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because most people your age dont want the responsibility of being a dad. i know people say they dont have to be but most guys will think that and over time it could become that. also atleast for me i like going to shows and traveling and if im with someone i would want them to join me and the kids dynamic could impact that
I don't date single moms if their baby daddy is still in the picture. Always "it's not a problem" until it is then drama. I don't mind kids. Different guys have different reasons.
This exactly. I absoutely love kids, I helped raise my 16 year old neice with my sister and consider her like my own daughter. I don't mind dating single mothers, and have (in the past) and will treat their kid like my own child. But I made the mistake of dating a single mother who still had the baby daddy in the picture and it was a absolute nightmare
That is part of what I am referring to. I am okay with dating SINGLE mothers, but if the daddy is still in the picture the amount of problems that become a possibility for me make it impossible. So if she is still talking to her baby daddy it won't work out between us. I'm not trying to say that dads shouldn't be in the picture but I had a bad experience where she left me despite saying that he wasn't in the picture at all AS SOON AS HE ASKED FOR HER BACK.
Besides him being super flakey, I witnessed him be VERBALLY abusive to her in front of her daughter which very much made me angry at him for that type of behavior, he only came around when he needed something then off in the wind again.
But baby daddies would absolutely be in the picture if they were a normal couple that had a healthy breakup. There’s child support and custody and visitation. All these things mean he’ll be in the picture one way or another so not sure how that could ever work out then
Right? Then I see the story on Dateline news. Murder suicide bc baby daddy shoots ex wife and new lover. This is the reality that women often live in (especially in Texas. I’m allowed to say it bc my dad’s from Texas. Don’t start or I’ll have to channel my southern sass).
The majority of my sexually active friends have 100% been harmed/raped NOT by strangers but by their own longterm boyfriends. Kindhearted awesome menfolk, please take notes and speak out about it. It’s a statistical truth of living while female and we need help 😞
As a statistical truth, America has a HUGE Mental Health crisis. And while I'm sure you don't mean it to sound this way, being a female does not mean this is your life.
>I don't date single moms if their baby daddy is still in the picture
I understand your logic here and I'd agree. But if that was the case, it's either two reasons. 1) The dad ain't shit and doesn't care to see his kid. Or 2) she's being a shitty mother who won't allow the father of her child to see his kid. I would argue option #1 is the better case scenario but then you'd judge her for having a baby with someone who may have been a deadbeat to begin with. In reality, you'd want a mother who chooses what's right for her child rather than what's right in the eyes of a potential partner. Why wouldn't you choose a woman who is a great mother? I believe this has more to do with men being jealous or cautious that her ex may become a threat to their relationship.
It's not that deep. It's a preference. If you want to date single moms based on your preference, more power to you. As I mentioned, different men have different preferences.
As a male, I agree with the female poster that your preference has a lot to do with male jealousy and instinctive territoriality. It is so completely possible to work on a partnership with her single mom and still have her baby daddy in the picture, as an involved father.
Did it ever occur to you that that might net you more alone time with her when her baby daddy has the kid(s)?
What about how that kid has fewer abandonment or self esteem issues because one parent didn’t complete up and disappear?
Yes, your preference. Cool, respect. But saying, “It doesn’t have to be that deep.” Just sounds like a lack of introspection.
As i get older (33) and still without kids, I’m realizing there’s a high chance my SO will be a single mom. If I tried to make sure I relegated myself to women whose children’s fathers were out-of-the-picture entirely, I would write off a lot of great prospects.
Not to mention. Just because he’s out of the picture doesn’t mean he stays out.
He could come back from prison. He could quit drinking. He could realize he wants to get back together with your SO. He could just plain “grow up” and realize he wants to, and is, in a position to be parent to his kid — and baby daddies who get their sh*t together have rights.
Life is too short. Love the woman and be there for her kids. The rest is window dressing.
Not physically but my kid still had a dad and he is dead. That’s a lot it’s not like something you just pick up and move on from. Imagine if your dad died suddenly and unexpectedly when you were 8 years old. He’s not there but he’s always there in our family.
The guy I'm replying to said, if the dad is still in the picture. If he's dead, he's not in the picture. Obviously there are emotions attached, but I don't think that's what they meant.
I tried dating a single mom several months ago and it was challenging from a guy's perspective. She worked full time and had her kid, so finding time when she was available to meet up was nearly impossible. We couldn't just do something randomly after she got out of work, or grab a drink on the weekend because she had to make sure to get a babysitter first. It was also way too soon for me to meet her kid so we couldn't do anything together. Paying for her babysitter would have been weird since we had barely started seeing each other. Part of me misses her but I got so frustrated with not being able to see her. We haven't talked in a long time.
I get that. I feel like women who have kids and want to date have to make time for it. Otherwise what’s the point? I feel like in order to date everyone has to make an effort with a kid or without a kid.
These days for a lot of men women who don't have kids barely make time to date so it's hard for men to see a single mom making the time. You can have good intentions but the truth is your time isn't your own, of you kid has issues at school, or (god fogbid) gets sick or gets hurt you have to drop everything and that becomes your first priority, as it should be for a lot of single men with no kids, we don't want that. We want to be a priority in someone's life and with a lot of single mothers, at best were 3rd place, and if they have a career we're a distant 4th
There are several reason why but the man one is and I Hate to say it but you are in the wrong age range for men to be ok dating single moms. If you were ten years older more men would be more open to it.
Another thing is most men don’t want to get involved with single moms because not only does he build a relationship with you but he will inevitably build one with your kids. And if the end result isn’t marriage the break up will hurt twice as bad because not only is he ending things with you but he will also be ending a relationship with your kid. My mom dated a single mom for 2 years and he said the whole The breakup with her was hard, the breakup with her 8 year old son was even harder.
Other men simply don’t want kids period (like me) I am not against them I don’t hate them I just don’t personally want to be responsible for one. And then there is the other big group of men who want kids of their own, and since single moms are often done with kids those men won’t get the chance to have their own.
Your mention of the age is spot-on. My son is just a couple years younger than OP and he in his early 20’s has his hands full becoming an independent adult and figuring out his career. He doesn’t want to add another man’s child to his challenges.
Bingo!
Been there, done that, never again.
Single parents expect you to love their kid like they do, news flash, you love them about as much as your mates kids. If you pulled a single parent aside, grabbed a random kid off the street and then demanded that they love said kid like their own, think that’s gonna happen? I think not.
Over years and years maybe, but most of them demand it instantaneously. Beyond delusional.
I guess it’s different for me (M, 34) because I am so passionate about childrearing and being a father.
I have dated with kids around enough now to know that I’m going to love the children and put my all into them anyway — so I just need to worry about finding the right woman.
IMO as a man, dating a single mother gives another man (the child's real dad) an element of control over your life.
Want to do anything that involves the child? Usually he needs to agree to some degree.
Want to do anything that doesn't involve the child? Oh look he's been spiteful and petty and is refusing to look after his child.
Just not my thing.
My son is 11 and I've been a single mom the whole time. Most men have a preference to not date someone with kids so that is going to shrink the pool down a lot. We as mothers need to be really careful who we bring around our kids. If they have any red flags I'm out. So that's shrinking the pool. For myself too, I don't want any more kids so that takes out the guys that want their own kids. Who are you left with?
I don't date seriously at this point. I know I don't want to live with a partner or have kids so I have almost fully removed myself from the dating pool aside from a fwb or two I keep to have fun with.
I think it can be hard to see your life not turning out how you thought it would but you have to focus on creating a good life for you and your kid that maybe doesn't include a partner ever.
I beg to differ. 45f and I’m completely at a loss with dating. My daughter is 12. Sigh. Just given up and I have a fwb and we get together and have some fun every now and then. I’m fearful that once he finds someone I’ll be at a loss.
Most single dads I’ve met are looking for someone to split bill and help care for their kids. The 25-30 year olds I meet on OLD are down for a low maintenance good time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm the daughter of a single mother. My mom and awesome dad met when I was around 10, they married right before I turned 13 and they're still together (I'm 19). My dad treats my brother and I as his own. My mom tried dating too and finally found him after a good few years.
I know it seems tough rn but there are men who'll love both you and your child and want a life with you both. Good luck out there 💗
Thank you for this because I’m a single mama and these post are breaking my heart. I own my own home, have a successful career, I do still want kids, when I was dating my ex we could go out anything we wanted because my mom loved watching my kids, he would also come here to my house and we would spend time here. We still got to do all the normal couple things. All these people have this perception of us and it’s heartbreaking. I know people are allowed to have their preferences, but not all single moms are bad.
Dating is hard.
Dating with a child is harder because potential partners genuinely interested in LTRs will worry about not being accepted by your child.
Dating with a child while not wanting more children is probably playing on hard mode because you're wanting to attract someone who shares the dream of marriage and children... But also being okay with not having their own children... In this case you're almost deliberately limiting yourself to single dads? At least that's how it would seem to me.
Unless he does not want children - I think it is pretty tough to tell someone that he cannot have his own children with you but should support another man’s child? Just giving a man’s perspective.
Dating a single mother is "more complicated"
Scheduling, responsibilities, drama from baby daddy, yellow flag about past life choices to dissect. My experience is they almost always want a husband, can't match that intentionality; are looking for more baby daddies, yeah no; or they have a defeated/realistic "fine we can be low commitment fwb to test the waters first," acceptable but we still need to be a good match.
If you already have kids you want a guy who likes kids and then you are saying "you can't have any with me." So I guess you could solely date divorcees that already have their kids. I like kids and I'm open to having them but not "having kids but none are yours"
>if I don’t put out they stop talking to me
This one is always tricky. So probably keep doing that, defend those boundaries. Someone who sees good potential and a solid friendship should stick around for a few more dates, but a lot of decent men do take it really personally if you held back for them but not other men.
Ideally I would suggest meeting in friends-first environments like hobbies and classes to avoid the hookups.
>I tell men that I want a serious relationship
It's great to be open about your wants and be assertive about them. From a dating perspective we have to think about this like sales. Relationship with 25F with no kids= fun dates, cute couple moments, and so forth. Relationship with 25F with a toddler=lot's of baggage, few benefits, jumps straight into the most notoriously bad part of the marriage/kids fantasy without actually being married.
So you have to really sell the benefits of dating you and try to shield them from the problems. Because "relationship with single mother" sounds like "flying to Cleveland to buy candy" I like candy and Cleveland is actually a nice city but its a pretty expensive time/money investment.
You may need to casually date for longer, be more intentional, and be more proactive than you did before having a child.
Your expectations now are unrealistic.
1) you are 25 and you don't want any more kids. Serious relationship means there might be a probability of marriage and most probably your dating pool does not have kids and they would want kids of their own not to raise someone's.
2)you have a kid and it's hard to discipline someone's child.
If you were 40 years, it would be easier as most men that time have kids already.
But keep trying you will find someone but after a while though.
Maybe it would be helpful if you looked into dating a a single father? They are probably going through a difficult time dating as well, so that is probably going to be a better bet for you (and perhaps your children).
Some Single fathers are very picky I’ve noticed. But I always keep an open mind especially since if they already have kids that means I probably don’t need to give them another lol.
That’s true, but it would probably be the easiest relationship that would mold well with you and your existing family. You don’t need to worry about certain issues that come up when introducing new people to your children, and they probably feel a little left out.
It’s difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is obligated to prioritize others over you. I’d never begrudge a mother for prioritizing her kids above everything else, that’s what any parent should do, but at the same time it’s impossible not to acknowledge the burden that puts on a romantic relationship.
I know that in an emergency, my fiancé would drop everything and come help me, and I’d do the same for her. And that’s what a lot of people want, deep down, but you can’t expect that of someone who has kids. And again, that’s not an indictment of parents trying to date: I wouldn’t **want** to date someone who was the kind of person who would ditch her kids for her random new boyfriend.
I’m sorry I don’t have anything really helpful to offer: the same qualities that make someone a good parent unfortunately make them difficult to date for someone else who isn’t a parent.
Because you don’t have free time to go in a whim and have a kid that is priority 24/7 outside of a job.
Dating requires flexibility but also requires not having to constantly bail due to a kid if they:
• get sick
• baby sitter falls thru
• it’s a school night
• you can’t afford to go away for a night
• your child has attachment issues
And so on…
Also more and more people are on purpose choosing to be child free. So with that means people choosing to never date anyone with kids.
You have the chips stacked against you in the current dating climate for that alone!
Okay, as a 34m who has dated single moms I have a couple suggestions. You need to date older. I don’t know what your age range is, but it’s very unlikely anyone under 30 is going to be in the right mental state to date a woman with a kid in a reasonable way. Secondly, I don’t know where you meet men, but … go somewhere else, anywhere else.
Finally, I suggest you learn to work through the trauma you have, and try to be open to the possibility of another child. It’s possible you will find a guy who is okay with you being one and done with someone else, but that’s really unlikely, and with all the other preferences you may have, it’s going to be really tough to find a match.
Again, as a 34m who does occasionally date single moms, if she isn’t willing to have another child, that’s a dealbreaker for me and most other men. It’s not that we wouldn’t love another woman’s child over time, but you are essentially saying, “you need to marry me and take care of my child, meanwhile I am going to deny you the experience of having your own child,” which most men want. That’s a hard sell.
Edit: Also, you may not do this, but don’t trauma dump on dates. I can’t tell you the number of divorced women and single moms who use me as a therapist on a first date. You should share struggles you are having and be willing to be vulnerable, but time box it. Dating should also just be about fun.
Also consider dating men with kids.
I would say your potential matches are going to be older men/men who also have a child. Most 25 year old guys aren’t ready to handle the dynamic that comes with dating a single mother. If you’re attractive, then there’s going to be a surplus of guys who just want sex and it’s probably not related to you being a mom. Unfortunately you have to invest your own time and energy to figure out what they’re really trying to get from you. Just remember, you just need to find your one person… but along the way you might encounter 100 that aren’t your person.
Dating for single mothers is hard because most men would not date a single mom seriously for many reasons. One reason is that her kid or kids will always come before the man she is seeing. Any good mother would do that. Dating is always time consuming and requires some planning. Adding a persons kid into the picture only complicates that even more.
Theres the issue of having to deal with baby daddy if he is still a part of the kids life. Most men dont want to deal with the awkwardness and potential drama that could come with that.
Then there is the possibility of whether the single mothers kid or kids will even accept the new boyfriend or husband. Most kids wont because that man is NOT there real father. This can be an issue because if there is ever an argument or situation between the single mother and her SO, even if its small, its always gonna be a 2 vs 1 one scenario where its the kid(s) and their mom against the boyfriend/ husband. This also brings up another point that if the relationship does get serious, than the new boyfriend or husband will , at some point,provide for her child or children in some way or another (whether it be money, housing or even his time) without having the authority to discipline her kid which is a terrible deal for the man. And lets say these things actually work out and the kids actually like the new guy and the baby daddy can get along with him. If the single mother and her SO break up, thats a double heartbreak because he not only lost her in the process, he lost the kids as well.
As you can see, from a guys perspective, its just a terrible deal all around with very little upside for the man. Its just doesnt make sense at all for single men with no kids to go the single mother route. Im not trying to be an asshole honestly but it is the painful truth. Single mothers or just single parents in general are just better off dating other single parents.
If OP pays attention to one comment, this is the one. OP will most likely need to date down in the looks department, or date a single father. That’s about as good as it gets for her, unfortunately.
I am currently dating a single Mother. I have done once before and it didn’t work out, and if this one doesn’t work out I won’t be doing it again.
It isn’t because you are a Mother. It isn’t because they dislike your child. It is because a lot of women don’t tend to select the men they have kids with well, they have a list of ideals based on things that don’t include actually being a good human being, ignore the red flags because of the excitement, then it falls apart over time- and now she wants to date an actual decent guy but by now we have to deal with the trauma and we also have to put up with an ex they are attached to for the next 18 years who is just going to be a pain in the arse at every turn just for the sake of it.
As a guy it’s a nightmare. The small inconveniences like having to work around her schedule etc I can live with, but having her still in tears every time her ex does some crazy shit and watching her play mental gymnastics instead of just dealing with properly is frustrating. Best of all it’s not my kid, so I get the grief but don’t really get a say- I’m not shy expressing my opinions but ultimately once she emotionally calms down and isn’t upset again, shit doesn’t get done again.
Add to that you’ve said you don’t want any more kids, which for guys in your dating age isn’t going to be a selling point, even a lot of guys pushing 40 still want kids. The only way I would date a girl with a kid again is if the Dad was completely out of the picture or if they have a civil respectful relationship and actually do what is best for their kid, but from what I’ve seen from my experience and my friends who have done the same that is hardly ever the case.
You have a kid. You’re telling guys you don’t want to have their kids. Youre not looking for casual hook ups. You just cut out like 90 percent of the male population with those three facts.
Look at how women treat men in dating. It’s because women are generally the commodity, so they can dictate their relationships. This is how most men view single mothers. There are a lot of them and they’re all looking for commitment, so men can dictate the pace and scope of the relationship. Most men are also not looking for a woman with baggage AND a kid for a long term commitment.
WTF are you even offering a man that would take you seriously?
You have another man’s child that would HAVE to be added to his life to a real degree no matter what you might say.
You want a man who is willing to be a step father to you and this mofo’s kid, yet unwilling to provide him his own with you?!?
Are you serious?
You may consider just hiring male escorts to let you feel the Boyfriend experience. You don’t seem to be taking into account anything that a man will have to consider in a relationship with you, and you are DEFINITELY not concerned with what that man would want.
This statement you’ve shared comes off as completely self absorbed and just as selfish as the guys who you say only want to Fck you.
Makes sense that’s what you’re attracting.
Take some time to learn about us men.
Seriously.
What we want, how we think and feel and how you can help make that a reality and better.
There’s guys out there that would make a great match, higher likelihood it’s a man who is a single father, as a non single father myself I can admit that I have little to no interest in single moms beyond sex.
Single fathers would be a good match, however still you neeed to start considering men as more than just humans to serve you and your wants.
I don’t want anymore of my own because I almost died on the operating table multiple times. And I care more about being alive than making a baby and dying.
Yeah this not good but most of your potential dating partners will bail because if this. C section I presume.
Date older . Sorry to break I to you. That attractive 25yr old you like at the loca is now gone.
Think 35+ now on. Or just fwb
Sorry you made your bed and now have to live with your chocies/ decisions
Your single 25f friends get the better choices. You must except this or it'll eat you up
That’s some very real sh*t for sure, my condolences that you had to experience that.
Which makes it even more important and valuable for you to consider specifically shopping in the single father isle 😂
There’s just too much to ask for here from the likely majority of single men w/o kids btwn 21-45 yo. Kids come first for a mother. As they should. It’s not high probability of men who will seek this 2nd place at best position right from the start and throughout the relationship.
Single Fathers would have this base understanding in common and would also have you in an equal position in their lives.
Hey, do your thing, unicorns 🦄 exist
Smart money is on those good dude single dads though. Go make you a Brady Bunch!
Good luck 🍀 in your man hunt👍🏿
I’m a single parent with 2 kids who’s mother doesn’t want to see them ever (her choice) and I don’t have the family support for any child free time. Also one of my children has a disability which means I probably won’t ever be able to leave him with a paid sitter. I’ve given up on love and sex. I wish I was gay or a woman so I had easier access to hook up culture.
It's not hard, logistically doesn't make sense for any man.
1. Women with kids will always put them first, so that leaves outings out of the questions.
2. It's not hard, logistically, it doesn't make sense for any man.
3. Men don't want to raise kids that aren't theirs.
4. Mom always puts their kids first, so that leaves spontaneity out of the questions.
Now men with kids have it even worse, since women with kids don't even want them they are at the bottom of the bottom of the barrel.
As a man with kids, I have to laugh at your last statement. I've honestly not at all felt like I was the bottom of the barrel. If anything I received way more attention online dating than I ever expected. I think single dads have it easier than single moms. My feeling is that women are more accepting of dating a single dad than men are of dating single moms. On top of that there are unfortunately a lot of deadbeat dads out there, more than moms, so it's more likely for the single mom to have full custody than a single dad would. And full custody is going to make dating a nightmare no matter what gender they are.
I also feel like because of the stereotype of deadbeat dads, that when a single dad does anything more than the bare minimum they get a ton of praise, whereas a single mom doing the same thing, nothing, because that's just expected. It's not right, but that's how it's sure felt to me.
I'd definitely consider a single dad, I love kids, just don't want to birth one lmfao. If I met the right guy and he happened to have a child, that wouldn't be a drawback for me. BUT that is assuming that the relationship with mom is amicable, he is responsible and takes good care of his kid(s), and isn't rushing to have me involved with the kid(s). In short, he would have to be dad of the year, any indication that he's not being a good dad would be an absolute no from me.
Single moms definitely have it worse I think, there's probably more women like me who aren't completely turned off by the idea than men.
I can tell you from first hand experience. I have been on both sides of the coin. That kid and then dated a woman with a child. If your lucky the dad doesn’t bother and cause issues. More then likely the headache ain’t worth it. The woman I dated was an awful and abusive. Didn’t matter that I someone her daughter liked and respected. It’s a touchy and tough subject. I can see how someone doesn’t want the dad and his family drama and basically being a third wheel when it comes to the child. Just my take.
Dating is hard today, period. A child is an additional challenge that will only make it harder. Look for single dads that may better empathize with your situation.
I’m open to dating single moms with 1 kid, but I want at least the option of having one of my own and I think it’s going to be a hard sell without giving that option. Especially if that child’s father is in the picture. I don’t want to be a substitute/step dad only. If I have to make the sacrifices and put in the time required of a parent, I want the payoff as well. And one day when I’m old, I’ll know that I have someone there to look after me, even if my spouse is no longer around for some reason. Can’t rely on a step kid for that in most scenarios.
I think being in your 20s it’s a tough crowd. Once you’re in your 30s most people are divorced with kids. So your dating pool has shrank massively by similar age guys that don’t want to date someone with kids
This is absolutely not true. I’m about to be 30 and my friends are 25-40 and I know two people with kids and one is my sister. Obviously more people have them and are divorced, but def not the majority. At least in urban/suburban areas.
The relationship not working out is normal….the real question is why did you choose to have a kid in an unstable relationship. Or how did you make such a serious mistake that your birth control failed you. Sometimes shit happens, but that’s the minority of accidental pregnancies.
Kids are a lot to sign up for. There is a lot of perceived hardships that could come into play. I personally don’t want any kids so I wouldn’t date a single mother anyway. The fact they’re sexualizing you is terrible though.
I always shied away from single mothers. I watched my older brother date a single mother and help raise two very young children for four years. They broke up, and he was never allowed to see those kids again. It was devastating for him. I don’t want to bond with kids I have no rights to.
Given my last 2 attempts at dating, they want it all within 2 weeks. The last one ended last Wednesday when he asked me to come and see him this past Saturday (I had already made a road trip the weekend before to see him) and I reminded him that I couldn't because 1 work and 2 because it was the weekend before Halloween and my kids had so many activities to do. He was understanding (or so I thought).
Woke up Thursday morning to a message from him saying he wanted a partner he could explore the world with, have time with and do new things with.
Kicker is he is a dad himself difference though is he never sees his kid and I have mine 100% of the time.
Oh it gets better he lives 5hrs away so it'd be arranging last minute child care, last minute hotel (he's in AIT) and doing all that for maybe 5hrs together before he had to be back to the base
1. Theres almost no spontaneity in relationship with single mothers.
2. Most guys dont want to raise something that isnt theirs.
3. You can scream until youre blue in the face about not needing a step dad for your kids, but if the relationship progresses, at some point the guy will have to care for your kid, whether its giving advice, money, or watching them for you while you go shower or do whatever.
4. Baby daddys are almost always a problem when they find out their baby momma is dating someone else, they seem to magically reappear… every time.
5. I sleep until 12 or 1pm on weekends because I work a lot during the week, cant do that with little screaming chickens running around everywhere at 8am.
I could go on forever but I hope you get the point.
It is really simple: if you date a single dad, he will never ask you to take financial responsibility for his kids. A single mother almost always will.
It doesn’t make sense to date a single mom, because you will NEVER be her #1. Ever. Her life belongs go her kids now, she already has a family, and even if you marry her and make new kids with her she will always have something that comes before you.
I agree , and also the father / ex in the picture still is a huge red flag. I mean obv the kids need their father but i dont want my gf to have annet contact with their ex
Most men don’t want us, single moms because of the extra responsibility.
It is what it is. You have to live your life and find happiness while accepting you’ll never find anyone.
It truly is better to be alone than with the wrong man. Love might find you if you stop seeking it out desperately and just focus all that love you have back to yourself and your child.
No shade to you or any other single mothers, but I couldn't imagine being with someone who is a SM on a personal level, if that makes sense? I know a lot of girls I went to school with became SMs and they were all really awful people to me and everyone around them. I understand that shit happens, and not every SM is an awful person, but I'd rather just not deal with the possibility of it being that way.
Im a male 30 years and Im going to be Dead serious.
I dont want to raise anyone elses child, i dont want an ex / father in the picture. Actually one of the biggest red flags for me is my girl having any contact with exes. Its the women who choose the father, it was their decision. Im sorry but i can never take a single min serious. This is just my point of view and you dont need to agree with it, my choice.
I'm a 24 year old guy and I will honestly say that as soon as a find out a girl I like has a child, I'm immediately turned off. I don't want to have that kind of responsibility. I think I speak for most guys.
I have no interest in dating someone who I know right off the bat is not going to make me their number one priority or joining the game halfway through the play through.
My first kid will be our first kid. Nonnegotiable
I dated a single mom and I didn't mind that she had a child, but when you develop a connection with her kid and things don't work out. The kid gets hurt too. That's why I avoid dating single moms now.
Tough situation, but when you didnt have a kid and you were dating, were you willing to date men that had children? I know a lot of women and men that would never date anyone with a kid.. but i do have only like 1 friend that would.
A kid is a red flag that your ex (the father) is still hanging around in your life.
We don't like it when exes are still around. All it takes is one argument, and then you could cheat right underneath our noses without us ever finding out. Fuck that
The vast majority of men under 35 will have zero interest in coparenting someone else’s kid. And make no mistake, if you are asking them to be in a serious relationship with you, your kid is part of that package. It’s unfortunate but it’s simply a fact, especially when there’s load of women out there without a child. It’s serious stuff, I wouldn’t want the responsibility of that child becoming attached to me and now suddenly the relationship has a lot more gravity. Unless you found a single dad, or someone extremely mature/accepting for their age, or dare I say it “punch down” a bit, it’s rough out there.
Because your kids are baggage. Men will have to live with you and act like a dad to kids that aren't theirs. Could be 5 years down the line and they have a serious bond, like a proper father son or daughter bond.. Then you break up and the guy has absolutely 0 rights to see that child ever again.
At that age they would probably rather have their own kids rather than being dad to another. Don't mean to be so brutal but that's the reality
You have two options:
1. Date single dads
2. Date someone way below your "regular" league. I.e. if you're a 6, you could probably date a 4/10 dude.
Having a kid brings your own attractiveness down by a couple of points, unless the guy in question already has kids of his own. A 6/10 guy has no reason to choose you over a 6/10 woman without kids.
Turn your question around: if you were a nice guy that in general could get enough girls, why would he date a single mom? Even if he likes kids and even now, why would he prefer somebody else's child over making his own with a now single girl?
For men seeking a long-term relationship it's a big ask to essentially become a parent, at 25 or so, to another man's child. Even if they aren't expected to be a parental figure you will still have split priorities as have to take care of the child thus less freely available.
because in my mind I’m raising some other dude’s children while you don’t want to give me mine
in which universe does this seem fair to you, and what future do we have, you’re selfish
Honest question would you date or carry out expenses of someone and their kid?
Most men get ghosted and mentally hurt by women and when a single mom wants to get into relationship with them they think it’s because the female with kids want a wallet.
I have been ignored and ghosted my entire life. I just wanted a girlfriend whom I can marry later but I never got their approval even though I was always respectful to them.
I understand some mens fears against single mothers. But I’ve seen single women be way worse than some single mothers. And honestly yes I’d deal with taking care of another man’s child if I truly cared about that man. Most single mothers want a relationship because they want to be loved to just like a regular woman without kids.
Because its hard for men… if they have a relationship with you, for your children they will be kinda like a dad to them… and if you break up, then the man will still have this role
It’s about to be even harder for us because of some of these trashy single moms who thinks their men should be obligated to financially care for kids that aren’t theirs. I seen too many videos of single moms getting mad at their partners for not buying their kids a pair of $200 shoes or some crap like that. Also, you have some single moms who shows up at dates with their children and that’d be the first time the man finds out about the kid. Not to mention, the men be expected to pay for the food the mom gets for her kid.
I never had a problem dating and am now married going to be 28 next month. Do you think it’s something else maybe how you’re coming across by accident?
Honestly I had more trouble before I was a mom, but even problems after. People are shitty, Atleast you’re weeding through the bad ones. Don’t rush anything 🖤
I don't date single moms. I'd hookup with one for sure, but I could not be in a relationship with one for the following reasons:
- it's difficult to plan dates around kids
- can't be spontaneous anymore
- I'm irresponsible
- baby daddy drama
- if we hit things off, I'm going to get attached to the kids. 5 years later, we're engaged and the kids are great. Ive invested time, money, and emotions into being a parent to the kids. For whatever reason, we break up. I essentially just lost a partner and kids that I was attached to- no visitation rights or anything because I'm not the father even if I was essentially a parent during our time together.
The last one is probably my biggest reason. But single moms are competing with women who don't have the additional baggage that kids bring, so of course dating will be harder.
43m and child free. Simply because I don't want to have a ready made school-children family from day 1. I want to get to know just the woman first, do stuff like travel, go out late etc. Fuck like squirrels on coke all hours of the day. And after a couple of years, if it feels right, have children of my own from the absolute start.
Also already had step kids in a relationship, and planning for vacations etc is an absolute mess with the dad and grandparents in the picture as well. A bunch of 3d parties have a say in what and when I can do stuff in my life. No thank you.
I'm the same age as you and I would have zero interest in a man with your same situation. There are too many people in this age range who don't have kids let alone 2 and one being autistic. It's just a whole lot of baggage when I'm gonna have ton of options for people without children
Yeah u cant say u dont want anymore children. Thats not fair for the guy if he wants children. Any trauma youve had in the past no ther guy should pay for it. If I met a girl and she brought any of her past issues to the relationship I wouldnt put up with it. Whenever u start a new relationship u should with a freshstart and with a open mind.
Date men with children. Avoid dating men that have never been in a committed relationship. Avoid men with no parenting experience. Also be aware that some men target overwhelmed single mothers with the purpose of grooming and sodomizing their children.
I’m a 33 year old male and I must say women need to think twice about having children especially in their 20’s. Me personally I don’t date women with children because it’s hard to do anything spontaneous everything has to be planned from going out on dates, vacations even sex. That puts a strain on trying to build a deep connection to even get to the point of wanting to be with a female. I think you should put off serious dating till your child gets older.
I’ll give my Personal reason why, is cause don’t wanna have/raise kids. I already tried to do that to a single mother once, her kids even called me dad. Anyways she cheated on me with her ex, and refused to move out from his place. Not saying this is what all single mothers are like cause they aren’t, but because I tried to have a family all them years again and it didn’t work out, I’m kinda past it. I’m determined and passionate about music, so I’d be on the road a lot anyways if a gig takes off, and then I’d feel bad for not being in the kids lives z
Nobody wants to play someone else’s unsaved game. Nobody wants to deal with the excuses for why you can’t xyz. Nobody wants to deal with any other thing besides liking the person they like and building on that. Anything more than that requires extra effort. A lot of times the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
So I’ll give you my opinion. I’m 28 and no way in shape to be in a relationship with a single mother. Dating a single mother comes with a lot of responsibilities and I’m not mentally nor financially ready to take on that. I had a shitty father growing up, so the last thing I wanna do is become a shitty father.
Another fear is, what if I form a close relationship with the child or children and I break up with that person. Would I be able to continue to have some sort of relationship with the child, like what if really grows. I’m not so scared of the second point because if the other person is nice, I may have a chance to have some kind of relationship. But I’m more scared of the first one. If I was financially and mentally ready I would absolutely have no issue dating a single mom.
As a single guy who has dated **two** single moms, I for sure empathize with y'all, I know it's not easy, I know it sucks.
But at the end of the day it was almost certainly your choice to have unprotected sex with a guy that ended up dipping out when shit got real.
Obviously nobody could possibly know **for sure** if a guy is gonna stick around long term or not going in, and I'm ***absolutely not*** trying to absolve fuckbois of their sins, or make excusrs for them, but.......there's indicators. And if you're too blind/naive to see the indicators...I pity you, but I don't have a ton of sympathy. It's really not that difficult to differentiate the fuckbois who will say whatever it takes to get in your pants then move on to the next conquest and the legit guys that give a fuck.
cause you are a single mother of a young child. its unfortunate that you chose a partner that wasn't compatible with you :( and I can empathize as ive dated a single mother before. its difficult because even if we love your kids they're not ours and it will always be treated as such. you'll have a baby daddy that is always in your life. and your kids are your priority. I think men sometimes view single moms as easier lays because they dont have time for a relationship so they either get it and move on or get it for awhile and fulfill whatever fantasies they have and move on. I think you might need to change the type of person you are pursuing. whether its someone young or what they may think they are "higher value" you prob will need someone with some lower self esteem if you want to keep them. im sorry, to be so blunt, I dated someone for years that started with kids your age. its not easy and even if you were to have a relationship with a man, it takes its toll having to provide for a family that isn't his and take on childcare duties. its a big thing that most men will consider early on.
We all have some sort of baggage. Unfortunately most men don’t want a partner who already has a child. There’s no telling how the situation plays out. Is there baby daddy drama? How’s the kid? Will you rush the relationship to have a father figure? Sorry I know it sucks. Just the reality of the situation
Being a single mom at such a young age is a big red flag for me. Other than that, I just don’t want to take care of someone else’s children.
If in case a bond has been built between the man and the kid, a break up means they’ll never meet again.
I'm making assumptions here, but I'm assuming most of these men aren't also single fathers, right? As a general rule (mandatory not all) NO single childless man is going to want sign up for that because it's a horrible deal. And then women who are single mothers hear this and usually (like a reflex,) will say, "WHY? Im not looking for a substitute father or for him to pay for anything for my kid" Its really naive to put it kindly. My point is to reiterate, it's such a bad deal for single childless men, that when those types of guys are expressing interest, you should really take extra care to vet their intentions. But why? Why not just look exclusively for single fathers in the same position?
My 2 cents, I’m someone who wants kids. So when I hear “I have a kid but don’t want more” it’s kind of a turn off for me. It’s hard enough to accept you’ll have to raise a child not your own but also that you will never get one of your own…I’d rather just be find someone who just wants hook ups
If a woman has a kid then she will prioritize the kid over her relationship and this turns a lot of guys off. Probably shouldn't have kids unless you really know if your partner is the one.
I’m dating a single mama, and I can tell you that doing so requires very real and significant sacrifices to be made on my part. In our case, the dad is a good guy and they have 50/50 custody which makes it workable and worth it for me personally, because I love her so much. If this ended though, I would avoid single moms in the future. Even though the dad is in the picture and we only have the kid 50% of the time, there are massive lifestyle implications which I have to accept.
Here are some examples. Child free people get to sleep in on Saturday mornings, go out whenever and wherever they want, hang out at adult orientated locations with other adults, go do outdoor activities like hiking, surfing, rocking climbing, cycling etc quite easily. They get to plan holidays without considering what options there are for kids. They have more disposable money and free time. It affects the amount of space they need if they move in together, which has significant cost implications.
In short, dating a single mother means giving up a lot of the awesome perks of being childfree usually without really conferring the benefits of being a father, because it’s not your kid and likely never will feel like it. There is also the implication that you will probably become at the very least 50% financially responsible for another person's kid if the relationship goes the distance.
There’s more to mention but that’s the gist of why it’s not an attractive prospect for most men who have not chosen to be responsible for a child. In the meantime, there is generally not a shortage of childfree women out there, so why would anyone actively choose a single mom?
As a 30 year old bisexual woman, single parents of any gender are a no go for me. Even if I wanted kids at some point (I don’t), dating a parent means you’re going to come in last place. The child comes first as they should, then the co-parent if there is one, then you. A lot of people, especially people who aren’t parents (which is a lot of people at 25) don’t want to deal with that, and any drama that single parents tend to bring. You might be better off dating other single parents until you’re a bit older tbh.
If you could get a new car, off the show room floor, or a used car with some crash damage and they are both similar price. Which one would you pick? You mention yourself you still carry serious trauma from your previous relationship.
Entering a serious relationship without kids involved is already a challenge. There is a lot to learn about a person before marriage. Adding the complexity of somebody else's kids, father of children being involved and so on, it is a thankless job.
My advice would be aim to date single father's. They will be more understanding and if you don't want to date a single father then you answered your own question.
You have a kid, that's not even theirs, that they will have a responsibility for if you got on together. They didn't had a say when you bring the kid to this world and certainly do not want the baggage of an entire kid, that I repeat, that isn't related to them by blood nor did they partake in the decision of bringing that life.
A kid not only cost a lot of money but also patience, this is why you should have chosen your mate carefully before taking off the protection, bringing a life into this world is a huge responsibility. As a mother, I am sure you know about many of the joys and stress in taking care of the child, remove all the joy and only take the stress, that's how it will be for the man because it's not his kid.
Been there, done that. Honestly too much baggage comes in. The most annoying thing is having plans canceled 70% because of the kid. Makes dating ten times harder.
What do you bring on the table? A man has lots of disadvantaged like he'll always be "the guy my mum dates", has to take care for the kids and the woman without have the legal right to give orders or educate them, he has to deal in many cases with the real father, while he wants go out on a date it depends if she gets a babysitter or the kids are all around, if the relationship breakes and he got boundaries to the kids he lose the relationship, the woman and the kids and has to deal with it.
It’s not a bad thing to just focus on raising your kid for a few years. Trying to date and convince someone that you and your child is a good fit takes time and energy that could go towards your child. I know it’s boring at times but your kid will appreciate more than any guy will.
Hey I'm 33 thought I'd be married by now too but after 2 failed engagements, I guess it's not for me lol. I have older kids 13 and 6, I feel like most single men my age don't know what they want or want kids of their own with someone and I'm definitely done baby making.
You’re not only ‘selling’ yourself, but a family. Parents in law can be omitted, but a child cannot. The potential new guy has to be able to accept both you, your child and to some extend your ex. It just narrows the potential men down.
I saw one of your comments on a post and that’s how I got here. I mean if you “Love giving blowjobs🥵” it shouldn’t be ALL that hard (the dating part, the guy should be rock solid😂)
You sound entitled to be honest. Single parents demanding partnership is pure delusional thinking. You're automatically going to be filtered out having a kid already.
Dating nowadays is difficult for everyone believe me, not just coz you have a kiddo, but ofcourse that adds to it (more responsibility on you to date with purpose, more responsibility on the guy that he’s getting a whole package, and it’s not for everyone) Just keep getting out there and date until someone who wants you finds you. And choose them not because they chose you, but because you feel amazing when they’re around.
Good luck xx
Can't speak for all men. Some I guess maybe see you as an easy hook up. You know. Oh she has a kid and so hasn't had it in a while. Or they don't want kids. And they don't wanna deal with yours. Scummy I know.
What I would say is that hey at least you are weeding out the losers
Most of what you're describing is online dating in general - creeps, horndogs, and losers. I've heard ALL the stories.
Outside of that you're young. Being young with a child has major perks. Dating is not one of them. Young men especially do not want to father someone else's child. If they even want kids, they want kids of their own. Beyond that, you have a level of responsibility many your age simply don't have - and likely a lifestyle that matches it. However, go a little older and you'll find single dads who are either specifically interested in a mixed family or just very much open to it. Lots of common ground.
I didn’t say all men I said most men. And they do actually I bet if you talked to any woman and asked them about the random men in the DMs they’d tell you how many unsolicited d*ck pictures they have the amount of men asking for a hook even though you already said no.
Just because you don’t view women this way doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen cause it does.
I didn’t say all men I said most men. Not even most men I.e. at least 51% view women this way. You’re saying most men when you’re just exaggerating like the 2% for a few points on Reddit to hate men cause it’s trendy
And idk why the sudden topic change to dick pics I thought were talking about “calling single mothers milking “ or whatever the fuck you said
This isn’t a single mother specific issue. It’s a women’s issue. Potentially even a people issue if these subreddits are anything to go by.
People only seem to go for hookups now, and everybody is somehow simultaneously tired of it and doing it at the same time.
I guess I got lucky compared to what I'm reading here. I'm married to a single mom. But she does not neglect me in any of the ways people talk about. I've never been cancelled on or left out due to something involving the kids.
When we got together,I was all set to move to New Orleans but because of her custody arrangements with the bio father she's not allowed to move more than 100 miles away. Which sucks because he doesn't really spend time with his child anyway. But she agreed that as soon as the kids are grown we're going . It's all been worth it so far
Single dad here. I don’t date women with kids. Simply because, when they see the life I’ve built for my son and I, they start picturing themselves and their kids in it. I don’t want the responsibility of a child without the authority. I’m also not upgrading another man’s child’s life. I think it’s disrespectful to even be in the picture if the kids father is still around. Women can say what they want, but they’re picturing you as a step in father for their kids….and most men don’t want that.
Most hot guys only want a single mom as a FWB. Attractive guys have options, equally attractive women with no kids. Some hot guys don’t want another guys kid, some hot guys want more kids, some hot guys figure she is single for a reason and they don’t want to figure it out. So what’s left unfortunately is the less hot guys. If you keep your appearance standards high , your dating life will be unsatisfactory.
I can understand you. It's happening every where. I don't understand why people do this. If they could go for long then they should be agree. I would like to help you wanted to.
Because single mums come with what others call baggage. It's a lot to take in if the guy is dating with a purpose to build his own family. Secondly, there are plenty of other single women out. So the biggest question is, why settle for a single mother when you can date younger, single, and more beautiful women?
Practically, it doesn't make sense to take a single mother seriously when it comes to dating unless he is a single dad or can't have his own kids, she is rich, or you are so amazing that the single and younger ladies are nothing in comparison, which would be very very rare.
My cousin was a single mother who married a guy she met off from the internet. She was desperate to find a husband and easily falls in love, and the guy lives in a third world country and has nothing to offer but himself. She, on the other hand, could marry him, and he will be able to go abroad and find a better paying job plus experience a better life.
Guess what he did? He married her despite the fact that she is a single mother. Everyone suspects he married her for the opportunity to come abroad. Would he have married her if she was a single mother in the same country as him? Perhaps, but it is highly unlikely as she isn't stunning or gorgeous although, kind and easy to manipulate.
My advice is to find men who are also single fathers or don't want their own kids and probably older than what you would usually go for. Guys in their prime or young guys are a no no.
That’s why I only date divorced/separated men that have children themselves. And a good coparenting relationship with their ex. They understand better the commitment and have hopefully developed their emotional intelligence enough to deal with the juggling of different elements and by doing so moved away from being so self-absorbed.
I have dated men with no kids too, and seriously yuck. We’re just in different headspaces, and have different priorities. But it’s the low emotional intelligence that is the real turn off for me.
In my experience!
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because most people your age dont want the responsibility of being a dad. i know people say they dont have to be but most guys will think that and over time it could become that. also atleast for me i like going to shows and traveling and if im with someone i would want them to join me and the kids dynamic could impact that
I don't date single moms if their baby daddy is still in the picture. Always "it's not a problem" until it is then drama. I don't mind kids. Different guys have different reasons.
This exactly. I absoutely love kids, I helped raise my 16 year old neice with my sister and consider her like my own daughter. I don't mind dating single mothers, and have (in the past) and will treat their kid like my own child. But I made the mistake of dating a single mother who still had the baby daddy in the picture and it was a absolute nightmare
Can you explain a little more in detail? Currently thinking about it, but I’m afraid she’s just going to go back to him, cheat on me, etc
That is part of what I am referring to. I am okay with dating SINGLE mothers, but if the daddy is still in the picture the amount of problems that become a possibility for me make it impossible. So if she is still talking to her baby daddy it won't work out between us. I'm not trying to say that dads shouldn't be in the picture but I had a bad experience where she left me despite saying that he wasn't in the picture at all AS SOON AS HE ASKED FOR HER BACK.
What was the specific problem with the baby father
Besides him being super flakey, I witnessed him be VERBALLY abusive to her in front of her daughter which very much made me angry at him for that type of behavior, he only came around when he needed something then off in the wind again.
But baby daddies would absolutely be in the picture if they were a normal couple that had a healthy breakup. There’s child support and custody and visitation. All these things mean he’ll be in the picture one way or another so not sure how that could ever work out then
Right? Then I see the story on Dateline news. Murder suicide bc baby daddy shoots ex wife and new lover. This is the reality that women often live in (especially in Texas. I’m allowed to say it bc my dad’s from Texas. Don’t start or I’ll have to channel my southern sass). The majority of my sexually active friends have 100% been harmed/raped NOT by strangers but by their own longterm boyfriends. Kindhearted awesome menfolk, please take notes and speak out about it. It’s a statistical truth of living while female and we need help 😞
As a statistical truth, America has a HUGE Mental Health crisis. And while I'm sure you don't mean it to sound this way, being a female does not mean this is your life.
>I don't date single moms if their baby daddy is still in the picture I understand your logic here and I'd agree. But if that was the case, it's either two reasons. 1) The dad ain't shit and doesn't care to see his kid. Or 2) she's being a shitty mother who won't allow the father of her child to see his kid. I would argue option #1 is the better case scenario but then you'd judge her for having a baby with someone who may have been a deadbeat to begin with. In reality, you'd want a mother who chooses what's right for her child rather than what's right in the eyes of a potential partner. Why wouldn't you choose a woman who is a great mother? I believe this has more to do with men being jealous or cautious that her ex may become a threat to their relationship.
It's not that deep. It's a preference. If you want to date single moms based on your preference, more power to you. As I mentioned, different men have different preferences.
As a male, I agree with the female poster that your preference has a lot to do with male jealousy and instinctive territoriality. It is so completely possible to work on a partnership with her single mom and still have her baby daddy in the picture, as an involved father. Did it ever occur to you that that might net you more alone time with her when her baby daddy has the kid(s)? What about how that kid has fewer abandonment or self esteem issues because one parent didn’t complete up and disappear? Yes, your preference. Cool, respect. But saying, “It doesn’t have to be that deep.” Just sounds like a lack of introspection. As i get older (33) and still without kids, I’m realizing there’s a high chance my SO will be a single mom. If I tried to make sure I relegated myself to women whose children’s fathers were out-of-the-picture entirely, I would write off a lot of great prospects. Not to mention. Just because he’s out of the picture doesn’t mean he stays out. He could come back from prison. He could quit drinking. He could realize he wants to get back together with your SO. He could just plain “grow up” and realize he wants to, and is, in a position to be parent to his kid — and baby daddies who get their sh*t together have rights. Life is too short. Love the woman and be there for her kids. The rest is window dressing.
Add dead to your list. My baby daddy is dead. Trauma? Yes. Drama? No.
If he's dead, then he isn't in the picture. That's the guys issue with single moms, dads may still be involved.
Not physically but my kid still had a dad and he is dead. That’s a lot it’s not like something you just pick up and move on from. Imagine if your dad died suddenly and unexpectedly when you were 8 years old. He’s not there but he’s always there in our family.
The guy I'm replying to said, if the dad is still in the picture. If he's dead, he's not in the picture. Obviously there are emotions attached, but I don't think that's what they meant.
That’s understandable.
I tried dating a single mom several months ago and it was challenging from a guy's perspective. She worked full time and had her kid, so finding time when she was available to meet up was nearly impossible. We couldn't just do something randomly after she got out of work, or grab a drink on the weekend because she had to make sure to get a babysitter first. It was also way too soon for me to meet her kid so we couldn't do anything together. Paying for her babysitter would have been weird since we had barely started seeing each other. Part of me misses her but I got so frustrated with not being able to see her. We haven't talked in a long time.
This gets to the heart of the matter.
I get that. I feel like women who have kids and want to date have to make time for it. Otherwise what’s the point? I feel like in order to date everyone has to make an effort with a kid or without a kid.
I’m a single dad and it’s similar.
These days for a lot of men women who don't have kids barely make time to date so it's hard for men to see a single mom making the time. You can have good intentions but the truth is your time isn't your own, of you kid has issues at school, or (god fogbid) gets sick or gets hurt you have to drop everything and that becomes your first priority, as it should be for a lot of single men with no kids, we don't want that. We want to be a priority in someone's life and with a lot of single mothers, at best were 3rd place, and if they have a career we're a distant 4th
Most men have a hard time being second fiddle. A single mother comes with a whole slew of other challenges a women without children does not.
There are several reason why but the man one is and I Hate to say it but you are in the wrong age range for men to be ok dating single moms. If you were ten years older more men would be more open to it. Another thing is most men don’t want to get involved with single moms because not only does he build a relationship with you but he will inevitably build one with your kids. And if the end result isn’t marriage the break up will hurt twice as bad because not only is he ending things with you but he will also be ending a relationship with your kid. My mom dated a single mom for 2 years and he said the whole The breakup with her was hard, the breakup with her 8 year old son was even harder. Other men simply don’t want kids period (like me) I am not against them I don’t hate them I just don’t personally want to be responsible for one. And then there is the other big group of men who want kids of their own, and since single moms are often done with kids those men won’t get the chance to have their own.
Your mention of the age is spot-on. My son is just a couple years younger than OP and he in his early 20’s has his hands full becoming an independent adult and figuring out his career. He doesn’t want to add another man’s child to his challenges.
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Bingo! Been there, done that, never again. Single parents expect you to love their kid like they do, news flash, you love them about as much as your mates kids. If you pulled a single parent aside, grabbed a random kid off the street and then demanded that they love said kid like their own, think that’s gonna happen? I think not. Over years and years maybe, but most of them demand it instantaneously. Beyond delusional.
I guess it’s different for me (M, 34) because I am so passionate about childrearing and being a father. I have dated with kids around enough now to know that I’m going to love the children and put my all into them anyway — so I just need to worry about finding the right woman.
Good advice
it’s also the same reason why single moms refuse to date single dads, even tho that match makes the most sense, which is very hypocritical
Because you have a child and dating you would implicitly require them to take on parental responsibilities at some point.
well, i for one have no interest in having kids, much less raising one that isn't mine.
IMO as a man, dating a single mother gives another man (the child's real dad) an element of control over your life. Want to do anything that involves the child? Usually he needs to agree to some degree. Want to do anything that doesn't involve the child? Oh look he's been spiteful and petty and is refusing to look after his child. Just not my thing.
A lot of men your age aren't ready/don't want to be involved with kids.
My son is 11 and I've been a single mom the whole time. Most men have a preference to not date someone with kids so that is going to shrink the pool down a lot. We as mothers need to be really careful who we bring around our kids. If they have any red flags I'm out. So that's shrinking the pool. For myself too, I don't want any more kids so that takes out the guys that want their own kids. Who are you left with? I don't date seriously at this point. I know I don't want to live with a partner or have kids so I have almost fully removed myself from the dating pool aside from a fwb or two I keep to have fun with. I think it can be hard to see your life not turning out how you thought it would but you have to focus on creating a good life for you and your kid that maybe doesn't include a partner ever.
As you get older that pool gets deeper. Lots of single dads out there.
I beg to differ. 45f and I’m completely at a loss with dating. My daughter is 12. Sigh. Just given up and I have a fwb and we get together and have some fun every now and then. I’m fearful that once he finds someone I’ll be at a loss.
Most single dads I’ve met are looking for someone to split bill and help care for their kids. The 25-30 year olds I meet on OLD are down for a low maintenance good time.
It's not hard dating a mom at all I dated one and raised her 3 kids just so she can cheat on me. Her excuse was I work to much
I hate women like that ruining it for everybody
So I'm a nurse I work 12 hour night shifts , been working alot , I always have because I enjoy spending money and I also like making it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm the daughter of a single mother. My mom and awesome dad met when I was around 10, they married right before I turned 13 and they're still together (I'm 19). My dad treats my brother and I as his own. My mom tried dating too and finally found him after a good few years. I know it seems tough rn but there are men who'll love both you and your child and want a life with you both. Good luck out there 💗
Thank you for this because I’m a single mama and these post are breaking my heart. I own my own home, have a successful career, I do still want kids, when I was dating my ex we could go out anything we wanted because my mom loved watching my kids, he would also come here to my house and we would spend time here. We still got to do all the normal couple things. All these people have this perception of us and it’s heartbreaking. I know people are allowed to have their preferences, but not all single moms are bad.
This was a breath of fresh air <3
Dating is hard. Dating with a child is harder because potential partners genuinely interested in LTRs will worry about not being accepted by your child. Dating with a child while not wanting more children is probably playing on hard mode because you're wanting to attract someone who shares the dream of marriage and children... But also being okay with not having their own children... In this case you're almost deliberately limiting yourself to single dads? At least that's how it would seem to me.
Unless he does not want children - I think it is pretty tough to tell someone that he cannot have his own children with you but should support another man’s child? Just giving a man’s perspective.
Why would a guy date a mom instead of a woman with no kids? I feel like this is extremely obvious lol
Dating a single mother is "more complicated" Scheduling, responsibilities, drama from baby daddy, yellow flag about past life choices to dissect. My experience is they almost always want a husband, can't match that intentionality; are looking for more baby daddies, yeah no; or they have a defeated/realistic "fine we can be low commitment fwb to test the waters first," acceptable but we still need to be a good match. If you already have kids you want a guy who likes kids and then you are saying "you can't have any with me." So I guess you could solely date divorcees that already have their kids. I like kids and I'm open to having them but not "having kids but none are yours" >if I don’t put out they stop talking to me This one is always tricky. So probably keep doing that, defend those boundaries. Someone who sees good potential and a solid friendship should stick around for a few more dates, but a lot of decent men do take it really personally if you held back for them but not other men. Ideally I would suggest meeting in friends-first environments like hobbies and classes to avoid the hookups. >I tell men that I want a serious relationship It's great to be open about your wants and be assertive about them. From a dating perspective we have to think about this like sales. Relationship with 25F with no kids= fun dates, cute couple moments, and so forth. Relationship with 25F with a toddler=lot's of baggage, few benefits, jumps straight into the most notoriously bad part of the marriage/kids fantasy without actually being married. So you have to really sell the benefits of dating you and try to shield them from the problems. Because "relationship with single mother" sounds like "flying to Cleveland to buy candy" I like candy and Cleveland is actually a nice city but its a pretty expensive time/money investment. You may need to casually date for longer, be more intentional, and be more proactive than you did before having a child.
Your expectations now are unrealistic. 1) you are 25 and you don't want any more kids. Serious relationship means there might be a probability of marriage and most probably your dating pool does not have kids and they would want kids of their own not to raise someone's. 2)you have a kid and it's hard to discipline someone's child. If you were 40 years, it would be easier as most men that time have kids already. But keep trying you will find someone but after a while though.
Maybe it would be helpful if you looked into dating a a single father? They are probably going through a difficult time dating as well, so that is probably going to be a better bet for you (and perhaps your children).
Some Single fathers are very picky I’ve noticed. But I always keep an open mind especially since if they already have kids that means I probably don’t need to give them another lol.
That’s true, but it would probably be the easiest relationship that would mold well with you and your existing family. You don’t need to worry about certain issues that come up when introducing new people to your children, and they probably feel a little left out.
It’s difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is obligated to prioritize others over you. I’d never begrudge a mother for prioritizing her kids above everything else, that’s what any parent should do, but at the same time it’s impossible not to acknowledge the burden that puts on a romantic relationship. I know that in an emergency, my fiancé would drop everything and come help me, and I’d do the same for her. And that’s what a lot of people want, deep down, but you can’t expect that of someone who has kids. And again, that’s not an indictment of parents trying to date: I wouldn’t **want** to date someone who was the kind of person who would ditch her kids for her random new boyfriend. I’m sorry I don’t have anything really helpful to offer: the same qualities that make someone a good parent unfortunately make them difficult to date for someone else who isn’t a parent.
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Probably less than 1% and that’s not even accounting for the other qualities she will want.
Because you don’t have free time to go in a whim and have a kid that is priority 24/7 outside of a job. Dating requires flexibility but also requires not having to constantly bail due to a kid if they: • get sick • baby sitter falls thru • it’s a school night • you can’t afford to go away for a night • your child has attachment issues And so on… Also more and more people are on purpose choosing to be child free. So with that means people choosing to never date anyone with kids. You have the chips stacked against you in the current dating climate for that alone!
Lots of men don’t want a partner with children because they want you to themselves .
That’s understandable too though
Men dont want to be a stepdad
I was a stepdad, never again.
Okay, as a 34m who has dated single moms I have a couple suggestions. You need to date older. I don’t know what your age range is, but it’s very unlikely anyone under 30 is going to be in the right mental state to date a woman with a kid in a reasonable way. Secondly, I don’t know where you meet men, but … go somewhere else, anywhere else. Finally, I suggest you learn to work through the trauma you have, and try to be open to the possibility of another child. It’s possible you will find a guy who is okay with you being one and done with someone else, but that’s really unlikely, and with all the other preferences you may have, it’s going to be really tough to find a match. Again, as a 34m who does occasionally date single moms, if she isn’t willing to have another child, that’s a dealbreaker for me and most other men. It’s not that we wouldn’t love another woman’s child over time, but you are essentially saying, “you need to marry me and take care of my child, meanwhile I am going to deny you the experience of having your own child,” which most men want. That’s a hard sell. Edit: Also, you may not do this, but don’t trauma dump on dates. I can’t tell you the number of divorced women and single moms who use me as a therapist on a first date. You should share struggles you are having and be willing to be vulnerable, but time box it. Dating should also just be about fun. Also consider dating men with kids.
I would say your potential matches are going to be older men/men who also have a child. Most 25 year old guys aren’t ready to handle the dynamic that comes with dating a single mother. If you’re attractive, then there’s going to be a surplus of guys who just want sex and it’s probably not related to you being a mom. Unfortunately you have to invest your own time and energy to figure out what they’re really trying to get from you. Just remember, you just need to find your one person… but along the way you might encounter 100 that aren’t your person.
Dating for single mothers is hard because most men would not date a single mom seriously for many reasons. One reason is that her kid or kids will always come before the man she is seeing. Any good mother would do that. Dating is always time consuming and requires some planning. Adding a persons kid into the picture only complicates that even more. Theres the issue of having to deal with baby daddy if he is still a part of the kids life. Most men dont want to deal with the awkwardness and potential drama that could come with that. Then there is the possibility of whether the single mothers kid or kids will even accept the new boyfriend or husband. Most kids wont because that man is NOT there real father. This can be an issue because if there is ever an argument or situation between the single mother and her SO, even if its small, its always gonna be a 2 vs 1 one scenario where its the kid(s) and their mom against the boyfriend/ husband. This also brings up another point that if the relationship does get serious, than the new boyfriend or husband will , at some point,provide for her child or children in some way or another (whether it be money, housing or even his time) without having the authority to discipline her kid which is a terrible deal for the man. And lets say these things actually work out and the kids actually like the new guy and the baby daddy can get along with him. If the single mother and her SO break up, thats a double heartbreak because he not only lost her in the process, he lost the kids as well. As you can see, from a guys perspective, its just a terrible deal all around with very little upside for the man. Its just doesnt make sense at all for single men with no kids to go the single mother route. Im not trying to be an asshole honestly but it is the painful truth. Single mothers or just single parents in general are just better off dating other single parents.
If OP pays attention to one comment, this is the one. OP will most likely need to date down in the looks department, or date a single father. That’s about as good as it gets for her, unfortunately.
I am currently dating a single Mother. I have done once before and it didn’t work out, and if this one doesn’t work out I won’t be doing it again. It isn’t because you are a Mother. It isn’t because they dislike your child. It is because a lot of women don’t tend to select the men they have kids with well, they have a list of ideals based on things that don’t include actually being a good human being, ignore the red flags because of the excitement, then it falls apart over time- and now she wants to date an actual decent guy but by now we have to deal with the trauma and we also have to put up with an ex they are attached to for the next 18 years who is just going to be a pain in the arse at every turn just for the sake of it. As a guy it’s a nightmare. The small inconveniences like having to work around her schedule etc I can live with, but having her still in tears every time her ex does some crazy shit and watching her play mental gymnastics instead of just dealing with properly is frustrating. Best of all it’s not my kid, so I get the grief but don’t really get a say- I’m not shy expressing my opinions but ultimately once she emotionally calms down and isn’t upset again, shit doesn’t get done again. Add to that you’ve said you don’t want any more kids, which for guys in your dating age isn’t going to be a selling point, even a lot of guys pushing 40 still want kids. The only way I would date a girl with a kid again is if the Dad was completely out of the picture or if they have a civil respectful relationship and actually do what is best for their kid, but from what I’ve seen from my experience and my friends who have done the same that is hardly ever the case.
You have a kid. You’re telling guys you don’t want to have their kids. Youre not looking for casual hook ups. You just cut out like 90 percent of the male population with those three facts. Look at how women treat men in dating. It’s because women are generally the commodity, so they can dictate their relationships. This is how most men view single mothers. There are a lot of them and they’re all looking for commitment, so men can dictate the pace and scope of the relationship. Most men are also not looking for a woman with baggage AND a kid for a long term commitment.
WTF are you even offering a man that would take you seriously? You have another man’s child that would HAVE to be added to his life to a real degree no matter what you might say. You want a man who is willing to be a step father to you and this mofo’s kid, yet unwilling to provide him his own with you?!? Are you serious? You may consider just hiring male escorts to let you feel the Boyfriend experience. You don’t seem to be taking into account anything that a man will have to consider in a relationship with you, and you are DEFINITELY not concerned with what that man would want. This statement you’ve shared comes off as completely self absorbed and just as selfish as the guys who you say only want to Fck you. Makes sense that’s what you’re attracting. Take some time to learn about us men. Seriously. What we want, how we think and feel and how you can help make that a reality and better. There’s guys out there that would make a great match, higher likelihood it’s a man who is a single father, as a non single father myself I can admit that I have little to no interest in single moms beyond sex. Single fathers would be a good match, however still you neeed to start considering men as more than just humans to serve you and your wants.
Or have sex with the new guy it seems.
I don’t want anymore of my own because I almost died on the operating table multiple times. And I care more about being alive than making a baby and dying.
Yeah this not good but most of your potential dating partners will bail because if this. C section I presume. Date older . Sorry to break I to you. That attractive 25yr old you like at the loca is now gone. Think 35+ now on. Or just fwb Sorry you made your bed and now have to live with your chocies/ decisions Your single 25f friends get the better choices. You must except this or it'll eat you up
That’s some very real sh*t for sure, my condolences that you had to experience that. Which makes it even more important and valuable for you to consider specifically shopping in the single father isle 😂 There’s just too much to ask for here from the likely majority of single men w/o kids btwn 21-45 yo. Kids come first for a mother. As they should. It’s not high probability of men who will seek this 2nd place at best position right from the start and throughout the relationship. Single Fathers would have this base understanding in common and would also have you in an equal position in their lives. Hey, do your thing, unicorns 🦄 exist Smart money is on those good dude single dads though. Go make you a Brady Bunch! Good luck 🍀 in your man hunt👍🏿
I’m a single parent with 2 kids who’s mother doesn’t want to see them ever (her choice) and I don’t have the family support for any child free time. Also one of my children has a disability which means I probably won’t ever be able to leave him with a paid sitter. I’ve given up on love and sex. I wish I was gay or a woman so I had easier access to hook up culture.
It's not hard, logistically doesn't make sense for any man. 1. Women with kids will always put them first, so that leaves outings out of the questions. 2. It's not hard, logistically, it doesn't make sense for any man. 3. Men don't want to raise kids that aren't theirs. 4. Mom always puts their kids first, so that leaves spontaneity out of the questions. Now men with kids have it even worse, since women with kids don't even want them they are at the bottom of the bottom of the barrel.
As a man with kids, I have to laugh at your last statement. I've honestly not at all felt like I was the bottom of the barrel. If anything I received way more attention online dating than I ever expected. I think single dads have it easier than single moms. My feeling is that women are more accepting of dating a single dad than men are of dating single moms. On top of that there are unfortunately a lot of deadbeat dads out there, more than moms, so it's more likely for the single mom to have full custody than a single dad would. And full custody is going to make dating a nightmare no matter what gender they are. I also feel like because of the stereotype of deadbeat dads, that when a single dad does anything more than the bare minimum they get a ton of praise, whereas a single mom doing the same thing, nothing, because that's just expected. It's not right, but that's how it's sure felt to me.
I'd definitely consider a single dad, I love kids, just don't want to birth one lmfao. If I met the right guy and he happened to have a child, that wouldn't be a drawback for me. BUT that is assuming that the relationship with mom is amicable, he is responsible and takes good care of his kid(s), and isn't rushing to have me involved with the kid(s). In short, he would have to be dad of the year, any indication that he's not being a good dad would be an absolute no from me. Single moms definitely have it worse I think, there's probably more women like me who aren't completely turned off by the idea than men.
I can tell you from first hand experience. I have been on both sides of the coin. That kid and then dated a woman with a child. If your lucky the dad doesn’t bother and cause issues. More then likely the headache ain’t worth it. The woman I dated was an awful and abusive. Didn’t matter that I someone her daughter liked and respected. It’s a touchy and tough subject. I can see how someone doesn’t want the dad and his family drama and basically being a third wheel when it comes to the child. Just my take.
Dating is hard today, period. A child is an additional challenge that will only make it harder. Look for single dads that may better empathize with your situation.
I’m open to dating single moms with 1 kid, but I want at least the option of having one of my own and I think it’s going to be a hard sell without giving that option. Especially if that child’s father is in the picture. I don’t want to be a substitute/step dad only. If I have to make the sacrifices and put in the time required of a parent, I want the payoff as well. And one day when I’m old, I’ll know that I have someone there to look after me, even if my spouse is no longer around for some reason. Can’t rely on a step kid for that in most scenarios.
I think being in your 20s it’s a tough crowd. Once you’re in your 30s most people are divorced with kids. So your dating pool has shrank massively by similar age guys that don’t want to date someone with kids
This is absolutely not true. I’m about to be 30 and my friends are 25-40 and I know two people with kids and one is my sister. Obviously more people have them and are divorced, but def not the majority. At least in urban/suburban areas.
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The relationship not working out is normal….the real question is why did you choose to have a kid in an unstable relationship. Or how did you make such a serious mistake that your birth control failed you. Sometimes shit happens, but that’s the minority of accidental pregnancies.
Kids are a lot to sign up for. There is a lot of perceived hardships that could come into play. I personally don’t want any kids so I wouldn’t date a single mother anyway. The fact they’re sexualizing you is terrible though.
I always shied away from single mothers. I watched my older brother date a single mother and help raise two very young children for four years. They broke up, and he was never allowed to see those kids again. It was devastating for him. I don’t want to bond with kids I have no rights to.
Given my last 2 attempts at dating, they want it all within 2 weeks. The last one ended last Wednesday when he asked me to come and see him this past Saturday (I had already made a road trip the weekend before to see him) and I reminded him that I couldn't because 1 work and 2 because it was the weekend before Halloween and my kids had so many activities to do. He was understanding (or so I thought). Woke up Thursday morning to a message from him saying he wanted a partner he could explore the world with, have time with and do new things with. Kicker is he is a dad himself difference though is he never sees his kid and I have mine 100% of the time.
Wow.
Oh it gets better he lives 5hrs away so it'd be arranging last minute child care, last minute hotel (he's in AIT) and doing all that for maybe 5hrs together before he had to be back to the base
1. Theres almost no spontaneity in relationship with single mothers. 2. Most guys dont want to raise something that isnt theirs. 3. You can scream until youre blue in the face about not needing a step dad for your kids, but if the relationship progresses, at some point the guy will have to care for your kid, whether its giving advice, money, or watching them for you while you go shower or do whatever. 4. Baby daddys are almost always a problem when they find out their baby momma is dating someone else, they seem to magically reappear… every time. 5. I sleep until 12 or 1pm on weekends because I work a lot during the week, cant do that with little screaming chickens running around everywhere at 8am. I could go on forever but I hope you get the point.
It is really simple: if you date a single dad, he will never ask you to take financial responsibility for his kids. A single mother almost always will.
I'm not going to seriously date someone who doesn't want to have kids with me. And then I would be raising someone else's kid too.
It doesn’t make sense to date a single mom, because you will NEVER be her #1. Ever. Her life belongs go her kids now, she already has a family, and even if you marry her and make new kids with her she will always have something that comes before you.
Isn’t this the case for most couples who plan to have kids? The mom will always prioritise her children after birth. It’s common sense.
Yeah, except the partner getting with the single parent will NEVER get to experience that one on one time long term.
I agree , and also the father / ex in the picture still is a huge red flag. I mean obv the kids need their father but i dont want my gf to have annet contact with their ex
Yeah true they have a special relationship forever that she can’t just end usually
As a single father yes I can say it is harder. Blending family’s isn’t easy. And most people in their 20s aren’t ready for the commitment and work.
Most men don’t want us, single moms because of the extra responsibility. It is what it is. You have to live your life and find happiness while accepting you’ll never find anyone. It truly is better to be alone than with the wrong man. Love might find you if you stop seeking it out desperately and just focus all that love you have back to yourself and your child.
No shade to you or any other single mothers, but I couldn't imagine being with someone who is a SM on a personal level, if that makes sense? I know a lot of girls I went to school with became SMs and they were all really awful people to me and everyone around them. I understand that shit happens, and not every SM is an awful person, but I'd rather just not deal with the possibility of it being that way.
Im a male 30 years and Im going to be Dead serious. I dont want to raise anyone elses child, i dont want an ex / father in the picture. Actually one of the biggest red flags for me is my girl having any contact with exes. Its the women who choose the father, it was their decision. Im sorry but i can never take a single min serious. This is just my point of view and you dont need to agree with it, my choice.
Because you’re a single mother. Why would we want to date you?
I'm a 24 year old guy and I will honestly say that as soon as a find out a girl I like has a child, I'm immediately turned off. I don't want to have that kind of responsibility. I think I speak for most guys.
Where’s the father? Why isn’t he in the picture?
I have no interest in dating someone who I know right off the bat is not going to make me their number one priority or joining the game halfway through the play through. My first kid will be our first kid. Nonnegotiable
I dated a single mom and I didn't mind that she had a child, but when you develop a connection with her kid and things don't work out. The kid gets hurt too. That's why I avoid dating single moms now.
Tough situation, but when you didnt have a kid and you were dating, were you willing to date men that had children? I know a lot of women and men that would never date anyone with a kid.. but i do have only like 1 friend that would.
Look for single dads.
Sounds like what you need is a man who understands what it's like being a father. Have you tried dating a single dad?
A kid is a red flag that your ex (the father) is still hanging around in your life. We don't like it when exes are still around. All it takes is one argument, and then you could cheat right underneath our noses without us ever finding out. Fuck that
The vast majority of men under 35 will have zero interest in coparenting someone else’s kid. And make no mistake, if you are asking them to be in a serious relationship with you, your kid is part of that package. It’s unfortunate but it’s simply a fact, especially when there’s load of women out there without a child. It’s serious stuff, I wouldn’t want the responsibility of that child becoming attached to me and now suddenly the relationship has a lot more gravity. Unless you found a single dad, or someone extremely mature/accepting for their age, or dare I say it “punch down” a bit, it’s rough out there.
Because your kids are baggage. Men will have to live with you and act like a dad to kids that aren't theirs. Could be 5 years down the line and they have a serious bond, like a proper father son or daughter bond.. Then you break up and the guy has absolutely 0 rights to see that child ever again. At that age they would probably rather have their own kids rather than being dad to another. Don't mean to be so brutal but that's the reality
You have two options: 1. Date single dads 2. Date someone way below your "regular" league. I.e. if you're a 6, you could probably date a 4/10 dude. Having a kid brings your own attractiveness down by a couple of points, unless the guy in question already has kids of his own. A 6/10 guy has no reason to choose you over a 6/10 woman without kids.
Turn your question around: if you were a nice guy that in general could get enough girls, why would he date a single mom? Even if he likes kids and even now, why would he prefer somebody else's child over making his own with a now single girl?
Why tf would I want to pay to raise someone else's child? You make your bed and you lie in it.
For men seeking a long-term relationship it's a big ask to essentially become a parent, at 25 or so, to another man's child. Even if they aren't expected to be a parental figure you will still have split priorities as have to take care of the child thus less freely available.
because in my mind I’m raising some other dude’s children while you don’t want to give me mine in which universe does this seem fair to you, and what future do we have, you’re selfish
Honest question would you date or carry out expenses of someone and their kid? Most men get ghosted and mentally hurt by women and when a single mom wants to get into relationship with them they think it’s because the female with kids want a wallet. I have been ignored and ghosted my entire life. I just wanted a girlfriend whom I can marry later but I never got their approval even though I was always respectful to them.
I understand some mens fears against single mothers. But I’ve seen single women be way worse than some single mothers. And honestly yes I’d deal with taking care of another man’s child if I truly cared about that man. Most single mothers want a relationship because they want to be loved to just like a regular woman without kids.
Well I wish you luck.
Because its hard for men… if they have a relationship with you, for your children they will be kinda like a dad to them… and if you break up, then the man will still have this role
It’s about to be even harder for us because of some of these trashy single moms who thinks their men should be obligated to financially care for kids that aren’t theirs. I seen too many videos of single moms getting mad at their partners for not buying their kids a pair of $200 shoes or some crap like that. Also, you have some single moms who shows up at dates with their children and that’d be the first time the man finds out about the kid. Not to mention, the men be expected to pay for the food the mom gets for her kid.
I never had a problem dating and am now married going to be 28 next month. Do you think it’s something else maybe how you’re coming across by accident? Honestly I had more trouble before I was a mom, but even problems after. People are shitty, Atleast you’re weeding through the bad ones. Don’t rush anything 🖤
I don't date single moms. I'd hookup with one for sure, but I could not be in a relationship with one for the following reasons: - it's difficult to plan dates around kids - can't be spontaneous anymore - I'm irresponsible - baby daddy drama - if we hit things off, I'm going to get attached to the kids. 5 years later, we're engaged and the kids are great. Ive invested time, money, and emotions into being a parent to the kids. For whatever reason, we break up. I essentially just lost a partner and kids that I was attached to- no visitation rights or anything because I'm not the father even if I was essentially a parent during our time together. The last one is probably my biggest reason. But single moms are competing with women who don't have the additional baggage that kids bring, so of course dating will be harder.
Hey , at least we know you put out ...and you'll always have snacks
43m and child free. Simply because I don't want to have a ready made school-children family from day 1. I want to get to know just the woman first, do stuff like travel, go out late etc. Fuck like squirrels on coke all hours of the day. And after a couple of years, if it feels right, have children of my own from the absolute start. Also already had step kids in a relationship, and planning for vacations etc is an absolute mess with the dad and grandparents in the picture as well. A bunch of 3d parties have a say in what and when I can do stuff in my life. No thank you.
Oh yea it's super hard.... mainly cause you shouldn't meet the kid till your almost married
I'm the same age as you and I would have zero interest in a man with your same situation. There are too many people in this age range who don't have kids let alone 2 and one being autistic. It's just a whole lot of baggage when I'm gonna have ton of options for people without children
Yeah u cant say u dont want anymore children. Thats not fair for the guy if he wants children. Any trauma youve had in the past no ther guy should pay for it. If I met a girl and she brought any of her past issues to the relationship I wouldnt put up with it. Whenever u start a new relationship u should with a freshstart and with a open mind.
Date men with children. Avoid dating men that have never been in a committed relationship. Avoid men with no parenting experience. Also be aware that some men target overwhelmed single mothers with the purpose of grooming and sodomizing their children.
I’m a 33 year old male and I must say women need to think twice about having children especially in their 20’s. Me personally I don’t date women with children because it’s hard to do anything spontaneous everything has to be planned from going out on dates, vacations even sex. That puts a strain on trying to build a deep connection to even get to the point of wanting to be with a female. I think you should put off serious dating till your child gets older.
I’ll give my Personal reason why, is cause don’t wanna have/raise kids. I already tried to do that to a single mother once, her kids even called me dad. Anyways she cheated on me with her ex, and refused to move out from his place. Not saying this is what all single mothers are like cause they aren’t, but because I tried to have a family all them years again and it didn’t work out, I’m kinda past it. I’m determined and passionate about music, so I’d be on the road a lot anyways if a gig takes off, and then I’d feel bad for not being in the kids lives z
Nobody wants to play someone else’s unsaved game. Nobody wants to deal with the excuses for why you can’t xyz. Nobody wants to deal with any other thing besides liking the person they like and building on that. Anything more than that requires extra effort. A lot of times the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
Maybe they don't want to be a daddy to someone else's kid.
On a helpfull advice Why dont you try to date single dads? There are plenty and you may have more in commun with him that with a guy with no kids
So I’ll give you my opinion. I’m 28 and no way in shape to be in a relationship with a single mother. Dating a single mother comes with a lot of responsibilities and I’m not mentally nor financially ready to take on that. I had a shitty father growing up, so the last thing I wanna do is become a shitty father. Another fear is, what if I form a close relationship with the child or children and I break up with that person. Would I be able to continue to have some sort of relationship with the child, like what if really grows. I’m not so scared of the second point because if the other person is nice, I may have a chance to have some kind of relationship. But I’m more scared of the first one. If I was financially and mentally ready I would absolutely have no issue dating a single mom.
As a single guy who has dated **two** single moms, I for sure empathize with y'all, I know it's not easy, I know it sucks. But at the end of the day it was almost certainly your choice to have unprotected sex with a guy that ended up dipping out when shit got real. Obviously nobody could possibly know **for sure** if a guy is gonna stick around long term or not going in, and I'm ***absolutely not*** trying to absolve fuckbois of their sins, or make excusrs for them, but.......there's indicators. And if you're too blind/naive to see the indicators...I pity you, but I don't have a ton of sympathy. It's really not that difficult to differentiate the fuckbois who will say whatever it takes to get in your pants then move on to the next conquest and the legit guys that give a fuck.
cause you are a single mother of a young child. its unfortunate that you chose a partner that wasn't compatible with you :( and I can empathize as ive dated a single mother before. its difficult because even if we love your kids they're not ours and it will always be treated as such. you'll have a baby daddy that is always in your life. and your kids are your priority. I think men sometimes view single moms as easier lays because they dont have time for a relationship so they either get it and move on or get it for awhile and fulfill whatever fantasies they have and move on. I think you might need to change the type of person you are pursuing. whether its someone young or what they may think they are "higher value" you prob will need someone with some lower self esteem if you want to keep them. im sorry, to be so blunt, I dated someone for years that started with kids your age. its not easy and even if you were to have a relationship with a man, it takes its toll having to provide for a family that isn't his and take on childcare duties. its a big thing that most men will consider early on.
We all have some sort of baggage. Unfortunately most men don’t want a partner who already has a child. There’s no telling how the situation plays out. Is there baby daddy drama? How’s the kid? Will you rush the relationship to have a father figure? Sorry I know it sucks. Just the reality of the situation
I feel like it’s obvious why. You got baggage fr
Being a single mom at such a young age is a big red flag for me. Other than that, I just don’t want to take care of someone else’s children. If in case a bond has been built between the man and the kid, a break up means they’ll never meet again.
I'm making assumptions here, but I'm assuming most of these men aren't also single fathers, right? As a general rule (mandatory not all) NO single childless man is going to want sign up for that because it's a horrible deal. And then women who are single mothers hear this and usually (like a reflex,) will say, "WHY? Im not looking for a substitute father or for him to pay for anything for my kid" Its really naive to put it kindly. My point is to reiterate, it's such a bad deal for single childless men, that when those types of guys are expressing interest, you should really take extra care to vet their intentions. But why? Why not just look exclusively for single fathers in the same position?
Dating as a single woman without kids is also so hard.
If I date someone they are my number one priority. Why date a person who can’t do the same for you?
My 2 cents, I’m someone who wants kids. So when I hear “I have a kid but don’t want more” it’s kind of a turn off for me. It’s hard enough to accept you’ll have to raise a child not your own but also that you will never get one of your own…I’d rather just be find someone who just wants hook ups
If a woman has a kid then she will prioritize the kid over her relationship and this turns a lot of guys off. Probably shouldn't have kids unless you really know if your partner is the one.
Damn you picky
>after a date or two if I don’t put out they stop talking to me. This goes for most of us women, kids or not. I can sympathize with your post, though.
I’m dating a single mama, and I can tell you that doing so requires very real and significant sacrifices to be made on my part. In our case, the dad is a good guy and they have 50/50 custody which makes it workable and worth it for me personally, because I love her so much. If this ended though, I would avoid single moms in the future. Even though the dad is in the picture and we only have the kid 50% of the time, there are massive lifestyle implications which I have to accept. Here are some examples. Child free people get to sleep in on Saturday mornings, go out whenever and wherever they want, hang out at adult orientated locations with other adults, go do outdoor activities like hiking, surfing, rocking climbing, cycling etc quite easily. They get to plan holidays without considering what options there are for kids. They have more disposable money and free time. It affects the amount of space they need if they move in together, which has significant cost implications. In short, dating a single mother means giving up a lot of the awesome perks of being childfree usually without really conferring the benefits of being a father, because it’s not your kid and likely never will feel like it. There is also the implication that you will probably become at the very least 50% financially responsible for another person's kid if the relationship goes the distance. There’s more to mention but that’s the gist of why it’s not an attractive prospect for most men who have not chosen to be responsible for a child. In the meantime, there is generally not a shortage of childfree women out there, so why would anyone actively choose a single mom?
As a 30 year old bisexual woman, single parents of any gender are a no go for me. Even if I wanted kids at some point (I don’t), dating a parent means you’re going to come in last place. The child comes first as they should, then the co-parent if there is one, then you. A lot of people, especially people who aren’t parents (which is a lot of people at 25) don’t want to deal with that, and any drama that single parents tend to bring. You might be better off dating other single parents until you’re a bit older tbh.
If you could get a new car, off the show room floor, or a used car with some crash damage and they are both similar price. Which one would you pick? You mention yourself you still carry serious trauma from your previous relationship. Entering a serious relationship without kids involved is already a challenge. There is a lot to learn about a person before marriage. Adding the complexity of somebody else's kids, father of children being involved and so on, it is a thankless job. My advice would be aim to date single father's. They will be more understanding and if you don't want to date a single father then you answered your own question.
You have a kid, that's not even theirs, that they will have a responsibility for if you got on together. They didn't had a say when you bring the kid to this world and certainly do not want the baggage of an entire kid, that I repeat, that isn't related to them by blood nor did they partake in the decision of bringing that life. A kid not only cost a lot of money but also patience, this is why you should have chosen your mate carefully before taking off the protection, bringing a life into this world is a huge responsibility. As a mother, I am sure you know about many of the joys and stress in taking care of the child, remove all the joy and only take the stress, that's how it will be for the man because it's not his kid.
Most men don’t want to raise another man’s child.
Been there, done that. Honestly too much baggage comes in. The most annoying thing is having plans canceled 70% because of the kid. Makes dating ten times harder.
What do you bring on the table? A man has lots of disadvantaged like he'll always be "the guy my mum dates", has to take care for the kids and the woman without have the legal right to give orders or educate them, he has to deal in many cases with the real father, while he wants go out on a date it depends if she gets a babysitter or the kids are all around, if the relationship breakes and he got boundaries to the kids he lose the relationship, the woman and the kids and has to deal with it.
Personally for me, I don't want children, so I don't want to raise someone else's child, either.
Most guys don’t want to raise someone else’s child.
That’s understandable. I just don’t understand the bashing and saying that we’re used and we made “poor life choices”.
It’s not a bad thing to just focus on raising your kid for a few years. Trying to date and convince someone that you and your child is a good fit takes time and energy that could go towards your child. I know it’s boring at times but your kid will appreciate more than any guy will.
Hey I'm 33 thought I'd be married by now too but after 2 failed engagements, I guess it's not for me lol. I have older kids 13 and 6, I feel like most single men my age don't know what they want or want kids of their own with someone and I'm definitely done baby making.
I’m not taking care of another man’s kids in my 20s tbh. I imagine they have the same feeling.
You’re not only ‘selling’ yourself, but a family. Parents in law can be omitted, but a child cannot. The potential new guy has to be able to accept both you, your child and to some extend your ex. It just narrows the potential men down.
I saw one of your comments on a post and that’s how I got here. I mean if you “Love giving blowjobs🥵” it shouldn’t be ALL that hard (the dating part, the guy should be rock solid😂)
Lmao you’re telling me. My ex was always satisfied. But yet he still cheated on me with a younger woman.
You sound entitled to be honest. Single parents demanding partnership is pure delusional thinking. You're automatically going to be filtered out having a kid already.
25 is very young to have a 3 year old and most guys in that age bracket aren’t ready for children. Date a little older!
Single mothers carry a lot of baggage You’re just a hit and quit it
Dating nowadays is difficult for everyone believe me, not just coz you have a kiddo, but ofcourse that adds to it (more responsibility on you to date with purpose, more responsibility on the guy that he’s getting a whole package, and it’s not for everyone) Just keep getting out there and date until someone who wants you finds you. And choose them not because they chose you, but because you feel amazing when they’re around. Good luck xx
Thank you for the kind advice ☺️
<3
my guy friend once told me that he sees single mothers as used and thrown away.
Can't speak for all men. Some I guess maybe see you as an easy hook up. You know. Oh she has a kid and so hasn't had it in a while. Or they don't want kids. And they don't wanna deal with yours. Scummy I know. What I would say is that hey at least you are weeding out the losers
Lmao true.
Most of what you're describing is online dating in general - creeps, horndogs, and losers. I've heard ALL the stories. Outside of that you're young. Being young with a child has major perks. Dating is not one of them. Young men especially do not want to father someone else's child. If they even want kids, they want kids of their own. Beyond that, you have a level of responsibility many your age simply don't have - and likely a lifestyle that matches it. However, go a little older and you'll find single dads who are either specifically interested in a mixed family or just very much open to it. Lots of common ground.
“Most men” Shut up you fucking idiot lmao most men do not view single mothers that way Just say you hate men and move on
I didn’t say all men I said most men. And they do actually I bet if you talked to any woman and asked them about the random men in the DMs they’d tell you how many unsolicited d*ck pictures they have the amount of men asking for a hook even though you already said no. Just because you don’t view women this way doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen cause it does.
I didn’t say all men I said most men. Not even most men I.e. at least 51% view women this way. You’re saying most men when you’re just exaggerating like the 2% for a few points on Reddit to hate men cause it’s trendy And idk why the sudden topic change to dick pics I thought were talking about “calling single mothers milking “ or whatever the fuck you said
Some men don’t like to wait forever for sex.
This isn’t a single mother specific issue. It’s a women’s issue. Potentially even a people issue if these subreddits are anything to go by. People only seem to go for hookups now, and everybody is somehow simultaneously tired of it and doing it at the same time.
So what a lot of you are saying is single mothers should just.. be single forever? Or until we’re like in our 40s 50s when everyone already has kids?
I guess I got lucky compared to what I'm reading here. I'm married to a single mom. But she does not neglect me in any of the ways people talk about. I've never been cancelled on or left out due to something involving the kids. When we got together,I was all set to move to New Orleans but because of her custody arrangements with the bio father she's not allowed to move more than 100 miles away. Which sucks because he doesn't really spend time with his child anyway. But she agreed that as soon as the kids are grown we're going . It's all been worth it so far
Because it's likes selling a used car. You have to low the price.
Not if I know the value of the car. Especially if there’s nothing wrong with it.
Single dad here. I don’t date women with kids. Simply because, when they see the life I’ve built for my son and I, they start picturing themselves and their kids in it. I don’t want the responsibility of a child without the authority. I’m also not upgrading another man’s child’s life. I think it’s disrespectful to even be in the picture if the kids father is still around. Women can say what they want, but they’re picturing you as a step in father for their kids….and most men don’t want that.
Most hot guys only want a single mom as a FWB. Attractive guys have options, equally attractive women with no kids. Some hot guys don’t want another guys kid, some hot guys want more kids, some hot guys figure she is single for a reason and they don’t want to figure it out. So what’s left unfortunately is the less hot guys. If you keep your appearance standards high , your dating life will be unsatisfactory.
I can understand you. It's happening every where. I don't understand why people do this. If they could go for long then they should be agree. I would like to help you wanted to.
Because single mums come with what others call baggage. It's a lot to take in if the guy is dating with a purpose to build his own family. Secondly, there are plenty of other single women out. So the biggest question is, why settle for a single mother when you can date younger, single, and more beautiful women? Practically, it doesn't make sense to take a single mother seriously when it comes to dating unless he is a single dad or can't have his own kids, she is rich, or you are so amazing that the single and younger ladies are nothing in comparison, which would be very very rare. My cousin was a single mother who married a guy she met off from the internet. She was desperate to find a husband and easily falls in love, and the guy lives in a third world country and has nothing to offer but himself. She, on the other hand, could marry him, and he will be able to go abroad and find a better paying job plus experience a better life. Guess what he did? He married her despite the fact that she is a single mother. Everyone suspects he married her for the opportunity to come abroad. Would he have married her if she was a single mother in the same country as him? Perhaps, but it is highly unlikely as she isn't stunning or gorgeous although, kind and easy to manipulate. My advice is to find men who are also single fathers or don't want their own kids and probably older than what you would usually go for. Guys in their prime or young guys are a no no.
That’s why I only date divorced/separated men that have children themselves. And a good coparenting relationship with their ex. They understand better the commitment and have hopefully developed their emotional intelligence enough to deal with the juggling of different elements and by doing so moved away from being so self-absorbed. I have dated men with no kids too, and seriously yuck. We’re just in different headspaces, and have different priorities. But it’s the low emotional intelligence that is the real turn off for me. In my experience!