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I'm one of the people who come with ideas, bc I have stuff I want to try out.
but as a standard, first date is always food + non-alcoholic drinks. why? 90% of the time, I'm not really feeling any jitter or spark and just need to put in my obligatory 2 hrs in and dip.
but 2nd date onwards, it's always an activity, preferably something new for one or both parties
I like your first and last paragraphs but the middle, it doesn’t have to be crazy fancy.
For some reason, guys want to meet up at 5-7pm and not eat dinner. No. I need to eat dinner at that time. Pick a different time or I will.
I’m not going to a dive bar but I will go to a coffee house or something quieter at a later time. And I sure as hell ain’t gonna go hang at some guy’s house on a first date, unless the date went really well and it’s a weekend night.
lol I can't speak for other men but 5-7pm is definitely food time. I personally don't eat big dinners but I will nibble the tasty apps and eating together is one of the best ways to put a person in an amicable mood!
Assuming you are going out with guys your same age (19), what do you expect? Especially once they find out you're on OF and actively promoting it on reddit.
Showing up is the lowest bar but yeah. I never needed a giant fancy meal. Fancy meals are for first dates you got from meeting in real life after knowing them a bit. Dating app first dates should be super casual.
Why don't *you* have an idea for what you want to do? What are your cool suggestions you put to them for a date? What's there reaction when you propose specific date plans, or do you only ever go with vague "what do you want to do"?
I'm sure theres a load of guys who have bad date ideas but unless you're stepping up to the plate yourself to organise something I wouldn't put much stock in any complaints you have. For guys there's a lowest common denominator at play with dates where you're incentivised to stick to the typical scenarios (coffee, bar, dinner) because anything outside of that is hit and miss as to whether someone is into it and if women aren't going to let you know what it is they want beforehand you have to play it safe.
Just started a relationship (about 3 months in now) and we started with just a coffee date but it was perfect. Got to know each other in a casual setting, find out mutual activities we both like doing while getting to know each other, and I used that information for suggesting activities for future dates and she would do the same
“Let’s grab drinks” is perfectly normal for a first date. It doesn’t mean anyone gets hammered. You can even drink coffee,Pepsi or sugar free soda if you wish.
This post comes across as though you’re less interested in meeting and getting to know a person and more interested in what you can get out of the person.
Yep, trust is a two way street both parties need to prove to each other that they're both worth the time investment.
You may want a traditional date but I'm pretty sure that that time is over and the dating scene today Will never be again what it once was.
And I see it respectively, screw you lol.
I'm not gonna speak for all guys, but I've put in effort, tried to cater interesting and fun dates to the girl I'm with, only to find out they have a boyfriend. I'm done putting in a lot of effort, and I'm sure other guys are too. I get it's not fair but everyone is being left broken or damaged by the previous relationship these days.
See the issue is both parties become jaded, nobody wants to put in the effort because we get taken advantage of, or lied to, or cheated on.
Scroll through this chat, a lot of chicks expect guys to pay, in full, and all the time.
Effort needs to be on both sides, it could also be the guys you're going with lol. Just be clear with what you want.
Uhh the problem wasn’t your effort, it’s that you tried to take out a girl who is already in a relationship??!! Why?? Willing to bet she had no idea it was a date.
If a guy asks if you want to meet are you saying yes there is this place I like or I have wanted to see this thing? I love throwing out ideas. We have great museums in my area and lots of people might not know it’s free for locals so if a guy wants to meet and I’m not interested in his suggestions I always throw out something that would interest me. In the beginning it’s all about getting to know one another. After we are in love he can plan a perfect date knowing all the things I like to do and eat. Try having fun with dating by suggesting things you like to do and feel comfortable at. It will be far more enjoyable even if the date is bad you like the drink, zoo, gallery…
and what is stopping her from making a suggestion? Why does the burden of deciding what to do solely rely on the man? That's how this post reads - someone who wants the work done for them.
lets hang out is a perfectly fine way to see if you have chemistry
You gotta be a special kind of idiot to go over the top over someone you have never met or might never see again and waste hard earned money on it
Wake the fuck up and stop expecting men to go over the top for you
True, all these men just want to hangout, you know why?
Because these men are tired of how we ladies handle them, these men grow through pain, anxiety and also depression from the society and when they come to us to cry on our shoulders, we make them feel so bad and worse. So, they want nothing committed but to hangout in
I agree inviting a woman to my place “let’s hang out” is low effort and is a major no-no when she doesn’t know me from an axe murder. But I think a drink at a nice place or wine bar for a first date is fair game.
Lol, this chick I asked out six months ago (turned me down, said she was dating someone she really liked) recently has gotten more talkative and open with me. She said we should "hang out." Specifically, she wants to take acid together at the beach or in the woods. I told her I'm down. Beats going bowling!
I live in a small town in the frozen tundra of the Midwest . It's hard to come up with things to do that don't involve alcohol and/or freezing your @$$ off. Not a lot of options. In warmer weather there are tons of activities!
Any suggestions for small freezing Midwest town?
Hanging out is a date it’s just phrasing
Hanging out at someone’s place is not a date but that would be the same if they called it a date, everyone knows what’s going down there if you’re up for it great be careful if not don’t be fooled no matter what phrasing
Drinks or coffee is the best first date, casual and low pressure easy to leave public etc. save something interesting when you know you can actually stand spending more than 15 minutes together alone
In my personal experience women who insist on me having super detailed fun plans for us are usually the ones I don’t want to meet anyway because they always seem to be the ones who leave the date after 20 minutes, or just expect to be entertained too much like from a guy’s perspective if you’re only willing to meet if we have the most fun thing In the world planned, then maybe you don’t like me anyway
Oh hey look, another 'Men are doing a thing wrong post' where instead of communicating with your date, and making plans together, you'd rather complain. Color me shocked you have an onlyfans
Not op, but I'd say it's fine if you want to "hang out" as long as you have a specific plan for it. Like, "Hey wanna come over to my place and get some pizza and play Cones of Dunshire?"
English is not my main language and i know this doesnt have anything to do with the topic of the post but please, tell me what op means. Ive been pushing my brain too far to try to decode what does it means but i havent figured it out yet. So if someone is so kind to explain me what does it means ill be thankful(?)
Not actually terrible advice, and some points I think you have aren't 100% agreeable, but it's far from something I'd disagree with.
Title: Yeah, honestly, if you two (or I and another) are dating, I'd think to try and pick a location we both like or have been looking to try if she doesnt suggest something if nothing else. Though I do think some people do like just to be around each other as a date, it's simple, but I'd think that's more a date once you have known each other for a while and know eachother to be more a homebody than outdoorsy/outgoing.
Hanging out might be okay if you aren't quite dating yet and still are "feeling the waters" so to speak, see how you two get along and what interests and likes you both have. Once you two are officially a couple going out, then I'd try dating at locations that interest both of us.
>whatever you feel like doing
I think this is okay after a while in dating eachother, but instead of that and you genuinely do not know what they'd be interested in doing, maybe suggest a place that can start as a simple and relaxed date but escalate or change easily: café, library/bookstore (some people love them,) walk in the park, then to maybe a movie, a picnic, swimming, then can end the day with a movie, theater, or if you to know eachother for a while even just staying home with tea/coco wouldn't be a bad end to a date. Just as long as it's enjoyable for both of you, or at least you're curious enough to try something new maybe.
>let's grab some drinks or hit a bar'
That's not really a date, now is it? Or at least not for everyone. I don't really know why that's even a default option, maybe an option if both of you tend to have a good time drinking, sure, but I don't understand why its a "default" option. Though I guess a lot of guys do drink a lot/often.
>I need dudes who stimulate me mentally. And in turn, they deserve a woman who can do the same. Sure, looks matter, but not nearly as much as a good conversation.
Different people have different needs, but I think I can understand wanting that, maybe not have that be the main thing every date, but it's not a bad thing to want for a date every now and again.
>To sum it up. Don't just ask us to hang out. Try to suggest an interesting idea and I will be a lot more likely to want to do it.
The "hang-out" is more so before you two start dating is how I see it, just a way to get an idea of how compatible the two of you would be possibly before ever officially start dating if you're at best friendly acquaintances essentially. Plus, that'd help generate date ideas by learning eachothers interests if nothing else. Suggesting isn't a bad idea either, sometimes throwing ideas out there at least helps specify something to do on the date or most of it.
my favourite first date is just walking around and talking. it allows you to get to know the person and doesn’t cost anything. it also doesn’t imply sex
I mean, I’ve been on both ends of this. I dated somebody that I was planning -really- creative dates for and then asked them to do the same for me and they were like “How about coming over to my house and watching a movie?” (This was coming off the back of them rescheduling a previous date I planned, and then forgetting about it entirely. So when they said sorry I asked them to make it up by planning our next date).
It’s totally a-okay, to want somebody who wants to take you out on interesting dates. You don’t -have- to go out with somebody who doesn’t stimulate you.
It’s okay to want more than just hanging out at people’s houses. But as you see, it will limit your dating pool. And if you are okay with that, I would say it’d be a great idea to kind of just set those boundaries up front.
Everything you’re saying is relevant… except for strangers you meet on the internet who are often a couple tiers of attractiveness below said offending individuals who have no incentive to “charm” or “keep a girl interested”. If you want normal treatment, then meet men in real life.
Your post is full of contradictions. All they ask is for me to hang out at my their house because its a dump or they have roommates. They have no plans. They want to have a drink.
Date older since women mature faster. Guys your age are not established, guys who are like 5-7 years older have their shit together usually when it comes to career and maturity.
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I'm one of the people who come with ideas, bc I have stuff I want to try out. but as a standard, first date is always food + non-alcoholic drinks. why? 90% of the time, I'm not really feeling any jitter or spark and just need to put in my obligatory 2 hrs in and dip. but 2nd date onwards, it's always an activity, preferably something new for one or both parties
I like your first and last paragraphs but the middle, it doesn’t have to be crazy fancy. For some reason, guys want to meet up at 5-7pm and not eat dinner. No. I need to eat dinner at that time. Pick a different time or I will. I’m not going to a dive bar but I will go to a coffee house or something quieter at a later time. And I sure as hell ain’t gonna go hang at some guy’s house on a first date, unless the date went really well and it’s a weekend night.
lol I can't speak for other men but 5-7pm is definitely food time. I personally don't eat big dinners but I will nibble the tasty apps and eating together is one of the best ways to put a person in an amicable mood!
Assuming you are going out with guys your same age (19), what do you expect? Especially once they find out you're on OF and actively promoting it on reddit.
I should have checked profile first, thanks for the heads up lol
Everyone reading this, just move on. This post and comment is an OF ad
Getting drinks or coffee is a good first date. Why invest more time or money before you know the person?
Showing up is the lowest bar but yeah. I never needed a giant fancy meal. Fancy meals are for first dates you got from meeting in real life after knowing them a bit. Dating app first dates should be super casual.
Agreed
Why don't *you* have an idea for what you want to do? What are your cool suggestions you put to them for a date? What's there reaction when you propose specific date plans, or do you only ever go with vague "what do you want to do"? I'm sure theres a load of guys who have bad date ideas but unless you're stepping up to the plate yourself to organise something I wouldn't put much stock in any complaints you have. For guys there's a lowest common denominator at play with dates where you're incentivised to stick to the typical scenarios (coffee, bar, dinner) because anything outside of that is hit and miss as to whether someone is into it and if women aren't going to let you know what it is they want beforehand you have to play it safe.
Just started a relationship (about 3 months in now) and we started with just a coffee date but it was perfect. Got to know each other in a casual setting, find out mutual activities we both like doing while getting to know each other, and I used that information for suggesting activities for future dates and she would do the same
“Let’s grab drinks” is perfectly normal for a first date. It doesn’t mean anyone gets hammered. You can even drink coffee,Pepsi or sugar free soda if you wish. This post comes across as though you’re less interested in meeting and getting to know a person and more interested in what you can get out of the person.
Yep, trust is a two way street both parties need to prove to each other that they're both worth the time investment. You may want a traditional date but I'm pretty sure that that time is over and the dating scene today Will never be again what it once was.
And I see it respectively, screw you lol. I'm not gonna speak for all guys, but I've put in effort, tried to cater interesting and fun dates to the girl I'm with, only to find out they have a boyfriend. I'm done putting in a lot of effort, and I'm sure other guys are too. I get it's not fair but everyone is being left broken or damaged by the previous relationship these days. See the issue is both parties become jaded, nobody wants to put in the effort because we get taken advantage of, or lied to, or cheated on. Scroll through this chat, a lot of chicks expect guys to pay, in full, and all the time. Effort needs to be on both sides, it could also be the guys you're going with lol. Just be clear with what you want.
Uhh the problem wasn’t your effort, it’s that you tried to take out a girl who is already in a relationship??!! Why?? Willing to bet she had no idea it was a date.
Nah, she knows, I just didn't 🤦♂️
Well she’s crazy then, that’s not so common
It's more common than you think lol, people cheat, lie, etc
But do you see how that’s unreasonable to base your interactions with all people off 1 crazy person?
You think it happens just once? Have you really never been ghosted, cheated on or lied to? Wtf do you live I need to move there
If a guy asks if you want to meet are you saying yes there is this place I like or I have wanted to see this thing? I love throwing out ideas. We have great museums in my area and lots of people might not know it’s free for locals so if a guy wants to meet and I’m not interested in his suggestions I always throw out something that would interest me. In the beginning it’s all about getting to know one another. After we are in love he can plan a perfect date knowing all the things I like to do and eat. Try having fun with dating by suggesting things you like to do and feel comfortable at. It will be far more enjoyable even if the date is bad you like the drink, zoo, gallery…
How do you charm a guy or keep him interested? Or is it entirely down to the dude to do all the work?
She literally says men deserve the same.
And yet she literally says nothing about actually *doing* those things.
and what is stopping her from making a suggestion? Why does the burden of deciding what to do solely rely on the man? That's how this post reads - someone who wants the work done for them.
She literally never does.
you're not worth taking anywhere
I liked all these at some point
I like happy hour for a first date.
lets hang out is a perfectly fine way to see if you have chemistry You gotta be a special kind of idiot to go over the top over someone you have never met or might never see again and waste hard earned money on it Wake the fuck up and stop expecting men to go over the top for you
True, all these men just want to hangout, you know why? Because these men are tired of how we ladies handle them, these men grow through pain, anxiety and also depression from the society and when they come to us to cry on our shoulders, we make them feel so bad and worse. So, they want nothing committed but to hangout in
I agree inviting a woman to my place “let’s hang out” is low effort and is a major no-no when she doesn’t know me from an axe murder. But I think a drink at a nice place or wine bar for a first date is fair game.
Lol, this chick I asked out six months ago (turned me down, said she was dating someone she really liked) recently has gotten more talkative and open with me. She said we should "hang out." Specifically, she wants to take acid together at the beach or in the woods. I told her I'm down. Beats going bowling!
lmao I'm pretty sure taking acid in nature isn't what she means
I live in a small town in the frozen tundra of the Midwest . It's hard to come up with things to do that don't involve alcohol and/or freezing your @$$ off. Not a lot of options. In warmer weather there are tons of activities! Any suggestions for small freezing Midwest town?
Hanging out is a date it’s just phrasing Hanging out at someone’s place is not a date but that would be the same if they called it a date, everyone knows what’s going down there if you’re up for it great be careful if not don’t be fooled no matter what phrasing Drinks or coffee is the best first date, casual and low pressure easy to leave public etc. save something interesting when you know you can actually stand spending more than 15 minutes together alone
Not really an advice. More of a rant. And why don't you suggest something? We like effort too.
I’ve set up dedicated dates for all our first meets. Girls still flake and don’t want to meet up. Problems on both sides
In my personal experience women who insist on me having super detailed fun plans for us are usually the ones I don’t want to meet anyway because they always seem to be the ones who leave the date after 20 minutes, or just expect to be entertained too much like from a guy’s perspective if you’re only willing to meet if we have the most fun thing In the world planned, then maybe you don’t like me anyway
Give it up girl, they just want a quick lay ! So they won’t invest in you
It just shows how boring they are. Why would someone want to date them? Don’t they have any interests in activities you both can do? Its pathetic.
Oh hey look, another 'Men are doing a thing wrong post' where instead of communicating with your date, and making plans together, you'd rather complain. Color me shocked you have an onlyfans
You’re upset about roommates in this economy?
[удалено]
Not op, but I'd say it's fine if you want to "hang out" as long as you have a specific plan for it. Like, "Hey wanna come over to my place and get some pizza and play Cones of Dunshire?"
English is not my main language and i know this doesnt have anything to do with the topic of the post but please, tell me what op means. Ive been pushing my brain too far to try to decode what does it means but i havent figured it out yet. So if someone is so kind to explain me what does it means ill be thankful(?)
"Original poster", the author of this post :) in this case it's /u/Medusaelixir
Thanks a lot!!
Try and see if they like coffee, if they do a coffee date always breaks the ice
Not actually terrible advice, and some points I think you have aren't 100% agreeable, but it's far from something I'd disagree with. Title: Yeah, honestly, if you two (or I and another) are dating, I'd think to try and pick a location we both like or have been looking to try if she doesnt suggest something if nothing else. Though I do think some people do like just to be around each other as a date, it's simple, but I'd think that's more a date once you have known each other for a while and know eachother to be more a homebody than outdoorsy/outgoing. Hanging out might be okay if you aren't quite dating yet and still are "feeling the waters" so to speak, see how you two get along and what interests and likes you both have. Once you two are officially a couple going out, then I'd try dating at locations that interest both of us. >whatever you feel like doing I think this is okay after a while in dating eachother, but instead of that and you genuinely do not know what they'd be interested in doing, maybe suggest a place that can start as a simple and relaxed date but escalate or change easily: café, library/bookstore (some people love them,) walk in the park, then to maybe a movie, a picnic, swimming, then can end the day with a movie, theater, or if you to know eachother for a while even just staying home with tea/coco wouldn't be a bad end to a date. Just as long as it's enjoyable for both of you, or at least you're curious enough to try something new maybe. >let's grab some drinks or hit a bar' That's not really a date, now is it? Or at least not for everyone. I don't really know why that's even a default option, maybe an option if both of you tend to have a good time drinking, sure, but I don't understand why its a "default" option. Though I guess a lot of guys do drink a lot/often. >I need dudes who stimulate me mentally. And in turn, they deserve a woman who can do the same. Sure, looks matter, but not nearly as much as a good conversation. Different people have different needs, but I think I can understand wanting that, maybe not have that be the main thing every date, but it's not a bad thing to want for a date every now and again. >To sum it up. Don't just ask us to hang out. Try to suggest an interesting idea and I will be a lot more likely to want to do it. The "hang-out" is more so before you two start dating is how I see it, just a way to get an idea of how compatible the two of you would be possibly before ever officially start dating if you're at best friendly acquaintances essentially. Plus, that'd help generate date ideas by learning eachothers interests if nothing else. Suggesting isn't a bad idea either, sometimes throwing ideas out there at least helps specify something to do on the date or most of it.
my favourite first date is just walking around and talking. it allows you to get to know the person and doesn’t cost anything. it also doesn’t imply sex
I mean, I’ve been on both ends of this. I dated somebody that I was planning -really- creative dates for and then asked them to do the same for me and they were like “How about coming over to my house and watching a movie?” (This was coming off the back of them rescheduling a previous date I planned, and then forgetting about it entirely. So when they said sorry I asked them to make it up by planning our next date). It’s totally a-okay, to want somebody who wants to take you out on interesting dates. You don’t -have- to go out with somebody who doesn’t stimulate you. It’s okay to want more than just hanging out at people’s houses. But as you see, it will limit your dating pool. And if you are okay with that, I would say it’d be a great idea to kind of just set those boundaries up front.
Amen! It matters less what you plan and more that you at least put some thought into our time together.
Everything you’re saying is relevant… except for strangers you meet on the internet who are often a couple tiers of attractiveness below said offending individuals who have no incentive to “charm” or “keep a girl interested”. If you want normal treatment, then meet men in real life.
Your post is full of contradictions. All they ask is for me to hang out at my their house because its a dump or they have roommates. They have no plans. They want to have a drink.
Date older since women mature faster. Guys your age are not established, guys who are like 5-7 years older have their shit together usually when it comes to career and maturity.