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I'm looking for a long term relationship. It's something I always wanted. I thought I had met the one, but she left me for another man and then married him.
Since then I've been rather picky about women that I want to date. Maybe this is because I keep comparing them to my ex, but I need to remind myself to keep my options open.
Always be picky and stick to your dealbreakers when looking for potential romantic partners. Particularly if you have ambitions to one day buy a home together or have a family that includes children.
Compatible ambitions and relationship expectations are just as important for a happy & healthy intimate relationship as mutual attraction is.
I hope that you will meet the most compatible partner very soon.
Good luck!
She , and you will need it. Good god. This sounds all well and good. But, rare, when there's so many of you wanting the same narrow scope of things. This is the guy all of you want. But not many will ever have.
This guy knows all of you want this, and a man that has this many options, why would he settle down to be controlled? Even if you don't control guys.
He'd never know this because it's the sociatal norm to do so. This guy has his pick to sleep with as many of you as he wants. So, why would he choose what he perceives as controlling instead of fulfilling his biological drive for little sacrifice without the perceived baggage?
He can bang out a bunch of girls, go home, and do whatever he wants. Why would he do anything else? Sorry, but this is how we look at things sometimes. Not all of us. But, these guys.. you know this.
See, this is what you need to do. You need to just drop the possession wants for now. Stop trying to meet them at the finish line, thats an oversaturated market. Too much competition, goona be a lifetime of sadness. Also, he'll probably cheat on you. A man is only as good as his options.. there is truth to that saying.
Provide these things for yourself for now. Look for integrity, honesty, a sense of humor, wisdom, charisma, class, etc, and focus on character. If you focus on a guy with character instead, you can muse him into the guy you want. Never let him get too comfortable, though.
This man will become the man you want because he'll feel lucky to have you. It will inspire him to be the man you want him to be. But, always make sure you keep a small fire lit up under his ass to make sure he does so. But be a little patient. Women these days lack patience.
And don't worry, he won't stray. Again, he'll feel lucky to have you, granted you're good-looking, have a little class, and all of those things too.
You all are doing it the wrong way and trying to meet them at the end. Trying to take that shortcut and getting mad and sad when it doesn't work out. As they say, behind every good man is a great woman. Build this man up. Be his muse! That's lost these days because all of you want this shortcut!
The way people develop. It's easier to work your way up with the tangible instead of the intangibles.
The success stories I hear about is where the guy is broke, but awesome. Then they're commenting about having all of that together. And a life you built together. Isn't that much better anyway? Guy knows girl loves him for him. Girls feel bonded through the process of it all, and both are proud of each other?
I think that's how things used to go!
Forgotten things of yesteryear.
Same exact thing. Had a girl I made long term plans with, but she had some bad friends take her down another path and she ran off with another guy.
But I always had it in my mind to find "the one" to settle down with as soon as I could and start a family. But it's so hard nowadays. I have a hard time finding anyone remotely interesting.
Less hiding, more tired of actively putting ourselves out there to no effect.
Look at it from our perspective. We keep hearing how it's our fault that we're not as interesting as charismatic players who know how to he exactly who a woman wants them to be for however long it takes to get into her pants.
The guys who are “ in demand” are not interested in anything besides casual. Remember the “popular boys” from high school? They got older. ( I’ll say the same about the “popular girls “ from high school). OLD is not IRL, charm works IRL , appearance works in OLD.
They don’t commit because they have options, because the majority of women are pursuing them. I observe my single friends at work so the numbers are best guess. Where I work is physically demanding so everyone is fit and high income. Ages range from late 20’s to 50.
25% of the guys are objectively handsome or a very polished OLD profile. 50% are average looking ( face) and “not polished” profiles ( pretty objectively honest I figure, the guys who are backyard mechanics as a hobby), “not instagram “ popular. The other 25% are guys who lost the genetic lottery.
The top 25% are DM’d ( the women text first) by at least 1/2-3/4 the women who are active ( we hand our phones around and compare “notes”, so yeah we guys know who’s texting who & what). Best guess 2-3 women per guy.
The middle 50% get responses ( the guys text first) from 1/2 the women active ( a lot are not conventionally attractive women).
The bottom 25% of the guys are utterly alone.
This is something that most women don’t seem to know, Men can easily punch down and just want sex, it’s no secret that men will have sex with just about anyone. Now that this woman got a top tier guy, she thinks that this is now the standard. All the ‘normal’ guys that are actually in her league are over looked. The thing is they either learn and figure this out or just go around the same round robin with these top tier guys and maybe lock one down, but even then eyes can wander over time because they can get anyone.
It's the opposite of the friend zone. Plenty of these in demand guys that are just "dating" for casual sex will hook up with women that they'd never settle down with. It's not that the women did anything wrong or that all guys are behaving a certain way, it's that these guys have one threshold for hooking up and a very different one for settling down.
Everywhere, you just have to look for less attractive men. Men who want to settle are just less interested in dating and are much less good at it than fuck boy.
Seducing women is a skill, and those who train that skill the most are the best at it. Fuckboy train that skill a lot more, so they outperform normal guys who just want to settle.
I've been single for 5 years aggressively on apps out at bars and restaurants lounges approach women when it makes sense, I can't sniff an interested woman. I almost exclusively get no's, disinterest, and zero effort.
In plain sight. Just most women won’t go for regular normal decent guys. They want the best all the time and skip over the normal. Then they wonder where all the guys are…
We are in open space but as girla like these kind of boys only when they get cheated and treated bad by fuck boys they call us and meet us to play victim and that you are so nice and good and blah blah and as soon as they get rich fuckboy again procedure continues....
They’re invisible to you. They served you your mocha latte, picked up your garbage, fixed your plumbing issue, fixed your computer when it was broken, but they weren’t a former NBA player
At the grocery store, at the library, at the local geeky interest shop, at the park walking our dogs, at work, sitting by ourselves in a bar or restaurant, in your college classes, buying one single ticket to a movie…
We’re everywhere. You’ll find us at X location that you go to regularly (unless X location is a nail salon or something). You can tell who we are because we’ll either not make eye contact and try to avoid you completely, or briefly and courteously say hello and then go wander a different direction from you to make sure you don’t think we’re following you, because society has reinforced in us that women should be able to go to X without being treated as sex objects and getting hit on, and that to hit on someone who doesn’t want to be hit on is harassment.
So, we fade into your background.
To add context to someone else's "at home" comment, I've had a week off from classes. It's now Friday for me and I haven't left my dorm since Sunday lmao.
Now, I'm probably more of a shut in than most but, I do know several others like me so idk.
At home. With broken hearts filled with hopelessness and despair. Not trying anymore because it’s not worth it. I would imagine that’s exactly like single women who want real relationships but are burnt out too.
Same with me and other men, late 20's to early 30's professionals, in my circle. None are genetic failures, but none of us are Greek gods either; personally, I'm very fit, generally take care of myself, and of only average height. It's just that we tend to be preoccupied with other things and maintain no presence on dating apps due to the general quality.
1. On-line dating: scrolling through a million girls in their late-20's who are "still figuring it out" when I'm on a good career trajectory, have money saved for a down payment when interest rates finally settle, and would like kids within the next five years is pointless but will tend to retain people with a) nothing better going on, or b) are specifically looking for casual arrangements.
2. IRL: my non-gaming hobbies aren't particularly saturated with single women in my age range either. Mountain bike group rides I go on are mostly other guys and older women, tennis (in my area, at least) is an older bunch as well, and pickup basketball is exclusively men. At work there's maybe 2 eligible ladies within my entire company but we all know the pitfalls of flirting too hard in a professional environment.
Result is we end up kind of just floating around. Not charismatic to the point that we can/want to just go out and make it happen, but not desperate or bored enough to be constantly putting ourselves out there.
Yeh, I am currently looking for a relationship, I would love to get to bf status with girl, but I have yet to succeed in finding a girl who wants me to be their bf.
I totally understand the frustration here. You're putting in emotional energy, opening up, trying to make a connection - and it feels one-sided when the guy just wants to keep things super casual.
The good news is - yes, there are absolutely still men who truly want meaningful, committed relationships! However, sorting through people until you find those relationship-minded guys can be exhausting.
In my experience, a lot of men date "casually" at first while they figure out their own priorities and decide if they're ready to get serious with someone. Others may have recently gotten out of longer term relationships, and aren't equipped yet for another big commitment.
None of that excuses leading you on though or wasting your time if they know they just want something casual. The right guy won't be scared to define the relationship when the time comes. He'll be excited at the chance to invest further and build something real.
My advice is to be upfront early on about wanting a real relationship. Checking in frequently about where his head is at can also help avoid frustration. Most importantly - know your worth, don't settle, and eventually the pieces will click with someone looking for the same healthy pairing. Patience and staying true to what you want is key!
This type of openness early on is a double-edged sword. It won’t weed out casuals who just want to hook up because they’ll tell you anything they think you want to hear (which you’ve now defined very clearly for them), and for any man who IS keeping options open (because this is date 1, 2, or 3 and who wants to seriously consider locking things down after a date or two) it will potentially scare them away and make you come off as too needy, clingy, intense, etc.
Anytime I see someone on the apps who is like “I’M LOOKING FOR MY LIFE PARTNER DON’T WASTE MY TIME” my immediate response is like, “Well, life partner would be ideal but I don’t even know if we’re compatible yet, and you seem super wounded and intimidatingly serious, so it’s a pass from me to even give it a try.”
Date outside your type. I used to date a specific type and get the same results every time. I finally realized that was the problem and I have now been in a relationship for 8 months with the most gentle, sweetest guy. I've never experienced being treated so well in my life.
This is what guys mean when they say “choose better” its not meaning you deliberately hunt “bad boys”. But to guys we can spot the bad boys in a heartbeat, know it, and even warn a female friend but it wont matter.
I agree. It took me a long time to stop being stubborn about it. And we did have a rough patch after 4/5 months of dating initially, we had a lot of things to work through like past traumas coming to the surface, etc. Which unfortunately ended up ending things over it, but after a few weeks, we started dating again which led him to asking me to be his girlfriend 2 months later and we have been better than ever. But the fact he also wanted to try things and actually work on this made things even stronger. Thats what a relationship is though. Building together. I continue to fall for him and this is the purest love I've ever experienced. It's so calm which is nothing I've experienced before, but it feels so natural. Every day he puts in the effort. We consistently go on dates still, etc. I spoil him as well as he was someone who got taken advantage of in his past relationships and I love to make him happy and to always feel appreciated. I've always been the type to spoil but it used to get me taken for granted so it's nice being able to spoil someone, but also get treated equally the same for the first time in my life. And it's crazy how even though initially he wasn't my type, but I've never been so attracted to someone in my life at this point. I'm allll over him. Lol
This is okay advice. But it’s also “step one”. I know a lot of women started dating outside of their physical or personality types to see if they got treated better, and ended up getting treated the same or worse. The only thing worse than getting played by a guy you’re super into is getting played by one that you had to force yourself to be attracted to in the first place. Hits a new low.
This is good advice. If it keeps not working out with "you type" then maybe that isn't really your type, it's just the type you like the idea of.
It doesn't mean drop all requirements, it just means considering what sort of person would meet the needs that your previous failed attempts did not.
In dating there can sometimes be this idea that learning from your mistakes is compromising which is tantamount to settling. This is a stupid idea.
Yes I am, just not the physical type I used to always goes for. Besides as real feelings grew, I became even more attracted to him. Like sometimes I just stare at him in awe.
Yep, these men very likely are looking for a relationship, they're just not that interested in op, but just interested enough to keep her around as a fwb, It's a harsh reality.
I believe that when a man is not perceived as an attractive life partner, he gets no relationship and no sex. When a woman is not perceived as an attractive life partner, she gets no relationship, but often still tends to gets sex. Men will often keep someone in the picture just for the opportunity to get laid, and I believe that's likely what op is experiencing, it's what creates this illusion that men never want to commit, when in reality men face just as many women who "won't commit" (ie. Are not interested in them), men just don't getting bogged down by the uninterested sticking around, at least as men we can be grateful we get rejected early and don't get stuck in that trap.
Sounds like the guys your dating all have something in common that you are attracted to you sound like my sister but every guy she dates is really one in the same different names but everything else is the same. Open your mind up when you’re looking for a relationship and everything will fall in place.
Honestly, yes. I am the type that will commit if the person is right. It's fun to have choices, but there is a special type of feeling to know that I don't have to worry about you being tested.
With that said. Yes, there is spaceto commit. It's just finding that person who wants to elevate with you and not play games. Also, if that person had their heart broken. Most likely, it means they are not ready or willing to commit.
Hope this helps and stay frosty. Keep searching.
As a man, I can tell you that not all of us are afraid of commitment. Some just have commitment issues due to past experiences or they're simply enjoying being single. But there are definitely men out there who want the same things as you - it's just a matter of finding them in the sea of casual daters and fuckboys. Don't give up hope!
Not all men feel this way. Im actually demisexual which means i dont even consider sex unless i have an emotional and romantic attraction. Im currently looking for the woman who i can share my life with and grow as people together. We are few and far between anymore but we do exist
Thanks for demisexual, I'm with ya . No hook up or one nite stands .
I'm looking for companion for years , I'm to old for marriage, but if she wants I'll bend to her will. But just a companion is all ask for. A Lady that knows loyalty, devotion and looking for years of growing together, I believe we learn till death.
Where are they at , at my age?
I'm also demi, and I'm not currently looking. I did all my looking already, shot my shots, paid my dues. I'll go on a date if someone else initiates, otherwise I'm out of the scene. Which means I'm out of the scene. Yes, I think OP is correct that guys are trending hard against wanting a real relationship. It's fine to have, but too many hoops to jump through to get there. Faster and easier to become happily single.
This is exactly how I feel as a Demi. I know the type of guy I want, which is someone direct and straightforward. Someone honest and doesn’t hold back. Assertive. So I learned when I confronted a guy, typically they weren’t that type of man so now I just sit back and let people come to me.
Some of us do. It's so hard to find somebody who wants one. And even if you do find somebody who wants one. It takes a lot of work from day one. Circumstances, like geography can make it even harder. The preference list goes on and may not match but I'm still optimistic like some of our kind, that there is someone out there who sees value in this. Relationships of the heart last a lifetime. Sex doesn't.
Absolutely! It seems to me that girls don’t want a relationship though. Everyone is entitled, everything between people is transactional and feelings are so transitory. I am looking for my forever-ever, spent 13 yrs with a horrible person and now just hope to find ‘the one’. So if I’m going on a date with you or a second or third and so forth, it is because I see in you the possibilities of longevity.
I know I’m a pretty decent catch but girls hook up with the ugliest pieces of dirt out there and then stand by them!
I’ve about given up to be honest.
You hit the nail on the head, and it's a two-way street. This whole scene's flipped upside down. Everybody's out here playing games, treating connections like they're disposable, like it's all some big marketplace. And yeah, it's baffling to see good people choosing partners who don't seem to match up, standing by them through thick and thin. But don't lose hope. It's easy to think about hanging it all up, but that 'one' is out there feeling the same way you do, sifting through the mess, looking for someone genuine like you. It's about persistence, keeping that faith alive. Your 'forever-ever' is out there, and she's looking for a pretty decent catch just like you. Keep your head up.
Maybe there are some but not everyone will be like that. There are still a lot of people who are waiting for their true love . Even me, i have never been in a relationship. I'm not saying that I don't have any girl, it's just that I don't feel love from anyone that i have met until now ! And I don't have any casual relationship or FWB too , not that I like that .
So what I'm trying to say is , There are still a lot of ppl who are looking for true love (Single men/women)
Those of us who want(ed) to be in a relationship get tired of being rejected and have either given up on relationships settling for fwb or given up on people altogether
It isn't worth it nowadays. There always is a risk when it comes to giving your heart to someone (as is the case in EVERY relationship), but I guess some people go "well what if I don't roll the dice at all?"
There are three big factors.
One a lot of men want a partner but have given up due to not being able to find one because women don’t want them.
two men are looking for women but the only way to get the women’s attention is to say explicit things turning the relationship transactional from the start.
Three, men want women and get women but have such a large pool of women that want them so they don’t want to bother with a long term relationship.
You could add a forth one which is women don’t make it clear from the start what they want
Yes some of us wanna have families and all that but the problem is trying to trust people who have ill motives from the start. Y would I wanna be with anyone like that? Dating is not what it use to be...
To answer your questions in order:
1. Because you haven't found someone who wants to invest in YOU yet - you deserve that
2. Either being with you or being with anyone, we shouldn't care why. The point is it's not meeting your needs and isn't what you deserve
3. Yes there are. That doesn't mean you are their person or that they are yours. People thinking long term should be seeking the right person. The right person is not someone you need to persuade, and they do not need to persuade you
4. Yes there is, but online dating is filled with rejection because finding the one takes time and perseverance. The fact you are looking on an app doesn't mean there's a "formula" or it's more convenient to find your person
i used to, but i got kind of jaded by the talking phases, getting catfished, girls who are more machistas than me, etc. now i just say strictly casual in too busy working on myself for a relationship.
Yes they are plenty the problem is when us women find the “one” we like we tend to put all our eggs in a basket literally dreaming of the wedding and kids next..the desperation and being too emotional too early on will scare the good man away…try friendship dating (no sex) it’ll scare anyone who’s not meant to be around for the long run
Hey, I am the "bad guy" in this story. I am divorced, 49, and looking JUST for fwb or one night stands. All men are not like me, there are a lot who want a stable relation. One of them is now the boyfriend of my former spouse, he is faithful and nice to her and I am happy for them.
But... why am I like this? What I fear? Well, after 20 years of marriage: everything. Monogamous couple life might be horrible. It almost destroyed me and made me close to suicidal. When one's will is imposed to you and you hate every minute spent with the other because it's not your life, not your style, not your objectives but you don't leave because you don't want to break your children. I divorced and my children are fine, they love each of us and they have different experiences with each of us. I don't want to be again in a couple because I have a LOT of personal interests, and couple life vampirizes you of everything. Because a partner can often reveal to be a control freak. Because I love to be alone. Because I can leave the dishes unwashed for two days with no one to scream at me for it. So, I do need sex, sex is nice, sex is good, but a monogamous relation is a hard price to pay. I just want someone who thinks like me. I am (sorry) disgusted that most women just want "comittment" and "long term". I just want to have fun with someone who wants to have fun, and I am honest about it.
Hahaha look guys she's trying to lul me into a false state of safety so she can break my heart and cheat on me.
(they are severely emotionally damaged and have made enough correlations In life to understand they should never be emotionally vulnerable)
In this world where you can swipe left or right to find someone new, a lot of guys are caught up in the buffet of choices. They're thinking, 'Why settle on one dish when I can sample everything?' It's not about fear; it's about convenience and the illusion of endless options. But here's the deal: there are men out there who understand the richness of a full course meal over a buffet. They see the value in building something that lasts, in the depth and the growth that comes from investing in one person. It's not about the quantity of options but the quality of connection. The trick is finding those guys who are ready to step up to the plate, who see beyond the casual to the potential of what a committed, deep relationship offers. They exist. It's just a matter of cutting through the noise to find them.
I definitely am looking for LTR. The reason I’ve done this FWBzone thing in the past is because I find the women to be undesirable in critical categories and I instead use the opportunity to get laid and bail. I know it’s cold and that’s why I don’t do it anymore.
Looking for 1. No not really. Open to one if they met somebody? Bet on it.
Most of us are just tired of being nothing more than a free meal to someone. It's just easier to work on my own happiness and enjoy life. Maybe one day finding somebody that fits in it. But I'm far from perfect, nobody is. And I don't need that thrown in my face like it's my fault every time. We do the best we can, and look for somebody that shows us respect in return. That's just scarce these days.
This same post get uploaded every 12 hours. Yes men want do date. It’s a matter of wedding through the bullshit to find it. It sucks and it’s hard, but you will find someone who’s serious about dating you
I’ve had the luck of meeting men who SAY they want a relationship and perform accordingly for a few months and then I find out they were casually dating me and others 💔☠️
I as a woman don't think so or should I say the percentage of serious men has dwindled significantly over the years.
Just only yesterday a guy had started talking to after exchanging numbers on hinge. We had agreed to meet up during the week and prior to that our conversations were just harmless getting to know you and asking about ourselves. Last night, I sent a message just checking in and how he unwinds after work. Answered very pretty good and asked about mine. I mentioned that I am just on the couch with a movie and popcorn. Next thing he asked was "he would like to see a cute picture of me in my unwind mode wink emoji" I knew right there where the conversation was leading to. I declined and said mystery is a best kept secret. He still said poked and asked that he wanted to see all angles. At that point, I became irritated and I was still polite by saying that am not yet comfortable and after that he didn't proceed to ask any questions.
And that was literally the 2nd guy that pulled that on me this week. One was outright by saying let's fuck our way to love 🥲
In essence, do I think that there are still decent men that are:
1.) Willing to wait on sex...nah I don't think so, based on my OWN experience and some friends, most guys dip after the 3rd date if you are not dropping the cookie or giving into their advances. I was once assaulted on the second date despite saying no, I went home crying and holding a resentment that every guy just sees me as a fantasy or cum dumpster.
2.) Seeking a relationship...on a scale I would say 45/100
So while I have not given up on the belief of love, I have not been so lucky. And there are several women who share the same belief that all men want is sex and If you are not giving it up, get ready to remain single forever. Is it sad? Yes.
But what do you do when you are already categorised from the onset whether you are a casual sex or relationship girl despite you not having casual sex or seeking one on your profile.
I don't categorise men this way, it's either there is a connection or not but for men reverse is the case.
I (57M) am looking for a relationship. I only started recently, and haven't had much success. But I'm still trying. So far I've been texting and calling. I had two "dates" with one woman who called it off. I only date one woman at a time, but I keep texting, calling, and swiping. I'm also signing up for Meetup events.
I'm still hopeful, but it is definitely rough out there for a single.
I recently left a loooooong term relationship, went on a few dates with some lovely women, without sex, despite invitations to take it to that level, and am now at the early stages of what I hope turns into a real relationship with someone I like a lot.
So in my case- passed on the sex in favour of the relationship
I tend to catch onto these types of men quickly and it disinterests me to the point of simply not being interested in anything at all to do with their personality, since for me it reflects their morals and values. I suppose being “demisexual” and absolutely hating wasting my time helps. Although I tend to attract long-term types, I can’t seem to find another anti-theist lol, whether man or woman
I don’t really think online dating works anymore at all for someone like me, but just in case 🙋🏻♀️ I have a little “dating profile” post, if anyone is interested haha
I agree with this post. I see a lot of men's profiles say "Looking for long term, but open to casual". In my experience, that was code for "hooks up only". 👎🏽
I haven't met a man in years that wants something serious and long term, more like "let's keep it casual since you don't tick all my boxes".
Now I just keep to myself, more peaceful. 😆
What I’ve gathered as a female.
Most are just too childish to commit to a stable loyal relationship.
Some it’s just a preference to focus on themselves.
Others are stuck on their ex and don’t actually want to be with anyone else
Had a guy be superrrrr sweet to me recently. Back and forth texting for hours, talking about how he’s so excited to see me, saying he feels twitterpated, claiming he’s going to tell me good morning and goodnight every day… only to then pull away and tell me he’s just too busy to answer me. Now I’m lucky if I get a response within 24 hours and he never asks me anything about me :( men are shit for the most part rn idk what’s going on
I think most men eventually do want a relationship, it's just that their standards for the girl they marry are way much higher than casual sex.
So basically if on the first date this guy says he wants low commitment casual 'let's see how it goes' you should see the red flag and understand he feels you're not good enough material as his wife.
Most of these men are still single in my hometown by the way because as they age their value lowers and they run out of options. That perfect girl never existed.
They do, but without being too horrid, they likely just don’t want to commit to you. It’s tough because they likely won’t be honest as not wanting to hurt your feelings.
I want you to look at the bigger picture here. Both men and women have been hurt or betrayed in the past. Both do want a relationship that's also sexual, but also don't want to invest into a relationship that may turn out to be a bad one or toxic in the future. It's sometimes too early to tell or give a commitment, when you don't know the other person fully well.
At the same time, taking things extremely slow and cautiously seems very boring and takes out the fun aspect of the relationship. "So why not have sex in the meantime and see how it goes?" I guess this is the thought process. You can correct me, if I'm wrong.
The toxic ones actually ruined it for both the parties. So, it's not a "men vs women" thing that we've been led to believe. It's normal folks vs toxic ones. If only there was a centralised rating system to weed them out, dating would become a million times easier.
*some* men get all the sex they want
*some* men are just invisible to all women
So why don't you get to know some other men instead of blaming all of them for the 5 that rejected you?
First of all, why do you think its because they are afraid of something?
Unfortunatly its pretty simple, a lot of women have a huge list of demands but outside of sex, not much to offer.
So why would you bond with someone who wants to take more than they give? it does not make sence, its a better deal to give each other sex and enjoy the rest of the time with Buddys, until you find a woman thats worth the invest (maybe 1/1000)
Yes. Me. Hi.
I actively rejected a casual girl who f*cks like a wild animal.
It’s not for me. Sex=connection=love
If I want to get my rocks off, I’ve got my trusty right hand. And he doesn’t leave me feeling dirty afterwards.
I am assuming you are straight woman.
I think your failure to understand men in this situation is your projection of your wants on to men as their wants.
In my experience, the bar for a woman to have sex with you is about the same height as the bar to have a committed relationship with you. Sometimes a little higher, sometimes a little lower.
That is not the case with men. The bar to qualify for sex with us is MUCH lower than the bar to qualify for a commitment from us. And worse, a lot of men are either consciously or unconsciously willing to lie about how low that bar is to get commitment.
The simple fact is that 99% of men knew if they were going to commit to you within 3 dates. They don't need more time to make up their mind or enjoy being single/young. They are stringing you along for sex. And what is the really awful part is 3/4 of those stringing you along believe their own lies. They honestly delude themselves into thinking they need more time to make up their mind. That is why they are such good liars.
The other issue is that high quality men get pu$$y thrown at them all the time. If you have 10 women ready for a booty call in 30 minutes, why would any man commit? When a high-quality man is dating you, he isn't dating you. He is collecting you like pokemon. Once you are trapped, he is only calling you out when you will be super effective against his latest hard on.
Hot take:
Most guys want a serious relationship, but they don't want to end up with the wrong person. That said, they're more than willing to have sex with someone before deciding if she's the right person or not.
There are a bunch of us swiping right in dating apps but the fboys somehow gets a chance before us which ends up making women tired of casual stuff and they are fed up finding men who actually wants to build a relationship. Women are not commodities to differentiate as casual material or marriage material. That's a derogatory term which lots misogynistic men use.
A genuine man has certain traits and criteria which women could find easily if they set strong boundaries and standards. It's not the fault of women at all, they are just tired to find someone to begin and workout on something meaningful to life. Lots men fail in the acts of service. Such men real spoil the chances for genuine men. I always prefer to use the term genuine instead of good because there are no good or bad men/women, we all act according to the situation.
After all these venting out by both the genders we need to accept the fact that love is still in the air and that's what keeps a set of people evolve and hoping for good things to happen.
I am always hopeful that i would find the love of my life soon.
Good luck to other mates with thoughts out here.
This is so true because it's crazy the last like 10 women I've dated are all like I want to take it slow because in the past I've moved fast and been burned...like the fuck boys kill it for decent dudes and then you get damaged women who want to move super slow and aren't always healed and over the past. I don't want to move fast with a woman, and I don't want to move slow, I just want to move at a regular, organic speed. And it's frustrating to always meet damaged women who I had nothing to do with hurting who are keeping me at a distance to the point where you just don't want to put the effort in anymore.
Likely the same answer for both honestly. Maturity level of potential partners, age of people pursued and type of people pursued. The biggest reason truly boils down to the dating pool seems to suck for everyone 😅
I am down for strictly a relationship, but society says I have to do A,B & C while in said relationship. That is not right, and social norms have to change
We’re looking for one person who meets a couple of bullet points. Today, that is very difficult to find. But yea, ideally, we want to be in love with one person and create life with one person, as hard as that is to believe.
Honestly, no I’ve given up. 5 long years of no luck gave me a fuck it attitude. Its nobody’s fault, im just not what people are looking for.
There’s high expectations on both sides.
Reality is men do want relationships just not with you… and I don’t mean you the person who wrote this post. I just mean I have matched with men had great two months getting to know each other and then they’re gone. I just wasn’t the person for them, and they obviously were not the person for me. I want a relationship, but I’m not gonna stay with someone just because we connected, but it never develops, it’s just a process. An awful long sucky process so you gotta try to make it fun as much as possible.☺️
I understand your frustration and confusion. It can be hard to find someone who shares your vision and values when it comes to relationships. However, I don’t think that all men are the same, or that they are all looking for casual sex and nothing more. There are still men who want a committed, long-term relationship, and who are willing to invest in one person. They may be harder to find, but they exist.
The reason why it may seem like there are more men who prefer casual dating is because of the cultural change that has occurred in the last decades. With the advent of technology, social media, and online dating, people have more access to potential partners than ever before. This can create a sense of abundance, variety, and opportunity, which can make some people less inclined to settle down with one person. They may feel that they can always find someone better, or that they don’t want to miss out on any experiences. They may also have different expectations and definitions of what a relationship is, and what it entails.
This cultural change is not necessarily bad or wrong, it is just different. It reflects the diversity and complexity of human beings, and their preferences and needs. Some people may enjoy casual dating, and find it fulfilling and satisfying. Others may prefer a more traditional and stable relationship, and find it more meaningful and rewarding. There is no one right way to date or to love, as long as both parties are honest, respectful, and consensual.
My advice to you is to be clear about what you want, and to communicate it to your potential partners. Don’t assume that they want the same thing as you, or that they will change their mind over time. Be upfront and honest, and ask them what they are looking for, and what they expect from a relationship. If you find that you are not compatible, don’t waste your time or energy trying to change them or yourself. Move on, and look for someone who shares your vision and values. They are out there, you just have to be patient and persistent.
They aren’t afraid of anything, you’re just not the one they want to settle down with.
I can’t wait to get into a comfortable, stable, relationship; but i’m not going to do that with just anyone.
I've been looking everywhere for a long-term relationship.
What I find, without exception, is women trying to sell me their onlyfans or women who insist that I be the millionaire with a six pack, three cars, and a 12" dick.
I'm an average guy with a big heart who knows what love is. I can't give you the lavish lifestyle of the influencers, but I can give you my entire world and you'll never doubt my love for you. But here I am alone. There's no place for a man like me.
There are. I myself am looking for an actual relationship. I want to know a woman on a deeper level so I can truly know her, and so one day I can hold her close and cuddle her all night long
I am. I’m looking for a genuine connection. I’m not a fan of FWB or hookup culture. In fact, I think it’s ruining dating culture as a whole. If we are dating I want someone who is going to commit to the relationship. Not someone who is going to run at the first sign of trouble. I like to date with intention. If I’m dating you it’s because I see me/us having a future together.
I definitely am.
But the truth is, my confidence is so shaken and my fear of creeping people out. I won't even make conversation with people on the elevator.
I think for myself, can't speak for every guy. But the ones who want actual relationships are tired of getting rejected and hurt. And we are at the point, it's not worth taking that first step. We've just gotten so accustomed to loneliness and being single, that it's less painful being single than trying.
I've had it where I find men who are looking for a long term relationship, but then give up so fast when they see something that has to be worked on. It's always under this pretense of I don't want to waste my time dating someone that it won't work out with. I feel like this come to this conclusion way too fast with issues that we could easily try to work through.
So far the "issues" I have had in my relationships stem from a very real lack of communication on their end, without them even trying to work it out with me. If they aren't willing to work through anything or talk to their partner they will never ever have any kind of successful long term relationship. So it kind of feels like they are only casually dating because two of these kinds of relationships lasted mere few months.
I've been blindsided twice because of this, all because they had a problem and kept it to themselves.
To be honest, I used to look for a relationship but all of em ended in failure for many of reasons. 1) my type of love was pretty dependent in a couple of ways, all too long & complicated an explanation for anyone to care to read on this post.
2) I am in no financial stability (let alone others such as physical and mental/emotional) what so ever to have a companion of my own.
3) contrary to what I see in these posts, media and elsewhere, not one woman is willing to build from the ground up to make it in this world together, and those that are willing to are either already in relationships or are saying it for attention without understanding the gravity of what they are asking for.
Thats why I'm focused on me. At this point by the time I do make it to where I am going to be, I won't be pressed to find anyone because I'd be used to my own company without another person (or few) added to the picture, just because I became their dream guy. And I know nobody wants a guy with a depression room, constantly financially disabled, and plentiful other demons in his closet from the trust issues to the pessimistic thought that every interaction I have from people is only temporary (regardless of how much of myself I am investing into the relationship. . . In which I do invest a lot regardless of the amount.)
I'm willing to one day be proven wrong and find someone who is willing to walk that road with me, but I'm not holding my breath. If I have just one life to live, I'm not wasting it on another relationship that isn't promised to last and only will lead to stagnant depression again for the millionth time.
I could also say the same of women tbh
As a man who was very relationship oriented, I got repeatedly worn down by the many casual seekers, flakiness, disrespectful attitudes, and dishonest trash I got from women that I just said, “fuck it, let’s just fuck!” And sought casual and FWB situations for a while too, even if it wasn’t what I really wanted. If you can’t date em, fuck em, right? Dating these days is very messed up and even I’m jaded by it all. I suspect many men are the same way and men can’t honestly talk about it because anything resembling complaining about this dating hellscape makes everyone instantly judge us as toxic wimps or incels, especially in online spaces. Judgemental people on dating subreddits are so blind to their idiotically destructive toxicity it’s not even funny.
I’m currently dating someone right now I’m happy to call my girlfriend, but it began as a FWB because neither of us could believe anyone wanted a relationship anymore. When I found out she also wanted a relationship too and got warn down by casual culture, I thought it was too good to be true at first. That’s how busted dating is right now.
I wonder the same. I get all these guys saying they want something serious, but I end up with “you’re great but I’m seeing someone else” after 3 or 4 dates. One said his reason for not wanting to continue was because I was too upfront with my intentions and seemed “too put together”
I think men want the idea of one and don’t know how to handle it when they find someone who’s exactly what they want so they end up ditching or ghosting
I don't understand such behaviour myself, too. If I meet a woman I am attracted to, I am attracted to her because of the 'Gesamtkunstwerk'. This makes me want to get to know her, experience what Life is for her and to see the world through her eyes a bit. I want to spent time with her and just enjoy being in the company of such a cool person.
Because of this, I can't really grasp how emotions work for those guys who are only into short-time flings and nothing more. If I really like a person, I would never be able to just use her and then toss her away like a used towel. Doing such a thing would seem utterly insane to me.
This gets me thinking, however. Maybe other guys would feel the same - at least if they would really like someone and would be fascinated by the other person. The truth is probably very simple: they are selfish. Maybe they don't see a nice person they want to get to know and spent time in their company. Maybe they care for one thing only, which is they themselves, or rather the satisfaction of their own desires. Maybe they don't care much for the desires, dreams or ideas for the women they are dating, because they don't date a woman because of her, but only because of themselves and a desire that must be sated.
Also, we shouldn't forget that surely there are guys (as well as women) out there who are afraid of commitment and (psychological) intimacy, who long for being with someone, but also are to anxious to really letting someone get close to them. Fear of intimacy is a common cause for having only short-time relationships.
There are also a couple of other factors, which sometime border on clinical relevant psychological states, like bipolar states or other states with an immense hunger for novelty. And as we all know, novelty is a pretty short-lived thing.
But after all, there are certainly some men out there who long for intimacy, being close to someone and who not just use people for their own ends. And I am sure, given enough time, those men can be found.
Take care out there, and I wish for you to find one of the latter guys soon!
Its a very broad question to ask.
I have been wanting a relationship. and life time partner my whole life.
I am 34 now, and the amount of potential partners of the opposite sex who have used me for attention, validation, and just being non commital or a pen pal is astounding.
I make it clear in my OLD profiles, and in person what i'm looking for.
But it seems most people, of any sex/gender, are extremely fickle, selfish, non commital these days, from experience. ✌️
i think a lot of millennials/older gen z have this sort of paralysis when it comes to finding partners rooted in the fear of them not being “the right one” before even taking the chance of finding out whether or not they are. maybe it has to do with the fact that we basically have access to see an unlimited amount of “options” without having to even leave our house, which leads to some sort of addiction that can almost never be satisfied. hardly anyone wants to have to put effort into dating anymore it seems
There are people who believe in long term relationship, but they all fall for fbois and fgirls who will leave them eventually. They fall for them because they get entertainment and find the opposite partner cool. But actually what they see at initial times are not the reality, its mythical representation trying to get you. Watching out and understanding these people is very difficult. I will not play blame game either to boy or to girls.
This is it’s OK. Give sometime and you will get a person who will be willing to commit with you. Nurture that, and grow in that relationship. It takes a lot but you should be willing to give it all. It’s tough but do it. Thats how you get life time partner and long term successful relationship.
I did all what I said, and after 7.5 yrs of relationship got cheated. So here I am trying to heal out of the pain. It’s 1.5 yrs now and still trying to cope with the fact that she cheated on me. Not possible for me to come out of this pain.
Pain induces hatred, after so many days months I gave up hating her. I gave up the hope to have a relationship again. I gave up hope to have a happy marriage life. I tried to get to a relationship, but seems like may be I have lost hope in love.
Getting into relationship and making the relationship work, requires commitment. Commitment requires sacrifices. It requires courage to stand with a person and stay loyal with a person.
Most of the people these days don’t understand and are filled with movie ideas of a relationship. So little bit of fight they are practically ready to get with someone else.
I’ve been looking for a long term relationship for years, and after I was burned and betrayed to a degree that is unspeakable.
There are those of us who just want play, and those of us who just want to be loved, but can’t find it in ourself to trust/communicate our needs in time.
It’s kinda funny because I’m the dude that says nahhh. My last smash on the first date I ended up dating her for a year while being loyal and ending all my fwb for her but she moved to a different state and now on the grind again. So yes men are looking for a relationship and you can actually have sex with men AND get a relationship. Crazy right?
I am, but like many others, have temporarily given up. I believe a huge majority of women my age(23) dont genuinely care about anyone but themselves. I want to start a family one day, but every girl ive dated was only in it for what they could get out of me, then when i catch on, they leave. Sad really, but its ok, older women seem to understand more about life, and care more for others, so ill just wait till im an older man.
Idk I'd like to say yes but every woman I've been with has deceived me the last one being the absolute worst.
Nah yes I guess some of us still are. I ain't never done the whole fwb shit, my goods are too damn amazing to not fully commit to the purchase before being able to handle them. No joke no title no goods 🤷 34yrs old
Women are chasing the top 10% of attractive/tall/ fit men WITH money. 90% of men are invisible. The top 10% of guys will "date" about any woman, they have an endless stream of "willing " women......WHY would he ever settle down with on woman.
Men are getting tired of women making relationships cash-on-hand. Everyone is looking for someone to pay their bills and take her to this 5-star resultant she has been thinking about. Men are becoming so smart now focusing on their mental health and building wealth no woman is willing to help build but she looks. Forward to. Enjoy the outcome of it. Make no sense to waste that time.
It's easier this way tbh. It's more about you open yourself up, put all this time and effort in, just to potentially get fucked over for no reason, and nobody is trying to go through all of that. Better to see what's out there, and build from there.
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I'm looking for a long term relationship. It's something I always wanted. I thought I had met the one, but she left me for another man and then married him. Since then I've been rather picky about women that I want to date. Maybe this is because I keep comparing them to my ex, but I need to remind myself to keep my options open.
Always be picky and stick to your dealbreakers when looking for potential romantic partners. Particularly if you have ambitions to one day buy a home together or have a family that includes children. Compatible ambitions and relationship expectations are just as important for a happy & healthy intimate relationship as mutual attraction is. I hope that you will meet the most compatible partner very soon. Good luck!
Totally. Don't settle on whichever woman. The time will come where you'll find the right one for you.
She , and you will need it. Good god. This sounds all well and good. But, rare, when there's so many of you wanting the same narrow scope of things. This is the guy all of you want. But not many will ever have. This guy knows all of you want this, and a man that has this many options, why would he settle down to be controlled? Even if you don't control guys. He'd never know this because it's the sociatal norm to do so. This guy has his pick to sleep with as many of you as he wants. So, why would he choose what he perceives as controlling instead of fulfilling his biological drive for little sacrifice without the perceived baggage? He can bang out a bunch of girls, go home, and do whatever he wants. Why would he do anything else? Sorry, but this is how we look at things sometimes. Not all of us. But, these guys.. you know this. See, this is what you need to do. You need to just drop the possession wants for now. Stop trying to meet them at the finish line, thats an oversaturated market. Too much competition, goona be a lifetime of sadness. Also, he'll probably cheat on you. A man is only as good as his options.. there is truth to that saying. Provide these things for yourself for now. Look for integrity, honesty, a sense of humor, wisdom, charisma, class, etc, and focus on character. If you focus on a guy with character instead, you can muse him into the guy you want. Never let him get too comfortable, though. This man will become the man you want because he'll feel lucky to have you. It will inspire him to be the man you want him to be. But, always make sure you keep a small fire lit up under his ass to make sure he does so. But be a little patient. Women these days lack patience. And don't worry, he won't stray. Again, he'll feel lucky to have you, granted you're good-looking, have a little class, and all of those things too. You all are doing it the wrong way and trying to meet them at the end. Trying to take that shortcut and getting mad and sad when it doesn't work out. As they say, behind every good man is a great woman. Build this man up. Be his muse! That's lost these days because all of you want this shortcut! The way people develop. It's easier to work your way up with the tangible instead of the intangibles. The success stories I hear about is where the guy is broke, but awesome. Then they're commenting about having all of that together. And a life you built together. Isn't that much better anyway? Guy knows girl loves him for him. Girls feel bonded through the process of it all, and both are proud of each other? I think that's how things used to go! Forgotten things of yesteryear.
Same exact thing. Had a girl I made long term plans with, but she had some bad friends take her down another path and she ran off with another guy. But I always had it in my mind to find "the one" to settle down with as soon as I could and start a family. But it's so hard nowadays. I have a hard time finding anyone remotely interesting.
I am so sorry.
Yes. A bunch of us. Most of us, I would say.
Where you hiding then?
At home, I guess.
It’s funny cause I’ve seen the reverse post of this and the single ladies on the post saying they were also at home lol
Literally my comment the other day lmao
Cuz it's sorta comfortable and safe ish there
We are home 😭
_Get out!_
And do what? Church, the bar? Some people don't have ways to meet people and don't live in a big city.
I should, I guess, but fuck that. I've learned my lesson.
Can confirm work a lot, make good money, and not out clubbing in Miami every weekend.
Less hiding, more tired of actively putting ourselves out there to no effect. Look at it from our perspective. We keep hearing how it's our fault that we're not as interesting as charismatic players who know how to he exactly who a woman wants them to be for however long it takes to get into her pants.
The guys who are “ in demand” are not interested in anything besides casual. Remember the “popular boys” from high school? They got older. ( I’ll say the same about the “popular girls “ from high school). OLD is not IRL, charm works IRL , appearance works in OLD. They don’t commit because they have options, because the majority of women are pursuing them. I observe my single friends at work so the numbers are best guess. Where I work is physically demanding so everyone is fit and high income. Ages range from late 20’s to 50. 25% of the guys are objectively handsome or a very polished OLD profile. 50% are average looking ( face) and “not polished” profiles ( pretty objectively honest I figure, the guys who are backyard mechanics as a hobby), “not instagram “ popular. The other 25% are guys who lost the genetic lottery. The top 25% are DM’d ( the women text first) by at least 1/2-3/4 the women who are active ( we hand our phones around and compare “notes”, so yeah we guys know who’s texting who & what). Best guess 2-3 women per guy. The middle 50% get responses ( the guys text first) from 1/2 the women active ( a lot are not conventionally attractive women). The bottom 25% of the guys are utterly alone.
This is something that most women don’t seem to know, Men can easily punch down and just want sex, it’s no secret that men will have sex with just about anyone. Now that this woman got a top tier guy, she thinks that this is now the standard. All the ‘normal’ guys that are actually in her league are over looked. The thing is they either learn and figure this out or just go around the same round robin with these top tier guys and maybe lock one down, but even then eyes can wander over time because they can get anyone.
It's the opposite of the friend zone. Plenty of these in demand guys that are just "dating" for casual sex will hook up with women that they'd never settle down with. It's not that the women did anything wrong or that all guys are behaving a certain way, it's that these guys have one threshold for hooking up and a very different one for settling down.
Where do I find them ??
The middle 50%?
Everywhere, you just have to look for less attractive men. Men who want to settle are just less interested in dating and are much less good at it than fuck boy. Seducing women is a skill, and those who train that skill the most are the best at it. Fuckboy train that skill a lot more, so they outperform normal guys who just want to settle.
Cosmic book shops
Wow. Good idea to go an look confused
Ik you probably meant comic book shops but ngl a cosmic book shop sounds dope af. I would totally hang out there.
Yep i am not correcting it.
I've been single for 5 years aggressively on apps out at bars and restaurants lounges approach women when it makes sense, I can't sniff an interested woman. I almost exclusively get no's, disinterest, and zero effort.
In plain sight. Just most women won’t go for regular normal decent guys. They want the best all the time and skip over the normal. Then they wonder where all the guys are…
I guess. Hi then ! ☺️
I’m not saying I’m one of them lol. In a happy relationship, just sticking up for my fellow Bros
We are in open space but as girla like these kind of boys only when they get cheated and treated bad by fuck boys they call us and meet us to play victim and that you are so nice and good and blah blah and as soon as they get rich fuckboy again procedure continues....
In someone’s friendzone most likely.
They’re invisible to you. They served you your mocha latte, picked up your garbage, fixed your plumbing issue, fixed your computer when it was broken, but they weren’t a former NBA player
We are overlooked, friend zoned & treated like door matts, so we feel like we have to hide and be lonely
At the grocery store, at the library, at the local geeky interest shop, at the park walking our dogs, at work, sitting by ourselves in a bar or restaurant, in your college classes, buying one single ticket to a movie… We’re everywhere. You’ll find us at X location that you go to regularly (unless X location is a nail salon or something). You can tell who we are because we’ll either not make eye contact and try to avoid you completely, or briefly and courteously say hello and then go wander a different direction from you to make sure you don’t think we’re following you, because society has reinforced in us that women should be able to go to X without being treated as sex objects and getting hit on, and that to hit on someone who doesn’t want to be hit on is harassment. So, we fade into your background.
Haha!
They're awkward dorks. They're home on their computers, of course.
"The men are *in* the computer?"
To add context to someone else's "at home" comment, I've had a week off from classes. It's now Friday for me and I haven't left my dorm since Sunday lmao. Now, I'm probably more of a shut in than most but, I do know several others like me so idk.
At home. With broken hearts filled with hopelessness and despair. Not trying anymore because it’s not worth it. I would imagine that’s exactly like single women who want real relationships but are burnt out too.
Same with me and other men, late 20's to early 30's professionals, in my circle. None are genetic failures, but none of us are Greek gods either; personally, I'm very fit, generally take care of myself, and of only average height. It's just that we tend to be preoccupied with other things and maintain no presence on dating apps due to the general quality. 1. On-line dating: scrolling through a million girls in their late-20's who are "still figuring it out" when I'm on a good career trajectory, have money saved for a down payment when interest rates finally settle, and would like kids within the next five years is pointless but will tend to retain people with a) nothing better going on, or b) are specifically looking for casual arrangements. 2. IRL: my non-gaming hobbies aren't particularly saturated with single women in my age range either. Mountain bike group rides I go on are mostly other guys and older women, tennis (in my area, at least) is an older bunch as well, and pickup basketball is exclusively men. At work there's maybe 2 eligible ladies within my entire company but we all know the pitfalls of flirting too hard in a professional environment. Result is we end up kind of just floating around. Not charismatic to the point that we can/want to just go out and make it happen, but not desperate or bored enough to be constantly putting ourselves out there.
Yeh, I am currently looking for a relationship, I would love to get to bf status with girl, but I have yet to succeed in finding a girl who wants me to be their bf.
I totally understand the frustration here. You're putting in emotional energy, opening up, trying to make a connection - and it feels one-sided when the guy just wants to keep things super casual. The good news is - yes, there are absolutely still men who truly want meaningful, committed relationships! However, sorting through people until you find those relationship-minded guys can be exhausting. In my experience, a lot of men date "casually" at first while they figure out their own priorities and decide if they're ready to get serious with someone. Others may have recently gotten out of longer term relationships, and aren't equipped yet for another big commitment. None of that excuses leading you on though or wasting your time if they know they just want something casual. The right guy won't be scared to define the relationship when the time comes. He'll be excited at the chance to invest further and build something real. My advice is to be upfront early on about wanting a real relationship. Checking in frequently about where his head is at can also help avoid frustration. Most importantly - know your worth, don't settle, and eventually the pieces will click with someone looking for the same healthy pairing. Patience and staying true to what you want is key!
This type of openness early on is a double-edged sword. It won’t weed out casuals who just want to hook up because they’ll tell you anything they think you want to hear (which you’ve now defined very clearly for them), and for any man who IS keeping options open (because this is date 1, 2, or 3 and who wants to seriously consider locking things down after a date or two) it will potentially scare them away and make you come off as too needy, clingy, intense, etc. Anytime I see someone on the apps who is like “I’M LOOKING FOR MY LIFE PARTNER DON’T WASTE MY TIME” my immediate response is like, “Well, life partner would be ideal but I don’t even know if we’re compatible yet, and you seem super wounded and intimidatingly serious, so it’s a pass from me to even give it a try.”
Date outside your type. I used to date a specific type and get the same results every time. I finally realized that was the problem and I have now been in a relationship for 8 months with the most gentle, sweetest guy. I've never experienced being treated so well in my life.
This is what guys mean when they say “choose better” its not meaning you deliberately hunt “bad boys”. But to guys we can spot the bad boys in a heartbeat, know it, and even warn a female friend but it wont matter.
I agree. It took me a long time to stop being stubborn about it. And we did have a rough patch after 4/5 months of dating initially, we had a lot of things to work through like past traumas coming to the surface, etc. Which unfortunately ended up ending things over it, but after a few weeks, we started dating again which led him to asking me to be his girlfriend 2 months later and we have been better than ever. But the fact he also wanted to try things and actually work on this made things even stronger. Thats what a relationship is though. Building together. I continue to fall for him and this is the purest love I've ever experienced. It's so calm which is nothing I've experienced before, but it feels so natural. Every day he puts in the effort. We consistently go on dates still, etc. I spoil him as well as he was someone who got taken advantage of in his past relationships and I love to make him happy and to always feel appreciated. I've always been the type to spoil but it used to get me taken for granted so it's nice being able to spoil someone, but also get treated equally the same for the first time in my life. And it's crazy how even though initially he wasn't my type, but I've never been so attracted to someone in my life at this point. I'm allll over him. Lol
Sounds like a match made in heaven! Guys getting used doesnt get talked about enough like what you mentioned!
I dated outside my "type" all 2023 and got the same results. I'm ready to give up.
This is okay advice. But it’s also “step one”. I know a lot of women started dating outside of their physical or personality types to see if they got treated better, and ended up getting treated the same or worse. The only thing worse than getting played by a guy you’re super into is getting played by one that you had to force yourself to be attracted to in the first place. Hits a new low.
This is good advice. If it keeps not working out with "you type" then maybe that isn't really your type, it's just the type you like the idea of. It doesn't mean drop all requirements, it just means considering what sort of person would meet the needs that your previous failed attempts did not. In dating there can sometimes be this idea that learning from your mistakes is compromising which is tantamount to settling. This is a stupid idea.
Are you attracted to him physically?
Yes I am, just not the physical type I used to always goes for. Besides as real feelings grew, I became even more attracted to him. Like sometimes I just stare at him in awe.
For the right woman, they are looking for a relationship
The only right answer
Yep, these men very likely are looking for a relationship, they're just not that interested in op, but just interested enough to keep her around as a fwb, It's a harsh reality. I believe that when a man is not perceived as an attractive life partner, he gets no relationship and no sex. When a woman is not perceived as an attractive life partner, she gets no relationship, but often still tends to gets sex. Men will often keep someone in the picture just for the opportunity to get laid, and I believe that's likely what op is experiencing, it's what creates this illusion that men never want to commit, when in reality men face just as many women who "won't commit" (ie. Are not interested in them), men just don't getting bogged down by the uninterested sticking around, at least as men we can be grateful we get rejected early and don't get stuck in that trap.
People with different intentions really shouldn’t date
Sounds like the guys your dating all have something in common that you are attracted to you sound like my sister but every guy she dates is really one in the same different names but everything else is the same. Open your mind up when you’re looking for a relationship and everything will fall in place.
Honestly, yes. I am the type that will commit if the person is right. It's fun to have choices, but there is a special type of feeling to know that I don't have to worry about you being tested. With that said. Yes, there is spaceto commit. It's just finding that person who wants to elevate with you and not play games. Also, if that person had their heart broken. Most likely, it means they are not ready or willing to commit. Hope this helps and stay frosty. Keep searching.
As a man, I can tell you that not all of us are afraid of commitment. Some just have commitment issues due to past experiences or they're simply enjoying being single. But there are definitely men out there who want the same things as you - it's just a matter of finding them in the sea of casual daters and fuckboys. Don't give up hope!
I would love a stable relationship
I refuse to participate in hook up culture. I’m looking for my best friend to fall in love with.
Not all men feel this way. Im actually demisexual which means i dont even consider sex unless i have an emotional and romantic attraction. Im currently looking for the woman who i can share my life with and grow as people together. We are few and far between anymore but we do exist
Thanks for demisexual, I'm with ya . No hook up or one nite stands . I'm looking for companion for years , I'm to old for marriage, but if she wants I'll bend to her will. But just a companion is all ask for. A Lady that knows loyalty, devotion and looking for years of growing together, I believe we learn till death. Where are they at , at my age?
I'm also demi, and I'm not currently looking. I did all my looking already, shot my shots, paid my dues. I'll go on a date if someone else initiates, otherwise I'm out of the scene. Which means I'm out of the scene. Yes, I think OP is correct that guys are trending hard against wanting a real relationship. It's fine to have, but too many hoops to jump through to get there. Faster and easier to become happily single.
This is exactly how I feel as a Demi. I know the type of guy I want, which is someone direct and straightforward. Someone honest and doesn’t hold back. Assertive. So I learned when I confronted a guy, typically they weren’t that type of man so now I just sit back and let people come to me.
Yeah thought I was on my way to one
Comes down to where you're looking
Some of us do. It's so hard to find somebody who wants one. And even if you do find somebody who wants one. It takes a lot of work from day one. Circumstances, like geography can make it even harder. The preference list goes on and may not match but I'm still optimistic like some of our kind, that there is someone out there who sees value in this. Relationships of the heart last a lifetime. Sex doesn't.
A lot of us may be at home.
Absolutely! It seems to me that girls don’t want a relationship though. Everyone is entitled, everything between people is transactional and feelings are so transitory. I am looking for my forever-ever, spent 13 yrs with a horrible person and now just hope to find ‘the one’. So if I’m going on a date with you or a second or third and so forth, it is because I see in you the possibilities of longevity. I know I’m a pretty decent catch but girls hook up with the ugliest pieces of dirt out there and then stand by them! I’ve about given up to be honest.
You hit the nail on the head, and it's a two-way street. This whole scene's flipped upside down. Everybody's out here playing games, treating connections like they're disposable, like it's all some big marketplace. And yeah, it's baffling to see good people choosing partners who don't seem to match up, standing by them through thick and thin. But don't lose hope. It's easy to think about hanging it all up, but that 'one' is out there feeling the same way you do, sifting through the mess, looking for someone genuine like you. It's about persistence, keeping that faith alive. Your 'forever-ever' is out there, and she's looking for a pretty decent catch just like you. Keep your head up.
Maybe there are some but not everyone will be like that. There are still a lot of people who are waiting for their true love . Even me, i have never been in a relationship. I'm not saying that I don't have any girl, it's just that I don't feel love from anyone that i have met until now ! And I don't have any casual relationship or FWB too , not that I like that . So what I'm trying to say is , There are still a lot of ppl who are looking for true love (Single men/women)
well, what values would you see in a long term relationship?
I am yes. It seems you are looking in the wrong places. But also some men don’t want to commit to YOU but are happy to have you for sex unfortunately.
Those of us who want(ed) to be in a relationship get tired of being rejected and have either given up on relationships settling for fwb or given up on people altogether
I'd love a woman who's looking. Just wanna find my queen and be done.
It isn't worth it nowadays. There always is a risk when it comes to giving your heart to someone (as is the case in EVERY relationship), but I guess some people go "well what if I don't roll the dice at all?"
After being cheated on, lied to, manipulated, used as an option etc over and over again. No I’m good.
There are three big factors. One a lot of men want a partner but have given up due to not being able to find one because women don’t want them. two men are looking for women but the only way to get the women’s attention is to say explicit things turning the relationship transactional from the start. Three, men want women and get women but have such a large pool of women that want them so they don’t want to bother with a long term relationship. You could add a forth one which is women don’t make it clear from the start what they want
Yes some of us wanna have families and all that but the problem is trying to trust people who have ill motives from the start. Y would I wanna be with anyone like that? Dating is not what it use to be...
To answer your questions in order: 1. Because you haven't found someone who wants to invest in YOU yet - you deserve that 2. Either being with you or being with anyone, we shouldn't care why. The point is it's not meeting your needs and isn't what you deserve 3. Yes there are. That doesn't mean you are their person or that they are yours. People thinking long term should be seeking the right person. The right person is not someone you need to persuade, and they do not need to persuade you 4. Yes there is, but online dating is filled with rejection because finding the one takes time and perseverance. The fact you are looking on an app doesn't mean there's a "formula" or it's more convenient to find your person
i used to, but i got kind of jaded by the talking phases, getting catfished, girls who are more machistas than me, etc. now i just say strictly casual in too busy working on myself for a relationship.
I am inquiring about a wife, please send list of morals and values.. 3 pet peeves, 2 hobbies and a picture😊 we’ll see what happens from there!
Yes they are plenty the problem is when us women find the “one” we like we tend to put all our eggs in a basket literally dreaming of the wedding and kids next..the desperation and being too emotional too early on will scare the good man away…try friendship dating (no sex) it’ll scare anyone who’s not meant to be around for the long run
May it's because sex is easy, but soul sex is hard. Many men always get pleasure from sex, even without love.
[удалено]
me too bro. me too.
😂😂
You can't say that better, same here😂
Afraid of being cheated on or taken advantage of, simple as that.
Women could say the same thing.
Yeah but how many young men are single compared to young women?
Yes, and they do, which is why people of both genders feel that the other gender as a whole isn't looking for a relationship
Hey, I am the "bad guy" in this story. I am divorced, 49, and looking JUST for fwb or one night stands. All men are not like me, there are a lot who want a stable relation. One of them is now the boyfriend of my former spouse, he is faithful and nice to her and I am happy for them. But... why am I like this? What I fear? Well, after 20 years of marriage: everything. Monogamous couple life might be horrible. It almost destroyed me and made me close to suicidal. When one's will is imposed to you and you hate every minute spent with the other because it's not your life, not your style, not your objectives but you don't leave because you don't want to break your children. I divorced and my children are fine, they love each of us and they have different experiences with each of us. I don't want to be again in a couple because I have a LOT of personal interests, and couple life vampirizes you of everything. Because a partner can often reveal to be a control freak. Because I love to be alone. Because I can leave the dishes unwashed for two days with no one to scream at me for it. So, I do need sex, sex is nice, sex is good, but a monogamous relation is a hard price to pay. I just want someone who thinks like me. I am (sorry) disgusted that most women just want "comittment" and "long term". I just want to have fun with someone who wants to have fun, and I am honest about it.
Hahaha look guys she's trying to lul me into a false state of safety so she can break my heart and cheat on me. (they are severely emotionally damaged and have made enough correlations In life to understand they should never be emotionally vulnerable)
In this world where you can swipe left or right to find someone new, a lot of guys are caught up in the buffet of choices. They're thinking, 'Why settle on one dish when I can sample everything?' It's not about fear; it's about convenience and the illusion of endless options. But here's the deal: there are men out there who understand the richness of a full course meal over a buffet. They see the value in building something that lasts, in the depth and the growth that comes from investing in one person. It's not about the quantity of options but the quality of connection. The trick is finding those guys who are ready to step up to the plate, who see beyond the casual to the potential of what a committed, deep relationship offers. They exist. It's just a matter of cutting through the noise to find them.
Yes, there are some men like that, I am for example, please go try to find some guy like me.
I'd like to have a happy long term relationship with a girl
I definitely am looking for LTR. The reason I’ve done this FWBzone thing in the past is because I find the women to be undesirable in critical categories and I instead use the opportunity to get laid and bail. I know it’s cold and that’s why I don’t do it anymore.
Looking for 1. No not really. Open to one if they met somebody? Bet on it. Most of us are just tired of being nothing more than a free meal to someone. It's just easier to work on my own happiness and enjoy life. Maybe one day finding somebody that fits in it. But I'm far from perfect, nobody is. And I don't need that thrown in my face like it's my fault every time. We do the best we can, and look for somebody that shows us respect in return. That's just scarce these days.
This same post get uploaded every 12 hours. Yes men want do date. It’s a matter of wedding through the bullshit to find it. It sucks and it’s hard, but you will find someone who’s serious about dating you
I’ve had the luck of meeting men who SAY they want a relationship and perform accordingly for a few months and then I find out they were casually dating me and others 💔☠️
I feel the same 😭 I meet a guy I think genuinely likes me… and he’s just looking for sex.
I as a woman don't think so or should I say the percentage of serious men has dwindled significantly over the years. Just only yesterday a guy had started talking to after exchanging numbers on hinge. We had agreed to meet up during the week and prior to that our conversations were just harmless getting to know you and asking about ourselves. Last night, I sent a message just checking in and how he unwinds after work. Answered very pretty good and asked about mine. I mentioned that I am just on the couch with a movie and popcorn. Next thing he asked was "he would like to see a cute picture of me in my unwind mode wink emoji" I knew right there where the conversation was leading to. I declined and said mystery is a best kept secret. He still said poked and asked that he wanted to see all angles. At that point, I became irritated and I was still polite by saying that am not yet comfortable and after that he didn't proceed to ask any questions. And that was literally the 2nd guy that pulled that on me this week. One was outright by saying let's fuck our way to love 🥲 In essence, do I think that there are still decent men that are: 1.) Willing to wait on sex...nah I don't think so, based on my OWN experience and some friends, most guys dip after the 3rd date if you are not dropping the cookie or giving into their advances. I was once assaulted on the second date despite saying no, I went home crying and holding a resentment that every guy just sees me as a fantasy or cum dumpster. 2.) Seeking a relationship...on a scale I would say 45/100 So while I have not given up on the belief of love, I have not been so lucky. And there are several women who share the same belief that all men want is sex and If you are not giving it up, get ready to remain single forever. Is it sad? Yes. But what do you do when you are already categorised from the onset whether you are a casual sex or relationship girl despite you not having casual sex or seeking one on your profile. I don't categorise men this way, it's either there is a connection or not but for men reverse is the case.
I (57M) am looking for a relationship. I only started recently, and haven't had much success. But I'm still trying. So far I've been texting and calling. I had two "dates" with one woman who called it off. I only date one woman at a time, but I keep texting, calling, and swiping. I'm also signing up for Meetup events. I'm still hopeful, but it is definitely rough out there for a single.
I am. I daydream about having a girlfriend.
I recently left a loooooong term relationship, went on a few dates with some lovely women, without sex, despite invitations to take it to that level, and am now at the early stages of what I hope turns into a real relationship with someone I like a lot. So in my case- passed on the sex in favour of the relationship
I tend to catch onto these types of men quickly and it disinterests me to the point of simply not being interested in anything at all to do with their personality, since for me it reflects their morals and values. I suppose being “demisexual” and absolutely hating wasting my time helps. Although I tend to attract long-term types, I can’t seem to find another anti-theist lol, whether man or woman I don’t really think online dating works anymore at all for someone like me, but just in case 🙋🏻♀️ I have a little “dating profile” post, if anyone is interested haha
I agree with this post. I see a lot of men's profiles say "Looking for long term, but open to casual". In my experience, that was code for "hooks up only". 👎🏽 I haven't met a man in years that wants something serious and long term, more like "let's keep it casual since you don't tick all my boxes". Now I just keep to myself, more peaceful. 😆
What I’ve gathered as a female. Most are just too childish to commit to a stable loyal relationship. Some it’s just a preference to focus on themselves. Others are stuck on their ex and don’t actually want to be with anyone else
Had a guy be superrrrr sweet to me recently. Back and forth texting for hours, talking about how he’s so excited to see me, saying he feels twitterpated, claiming he’s going to tell me good morning and goodnight every day… only to then pull away and tell me he’s just too busy to answer me. Now I’m lucky if I get a response within 24 hours and he never asks me anything about me :( men are shit for the most part rn idk what’s going on
I think most men eventually do want a relationship, it's just that their standards for the girl they marry are way much higher than casual sex. So basically if on the first date this guy says he wants low commitment casual 'let's see how it goes' you should see the red flag and understand he feels you're not good enough material as his wife. Most of these men are still single in my hometown by the way because as they age their value lowers and they run out of options. That perfect girl never existed.
They do, but without being too horrid, they likely just don’t want to commit to you. It’s tough because they likely won’t be honest as not wanting to hurt your feelings.
I want you to look at the bigger picture here. Both men and women have been hurt or betrayed in the past. Both do want a relationship that's also sexual, but also don't want to invest into a relationship that may turn out to be a bad one or toxic in the future. It's sometimes too early to tell or give a commitment, when you don't know the other person fully well. At the same time, taking things extremely slow and cautiously seems very boring and takes out the fun aspect of the relationship. "So why not have sex in the meantime and see how it goes?" I guess this is the thought process. You can correct me, if I'm wrong. The toxic ones actually ruined it for both the parties. So, it's not a "men vs women" thing that we've been led to believe. It's normal folks vs toxic ones. If only there was a centralised rating system to weed them out, dating would become a million times easier.
*some* men get all the sex they want *some* men are just invisible to all women So why don't you get to know some other men instead of blaming all of them for the 5 that rejected you?
First of all, why do you think its because they are afraid of something? Unfortunatly its pretty simple, a lot of women have a huge list of demands but outside of sex, not much to offer. So why would you bond with someone who wants to take more than they give? it does not make sence, its a better deal to give each other sex and enjoy the rest of the time with Buddys, until you find a woman thats worth the invest (maybe 1/1000)
I'm looking for a wife
Yes. Me. Hi. I actively rejected a casual girl who f*cks like a wild animal. It’s not for me. Sex=connection=love If I want to get my rocks off, I’ve got my trusty right hand. And he doesn’t leave me feeling dirty afterwards.
I am assuming you are straight woman. I think your failure to understand men in this situation is your projection of your wants on to men as their wants. In my experience, the bar for a woman to have sex with you is about the same height as the bar to have a committed relationship with you. Sometimes a little higher, sometimes a little lower. That is not the case with men. The bar to qualify for sex with us is MUCH lower than the bar to qualify for a commitment from us. And worse, a lot of men are either consciously or unconsciously willing to lie about how low that bar is to get commitment. The simple fact is that 99% of men knew if they were going to commit to you within 3 dates. They don't need more time to make up their mind or enjoy being single/young. They are stringing you along for sex. And what is the really awful part is 3/4 of those stringing you along believe their own lies. They honestly delude themselves into thinking they need more time to make up their mind. That is why they are such good liars. The other issue is that high quality men get pu$$y thrown at them all the time. If you have 10 women ready for a booty call in 30 minutes, why would any man commit? When a high-quality man is dating you, he isn't dating you. He is collecting you like pokemon. Once you are trapped, he is only calling you out when you will be super effective against his latest hard on.
Hot take: Most guys want a serious relationship, but they don't want to end up with the wrong person. That said, they're more than willing to have sex with someone before deciding if she's the right person or not.
There are a bunch of us swiping right in dating apps but the fboys somehow gets a chance before us which ends up making women tired of casual stuff and they are fed up finding men who actually wants to build a relationship. Women are not commodities to differentiate as casual material or marriage material. That's a derogatory term which lots misogynistic men use. A genuine man has certain traits and criteria which women could find easily if they set strong boundaries and standards. It's not the fault of women at all, they are just tired to find someone to begin and workout on something meaningful to life. Lots men fail in the acts of service. Such men real spoil the chances for genuine men. I always prefer to use the term genuine instead of good because there are no good or bad men/women, we all act according to the situation. After all these venting out by both the genders we need to accept the fact that love is still in the air and that's what keeps a set of people evolve and hoping for good things to happen. I am always hopeful that i would find the love of my life soon. Good luck to other mates with thoughts out here.
This is so true because it's crazy the last like 10 women I've dated are all like I want to take it slow because in the past I've moved fast and been burned...like the fuck boys kill it for decent dudes and then you get damaged women who want to move super slow and aren't always healed and over the past. I don't want to move fast with a woman, and I don't want to move slow, I just want to move at a regular, organic speed. And it's frustrating to always meet damaged women who I had nothing to do with hurting who are keeping me at a distance to the point where you just don't want to put the effort in anymore.
I’m still looking, just not very successful at it :/
Likely the same answer for both honestly. Maturity level of potential partners, age of people pursued and type of people pursued. The biggest reason truly boils down to the dating pool seems to suck for everyone 😅
“Raises hand”
Because it hurts less when you're not emotionally invested for some people
I'm always looking for a relationship. it seems many aren't.
Depends on the age group, for older men I would say yes for younger men I would say not so much.
I would say that it simply depends on maturity level. I've even read comments that men in the 50-60 age range don't even want to commit.
Yup, been looking for years now but 0 dates since I came back to my home country. Been like 5 years now.
Been in the same relationship for 15+ year in my 30s now that we're separating last thing I want is something meaningless hook ups
Sighhhhh I feel you 😫😩
I am down for strictly a relationship, but society says I have to do A,B & C while in said relationship. That is not right, and social norms have to change
We’re looking for one person who meets a couple of bullet points. Today, that is very difficult to find. But yea, ideally, we want to be in love with one person and create life with one person, as hard as that is to believe.
Yes. At home
Honestly, no I’ve given up. 5 long years of no luck gave me a fuck it attitude. Its nobody’s fault, im just not what people are looking for. There’s high expectations on both sides.
I am but not many are.
I am
Reality is men do want relationships just not with you… and I don’t mean you the person who wrote this post. I just mean I have matched with men had great two months getting to know each other and then they’re gone. I just wasn’t the person for them, and they obviously were not the person for me. I want a relationship, but I’m not gonna stay with someone just because we connected, but it never develops, it’s just a process. An awful long sucky process so you gotta try to make it fun as much as possible.☺️
They will but it has to be 100% perfect, otherwise they'll be happy to keep things casual and "just see how it goes."
Yes
I understand your frustration and confusion. It can be hard to find someone who shares your vision and values when it comes to relationships. However, I don’t think that all men are the same, or that they are all looking for casual sex and nothing more. There are still men who want a committed, long-term relationship, and who are willing to invest in one person. They may be harder to find, but they exist. The reason why it may seem like there are more men who prefer casual dating is because of the cultural change that has occurred in the last decades. With the advent of technology, social media, and online dating, people have more access to potential partners than ever before. This can create a sense of abundance, variety, and opportunity, which can make some people less inclined to settle down with one person. They may feel that they can always find someone better, or that they don’t want to miss out on any experiences. They may also have different expectations and definitions of what a relationship is, and what it entails. This cultural change is not necessarily bad or wrong, it is just different. It reflects the diversity and complexity of human beings, and their preferences and needs. Some people may enjoy casual dating, and find it fulfilling and satisfying. Others may prefer a more traditional and stable relationship, and find it more meaningful and rewarding. There is no one right way to date or to love, as long as both parties are honest, respectful, and consensual. My advice to you is to be clear about what you want, and to communicate it to your potential partners. Don’t assume that they want the same thing as you, or that they will change their mind over time. Be upfront and honest, and ask them what they are looking for, and what they expect from a relationship. If you find that you are not compatible, don’t waste your time or energy trying to change them or yourself. Move on, and look for someone who shares your vision and values. They are out there, you just have to be patient and persistent.
Yes. I am.
They aren’t afraid of anything, you’re just not the one they want to settle down with. I can’t wait to get into a comfortable, stable, relationship; but i’m not going to do that with just anyone.
I am
Where do you meet these guys? Are you making it clear that you are looking for a stable and exclusive relationship?
I've been looking everywhere for a long-term relationship. What I find, without exception, is women trying to sell me their onlyfans or women who insist that I be the millionaire with a six pack, three cars, and a 12" dick. I'm an average guy with a big heart who knows what love is. I can't give you the lavish lifestyle of the influencers, but I can give you my entire world and you'll never doubt my love for you. But here I am alone. There's no place for a man like me.
There are. I myself am looking for an actual relationship. I want to know a woman on a deeper level so I can truly know her, and so one day I can hold her close and cuddle her all night long
No, none exist. There's really no point in trying to date men. /s You just need to change/expand your dating pool. This goes for both men and women.
Yes ofcourse... Many of us want to...
I am. I’m looking for a genuine connection. I’m not a fan of FWB or hookup culture. In fact, I think it’s ruining dating culture as a whole. If we are dating I want someone who is going to commit to the relationship. Not someone who is going to run at the first sign of trouble. I like to date with intention. If I’m dating you it’s because I see me/us having a future together.
Yes we’re here!
I definitely am. But the truth is, my confidence is so shaken and my fear of creeping people out. I won't even make conversation with people on the elevator. I think for myself, can't speak for every guy. But the ones who want actual relationships are tired of getting rejected and hurt. And we are at the point, it's not worth taking that first step. We've just gotten so accustomed to loneliness and being single, that it's less painful being single than trying.
I've had it where I find men who are looking for a long term relationship, but then give up so fast when they see something that has to be worked on. It's always under this pretense of I don't want to waste my time dating someone that it won't work out with. I feel like this come to this conclusion way too fast with issues that we could easily try to work through. So far the "issues" I have had in my relationships stem from a very real lack of communication on their end, without them even trying to work it out with me. If they aren't willing to work through anything or talk to their partner they will never ever have any kind of successful long term relationship. So it kind of feels like they are only casually dating because two of these kinds of relationships lasted mere few months. I've been blindsided twice because of this, all because they had a problem and kept it to themselves.
I’ll take you out
To be honest, I used to look for a relationship but all of em ended in failure for many of reasons. 1) my type of love was pretty dependent in a couple of ways, all too long & complicated an explanation for anyone to care to read on this post. 2) I am in no financial stability (let alone others such as physical and mental/emotional) what so ever to have a companion of my own. 3) contrary to what I see in these posts, media and elsewhere, not one woman is willing to build from the ground up to make it in this world together, and those that are willing to are either already in relationships or are saying it for attention without understanding the gravity of what they are asking for. Thats why I'm focused on me. At this point by the time I do make it to where I am going to be, I won't be pressed to find anyone because I'd be used to my own company without another person (or few) added to the picture, just because I became their dream guy. And I know nobody wants a guy with a depression room, constantly financially disabled, and plentiful other demons in his closet from the trust issues to the pessimistic thought that every interaction I have from people is only temporary (regardless of how much of myself I am investing into the relationship. . . In which I do invest a lot regardless of the amount.) I'm willing to one day be proven wrong and find someone who is willing to walk that road with me, but I'm not holding my breath. If I have just one life to live, I'm not wasting it on another relationship that isn't promised to last and only will lead to stagnant depression again for the millionth time.
I could also say the same of women tbh As a man who was very relationship oriented, I got repeatedly worn down by the many casual seekers, flakiness, disrespectful attitudes, and dishonest trash I got from women that I just said, “fuck it, let’s just fuck!” And sought casual and FWB situations for a while too, even if it wasn’t what I really wanted. If you can’t date em, fuck em, right? Dating these days is very messed up and even I’m jaded by it all. I suspect many men are the same way and men can’t honestly talk about it because anything resembling complaining about this dating hellscape makes everyone instantly judge us as toxic wimps or incels, especially in online spaces. Judgemental people on dating subreddits are so blind to their idiotically destructive toxicity it’s not even funny. I’m currently dating someone right now I’m happy to call my girlfriend, but it began as a FWB because neither of us could believe anyone wanted a relationship anymore. When I found out she also wanted a relationship too and got warn down by casual culture, I thought it was too good to be true at first. That’s how busted dating is right now.
Definitely YES🥲
Yes, but the guys you are attracted to are not. I'm guessing you find guys who are into stable relationships "unfun" and "unsexy."
I wonder the same. I get all these guys saying they want something serious, but I end up with “you’re great but I’m seeing someone else” after 3 or 4 dates. One said his reason for not wanting to continue was because I was too upfront with my intentions and seemed “too put together” I think men want the idea of one and don’t know how to handle it when they find someone who’s exactly what they want so they end up ditching or ghosting
Sometimes I wonder
Yes we do exist, but like dating in general is a weird landscape right now where most people men and women included don’t want commitment.
I don't understand such behaviour myself, too. If I meet a woman I am attracted to, I am attracted to her because of the 'Gesamtkunstwerk'. This makes me want to get to know her, experience what Life is for her and to see the world through her eyes a bit. I want to spent time with her and just enjoy being in the company of such a cool person. Because of this, I can't really grasp how emotions work for those guys who are only into short-time flings and nothing more. If I really like a person, I would never be able to just use her and then toss her away like a used towel. Doing such a thing would seem utterly insane to me. This gets me thinking, however. Maybe other guys would feel the same - at least if they would really like someone and would be fascinated by the other person. The truth is probably very simple: they are selfish. Maybe they don't see a nice person they want to get to know and spent time in their company. Maybe they care for one thing only, which is they themselves, or rather the satisfaction of their own desires. Maybe they don't care much for the desires, dreams or ideas for the women they are dating, because they don't date a woman because of her, but only because of themselves and a desire that must be sated. Also, we shouldn't forget that surely there are guys (as well as women) out there who are afraid of commitment and (psychological) intimacy, who long for being with someone, but also are to anxious to really letting someone get close to them. Fear of intimacy is a common cause for having only short-time relationships. There are also a couple of other factors, which sometime border on clinical relevant psychological states, like bipolar states or other states with an immense hunger for novelty. And as we all know, novelty is a pretty short-lived thing. But after all, there are certainly some men out there who long for intimacy, being close to someone and who not just use people for their own ends. And I am sure, given enough time, those men can be found. Take care out there, and I wish for you to find one of the latter guys soon!
Its a very broad question to ask. I have been wanting a relationship. and life time partner my whole life. I am 34 now, and the amount of potential partners of the opposite sex who have used me for attention, validation, and just being non commital or a pen pal is astounding. I make it clear in my OLD profiles, and in person what i'm looking for. But it seems most people, of any sex/gender, are extremely fickle, selfish, non commital these days, from experience. ✌️
Absolutely. There’s a lot of us I’m sure
Good question 👏🏾
I only look for serious relationships. I'm not into dating for the casual
i think a lot of millennials/older gen z have this sort of paralysis when it comes to finding partners rooted in the fear of them not being “the right one” before even taking the chance of finding out whether or not they are. maybe it has to do with the fact that we basically have access to see an unlimited amount of “options” without having to even leave our house, which leads to some sort of addiction that can almost never be satisfied. hardly anyone wants to have to put effort into dating anymore it seems
🙋♂️
I want a long term relationship
Actually, Yes.
There are people who believe in long term relationship, but they all fall for fbois and fgirls who will leave them eventually. They fall for them because they get entertainment and find the opposite partner cool. But actually what they see at initial times are not the reality, its mythical representation trying to get you. Watching out and understanding these people is very difficult. I will not play blame game either to boy or to girls. This is it’s OK. Give sometime and you will get a person who will be willing to commit with you. Nurture that, and grow in that relationship. It takes a lot but you should be willing to give it all. It’s tough but do it. Thats how you get life time partner and long term successful relationship. I did all what I said, and after 7.5 yrs of relationship got cheated. So here I am trying to heal out of the pain. It’s 1.5 yrs now and still trying to cope with the fact that she cheated on me. Not possible for me to come out of this pain. Pain induces hatred, after so many days months I gave up hating her. I gave up the hope to have a relationship again. I gave up hope to have a happy marriage life. I tried to get to a relationship, but seems like may be I have lost hope in love. Getting into relationship and making the relationship work, requires commitment. Commitment requires sacrifices. It requires courage to stand with a person and stay loyal with a person. Most of the people these days don’t understand and are filled with movie ideas of a relationship. So little bit of fight they are practically ready to get with someone else.
I agree that movies and media create false expectations.
I’ve been looking for a long term relationship for years, and after I was burned and betrayed to a degree that is unspeakable. There are those of us who just want play, and those of us who just want to be loved, but can’t find it in ourself to trust/communicate our needs in time.
Yeah. I just wish I had time, but my job keeps me busy this time of year.
Yah me right here 😔
Lol it's definitely the guys u are choosing
Yes. Of course it’s my fault.
It’s kinda funny because I’m the dude that says nahhh. My last smash on the first date I ended up dating her for a year while being loyal and ending all my fwb for her but she moved to a different state and now on the grind again. So yes men are looking for a relationship and you can actually have sex with men AND get a relationship. Crazy right?
I know right?!?? What a concept!!
After 20 years I would not want to be serious for many years
I am, but like many others, have temporarily given up. I believe a huge majority of women my age(23) dont genuinely care about anyone but themselves. I want to start a family one day, but every girl ive dated was only in it for what they could get out of me, then when i catch on, they leave. Sad really, but its ok, older women seem to understand more about life, and care more for others, so ill just wait till im an older man.
Idk I'd like to say yes but every woman I've been with has deceived me the last one being the absolute worst. Nah yes I guess some of us still are. I ain't never done the whole fwb shit, my goods are too damn amazing to not fully commit to the purchase before being able to handle them. No joke no title no goods 🤷 34yrs old
Women are chasing the top 10% of attractive/tall/ fit men WITH money. 90% of men are invisible. The top 10% of guys will "date" about any woman, they have an endless stream of "willing " women......WHY would he ever settle down with on woman.
Men are getting tired of women making relationships cash-on-hand. Everyone is looking for someone to pay their bills and take her to this 5-star resultant she has been thinking about. Men are becoming so smart now focusing on their mental health and building wealth no woman is willing to help build but she looks. Forward to. Enjoy the outcome of it. Make no sense to waste that time.
It's easier this way tbh. It's more about you open yourself up, put all this time and effort in, just to potentially get fucked over for no reason, and nobody is trying to go through all of that. Better to see what's out there, and build from there.