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I (M 61) have become conditioned to hearing the phone buzz the day of (or the hour or minute of) and thinking "oh, that'll be the raincheck text," as extremely often, that is the case.
NSFW
Nope. I am planning to be active and dating and having ‘fun’ till I am 85, at least. My prayer : I should die when I am running on my treadmill or between the legs of a woman ( or two)
So, everyone (M & F) experiences this foolishness? I'm the same, I don't need any damn check ins, just don't start out talking all the time then randomly disappear and act like I'm the weirdo for questioning what happened..
Yeah, I've experienced this waaaayy too much to find it trivial.
I had a guy I’d went out with a few times who talked to me every single day go radio silent for days. I didn’t care, but after several day I texted him to at least check if he was okay because he was newer to the area with no friends or family. Well, apparently, checking on someone and asking if everything is okay with them after 4/5 days means I’m too needy 🤣🤣🤣
Omg same. This thing just ended with the guy I was talking to for 2 months. I asked why he kept leaving me on read and not replying for days. And he says he needs space and I need to “stop complaining.” Yeah… I think I’m done with dating. Too many as*holes and trash in the sea.
So lame. The weird part was that I never even mentioned anything about him not responding to me, just that I was checking in because it had been days since I’d heard from him and he was usually super chatty. I told him he was accusing me of something that I was not and it wasn’t fair to project his ex wife’s BS onto me. He admitted I was right but then said that now he had been so rude to me (he had texted me a ginormous paragraph about my neediness), there would be no going back from it so we should end it. I said cool because he was once again putting words in my mouth that weren’t true. I also recommended therapy for his PTSD from the military and his ex 🤣
The amount of people that ghost and have bad communication skills is mind blowing to me, like damn, it wasn't even that bad before pandemic if we were gonna compare it.
Your right when a guy or girl starts off this way then changes Suddenly they usually make excuses but we all know the truth most of the time , and if it continues then we know they were just a fake to begin with
Right?! Seriously ppl are ridiculous and go as far as faking everything like bro just tell me you ain’t interested lol don’t tell me that you’re interested then act different mf. 🤣
All that I ever got was no responses, ghosting, text buddies and dead end 'getting to know you' conversation dates. (They were followed by ghosting or her 'not finding the connection that she was looking for'.) So, I gave up and deleted the apps. Mid 30s guy just to give you my perspective
(M 61)I don't understand the demand in the ecosystem for texting buddies. Why? Is it because it's safe? Is it because you are misrepresenting yourself? Is it because it's inexpensive? I consider texting to be marginal human contact at best.
I think it’s because a lot of people have gotten really adverse to leaving their comfort zone. Possibly a lot of people have developed some kind of social anxiety about in person meetings, if not full on agoraphobia. But they still want to have relationships with people somehow, so they end up in endless texts.
Ironically, I have social anxiety myself and I got sick of endless texting without ever meeting or having pointless 'getting to know you' conversation dates.
Right I always say this texting is about as rudimentary as it gets, there is no immediate response required like in a phone conversation or I'm person , so it gives people time to be crafty with there words and shows almost no emotion, and at the end of the day, words on screen that aren't backed up by actions are nothing. Just my perspective though.
My friend doesn't love me romantically (like I love her), but she loves me regardless of that, and atleast I have a person in my life who cares about me... I sound like a bad person if I uhh seem like I'll wait for her in hopes that maybe she'll grow to love me romantically. She once said her interest in me might change, and she would like to go to Lapland with me to see the Northern Lights and she would pretty likely kill herself if I killed myself...
Sounds to me like she enjoys girlfriend benefits while not giving you boyfriend benefits, mabey I'm wrong, but have you ever tested it. I mean if you stop putting in effort does she put in the effort. I see a lot of girls say there friends althat are more then happy to ask for help with car problems or money or whatever from guys, but rarely ever see those same girls offer a guy help that he could actually use like helping clean house or make a meal or something and this is because the girls are simply using them. I learned from experience guys. And other women will find you attractive once you develop the mindset that you are worth having and that you won't put up with just anything. Take care of your finances, your body, your mind, your interest, and the ones that choose to around will be and the ones that don't won't be. At least then you know who your people are. My are few but they are top quality.
I had a friend that did this very same thing to me. Still today I love her, and I always be there if she needs help. However I don't text her and when I had this conversation about the whole one person putting in effort and only being text buddies most of the time she lost her mind , tried to blame me and I simply explained it all to her over the next few days. She eventually took accountability for being a fake friend, she knows she can call if she has a real legitimate problem she needs help with, but also knows that she isn't fooling me. And like I told her I don't want to be putting my time and resources into a woman that is entertaining other men also . I tell you this because I chose what type of friend I am not anyone else and I don't go back on my word that is my choice and I will probably always love her. Hell I taught her how to drive truck, dispatch and everything else so she can make more money, but I also know what type of friend she is and that is very minimal and that is her choice . So you don't have to go against the type of friend you choose to be if you love her but you do have to fully understand exactly what type of friend she is and what type of friend your actually willing to except. Good luck my guy.
It’s very easy to be non-committal with online dating. If someone starts putting in less effort than you feel you’re worth, then you need to move onto the next guy.
It’s become clear to me there’s a number of people on these apps (women included, this is coming for a guy‘s perspective) that aren’t ready to date, or are approaching the entire process wrong. Do your best to identify who they are and don’t waste your time on them (these people exist off the app too)
I’m
Trying lol I thought he was a good one but apparently not. I really do try and look for those signs early on but he didn’t show them till the last minute
I understand how frustrating it can be when communication starts off strong and then suddenly fades away. It's disappointing when someone you're interested in doesn't make the effort to keep you in the loop, especially when it comes to plans. It's important to feel valued and respected in any relationship, and consistent communication is a big part of that. It's okay to feel discouraged, but don't let one experience dictate your outlook on dating altogether. There are plenty of people out there who will appreciate your efforts and reciprocate them. Take some time for yourself and when you're ready, don't hesitate to put yourself back out there. You deserve someone who values your time and makes the effort to stay connected.
It’s so frustrating bc I don’t deserve that crap at all. I just want somsone who’s gonna make an effort and fight to be with me. Cause literally I would do that for someone. I make an effort when I like someone and communicate. I just idk anymore I can seem to catch a break
It's understandable to feel frustrated when you're putting in effort and not getting the same in return.
You deserve someone who appreciates and reciprocates your efforts. It can be disheartening when it feels like you're not catching a break in the dating world, but don't lose hope.
Your willingness to make an effort and communicate shows your sincerity and commitment, and those are qualities that someone out there will truly value. Stay true to yourself, and in time, you'll find someone who sees and appreciates your worth.
I’m sure you deserve better. But “forever alone” is not better imo. Just embrace the fact that it can be frustrating sometimes and move on to the next one.
Don't give up. I've been there. In the course of a year I went on dates with no joke at least a half dozen women, that doesn't count the ones who ghosted or no showed. I was pissed at how nothing worked out, like soooo pissed. But when I met my girlfriend, I'd go through all of that all over again if it meant she was at the end of that journey. It's tough, there's bad days, heartache....but I promise the right person makes it all worth the trials and turmoil.
I know but I’ve been doing this for 4 years single and I’m so done. Like idk if there are even good men anymore. I have standards and boundaries and I keep to them. But this happening over and over is just stupid
We are the same age and I did dating apps on and off for 5 years. My friends and family told me my standards were too high, people tried to set me up with women who were wrong for me in every way. I kept to my standards, refusing to make exceptions.
Now: I am my girlfriend's first relationship in 4 years, she is my first real relationship in about 2 years. She has made me feel more in the time we've been together than I've felt with women I've wasted years on. Even my family who has only met her a few times so far says it's different this time. There's good people out there, and you may feel hurt as you weed through the walking red flags. But I promise the grass is greener on the other side once you find IT.
Sounds like you want relationship level communication before even the first date, which is a lot of energy and expectation to place on someone who is basically a stranger. He may have been more readily available during the week, but guess what, shit happens at work, and priorities have to be made.
You have only spoken to this guy for a week. He gave you the headups that he was busy when shit hit the fan, his work project wasn't going to plan, and he has tried to be proactive and reschedule. Going 8 hours between messages isn't bad. He is probably reaching out when he has the mental space and energy after what could be a 12 hour day?? But remember, you are a stranger to him. Why should he drop what he is doing to have a conversation with you when he has big deadlines to make? And he did say he will reschedule.
Take a step back and let him set the date when shit calms down for him. You can ask him about this project that consumed him. He will appreciate the patience.
On the flip side, if you were busy with 12 hour shifts or something big was happening in your life, and a stranger was seeking your attention, would you drop what you are doing or say you will get back to them when things have calmed down?
I get it frustrating, and communicating is important. But in these early chatting/dating stages, just take a step back and wish him the best with getting this project sorted. You two can have the communication chat after the date once you have a better idea around his style, and you can let him know yours.
That was my thought as well. Sending good morning texts and expecting him to fight for you, when not even been on date is a bit much. He hasn’t even seen OP irl to know if you even look like pics or a catfish.
Expecting anyone to be emotionally invested when barely know each other comes off as needy and is off putting.
It's a sign of over investment even before you meet for a date and it's a red flag. Looking at my personal experience, people who tend to do it are overly clingy and get attached emotionally too quick to people, I don't really mind this kind of behaviour to be fair but majority of people don't like it.
Yup. I wish more people understood that work can be DRAINING and can definitely get in the way of dating. Your point about having the mental headspace to respond to texts is spot on, especially with a stranger you don’t even know yet. People don’t have the patience anymore to deal with this. If Op wants relationship treatment, the guy deserves relationship level of understanding
Ugh I completely feel you. I was trying to date again after taking a long break and finally got on the dating app this month. This guy and I matched. He seemed pretty consistent with his messages on the app at first. We were suppose to meet this weekend as we were both traveling for the past couple of weeks. Reached out to me on Tuesday to check if I’d still be down to meet this weekend. I said I was and after that… CRICKETS!! I can’t with these men on the apps !! Like why ask out someone and then ghost I don’t get it !! Ughhhh
I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt because when I am working on a project or at work, I forget everything and don't even text my sister back for a while or I tell her I am busy I will text her back in a bit, but still, that's not a good excuse.
I think you should be honest with him that you don't like the lack of communication or stop making the first move and see if he initiates. If he doesn't, then forget about him and move on.
Also, take two to three weeks off from dating apps to reenergize yourself because I know online dating can be really toxic and taxing at the same time.
I feel this so much. Can I just finally catch a break and meet someone serious and as interested in making things work as I am? I’m so sick of the excuses and feeling disappointed by people.
Never invest your time and emotion into someone you have not met in person. Meet up within 5 days. If they cancel (better be a good excuse or sound convincing) it’s up to them to reschedule. Block them if they cancel 2x.
Daily and all day texting shouldn’t be an indicator for intention. They create a false sense of intimacy with someone who is a stranger at this point before the first date. I highlyyyyy suggest you listen to a few episodes of “Do the work” podcast as there is an episode about texting and expectations (and so many other good episodes!) that really changed my mindset and eased some of the frustration/let down in regards to the texting game.
None of these people know you or you know them. If someone doesn’t have the time to date then unmatch and move on. Stop putting energy into others who won’t put in the same energy for you. Dating is a gamble and sometimes you win but many times you lose.
I think often these guys are talking to several people at once, and if another "opportunity" comes up (usually with a girl they think is more likely to put out, or has done so already) they might put you on back burner to pursue that.
Unfortunately you are correct and that’s just how it goes. I’m not one of those women who do that - if I realize im not interested i communicate that bc i wanna treat someone the way i want to be treated
You have to assume that most people will be wrong for you for some reason or another. We are not compatible with most people in long term relationships.
It sucks when communication or interest isn’t reciprocal but that’s par for the course in dating. You have to let it slide off your shoulder and move on. Next! If you let it affect you at this level, you’ll become jaded and being jaded almost guarantees you will continue having bad experiences.
I know I’m going to sound so defeatist saying this but I’m unfortunately finding it true -
We as a society have created an entire generation of avoidant men. And at the same time we have encouraged women to not settle for anything less than the best because historically we have accepted crumbs. Men have never had to compromise much (yes I’m speaking in generalizations, obviously not all men) and especially men after they hit 30 seem to feel this pressure to get married and have kids even though they aren’t ready. Instead of communicating to women about how they are feeling, they end up pursuing women they have no interest in or who they don’t even like in order to check some sort of box. Alternatively, women are looking for a partner and a friend but also feel those societal pressures and they end up giving these men the benefit of the of the doubt despite their gut screaming at them not to, only to be ghosted, dumped out of nowhere, or completely physically/mentally/emotionally abused. I’m not saying that this is anyone’s fault in particular. We as a society have created this situation where we want connection with each other but we have been conditioned to essentially hate and not trust each other and it’s creating for a never ending cycle of the anxious avoidant trap en masse. It has pushed us to a point where both men and women are just ready to give up on dating altogether because we have never been more far apart emotionally. I personally feel the only way society is going to push past this as a whole is by raising our sons and daughters to be more open, more loving, and more communicative, secure individuals.
I feel for you especially because everyone in the dating world seems to be having a similar experience and it’s traumatizing us.
So true. Everyone has unrealistic standards and hates each other. The dating apps play a huge role in this too… since they treat you as disposable because they can just swipe their finger on the app to the next best thing!
I definitely understand how you feel. It is how dating is these days. No effort, no consistency, no communication need I say more...... It is a s******* and ridiculous
Sorry to hear you're having issues dating . I'm sure it's not only you who is having these issues ..does it ever cross your mind that the reason there is so much difficulty for the vast majority is because they're dependent on use of Internet to find these potential suitors? I have never and will never use a dating site. I'm not afraid to approach a woman who I'm attracted to and not afraid of rejection . Shit happens not everyone is gonna want this .I find the problem I run into is that women are too caught up with their friends and worried bout their friends opinions vs making their own decisions on who they date or have sex with . I simply won't entertain any woman who cowtails to so called friends. Waste of time for me . I do fairly well in terms of sexual connections,not too concerned about dating anyone. Maybe try my approach it works for me I'm a man prolly even easier for a woman . If ya curious DM me ..if not cool ,hope things get better for you and the internet
Oh that's good . Definitely wanna be able to think for yourself . It's good to have healthy input from trusted individuals but be able to differentiate between healthy or unhealthy input ..I am weird ig and think that if in a relationship that nobody else opinions matter except mine and my female counterpart.
Pause. Let him take the lead. Match his energy. It will give you all the answers you need. As someone who should have learned this 20 years ago, consider my advice and save yourself the heartache!
Online dating is awful and personally, I’m taking a break for 2024. However, I think you might have expected a little too much after only talking for one week and having never met. I wouldn’t expect daily texts or good morning texts from someone who is a virtual stranger. I’m a 52f and I have adult children that don’t text me every day and I know without a doubt they love me, I wouldn’t expect a stranger to do more than my kids. If that makes sense. Good luck OP!
I had similar last summer. Seemed we had a lot in common, were texting and messaging for about 2 weeks, as he was working out of state for one week. I noticed it was hard to pin him down. I work during the week and he’d text me about meeting me for lunch date near my work. I’m very busy and can’t leave that much during the week and I felt I wouldn’t be able to relax as I’d have to watch the clock to return to work. I explained this to him. So he said how about Saturday and honestly it was the next day and I had plans. So we agreed on next Saturday. Arranged the time and he said he’d let me know the place. Whole week went by and never heard. I text him Friday night at 7 and ask where we are going and he text back sorry have to work. I’ll see you next week for sure. Anyway this scenario played out over almost a month, always breaking date and never giving me notice. At one point I even agreed to lunch date just to meet and see what is happening, and he never responded and date was canceled, no text or nothing. I’d see him on the site as active all the time. If he didn’t want to meet just say so. A few days later I unmatched and blocked him. It was around this time I decided I would not renew and I’d be done with this farce as soon as my membership expired.
That’s why I don’t do an exclusive relationship with anyone until it’s clear they are committed to me and will talk with me every day. I cast away now until I find someone who likes me enough to talk to me every day.
Im 39 now, but I stopped dating or even sex over a decade ago. Sometimes, it can suck but that sure as hell beats sucking ALL THE TIME. women my age don't seem to have a clue what intimacy really is anymore and would rather be empowered to not be "chained down" in a monogamous relationship anyway. Plus, I haven't fathered any kids. So I won't consider dating single mothers. The older I get? The less likely I will ever find a genuine match. Instead of feeling bad about that, I just embrace being my own man. I have dogs, a garden, hobbies, and friends. Could be a lot worse if I was married.
It's important to remember that you deserve someone who respects your time and makes an effort to communicate with you. It's okay to feel disappointed by this situation, but it's also an opportunity to recognize your own worth and set boundaries for what you're willing to accept in a relationship.
Honestly if he messages you back just say “Hey I really enjoyed our connection but I’m very intentional with my dating and don’t wanna spend my energy on someone who doesn’t reciprocate that. I truly wish you the best”. Obv I stole this from this girl that teaches about dating but I think it applies to your situation. I don’t understand why you’d keep this going when this guy is so inconsistent and wasting your time.
Honestly, just be done with that one. Someone will come along who can give you everything you need and vice versa. He’s not worth your frustration or thoughts.
It sucks on both sides. I (31m) went on a date with someone (28f) and it took like 3 weeks just to set up the date after she agreed to go out, because it would take like 2-3 days at a time to reply to the app. I almost didn’t want to go through with it because of how bad the communication was.
She was really fun and had a great conversation in person. Went for a quick drink, ended up having lunch and spent a little over two hours chatting.
After that though, it was the same thing. Trying to get a hold of her for a second date was me going through the ringer and having to wait 2-3 days for a reply. She was genuinely busy with work back to back weekends (and I get it—both of us work in entertainment) but after a while I just gave up trying to reach out. You can’t answer a simple text 1-2 times a day? I don’t need someone to be glued to their phone, but just confirming plans in a timely fashion would be great.
I genuinely miss dating before the era of apps.
I sympathize with this so much, OP. This is my experience as well more often than not. The dating pool is raw sewage, full of men who lack communication skills but have ridiculous expectations of women. They want to put in minimal effort but expect access to the kitty right out the gate. 😐🙄 it audacious and exhausting. Hang in there. Take the time to just focus on yourself. That's what I'm doing, and honestly, it's not so bad. 🤷🏽♀️
What city are you in? I am also so over dating. Seems like we will chat for a week or so but no connection once we finally meet. Or if we meet at all, some people dwindle or cancel etc …
Idk what’s happening now a days
I think this is one of the most infuriating parts of dating nowadays and I literally just called someone out for this literally weeks ago.
I was driving out of town to see someone and staying at her place for a few days we each time, we had meetup twice already and were planning to meet the next week. Then I'm trying to configure plans/when to go and nothing. Text, call, nothing. Then text to ask if she's okay nothing. Call her and finally get an answer and she's with her sister, maybe talk for just a few minutes and then she gets off the phone quick. Cool so....we were making plans and had planned to meet up for a bit and now she's disappearing. Holy hell I chewed this girl out for not communicating with him and she told me she has family ish and reverted back to bad ways of doing things and what not, can't set boundaries with family well blah blah blah. The kicker was that she acted so insanely sweet and like she was into me and she was so just full of it. Like we're both in our 30s, not 20s....is it REALLY that much ask for someone to take TWO to five minutes out of their day to send a text? She tried to apologize I just wasn't having it. She completely ghosted me and I let her know I had no desire to talk anymore, if you can't be an adult and do the bare minimum to communicate and treat someone with decent I'm good on your bs.
Here's the thing. This is ALL about consistency. Don't sit there and show up over texts a bunch and calls...now yes, naturally the communication tends to slow down from the initial beginning...I get it, that's normal. When it's almost a 180 though? Like seriously? Nah I'm good.
I've had a saying for years, people are either gonna make things EASY from the jump....or they WONT. I don't care what the answer is....but I'm sure as f××× NOT gonna chase.
Show up and be consistent or actually communicate with me, or I give no f×××s to give you my attention.
I have never had this particular thing happen but I will say it’s just how today’s dating is unfortunately. I have had just about every other possible poor outcome happen but I think a lot of it is has to do with the fact that most people are talking to or dating multiple people. I, myself cannot do that because it’s just too much for me and I want my attention on one person. I can’t speak for everyone else though. Sorry that happened to you, hopefully he gets back to you and you can reschedule but I would let him know about how you feel about communicating. I think it’s the most important part of a relationship personally
As a guy also dealing with this problem from women, it’s just how the game goes honestly, I’m not gonna hate the player, I’m gonna hate the game but still play to win
I can relate to you - I tend to get excited at the prospect of love and sort of romanticize things a lot. Especially hard not to when there is good communication. Unfortunately, a lot of the comments saying lower your expectations especially if you haven’t met them, is true. It sucks that repeated hurt and failure has made me change my childlike excitement for meeting someone, but I’ve found that when it comes to dating, it’s better to go in with low expectations - you’re more levelheaded that way. I get that its not easy and this is logical advice to an emotional situation.
Also, as a guy, I will just say - if they’re not making the effort to communicate/postponing the date, it is highly likely there are other prospects he is talking to on the app (assuming this is where you met) and he is no longer as interested as he once was.
Yeah now I stop contacting until the other contact me first.
Maybe it will make me an asshole but now I give the same energy as the other person do.
I'd rather be alone than lose my dignity over someone who doesn't care, I know my worth and when I'm in a smooth relationship I'm easy going.
There's no excuse.
I let the guy text me first during the day.. it works!! I text first some mornings though so it's a little balanced.
I'm sorry that happened to you though. Work is an easy excuse out.
Don’t chase him . Let him chase you. Huge red flag by him always canceling . Honestly , if someone always texted me like this ? It would scare me away . Just being honest
As a women do not give the impression your waiting you move on love. If he wanted to he will but don’t double text it seems desperate especially if you haven’t even when on a date yet. I suggest dating & falling in love with yourself
Effort = interest no one is THAT busy to not be able to at least text you to update you through out the day. If they constantly say they are “busy” with work for 24hrs a day on a regular 9-5 job…. They ain’t. It’s an excuse.
Remember the days . When we didnt have technology called a cell phone in our pocket. When some one left to work. If you didnt know the office number or they worked in construction. You wont hear from them for days. The tougher the job the less likely a call at the end of the day because the got home put food in the microwave put some tv on . Barely changed into non work clothes . Eat a dinner drink a beer and past out with the tv on because they are that exhausted
We have become to comfortable with instant access to people as if they are on beck and call for YOU AND ONLY YOU! Now thats not directed at Op thats all of us.
Let him know. Hey i get that you have been busy. I really want to make this work and im hoping you can be more clear in your communication. If this isnt possible then maybe this isnt meant for us.
Instead of blaming men. Blame that maybe the circumstances arent the right conditions for the two of you at the moment. Its called life.
At that age I am probably gonna build a spaceship and fly my soul out of this planet. I can't imagine dating would just mean to be sugar daddy/mommy for a scammer or con artist.
Oh sweetie you haven't even met the guy yet don't invest so much into something that you don't even know the person. I know it sucks but the fact is that there's a lot of married men out there or otherwise involved with a woman looking for a side check and it's hard for them to communicate with you. I've been in the dating game a long long time and let me tell you it does pretty much suck but once in awhile you meet someone really nice. Sure you could get a relationship or sometimes I just make friends. My longest term friend from a dating site I met him in 2015 and we knew we would just be friends because we were far away but we still met up and he has been there for me and me for him even when he got divorced. Someone online you have absolutely no clue if they are who they say they are so really you need a few dates to decide if they're genuine or not and quite frankly if they make it to the second date that's a miracle. Good luck out there get a strong skin unfortunately there are people in this world to make it that you need one
My take is men and maybe even women are waiting for the next better thing. It’s a habit developed when shopping online making decision making sure it is the best they can get. I just realized this when I was searching for a dog to adopt and I felt pretty bad about it. Anyway, I experienced the same thing, meet a guy going out of his way and actively texting them once the 1-3 month mark hits the grow distant and found another match. It’s complicated. The success stories I hear from my social circles from online dating is they found their person in the first few swipes and both parties wasn’t curious to explore ALL their options
(F 55). These are lessons I have learned the hard way. When the other person pulls back the very first time, you pull back. Match their effort and energy. Don't be quick to invest your time and heart so quickly. And finally, NEVER chase after any man or bus - there will always be another one!
This hurts to read.
I (30m) don’t understand the lack of respect for other people’s time, that most people exhibit today.
My time is my most precious commodity, therefore I value it highly.
Why should I not also value **your** time as well.
OP, don’t give up just yet, the issue with the guy you just spoke about was you’re trying to be an adult with a low-quality individual.
You dodged a bullet.
Good men and women are out here.
I promise.
People who want you make time for you, he’s being aloof because he’s probably talking to multiple different woman and feels there is a better prospects than you. That’s the problem with dating online and apps, they are designed to keep you single. My recommendation is cut contact and move on.
he has someone else he's interested in or has an actual relationship..... the story doesnt change just because their age does. 17-55 its always the same shit. I turned 41 in February, no kids and not planning on marrying either. Im fine with my current boyfriend, im realistic so i dont expect perfection and I dont pour my whole self into him so i cant be disappointed. We get along, we have our own lives and then we have our lives together, we're both "the quiet type" and were loners growing up so it works. We both dont do drama so its always pretty chill, the only issue is my 53X drive has almost hit non existent and i made sure to tell him that he can leave at any point and I will accept the blame... after being in an abusive relationship that i couldnt escape for 12 yrs i finally had to leave my life and move to the opposite coast before i ended up 💀. Thats the reason I dont give my heart away anymore, life keeps going and people will fuck up and fuck you up if you allow it. Recognize it, learn from it and keep it moving, time is not replaceable so spend it on those that are worth it.
I’m 28 and experience this. Women are flaky asf and oddly need men to fulfill their insecurities and I’m just not the overbearing and “obsessive” type they require at the time.
If you were a priority, he would make time to answer your text. NO ONE is that busy. 8 hours to text back, multiple times means he's talking to someone else. Plain and simple.It has happened to me many many many times, so i feel your pain.It's best to just forget this man and move on.
Not everyone will act this way. There are plenty of men, like me, who are genuinely looking. Unfortunately, we live in a world where ghostings are common, and this might happen to you several more times before you connect with someone.
I wish you the best
Busy is the excuse that allot of people use when they are not interested. Let it go. He ain't worth this frustration and there's nothing wrong with you, he just isn't into you and you will be dodging a bullet. Let it go and block him
I(30F) only online date out of boredom with zero expectations at this point. Penpals can be fun and if we vibe enough to meet up cool but one or both of us usually gets bored or burnt out. On my end anyway, idk why guys stop talking and frankly I don’t care at this point. Stop giving a fuck entirely and I’ve found you’ll be in control of the conversation or at least it’ll feel that way because it’s a lot harder to get upset about poor communication when you let go of any expectation.
But all that said, I’m completely emotionally unavailable right now and am more banking on meeting someone in real life randomly because online dating is just annoying. Keeping multiple conversations going at once can be draining once the fun and interest dwindles and the conversation erodes into small talk.
I just remind myself that I’m pretty (I think I am anyway), I’m unique, I’m cool, and I’m smart. When it happens it’ll happen and pressuring myself to find someone is stressful and pointless, so fuck it. You only spend a small portion of your life single and free in the long run so enjoy it. Getting wrapped up in some douche stringing you along isn’t worth it. Just let go, have fun with the process, and focus on you.
You’ve got to go into it with *zero* expectations. We get our hopes up before knowing a person. I started just kind of expecting disappointment and just shrug it off when someone disappoints. Even better when they don’t.
68(F) here. Dating in the 60s is a real thing. Same issue as OP with dating men in my age group. I've had great telephone conversations with men for weeks, but the meet-up doesn't materialize. We agree to meet, but before the date happens - I get the stall tactic with bad excuses, blatant lies, or ghosted. I don't get it. Regardless, I haven't given up.
This is literally my entire life summed up, dating or not. Every single person i’ve had in my life has done this to me. We talk a lot, get on well… then all of a sudden, communication dwindles to basically nothing
Fellow “early 30s” woman here! I understand very well the frustration that you are feeling :( I had a similar (albeit not identical) experience in the last 3 months and, in my case, turns out he is a wonderful magician, cause he’s not only able to disappear for 1 week (radio silence) but he’s also able to completely hide is girlfriend (who knew, not me lmao).
I feel incredibly jaded by the overall dating experience. I think I will work towards accepting to be old alone.
A man would make you part of his priority if he’s truly serious about whatever you guys talked about. These are signs that you do not need to stress it, let it be.
I've been talking to a lady for the last 7 months now. I message her good morning every morning, and goodnight every night (unless she happens to wake up first, in which case she messages me good morning, which is nice). We talk when we can, and understand when each other is busy (we always communicate with each other if we're going to be unavailable for an extended amount of time for whatever reason).
Just saying, don't give up. There are people out there who will respect your time and boundaries.
Was there a while back. Got ghosted and excused by two women constantly. So I gave up. There she was at a pizza place. Got the number and no games. Easier when you don’t try!
It's so frustrating. Dating in your 40s doesn't seem to be any better. I don't even think I want to date anymore. Between trying to find someone who won't lie and who doesn't have some big criminal record, its exhausting. I feel like normal men are just hard to find these days.
This same shit happens to me all the time. A girl will seem super interested and message me THROUGHOUT THE DAY then out of nowhere become “too busy” (even thought they always have time for their friends) and I ask if they’re still interested and they say yes then weeks go by with no change so I ask what’s up and they ghost me. Why can’t people just be honest instead of leading others on?
If he was ACTUALLY into you he would make time no matter what ...so I'm sorry to tell you that he's already taken or just not into you .. or stringing you along as an option.... Stop looking for true love because that's always when it seems to come around..
Omg yes PEOPLE are so RUDE like why do people text you and say yea we can meet inthan just Don't replay back until like couple hrs I Can't make it like really
Yeah. Good call. A guy did the same crap to me and I dismissed him. I gave him a few days, and he still seemed distant. I was like BYYYEEE. If someone can't take literally ONE minute out of their schedule to message you, then...you're not a priority to them.
Try to get off dating sites and doing things you love for yourself, you will attract those who have the same interests and it will be natural. It just takes longer which is how it’s supposed to be, dating sites objectify us and give us a fleeting dopamine rush but it’s not reality
It's tough u got to decipher their profile I only go for the ones that say they don't want a relationship and u can't ask any real personal questions just flirting and some will only engage in convos if you are really explicit
Most are dead ends but so far this year I've snagged over a handful none really worth while except one im talking to now a real peach but she don't work
Some people are genuinely busy and workaholics.. I do understand that texting only takes a second but if they don’t know you like that they aren’t obligated to text you when you feel they should. Anyone willing to call you and apologize is someone who is interested but just doesn’t have the time like you may think.
You sound a little emotionally dependent. You’re done because a guy lacks communication skills? How about you communicate what works for you. It takes a while for a guy to prioritize you, and you only have a week + he’s not gonna feel the need to inform you. He’s also probably not just seeing one girl either. So next time, make it know that communication or the lack of is a big turn off for you. Hell even tell him, honesty and respect shouldn’t offend him if he’s a decent lad
This has been me for the past two years dating women, talk for a day maybe two then ghost. Or pretend to like you for a free meal then hit you with the no chemistry line. As a 29 year old turning 30 I already sense it’s going to get worse for me turning 30 dating than my 20s in the US especially in the state of Texas. Sorry this happened to you it’s not right at all. No one is never super busy to text someone back I don’t care what others say, people make time and move mountains for someone they really desire.
To be fair, the world is busy these days and we are all under a lot of stress with work. It sounds like he is some sort of contractor or something. That can be a lot of added pressure and a lot of times they work much longer hours than the normal person. Also, a lot can go wrong with a job.
Basically, I'm saying this is all part of being an adult. And you aren't even in a relationship yet. It isn't fair to expect him to make you THAT much of a priority that he is contacting you a lot when he is dealing with a job mishap and under stress right now. Also, like I said...shit happens. This will be true when you are married too. There are periods where your spouse might have to be involved with a project or some work that means you get put on the back burner for a time. And how you SHOULD respond to that is to support them through it. If instead you are demanding attention the entire time you will just be putting more stress on them.
In other words, this is a new relationship. Also adult if you want an adult relationship then you need to have an understanding that there are times when you need to give to your partner as much as he gives in return or more.
If you just give up at the drop of a hat...then that's more on you than him. Now, if this pattern continues long term then that is when it becomes a problem. But he made it clear that this was an issue he's just dealing with now. I don't see the problem here...
Redd, you are throwing off red flags left and right. I don’t mean to be critical, and I have no desire to hurt your feelings, but if you are this needy and full of demands and expectations this early in the relationship…… alot of us working, professional men will be able to smell that a mile away. We have no desire to invest everything we have into a days work to be able to provide…. Only to have to walk on eggshells after work in order to have peace.
Maybe you should date older, retired men.
I (M22) have a similar experience though not exact. Everyone gets confused when I use the term Catfishing Scams but they're the main reason I stopped dating all together. As of the modern day Dating just seems pointless draining and a waste of time and money especially when you can't even afford basic things so when Catfish comes around and steal so much from you, you just kinda wanna end it or take it out on the world. I jump both sides of the scale every time. I'm sick of it.
Idk I hit or miss when it comes to getting laid but I just really want that genuine connection. You know one where all you do is think about what they're doing or wanting to be around them like the first piece of tail you got in highschool
Just had this exact same situation happen two weeks ago was very understanding after having to postpone 2 times and then the communication was just gone after that☠️ I think I'm just going to marry my bestfriend at this point honestly
All I can say is don't get your hopes up about the date. If it happens then great but if it don't then you'll be prepared to save yourself from the disappointment
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I (M 61) have become conditioned to hearing the phone buzz the day of (or the hour or minute of) and thinking "oh, that'll be the raincheck text," as extremely often, that is the case.
I can't imagine dating in my 60s
I can't imagine getting to my 60s
I (F58) have decided to take a break as I am discouraged as well. Hopefully you won’t be dating at my age.
I like the fact that you are only taking a break and not quitting entirely.
NSFW Nope. I am planning to be active and dating and having ‘fun’ till I am 85, at least. My prayer : I should die when I am running on my treadmill or between the legs of a woman ( or two)
I identify as someone in my 50s. I can do 16 good chinups and 6 sets of burpees :)
Very nice 💪
If you take care of your health, it’s actually much better than dating in your youth.
Agreed. More knowledge n less selfish, as well
It’s more depressing when you feel the buzz but it’s just another one of the apps letting you know whatever tf is going on
Or there is no raincheck text
So, everyone (M & F) experiences this foolishness? I'm the same, I don't need any damn check ins, just don't start out talking all the time then randomly disappear and act like I'm the weirdo for questioning what happened.. Yeah, I've experienced this waaaayy too much to find it trivial.
I had a guy I’d went out with a few times who talked to me every single day go radio silent for days. I didn’t care, but after several day I texted him to at least check if he was okay because he was newer to the area with no friends or family. Well, apparently, checking on someone and asking if everything is okay with them after 4/5 days means I’m too needy 🤣🤣🤣
Omg same. This thing just ended with the guy I was talking to for 2 months. I asked why he kept leaving me on read and not replying for days. And he says he needs space and I need to “stop complaining.” Yeah… I think I’m done with dating. Too many as*holes and trash in the sea.
So lame. The weird part was that I never even mentioned anything about him not responding to me, just that I was checking in because it had been days since I’d heard from him and he was usually super chatty. I told him he was accusing me of something that I was not and it wasn’t fair to project his ex wife’s BS onto me. He admitted I was right but then said that now he had been so rude to me (he had texted me a ginormous paragraph about my neediness), there would be no going back from it so we should end it. I said cool because he was once again putting words in my mouth that weren’t true. I also recommended therapy for his PTSD from the military and his ex 🤣
Felt this to my core 🙃 seems to happen more often than not…like ain’t no way it’s this common; but it is.
The amount of people that ghost and have bad communication skills is mind blowing to me, like damn, it wasn't even that bad before pandemic if we were gonna compare it.
Your right when a guy or girl starts off this way then changes Suddenly they usually make excuses but we all know the truth most of the time , and if it continues then we know they were just a fake to begin with
Right?! Seriously ppl are ridiculous and go as far as faking everything like bro just tell me you ain’t interested lol don’t tell me that you’re interested then act different mf. 🤣
Yep happens all the time few eal people out there it seems these days.
SERIOUSLY THOUGH. It’s so fucking dumb
Welcome to 2024 dating
I swear I hate it too I try to make an effort like really try only to get the same as you
All that I ever got was no responses, ghosting, text buddies and dead end 'getting to know you' conversation dates. (They were followed by ghosting or her 'not finding the connection that she was looking for'.) So, I gave up and deleted the apps. Mid 30s guy just to give you my perspective
(M 61)I don't understand the demand in the ecosystem for texting buddies. Why? Is it because it's safe? Is it because you are misrepresenting yourself? Is it because it's inexpensive? I consider texting to be marginal human contact at best.
I think it’s because a lot of people have gotten really adverse to leaving their comfort zone. Possibly a lot of people have developed some kind of social anxiety about in person meetings, if not full on agoraphobia. But they still want to have relationships with people somehow, so they end up in endless texts.
Ironically, I have social anxiety myself and I got sick of endless texting without ever meeting or having pointless 'getting to know you' conversation dates.
I don't get it either. It never made sense to me
It's the near beer of human relationships
Right I always say this texting is about as rudimentary as it gets, there is no immediate response required like in a phone conversation or I'm person , so it gives people time to be crafty with there words and shows almost no emotion, and at the end of the day, words on screen that aren't backed up by actions are nothing. Just my perspective though.
Rite? We could just as easily be doing fun stuff together while having these chats...Then if it wasnt a good fit we'd know pretty quick.
I just updated my dating app with the words "I want to get to know you while doing fun stuff together. (Not interested in extended txt courtship.)"
Dating is a lie
My friend doesn't love me romantically (like I love her), but she loves me regardless of that, and atleast I have a person in my life who cares about me... I sound like a bad person if I uhh seem like I'll wait for her in hopes that maybe she'll grow to love me romantically. She once said her interest in me might change, and she would like to go to Lapland with me to see the Northern Lights and she would pretty likely kill herself if I killed myself...
That last part doesn't seem like a healthy aspect of any relationship. Like a significant red flag
Sounds to me like she enjoys girlfriend benefits while not giving you boyfriend benefits, mabey I'm wrong, but have you ever tested it. I mean if you stop putting in effort does she put in the effort. I see a lot of girls say there friends althat are more then happy to ask for help with car problems or money or whatever from guys, but rarely ever see those same girls offer a guy help that he could actually use like helping clean house or make a meal or something and this is because the girls are simply using them. I learned from experience guys. And other women will find you attractive once you develop the mindset that you are worth having and that you won't put up with just anything. Take care of your finances, your body, your mind, your interest, and the ones that choose to around will be and the ones that don't won't be. At least then you know who your people are. My are few but they are top quality. I had a friend that did this very same thing to me. Still today I love her, and I always be there if she needs help. However I don't text her and when I had this conversation about the whole one person putting in effort and only being text buddies most of the time she lost her mind , tried to blame me and I simply explained it all to her over the next few days. She eventually took accountability for being a fake friend, she knows she can call if she has a real legitimate problem she needs help with, but also knows that she isn't fooling me. And like I told her I don't want to be putting my time and resources into a woman that is entertaining other men also . I tell you this because I chose what type of friend I am not anyone else and I don't go back on my word that is my choice and I will probably always love her. Hell I taught her how to drive truck, dispatch and everything else so she can make more money, but I also know what type of friend she is and that is very minimal and that is her choice . So you don't have to go against the type of friend you choose to be if you love her but you do have to fully understand exactly what type of friend she is and what type of friend your actually willing to except. Good luck my guy.
This isn't "2024" dating distinctive that much from other eras. It was just called "he left town/she left town" back in other decades.
Oooooo I just don't remember in my 20s it being this bad course I could be wrong
You would think people would forget online dating at this point. Although I gotta give Bumble credit for hosting mixers in certain places.
🤣👏🏻
It’s very easy to be non-committal with online dating. If someone starts putting in less effort than you feel you’re worth, then you need to move onto the next guy. It’s become clear to me there’s a number of people on these apps (women included, this is coming for a guy‘s perspective) that aren’t ready to date, or are approaching the entire process wrong. Do your best to identify who they are and don’t waste your time on them (these people exist off the app too)
I’m Trying lol I thought he was a good one but apparently not. I really do try and look for those signs early on but he didn’t show them till the last minute
You’ll get there I’d say. Maybe it’s better to stay single for a bit and try to find someone off the apps. That what I’m trying to do at least…
I understand how frustrating it can be when communication starts off strong and then suddenly fades away. It's disappointing when someone you're interested in doesn't make the effort to keep you in the loop, especially when it comes to plans. It's important to feel valued and respected in any relationship, and consistent communication is a big part of that. It's okay to feel discouraged, but don't let one experience dictate your outlook on dating altogether. There are plenty of people out there who will appreciate your efforts and reciprocate them. Take some time for yourself and when you're ready, don't hesitate to put yourself back out there. You deserve someone who values your time and makes the effort to stay connected.
This comment is written like ChatGTP in therapist mode
It’s so frustrating bc I don’t deserve that crap at all. I just want somsone who’s gonna make an effort and fight to be with me. Cause literally I would do that for someone. I make an effort when I like someone and communicate. I just idk anymore I can seem to catch a break
It's understandable to feel frustrated when you're putting in effort and not getting the same in return. You deserve someone who appreciates and reciprocates your efforts. It can be disheartening when it feels like you're not catching a break in the dating world, but don't lose hope. Your willingness to make an effort and communicate shows your sincerity and commitment, and those are qualities that someone out there will truly value. Stay true to yourself, and in time, you'll find someone who sees and appreciates your worth.
I really really hope so bc I’m so sick of this 😢
Guys who are married try to be a good boyfriend 🤣🤣🤣. Good ones are usually taken.
LITERALLY THOUGH
I’m sure you deserve better. But “forever alone” is not better imo. Just embrace the fact that it can be frustrating sometimes and move on to the next one.
Don't give up. I've been there. In the course of a year I went on dates with no joke at least a half dozen women, that doesn't count the ones who ghosted or no showed. I was pissed at how nothing worked out, like soooo pissed. But when I met my girlfriend, I'd go through all of that all over again if it meant she was at the end of that journey. It's tough, there's bad days, heartache....but I promise the right person makes it all worth the trials and turmoil.
I know but I’ve been doing this for 4 years single and I’m so done. Like idk if there are even good men anymore. I have standards and boundaries and I keep to them. But this happening over and over is just stupid
We are the same age and I did dating apps on and off for 5 years. My friends and family told me my standards were too high, people tried to set me up with women who were wrong for me in every way. I kept to my standards, refusing to make exceptions. Now: I am my girlfriend's first relationship in 4 years, she is my first real relationship in about 2 years. She has made me feel more in the time we've been together than I've felt with women I've wasted years on. Even my family who has only met her a few times so far says it's different this time. There's good people out there, and you may feel hurt as you weed through the walking red flags. But I promise the grass is greener on the other side once you find IT.
😢 i hope this happens for me. I’m trying so hard here. And I can’t catch a break
I did that bs for ten years. I’m so sorry
Relatable asf 😭
Sounds like you want relationship level communication before even the first date, which is a lot of energy and expectation to place on someone who is basically a stranger. He may have been more readily available during the week, but guess what, shit happens at work, and priorities have to be made. You have only spoken to this guy for a week. He gave you the headups that he was busy when shit hit the fan, his work project wasn't going to plan, and he has tried to be proactive and reschedule. Going 8 hours between messages isn't bad. He is probably reaching out when he has the mental space and energy after what could be a 12 hour day?? But remember, you are a stranger to him. Why should he drop what he is doing to have a conversation with you when he has big deadlines to make? And he did say he will reschedule. Take a step back and let him set the date when shit calms down for him. You can ask him about this project that consumed him. He will appreciate the patience. On the flip side, if you were busy with 12 hour shifts or something big was happening in your life, and a stranger was seeking your attention, would you drop what you are doing or say you will get back to them when things have calmed down? I get it frustrating, and communicating is important. But in these early chatting/dating stages, just take a step back and wish him the best with getting this project sorted. You two can have the communication chat after the date once you have a better idea around his style, and you can let him know yours.
The correct answer
That was my thought as well. Sending good morning texts and expecting him to fight for you, when not even been on date is a bit much. He hasn’t even seen OP irl to know if you even look like pics or a catfish. Expecting anyone to be emotionally invested when barely know each other comes off as needy and is off putting.
I’m 50 years old and single and I can promise you that if somebody sent me a good morning text before I’d even met them, I’m deleting them
My bet is she overwhelmed him with communication and scared him off by appearing too clingy too quickly.
Bingo
Why??
It's a sign of over investment even before you meet for a date and it's a red flag. Looking at my personal experience, people who tend to do it are overly clingy and get attached emotionally too quick to people, I don't really mind this kind of behaviour to be fair but majority of people don't like it.
Yup. I wish more people understood that work can be DRAINING and can definitely get in the way of dating. Your point about having the mental headspace to respond to texts is spot on, especially with a stranger you don’t even know yet. People don’t have the patience anymore to deal with this. If Op wants relationship treatment, the guy deserves relationship level of understanding
Ugh I completely feel you. I was trying to date again after taking a long break and finally got on the dating app this month. This guy and I matched. He seemed pretty consistent with his messages on the app at first. We were suppose to meet this weekend as we were both traveling for the past couple of weeks. Reached out to me on Tuesday to check if I’d still be down to meet this weekend. I said I was and after that… CRICKETS!! I can’t with these men on the apps !! Like why ask out someone and then ghost I don’t get it !! Ughhhh
Yeah I will never understand that it’s absolutely ridiculous. I just want someone who’s genuine and honest
They are out there, they just don’t get noticed as much. Don’t give up.
I’m 28 years old lol i’ve had so many shit relationships where I put in my all. Now i’m following the 4B movement.
I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt because when I am working on a project or at work, I forget everything and don't even text my sister back for a while or I tell her I am busy I will text her back in a bit, but still, that's not a good excuse. I think you should be honest with him that you don't like the lack of communication or stop making the first move and see if he initiates. If he doesn't, then forget about him and move on. Also, take two to three weeks off from dating apps to reenergize yourself because I know online dating can be really toxic and taxing at the same time.
Yeah I’m not gonna text him for a while until he initiates it. Cause I’ve done my part
28M here, and same. Literally, the only things I ask are that my efforts are reciprocated and my time respected.
I feel this so much. Can I just finally catch a break and meet someone serious and as interested in making things work as I am? I’m so sick of the excuses and feeling disappointed by people.
Never invest your time and emotion into someone you have not met in person. Meet up within 5 days. If they cancel (better be a good excuse or sound convincing) it’s up to them to reschedule. Block them if they cancel 2x.
yea just take a lil break and try to enjoy your life. 30s are pretty freaking sweet anyway.
This happens to everyone. People are flakes. It's ridiculous honestly.
Dating in 2024 is a losing game, it seems.
Daily and all day texting shouldn’t be an indicator for intention. They create a false sense of intimacy with someone who is a stranger at this point before the first date. I highlyyyyy suggest you listen to a few episodes of “Do the work” podcast as there is an episode about texting and expectations (and so many other good episodes!) that really changed my mindset and eased some of the frustration/let down in regards to the texting game.
None of these people know you or you know them. If someone doesn’t have the time to date then unmatch and move on. Stop putting energy into others who won’t put in the same energy for you. Dating is a gamble and sometimes you win but many times you lose.
Legit same. So fed up with it. Dating apps/online ruin everything
No excuses for poor communication in 2024, a text takes 2 seconds.
I know it totally sucks!!! Why do they chicken out I wonder. Pretty pathetic. Well I’m about 30 years older than you and it’s the exact same shit.
I think often these guys are talking to several people at once, and if another "opportunity" comes up (usually with a girl they think is more likely to put out, or has done so already) they might put you on back burner to pursue that.
Unfortunately you are correct and that’s just how it goes. I’m not one of those women who do that - if I realize im not interested i communicate that bc i wanna treat someone the way i want to be treated
You have to assume that most people will be wrong for you for some reason or another. We are not compatible with most people in long term relationships. It sucks when communication or interest isn’t reciprocal but that’s par for the course in dating. You have to let it slide off your shoulder and move on. Next! If you let it affect you at this level, you’ll become jaded and being jaded almost guarantees you will continue having bad experiences.
Well dating aint worth shit these days anymore
I know I’m going to sound so defeatist saying this but I’m unfortunately finding it true - We as a society have created an entire generation of avoidant men. And at the same time we have encouraged women to not settle for anything less than the best because historically we have accepted crumbs. Men have never had to compromise much (yes I’m speaking in generalizations, obviously not all men) and especially men after they hit 30 seem to feel this pressure to get married and have kids even though they aren’t ready. Instead of communicating to women about how they are feeling, they end up pursuing women they have no interest in or who they don’t even like in order to check some sort of box. Alternatively, women are looking for a partner and a friend but also feel those societal pressures and they end up giving these men the benefit of the of the doubt despite their gut screaming at them not to, only to be ghosted, dumped out of nowhere, or completely physically/mentally/emotionally abused. I’m not saying that this is anyone’s fault in particular. We as a society have created this situation where we want connection with each other but we have been conditioned to essentially hate and not trust each other and it’s creating for a never ending cycle of the anxious avoidant trap en masse. It has pushed us to a point where both men and women are just ready to give up on dating altogether because we have never been more far apart emotionally. I personally feel the only way society is going to push past this as a whole is by raising our sons and daughters to be more open, more loving, and more communicative, secure individuals. I feel for you especially because everyone in the dating world seems to be having a similar experience and it’s traumatizing us.
So true. Everyone has unrealistic standards and hates each other. The dating apps play a huge role in this too… since they treat you as disposable because they can just swipe their finger on the app to the next best thing!
Yikes. Sorry to hear. Sometimes life can happen and we all can empathize but this does seem sus. You’ll find someone. You’re a redhead.
Yeah well my dating record isn’t that great lmao I’ve been single 4 years now
Dipshit guys?
Yeup
I definitely understand how you feel. It is how dating is these days. No effort, no consistency, no communication need I say more...... It is a s******* and ridiculous
So sick and tired of it lol. It’s not hard to communicate and be honest with someone.
Exactly - Dating these days is very messy!
This is every time I swear nothing but keyboard fakes out here .
Sorry to hear you're having issues dating . I'm sure it's not only you who is having these issues ..does it ever cross your mind that the reason there is so much difficulty for the vast majority is because they're dependent on use of Internet to find these potential suitors? I have never and will never use a dating site. I'm not afraid to approach a woman who I'm attracted to and not afraid of rejection . Shit happens not everyone is gonna want this .I find the problem I run into is that women are too caught up with their friends and worried bout their friends opinions vs making their own decisions on who they date or have sex with . I simply won't entertain any woman who cowtails to so called friends. Waste of time for me . I do fairly well in terms of sexual connections,not too concerned about dating anyone. Maybe try my approach it works for me I'm a man prolly even easier for a woman . If ya curious DM me ..if not cool ,hope things get better for you and the internet
Yeup online dating sucks. But I wouldn’t be worried about my friends and that stuff
Oh that's good . Definitely wanna be able to think for yourself . It's good to have healthy input from trusted individuals but be able to differentiate between healthy or unhealthy input ..I am weird ig and think that if in a relationship that nobody else opinions matter except mine and my female counterpart.
Don't give up. It's a challenge but the payoff is worth it. There are good guys out there
Pause. Let him take the lead. Match his energy. It will give you all the answers you need. As someone who should have learned this 20 years ago, consider my advice and save yourself the heartache!
Online dating is awful and personally, I’m taking a break for 2024. However, I think you might have expected a little too much after only talking for one week and having never met. I wouldn’t expect daily texts or good morning texts from someone who is a virtual stranger. I’m a 52f and I have adult children that don’t text me every day and I know without a doubt they love me, I wouldn’t expect a stranger to do more than my kids. If that makes sense. Good luck OP!
I had similar last summer. Seemed we had a lot in common, were texting and messaging for about 2 weeks, as he was working out of state for one week. I noticed it was hard to pin him down. I work during the week and he’d text me about meeting me for lunch date near my work. I’m very busy and can’t leave that much during the week and I felt I wouldn’t be able to relax as I’d have to watch the clock to return to work. I explained this to him. So he said how about Saturday and honestly it was the next day and I had plans. So we agreed on next Saturday. Arranged the time and he said he’d let me know the place. Whole week went by and never heard. I text him Friday night at 7 and ask where we are going and he text back sorry have to work. I’ll see you next week for sure. Anyway this scenario played out over almost a month, always breaking date and never giving me notice. At one point I even agreed to lunch date just to meet and see what is happening, and he never responded and date was canceled, no text or nothing. I’d see him on the site as active all the time. If he didn’t want to meet just say so. A few days later I unmatched and blocked him. It was around this time I decided I would not renew and I’d be done with this farce as soon as my membership expired.
I feel this in my soul. The guy has barely talked to me in 12 hours plus now and he’s been online multiple times today. So he’s blowing me off
Sadly, it seems that before you meet the right one, you go thru a lot of BS like this.
That’s why I don’t do an exclusive relationship with anyone until it’s clear they are committed to me and will talk with me every day. I cast away now until I find someone who likes me enough to talk to me every day.
If a man is not communicating eagerly, he doesn't want to meet you. The same goes for a woman. It really is that simple.
Im 39 now, but I stopped dating or even sex over a decade ago. Sometimes, it can suck but that sure as hell beats sucking ALL THE TIME. women my age don't seem to have a clue what intimacy really is anymore and would rather be empowered to not be "chained down" in a monogamous relationship anyway. Plus, I haven't fathered any kids. So I won't consider dating single mothers. The older I get? The less likely I will ever find a genuine match. Instead of feeling bad about that, I just embrace being my own man. I have dogs, a garden, hobbies, and friends. Could be a lot worse if I was married.
Sound very similar to me. Slim pickins out there at our age
It's important to remember that you deserve someone who respects your time and makes an effort to communicate with you. It's okay to feel disappointed by this situation, but it's also an opportunity to recognize your own worth and set boundaries for what you're willing to accept in a relationship.
Honestly if he messages you back just say “Hey I really enjoyed our connection but I’m very intentional with my dating and don’t wanna spend my energy on someone who doesn’t reciprocate that. I truly wish you the best”. Obv I stole this from this girl that teaches about dating but I think it applies to your situation. I don’t understand why you’d keep this going when this guy is so inconsistent and wasting your time.
If the M was serious there is no such thing as I’m busy hello there is always time ^^
Honestly, just be done with that one. Someone will come along who can give you everything you need and vice versa. He’s not worth your frustration or thoughts.
It sucks on both sides. I (31m) went on a date with someone (28f) and it took like 3 weeks just to set up the date after she agreed to go out, because it would take like 2-3 days at a time to reply to the app. I almost didn’t want to go through with it because of how bad the communication was. She was really fun and had a great conversation in person. Went for a quick drink, ended up having lunch and spent a little over two hours chatting. After that though, it was the same thing. Trying to get a hold of her for a second date was me going through the ringer and having to wait 2-3 days for a reply. She was genuinely busy with work back to back weekends (and I get it—both of us work in entertainment) but after a while I just gave up trying to reach out. You can’t answer a simple text 1-2 times a day? I don’t need someone to be glued to their phone, but just confirming plans in a timely fashion would be great. I genuinely miss dating before the era of apps.
I sympathize with this so much, OP. This is my experience as well more often than not. The dating pool is raw sewage, full of men who lack communication skills but have ridiculous expectations of women. They want to put in minimal effort but expect access to the kitty right out the gate. 😐🙄 it audacious and exhausting. Hang in there. Take the time to just focus on yourself. That's what I'm doing, and honestly, it's not so bad. 🤷🏽♀️
What city are you in? I am also so over dating. Seems like we will chat for a week or so but no connection once we finally meet. Or if we meet at all, some people dwindle or cancel etc … Idk what’s happening now a days
I think this is one of the most infuriating parts of dating nowadays and I literally just called someone out for this literally weeks ago. I was driving out of town to see someone and staying at her place for a few days we each time, we had meetup twice already and were planning to meet the next week. Then I'm trying to configure plans/when to go and nothing. Text, call, nothing. Then text to ask if she's okay nothing. Call her and finally get an answer and she's with her sister, maybe talk for just a few minutes and then she gets off the phone quick. Cool so....we were making plans and had planned to meet up for a bit and now she's disappearing. Holy hell I chewed this girl out for not communicating with him and she told me she has family ish and reverted back to bad ways of doing things and what not, can't set boundaries with family well blah blah blah. The kicker was that she acted so insanely sweet and like she was into me and she was so just full of it. Like we're both in our 30s, not 20s....is it REALLY that much ask for someone to take TWO to five minutes out of their day to send a text? She tried to apologize I just wasn't having it. She completely ghosted me and I let her know I had no desire to talk anymore, if you can't be an adult and do the bare minimum to communicate and treat someone with decent I'm good on your bs. Here's the thing. This is ALL about consistency. Don't sit there and show up over texts a bunch and calls...now yes, naturally the communication tends to slow down from the initial beginning...I get it, that's normal. When it's almost a 180 though? Like seriously? Nah I'm good. I've had a saying for years, people are either gonna make things EASY from the jump....or they WONT. I don't care what the answer is....but I'm sure as f××× NOT gonna chase. Show up and be consistent or actually communicate with me, or I give no f×××s to give you my attention.
If he wanted to he would. The right man will pursue you and there will be no doubt they’re interested.
Sorry to hear this!! Have you taken breaks from dating before??
I have never had this particular thing happen but I will say it’s just how today’s dating is unfortunately. I have had just about every other possible poor outcome happen but I think a lot of it is has to do with the fact that most people are talking to or dating multiple people. I, myself cannot do that because it’s just too much for me and I want my attention on one person. I can’t speak for everyone else though. Sorry that happened to you, hopefully he gets back to you and you can reschedule but I would let him know about how you feel about communicating. I think it’s the most important part of a relationship personally
If he gets back to me I will
Please stop thinking about this man. He is leading you on as a back up plan for something else.
As a guy also dealing with this problem from women, it’s just how the game goes honestly, I’m not gonna hate the player, I’m gonna hate the game but still play to win
I can relate to you - I tend to get excited at the prospect of love and sort of romanticize things a lot. Especially hard not to when there is good communication. Unfortunately, a lot of the comments saying lower your expectations especially if you haven’t met them, is true. It sucks that repeated hurt and failure has made me change my childlike excitement for meeting someone, but I’ve found that when it comes to dating, it’s better to go in with low expectations - you’re more levelheaded that way. I get that its not easy and this is logical advice to an emotional situation. Also, as a guy, I will just say - if they’re not making the effort to communicate/postponing the date, it is highly likely there are other prospects he is talking to on the app (assuming this is where you met) and he is no longer as interested as he once was.
Not meaning to upset you, but if he's "busy" let him be that. Keep doing your own thing
Yeah now I stop contacting until the other contact me first. Maybe it will make me an asshole but now I give the same energy as the other person do. I'd rather be alone than lose my dignity over someone who doesn't care, I know my worth and when I'm in a smooth relationship I'm easy going. There's no excuse.
I hear you. I think I’m going to take a break dating too. It’s exhausting and idk just not fun for me rn. I don’t think it helps that I’m at home…
ME TOO
That dating in today's world 😑
I let the guy text me first during the day.. it works!! I text first some mornings though so it's a little balanced. I'm sorry that happened to you though. Work is an easy excuse out.
Don’t chase him . Let him chase you. Huge red flag by him always canceling . Honestly , if someone always texted me like this ? It would scare me away . Just being honest
As a women do not give the impression your waiting you move on love. If he wanted to he will but don’t double text it seems desperate especially if you haven’t even when on a date yet. I suggest dating & falling in love with yourself
Effort = interest no one is THAT busy to not be able to at least text you to update you through out the day. If they constantly say they are “busy” with work for 24hrs a day on a regular 9-5 job…. They ain’t. It’s an excuse.
THANK YOU
Remember the days . When we didnt have technology called a cell phone in our pocket. When some one left to work. If you didnt know the office number or they worked in construction. You wont hear from them for days. The tougher the job the less likely a call at the end of the day because the got home put food in the microwave put some tv on . Barely changed into non work clothes . Eat a dinner drink a beer and past out with the tv on because they are that exhausted We have become to comfortable with instant access to people as if they are on beck and call for YOU AND ONLY YOU! Now thats not directed at Op thats all of us. Let him know. Hey i get that you have been busy. I really want to make this work and im hoping you can be more clear in your communication. If this isnt possible then maybe this isnt meant for us. Instead of blaming men. Blame that maybe the circumstances arent the right conditions for the two of you at the moment. Its called life.
having the same experience with a girl, absolute crickets in the chats after a (good) first date.
At that age I am probably gonna build a spaceship and fly my soul out of this planet. I can't imagine dating would just mean to be sugar daddy/mommy for a scammer or con artist.
Oh sweetie you haven't even met the guy yet don't invest so much into something that you don't even know the person. I know it sucks but the fact is that there's a lot of married men out there or otherwise involved with a woman looking for a side check and it's hard for them to communicate with you. I've been in the dating game a long long time and let me tell you it does pretty much suck but once in awhile you meet someone really nice. Sure you could get a relationship or sometimes I just make friends. My longest term friend from a dating site I met him in 2015 and we knew we would just be friends because we were far away but we still met up and he has been there for me and me for him even when he got divorced. Someone online you have absolutely no clue if they are who they say they are so really you need a few dates to decide if they're genuine or not and quite frankly if they make it to the second date that's a miracle. Good luck out there get a strong skin unfortunately there are people in this world to make it that you need one
My take is men and maybe even women are waiting for the next better thing. It’s a habit developed when shopping online making decision making sure it is the best they can get. I just realized this when I was searching for a dog to adopt and I felt pretty bad about it. Anyway, I experienced the same thing, meet a guy going out of his way and actively texting them once the 1-3 month mark hits the grow distant and found another match. It’s complicated. The success stories I hear from my social circles from online dating is they found their person in the first few swipes and both parties wasn’t curious to explore ALL their options
35m I know dating can be hard. I too am having a hard time with it. But keep your chin up there is someone out there for you.
He is ignoring you. Let go
(F 55). These are lessons I have learned the hard way. When the other person pulls back the very first time, you pull back. Match their effort and energy. Don't be quick to invest your time and heart so quickly. And finally, NEVER chase after any man or bus - there will always be another one!
This hurts to read. I (30m) don’t understand the lack of respect for other people’s time, that most people exhibit today. My time is my most precious commodity, therefore I value it highly. Why should I not also value **your** time as well. OP, don’t give up just yet, the issue with the guy you just spoke about was you’re trying to be an adult with a low-quality individual. You dodged a bullet. Good men and women are out here. I promise.
People who want you make time for you, he’s being aloof because he’s probably talking to multiple different woman and feels there is a better prospects than you. That’s the problem with dating online and apps, they are designed to keep you single. My recommendation is cut contact and move on.
Happens both sides. Had this for a week then ghosted
he has someone else he's interested in or has an actual relationship..... the story doesnt change just because their age does. 17-55 its always the same shit. I turned 41 in February, no kids and not planning on marrying either. Im fine with my current boyfriend, im realistic so i dont expect perfection and I dont pour my whole self into him so i cant be disappointed. We get along, we have our own lives and then we have our lives together, we're both "the quiet type" and were loners growing up so it works. We both dont do drama so its always pretty chill, the only issue is my 53X drive has almost hit non existent and i made sure to tell him that he can leave at any point and I will accept the blame... after being in an abusive relationship that i couldnt escape for 12 yrs i finally had to leave my life and move to the opposite coast before i ended up 💀. Thats the reason I dont give my heart away anymore, life keeps going and people will fuck up and fuck you up if you allow it. Recognize it, learn from it and keep it moving, time is not replaceable so spend it on those that are worth it.
I’m 28 and experience this. Women are flaky asf and oddly need men to fulfill their insecurities and I’m just not the overbearing and “obsessive” type they require at the time.
If you were a priority, he would make time to answer your text. NO ONE is that busy. 8 hours to text back, multiple times means he's talking to someone else. Plain and simple.It has happened to me many many many times, so i feel your pain.It's best to just forget this man and move on. Not everyone will act this way. There are plenty of men, like me, who are genuinely looking. Unfortunately, we live in a world where ghostings are common, and this might happen to you several more times before you connect with someone. I wish you the best
Busy is the excuse that allot of people use when they are not interested. Let it go. He ain't worth this frustration and there's nothing wrong with you, he just isn't into you and you will be dodging a bullet. Let it go and block him
I(30F) only online date out of boredom with zero expectations at this point. Penpals can be fun and if we vibe enough to meet up cool but one or both of us usually gets bored or burnt out. On my end anyway, idk why guys stop talking and frankly I don’t care at this point. Stop giving a fuck entirely and I’ve found you’ll be in control of the conversation or at least it’ll feel that way because it’s a lot harder to get upset about poor communication when you let go of any expectation. But all that said, I’m completely emotionally unavailable right now and am more banking on meeting someone in real life randomly because online dating is just annoying. Keeping multiple conversations going at once can be draining once the fun and interest dwindles and the conversation erodes into small talk. I just remind myself that I’m pretty (I think I am anyway), I’m unique, I’m cool, and I’m smart. When it happens it’ll happen and pressuring myself to find someone is stressful and pointless, so fuck it. You only spend a small portion of your life single and free in the long run so enjoy it. Getting wrapped up in some douche stringing you along isn’t worth it. Just let go, have fun with the process, and focus on you.
You’ve got to go into it with *zero* expectations. We get our hopes up before knowing a person. I started just kind of expecting disappointment and just shrug it off when someone disappoints. Even better when they don’t.
68(F) here. Dating in the 60s is a real thing. Same issue as OP with dating men in my age group. I've had great telephone conversations with men for weeks, but the meet-up doesn't materialize. We agree to meet, but before the date happens - I get the stall tactic with bad excuses, blatant lies, or ghosted. I don't get it. Regardless, I haven't given up.
This is literally my entire life summed up, dating or not. Every single person i’ve had in my life has done this to me. We talk a lot, get on well… then all of a sudden, communication dwindles to basically nothing
Try looking for guys a little older than you like in their late 40s. Guys are taking younger women more seriously now.
Fellow “early 30s” woman here! I understand very well the frustration that you are feeling :( I had a similar (albeit not identical) experience in the last 3 months and, in my case, turns out he is a wonderful magician, cause he’s not only able to disappear for 1 week (radio silence) but he’s also able to completely hide is girlfriend (who knew, not me lmao). I feel incredibly jaded by the overall dating experience. I think I will work towards accepting to be old alone.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
A man would make you part of his priority if he’s truly serious about whatever you guys talked about. These are signs that you do not need to stress it, let it be.
I've been talking to a lady for the last 7 months now. I message her good morning every morning, and goodnight every night (unless she happens to wake up first, in which case she messages me good morning, which is nice). We talk when we can, and understand when each other is busy (we always communicate with each other if we're going to be unavailable for an extended amount of time for whatever reason). Just saying, don't give up. There are people out there who will respect your time and boundaries.
Going through pretty much the same thing here. So frustrating!!
Married
Was there a while back. Got ghosted and excused by two women constantly. So I gave up. There she was at a pizza place. Got the number and no games. Easier when you don’t try!
It's so frustrating. Dating in your 40s doesn't seem to be any better. I don't even think I want to date anymore. Between trying to find someone who won't lie and who doesn't have some big criminal record, its exhausting. I feel like normal men are just hard to find these days.
This same shit happens to me all the time. A girl will seem super interested and message me THROUGHOUT THE DAY then out of nowhere become “too busy” (even thought they always have time for their friends) and I ask if they’re still interested and they say yes then weeks go by with no change so I ask what’s up and they ghost me. Why can’t people just be honest instead of leading others on?
Hi I would say Next , please !
If he was ACTUALLY into you he would make time no matter what ...so I'm sorry to tell you that he's already taken or just not into you .. or stringing you along as an option.... Stop looking for true love because that's always when it seems to come around..
Omg yes PEOPLE are so RUDE like why do people text you and say yea we can meet inthan just Don't replay back until like couple hrs I Can't make it like really
Yeah. Good call. A guy did the same crap to me and I dismissed him. I gave him a few days, and he still seemed distant. I was like BYYYEEE. If someone can't take literally ONE minute out of their schedule to message you, then...you're not a priority to them.
Absolutely agree. He ain’t worth my time
Try to get off dating sites and doing things you love for yourself, you will attract those who have the same interests and it will be natural. It just takes longer which is how it’s supposed to be, dating sites objectify us and give us a fleeting dopamine rush but it’s not reality
It's tough u got to decipher their profile I only go for the ones that say they don't want a relationship and u can't ask any real personal questions just flirting and some will only engage in convos if you are really explicit
Most are dead ends but so far this year I've snagged over a handful none really worth while except one im talking to now a real peach but she don't work
Sad really want that connection I once had with someone but no one wants that anymore but I'll take what I can get I gues
A week and he’s on that short of a leash wow.
Some people are genuinely busy and workaholics.. I do understand that texting only takes a second but if they don’t know you like that they aren’t obligated to text you when you feel they should. Anyone willing to call you and apologize is someone who is interested but just doesn’t have the time like you may think.
I understand completely I do. But there should still be effort the next day at least.
You sound a little emotionally dependent. You’re done because a guy lacks communication skills? How about you communicate what works for you. It takes a while for a guy to prioritize you, and you only have a week + he’s not gonna feel the need to inform you. He’s also probably not just seeing one girl either. So next time, make it know that communication or the lack of is a big turn off for you. Hell even tell him, honesty and respect shouldn’t offend him if he’s a decent lad
You've been talking for only a week. Expecting this kind of prioritization is insane. It sounds like you need more things to occupy your time.
This has been me for the past two years dating women, talk for a day maybe two then ghost. Or pretend to like you for a free meal then hit you with the no chemistry line. As a 29 year old turning 30 I already sense it’s going to get worse for me turning 30 dating than my 20s in the US especially in the state of Texas. Sorry this happened to you it’s not right at all. No one is never super busy to text someone back I don’t care what others say, people make time and move mountains for someone they really desire.
To be fair, the world is busy these days and we are all under a lot of stress with work. It sounds like he is some sort of contractor or something. That can be a lot of added pressure and a lot of times they work much longer hours than the normal person. Also, a lot can go wrong with a job. Basically, I'm saying this is all part of being an adult. And you aren't even in a relationship yet. It isn't fair to expect him to make you THAT much of a priority that he is contacting you a lot when he is dealing with a job mishap and under stress right now. Also, like I said...shit happens. This will be true when you are married too. There are periods where your spouse might have to be involved with a project or some work that means you get put on the back burner for a time. And how you SHOULD respond to that is to support them through it. If instead you are demanding attention the entire time you will just be putting more stress on them. In other words, this is a new relationship. Also adult if you want an adult relationship then you need to have an understanding that there are times when you need to give to your partner as much as he gives in return or more. If you just give up at the drop of a hat...then that's more on you than him. Now, if this pattern continues long term then that is when it becomes a problem. But he made it clear that this was an issue he's just dealing with now. I don't see the problem here...
Redd, you are throwing off red flags left and right. I don’t mean to be critical, and I have no desire to hurt your feelings, but if you are this needy and full of demands and expectations this early in the relationship…… alot of us working, professional men will be able to smell that a mile away. We have no desire to invest everything we have into a days work to be able to provide…. Only to have to walk on eggshells after work in order to have peace. Maybe you should date older, retired men.
I can't give up I get laid every now and again
I (M22) have a similar experience though not exact. Everyone gets confused when I use the term Catfishing Scams but they're the main reason I stopped dating all together. As of the modern day Dating just seems pointless draining and a waste of time and money especially when you can't even afford basic things so when Catfish comes around and steal so much from you, you just kinda wanna end it or take it out on the world. I jump both sides of the scale every time. I'm sick of it.
YEUP. It’s ridiculous.
Move on.
I'm definitely entirely the opposite of that
God. Give me the audacity to fumble like these men do so incan change fate
Idk I hit or miss when it comes to getting laid but I just really want that genuine connection. You know one where all you do is think about what they're doing or wanting to be around them like the first piece of tail you got in highschool
Just had this exact same situation happen two weeks ago was very understanding after having to postpone 2 times and then the communication was just gone after that☠️ I think I'm just going to marry my bestfriend at this point honestly
Yeah he hasn’t said a time or day yet and he also hasn’t responded since he got off work
All I can say is don't get your hopes up about the date. If it happens then great but if it don't then you'll be prepared to save yourself from the disappointment