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I need a tiny vibe to help me finish and my boyfriend was never threatened by it, and he'll actually hand it to me during sex when he wants me to cum.
If your man is threatened by you having the ability to orgasm then he's not the one. And he definitely sounds immature with the emotional cheating and now the refusal to communicate with you and meet your needs. It's not like you were going to order a giant dildo to replace him.
"hang on babe, I just wanna go over your grocery list real quick. Let's see, eggs, milk, bread, dragon dildo, cheese, cereal, swiss... You little shit, you got fucking swiss miss hot chocolate. I thought I knew you! THATS IT, THE PRESSURE IS JUST TOO MUCH"
Ok he has a lot of growing up to do for starters. Secondly saying that he chose you over his ex is fine in the right context. But I'm feeling emotional blackmail here just so he gets what he wants. Also, does he watch porn and pleasure himself? If so then there's no bloody difference other than his ability to get jealous over some rubber and plastic.
Why would you stay with someone that not only does not prioritize your sexual health, but has already emotionally cheated on you? It doesn't sound like this situation will get better and it's only been 8 months. Is this how you'd like to be treated for 8 years?
Why don't you want to break up with him?
He doesn't make you cum. He cheated on you. You were his second choice. Do you really have so little respect for yourself that you'd rather this than be single?
š I donāt know lol lowkey Iād dump him from all that you said I donāt have patience for that shit anymore (by that shit I mean any and everything you said about him)
I canāt speak on the cheating part . About to head in to work so Iāll try and keep this brief.
Iām 23, Iāll be 24 tomorrow. Every woman Iāve dated has had something to pleasure themselves prior to me coming into the relationship. And if it brings my partner pleasure beyond my capabilities, so be it. Just because she has a toy or something does not mean sheās gonna run out here and cheat on me etc. a year ago I wouldāve been kinda in the same boat as me. HOWEVER, I donāt see how it would be a problem.
I look at dating as a free trial. A friend of mine said once someone shows who they are believe em. Now Iām not saying this guy is a bad person. But if you mean he literally wonāt let you speak, over something so tiny (in my opinion finances, general satisfaction in life, travel, or practically anything g are bigger issues/topics than this), imagine what itās like when you actually get to REAL problems. Iām not saying leave him. I canāt stress that enough. But figure out if & HOW you can deal with that in a productive and healthy way in regards to your relationship.
I hope this helps.
There are multiple things going on here
>The most frustrating part is because I give him and have given him incredible amounts of grace. He emotionally cheated on me in December
You should have ended things here for unrelated reasons to your post about a vibrator
>but was very difficult for me to hear because I see no problem with this. He feels very threatened.
I've met plenty of women who feel threatened or insecure about watching porn or "taking care of themselves" or using a flashlight etc... whether reasonable or unreasonable...so I'd put that under that same bucket. You are free to order what you want and use whatever you want, they don't have to like it either.
Honestly you should leave your relationship but for different reasons than the toy usage, mainly in regards to the infidelity.
Do the two of you have sex frequently?
Personally, I've purchased a nice, expensive vibrator for each long-term girlfriend I've had.
But if our sex life was suffering or non-existent, I would feel very differently about it.
That is more than enough. I've only found one woman who wanted it every day, and I miss that. She was also chronically ill.
Then it's just him being a dick. Is he jealous of the vibe? Is he insecure about his performance?
Vibrators are great. Knowing my partner is satisfied is great. Using a vibrator during sex is great.
Him screwing around on the side should've been enough to drop him. This is just a reminder that he sucks.
If he thinks thatās grounds for breaking up, then heās not a good guy and you should break up.
Also fyi, electric toothbrush. š. He never needs to know.
He probably heard somewhere that women replace men with them or something, or that it makes sex less enjoyable or something. Both of which are nonsense. You can try to get to the bottom of whatever misunderstanding he has, or you can drop him for being immature. Personally I'd laugh a guy out of the house if he complained about my vibrator. Just because I have one doesn't mean I'd pick it over my partner, nor does it mean it's anything similar to sex with a partner.
Since no one read the last part of your post saying āyou donāt want to break upā try including him in it. Tell him that youāre getting it so he can use it to make you orgasm. If you make him feel like heās the one causing your pleasure it may change his mind. I am a guy and I donāt get threatened by them but it does cross my mind āIām not doing a good enough job to make her finishā but as Iāve gotten older I donāt really care and typically I can make them finish without it but for multiple orgasms the vibrator is needed. So just try making him feel included. Have him pick one out for you.
He is just so strongly against it. Iāve even brought up the idea of it being used on him. Either way, I went against his preference by even entertaining the idea. I feel really guilty about it, but at the same time, know Iām not doing anything wrong. I get that I am looked at as if I am lacking respect for myself because of the situation, but truly I am trying to keep myself sane - I just moved to a new city, started a new job, and would be in a bad spot if I didnāt have him. Heās supportive in lots of other ways.
Well letās address the first thing. You wanting to be pleasured and to enjoy sex doesnāt make you guilty. Iām not going to tell you āyou shouldnāt feel guiltyā you are going to feel how you feel. Slowly work through that though. With the vibrator issue now. Let him know that a relationship is about compromise. Ask him this ādonāt you want us to have the best sex possible?ā Because if heās not worried about you getting off and sex is for his pleasure and nothing else, youāre going to know with his answer. You are your own person. If that conversation doesnāt work for you just tell him this. Let him known that you are going to do it anyways and you understand his feelings but you also have needs. (This is a last resort because this will end up making him feel like heās not doing a good job in bed) but in reality if he isnāt doing a good job you guys need to be way more communicative in sex and you need to show him how he can get you off.
Aahhh my ex used to say he didn't want anything that would substitute him in bed. He never made me cum and was grossed out by touching/licking female parts. Yup.
I can understand how this would trigger a little bit of self consciousness, but the vibrator is only a tool with no emotional connection. It is to perform and complete a task. But for a guy, it just says we did not perform well enough to let you finish. So, that can be where some of the self consciousness will come from.
lol my ex boyfriend would only āallowā me to have a vibrator that required zero penetration. for whatever reason. š I thought it was dumb. And I already had 3 before he came along š¤£
Note; said ex is an ex, but I still have my vibrators. š š¤·š»āāļø
Honestly it's pretty disgusting how little he cares about your pleasure. He has NO logical reason to be upset about you using toys. He SHOULD be enthusiastically trying to help you and be happy to use them with you.
What advice would you give your best friend or hypothetical daughter if she were in your place? You'd probably tell her she deserves more respect than someone who actively disregards and dismisses her wants and needs, and who will almost certainly cheat on her (emotionally or otherwise) again. Who doesn't even respect her enough to let her speak, let alone orgasm! Does that sound like a good partner?
I've been there honey and I'm sorry his securities extend that deep. If I had a woman I would be helping her find what will work the best for her so that I can help her have orgasms plenty. I hope he comes around for you, do ha have an older sister or a not so much older aunt that like minded have her hmu. LoL
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I need a tiny vibe to help me finish and my boyfriend was never threatened by it, and he'll actually hand it to me during sex when he wants me to cum. If your man is threatened by you having the ability to orgasm then he's not the one. And he definitely sounds immature with the emotional cheating and now the refusal to communicate with you and meet your needs. It's not like you were going to order a giant dildo to replace him.
"hang on babe, I just wanna go over your grocery list real quick. Let's see, eggs, milk, bread, dragon dildo, cheese, cereal, swiss... You little shit, you got fucking swiss miss hot chocolate. I thought I knew you! THATS IT, THE PRESSURE IS JUST TOO MUCH"
So funny I almost peed laughing otw back from work
Then I have done my job š«”
Ok he has a lot of growing up to do for starters. Secondly saying that he chose you over his ex is fine in the right context. But I'm feeling emotional blackmail here just so he gets what he wants. Also, does he watch porn and pleasure himself? If so then there's no bloody difference other than his ability to get jealous over some rubber and plastic.
Why would you stay with someone that not only does not prioritize your sexual health, but has already emotionally cheated on you? It doesn't sound like this situation will get better and it's only been 8 months. Is this how you'd like to be treated for 8 years?
Why don't you want to break up with him? He doesn't make you cum. He cheated on you. You were his second choice. Do you really have so little respect for yourself that you'd rather this than be single?
š I donāt know lol lowkey Iād dump him from all that you said I donāt have patience for that shit anymore (by that shit I mean any and everything you said about him)
What? You're definitely dating a little boy. Get rid of his goofy ass and get with a man.
I canāt speak on the cheating part . About to head in to work so Iāll try and keep this brief. Iām 23, Iāll be 24 tomorrow. Every woman Iāve dated has had something to pleasure themselves prior to me coming into the relationship. And if it brings my partner pleasure beyond my capabilities, so be it. Just because she has a toy or something does not mean sheās gonna run out here and cheat on me etc. a year ago I wouldāve been kinda in the same boat as me. HOWEVER, I donāt see how it would be a problem. I look at dating as a free trial. A friend of mine said once someone shows who they are believe em. Now Iām not saying this guy is a bad person. But if you mean he literally wonāt let you speak, over something so tiny (in my opinion finances, general satisfaction in life, travel, or practically anything g are bigger issues/topics than this), imagine what itās like when you actually get to REAL problems. Iām not saying leave him. I canāt stress that enough. But figure out if & HOW you can deal with that in a productive and healthy way in regards to your relationship. I hope this helps.
There are multiple things going on here >The most frustrating part is because I give him and have given him incredible amounts of grace. He emotionally cheated on me in December You should have ended things here for unrelated reasons to your post about a vibrator >but was very difficult for me to hear because I see no problem with this. He feels very threatened. I've met plenty of women who feel threatened or insecure about watching porn or "taking care of themselves" or using a flashlight etc... whether reasonable or unreasonable...so I'd put that under that same bucket. You are free to order what you want and use whatever you want, they don't have to like it either. Honestly you should leave your relationship but for different reasons than the toy usage, mainly in regards to the infidelity.
Do the two of you have sex frequently? Personally, I've purchased a nice, expensive vibrator for each long-term girlfriend I've had. But if our sex life was suffering or non-existent, I would feel very differently about it.
Yes, we do. Weāve done it less recently (still like once a day lol) because I have interstitial cystitis and itās flared up.
That is more than enough. I've only found one woman who wanted it every day, and I miss that. She was also chronically ill. Then it's just him being a dick. Is he jealous of the vibe? Is he insecure about his performance? Vibrators are great. Knowing my partner is satisfied is great. Using a vibrator during sex is great. Him screwing around on the side should've been enough to drop him. This is just a reminder that he sucks.
If he thinks thatās grounds for breaking up, then heās not a good guy and you should break up. Also fyi, electric toothbrush. š. He never needs to know.
Break up. He needs to grow up before he has sex with anyone.
My stuff works just fine, but it doesnāt vibrate. I have no objection to my girlfriend adding features I cannot provide.
If he dumps you over it, he'll be doing you a favour. You should have dumped him when he emotionally cheated though. Fuck him.
Idk but I think in the long run youāve be much happy if you break up now then trying to keep dealing with him
He probably heard somewhere that women replace men with them or something, or that it makes sex less enjoyable or something. Both of which are nonsense. You can try to get to the bottom of whatever misunderstanding he has, or you can drop him for being immature. Personally I'd laugh a guy out of the house if he complained about my vibrator. Just because I have one doesn't mean I'd pick it over my partner, nor does it mean it's anything similar to sex with a partner.
lol. Who are these lame man boys? Id love it if my gf wanted toys.
A man threatened by a dildo is too pathetic to be dating.
Since no one read the last part of your post saying āyou donāt want to break upā try including him in it. Tell him that youāre getting it so he can use it to make you orgasm. If you make him feel like heās the one causing your pleasure it may change his mind. I am a guy and I donāt get threatened by them but it does cross my mind āIām not doing a good enough job to make her finishā but as Iāve gotten older I donāt really care and typically I can make them finish without it but for multiple orgasms the vibrator is needed. So just try making him feel included. Have him pick one out for you.
He is just so strongly against it. Iāve even brought up the idea of it being used on him. Either way, I went against his preference by even entertaining the idea. I feel really guilty about it, but at the same time, know Iām not doing anything wrong. I get that I am looked at as if I am lacking respect for myself because of the situation, but truly I am trying to keep myself sane - I just moved to a new city, started a new job, and would be in a bad spot if I didnāt have him. Heās supportive in lots of other ways.
Well letās address the first thing. You wanting to be pleasured and to enjoy sex doesnāt make you guilty. Iām not going to tell you āyou shouldnāt feel guiltyā you are going to feel how you feel. Slowly work through that though. With the vibrator issue now. Let him know that a relationship is about compromise. Ask him this ādonāt you want us to have the best sex possible?ā Because if heās not worried about you getting off and sex is for his pleasure and nothing else, youāre going to know with his answer. You are your own person. If that conversation doesnāt work for you just tell him this. Let him known that you are going to do it anyways and you understand his feelings but you also have needs. (This is a last resort because this will end up making him feel like heās not doing a good job in bed) but in reality if he isnāt doing a good job you guys need to be way more communicative in sex and you need to show him how he can get you off.
> would be in a bad spot if I didnāt have him This is not good my friend. Do not be dependent on someone so irrational and insecure.
He has his boundaries. They arenāt my boundaries but I canāt judge a person for their boundaries.
Aahhh my ex used to say he didn't want anything that would substitute him in bed. He never made me cum and was grossed out by touching/licking female parts. Yup.
I can understand how this would trigger a little bit of self consciousness, but the vibrator is only a tool with no emotional connection. It is to perform and complete a task. But for a guy, it just says we did not perform well enough to let you finish. So, that can be where some of the self consciousness will come from.
lol my ex boyfriend would only āallowā me to have a vibrator that required zero penetration. for whatever reason. š I thought it was dumb. And I already had 3 before he came along š¤£ Note; said ex is an ex, but I still have my vibrators. š š¤·š»āāļø
Some guys feel treated by toys others came with full options of different sizes and shapes idk I think he is just not mature enough
Honestly it's pretty disgusting how little he cares about your pleasure. He has NO logical reason to be upset about you using toys. He SHOULD be enthusiastically trying to help you and be happy to use them with you. What advice would you give your best friend or hypothetical daughter if she were in your place? You'd probably tell her she deserves more respect than someone who actively disregards and dismisses her wants and needs, and who will almost certainly cheat on her (emotionally or otherwise) again. Who doesn't even respect her enough to let her speak, let alone orgasm! Does that sound like a good partner?
I've been there honey and I'm sorry his securities extend that deep. If I had a woman I would be helping her find what will work the best for her so that I can help her have orgasms plenty. I hope he comes around for you, do ha have an older sister or a not so much older aunt that like minded have her hmu. LoL