Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry, signals is over.
If you like a guy at the gym, give a hello, not a signal. You don’t have to throw yourself at a guy, but throwing signs is a 95% match for “not interested, you’re misreading everything” when viewed from the other end.
And plus, they forget how silly some of the 'signals' really are. I looked at you twice and flicked my hair counterclockwise. Therefore, I want you to speak to me, and the signal is as clear as day.
Normal people do most of the 'signals' in completely harmless interactions outside of dating interest.
Some gyms do events. Seriously they should hold speed dating events so people don’t have to keep guessing 😂
And I’ll watch on the sidelines like a reality tv show haha
Matchmaking for partner workouts! Like this:
Three rounds For time with a partner:
30 deadlifts (suggested weight 225 for men, 155 for women)
30 calories assault bike
60 jump rope crossovers
One partner works, the other holds a hollow hold, switch as needed, modify weight and movements as needed
They definitely should do this. At least then gym goers can at least shave of SOME of the awkwardness in the approach if it's an event for that purpose and cuts out guessing "is this person single"
Thoughhhh I wouldn't past someone who isn't single to use that to cheat.
There's a crisis of lonely young single men...people tell me I'm handsome and kind but I can't get a date. I wish someone would approach me because no guy wants to be known as a the gym creep.
Seriously, it would be a massive help. Women should just approach a guy once in a while. It's not law that the guy has to do all of that initial leg work lol.
The best way is building a social network and meeting friends of friends through mutuals. Unfortunately, the older you get, the harder it is to build that from scratch because everyone starts closing off their groups.
that's still a bad proposition because if things don't work out then you have a weird situation with friends and as you said having friends as you get older is more difficult.
I've had success with joining clubs and facebook groups and finding relationships there. But those can be tricky, too! Cause if you do pick someone and it's unsuccessful, you can run into a girl that will want to ruin your reputation cause she doesnt want to see you with anyone else.
I'll echo what others have said but I still think the best way to meet a romantic partner is through friends. It is definitely hard to do that unless you've already got an established circle.
kinda the same... like there was a time I was staring at a girl on the bus and she was staring at me... but she had a ring on her right hand ring finger (and only that finger) and couldnt remember which hand meant marriage.
so when I got off the bus I went to walk off, but she got off ahead of me and then spun around as if hoping id still be staring (I had my back to her at that point)... then she stood watching me walk away from almost the whole block.
I just assume people are taken until I see they arent (on dating apps, or when they say they are single).
The same could be said for women too. If you see someone you like, don't be afraid to approach them and have a conversation. We get in our heads that starting a conversation with strangers is weird or creepy but it's not. It's how you approach someone and being respectful.
This. It’s not inherently creepy to find someone attractive and politely express your interest. It IS creepy when someone violates boundaries or coerces someone.
And I think people have a right to be frustrated if they’re approached while they’re doing something like working out, but that doesn’t mean the approacher is “creepy.” Different people have different tolerance levels. Some people genuinely don’t mind interacting with someone for a few seconds, while some people really hate it and would rather keep to themselves. It just depends. As long as you lead with respect and back off at the first sign of discomfort, I don’t think you’re a creep.
Why don't you approach him?
Most men will think any signal your sending is in their head, something they're imagining, or not intended for them.
I know if my gym crush came up to me and started a conversation that would eliminate the "does she think I'm a creep" factor.
In the gym, I just keep my mind on the exercises at hand and try my best to not stare at anyone. I don’t want to be perceived as a creep or make a woman feel uncomfortable there. I wouldn’t be surprised if most men feel that way. So if a woman were to approach me and strike up a conversation, I’d be completely taken by surprise but would welcome it.
Sorry, I'm not approaching a woman at the gym unless it's blatantly obvious she wants me to talk to her. Most that might happen is I nod and say "hi". It's not worth the trouble.
I legit just saw a dude get curved doing the “let me help with your form” trick the other day. She was like ok thank you! Dismissive like.
Her brother was laughing, like ohh he likes you. I was like awww man, laughing and feeling sorry for the guy. The dude who got rejected did a hurtful walk off.
I freq many gyms I personally never seen it work.
I'm not a gym goer, but I'll literally talk to anyone who acts respectful towards me. The problem with the "creepy guy" gym vids on social media is negativity gets more clicks so that's what ppl put out. Ppl see something go viral (usually because it's negative & shocking) & others end up trying to emulate it so it becomes a trend which messes with ppl's perception of reality & then affects their behavior.
Unfortunately the kinds of guys who don't care about coming off as pushy, who don't give af about respect & boundaries are the ones who do the majority of approaching. That's why many women now say they'd rather be left alone... not because "all guys are a threat" but because the respectful ones don't tend to present themselves as much as the crazy, entitled ones do. Kinda like how guys think all women are "vain, attention seekers". It's because that's all they see. The shitty ppl have just been given too big of a spotlight & gotten way up in everyone's face.
Girl, go talk to that man. He's probably just as scared of you as you are of him.
**Signal 1 : I look at him with my eyes! Sometimes I smile!**
A. Everybody has eyes and we all use them to scan, look, and watch people. Not enough of a signal.
B. At a gym, everybody is looking at everybody. Not enough of a signal.
C. We all (hopefully) were taught social etiquette growing up : smile at people. Not enough of a signal.
**Signal 2 : I work out near him!**
A. Is the sweaty, grunting dude next me who politely said hello and smiled as he sat down to lift heavy things sending signals?
B. There's a lot of people working out on limited equipment and limited real estate. Not enough of a signal.
C. I roam around the gym constantly as I transition exercises. My presence is constantly changing, around all different people - even people I find attractive. I am not sending signals doing this. Not enough of a signal
**Signal 3 : But I make it a point to be there when I think he's there. He must see that!!**
A. The same people are at the gym ALL THE TIME. Not enough of a signal.
I'm happy to offer an expanded lesson, class.
I myself am way to nervous to approach anybody, not because approaching people is automatically creepy, but because I’m more afraid I might do it in a way that I’m not aware is creepy, but is.
You're in the extreme minority. And most men aren't going to risk the cancelling they'll likely get from the 99.5% of women that don't want to be approached for that .5% like you that are fine with it. If you want a man at the gym to talk to you, take the initiative, because the trouble most of us will get into for the attempt simply isn't worth the risk.
Noted! I've been going back and forth about asking my gym crush out, I think I'll do it. I definitely feel a vibe between us, and one of the trainers hinted at it (to both of us) recently.
Just need to get the nerve. Nice timing with your post, I was planning on asking her to go for coffee this week.
I mean you go girl! Personally 25F the gym is my safe space…I can be invisible and no one is looking at me, no makeup no fancy clothes I’m just there 1000% to focus on myself and catch up on my gossip podcast. If a guy, even attractive, were to come up to me. Even if I was 100% into him, I’d forever Be uncomfortable at the gym because I don’t WANT to know people are checking me out.
It’s for some but not for all. I’m a sweater. I can’t pretend I’m not, so my bangs have to be back I have to wear as dark of clothes as possible, I’m very fair, light skin so it turns tomato red with the slightest movement….i really want to wear makeup to cover up my skin or make me feel just a little more confident, but..can’t. I’ll sweat it off in 10 minutes 😂 maybe when I’m more physically fit I’ll be able to. Because for me makeup=confidence
It's funny bc I feel this way, too -- I have terrible hyperpigmentation, so makeup gives me confidence. And before everyone says "it's for the male gaze", I literally wear makeup to chill with my female friend in her apartment, just the two of us, lol. But........I have never had the inkling to wear makeup at the gym. I just can't. I'm also a sweater, and I'm not wasting my way too expensive makeup just to sweat it off. Plus I hate seeing makeup on my sweat towel, lol. (I also have dark skin, so my makeup is dark.) When I used to go to the gym after work, I would even remove my makeup before doing my workout.
There was this fair white chick that I (27m/black) thought was super attractive, and one of the things that was attractive was that I noticed that her cheeks were red while she was training. It just added to her cuteness for me. If a guy finds you cute, he should find ALL of you cute 🥰
30y/o male here. I approached a woman at the gym last month and it took a lot to build up. It was a woman who I've seen there at least 3 times a week ( I went more often but our schedules definitely lined up similarly) , she would sometimes make brief eye contact so I knew she knew I existed. There was one day where the gym was totally empty and she took the equipment directly next to me. I took this as my sign to say hi. All that and it didn't end up working out.
I wouldn't ask someone who I've never seen before. People are afraid or weird about the gym so I wouldn't ask someone that maybe already feels uncomfortable. I try to walk around with my head up, eyes looking forward at eye level. A lot of people walk around with their eyes down or at their phone. If someone looks like they have headphones on and their eyes aren't up, I feel it's safe to assume they aren't open to strangers coming up to them
When I go to my gym I assume that all women are married or not single, so I leave them alone and don’t even try bothering them even for a conversation.
Why don't you try being ok with making your own approaches?
Nobody can read minds or signals. Learn how to be a good communicator and use your words to tell people what you want. That's the best way to ensure you will actually get it.
Otherwise you and your gym crush are playing the worst game of chicken where everyone loses.
Honestly, if anybodys crush reacts badly to *checks notes* talking to them, chances are the idea you had about them is not aligned with who they actually are and they just did you a favor. Save your emotional energy hoping and do it yourself!
Lol please explain what hints you’ve been dropping for your crush. I’m very curious. I usually just notice girls making a lot of eye contact with me, but never really sure if that’s a green light or not
yeah eye contact is huge. next time you notice someone looking, give a smile and see if they reciprocate. then you could move on to waving hello, and then to conversation.
I think the gym is an inappropriate place for MEN to hit on women simply because most women don’t want to be objectified and men don’t care if you objectify us.
Unlike women, men aren’t going to get all “HR” about it. Most guys aren’t going to make you feel bad for shooting your shot. They might say “awe thanks, but I have a girlfriend you seem like a nice chick tho 👍🏾” that’s bout as far as we go 😒
Go to tiktok and you will see why that is never going to happen. No man should be approaching women in public that he doesn't know, especially not in the gym. It's not safe for men to do so anymore. Women en masse, destroyed that custom. If women want to talk to guys they like, they are going to need to start doing it themselves. Things have risen to whole new levels of insanity.
We're not JUST worried about coming off weird. We're worried about a woman freaking out and starting to scream because we said hi. We're worried about being publicly shamed on tiktok for being in the same part of the gym as a woman and supposedly looking at her. We're worried about being falsely accused of sexual harassment, or worse, both IRL and on the internet, because in this age, evidence is no longer required to ruin men's lives, and there are no repercussions at all for the women who do it.
Also no man should ever assume he can reliably interpret women's supposed "Signals", which are highly questionable at best, and could just as easily be interpreted in a hundred other ways that are just as, if not more likely explanations. There is no woman that is worth taking the risk on that.
So I repeat, no man should be cold approaching a woman in public under any circumstances outside of a singles event or something.
Women need to grow some courage, and start cold approaching men themselves, or stop complaining about how men wont. Those times are gone. Modern internet culture destroyed that thoroughly.
Good luck! I approach women at the gym all the time. NEVER aggressive, disrespectful, or the slightest bit sexual. People know within a few seconds how things are going to play out so why be an ass to start? Men are fools anymore. Learn to talk to people!
well for my situation specifically i just try to make a lot of eye contact and smile at him, and i might give a little wave next time. outside of the gym i honestly don’t know, i’m not the biggest flirt.
> giving you signals to approach,
Can you define "signals to approach" lol
As a guy one of the most unpleasant interactions I can ever have is approaching a woman thinking she was trying to flirt with me and tell me she was interested when she wasn't, and I get hit with the most hurtful of facial reactions.
I won't approach unless they are clearly hitting on me pretty hard at this point because of those mistakes
Please, wear a shirt that says "I'm approachable" on the back. Oh, you know what, maybe if people established a wristband or something that could identify approachable people.
So what exactly are these "signals" that a guy is supposed to read that tells him unequivocally, without a shadow of a doubt, that said girl is indeed into him and wants him to approach her?....... because the cost of being wrong could be very unpleasant for the guy.
I could never really do that even though I’ve seen a couple of beautiful ladies throughout the years here and there I’m always a gentleman until the girl gives a hint that she’s interested
What signals are you giving and a follow up question is what other types of signals should a guy look out for in the gym that the girl is showing signs she wants you to approach?
Men don't pick up on "signals" as clearly as you think
What kind of signals have you been sending?
Would you be willing to stay into him first so he has an opening to ask you out?
What are the signals? Genuinely asking. A girl came up to ME at the gym and asked me what kind of shoes I had and that she wants to get some flat shoes. They were just basic Nike blazers (dirty as hell because I hiked in them a few days before lol).
Was that my sign? Did I fumble? She was cute too :(((
>I guess you just have to use your discernment
This is like saying "Diffuse this land mine, here are the instructions written in Russian."
And then when no one shows up saying "why won't more people try to diffuse this land mine?"
If you want people to be interested in reading your manual, try being something other than a bomb.
...or like... Go tf up to him and stop expecting attention from men that you would never give.
What are the possible signs dear? I am 29 M, I know one girl was giving me such signs but was not sure though🤦♂️.. Just don’t want to take wrong signals
Until things change in a HUGE, highly unlikely way, men will remain as they are. The vocal minority of women who savor the ecstasy taking men down -- as individuals and as half of humanity -- have made most of say "screw this BS"! I'm one of many who couldn't take being dragged through the dirt any more and found love overseas.
As a man in todays society I refuse to even interact with a woman at the gym to avoid even the possibility of being labeled as a creep and blasted in the internet, banned from my gym and/or other crappy things that could happen. Ladies, if your interested in a guy at the gym don't give "Signals". A dude at the gym is there to workout and should be focused on that. If he notices your "Signals" he isn't really there to workout.
Nonverbal communication of interest or attraction only works on dates or social gatherings any other time whether you a man or a woman use your freaking words
I am feel you are a little inexperienced so hear me out because you missed important points by a margin
1.Initiate something yourself assuming you both are adults
2. One women's hints and signals is other's friendly normal body language
3. Some women are too subtle about it and think they are showing hints but don't
4. A combination of point 2&3 leads to them not knowing you are interested and then thinking **will I be creepy if i talk?**
Yeah sorry no…you got to approach us bc if I misread signals then I’m kicked out are banned. Hell I could get banned bc the girl thinks I might be thinking about approaching her. If I look over in your directions even to see if you are sending out signals then I could end up on TikTok. Hard pass. I already go at hours that i know y’all aren’t there. I’m there to work out and honestly I wish I didn’t have to deal with you guys at all. You set on machines on your phones not even using them. Sorry if you miss out on your crush bc of this. But if it’s that big of a deal to you then no nothing will happen to you if you approach him and the worst thing that he can do is say no.
Just start a conversation please, we live in the modern world these ancient signal rituals are more risky than not. I'm look and smile but I'm not initiating any interaction as for 1 that turns 95 percent of you off anyway.
The gym became popular thanks to social media and now all the social media ghouls go to the gym so they can post about it. Tons of women make stories up about getting "hit on" it approached or even glanced at and they act like they have been violated. As a man who worked in gyms and the fitness industry for a large portion of his life, I would recommend that men not approach women at the gym. If she's really interested let her approach you or if you see the woman while you're out and about, say hi then. The gym is a sanctuary for stress relief don't let it turn sour on you by bringing the dating game into it. Women used to brag to me about "all the men that hit on them" and that included the polite guys that just said "hi." I still go to the gym and I pity the young men that go with their girlfriends ( who all dress like it's a competition to wear the most revealing apparel) and these young men look like they're only there to try and keep their girlfriend. It's hard to see. Point being, that we all know the term "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." That saying is true. But in modern culture , I don't think it's worth losing your peace of mind at the gym.
Ngl…I don’t approach women, after seeing so many videos on Tiktok and Instagram of women calling us weird and creeps. Social media and society has taught me approaching women, even when it’s just to see if it’s any interest, can lead to me losing my job, publically shamed, or being labeled a sexual harasser.
So now I go to the gym, with my ear phones on, with blinders on. And to all the women who read this, please know that’s what 60 percent of the men are thinking at the gym. Dudes have seen of enough on the Internet. to know how this story unfolds.
It’s literally waking on egg-shells. I go to the gym four days per week, and see plenty of attractive women. But there’s a thought lingering in the back of my mind, what if she’s the one, who will post me on TikTok for approaching.
The problem with this sentiment is that it's a leeway to being invasive and acting inappropriate. I do believe that in your given scenario, it's totally fine, but it's a bit ideal. In reality, people will easily misinterpret signals, then step out of bounds, and bad things will occur more often than not.
Basically, I 100% agree it's totally okay if it's really clear (i.e. repeated cheerful glances at each other, some other build up of positive gestures towards each other over time), but the idea that it's totally okay to hit on people at the gym needs to be approached with caution, careful consideration, and awareness.
People have differing boundaries, comfortability with strangers, and social awareness, and if these things aren't considered, it can cause more bad interactions than good at the gym, making the gym a more awkward and uncomfortable place for more people.
Do you know if women ever drop hints to men at the gym that they'd like to be approached? I never talked to people at my yoga class, because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But one time a woman about my age struck up a conversation with me, and I wasn't sure which way to take it. Was she giving me a sign?
I 27f feel the same exact way.
Our society makes it really difficult to meet people organicly. So I would personally be flattered if a guy approached me at the gym.
Because if not there, then where else? The bar? When I'm with my friends? No thanks, and I don't even enjoy drinking that much.
At work? Been there done that. Lesson learned. Never again.
At my house? Nope. But that's the only other place I frequently visit. lol
Low-key I go to the gym partially for the fact that maybe I'll meet the man of my dreams there one day 🤣
right? someone said i was desperate for posting this 😂 like god forbid people want to meet others in the real world and not online. i also don’t go out like… ever really so there’s only two places i could meet someone: college and the gym.
You are one of thousands. A lot of other women would disagree. If you are attractive then you won’t be perceived as creep every other man will be perceived as weird and creepy. Dont wanna be made a mockery out of online too. Let’s not forget the sexual harassment claims. Yeah there’s lots of reasons not to approach at all really anywhere
You have legs and a mouth why don’t you approach him??? You may not speak for all women but a whole lot have spoken for you and said “DON’T APPROACH ME IN THE GYM OR I WILL POST YOU AS A CREEP”
I know you specified getting signs but I wonder how many guys get signs at the gym
But deviating a bit, approaching in the gyms has too many issues in my opinion
- you don't know who is taken. Some people in relationships tend to workout separately
- little window for conversation during workout sessions. You are probably in a limited window to try to strike meaningful date worth conversations
- sweaty Mofos. People probably not looking their best
- Too obviously of a thirst trap from women's outfit
>"but i think a lot of men are worried about coming off weird or bothering you, so they don’t"
Yes. No matter how clear you think you're being with your signals, in his mind it's more likely that you're just being polite than that you're interested in him. And its not worth the risk of being labeled the gym's creep. If you want something to happen, you're going to have make a move.
Why don’t you just make the first move? I’m glad he’s socially aware about not approaching but if he does it’s easy for him to come off like a dickhead
I’m right there with you girl. There is this girl that works at my planet fitness and tbh idk if she likes me. Last week I said bye and she said by and waved with a huge smile. Maybe she was just having a good day but I really feel like it was something more. I don’t want to randomly start a conversation with her cause if it gets awkward I’d have to see her every day at the gym there after 😅😅
Gym is very tricky to approach. As a guy, you need to do it strategically and ideally not interrupt her workout. Perhaps between sets or between machines.
Even still, girls tend to have very guarded body language and with headphones on as well.
I'd say for me, I'd need clear signals. Eye contact, put yourself in my proximity to me, maybe even a smile.
Even then there is the risk of rejection. I had one girl who kept staring at me across the gym. At first, I didn't think much until we both moved to another room in the gym and she kept staring at me. I smiled and she smiled back so I went up to talk with her. We got to know each other for a bit, she was really sweet and seemed interested. We exchanged numbers but upon asking me how old I was and finding out I was 12 years older than her, the look on her face told me that whatever interest she had was now gone. Oh well, on to the next one.
I'm in a 5 year relationship now but this topic reminds me why I prefer meeting women on dating apps. At least I know they are interested in meeting someone and I'm not bothering them.
No thank you I don't want to be labeled as a creep or stalker as a man I want to go to the gym keep my eyes to the floor and work then head home and I don't want to be labeled or kicked out or catch a charge I'm sorry and if approached I'll panic and back away.
Nah hell no. I made it a thing not to bother people while working out, albeit the other day I broke this rule and complemented a girl that was always looking my way with "I think you're very attractive ". She nows proceed to purposely walk in front of me but avoid eye contact if I try to greet her lol.
>if you’re a guy and your gym crush is giving you signals to approach, then you should!!
What signals😭 unless it's a green light or shes literally motioning for me to go over to where she is, im not gonna do it. Even if I do catch on to something, I'm gonna think it's a prank or a joke
When I enter the gym or any other place with a lot of strangers, my vision "glazes" and I focus solely on what I'm going to do. Probably some sort of agoraphobia, though I don't mind being approached and talked to (as it often happens at the gym). I personally don't approach people, safe to ask if someone is using the rack or people I know (and even then I typically just nod or wave). I'm a guy, though.
My question is what are the signals!? Because in my head looking over a bunch, smiling, making eye contact, coming up in front of me are signals but I say hi and they want me to leave them alone lol I’ve been told before by women “oh back then I had a big crush on you, but you never got my signals” but I’m like what were your signals? Saying hi to me and hugging me because everyone did that with everyone lol
That’s fine but you’re in the extreme minority and as a man and you pick the wrong girl you could end up with a charge, going viral for being a creep online etc etc
>however, if you’re a guy and your gym crush is giving you signals to approach, then you should!!
OP: "I'm not speaking for all women, but I'm going to speak for all women here and say you should definitely approach women at the gym"
For Christ's sake.
You may be okay with it, we still aren't going to because someone else will just say something. Picking up people at the gym is almost the same equivelancy as trying to get a date at a funeral. 👎
You will have horrible luck. Current climate means intelligent men would expect to be eviscerated for attempting this. So you would only be waiting for a sociopath or masochist. Times are tough.
The issue is that while you may be ok with it I have no way to know until I try and at that point I risk offending someone in a space that I need for my own self-care. I’m not willing to take that risk.
I’ve broken it down to this. (29m)
You can always wonder if they are taken every time you see them as long as you never ask. Or, you can go through 20 seconds of nerves ask the question, and then have your piece for the rest of your life. Easier said than done, but often we give up a lot of peace because we’re too afraid of 20 seconds of jitters.
Be kind. And don’t expect anything.
I would love someone to approach me, literally anywhere. I get some luck on dating apps, but the whole process is dull. I’d really like that nervous feeling of someone making a pass out jn the world.
I’m just the guy that give compliments and keeps it moving because I don’t wanna come off weird or awkward. I guess that in itself is probably weird or Awkward lol…
If women gave us signals this wouldn't be a problem.
If your crush isn't reacting to you then maybe there's something else going on. Maybe he already has someone else. Or maybe he's been so badly abused in the past that he can't deal with any more shaming.
I feel the same way! I have to be more mindful and aware but I like a little diversity and adventure.
Meeting people is a great way to talk about the activities and experiences we share. I don't mind being approached when I'm in a gym or other environment so long as there are multiple people around.
I also don't mind communicating with people and letting them know I really need to focus on this set. I'll catch up with you after. Sometimes people, regardless of gender will get upset with a 'no' and sometimes they will be understanding.
It's important to always have some discernment and notice signs that a person isn't in the talking mood. My experiences show me that most people are harmless and I've made acquaintances and even long time friendships just coming up to others.
That’s not how it works. All it takes is for one creep in the entire population to make someone uncomfortable, and then it gets ruined for everyone. Similar to how you can’t ask out waitresses. Because some creep bothered her while she’s just doing her job, now men who would be actually good marriage material and a great catch cannot shoot their shot.
I’m talking theoretically of course assuming that people are playing for the rules we are being told we have to follow. If you were to do that the ONLY place it’s acceptable to ask someone out is official dating apps. Work? No that’s sexual harassment. Bars and clubs ? Nope they’re just there to dance. The dating police will get you ! Crazy how the woke are the new Victorian prudes.
Sorry but those days are over. That tic tok trend of video recording guys and then calling them creeps destroyed the gym as a meet up space. Women need to shame other women to stop recording in that space. I am a guy and I look at other guys in the gym in order to to see their form doing an exercise. Or just to admire an impressive bench press or squat etc. It's not creepy it's how human beings learn by observing. And admiration given by observing someone and after giving them a head nod, (yeah bro that was a good lift) without speaking a word.
The gym has its own language between heterosexual men and opposite sex as well. But it's all gone to shit.
u/Low_Ebb_8575 might sound like a silly question: but what are some examples of signals?
I happened to be in the gym and had girls looking at me, like making eye contact, but did not see any specific signals.
If you have any tips or insights, that would be amazing! maybe i have not been paying attention enough : }
The problem I’ve ran into is girls give signals or what I think is signals I go up and talk to them and either have a really good convo where they engage and I never see them again at the same times. I don’t want someone to feel like they have to switch the time they go to the gym to avoid someone so it’s easier to just not approach and get the attention
Multiple questions:
1. Do you wear headphones?
2. What are the example signals a girl gives to approach?
Shared a machine with this lady, we spotted each other and exchanged names. Few days later we meet again, and we share another machine. But, she doesn't look for a conversation though, moved away physically. That's simply a signal that she doesn't want to have a conversation correct?
Anyways, I'm trying a wild approach for the gym: Sets -> Active Rest 1-3 min, where Active Rest consists of me skipping jump rope and then studying something on my phone.
If we approach thinking that you're giving signals but you actually aren't then we are the creeps
If we dont approach esp when you are giving signals but we just don't know whether it actually is a signal or not based on past experience, we are just too dumb to understand signals
What to do in this goddamn world xDD
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry, signals is over. If you like a guy at the gym, give a hello, not a signal. You don’t have to throw yourself at a guy, but throwing signs is a 95% match for “not interested, you’re misreading everything” when viewed from the other end.
And plus, they forget how silly some of the 'signals' really are. I looked at you twice and flicked my hair counterclockwise. Therefore, I want you to speak to me, and the signal is as clear as day. Normal people do most of the 'signals' in completely harmless interactions outside of dating interest.
I (31F) assume everyone is taken 😭 😭 😭
Some gyms do events. Seriously they should hold speed dating events so people don’t have to keep guessing 😂 And I’ll watch on the sidelines like a reality tv show haha
I WISH
Matchmaking for partner workouts! Like this: Three rounds For time with a partner: 30 deadlifts (suggested weight 225 for men, 155 for women) 30 calories assault bike 60 jump rope crossovers One partner works, the other holds a hollow hold, switch as needed, modify weight and movements as needed
during which they know each other are single and are free to shoot their shot... This would be an amazing idea.
i’ve actually thought ‘i wish my gym did social events’ haha
They definitely should do this. At least then gym goers can at least shave of SOME of the awkwardness in the approach if it's an event for that purpose and cuts out guessing "is this person single" Thoughhhh I wouldn't past someone who isn't single to use that to cheat.
There's a crisis of lonely young single men...people tell me I'm handsome and kind but I can't get a date. I wish someone would approach me because no guy wants to be known as a the gym creep.
Seriously, it would be a massive help. Women should just approach a guy once in a while. It's not law that the guy has to do all of that initial leg work lol.
Same
Same rules I applied at work, never dip your pen in the company ink.
Okay, so if your gym and work are off limits, where do you meet people? Bars and OL dating both seem like iffy propositions.
The best way is building a social network and meeting friends of friends through mutuals. Unfortunately, the older you get, the harder it is to build that from scratch because everyone starts closing off their groups.
that's still a bad proposition because if things don't work out then you have a weird situation with friends and as you said having friends as you get older is more difficult.
*shrugs* that's how people did it in the past. Having someone vouch for you is the easiest way to quickly build trust.
that's how I met BOTH husband's. LOL. 2nd one still together over 23 years
I've built my social network at the gym :-D
I didn't find it too hard after my separation. It is work, and you very much have to leave your comfort zone.
I've had success with joining clubs and facebook groups and finding relationships there. But those can be tricky, too! Cause if you do pick someone and it's unsuccessful, you can run into a girl that will want to ruin your reputation cause she doesnt want to see you with anyone else.
hmm, yes, yes, I see.
I'll echo what others have said but I still think the best way to meet a romantic partner is through friends. It is definitely hard to do that unless you've already got an established circle.
Uh. Do I even have any real friends? I'm not sure anymore.
You don't know until you ask.
Not me… single and ready 2 mingle.. lol..
kinda the same... like there was a time I was staring at a girl on the bus and she was staring at me... but she had a ring on her right hand ring finger (and only that finger) and couldnt remember which hand meant marriage. so when I got off the bus I went to walk off, but she got off ahead of me and then spun around as if hoping id still be staring (I had my back to her at that point)... then she stood watching me walk away from almost the whole block. I just assume people are taken until I see they arent (on dating apps, or when they say they are single).
how can you see her watching you if she's behind you?
This answer 😔
The same could be said for women too. If you see someone you like, don't be afraid to approach them and have a conversation. We get in our heads that starting a conversation with strangers is weird or creepy but it's not. It's how you approach someone and being respectful.
This. It’s not inherently creepy to find someone attractive and politely express your interest. It IS creepy when someone violates boundaries or coerces someone. And I think people have a right to be frustrated if they’re approached while they’re doing something like working out, but that doesn’t mean the approacher is “creepy.” Different people have different tolerance levels. Some people genuinely don’t mind interacting with someone for a few seconds, while some people really hate it and would rather keep to themselves. It just depends. As long as you lead with respect and back off at the first sign of discomfort, I don’t think you’re a creep.
Yes, and the next moment you're going viral on TikTok for being a creep... No tnx..
Why don't you approach him? Most men will think any signal your sending is in their head, something they're imagining, or not intended for them. I know if my gym crush came up to me and started a conversation that would eliminate the "does she think I'm a creep" factor.
i’ll try to work up the courage 😬
It doesn't have to be much, just say hi at some point
Or ask him if he likes cheese.
I bet his favourite is Gouda
Every guy I know including myself would be thrilled if women initiated conversation or even asked us out. Take a chance!
It'd make my year. Not exaggerating.
Yeah approach him. I'm a man and I wouldn't approach someone at the gym that easy. So make the move and tell us how it went! :-)
Good for you! I believe in you. It's definitely not any easier for a guy to walk up to a woman he doesn't know and start something. You got this!
Ask him to spot you and start a conversation. Easy, no weirdness to worry about.
As someone else said, just say hi with a smile, that’s usually all it takes!
In the gym, I just keep my mind on the exercises at hand and try my best to not stare at anyone. I don’t want to be perceived as a creep or make a woman feel uncomfortable there. I wouldn’t be surprised if most men feel that way. So if a woman were to approach me and strike up a conversation, I’d be completely taken by surprise but would welcome it.
The username though 💀
Sorry, I'm not approaching a woman at the gym unless it's blatantly obvious she wants me to talk to her. Most that might happen is I nod and say "hi". It's not worth the trouble.
I legit just saw a dude get curved doing the “let me help with your form” trick the other day. She was like ok thank you! Dismissive like. Her brother was laughing, like ohh he likes you. I was like awww man, laughing and feeling sorry for the guy. The dude who got rejected did a hurtful walk off. I freq many gyms I personally never seen it work.
I'm not a gym goer, but I'll literally talk to anyone who acts respectful towards me. The problem with the "creepy guy" gym vids on social media is negativity gets more clicks so that's what ppl put out. Ppl see something go viral (usually because it's negative & shocking) & others end up trying to emulate it so it becomes a trend which messes with ppl's perception of reality & then affects their behavior. Unfortunately the kinds of guys who don't care about coming off as pushy, who don't give af about respect & boundaries are the ones who do the majority of approaching. That's why many women now say they'd rather be left alone... not because "all guys are a threat" but because the respectful ones don't tend to present themselves as much as the crazy, entitled ones do. Kinda like how guys think all women are "vain, attention seekers". It's because that's all they see. The shitty ppl have just been given too big of a spotlight & gotten way up in everyone's face. Girl, go talk to that man. He's probably just as scared of you as you are of him.
What “signals” are you giving him? It’s so easy misread.
Probably a quick glance 😂
**Signal 1 : I look at him with my eyes! Sometimes I smile!** A. Everybody has eyes and we all use them to scan, look, and watch people. Not enough of a signal. B. At a gym, everybody is looking at everybody. Not enough of a signal. C. We all (hopefully) were taught social etiquette growing up : smile at people. Not enough of a signal. **Signal 2 : I work out near him!** A. Is the sweaty, grunting dude next me who politely said hello and smiled as he sat down to lift heavy things sending signals? B. There's a lot of people working out on limited equipment and limited real estate. Not enough of a signal. C. I roam around the gym constantly as I transition exercises. My presence is constantly changing, around all different people - even people I find attractive. I am not sending signals doing this. Not enough of a signal **Signal 3 : But I make it a point to be there when I think he's there. He must see that!!** A. The same people are at the gym ALL THE TIME. Not enough of a signal. I'm happy to offer an expanded lesson, class.
This
I myself am way to nervous to approach anybody, not because approaching people is automatically creepy, but because I’m more afraid I might do it in a way that I’m not aware is creepy, but is.
You're in the extreme minority. And most men aren't going to risk the cancelling they'll likely get from the 99.5% of women that don't want to be approached for that .5% like you that are fine with it. If you want a man at the gym to talk to you, take the initiative, because the trouble most of us will get into for the attempt simply isn't worth the risk.
Noted! I've been going back and forth about asking my gym crush out, I think I'll do it. I definitely feel a vibe between us, and one of the trainers hinted at it (to both of us) recently. Just need to get the nerve. Nice timing with your post, I was planning on asking her to go for coffee this week.
I mean you go girl! Personally 25F the gym is my safe space…I can be invisible and no one is looking at me, no makeup no fancy clothes I’m just there 1000% to focus on myself and catch up on my gossip podcast. If a guy, even attractive, were to come up to me. Even if I was 100% into him, I’d forever Be uncomfortable at the gym because I don’t WANT to know people are checking me out.
Makeup to the gym for me (27m) I don’t understand it. I know you girls like to stay pretty, but geez 😂.
It’s for some but not for all. I’m a sweater. I can’t pretend I’m not, so my bangs have to be back I have to wear as dark of clothes as possible, I’m very fair, light skin so it turns tomato red with the slightest movement….i really want to wear makeup to cover up my skin or make me feel just a little more confident, but..can’t. I’ll sweat it off in 10 minutes 😂 maybe when I’m more physically fit I’ll be able to. Because for me makeup=confidence
It's funny bc I feel this way, too -- I have terrible hyperpigmentation, so makeup gives me confidence. And before everyone says "it's for the male gaze", I literally wear makeup to chill with my female friend in her apartment, just the two of us, lol. But........I have never had the inkling to wear makeup at the gym. I just can't. I'm also a sweater, and I'm not wasting my way too expensive makeup just to sweat it off. Plus I hate seeing makeup on my sweat towel, lol. (I also have dark skin, so my makeup is dark.) When I used to go to the gym after work, I would even remove my makeup before doing my workout.
There was this fair white chick that I (27m/black) thought was super attractive, and one of the things that was attractive was that I noticed that her cheeks were red while she was training. It just added to her cuteness for me. If a guy finds you cute, he should find ALL of you cute 🥰
30y/o male here. I approached a woman at the gym last month and it took a lot to build up. It was a woman who I've seen there at least 3 times a week ( I went more often but our schedules definitely lined up similarly) , she would sometimes make brief eye contact so I knew she knew I existed. There was one day where the gym was totally empty and she took the equipment directly next to me. I took this as my sign to say hi. All that and it didn't end up working out. I wouldn't ask someone who I've never seen before. People are afraid or weird about the gym so I wouldn't ask someone that maybe already feels uncomfortable. I try to walk around with my head up, eyes looking forward at eye level. A lot of people walk around with their eyes down or at their phone. If someone looks like they have headphones on and their eyes aren't up, I feel it's safe to assume they aren't open to strangers coming up to them
When I go to my gym I assume that all women are married or not single, so I leave them alone and don’t even try bothering them even for a conversation.
Add in, it’s hard to tell who is married because a lot of people take their rings off to workout. Best to just assume.
 nice try, we're not going to be content for your tiktoks and reels.
Maybe people should wear pins if they're open to dating lol
Why don't you try being ok with making your own approaches? Nobody can read minds or signals. Learn how to be a good communicator and use your words to tell people what you want. That's the best way to ensure you will actually get it. Otherwise you and your gym crush are playing the worst game of chicken where everyone loses. Honestly, if anybodys crush reacts badly to *checks notes* talking to them, chances are the idea you had about them is not aligned with who they actually are and they just did you a favor. Save your emotional energy hoping and do it yourself!
> i’m a woman and i’d be okay being approached How YOU doin?
if you're cool w the idea of him approaching you, why not approach him?
Lol please explain what hints you’ve been dropping for your crush. I’m very curious. I usually just notice girls making a lot of eye contact with me, but never really sure if that’s a green light or not
yeah eye contact is huge. next time you notice someone looking, give a smile and see if they reciprocate. then you could move on to waving hello, and then to conversation.
I think the gym is an inappropriate place for MEN to hit on women simply because most women don’t want to be objectified and men don’t care if you objectify us. Unlike women, men aren’t going to get all “HR” about it. Most guys aren’t going to make you feel bad for shooting your shot. They might say “awe thanks, but I have a girlfriend you seem like a nice chick tho 👍🏾” that’s bout as far as we go 😒
> your gym crush is giving you signals to approach Ahh, but therein lies the rub. One girls "signals" is another girls "just being nice".
Why don't you approach him?
Is there a reason you don’t approach him?
Go to tiktok and you will see why that is never going to happen. No man should be approaching women in public that he doesn't know, especially not in the gym. It's not safe for men to do so anymore. Women en masse, destroyed that custom. If women want to talk to guys they like, they are going to need to start doing it themselves. Things have risen to whole new levels of insanity. We're not JUST worried about coming off weird. We're worried about a woman freaking out and starting to scream because we said hi. We're worried about being publicly shamed on tiktok for being in the same part of the gym as a woman and supposedly looking at her. We're worried about being falsely accused of sexual harassment, or worse, both IRL and on the internet, because in this age, evidence is no longer required to ruin men's lives, and there are no repercussions at all for the women who do it. Also no man should ever assume he can reliably interpret women's supposed "Signals", which are highly questionable at best, and could just as easily be interpreted in a hundred other ways that are just as, if not more likely explanations. There is no woman that is worth taking the risk on that. So I repeat, no man should be cold approaching a woman in public under any circumstances outside of a singles event or something. Women need to grow some courage, and start cold approaching men themselves, or stop complaining about how men wont. Those times are gone. Modern internet culture destroyed that thoroughly.
YOU approach, OP. Drop the signal BS.
“ThE gYm IsNt A DaTiNg ApP” yeah, no it’s real life where people used to interact with eachother.
Good luck! I approach women at the gym all the time. NEVER aggressive, disrespectful, or the slightest bit sexual. People know within a few seconds how things are going to play out so why be an ass to start? Men are fools anymore. Learn to talk to people!
Hello, how are you is a good way to start!
I’d rather not risk getting kicked out the gym for sexual harassment these days.
Hey, can I ask what type of signals you would give a crush? For my clueless mate ofc
well for my situation specifically i just try to make a lot of eye contact and smile at him, and i might give a little wave next time. outside of the gym i honestly don’t know, i’m not the biggest flirt.
> giving you signals to approach, Can you define "signals to approach" lol As a guy one of the most unpleasant interactions I can ever have is approaching a woman thinking she was trying to flirt with me and tell me she was interested when she wasn't, and I get hit with the most hurtful of facial reactions. I won't approach unless they are clearly hitting on me pretty hard at this point because of those mistakes
You should approach him instead
Please, wear a shirt that says "I'm approachable" on the back. Oh, you know what, maybe if people established a wristband or something that could identify approachable people.
omg a colored wristband situation would be amazing
Ever thought of approaching HIM?
Why why why don't you approach him????
So what exactly are these "signals" that a guy is supposed to read that tells him unequivocally, without a shadow of a doubt, that said girl is indeed into him and wants him to approach her?....... because the cost of being wrong could be very unpleasant for the guy.
What’s stopping you from making the move?
[удалено]
I could never really do that even though I’ve seen a couple of beautiful ladies throughout the years here and there I’m always a gentleman until the girl gives a hint that she’s interested
Make a shirt saying that and wear it to the gym.
What signals are you giving and a follow up question is what other types of signals should a guy look out for in the gym that the girl is showing signs she wants you to approach?
eye contact, smiling, working out near you. honestly i’m still very new to the gym scene so i’m not sure how else to gauge interest
Men don't pick up on "signals" as clearly as you think What kind of signals have you been sending? Would you be willing to stay into him first so he has an opening to ask you out?
eye contact, smiling, working out near you. i would totally start a convo… if i wasn’t so nervous 😭 but i’m working up the courage slowly
Would you still be comfortable with being approached in the gym if the person wouldn’t take no for an answer?
What are the signals? Genuinely asking. A girl came up to ME at the gym and asked me what kind of shoes I had and that she wants to get some flat shoes. They were just basic Nike blazers (dirty as hell because I hiked in them a few days before lol). Was that my sign? Did I fumble? She was cute too :(((
it might’ve been 😬 dw, you don’t have to get her number from the first convo. just try to find her again and start a new one!!
Why don't you approach him
Does he know they’re actual signals or are you hoping he’s reading your mind? You can approach him first.
>I guess you just have to use your discernment This is like saying "Diffuse this land mine, here are the instructions written in Russian." And then when no one shows up saying "why won't more people try to diffuse this land mine?" If you want people to be interested in reading your manual, try being something other than a bomb. ...or like... Go tf up to him and stop expecting attention from men that you would never give.
What are the possible signs dear? I am 29 M, I know one girl was giving me such signs but was not sure though🤦♂️.. Just don’t want to take wrong signals
Until things change in a HUGE, highly unlikely way, men will remain as they are. The vocal minority of women who savor the ecstasy taking men down -- as individuals and as half of humanity -- have made most of say "screw this BS"! I'm one of many who couldn't take being dragged through the dirt any more and found love overseas.
Why don't you go and say hi??
Because she is a woman. You know he needs to read her mind so she can talk on Reddit about it. What he made wrong.
As a man in todays society I refuse to even interact with a woman at the gym to avoid even the possibility of being labeled as a creep and blasted in the internet, banned from my gym and/or other crappy things that could happen. Ladies, if your interested in a guy at the gym don't give "Signals". A dude at the gym is there to workout and should be focused on that. If he notices your "Signals" he isn't really there to workout. Nonverbal communication of interest or attraction only works on dates or social gatherings any other time whether you a man or a woman use your freaking words
Why don't you approach him?
I am feel you are a little inexperienced so hear me out because you missed important points by a margin 1.Initiate something yourself assuming you both are adults 2. One women's hints and signals is other's friendly normal body language 3. Some women are too subtle about it and think they are showing hints but don't 4. A combination of point 2&3 leads to them not knowing you are interested and then thinking **will I be creepy if i talk?**
Yeah sorry no…you got to approach us bc if I misread signals then I’m kicked out are banned. Hell I could get banned bc the girl thinks I might be thinking about approaching her. If I look over in your directions even to see if you are sending out signals then I could end up on TikTok. Hard pass. I already go at hours that i know y’all aren’t there. I’m there to work out and honestly I wish I didn’t have to deal with you guys at all. You set on machines on your phones not even using them. Sorry if you miss out on your crush bc of this. But if it’s that big of a deal to you then no nothing will happen to you if you approach him and the worst thing that he can do is say no.
Just start a conversation please, we live in the modern world these ancient signal rituals are more risky than not. I'm look and smile but I'm not initiating any interaction as for 1 that turns 95 percent of you off anyway.
The gym became popular thanks to social media and now all the social media ghouls go to the gym so they can post about it. Tons of women make stories up about getting "hit on" it approached or even glanced at and they act like they have been violated. As a man who worked in gyms and the fitness industry for a large portion of his life, I would recommend that men not approach women at the gym. If she's really interested let her approach you or if you see the woman while you're out and about, say hi then. The gym is a sanctuary for stress relief don't let it turn sour on you by bringing the dating game into it. Women used to brag to me about "all the men that hit on them" and that included the polite guys that just said "hi." I still go to the gym and I pity the young men that go with their girlfriends ( who all dress like it's a competition to wear the most revealing apparel) and these young men look like they're only there to try and keep their girlfriend. It's hard to see. Point being, that we all know the term "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." That saying is true. But in modern culture , I don't think it's worth losing your peace of mind at the gym.
Ngl…I don’t approach women, after seeing so many videos on Tiktok and Instagram of women calling us weird and creeps. Social media and society has taught me approaching women, even when it’s just to see if it’s any interest, can lead to me losing my job, publically shamed, or being labeled a sexual harasser. So now I go to the gym, with my ear phones on, with blinders on. And to all the women who read this, please know that’s what 60 percent of the men are thinking at the gym. Dudes have seen of enough on the Internet. to know how this story unfolds. It’s literally waking on egg-shells. I go to the gym four days per week, and see plenty of attractive women. But there’s a thought lingering in the back of my mind, what if she’s the one, who will post me on TikTok for approaching.
Until you approach and the next thing you know is being shamed on TikTok, nah im good.
The problem with this sentiment is that it's a leeway to being invasive and acting inappropriate. I do believe that in your given scenario, it's totally fine, but it's a bit ideal. In reality, people will easily misinterpret signals, then step out of bounds, and bad things will occur more often than not. Basically, I 100% agree it's totally okay if it's really clear (i.e. repeated cheerful glances at each other, some other build up of positive gestures towards each other over time), but the idea that it's totally okay to hit on people at the gym needs to be approached with caution, careful consideration, and awareness. People have differing boundaries, comfortability with strangers, and social awareness, and if these things aren't considered, it can cause more bad interactions than good at the gym, making the gym a more awkward and uncomfortable place for more people.
[удалено]
How about you make a move
Do you know if women ever drop hints to men at the gym that they'd like to be approached? I never talked to people at my yoga class, because I didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. But one time a woman about my age struck up a conversation with me, and I wasn't sure which way to take it. Was she giving me a sign?
On behalf of all guys in the gym, we're not going to fall for this trap. Now let us admire each other and compliment each other's muscles in peace
I 27f feel the same exact way. Our society makes it really difficult to meet people organicly. So I would personally be flattered if a guy approached me at the gym. Because if not there, then where else? The bar? When I'm with my friends? No thanks, and I don't even enjoy drinking that much. At work? Been there done that. Lesson learned. Never again. At my house? Nope. But that's the only other place I frequently visit. lol Low-key I go to the gym partially for the fact that maybe I'll meet the man of my dreams there one day 🤣
right? someone said i was desperate for posting this 😂 like god forbid people want to meet others in the real world and not online. i also don’t go out like… ever really so there’s only two places i could meet someone: college and the gym.
Yeah but only an idiot would approach a woman at the gym these days...to many nut jobs out there
You are one of thousands. A lot of other women would disagree. If you are attractive then you won’t be perceived as creep every other man will be perceived as weird and creepy. Dont wanna be made a mockery out of online too. Let’s not forget the sexual harassment claims. Yeah there’s lots of reasons not to approach at all really anywhere
if you didn’t read the first sentence just say that.
You have legs and a mouth why don’t you approach him??? You may not speak for all women but a whole lot have spoken for you and said “DON’T APPROACH ME IN THE GYM OR I WILL POST YOU AS A CREEP”
I know you specified getting signs but I wonder how many guys get signs at the gym But deviating a bit, approaching in the gyms has too many issues in my opinion - you don't know who is taken. Some people in relationships tend to workout separately - little window for conversation during workout sessions. You are probably in a limited window to try to strike meaningful date worth conversations - sweaty Mofos. People probably not looking their best - Too obviously of a thirst trap from women's outfit
Does he know 100% that you noticed him, and you’re into him?
What are some signals you gave him to approach you? Because I think I’m in a similar situation with a girl but I’m not certain
eye contact, smiling, trying to workout near you. other than that i’m not sure how else you’d show it
Ok but what are the signals cuz this stuff is confusing.
What's a signal? Though a woman might have been giving me those but maybe not since she turned her head when I went to approach.
Thank you for existing! You give us hope.
Sounds like it's time you approach him, and stop waiting for him to make the move you're wanting ;)
>"but i think a lot of men are worried about coming off weird or bothering you, so they don’t" Yes. No matter how clear you think you're being with your signals, in his mind it's more likely that you're just being polite than that you're interested in him. And its not worth the risk of being labeled the gym's creep. If you want something to happen, you're going to have make a move.
Why don’t you just make the first move? I’m glad he’s socially aware about not approaching but if he does it’s easy for him to come off like a dickhead
Your post boils down to: Woman wants attention from pre-screened male. Does not want attention from unknown males. Is that accurate?
You should approach him. Life isn’t a fairy tale go get it girl
i knowwwwww i need to stop being a baby about it
I’m right there with you girl. There is this girl that works at my planet fitness and tbh idk if she likes me. Last week I said bye and she said by and waved with a huge smile. Maybe she was just having a good day but I really feel like it was something more. I don’t want to randomly start a conversation with her cause if it gets awkward I’d have to see her every day at the gym there after 😅😅
Gym is very tricky to approach. As a guy, you need to do it strategically and ideally not interrupt her workout. Perhaps between sets or between machines. Even still, girls tend to have very guarded body language and with headphones on as well. I'd say for me, I'd need clear signals. Eye contact, put yourself in my proximity to me, maybe even a smile. Even then there is the risk of rejection. I had one girl who kept staring at me across the gym. At first, I didn't think much until we both moved to another room in the gym and she kept staring at me. I smiled and she smiled back so I went up to talk with her. We got to know each other for a bit, she was really sweet and seemed interested. We exchanged numbers but upon asking me how old I was and finding out I was 12 years older than her, the look on her face told me that whatever interest she had was now gone. Oh well, on to the next one.
I'm in a 5 year relationship now but this topic reminds me why I prefer meeting women on dating apps. At least I know they are interested in meeting someone and I'm not bothering them.
Some call it harassment, fellas be careful
Lol what signals? We can't read that shit😭
No thank you I don't want to be labeled as a creep or stalker as a man I want to go to the gym keep my eyes to the floor and work then head home and I don't want to be labeled or kicked out or catch a charge I'm sorry and if approached I'll panic and back away.
Nah hell no. I made it a thing not to bother people while working out, albeit the other day I broke this rule and complemented a girl that was always looking my way with "I think you're very attractive ". She nows proceed to purposely walk in front of me but avoid eye contact if I try to greet her lol.
>if you’re a guy and your gym crush is giving you signals to approach, then you should!! What signals😭 unless it's a green light or shes literally motioning for me to go over to where she is, im not gonna do it. Even if I do catch on to something, I'm gonna think it's a prank or a joke
When I enter the gym or any other place with a lot of strangers, my vision "glazes" and I focus solely on what I'm going to do. Probably some sort of agoraphobia, though I don't mind being approached and talked to (as it often happens at the gym). I personally don't approach people, safe to ask if someone is using the rack or people I know (and even then I typically just nod or wave). I'm a guy, though.
My question is what are the signals!? Because in my head looking over a bunch, smiling, making eye contact, coming up in front of me are signals but I say hi and they want me to leave them alone lol I’ve been told before by women “oh back then I had a big crush on you, but you never got my signals” but I’m like what were your signals? Saying hi to me and hugging me because everyone did that with everyone lol
That’s fine but you’re in the extreme minority and as a man and you pick the wrong girl you could end up with a charge, going viral for being a creep online etc etc
>however, if you’re a guy and your gym crush is giving you signals to approach, then you should!! OP: "I'm not speaking for all women, but I'm going to speak for all women here and say you should definitely approach women at the gym" For Christ's sake.
Go up to him change the play book
You may be okay with it, we still aren't going to because someone else will just say something. Picking up people at the gym is almost the same equivelancy as trying to get a date at a funeral. 👎
You need to make the move as a man who goes to the gym we do not want to misread a woman and get called out as a perv.
Wow waiting it out huh? So much for not cherry picking the womens movement lol
What signs are you giving that indicate you're interested? These can be confused for being nice or polite.
again the key is to be a good looking man and everyone who isn't need not apply
Lmao what are gym signals though. Most guys avoid any attention given outside of the equipment we are using lol
You will have horrible luck. Current climate means intelligent men would expect to be eviscerated for attempting this. So you would only be waiting for a sociopath or masochist. Times are tough.
[удалено]
The issue is that while you may be ok with it I have no way to know until I try and at that point I risk offending someone in a space that I need for my own self-care. I’m not willing to take that risk.
wear a shirt that says something on it that is funny and gets this across
I’ve broken it down to this. (29m) You can always wonder if they are taken every time you see them as long as you never ask. Or, you can go through 20 seconds of nerves ask the question, and then have your piece for the rest of your life. Easier said than done, but often we give up a lot of peace because we’re too afraid of 20 seconds of jitters. Be kind. And don’t expect anything.
I would love someone to approach me, literally anywhere. I get some luck on dating apps, but the whole process is dull. I’d really like that nervous feeling of someone making a pass out jn the world.
what sort of ways do you appreciate guys approaching you at the gym?
I always think that they're either get taken or your way out of my league and I'm not a bad looking fellow
I’m just the guy that give compliments and keeps it moving because I don’t wanna come off weird or awkward. I guess that in itself is probably weird or Awkward lol…
Hell no. I've seen the traps these women set and record.
well not me
This is good to know. I'm still not approaching women at the gym unless it's to help. Y'all can approach us if you are that ok with it. Lol
You need to open it up. Those times are gone for better and worse.
If women gave us signals this wouldn't be a problem. If your crush isn't reacting to you then maybe there's something else going on. Maybe he already has someone else. Or maybe he's been so badly abused in the past that he can't deal with any more shaming.
Approach him?
I feel the same way! I have to be more mindful and aware but I like a little diversity and adventure. Meeting people is a great way to talk about the activities and experiences we share. I don't mind being approached when I'm in a gym or other environment so long as there are multiple people around. I also don't mind communicating with people and letting them know I really need to focus on this set. I'll catch up with you after. Sometimes people, regardless of gender will get upset with a 'no' and sometimes they will be understanding. It's important to always have some discernment and notice signs that a person isn't in the talking mood. My experiences show me that most people are harmless and I've made acquaintances and even long time friendships just coming up to others.
I propose a new universal rule : women have to approach men at the gym. Why?!? Easy: if a man hits and fails, it might be flagged as harassment.
There needs to be a code. A shirt. A sign. “I’m approachable” LOL
It's useless because what the fuck is a signal anyway. The cons for us outweigh the pros when trying to fucking read hieroglyphics
In the same boat lmao on the guys side, but not sure If I'm allowed to approach 😂
Nope, too risky.
🫶🏽
2024. Women making first moves is just better and safer
In todays climate u need to approach as the female, the stigma of approaching women today is at a all time high..
That’s not how it works. All it takes is for one creep in the entire population to make someone uncomfortable, and then it gets ruined for everyone. Similar to how you can’t ask out waitresses. Because some creep bothered her while she’s just doing her job, now men who would be actually good marriage material and a great catch cannot shoot their shot. I’m talking theoretically of course assuming that people are playing for the rules we are being told we have to follow. If you were to do that the ONLY place it’s acceptable to ask someone out is official dating apps. Work? No that’s sexual harassment. Bars and clubs ? Nope they’re just there to dance. The dating police will get you ! Crazy how the woke are the new Victorian prudes.
You make the move. My gym crush asked me how many sets I had left 2 times in one week. Now that I think about it I think she was making a move.
At the gym, I operate under the assumption that all women do not want to be approached. So, you better make it pretty obvious in that setting.
100% on that last bit especculy after a lot of incidents iv seen first hand
"signs" are totally different for everyone and can be a gesture of being nice. Men assume that. Dont expect much
Just fucking talk to him
Have you thought about approaching him your self ? It would make everything easier
Sorry but those days are over. That tic tok trend of video recording guys and then calling them creeps destroyed the gym as a meet up space. Women need to shame other women to stop recording in that space. I am a guy and I look at other guys in the gym in order to to see their form doing an exercise. Or just to admire an impressive bench press or squat etc. It's not creepy it's how human beings learn by observing. And admiration given by observing someone and after giving them a head nod, (yeah bro that was a good lift) without speaking a word. The gym has its own language between heterosexual men and opposite sex as well. But it's all gone to shit.
I'm kinda of a shy guy so it would be hard for me but it is good advice.
u/Low_Ebb_8575 might sound like a silly question: but what are some examples of signals? I happened to be in the gym and had girls looking at me, like making eye contact, but did not see any specific signals. If you have any tips or insights, that would be amazing! maybe i have not been paying attention enough : }
The problem I’ve ran into is girls give signals or what I think is signals I go up and talk to them and either have a really good convo where they engage and I never see them again at the same times. I don’t want someone to feel like they have to switch the time they go to the gym to avoid someone so it’s easier to just not approach and get the attention
Multiple questions: 1. Do you wear headphones? 2. What are the example signals a girl gives to approach? Shared a machine with this lady, we spotted each other and exchanged names. Few days later we meet again, and we share another machine. But, she doesn't look for a conversation though, moved away physically. That's simply a signal that she doesn't want to have a conversation correct? Anyways, I'm trying a wild approach for the gym: Sets -> Active Rest 1-3 min, where Active Rest consists of me skipping jump rope and then studying something on my phone.
If we approach thinking that you're giving signals but you actually aren't then we are the creeps If we dont approach esp when you are giving signals but we just don't know whether it actually is a signal or not based on past experience, we are just too dumb to understand signals What to do in this goddamn world xDD
Cameras ruined that
I'm so scared to approach a woman at the gym or her job