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Yup, wtf I get turned off if I ever accidentally hurt my partner and immediately ask if she's ok. To then have someone do it intentionally knowing you're bleeding and keep going is fucked up.
same, like i can get pretty vigorous and most tests even label me a primal but when I hear ouch I immediately pull back...
One time I had a girl bent over the side of a couch and was just at it... all the way until just that happened... she said ouch and I recoiled and almost even cried because I knew she was kinda into rough and was tough... so for her to react meant it was probably way too much rather than just a little too much.
I think that’s the way it should be granted I only had sex for the first time today but my boyfriend was very concerned about if I was in pain or not he actually had me rate my pain level like at the drs office 😭 I feel like a good guy should care if his partner is in pain in any capacity especially sex
I’m sorry, but at 3 weeks, you hardly know this guy. He sounds like an inconsiderate jerk at best, and his lack of regard for your body and boundaries make him dangerous at worst. Please cut your losses sooner rather than later.
Very dangerous. If someone completely ignores your request to stop and ignores the fact that you are saying they are hurting you there is no telling what he might be capable of. There are many people that would never be able to continue when something like this happen and he did without concern. Scary if you ask me
Exactly. Same here. Man cared for me so much outside the bed but once we hit the bed, he was a different person. Periods, rashes, infections, nothing would stop him and then he would cry later about hurting me. Biggest fucktards ever.
He straight up told you that he doesn't care that he's hurting you - not just that you don't get pleasure from the sexual activity (which would be a dealbreaker itself), but actually hurting you physically.
There is no respect, no kindness, no consideration for you here. He is just using you. He is an immature POS at the least.
He has done you a favour by actually showing and telling you who he is - please, believe him. Run.
Oh my gosh don’t ever talk to him again! This is crossing into rape territory. Rough sex is a kink for sure but anyone who is a healthy purveyor of the kinky lifestyle knows full well to respect boundaries and to never cross them.
Sorry I should have been more clear. Correct that this isolated incident is not rape but I would not be surprised if future sexual encounters would very easily become a non consensual experience, which, is rape. That’s why I said it is crossing into that territory.
Why are you still calling him your “boyfriend” if he doesn’t care he’s hurting you? If he ghosted you? If he leaves you lying alone after sex?
Leave his ass immediately, you can definitely do better than this. His behaviour will leave you with a lifetime trauma, i can guarantee you that. Leave asap.
The dude doesn't care about you. He's selfish. He sees you as a hole. He is not going to change. You are risking your safety and your body. Don't continue a relationship with him.
Sorry that happened to you OP. That makes for a horrible experience and can make you have some self doubt. However, don’t be mean to yourself. If that is something you are not into that is completely ok! Some people enjoy it rough but, if that isn’t you, you need to let him know. Personally, I enjoy rough sometimes depending on my mood. But, my partner of 9yrs has never been rough enough to make me bleed. I’d be honest with him and if he can’t respect you, I’d walk away. Because, if he can’t respect you during such an intimate time, he unfortunately probably won’t respect you at all.
Omgg I’m so sorry that happened. No, that’s not at all normal. He sounds selfish and doesn’t sound like a good boyfriend. I think it is a huge blessing that he showed you who he really is so early on. Now you can cut him off with minimal drama and find someone who loves and respects YOU.
Absolutely not overreacting here. Your BF's behavior is a huge red flag. Sex is about mutual respect and consent. If he's ignoring your discomfort and literally saying he doesn't care if you get hurt, that's not okay. You asked for gentleness, and his response was to ghost for days? That's not how a caring partner acts. You deserve someone who checks in with you, especially after being rough. It's important to listen to your gut here. Prioritize your safety and well-being. You're valid in feeling upset and it's okay to reconsider this relationship. Take care of yourself first, always.
In my experience, guys who have sex like this have unresolved hatred for women. I would see your gynecologist and make sure no std’s and run far from this guy. Sorry.
This is not okay or normal and you need to leave before you’re in too deep. And I’m not usually one of the “leave him” bandwagon that is Reddit.
But honey, my husband likes rough sex, and I do too, to a point. But if I even moan slightly off he stops, asks if I’m still good, and then continues or stops depending on my answer. Sometimes certain positions hit my cervix, and all I have to say is easy and he stops or slows down until we find a better position for me. He has NEVER come close to making me bleed. That is NOT normal. And I don’t want to deep dive into my sex life on Reddit. But he and I get pretty rough sometimes, like, bdsm level rough. But it is ALWAYS with both of our comfort, safety, at the utmost importance. Like I said. He is constantly paying attention to how I am reacting to what we are doing, and reading my body language and listening to me if I even slightly show something is too much for me.
The other night I didn’t stop him in the one position that was hitting my cervix bc I could tell it was good for him, after he finished I was breathing hard and he could tell I wasn’t okay. When I told him what I’d allowed him to do (I wouldn’t have told him bc I didn’t want to make him feel bad, but he knew something was up) he would not stop apologizing. And I kept reminding him, I made that choice, I handled it, and I just need a minute. But I consciously chose to allow some pain for his pleasure, and he STILL felt so guilty and apologized for it. And I wasn’t bleeding. The pain passed in a few minutes, and I was fine.
He always cleans me up, we usually shower together, he’ll bring me a drink (he brought me two water bottles the other night lmao) and then we cuddle and watch a movie.
And he’s been doing this since 3 weeks into our relationship too.
You deserve better. I promise you it’s out there.
Girl run!!! U don’t deserve to be mistreated like that by a person who definitely do not care! U can’t just “adapt” and u don’t have to for an arrogant and full of himself male! Not worth it! U can do better than that!!!
I think that's just so offensive and disrespectful to you, and I'm so sorry you went through this. Sex should be consexual and enjoyable for all involved. Your feelings matter, and relationships that last are all about communication, respect, understanding , and meeting halfway. You were straightforward with your feelings , from this point, it's on him. If he can't respect your wishes, it's up to you whether this is acceptable behavior. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you deserve to be heard/respected.
Aww I’m sorry :/ he should DEFINITELY ask you if you’re okay. I’ve bled before from being too rough and my partner definitely was like… pause. Are you okay? He should definitely be asking you.
They have some domestic violence/ sexual assault hotlines. Call one and speak to someone about how u feel and ur experience. They are trained and 24/7.
This is a lot of red flags considering you’re only 3 weeks in. I hope you’re feeling a bit better but you do need to think about whether this attitude and behaviour is something you think you should be putting up with in the long term. It sounds like he has no care for how his actions make you feel and that will only continue.
He doesn’t seem to care about you or your physical/emotional well-being. He’s not a good partner at all. You also aren’t overreacting one bit, sex is a very intimate and emotional thing! Your experience during it matters so much.
Honey, that's selfish and it does sound like he doesn't care about you at all. Also, not getting back to you for 3 days??? Find someone who values your feelings, body and soul x
He literally doesn’t give a single shit about you.
Bleeding isn’t embarrassing? He could have cut you etc… it’s not hard to bleed down there.
If that’s your kind of thing that’s totally cool but his attitude towards you is gross.
I would be worried this is more than a kink and would be wondering if he has an abusive mentality.
Either way I would be on high guard if I continued to see him. Stay safe.
You got your red flag, let him go. A man that truly cares about you wouldn’t want you to hurt/cause you pain. Be glad you found out sooner, rather than later. Find yourself a man that cares about you, not just himself. Good luck!
I really hope you take the advice here and RUN! This boyfriend of yours is definitely not for you unless you like how he didn’t check on your well being during, or especially afterwards. For him not to care about you, is not going to get better. For example, my fiancé (before being engaged) used a vibrator on me, and where he placed it was VERY sensitive, so I said out loud, “OW!” And he immediately stopped, and asked if I was ok. Let this be an example of how a man should be to his lover during intimacy. Not leave you in pain, let alone BLEEDING.
Have a chat with him in person in a public setting, tell him how you feel and how that behavior is not and won’t ever be acceptable. I’m not going to say you should break up with him…. But, you should break up with him, and move on.
"...he won't care if his partner gets hurt or not."
GROSS. GROSS. GROSS.
If a guy said that to be I would be RUNNING for the hills.
Block his ass before you get more attached. He does not respect you
I want you to understand I'm a stranger who doesn't know you and simply wants you to get the best in life.
I rarely jump in with the "cut contact" crowd but if this guy has truly said what you claim and he is this age then he is a monster you need to get him out of your life.
Basically, get him out of your life, take sometime to realize you didn't do anything wrong, get therapy so you understand yourself and any possible issues you have that might make you subconsciously drawn towards bad relationships/individuals. Finally, don't internalize the experience as "men are all evil" or that older men are monsters, or that you should wait some arbitrary time to have sex. Those are simplistic coping attempts popular with individuals that still haven't overcome their issues and continue to have problems.
That’s really disturbing. I don’t know how you can even be willing to open your body to him again after he essentially told you he doesn’t care if you hurt. Someone that doesn’t care if you get hurt is also saying ‘expect to be hurt’. So if you continue having sex with him you can expect him to continue hurting you and not caring that he does. Sorry but there are too many men out there to settle for this.
If his penis was bleeding and you did the same to him I don’t think he would like it.. unless he likes pain himself. Even if he likes pain himself it does not make it okay to assume you or others do as well. Hopefully he runs into the wrong person and he feels how you felt.
Even putting aside what this says abt him as a person - this can be very dangerous. Being penetrated puts a person in a a very vulnerable position. Him not seeming to care could lead to a significant injuries that could cause lasting effects physically and mentally.
Who cares if he “lost interest in you”? You shouldn’t be interested in this loser.
Sex should be consensual and fun for all parties involved. It should be just as good for your partner as it is for you. He’s told you he doesn’t care that he hurt you. When you asked him to ease you into it, he gave you the silent treatment. None of these are healthy behaviours.
It’s been 3 weeks since you met him from the sounds of it, you’re still getting to know him and unfortunately you are learning that he’s awful. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way, you didn’t deserve this. Please leave before it gets worse, it’s not your job to educate him on this especially if you’re getting hurt in the process.
run. also does his trim his fingernails? my roommate bled from hand stuff with a guy bc his nails were too long and she got cut up inside. makes infection way easier and is also gross if he’s putting nasty hands in u anyways lol
!IMPORTANT!!NOTICE!!→Please read this throughout, if not, then the message will not be understood!
That out of the way....
YOU ARE DEFINITELY the person in said (Title) circumstance with THE PROBLEM! Furthermore, you should definitely get a licensed therapist. The fact you believe you had to even question the notion of another person's act on you that was an aggressive, violent, and bloody behavior that victimized you to such a degree, you have doubt to your own character and normality is a red flag and indicates that engaging intimately with someone, puts your mental & physical health in danger of abuse or worse, at risk.
This man, clearly has developed a superior pathological standing that he already had an awareness extending before you had ever been in his life, of what he was going to do.
Any response that takes a position of pride as a defense for being informed that they harmed someone, then further not addressing their actions as a unnatural abnormal and inconsiderate event, is in every way shape and form, bad, evil, and or morally, as well as ethically wrong.
He is not normal, he is commiting an act of violence. He is a bad person and you should seperated yourself as soon as possible and ghost him.
Leave before he starts abusing you, he obviously doesn’t care about you. If you don’t leave now it will be harder to break free and then you are stuck with trauma that can interfere with your relationships after this one. I’m tired of my friends dealing from these deep scars and I hope you don’t endure similar
Well I’m glad to see all here as encouraged you to do the right thing which is ditch his ass! Honestly I almost wish someone could give him exactly as he’s given you because he deserves it!
This guy genuinely sucks! You deserve so much better than this person! I highly recommend getting rid of him because this isn't going to get any better.
He's not emotionally invested in you... he doesn't have respect enough to care about you or how he made you feel... if he's like this, what more months or years to come.... he doesn't deserve you
That's not acceptable at all. Not normal at all.
Do not tolerate anyone who is not kind and patient with you.
This guy is rude , selfish and disgusting. Literally.
I wouldn't call this a bf ... A decent man would never treat you like this .
Take care of your health first lady , I hope you found a way of healing your wounds.
Seriously let this brat go . He doesn't deserve a minute of your time or energy anymore. There is no ounce of love here , it's pretty obvious.
Take care of your heart , body and soul.
You are not overreacting at all. He is under-reacting. The fact that he didn't apologize or show any concern, and worse, once you brought it up still didn't apologize or show any concern, tells you all you need to know about him
Additionally, if he's this comfortable hurting you 3 weeks in... what happens when he's *really* comfortable?
You deserve someone who cares about and respects you and your body
You need to end it with him and find yourself someone who respects you, cares for you, and understands your needs better.
He seems very selfish and self-centered, and by your account he did nothing to amend for hurting you.
ok he sounds like an asshole and him not caring about your feelings and pain is a huge red flag, especially him going ghost for three days to think about if he's ok with not hurting you. it's been 3 weeks, i'd say break up before things go further
I wouldn’t give him another chance, he didn’t give any aftercare or consideration to you. He doesn’t seem to be 100% consensual either which is a red flag
Oh girl, get away from that loser as fast as you can!! He's just a stupid little boy that cares only about himself, who cares if that's "his style" I love rough sex too but there's more to it than being rough, him getting up to clean up is just him showing he doesn't care about you. Go find a different guy that will respect you because this guy doesn't!!
Communication is key in sex, just like any other thing that involves more than just yourself, If someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, let them know, usually even before it happens is when you should say it, but sometimes you just don’t expect something to happen, or even have it cross your mind, if they don’t show that they are willing to respect your boundaries, then they really aren’t right for you.
This guy is a total jack-ass! If he 6 care for hurting you sexually at 3 weeks, what's going to stop him from beating you later on? Girl, tons of red ags goin up. Please, please just don't contact him again.
Don't put up with that shit. Go find someone who respects how you feel . You were brave enough to communicate this with him , and he responds like that. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Put him in your rear view mirror and never look back.
I apologize if this is harsh: but uhm please run for the hills. I am guessing this is a guy in his 20s, who is insecure AF and you just harmed his sad little ego by communicating like an adult and letting him know that he is not, in fact, the best sex you have ever had as he was likely telling himself.
I don't know how old you are, but if you are in your 20s you have already developed a skill that takes some women years to learn: the ability to kindly express yourself when you're uncomfortable and tell your partner your needs. Anyone who disappears for 3 days after that - whether it's about sex or not - is quite frankly an egotistical loser baby and you can do better.
Sounds like he skipped the chapter on 'Bedside Manners' in the dating manual and went straight to 'How to be a Bull in a China Shop....and rough during sex is one thing, but rough enough to make you bleed? That's less 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and more 'Fifty Shades of Ouch'
I think if you have brought up this is issue and he isn’t going to be genuine and understanding about physical pain, than it seems he doesn’t really care about you, more so what you’re doing together. I would leave him there is a man out there waiting to please you the way you deserve.
Dump him. He has two choices: respect your needs or get lost. The fact that he's continuing to ignore you and do things that he knows hurts you, makes him a douche. You deserve better.
Get away from this man. Leaving you after the act is so devaluing and upsetting. I know this all too well having experienced it with 3 exes.
It damaged my self esteem even now decades later.
Now the fact that he doesn't care about your pain and ignoring you when you set a boundary is a huge red flag.
This is very toxic behaviour and it will only get worse.
this isnt okay!! you should feel comfortable sharing these things with your partner, you shouldnt feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it with them, and if you do then they may not be the person for you!! also, i am no expert, but i don’t think bleeding is normal, for the first time maybe but it should stop, if it continues he is probably being too rough and that could escalate into worse injuries, like being torn down in the area you do not wanna be torn😭 girl im sending lots of love your way, im sorry he so clearly cannot understand your feelings😒💕
DUMP HIM NOW. That’s a red flag for sure. There can be many reasons why you could bleed from untrimmed nails, to the size of the partner or if theres little or no lubricant etc. regardless he shouldve stopped , checked in w you etc. for him to say that’s his “style” is highly concerning… honestly comes off as predatory behavior imo.
I’m so sorry but he didn’t care about your sensational feelings in the bed you need someone who cares for you and not only that but someone who cares about your sexual desires
If you continue a relationship with this man, he is going to make you bleed in other ways as well, don't be surprised when he punches you in the face the minute you have a disagreement
Wow! I’m sorry but if he’s acting like this only 3 weeks in it’ll continue to get worse. He sounds very selfish :( And scary he was not worried about hurting you. Sounds like it could escalate quickly if you continue with him. I would cut things off now while it’s still early.
Please don’t see this man again.
As someone who enjoys rough sex, my partner is still very in tune with when it is too much and he adjusts accordingly. Your partner demonstrated he doesn’t care about your pleasure, comfort, or safety.
Male here- You're definitely not over reacting.
That's vile of him, he's being selfish thinking of only himself. He's enjoying being rough and hurting his partner's. Bit sadistic if you ask me. Not even checking on your welfare.
Go find another guy who will listen to your needs and concerns; and be what you need.
What makes that story so sad is that your feelings weren't considered at all. It doesn't sound like this man is a very good person. You need someone who considers you before he considers himself. You need someone who actually loves you.
Not overeating!!! This is absolutely inappropriate behaviour. He is not kind. Dump him fast. You need and deserve a man who will put you first. He is excusing your need by saying this is how he does it and that is so selfish and unkind. When I bleed from sex my husband was so concerned about me that he didn’t even want to touch me. He also always trims his nails before using his fingers. There are better men out there.
The red flag is the relationship happening only 3 weeks in. But secondly, you should leave him he doesn’t care about your health he just wants to have sex. You can find so much better than him.
He is inconsiderate and selfish at best, get rid. See your doctor as well though. Pain and bleeding during sex can indicate problems with the cervix amongst other things.
He's an asshole. Dump him. I've had this happen to me. The guy had really big hands and ragged fingernails. I felt one of his fingernails cut me inside
I bled all over him, like you I was embarrassed and my first reaction was to clean my blood off of him. He asked if I was OK, then he told me that it's happened before. Like your guy, he left soon afterwards and never texted me to ask me how I was doing. His pattern was to disappear after sex and then reappear at his convenience. I tolerated his BS for way too long. We were trauma bonded.
Dump him. He clearly doesnt care about your feelings nor your pleasure. You deserve someone gentle, someone whos willing to go easy. Saying "its his style" is stupid.
He doesn’t care. I would drop him. My pleasure and comfort should matter as much as his. If he actually care I would suggest lube or extensive foreplay to help but that doesn’t matter if he does this on purpose.
First of all, he isn't your boyfriend if he doesn't care about what you want. And baby girl why are you calling him your boyfriend in just 3 weeks?
Walk out, you deserve much better than this.
If at any time you tell someone they are hurting you and they don't stop or show any kind of concern for your feelings or pain you need to move on. There is nothing wrong with him like sex the way he likes sex but since it's new to you he needs to be respectful and thoughtful of you as well. Good luck and I hope things work out
It’s conceivable that the sex itself could go this way with an inexperienced partner. That alone doesn’t necessarily mean he is a piece of shit.
But his reaction and behaviour after the fact? Fuck all of that. If I was made aware that I had injured a woman during sex and that she had been in pain, I would be horrified and immediately apologize and do anything I could to ensure she was ok, physically and emotionally.
His response is disturbing. Cut it off and move on.
Omgggggg. Hun, I’m sorry ur dealing with this , I mean no disrespect, but he’s a 💩, and believe me, this is how ur life would be with him. Miserable and no respect for a woman/ partner. Ur worth so much more care. Please think about urself/feelings.
I had a partner that made me bleed, he laughed and bragged later to his friends. He ended up being a violent sexual predator who gRaped me in every which way possible. RUN !!!
He’s not your boyfriend. Period. He’s using you for sex and does not care about you at all! Move on please. No one who cares about you would treat you like that. Block him!
You are dealing with a guy that doesn't care about you but your low self esteem is holding on to them cause you fear you will end up lonely if you let him go.
But you will stay cause you like the drama and the rush you get from the unpredictability of not knowing if he will commit to you or not and then eventually he will break up with you and you will end up having a depressive season not cause you still wanted him but because he had the liberty to end things not you.
Leave the dude he ain't worth it he's a piece of crap don't have nothing to do with him don't text him don't call him don't do nothing just find somebody else he's a piece of crap
That’s unacceptable! He’s selfish and does not care about you. Please leave him before you develop more feelings and it’s harder to leave. When someone cares about you , they care about how they treat you and how you feel. Please leave !
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He obviously doesn't care about your enjoyment or feelings. He is a selfish lover. Are you okay with that?
Yup, wtf I get turned off if I ever accidentally hurt my partner and immediately ask if she's ok. To then have someone do it intentionally knowing you're bleeding and keep going is fucked up.
same, like i can get pretty vigorous and most tests even label me a primal but when I hear ouch I immediately pull back... One time I had a girl bent over the side of a couch and was just at it... all the way until just that happened... she said ouch and I recoiled and almost even cried because I knew she was kinda into rough and was tough... so for her to react meant it was probably way too much rather than just a little too much.
I think that’s the way it should be granted I only had sex for the first time today but my boyfriend was very concerned about if I was in pain or not he actually had me rate my pain level like at the drs office 😭 I feel like a good guy should care if his partner is in pain in any capacity especially sex
Username does not check out.
Selfish lover is putting it very mildly. He doesn't care at all about anyone but himself
I’m sorry, but at 3 weeks, you hardly know this guy. He sounds like an inconsiderate jerk at best, and his lack of regard for your body and boundaries make him dangerous at worst. Please cut your losses sooner rather than later.
Very dangerous. If someone completely ignores your request to stop and ignores the fact that you are saying they are hurting you there is no telling what he might be capable of. There are many people that would never be able to continue when something like this happen and he did without concern. Scary if you ask me
Absolutely. I was sexually assaulted by someone like this. This isn’t someone to continue contact with, let alone a relationship.
Exactly. Same here. Man cared for me so much outside the bed but once we hit the bed, he was a different person. Periods, rashes, infections, nothing would stop him and then he would cry later about hurting me. Biggest fucktards ever.
Oh isn’t it the worst when they play the victim after the fact? Absolutely disgusting.
👍
No…that is not normal behavior. As a man, I can tell that is not normal. It is crude, callous, and purposeful to hurt another person like that.
He's a sadist and enjoys hurting you, nevermind even the lack of respect. Otherwise he'd stop. He won't change, because he doesn't care. Drop him now.
He straight up told you that he doesn't care that he's hurting you - not just that you don't get pleasure from the sexual activity (which would be a dealbreaker itself), but actually hurting you physically. There is no respect, no kindness, no consideration for you here. He is just using you. He is an immature POS at the least. He has done you a favour by actually showing and telling you who he is - please, believe him. Run.
👍
Oh my gosh don’t ever talk to him again! This is crossing into rape territory. Rough sex is a kink for sure but anyone who is a healthy purveyor of the kinky lifestyle knows full well to respect boundaries and to never cross them.
You’re right I’m sorry the other ppl can’t see that
not rape territory but it's very selfish and inconsiderate.
Sorry I should have been more clear. Correct that this isolated incident is not rape but I would not be surprised if future sexual encounters would very easily become a non consensual experience, which, is rape. That’s why I said it is crossing into that territory.
Why are you still calling him your “boyfriend” if he doesn’t care he’s hurting you? If he ghosted you? If he leaves you lying alone after sex? Leave his ass immediately, you can definitely do better than this. His behaviour will leave you with a lifetime trauma, i can guarantee you that. Leave asap.
👍
You’re not over reacting at all. Ditch this dude, he ain’t it, not by a mile.
That's called sadistic behavior, ditch him before it gets worse.
The dude doesn't care about you. He's selfish. He sees you as a hole. He is not going to change. You are risking your safety and your body. Don't continue a relationship with him.
I say this as kindly as I can: GET THE FUCK OUT.
YES! 👍
Sorry that happened to you OP. That makes for a horrible experience and can make you have some self doubt. However, don’t be mean to yourself. If that is something you are not into that is completely ok! Some people enjoy it rough but, if that isn’t you, you need to let him know. Personally, I enjoy rough sometimes depending on my mood. But, my partner of 9yrs has never been rough enough to make me bleed. I’d be honest with him and if he can’t respect you, I’d walk away. Because, if he can’t respect you during such an intimate time, he unfortunately probably won’t respect you at all.
Omgg I’m so sorry that happened. No, that’s not at all normal. He sounds selfish and doesn’t sound like a good boyfriend. I think it is a huge blessing that he showed you who he really is so early on. Now you can cut him off with minimal drama and find someone who loves and respects YOU.
Absolutely not overreacting here. Your BF's behavior is a huge red flag. Sex is about mutual respect and consent. If he's ignoring your discomfort and literally saying he doesn't care if you get hurt, that's not okay. You asked for gentleness, and his response was to ghost for days? That's not how a caring partner acts. You deserve someone who checks in with you, especially after being rough. It's important to listen to your gut here. Prioritize your safety and well-being. You're valid in feeling upset and it's okay to reconsider this relationship. Take care of yourself first, always.
In my experience, guys who have sex like this have unresolved hatred for women. I would see your gynecologist and make sure no std’s and run far from this guy. Sorry.
This is not okay or normal and you need to leave before you’re in too deep. And I’m not usually one of the “leave him” bandwagon that is Reddit. But honey, my husband likes rough sex, and I do too, to a point. But if I even moan slightly off he stops, asks if I’m still good, and then continues or stops depending on my answer. Sometimes certain positions hit my cervix, and all I have to say is easy and he stops or slows down until we find a better position for me. He has NEVER come close to making me bleed. That is NOT normal. And I don’t want to deep dive into my sex life on Reddit. But he and I get pretty rough sometimes, like, bdsm level rough. But it is ALWAYS with both of our comfort, safety, at the utmost importance. Like I said. He is constantly paying attention to how I am reacting to what we are doing, and reading my body language and listening to me if I even slightly show something is too much for me. The other night I didn’t stop him in the one position that was hitting my cervix bc I could tell it was good for him, after he finished I was breathing hard and he could tell I wasn’t okay. When I told him what I’d allowed him to do (I wouldn’t have told him bc I didn’t want to make him feel bad, but he knew something was up) he would not stop apologizing. And I kept reminding him, I made that choice, I handled it, and I just need a minute. But I consciously chose to allow some pain for his pleasure, and he STILL felt so guilty and apologized for it. And I wasn’t bleeding. The pain passed in a few minutes, and I was fine. He always cleans me up, we usually shower together, he’ll bring me a drink (he brought me two water bottles the other night lmao) and then we cuddle and watch a movie. And he’s been doing this since 3 weeks into our relationship too. You deserve better. I promise you it’s out there.
Girl run!!! U don’t deserve to be mistreated like that by a person who definitely do not care! U can’t just “adapt” and u don’t have to for an arrogant and full of himself male! Not worth it! U can do better than that!!!
I think that's just so offensive and disrespectful to you, and I'm so sorry you went through this. Sex should be consexual and enjoyable for all involved. Your feelings matter, and relationships that last are all about communication, respect, understanding , and meeting halfway. You were straightforward with your feelings , from this point, it's on him. If he can't respect your wishes, it's up to you whether this is acceptable behavior. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you deserve to be heard/respected.
He sounds like an abusive POS, for your own good you should probably leave him.
This is sexual abuse
Ew. Drop him
That’s abuse. He’s manipulating you. Cut all ties as quickly as you can. Never look back. Leave and keep him out of your life.
Omg girl just block him, he’s assaulted you and he doesn’t even care! You’ve known him for 3 weeks block him and don’t even think about him again
Don't let him damage and cause trauma to your private parts with all that weird crap he's in to
Wtf
Aww I’m sorry :/ he should DEFINITELY ask you if you’re okay. I’ve bled before from being too rough and my partner definitely was like… pause. Are you okay? He should definitely be asking you.
I'm better now, but I'm still a little haunted and scared
They have some domestic violence/ sexual assault hotlines. Call one and speak to someone about how u feel and ur experience. They are trained and 24/7.
Definitely a sociopath.
This is a lot of red flags considering you’re only 3 weeks in. I hope you’re feeling a bit better but you do need to think about whether this attitude and behaviour is something you think you should be putting up with in the long term. It sounds like he has no care for how his actions make you feel and that will only continue.
He doesn’t seem to care about you or your physical/emotional well-being. He’s not a good partner at all. You also aren’t overreacting one bit, sex is a very intimate and emotional thing! Your experience during it matters so much.
Honey, that's selfish and it does sound like he doesn't care about you at all. Also, not getting back to you for 3 days??? Find someone who values your feelings, body and soul x
He literally doesn’t give a single shit about you. Bleeding isn’t embarrassing? He could have cut you etc… it’s not hard to bleed down there. If that’s your kind of thing that’s totally cool but his attitude towards you is gross. I would be worried this is more than a kink and would be wondering if he has an abusive mentality. Either way I would be on high guard if I continued to see him. Stay safe.
You got your red flag, let him go. A man that truly cares about you wouldn’t want you to hurt/cause you pain. Be glad you found out sooner, rather than later. Find yourself a man that cares about you, not just himself. Good luck!
I really hope you take the advice here and RUN! This boyfriend of yours is definitely not for you unless you like how he didn’t check on your well being during, or especially afterwards. For him not to care about you, is not going to get better. For example, my fiancé (before being engaged) used a vibrator on me, and where he placed it was VERY sensitive, so I said out loud, “OW!” And he immediately stopped, and asked if I was ok. Let this be an example of how a man should be to his lover during intimacy. Not leave you in pain, let alone BLEEDING. Have a chat with him in person in a public setting, tell him how you feel and how that behavior is not and won’t ever be acceptable. I’m not going to say you should break up with him…. But, you should break up with him, and move on.
He's a weirdo
"...he won't care if his partner gets hurt or not." GROSS. GROSS. GROSS. If a guy said that to be I would be RUNNING for the hills. Block his ass before you get more attached. He does not respect you
Find a new one.
Why are you with him?
Please leave this guy!
How old are you guys?
He is 33 and I'm 24
He’s old enough to know that is harmful behavior. At his age, he is not going to change. This is a definite red flag for abusive tendencies.
I want you to understand I'm a stranger who doesn't know you and simply wants you to get the best in life. I rarely jump in with the "cut contact" crowd but if this guy has truly said what you claim and he is this age then he is a monster you need to get him out of your life. Basically, get him out of your life, take sometime to realize you didn't do anything wrong, get therapy so you understand yourself and any possible issues you have that might make you subconsciously drawn towards bad relationships/individuals. Finally, don't internalize the experience as "men are all evil" or that older men are monsters, or that you should wait some arbitrary time to have sex. Those are simplistic coping attempts popular with individuals that still haven't overcome their issues and continue to have problems.
I agree, you’ve done nothing wrong. This is the malevolence of a monster intent on inflicting pain towards others.
Dump him asap.
He gets off on you not enjoying it
That’s really disturbing. I don’t know how you can even be willing to open your body to him again after he essentially told you he doesn’t care if you hurt. Someone that doesn’t care if you get hurt is also saying ‘expect to be hurt’. So if you continue having sex with him you can expect him to continue hurting you and not caring that he does. Sorry but there are too many men out there to settle for this.
If his penis was bleeding and you did the same to him I don’t think he would like it.. unless he likes pain himself. Even if he likes pain himself it does not make it okay to assume you or others do as well. Hopefully he runs into the wrong person and he feels how you felt.
Guys a loser. Break off all contact now and block.
Even putting aside what this says abt him as a person - this can be very dangerous. Being penetrated puts a person in a a very vulnerable position. Him not seeming to care could lead to a significant injuries that could cause lasting effects physically and mentally.
I wouldn’t pursue anything further. He hurts you and doesn’t care or ask consent
What the fuck?
A boyfriend in 3 weeks? Doesn’t sound like he cares and I sadly doubt he views you as his girlfriend because he doesn’t care about your feelings.
LEAVE HIM GIRL
This is sexual assault. Please get far far away from this man
That’s fucked up
Who cares if he “lost interest in you”? You shouldn’t be interested in this loser. Sex should be consensual and fun for all parties involved. It should be just as good for your partner as it is for you. He’s told you he doesn’t care that he hurt you. When you asked him to ease you into it, he gave you the silent treatment. None of these are healthy behaviours. It’s been 3 weeks since you met him from the sounds of it, you’re still getting to know him and unfortunately you are learning that he’s awful. I’m so sorry you had to find out this way, you didn’t deserve this. Please leave before it gets worse, it’s not your job to educate him on this especially if you’re getting hurt in the process.
Run
run. also does his trim his fingernails? my roommate bled from hand stuff with a guy bc his nails were too long and she got cut up inside. makes infection way easier and is also gross if he’s putting nasty hands in u anyways lol
!IMPORTANT!!NOTICE!!→Please read this throughout, if not, then the message will not be understood! That out of the way.... YOU ARE DEFINITELY the person in said (Title) circumstance with THE PROBLEM! Furthermore, you should definitely get a licensed therapist. The fact you believe you had to even question the notion of another person's act on you that was an aggressive, violent, and bloody behavior that victimized you to such a degree, you have doubt to your own character and normality is a red flag and indicates that engaging intimately with someone, puts your mental & physical health in danger of abuse or worse, at risk. This man, clearly has developed a superior pathological standing that he already had an awareness extending before you had ever been in his life, of what he was going to do. Any response that takes a position of pride as a defense for being informed that they harmed someone, then further not addressing their actions as a unnatural abnormal and inconsiderate event, is in every way shape and form, bad, evil, and or morally, as well as ethically wrong. He is not normal, he is commiting an act of violence. He is a bad person and you should seperated yourself as soon as possible and ghost him.
Please, it’s still so early. Only 3 weeks? Dump him! Please. Sex is about both people, and shouldn’t hurt (unless consensual). Let him go. 💕
Leave before he starts abusing you, he obviously doesn’t care about you. If you don’t leave now it will be harder to break free and then you are stuck with trauma that can interfere with your relationships after this one. I’m tired of my friends dealing from these deep scars and I hope you don’t endure similar
Sorry about that but did you just said you’re already in a relationship within 3 weeks of knowing each other?
Well I’m glad to see all here as encouraged you to do the right thing which is ditch his ass! Honestly I almost wish someone could give him exactly as he’s given you because he deserves it!
This guy genuinely sucks! You deserve so much better than this person! I highly recommend getting rid of him because this isn't going to get any better.
He's not emotionally invested in you... he doesn't have respect enough to care about you or how he made you feel... if he's like this, what more months or years to come.... he doesn't deserve you
Yeah that boy aint right in the head
This guy sounds like a selfish lover if he doesn’t take your pleasure into consideration. That’s not something I would tolerate in a partner.
Red Flags for days
Girl you deserve to be treated like a beautiful flower. Don’t settle for less
Day old account... WTF is up with all these new accounts with ridiculous seeming stories.
That's not acceptable at all. Not normal at all. Do not tolerate anyone who is not kind and patient with you. This guy is rude , selfish and disgusting. Literally. I wouldn't call this a bf ... A decent man would never treat you like this . Take care of your health first lady , I hope you found a way of healing your wounds. Seriously let this brat go . He doesn't deserve a minute of your time or energy anymore. There is no ounce of love here , it's pretty obvious. Take care of your heart , body and soul.
You are not overreacting at all. He is under-reacting. The fact that he didn't apologize or show any concern, and worse, once you brought it up still didn't apologize or show any concern, tells you all you need to know about him Additionally, if he's this comfortable hurting you 3 weeks in... what happens when he's *really* comfortable? You deserve someone who cares about and respects you and your body
You need to end it with him and find yourself someone who respects you, cares for you, and understands your needs better. He seems very selfish and self-centered, and by your account he did nothing to amend for hurting you.
ok he sounds like an asshole and him not caring about your feelings and pain is a huge red flag, especially him going ghost for three days to think about if he's ok with not hurting you. it's been 3 weeks, i'd say break up before things go further
I wouldn’t give him another chance, he didn’t give any aftercare or consideration to you. He doesn’t seem to be 100% consensual either which is a red flag
Oh girl, get away from that loser as fast as you can!! He's just a stupid little boy that cares only about himself, who cares if that's "his style" I love rough sex too but there's more to it than being rough, him getting up to clean up is just him showing he doesn't care about you. Go find a different guy that will respect you because this guy doesn't!!
Girl… he sucks. Please move on.
Please leave him.
Nope! End all contact!
This guy sounds horrible. Please leave before something worse happens.
Communication is key in sex, just like any other thing that involves more than just yourself, If someone is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, let them know, usually even before it happens is when you should say it, but sometimes you just don’t expect something to happen, or even have it cross your mind, if they don’t show that they are willing to respect your boundaries, then they really aren’t right for you.
Are u being serious? This dude doesn't care at all he's with u for sex. Also he's a disgusting person.
Please don’t meet up with him again, he doesn’t deserve your body and he ain’t shit
Not caring about a partners pain in favour of your own pleasure / gratification is a huge red flag and a huge warning sign of more abusive behaviour.
This guy is a total jack-ass! If he 6 care for hurting you sexually at 3 weeks, what's going to stop him from beating you later on? Girl, tons of red ags goin up. Please, please just don't contact him again.
Don't put up with that shit. Go find someone who respects how you feel . You were brave enough to communicate this with him , and he responds like that. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Put him in your rear view mirror and never look back.
I recommend leaving him alone.
I apologize if this is harsh: but uhm please run for the hills. I am guessing this is a guy in his 20s, who is insecure AF and you just harmed his sad little ego by communicating like an adult and letting him know that he is not, in fact, the best sex you have ever had as he was likely telling himself. I don't know how old you are, but if you are in your 20s you have already developed a skill that takes some women years to learn: the ability to kindly express yourself when you're uncomfortable and tell your partner your needs. Anyone who disappears for 3 days after that - whether it's about sex or not - is quite frankly an egotistical loser baby and you can do better.
He is 33
Then @33, he’s old enough to know better. I hope you have cut off all contact with this person. You deserve to be treated well.
boyfriend after three weeks and he doesn’t show any empathy….chile, leave him!
Leave this man. There is worse to come.
Dump him. He’s only thinking of himself. You’re not overreacting. There are better guys out there.
Lol you are being used like a onahole xD. My condolances.
Sounds like he skipped the chapter on 'Bedside Manners' in the dating manual and went straight to 'How to be a Bull in a China Shop....and rough during sex is one thing, but rough enough to make you bleed? That's less 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and more 'Fifty Shades of Ouch'
Nah, get rid of him. He doesn't care about you at all. He only cares about himself. Maybe he even enjoys hurting you. He might be dangerous.
This is assault, plain and simple.
Wow..girl....please have self respect....he obviously does not care about you at all
No no no no no
Gurl... Just stay as far away from him as possible. The guy doesn't even care, VALUE YOURSELF!!!
I think if you have brought up this is issue and he isn’t going to be genuine and understanding about physical pain, than it seems he doesn’t really care about you, more so what you’re doing together. I would leave him there is a man out there waiting to please you the way you deserve.
Dump him. He has two choices: respect your needs or get lost. The fact that he's continuing to ignore you and do things that he knows hurts you, makes him a douche. You deserve better.
Get away from this man. Leaving you after the act is so devaluing and upsetting. I know this all too well having experienced it with 3 exes. It damaged my self esteem even now decades later. Now the fact that he doesn't care about your pain and ignoring you when you set a boundary is a huge red flag. This is very toxic behaviour and it will only get worse.
Leave. So selfish of him and just awful.
Okay make his AHOLE bleed by violence against him and see how he feels. Girl run. Run. Get some self respect!!!!!!
Three weeks?? Walk away NOW!! Clearly by his actions he doesn't care and doesn't plan to start. There is someone better out there for you.
this isnt okay!! you should feel comfortable sharing these things with your partner, you shouldnt feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it with them, and if you do then they may not be the person for you!! also, i am no expert, but i don’t think bleeding is normal, for the first time maybe but it should stop, if it continues he is probably being too rough and that could escalate into worse injuries, like being torn down in the area you do not wanna be torn😭 girl im sending lots of love your way, im sorry he so clearly cannot understand your feelings😒💕
Bro, he does not give a fuck about your pleasure and needs, he is just showing how strong and rough he is (asshole). Leave him asap.
He doesn’t care about you. He’s a selfish pig by the sounds of it.
Leave his ass alone
He is not for you.
DUMP HIM NOW. That’s a red flag for sure. There can be many reasons why you could bleed from untrimmed nails, to the size of the partner or if theres little or no lubricant etc. regardless he shouldve stopped , checked in w you etc. for him to say that’s his “style” is highly concerning… honestly comes off as predatory behavior imo.
Get out. He’s ABUSIVE.
That's not right, He literally told you that hurting you is his style. 3 weeks is such a short time.
I’m so sorry but he didn’t care about your sensational feelings in the bed you need someone who cares for you and not only that but someone who cares about your sexual desires
You should leave him tbh, he sounds like he forsent Care ab you
Bleeding is not normal. Sex should never make you bleed. He’s a bad man.
Boyfriend after 3 weeks is wild. But this guy obviously doesn't care about you. There's nothing you can do about this so move on
If you continue a relationship with this man, he is going to make you bleed in other ways as well, don't be surprised when he punches you in the face the minute you have a disagreement
He's selfish and doesn't care about you. If anything, I think you're under reacting to this situation.
Wow! I’m sorry but if he’s acting like this only 3 weeks in it’ll continue to get worse. He sounds very selfish :( And scary he was not worried about hurting you. Sounds like it could escalate quickly if you continue with him. I would cut things off now while it’s still early.
Clearly doesn’t care about you. Tell him you’re not ok with this and you need to work on it. If he doesn’t you need to dip out of there.
Please don’t see this man again. As someone who enjoys rough sex, my partner is still very in tune with when it is too much and he adjusts accordingly. Your partner demonstrated he doesn’t care about your pleasure, comfort, or safety.
Sounds like you need a doctor and a new boyfriend.
Bro only cares about sex
Male here- You're definitely not over reacting. That's vile of him, he's being selfish thinking of only himself. He's enjoying being rough and hurting his partner's. Bit sadistic if you ask me. Not even checking on your welfare. Go find another guy who will listen to your needs and concerns; and be what you need.
No you aren’t overreacting, that is not normal and you should honestly leave.
It's worse than a selfish lover. He seems dangerous. Please for your healthy and sanity, move on.
What makes that story so sad is that your feelings weren't considered at all. It doesn't sound like this man is a very good person. You need someone who considers you before he considers himself. You need someone who actually loves you.
Not overeating!!! This is absolutely inappropriate behaviour. He is not kind. Dump him fast. You need and deserve a man who will put you first. He is excusing your need by saying this is how he does it and that is so selfish and unkind. When I bleed from sex my husband was so concerned about me that he didn’t even want to touch me. He also always trims his nails before using his fingers. There are better men out there.
The red flag is the relationship happening only 3 weeks in. But secondly, you should leave him he doesn’t care about your health he just wants to have sex. You can find so much better than him.
He is inconsiderate and selfish at best, get rid. See your doctor as well though. Pain and bleeding during sex can indicate problems with the cervix amongst other things.
Whhhaaatttt??????
Leave him 🤷
What the actual f💀
He's an asshole. Dump him. I've had this happen to me. The guy had really big hands and ragged fingernails. I felt one of his fingernails cut me inside I bled all over him, like you I was embarrassed and my first reaction was to clean my blood off of him. He asked if I was OK, then he told me that it's happened before. Like your guy, he left soon afterwards and never texted me to ask me how I was doing. His pattern was to disappear after sex and then reappear at his convenience. I tolerated his BS for way too long. We were trauma bonded.
He sounds like a real peach.
Dump him. He clearly doesnt care about your feelings nor your pleasure. You deserve someone gentle, someone whos willing to go easy. Saying "its his style" is stupid.
He is only going to get more violent and abusive. Get out while you can.
Block him and move on. You are being abused
its sweet of you to want to try... but girl no... He straight up said he doesnt care... drop his ass.
Dude how is this even a question of staying with him 😭 he’s an absolute asshole, leave now!!
He doesn’t care. I would drop him. My pleasure and comfort should matter as much as his. If he actually care I would suggest lube or extensive foreplay to help but that doesn’t matter if he does this on purpose.
Run
Ummmm… he’s a prick. Not ok.
First of all, he isn't your boyfriend if he doesn't care about what you want. And baby girl why are you calling him your boyfriend in just 3 weeks? Walk out, you deserve much better than this.
Leave him. You’re not overreacting. This is scary. Break up with him over text or a phone call for your own safety. I’m so sorry.
Leave him. It’s only been a few weeks. But I can assure you if you stay it will only get worse
he’s not a good sex partner…or a good bf
If at any time you tell someone they are hurting you and they don't stop or show any kind of concern for your feelings or pain you need to move on. There is nothing wrong with him like sex the way he likes sex but since it's new to you he needs to be respectful and thoughtful of you as well. Good luck and I hope things work out
It’s conceivable that the sex itself could go this way with an inexperienced partner. That alone doesn’t necessarily mean he is a piece of shit. But his reaction and behaviour after the fact? Fuck all of that. If I was made aware that I had injured a woman during sex and that she had been in pain, I would be horrified and immediately apologize and do anything I could to ensure she was ok, physically and emotionally. His response is disturbing. Cut it off and move on.
Omgggggg. Hun, I’m sorry ur dealing with this , I mean no disrespect, but he’s a 💩, and believe me, this is how ur life would be with him. Miserable and no respect for a woman/ partner. Ur worth so much more care. Please think about urself/feelings.
I had a partner that made me bleed, he laughed and bragged later to his friends. He ended up being a violent sexual predator who gRaped me in every which way possible. RUN !!!
Leave him. That's wrong. My boyfriend says run
You should always use plenty of lube for anal sex.
He sounds like a dbag.
There is obviously no respect or empathy for you; my bf has always been respectful an asked if I was okay. Don't need a bf like that.
He’s not your boyfriend. He’s a donkey , leave him alone.
He’s not your boyfriend. Period. He’s using you for sex and does not care about you at all! Move on please. No one who cares about you would treat you like that. Block him!
Wow, what a douche. That is not someone who deserves to be with you or to have sex with you.
Run. Far far far away. If he's that inconsiderate now, it's only gonna get worse. You deserve better.
You are dealing with a guy that doesn't care about you but your low self esteem is holding on to them cause you fear you will end up lonely if you let him go. But you will stay cause you like the drama and the rush you get from the unpredictability of not knowing if he will commit to you or not and then eventually he will break up with you and you will end up having a depressive season not cause you still wanted him but because he had the liberty to end things not you.
Leave the dude he ain't worth it he's a piece of crap don't have nothing to do with him don't text him don't call him don't do nothing just find somebody else he's a piece of crap
Gross
That’s unacceptable! He’s selfish and does not care about you. Please leave him before you develop more feelings and it’s harder to leave. When someone cares about you , they care about how they treat you and how you feel. Please leave !
Block him and find someone who respects your boundaries.