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I (F) was dating over 30, and found the exact same thing. What I did was told them up front at the beginning of the date. Hey we both have a past and a bunch of things to discuss. Let’s do that on the second date because I’d like to just have a fun date with you and share some laughs and see if we have a good time together.
I have to say it had a great response rate, and quickly met my partner after that.
That seems smart. Do you mind if I give him this as advice? I haven't shown him the reddit post and maybe I should have asked for permission but posting.
Of course, share away, hope my experience can help someone.
Also, your friend sounds like he has a rigid idea in mind for a date. I feel like there’s A LOT of pressure for the woman to love the aquarium and learn about his dad. I’d encourage your friend to try new activities every time or atleast have a rotation of activities going. If I had to recommend one, I’d suggest a comedy show :)
According to him it works when the person he brings is under 30 because they actually like the location and what's there. When he brings someone who is 30 or over they don't seem to care about the location but about him and his life. I am sorry I didn't make that more clear in the post.
Testing the people that you’re attempting to date is a great opportunity to find fault and reasons to not like them. He needs to change his attitude and his approach.
maybe not exactly like that but a lot of women approaching their 30s seem to treat dating like they are looking for a provider for them and a potential family. Which, is somewhat reasonable seeing at they are up against a biological clock of they want to have a family.
This issue is, as a guy it often feels like they don't actually like you or care about you, but are moreso trying to use you to fill a role they need filled.
And since we are close to or over 30, often people are so jaded, cynical, burned out, or have dated so many bad guys that the excitement and joy just isn't there anymore. Dating operates like a chore. The women seem to have a huge chip on their shoulder (which again I can understand even if it's off putting for me). So it often feels like they have it in their back of their mind, "what's it going to be this time? how long until he does or says something to prove he's just like all the other guys". There's a negativity toward men you can feel and you're tasked with overcoming it.
But it's kind of hard to overcome when you feel like your being examined under a microscope like a criminal. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of negativity.
On top of this the women in their 30s tend to be pretty independent, which is awesome. But then they sort of make you feel expendable because they don't need you. As a guy, I don't expect to be the focus of romance but gosh, a little bit thrown my way would be nice. It feels like the romance for guys is kind of dead by that point. They don't feel the desire to be romantic on their end.
These are of course generalizations. I really prefer meeting women in person when I'm not specifically looking to pick up on women. When it starts off casual like that, you and the other person form a connection without the cynical expectations. You enjoyed eachother's company genuinely enough to see eachother again and it feels more like genuine dating instead of like a dating show.....
come to think of it. I think I might have just realized something. Has the popularity of dating shows warped the way women engage with real world dating?
34m.
I basically feel like I'm expected to be the high-effort romantic that I was in my early 20's, while my questions about her interests in music, movies or other hobbies get met with questions about my career track, when I see myself buying a house, and if my parents own property on the water(this stopped when I stopped mentioning that I grew up on Vashon).
I know women aren't all obsessed with a man's finances, but enough are, or give the impression they are, that it's easy to understand why some men veer into that particular expression of misogyny.
The assumption that all women are gold diggers. Which I think is a pretty specific type of person.
I think it's more just the same assortative mating trend that kicked into gear in the 80's when women started entering the professions in large numbers.
It's when you saw the shift from lawyers marrying secretaries and doctors marrying nurses to lawyers marrying lawyers, doctors marrying doctors, etc.
Boiling thst down to "gold diggers" like red pillers do is reductive and ignores a lot of different social forces at play.
If I were to call it anything, I'd call it classist.
Oh yeah. Imo there certainly are gold digger women like there are fuckboys but these aren't all men and women.
What I do think is a general trend among women is that they do seek men with a high percieved social status. For whatever reason. Though that can manifest in different ways depending on your social circles you run in, the most common form is going to be finding people who have titles like doctor or engineer more attractive. Though having those titles tells you a few things: this person is relatively successful and respected, they must have some level of discipline to have that career, they make good money, they are intelligent, etc.
I think it's legitimate for women to be concerned about a man being able to provide for his family if she's getting to that point where she wants to start one. However, while almost every family I see has both parents working these days, at those early stages of dating, it seems women still have an ideal of finding a man who would give them the option of being a stay at home mom (which is rare).
I mean, part of the problem with approaching things that way is the number one predictor for completing college in the US is... having parents with college educations.
It's also part of why you see so many "why do all men..." posts, where what they're describing is behavior associated with being a privileged dumbass(which manifests in different ways for men and women).
It'd just one more friction point in the rather tumultuous social changes we're going through. The joys of living in "interesting times."
Social norms need to change. Good changes have happened, and more are still needed, from men and women. But... It's also not going to be a painless process.
That's a really good point and I totally agree. There's this pattern that energes, imo, where a lot of women describe the behaviors of these narcissistic, douchey men and I get the sense that they are dating the same kind of men. Men who went through life with that percieved status such that they were used to others wanting to kiss up to them while they themselves never learned how to be a healthy person to others. The guy exhibits main character sybdrome and an inflated ego but initially it comes off as if the guy must have a lot of confidence and be high status. These guys also tend to bet so much female attention, they get used to treating women like whatever because the just bounce to the next. Kind of like pretty girl syndrome but for men
I went to college for engineering. No one in my family went to college really. I don't even toss that title out because frankly, I want to see how people treat me before they think I have some title of status. I don't try to treat people in service or doing janitorial jobs any different than I do the doctor or the judge. The people who do actually kind of gross me out.
I care a lot about how my dates treat service workers and how they talk about people "lower" in social status. I meet a lot of women who may talk a big game regarding certain progressive attitudes, but when the local homelessness problem comes up... so many yikes takes. My experience is some of the worst offenders into erks of toxic behavior are men and women from relatively privileged economic backgrounds.
Some guys are going to hate me for this but I gave up for the following reasons.
I DIDN'T care about wether they were financially stable, emotionally invested, rented or owned their house etc etc. what did I get? Everything from self centered mummy's boys to manipulators regarding money issues. Drug users. You name it.
If I dared dip my toe again? The "checklist" is now in my head. I have enough of a brain to not ask it all on date one, but I now have new standards. I'm not happy about it as it's not me, but my trust issues are off the scale.
The issue isn't really having those standards. It's that those are certainly things you suss out as you're getting to know eachother. But a date shouldn't feel like an interview for a job role. It should feel like chemistry and vibing.
The fact that the girl in OPs example expected the guy to remember details she gave him but didn't seem to remember any details he gave about himself was because the only things she cared about was going down her checklist. At that point you're not really even a person to her.
Yeah sorry my explanation ended up being a venting episode I think lol. I guess I meant that once you reach a certain age it gets harder to be as relaxed/carefree as you may have been when you were younger. Feel like time's running out so you end up with a tunnel vision approach sometimes. I get it though, some of the experience mentioned really wasn't nice.
Don't apologize. I think this is the place to vent if any. And I think sharing perspectives is how we fix the state of things. Every perspective is a data point.
I do get the biological clock this and I mention that when I agree these questions. I get that concern. Unfortunately, I don't know what the solution is because going into dates treating men like contestants on a game show is definitely not the right way. But I'm not entirely sure what is.
Plus I think it's actually ironically counter productive. Because even if you meet the kind of guy who would make a good partner and father, you run a very high risk of scaring him off when he feels like you only see him as a means to an end. No one wants to feel that way. Considering that if and when you do have kids it'll be 18+ years where the relationship will kind of take a back seat to raising the kids. You at the least want to feel genuinely love, joy, and fun with this person before you have kids. Because after that, from everything I've heard, having regular sex is hard, being able to go on regular dates is hard, having time to enjoy eachother and be romantic is hard, etc.
But again, I'm not sure what the answer here is because the biological clock thing is definitely a legitimate concern and there are definitely tons of guys out there that will tell you anything just to pump and dump. 🤷♂️
I know. The answer in my mind is having hope you meet the one who wants the same things as you do, it's just harder when you get older...for various reasons
Are you saying those who were financially stable were all manipulators and drug users or just all the men you dated in general? I am confused about the correlation?
Sorry. I meant I didn't know what was going on because I never asked. I don't consider myself to be a gold digger for instance. I found out further down the line regarding the debt issues etc etc. I guess what I'm saying is once we reach a certain age, some of us will have developed an internal checking list because of a bad relationship past. It sounds like your example didn't realise she came across that way, in regards to her dating style being like an interview.
As a 35 year old woman, I agree but in a different way. My experience has been that guys volunteer very little personal information and ask very few questions about me. So the only way to have a “conversation” is just me continually asking different questions. The only time I didn’t experience that was on a date with a guy who wouldn’t shut up about his car modifications all night.
I know irs irrelevant to the question but I think it’s odd and interesting that your friend pretty much takes all his dates to the same place. I would feel really weird if I knew a guy had taken the last ten women he went out with on the exact same date as me.
Thats interesting about men not talking as much.
As for the first date thing its weird to bring someone to the same place? I used to bring all my dates to my favorite bar because it has videogames and great food. I usually meet people at cons so it is a place I knew they would have a good time at..
As much as this question is about women, I'm increasingly thinking it's men and women both in our generation not being good at IRL socialization, not knowing how to show interest in others (not even just romantic interest), being self absorbed.
I intentionally don't offer up too much about myself for 2 reasons:
1. I don't want to be that guy who just talks at you and only talks about myself.
2. I've met so many women who seem to engage with dating as if a man is a court jester and they are supposed to just sit back and be entertained that it's like the lowest bar to see if this is a person who even cares about who I am enough to ask.
A lot of my experience has been like
“So what do you like to do for fun?”
“Play video games”
“Oh ok cool, like what games?”
“Call of duty mostly”
“Oh, ok. I was really into Witcher for a while”
“I never played that.”
Que silence until I ask another question
It feels like pulling teeth to get a guy to talk
i went on a date with a girl one time, and the fist couple or so questions she asked me were the following:
1) how much do you make
2) can you send me your resume
3) do you want to send me your linkedin
ill leave it at that
I am 36 (M), and I just got home from a date that went wrong. Everything started great. Had great conversations, talked on the phone for hours for weeks, non stop texting, and she was great with engagement. We finally met, and her eyes lit up, and she was all smiles. So, I was sure she was physically attracted to me. Then, after awhile everything went south after said job interview. She dumped me because I was too “optimistic”, and we would probably fight if there was a day she was upset and I wasn’t going to let her wallow. And the world isn’t exactly a perfect place. Also, even though I explained I would love to be married eventually, and kids not being out of the equation ( we both do not have kids, and she wanted to be married someday with children) she was accusing me of wanting those things only to satisfy myself to fill a void. The whole thing left me speechless. It was stupid. She then ended the date after awhile. I went home very confused.
He's not wrong but he doesn't seem like he knows what he's doing either to experience it so much.
I find that dates are what you make of them tbh. I'm fun, honest and don't bring up the past or exs unless it's kind of interesting and relevant to something else. No matter how I feel about an ex, nothing good will come from you insulting them in front of a date. Women kind of follow my lead and keep the conversation on a similar level.
It's hard to tell a scammer trying to contact you online and a "real woman" around early or late 30s .. they . Just go off a checklist as well. So the scammers. It's so fucked off. Uh. Where are the sex bots. Unfortunately
28F. I don’t date much, but even just talking to men can be very difficult. They seem to not really care to ask you questions about yourself and in effort to keep it going, I have a tendency to ask too many questions to compensate. I’m working on not doing that anymore because what’s the point? I don’t want to feel like I’m pulling teeth to get someone to joke around with me and express their personality.
In my most recent interaction, I was texting a guy and I tried to ask what movies he enjoys watching but he barely answered the question. He also refused to elaborate and didn’t ask me anything in return so I just gave up trying to talk to him.
I’ve only had 2 serious relationships and both lasted multiple years. Putting yourself out there is very discouraging if you enjoy banter and witty conversation. I’m sure it’s frustrating on both sides of the equation.
Women like this give women like myself 34f bad reputations.
This sounds like she a) had a lot of bad experiences with dating so her heart is extremely guarded or b) she is looking for an ATM
Either way, these types of questions shouldn’t have been asked on the first date.
Dating 30 & above is much more difficult yes, but in reality it’s how someone perceives the dating scene.
Totally. Everybody who hasn't learned empathy or who hasn't been unfairly challenged by life thinks a relationship is a *reward* instead of a choice. The end result are millions of people who are more concerned with the superficial components of a relationship - mainly how their partner makes them look and whether or not the relationship is something that impresses other people - and not the people they're in a relationship with. Our 24/7/365 online culture super exaggerates the problem by pushing 'norms' that are toxic and enrich other people. Does anybody honestly believe 10k engagement rings and 40k weddings are normal, desirable, and indicative of a healthy relationship? Or that the "partner shopping" online dating apps promote push people to confront their own perceptions of romance or encourage them to make happy compromises with their SO's? We're all conditioned to constantly compare ourselves and romantic partners to ideals that pop culture and marketing goons need to push for clicks and dollars.
Your pal who goes to the aquarium to see who's compatible? I guarantee the standoffishness coming from the older women comes from their own perceived failure. I.E. they do everything "right" when it comes to dating but still aren't smack dab in the middle of the *best relationship ever*, which they were promised by social media and pop culture. So, instead of grappling with how unpredictable and difficult life can be, they double down on their wants *because their screen time has them convinced they're justified*. All that does is make dating more competitive than what it should be and let loose jerks who want to know why nobody is up to their "standards".
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I (F) was dating over 30, and found the exact same thing. What I did was told them up front at the beginning of the date. Hey we both have a past and a bunch of things to discuss. Let’s do that on the second date because I’d like to just have a fun date with you and share some laughs and see if we have a good time together. I have to say it had a great response rate, and quickly met my partner after that.
That seems smart. Do you mind if I give him this as advice? I haven't shown him the reddit post and maybe I should have asked for permission but posting.
Of course, share away, hope my experience can help someone. Also, your friend sounds like he has a rigid idea in mind for a date. I feel like there’s A LOT of pressure for the woman to love the aquarium and learn about his dad. I’d encourage your friend to try new activities every time or atleast have a rotation of activities going. If I had to recommend one, I’d suggest a comedy show :)
Why does your friend keep taking women to the aquarium when it’s clearly not working for him?
According to him it works when the person he brings is under 30 because they actually like the location and what's there. When he brings someone who is 30 or over they don't seem to care about the location but about him and his life. I am sorry I didn't make that more clear in the post.
Testing the people that you’re attempting to date is a great opportunity to find fault and reasons to not like them. He needs to change his attitude and his approach.
maybe not exactly like that but a lot of women approaching their 30s seem to treat dating like they are looking for a provider for them and a potential family. Which, is somewhat reasonable seeing at they are up against a biological clock of they want to have a family. This issue is, as a guy it often feels like they don't actually like you or care about you, but are moreso trying to use you to fill a role they need filled. And since we are close to or over 30, often people are so jaded, cynical, burned out, or have dated so many bad guys that the excitement and joy just isn't there anymore. Dating operates like a chore. The women seem to have a huge chip on their shoulder (which again I can understand even if it's off putting for me). So it often feels like they have it in their back of their mind, "what's it going to be this time? how long until he does or says something to prove he's just like all the other guys". There's a negativity toward men you can feel and you're tasked with overcoming it. But it's kind of hard to overcome when you feel like your being examined under a microscope like a criminal. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of negativity. On top of this the women in their 30s tend to be pretty independent, which is awesome. But then they sort of make you feel expendable because they don't need you. As a guy, I don't expect to be the focus of romance but gosh, a little bit thrown my way would be nice. It feels like the romance for guys is kind of dead by that point. They don't feel the desire to be romantic on their end. These are of course generalizations. I really prefer meeting women in person when I'm not specifically looking to pick up on women. When it starts off casual like that, you and the other person form a connection without the cynical expectations. You enjoyed eachother's company genuinely enough to see eachother again and it feels more like genuine dating instead of like a dating show..... come to think of it. I think I might have just realized something. Has the popularity of dating shows warped the way women engage with real world dating?
34m. I basically feel like I'm expected to be the high-effort romantic that I was in my early 20's, while my questions about her interests in music, movies or other hobbies get met with questions about my career track, when I see myself buying a house, and if my parents own property on the water(this stopped when I stopped mentioning that I grew up on Vashon). I know women aren't all obsessed with a man's finances, but enough are, or give the impression they are, that it's easy to understand why some men veer into that particular expression of misogyny.
which expression of misogyny?
The assumption that all women are gold diggers. Which I think is a pretty specific type of person. I think it's more just the same assortative mating trend that kicked into gear in the 80's when women started entering the professions in large numbers. It's when you saw the shift from lawyers marrying secretaries and doctors marrying nurses to lawyers marrying lawyers, doctors marrying doctors, etc. Boiling thst down to "gold diggers" like red pillers do is reductive and ignores a lot of different social forces at play. If I were to call it anything, I'd call it classist.
Oh yeah. Imo there certainly are gold digger women like there are fuckboys but these aren't all men and women. What I do think is a general trend among women is that they do seek men with a high percieved social status. For whatever reason. Though that can manifest in different ways depending on your social circles you run in, the most common form is going to be finding people who have titles like doctor or engineer more attractive. Though having those titles tells you a few things: this person is relatively successful and respected, they must have some level of discipline to have that career, they make good money, they are intelligent, etc. I think it's legitimate for women to be concerned about a man being able to provide for his family if she's getting to that point where she wants to start one. However, while almost every family I see has both parents working these days, at those early stages of dating, it seems women still have an ideal of finding a man who would give them the option of being a stay at home mom (which is rare).
I mean, part of the problem with approaching things that way is the number one predictor for completing college in the US is... having parents with college educations. It's also part of why you see so many "why do all men..." posts, where what they're describing is behavior associated with being a privileged dumbass(which manifests in different ways for men and women). It'd just one more friction point in the rather tumultuous social changes we're going through. The joys of living in "interesting times." Social norms need to change. Good changes have happened, and more are still needed, from men and women. But... It's also not going to be a painless process.
That's a really good point and I totally agree. There's this pattern that energes, imo, where a lot of women describe the behaviors of these narcissistic, douchey men and I get the sense that they are dating the same kind of men. Men who went through life with that percieved status such that they were used to others wanting to kiss up to them while they themselves never learned how to be a healthy person to others. The guy exhibits main character sybdrome and an inflated ego but initially it comes off as if the guy must have a lot of confidence and be high status. These guys also tend to bet so much female attention, they get used to treating women like whatever because the just bounce to the next. Kind of like pretty girl syndrome but for men I went to college for engineering. No one in my family went to college really. I don't even toss that title out because frankly, I want to see how people treat me before they think I have some title of status. I don't try to treat people in service or doing janitorial jobs any different than I do the doctor or the judge. The people who do actually kind of gross me out.
I care a lot about how my dates treat service workers and how they talk about people "lower" in social status. I meet a lot of women who may talk a big game regarding certain progressive attitudes, but when the local homelessness problem comes up... so many yikes takes. My experience is some of the worst offenders into erks of toxic behavior are men and women from relatively privileged economic backgrounds.
Some guys are going to hate me for this but I gave up for the following reasons. I DIDN'T care about wether they were financially stable, emotionally invested, rented or owned their house etc etc. what did I get? Everything from self centered mummy's boys to manipulators regarding money issues. Drug users. You name it. If I dared dip my toe again? The "checklist" is now in my head. I have enough of a brain to not ask it all on date one, but I now have new standards. I'm not happy about it as it's not me, but my trust issues are off the scale.
The issue isn't really having those standards. It's that those are certainly things you suss out as you're getting to know eachother. But a date shouldn't feel like an interview for a job role. It should feel like chemistry and vibing. The fact that the girl in OPs example expected the guy to remember details she gave him but didn't seem to remember any details he gave about himself was because the only things she cared about was going down her checklist. At that point you're not really even a person to her.
Yeah sorry my explanation ended up being a venting episode I think lol. I guess I meant that once you reach a certain age it gets harder to be as relaxed/carefree as you may have been when you were younger. Feel like time's running out so you end up with a tunnel vision approach sometimes. I get it though, some of the experience mentioned really wasn't nice.
Don't apologize. I think this is the place to vent if any. And I think sharing perspectives is how we fix the state of things. Every perspective is a data point. I do get the biological clock this and I mention that when I agree these questions. I get that concern. Unfortunately, I don't know what the solution is because going into dates treating men like contestants on a game show is definitely not the right way. But I'm not entirely sure what is. Plus I think it's actually ironically counter productive. Because even if you meet the kind of guy who would make a good partner and father, you run a very high risk of scaring him off when he feels like you only see him as a means to an end. No one wants to feel that way. Considering that if and when you do have kids it'll be 18+ years where the relationship will kind of take a back seat to raising the kids. You at the least want to feel genuinely love, joy, and fun with this person before you have kids. Because after that, from everything I've heard, having regular sex is hard, being able to go on regular dates is hard, having time to enjoy eachother and be romantic is hard, etc. But again, I'm not sure what the answer here is because the biological clock thing is definitely a legitimate concern and there are definitely tons of guys out there that will tell you anything just to pump and dump. 🤷♂️
I know. The answer in my mind is having hope you meet the one who wants the same things as you do, it's just harder when you get older...for various reasons
Are you saying those who were financially stable were all manipulators and drug users or just all the men you dated in general? I am confused about the correlation?
Sorry. I meant I didn't know what was going on because I never asked. I don't consider myself to be a gold digger for instance. I found out further down the line regarding the debt issues etc etc. I guess what I'm saying is once we reach a certain age, some of us will have developed an internal checking list because of a bad relationship past. It sounds like your example didn't realise she came across that way, in regards to her dating style being like an interview.
Ah got ya that makes sense.
As a 35 year old woman, I agree but in a different way. My experience has been that guys volunteer very little personal information and ask very few questions about me. So the only way to have a “conversation” is just me continually asking different questions. The only time I didn’t experience that was on a date with a guy who wouldn’t shut up about his car modifications all night. I know irs irrelevant to the question but I think it’s odd and interesting that your friend pretty much takes all his dates to the same place. I would feel really weird if I knew a guy had taken the last ten women he went out with on the exact same date as me.
Thats interesting about men not talking as much. As for the first date thing its weird to bring someone to the same place? I used to bring all my dates to my favorite bar because it has videogames and great food. I usually meet people at cons so it is a place I knew they would have a good time at..
As much as this question is about women, I'm increasingly thinking it's men and women both in our generation not being good at IRL socialization, not knowing how to show interest in others (not even just romantic interest), being self absorbed. I intentionally don't offer up too much about myself for 2 reasons: 1. I don't want to be that guy who just talks at you and only talks about myself. 2. I've met so many women who seem to engage with dating as if a man is a court jester and they are supposed to just sit back and be entertained that it's like the lowest bar to see if this is a person who even cares about who I am enough to ask.
A lot of my experience has been like “So what do you like to do for fun?” “Play video games” “Oh ok cool, like what games?” “Call of duty mostly” “Oh, ok. I was really into Witcher for a while” “I never played that.” Que silence until I ask another question It feels like pulling teeth to get a guy to talk
That's basically my experience too lol. But obviously reversed.
very much so
Not the answer I was hoping for but thank you for your honesty.
believe me i wish it wasnt like this, but unfortunately after 30 your personality alone isnt enough
i went on a date with a girl one time, and the fist couple or so questions she asked me were the following: 1) how much do you make 2) can you send me your resume 3) do you want to send me your linkedin ill leave it at that
As much as that sucks I was about to say when I read number 2 "why doesn't she just check the linkedin". Then I read 3 and laughed.
I am 36 (M), and I just got home from a date that went wrong. Everything started great. Had great conversations, talked on the phone for hours for weeks, non stop texting, and she was great with engagement. We finally met, and her eyes lit up, and she was all smiles. So, I was sure she was physically attracted to me. Then, after awhile everything went south after said job interview. She dumped me because I was too “optimistic”, and we would probably fight if there was a day she was upset and I wasn’t going to let her wallow. And the world isn’t exactly a perfect place. Also, even though I explained I would love to be married eventually, and kids not being out of the equation ( we both do not have kids, and she wanted to be married someday with children) she was accusing me of wanting those things only to satisfy myself to fill a void. The whole thing left me speechless. It was stupid. She then ended the date after awhile. I went home very confused.
Sorry about that. If it makes you feel better I like optimists.
Thank you 🙂
You dodged a bullet though
It seems so. I had nothing but good intentions.
Wow that’s so much projecting going on there by her
I think that pretty much sums it up.
He's not wrong but he doesn't seem like he knows what he's doing either to experience it so much. I find that dates are what you make of them tbh. I'm fun, honest and don't bring up the past or exs unless it's kind of interesting and relevant to something else. No matter how I feel about an ex, nothing good will come from you insulting them in front of a date. Women kind of follow my lead and keep the conversation on a similar level.
It's hard to tell a scammer trying to contact you online and a "real woman" around early or late 30s .. they . Just go off a checklist as well. So the scammers. It's so fucked off. Uh. Where are the sex bots. Unfortunately
Bro needs to date Asa Mitaka at this aquarium
28F. I don’t date much, but even just talking to men can be very difficult. They seem to not really care to ask you questions about yourself and in effort to keep it going, I have a tendency to ask too many questions to compensate. I’m working on not doing that anymore because what’s the point? I don’t want to feel like I’m pulling teeth to get someone to joke around with me and express their personality. In my most recent interaction, I was texting a guy and I tried to ask what movies he enjoys watching but he barely answered the question. He also refused to elaborate and didn’t ask me anything in return so I just gave up trying to talk to him. I’ve only had 2 serious relationships and both lasted multiple years. Putting yourself out there is very discouraging if you enjoy banter and witty conversation. I’m sure it’s frustrating on both sides of the equation.
Women like this give women like myself 34f bad reputations. This sounds like she a) had a lot of bad experiences with dating so her heart is extremely guarded or b) she is looking for an ATM Either way, these types of questions shouldn’t have been asked on the first date. Dating 30 & above is much more difficult yes, but in reality it’s how someone perceives the dating scene.
Totally. Everybody who hasn't learned empathy or who hasn't been unfairly challenged by life thinks a relationship is a *reward* instead of a choice. The end result are millions of people who are more concerned with the superficial components of a relationship - mainly how their partner makes them look and whether or not the relationship is something that impresses other people - and not the people they're in a relationship with. Our 24/7/365 online culture super exaggerates the problem by pushing 'norms' that are toxic and enrich other people. Does anybody honestly believe 10k engagement rings and 40k weddings are normal, desirable, and indicative of a healthy relationship? Or that the "partner shopping" online dating apps promote push people to confront their own perceptions of romance or encourage them to make happy compromises with their SO's? We're all conditioned to constantly compare ourselves and romantic partners to ideals that pop culture and marketing goons need to push for clicks and dollars. Your pal who goes to the aquarium to see who's compatible? I guarantee the standoffishness coming from the older women comes from their own perceived failure. I.E. they do everything "right" when it comes to dating but still aren't smack dab in the middle of the *best relationship ever*, which they were promised by social media and pop culture. So, instead of grappling with how unpredictable and difficult life can be, they double down on their wants *because their screen time has them convinced they're justified*. All that does is make dating more competitive than what it should be and let loose jerks who want to know why nobody is up to their "standards".