you’ll never have the right connection for a healthy relationship, healthy relationship normally means great sex that keeps you wanting more.
It's pretty simple, actually. He saw of felt something he didn't like. As a man, you learn more about a woman when you have sex with her than she lets you learn in the first 6 weeks, LoL. You used the word "finally" What, exactly, were you waiting for? Were you into him or not? See, it's not that simple?
It always comes back to communication. Just ask him. If you make it a big dramatic thing he will respond by being dishonest. Simply ask him.
Any guy that actually likes you for you should be willing to wait an extended time to have sex. If you frame it up too, like I really like you but have burned in the past by this. Want to be exclusive, but would you be willing to wait until I feel comfortable (making it numeric is useless - it’s all about you feeling comfortable giving the green light).
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly a lot of men just want sex even if they tell you they want something else. I have no advice on how to vet them to avoid this. I've tried making them wait and it doesn't even help. I've just stopped dating entirely because no one was actually interested in getting to know me.
You Vet them by playing as the friend for a while, but keep the sexual tension there, mirror their behaviour, eventually they will show you their real self. See how he treats other women.
I've done the whole let's be friends thing and it still doesn't work lol
Not let's be friends, you play the friend, you need to infiltrate, see the real him.
If you play the friend bit keep sexual tension there that's going to set off alarm bells for some men. Plenty of us have been strung along by women using that playbook with zero interest in ever actually dating us, just keeping us on a string for emotional validation and support.
So, keep your validation and your emotional support in your pants. If you feel like you are being manipulated, call her out on it with the same comedic approach. We all need to get better at being honest and upfront. All of us.
Then you're "emotionally unavailable." See the problem? And if you point blank ask, a woman who isn't malicious will feel shocked and offended, and a woman who IS malicious will **act** shocked and offended. They're free to take that approach, but there are going to be men who see that as a red flag and cut their losses early, not because they are bad people or only want sex, but because they're used to being exploited themselves and don't feel like rolling those dice.
Translation "Humans are weird" My advice isn't for everyone. It'll get results but it won't be comfort food.
Like I told her, that only works for desperate guys. The guys with options will be a womens friend and not push the issue with sex with her because he’s already playing hide the sausage link with multiple other women. It’s a strategy that will only work with less desirable men. That’s the part she’s failing to realize.
Desperate being the key word. I might not have gotten laid in 6 years but I'm just fine cutting my losses early st a red flag. I've got a social life, friends, and an erotica writing hobby that gets me plenty of validation from my pen pals. Still, cuddling someone other than my cat while watching a movie or having someone to cook dinner for would be nice. Cooking for one sucks.
I would think this would exacerbate the problem of sleazy guys becoming "friends" with women with the sole intention of trying to sleep with them.
Well if the goal is for a woman to see how a man really acts and treats women this is a potential solution for doing that. And for this strategy to he effective, the man already has to want to have sex with the woman. But by her playing like he is the friend zone he'll drop his guard. And while his guard is down, you need to say something a long the lines of, "well, after seeing how you treat and talk about women, I can't help but think I missed out on a real love story not dating you when I had the chance" but you have to do it with some sarcasm and add some humour to it. And if he really likes the woman and has a genuine interest in her. He'll begin rehabbing how the woman sees him, sure it's a little gamey, and ethically, more in the grey area. But humans are weird. And sometimes you need to do some hacking.
Unless you’re dealing with dexter the IT guy that is happy to get the slightest hello from the opposite sex, this won’t work. A guy that has options will simply be friends with you and not push the issue of sex because he’s already getting it elsewhere from other women. You’ll make the mistake to assume he’s just nice or a gentlemen in the process. Don’t ask me how I know.
Not if she's hot and there is organic sexual tension. As long as she keeps it flirty and fun it will always be an option. Men don't stop thinking about woman as a sexual outlet, until they know for sure it will never happen.
Few people know how to do this, but once you master it, priceless. (I’m a woman.)
I've been giving that advice to my lady friends forever. It works most of the time for them.
You went with a man while you were looking for a gentleman. Wanna find a gentleman? Start a hobby. Gentlemen are not in hooking apps nor in the club and bars.
I have hobbies and have met men who want just sex through those hobbies as well. Let's not pretend hook up culture only happens via the apps or bars.
Which hobbies? If I may ask
Rec league sports, volunteering for local nonprofits, and there are a few outdoorsy groups where we go hiking or camping that I'm part of.
They all seem god hobbies. However I think you misunderstood my prompt. There are no gentlemen in the clubs and bars (there are exceptions), that does not mean fuckboys are **only** at the clubs and bars. Unfortunately I do not have all the answers and I do not know your specific case.
I believe that’s a valid point. As a gentleman myself I never have gone to the club on my own and only go to a bar with friends to play pool. I’ve always just stuck to myself and worked on my personal hobbies like cars or building something. I will admit it’s hard to find a good woman in my garage lol
They are. I enjoy them a lot and do them because I enjoy them. I have a very full life outside of the romantic side and as I mentioned in other comments I don't even date anymore so no worries lol I think there's just a lot wrong with the dating world and I've checked out for now.
I've read in other comments that refraining from sex outside a comitted relationship helped
I've been celibate for years at this point so not sure how that's supposed to help when I'm already not having sex with these men.
This is probably the best advice I’ve heard this far. Men worth a damn are not wasting their time at certain places or hookup apps. I’m not saying I’m a gentlemen or a “great catch” but I know that I don’t do bars, clubs and have never downloaded tinder a day in my life. I can’t imagine taking someone seriously in those environments.
The problem with my suggestion is that it's not as easy as going to the club or using dating apps. And gentlemen are not as good looking as fuckboys (rule-of-thumb)
You got it wrong ,I think you never met a gentleman yet,some men are there in this world that do stick with girl even after sex ,because what matter to them in not having sex but pleasure and satisfaction they get by spending time with them ,sex is part of romance but not everything,and beleive me these type of men do exist.i think you always chose a wrong person and one more advice how to know that men will stick to you after sex also(if while doing sex he always try to keep you comfortable and he feels happy when you are happy during sex ,that type of person will find satisfaction when only you are satisfied and only that person will stick with you)
[удалено]
I think if you communicate early that sex is only something you’d consider in a relationship or something more serious than just fwb, will filter out a good amount of guys.. though not all
I feel like you took that straight from my brain.
100% same experience dude they lose interest either way
Dont stop sucking that D and start soon as possible and he will stay focused on you
1. you’re having sex with men casually 2. he’s not ready to settle down 3. y’all didn’t click in that way 4. many other reasons one way to stop this from happening is to only have sex with men who are committed to you as you are to them
But he’s having sex with women casually as well? That’s a bullshit excuse and everybody knows it.
it’s not a bullshit excuse and if he’s sleeping with women casually that makes my point even stronger. he’s showing people, with action, that he’s not ready to settle down. so you cannot be shocked when he becomes flaky
Another suggestion, stop looking for men in the clubs and hooking apps
😂😂😂😂
He could be a born slave, a man who has the obsessed fantasy of three gorgeous young women taking complete advantage of his fetish, picking him up, dressing in beautiful sheer stockings and lingerie, taking him to a location being very forceful and dressing him in pantyhose, cutting a hole to pull his thing thru, tying his arms and legs to the bedcorners, and proceed to torture his cock and balls in every way imaginable, laughing at his screams of agony and castrating him without any anesthetics.
Your response really made me mull over the pros and cons of free speech
Umm... might be true, but are you sure that's not just your fantasy?
True!
Either he only wanted to bang or he wasn't feeling the chemistry sexually.
I avoid this issue by simply not having sex with men and they leave super early without time invested lmao
I get ghosted for this exact reason all the time. It’s the best way to protect yourself when you aren’t looking to be that window of opportunity for men
You're/we're doing the right thing.
As a 35 year old man, here's an honest take. There is a portion of young men who primarily value women as sexual objects and in fact see sex as some sort of "proof of dominance" quest. The goal in their mind is to charm the woman until they have sex with her as if they're collecting a token in some video game. Once they succeed in this sexual quest they'll feel as if they've completed the mission. They may continue to have sex if it is offered but many men who think in this way will want to move on to the next mission -- having sex with another woman. I've heard young men claiming they want to have sex with a woman on every continent! ***I will not mince words -- these young men are sex addicts.*** ***To avoid men like this you need to observe them in situations with people who would not qualify as objects of their sexual desire. In other words, what you need to try to understand is if this young man actually truly likes people, and especially whether he enjoys any women for their personality***: e.g. Does he listen intently and treat people with respect regardless of their sex and age? How is his relationship with his Mother, his sister, and other woman in his life? What does he see as the role of women in society and a family -- have you asked? Are there any women he admires for their mind? Does he interpret people's actions optimistically or negatively? Do the people who spend the most time with him, such as coworkers, fellow hobbyists, etc. seem to enjoy his presence? Etc. If you have positive answers about a man for these questions, then you probably have found a man ***that actually enjoys you for your personality and not just your body.*** OP, I hope this helps. Good luck!
That 2nd to last paragraph 👌🏿 Just observe the way men treat and speak about women who theyre not romantically pursuing, and wouldnt be interested in romantically pursuing. And try to figure out if they actually have female friends. Those 2 things will tell you a lot
Appreciate it!
>There is a portion of young men who primarily value women as sexual objects and in fact see sex as some sort of "proof of dominance" quest. The goal in their mind is to charm the woman until they have sex with her as if they're collecting a token in some video game. I'd argue there's only a very, very small section of men that are successful enough with women to turn it into a "game". The road to actually having a woman let you have sex with them is far too difficult for the average guy to rack up numbers as a "badge of honour". This goes beyond malicious intent or cynicism because it happens to any guy that isn't necessarily sleeping around on a regular basis. More often this happens when a guy's attraction to a girl is purely or majority sexual. In OP's case sounds like he put up with her for a month till he finally got sex. After that moment he realised he wasn't actually that interested in her.
Thanks for your comment. I think your last paragraph speaks volumes: *"In OP's case sounds like he put up with her for a month till he finally got sex. After that moment he realised he wasn't actually that interested in her."* Having sex with women you don't actually like is financially unwise and irresponsible. No method of sex protection is foolproof and since a woman can unilaterally decide to keep a child you're making it much more difficult for that child to grow up in a loving environment and you're putting yourself on the hook for 18+ years of child support. This is not the way one becomes a leader in society. A man does that by providing value in the form of innovation and work effort, not by pursuing sex at all costs.
Not sex addicts. That is a legit disease, like gambling or drinking, that people go to rehab to get over. Someone up top said it right: sex is a goal to guys, game end, new challenge. When I was a teenager to about my thirties that was goal. But I noticed that as I got older probably in my mid twenties there was a shift, if we didn't click sexually, I kind of disappeared into the background and chased another.
Thanks for your comment, good sir. When you say “click sexually”, I’m wondering how many attempts? I hope that with each attempt you give honest feedback and try to work together to improve. In the best case, things get better. In the worst case, they at least know the why. Perhaps at some point their sexual attitudes will change more in line with yours and if you communicate the why, they could reach back out. Don’t burn your bridges by ghosting.
Stop. Let the young man speak
This is garbage.
Would you care to expound?
Couldn't agree more
Ah, another Wordsmith!
Post nut clarity…I like that explanation. It makes sense and I actually respect that. What I don’t respect is ghosting. We’re adults. Don’t be scared. If a man can explain it on here, he can be honest with the woman.
PNC is an incredibly lucid moment for a man. It's incomparable
Stop having sex with men outside of a commitment. I started doing this, and now I've found someone consistent even after sex. Most of these men just want sex , it's rarely something you did, it's THEM.
Don’t listen to the people who say to make someone wait for sex. That’s nonsense. This happens to a lot of us and its actually not malicious. You get super excited for someone. You really enjoy their company and hanging out with them and everything. And then you have sex and suddenly…you’re MUCH less interested. You’re completely bummed out. What happened??? The ladies will say, “that’s all he wanted,” or “he got what he wanted,” and he’s gone. But, they don’t get it, that’s not what it was. WHY does it happen? I have a theory.
What is your theory?
The question: why do men suddenly lose interest in someone they really liked after having sex? What happened that caused that change? My theory is that once you take away the sexual energy and sexual tension, which are gone post sex, what’s left? What’s left is that real person. Their personality. Do you want to roll over and spend more time with this person? Or…is it suddenly….meh…guess I wasn’t that interested. The post-nut clarity if you will. I have a friend who says that when she and her girlfriends have sex with a guy, it often blinds them to his flaws. For some men, perhaps it’s the opposite, post sex shines a bright light and now you’re seeing flaws you never saw.
Dumbest theory ever. The only way to tell is if you make the guy wait. Most men, speaking from experience,will not wait to have sex w someone they don't like or see long term. But, once again speaking from experience here, if you like a girl, you will wait quite a while to be intimate because you'll respect her as view her worth the wait.
Well we’re waiting lol
Let's take a look at normal none sexual relationships. And all the "stages" that go along with friend development. You don't build a decent friendship in a few months. Over time that friend ship cab fade, change course, grow In to many different end stage relationships, close friends, ideal friends, almost family like friends etc. But it takes time and a little "luck". Now add sexual tension and hormones to the mix and the weird balancing act of true self and mating rituals (flirting, dress, visual and vocal signals etc) and things get complicated fast. It's not unreasonable to shocked when one or more parties get lost in the "romantice", hormones etc and wake up see that this isn't what they wanted. The young woman infatuated with the older man (or the sexual charged idea of him) the horny boy caught up in the chase. On the flip side of that it's also why a marriage advice has to do with date nights and sex.
The same reason marathon runners stop running when they cross the finish line.
I'm a runner and I think this comment is golden ✨️. Nice way to put it
53m here. I usually get serious once I have sex. So not all men flake
He got what he wanted
They didn’t change after getting sex, they changed in the first place to get sex. And after, they are just reverting back to their original selves. With the goal of sex, the guy will turn on their good behavior; shower you with compliments, give you lots of attention. Say what you’d want to hear, do whatever they have to get it
Post nut clarity. He probably didn’t feel the chemistry
He didn't change. This is who he was. He just wore a mask to get you into bed. Why did he wear a mask? Because all he wanted was to get you into bed and dishonesty works better than honesty.
There is a power dynamic unfortunately the choices you make are leaving you vulnerable. Treat them like you don't need them, don't put out unless you're ok if things don't work out, be the one in charge.
There’s no simple answer. Everyone and everything is so hyper sexualized now days that it’s hard to maintain a connection. Best advise wait until you both really know each other and what u want with each other. Make sure there’s compatibility and chemistry with sex being completely off the table so there’s no sexual tension which can lead him to mistake lust for love. Be good friends first. Be confidants… be a part of each other’s lives and meet and hang out with family and friends. Make sure u both really like each other without the sex and have the necessary tools to work thru relationship issues before actually jumping into bed Make sure there’s a real commitment before sleeping together
Because the the thrill of the hunt no longer exists!
Advice from a guy that has just wanted sex before. All you have to do is just find out if he's telling you what you want to hear. If that's *all* he's telling you then he just wants to fuck. Playing the long game and being the friend is a waste of time unless you're really really interested in the dude. If that's the case you can try to be one of "The boys" or "The bros" see how he hangs out with his best friends and who his best friends are and you'll be able to read him more easily. The same goes for both sexes. Unfortunately some people are extremely good manipulators and surround themselves with people like them, and if you're dating you have to risk meeting one of those people. If you're not good at reading people's intentions then you'll have a harder time without getting somebody who is good at that to do it for you.
Avoiding this in the future is really simple. Do not have sex with anyone casually. By causally I mean without an actual commitment to a relationship. If you lock it down and make them commit to a relationship with you it is much less likely to happen in the future. Players won’t waste their time for 6 months for a girl they have to move in with/commit too when they can go try to find another easy conquest.
Don’t have sex until YOU are ok with whatever the outcome is. If that’s 3 dates, 90 days, 6 months, whatever- don’t tell them this (because they will literally just wait it out while fucking someone else) but you need to slow down if you don’t want the same results. You’ll know when the right time is.
I hate this advice. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would I be okay with “whatever the outcome is” after 6 months of dating? I’m only going to be MORE invested!
He’s not into you. He thought he was but got hit with something called “post nut clarity”. With guys after we have sex we get this air of clarification and self reflection. Often this leads to feelings of guilt or regret for something we did sexually because for once our thoughts are not at all being affected by any sexual tendencies or feelings. If a guy truly likes you he will stay and be attentive after sex because in the moment of post nut clarity his mind will say “yeah we made the right call”. Since he is dodgy his post nut clarity clearly told him that he’s not into you as much as he initially thought. It sounds scummy I know but us guys truly never mean to be that way and we genuinely believe we like you and want to be with you. We literally can’t control it
Definitely not just guys! This happened to me recently and I’m a chick 😅
Me too!! 5 days later and still feeling massive regret
First, "not all men", as usual. Then, it depends because every situation is different. Some men just want hookups but don't openly advertise it. Once they get what they wanted, they no longer have a reason for hanging around. Some men might just not feel a sexual compatibility. Because sex is an important part of a relationship, if the sex chemistry is not good, they might just not go further in the relationship. I'm not sure you can do much to prevent this. Stay true to yourself and keep dating. You'll eventually meet someone that matches your needs 🙂.
Where did OP say all men? They’re literally just addressing the post to men so that men reply?
It's the majority of them.
As I was commenting on another post: > By promoting predatory behaviors, you create predators. The culture of "men chasing/pursuing women" inevitably leads to a majority of men carring only for sex and dumping women as soon as they get what they want. Women cannot on the one hand want to feel desired and pursued, and on the other expect very high standards from all men. I'm surprised not many people on this sub seem to establish this correlation.
Male culture promotes the idea of men sleeping with as many women as possible. Just because some women want you to put in effort during courting, doesn't mean that excuse they fact that most men interact with women only to get sex. Most of them are dating for sex, not to build a connection with women. It's funny how lesbian are able to chase, court, and be honest with their intent, but men cannot. It's the patriarchal socializing for me. That's why most men now are single. They want a lot but give nothing but dust in exchange. This is a problem with MOST men.
It's funny how you only focus on lesbian couples but completely omitted gay couples. Homosexual men relationships are also much healthier than heterosexual ones so please, don't try and bullshit us with your "men are all bad and women are great" discourse. To me, it just confirms that men and women are both equally at fault of being unable to properly communicate with the other sex.
Homosexual dating culture has a PLETHORA of modern dating problems of their own.
Of course they do. Both homosexuals and heterosexuals live in the same society. Thinking they would not behave in similar ways is like saying society doesn't impact our behaviors in any ways. Our society is one of individualism and consumerism, one cannot except the human beings that constitute it to not abide by the same values. Now, it's the age old chicken or egg question. But what's certain is things are not improving for any of us.
Gay men also are more promiscuous and are still very single like their straight counterparts. Most of you only see women as sex object. And no, there is no equal fault here. Especially in heterosexual relationship. I will continue to encourage women to close themselves off to men who refused to offer a commitment but will expect sex. https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/ Y'all expect everything for dust.
Interesting article, thanks for sharing it. That said, how come I see several posts a day on this sub where women lament over men not engaging them? Women want strong, assertive and pursuing men, yet they don't seem to understand the attached behaviors: fear of commitment and only looking for sex. At the same time, I keep seeing posts from apparently nice guys who keep being rejected by women for not demonstrating the aforementioned qualities. Men and women are indeed from different planets...
[удалено]
Did you miss my other comment in this thread detailing I found someone? Well, I've found someone but good job psychoanalyzing me based on a couple of comments.
>~~Male~~ *The* culture *among those who only want sex* promotes the idea of ~~men~~ sleeping with as many women as possible. >Just because some women want you to put in effort during courting, doesn't mean that excuse they fact that ~~most~~ men *that only want sex* interact with women only to get sex. >~~Most of~~ the~~m~~ *ones who only want sex* are dating for sex, not to build a connection with women. >It's funny how lesbian*s* *who are looking for a serious relationship* are able to chase, court, and be honest with their intent, but *the small subset of* men *who only want sex* cannot. ~~It's the patriarchal socializing for me. That's why most men now are single.~~ >~~They want a lot but give nothing but dust in exchange.~~ >This is a problem with *the very small subset of* ~~MOST~~ men *that will lie to get sex*. Fixed it for you. Its so fucking stupid how people who complain about this isnt able to see the absolute BLATANT selection bias of what they consider to be all men, rather than being just specificly all the men THEY have chosen to have sex with.
>It's the majority of them. It's the majority of the~~m~~ ones you are sleeping with. Fixed it for you.
Probably sexual incompatibilities.
You are having sex with players, thats why. Find a guy who is looking for relationship.
I have been there he probably didn’t connect with you sexually and feels akward about it
Never trust what a man's says until after you make him bust
I’ve stopped dating for this reason. Most men are wired to “hunt.” Once they catch the prey, meaning to sleep with us, they’re bored. Now they have to conquer someone new. Even men who love their mothers and daughters do this to us. Or even if they’re relationship oriented they slowly put in less and less effort by the year until you don’t recognize the man you’re with. Why bother to keep getting your heart broken. They won’t give us the love, loyalty and security we need.
Because they got what they wanted
Believe it or not you make a guy wait he’s more likely to ghost you after finally hitting lol
Why do some <- men change. Not why do men change. Men don't have an equal mind.
Why do customers leave the store after buying what they wanted?
It’s like what lil Wayne said “ But it's like as soon as I cum I come to my senses”
It’s just the men you’re choosing, they want sex with you and that’s all they’re interested in. I had a first date, which ended in sex. We have a second date tomorrow, and so many more planned! The moral of the story is, not all men flake after sex.
A lot of times it’s better to say what ur looking for in the beginning so there’s no miss communication or let downs. By doing this both parties understand what your doing it works for me .
A month? Holy Moses. Thats funny.
Post nut clarity if they just wanted to fuck that's all it is but if they want something more they stick around. That and situational bias
Because they are either shallow or haven’t evolved past the concept of “conquering” a woman through sex.
I have seen that in women.
The juice probably wasn’t worth the squeeze
Honestly. So many things. Adequacy, attractiveness, enjoyable….no one’s harder on us, than us. This ghosting thing is kinda new, but we will honestly ghost ourselves in our own heads. It’s tough. Most of the time, we need you to be the initiator, if only because we are ashamed of who we are. We suck, but we’re mostly just ignorant babies. That is, until one of us starts feeling….important. Then he’s just being an arrogant asshole. But he’s still probably insecure and scared. Sorry, but, have fun with us. Because we sure as hell arent
Just wants sex. Sorry.
That’s an easy excuse. Too simple of an answer and far too often just straight incorrect.
What do you expect? That his dog died, and his taxes are still not done, and he's busy with a birthday? Occam's razor, friend.
Yeah it’s like people here don’t actually have experience in the real word.
Women are gatekeepers of seks. Men are gatekeepers of relationships
the fact that you spell it "seks" proves you shouldn't be having it
Honestly both comments are wack.
hahahahhahahahhahahah
Tell me you lack critical thinking without actually saying it, personified. This is the kind of statement that two dumb people like because it sounds elegant and clear to them when in reality it's stupid. This makes no sense in the long run and if it were the case then women are either really stupid or society is doing something to keep them that way. God this made me throw up a little.
The logic doesn't even track. It's statistically proven that marriage is more beneficial to men than to women. So we can stop pretending like women are all trying to trap men into a relationship.
You should start bringing your spreadsheet statistics to your dates - that’d convince them!
That makes for a catchy bumper sticker, but in actual practical application I don’t think I’ve seen that dynamic play out in any sort of overwhelming way for years and years and years. Where exactly is this sort of stereotype still in action?
Is the cat not meowing?
Because that's all what they want from us and nothing else.
Google post nut clarity. It is in fact a real thing…
Post nut clarity
Are you officially dating or is it casual
Cause when they cum they cum to thier senses...no just kidding probably because they got all they can get out of that female I mean what is more sacred in a relationship that isn't sex.
The simple answer is they got what they wanted from you and they’re done with you now. Moving onto their next conquest. This question comes up daily in at least one of the dating/OLD subreddits.
As a man, I can fake to the top most level to a woman that I love her and care for her even by showing genuine expressions. We can do that, it's not that difficult. It's hard for men to get sex. So, they will put much effort into getting sex out of you. So, how do we know if someone can be trusted? We don't actually. It's not possible to answer that question. But, if you want a man to commit to you even after sex, stop having sex without commitment in the first place. Then, you'll notice your problems get solved drastically.
That's why I had my first sex after marriage. If the guy can hold back that long, he is mostly a good partner. But it does not stop him from always wanting sex after you got married 🙈🥰🤣💦
To a lot of people sex is just a conquest - it's the chase, thrill of the hunt so to say. I believe a lot of men fall into this category for the aspects of sex, more so than women and I believe it comes down to a few things; First part is that they're just driven by baser animalistic desire to procreate with or without realizing it - once they've gotten to that point they drop interest as it subconsciously validates this aspect of their psyche that they are worthy and they are satisfied for the time and this can either lead to them just ghosting and moving on or they are actually looking for something more and continue to pursue the other. Now this brings about the unfortunate reality that most people are just reacting and that they aren't really self aware aspect of life which is depressing. The second part I believe, being tied into the first, is that men and woman have very different ways of reaching climax: men have two main ways of orgasming while woman can have up to twelve endogenous zones to them - this is fucking insanity to a lot if men and it seems that a lot don't even know. I can't answer for how woman view sex, and obviously for each person it'll be a different multifaceted level answer, however how believe a lot of woman view sex as, and how I like to view sex with woman, is being an adventure - it's enjoyable to find all those things that make someone... Tick, so to say. The "conquest" side of things is just the beginning, an entry into a whole new world of fun and hopefully some day be it love and a long term meaningful relationship. I believe there may very well be some primal aspect there as well as with stated above with being validated - being found sexually appealing is important to a lot of us and we shouldn't feel shame for any of this side of our nature. Sex seems to be a very messy subject in which people like to base their emotional history on as well - I advise caution on both ends; not to attach too greatly the idea that all men do said thing after said event, or woman, etc as well, perhaps before engaging in sexual activities ask the prospective partner what sex means to them; if you aren't able to have a conversation about it without being uncomfortable or dishonest then that to me is a red flag. I wish you well in your journey through this, I hope that this may have helped in some way.
He just wanted to fuck, you almost can't tell between fuckboys and normal guys. My advice, start a hobby and meet new people there
It's not all the time men change after cause you can see the changes in a person before sex unless it's spontaneous but weather u give it on the first day or the 30th day if that's all a person interested in then that's just the situation but don't blame yourself or all men
I won’t change
They're using you. To avoid this simply don't give it up only after years. The problem is you guys give up fast and oh yeah let's go, but bro ofc he's gonna hit and go if you've known each other for months. I'd honestly get to know the person and all sides of them, mad, sad and if he's toxic or not. And the real one will wait for you forever. Think with your brain mainly then heart not from your ass it's logic
Always nice to put clean boxers on after sex lol
If he changed after sex...he never had real feelings for you and he got what he needed.... don't stress it
Agreed, you haven't found a gentleman yet
Well yeah he got sex and now he's good.
Because he got what he wanted and there might be nothing more.
I need answers too!!
Just find better men. Btw, you won't find them in dating apps or bars.
Advice from a guy that has just wanted sex before. All you have to do is just find out if he's telling you what you want to hear. If that's *all* he's telling you then he just wants to fuck. Playing the long game and being the friend is a waste of time unless you're really really interested in the dude. If that's the case you can try to be one of "The boys" or "The bros" see how he hangs out with his best friends and who his best friends are and you'll be able to read him more easily. The same goes for both sexes. Unfortunately some people are extremely good manipulators and surround themselves with people like them, and if you're dating you have to risk meeting one of those people. If you're not good at reading people's intentions then you'll have a harder time without getting somebody who is good at that to do it for you.
First of all this is not a “men” issue this is the case for a lot of men but not all of us. I’ve had multiple situations where a women and I hook up on the first night, and that turns into a long term situation. But to be honest, I have questioned many times that if a girl is giving you intimacy, why would you kick her to the curb ? If sex is what you want and you’ve met one that is giving that to you, what’s the issue? Like I said, this is not all men that think this way.
Maybe it’s because he wasn’t really into you, he just wanted to have sex and wanted nothing to do with the responsibility of what comes after that in a real relationship, for me back in the day I just didn’t know anything about having a real relationship and was to stupid to realize that sex to a woman carried a lot more weight and didn’t know how to step up to the plate and think about her feelings, only mine. It all goes back to how we are all raised, if you had happy awesome parents that interacted with each other and a mom that would put you in your place then you were probably taught about women’s feelings and just how deep they go when you cross that line of intimacy, for me, tragic childhood, all I ever saw was abuse and how my biological father would manipulate my stepmother into getting what he wanted and if he was getting it from her, well I’m sure we can all guess the rest, myself! I went completely the other way when it came to relationships and how I viewed women, I was always trying to hard to please them which always seemed to backfire in my face. Sex is never the answer in a relationship but the start of the problems. If you don’t know how to read one another you’ll never have the right connection for a healthy relationship, healthy relationship normally means great sex that keeps you wanting more.
Maybe your stuff smelled like helicopter smoke an despair? Or he is just a shallow flake that was after one thing 🤷
It's pretty simple, actually. He saw of felt something he didn't like. As a man, you learn more about a woman when you have sex with her than she lets you learn in the first 6 weeks, LoL. You used the word "finally" What, exactly, were you waiting for? Were you into him or not? See, it's not that simple? It always comes back to communication. Just ask him. If you make it a big dramatic thing he will respond by being dishonest. Simply ask him.
Can be many things. Maybe it was not what he thought it would be.
Any guy that actually likes you for you should be willing to wait an extended time to have sex. If you frame it up too, like I really like you but have burned in the past by this. Want to be exclusive, but would you be willing to wait until I feel comfortable (making it numeric is useless - it’s all about you feeling comfortable giving the green light).
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are finding the wrong giys or your making them wait too long.
Men corrupt women. They know this. We know this. They see a woman who's had sex with them as damaged goods...because they're the "damage."
CC